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Soccer Mom

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Granted. You have an army of elves to do your bidding. Unfortunately, they are bad little elves and they didn't pay for the things they took and they firebombed the stores when they were done. Get the door. It's the arson quad wanting to know to whom the elves belong. You answer, "Ask not for whom the elves stole. They stole for me."

I wish I had an army of GOOD elves to do my bidding. :D
 
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DeborahM

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Granted, however, they don't understand one word of english and do exactly as they wish and only when they want too, which includes sleeping and raiding the refrig.

I wish I would get over this stomach flu or what ever it is that I've had for the last 24 hours!
 

Jaycinth

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Same Psychosis...different day.
Granted! But now you suffer from dementia, dyslexia, dyspepsia, doldrums,
diarrhea, dysentery, and downs syndrome. and you think you're going blind.

But 'Cindy' is your nurse and she loves you.

I wish Soccer Mom hadn't gambled away all of the money in her Elves' retirement, pension, and medicare accounts when you guys were partying with the Orcs.
 
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MidnightMuse

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Granted. Soccer Mom was found out, ala ENRON, and has escaped to the Caymans where all the money is. The Elves were broke, until they penned a best seller about scandals, money laundering and Soccer Mom's sorded and dirty past.

I wish I had a mango martini to go with lunch.
 

Jaycinth

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Same Psychosis...different day.
Granted. Mango( from Sat Night Live) shows up with a stirred martini that has a tad too much vermouth.

I wish all my friends from AW could come to the beach and party with me tomorrow.
 

DeborahM

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No granted...Thanks to you, with all the c**p you gave me, I'm only going to be living between the bed and toilet this weekend!

I now wish Jaycinth won't be able to light the bonfire!
 

MidnightMuse

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Granted. She doesn't actually have to light the bonfire, she just has to set 'Cindy' on fire and push her.

I wish I had a pool, it's gonna be hot this weekend.
 

Soccer Mom

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Granted. Sorry we had to raze your house to make room. Zoning restrictions and all. You understand.

I wish my kids could teleport themselves home from school so I didn't have to go get them.
 

Jaycinth

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Same Psychosis...different day.
Granted!. However,, armed withtheir new teleportation powers, they decide school is optional. Then they decide they'd rather live in Tahiti. Then they decide they'd rather live well in Tahiti. Lying on the beach, you begin to wonder where all the cash came from.

Gee, I wish they arrest and convict the person on the lounge chair next to you by mistake.
 

Soccer Mom

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Granted. I'll miss my husband. He was a nice man, but I'll visit him in prison.

I wish I didn't have to get out of bed on my day off.
 

Mom'sWrite

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persiphone_hellecat said:
I wish more people would write to Ask DClary -- he is sooooo good.

Granted, but then DClary is swamped by 10 million questions and he has to outsource them all to a posting center in India. All questions are answered promptly with a yes.

I wish I still had the metabolism I did when I was 16. I could eat every bad thing and still be a size 2.
 

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janetbellinger said:
I wish the same thing as Soccer Mom only to still have "something" up there.

I'm screenmom and Soccer Mom is Soccer Mom. You can tell us apart because Soccer Mom is always wearing cleats and knee socks while I look a lot like Alfred Hitchcock.:)
 

arrowqueen

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It is nicer outside - but you have been locked in and can only gaze wistfully out of the window at the glory you cannot share, until you find the keys. And they're always in the last place you look.

I wish it would stay dry long enough for me to get a washing out.
 

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Granted but they are making another film noire about escaping cross dressing cons and they just love the load you got hangin'

I wish that if I sell the old lobster pot in Encinada that in Pango Pongo where there would only be us-is not soon infested by fish and chip shops and idiots seeking to by local trinkets made in Bangladesh
 

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Granted but you might just have to leave that island-come to mine and risk the bugs and the fever-which incidentally are a whole hell of a lot better than the hawkers and the chip shops

We wish we all had our Pango Pongos and that we could just sit down in them and Pongorize the whole world and just let the Pangos pass over us like a silk wind on a snug-warm-sun going down forever on the Pango Pongos of our hearts
 

Mom'sWrite

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davids said:
We wish we all had our Pango Pongos and that we could just sit down in them and Pongorize the whole world and just let the Pangos pass over us like a silk wind on a snug-warm-sun going down forever on the Pango Pongos of our hearts

Well OK, Granted but Pongorizing has been shown in independent studies to cause hair loss, bad breath, high blood pressure, erections lasting more than 4 hours and seismic activity. You are slapped with the mother of all class-action lawsuits and end up fighting Boy George over who gets to pick up the Big Mac wrapper in the gutter.

I wish I knew what to get my husband for our 14th anniversary. I was going to get him a set of steak knives but I suspect he would be happier with a 20 year old hottie.
 
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Granted - I have this 20 year old electric space heater I dont use anymore. I can also toss in an old electric blanket and make it a real hottie.

I wish people who forward those cute little spams that say Jesus loves me and here's a hug certificate and if you send this to 10 friends you will have all your wishes come true and I better get this back and ... well you get the idea. Anyway I wish those people would wake up tomorrow to find all their fingers curled up and fell off.
 

Soccer Mom

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Granted, but you'd better run. You've got some pissed off born-agains comin' for you with pitchforks clutched in their teeth.

I wish knee socks and cleats would come back in fashion again for women over forty.