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Jaycinth
08-14-2006, 06:41 PM
GRANTED! It is now September15th 2056, and you wake up in the 'Sleepy Hollow Resting Home'. For some reason there is a bowling ball stuck on your fingers.

Oh. I wish the nice nurse would stop insisting that I participate in activities and secure my restraints again, then close the door on her way out.

MidnightMuse
08-14-2006, 07:35 PM
Granted. Now you can put those cosmetics you saw yesterday that your mother bought for your birthday in two weeks to use.

I wish I could spend all day building a new wallpaper for my computer instead of pretending to "work".

persiphone_hellecat
08-14-2006, 08:56 PM
Granted - however the wallpaper you come up with is obscene and just when you put the finishing touches on it, your boss pops in to check something on your computer. Unemployment is Wednesday's -- make sure you get there early to get a good spot on the line.

I wish there was a way to read while you slept. Then I could read books at night and write during the day.

janetbellinger
08-15-2006, 01:34 AM
Well since you said you wished there was a way you could read while I slept, you can. I'll tell you when I'm ready to go to sleep and you just have to pick up a book and start reading.

I wish I would get a positive response from a certain publisher.

NightWynde
08-15-2006, 02:37 AM
Granted, that answer is "positively no. Not ever in this lifetime. For that matter, don't send anything to us in the next one either."


I wish for one day I'd quit making puns at inappropriate moments

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 06:05 AM
Granted - but just for one day. What would we do without the puns?

I wish my airconditioner wasnt broken

davids
08-15-2006, 06:34 AM
Granted perhaps Pepe the pool boy can fix it-if not-at least he can blow long gentle puffs of hot sweet pool boy breath just on the small of your back-you know Red right where it is taut and ready to explode-well dear it is an idea at least-just might take your hot mind out of your hot body just for s second or two

I wish that Red's air conditioner was repaired so she could concentrate on making a vain glorious effort to disturb the undisturbables

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 06:39 AM
Hopefully granted - the AC guy comes tomorrow. In the meantime, I shall just sit naked in front of the fridge.

I wish there was an easier way to take off cowboy boots.

davids
08-15-2006, 06:55 AM
Granted Red-may we suggest a drop or two of baby oil applied gently and very lovingly to the back of each of your naked thighs-we know there is a way there that would perhaps make it easier-shall we try?

We wish that Red would sit as planned-nude in front of the fridge and apply her great wit to the whimsical contemplations of naked meditators

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 07:32 AM
Granted - only I think the neighbors might complain.

I wish I had ice cream.

NightWynde
08-15-2006, 11:14 AM
Granted, but since your AC is broken and the fridge has busted since you left it open it has melted into an unidentifiable goo. I hope you have a straw.


I wish Bruce Campbell was under my desk right now.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 11:24 AM
Granted - but it's such a tight fit that Bruce passes out from the lack of oxygen. Do you know CPR?

I wish people would learn to act like adults and not nasty little spoiled children around me, because pretty soon I am going to run out of room for the bodies.

NightWynde
08-15-2006, 11:45 AM
*visions of reviving Bruce Campbell causes me to forget that there's supposed to be a nasty side effect to these wishes*

Granted. Oh, the adults don't quit acting like nasty spoiled children but you do have a bag of quicklime. Add a little water, sprinkle it on your "garden" and it should take care of your inconvenient space problem.


I wish I had a bigger desk so Bruce would quit passing out underneath it.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 10:14 PM
Granted - a bigger desk is on the way. However now the room is so crowded that you have to sleep on the floor.

I wish things didnt break as soon as the warrenty was over.

MidnightMuse
08-15-2006, 10:24 PM
Granted, now they break before you even buy them.

I wish it was Friday.

persiphone_hellecat
08-15-2006, 10:28 PM
Granted - it is -- Friday the 13th and you are at Camp Crystal Lake. It's real dark and there's this face outside the window of your cabin. Is that a hockey mask? Nah. Couldnt be.

I wish someone would give my puppy a bath.

davids
08-16-2006, 02:55 AM
Granted but the puppy is a miniature schauzer and it just drowned in its own juices

I wish that Koreans ate more lobster and less puppy

Arisson
08-16-2006, 03:43 AM
Granted! Would you like your puppy rare or well done?

I wish it was my birthday already.

davids
08-16-2006, 03:48 AM
Arisson dear heart as the lobster kings we are empowered to grant you a very happy unbirthday to you to you-it is the best we lobster kings can do but at least we are wishing you a well and very happy unbirthday-hell kiddo mybe if you have enough of them you will get even younger and more beautiful each time we grant you a very happy unbirthday-which if you wish can be every day-

We wish Arisson a very happy unbirthday form me to you-and to be as happy as her avatar is beautiful

persiphone_hellecat
08-16-2006, 06:53 AM
Granted - one happy unbirthday coming up. What do you serve for unbirthdays anyway? Liverwurst and fried bologna sandwiches on pumpernickle bread with Grand Poupon sounds right.

I wish I had a clue as to why Arisson keeps deleting her posts...

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 07:25 PM
Granted. She types out a long explanation, including graphs and charts and some really interesting photos, but then deletes it. Too bad you weren't quicker!

I wish the nurse had re-taken my blood pressure so I wouldn't have to sit here all day long afraid I was on the verge of exploding because she said it was SO high!

sdarb
08-16-2006, 07:42 PM
Granted. But she comes back in to tell you you are pregnant and going to have baby froggie.

I wish I was on a deserted island - with my laptop

davids
08-16-2006, 07:44 PM
Granted but don't forget about 150 battery packs

I wish that agents would realize how marvelously talented you all are-never mind maybe we will start an agency just for you guys-what the hell can we lose?

davids
08-16-2006, 07:46 PM
Granted but don't forget that she has not aged will since Gilligan threw her down in the hut and whispered gummed nothings in her ear

I wish that you all had agents again because you all deserve them-and once again to hell with it-we will start one up and what the hell do we have to lose?

alleycat
08-16-2006, 09:21 PM
Uh, granted. As long as davids comes up with the seed money.

I wish I had asked them to hold the jalapenos on my salad for lunch. I really, really wish I had.

sdarb
08-16-2006, 09:29 PM
Granted. Instead you had the 25 bean soup.

I wish I could quit coming back to this forum and get some real work done...

alleycat
08-16-2006, 09:53 PM
Granted. I will PM Jenna and have her ban you. Then you have to go to the WriterMag website where they get 8 posts a day.

I wish I had something sweet to eat after my rather "hot and spicy" chef's salad.

MidnightMuse
08-16-2006, 10:36 PM
Granted. Those kibbles under your nose are pretty yummy, and I'll sprinkle them with chocolate Yak's milk - Yum.

I wish I had a chef's salad for lunch today.

arrowqueen
08-17-2006, 12:56 AM
Granted. I do hope those bits of grilled chef, in amongst the lettuce leaves, were tasty.

I wish I had a magic pen.

davids
08-17-2006, 01:07 AM
Granted but you need a magic eraser and we done et the lass un

We wish that sunshine lollypops and roses everywhere were growing in the cactus garden of the inferno and would sprout only to lure young spirits into the prickly hell of cacti debauchery

persiphone_hellecat
08-17-2006, 04:43 AM
Granted -- I have no idea exactly what you are wishing for - but luring young spirits into hell is always a good idea. Mwaaaaahhhaaaa

I wish I understood that thread about saying something about the person before you.

davids
08-17-2006, 10:22 PM
Your slightest wish is our command Red-what is to understand about the thread about the person above you-you amaze me kiddo-what with your so razor sharp intellect-say something stupid-smart-fascistic-loving-anything the hell you want about the person posted above you-what did we miss here? It is a prickly inferno dear heart

We wish that Red would finally stand up and be counted-but after what she drank last night-well-maybe she could just lay there and be counted

persiphone_hellecat
08-17-2006, 11:14 PM
Well there is something wierd about that thread because someone called me a fish and someone posted and left it blank, so I guess it's granted, but I guess its just me. Shrugs. Anyway I'm up and ready to be counted.

I wish it was cooler outside.

arrowqueen
08-19-2006, 03:41 AM
Granted. It is cooler outside. Unfortunately someone has stolen it. What was it anyway?

I wish I hadn't given my sister quite so much of my Friday night rum.

persiphone_hellecat
08-19-2006, 03:47 AM
Granted - Captain Morgan is delivering you a whole case. The bad part is that he wants something in return ...

I wish I could type better on this laptop

davids
08-19-2006, 04:34 AM
Granted Red but with such a delicate and delightful lap you will just have to get a two by four to settle on your delicate and delightful lap-if you like we could come over-sit on your lap and you could dictate-that might be fun-no we think on second thought that you probably should stick with the "wood!"

I wish that folks would just realize that Posey's aren't Rosies and that you cannot make a silk purse out of a sows ear-even if her name is Bernice

persiphone_hellecat
08-19-2006, 04:52 AM
Granted -- you are so right. You need silk to make a silk purse - so we are sending you to Thailand in search of the finest Thai silk and any other goodies you feel like bringing back to us.

I wish life truly was a bowl of cherries.

davids
08-19-2006, 05:12 AM
Granted Red but you still gotta remove the "pits!"

I wish that the fallout of war would be peace instead of retribution and hate

persiphone_hellecat
08-19-2006, 05:27 AM
Granted - but that's a tough one. It'a hard to feel real "peacey" when your house has been reduced to rubble by the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air.

I wish you could be 50 and still feel 25 physically.

NightWynde
08-19-2006, 07:39 AM
Granted, but mentally you're about 12.


I wish I could forget my high school years.

persiphone_hellecat
08-19-2006, 07:45 AM
Granted - from now on, you remember Dorothea Weezley's high school years. She wore knee socks and ankle length skirts, worked in the library and milk came out her nose when she laughed.

I wish the Yankees would hold on and win this game.

NightWynde
08-19-2006, 07:48 AM
Granted, but the game they're playing is skeeball. Whee! They won the plastic thingie that could actually last as a keychain for about ten seconds.


I wish tomorrow would hurry up and get here so I could get that dictionary I've been bugging my husband to get.

persiphone_hellecat
08-19-2006, 07:53 AM
Granted your husband surprises you with that new dictionary. Only it's in Lithuanian.

I wish my puppy wasnt a foot fetishist.

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 12:01 AM
Granted, but whats she doing clinging to your leg like that?

I wish I hadn't eaten a tuna sandwich for lunch at a coffee shop. Major heartburn time.

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 12:05 AM
Granted - instead you ate jalapeno chili - extra hot sauce... feeling any better??

I wish I didnt have a squirrel stuck in my fireplace. Thank GOD the doors are closed!

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 12:31 AM
Granted. The squirrel is stuck to now stuck to your hair.

I wish I hadn't let myself get dehydrated today while out walking.

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 12:38 AM
Granted - instead you drank lots of water along the way and barely made it home without having an "accident"

I wish exterminators didnt want 350 bucks to get the squirrel out.

arrowqueen
08-20-2006, 01:15 AM
Granted. They now want $750 - but for that price you get it stuffed and mounted so you can put it on the mantle-piece.

I wish I had a stuffed squirrel now.

alleycat
08-20-2006, 01:21 AM
Granted. It'll take me just a minute to shoot one and then stuff it. I've been tempted anyway. I am NOT a PETA member.

I wish I didn't have a family of raccoon that likes to come visit at night. (Want a stuffed raccoon too?)

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 01:24 AM
Granted - one stuffed squirrel for arrowqueen. I hope you like chestnut wild rice stuffing. Very tasty. Mom's recipe.

Alleycat - no more raccoons visiting you at night. Instead there is this wierd looking guy with really long nails scratching at your bedroom window.

I wish I was shopping.

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 01:48 AM
Granted. You're shopping in the dollar store, battling with fifty other people for sale toothpicks.

I wish I didn't feel sick.

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 02:10 AM
Granted - you should have passed on the jalapeno chili - extra hot sauce. Bobby Flay sure does make some hot chili. A nice bottle of pepto is headed your way along with Bobby's appologies - next time a nice bowl of oatmeal and white toast for you.

I wish I got those toothpicks...

Mom'sWrite
08-20-2006, 02:29 AM
Granted - you should have passed on the jalapeno chili - extra hot sauce. Bobby Flay sure does make some hot chili. A nice bottle of pepto is headed your way along with Bobby's appologies - next time a nice bowl of oatmeal and white toast for you.

I wish I got those toothpicks...

Granted, but they've all been used to clean toenails.

I wish I was three people.

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 03:35 AM
Granted. You're three of the seven dwarves, Grumpy, Dopey and Happy.

I wish I was a better writer

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 03:45 AM
Granted - you now write in perfect calligraphy. Can you do my nephew's wedding invitations for me?

I wish I could get a good picture of the squirrel in my fireplace

NightWynde
08-20-2006, 11:55 AM
Granted---Not only that it's so blurry that you pass it off as bigfoot. Congrats on your "Yeti Society Membership."

I wish my MC would quit eating chocolate chip ice-cream and start doing something already.

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 06:45 PM
Granted instead of eating chocolate ice cream, it's Cherry Garcia.

I wish I was sleeping instead of waiting for a stupid exterminator.

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 06:55 PM
Done but while you're snoozing the exterminator comes, mistakes the squirrel for the cat and feeds it half of the cookies you baked at midnight for tomorrow's bake sale and mistakes your brand new funky hairpiece for the squirrel and strafes it with gunshot.

I wish I had the equipment to keep this blasted tubedress up at the top.

Mom'sWrite
08-20-2006, 07:14 PM
I wish I had the equipment to keep this blasted tubedress up at the top.

Granted, but somewhere in Tennessee, Dolly Parton's dress just fell off.

I wish I had a live-in housekeeper/gourment chef.

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 07:24 PM
Granted but his specialty meal is fried earthworms.

I wish I could walk on high heels without falling off them.

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 07:28 PM
Granted - but along with that new "equipment" comes backaches, permenant shoulder dents from the straps and a lot of other problems. And remember - from then on no man will ever be able to talk to you and look you in the eye.

To screenmom - Granted the houseboy from the movie The Birdcage is on his way over. I hope you don't mind having your house cleaned and your meals cooked by a guy in a gold lame thong and eyeshadow.

I wish my son would stop saying "Im hungry"

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 07:29 PM
Woah I am really slow this morning. Granted - but they are Steve Martin's "Cruel Shoes"

I wish my son would stop saying "Im hungry"

janetbellinger
08-20-2006, 09:10 PM
Granted. Instead he raids the refrigerator, bites chunks off the cheese (my son used to do this at the age of three) and scarfs down the leftover roast beef you were planning to serve for supper.

I wish it wasn't so cold outside

alleycat
08-20-2006, 09:12 PM
Granted. You move to Tennessee. It's about 90F at the moment. And can I borrow your car? And will you make me something for lunch?

I wish I had more wits about me. (Oh, no . . . I didn't wish that, did I?)

persiphone_hellecat
08-20-2006, 11:46 PM
Granted - coming your way is a one pound bag o wits - compliments of Jeff Foxworthy and the gang over at Redneck TV. Enjoy.

GRRRR I wish this damn exterminator would show up so I could go shopping.

Mom'sWrite
08-21-2006, 12:09 AM
GRRRR I wish this damn exterminator would show up so I could go shopping.

Granted, but he'll be using a flame-thrower, a sub-machine gun and a rocket launcher to take care of your furry little problem.

I wish I understood men.

alleycat
08-21-2006, 12:11 AM
Granted. Just remember three words: sports, sex, food. Not necessarily in that order.

I wish I get further on the story I've started this morning.

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 12:39 AM
Granted. Just remember three words: sports, sex, food. Not necessarily in that order.


You forgot scratching LOL

Granted - you finish the story - only it's written in Greek because you have been channeling some ancient Greek warrior through automatic writing. Know anyone who can translate?

I wish someone would go out and get me lunch. I cant leave or I'll miss the Squirrel Whisperer.

NightWynde
08-21-2006, 12:49 AM
Granted, I hope you like maggoty squid in vomitous chili sauce (extra peas, 'cause vomit always has peas in it whether you've eaten them or not).

I really wish I wouldn't have pictured that in my head, now I feel ill.

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 12:55 AM
Granted ... change that image to a nice hot fudge sundae with mint chocolate chip ice cream, tons of whipped cream and cherries on top.

I wish I had one of those.

HaliKat
08-21-2006, 12:58 AM
Granted, your lunch has been delivered, however it is a squirrel sandwich with a side of chopped nuts. And the big giant Chipmunk who delivered it isn't going away until you've eaten every last morsel!


I wish I was at a healthy weight :)

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 01:00 AM
Granted - healthy is all relative anyway - and maybe you arent overweight, you're just underheight.

I wish I had that sundae now...

alleycat
08-21-2006, 01:09 AM
Granted. It is Sundae. Tomorrow is Mondae.

;-)

I wish people wouldn't slap me.

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 02:07 AM
Awww ... Granted - from now on anybody who slaps Alley has to answer to her new bodyguard, Mr. T

I wish today was a nice quiet Sunday.

alleycat
08-21-2006, 02:10 AM
Granted. All of your friends and family get mad at you and leave and go to the pub without you. "Hey, it's party time!"

I wish hellecat didn't think I was a woman.

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 02:40 AM
Sorry. You looked like a gurl kitty. And its just Persi

I wish I mastered this new laptop so I could figure out how to look at profiles and stuff.

Eudaimon
08-21-2006, 05:30 AM
Granted! But with mastery of the laptop comes great responsibility, since your computer controls the forces that bind the particles in every atom in the universe...just don't hit Ctrl+Alt+Shift+*+7, or we're ALL doomed.

I wish hotels gave out toy train gift baskets as welcome gifts.

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 05:37 AM
Oh crap ... I think I just did ...

Granted - you check into the Pennsylvania Hotel in NYC - across the street from Pennsylvania Station (round a quarter to four) and get your very own Chatanooga Choo Choo

I wish I spoke Spanish so I could order food at Mc Donalds without them messing up my order.

Eudaimon
08-21-2006, 05:48 AM
¡Usted obtiene su deseo! Usted obtiene la orden correcta, ahora con saliva extra.

www.freetranslation.com

I wish they had a quick translation site for all of the things that people want to say, but don't.

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 06:15 AM
Granted - its called Alta Vista only it doesnt work - check out the thread.

I wish I could go horseback riding

NightWynde
08-21-2006, 03:57 PM
Granted, here's a couple of quarters, the horse is in front of Wal-Mart. Sure, your knees will be up to your chin and you're probably getting a little too old for this but you really should be more specific with your wishes. Hey, at least the horse is blue, that's kinda neat.



I wish the carnie that was at the fair we went to this weekend wouldn't have been so danged doped up and drunk (how doped up and drunk was he? He had trouble operating that little gate. Oy!) so I could have trusted his reaction time for my kid to ride the ride he wanted to ride, 'cause if he could have I wouldn't have been stuck with my 7yo riding the adult version (mind you, I love my kid, but I hate the danged rides that make you feel like you've been put into a blender.)

persiphone_hellecat
08-21-2006, 09:36 PM
Granted - I have arranged to have that particular carnie moved to a different part of the carnival - the freak show - he'll fit right in over there with his third eye carefully placed there with the assistance of the laser site on my Glock.

I wish the ***** who wrote me a nasty letter today complaining about the group I run would wake up tomorrow finding certain parts of her anatomy glued shut.

MidnightMuse
08-21-2006, 10:18 PM
Granted, but with her nostrils glued shut, she can still complain, she just can't sneeze !

I wish today's dentist appointment was already over and I could go take a nap now.

persiphone_hellecat
08-22-2006, 01:14 AM
Granted - the dentist will give you some nice nitrus and you can nap there.

I wish more than her nostrils were glued shut.

Yeshanu
08-23-2006, 09:52 PM
Granted. But since a hole in the lower rear region of her anatomy has been closed off, she's been retaining more and more...

Stuff. And the next time you have group, she explodes all over the room.

I wish I owned that $500,000 home I saw on Sunday, the one with the home theatre in the basement and the grand piano in the living room.

alleycat
08-23-2006, 09:58 PM
Granted. Oh, did we mention the sink hole? Well, we've already accepted your good-faith offer. Thanks.

(Sometimes) I wish I didn't have a house. "First you have the house, then the house has you."

MidnightMuse
08-23-2006, 10:49 PM
Granted. Now, the House has You - and there's no getting out !! Luckily you can still order Chinese food and pizza, but the house makes you pay.

I wish I had some mooshoo pork for lunch today. And a sack of money to give that dude holding the gun on Alley's kitty.

Jaycinth
08-23-2006, 11:08 PM
Granted! They've been cleaning out the house up the street ( you know where the guy hung himself in May but his sister didn't find him til last week. In between the body parts in the fridge is a bag of carry out mooshoo pork that has never been opened. The receipt is still taped to the bag. It's yours.

Oh, and while they are bringing out the body, an 'oily' paperbag slips out of the body bag and is completely ignored by everyone. You retrive it and inthe bag is..slightly bloody and rancid 400,000 Thai Bhat ( You can find the exchange rate on Bloomberg.Com.)

I wish I did not crave Oreos and tequila.

MidnightMuse
08-23-2006, 11:27 PM
Granted, you're starving for HoHo's and Radish Vodka. I'll bring the glasses.

I wish I had a good recipe for chocolate martinis.

Jaycinth
08-24-2006, 12:03 AM
Granted. You have several great Chocolate martini recipies. But your public wants Radish Vodka served with a shot of Cayenne. Oh and the Hoho's we want a truck load of Hoho's.

I wish MM would hurry up and bring more Radish Vodka and Hoho's. A LOT more.

MidnightMuse
08-24-2006, 12:31 AM
Granted, I'll just nip off to Costco after I rent a U-Haul :D

I wish they made a HoHo vodka.

alleycat
08-24-2006, 12:32 AM
Just get two hos and give 'em a vodka. That's what I do.

Oops. I got too excited to make a wish.

I wish I knew what was down there.

MidnightMuse
08-24-2006, 12:45 AM
Granted, I'm down here :D Now keep your paws off those hos and pass the vodka.

I wish I had the energy to run errands after work, instead of taking a nap on the couch like I usually do.

arrowqueen
08-24-2006, 02:57 AM
Granted - you can run errands to your heart's content - until your energy finally runs out, you fall asleep leaning over the freezer cabinet and wake up with a frost-bitten nose.

I wish I hadn't just spent the last half hour trying to add an attachment only to discover we can't do that any more.

maskedmarauder
08-24-2006, 03:09 AM
Granted. you really didn't spend the last half hour trying to figure it out. you already knew but forgot and spent the last half our trying to figure out your wish.

i wish i could walk on my hands

alleycat
08-24-2006, 03:10 AM
Granted. Get down on your hands and knees. See how easy that is. Just don't sniff any dog's butts while you're down there. It's rude.

I wish I had a dog.

Cath
08-24-2006, 03:16 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it looks more like a rat on a rope and everyone's laughing at you.

I wish I was a better writer.

MidnightMuse
08-24-2006, 03:32 AM
Granted. See, that was easy :D

I wish I had TIME for a dog !

alleycat
08-24-2006, 03:46 AM
Granted. You have a . . . watch dog!

I wish I knew where this year has gone. It's almost Labor Day.

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 06:18 AM
Granted -- you now know where this year has gone -- it's gone to HELL. Now start your Christmas shopping.

I wish someone would make Carrottop illegal or something.

maddythemad
08-24-2006, 06:57 AM
Granted, but you're doing time in jail with him.

I wish I didn't spend all my time on AW.

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 07:22 AM
Granted -- if that's what you really want. You would really be missed. How about we just get you a laptop with a shoulder strap so you can do other stuff and still be here?

I wish I could find the perfect outfit for my birthday party. I keep looking and I'm running out of time...

NightWynde
08-24-2006, 03:20 PM
Granted, it's called a "birthday suit." Hope you don't get too chilly.


I wish I could just think my novel onto the page.

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 03:24 PM
Granted - we are going to equip you with Apple's latest invention - the I Brain -- direct feed from brain to paper. It's still in the experimental stages though, so be very careful what you think about. It copies everything!

I wish I could fall asleep. zzzzzz

alleycat
08-24-2006, 03:26 PM
Granted. Just hold still while we attach these here wires, prongs and clamps to your skull. There. Now we throw the switch . . . and the words should begin to flow.

Hey, wait a minute . . . that's not a novel . . . those are nude pictures of Orlando Bloom and that guy from Brokeback Mountain.

"Pull the plug, Norman. Pull the plug!"

I wish I had eggs to go with my sausage and biscuit I'm going to have in a little while.

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 03:29 PM
Granted -- we are sending over a couple dozen chickens. Remember not to put all your eggs in one basket.

I wish I could fall asleep ... zzzzzzzzzzz

NightWynde
08-24-2006, 03:41 PM
*wondering how nude pics of Orlando Bloom got into my brain*

Granted, this hammer should do the trick. You weren't planning on waking up now, were you?


I wish I could type just as fast in Dvorak as I can in QWERTY (70wpm).

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 06:49 PM
Granted - your fingers now type at lightning speed -- but only in ancient Aramaic.*

Now that I slept three hours and woke up, I wish I wasnt so tired.

davids
08-24-2006, 06:55 PM
My Charie amour pretty little one that I adore-i grant you peace and sleep and a life full of challenge and qualmless intellectual quandary

I wish that Red would come alive once again to kick some lobster bums and drink some lobster ale-we like Red-color of choice

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 06:57 PM
Granted -- except for the ale part -- this redhead celebrates her 10th anny as a friend of Bill on Labor Day Weekend.*

I wish that if I had to wake up tired, it could at least because I had some ... action ... in the middle of the night.

davids
08-24-2006, 07:01 PM
The ale was metaphoric as in the ale of life-pale or dark it does not have any alkeehawl in it-and congrats-one day at a time-please do not forget Annie Hall-to grant your wish-don't knock self-approbation it is sex with someone you love-yah a paraphrase is a paraphrase is a Petunia-after all Red we do know that being with the stud of choice is not always being with a Palomino

I wish that someone could tell us what the hell we just said

MidnightMuse
08-24-2006, 07:15 PM
Granted. Ale . . .something something . . . .Annie Hall's guns . . something . . . Palimino.

I wish the Seattle Mariners would have just ONE winning season in my lifetime!

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 07:18 PM
Nah* -- not granting that one. I think we get it. Let's keep it to ourselves.*

I wish people wouldnt take me so seriously sometimes. Is it possible to teach people to understand redheads?

davids
08-24-2006, 07:24 PM
Granted-no one is taking you seriously especially us

I wish that Petunias were growing out of our ears

maskedmarauder
08-24-2006, 08:11 PM
granted, but know you have to walk around with a box on your head due to the bee's, knats, bugs and birds buzzing your tower. not knowing your looks that might be a good thing.

i wish my girlfriend had a bigger tounge

persiphone_hellecat
08-24-2006, 11:15 PM
Granted - you are now dating an anteater.

I wish we could all go to the park for a Teddy Bear Picnic with hunny and scones and PB&J sammies, and oreos with milk to dunk.

davids
08-24-2006, 11:43 PM
Granted but without me I gotta kill something -then consume it and do it in such a manner that I wont get arrested-and that is the problem

I wish that human flesh tasted more like lobster

MidnightMuse
08-24-2006, 11:51 PM
Granted, just boil and add loads of butter!!

I wish I could get that series I wrote a few years ago published.

davids
08-25-2006, 04:38 AM
Granted-just keep on writing the way you are and they will publish your toilet paper if you want them to

We wish that my egocentristic nature was more loveable-oh we should not wish for that as some of us do not care a bit-but some of us do so perhaps we should-oh the damnation of undecidednessess

MidnightMuse
08-25-2006, 05:46 AM
Granted. Some of us just know how to handle Germans better than others :), even the undecided ones with cute dogs.

I wish these stoopid PC's would come out of the box with less GARBAGE loaded on them !

Cyn
08-25-2006, 05:58 AM
Granted. Here's your PC with none of that garbage on it... Harddrive, monitor, speakers, modem, processor... basically all major components are sold separately...

I wish I could go to the US Open. :)

persiphone_hellecat
08-25-2006, 06:45 AM
Granted - I live very close - you can crash on my couch. But bring TONS of money - a bottle of Poland Spring is like $7.50

I wish I had the new battery for my laptop already so I didnt have to be "plugged in" all the time.

Cyn
08-25-2006, 07:05 AM
*considers showing up on your doorstep looking like a lost kitten*

Granted! Here's your new battery. Simply install this into your computer, though I suggest throughly reading the manual. And hook up to the nearest stationary bike. This can provide your with a good 30 minutes up to a whole hour (if you're feeling especially energetic) of power!

persiphone_hellecat
08-25-2006, 07:27 AM
Wow and I thought I had to use a squirrel in a cage!

Since the selfless Cyn didnt make a wish, I offically grant her peace on earth.

I wish I had that piece of cake that I saw behind the counter when I went out to lunch with my son today. I resisted then, but I've been jonseing for it ever since.

alleycat
08-25-2006, 07:31 AM
Granted. I got it and will mail it to you. You should get it by next Wednesday. Uh, I may have licked the icing just a bit. Tasty.

I wish I hadn't licked so much cake icing. I don't feel so good.

Cyn
08-25-2006, 07:34 AM
Jeeze I totally forgot about the wishing part. And that's a whole half of the game. :p Thank you for peace on earth, I shall cherish it always. ^.^

Here's your piece of cake. It's gotten pretty stale throughout the day, and I had to wrestle it away from the customer who actually bought it. But if you ignore the fact that it's partially eaten I'm sure you can enjoy it. :)

I wish I could get some inspiration to do some writing.

persiphone_hellecat
08-25-2006, 08:05 AM
Granted ... I have the perfect inspiration for you -- Dclary and Billytilly. Write their story - the world needs to know...

I wish I had some ice cold milk to go with this raggedy piece of chocolate cake.

Cyn
08-25-2006, 08:27 AM
*hands you a milk popsicle* Nice and ice cold. :)

I wish I my house had more than one bathroom.

persiphone_hellecat
08-25-2006, 08:30 AM
Ah an easy one -- look out the window. The Port o Potty man is dropping off your new Potty

I wish I could get motivated to sell junk on e bay and empty out a room here so I can have an office.

Cyn
08-25-2006, 08:35 AM
Oh I know just how to take care of that. I already called your bank and made sure that they put a hold on all your acounts. Also called your job so that you get paid the bare minimum of each check, took any money you had laying around and stole your piggy bank. ... Seriously what can motivate you more to get money than not having any? :P

I wish that I can have good weather on the weekend so that I can go play tennis.

persiphone_hellecat
08-25-2006, 08:47 AM
Granted - we can contact the weather shaman and ask, but if it doesnt work, there's always indoor tennis, right?

I wish my son would let me give him a mullet.

Mom'sWrite
08-25-2006, 09:51 AM
I wish my son would let me give him a mullet.

Granted, but his IQ just fell to 3.

I wish my parents lived closer (I know, I know, that's the ultimate irony.)

persiphone_hellecat
08-25-2006, 10:19 AM
Granted you can change places with me. My mother lives upstairs.

I wish Dr. Spork didnt just tell me I have to agree with everything he says.

Angelinity
08-25-2006, 01:55 PM
dr spock, you say? :D well, you may not have, but he's the only **ok doctor i have any influence with, therefore -

granted! he's rather liberal, you know, in spite of coming across as straight and narrow - however, your cute little ears will be growing pointy tops.

i wish i didn't have to get up from my screen, go down to the garage, get into my car and drive 10 miles each way just to buy cigarettes.

davids
08-25-2006, 06:37 PM
So quit

We wish Ily would quit-smoking that is

Angelinity
08-25-2006, 07:41 PM
hell no, not granted :tongue - if i quit smoking i'll be qualifying for sainthood and don't think saints are allowed to write fiction, are they??

make another wish?:D

i wish i wish i wish wish (it's secret, okay?)

davids
08-25-2006, 07:56 PM
Hah Ily we know what it is and we wont tell-alright smoke-when you write your sizzlinig stuff are you wearing a blue-billed cap and do you have an ash-tray full of butts and a glass of cheap whisky at your side-hope so-you gotta build that image ya know

We wish we could do that and still stand and be counted-did it-can't

Mom'sWrite
08-25-2006, 10:56 PM
I'm not sure what it is that you are wishing for (which puts you in the same category with 99.9% of the wishing human race), but what the hell. Granted, with an extra helping of potato salad on the side.

I wish there were 12 more hours in every day.

MidnightMuse
08-25-2006, 11:06 PM
Granted. Welcome to what we call NIGHT. It has 12 whole hours, just flick a light on and it'll seem just like day.

I wish I had more rocks to cut this weekend.

Angelinity
08-25-2006, 11:27 PM
granted? mehopes they're the precious kind.

what shapes do you cut them into, by the way? do you wear goggles? i hope so - your eyes mighty useful around a keyboard.

i wish, when i wake tomorrow, my wip will be a completed ms.... oh, the sheer blisssssssssssssssssssssss

MidnightMuse
08-26-2006, 12:28 AM
Granted, it's just a little short for a completed ms, but dang, it's complete ! :D

I wish it was 3:30 right now, and my work day was over.

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 12:34 AM
Granted - your work day is over. However you have now been warped into the movie Groundhog Day. Wake up and do it all over again.

I wish people with tiny little minds would find each other and form a colony somewhere in the South Pacific where they wouldnt bother anyone. They could elect Bush their leader.

maskedmarauder
08-26-2006, 12:54 AM
Granted. the earth has just rotated on it's axis, welcome to america.

i wish my daughter gets everything in life that she desires.

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 12:58 AM
Granted - she has the first component in achieving that - a loving and devoted parent.

I wish we could pass a law making mullets illegal.

janetbellinger
08-26-2006, 01:12 AM
Done. Mullets are declared illegal. Unfortunately, you inadvertantly log onto a Mullet site and are immediately arrested by the FBI.

I wish that I could eat all the cookies, cake and ice cream I want without getting fat.

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 01:19 AM
They actually have mullet sites? OMG what is this world coming to? The thought alone makes me want to barf. what's the link?
'
www.businessinthefrontpartyintheback.com

Granted - you may now eat all the cookies cake and ice cream you want without getting fat. However air now has 500 calories a breath. Quick - somebody call Jennie Craig!! Have them make up diet oxygen tanks.

janetbellinger
08-26-2006, 01:21 AM
Yeah they do. Just type in Mullet on your browser. That's what I did because I didn't know who or what mullets were.

Mom'sWrite
08-26-2006, 01:38 AM
I wish someone would make a wish already!

janetbellinger
08-26-2006, 01:48 AM
I wish for healing for everybody who needs healing.

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 02:04 AM
A lovely wish - which I would be happy to grant if a certain person (coughspresidentbushcoughs) wasnt so opposed to the use of stem cell research for the purpose of developing cures for what ails us.

I wish I wasnt running out of wishes -- and with my birthday coming up so soon too!!

davids
08-26-2006, 02:10 AM
Granted-we are 8,567 Genies and you can have enough wishes to replenish your wish basket

I wish that baskets were made of lead

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 02:17 AM
Granted - baskets of lead for David... however I suggest you dont put all your eggs in one lead basket... It might render them sterile...

I wish for sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere. And toss in some shih tzus too. What we need around here is more shih tzus.

http://www.shihtzu.union.pl/images/lump_new_1.jpg

davids
08-26-2006, 03:04 AM
You got it right there-so my terrier Burty has even more people dogs to terrierize-like he needs more

I wish Red would resend me the mail she sent as my box-folders or whatever the hellosity they are were too full and I am waiting anxiously and my carbuncles are getting too hot-is that how you spell carbuncle?

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 03:20 AM
Granted - she is trying but her damn FIOS ultra high speed experimental internet service keeps f*cking up.

I wish it wasnt going down every five minutes. Im wondering if its terrorists or idiots at Verizon.

davids
08-26-2006, 03:25 AM
Granted and just for our sake

We wish we did not hate waiting for messages from people we love to get messages from-damn it all to hell

arrowqueen
08-26-2006, 04:07 AM
Granted. You have been turned into lobster bisque and don't need to fret over anything any more. Ever.

I wish I could wake up tomorrow without a hangover.

Rob-rite
08-26-2006, 04:17 AM
Granted. But, you are now devoid of a head and stomach.

I wish I were able to sense genuine people from the moment I met them.

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 06:59 AM
Granted - you are now psychic. Be careful what you wish for though. Some people's thoughts are just ... sick... On second thought, maybe we should have all genuine people be required to wear the bright gold Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval on their chests at all times.

I wish there was something on TV tonight besides Pulp Fiction. Great movie and all ... but every night?? I don't think so....

Mom'sWrite
08-26-2006, 07:20 AM
Granted, but they changed the movie of the week (every day of the week) to How the Grinch Stole Christmas with Jim Carrey. After trying to follow that story line, Pulp Fiction is starting to look pretty good.

I wish there was a great sushi place that delivered.

alleycat
08-26-2006, 08:11 AM
Granted. Just call Ralph's Catfish House. Their motto is "Cooked or Uncooked, We Don't Care -- It's All Dead Fish to Us."

I wish the Pizza Hut near where I live wasn't the worse franchise in the chain.

Mom'sWrite
08-26-2006, 08:57 AM
I wish the Pizza Hut near where I live wasn't the worse franchise in the chain.

Granted! Strangely enough, however, the food quality remains the same. There are limits as to what can be done with greasy pizza dough, high-fructose tomato sauce and cheese.

I wish Stuart Weitzmann would accidently send his entire line of shoes to my house. All in size 8, thank you.

Angelinity
08-26-2006, 09:40 AM
granted! it's chinese size eight, and you now have foot-size dilemma - wrapping them to stay teenyweeny is hm perhaps not gonna work -- lipo? nah -- surgery??

you just loooove these lil leather jewels so much, you might consider it!

i wish someone would bring me a nice fresh brewed cuppa and a pack of my garam smokes...

persiphone_hellecat
08-26-2006, 09:45 AM
Granted - coming right up. Regular or decaf?

I wish this laptop would STAY working. Been going down all day. Im holding my breath now.

Jewel101
08-27-2006, 11:15 AM
Granted, but now it won't turn off ever and it's charging up your electricity bill, and soon you'll be deep in debt

I wish this cat was more normal, not as annoying and smelled better

persiphone_hellecat
08-27-2006, 11:47 PM
Hmm.... Maybe someone else should grant this wish ... not exactly cat person here ... well ok - here goes ... POOOOOOF!! It's a shih tzu!

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/30/Shih-Tzu.JPG

I wish I had the cool car I dreamed I had last night

Mom'sWrite
08-28-2006, 01:24 AM
I wish I had the cool car I dreamed I had last night

Granted, but it will cost you $12,000/yr for tags, $30,000/yr for insurance and $50,000/yr for gas. Oh, and your adorable puppy re-decorated it on your maiden voyage around the block.
(BTW the puppy really is adorable.)

I wish I could remember 1982.

reason for edit--damn homophones

janetbellinger
08-28-2006, 01:29 AM
Done. Only trouble is, you remember it backwards to forwards.

I wish I had taken more photographs in 1982. That was the year my daughter was born.

alleycat
08-28-2006, 01:38 AM
Granted. You'll find an undeveloped roll of film which has 35 great photos . . . and one of your shoes.

By the way, consider yourself lucky. I had a friend who adopted a newborn after years of trying to have a baby. It was right at Christmas. They videotaped getting the baby, introducing the baby to the grandparents, baby sitting in Santa's lap, that sort of thing Then one day . . . the wife taped Days of Our Life right over all of it. Her husband said she cried for three days.

I wish I had another camera.

persiphone_hellecat
08-28-2006, 02:00 AM
Granted - I just won playing skee ball at the carnival. It's yours. BTW I will post something on the admit it thread now about taking pics of kids. No sense thread drifting here.

I wish it was Sept 4th already so I could celebrate my TENTH anniversary of sobriety!

Jewel101
08-28-2006, 02:47 AM
Granted, except everyone forgot why you were celebrating and think you're still dinking so they all buy you achohol

i wish i could find time to go to hilo

persiphone_hellecat
08-28-2006, 02:50 AM
Granted - here's a nice fake Rolex right from the streets of NYC. Put it on. Now you can find the time.

I wish I had Sunday newspaper delivery so I didnt have to drag my butt out on Sundays to get them.

janetbellinger
08-28-2006, 05:00 AM
Granted but now you've got to find out a way of disposing of all that paper that builds up without getting print all over your hands and clothes.

I wish I would have good horoscopes for the rest of my life.

persiphone_hellecat
08-28-2006, 05:19 AM
Granted - now that Pluto has been downgraded from a planet to a wanna-be planet, all the stars have changed and all horoscopes are happy and wonderful. However, from now on, all Chinese fortune cookies have terrible ominous messages in them.

I wish my dinner would cook faster.

janetbellinger
08-28-2006, 06:10 PM
Your microwave goes into overdrive and produces your dinner instantly. What is that black crusty stuff on it anyway, and that odor of charred meat?

I wish that I'd get paid to publish the article I am working on.

MidnightMuse
08-28-2006, 07:41 PM
Granted. Unfortunately you're paid by the people who make those little door signs in hotels, showing the exits during an emergency. They want to post your article in the stairwells so the guests have something to read when someone's little brat pulls the fire alarm and they all get trapped in the stairwell for five hours.

I wish I could shake this strange feeling of depression/frustration and get my brain back on track.

davids
08-28-2006, 07:49 PM
Granted-perhaps you should just go with the flow and be writing about feeling the way you feel

We wish Muse the best and hope she takes this opportunity to write good stuff about perhaps negative feelings

alleycat
08-28-2006, 07:49 PM
Granted. Let me just slap you about the head a few times. It might leave a nasty ringing in your ears but you'll soon forget your other feelings.

I wish it was lunchtime.

Edited to add . . . I would revise or delete this. But there's doesn't seem to be a point in doing so.

persiphone_hellecat
08-28-2006, 08:06 PM
Granted - lunch away -- but just remember that makes the afternoon MUCH longer...

I wish my allergies werent killing me today

janetbellinger
08-29-2006, 06:05 AM
Granted, they'll be killing y ou tomorrow instead.

My wish is like Midnight's, that I could put my rose coloured glasses back on

persiphone_hellecat
08-29-2006, 06:09 AM
Granted - rose colored glasses coming up. However, they didnt come in your prescription, so everything is pink but all blurry and you trip a lot.

I wish my son had brought home ice cream when he went out.

janetbellinger
08-29-2006, 06:17 AM
Ice cream has arrived and is sitting on the table melting. You rush to have some then notice it's beef jerkey flavoured ice cream.

I wish that Persi's son brought French vanilla ice cream and that I could have some too

persiphone_hellecat
08-29-2006, 06:21 AM
Granted - let's send him back out.

I wish my son wasnt watching cartoons AGAIN.

Jaycinth
08-29-2006, 07:58 PM
Granted! While flipping channels, your son has discovered the PTL Network. He's been watching it for 3 days nonstop and he wants to SAVE YOU. He won't take no for an answer and he's invited the entire congregation from the Crystal Cathedral to help make his point. You don't want to hurt his feelings in front of all these people now, do you?

I wish I could cuddle up with my wonderful beta reader and get distracted from discussing changes and plot twists.

MidnightMuse
08-29-2006, 09:30 PM
Granted. And let me just say, I had NO idea 'Cindy' was your beta ! Have a good cuddle.

I wish I could find a good book on serial killer profiling, without alerting Homeland Security by buying it !

alleycat
08-29-2006, 09:37 PM
Granted. There's one by Douglas you should get (he's written several).

I wish I had some ice cream.

persiphone_hellecat
08-29-2006, 09:41 PM
Granted -- the ice cream truck is coming down your street right now. Oops ... he forgot you moved.

I wish I didnt have to pay school taxes when I dont have any kids who use the schools here anymore.

alleycat
08-29-2006, 09:49 PM
Granted. All of the kids move back home and entry cosmetology school. "What's for dinner, mom?"

I wish I had a maid.

Jaycinth
08-29-2006, 10:26 PM
Granted. But he's a lazy , hairy 400 pound sack of lard who spends half his day in your bathtub bathing his genitalia because he's obsessive compulsive. Oh. And he doesn't speak a word of any language unless you hand sign him in Innuit first.

I wish I had Tiramisu to go with the Tiramisu coffee they just brought into the office. MMmmmmmmmmmm

arrowqueen
08-30-2006, 12:47 AM
Granted. Vatfuls of it, which you devoured ravenously. Unfortunately it has gone straight to your bum and your once shapely, leather-clad rear now looks like that of a retreating rhino.

After reading that, I now wish I hadn't eaten that Belgian-chocolate-coated ice-cream.

MidnightMuse
08-30-2006, 01:04 AM
Granted, just visit the Puking thread up in the novels forum and you'll be rid of that Belgian-chocolate-coated ice-cream in no time.

I wish someone else would do my 1-mile walk tonight, so I could nap on the couch.

alleycat
08-30-2006, 02:17 AM
Certainly, my queen. Your wish is granted. And just to do it quicker, I'll drive it!

I wish the queen would quit looking up my kilt.

Cath
08-30-2006, 02:23 AM
Granted - now everyone's looking up your kilt. And laughing.

I wish I didn't have toothache.

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 02:55 AM
Granted - you don't have a toothache anymore. However the hemmroids are killing you.

I wish my shih tzu wasnt sitting on my lap licking my keyboard.

Cath
08-30-2006, 02:57 AM
Granted, he's now licking your monitor - that's going to be fun to clean.

I wish my cat wouldn't wake me up in the middle of the night because he's scared of the thunder.

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 03:06 AM
Granted - now he wakes you up in the middle of the night because he's scared of the moon.

I wish there was something good in this house for dinner.

Cath
08-30-2006, 03:11 AM
Granted - unfortunately you burnt it while you were cooking and it tastes horrible.

I wish Persi had something good in her house for dinner. :)

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 03:15 AM
Granted - nice ... a Pea Pod truck pulls up outside with a whole bunch of food and I dont have to shop.

I wish I was on jeopardy

Cath
08-30-2006, 03:41 AM
Granted - it's the new high risk reality show. Oh, sorry, is that not the Jeopardy you wanted? Oops, too late. Um, just so you know, that disclaimer you signed is legally binding and, uh, y'know, in the event of your death, all your assets come to us.

I wish I felt better about my novel.

Bk_30
08-30-2006, 03:49 AM
Granted -but now your critque group and your agent hate it.

I wish I could still skip

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 04:27 AM
You can, but watch out because I tied your shoelaces together when you werent looking.

I wish my son would answer his $%$%^% cellphone

janetbellinger
08-30-2006, 04:52 AM
Granted but whover is on the other line is playing rap music so loud you can't ehar ourself think.

I wish I didn't have to go back to work next week, and could still have time and not be too tired to write.

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 05:01 AM
Granted - you don't have to go back to work. Who needs things like food, electricity and mortgage payments? Think La Boheme - suffer for your art.

I wish I had 3 people here now for a good poker game.

Jaycinth
08-30-2006, 06:11 PM
Granted. You open the door and two of your friends are standing there. Look, they brought you a thrice convicted pedophile, and a bunch of iron fire place pokers.
Oh and look your grill, that was piled high with coal for your barbecue is still going strong after all that shrimp you grilled.

OH LOOK, you have a gallon of Jack Daniels! ANd My my..all of the neighbors are out of town.

Gee, now you and your friends can have an interesting evening of poker. Red-Hot poker!!! (heh heh heh heh).

I wish I wasn't so gosh-darned nice!

Bronte
08-30-2006, 06:24 PM
Granted. You are now the Queen of Mean and the only company that you can possibly keep are liars, cheats, and thieves....but hey? You'll always have one up on them.

I wish there were 72 hours in a day and after the first 8 I'm paid overtime, when the alarm rings.

MidnightMuse
08-30-2006, 07:19 PM
Granted. Welcome to Pluto, though it's no longer a planet, your days now last . . . well, more years than you'd care to count!

I wish the rock show on the 9th was actually on the 2nd so I could BUY MORE ROCKS sooner.

Soccer Mom
08-30-2006, 09:06 PM
Granted. The rock show is much sooner than you thought. In fact, it was yesterday. Oh well. Better luck next year.

I wish I steak and lobster waiting at home for me to eat for dinner.

DeborahM
08-30-2006, 09:25 PM
Granted. The family has it all ready for you.

I wish I would received notice from an agent they want to rep me...mostly the one I really wanted.

Jaycinth
08-30-2006, 11:13 PM
Granted! The agent you wanted shows up at your front door with the query letter you wrote. The agent reeks of cheap booze, vomit and 10 day old rotting meat and is both sholess and pantless, although still possesed of a ripe Brooks Brothers Suit jacket.
The agent tells you your are wonderful...a STAR...you're going to make Millions!. The contract is whipped out, you sign and then you fiond out your agent left the big name agency last month and is now representing small independent Cambodian porn studios.

PEEEE WHEW!!! I wish your agent didn't smell so bad!

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 11:31 PM
Granted - I now award the agent a lifetime supply of Hai Karate cologne -- the same kind Elvis used.

I wish I hadnt slept so long today.

Soccer Mom
08-30-2006, 11:33 PM
Granted. You've been awake for the last seven days. You do remember everything right? No, that wasn't a dream. Oh my. I hate to be the one to tell you...

I wish someone else would unpack my office.

persiphone_hellecat
08-30-2006, 11:43 PM
Granted - I'll send over a batch of oompa - loompas. They can help. You don't have stuff that goes on high shelves though, do you?

I wish that person hadnt mentioned the name Ted Dekker in this forum. Totally bummed out now. I hate Ted Dekker. May he be trapped forever in one of his dumb stories -- preferably House.

davids
08-30-2006, 11:45 PM
Granted-just check for pink cards

We wish Soccer Mom-that is if she so wishes-could find someone with a large enough shoe-horn to extricate her from any shoe that she may find herself in
that she cares not to be in

Damn that Red is quick-gotta stop thinkin and start postin-Ted Who?

Soccer Mom
08-30-2006, 11:47 PM
Granted, you are... Hey, wait a minute. OW! Ow! Cut that out! I'm cozy in here.

I wish that my husband would clean the cat's litter box.

davids
08-30-2006, 11:50 PM
Granted just put it under his pillow

We wish that the thread about are women better writers then men or men better then women would die-who gives a crap-obviously not me and no we have not even looked at it

Soccer Mom
08-30-2006, 11:54 PM
Granted. It sinks into oblivion. So the posters start a new flame war about blue-eyed writers vs. brown-eyed ones. The hazel-eyed writers feel conflicted and left out. The green-eyed ones get jealous and start their own thread. The entire board breaks out into flame war and everyone goes off to start their own board based upon eye color.

I wish that chocolate was non-fattening.

davids
08-30-2006, 11:57 PM
Granted-sorry Mom just would like to tell you something else but that would be a lie-they say the dark stuff is less fattening and better or actually even healthy

We wish the gene that Soccer Mom and us are missing could be taken in a chocolate bar-French-Swiss-or Belgian-that's the gene that those horrible people are born with that allow them to have a slim body regardless of the ingestion of copious quantities of whatever the heck they want

DeborahM
08-31-2006, 12:21 AM
GRANTED!

I wish we all had a dollar for every rejection slip in our piles.

MidnightMuse
08-31-2006, 12:54 AM
Granted, now I can buy lunch at Burger King! Whoohoo.

I wish I was brave enough to brave the Crap-o-meter on Friday.

DeborahM
08-31-2006, 12:59 AM
Granted.

And you will supply each irritant with a Statples red button!

I wish my income out weighed my out go.

persiphone_hellecat
08-31-2006, 12:59 AM
Granted - the Wizard of AWz (aka Davids) just gave you a great big medal that says COURAGE

I wish my hair would dry so I could go out to dinner. Anyone wanna come brush it? That's a different thread.

davids
08-31-2006, 01:01 AM
Granted Red-we got enough hot air to do the trick in just a jiffy

We wish you all wealth-fame-fortune-but most of all we wish you the grace of a peaceful soul and a free mind

PS-we got lots of medals

persiphone_hellecat
08-31-2006, 01:04 AM
Thank you Oh Great Wizard of AWz

Granted - peaceful souls all around! And medals too! Most of us have the chests to pin them on.

I wish my dinner companion hadnt suggested Olive Garden.

arrowqueen
08-31-2006, 01:40 AM
Granted. He's suggested olive oil instead. He wants to rub it all over you. Gosh! I wouldn't fancy washing that out of the sheets.

I wish my tomatoes would hurry up and ripen.

Soccer Mom
08-31-2006, 02:30 AM
Granted. Too bad the bird ate the all immediately.

I wish I had an extra room in my house just for books.

Firefly
08-31-2006, 03:14 AM
Granted...the extra room appears within the garage. You can park on the street, can't you?

I wish I didn't have to wish for stuff.

davids
08-31-2006, 04:53 AM
Granted dear heart-just turn your wishes into action and try patience as a side-dish

We wish Firefly the joy of fixing her wishes with a hard stare and turning the little buggers into reality

K1P1
08-31-2006, 05:48 AM
Granted. Firefly's walls are now lined with eyeballs, one for each wish to be stared down.

I wish for fewer distractions.

persiphone_hellecat
08-31-2006, 06:06 AM
Granted - fewer distractions for K1P1. Welcome to solitary confinement.

I wish I wasnt a bad apple. Sighs

Mom'sWrite
08-31-2006, 06:20 AM
I wish I wasnt a bad apple. Sighs

Granted, but I hope you realize that being a bad apple is a noble profession. We make everyone feel so much better about themselves. The pay could be better though.:D

I wish I had two brain cells to rub together.

persiphone_hellecat
08-31-2006, 06:32 AM
Thank you ... then I will continue to be a bad apple -- but be careful - I might just end up making bad apples out of some of the rest of you.

Awww I do not have to grant that wish. You have far more than two. I'd say ten at least. LOL ... However, when the Wizard of AWz (aka Davids) returns, perhaps he can grant you a degree. He has lots of diplomas along with medals and testimonials.

I wish I had ruby slippers.

Soccer Mom
08-31-2006, 08:33 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, they are two sizes too small and removing them will require surgical intervention.

I wish I didn't need coffee to stay awake.

Bk_30
08-31-2006, 10:46 PM
Granted you no longer require coffee to stay awake, You now take a 3 finger shot of Castor Oil to stay awake.

persiphone_hellecat
08-31-2006, 11:07 PM
Since BK 30 didnt make a wish, as is customary for non- wishers, we officially grant him peace on earth.

And MAN three fingers of castor oil would sure get the motor humming.

I wish Davids would resend the message that I somehow didnt get because too many people were sending me letters.

Soccer Mom
08-31-2006, 11:12 PM
Granted. They resend, but the message was from one of the evil Davids.

I wish I could blink my eyes and transport myself wherever I wanted to go.

persiphone_hellecat
08-31-2006, 11:57 PM
Granted - you can. However, instead of ending up in Paris, France you end up in Paris, Texas. Be more specific next time.

I wish some hot guy in a speedo would bring me lunch.

arrowqueen
09-01-2006, 01:02 AM
Granted. He's brought you two baked potatoes and a salami. Unfortunately he had sun cream on his hands, so he had to find an alternative way to carry them. I won't say where. Let's just say he got some very admiring glances on the beach.

I wish I'd sold something this week.

persiphone_hellecat
09-01-2006, 01:04 AM
Granted - you had a really great garage sale and you sold your bedroom furniture. Now you have to sleep on the floor because you only got 25 bucks for the old set and you can't afford a new one.

I wish I could convince my son to let me have another shih tzu - a girl one so I could get some puppies. My boy ones want a girlfriend!

janetbellinger
09-01-2006, 01:30 AM
Granted. Your son cedes to your wishes. You await the arrival of the new shih tzu. It isn't until a woman covered in dung appears in your kitchen that you realize your son thought you said, "**** Sue." (Sorry about that because I am a dog lover and owner too.)

I wish that things were going the way I want them to in my emotional life.

persiphone_hellecat
09-01-2006, 01:57 AM
Granted - things go your way ... However, you soon find that extremely boring and long for the good old days of utter confusion.

I wish my partner would finish going over our new chapters so I could get a move on and finish this draft.

Soccer Mom
09-01-2006, 07:11 AM
Granted. The chapters are done. Unfortunately, your partner was channelling Ted Dekker at the time he worked ont them.

I wish someone would make me a big, southern breakfast in the morning.

persiphone_hellecat
09-01-2006, 07:29 AM
LMAO!! No wonder it took so long!!

Granted - however it's those mean guys from Deliverance and now they want you to squeal like a pig. Don't do it. Hold out for dignity.

I wish I had that pair of red boots on page 4 of Life & Style.

Soccer Mom
09-01-2006, 07:36 AM
Granted. Too bad you didn't specify a size. All I could find was size eighteen. Hope they aren't too big.

I wish somebody delivered chocolate like they do pizza.

persiphone_hellecat
09-01-2006, 07:41 AM
Damn ... next time I'll remember.

Granted - chocolate is now delivered ... by the Geek Squad

I wish blue potato chips came in those great big Costco size bags so I didnt have to keep going back for more.

Soccer Mom
09-01-2006, 06:49 PM
Granted. They now come in giant four galleon drums, but they cost $50 because of the fancy new packaging.

I wish I made enough money to quit my day job.

davids
09-01-2006, 06:51 PM
Granted you will just have to chip ahoy at that Costco clerk you are always flirting with-you know-the fat one with the zits-he will help-if you flirt the chips will come

We wish that that whoever was responsible could have created a blue potatoe for Charie-but as usual they were probably busy trying to figure out how to justify there absolute disregard for their creation of the spirit-the rights and the wrongs and how they were gonna convince their creations that they actually aren't so perfect as the proof of the pudding is in the eating

janetbellinger
09-01-2006, 07:07 PM
Granted. They now come in giant four galleon drums, but they cost $50 because of the fancy new packaging.

I wish I made enough money to quit my day job.

Granted. You receive an email saying you've won the British lottery and just have to contact the delivery company to make arrangements for delivery of your millions of dollars of winnings. YOu quit your day job and call the delivery person only to find out you have to pay $800. in order for delivery. You pay but still don't get your winnings. A few months later you call the company and voila, it will only take another $800. in order to have delivery come about. And on and on and on. Sorry about that. Couldn't resist. I actually fell for the lottery thing except my husband was smart enough to convince me it's a scam and I didn't pay any money for delivery.

My wish is the same as Soccer Mom's only I wish I could make enough from my writing to quit at least one of my day jobs.

persiphone_hellecat
09-01-2006, 07:18 PM
Granted - you make lots of money writing and quit your day job. Then you try to cash the advance check - and find it bounces higher than a superball. Maybe your boss will take you back.

I wish I didnt have so many errands to do today.

Soccer Mom
09-01-2006, 08:13 PM
Granted. You have nowhere to go because Ernesto has flooded your home.

I wish I could write twenty-five pages today.

Mom'sWrite
09-01-2006, 10:01 PM
I wish I could write twenty-five pages today.

Granted, but it's 25 pages on the state of the art of nose hair trimmers. You become the world-renowned expert on the subject. Old men with bushy nostrils follow you home.

I wish I could type faster.

MidnightMuse
09-01-2006, 10:27 PM
Granted, you can now type 110 wpm. Sadly, they're unreadible words and seem to hold no meaning or puntuation, but we're all very impressed by how quickly you got them down.

I wish someone would run my errands after work, so I could just go straight home and start this long weekend.