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Kjbartolotta
02-08-2019, 10:29 AM
Granted, but all they do is wish for more wishes.

I wish I could put my dog's brain in the body of a crocodile...

Nymtoc
02-09-2019, 02:21 AM
Granted. But what used to be a playful nip on your leg is now like a scene from a horror movie. :e2chain:

I wish I could travel anywhere in the world without paying.

NathanBrazil
02-11-2019, 02:18 AM
You can but you've been transformed into an airplane wheel.

I wish I could move ridiculously heavy objects without straining my back.

ChloeRose
02-11-2019, 05:27 AM
....your wish is granted, but the heavy items must be ridiculous, such as an ice cream truck on top of an elephant.

I wish I were athletic enough to do any sport I wanted...

Koulentis
02-13-2019, 10:46 AM
Granted! But your wish seems odd considering the only sport you want to do is cup-stacking.

I wish I owned an ice cream truck.

ChloeRose
02-15-2019, 06:39 PM
....your wish is granted, but given that you live in Norway I'm not sure how much good it's going to do you.

I wish that I could go back to college and earn a higher degree without paying for it.

Nymtoc
02-15-2019, 09:09 PM
Granted. You are hereby granted a scholarship to Trump University, where you...oh, hell, the Feds shut it down.

I wish I had a butler robot.

M.S. Wiggins
02-17-2019, 01:43 AM
Granted. Your butlernot just welcomed the POTUS into your home. Have fun entertaining him.

I wish I was a fly on Nymtoc’s wall.

Nymtoc
02-17-2019, 07:05 AM
Granted. But be aware that Nymtoc won first prize at the annual Fly-Swatting Contest last year. :snoopy:

I wish I could visit ancient Rome for a day.

Koulentis
02-17-2019, 07:27 AM
Granted! The twelve-feet tall, three-hundred pound housefly known as ‘Rome’ is waiting for you at the dumpster behind your local supermarket. Rome has been meaning to talk to about your Fly-Swatting habits and how you’ve been telling everyone he’s ancient. He’s really looking forward to your visit.

I wish Nymtoc had a huge can of Raid Bug Spray.

Azdaphel
02-18-2019, 11:25 PM
Granted, but you know what? It's empty.

I wish to not be Nymtoc.

Nymtoc
02-19-2019, 12:54 AM
Granted. You are not now and never have been and never will be Nymtoc. (That was an easy one! :banana:)

I wish I could write a novel in one day.

M.S. Wiggins
02-20-2019, 02:54 AM
Granted, but it's a Groundhog-Day style granting. (You have to get it write/right first before you can move on Nymtoc-Murray.) ;)

Wish I could edit a novel in one day.

ChloeRose
02-22-2019, 08:23 AM
Granted, but it will be Worlds of Power: Metal Gear described as possibly the worst book ever written: review "This must have been a secret plot by ..to destroy any interest in reading.. so bad it might cause your brain to forget how to read in self-defense."

I wish I could fly to Paris in an hour to dine at the Eiffel Tower Restaurant during the springtime.

Nerdilydone
02-23-2019, 11:45 PM
Okay, but given that your location is Pennsylvania, the only way you could make it to Paris in an hour is by traveling with an SR-71, a retired military vehicle. You are arrested immediately after lunch for theft and parking the SR-71 in the middle of Paris' busiest road.

I wish to walk in lollipop land.

Koulentis
02-27-2019, 11:23 AM
Granted! You are a eight-inch tall pink ball of cuteness known as Kirby. Look out for the tanks. Good luck with the boss fight on stage 6.

I wish I had an Atari 2600.

ChloeRose
02-27-2019, 07:10 PM
Granted! But in order to play the Atari 2600 you'll have to dress in clothes fashionable at the time which include parachute pants, a skinny neck tie, a Hawaiian shirt and puff your hair up as high as it will go with gel and hairspray.

I wish I could wake up and find my old, rusty, gas guzzling, bench seat, 2 door, V8, 1969 Chevy Nova coupe, waiting for me in the driveway.

Azdaphel
02-27-2019, 09:47 PM
Granted. But be careful not stomping on it, it's just a scale model. The original was so rusty, it fell apart.

I wish I could replay games I have played like it was the first time.

CDSinex
03-02-2019, 03:46 AM
Granted: From now on you play every game like it was the first time. Everything you learned the last, first time is erased from from your memory. In a Sisyphean nightmare you repeat the same mistakes, and the game quickly ends in the same abrupt manner.

I wish I would spend more time writing and not be so easily distracted.

Nightfly
03-02-2019, 07:31 AM
Granted: You are now alone on a small island. You know the satellite (your only chance) passes overhead... right around high tide. You spend all day every day writing....HELP.

I wish I had the power. All the power.

Koulentis
03-02-2019, 10:49 AM
Granted! You're Snap! Unfortunately that means your life is also "getting kinda hectic". (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BRv9wGf5pk).

I wish I had a microphone.

Crispin
03-02-2019, 11:02 AM
Granted! You are now the cord to which it's attached. Hope no one trips!

I wish I could see across the entire universe.

Nightfly
03-06-2019, 05:56 AM
Granted. But the trade off is you're farsighted. Which for you now means if you want to read a menu you'll need arms that reach to the moon. (try the burger. it's good and before long it'll cost a fortune in taxes)

Hmm. I wish I had the best burger in the world.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-07-2019, 07:16 AM
Granted, but it is so damned good looking that you are unable to ruin it by eating it.

I wish I had a pet hippopotamus with five legs.

ChloeRose
03-07-2019, 04:46 PM
Your wish is granted, but he'll make a raucous noise, trample your backgarden, and you'll need an industrial strength leash to walk around the neighborhood while people stare at you anywhere you go (did I mention you'll have to clean up after him?)

I wish I owned a bakery and could eat all of the cookies, brownies and cakes I wanted without ever gaining weight....

Kenneth Keltarin
03-07-2019, 08:14 PM
Granted. You are a two-dimensional cartoon character capable of swallowing anything though you'll never make it to that third dimension. Watch out for stiff breezes and a high-pitched Christopher Lloyd.

I wish all this snow would stop falling, it's nearly spring...

Nymtoc
03-08-2019, 12:24 AM
Granted. The snow has stopped falling, and the temperature has risen to 136 degrees F. (Global warming. :snoopy:)

I wish I didn't have a dental appointment this afternoon.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-08-2019, 03:40 AM
Granted. You are in a morgue awaiting autopsy.

I wish I had milk to put on my cereal.

Koulentis
03-08-2019, 09:20 AM
Granted! Your cereal bowl is full of mushroom milk fresh squeezed... er, squashed... juiced from the fungus. Yum!

I wish I had a box of Cap'n Crunch to go with my bowl of cow milk.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-08-2019, 05:35 PM
Granted. Your Cap'n Crunch is full of weevils and the cows milk has curdled. Enjoy the biodiversity!

I wish people would stop being silly with their wish solutions on this thread.

ChloeRose
03-08-2019, 06:46 PM
Granted. From now on when you attempt to access this site will be redirected to "Mathematics Stack Exchange" with forum questions such as:
"If E is splitting field of f(x) and we denote degree of fi(x) by di , then Gal(E/F)≤Sd1×Sd2×Sd3× ... ×Sdn (Gal(E/F) is Galois group of f(x) and Sn is permutation group of n)
My Question: Is this collect?"
... you will fine nothing of silly amusement from here to the foreseeable future. Enjoy!!

I wish that I had a personal chef to here create perfectly prepared, healthy and delicious meals 24 hours a day.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-09-2019, 01:57 AM
Granted. Meals will be prepared around the clock and you will not be allowed to leave the table until each of them has been eaten. Try not to explode.

I wish that I did not enjoy mathematics so much as to be sorely tempted by the previous solution.

Nightfly
03-09-2019, 06:57 AM
Granted! But now you are - tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
What's been going on
Now that you have gone
There's no other

i guess maybe i wish for more confidence or something, i don't know, is that a dumb wish?

Norman Mjadwesch
03-09-2019, 11:11 AM
Granted! You are now an incredibly confident and wishful person whose all-knowing personality, grass-roots connection to the voters, and no-nonsense approach to democracy has seen you elected to the US presidency.

I wish I wasn't being sarcastic.

Azdaphel
03-09-2019, 06:14 PM
Granted! You told the truth and telling it is not sarcastic. In fact, it hurts after the person you were talking to punch you in the stomach.

I wish I knew the answer to life, the universe and everything else.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-10-2019, 12:34 AM
Granted. You are now Douglas Adams but because of your superior intellect the only way to communicate with humanity is to write books that contain life's answers, yet they are treated by readers largely as entertainment.

I wish I had simply written 42.

Nightfly
03-10-2019, 12:35 AM
Granted! You have all the answers. Unfortunately the ONLY question anyone ever asks you for the rest of your life is - Hey did you get a haircut or something?

I wish I had more focus.

Damn it! Missed it by one minute. Ignore my wish Genie. Next time.

Nightfly
03-11-2019, 03:59 AM
Granted. You are propelled back in time and when the fateful moment arrives this time your intuition takes over and you simply write.......42. The questionnaire you were filling out asked for your IQ.

I wish I was better at making decisions. No, more focus. No, the first thing - decisions.....uh..yeah decisions.

ChloeRose
03-11-2019, 04:48 AM
Granted. You now have the focus and decision making abilities of a brain surgeon, unfortunately with no aptitude towards math, and being squeamish around blood, all that ability amounts to nawt.

I wish I had the skills of a professional contractor and the energy needed to finish up the the projects I have waiting for me.....

Norman Mjadwesch
03-11-2019, 06:40 AM
Granted! The contract you have just completed was a hit on Slick Jimmy and now you've just heard that his cousins are looking for you.

I wish I could do the things I used to be able to do without worrying about the consequences.

ChloeRose
03-11-2019, 07:52 AM
Granted. You have been transported back to a state of infancy before you knew what consequences were. You may now grab people's hair, scream during dinner, throw food, wear a diaper (or not) and fall down at will, and you won't care at all, but you're (soon to be ex-) friends might.

I wish I had the time and ability to read every great work of literature, history and science.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-11-2019, 08:30 AM
Granted! You have attained a level of narcissism that has you convinced that only your writing and research has any worth, and so your days are filled admiring your own work and denigrating everything else.

I wish I didn't have to go to work this afternoon.

ChloeRose
03-11-2019, 04:43 PM
Granted. You can now spend the day looking at the want ads for a job since you didn't show up for the one you had.

I wish I didn't have phone conference to prepare for and it could be postponed until tomorrow.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-12-2019, 02:01 AM
Granted! You have received a promotion and now everything you find onerous can be delegated to one of your minions.

I wish that we lived in a world where experts were listened to by policy makers, and where education was more important than popularity.

Nymtoc
03-12-2019, 02:39 AM
Granted. You have been transported to the fifth planet circling Star 2767 in the Andromeda Galaxy, a very attractive planet. Experts are listened to by policy makers there, and education is much more important than popularity. Unfortunately, the temperature is rather high (1,500 degree Celsius, on the average), but 2767's citizens have gotten used to it--and with luck, maybe you will, too.

I wish I had an assistant to do all the tedious things in life.

ChloeRose
03-12-2019, 04:56 AM
Granted. However, your assistant is not adept at independent decision making and will ask you on a continuous basis how you want something done. This takes up all free time you thought you'd find by having an assistant, so please keep your cell phone turned on.

I wish could be in two places at the same time so I could both get my work done and go out for lunch.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-12-2019, 05:34 AM
Granted! You are now an amoeba and have split in two. Unfortunately, you are no longer able to have thoughts, and therefore do not regret that your wish could have been solved by having a job as a food taster. You just had to insist on being in two places at once!

I wish my avatar looked like a Rorschach ink blot test.

Nightfly
03-12-2019, 05:58 AM
Granted. You go out for lunch to a seedy, dimly lit place called El Taco Disgusto which is also the last stop on your route with your roach spraying enterprise.

What about the "two places at the same time," you ask? Easy now, I didn't forget...The place doubles as a meth lab.


I wish I looked better in a hat.

Nightfly
03-12-2019, 05:59 AM
Ah for Christs sakes! (Genie I wish I could think faster) Next time Genie. Next time.

Gotta admit I like the dog's a little better.

ChloeRose
03-12-2019, 04:44 PM
It's all good.....but so frustrating when we get beaten to the punch by one of our fellow writers! lol

Granted, but the hat you look good in happens to be a tricorn, triangular hat, that George Washington wore in the 1800's. So you'll stand out a little bit when you wear it to work, on a date, or riding the subway.

I wish I could go to NY to see a Broadway show while driven around by limousine.

Nightfly
03-13-2019, 05:41 AM
Granted. You know as a Genie I take my business seriously - I have little time or patience for any form of "entertainment." And musicals, well I must admit I find them pretty insufferable. But.......
OMG! Watching those furry Cats trying to sing and dance and stay in character while running in front of a limo has gotta be the funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen! Oh syntax is the best!

I wish I could move things with my mind.

Koulentis
03-13-2019, 11:24 AM
Granted! You can now move Thing 1 and Thing 2 with your mind. Activate the power by standing nose-to-nose with your target and staring at them. In case you don’t have any Dr. Seuss characters in your neighborhood, it’ll also work on people you don’t know. Just go up to a stranger, stand nose-to-nose and stare. Trust Genie. They’ll move.

I wish I had a talking fish.

ChloeRose
03-13-2019, 05:56 PM
Granted. You now have a fish that never stops talking. From the minute you walk in the door, while you sleep, and before you leave, it will talk, talk, talk. It has opinions on everything you're doing and rambles on about the most boring topics you can possibly think of. A great addition to your home. Enjoy!

I wish I had an encyclopedic brain, photographic memory and could speed read.

Nerdilydone
03-13-2019, 08:13 PM
Well, you can, but it doesn't last long. Turns out if you eat all the product, nobody will give you money to keep your bakery afloat.

I wish that Space Quest 7 would come out.

NathanBrazil
03-13-2019, 09:56 PM
It does, but they are forced to release early before working out all the kinks. The worst is their new connectors. One plugs in through your nose but it sucks out your back teeth and Sharpei slides down the back of your throat.

I wish for packages to announce themselves when they are deposited at my doorstep.

ChloeRose
03-13-2019, 11:56 PM
Granted. You now have a package alert system enabled with the scream of the former comedian Sam Kinison that will not stop until you've retrieved said package into your home.(If you've not heard of him be sure to look him up....classic). You'll never miss a delivery again...and neither will any of your neighbors.

I wish I had a drone to go to the grocery store for me when I'm out of something.

NathanBrazil
03-14-2019, 01:35 AM
*That sounds very like a howler, but I approve.*

I like how you asked for everything but actually getting the thing you actually need. Well it did everything you said ... up to that point, and then ... well no one was harmed, but there is now a big ugly black hole where the store the used to be. Oh, and also drones are notoriously lazy, so it took your car, ran into a mailbox, ate all of the letters, and then went to the store.

I wish I had a Dalai Lama string pulling doll that said the most inappropriate things at the wrong time and has about a million different sayings.

Nightfly
03-17-2019, 06:32 AM
Granted! Let's try this thing out.

Pull.............Happiness is found inside. And remember don't touch the girls or they'll throw you right out on your ass.
Pull.............Love is right here if you know where to look. ATM on the left, champagne room in the back.
Pull.............All of life is Beauty. Whoa look at those! See, see perfect example.


I wish I was buds the Dalai Lama

ChloeRose
03-17-2019, 11:34 PM
Granted! Since you haven't made friends with the current Dalai Lama on facebook, instagram, followed him on twitter, watched his youtube videos, or listened to his podcasts, you're obviously a traditionalist. So, enjoy your transport back in time to hang out with #1 as a goat herder in 1398 Tibet with your new BFF!

I wish I could see the Aurora Borealis without having to go to Iceland in the dark of winter and feel I was freezing to death.

Nightfly
03-18-2019, 10:26 PM
Granted! They're coming to your living room. And remember - you asked for this.

https://youtu.be/NYlgbbAgCxQ (http://youtu.be/NYlgbbAgCxQ) (well, the link isn't working. If you're interested go to youtube and search Sarkikos)

I wish I could run like I used to.

Norman Mjadwesch
03-19-2019, 10:05 AM
Granted! You are once more a baby and you are ejecting volumes of diarrhea that make the most loving parents retch. The secret ingredients are milk, fruit juice and coke.

I wish I loved the things I hate