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Christine N.
03-24-2006, 04:29 AM
To potty train a three year old?? I'm at my wits end. He can't go to daycare at the school district where I substitute unless he's potty trained (a fact they failed to tell me during the one visit and three phone calls I made there). He goes #1 like a champ, but it's the -other- thing that's holding him back.

I've tried
-giving him money
-putting him on the toilet several times a day (we actually made it once; but the thrill must have worn off)
- getting him big boy underwear to motivate him
- telling him about the other kids who can do it.

I've tried yelling (only from frustration, I'm not really mad at him), I've tried begging. He says he wants to use the potty, but the second he has to go, it's like his brain shuts off. He actually runs and hides in another room to do it, which tells me he knows when it's time to go.


Someone please help me!

trumancoyote
03-24-2006, 04:36 AM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3d/Champagne_cork.jpg/200px-Champagne_cork.jpg

mdin
03-24-2006, 04:45 AM
This worked miracles for a two-year old girl. (It's a dvd (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002B55DO/qid=1143161055).)

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B0002B55DO.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

kikazaru
03-24-2006, 05:10 AM
Some kids are easier to train than others, however you are right, if he goes and hides he does recognize the signals and it's time to train him. Also I don't care what any of the child authorities say that they will when they're ready, it is just not good for a kid's self respect to not be trained at a fairly young age.

As icky as it is, put him in big boy underwear and don't switch back to diapers because he needs to recognize cause and effect (there may even be disposable training pants which you can get off easily).

I'm not ashamed to admit it, but I used bribery for my kids. 1 gummy worm for number 1 and 1 chocolate (!) for #2.

I also made a complete fool of myself and did the "poop dance" whenever they went on the potty. The dance involved singing and much gyration - think an over the top gospel singer with a lot of (heartfelt) Halleluia's. Since this type of behaviour is extremely uncharacteristic for me, they really enjoyed the performance, after their performance so to speak.

HOpe you hit on something that works for you.

Christine N.
03-24-2006, 05:41 AM
Oh, yeah, I sing the theme from Spongebob Squarepants while mine sits on the potty. Singing was how I got him to sit on the toilet in the first place.

He's been out of diapers and in Pull-ups for months. I won't put him back in diapers because he goes #1 by himself.

He says he doesn't want to go in his pants, he says he wants to use the potty. I ask him all day "do you have to go?" "No, mommy." Today he said no while he was going, hiding in my bedroom. I don't know what else to do to get him to make the connection.

#1 was a piece of cake - took less than two weeks, just going and putting him in front of the potty every hour until he got the feeling. He's a champ, not even any nighttime problems. Problem with #2 is that he only has one chance per day to get it right. Yeah, he's down to once a day, occasionally twice.

Sigh.thanks for the help.

cw37066
03-24-2006, 06:04 AM
To potty train a three year old?? - getting him big boy underwear to motivate him
- telling him about the other kids who can do it.


My son is 19. When he was 2.5 we went through potty training hell. We finally did it but he used to run around the room yelling, begging, crying and pleading with his uhmmmm... terds?
"Stay in! PLEASE stay in...PLEASE PLEASE don't come out...stay IN!!!"
And he would hold it for crazy amounts of time because he was so insistent "they" stay in.
Eventually it got so bad he needed medical intervention at the emergency room several times to clean out.
He eventually potty trained and when he was almost four I asked him why he had done that.
He told me with a straight face that he thought when he pooped, pieces of him were falling out and being flushed away and if he kept pooping there would soon be none of him left and he would be gone forever.
You never know what is in the minds of these kids. I wish you luck and the good news is by the time they are 30? They are all potty trained! LOL

Perks
03-24-2006, 06:08 AM
We've had a setback here too. My daughter is three and she pooped on the toilet three times. I was there and assisted in the clean-up, so I know I didn't use too much toilet paper, but somehow, the toilet clogged all three times. That child has always been a manure machine.

Well this has freaked her out and she won't use the toilet except for pee. We have twenty-two diapers left. After that, I just don't know.

PrettySpecialGal
03-24-2006, 06:42 AM
This is a hard road, but sometimes you just have to wait until the kiddo is ready. However, make sure that he knows what's on the other end of the deal. My younger son despirately wanted to play on the big playground at school. Every day he would ask. I would say "I'm sorry, but the kids that play on this playground use the restroom, wear underwear, and are at least 3 years old." Every day, he would ask.....every day I would answer him the same way- "Did you use the restroom? Are you wearing underwear? Are you three?" and until he could answer all 3, he wasn't able to go to the big playground. I wasn't really in a rush to have him trained; we were renevating our house at the time and living in a hotel- I knew that transistions were hard for kids, and I only wanted to train him once (I did learn that from years of working with toddlers and preschoolers) so I didn't want to work on it until we were back home. Well, we went through quite a bit of the question/answer days as mentioned above, and then one day, he got in the car and said "Mom, you now have 2 big boys in your house. John and me. I'm not wearing diapers any more" and he didn't. He had maybe 2 more accidents, and that was it. OF course, on the bummer side of this, he still couldn't go to the big layground until he was three, but once he was, it was his favorite place in the world.

I think the whole point of the ramblings above is that potty training has to have some value to the kid, and it has to be his decision. If his favorite thing in the world is chocolate, but he gets chocolate for other things besides going potty, using the rr is not going to be any big deal; he can get chocolate later for just being the most darling son you have. If you decide to use chocolate, or candy, or stickers, or whatever his main reinforcer is (sorry, teacher talk is coming out) to give him incintive and reward him for using the RR, that is the ONLY time he gets that reinforcer until he's mastered the skill. Don't be afraid to use other people in the house to reinforce this. If you have an older child, give that child one of the younger one's reinforcers. If he asks for one, too, "Oh, sorry- John uses the restroom and wears underwear"- or use yourself if there's no siblings. But also, keep in mind that pottying is such a good place for kiddos to play the power struggle game. If he knows you will beg for it, why not make mom beg for it. But if you attach a specific reinforcer to the behavior, and then not make the situation a YOU VS. ME situation, then perhaps you will have better luck at getting the skill down more quickly.

Hope this helps- if you need anything else, please PM- I've helped kids ages 2-12 learn to used the restroom and get out of those diapers. (Some of that is training parents, too- especially the 12 year olds! *Note: I work with kiddos with disabilities- the 12 year olds were not developmentally 12, but their 12 year old habits were hard to break sometimes!*) I'm not Potty Queen, but do have a bit of experience, and can possibly give some suggestions specific to your situation.

:tongue

Shadow_Ferret
03-24-2006, 07:55 AM
I don't believe you can force a child to become potty trained. They each learn in their own time. My own child didn't use the potty at all until he was four. We did the cajoling, taking away of toys, his blanky, promising him things. We tried to embarrass him, "Your cousin Katy (same age) is potty trained already." Nothing worked until one day he just did it.

It was a few weeks before school started and they too had the policy of the child having to be potty trained. We were at our wits end and he just went and did it on his own one day.

What were you doing in the bathroom?

Going potty.

Oh.


Let's not talk about how long it took him to get out of pullups for sleeping.

tjwriter
03-24-2006, 08:23 AM
Now see. My parents tell me they tried everything they could think of to potty train me and I refused to cooperate.

Then they had to leave me at grandma's for a week.

They picked me up and I was potty trained and they never asked questions.

I enjoy the thought of my future with the little one. ;)

stace001
03-24-2006, 12:55 PM
As a few before me have said, I don't believe you can train a child before he/she is ready. My son (now 5) was scared out of his mind of the toilet. The whole flushing thing (noise, rushing water etc) freaked him out to the point where I couldn't even get him into the room. To combat this, we purchased a little plastic "kids potty" like a chair with hole and bucket underneath. I sat it just outside the toilet door, and once he realised there was no running water etc, I couldn't get him off it. After about 4 weeks, we progressed to #1 in the toilet, and about 2 weeks after that, we progressed to #2.

Don't worry, they all get the hang of it sooner or later, but I don't think rushing it and pushing him/her will get you there any sooner.

Anya Smith
03-24-2006, 01:19 PM
Oh, yeah, I sing the theme from Spongebob Squarepants while mine sits on the potty. Singing was how I got him to sit on the toilet in the first place.

He's been out of diapers and in Pull-ups for months. I won't put him back in diapers because he goes #1 by himself.

He says he doesn't want to go in his pants, he says he wants to use the potty. I ask him all day "do you have to go?" "No, mommy." Today he said no while he was going, hiding in my bedroom. I don't know what else to do to get him to make the connection.

#1 was a piece of cake - took less than two weeks, just going and putting him in front of the potty every hour until he got the feeling. He's a champ, not even any nighttime problems. Problem with #2 is that he only has one chance per day to get it right. Yeah, he's down to once a day, occasionally twice.

Sigh.thanks for the help.

I can see you're doing everything right. I sang too, and danced, and did all kinds of cartoon imitations. Didn't do much good.

As gross as it sounds, put him on the potty and try giving him food. Yes, on the potty. That worked for one of my daughters. Also, never flush when he's still in there, wait until he's out of the bathroom. It took us only a few days.

Good luck.

Carole
03-24-2006, 02:36 PM
I can see you're doing everything right. I sang too, and danced, and did all kinds of cartoon imitations. Didn't do much good.

As gross as it sounds, put him on the potty and try giving him food. Yes, on the potty. That worked for one of my daughters. Also, never flush when he's still in there, wait until he's out of the bathroom. It took us only a few days.

Good luck.
That was exactly what I was about to suggest. That's how I trained both my boys. Mom told me to do it that way and by golly it worked.

We had a little potty chair with a tray kind of like a high chair with short legs - we didn't put them up onto the *big potty* at first because neither of them liked being up that high. I put the potty chair in the middle of the living room in front of the TV. Gave them a little sippie cup of juice and a couple of cookies. Then I put in their favorite cartoon and they didn't mind being in the funny chair. Both of them were pretty much trained in a matter of a few days. Neither of them ever had a #2 accident and only a #1 accident a couple of times.

After they got the hang of the little potty chair, moving to the big potty wasn't so strange.

Oh! I totally forgot about the first time my older son hit the jackpot. He got SO excited that he stood up and started running through the house. The funny part is that the tray was still down so he was kinda strapped into the chair. Imagine a 2 year old running through the house with a potty chair strapped to his butt!

PattiTheWicked
03-24-2006, 05:50 PM
Both of my girls were easy to potty train. My oldest, now 13, pretty much trained herself at the age of two, and the younger girl who is now 6, was a piece of cake -- I bought her Hello Kitty panties and from that day on she never peed in them. She didn't want to get her Hello Kittys messy. She's still a bit afraid of the sound of the toilet flushing though, so sometimes we have to wait until she leaves the bathroom and then go back behind her and flush.

My son (also 6 now) was another story altogether. We got him pretty well trained with peeing, but he would hide behind a chair or a tree and poop in his pants. Eventually, we came up with the idea of Poop Candy. You poop in the toilet, you get M&Ms. This worked pretty well, but a bigger problem was that it HURT him to go to the bathroom because he was a bit constipated. The doctor recommended a teaspoon of stool softener every couple of days to soften things up, and after that we really had no problems.

I decided a while ago that I was done wiping people's butts for them, so now we have Butt Wiping Stickers. The twins like to compete to see who can wipe their own butt the most times in one day and collect stickers.

Anyone who clogs the toilet forfeits their stickers for the day.

Yeshanu
03-24-2006, 06:20 PM
Not much to add here.

My eldest wasn't trained until he was four. He showed absolutely no interest, and I wasn't up to a big fight every day. I'm still not. Anyhow, we took in three foster kids, one a year younger than he was, and the younger boy was already potty trained. It took him a day to figure it out.

My daughter was two and a half, I think.

We used an appropriate sized potty for both of them. I can understand how a little kid might be afraid of an adult-sized toilet, even with the special seat to keep them from falling in.

NeuroFizz
03-24-2006, 06:23 PM
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3d/Champagne_cork.jpg/200px-Champagne_cork.jpg
Damn, Tru. That thing looks used, and not just for wine. I'm not even going to ask...

Jaycinth
03-24-2006, 06:52 PM
There are a couple of sure fire ways I know of:

2 books....Once upon a Potty and Little Bear's New Potty. My boy liked little bear, my girl liked once upon...we read them over and over. Then whenever I had to go I'd grab myself nad announce it then go do it and then I'd be excited and bring the necessary child in to see it. then we'd clap and mommy could have a cracker ( or daddy or gramma) Then the kids naturally wanted the same attention.

Never flush their poops in their presence. They think it is part of them and if you flush it...wellll...

Now the other way is to take away their clothes and put them in your safe secured fenced in yard. Sit in front of the window and watch them. Drink wine, lots of it. Put on music. Dance. Don't let them back in until they can either use the potty or they've learned to bury it somewhere that won't offend the neighbors.

By the way, althiugh method 2 is more fun..CPS prefers method one

Christine N.
03-25-2006, 12:52 AM
You guys rock. thanks for all the tips.

Well, he went to school today. He loved it. That is now his incentive - he cant' go back to school until he learns to use the potty.

He's never been afraid of the flushing. I'm actaully surprised it's taken this long - he had a thing for the toilet when he was younger. He loves to flush it - mine, his pee-pee, anybody's.

I think the thing about losing a piece of himself is probably right. He runs and hides, after all.

And I brought him home from school; about half and hour later, he's in the dining room, being very quiet.

I said "what you doing bud?"

"NOTHING!"

"Are you pooping?"
"Yep."

Sigh. I'm going to try a sticker chart this weekend.

Jaycinth
03-25-2006, 12:55 AM
My son, his girlfriend and myself were cleaning out the basement about three months ago, and we found his pee pee-poo poo sticker chart.. . .

Shadow_Ferret
03-25-2006, 01:04 AM
Just don't let them out in the backyard with the dog. I caught my youngest out there squating with his pants down.

And you don't like the toilet because....?

WVWriterGirl
03-25-2006, 02:11 AM
We sent our little one to daycare before he was potty trained. He was about a year old when he started at daycare, and he learned by watching the "big kids" go into the bathroom (no, he didn't go in with them, but the teachers would tell the un-trained ones what was happening..."Jimmy's going to potty now, because he's a big boy!")

Training number one was fairly easy - my tyke enjoyed "making bubbles" in the water, so it went well. When it came to number two, well, that was a different story. And where seeing other kids at school (daycare) go potty went wrong. Apparently, a kid at school told Connor that there was a monster in the potty that would get him if he sat down. Couple that with some intestinal problems involving bleeding my dad was having (he did let Con in with him) and I had one frightenend little boy. We finally told him that yes, there are monsters in the potty, but they live in the septic system out in the yard and (this is gross) they need poo to eat to live. Now, he has no problem going, and sometimes even says "Mom, I've gotta potty. I need to feed the monster!"

He'll be four in about a month and a half, and this has worked for about a year now.

Carole
03-25-2006, 02:44 AM
I forgot about the tinkle targets!!! We bought tinkle targets for them. They were already trained by then, but they still loved trying to hit the bullseye. They were like little squares of toilet paper that had a red bullseye in the center. You can guess the rest.

stace001
03-25-2006, 02:51 AM
Oh! I totally forgot about the first time my older son hit the jackpot. He got SO excited that he stood up and started running through the house. The funny part is that the tray was still down so he was kinda strapped into the chair. Imagine a 2 year old running through the house with a potty chair strapped to his butt!

:roll:

stace001
03-25-2006, 02:53 AM
We sent our little one to daycare before he was potty trained. He was about a year old when he started at daycare, and he learned by watching the "big kids" go into the bathroom (no, he didn't go in with them, but the teachers would tell the un-trained ones what was happening..."Jimmy's going to potty now, because he's a big boy!")

Training number one was fairly easy - my tyke enjoyed "making bubbles" in the water, so it went well. When it came to number two, well, that was a different story. And where seeing other kids at school (daycare) go potty went wrong. Apparently, a kid at school told Connor that there was a monster in the potty that would get him if he sat down. Couple that with some intestinal problems involving bleeding my dad was having (he did let Con in with him) and I had one frightenend little boy. We finally told him that yes, there are monsters in the potty, but they live in the septic system out in the yard and (this is gross) they need poo to eat to live. Now, he has no problem going, and sometimes even says "Mom, I've gotta potty. I need to feed the monster!"

He'll be four in about a month and a half, and this has worked for about a year now.

:ROFL:

Puddle Jumper
03-25-2006, 09:30 AM
I've heard people say that they told their child that they ran out of diapers. One friend told her child when she was about to turn 3 that when she was 3 there would be no more diapers and she would have to go potty like a big girl and she said, "Okay."

Do you give him money before or after? I would think rewarding him immediately after is giving him positive reinforcement to do it again.

Anastacia
03-25-2006, 09:48 AM
I wish I could help you but I've got a three year in training pants who seems imperious to everything I've tried. She's one stubborn kid.

Christine N.
03-25-2006, 04:02 PM
I've heard people say that they told their child that they ran out of diapers. One friend told her child when she was about to turn 3 that when she was 3 there would be no more diapers and she would have to go potty like a big girl and she said, "Okay."

Do you give him money before or after? I would think rewarding him immediately after is giving him positive reinforcement to do it again.

We always give money right after. Actually that's how we tinkle trained him. Every time he used the potty, he got a penny for his pocket. At the end of the day we would count the pennies as we put them in his bank. The more pennies he had, the better he did, and he could see it. That, and it's fun for boys to pee, made it really easy. Just this poo thing...