Looking for a writing buddy/mentor to help me write through my fear...

Nogetsune · Jan 1, 2015

As the title says. Right now I am at a standstill. I want to write, but am constantly paralyized by fear. For a while, I was convinced that my fear was 100% justified and that there was this overwhelming bias against the kind of stories I wanted to write that they where, essentually, doomed by concept. However, thanks to all of you here I was made to realize that notion was consructuted in my mind rather then based in fact. So that half of the battle has been won. However, now the old fear has been replaced by the fact that I feel what I want to write is too "hard" for somebody of my skill level to pull off, and once again I am caught in the same rut of fear but with a different coat of paint.

I realize that this fear is all in my head, but nothing I can do will make it go away. It will always be there no matter how hard I try and silence it. It will always be telling me I'm not good enough and my ideas are too difficult/ambitious. So thats why I'm turning to all of you. I want to start writing, I really do, but I don't think I can push my way through this overwhelming fear without somebody there to help me through the early stages.

I do believe that once I actually get writing and see that I can write what I want to, that the fear will be silenced. However, as of now, I can't get it to shut up, and as a result to take that crucial first step I feel I need an external motivator in the form of a writing buddy and/or mentor who can help me write through this massive overwhelming fear I have and get to the point where I finally am feeling positive enough that the fear can't control me.

Ideally, what I am looking for is a person who can hold me accountable to ACTUALLY WRITE. I'm not looking for somebody to tell me reasons why I should. I know why I should, I know I want to and I know the fear is in my head. I am primarily looking for a person who can actually go and say "I want X written and given to me by Y date." Somebody to, essentially, set hard deadlines and make me stick to them so I actually write instead of talk myself out of doing it for whatever the reason of the day may be.

I'd also, if at all possible, I'd like this person to not just hold me accountable/make me write through my fear but also actually look at the work I send them and give me some constructive criticism so I can get better. In return for these services, I'll BETA read and do similar things for you. It will be a give and take relationship.

Anyway, I really do want to start writing, but as of now my fear is so overwhelming that I feel this approach is the only one that will actually get me writing, so if anybody would be willing to help me work through my fear I'd be grateful.

Maryn · Jan 1, 2015

I'm not able to be anyone's writing buddy, but some suggestions I got from writing friends in the past were quite liberating for me.

1. Give yourself permission to write utter crap. Nobody has to see it until you've revised, edited, and/or rewritten it until it's not crap. Expecting early drafts to be minimally good can be paralyzing.

2. Write for yourself. Don't write with the ambition or expectation of publication, or praise, or anything else. Write what you feel like writing, because to you it's interesting. It's perfectly okay to write something, polish it up, and put it away, unseen by anyone else.

Twice I gave serious consideration to hanging up my writing shoes (way to mix a metaphor, huh?) until people gave me the advice I'm giving you.

Maryn, who's writing utter crap today, BTW

Nogetsune · Jan 1, 2015

Thanks, but no amount of encouragement or advice will get me over my fear sadly. My fear is so utterly overwhelming and paralyzing that I need somebody else to help push me through it until I get to a point where I can mannage it on my own. I simply cannot do this alone. I need the support of another person and that's why I made this thread. I am seeking professional help, IMO, and have finally been connected with a psychologist and psychiatrist, but they aren't writers, and while they can help me with my general fear I can only see them so often and I want to get started as quickly as possible. Thats why I'm looking for somebody online who can help push me through my fear when it's too much for myself to push through alone, somebody to go this with me until I have the confidence to be able to do it by myself. So I thank you for your advice, however, what I really need is some form of mentor/writing buddy to help push me through the early stages.

Lady Esther · Jan 1, 2015

But you just said, "no amount of emcouragement or advice will get me over my fear..."

So, how would a writing be able to help you. What is your definition of help? Because Maryn tried to be a support (openly, not privately), but you said that won't work.

Cathy C · Jan 1, 2015

Just playing devil's advocate here---but what you're proposing is giving a false authority to someone. It has no real teeth that would hold you to such a bargain. If your negative side is strong enough that you believe you need help, then it's strong enough to ignore emails from such a person or avoid phone calls. I say this because you said yourself that the therapist "isn't a writer" so can't be the authority figure. What if your therapist WAS a writer but you didn't know it? I have a couple of writer friends who write under pen names because they really are practicing psychologists/psychiatrists. Would they then have the authority, or would it then mean they had too much authority? In other words, have you even discussed this issue with them?

Because I could easily tailor a written program that you could hand to your therapist and say, "Make me do this. Ask me if I've achieved these goals at each appointment."

See, you're PAYING them to provide an ear and help you through issues. Attending a set appointment provides the structure that you might need. Whether you progress in your writing doesn't, or shouldn't matter and, in fact, requires a level of validation from outside sources that the therapist needs to work to dismantle, not encourage.

So, is this something you really want? Because that's a pretty quick and easy thing to set up, but is far too large of an ongoing commitment to ask of people until you simply want the encouragement, but don't require it.

Osulagh · Jan 1, 2015

Nogetsune, hold yourself accountable, not other people. Yes, having someone push at your back might help you, but at some point in time you're going to resist. They can't force you to write; only you can. And if you can't bring yourself to write, then no one will be able to. Plain as that.

To the problem you're having: I've never heard of a writer who can honestly say that they wrote a story perfectly. They were always lacking on their end. The point is not to bring yourself to a certain level where you can write the story, but instead just try your best. By the time you're done with doing your best, there's a good chance you'll learn from that and can do better the next time. And the next time. And the next time. But you'll never learn if you don't try, don't try your hardest, nor learn from it all.

Old Hack · Jan 1, 2015

There are all sorts of threads in which people provide writing prompts. You could focus on writing a piece of flash fiction every day, following those writing prompts.

Sage · Jan 1, 2015

I have friends who hold themselves accountable for 100 words every day. That's all. That's nothing, compared to the 1667 words/day of NaNo. After a month, they have 3000 words, which is a good start to a novel or a decent length for a short story. It builds up over time, but it's not a paralyzing number. And if you're inspired to write more one day, do that.

Buy yourself a nice calendar and a bunch of stickers (make them anime stickers; you'll love it). Set a goal (100 words?) and every time you hit that goal, you put a sticker on that day of the calendar. If you made your goal 100 words, and you write 500 words that day, you get 5 stickers in that day's square. You'd be surprised how motivating it is to see some sort of visual representation of your progress. That's why NaNo is where I excel. They give me a graph.

atombaby · Jan 8, 2015

Sounds as if you feel you work better with deadlines? Personally, deadlines intimidate me, but may I suggest for now to make yourself a calendar with your own (reasonable and achievable by your own standards) deadlines. Be your own agent for the time being.

If you fear you're not "skilled" enough to write what you want to, I believe we all feel the same. I'm also an artist and nothing I've ever done is good enough in my opinion. We are our own worst critic. But the only way to get there is to keep trying. Just go ahead and get your story out on paper, take it one step at a time.

ajaye · Jan 14, 2015

If you want a deadline why not find a reputable short story competition to enter. Some have themes as well. Bring the deadline forward a week so you can post your story in SYW for some feedback. Then enter the competition.

If it works, do it again.

Looking for a writing buddy/mentor to help me write through my fear...

Nogetsune

Maryn

At Sea

Nogetsune

Lady Esther

I can say the alphabet backwards!

Cathy C

Ooo! Shiny new cover!

Osulagh

Independent fluffy puppy.

Old Hack

Such a nasty woman

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

atombaby

nice & cynical

ajaye

partial to a gum tree