View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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08-24-2019, 05:16 PM
Granted...in the form of this Genie making amends. Per your request and followed up motion, Moose farts will now smell like the flowers they lazily munch on in the picturesque pines of Maine. Moose will not even be awares off said gas passes, however they will hear it. As will all the forest and surrounding towns. Flowers, mixing with the peculiar digestive juices of the Mooses innards, now result in a sound akin to a projected bullhorn ringing the (in)glorious sounds of nature (hard) at work. The birds will all be scared witless and find more pleasant roosting homes, but a delightful floral scent will be detected throughout the entire neighboring country of Canada. (You're welcome?)

I wish my dog could make coffee.

08-27-2019, 11:29 AM
Granted. Now your dog is a jack-of-all-trades. He could do whatever you want him to do... if only he had hands instead of paws. At least he can speak human language.

I wish the dog of ChloeRose becomes a monkey.

09-03-2019, 05:39 PM
Granted. A monkey did show up on my doorstep after logging in to compose bits of poetry he'd penned while going about his other monkey-type stuff. He scoffed at my requests as he thought coffee-making below his stature as favored zoo monkey Poet Laureate and didn't like the brand I buy. Off he went after some screeching and scratching implying that a wish involving his participation be more appropriate to his capacities and talents.

I wish that a monkey could write a book of poetry and find a willing publisher....

09-04-2019, 01:12 AM
Granted: But as fate would have it, that monkey is the proverbial one-in-an-infinite-number of monkeys and it proceeds to hammer out all of the poems written by Shakespeare. Your publisher is not impressed, but you do get booked on a late-night TV segment of stupid pet tricks.

I wish fall weather would get here.

09-04-2019, 01:56 AM
Granted. Fall weather will get here - eventually.

I wish the commercials I hate would all disappear from TV.

09-04-2019, 06:43 AM
Granted. Those commercials of disdain have been removed from your television programming. However to make up for lost revenue they become pop-up adds on your laptop, billboards seen continuously on your commute, and added to all radio stations within earshot.

I wish I had a one-person individual helicopter, otherwise known as "The Mosquito"...

09-04-2019, 09:55 AM
Granted. You have a one-person individual helicopter known as "the Mosquito." Unfortunately, you don't know how to fly it, and when you take it aloft, it sputters and goes into a spiral and...(the Genie hopes you have good medical coverage).

I wish the dog I had when I was five years old would come back to life.

09-04-2019, 11:48 AM
Granted. He returns as the ghostly black dog from the British folklore. He will haunt your backyard at night and howl continuously from dusk till dawn. Any one who complains about it will disappear without a trace. Soon, even your own family avoid your home. People around town says you are cursed.

I wish I meet a ghost.

09-05-2019, 10:22 PM
Denied. I'm sending Nymtoc instead. He is much scarier.

I wish my lawnmower was in a little better shape.

09-06-2019, 07:15 AM
Granted. It's now been fixed and is in excellent condition, so good in fact that it got stolen from your garage before you had a chance to use it. Next time ask for a goat. Much more environmentally friendly and less likely to get nicked.

I wish my printer wouldn't keep running out of ink.

09-06-2019, 08:07 AM
Granted. A permanent ink flow has been installed. It runs constantly, and if you don't use the printer for at least five minutes an hour, it has been known to leak a bit. But that won't bother you, will it? :e2drown:

I wish my kinkajou wouldn't act so kinky.

09-08-2019, 12:09 AM
Granted. Your kinkajou's days of kinkiness have long set behind the mountains as all of those youthful carefree days of pleasure eventually do. Now, without romantic aspirations, his only interest is watching game shows, napping on your sofa, and screeching at you when it's time for lunch, as they are wont to do.

I wish my dog could sing Opera to my neighbor everytime he's on his patio.

09-10-2019, 07:43 AM
Granted. Your dog only knows one song, however; and the Tourette's Syndrome that plagues it while singing has a ruinous effect on both the song and your relationship with your neighbors... all of them.

I wish the fruit trees in my orchard would grow faster.

09-10-2019, 11:42 AM
Granted. Now you have Yggdrasil and Ragnarok is on the way.

I wish to meet ChloeRose.

09-11-2019, 02:54 AM
Denied .. the genie does not traffic granting dangerous wishes.

I wish I had a goat

09-11-2019, 11:51 AM
Granted. You had it. It disappeared. Isn't the smell of cooked goat coming from your neighbor's house? The one you si actually having a party.

I wish everyone who buy a lottery ticket have a winning ticket (and let chaos begin).

09-11-2019, 05:24 PM
Granted: Get in line to collect the $2.36 you won with your $2.00 lottery ticket ... shouldn't take more than an hour or so (what is minimim wage now?)

I wish I had another goat

09-12-2019, 01:12 AM
Granted. The Genie appreciates your chivalry regarding prior wishes (although I'm not that interesting of a subject matter, believe it or not). Regardless, you shall have Goat Numero Doce. A baby goat no less. So, clear a spot in your living for his bed as he'll need your constant attention, fed at least four times a day, and you'll know when by his resounding calls for assistance. Stock up on goat milk formula. And a mop.

I wish I could ski.

09-12-2019, 04:30 AM
Granted ... you can now water ski, though it is getting a bit late in the season. By the way, I have an anchor you can deliver to the marina accross the way.

I wish I had a couple more goats.

09-12-2019, 09:49 PM
Granted. But one of the goats has a broken leg, and the other shows signs of rabies.

I wish I had the magic touch.

09-13-2019, 03:15 AM
DENIED!!!! Shame on you !!!!

I wish I had four more goats

09-13-2019, 11:02 AM
Granted. They are about three inches tall and were made of modeling clay by some kid in kindergarten. (At least I think they are goats--they might be rats.)

I still wish I had the magic touch.

09-13-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. You have the magic touch of Midas and all the problems that come with it.

I wish to have a tea party with the mad hatter and the hare.

09-13-2019, 10:27 PM
Granted. There happens to be an off-broadway production of Alice in Wonderland very close by. The Mad Hatter and the Hare would be happy to have tea with you...as long as it's spiked and you're willing to listen to their complaints regarding how unfair it is that they never made it to the bigtime. Don't be late.

I wish I had a 100-year old turtle.

09-14-2019, 04:24 AM
Granted ... he has been dead for about 40 of them so time has not been kind to him since that incident with the Mack truck.

I wish I had eight goats

09-14-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. Each one is a different color: a red goat, an orange goat, a yellow goat... every color of the rainbow. You can't see the eighth one though, unless you are a wizard from this strange flat, circular world sitting atop four elephants travelling through space on the shell of great A'Tuin.

I wish for honest politicians.

09-14-2019, 07:26 PM
Granted. There are honest politicians. Lots of them, but more often than not they lose elections.

I wish the live 100-year-old turtle I really wanted had a harem of goat friends to hang out with...that would be cool.

09-15-2019, 01:15 PM
Granted. But you didn't ask to finally have this turtle. But don't worry, there is only one place where you can find it: the Galapagos. Now you know what you must do.

I wish for a good crossover between Sailor moon and Saint Seiya.

09-20-2019, 05:35 AM
Oh, Azdaphel, you're making me do work for my wish...hardly seems fair.

Granted. As a special designated for super fans, with such as yourself in mind, this crossover made it's extraordinary debut, only but the once. Unfortunately, this person such as yourself that the creators had in mind will have been someone else since you fell asleep for waiting so long. The End.

I wish I had an array of practical jokes that worked and were available to me at any time.

09-21-2019, 01:45 AM
I'll smite thee with unholy power and send thee to hell!

Granted. Your jokes are so good everyone wants to hear them. Everyone! People you don't know come to you, invite you or call you. You are buggered all day and night. You no longer have time for you, your friends or your family. Your life has become hell. You shouldn't have ruined my greatest dream.

I wish for inspiration.

Norman Mjadwesch
09-24-2019, 08:34 AM
Granted. Here is a two year subscription to Playboy magazine.

I wish to not meet the recipient of the aforementioned subscription unless I know that hands have been washed.

09-25-2019, 03:10 PM
Granted. And since I always wash my hand properly, I have come to you with hell following in my wake... (can I add a cliché evil laugh? can I?).

I wish Norman Mjadwesch looks like is avatar.

10-01-2019, 05:53 PM
Granted. With N.M,'s salt and pepper dark black hair, rad bod, and warm, soft, pleasing brown eyes, he's now found much better ways to spend his time than responding to this thread...and who could blame him.

I wish I had Napoleon's horse (alive and in good health).

10-01-2019, 06:21 PM
Granted. But Nap's horse responds only to Nap (who is long dead), and whenever someone else tries to ride him, he rears up and gallops across the countryside at incredible speed, throws the rider and......can you still hear me, ChloeRose?

I wish I had a pumpkin pie.

10-03-2019, 09:05 PM
Granted Nymtoc....I think, whatever it was you said. I was a little busy when you'd said it.

You'd wished that you had a pumpkin pie?....had being the optimal word? You did have a pumpkin pie, momentarily, but being as skittish as Nap's horse was after that Waterloo incident (shhhh...he doesn't like to talk about it) he engaged in some emotionally eating. Nap's Nabbed your Pie before you even got a slice. He indicated that it was the best pumpkin pie he'd ever had.

I wish that everyone wore vintage hats like the ones seen in the old black and white films of the 1940's-1950's.

10-04-2019, 11:41 AM
Granted. And since it would feel silly with today's fashion, I'm sending you back in the 1940's... In France... During World War II. Enjoy the occupation, the denunciations and the collaboration (Petain and Hitler were really good friends).

I wish someone goes back in time and kills Hitler during 1930's. (Who knows what could happen if we change history. Better or worse things?)

10-16-2019, 05:33 PM
...alas, to change the course of history, much as we may wish it to be so, is not within our powers or prayers.

10-16-2019, 05:35 PM
I wish I could turn on the radio, tv or read the news today with only good news waiting to be found.

10-16-2019, 06:17 PM
Granted. Here is a ticket to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Stay there as long as you want.

I wish I had a pet walrus.

10-17-2019, 07:48 PM
granted. You have a pet walrus that spends months destroying your house and wasting thousands of dollars on food only to be taken away by the government because it's illegal to have a pet walrus.

I wish that prop comedy was cool again.

10-19-2019, 06:58 PM
Granted but the props end up being your grandmas property.

I wish my books would write themselves with the ideas I have.

10-19-2019, 09:25 PM
Granted. But you have many ideas, and your books take only the most obvious, simplistic and derivative and turn them into huge volumes that nobody wants to read.

I wish I could be in excellent physical shape without ever having to work out.

10-20-2019, 09:38 PM
Granted: You become really buff with little to no effort. Sadly, a random drug test at work reveals the presence of massive amounts of anabolic steroids which is a violation of company policy, and you are summarily fired.

I wish I had something better to do.

10-21-2019, 12:36 PM
No need to grant that, you already have. However, you could wish to know what better things to do you have.

I wish to become a real writer and have a good salary.

10-21-2019, 08:33 PM
Granted but the stories that gives you success is a 2 part series giving you fortune and a salary for 3 years.

I wish I could lose weight without watching what I eat

10-24-2019, 04:06 AM
Granted. I've made it easy. Your cupboards are now empty of anything tasty or pleasurable. Look all you want for you'll find nothing but "rabbit food". Thanks for the cookies by the way. Magnifique.

I wish my college-student son would respond to my texts....and not just to ask me to buy stuff that he needs.

10-26-2019, 07:50 AM
Granted, but he does them verbally and to himself.

I wish the economy was far healthier than it really is.

10-26-2019, 12:36 PM
Granted, but say hello to your new robot overlords.

I wish you a very happy birthday!

10-27-2019, 01:30 PM
Granted. We have you as the main course and you taste really good. Don't try to checkmate an evil genie.

I wish Donald Trump becomes... hum, honest? No, that may be to much to ask. Smarter? Maybe not possible for him. More clever? Perhaps that's not a good way to put it. Oh, well! I wish for something to happen and make Donald Trump a better person. But I don't even know if it is possible.

10-27-2019, 02:24 PM
Granted. A freak transporter accident splits Donald Trump into two beings: Good Trump and Bad Trump.
Good Trump confesses to his crimes and is executed, clearing Bad Trump of any wrong doing.
On Janurary 20th of 2020, after he is sworn in for his second term, the supreme court rules that Bad Trump is a new person and therefore eligible to run for two more terms.

I wish I could find my remote.

10-27-2019, 04:06 PM
Granted. It's in the pocket of the jacket you gave to the Salvation Army.

I wish I had the goose that lays golden eggs.

10-28-2019, 12:11 AM
Granted. Problem is that old adage "you are what you eat", so your newfound prize feeds on golden goose pellets. Which you won't be able to locate at your neighborhood PetSmart, unfortunately.

I wish that I had a large chocolate malt milkshake.

K Robert Donovan
10-28-2019, 11:53 PM
Granted - problem is the soda jerk misread the instructions and put in malt liquor resulting in a public intoxication arrest.

I wish I could lose 120 pounds.

10-29-2019, 12:08 AM
Granted. You made a bad bet at Ascot and lost £120.

I wish I could go back and correct all the mistakes I've made in my life.

K Robert Donovan
10-29-2019, 12:59 AM
Granted - all past mistakes are corrected resulting in a whole slew of new ones to ruminate.

I wish I had a talent for drawing art.

10-29-2019, 11:17 AM
Granted. you can draw exact duplicates of any artwork anyone else has ever done.

I wish I had all the pants.

10-29-2019, 10:58 PM
Granted, as long as plotters aren't in the mix.

I wish upon a star.

K Robert Donovan
10-30-2019, 03:13 AM
Granted: you disintegrate upon approach

I wish for year round 70 degree breezy weather

10-30-2019, 04:29 AM
Granted, on Pluto.

I wish for as many wishes as I want and none of them bad.

K Robert Donovan
10-30-2019, 04:40 AM
I fish for as many dishes as I want and none of them sad.

Granted - the radio receiver was a little staticky but we did the best we could - We gave you the full designer set of dishes from Dolores Umbridge's Kitten Plate collection. Those should cheer you up.

I wish someone would do my yard work for me year round.

10-30-2019, 02:22 PM
Granted, and they do it for free. Oh, don't worry about the holes they are digging. It's for fertilizers.

I wish someone enlighten Enlightened.

10-30-2019, 07:42 PM
Not Granted, he already is.

I wish I didn't have to shovel the last few days, each day, but no dice.

K Robert Donovan
10-30-2019, 09:20 PM
Granted - we've given you a pitch fork to use to clear that Colorado snow instead.

I wish I could retire early and comfortably.

10-31-2019, 02:05 PM
Granted. You are dead, lying in a cozy coffin, and paradise is a far better place than what people described.

I wish to be enlightened.

10-31-2019, 03:14 PM
Granted. You become omniscient and know literally everything, which includes a full understanding of the eleven herbs and spices used by Colonel Sanders in his chicken. It drives you to madness.

I wish someone would make me a sandwich.

10-31-2019, 04:58 PM
Granted. I will be happy to make you a sandwich with what you have around the house. I believe I see frozen corn, pasta sauce, and some tuna for protein. White or wheat?

I wish my phone took better pictures.

K Robert Donovan
11-01-2019, 04:16 PM
Granted - your phone is stolen but the insurance you took out on it allows your to upgrade with a more current model. Problem is, with the theft you lost all your contacts, passwords, and any other valuable content.

I wish it was Christmas time already.

11-02-2019, 09:03 PM
Granted, but it already is (well, at least mall store workers think it is).

I wish Halloween lasted longer each year.

11-03-2019, 04:54 PM
Granted. The spirits of the deceased are angry and it takes a full week to appease them. Human sacrifices are in order, and we thank you for volunteering. Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. Not for long at least.

I wish Christmas begins only when it is suppose to begin.

11-03-2019, 11:33 PM
Granted. Christmas began around 2019 years ago, lasted about 33 years (give or take), and the only gifts: gold, frankincense and myrrh. Good luck finding those at your local post-Thanksgiving sales.

I wish I had a van down by the river.

11-08-2019, 04:36 AM
Granted. Feel free to take Azaphael's warped mind far away into his own wishes for himself.

I wish there was another letter in the word wish.

11-08-2019, 05:27 PM
Granted. There was. But this knowledge has been forgotten in time and is now only the stuff of tales and legends old men tell during cold night, in the mystical ambiance of a warm fire.

I wish for Enlightened to be imprisoned in a dark and forgotten place from where no one ever escape.

11-09-2019, 12:24 AM
Granted, but karma in it's infinite wisdom has relegated the both of you into the same unfortunate position together until positive forces betwixt the two create an escape hatch since imprisonment exists largely as a state of mind and our fellowship with the rest of mankind.

I wish Enlighted and my friend Azdaphel could grant wishes in the spirit with which the they are intended to be granted...with affectionate sarcasm.

K Robert Donovan
11-09-2019, 04:09 AM
Granted, both Enlightened and Azdephel find a moment of peace, realizing they both came to AW with the common interest and love of writing.

I wish time wouldn't speed up so much the more I age.

11-09-2019, 12:27 PM
Granted. The Genie has arranged for you to be blasted into space. Time will slow down for you increasingly as you approach the speed of light. Good luck trying to come back to Earth.

I wish Enlightened would be sent to the moon, so that he can shine his light on the moon's unseen dark side.

11-09-2019, 12:54 PM
Granted. He restores the Silver Millennium Kingdom and must wear white dresses. But now it is always full moon. By the way, you are sent as his Councillor and must wear short skirts.

I wish every things related to a certain rule of internet disappear completely.

11-10-2019, 11:02 AM
Granted. But since you did not specify which internet rule you are referring to, all internet rules have been suspended--that is, for people who approach or even mention you. You will now be overwhelmed with scorn, filth, rudeness and profanity wherever you go.

I wish this forum had a jail.

11-10-2019, 04:07 PM
Granted. And the jailer is a total sadist. But don't worry, he is also a gentleman and opens his cells for everyone who needs a place to stay. Don't mind the whip he is always holding.

I wish everything related to internet rule 34 disappears. (I didn't want to specify, but you forced my hand.)

K Robert Donovan
11-16-2019, 12:00 AM
Granted - your computer screen fluctuates like a constant strobe light inducing severe vertigo every twelfth heartbeat.

I wish someone else would rake the leave in my yard.

11-18-2019, 05:53 AM
Granted. The leaves are now raked up into in giant, lumpy, wet pile on your doorstep. Obviously some specificity may have been in order.

I wish someone would fill up my bird feeder with the bird seed I bought and hang it up in the tree.

K Robert Donovan
11-18-2019, 06:34 AM
Granted: Problem is the squirrels rule your corner of the forest and take turns hanging upside down to feed on the seeds (True story - we used watch from our kitchen table as the squirels leapt branch to branch like acrobats and hung upside down to feed from our birdfeeder.)

I wish I had the money to fly west for Thanksgiving rather than have to drive 26 hours non-stop. (though we are looking forward to seeing family)

11-20-2019, 11:33 PM
Granted. And since I feel generous, three times the money you need has just been deposed on your bank account. In case there is no airplane for your destination, you will have plenty of money for something else... Oups! It seems there is no airplane bound to your destination.

I wish to be epic.

11-21-2019, 02:11 AM
Granted. Unfortunately "Epic" nowadays refers to an "Epic Fail". However, the Wish Genie is feeling magnanimous and so will let you decide in what arena of life you wish to be an Epic Fail; Career, relationship or financial?

I wish we got better looking as we aged instead of the other way around.

Jack McManus
11-21-2019, 07:02 AM
The Genie's got you on this one, kiddo. As you know, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And today's eyes see you through those of a dung beetle. Roll on!

I wish my ball of dung would quit rolling into the ditch.

11-23-2019, 04:01 PM
Granted. It's glued on the floor.

I wish, whenever I enter a room, the theme of Dark Vador plays.

11-23-2019, 04:32 PM
Granted! A really off-key version of "The Imperial March" plays whenever you make your Darth Vader entrance into a room. Everyone within typically becomes very physically hostile to your presence as soon as it starts.

I wish I had cat-ears and a cat-tail.

11-23-2019, 06:11 PM
Granted. You are a cat. :e2cat: (The Genie has truly magical powers.) However, you can no longer read, write or speak.

I wish I could speak every language on the planet.

11-24-2019, 01:19 PM
Granted. As you know and understand every language on the planet, you could speak them... if only you weren't a cat.

I wish for a pudding.

11-25-2019, 11:44 PM
Granted. Since you'd not specified sweet or savory, nor regional specialty, you'll be trying something likely unfamiliar. Livermush. Considered a "pudding" in the South it is comprised of pig liver, head parts, and cornmeal. Bon appetit.

I wish I had a sous chef to assist in making Thanksgiving dinner.

K Robert Donovan
11-25-2019, 11:51 PM
Granted, Wolfgang Puck arrives to assist your every need. Problem is, word leaks out of his pending arrival and over 100 uninvited guests show up and eat all the food before you have a chance to eat anything more than a morsel or two.

I wish I had remembered to bring a snow scraper for my car. We're supposed to get 12-18" of snow starting Weds through Thanksgiving day.

11-29-2019, 04:32 AM
Granted. However you've got no salt to put down on the ice covering your sidewalk and take a header on the driveway. Saves from running those errands however.

I wish that someone would wash and put away my Thanksgiving dishes.

12-09-2019, 11:33 PM
Granted. Mickey comes over, cast a few spells, the dishes do themselves and your entire house end up flooded.

I wish for an invasion of undead unicorns casting lightning balls and led by a chaos wizard with a cheesy name. And a laser-powered warhammer to smash evil people with it.

12-16-2019, 11:24 PM
Granted. Given this reigning catastrophe wiping out all of the evil in the world the only survivors were the innocents...ie; Barney, Care Bears, and Teletubies singing in unison "We are a happy family" lead by the holograph of Mr. Rogers.

I wish we could go back to the days of horse and carriage, no automobiles of any kind.

12-16-2019, 11:39 PM
Granted, it already exists on Mackinac Island, Michigan.

I wish snow shoveled itself off the walkways and driveway.

12-26-2019, 11:08 PM
It does. You have displeased the hearts of schoolchildren everywhere, who now never get a day off of school. They instead direct their youthful creativity away from snow related things to revenge related things. Not to mention the people whose gardens are killed, doors are blocked, and other possessions generally lost in the piles of snow that must find other places to lay. Some houses receive so much snow on their roofs that they collapse. It is an international emergency, particularly in northern countries. Australians watch in casual dismay from the safety of their island, so good news, they don't hate you. Well, at least the ones who don't have relatives in foreign nations.

I wish I had all the albums of the artist Plaid.

12-27-2019, 12:18 AM
Granted, but they're the photo albums not the record albums.

I wish I knew why music today is not as good 30+ years ago.

02-23-2020, 11:58 PM
Granted: The Genie decides that the best way to disabuse you of that notion is to have Barbie Girl by Aqua, My Heart Will Go On by Céline Dion, and Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot stuck in your head until you have an epiphany.

I wish the weather would turn warm.

02-24-2020, 12:23 AM
Granted. Climate change is happening faster than you expected. It is ten degrees warmer today than yesterday, and tomorrow it will be ten degrees warmer still. Polar caps are melting rapidly, and ocean levels continue to rise, submerging coastal cities. Happy now?

I wish my back didn't hurt.

02-24-2020, 08:21 PM
Granted, but that will leave your front vulnerable.

I wish I knew why rap music is so popular.

03-04-2020, 06:43 AM
Granted. But now you've gained such a strong love and appreciation for rap that you can no longer tolerate any other genres.

I wish I could go back to when I was five years old and just redo my entire life.

03-04-2020, 07:51 PM
Granted, but you will be the son of someone you despise in the world.

I wish it were easier for me and others to land agents and managers in screenwriting.

K Robert Donovan
03-14-2020, 07:37 PM
Granted, you land an agent pushing your to screen-write the remake of Gumby.

I wish someone would do all the spring yard work for me and trim all my trees and bushes.

03-15-2020, 09:40 AM
Granted, but once it is done it will grow back at 10x rate.

I wish all fish were free of mercury and microplastics in ocean fish.

03-17-2020, 12:47 AM
Done. But since the problem was not stopped at the source, the mercury and microplastics are reintroduced back into the ocean over time.

I wish some fried chicken.

03-17-2020, 06:15 PM
Done, as long as "fried" is not a drug reference.

I wish I understood why people enter into fear and chaos when raiding stores for staples.

03-19-2020, 02:27 PM
Granted. You are transported into an alternate reality where all apocalyptic scenarios are a reality: zombie invasion, deadly virus outbreak, world war three, alien invasion, you name it. There's even a big asteroid coming up your way as an added bonus. Enjoy your stay.

I wish for the whole world to go mad... what are you saying it's already going mad?

03-24-2020, 06:09 PM
Granted. You answered this one yourself. The world has already gone mad, and there is nothing the Genie can do about it Sorry!

I wish I had a bidet.

03-24-2020, 07:03 PM
No bidets available but I am blinking you a bucket of corn cobs. I understand they were quite the economical substitute during the Depression.

I wish the idiots who are hoarding all of potatoes in St. John Ks, would run out of butter.

- - - Updated - - -

And sour cream!

K Robert Donovan
03-27-2020, 06:35 PM
Granted, unfortunately the dairy industry has taken a catastrophic hit eliminating access to butter, sour cream, milk, cheese, etc. for everyone.

I wish someone else could right my book synopsis for me.

03-27-2020, 07:22 PM
Granted, but what is wrong with lefting it?

I wish I understood the complexities of simplicity.

03-29-2020, 03:30 AM
Granted: The Gennie suggests you apply Occam's razor.

I wish this thunderstorm wouldn't interfere with the satellite TV service.

04-01-2020, 07:29 AM
Granted, but you will only be allowed one channel.

I wish they hired Don Knotts to do Three's Company earlier than season 4.

K Robert Donovan
04-26-2020, 04:36 PM
Granted, Goober and Gomer follow in season 5 and chase away the girls. The producers rename the show to The Odd Threesome and focus on antique car repairs. Its canceled soon after.

I wish my lawn would stay emerald green all year long rather than turn brown in the heat of the summer and the cold of the winter.

04-26-2020, 04:50 PM
Granted. A concrete surface, green paint.

I wish I could go outside without a mask.

K Robert Donovan
04-27-2020, 06:54 PM
Granted, you go outside wearing a full body hazmat suit.

Wish my wife knew how to give me a proper haircut.

05-19-2020, 07:33 AM
Granted. She knows how, but she is distracted today and simply puts a bowl on your head and cuts around it. You look like Moe Howard of the Three Stooges.

I wish I had a 1959 Cadillac, with those huge tail fins.