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View Full Version : Worst line you have ever read/written?



mollydoublybarrely
11-28-2014, 12:42 PM
I've just read a blinder of a line in a book I took a random chance on.

"The stallions ripe and ready muscles rippled under his shimmering coat as he thrusted himself to victory." :eek:

I'm sure I've written a fair few too, but I'm blurry with tiredness right now. Thank you Newborn baby :Coffee:

aliceshortcake
11-28-2014, 02:15 PM
Two lines, actually, and they're from the first twelve pages of the same vanity-published book:


As spring hangs out her perfumes along our mortal way, the heavy vapours of silence begin to thread my nostrils and the mould of time grows dankly across my reputation.

Like a martyr I allowed myself to undergo the indignity of bending over the desk, my hands on the sides, and receiving four humourless bombardments on my bare vulnerability.

jjdebenedictis
11-28-2014, 10:11 PM
"Wide gaping maws, fanged and stretched to maul, loosed a shrill cry, shaking Gossamyr de Wintershinn from her petrified stance."

That was was the second line of the book. I didn't get past the first page, so I couldn't tell you whether there was a story there that was worth the purplish tendencies of the prose.

Jamesaritchie
11-29-2014, 01:26 AM
From a slush pile manuscript about twelve years ago. The book was a medieval fantasy, replete with all the trimmings. There's a leader of a vast army who is handily defeating everything in his path. He and his army come to a villager, who all flee before his mighty army. He stops, surveys the scene, and says, "Wow, this conquering stuff is easy!"

I've read many bad lines of dialogue, but this one stuck. Not only bad, but so wildly inappropriate for setting and character and story that I can't get it out of my head.

NDoyle
11-29-2014, 02:14 AM
"In switching sides, her father had managed to make her be cast out from the opposite side than those who'd treated her like an outcast for her entire youth."

(Pages 200-201 of a published novel I will not name.)

Tazlima
11-29-2014, 02:25 AM
From a "self-help" book that first opened my eyes to the difference between publishing and printing a book. It repeatedly states the obvious:


The divorce I experienced was not something I planned or expected when I got married.
Truth is fact and not opinion.It also features a non-stop stream of quotes and platitudes with the worst lead-ins/citations imaginable. That is assuming, of course, that the quotes are cited at all. Most of them aren't.


It was William Jefferson who once penned these words, "If it is to be so, it is up to me." Also, I once heard this quote which goes like this:..."And of course, some passages combined both.


My father's CPA once told me that life is made up of memories and values among other things. I believe this is a very true statement.Cover-to-cover, it's so bad it's hilarious. I actually had a hard time deciding which excerpts to post.