View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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08-24-2019, 05:16 PM
Granted...in the form of this Genie making amends. Per your request and followed up motion, Moose farts will now smell like the flowers they lazily munch on in the picturesque pines of Maine. Moose will not even be awares off said gas passes, however they will hear it. As will all the forest and surrounding towns. Flowers, mixing with the peculiar digestive juices of the Mooses innards, now result in a sound akin to a projected bullhorn ringing the (in)glorious sounds of nature (hard) at work. The birds will all be scared witless and find more pleasant roosting homes, but a delightful floral scent will be detected throughout the entire neighboring country of Canada. (You're welcome?)

I wish my dog could make coffee.

08-27-2019, 11:29 AM
Granted. Now your dog is a jack-of-all-trades. He could do whatever you want him to do... if only he had hands instead of paws. At least he can speak human language.

I wish the dog of ChloeRose becomes a monkey.

09-03-2019, 05:39 PM
Granted. A monkey did show up on my doorstep after logging in to compose bits of poetry he'd penned while going about his other monkey-type stuff. He scoffed at my requests as he thought coffee-making below his stature as favored zoo monkey Poet Laureate and didn't like the brand I buy. Off he went after some screeching and scratching implying that a wish involving his participation be more appropriate to his capacities and talents.

I wish that a monkey could write a book of poetry and find a willing publisher....

09-04-2019, 01:12 AM
Granted: But as fate would have it, that monkey is the proverbial one-in-an-infinite-number of monkeys and it proceeds to hammer out all of the poems written by Shakespeare. Your publisher is not impressed, but you do get booked on a late-night TV segment of stupid pet tricks.

I wish fall weather would get here.

09-04-2019, 01:56 AM
Granted. Fall weather will get here - eventually.

I wish the commercials I hate would all disappear from TV.

09-04-2019, 06:43 AM
Granted. Those commercials of disdain have been removed from your television programming. However to make up for lost revenue they become pop-up adds on your laptop, billboards seen continuously on your commute, and added to all radio stations within earshot.

I wish I had a one-person individual helicopter, otherwise known as "The Mosquito"...

09-04-2019, 09:55 AM
Granted. You have a one-person individual helicopter known as "the Mosquito." Unfortunately, you don't know how to fly it, and when you take it aloft, it sputters and goes into a spiral and...(the Genie hopes you have good medical coverage).

I wish the dog I had when I was five years old would come back to life.

09-04-2019, 11:48 AM
Granted. He returns as the ghostly black dog from the British folklore. He will haunt your backyard at night and howl continuously from dusk till dawn. Any one who complains about it will disappear without a trace. Soon, even your own family avoid your home. People around town says you are cursed.

I wish I meet a ghost.

09-05-2019, 10:22 PM
Denied. I'm sending Nymtoc instead. He is much scarier.

I wish my lawnmower was in a little better shape.

09-06-2019, 07:15 AM
Granted. It's now been fixed and is in excellent condition, so good in fact that it got stolen from your garage before you had a chance to use it. Next time ask for a goat. Much more environmentally friendly and less likely to get nicked.

I wish my printer wouldn't keep running out of ink.

09-06-2019, 08:07 AM
Granted. A permanent ink flow has been installed. It runs constantly, and if you don't use the printer for at least five minutes an hour, it has been known to leak a bit. But that won't bother you, will it? :e2drown:

I wish my kinkajou wouldn't act so kinky.

09-08-2019, 12:09 AM
Granted. Your kinkajou's days of kinkiness have long set behind the mountains as all of those youthful carefree days of pleasure eventually do. Now, without romantic aspirations, his only interest is watching game shows, napping on your sofa, and screeching at you when it's time for lunch, as they are wont to do.

I wish my dog could sing Opera to my neighbor everytime he's on his patio.

09-10-2019, 07:43 AM
Granted. Your dog only knows one song, however; and the Tourette's Syndrome that plagues it while singing has a ruinous effect on both the song and your relationship with your neighbors... all of them.

I wish the fruit trees in my orchard would grow faster.

09-10-2019, 11:42 AM
Granted. Now you have Yggdrasil and Ragnarok is on the way.

I wish to meet ChloeRose.

09-11-2019, 02:54 AM
Denied .. the genie does not traffic granting dangerous wishes.

I wish I had a goat

09-11-2019, 11:51 AM
Granted. You had it. It disappeared. Isn't the smell of cooked goat coming from your neighbor's house? The one you si actually having a party.

I wish everyone who buy a lottery ticket have a winning ticket (and let chaos begin).

09-11-2019, 05:24 PM
Granted: Get in line to collect the $2.36 you won with your $2.00 lottery ticket ... shouldn't take more than an hour or so (what is minimim wage now?)

I wish I had another goat

09-12-2019, 01:12 AM
Granted. The Genie appreciates your chivalry regarding prior wishes (although I'm not that interesting of a subject matter, believe it or not). Regardless, you shall have Goat Numero Doce. A baby goat no less. So, clear a spot in your living for his bed as he'll need your constant attention, fed at least four times a day, and you'll know when by his resounding calls for assistance. Stock up on goat milk formula. And a mop.

I wish I could ski.

09-12-2019, 04:30 AM
Granted ... you can now water ski, though it is getting a bit late in the season. By the way, I have an anchor you can deliver to the marina accross the way.

I wish I had a couple more goats.

09-12-2019, 09:49 PM
Granted. But one of the goats has a broken leg, and the other shows signs of rabies.

I wish I had the magic touch.

09-13-2019, 03:15 AM
DENIED!!!! Shame on you !!!!

I wish I had four more goats

09-13-2019, 11:02 AM
Granted. They are about three inches tall and were made of modeling clay by some kid in kindergarten. (At least I think they are goats--they might be rats.)

I still wish I had the magic touch.

09-13-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. You have the magic touch of Midas and all the problems that come with it.

I wish to have a tea party with the mad hatter and the hare.

09-13-2019, 10:27 PM
Granted. There happens to be an off-broadway production of Alice in Wonderland very close by. The Mad Hatter and the Hare would be happy to have tea with you...as long as it's spiked and you're willing to listen to their complaints regarding how unfair it is that they never made it to the bigtime. Don't be late.

I wish I had a 100-year old turtle.

09-14-2019, 04:24 AM
Granted ... he has been dead for about 40 of them so time has not been kind to him since that incident with the Mack truck.

I wish I had eight goats

09-14-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. Each one is a different color: a red goat, an orange goat, a yellow goat... every color of the rainbow. You can't see the eighth one though, unless you are a wizard from this strange flat, circular world sitting atop four elephants travelling through space on the shell of great A'Tuin.

I wish for honest politicians.

09-14-2019, 07:26 PM
Granted. There are honest politicians. Lots of them, but more often than not they lose elections.

I wish the live 100-year-old turtle I really wanted had a harem of goat friends to hang out with...that would be cool.

09-15-2019, 01:15 PM
Granted. But you didn't ask to finally have this turtle. But don't worry, there is only one place where you can find it: the Galapagos. Now you know what you must do.

I wish for a good crossover between Sailor moon and Saint Seiya.

09-20-2019, 05:35 AM
Oh, Azdaphel, you're making me do work for my wish...hardly seems fair.

Granted. As a special designated for super fans, with such as yourself in mind, this crossover made it's extraordinary debut, only but the once. Unfortunately, this person such as yourself that the creators had in mind will have been someone else since you fell asleep for waiting so long. The End.

I wish I had an array of practical jokes that worked and were available to me at any time.

09-21-2019, 01:45 AM
I'll smite thee with unholy power and send thee to hell!

Granted. Your jokes are so good everyone wants to hear them. Everyone! People you don't know come to you, invite you or call you. You are buggered all day and night. You no longer have time for you, your friends or your family. Your life has become hell. You shouldn't have ruined my greatest dream.

I wish for inspiration.

Norman Mjadwesch
09-24-2019, 08:34 AM
Granted. Here is a two year subscription to Playboy magazine.

I wish to not meet the recipient of the aforementioned subscription unless I know that hands have been washed.

09-25-2019, 03:10 PM
Granted. And since I always wash my hand properly, I have come to you with hell following in my wake... (can I add a cliché evil laugh? can I?).

I wish Norman Mjadwesch looks like is avatar.

10-01-2019, 05:53 PM
Granted. With N.M,'s salt and pepper dark black hair, rad bod, and warm, soft, pleasing brown eyes, he's now found much better ways to spend his time than responding to this thread...and who could blame him.

I wish I had Napoleon's horse (alive and in good health).

10-01-2019, 06:21 PM
Granted. But Nap's horse responds only to Nap (who is long dead), and whenever someone else tries to ride him, he rears up and gallops across the countryside at incredible speed, throws the rider and......can you still hear me, ChloeRose?

I wish I had a pumpkin pie.

10-03-2019, 09:05 PM
Granted Nymtoc....I think, whatever it was you said. I was a little busy when you'd said it.

You'd wished that you had a pumpkin pie?....had being the optimal word? You did have a pumpkin pie, momentarily, but being as skittish as Nap's horse was after that Waterloo incident (shhhh...he doesn't like to talk about it) he engaged in some emotionally eating. Nap's Nabbed your Pie before you even got a slice. He indicated that it was the best pumpkin pie he'd ever had.

I wish that everyone wore vintage hats like the ones seen in the old black and white films of the 1940's-1950's.

10-04-2019, 11:41 AM
Granted. And since it would feel silly with today's fashion, I'm sending you back in the 1940's... In France... During World War II. Enjoy the occupation, the denunciations and the collaboration (Petain and Hitler were really good friends).

I wish someone goes back in time and kills Hitler during 1930's. (Who knows what could happen if we change history. Better or worse things?)

10-16-2019, 05:33 PM
...alas, to change the course of history, much as we may wish it to be so, is not within our powers or prayers.

10-16-2019, 05:35 PM
I wish I could turn on the radio, tv or read the news today with only good news waiting to be found.

10-16-2019, 06:17 PM
Granted. Here is a ticket to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Stay there as long as you want.

I wish I had a pet walrus.

10-17-2019, 07:48 PM
granted. You have a pet walrus that spends months destroying your house and wasting thousands of dollars on food only to be taken away by the government because it's illegal to have a pet walrus.

I wish that prop comedy was cool again.

10-19-2019, 06:58 PM
Granted but the props end up being your grandmas property.

I wish my books would write themselves with the ideas I have.

10-19-2019, 09:25 PM
Granted. But you have many ideas, and your books take only the most obvious, simplistic and derivative and turn them into huge volumes that nobody wants to read.

I wish I could be in excellent physical shape without ever having to work out.