View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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09-27-2006, 07:08 AM
Granted - a lovely wish for a lovely person. If only we could grant ALL those wishes.

I wish that I took more time getting organized instead of just jumping into things cold.

09-27-2006, 07:14 AM
I wish that I took more time getting organized instead of just jumping into things cold.

Granted. Now you are the most efficient, most organized person on the planet. Martha Stewart falls at your feet in homage. Unfortunately, in your efficiency and organization you forgot what the whole point was. So you got nothing, but it looks fabulous.

I wish my extra large tension headache would go inflict itself on someone I don't like (anyone over at our insurance company would be fine)

09-27-2006, 08:28 AM
Granted - one tension headache for the Geico Gecko. Next?

I wish someone around here would admit to being someone because then someone who isnt someone would know who someone was, and they would feel better knowing that someone was someone instead of always thinking that no one is someone. (Am I starting to sound like the lobster??)

09-27-2006, 08:32 AM
Granted, I'm someone . . . but I can't tell you who.

And yes, you are beginning to scare us. One lobster is enough.

I wish I knew someone who is someone who knows someone.

09-27-2006, 08:36 AM
Granted - you now officially know someone who is someone who knows someone. And that someone knows someone whose sister in law's brother knows someone whose second cousin is someone who knows someone. And THAT someone's haircutter used to know someone who knew someone, but now she doesnt know that someone anymore, but she does know someone who used to be someone. Can someone tell me when to stop?

I wish everybody loved somebody sometime.

09-27-2006, 08:50 AM
Granted. Everybody love Orlando Bloom sometimes (apparently).

I wish I didn't have urge to wake my cat up just to be waking her up.

09-27-2006, 09:07 AM
I dont love Orlando Bloom - not even sometimes - I guess that makes you somebody who knows somebody who doesnt love Orlando Bloom. And stop bothering kitty.

I wish Alleycat's alleycat would bother HIM when HE was sleeping on the windowsill.

09-27-2006, 08:09 PM
Granted-he will just snuggle down on alley's face and boom-bye bye

I wish they had seeing eye cats-now that would be fun-he he he he!!!!

09-28-2006, 06:22 AM
Granted but it will be a little hard carrying a litter box around with you all the time.

I wish I could remember where I put my car keys. In fact, I wish I could remember where I left my car.

09-28-2006, 06:27 PM
Granted - It's next to the lobster's trawler. Have a nice walk.

I wish my youngest brother could manage to arrive less than two hours late for every family gathering.

09-28-2006, 07:40 PM
Granted - just change the time on the invitations - tell him it starts two hours earlier. Then he'll probably be like my youngest brother and not show up at all.

I wish my puppy would give me room to breathe and type. He is sitting on my left arm. Shooo

09-28-2006, 07:52 PM
Granted, your puppy wanders off to the living room and settles down in front of the window to watch a cat getting beaten up by a teenie yellow bird. In the meantime, 4 very large, smelly, and distracting werewolves show up and perform heinous, discordanant gangsta rap, while dancing around your typing area.

I wish I could eat all the wonderous fine pastries in the office today and not have to exercise forever to keep it off the hips and thighs.

09-28-2006, 08:22 PM
Granted. Chow down, you've earned it. Then just take a slow, easy walk to the bathroom, and drive that porcelan bus all the way to Slender Land.

I wish my Mother hadn't found out I was on vacation this week - and thinks "I'm writing" means "I'm doing nothing, how may I help you?"

09-29-2006, 12:01 AM
Granted, she thinks you are going on vacation next week and keeps sending ugly delivery boys over with the updated list. They arrive on an hourly basis.

I wish everyone in the USA, Canada, Mexico, Puerto Villarta, Jamaica, Great Britain, Scotland, France, and an obscure Northern European country would purchase and read two new fiction novels that they previously would have never considered reading. In addition to their current reading projects, of course.

09-29-2006, 12:04 AM
Granted - great idea. Start reading people of earth.

I wish that from now on, the people of earth would be divided along new lines -- those who understand and appreciate a good smarta$$ on one side and those who do not on the other.

09-29-2006, 12:10 AM
Granted but now we have to toss their food for thought over a long-tall-wall of a line

I wish that a good smart a$$ would come along to hold my tea service on

09-29-2006, 02:11 AM
Da Da. Here I am. I may as well be good for something, lol. But you have to put up with me showing you ten thousand photos of my last vacation.

I wish I wasn't in such a bad mood from supply teaching today

09-29-2006, 04:59 AM
Granted - you are in a happy mood. In fact, you are in such a happy mood that your employers suspect you are drinking on the job and fire you.

I wish the Yankees would get some hits

09-29-2006, 05:05 AM
They will-the Jeter man is gonna start em up tonight-Alex is gonna pull up the rear-especially in the playoffs

I wish that the damned new flat screen I just hung up in the galley of the trawler would stop moving from side to side and up and down

09-29-2006, 05:34 AM
Granted - it's no longer moving side to side and up and down - it's hanging on the wall over my fireplace and it looks great.

I wish I hadnt eaten all that chocolate cake.

09-29-2006, 05:58 PM
Granted-I now have some chocolate left over for spreading on favored places

I wish some one would help me find some favored places-blind passion has made me sightless

09-29-2006, 06:27 PM
Granted! The top of Olympus Mons is favored by NASA Planetary Engineers. Too bad you're blind.

I wish that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum were on Celebrity Death Match. (not that I watch that sort of rot, mind you.)

09-29-2006, 10:18 PM
Granted - only its a tag team match. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum against the Olson Twins -- and only one can come out alive.

I wish there were more cantilevers in this world -- that more people took the risk of sticking their foot out with nothing beneath it to offer support and security. Take risks, young man, take risks!

09-29-2006, 11:06 PM
Granted-we are doing it all the time Charie-much to the chagrin of the intellectophyles

I wish that love your neighbor as you would love yourself would be correctly translated to try to love your neighbor as you would yourself-god knew we could not do it-so I think try was left out of the translation

09-29-2006, 11:23 PM
Granted - we give full credit for trying. But only if it's a genuine effort. Half credit for half hearted attempts. No credit for self-serving attempts to love your neighbor because her husband isnt home.

I wish I was sitting on a deck somewhere, with the wind at my back and a good cohiba, blowing smoke rings and telling war stories to the natives.

09-30-2006, 12:46 AM
Granted. Welcome to the Unicef mission to Kabul.

I wish they would finish building the new high school before New Years Day 2007.

09-30-2006, 01:06 AM
Granted - they finish on time. However due to shoddy construction, it falls down before New Years Day 2008,

I wish someone would come up with a way of fly fishing that didnt involve wearing those totally unfashionable hip waders.

09-30-2006, 01:23 AM
Granted-as an expert angler-both salt and fresh-and an expert angler with the fly-I have just invented some pink-satin-water-tight-crotchless and topless

I wish I had a model for my new invention-men need not apply

09-30-2006, 01:53 AM
I wish I had a model for my new invention-men need not apply

Granted. Here's your new model...Naomi Campbell. Watch out though, I heard she has a mean left hook. And likes to throw things at people. And...well, just don't piss her off.

I wish my muse would amuse me.

09-30-2006, 02:12 AM
Granted-just call your local amusician union 6969-they will see that you are amused

I wish screenmom could just call my union and talk to them-but she is too nice to belong to the National Trade Union of Pacific Crustaceans

09-30-2006, 03:06 AM
NTUPC? Screen Mom shall not only call, she shall become their new legal counsel.

I wish NTUPC would picket the State House at Sacramento and urge the Governator and Mari-ah to stop serving lobsters at state dinners.

09-30-2006, 03:13 AM
No need to wish anything of the kind-we are organizing the march and the picketing-as we speak

I wish Charie would consider being our poster dominatrix

09-30-2006, 03:25 AM
Granted - red leather catsuit and all... Ahnold will never know what hit him ... A lobster o nine tails.

I wish more people still believed in picketing for what they believe in.

09-30-2006, 03:28 AM
Granted-I am sure some fences need picketing

I wish charie could be the President of the National Union of Picketers-boy then we could get some folks off of those fences-now-could not we????

09-30-2006, 03:31 AM
Granted - lets get them down - sitting on a picket fence is painful - although it brings in a lot of work for proctologists.

I wish I still had more of my childhood writing to read.

09-30-2006, 03:34 AM
Granted-so do Kukla and Ollie

I wish I had never fathered Kukla's child

09-30-2006, 03:49 AM
Granted - fortunately the child found work at the circus

I wish I had thought of shark repellent before I went swimming

09-30-2006, 03:55 AM
Granted-perhaps though it helped you carry the Tessiturra

I wish that Franco Correli was still alive

09-30-2006, 03:59 AM
Granted - but I never liked his poodles

I wish I still had a solid A-flat

09-30-2006, 04:16 AM
Granted-they say if you do not use it you lose it-usually as you well know the path to a solid top is through the passagio-working on that still-it can still be fun-even if one has been injured-spiritually or physically-the joy is in the process old man-so maybe you should work on it-what was it Arrigo Pola said-he was Pavarottie's first teacher-squillo-never could spell well in Italian-but you understand brian-good luck with that A-flat-prologo here you come!!!!

I wish that Brian could cruise up to that old A flat and then-kick the hell out of Al Parido Voi-told you I was a lousy speller of Italian-but I wish it for you anyway

09-30-2006, 06:41 AM
Granted - in fact, we'll cruise Brian all the way up to a high M above L... A flat is for sissies - try hitting that high M... It kind of resembles the sound made by a guy being given a really tight wedgie.

I wish I would remember just to buy things the first time I see them because they are never there when I go back if indeed I even recall where I saw them in the first place

09-30-2006, 07:35 AM
Granted. Visa and Mastercard will love you !

I wish I could commit murder via the Internet, and leave no trace back to me.

09-30-2006, 07:48 AM
Granted --you are now an electron. Feel free to shock anyone that charges your ire!

I wish I didn't have to sleep so I can get more writing done.

09-30-2006, 08:35 AM
Granted - you no longer have to sleep... We hope you dont mind dark circles that look like truck tires under your eyes.

I wish I had the energy to "organize"

09-30-2006, 07:13 PM
Granted - Here's a Red Bull and the telephone number for the producer of HGTV's "Mission Organization."

I wish my muse would come back from holiday.

09-30-2006, 08:56 PM
Granted. She partied rather heavily.

I wish that whenever my daughter left stuff lying around that it would automatically be transported to another dimension

09-30-2006, 10:40 PM
Granted --although we may find out that, like Jack Black's VaPOOrize spray, we don't want to know where it actually goes when it disappears like that...

I wish that baggy-pant-thing-where-the-pants-are-really-designed-for-a-300-lb-man-but-that-92lb-15-year-old-wears-em-and-has-to-hike-them-up-every-other-step-lest-the-puddle-at-their-ankles look was over with already....

09-30-2006, 10:58 PM
I wish that baggy-pant-thing-where-the-pants-are-really-designed-for-a-300-lb-man-but-that-92lb-15-year-old-wears-em-and-has-to-hike-them-up-every-other-step-lest-the-puddle-at-their-ankles look was over with already....

Granted, but the new style has them wearing black dress socks with sandals, golf shorts with flying ducks on them and large polka-dotted poets shirts. The urge to vomit is uncontrollable.

I wish all a person would have to do to have a great day was open their eyes in the morning (Pollyanna speaks):)

10-01-2006, 12:22 AM
Granted - Now be sure to breathe as well... it will make the day even better.

I wish my dog would try harder to wake me up when he needs out... since installing a doggie door to accommodate his size is out of the question, as it would allow small humans access to my home.

10-01-2006, 09:41 PM
Poof. Doggie now wakes you every time he needs out, which is every two minutes due to the garbage he got into while you were sleeping.

I wish I wasn't so sleepy.

10-02-2006, 01:09 AM
Granted. You now have unlimited energy and are going to clean the house from top to bottom and write fifteen chapters. Of course you'll have to stay in bed for a week when this all wears off.

I wish I'd done something constructive today instead of just slobbing around.

10-02-2006, 01:36 AM
Granted. In a fit of inspiration, you've constructed a life-sized sculpture of the Eiffel tower, made entirely out of Rice Krispie treats. Of course, the ants will soon take over the city in a truly Irwin Allen way, but you'll be credited.

I wish I'd eaten lunch today.

10-02-2006, 03:14 AM
Granted. It's still early where you are . . . have dunch (it's like brunch, but between lunch and dinner).

I wish I had a month off.

10-02-2006, 04:19 AM
Granted but you waste the whole month watching game shows on television.

I wish my novel would be so brilliant, publishers would compete for the privilege of publishing it. Ha ha.

10-02-2006, 04:27 AM
Granted, I could not put it down. The offers are flowing in to you, be selective.

I wish people would stop complaining about what they dont have and be happy for each day on earth

10-02-2006, 04:57 AM
Granted. Tomorrow is hereby officially . . . Be Happy Day. Everyone has to pet an animal, play with a kid, really look at a tree, swim in the ocean (if they have one nearby), smell a flower (watch out for bees), cuddle with someone they love.

I wish I hadn't gotten confused and petted the alligator.

10-02-2006, 05:37 AM
Granted - Do you have any of him left over to make a matching purse to go with the boots? Oh, sorry... the arms...forgot. My bad.

I wish they would quit playing "Jaws" over and over and over again on TV. I'm beginning to wish the shark would eat the entire cast in the first fifteen minutes so they could show the really good sequel to this movie... "Jaws III in 3D." Now, where did I leave those funny little glasses?

10-02-2006, 09:13 PM
Granted. Now they're showing Jaws MMXXIII in multi-dimensional format. You need special glasses, headphones, and a nose-clip. And this time, the shark DOES eat the entire cast. Oh, and he also comes after random viewers.

Good luck!

I wish it wasn't Monday.

10-02-2006, 09:21 PM
Granted, we now have the ability to skip Mondays forever, everyday shall be Friday. I wonder how much the world will progress with the new calendar ??

Oh well , enjoy your everlasting weekend..

I wish racist people didn't exist

10-02-2006, 09:23 PM
You always wish that and you always get hit in the head with a wet carp. You know they say insanity is defined by doing something over and over again expecting a different result.

Ah, where were we? You ar wishing that racist people didn't exist and dear froggie was wishing it wasn't Monday, again.

Granted. It is Tuesday. You are both standing happily in downtown Tokyo where no one utters a single racist phrase due to intense politeness. Everyone looks up. What is it? Is it a bird, is it a plane? Yes it is a PLANE. A plane full of ( no not snakes, that is soooo over done) huh? CARP? No. No. Can't be carp. She gets carp every monday.

KOI!!!! You look up and falling toward you are 100 dozen koi. It would have been a nice day for an umbrella, had you thought about it.

(whereas, being the sensible sort..)
I wish I had a burgundy head rest, a different color of nail polish, a staple puller, tape, 4 blank CD-R's, 11 unmatched new socks, a half dozen pennies, and a twinkie that answers to the name 'Isadora'.

10-02-2006, 09:26 PM
Granted. Welcome to your Walmart (blech) shopping spree :D

I wish Ryan Reynolds (with the beard, and those muscles from Blade III) was here massaging my shoulder and feeding me grapes. Red grapes. Soaked in Rum.

10-02-2006, 09:46 PM
Granted. Oh, wait, I misread that. I sent Burt Reynold . . . without his hairpiece. Is that okay?

I wish I wasn't spending my lunch hour printing mutual fund account statements.

10-02-2006, 11:42 PM
Granted! Your company was bought out by the Extreme Sports Network and they've decided to make you spend your lunch hours learning how to 'Extreme Ski'.

I wish reasonably aged intellegent, sexy men would wish to date me.

10-02-2006, 11:51 PM
Granted. Stephen Hawking looks pretty hunky in his muscle shirt.

I wish I had a new guitar (that would make three I can't play very well).

Soccer Mom
10-03-2006, 12:08 AM
Granted and you can hardly smell the eau de skunk anymore. What a bargain that guitar was!

I wish a ringer would go to my cub scouts meeting tonight.

10-03-2006, 12:18 AM
Granted, however you'll miss not being there and will be singing Kumba Ya, the rest of the evening.

I wish a hunky good looking man, my age, would ask me out for dinner.

10-03-2006, 12:19 AM
Granted. The Yak will go in your place, and wear a disguise. But when you go next time, you'll have a lot of explaining (and cleaning up) to do :D

I wish my chair could float, via a little hand control, and spew fire at the push of a button. And make coffee.

*a cat beat me to it !*

Granted, cat woman. He's your age, and stands about 2'3". But dang, he's good lookin' for his height! Everyone's jealous, who can see him, that is. He needs a booster seat, but he's payin'. And he brought you roses. But you AND the roses won't fit into that little car of his, so one of you has to take the bus. Oh dear, without his lifts and hair plugs, he's only 2'. But he's still a hunk.

My wish remains: Floating chair.

Soccer Mom
10-03-2006, 12:30 AM
Granted. Now just be careful where you point that fire canon. Yikes! Did you need that computer?

I wish I had a hovercraft to take to work so I could avoid all the traffic.

10-03-2006, 12:39 AM
Granted!!! and there you go and...oops. Did you know that 14 terroroists in your city just wished for and got the same thing. And this Homeland security guy, he wished to know what the terrorists were doing, so he knows all about the hover cars.

Now you got some 'splaining' to do.

I wish my daughter hadn't suddenly eschewed 'Goth' in favor of a fashion sense that would have made the people in that 'Prada' movie green with envy..( and my wallet screaming in terror...)

10-03-2006, 06:59 PM
Granted. She has now decided to do a complete reversal, for the sake of your wallet and in rebellion against fashion in general, and has embraced the Nudity Revival. Of course, what this will mean for your heating bill is cause for worry - let alone her social life (!) But you no longer have to buy her Prada threads that will be out of style in five minutes.

I wish the walls, floor and ceiling of my house were salt water aquariums, filled with exotic fish that could swim all around me day and night, entertaining my cats while I'm at work and giving me Jacque Cousteau dreams at night. Oh, and I also wish I had little men, 6 inches tall, who could dive in the aquariums and act out adventures for my amusement.

10-04-2006, 01:03 AM
Granted. Your water bill has doubled. The little men are demanding salary, health benefits and danger-money - oh, look! - I think some of your tanks have sprung a leak.

I wish it would stop raining long enough for me to get a washing dried.

10-04-2006, 03:55 AM
Granted - Then a drought hits your area and in 6 months time you are back here wishing for rain. Isn't life grand? A vicious circle...

I wish I could become invisible and go behind the closed doors at the House and Senate and see what they are really doing...

10-04-2006, 04:04 AM
Granted, you have a cloak, similar to Harry Potter's which allows you access to roam free without being seen. Hope your not dissapointed when you find they are sitting around thinking of creative ways to waste your hard earned tax dollars.

I wish l had the capability to see 2 hours ahead

10-04-2006, 06:26 PM
Granted. But because the future is in constant flux the second you move to do anything, changes the future. You can see the changes. ALL of the changes. All of the possible changes This makes you very cautious toward what to do next. You don't move. You don't even resist when the people come along and put you in the hospital.
Welcome to Conumdrum Land where entropy rules.

I wish we were eating a nice grilled chicken salad, on a bed of fresh greens with a side of Tandoori, some fresh bakhlava, and some unpretentious champagne, on the deck of an elegant yacht sailing off the coast of Fiji.

10-05-2006, 12:51 AM
Granted. The sun's shining. There's a lovely cool breeze. It's all absolutely delightful and - oh, look! - another bloody leak!

I wish there was something delicious in the fridge.

10-05-2006, 12:54 AM
Granted. There's leftover haggis! And a case of single malt under the counter.

I wish I could find a book I'm looking for. It's here . . . somewhere. The trouble is . . . where?

10-05-2006, 01:19 AM
Granted. Your copy of Typos, How To Avoid Them is right here :D

I wish there was dark chocolate in my In-box, and all the idiots I work with were made of candy corn. The fresh kind you get only from quality candy stores.

10-05-2006, 03:06 AM
Granted. You get to watch your hips grow

I wish someone would crit my post on the romance forum titled, Kissed by a Butterfly

10-05-2006, 07:01 AM
Granted - But, first it needs to be your post and not something you posted for someone else. (grin) Now you post something you wrote and your thread is bombarded with wonderful critiques and your work gets published!

I wish I was home in Ireland sharing in my Auntie's 82nd birthday celebration... and waking up the next day to a proper Irish breakfast of eggs, rashers, black pudding and fried soda bread.

A. Hamilton
10-05-2006, 08:41 AM
Granted. MMMm smell the rashers? (not that I know what they are :D)
Hope you like 'em, because you are stuck in some freak time loop and will be repeating this day over and over and over....

I wish life had a go-back program like some computers.

Taurus Rising
10-05-2006, 04:31 PM
It does, but you're not the one controling it and whenever your life's reset you forget everything that happened after the point to which it was reset.

I wish someone would buy my house for the price I'm asking!

10-05-2006, 05:34 PM
Granted - And your realtors think you such a nice person they waive their commissions.

I wish I was going to an opera tonight... Puccini's "Madame Butterfly" and the soprano didn't look like "Madame Butterball."

10-05-2006, 06:17 PM
Granted. Tonight 'singing' the soprano is Shaquille O'Neill.

I wish that the boss would send out for pizza and chicken tenders for the whole office.

10-05-2006, 06:21 PM
Wish Granted and you've got most of the grease wiped off your chin.

I wish my day would match the violin concerto playing on the clock radio which I woke up to this morning.

10-05-2006, 06:22 PM
Granted you will feast on Pizza and Chicken tenders, unlimited
however, they will take the money out of your insurance fund for the next 3 months to cover the costs.

I wish we didnt have to lose something to be grateful we had it in the first place

10-05-2006, 07:56 PM
Granted. Janet is very grateful that you returned the clock radio playing the violin concerto you snatched out of her window this morning. She is so grateful that she won;t call the cops. She's just gonna let Freddy and 'Stinkey' Bob beat on you while the concerto plays over and over. Remember 'Clock Work Orange?' of course you do.

I wish that other people would appreciate the fact that 'Clock Work Orange' was actually the third movie in a trilogy by Kubrick examining how life can really screw over someone and make them bad.

10-06-2006, 11:55 PM
Done but now all the baddies are claiming an abused childhood and are getting away with everything.

I wish I wasn't so sore from the day surgery I had last Friday.

10-07-2006, 12:49 AM
Granted but the surgeon still can't find his class ring.

(sorry, was that too much?)

I wish I wasn't fat.

10-07-2006, 05:43 AM
Granted. You are now so scrawny it's like bedding a bicycle frame.

I wish my husband's van hadn't btoken down and is costing me a fortunes. Again!

10-08-2006, 06:15 PM
Granted. He bought a brand new Porsche and retired the van.

I wish that wishes were horses because my dad always used to say "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

10-09-2006, 04:14 AM
Granted. Now all wishes are horses. Of course, your wish was for publication and a 4-book deal with a million dollar advance. What you got was two Clydesdales and a Shetland pony, but they came with saddles, bridles and a goat for a barn buddy.

Happy shoveling :D

I wish we could pick actors from a list, then click on plots, add action and intrique, click-and-drag in some adventure and sit back to watch GOOD TV for once, instead of the drivel they keep putting out.

10-09-2006, 05:52 PM
Granted, but wishes are still horses. How does Dr. Appaloosa MD, sound to you?

I wish wishes were 'Barbie Doll' sized 'neon' colored Llamas who could speak with Brittish accents, wore bow ties and behaved properly indoors.

10-09-2006, 07:10 PM
Granted. Here, have another sheet of 'Mikhail Gorbachov' Printed LSD. Aren't the Llamas pretty? Oh dear, watch your step !

I wish I had those 6" tall people from Land of the Giants that I could keep as pets inside a miniature town, only I want to trade out some of them for better looking ones. Then they could act out my WIP so I could see how it would work as a major motion picture.

10-11-2006, 12:47 AM
Granted. Unfortunately they escaped and now you keep finding them stuck in the plughole; trapped in your knicker drawer; falling into your bowl when you tip out your cereal...

I wish I didn't have to rewrite my last short story to make my characters sound posher.

10-11-2006, 10:08 PM
Granted. Your agent has a new project for you. Rewrite JK Rowling's novels to make Harry and his associates sound like uneducated turtles. You've got one week.

I wish this tea tasted better.

10-11-2006, 10:35 PM
Presto. Your tea tastes like an almond garden with cream added. You don't realize until much later though, when you fall over dead drunk, that it was laced with brandy.

I wish that the dog care arrangement for the next four days would work out smoothly without needlessly imposing upon any of the people involved.

10-11-2006, 11:13 PM
Granted. Head over to SciFi.com, click on Eureka, and watch the commercial for Cryo-Pup ! It's a simple and perfect solution to all your dog-sitting and pet travel needs. Puppy just steps into the Cryo-Pup crate, you press the FROST button and voila! Your pooch is flash frozen and cryogenically preserved for any length of time.

When you're ready, you push the DEFROST button and within seconds, Fido is microwaved back to animated happiness :D

I wish humans were all covered in colorful fur, like cats and dogs, thus eliminating the need for clothing, makeup, and acne products. I want to be a calico.

10-12-2006, 03:47 AM
Yikes. That's one of the worst thoughts this doggie lover could have. All humans now have fur as per your wish. Trouble is, they've all turned into lions and tigers and other ferocious beasts.

I wish I'll get some fresh inspiration during my four day trip, starting tomorrow.

10-12-2006, 07:28 PM
Granted. While sitting on the tire of your car, (which is all that is left after the 18 wheeler rolled over it while you were asking directions at the truck stop) a vagabond walks up to you. He sits down and tells you the most amazing story. Talk about inspiration! You even start jotting notes on your bare arms.

But when the breeze turns, you realize that the vagabond is 'fresh'. It is a 'rare' freshness. A freshness that one associates with the term 'ripe'.

I wish I had more willpower, tenacity, and a real good pair of shoes.

10-12-2006, 11:33 PM
Granted. In one hour, you'll pick up that machette, march right out of the office, pass up three chocolate shops and a liquor store having a sale on Rum, storm straight into your favorite shoe store and hack the clerks legs off. She had the only pair in your size, after all. Now it's a game to see if you can get the shoes clean in time to run from the SWAT team or not.

I wish my car was equipped with a James Bond laser weapon, that I could shoot rude drivers with. Only it wouldn't kill them, it would just emit an EMP wave that disabled their cars, so they could glide safely to the side of the road, but stain their faces and hands pink so they would forever be known as A-hole drivers.

10-14-2006, 12:11 AM
Granted! But the pink -stained people all decide to hide their shame by investing in Mary Kay Franchises, and, not only does the makeup disguise them, but they all make so much money thaat the roads are filled with Pink Cadalliacs.

I wish I knew where to get a small yet nice polished tsavorite or uvarovite for my friend.

10-14-2006, 02:20 AM
Granted. You find some really nice ones in Kenya - just before you get mugged by passing poachers who mistake you for a rare leopard. I told you you shouldn't have worn that fur coat you got out of the new Vogue catalogue.

I wish I had a better sense of direction.

10-14-2006, 08:14 AM
Granted, your mind is now as equiped as the latest GPS, however your easily distracted and find yourself stuck in a rotary and the GPS keeps telling you to go left.

I wish people would live and let live, stop judging, assuming and forcing their opinions on others

10-16-2006, 06:47 PM
Granted!! Peace and love ensue and people smile and wave to eachother on the street, the sun sets and the movie is over.

Make sure you have your Glock ready before you walk to the parking garage to find your car.

I wish I had enough available cash to winter in Corfu, summer in the Poconos, and shop whenever I had the fancy.

10-16-2006, 06:52 PM
Granted. Will $12.45 do? Uh, don't stay in Corfu too long.

I wish I had a '67 Corvette Stringray. I saw one on TV this weekend that would be perfect.

10-16-2006, 07:20 PM
Granted. Mattel has a fine one in red, it's coming UPS. You like red, yes? I think there's some assembly required, so I'll mail you some glue.

I wish I had a transporter that could replace my daily commute, and take me to Brazil every weekend to dig for geodes.

10-17-2006, 02:15 AM
Granted. Shame it was made in a sweat-shop in Asia and you have now been transported to the interior of a geode instead. Don't worry. We'll find you - eventually.

I wish I could eat anything I liked without putting on weight.

10-17-2006, 05:40 PM
Granted! And you can also eat as much of it as you like. It is all healthy for you too, especially since you have developed a taste for, nay a CRAVING for boiled: cabbage, turnips, lentils, blackbeans, beets, kale, mustard greens, brown rice, soy beans, tofu, endive, leeks, cilantro, peas, barley and oats.

I wish I had a better chocolate praline pie recipie.

10-17-2006, 09:11 PM
Done, but you develop sugar intolerance and can't eat any of it.

I wish I hadn't seen my own handwriting today in the mail box, that just for once I would get an acceptance instead of blind rejection from a legitimate publisher.

10-17-2006, 09:15 PM
Granted ! Oh HAPPY day!! You've just been accepted ! Okay, sure, it's by an illegitimate publisher who happens to be blind, but heck - and acceptance is an acceptance, right?

I wish my car had a James Bond laser gun attachement in the back, so I could fry anyone tailgating me -- and in the front, a gamma ray gun to vaporize anyone in front of me. Oh, and I want an espresso machine in the dash, okay?

10-17-2006, 09:24 PM
Granted. And for only $400 more, I'll throw in undercoating and a heads-up video display so you can watch Johnny Depp movies as you drive along. I'll just need to check with my manager.

I wish my car would wash itself.

10-17-2006, 11:18 PM
Done. Your car w ashes itself but tonight it gets stolen because the news gets out.

I wish I hadn't just blown my diet by eating four granola bars.

10-18-2006, 12:04 AM
Granted! Those 4 granola bars never existed! Now you're hungry again n and looking for food. Too bad all that is left on the table are 4 -18" diameter chocolate cheesecakes and three tumblers of Kahlua and praline icecream milk shakes.

I wish someone would just pack you up and whisk you away to a villa overlooking the southern Adriatic and just keep you there for 6 months and pamper you while you write.:tongue

10-18-2006, 01:12 AM
Granted. You can write about that nasty political uprising that's about to start - while you sit in a lovely, but slightly damp, Adriatic prison. Plenty of writing time now!

I wish the world was padded, so my feet wouldn't get sore and old people wouldn't shatter into little pieces when they fell down.

10-18-2006, 05:40 PM
Granted. Your room is now padded too. A nice lady is going to come into your room with a cup of pills and some water. Please take the pills. If not she'll come back with an orderly from the KGB......

I still wish you were somewhere with a group of people and in a situation that could be mistaken for a 'Fabio' commercial, if it weren't so much darn fun. (Dag Nabbit!)

11-06-2006, 08:19 PM
Granted, but I killed Fabio for being so annoying, and I still can't believe it's not butter.

I wish this rain storm would get really REALLY windy, and make life interesting at least for today.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
11-07-2006, 12:15 AM
Granted. But it's blowing straight down.

I wish I had time to read all 2121 posts on this thread.

11-07-2006, 12:21 AM
Granted. But the lady who has been cleaning your house while you read has a very different take on 'cleanliness' and 'sanitation' than you have and you may not want to eat your dinner.

I wish..... uh, never mind I don't want that one put through the ringer...

I wish that Chapter one of 'Shivas Dance' would turn out to be the best thing I have written to this date...outside the correspondence I have to write on a daily basis, of course.

11-07-2006, 01:42 AM
Granted, but now your computer just crashed and it’s aaaaall gone. Bye bye!

I wish I had more time to write!

11-07-2006, 02:46 AM
Granted, your brain just crashed ! Now you're all alone in a softly padded room, with pretty crayons and plenty of white space.

I wish the people in charge of putting MORE game shows on the TV would all be forced to sit and watch them, one after the other, with no way to turn down the volume. And in order to survive the pack of wild zombies waiting in the bathroom, they have to pick a contestant to win. If they fail, well, we'd all win, wouldn't we?

11-07-2006, 06:28 PM
Granted! But later the zombies take the leftover clothing to the wrong dry-cleaner and most of it is ruined.

I wish that the payroll would just up and calculate its own bothersome self. (Barring that, I wish Raoul, the pool man would massage my feet while I do the stupid payroll.)

11-07-2006, 08:58 PM
Granted, but now it has a mind of it’s own and it’s taking over your life!

I wish I could find those cool variant action figures that are oh so rare!

11-08-2006, 08:08 PM
Granted!! What is that you hear? A Knock? On your door. LOOK! On your front steps a big box full of those Variant Action Figures! Woah! You are so excited that you don't register the squeal of tires as the wild-eyed man hops into his Volvo and speeds away.

You open the box and.....each and every one of those Variant action figures is not only possessed by the soul of the evil dead, but, each one also has its own personal demonic minion.

Have a perky day!!!

Oh, My wish? You want to know MY wish.
I wish you would just take my credit card and go to Cape Verde and lie on the beach sipping tropical drinks until you forget your silly name. (So THERE!:tongue )

11-15-2006, 05:29 PM
Well thanks for the wish Jaycinth. It was all well and good to forget my name (had to use the one on the card anyway), but couldn't your wish have included a passport that matched the card? I wish someone would come get me out of this prison.

Wait, that wasnt' my wish. Noooo! Did I really waste it on something so silly? Really, it isn't as if the beatings are that bad. I could have had fame, fortune, foot massages.

11-18-2006, 04:50 AM
Poof! You are free! Unforunately Bubba paid your bail in exchange for your being his sex-slave. Win some, lose some.

I wish I could sing.

11-18-2006, 05:23 AM
You can sing, in fact you sing so well the dog does a duet with you. -owowoooo.

I wish I was a better dancer.

11-20-2006, 11:21 PM
Granted. Now no one on Earth can do the Macarena better than you.

I wish I had a hand carved quartz dining table with veins of gold running through it.

11-21-2006, 12:52 AM
Done but now you have to hire armed guards in order to protect the thing from robbery.

I wish Jaycinth would get the table and invite us all over for dinner, complete with gold wrapped chocolate truffles.

11-21-2006, 12:59 AM
GRANTED! But dinner is a pile of fried liver and onions!

I wish the sale of my house would end today!

11-21-2006, 01:26 AM
Asteroid BX14Y76W-3a has landed on your house.
Sale over.
BUT: The asteroid is made of pure carbon fused under intense pressure for eons before being spewed across space to impact on your house sale.
HOWEVER: The IRS has been tracking that Giant Crazy Diamond for many...many years now.
So as you are shaking your head and adding up stuff on your calculator and muttering things like 'early retirement', 'Cancun' and "buy my OWN freaking publishing company', The IRS agents are preparing to hand you a tax bill.
Awful lot of unearned income there.

I wish I could collect the scattered, sparkly remnants of that asteroid in a sack and sneak of before anyone notices me.

11-21-2006, 02:41 AM
Granted. Btw, did anybody mention the asteroid was radioactive? Nobody saw you take the bits - but the fact you now glow in the dark is a bit of a giveaway when they start looking for them.

I wish I'd already made all the Christmas cakes.

11-22-2006, 10:49 AM
I wish I'd already made all the Christmas cakes.

Granted, but now you'll never write that bestseller The Zen of Self-Rising Ingredients or that famous inspirational poem "It's okay to leave out the sugar."

I wish I had a remote control for everyone else's home or car sound system.

11-22-2006, 06:33 PM
Granted! But Madonna has a remote control that controls all of your remote controls.
Chaos ensues.

I wish I could eat more of that wonderful sweet chestnut bread without gaining any weight.

11-22-2006, 06:48 PM
GRANTED! But now you have a severe acne break out!

I wish my children would just sit and behave for at least ONE day!

11-22-2006, 06:52 PM
What don't you ask for the moon too! The Wish God is going to have to think a bit about this one. Wouldn't you rather have a new car, or maybe win a million dollars? It would be so much easier to grant.

I wish the traffic would be light this afternoon when I have to run errands.

11-22-2006, 06:59 PM
LOL Your wish is granted, but because you couldn't work some magic to make my kids behave, you hit every red light on the way....LOL

I wish all of you have a very happy thanksgiving!

11-22-2006, 10:12 PM
Granted! Everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving even though Haggis and Dclary show up, just as the Lions game begins, wearing Turkey Head Jock socks and Garfield masks (The president, not the cat). By the end of the evening, they've moved on, fortified by giblets and whiskey, and you are able to concentrate on those videos of Orlando Bloom, bathing for the camera, that you purchased on E-bay.

I wish I had been able to post something a dozen times more perverse than that.

11-22-2006, 10:19 PM
Granted. Next time use white as the font color and spell out the really dirty words.

I wish I could leave work now. I also wish I could swap one 6' side desk for a 5' side desk (it's moving day for me and I'm arranging my office).

11-22-2006, 10:33 PM
Granted. Oh, did you say 5' side desk? The side-desk delivery guys thought you wanted a 5" one. Bummer. Good luck getting your knees under that sucker.

I wish I could drive my car over the bay, instead of around it where all the traffic will be.

11-23-2006, 03:07 AM
Granted. You now have a wonderful amphibious vehicle. Unfortunately this doesn't help when you run out of petrol halfway across and are washed out into the ocean, never to be seen again.

I wish I hadn't celebrated my birthday by knocking back my gift vodka and staying online till four in the morning.

11-23-2006, 03:10 AM
Works for me. Hey, add some cranberry juice and celebrate Thanksgiving with us crazy Americans. You're welcome to my piece of pumpkin pie (yuck!). And the next day you can go to the mall ("shopping centre") and act like a madwoman shopping for the new Playstation.

I wish my lower back didn't hurt.

11-23-2006, 03:24 AM
Your lower back feels good but your upper back is killing you. I wish I was in a better mood after supply teaching all afternoon.

11-23-2006, 04:57 AM
Granted...but they're gonna call you to come in and teach on Thanksgiving!

I wish I had a babysitter so I could go out tonight!

11-24-2006, 07:07 AM
Granted but the babysitter is Jack.

I wish I was on an airplane with my husband on our way somewhere exotic.

11-24-2006, 08:29 PM
Granted! What could possibly be more exotic and out of the way than Mc Murdo Airforce Base in Antarctica. Happy "all expenses paid" two weeks!

I wish a friendly 'drag queen' would go shopping with me, crit my clothes, and help me update my wardrobe.

11-25-2006, 02:40 AM
Granted! But Ru Paul makes some snide remarks to the clerks, and you both get thrown into jail together. Enjoy the new ensembles!

I wish that I were a hugely successful, well paid, published author.

11-27-2006, 06:38 PM
Granted! Your illustrated books on the lifecycles of slugs are required reading in every college biology class in the country.

(I didn't even type and one wish came true. Ok then...)

I wish the people in my office were more organized so I didn't have to do some of these tasks three times.

11-27-2006, 07:16 PM
Granted. Your co-workers are now highly-trained elves. The bad news is you have to listen to that Whistle While You Work song all day long now (and the elves smell). The only solution is a shotgun applied liberally to the offending party.

I wish I had blinds in my new office. It's a bit bright at the moment.

11-27-2006, 07:53 PM
Granted. Unfortunately the blinds are made of 3/4 in. steel plate and they have been welded into place. Don't worry though, the flourescent lighting your office is doing wonderful things for your skin tone.

I wish I had a personal shopper.

11-27-2006, 08:51 PM
But most of your friends think it is kinda sick having O.J. Simpson working for you.

I wish my hunky beta reader would call me and make sexy suggestions on the phone.

11-27-2006, 11:04 PM
Granted! But he prefers men and his suggestions center around you dropping all female characters from your WIPs and replacing them with a variety of stereotypes.

I wish that Christmas-time would be a lot less stressful this year.

11-27-2006, 11:23 PM
Granted! This year you get to sit back and relax. A personal shopper has volunteered to do your shopping with his own credit card. A famous chef will show up at your home 2 days prior and prepare a gourmet meal for you to enjoy. However, he became famous at the local fast food joint for chopping off his finger and never finding it.

I wish I could be relaxing in Jamaica right now.

11-27-2006, 11:52 PM
Done but a freak snowstorm comes along and you're sitting on snow instead of sand.

I wish I was getting pubished right now.

11-28-2006, 12:48 AM
poof your published although you had to pay 10,000 to get it published and only sold one copy and that was to your mom

I wish my husband was home for christmas

11-28-2006, 01:21 AM
Granted! He's home, and you two have a lovely time together. Just one catch -- his entire extended family has come along with him to be with the two of you, and then never leave you alone for a single moment.

I wish my in-laws appreciated my husband more.

11-28-2006, 04:20 AM
Granted. Your in-laws appreciate your husband so much that they have taken him to a remote island where he is now their king. Too bad they forgot to bring you along too.

I wish new clients would flock to me by the dozens.

11-28-2006, 09:29 AM
Granted! But you have so much demand now that you can't fulfill and go rapidly and nastily out of business.

I wish Aerosmith would come do a private concert just for me.

11-28-2006, 09:48 AM
No problem. The band arrives with their full entourage of caregivers. Unfortunately the sweat they generate doesn't mix with your electrical system and you all put on one heck of a light show.

I wish I had my Christmas shopping done already.

11-28-2006, 10:00 AM
Granted! It's all done, wrapped and shipped, with your name on the card! Everyone on your list will be receiving a chia pet and a gob of earwax.

I wish for world peace.

11-28-2006, 10:03 AM
World peace, granted -- but sooner or later they all have to wake up.

I wish I could get to sleep at a reasonable hour.

A. Hamilton
11-28-2006, 10:11 AM
Granted. You fall asleep at 8 pm. And again at 8 am. In fact, you have the sleeping disease and fall asleep randomly all through the day.

I wish I could have a foot massage every night.

11-28-2006, 10:29 AM
Granted! But the burly psychopath who kidnaps you because he loves to massage your feet keeps you tied up in a position so that only your feet feel good. We won't discuss what else he does with you.

I wish for an end to world hunger.

11-28-2006, 10:41 AM
That's an easy one. There is now a McDonald's on every corner giving out free food to any who ask. Hunger is wiped out. Obesity is the new problem and has become so bad that the combined weight of world's populace causes the earth to slightly change its orbit. We are now entering a new ice age.

I wish that Jeanne would stop trying to dominate the world one wish at a time. ;)

11-28-2006, 10:49 AM
Granted! I have been appointed Supreme Ruler of All. You may all bow down to me now, and I'd start sucking up if I were some of you.

I wish for an end to illiteracy. (gotta keep you on your toes, dahmnait ;) )

11-28-2006, 02:49 PM
grantted. from now on, everywon will use prefect grammer and puncuation . . . and wil read more boks.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today (I have a whole list of personal stuff I need to do).

11-28-2006, 07:40 PM
Granted -- er, what time is it? Well, um...ok, you didn't have to go to work today. Sorry for the delay.

I wish I were independently wealthy.

11-28-2006, 07:46 PM
Granted. You have all the wealth you can use. Be careful though, those serial numbers are traceable. In fact the police are closing in on you as I type these words. Paranoia sets in.

I wish I could take a vacation on a tropical island with no bad weather, bad people, or bad situations.

11-28-2006, 07:51 PM
Granted. You can spend the next three weeks alone with Barney on a deserted island in the Pacific. Come, sing along with Mr. B . . . "I love you, you love me . . . " Barney loves singing that song. You'll hear it 200 times a day.

I wish I knew what to get my mother for Christmas (please, don't say a visit from me).

11-28-2006, 10:14 PM
Granted! Your mother wants you to just be the best little girl/boy you can be! In lieu of that, she'd like an all expense paid cruise to Alaska and the Bahamas. Good luck paying for that - if she doesn't get it, she's disowning you.

I wish "they" paid me just for being me.

11-28-2006, 10:40 PM
Granted. They'll pay you what you're worth. Where do we send the check for $1.29?


I wish I didn't get slapped as much as I do.

11-28-2006, 11:01 PM
Granted! You now get slapped every five minutes! (I'm first in line for that last crack 'cat :D :Hug2: )

I wish that the weather would always be perfect.

11-29-2006, 12:00 AM
Granted - it's the perfect storm, forever.

I wish people would do their jobs competently without histrionics.

11-29-2006, 12:12 AM
Granted. Now they do their jobs perfectly, but throw tizzy-fits.

I wish there was a thicker layer of snow over all the ice, so I wouldn't have to spin around and around during my commute.

11-29-2006, 12:17 AM
Granted! Now your car has become a very large tobaggan heading straight for Mr. Twiddlemeyer's house at the end of the block. He will not be amused by your parking in his living room.

I wish that I could add subtlety and nuance to my writing as easily as I make up wishes.

11-29-2006, 12:26 AM
Granted ! Your new book: The Subtlety of Nuance is a HUGE hit ! You're rich, you're famous, and now you can't even go out in public without signing autographs. But you snubbed Oprah. Good for you.

I wish my office chair had a bun-warmer just like my car's front seats do.

11-29-2006, 12:29 AM
Granted! Ooooh, pity that your chair isn't made like car seats. Hope the fire didn't destroy everthing, like your computer, house, block...

I wish wool wasn't itchy.

11-29-2006, 12:34 AM
oh that's an easy one. Granted! Wool is never itchy...to sheep. Baaa.

I wish that my husband would turn our guest house into a writer's cottage.

11-29-2006, 12:43 AM
Granted - and as a bonus, the writer he rents it out to is gorgeous :D

I wish elves would do all my Christmas shopping for me, AND pay for everything, too.

11-29-2006, 12:44 AM
Granted! Hey, that's so generous of you; I've been needing a quiet place to write. I'll be right over.

I wish my team had won last night.

Soccer Mom
11-29-2006, 01:04 AM
Granted. You meant your favorite pee wee football team right? They smoked the Baby Bulldogs.

I wish the Cowboys had a kicker that didn't make me as nervous as an armadillo crossing the road.

11-29-2006, 02:27 AM
Granted! America's Team now has a kicker who makes you as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. And he never, ever, makes the extra point.

I wish the Bidwells (owners) would sell the Cardinals (football team).

Soccer Mom
11-29-2006, 05:53 AM
Granted. But they sold it Matt Millen of the Detroit LIons. He knows how to take care of a team, right?

I wish the laundry fairy lived in my house.

11-29-2006, 06:22 AM
That's easy. Of course, the laundry fairy is closely related to the tooth fairy, so now random laundry items disappear each night. The quarters are nice, though.

I wish sweets did good things for weight and blood sugar.

11-29-2006, 02:59 PM
Granted. You get kissed every day by a child (they're calorie-free and will keep you active).

I wish my litte sweetie Lindsey could still ride on my shoulders. :-(

Soccer Mom
11-29-2006, 07:23 PM
Granted. She demands a horsey ride every day. Hope you're ready to shell out the money to the chiropractor.

I wish I could afford to quit my real job and just write.

11-29-2006, 10:18 PM
Granted. You just need to cut down on the expenses a bit. First, I'd recommend trading your car for a horse (grass is free); next, turn off the electricity (candles were good enough for Lincoln, there's good enough for you); also, no more new shoes or purses (see if you can use your mother's old one). Finally, how do you feel about mac and cheese three times a day?

I wish I hadn't had those jalapenos with my taco salad at lunch. Oh, my tongue burns. Ooooooo . . .

11-29-2006, 10:20 PM
Granted! You're given a contract for a million-zillion dollars! The catch is, you must write, non-stop, and it must be legalese for every spam and illegal marketing scheme out there. Happy creating!

I wish that Paris Hilton would fall of the face of the earth.

11-29-2006, 10:22 PM
Oooh, too slow, but I'll grant 'Cat's wish anyway!

Granted! You now had hot curry in that salad. Didn't burn your tongue, but it'll burn something else.

Re-wishing that Paris Hilton would fall off the face of the earth. Soon.

11-29-2006, 10:22 PM
Granted. You had jalapenos with your mac and cheese at lunch instead. Sadly, your tongue still burns and now you'll be "backed up" all week long. I told you not to use Velveeta. There's something wrong about cheese that melts in the microwave. Just wrong.

I wish I'd posted faster, and this answer had made more sense.

11-29-2006, 10:34 PM
I wish I wasn't so confused . . .

11-29-2006, 11:46 PM
Granted! You have achieved perfect clarity. Pity that it makes you go insane. Enjoy the institution!

I wish the skies were always blue, the water was always warm, and I was always rich.

11-30-2006, 12:19 AM
I wish the skies were always blue, the water was always warm, and I was always rich.

Granted. No more sunsets, someone has always peed in the pool, and the gnomes can only eat little bits of you at a time.

I wish medicine were free.

11-30-2006, 12:42 AM
Granted! You have all the anti-constipation medicine you can handle...and then some.

I wish there was a cure for a lack of common sense.

11-30-2006, 11:40 PM
Granted. But 86.48% of the world's population just disappeared and now you have to feed their pet turtles and water their plants.

I wish I had more ambition to actually be productive today. I feel like watching a sad movie while drinking martinis.

11-30-2006, 11:48 PM
Granted! Now, instead of spending a lovely day relaxing and coming up with new ideas, you have a manic burst of energy, resulting in your house and all the houses in your neighborhood being REALLY, frighteningly CLEAN. Pity your family AND your neighbors didn't appreciate you lugging all their stuff to the City Dump and all...

I wish that my nieghbors didn't decorate so much for the Holidays.

12-01-2006, 12:05 AM
Granted. All your neighbors have joined a cult dedicated to building an outpost on Venus. They'll all be visiting you later with some literature that could change your life!

I wish that I could clone my dog. I can't imagine what we'll do without her.

12-01-2006, 12:17 AM
Granted: You now have an army of identical canine companions.

I wish I were the most creative poster on this thread.

12-01-2006, 12:19 AM
Granted! But now no one else likes you and you are shunned out of AW altogether.

I wish Pluto was still considered a planet.

12-01-2006, 12:30 AM
Granted: Uranus disgorges a chunk of something hot and steamy, which lands on Pluto and increases its mass to planet size.

I wish you well.

12-01-2006, 03:20 AM
Um, ok, but I have city water; I really don't need a well. Thanks, though.

I wish for the latest project at work to live up to its name.

12-01-2006, 03:26 AM
Granted. The senior vice-president who started the damn thing will write a glowing report calling it a complete success! (And then half the work-force will have to be let go . . . but the VP with get a raise . . . we live in a real-life Dilbert cartoon.)

I wish I wasn't so cynical.

12-01-2006, 03:28 AM
You're not - and you invest your life fortunes in the new internet startup your neighbor's running and lose the lot.

I wish latex paint didn't make me go light headed.

12-01-2006, 04:44 AM
Granted but now you're lightheaded from boredom.

I wish I didn't have to clean my house for the holidays.

Soccer Mom
12-01-2006, 08:12 AM
Granted. Of course implosion was a rather drastic option, Janet.

I wish it would keep snowing so I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

12-01-2006, 09:01 AM
Granted! The drifts cover your house. Now you can't go to work! Or the store...or anywhere else, really. Hope you're stocked for the winter -- the snow took down your telephone and power lines, too.

I wish I knew all there was to know.

12-01-2006, 09:13 AM
I wish I knew all there was to know.

granted. but now you have to decide whats right and whats wrong.

i wish that i fulfill, and even, exceed my potential.

12-01-2006, 09:31 AM
Granted. You now meet or exceed your potential for silliness. Or was that evil? Anyway you look like Bozo the clown with a bazooka.

I wish that had my video camera with me today when my daughter kept asking the life-sized carved wooden Santa Claus figure for an Easy-Bake oven.

12-01-2006, 02:57 PM
Granted. The wooden Santa Claus will come to life like in the Frosty the Snowman story and come to your house. You need to get out the video camera for when he makes the mistake of coming down the chimney and turns into firewood.

I wish people in my area wouldn't rush to the grocery store in a panic ever time they mention snow on TV.

12-01-2006, 04:53 PM
Granted, however you find it hysterical they drive just the same way on good days as they do on snowy.

I wish everyone will wake up in the morning and can't help but be nice.

12-01-2006, 05:13 PM
Granted. You now live in Mr. Rogers' neighborhood.

I wish all my weekend chores were done.

12-01-2006, 05:24 PM
Granted. However, gnomes have homesteaded in your front yard and you can't get rid of them.

I wish my neighbor's dog would quit sh**ing in my yard.

12-01-2006, 06:16 PM
Granted, but since it's not his territory any more - all the other dogs in the neighborhood are using it instead.

I wish I didn't have a headache this morning.

12-01-2006, 06:47 PM
Granted. Your headache goes the way of Marie Antoinette, so does your head.

I wish my plants don't die from being frozen in the cold snap we had yesterday. (:sniff sniff: I forgot to bring them in.)

12-01-2006, 07:21 PM
Granted. They have not died. In fact, they have flourished overnight! Your house is completely covered in vines. They have grown up through the floor and are cracking your foundation. They are in your walls and have broken your windows. The green menace has also invaded your vehicle, growing in and around it and rendering it completely useless. And, you note that all of the squirrels, cats and small dogs seem to have disappeared...

I wish I didn't have to paint the rest of the house.

12-01-2006, 09:22 PM
Granted: An aborted ICBM missile launch has caused the projectile to fall harmlessly through your roof, floors, walls and support beams. The house collapses in on itself an no one is harmed.

I wish we had an honest, savvy political leader with the guts to do what is right.

12-02-2006, 01:03 AM
Granted. Meet Gay Matt the transvestite, cross-dressing, independent, muslim erotica writing, litigation lawyer from South Gods Wrath Oklahoma. He's a member of the NRA, NORML, NOW and AFTRA. He's not afraid of anything. Vote for him.

I wish I had a date for tonite, or at least a bottle of wine to help me forget I don't have a date.

12-02-2006, 01:19 AM
Granted! You now have a date with Gay Matt! He's bringing a caseload of Ripple! And some friends! Enjoy...

I wish our neighbor across the street would stop contantly working on his yard.

12-02-2006, 01:38 AM
Granted! Your neighboor has decided to bring in a gardener, so he can take a well deserved vacation.

I wish i was in the rainforrest

12-02-2006, 01:50 AM
Granted: Anti-global warming efforts have caused a change in atmospheric conditions, which has resulted in a build up of ice at the poles and an unexpected shift in the axis of the planet. Your neighborhood is now smack dab in the middle of an expanding jungle.

I wish I could win the World Poker Tour.

12-02-2006, 02:44 AM
Granted. You won, but that final game was against three five-year olds, playing with their allowance. Your grand take was $12.59 and two wads of gum.

I wish I could go to the new Barnes & Noble that just opened in the mall, and have NO ONE ELSE be in there but me, for one hour.

12-02-2006, 03:47 AM
Granted. You have your hour, but when you walk out the police arrest you for B&E, trespassing, and they throw in resisting arrest just for fun.

I wish I had someone to take care of all my housework for me.

12-02-2006, 06:57 AM
Granted. You have just been evicted but the good news is the new residents will be taking over all the housework.

I wish I had 20/20 vision.

12-04-2006, 12:57 AM
Granted! Pity that you just lost your hearing, sense of smell, and all the feeling in your hands.

I wish they'd stop putting up the Christmas decorations the day after Halloween.

12-04-2006, 02:03 AM
Granted. They will now start putting them up right after Labor Day (oh, wait . . . they do that already).

I wish the weekend was just beginning.

12-04-2006, 02:30 AM
Granted. You have just strolled right into saturday morning, except theres one slight hitch your actually dreaming and its monday morning instead

I wish i stayed at the Hilton hotel, just for a night

12-04-2006, 03:38 AM
Granted - but you were stuck in the servants' quarters because Paris and her friends had taken over the rest of the hotel.

I wish I'd made all my Christmas cakes last month.

12-04-2006, 06:59 AM
Granted! They are made and all extremely stale.

I wish I could find the perfect, affordable gift for my husband.

12-04-2006, 07:16 AM
You wrap yourself in gift paper and wait for him under the tree. Your kids take a picture of the resulting antics, unbeknownst to you and now you have to give them presents every day of the year or they'll show the photos to the youth worker at their school.

I wish I was better at making up my mind and sticking to it when it comes to my writing.

12-04-2006, 07:28 AM
Granted. But you've decided to focus solely on writing about the merits of buttered toast.

I wish I still believed every word I write is golden - like when I was young and unencumbered by reality.

12-04-2006, 07:29 AM
Granted! You've made up your mind to revive Penthouse Forum and you stick to it until you've written the equivalent of 12 issues' worth.

I wish that they would not do an "Indiana Jones 4".

12-04-2006, 07:30 AM
DARN IT, too slow!

Okay, granted! You still DO believe everything you write is golden, even your junk. Thing is, you send your junk out to every agent and publisher, earning the reputation of being someone to avoid at all costs.

I still wish they would not do "Indiana Jones 4".

12-05-2006, 12:40 AM
Granted. They alter the script so they can change the title to 'Big Mama, Time Traveler'.

It is just...wrong...for so many reasons.

I wish Danny Di Vito and George Clooney hadn't gotten so drunk the other night.

12-05-2006, 12:43 AM
Granted. They really weren't drinking, they were getting into character for their next film. Together, they'll be: Guys who Love Dolls. It's a musical, sadly.

I wish I had fur-covered feet.

12-05-2006, 12:49 AM
Granted! You name is now 'Hildergarde Mufflebottom' and you are not only cute but you are as wide as you are tall and you make the best birch beer in Bywater.

I wish I could find a humorous erotic card for someone special.

12-05-2006, 05:09 AM
Granted, unfortunately it contains a picture of a 500 lb naked woman, and went blind upon viewing it.

I wish I was a benevolent facist dictator.

12-05-2006, 05:17 AM
Granted. And while you are watching this amazing spectacle- I will give you a free bucket of popcorn and a cold beer.

I wish my papers were all written and I had an A+ on all of them.

12-05-2006, 07:00 AM
Oooh, a double...am I up to it? (Probably not, but...)

"I wish I was a benevolent facist dictator."

Granted! Enjoy ruling CBLand, a 5 foot square block of land that is YOUR country, sir!

"I wish my papers were all written and I had an A+ on all of them."

Granted! Of course, those were all your papers from kindergarten...

I wish the world was fair.

12-05-2006, 08:03 AM
There you go again Jeanne. What is it with you and world domination?! But if you insist, granted. The world is fair. Unfortunately no one can decide what "fair" means. The economy goes hell. Governments collapse. Anarchy ensues.

I wish my kids would get along.

12-05-2006, 02:31 PM
Granted, but now they don't get along with you

I wish to not want anything

12-05-2006, 02:37 PM
Granted, Grasshopper. It's like a Zen koen. Now, "what it the sound of one hand clapping?"

I wish I didn't have to go to work this morning.

12-05-2006, 08:10 PM
Granted. Oh, wait, it's too late isn't it? You're already AT work ? Bummer. How's about you treat yourself to a nice round of grocery shopping later today? That's always fun :D

I wish I had a remote control that would operate my entire kitchen. And clean my house.

12-05-2006, 08:18 PM
Granted. The bad news is the software to run it is from Microsoft. To make toast: ctrl-alt-del, then select the radio button that best fits the browning desired, next select either one slice or two, next select when you want the toast to be made, now, we just have a few more steps, first, enter your username and password, good, now, select high heat or low, okay, now select your time zone, then enter your mother's maiden name (be sure caps locks is not on), then turn off the Toaster2003 options you don't need such as putting butter or jam on the toast automatically, then hit enter, okay, now confirm all those steps, then right click to bring up a picture that suppose to be a toaster but actually looks like a wall outlet, click it twice, now click okay, then check whether you want the toast to be browned on both sides, click once for no, twice for yes . . .

I wish Muse sees all of that.

12-05-2006, 09:41 PM

Now I wish my Toaster Vista didn't just get the latest virus! And look, my fridge ! I wish my fridge didn't have spyware.

12-05-2006, 09:46 PM
Granted. However, there seems to be a problem with the toaster. There's an error message that keeps popping up: "No bread in toaster" (even though there is) / Abort, Retry, Cancel? Microsoft suggests you get rid of all your appliances, reload the software, go buy more bread, and upgrade to the to ToasterKP software.

I wish I had more faith.

12-06-2006, 12:36 AM
Granted! You are now loaded with faith! In fact, you are SO filled with it, you believe that you can walk on water. Hope someone near you can swim or has a life preserver...

I wish to know, for sure, why it is that birds suddenly appear every time "you" are near.

12-06-2006, 01:38 AM
Granted. It's the birdseed hair gel I use :D

I wish Santa would bring me the Build-A-Man vs1.2 kit I keep asking for.

12-06-2006, 02:04 AM
Granted! It's all yours! Merry Christmas!

Unfortunately there have been some teething troubles. Once you get it up and running, instead of sweeping you off your feet and treating you like a queen, it sits around in its sweaty undies, drinking beer, farting, belching and hogging the TV remote. I believe the factory is about to recall that version. Sorry.

I wish I didn't have quite so much to do before Christmas.

12-06-2006, 02:53 AM
Granted! You now have nothing to do tomorrow...sadly, that's because someone stole your identity and you have no funds, no job, and no car.

I wish the birds would choose someone else's cars to poop on, not mine.

12-07-2006, 02:38 AM
Granted - it's being pooped on by elephants instead. Happy digging!

I wish I didn't keep walking into rooms and wondering what the hell I came in for.

12-07-2006, 02:40 AM
Granted. Here's your wheelchair, you're about to need it.

I wish I didn't share a wall with neighbors.