When to say No

blacbird · Mar 21, 2006

. . . when your 17-year-old son calls from a friend's house at eleven o'clock at night, and opens the conversation with: "Here's the deal, see----"

(He wanted to drive off with "some friends" to a town 150 miles away on twisty, windy unlit roads that Michelle Kwan could to triple-toe loops on, and almost every spring get hit with a few avalanches.)

caw.

Shadow_Ferret · Mar 21, 2006

The phrase, "Oh, HELL no!" comes easily to my lips.

Sorry, this was one of them there "game" threads, wasn't it?

Jcomp · Mar 21, 2006

Wow, he actually started with "Here's the deal, see..."?

Man, I'm going to start holding secret seminars for kids to learn how to better negotiate with their parents (results may vary, success not guaranteed).

Anyhow, continuing the theme.

...when your already jealous girlfriend asks to have a detailed discussion about your dating history. All you need to know is I'm safe, healthy, childless, & have no psychos stalking me. Everything else shall birth an argument...

Stew21 · Mar 21, 2006

In 14 more years, I will have to go through this...twice. Two boys. Thanks for the heads up! But consider, at least he called; some kids would just take off and you'd maybe find out about it later.

Maryn · Mar 21, 2006

Starting with "Here's the deal" could be his verbal request for you to forbid something he knows is bone-headed anyway--but he had to ask to save face. It's easier to make parents the heavy than to look unwilling in front of his peers.

We had a pre-arranged verbal cue when the kids were in high school. Use of that phrase meant that I was to loudly refuse to allow whatever was at issue. My kids caused me little worry--then--and I only heard it when they had an invitation they didn't want to accept.

Maryn, whose life was easier then

dahmnait · Mar 21, 2006

Maryn said:
Starting with "Here's the deal" could be his verbal request for you to forbid something he knows is bone-headed anyway--but he had to ask to save face. It's easier to make parents the heavy than to look unwilling in front of his peers.

We had a pre-arranged verbal cue when the kids were in high school. Use of that phrase meant that I was to loudly refuse to allow whatever was at issue. My kids caused me little worry--then--and I only heard it when they had an invitation they didn't want to accept.

Maryn, whose life was easier then

What a wonderful idea. I am going to have to use this.

Maryn · Mar 21, 2006

With us, it was them calling me "Mom," which is not what they call me. Make sure it's nothing they might accidentally say but not so weird it sticks out.

blacbird · Mar 21, 2006

As has been pointed out, the good news is, despite not really recognizing the idiocy of the idea, he did, in fact, call. He doesn't represent much of a problem, this kid.

caw.

rich · Mar 21, 2006

His phrasing was probably the result of a consensus sparked by one kid who had the most lenient parents. (I have a daughter who started going crazy at 14. She's now married, pregnant, HS teacher, and a varsity soccer coach.)

Some tips: when they say, "You don't trust me?" Immediately say NO. Especially when their track records show that they can't be trusted--and if that's so, tell them their track records suck. Know their peers' parents. Well, maybe not "know" but give calls. You're a writer; you should be able to think of all kinds of excuses to do so. If you're suspicious, search their rooms.

If you, as a parent, were an angelic kid, (there are extremely rare cases of this) then learn the ropes via other parents. If you weren't (which is extremely common) start using horse sense.

Jaycinth · Mar 21, 2006

Maryn said:
Starting with "Here's the deal" could be his verbal request for you to forbid something he knows is bone-headed anyway--but he had to ask to save face. It's easier to make parents the heavy than to look unwilling in front of his peers.

We had a pre-arranged verbal cue when the kids were in high school. Use of that phrase meant that I was to loudly refuse to allow whatever was at issue. My kids caused me little worry--then--and I only heard it when they had an invitation they didn't want to accept.

Maryn, whose life was easier then

WOW! I do the same thing with my son. Same reason. On a couple of occasions even his best friend has confessed that HE was waiting for me to say no so he'd have an excuse to back out. I/E if my son wasn't going, then Will, wasn't going out of solidarity.

Danger Jane · Mar 21, 2006

See the problem there goes way beyond the surface. I wouldn't even CONSIDER asking that. Waste of oxygen. Either don't ask and go, or just come home.

:|

That's when to say no. Well, at least his parents taught him enough to call.

brokenfingers · Mar 21, 2006

Yeah, I was always taught that it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.

I'm a "jump in the water first" kinda guy...

roach · Mar 21, 2006

When my husband was 18, having just graduated from military academy and living at home with his parents until college started, he and a group of friends decided to drive to Disney World for a weekend. He took the family van, left a note for his parents ("Went to Disney World, be back on Monday") and took off.

The thing is that I don't think he would have acted any differently if he had been 17 or 16.

I'll keep the keyword idea in mind to teach to Charlotte.

trumancoyote · Mar 21, 2006

Maryn said:
Starting with "Here's the deal" could be his verbal request for you to forbid something he knows is bone-headed anyway--but he had to ask to save face. It's easier to make parents the heavy than to look unwilling in front of his peers.

We had a pre-arranged verbal cue when the kids were in high school. Use of that phrase meant that I was to loudly refuse to allow whatever was at issue. My kids caused me little worry--then--and I only heard it when they had an invitation they didn't want to accept.

Maryn, whose life was easier then

That is the coolest, most ingenious, and nicest idea in the world. My parents were just the opposite, always telling me not to make them look like the bad guys, in spite of the fact that, most of the time, they were. They've been naysayers at times just because they enjoy saying no; they've admitted it.

Out of curiousity, what do your kids normally call you?

DamaNegra · Mar 21, 2006

Mom always lets me use her as the bad guy and the perfect excuse when I don't want to go to places

She's cool, all my friends know her and like her so there's not problem in putting her in the 'evil dictator' role.

A. Hamilton · Mar 21, 2006

definitely a good kid. keep him.

Maryn · Mar 21, 2006

trumancoyote said:
Out of curiousity, what do your kids normally call you?

Starting when they were about 5 and 6, when they saw "The Sword in the Stone," they've called me Mim (from Madam Mim, who's got the song Mim, Mim, Marvelous Mim and the great line, "Now, first of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules").

It's been handy repeatedly. Take 'em to a playground, hear someone who's hurt screaming "Mommy!" and you know it's not your kid. I figure if there are ever grandchildren or talking pets, my nickname carries over nicely.

[Although lately they've been calling me Mother Ship and Hodor, and I've been calling them Waldemyr and Grumkin, or Someone and Buckwheat, or Hamburger Base and Prince Poogen.]

Maryn, who sometimes gropes for their real names

trumancoyote · Mar 22, 2006

Hahaha. I love a good nickname

I always call my mom 'Mums' or 'Maaz'... we've never been clever enough to put it to any use, but that's that.

I miss Sword in the Stone.

But this is no time for nostalgia -- there's a hot asian guy sitting across from me in the library, and I've got me some staring and suggestive tongue-flickin' to do.

Cheryll · Mar 22, 2006

rich said:
Some tips: when they say, "You don't trust me?" Immediately say NO. Especially when their track records show that they can't be trusted--and if that's so, tell them their track records suck. Know their peers' parents. Well, maybe not "know" but give calls. You're a writer; you should be able to think of all kinds of excuses to do so. If you're suspicious, search their rooms.

Dang, Rich. Are you living in our house?

We do the exact same things with our teenage son. Great kid, love him to pieces, and he knows it. But teenagers push envelopes and think they're invincible. You have to set limits and essentially let them know who's the boss. They'll appreciate it later. I know I did!

Cheryll

Melina · Mar 22, 2006

"Now, first of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules").

Rules, indeed, HAHA! Why, she only wants rules so she can break them!

Danger Jane · Mar 22, 2006

DamaNegra said:
Mom always lets me use her as the bad guy and the perfect excuse when I don't want to go to places She's cool, all my friends know her and like her so there's not problem in putting her in the 'evil dictator' role.

Ooh, yes, isn't that the best excuse? No one can argue with it! Works every time.

LightShadow · Mar 22, 2006

Unfortunately my son is 21 and I can't say no, just please call and let us know you're still alive.......maybe that's how I got these nerves of steel when dealing with trying to get published?

When to say No

blacbird

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

Jcomp

Stew21

Maryn

Baaa!

dahmnait

Just a figment…

Maryn

Baaa!

blacbird

rich

Jaycinth

Your Cuddly Sociopathic

Danger Jane

brokenfingers

Walkin' That Road

roach

annoyed and annoying

trumancoyote

My Name is Sweet Thing

DamaNegra

Mexican on the loose!

A. Hamilton

here for a minute...catch me?

Maryn

Baaa!

trumancoyote

My Name is Sweet Thing

Cheryll

Melina

Getting better all the time

Danger Jane

LightShadow

defender of the blahs!