- Joined
- Apr 3, 2012
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I would love to get some more feedback on my YA contemporary/speculative novel, and I'm happy to return the favor if you have a polished manuscript!
Here's the (admittedly problematic) query:
Three weeks from her enlistment date, Abby Marshall is just barely hanging on. Nobody drafted into the war expects to come home, and with rebels swarming to the south and reports that an invading army has landed in California, it isn't a stretch to imagine that this is really it: the end. Not just of Abby's high school senior year, but of humanity.
The future is scarily out of Abby's control, but if she can just stick to routine, maybe she can avoid going off the edge. Otherwise she might wind up like her friend Natalie, who spends all day filling out college applications even after universities nationwide close their gates.
Then Abby's plan to sleepwalk her way through these final weeks hits a boy-shaped road block. Eli Gould is Abby's childhood crush, except the war has transformed him into a fragile, needier version of himself. She and Eli find solace in each other's company, but with Abby's enlistment date creeping closer, Eli begs her to make a desperate choice: flee with him into the wilderness, where he claims they can survive alongside a small movement of pacifists.
Dangerously tempting as it is to envision a future with Eli, defecting seems like the coward's way out. Eli counters that the war is a lost cause. That's not what Abby's rigid, ex-military father thinks--but then, he'd probably take on the enemy single-handed if he felt it was the honorable thing to do. After weeks of trying not to think or feel too much about anything, Abby faces the most important decision of her life, knowing that either choice she makes will devastate someone she loves.
***
The novel is 45,000 words, by the way. It's a bit of a shrimp.
Here's the (admittedly problematic) query:
Three weeks from her enlistment date, Abby Marshall is just barely hanging on. Nobody drafted into the war expects to come home, and with rebels swarming to the south and reports that an invading army has landed in California, it isn't a stretch to imagine that this is really it: the end. Not just of Abby's high school senior year, but of humanity.
The future is scarily out of Abby's control, but if she can just stick to routine, maybe she can avoid going off the edge. Otherwise she might wind up like her friend Natalie, who spends all day filling out college applications even after universities nationwide close their gates.
Then Abby's plan to sleepwalk her way through these final weeks hits a boy-shaped road block. Eli Gould is Abby's childhood crush, except the war has transformed him into a fragile, needier version of himself. She and Eli find solace in each other's company, but with Abby's enlistment date creeping closer, Eli begs her to make a desperate choice: flee with him into the wilderness, where he claims they can survive alongside a small movement of pacifists.
Dangerously tempting as it is to envision a future with Eli, defecting seems like the coward's way out. Eli counters that the war is a lost cause. That's not what Abby's rigid, ex-military father thinks--but then, he'd probably take on the enemy single-handed if he felt it was the honorable thing to do. After weeks of trying not to think or feel too much about anything, Abby faces the most important decision of her life, knowing that either choice she makes will devastate someone she loves.
***
The novel is 45,000 words, by the way. It's a bit of a shrimp.