Here's my philosophy. Use what you can, if anything, and discard the rest.
Write your story. You may find on the first few passes, that you glaze over details. With practice, and with getting used to seeing those stories in print, your comfort level will increase. At first you may refer to "he" and "she", and in later versions use real names.
This writing is for your eyes only. Protect it in whatever way is comfortable to you. Any time you feel traumatized or saddened, you have permission to stop. Even after one sentence.
I think what some of you are saying is not that you can't write your story, it's that you don't want to publish it. Who says you have to?
Or, write the real version for you. A real book, the whole truth. When you're done, decide to publish it or not. Put it into manuscript format, regardless. Show it to others you trust, or never show it to anyone.
I guarantee this will be some of your best writing, filled with emotion, passion, and gory detail that once again proves truth is stranger than fiction.
Eventually, you may decide to fictionalize scenes from your story, if you happen to write fiction as well. Use those bits for contests, a large work, a scene for your critique group (they'll never know and you get the thrill of saying out loud what you thought you had to be dead go utter. Or publish bits as articles in pertinent publications. You can use a byline.
But don't let any muse, relative, fear or perceived lack of ability ever stop you from writing your story. The truth.
IMHO, all the best fiction writers incorporate their personal lives into their work. Pat Conroy, Wallace Stegner, Hemingway, Patricia Cornwell, Poe, Shelly, Bronte, and H. Clinton. (a little humor there.)
Your story is the best one there is.