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JennaGlatzer
03-23-2006, 04:02 AM
http://www.brainsluice.com/miscellanea/misc/jspringer.html

My story was all about the mods... I'll never look at Frank the same way again...

awatkins
03-23-2006, 04:30 AM
:roll: That is hilarious! Thanks. :D

Annabella
03-23-2006, 04:31 AM
:ROFL: That was great!

Rane
03-23-2006, 04:34 AM
That site is fun...I laughed so hard! :)

maestrowork
03-23-2006, 04:39 AM
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!" [The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]

Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! ButtMunch is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Bud. So everyone, please put your hands together for ButtMunch!

[The crowd whoops and hollers]

Jerry: Okay, now ButtMunch you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other person's name?

You: Latasha.

[The crowd squeals with delight]

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Latasha, is actually here tonight ...

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you ButtMunch, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Bubba!

You: What the HELL!!!

[Out of nowhere you pull out a gun. Bubba reaches for the couch. Out of the shadows Billie Bobbie Jo appears]

Billie Bobbie Jo: Wait everybody, wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Bubba.

Bubba: Because I saw ButtMunch and Billie Bobbie Jo making out at 7-11!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Billie Bobbie Jo: That's a lie! I was home watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Bubba?

Bubba: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Bud who has recently become engaged to Billie Bobbie Jo.

[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Bud out here because ButtMunch had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Latasha that's right!

Bud: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Latasha! You know how I feel about Latasha!

Billie Bobbie Jo: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Latasha!

Bud: Because I knew that I could never have Latasha. But ButtMunch promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Billie Bobbie Jo: What about respect for my feelings!

[Bubba walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Bud]

Bubba: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

[Again the crowd squeals]

Billie Bobbie Jo: Oh my God! Are you sick!?

[Billie Bobbie Jo runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]

Billie Bobbie Jo: ButtMunch take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...

[The crowd does its bit]

Billie Bobbie Jo: Married?

[You nod]

Billie Bobbie Jo: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Latasha.

Bud: [screaming] WHAT!!!

Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?

Latasha: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 69 times if that's what you mean.

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... ButtMunch is married to Latasha who Bud has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Bud has recently become engaged to Billie Bobbie Jo who was recently spotted kissing ButtMunch in 7-11. Now on top of this, Bubba has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Bud.

Latasha: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.

[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]

roach
03-23-2006, 06:33 AM
Heh, I got the same one as Maestro:

[Out of nowhere you pull out a trebuchet. Mark reaches for the ottoman. Out of the shadows Heather appears]

Heather: Wait everybody, wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Mark.

Mark: Because I saw roach and Heather making out at Bookzeller!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Heather: That's a lie! I was home watching Mann and Machine!

Lantern Jack
03-23-2006, 07:51 AM
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"





[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]

Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Lantern Jack is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Truman Coyote. So everyone, please put your hands together for Lantern Jack!

[The crowd whoops and hollers]

Jerry: Okay, now Lantern Jack you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other person's name?

You: Celia Cyanide.

[The crowd squeals with delight]

Jerry: Okay, okay, well Celia Cyanide, is actually here tonight ...

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Lantern Jack, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Poet in a Hat!

You: What the HELL!!!

[Out of nowhere you pull out a boobs. Poet in a Hat reaches for the boobie-shaped bean bag chair. Out of the shadows Optimus appears]

Optimus: Wait everybody, wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Poet in a Hat.

Poet in a Hat: Because I saw Lantern Jack and Optimus making out at Boobs 'R' Us!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Optimus: That's a lie! I was home watching Boobs in Space!

Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Poet in a Hat?

Poet in a Hat: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Truman Coyote who has recently become engaged to Optimus.

[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Truman Coyote out here because Lantern Jack had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Celia Cyanide that's right!

Truman Coyote: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Celia Cyanide! You know how I feel about Celia Cyanide!

Optimus: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Celia Cyanide!

Truman Coyote: Because I knew that I could never have Celia Cyanide. But Lantern Jack promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Optimus: What about respect for my feelings!

[Poet in a Hat walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Truman Coyote]

Poet in a Hat: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

[Again the crowd squeals]

Optimus: Oh my God! Are you sick!?

[Optimus runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]

Optimus: Lantern Jack take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...

[The crowd does its bit]

Optimus: Married?

[You nod]

Optimus: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Celia Cyanide.

Truman Coyote: [screaming] WHAT!!!

Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?

Celia Cyanide: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 1 times if that's what you mean.

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Lantern Jack is married to Celia Cyanide who Truman Coyote has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Truman Coyote has recently become engaged to Optimus who was recently spotted kissing Lantern Jack in Boobs 'R' Us. Now on top of this, Poet in a Hat has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Truman Coyote.

Celia Cyanide: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other. [Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]

Celia Cyanide
03-23-2006, 09:17 AM
Celia Cyanide: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 1 times if that's what you mean.

*cough* Wuss! *cough*

WDS
03-23-2006, 09:28 AM
*shivers* EWWWWWWWWWW

reph
03-23-2006, 09:30 AM
The Jerry Springer Show : Episode 627 : "Marriage Meltdown!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]

Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! reph is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, blacbird. So everyone, please put your hands together for reph!

[The crowd whoops and hollers]

Jerry: Okay, now reph you're here to talk about someone aren't you?

You: Yes.

Jerry: And what is this other person's name?

You: LightShadow.

[The crowd squeals with delight]

Jerry: Okay, okay, well LightShadow, is actually here tonight ...

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you reph, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Liam Jackson!

You: What the HELL!!!

[Out of nowhere you pull out a sharpened blue pencil. Liam Jackson reaches for the old, broken-down milking stool. Out of the shadows Maryn appears]

Maryn: Wait everybody, wait!

Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Liam Jackson.

Liam Jackson: Because I saw reph and Maryn making out at Barnes & Noble!

[The crowd goes absolutely insane]

Maryn: That's a lie! I was home watching "It's Not Just Good Manners, It's the Law!" with Martha Stewart!

Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Liam Jackson?

Liam Jackson: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with blacbird who has recently become engaged to Maryn.

[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]

Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring blacbird out here because reph had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... LightShadow that's right!

blacbird: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with LightShadow! You know how I feel about LightShadow!

Maryn: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with LightShadow!

blacbird: Because I knew that I could never have LightShadow. But reph promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!

Maryn: What about respect for my feelings!

[Liam Jackson walks suddenly across the stage, embracing blacbird]

Liam Jackson: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.

[Again the crowd squeals]

Maryn: Oh my God! Are you sick!?

[Maryn runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]

Maryn: reph take me away from all of this!

You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...

[The crowd does its bit]

Maryn: Married?

[You nod]

Maryn: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!

You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to LightShadow.

blacbird: [screaming] WHAT!!!

Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?

LightShadow: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex at least 12 times if that's what you mean.

[The crowd squeals]

Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... reph is married to LightShadow who blacbird has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now blacbird has recently become engaged to Maryn who was recently spotted kissing reph in Barnes & Noble. Now on top of this, Liam Jackson has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with blacbird.

LightShadow: That's right Jerry.

Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these... [as above]

robeiae
03-23-2006, 11:50 AM
None of these episodes say "double wide" anywhere. Totally unrealistic.

Rob :)

Vanessa
03-23-2006, 01:27 PM
This is too funny! Thanks Jenna for sharing. I sent a copy of my show to my friends who were mentioned. http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

Jaycinth
03-23-2006, 09:15 PM
Combining characters from my WIP with names from 'The Washington Post',

has yielded the most hilarious result. . .

September skies
03-23-2006, 09:24 PM
http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteROFL.gif This is the funniest thing yet.
And, I entered all AW names into my story. There is no way I am going to mention who any of them were! LOL But, apparently I had sex with one of you -- 13 times!! Oh wow! If only it were true.

Yeshanu
03-23-2006, 09:41 PM
I think I'll not post mine, either. But I apparently had sex 24601 times...



It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane.

You got it, Jerry!

robeiae
03-23-2006, 09:44 PM
But, apparently I had sex with one of you -- 13 times!!Not telling is needlessly cruel...spill it.

Rob :)

Elincoln
03-23-2006, 09:57 PM
Well, that was a riot. I'm going to be cracking up everytime I see one of the HOL regulars online now.

Thanks for the laugh!

September skies
03-23-2006, 11:59 PM
I just got the results back from a couple of friends I sent it to! http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/smilies/EmoteROFL.gif

How am I going to get any work done today? I'm still lmao!

dahmnait
03-24-2006, 12:22 AM
I'm not sure I can go back into the Writing Poetry forum. :e2faint: I'm not saying who, or how many times. However, I can say that a certain someone running across the stage, throwing their arms around my neck is so out of character.

Kida Adelyne
03-24-2006, 01:09 AM
Ewwwwwww... it's worse becuase of who I chose. :e2thud: And that I chose the number 42.

JennaGlatzer
03-24-2006, 01:14 AM
I chose 42, too. :D

maestrowork
03-24-2006, 01:15 AM
Ewwwwwww... it's worse becuase of who I chose. :e2thud: And that I chose the number 42.

You shouldn't even be here in the first place. I am telling your mom!

September skies
03-24-2006, 02:51 AM
You shouldn't even be here in the first place. I am telling your mom!

Yea - and people thought "MY Space" was bad.
:Jaw:

Kida Adelyne
03-24-2006, 03:41 AM
You shouldn't even be here in the first place. I am telling your mom!

:tongue Yes, because high school is the perfection of innocence.

And that school trip to Cuba? We were little angels. :D

reph
03-24-2006, 05:08 AM
I think I'll not post mine, either. But I apparently had sex 24601 times...
"Look down, look down..."