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PorterStarrByrd
05-24-2019, 10:21 PM
Denied ... you obviously don't know a quill is a pen and the exta baggage like a blotter and parchment would be overwhelming. I know you want it to be "more common" bud that paradade ain't going to start with out a leader and there aren't a lot of volunteers for the opportunity.


I wish Marshmallows floated

CDSinex
05-25-2019, 02:04 AM
Granted: Unless you squeeze the air out of them, they, as they always have, float.

I wish my marsh-mallows (Althaea officinalis) would bloom.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a1/Althea_officinalis_flor.jpg/225px-Althea_officinalis_flor.jpg

Nymtoc
05-25-2019, 04:20 AM
Granted. But a meteorite recently landed near by, and your Althaea officinalis seems to be growing rapidly, and as it blooms, you hear a voice saying,"Feed me!"

I wish I had a purple bow tie.

Azdaphel
05-25-2019, 04:00 PM
Granted! You had it. It was there for a second. But your over-attached girlfriend (if you don't have one, I'll include it with the wish) found it ugly and burned it with some of your possessions she thought you loved more than her.

I wish I have a girlfriend (I know I will regret making this wish).

ChloeRose
05-25-2019, 04:14 PM
Granted. You have a girlfriend, and yes, you regret it. You'd not mentioned any of the relevant details about this desired girlfriend, so we let your mother choose your girlfriend for you...and they like each other very much. 'Nuff said.

I wish there were a "Free Vuvuzela Day", where the instrument was given to all child under age 10, in every city in the country.

PorterStarrByrd
05-26-2019, 06:58 AM
Granted. what the hell ... I love chaos

I wish i will sleep the the vuvuzela onslaught

Azdaphel
05-28-2019, 10:02 AM
Granted! You will sleep never to you wake up. An endless slumber only the kiss of a prince will end. And the prince in question will be an ugly foaming pervert.

I wish to be a dragon.

Nymtoc
05-28-2019, 07:29 PM
Granted. You are a bearded dragon (Pogona), measuring 40 cm long from head to tail. You are a popular kind of pet and are kept in a cage in a house full of children.

I wish I had holographic TV.

Azdaphel
05-29-2019, 11:57 AM
Granted! But the only thing you have access is Japanese fan service with cute waifus singing and dancing in suggestive clothes with suggestive pose and cute voices. It can also work as alarm clock.

I wish I could peer into the future.

ChloeRose
05-30-2019, 12:41 AM
Granted. You get to see what you're eating for lunch tomorrow. Eh, kinda dull, you may want to stop at the deli on your way home today.

I wish I had a microwave that was able to accurately cook popcorn and potatoes as it claims it can. (why bother with the buttons if everything turns out raw/burnt??)

Norman Mjadwesch
05-31-2019, 10:54 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it also doubles as your mailbox and the rascally neighbourhood kids like cooking things in it that would be best scooped up or else left the hell alone.

I wish inventors were elected to public office more often than actors and TV personalities.

Azdaphel
05-31-2019, 08:02 PM
Granted! Only scientists can now be elected. They soon take over the world and established a technocracy for the good of mankind. And for the good of mankind, they choose a mad scientist named Desty Nova as their leader. No one knows where he came from. Some says an evil genius brought him into existence from a book, but who would believe this trash.

I wish for all humanity to possess common sense.

PorterStarrByrd
06-01-2019, 02:11 AM
Denied ... What the hell ... I love chaos

I wish my dachshund was a foot longer

Azdaphel
06-01-2019, 12:23 PM
Your karma demands that I deny your wish. I'll do more. Your dachshund is changed into a chihuahua.

I wish PSB was rammed by a moose... in a shrubbery.

ChloeRose
06-01-2019, 08:12 PM
Granted. PSB catches the eye of an elderly, but determined, lonely and love-sick senior Moose who isn't taking kindly to rejection. Getting caught up in the briar in this unsightly, farcical love story-gone-awry, poor PBS is then left to wonder why he just didn't grant all of humanity common sense, thus leaving it bereft of art, poetry, love, children....all of which make no sense at all. Too bad it's all happening right outside your bedroom window. Gonna be a long night.

I wish cats had to defend their behavior with verbal explanations in order to remain as house pets.

shakeysix
06-01-2019, 08:53 PM
Wish granted. My cat Zilpha is the Robert Mueller type--silent, determined, succinct when pressed. Her I will keep. My cat Zinnia is verbose to the point of histrionics--a real diva. Think of your Aunt Madge who describes your Uncle Ned's constipation problems at the family table. When asked to put a sock on it by Uncle Ned, she dissolves into tears and Thanksgiving turns into a family intervention on healthy eating. Zinnia I am sending to you---s6

I wish that my flowers could talk--not a lot, just enough so they could tell me what is bugging them.

Kinsman
06-02-2019, 07:27 AM
Granted. Your flowers descriptions are brief but relayed with incredible volume and at any/all hours of the day. Each day windows are shattered as they provide reports of improper watering, aphids and poorly draining soil. Each night threatens to disrupt the foundation of your home as plants complain about lack of sunshine. Your local HOA has reported these disturbances to local law enforcement, on multiple occasions.

I wish the sand at the beach didn't burn the soles of my bare feet.

PorterStarrByrd
06-03-2019, 04:52 AM
Denied ... what the hell ... I love chaos

I wish my bees could fly

ChloeRose
06-03-2019, 05:32 AM
Dude, seriously... Granted. Your bees can fly because Kinsman's feet don't hurt anymore on the sand. He's taken lessons from fire walkers who limbo, so he looks a little silly on the beach in limbo pose, but at least he's fast. Your bees are looking for a new bee keeper (?) who cares about their needs and took off. Bye byeeeee...

I wish mother-in-laws weren't passive aggressive.

Kinsman
06-03-2019, 06:59 AM
Granted. Mothers-in-law are now actively aggressive. We now have Mother-in-law training camps where they go to learn to better assert themselves and receive their new equipment: hockey masks, track suits, machetes, flame throwers and dozer blades to mount on the front of 4x4 trucks. PSB should be pleased... chaos ensues

I wish Alzheimer's Disease wasn't "a thing". Though, truth be told I sometimes think I might have Part-timer's

calisterol
06-03-2019, 09:18 AM
Granted. Now the risk of Dementia will go up five times the amount it already was!

I wish we could always see the stars.

PorterStarrByrd
06-03-2019, 04:57 PM
Granted. You now have endless loops of the acadamy awards presentations on all channels of your TV (I love choas)

I wish I could figure out what to do with this thing

calisterol
06-04-2019, 04:14 AM
Granted! But now that is all you know how to do!

I wish I could play the piano as well as Beethoven.

Coddiwomple
06-04-2019, 04:21 AM
Granted. But he's been dead for a long time, so he doesn’t play very well. He's missing things like ligaments, muscles.

I wish I had my own house fairy to do my cleaning and yardwork.

Nymtoc
06-04-2019, 04:22 AM
Granted. You have your own house fairy, but she is fed up with your measly wages and has called on all her brother and sister fairies to picket your house.

I wish I had an endless supply of popsicles.

Norman Mjadwesch
06-04-2019, 04:27 AM
Granted. However, the terms of your agreement require that you reciprocate and the house fairy in question is one seriously disgusting individual, with dead pixies littering the floor in every room.

I wish I'd put socks on this morning. My feet are freezing.

ETA: I also wish I was faster than that dratted Nymtoc.

So, granted... You have your popsicles but they are jammed into every orifice that you find uncomfortable, and let that be a lesson for typing faster than I do.

I wish (again) that I'd put socks on this morning because my feet are freezing.

Coddiwomple
06-04-2019, 04:31 AM
Granted. The socks you put on are five sizes too small. They cut off your circulation and you’ll die soon of gangrene.

I wish I could fit your funeral into my busy schedule

Norman Mjadwesch
06-04-2019, 04:39 AM
Granted. However my will clearly states that you are not to attend.

I bequeath my too-small socks to you and wish that you'd wear them on your ears.

Kinsman
06-04-2019, 06:37 AM
Granted. Though on Coddiwomple's ears, the socks fit perfectly causing a new fashion trend which nets said trend-setter Fame, Fortune, etc.

I wish that someone remembers to feed Norman's dog.

Norman Mjadwesch
06-04-2019, 08:29 AM
Granted. The menu consists solely of horses ears in small socks, which taste yummy but leave said horse looking rather odd. And whiney. So much for fame and fortune...

I wish that the destroyer of keyboards had actually destroyed a keyboard and was therefore unable to make comments about my avatar.

PorterStarrByrd
06-04-2019, 05:46 PM
Granted ... but the one you just got ended any desire to eat one. Buy LOTS of freezers.

I wish summer would get here soon

Kinsman
06-05-2019, 07:33 AM
Granted. For you summer also brings locusts, which rapidly devour most plant life (including the watercress, which is much cherished by any moose) and your remaining sammiches.

I wish I could remember to not run with scissors.

Azdaphel
06-05-2019, 05:20 PM
Granted. But you never remember where you put them. You know you shouldn't run with scissors, yet you forgot there are still in your hands.

I wish for all warning signs to be removed (and let natural selection do its job).

Norman Mjadwesch
06-06-2019, 04:13 AM
Granted, though it doesn't make any difference because stupid people never read warning signs to begin with.

I wish this week would fuck off so that I can get to next week.

PorterStarrByrd
06-06-2019, 06:16 AM
Granted: A CNN newsteam is trampling your grass and flowers to film such and engossing event. They will porbably leave a bit of a mess in addition to the side effects of your request.


I wish my next can of tuna will have been filled with 24 caral gold

Kinsman
06-06-2019, 09:19 PM
Granted. Scientists (and CNN) flock to your kitchen and dining room to study the new phenomenon of 24 caral gold. Unfortunately for you it is all confiscated for the sake of research.

I wish people would simply set down their phones and have actual, meaningful conversations with one another (meanwhile, I'm heading for the hills)..

ChloeRose
06-06-2019, 09:37 PM
Granted, but now that we've all put down our phones and have no distractions we all want to thank you personally. So, did I tell you that funny story about my dog....and that thing that happened to me in elementary school....and what the neighbor did the other day....and about my dream last night....wait! Come back! I can see where you're headed. Right behind you.

I wish that I had an Orange Creamsicle.

PorterStarrByrd
06-07-2019, 03:23 AM
Denied ... I'm going to make you wait until summer
I wish the voices would stop trying to get me to buy that stock portfolio

ChloeRose
06-07-2019, 07:19 PM
Denied. Human beings make decisions largely based on emotions with little time in between thought and action....so invest you will in that stock portfolio. And lose it all.....sad.....care to join me in an Orange Creamsicle? (It's summer after all...delicious.)

I wish I had a really big sandbox.

jwhite1979
06-07-2019, 08:50 PM
Granted. It's filled with twenty thousand yards of sand from Chernobyl.

I wish I had hair like Zack Morris.

Norman Mjadwesch
06-08-2019, 05:16 AM
Granted. Pubic hair.

I wish I had a genie in a bottle.

PorterStarrByrd
06-09-2019, 04:37 AM
Granted ... it might not be a genie in this bottle but you'll never know the difference after you drink this stuff

I wish the dragon flies would show up

Kinsman
06-10-2019, 08:41 AM
Granted. Dragonflies have arrived, by the hundreds of thousands. They've clogged your vents, your window screens, and your air conditioner. This causes your air conditioner to catch fire and burn your house to the ground. Now from your tent, your can enjoy the constant hum of dragonfly wings at all hours, at least until the sheer weight of thousands of them collapse your tent.

I wish everyone had clear skies at night to enjoy viewing the stars.

ChloeRose
06-10-2019, 04:27 PM
Granted, however once finding out your wish were granted there would be mass chaos as everyone stopped to look at the stars. Car accidents as they gazed out their windows while driving. Pictures taken on cell phones crash computer systems. Surgeries postponed with dire results, so forth and so on....not the intended result, but no good deed goes unpunished.

I wish I had a suitcase that never felt heavy no matter how much you packed in it.

PorterStarrByrd
06-11-2019, 05:14 AM
Denied ... this is the baliwick of the clowns who stuff cars with themselves. They will probably help you with your suitcase act

I wish the circus would come to town

Kinsman
06-11-2019, 06:30 AM
Granted. And they've set them selves up on your lawn. Ringmaster Scratch (to those in "the know"... Ol' Scratch :evil ) has attracted the worst sort of crowd (introducing his clown, Pennywise) and they not only won't give you a share in the proceeds, your front lawn has become a portal to Hades.


I wish that envelopes had pleasantly-flavored adhesive.

Norman Mjadwesch
06-11-2019, 08:13 AM
Granted. And the adhesive is ultra-sticky. Good luck with that.

I wish I could see Kinsman's face when he realises that one of those letters stuck to his face contains a smear of dog poo.

Azdaphel
06-11-2019, 12:05 PM
Granted. But it was only a dream. As you awake, you smell something strange and see the rear end of your dog (don't want to be to graphic, it's already disgusting enough). Just don't open your mouth.*

I wish for everyone to be always honest... (and let true chaos begins.)

Norman Mjadwesch
06-11-2019, 12:53 PM
Granted. Now I will be honest, as requested: you misspelt 'too' and used the lame cop-out "it was all a dream" trope, which is about as mindless and unimaginative as a human being can be. And you call yourself a writer?!

I wish I could untaste the rear end of my dog.

PorterStarrByrd
06-11-2019, 06:28 PM
Denied ... That's all I need to say

I wish cherries were red

Azdaphel
06-11-2019, 10:42 PM
Granted!...... What? You were expecting something to happen? If you really want it. Now cherries are mini beating hearts made of human flesh as well as the trees on which they grow. All over the trees and fruits, you can see veins pulsing with carmine blood. Their branches are tentacles always questing for food. It's many mouth are lip less gaps with teeth arranged in a chaotic manner. But don't worry. Those things are vegan and completely harmless. A chance for you since they are surrounding your house.

I wish diplomacy was never invented (and let the world burn for chaos).

ChloeRose
06-11-2019, 10:51 PM
Granted. *Poof* We can all forget posting now since humankind has ceased to exist having lost the ability to compromise for the sake of peace and tranquility.

(Feeling a little discouraged at the moment, poor dear. It's understandable...completely.)

I wish I had a never-ending supply of coffee that I never had to make myself.

Kinsman
06-12-2019, 07:58 AM
Granted. You now live in a McDonald's (*note: you never stated that the coffee need be free, nor palatable). Oh, and your designated booth is right next to the playhouse & ball pit. Thank me or curse me, whichever you see fit.


I wish I didn't require sleep.

Norman Mjadwesch
06-12-2019, 03:21 PM
Granted. You are now a tree.

I wish that I hadn't burned my hand today.

ChloeRose
06-12-2019, 08:19 PM
Granted. Instead you will burn your hand tomorrow doing the same thing because you won't have had the opportunity to learn from your mistake.

I wish my friend hadn't bought a Labrador retriever puppy.... wouldn't recommend it.

Azdaphel
06-12-2019, 11:11 PM
Granted! Now you have a Tibetan Mastiff. Good luck training him and feeding him.

I wish to be a pokemon.

PorterStarrByrd
06-13-2019, 04:20 AM
Granted ... you are now 2 1/2 inches by 4 inches and made of paper. Hope you don't get tossed in the bottom of a box and forgotten for twenty years of so after the mice have roomed with you.

I wish I had a purple ping ping ball and a popsickle stick

Kinsman
06-13-2019, 07:13 AM
Granted. You now have a purple ball that makes a "ping" noise in rapid succession and a sickle with a very thin wooden handle. Unfortunately, these items are only available to you on loan as they are unique items and will be collected from you tomorrow. Now, had you asked for a purple ping pong ball and a popsicle stick... those are much more common and you could have kept them... because

I wish for bowling ball sized hail just off the northern coast of Libya, just for the entertainment value.

Azdaphel
06-13-2019, 11:14 AM
Granted. And in each hailstone there is a metal plate with your name and address engrave upon it. People will know who they have to thank for this.

I wish for all nuclear weapons to explode at the same time... just for fun.

ChloeRose
06-13-2019, 06:25 PM
Granted. A worldwide peace agreement banning all nuclear weapons was agreed upon. All nuclear weapons were sent into far away space and blown up together to celebrate International Independence Day. A fun day was had by all.

I wish Azdaphel would make more "Pokemon" type wishes instead of attempting to eliminate diplomacy and invoke a nuclear war that would decimate all of mankind. (Is that too much to ask?)

Kinsman
06-14-2019, 07:24 AM
Granted. If for no other reason than to visit chaos on one who professes such affection for the topic (and to watch him look like this... :rant: ) However, all things drift toward entropy so surely he'll soon be back to his normal (wait, normal?...), ok... "usual" self.

I wish I had a Wonka everlasting gobstopper.

Azdaphel
06-14-2019, 09:39 AM
Granted! But you can't eat anything else until you have finish it.

I wish to be Gyarados...... You know? The pokemon who is supposed to destroy cities. Which is inconsistent with the setting since the number of wild Gyarados may be greater than the number of cities and you never see any signs of an attack from a Gyarados.


Granted. If for no other reason than to visit chaos on one who professes such affection for the topic (and to watch him look like this... ) However, all things drift toward entropy so surely he'll soon be back to his normal (wait, normal?...), ok... "usual" self.

Blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne!

Kinsman
06-17-2019, 02:14 AM
Granted. Fine, you're a cartoon. You now occupy a purely fictional space and may only interact with others at the scriptwriter's and author's whims.


I wish my chickens laid golden eggs.

Jamegg
06-17-2019, 03:19 AM
Granted. Your chicken lays golden eggs, but any attempt to pick up or move the eggs will break them, filling the area with an unbearable stench.

I wish I could walk through walls.

Kinsman
06-17-2019, 06:12 AM
Granted. You're now a ghost. You can walk through walls but remain completely intangible.


I wish for an industrial air purifier to counteract the unbearable stench of these broken eggs...

Azdaphel
06-17-2019, 10:36 PM
Granted. Someone invented the machine. However, if you want it must by it. And it cost so much you will have to send all your chicken who lay golden eggs and every golden eggs you already have.

I wish to have the thing rich people doesn't need and the poor have in abundance.

Kinsman
06-18-2019, 06:02 AM
Granted. You're on Welfare, now go stand in line to get your cheese.


I wish for someone to silently grant my wish for silence.

PorterStarrByrd
06-18-2019, 06:28 AM
Denied ... I love chaos

I wish had one ton of lead and one ton of feathers and 73 rubber bands

Kinsman
06-18-2019, 07:14 AM
Granted, and every bit of it has been jammed into your sewage system. Love chaos? Try flushing your toilet now.


I wish fewer people felt compelled to abuse their bodies (and minds) by abusing drugs.

Azdaphel
06-18-2019, 11:15 AM
Granted. Everyone turn toward World of Warcraft and League of Legends to compensate. A World of Warcraft 2 and League of Legends 2 are being developed.

I wish PSB would wish for something directly related to chaos since he loves it... if not, then I'll show you true chaos by Khorne!!!

PorterStarrByrd
06-19-2019, 03:51 AM
Denied ... nobody tells me what to do and survives

I wish Attilla the Hun and Rocky Balboa could be room mates

Azdaphel
06-19-2019, 11:08 AM
Granted! And you live in the same room. Did I mention Conan is there to? Enjoy the chaos.

I wish to live on the Discworld. The one atop four elephants transported by the cosmic turtle A'Thuin.

ChloeRose
06-19-2019, 11:06 PM
Granted, you are now a Mutant Ninja Turtle fighting crime. If that's not specifically what you wanted you'll have to redirect your wish to another department for exchange. Your wish ended up on the desk of someone too old to know what that all is and the line's backed up at the moment.

I wish to become one of the "Super Friends".

PorterStarrByrd
06-21-2019, 03:58 AM
Denied ... I mean ... what could you bring to the party "Average Rose"

I wish I could plant grass and harvest avacados

Nymtoc
06-21-2019, 10:41 AM
Granted. But you can only plant grass and harvest avocados in a 1-hectare patch at the foot of the Verkhoyansk Mountains in Siberia.

I wish I had a title and everybody would be obliged to bow when they approach me.

PorterStarrByrd
06-21-2019, 05:12 PM
Granted ... Idub thee Sir DUCK !!!


I wish I could figure out how to clean this rug before my wife gets home (dropped a peanutbutter sammich and stepped on it when I woke up)

Azdaphel
06-21-2019, 06:44 PM
Granted. You are now a master in cleaning art... but you'll need to go shopping since you don't have what you need. I don't think you will be back before your wife does. Good luck!

I wish I could live on pudding only.

ChloeRose
06-22-2019, 06:50 PM
Granted. However, in order to make this diet life sustaining, I've had to brew up a vat of spinach, banana, beef and kidney bean pudding - with roasted peanuts and a cherry on top. Because I care.

I wish I had an umbrella that always worked and kept me completely dry.

CDSinex
06-23-2019, 12:29 AM
Granted: You now have an oversized umbrella permanently attached between your shoulder blades that is so large you are unable to pass through any portal in your home, thus keeping you inside and “completely dry” in even the severest of rainstorms.

I wish I had a way of getting my favorite restaurants to bring me food completely free of charge.

Kinsman
06-23-2019, 08:32 AM
Granted. All your favorite restaurants have failed their health inspections and have been put out of business. They will be bringing their wasted food to your home non-stop until they have exhausted their supplies.


I wish for world leaders who are both ethical and reasonably moral.

Azdaphel
06-23-2019, 02:40 PM
Granted. But they don't have any knowledge in statecraft and mondial economy. Their rule lead to an economical crisis never seen before leading to the fall of civilisation as they rip apart capitalism without having a replacement system... always be careful what you wish, always fear it may happen.

I wish for a technocracy ruling over the world.

ChloeRose
06-25-2019, 05:03 AM
Granted. Welcome to the Orwellian version of Technocrats extraordinaire. All of your needs are monitored and thoughts observed by the most efficient of all technical experts. 1984 to be exact.

I wish that I had a ping pong table.

Kinsman
06-25-2019, 06:40 AM
Granted. And conveniently you can hold it in the palm of your hand. Barbie, however, is raging and is looking for the thief who took her ping pong table. I've provided your address.


I wish I had a flamethrower.

Azdaphel
06-25-2019, 09:42 AM
Granted. But you didn't wish for fuel. Either make an other wish or go by some.

I wish for a tiger class tank.

ChloeRose
06-26-2019, 03:14 AM
Granted. However you had to trade your car in as an exchange. Not many modern conveniences, terrible on gas, it'll take you longer to get to work, but you get to park anywhere you want.

I wish dogs didn't get fleas.

Azdaphel
06-26-2019, 08:51 PM
Granted. Now they have louses so they can share more thing with their masters.

I wish a stop to the trend of zombie-base products from goodies to movies and anything in between like books, board games, video games... everything! And no replacing with sparkling vampires!

Kinsman
06-27-2019, 06:42 AM
Granted. Welcome to revival of "My Little Pony", "Cabbage Patch Kids" and "Smokey and the Bandit"... Meanwhile, I'm disconnecting my cable service until this blows over.


I wish that telemarketing would become illegal.

NathanBrazil
06-27-2019, 08:01 AM
It is, but there is a resurgence of door-to-door salesmen. They knock on your door at only odd and inappropriate times.

I wish for a gallon of coffee and 12 more hours of sleep.

ChloeRose
06-28-2019, 12:39 AM
Granted. You can have your coffee and sleep...right....NOW! Given you asked for it many, many hours ago, I have a feeling you would have preferred it when you first woke up, but those are the risks we wager. Glug, glug with you. Good luck sleeping tonight.

I wish I had sound proof windows.

Kinsman
06-28-2019, 06:46 AM
Granted. Your windows are now sound proof. They cannot be opened (which would allow sound to pass). The same applies to your doors and any other apertures. This could be good news if you're agoraphobic, but eventually you'll likely need to get out or bring something in. In the meantime, you might be able to get the pizza delivery guy to slip some breadsticks in through the mail slot.


I wish my vehicles never required maintenance.

Azdaphel
06-28-2019, 11:41 AM
Granted. You now have a small plastic car for children with pedals. It only requires washing and oiling the mechanism. Oh, I forgot! It's pink with Barbie written on it. I didn't have an other model.

I wish for the human race to make first contact.

ChloeRose
06-28-2019, 04:02 PM
Granted. So, on behalf of the human race I say "Howdy" Azdaphel. Not sure who you were trying to get a hold off, but we'll be right over since you offered.

I wish I had a collection of antique German Beer Steins.

Azdaphel
06-29-2019, 04:37 PM
Granted. And since you showed you care in a previous wish, there won't be unwanted side-effects... this time.

I wish for aliens to come and do what must be done (I deliberately leave room for interpretation).

Nymtoc
06-29-2019, 11:53 PM
Granted. The aliens will come and do what must be done for them to take over the Earth. (Well, you knew that was coming, didn't you? :ROFL:)

I wish I had a garden full of cabbages.

Kinsman
06-30-2019, 07:57 AM
Granted. As you approach your garden you distinctly hear the words "Feed Me!" coming from within. Choose your next actions carefully.


I wish aphids would no longer be attracted to my tomatoes.

Azdaphel
07-02-2019, 10:56 AM
Granted. Everything that grows in your garden is poisonous. Perhaps something in the soil. Aphids avoid it like hell thus keeping them away from your tomatoes, which are no longer edible. Perhaps you should have which for ladybirds? They eat aphids.

I wish for the world to be perfect.

Kinsman
07-04-2019, 04:55 PM
Granted. "Perfect" is not only essentially conceptual, it's also highly subjective. The world is already perfectly Itself, and there is nothing else like it (to our current knowledge).

I wish someone would clean my gutters.

ChloeRose
07-04-2019, 05:04 PM
Granted Azdaphel. All pollution has ceased, every illnesses is cured, universal love abound, and poverty is eradicated from the planet. Unfortunately, all mankind must cease to exist for this to be possible. So, I'll stand by on notice for the plague on it's way to wipe us all out, thanks (??)

Well I didn't want to miss out on making a 'perfect world', but now I have to clean gutters!

So, your wish is granted, Kinsman. In reparations for my late arrival in responding to the prior request I will clean your gutters. Unfortunately, I am very short, klutzy, and not all that tidy, so you'll need a long ladder, safety net, and not be very particular about the quality of my work. Happy to help.

I wish I had a fresh blueberry pie baked on the Northern coast of Maine.

Kinsman
07-05-2019, 04:44 AM
Granted. It also comes with a contingent of bears that are considerably miffed about having "their" blueberries harvested. You might consider having a word with them prior to enjoying your pie.


I wish for someone to replace my gutters. Now that ChloeRose tore them from their brackets in her attempt to clean them. The upside is that the YouTube video should be uploaded soon-ish

Azdaphel
07-05-2019, 10:19 AM
Granted. A premium firm will come to replace with state of the art gutters. They are made of stainless steel and have an auto-wash system. Unfortunately you will have to wait since half the city need a change of gutters thanks to a certain person who botched the job. Oh, I forgot to talk about the cost but I hope your budget is not limited.

I wish for a high-specs computer with the last GeForce graphic card.

ChloeRose
07-05-2019, 03:58 PM
Granted! You're in luck! My teenage son and his Uncle build their own computers, both whizzes at these things! They have some time this summer, so clear off your couch. They'll camp out at your place for as long as it takes...they work slowly, but that will give you time to hone your cooking skills. Teenage boys eat A LOT of food.

I wish I had a drawbridge in front of my house with a moat.

Kinsman
07-05-2019, 05:15 PM
Granted. Did you ever notice how quickly stagnant water becomes putrid? And the number of mosquitoes drawn to the new breeding ground is truly staggering. There is medication out there to help prevent malaria, but it can get expensive and long term usage tends to rip the lining out of your kidneys. Still, the moat and drawbridge has certainly altered your curb appeal. Throughout the day groups of complete strangers, some wearing robes and some wearing armor, come knocking on your drawbridge. What is LARPing, by the way?

I wish for the funds to pay for these new gutters.

ChloeRose
07-07-2019, 05:43 AM
Granted. But to pay for your gutters you'll have to live like a college student forced to eat daily ramen noodles, steal toilet paper, drive a car that breaks down constantly, and take out loans that will take you 10 years to pay off. But in the end it will all be worthwhile. (ah ha ha ha ha ha!)

I wish I weren't stuck under an awning waiting, for yet another, thunderstorm with electricity to pass.

Kinsman
07-07-2019, 07:59 AM
Granted. Lightning strikes the awning and the shockwave from the resulting thunderclap casts you out into the rain.:badthoughts You may be wet, but considering what might have happened, I'd consider going out and buying a lotto ticket.

I wish for some teriyaki sauce to go with this daily ramen diet that ChloeRose has subjected me to. Later, I'll wish to survive all the sodium intake... I just can't not use the entire flavoring packet.

Azdaphel
07-08-2019, 12:58 PM
Granted. But your problem won't only be sodium but also sugar (there is much sugar in the teriyaki sauce) which leads to diabetes. There is also your digestive system which will be completely devastated by this diet. You don't eat this kind of food and expect your stomach to survive and avoid an ulcer.

I wish for Emanuel Macron to resign from the post of president.

Kinsman
07-09-2019, 07:14 AM
Granted. The world now watches, aghast, as Jean-Luc Mélenchon takes the podium to greet his constituency. It was either that or send Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to France, but she's likely just one step away from being on the no-fly list.


I wish that honesty was practiced as much as it is preached. Go ahead, I can take it.

ChloeRose
07-09-2019, 07:53 AM
Granted. Prepare for what many times will be more ethical, however many times much less sensitive, society. An unintended side-effect of the new 'honesty' policy is that men will also become much better skilled at locating the exit, when moms find out no one really likes their cooking, wives are told they don't truly look good in that dress, and daughters now know that they have no possibility of actually becoming princesses, don't bar the door for the stampede. Have the hankies ready and thank Kinsman for that one. Honestly.

I wish that my milk hadn't gone bad and that I'd not run out of eggs (two-parter, but I think they can be a common combo).

Kinsman
07-09-2019, 04:23 PM
Granted. However your wish exceeds the single wish limitation of this thread so additional penalties apply. There are no 'two-fers' here. As a result, your milk is now just fine except your jug is empty. You now have eggs aplenty, but they've gone seriously bad. I wouldn't recommend cracking one unless you have a fan going and windows open.

I wish that for an undisclosed 2 hour period sometime within the next day, everyone's wishes will come true. :popcorn:

Azdaphel
07-09-2019, 06:59 PM
Granted. But most people won't enjoy their wish since there is a group of gamer (which I'm not part of) who wished for a zombie apocalypse (I hate zombies but you indirectly wished for it). So those two hours will see people busy fleeing a horde of walking corpses to avoid a very uncomfortable death.

I wish to travel to another world (I am allergic to zombies and Kinsman is about to unknowingly unleash them upon the world).

Kinsman
07-10-2019, 08:36 AM
Granted. Welcome to Zombie World. Ok, who didn't see that one coming?


I wish for John Wayne's shotgun. Apparently zombies are coming, and the Duke never needed to reload.

ChloeRose
07-11-2019, 04:20 PM
Granted. Sort of. Unfortunately original John Wayne shotguns are cost prohibitive, and we weren't sure you'd pass the background check (such as it is), so instead it will be the next best thing; John Wayne's 'Lil Duke' BB Gun Rifle. Don't shoot your eye out.

I wish I had bear costume.

Azdaphel
07-11-2019, 05:52 PM
Granted. But it is cursed and to remove it you need to kill someone. Just to help for your first use of the costume, I will put Kinsman next to you.

I wish for a flamethrower.

Kinsman
07-11-2019, 07:29 PM
Granted. Let help help you with these straps... not too tight, is it? Ok, now you hold down this lever and then you flip this switch with your thumb... no, wait! Let me stand over... there. ---- Ok, hit it!
Wow. Who would've thought a flamethrower could explode like that. Do you suppose I had the regulator turned up too high?
ChloeRose, stop that growling and snarling for a moment and come have a look at this!

I wish for a metal box to lock up this bear costume ChloeRose brought me.

ChloeRose
07-12-2019, 12:57 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the metal box was where you kept the flamethrower, so it's a little...umm, melted. You can jam in half of the bear suit, but the other half, the head and claws, will be mounted in such a way as the eyes of the bear will follow you where ever you go. Nighty night.

I wish for a giant bag of oversized marshmallows to throw at people (while in my bearsuit).

Kinsman
07-12-2019, 09:16 AM
Granted. The oversized marshmallows are all stuck together, but you can still throw the whole bag. Oddly enough, this still accurately satisfies your wish according to your wording.


I wish for mild weather tomorrow. since bearsuits are hot and I have zero doubts that ChloeRose's zipper is gonna get stuck.

Azdaphel
07-12-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. You have mild summer... for the Sahara. So it is hot but not that hot. Only 40°C. Don't worry, I will give you a reserve of water.

I wish for an apple pie (it's my birthday today).

ChloeRose
07-12-2019, 01:42 PM
Granted!! Have a very happy birthday! I most certainly would grant you an apple pie. No strings attached today.:partyguy:

I wish I could read faster.

Kinsman
07-12-2019, 06:21 PM
Whaaaaat?!? No strings?!? :Jaw:

Granted, but additional penalties for thread rule violation must be imposed.:rulez
You can now read faster, but only in Sanskrit. While you might think this could somehow come in handy, Sanskrit was primarily used in Ancient Mesopotamia. I think we have seen that spot of real estate in the news a time or two in the last few years. Yes, we're whisking you to the current site of what was once Mesopotamia... in your bearsuit.

I wish that someone would bring me a nice lemonade so I wouldn't have to get up from this hammock.

ChloeRose
07-12-2019, 11:41 PM
But it is his BIRTHDAY! An apple pie is not much to ask for, truly. At least he's not sitting in a hammock waiting for someone to bring him a lemonade so he doesn't have to get up...speaking of which...


Granted I'd be happy to bring you a lemonade. We can all stop what we're doing just for you. Fresh squeezed I assume? Ice cold and filled to the brim? Lots of ice? Naturally, I'll bring it right over. Oh no...ugh...ouch! Big rock, my toe! (gravel and tripping noises)...here comes the lemonade.....whoops! (full glass pours into your lap..so unintentionally). Remember I'm klutzy. As my son says, when it comes to me, "Holding things is hard" At least you're cooled off now.

I wish there were more room in my freezer. It's too full.

Nymtoc
07-13-2019, 12:28 AM
Granted. There is a lot more room in your freezer--so much that you can step inside and close the door after you. Isn't that nice? Unfortunately, there is no handle on the inside of the door, and once you are in, there is no way out. Chill.

I wish I could speak Mandarin.

M.S. Wiggins
07-13-2019, 01:36 AM
Granted. You now quack Mandarin. No one can understand a thing you’re quaking but speculate your rapid-fire squawks are related to spotting the ginger, garlic, green onions, and myriad other spices set on the kitchen counter… and probably the nearing cleaver. But you Mandarin-quacked your best duck song and that’s all that matters. *belch*

At the risk of wishing cliché, I wish for global peace.

Kinsman
07-13-2019, 01:56 AM
Granted. Saturn is at peace. We were gonna try for Mars, but that being named after a god of war we decided to start elsewhere.

I wish for a towel.

ChloeRose
07-13-2019, 06:20 AM
Granted. My dog is dry now, he only had a few fleas, didn't roll in that much outside, and the towel is only a little completely soaking wet, but consider it yours.

I wish someone would dig up my giant hostas, split them up, and replant them in specified areas of my yard.

Kinsman
07-14-2019, 01:54 AM
Granted. I have often been accused of being an over-achiever. Perhaps you can tell. The holes are large enough to be mistaken for graves and the hostas have been divided to the point that they appear to have been put through a food processor (Is this your Veg-o-matic?). I only await your instructions as to where you would like them buried replanted.


I wish it was possible to find good help these days.

ChloeRose
07-14-2019, 09:28 PM
Granted. I've found a Craftsman of the highest quality who has expertise in every field with decades of experience. Unfortunately you can't afford him. Nice try though. After the hosta debacle there's obviously quite a need.

I wish my friend's dog wouldn't slobber on me every time I tried to pet it.

M.S. Wiggins
07-14-2019, 10:30 PM
Granted, the dog now slobbers on you out the end that ‘go over the fence last’.

I wish I’d stop obsessing over edits.

Azdaphel
07-15-2019, 12:49 PM
Granted. You can no longer edit your posts. Now you are obsessing over not making mistakes.

I wish for humanity to discover FTL space travel (Faster Than Light).

Kinsman
07-16-2019, 05:22 AM
Granted. But now your memory of it must be wiped. You're not meant to know about it. Too bad the chemicals that are used to remove memories are so indiscriminate.


I wish that doctors still made house calls. (anyone remember that?)

Azdaphel
07-18-2019, 01:23 PM
Granted. Doctors in statistics and social studies will bugger people all day long to provide informations to politicians and commercial firms.

I wish for this thread to be renamed "Thy wish be granted".

Nymtoc
07-19-2019, 06:42 AM
Granted. But no one understands the word "thy" anymore, so no one reads the thread and it dies.

I wish I had a purple submarine.

Kinsman
07-19-2019, 06:55 AM
Granted. It now sits on the edge of your bathtub, next to your scrub brush and rubber ducky.


I wish for a lucky horseshoe.

Azdaphel
07-19-2019, 11:01 AM
Granted. But wherever you put it, either your pocket or on your wall, it always falls on your feet or head. Luckily you never had a broken bone.

I wish for a yellow submarine to make Nymtoc jealous.

Nymtoc
07-19-2019, 02:53 PM
Granted. You have a yellow submarine, but it is a pathetic little thing that bobs around and won't go down.

I wish I had a silver aircraft carrier with 100 planes on it.

Kinsman
07-20-2019, 02:51 AM
Granted. Though what might have prompted that wish, considering the outcome of your last wish.... yes, the edge of your bathtub is starting to look cluttered. But take solace in the fact that it is made of silver.


I wish someone would mow my lawn.

Azdaphel
07-21-2019, 12:50 PM
Granted. You now have two sheep to mow your lawn. It takes a long time but it is ecological and costless (I give them for free) since feeding them only require letting them solve your problem. They even help fertilize the soil with their dropping. As you see there is no downside... What noise? Of course their making noises, they are living things. But isn't it better than the sound of a lawnmower? The neighbors are complaining? And cops tell you you are not authorized to have them? Don't tell me you heed such minor complains. Here, have a ram with big horns and a nasty personality. Be careful because he will be ramming anyone who approach.

I wish to get rid of my allergy to acarids. (I genuinely have been treated for this. It's hell to have one since it imply allergy or at least reactions to many common things.)

Kinsman
07-22-2019, 09:10 AM
Granted. Ticks and "proper" arachnids no longer pose an anaphylactic threat to you. However, you are now allergic to almost everything else. Here's your 10' hypoallergenic hamster ball and a handful of benadryl.


I wish for a set of shears (for removing fleece from sheep).

ChloeRose
07-24-2019, 01:44 AM
Granted, but they're an antique rusted pair from the 1600's. There's a real possibility you'll hear the lambs screaming if you attempt their use. Anticipate Roadshow approved.

I wish I lived on a street with a baker, cobbler, and candle stickmaker.

PorterStarrByrd
07-24-2019, 02:03 AM
Granted you now live on a street with a Babbler, a coker, and a candle stitcher (what a strange wish ... i HAD to grant it)


I wish I had a dozen blue golf balls.

Azdaphel
07-24-2019, 01:12 PM
Granted. You had them. You are sure of this. But they disappeared after a game of golf. You remember one or two players accusing you of cheating with your balls but you didn't catch their names.

I wish for what the poor have in abundance and what the rich lack.

ChloeRose
07-24-2019, 09:05 PM
Granted. All the world's poor are now fully stocked with 5,000 drink parasols, a truck load of beach chairs, and a warehouse of individual cabanas, in preparation for unexpected pool parties when all all of their stockbroker 'friends' stop by. Not what you had in mind? Shame. At least the cabanas will come in handy.

I wish that I could make a rainbow appear whenever I wanted to.

Kinsman
07-25-2019, 01:40 AM
Granted. Here's a flashlight and and a waterhose with spray nozzle.

I wish for bottle of SPF 50 sunscreen.

Azdaphel
07-25-2019, 10:58 AM
Granted. But there is actually a penury of products doubled with a problem with the delivery service so you will have to wait until November to receive it.

I wish for an eternal spring.

PorterStarrByrd
07-25-2019, 05:26 PM
Granted ... you have a brand new slinky


I wish I had that dozen blue golf balls back

ChloeRose
07-26-2019, 06:43 AM
Granted, but since the incident with the other golfers you're now known as 'the guy with the blue balls who cheats' which of course is no good to you at all, for innumerable reasons. Best to start the whole thing over again. Maybe choose a different color or something.

I wish that I had understood Azdaphel's previous wish: "I wish for what the poor have in abundance and what the rich lack." which I still kinda don't get, but I'm sure it's just me. Someone else will have to take a crack at it.

Kinsman
07-26-2019, 07:08 AM
Granted. In order to grant your wish in accordance with your wording, you'll need to be sent back in time (only a couple days). Unfortunately none of us will be going with you, so now you'll understand it, but none of us will know it. Anyway, while you're hanging out (back a couple days), I'd avoid meeting yourself while your back there. All Sci-Fi movies and books say bad things happen if you and past-you meet.

I wish I didn't feel so tired.

Nymtoc
07-26-2019, 10:17 AM
Granted. An amazing energy-producing orchid grows on the banks of the Kwotycbepozoyni River, in a remote part of the Gobi Desert. The only possible trip is by foot, takes six weeks and is rumored to be a tiny bit dangerous (17 searchers died this year). The Genie is sending you a map.

I wish to be the first man on Mars.

Kinsman
07-26-2019, 03:39 PM
Granted. Why are you so red in the face? Why are you choking and gagging? Oh! You thought you'd have a space suit? With long-lasting (infinite) oxygen? And some kind of shelter? Hmm, strange how few realize the hardships that plague those that are the "Firsts".

I wish toothpaste didn't ruin the flavor of everything for about fifteen minutes afterward.

Nymtoc
07-27-2019, 08:07 PM
Granted. The Genie is sending you a lifetime supply of ChocoDent, the chocolate-flavored toothpaste that makes everything eaten for three hours after brushing taste like...well...don't you like chocolate?

I wish I would be named Elections Czar for 2020, so I could make sure there's no funny business.

ChloeRose
07-27-2019, 09:45 PM
Granted. Prepare to report to the Kremlin very soon. You've been 'recruited' by the Russians to monitor election activities. I believe you'll find there's nothing to worry about. Or....

I wish that I had the original Vincent Van Gogh's "Starry Night" painting.

Kinsman
07-27-2019, 11:01 PM
Granted, Here take it quick... yes, I'm wearing gloves... hang it on your wall, or hide it - I don't care. I'm leaving, and yes, the sirens you hear approaching are the FBI.


I wish for a safe, fast, non-descript (No fire engine red Lamborghini please) and reliable escape vehicle. That painting is now ChloeRose's problem.

PorterStarrByrd
07-28-2019, 04:46 AM
Granted your vehichle will be delivered by the USPS ASAP

I wish my turtle was quicker on its feet

Azdaphel
07-28-2019, 11:43 AM
Granted. You now have the truck of the ninja turtles. Be careful though, they are searching for it.

I wish spring would be the only season.

PorterStarrByrd
07-29-2019, 04:48 AM
Granted ... Thousands of farmers are going under and the food supply is dwindling as the fickle spring weather plays havoc with crops ... but of course global warming is a nightmare of the past while a new ice age begins


I wish I could figure out how to operate an umbrella

ChloeRose
07-29-2019, 06:08 AM
Granted. You'd been inducted into, and graduated from, the Mary Poppins Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Umbrella School, to great accolades. On the unfortunate end of things, you've developed such the expert skill set in this area that even a slight breeze sends you flying off to the netherlands of the sky, although your landings are quite impressive. The rest of us will have to keep futzing about in the rain getting wet attempting to open and close the contraption before it turns inside out again...and again.

I wish I had goats to make goat cheese and goats milk with.

Azdaphel
07-29-2019, 12:34 PM
Granted. You now have magical goats which make cheese from their butt. The cheese is magical and can be turned into milk by warming it slowly. The only downside is a really special and funny taste.

I wish for an infinite supply of marshmallow.

PorterStarrByrd
07-30-2019, 05:05 AM
Denied ... I've been granting too many wishes and am taking the day off

I wish the deviled eggs would behave

ChloeRose
07-30-2019, 05:56 AM
Granted. Now you have an egg. No filling. Including an absence of salt. I don't get the feeling your heart was in that one.

I wish the Staypuff Marshmallow Man really did storm the streets so that Azdaphel had access to excess marshmallow...if that's what he really wanted.

Kinsman
07-30-2019, 08:24 PM
Granted, Though without the famed Ghostbusters to intervene, the Staypuft marshmallow man is free to run rampant wherever he chooses. Needless to say, the neighborhood in your area has experienced some marked reduction in property values. On the upside, the area is now open for re-development once the marshmallow man can be convinced to move elsewhere and bulldozers can clear the wreckage.


I wish for the ozone layer to be replenished.

Nymtoc
07-31-2019, 03:40 AM
Granted. But in order to replenish the ozone layer, a special satellite must be deployed at approximately 15 km above the earth, and you have been selected to man that satellite continuously. You will blast off at 5 am tomorrow. (The Genie hopes you don't mind heights.)

I wish I had a big order of French fries right now.

PorterStarrByrd
07-31-2019, 04:22 AM
denied .. I don't traffic food fetishes

I wish I had a bowl of cherries

Kinsman
07-31-2019, 07:23 AM
Granted, yet Denied. The contradictory nature of your wish (having just denied a food-related wish) causes a here-to-fore unknown "Wish Backlash". You will now man the ozone-replacing satellite, Nymtoc gets your cherries, and the french fries go to.... ChloeRose?!?


I wish my vehicles no longer needed maintenance, or repairs.

Azdaphel
07-31-2019, 11:30 AM
Granted. You no longer have a car. And didn't you make the same wish before?

I wish to be a super hero.

Nymtoc
07-31-2019, 12:38 PM
Granted. The Genie is sending you red-and-blue polyester tights, a polyester top with built-in muscles, a wide yellow belt, a red cape, and shiny boot covers. You'll look exactly like Superman. The hero stuff is up to you.

I wish I could get around to reading "Finnegans Wake."

ChloeRose
07-31-2019, 05:32 PM
Granted. You've been let go from your current employer so you have time and energy to read the 700 page novel, known as one of 'most difficult works of fiction in the English language'. Not light summer reading, but I'm sure you'll find it rewarding. Oneday. Hopefully before your unemployment runs out. Not gonna look good on the resume.

I wish I had a comfortable pillow.

Kinsman
07-31-2019, 06:01 PM
Granted. Here is the Airlite Super-cush 5000. It supports where you need it and cushions everywhere else. It is the most comfortable pillow in the known universe. It's even biodegradable... very biodegradable. In fact, it's nearly already consumed itself as I described it. Well, you can at least claim to have held one in your hands.


I wish for my equipment to be maintenance-free. Azdafel handled my car problems but he neglected my tractor, lawn mower, weed trimmer, 5th wheel camper, my other tractor... And I haven't had a car for a few years.. I have a jeep, a truck and an SUV (I'm guessing that he was considering the SUV to be the car). I'm starting to think Azdaphel isn't truly dedicated to his task.

PorterStarrByrd
08-01-2019, 12:01 AM
Denied .. nothing worthwhile in life is free even with the help a genie who really doesn't care.


I wish I had a band aid

Kinsman
08-01-2019, 03:57 AM
Granted. Duran Duran, Spandau Ballet, and Bananarama arrive in your yard to perform, except *this* time isn't for charity. The bands expect payment...just for showing up.
(3 groups from the performers of Band Aid in 1984, in case you weren't keeping up) <--- that's for you, ChloeRose :e2tongue:.

I wish I weren't feeling so hungry.

ChloeRose
08-01-2019, 09:46 PM
(3 groups from the performers of Band Aid in 1984, in case you weren't keeping up) <--- that's for you, ChloeRose :e2tongue:.
....I LOVED Duran Duran....and similarly A Flock of Seagalls, whom I only wish had performed. I am just old enough to remember the concert, thank you very much for bringing that to everyone's attention. I owe you for that...speaking of which...


Granted. Given that your wish to eliminate being hungry was made many hours ago one can only assume that you've eaten in the meantime. Made something for yourself hopefully, or a kindly soul did it for you. Now you're less hungry and have learned a valuable lesson. Go look in the refrigerator.

I wish that listening to the news, no matter where you turn (radio, newspaper, TV...), wasn't such a drag every single day.

Nymtoc
08-01-2019, 10:04 PM
Granted. The Genie has arranged for all your newspapers, radio, TV and internet be handled by Sunshine&Lollipops.org, which will bring you consistently happy news stories, like "Little Jackie Got a Cute Little Puppy For His Birthday, And Blew Out All The Candles On His Cake, Too!."

I wish I had more energy.

PorterStarrByrd
08-02-2019, 03:49 AM
Granted ... here is a nearly new used D battery


I wish I had a better seat to see the swallows returning to Capistrano

ChloeRose
08-03-2019, 04:54 PM
Granted. I looked into it my friend and I'm doing you a solid. Got you a front row seat at the mission directly under the hidey-holes where the little birds, (with luck), return to on a yearly basis. Only piece of advice, given the proximity of your view of the hundreds of migratory birds, don't look up. Your effort will sadly be rewarded with the tail-end (sorry for the pun) of the 'little bird that could'.

I wish I had a full size, full set, porcelain English tea service.

Azdaphel
08-03-2019, 05:50 PM
Granted. Here is a full size, full set porcelain tea service. However I couldn't find one made in England so here is one made in China. Not the same quality but no one will see the difference unless they look under the pieces of the set, which they'll probably do. At least it's cheaper to replace if someone break something.

I wish to have a Ming vase.

Nymtoc
08-03-2019, 10:32 PM
Granted. Here is a pretty little flower vase made of clay by Jenny Ming, a third-grader in Joplin, Missouri. It hasn't been fired yet, so you can reshape it if you want.

I wish I knew what happened just before the Big Bang.

Kinsman
08-04-2019, 12:58 AM
Granted. You're being sent back to witness it personally... don't forget your toothbrush, this is a one-way trip.


I wish I were on better terms with the Genie.

PorterStarrByrd
08-04-2019, 04:48 AM
Denied ... the demands an unconditional surrender and does not traffic in "terms"

I wish I knew which end of this walnut to open

ChloeRose
08-04-2019, 05:46 AM
Denied. If you can't figure out which end of a walnut to open, and I am not even sure what that means, you're going to be forced to stick to dry unsalted pretzels.

I wish I didn't need reading glasses.

Kinsman
08-04-2019, 05:04 PM
Granted. You no longer have sight. Here's a subscription for some audiobooks.

I wish for a gentle rain of no more than 2 inches accumulation today.

Nymtoc
08-04-2019, 05:37 PM
Granted. There will be a gentle rain of 1.9 inches today in Pevlodar, Kazakhstan. You can get there if you hurry.

I wish I had a UFO that would take me to incredible places. It doesn't have to be beautiful or anything, just nice enough for me and my giraffe.

PorterStarrByrd
08-05-2019, 03:16 AM
I wish I had a UFO that would take me to incredible places. It doesn't have to be beautiful or anything, just nice enough for me and my giraffe.

Granted this your bath tub and that is your shower ... and I'll throw in a rubber ducky

- - - Updated - - -

I wish I had an instruction book for my cane

Kinsman
08-05-2019, 05:23 AM
Granted. Here's your new instruction book. It's written by ACME. Yes, the same suppliers that provide all those fanciful gadgets for Wile E Coyote. Use with caution.


I wish pop culture had less influence.

ChloeRose
08-05-2019, 06:49 AM
Granted. Now like some of those other countries American media will be censored for pop culture content. State run media police will block website and other content with any undesirable images or ideas. The Supreme Leader appreciates your support...but will still be monitoring your internet access.

I wish I had a pet duck wearing a bow tie.

Azdaphel
08-05-2019, 11:10 AM
Granted. You had a really cute duck with a bow tie. But the bow tie doesn't make the gentleman and he left you for a cute lady duck. She wouldn't be the last of his girlfriends.

I wish world peace was finally achieved.

PorterStarrByrd
08-05-2019, 04:32 PM
Denied ... I love chaos


I wish I had a cane to go with my instruction book. (Is ACME an industry leader? ... do they sell birthday candles?)

Kinsman
08-06-2019, 02:36 AM
Granted. Yes, ACME is an industry leader in almost ALL products... just ask them, they'll confirm it. While you're asking, inquire about why your pogo-stick-hot-air-balloon cane is backordered. It's on the way, I promise. Now about those birthday candles - yes, they are a specialty and as an introductory offer you've been given several free samples. Here's a match, but just wait a moment..let me give you a little space... >>> .... *Ok, NOW light them.


I selflessly wish for a fire extinguisher and an ambulance. PSB is looking a little crispy.

ChloeRose
08-06-2019, 11:41 PM
Granted. Your Clown Car Ambulance is on it's way. You'll recognize the primary colors and balloons. Make way for the plentiful clowns emptying from with vehicle with spraying fire extinguishers full of....foam? You'll find out pretty soon.

I wish I had the Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar with the Golden Ticket...to get me into the Chocolate Factory.

Kjbartolotta
08-06-2019, 11:56 PM
I wish I had the Willy Wonka Chocolate Bar with the Golden Ticket...to get me into the Chocolate Factory.

Your wish is granted, but every attraction is broken except for the boat ride.

https://i.imgur.com/i0Mk6MM.gif

I wish I could splice my genes with alien DNA.

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2019, 12:06 AM
denied ... it seems like some other genie beat me to it.

I wish I had a rubber tip for my new cane when it gets here

ChloeRose
08-07-2019, 12:31 AM
Granted. But when the tip for your cane shows up you'll find that it is perfectly sized for your index fingertip, where it get stuck. So when you try to deny wishes all that comes out is...

dkeamvluelaodaelsogS!l--++helclualw ##@agli** :-(

Sad.

I wish that I had an Oompa Loompa to hang out with. We'd watch TV, run errands, take walks, laugh.....perchance to dream.

Kjbartolotta
08-07-2019, 12:58 AM
Granted, but you get a DOOMpa Loompa, who's nice but a little emo.

I *still* wish I could splice my genes with alien DNA.

Nymtoc
08-07-2019, 02:47 AM
Granted. But this happens only in a test tube, and when scientists realize what happened, they destroy the experiment. The Earth does not need such horrors.

I wish I never had to go to the dentist again.

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2019, 04:58 AM
dkeamvluelaodaelsogS!l--++helclualw ##@agli** :-(


I wish my fingers would shink just a little bit

Kinsman
08-07-2019, 07:24 AM
Granted. In fact, ALL your appendages have shrunk a little bit. The rest of you has gained however, leaving your appearance a bit, um, shall we say 'disproportionate'... As an incredible complimentary feature, the tip to your cane is of the "Shrink to fit" variety so, you're still wearing it.


I wish our elected officials actually represented their constituency, rather than their own interests.

Azdaphel
08-07-2019, 11:19 AM
Granted. From now on elected officials will represent their constituency as long as they accept whatever the elected people decide to do. Have you heard of a democratic dictatorship?

I wish to have a real-size poney made of diamonds.

ChloeRose
08-07-2019, 04:29 PM
Granted. However, given the size of your pony you'll need access to a large quantity diamonds. Thus here is your one way ticket to the Zimbabwe Diamond Mine. You'll have to pay an extra baggage fee for the pick ax and shovel though.

I wish for a telescope that could see to the bottom of the ocean.

Kinsman
08-07-2019, 05:10 PM
Granted. Considering how light cannot penetrate to that depth, your view is total blackness. I suppose another few wishes might resolve condition, to potentially horrific side effects, but go ahead... fire away ;)


I wish my vision included the ultraviolet wavelength.

PorterStarrByrd
08-07-2019, 08:34 PM
Granted ... after a little Peyote you have a vision that there is indeed an ultraviolet wavelength

I wish I could become a better person and still not have to answer all of those questions they as in the interogation room

Kinsman
08-08-2019, 12:41 AM
Granted. You're now Hillary Clinton's new advisor/"moral compass". Cheers.


I wish I hadn't eaten all those jalapeno poppers for lunch.

Tim Archer
08-08-2019, 03:20 AM
Wish granted. You didn't eat any jalapenos. You didn't eat anything. You're starving.

I wish I had a Saturday night off from the bar.

ChloeRose
08-08-2019, 04:58 AM
Granted. You have your evening off. However, being from Chicago myself, my remembrances are that when you go out for a good time you will get stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, not be able to find parking, pay too much when you finally get in somewhere, become tired of the crowds in a heavily populated area, and then go home exhausted wishing you had just gone to work and made some decent money...since the cost of living is high too. If I mentioned the weather that would just be overkill, so I'll leave it at that.

I wish I hadn't had a catastrophe with the wood stain I'm using as it's gotten everywhere and is very difficult to clean up....off of clothes, the floor, the counter, myself....

Kinsman
08-08-2019, 03:22 PM
Granted. All pigments have been removed. All of them. If you ever wondered how you might look as an albino... here's a mirror.


I *still* wish for about 2 inches accumulation of gentle rain, on my property.
That last phrase was for you, Nymtoc...

Nymtoc
08-08-2019, 11:30 PM
Granted. 2 inches of gentle rain accumulates on your property. Within two minutes (unfortunately) a sinkhole opens in your yard, and the accumulated rain disappears into it, leaving everything even drier than before. :evil

I wish I could ride a unicycle.

Kinsman
08-09-2019, 07:57 AM
Granted. However, the seat keeps falling off... very uncomfortable. Ever wonder what a popsicle feels like?

I wish for a torrential flood to fill up the new sinkhole Nymtoc has seen fit to grant me.I always wanted my own lake.

Nymtoc
08-09-2019, 08:45 AM
Granted. You have your own lake. Unfortunately, it is fed by groundwater contaminated by toxic matter from a nearby munitions factory. The government has put up signs reading "CAUTION! Hazardous Waste!" ;)

I wish I were a kinder person.

Azdaphel
08-09-2019, 12:42 PM
Granted. Now you are a teletubbies... I don't think I need to add more.

I wish for world war 3 (since I can't have world peace when I explicitly ask for it, let's have chaos).

Kinsman
08-09-2019, 04:06 PM
Granted. Though why you should wish for a video game that's readily available is beyond me. Anyway, here it is. Now for the End User Licensing Agreement... sign here, here, here, and here. No never mind that organ donor clause, that's just in case you die from the epileptic fits commonly caused by this game. Nothing for you to be concerned about. Play on.


I wish for a Caterpillar 510D (It's a hybrid between an "almost-bulldozer" and a backhoe)

ChloeRose
08-09-2019, 07:19 PM
Granted. You now have a job at the local cemetery with all you own equipment. At least it'll be quiet there and very little criticism of your work.

I wish I had a few successful banana trees that bore fruit with regularity.

CDSinex
08-09-2019, 08:43 PM
Granted: Your banana plant, Nymphoides Aquatica (https://fishlab.com/aquarium-banana-plant/), is thriving in your freshwater aquarium.

https://www.google.com/search?newwindow=1&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS797US797&q=Nymphoides+Aquatica&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiGysXdnPbjAhURRKwKHZh-DyMQiR56BAgJEBA&biw=1098&bih=475
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https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-na.ssl-images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F51z7VS4wPkL._SY355_.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.co.uk%2FAquadip-Banana-Lily-Nymphoides-Aquatica%2Fdp%2FB01HLL07IU&docid=jwa5OP2InbxXCM&tbnid=s0raJfC4zulWPM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwjojYvjnPbjAhUBVa0KHaZVDbAQMwhDKA4wDg.. i&w=355&h=355&bih=475&biw=1098&q=Nymphoides%20Aquatica&ved=0ahUKEwjojYvjnPbjAhUBVa0KHaZVDbAQMwhDKA4wDg&iact=mrc&uact=8

I wish the birds would stop eating the blueberries in my garden.

Kinsman
08-10-2019, 07:30 AM
Granted. Bears love blueberries and should also be highly effective at keeping the birds away. Best to keep your trash cans indoors for a week or two. Once they've harvested your blueberries they'll be looking for some other source of food.


I wish I could find a trustworthy, reasonably-priced auto mechanic

Azdaphel
08-10-2019, 11:12 AM
Granted. You can find one in France.

I wish humanity discovers immortality.

Nymtoc
08-10-2019, 08:24 PM
Previously granted. Numerous religions have discovered immortality throughout the course of history. Where have you been?

I wish there were eight days in the week, so I could do absolutely anything I want on Day 8.

CDSinex
08-10-2019, 09:55 PM
Previously Granted: The Beatles even sang a song about as far back as 1965. Where have you been? :D

I wish the period between summer heat and winter cold was longer.

Kinsman
08-11-2019, 04:33 PM
Granted. Now do we really need to go into what happens when the movement of the axis of the planet is arbitrarily manipulated? Alright... The seasonal and circadian rhythms established for insect life are disrupted causing untold damage to the food chain and the ecosystem in general. A longer autumn season also results in plant life being unable to synthesize enough chlorophyll (the leaves have turned brown) which causes the resulting winter to be more destructive than ever. Thanks for making global "desertification" a short-term reality.

I wish apricots tasted like bananas.

Nymtoc
08-11-2019, 05:19 PM
Granted.Buy some test tubes, a flask, a bunsen burner and carbon and other ingredients and mix up a batch of isoamyl acetate--CH3COO(CH2)2CH(CH3)2*. Soak your apricots in it overnight. They will taste (almost) like bananas.

*a popular form of synthetic banana flavoring.


I wish all telemarketers were banished from the Earth.

ChloeRose
08-11-2019, 09:13 PM
Granted. All telemarketers have been retrained to monitor your buying and browsing via satellite stations. Privacy blocking of your cell phone calls will become a faint and meloncholy memory.

I wish the majority of automobiles here in the USA were smaller and fuel efficient like the ones in the UK. Let's lose the gas guzzlers.

Azdaphel
08-12-2019, 11:11 AM
Granted. The USA become a colony of the UK again. They put strict rules over automobiles and even you must buy a new one or pay a huge fine.

I wish the weather in France stopped being schizophrenic. (Actually summer looks like autumn and the end of spring felt like a really hot summer. And I want snow in winter, damn it!)

Starlite
08-12-2019, 05:20 PM
Granted. An airtight dome has been placed around France, and all the atmosphere has been removed. There is now no weather in France.

I wish I had a better singing voice.

Nymtoc
08-12-2019, 06:30 PM
Granted. Your larynx, tongue and nasal passages have been replaced by a plastic composite. You will now sound like Maria Callas or Janis Joplin (your choice). You may have a little trouble eating, but that's the price you pay. Right? :ROFL:

I wish I understood what is going on in Washington.

Kinsman
08-13-2019, 04:48 PM
Granted. Corruption and self-interest, downright insanity and a few actual (closet) idealists. Surprised you felt the need to spend a wish on that.
In the vein of keeping things obvious....

I wish I knew why my belly button looked like *that*.

ChloeRose
08-13-2019, 11:26 PM
Granted. We've recovered some footage from the moment of your birth explicitly showing when your umbilical cord was cut from the placenta that kept you nourished. The doctor put a clamp on the remaining stump to pinch it off. After a couple of days the stump oozed, dried, shrunk, and turned black before it fell off, leaving you the belly button you have found yourself staring at. The miracle of birth....um wake up, did you faint?

I wish that I had a special telescope with an attached light source that could see even into the deepest parts of the ocean (Kinsman)...

Kinsman
08-14-2019, 06:38 AM
Granted. The electricity required to power such a light source has plunged the entire Eastern Seaboard into a brownout and fried the transformer outside your home. Hospital emergency generators are kicking on to maintain life support systems for patients that need it, but many long-term care facilities and home health patients are not so well equipped. Consider those costs while you review your next electric bill. I can suggest a decent lawyer. Also you might want to consider a low interest loan while you work out how you'll pay that electric bill. *Hope you enjoyed your five-second view of the ocean floor.

I wish I had a helicopter.

Nymtoc
08-14-2019, 07:11 AM
Granted. Here is a brand-new top-of-the-line Agusta AW139. The Genie noticed that you didn't specify "free," so you are being charged $9,846,363.00. Payment is demanded by August 15th.

I wish I could visit Enceladus.

Kinsman
08-14-2019, 08:01 AM
Granted. We're strapping you into a pressure-neutral capsule to be loaded into a railgun. Calculations have been done and trajectories precisely dialed in. It's a tad "nippy" at your destination, but we'll toss in a pair of flannel PJs. Once there, you're on your own for oxygen and sustenance. I think you'll agree it isn't in the top 5 of vacation destinations, but send us a postcard... wait, never mind.


I wish for $9,846,375.53 (asking for an additional $12.53 to cover fund transfer fees) to be made available immediately.

ChloeRose
08-14-2019, 08:28 AM
Granted. Open your front door to find a very large pile of Monopoly money awaiting your perusal. I advise the choice of Top Hat with the purchase of Pennsylvania Avenue (naturally).

I wish I knew why Kinsman wants $9,846,375.53 (asking for an additional $12.53 to cover fund transfer fees).

Kinsman
08-15-2019, 12:33 AM
Granted. Read post #17720 & #17721. 3rd & 4th post above this one. :e2point: *reviews ChloeRose's eyeglass Rx.


I wish to make myself invisible at will.

Nymtoc
08-15-2019, 12:42 AM
Granted. Interestingly, nobody notices.

I wish I were better at repartee--for instance, in avoiding what the French call "l'esprit d'escalier" (thinking of the perfect reply only after you are at the bottom of the stairs--i.e. after you have left the gathering or the situation).

Kinsman
08-15-2019, 01:09 AM
Granted. However, your voice now is on an ultrasonic frequency. When you speak, dogs howl, but no humans can hear you. Lip Readers are suitably impressed as your responses are certainly quicker and snappier than ever.

I wish I had a better memory.

Jack McManus
08-15-2019, 02:53 AM
Granted. You have an elephant's memory, with the added bonus of an irresistible urge to continue the species. Sorry about getting banned from all zoos and wildlife preserves from here on out.

I wish the the dust bunnies under my couch would get their act together and make their move.

Kinsman
08-15-2019, 05:43 AM
Granted. They've definitely made their move. They've declared the living room to be their sovereign nation and any incursions by you to be an act of war. Don't look under your bed. They already have that space infiltrated.

I wish for a new pair of shoelaces.

ChloeRose
08-15-2019, 05:56 AM
Granted. 54" Rainbow colored shoelaces expressly for size 13 clown shoes (those are what you wear right?) are all yours. Did you want a red rubber nose to go with that?

I wish I were able to dive into the pool at the local gymnasium.

Kinsman
08-15-2019, 09:46 PM
Granted. Of course you can dive in, it's simply a question of permission, or lack of witnesses. The lifeguard/pool cops have been called away (someone pulled the fire alarm) leaving you free to dive. Quickly... but now there's no one around to pull your limp, unconscious body from the water if you were to... bump your head...?

I wish for the car* that goes with the shoelaces that ChloeRose just gave me. *(the VW bug that fits twelve).

Starlite
08-16-2019, 04:39 AM
Granted. One VW bug, just big enough to fit twelve sets of 54" rainbow shoelaces for size 13 clown shoes, rolled up as tight as possible. Far too small for a person, but they go with the laces, not you.

I wish weren't lactose intolerant.

Kinsman
08-16-2019, 05:44 AM
Granted. You can now eat all the dairy you want without digestive upset. You're digestive system is now intolerant to meat (yes, that includes fish, poultry and eggs).


I wish I didn't have this incessant ringing (tinnitus) in my ears.

Jack McManus
08-16-2019, 07:13 AM
Denied. What you're hearing are coded messages sent through your toaster.

I wish my toaster would keep its opinions to itself.

ChloeRose
08-17-2019, 04:27 AM
Granted. You toaster now just makes a constant buzzing noise instead. Irronically sounding a little like tinnitus.

I wish the song "Send in the Clowns" by Judy Collins was banished from existence.

Kinsman
08-17-2019, 04:38 AM
Granted. Now your radio only plays "Tiptoe through the Tulips", by Tiny Tim. You even hear it in your sleep.


I wish I had been more productive today.

Nymtoc
08-17-2019, 06:13 AM
Semi-granted. The problem is, this is a retro wish. The Genie is limited in the extent to which he can change the past. However, a few harmless alterations are possible. For this wish, you were more productive today by tiptoeing through the tulips and picking a few.

I wish I knew what was going to happen in the next election.

Kinsman
08-17-2019, 07:46 AM
Granted. The media will whip themselves into a frenzy. Politicians will be elected. Some voters will be dissatisfied. A short time later, even more voters will be dissatisfied.


I wish I were a better mechanic.

ChloeRose
08-18-2019, 04:36 AM
Granted. You are a better mechanic. In fact the best mechanic...of Model T's which, unfortunately, is not much in demand at the moment. So, you spend a lot of your time...on this website. :hooray:

I wish I were never allergic to any insect ever again.

Azdaphel
08-19-2019, 11:28 AM
Granted. But now you are allergic every arthropods who is not an insect. Spiders give you urticaria and you can't eat crustaceans anymore.

I wish I could read minds.

ChloeRose
08-21-2019, 05:24 PM
Granted. However, the only access you have to read the minds of other people is listening to a running tally of their grocery lists. "Butter, bread, shallots, soap, toilet paper (a lot of toilet paper)...." which not only makes you go crazy, but reminds you of all the stuff you still need at the store.

I wish I put my pumpkin plant somewhere other than in my vegetable patch since it's grown like some monstrous creature from the netherworlds and is trying eliminate every other living thing.

Nymtoc
08-22-2019, 02:03 AM
Granted. Your pumpkin plant (with soil) has been moved to your living room, where it has continued to grow and not only fills the room but is threatening to take over your house. Walls are beginning to crack.

I wish I had a better grasp of economics.

Kinsman
08-23-2019, 02:19 AM
Granted. In fact, your understanding of economics is now unparalleled. One glance at the US deficit and the years of mismanagement are enough to push you over the edge (far over). The nice men in white coats will be stopping by soon with a jacket for you. Yes, those wraparound sleeves are quite stylish.

I some other creature would replace ticks in nature's food chain.

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2019, 04:05 AM
Granted ... a large supply of chiggers is on the way ... with a bonus pakage of no-seeums.

I wish it was still August

Nymtoc
08-23-2019, 09:55 AM
Granted. It is August 4, 1914. World War I begins. (Don't forget your gas mask.)

I wish I had an accordion.

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2019, 03:24 PM
be mor clear .... what accordian to whom?


I wish I didn't have gas

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2019, 03:25 PM
* farts *

Azdaphel
08-23-2019, 08:36 PM
I wish moose farts didn't smell that bad.

Nymtoc
08-23-2019, 11:20 PM
Pending

I wish to second the motion.

ChloeRose
08-24-2019, 01:19 AM
Denied.....so, go open a window.

I wish I could find my lost sandal.

Nymtoc
08-24-2019, 11:08 AM
Granted. You return to the beach where you lost it, swim out a bit and encounter the whale that swallowed it. Then...(the Genie cannot go on...:e2drown: )

I wish these genies would not deny my wishes! :Headbang: