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ChloeRose
08-24-2019, 05:16 PM
Granted...in the form of this Genie making amends. Per your request and followed up motion, Moose farts will now smell like the flowers they lazily munch on in the picturesque pines of Maine. Moose will not even be awares off said gas passes, however they will hear it. As will all the forest and surrounding towns. Flowers, mixing with the peculiar digestive juices of the Mooses innards, now result in a sound akin to a projected bullhorn ringing the (in)glorious sounds of nature (hard) at work. The birds will all be scared witless and find more pleasant roosting homes, but a delightful floral scent will be detected throughout the entire neighboring country of Canada. (You're welcome?)

I wish my dog could make coffee.

Azdaphel
08-27-2019, 11:29 AM
Granted. Now your dog is a jack-of-all-trades. He could do whatever you want him to do... if only he had hands instead of paws. At least he can speak human language.

I wish the dog of ChloeRose becomes a monkey.

ChloeRose
09-03-2019, 05:39 PM
Granted. A monkey did show up on my doorstep after logging in to compose bits of poetry he'd penned while going about his other monkey-type stuff. He scoffed at my requests as he thought coffee-making below his stature as favored zoo monkey Poet Laureate and didn't like the brand I buy. Off he went after some screeching and scratching implying that a wish involving his participation be more appropriate to his capacities and talents.

I wish that a monkey could write a book of poetry and find a willing publisher....

CDSinex
09-04-2019, 01:12 AM
Granted: But as fate would have it, that monkey is the proverbial one-in-an-infinite-number of monkeys and it proceeds to hammer out all of the poems written by Shakespeare. Your publisher is not impressed, but you do get booked on a late-night TV segment of stupid pet tricks.

I wish fall weather would get here.

Nymtoc
09-04-2019, 01:56 AM
Granted. Fall weather will get here - eventually.

I wish the commercials I hate would all disappear from TV.

ChloeRose
09-04-2019, 06:43 AM
Granted. Those commercials of disdain have been removed from your television programming. However to make up for lost revenue they become pop-up adds on your laptop, billboards seen continuously on your commute, and added to all radio stations within earshot.

I wish I had a one-person individual helicopter, otherwise known as "The Mosquito"...

Nymtoc
09-04-2019, 09:55 AM
Granted. You have a one-person individual helicopter known as "the Mosquito." Unfortunately, you don't know how to fly it, and when you take it aloft, it sputters and goes into a spiral and...(the Genie hopes you have good medical coverage).

I wish the dog I had when I was five years old would come back to life.

Azdaphel
09-04-2019, 11:48 AM
Granted. He returns as the ghostly black dog from the British folklore. He will haunt your backyard at night and howl continuously from dusk till dawn. Any one who complains about it will disappear without a trace. Soon, even your own family avoid your home. People around town says you are cursed.

I wish I meet a ghost.

PorterStarrByrd
09-05-2019, 10:22 PM
Denied. I'm sending Nymtoc instead. He is much scarier.

I wish my lawnmower was in a little better shape.

ChloeRose
09-06-2019, 07:15 AM
Granted. It's now been fixed and is in excellent condition, so good in fact that it got stolen from your garage before you had a chance to use it. Next time ask for a goat. Much more environmentally friendly and less likely to get nicked.

I wish my printer wouldn't keep running out of ink.

Nymtoc
09-06-2019, 08:07 AM
Granted. A permanent ink flow has been installed. It runs constantly, and if you don't use the printer for at least five minutes an hour, it has been known to leak a bit. But that won't bother you, will it? :e2drown:

I wish my kinkajou wouldn't act so kinky.

ChloeRose
09-08-2019, 12:09 AM
Granted. Your kinkajou's days of kinkiness have long set behind the mountains as all of those youthful carefree days of pleasure eventually do. Now, without romantic aspirations, his only interest is watching game shows, napping on your sofa, and screeching at you when it's time for lunch, as they are wont to do.

I wish my dog could sing Opera to my neighbor everytime he's on his patio.

Kinsman
09-10-2019, 07:43 AM
Granted. Your dog only knows one song, however; and the Tourette's Syndrome that plagues it while singing has a ruinous effect on both the song and your relationship with your neighbors... all of them.

I wish the fruit trees in my orchard would grow faster.

Azdaphel
09-10-2019, 11:42 AM
Granted. Now you have Yggdrasil and Ragnarok is on the way.

I wish to meet ChloeRose.

PorterStarrByrd
09-11-2019, 02:54 AM
Denied .. the genie does not traffic granting dangerous wishes.

I wish I had a goat

Azdaphel
09-11-2019, 11:51 AM
Granted. You had it. It disappeared. Isn't the smell of cooked goat coming from your neighbor's house? The one you si actually having a party.

I wish everyone who buy a lottery ticket have a winning ticket (and let chaos begin).

PorterStarrByrd
09-11-2019, 05:24 PM
Granted: Get in line to collect the $2.36 you won with your $2.00 lottery ticket ... shouldn't take more than an hour or so (what is minimim wage now?)

I wish I had another goat

ChloeRose
09-12-2019, 01:12 AM
Granted. The Genie appreciates your chivalry regarding prior wishes (although I'm not that interesting of a subject matter, believe it or not). Regardless, you shall have Goat Numero Doce. A baby goat no less. So, clear a spot in your living for his bed as he'll need your constant attention, fed at least four times a day, and you'll know when by his resounding calls for assistance. Stock up on goat milk formula. And a mop.

I wish I could ski.

PorterStarrByrd
09-12-2019, 04:30 AM
Granted ... you can now water ski, though it is getting a bit late in the season. By the way, I have an anchor you can deliver to the marina accross the way.

I wish I had a couple more goats.

Nymtoc
09-12-2019, 09:49 PM
Granted. But one of the goats has a broken leg, and the other shows signs of rabies.

I wish I had the magic touch.

PorterStarrByrd
09-13-2019, 03:15 AM
DENIED!!!! Shame on you !!!!

I wish I had four more goats

Nymtoc
09-13-2019, 11:02 AM
Granted. They are about three inches tall and were made of modeling clay by some kid in kindergarten. (At least I think they are goats--they might be rats.)

I still wish I had the magic touch.

Azdaphel
09-13-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. You have the magic touch of Midas and all the problems that come with it.

I wish to have a tea party with the mad hatter and the hare.

ChloeRose
09-13-2019, 10:27 PM
Granted. There happens to be an off-broadway production of Alice in Wonderland very close by. The Mad Hatter and the Hare would be happy to have tea with you...as long as it's spiked and you're willing to listen to their complaints regarding how unfair it is that they never made it to the bigtime. Don't be late.

I wish I had a 100-year old turtle.

PorterStarrByrd
09-14-2019, 04:24 AM
Granted ... he has been dead for about 40 of them so time has not been kind to him since that incident with the Mack truck.

I wish I had eight goats

Azdaphel
09-14-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. Each one is a different color: a red goat, an orange goat, a yellow goat... every color of the rainbow. You can't see the eighth one though, unless you are a wizard from this strange flat, circular world sitting atop four elephants travelling through space on the shell of great A'Tuin.

I wish for honest politicians.

ChloeRose
09-14-2019, 07:26 PM
Granted. There are honest politicians. Lots of them, but more often than not they lose elections.

I wish the live 100-year-old turtle I really wanted had a harem of goat friends to hang out with...that would be cool.

Azdaphel
09-15-2019, 01:15 PM
Granted. But you didn't ask to finally have this turtle. But don't worry, there is only one place where you can find it: the Galapagos. Now you know what you must do.

I wish for a good crossover between Sailor moon and Saint Seiya.

ChloeRose
09-20-2019, 05:35 AM
Oh, Azdaphel, you're making me do work for my wish...hardly seems fair.

Granted. As a special designated for super fans, with such as yourself in mind, this crossover made it's extraordinary debut, only but the once. Unfortunately, this person such as yourself that the creators had in mind will have been someone else since you fell asleep for waiting so long. The End.

I wish I had an array of practical jokes that worked and were available to me at any time.

Azdaphel
09-21-2019, 01:45 AM
I'll smite thee with unholy power and send thee to hell!

Granted. Your jokes are so good everyone wants to hear them. Everyone! People you don't know come to you, invite you or call you. You are buggered all day and night. You no longer have time for you, your friends or your family. Your life has become hell. You shouldn't have ruined my greatest dream.

I wish for inspiration.

Norman Mjadwesch
09-24-2019, 08:34 AM
Granted. Here is a two year subscription to Playboy magazine.

I wish to not meet the recipient of the aforementioned subscription unless I know that hands have been washed.

Azdaphel
09-25-2019, 03:10 PM
Granted. And since I always wash my hand properly, I have come to you with hell following in my wake... (can I add a cliché evil laugh? can I?).

I wish Norman Mjadwesch looks like is avatar.

ChloeRose
10-01-2019, 05:53 PM
Granted. With N.M,'s salt and pepper dark black hair, rad bod, and warm, soft, pleasing brown eyes, he's now found much better ways to spend his time than responding to this thread...and who could blame him.

I wish I had Napoleon's horse (alive and in good health).

Nymtoc
10-01-2019, 06:21 PM
Granted. But Nap's horse responds only to Nap (who is long dead), and whenever someone else tries to ride him, he rears up and gallops across the countryside at incredible speed, throws the rider and......can you still hear me, ChloeRose?

I wish I had a pumpkin pie.

ChloeRose
10-03-2019, 09:05 PM
Granted Nymtoc....I think, whatever it was you said. I was a little busy when you'd said it.

You'd wished that you had a pumpkin pie?....had being the optimal word? You did have a pumpkin pie, momentarily, but being as skittish as Nap's horse was after that Waterloo incident (shhhh...he doesn't like to talk about it) he engaged in some emotionally eating. Nap's Nabbed your Pie before you even got a slice. He indicated that it was the best pumpkin pie he'd ever had.

I wish that everyone wore vintage hats like the ones seen in the old black and white films of the 1940's-1950's.

Azdaphel
10-04-2019, 11:41 AM
Granted. And since it would feel silly with today's fashion, I'm sending you back in the 1940's... In France... During World War II. Enjoy the occupation, the denunciations and the collaboration (Petain and Hitler were really good friends).

I wish someone goes back in time and kills Hitler during 1930's. (Who knows what could happen if we change history. Better or worse things?)

ChloeRose
10-16-2019, 05:33 PM
...alas, to change the course of history, much as we may wish it to be so, is not within our powers or prayers.

ChloeRose
10-16-2019, 05:35 PM
I wish I could turn on the radio, tv or read the news today with only good news waiting to be found.

Nymtoc
10-16-2019, 06:17 PM
Granted. Here is a ticket to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Stay there as long as you want.

I wish I had a pet walrus.

NathanLyle
10-17-2019, 07:48 PM
granted. You have a pet walrus that spends months destroying your house and wasting thousands of dollars on food only to be taken away by the government because it's illegal to have a pet walrus.



I wish that prop comedy was cool again.

PointlessAlibi
10-19-2019, 06:58 PM
Granted but the props end up being your grandmas property.

I wish my books would write themselves with the ideas I have.

Nymtoc
10-19-2019, 09:25 PM
Granted. But you have many ideas, and your books take only the most obvious, simplistic and derivative and turn them into huge volumes that nobody wants to read.

I wish I could be in excellent physical shape without ever having to work out.

CDSinex
10-20-2019, 09:38 PM
Granted: You become really buff with little to no effort. Sadly, a random drug test at work reveals the presence of massive amounts of anabolic steroids which is a violation of company policy, and you are summarily fired.

I wish I had something better to do.

Azdaphel
10-21-2019, 12:36 PM
No need to grant that, you already have. However, you could wish to know what better things to do you have.

I wish to become a real writer and have a good salary.

PointlessAlibi
10-21-2019, 08:33 PM
Granted but the stories that gives you success is a 2 part series giving you fortune and a salary for 3 years.

I wish I could lose weight without watching what I eat

ChloeRose
10-24-2019, 04:06 AM
Granted. I've made it easy. Your cupboards are now empty of anything tasty or pleasurable. Look all you want for you'll find nothing but "rabbit food". Thanks for the cookies by the way. Magnifique.

I wish my college-student son would respond to my texts....and not just to ask me to buy stuff that he needs.

Enlightened
10-26-2019, 07:50 AM
Granted, but he does them verbally and to himself.

I wish the economy was far healthier than it really is.

JohnLine
10-26-2019, 12:36 PM
Granted, but say hello to your new robot overlords.

I wish you a very happy birthday!

Azdaphel
10-27-2019, 01:30 PM
Granted. We have you as the main course and you taste really good. Don't try to checkmate an evil genie.

I wish Donald Trump becomes... hum, honest? No, that may be to much to ask. Smarter? Maybe not possible for him. More clever? Perhaps that's not a good way to put it. Oh, well! I wish for something to happen and make Donald Trump a better person. But I don't even know if it is possible.

JohnLine
10-27-2019, 02:24 PM
Granted. A freak transporter accident splits Donald Trump into two beings: Good Trump and Bad Trump.
Good Trump confesses to his crimes and is executed, clearing Bad Trump of any wrong doing.
On Janurary 20th of 2020, after he is sworn in for his second term, the supreme court rules that Bad Trump is a new person and therefore eligible to run for two more terms.

I wish I could find my remote.

Nymtoc
10-27-2019, 04:06 PM
Granted. It's in the pocket of the jacket you gave to the Salvation Army.

I wish I had the goose that lays golden eggs.

ChloeRose
10-28-2019, 12:11 AM
Granted. Problem is that old adage "you are what you eat", so your newfound prize feeds on golden goose pellets. Which you won't be able to locate at your neighborhood PetSmart, unfortunately.

I wish that I had a large chocolate malt milkshake.

K Robert Donovan
10-28-2019, 11:53 PM
Granted - problem is the soda jerk misread the instructions and put in malt liquor resulting in a public intoxication arrest.

I wish I could lose 120 pounds.

Nymtoc
10-29-2019, 12:08 AM
Granted. You made a bad bet at Ascot and lost £120.

I wish I could go back and correct all the mistakes I've made in my life.

K Robert Donovan
10-29-2019, 12:59 AM
Granted - all past mistakes are corrected resulting in a whole slew of new ones to ruminate.

I wish I had a talent for drawing art.

JohnLine
10-29-2019, 11:17 AM
Granted. you can draw exact duplicates of any artwork anyone else has ever done.

I wish I had all the pants.

Enlightened
10-29-2019, 10:58 PM
Granted, as long as plotters aren't in the mix.

I wish upon a star.

K Robert Donovan
10-30-2019, 03:13 AM
Granted: you disintegrate upon approach

I wish for year round 70 degree breezy weather

Enlightened
10-30-2019, 04:29 AM
Granted, on Pluto.

I wish for as many wishes as I want and none of them bad.

K Robert Donovan
10-30-2019, 04:40 AM
I fish for as many dishes as I want and none of them sad.

Granted - the radio receiver was a little staticky but we did the best we could - We gave you the full designer set of dishes from Dolores Umbridge's Kitten Plate collection. Those should cheer you up.

I wish someone would do my yard work for me year round.

Azdaphel
10-30-2019, 02:22 PM
Granted, and they do it for free. Oh, don't worry about the holes they are digging. It's for fertilizers.

I wish someone enlighten Enlightened.

Enlightened
10-30-2019, 07:42 PM
Not Granted, he already is.

I wish I didn't have to shovel the last few days, each day, but no dice.

K Robert Donovan
10-30-2019, 09:20 PM
Granted - we've given you a pitch fork to use to clear that Colorado snow instead.

I wish I could retire early and comfortably.

Azdaphel
10-31-2019, 02:05 PM
Granted. You are dead, lying in a cozy coffin, and paradise is a far better place than what people described.

I wish to be enlightened.

JohnLine
10-31-2019, 03:14 PM
Granted. You become omniscient and know literally everything, which includes a full understanding of the eleven herbs and spices used by Colonel Sanders in his chicken. It drives you to madness.

I wish someone would make me a sandwich.

ChloeRose
10-31-2019, 04:58 PM
Granted. I will be happy to make you a sandwich with what you have around the house. I believe I see frozen corn, pasta sauce, and some tuna for protein. White or wheat?

I wish my phone took better pictures.

K Robert Donovan
11-01-2019, 04:16 PM
Granted - your phone is stolen but the insurance you took out on it allows your to upgrade with a more current model. Problem is, with the theft you lost all your contacts, passwords, and any other valuable content.

I wish it was Christmas time already.

Enlightened
11-02-2019, 09:03 PM
Granted, but it already is (well, at least mall store workers think it is).

I wish Halloween lasted longer each year.

Azdaphel
11-03-2019, 04:54 PM
Granted. The spirits of the deceased are angry and it takes a full week to appease them. Human sacrifices are in order, and we thank you for volunteering. Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. Not for long at least.

I wish Christmas begins only when it is suppose to begin.

ChloeRose
11-03-2019, 11:33 PM
Granted. Christmas began around 2019 years ago, lasted about 33 years (give or take), and the only gifts: gold, frankincense and myrrh. Good luck finding those at your local post-Thanksgiving sales.

I wish I had a van down by the river.

Enlightened
11-08-2019, 04:36 AM
Granted. Feel free to take Azaphael's warped mind far away into his own wishes for himself.

I wish there was another letter in the word wish.

Azdaphel
11-08-2019, 05:27 PM
Granted. There was. But this knowledge has been forgotten in time and is now only the stuff of tales and legends old men tell during cold night, in the mystical ambiance of a warm fire.

I wish for Enlightened to be imprisoned in a dark and forgotten place from where no one ever escape.

ChloeRose
11-09-2019, 12:24 AM
Granted, but karma in it's infinite wisdom has relegated the both of you into the same unfortunate position together until positive forces betwixt the two create an escape hatch since imprisonment exists largely as a state of mind and our fellowship with the rest of mankind.

I wish Enlighted and my friend Azdaphel could grant wishes in the spirit with which the they are intended to be granted...with affectionate sarcasm.

K Robert Donovan
11-09-2019, 04:09 AM
Granted, both Enlightened and Azdephel find a moment of peace, realizing they both came to AW with the common interest and love of writing.

I wish time wouldn't speed up so much the more I age.

Nymtoc
11-09-2019, 12:27 PM
Granted. The Genie has arranged for you to be blasted into space. Time will slow down for you increasingly as you approach the speed of light. Good luck trying to come back to Earth.

I wish Enlightened would be sent to the moon, so that he can shine his light on the moon's unseen dark side.

Azdaphel
11-09-2019, 12:54 PM
Granted. He restores the Silver Millennium Kingdom and must wear white dresses. But now it is always full moon. By the way, you are sent as his Councillor and must wear short skirts.

I wish every things related to a certain rule of internet disappear completely.

Nymtoc
11-10-2019, 11:02 AM
Granted. But since you did not specify which internet rule you are referring to, all internet rules have been suspended--that is, for people who approach or even mention you. You will now be overwhelmed with scorn, filth, rudeness and profanity wherever you go.

I wish this forum had a jail.

Azdaphel
11-10-2019, 04:07 PM
Granted. And the jailer is a total sadist. But don't worry, he is also a gentleman and opens his cells for everyone who needs a place to stay. Don't mind the whip he is always holding.

I wish everything related to internet rule 34 disappears. (I didn't want to specify, but you forced my hand.)

K Robert Donovan
11-16-2019, 12:00 AM
Granted - your computer screen fluctuates like a constant strobe light inducing severe vertigo every twelfth heartbeat.

I wish someone else would rake the leave in my yard.

ChloeRose
11-18-2019, 05:53 AM
Granted. The leaves are now raked up into in giant, lumpy, wet pile on your doorstep. Obviously some specificity may have been in order.

I wish someone would fill up my bird feeder with the bird seed I bought and hang it up in the tree.

K Robert Donovan
11-18-2019, 06:34 AM
Granted: Problem is the squirrels rule your corner of the forest and take turns hanging upside down to feed on the seeds (True story - we used watch from our kitchen table as the squirels leapt branch to branch like acrobats and hung upside down to feed from our birdfeeder.)

I wish I had the money to fly west for Thanksgiving rather than have to drive 26 hours non-stop. (though we are looking forward to seeing family)