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grandma2isaac
09-28-2016, 10:01 PM
Granted. It's Halloween and there are no costumes. Man did you work hard on that one.

I wish...because

slcboston
09-28-2016, 10:04 PM
Granted.

Not sure what we've just granted, but we're sure it won't come back to bite us, right?



I wish I could take the time to savor what I eat.

grandma2isaac
09-28-2016, 10:07 PM
Speaking coming back to bite.
Granted. You have plenty of time for savoring. Unfortunately you are on a desert island. There are native grasses and bat droppings (unless you can find the bat colony) ENJOY!

I wish I were heading out on a cruise soon.

slcboston
09-28-2016, 10:13 PM
Granted.

It's headed to my island. *readies cannibal cooking pot*



I wish I could come up with a viable excuse not to go into work this evening.

grandma2isaac
09-28-2016, 10:15 PM
Granted. Your fifth Aunt twice removed is having her annual shaving. She needs moral support. They got a bit close to her bits last time.

I wish the warm bath you are preparing smelled more like sachet than broth.

slcboston
09-28-2016, 10:22 PM
Granted.

They make herbal sachets, right?



I wish I had a nice big bath to relax in myself.

grandma2isaac
09-28-2016, 10:24 PM
Granted. The public bath is now open on leper Island. Come for the bath stay for the disappearing parts.

I wish this kind of writing actually translated into a paycheck.

slcboston
09-28-2016, 10:27 PM
If we could grant that one, none of us would be here. Sorry.




I wish I could just think the words onto the page.

Nymtoc
09-28-2016, 11:03 PM
Granted. But for some strange reason, your page is blank.

I wish no politician would tell a lie up to and including November 8.

grandma2isaac
09-28-2016, 11:07 PM
Does not compute. There is no way to grant this wish. Politician equates to liar, sorry.

I wish all the great artists would sing just for me.

slcboston
09-28-2016, 11:12 PM
Granted.

Though, have you ever heard Picasso sing? I mean, sure, the man was talented with a brush, but trying to carry a tune? Flock of geese meets steamroller.




I wish I knew what was going on.

grandma2isaac
09-29-2016, 09:26 PM
Granted. You are bedridden, in a hospital, in a country you have never been to. You know everything that is going on around you, you can even undertand the language for some unknown reason. You are, however, unable to verbalize or move.

I wish I felt better today.

M.S. Wiggins
09-29-2016, 11:32 PM
Granted. You feel amazing, like a swath of silky fabric—cool, soft, and supple to the touch. Genie’s fingertips find the texture exotic, so intoxicating, so irresistible… can’t stop. Hey, where are you going? Don’t leave. Oh, sorry, pardon me. Grant expires at midnight, at which time you’ll have to re-wish for tomorrow’s better-feeling!


Wish I could swim with a whale shark.

grandma2isaac
09-29-2016, 11:57 PM
Granted. Unfortunately Genie thought you said whale and shark. The whale has swallowed both you and the shark, which is now gaining on you. Keep swimming.

I wish there were a cure for brain cancer, and it were simple as well as inexpensive.

slcboston
09-30-2016, 06:00 AM
Granted.

But it's the inexpensive part that keeps you from hearing about it. When the pharmaceutical companies can make exorbitant amounts of profit off it, they'll let you know.



I wish I wasn't quite so tired.

Nymtoc
09-30-2016, 07:24 AM
Granted. This should give you a lift. :e2coffee:

I wish I didn't look ridiculous in a tux.

shakeysix
09-30-2016, 08:09 AM
Okay. You now look gorgeous in a tux. A carbon copy of David Niven, suave, slim, patent leather hair and twinkling teeth. Sadly you forget to notify your wife of the change. She is heartbroken. She cannot accept that her dear, red haired, green faced nymmie from avatars past, is lost to her forever. She runs away with an unemployed shoe salesman.

I wish I had a tuxedo sundae.

Evabeth
09-30-2016, 11:15 PM
Granted. Thanks to the midday sun, you can gulp it down in one attempt.

I wish I lived on the equator.

@LeaLately
10-01-2016, 03:39 AM
Granted. All your money has been drained from your accounts and you are now living in a tin shack with killer roosters.

I wish I had the ability to read people's thoughts.

Nymtoc
10-04-2016, 08:14 PM
Granted. But when you learn what people are thinking, you start hyperventilating, then fall in a faint and end up going into a catatonic state that causes you to be rushed to the hospital. (The nurses will read you children's books, and you will recover, in time. :greenie).

I wish I had a pet.

shakeysix
10-04-2016, 09:54 PM
I am mailing you Frank, the cat from next door who seems to think my garden is his litter box. I'm not poking any air holes in the box so be prepared for a pet funeral on his arrival.

I wish that someone would wash and wax my car. A little vacuuming would be nice, too. Oh, and be sure to used Bug Off when scraping the helicopter bugs and grasshoppers off the gril.. Do a good job and there is $5, in it for you--s6

slcboston
10-09-2016, 07:11 AM
Granted.

The local high school sends out a group of students to detail your car. They aren't sure what they are doing, and they aren't trained, but they will expect their five dollars. It will likely cost more than that to fix what they have done.


I wish I could travel where I wished when I want.

Nymtoc
10-09-2016, 10:00 AM
Granted--as long as you limit your travel to one block from your home.

I wish I could learn how to set more realistic goals for myself.

slcboston
10-09-2016, 04:50 PM
Granted.

Don't set any goals that involve anything further than a block away from your home.





I wish I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything today, and could lounge around and faff about.

PorterStarrByrd
10-09-2016, 05:01 PM
denied .. too busy looking up "faff" to deal with stupid wishes


I wish I hadn't left my dictionary out in the rain last night

slcboston
10-10-2016, 07:12 AM
Granted.

You left it indoors. Where it still got rained on. Really need to get that roof looked at.



I wish it wasn't too late for a snack.

Nymtoc
10-10-2016, 10:50 AM
Granted. Here are some Tic Tacs (Donald Drumpf's favorite!).

I wish I were more conscientious about getting things done.

PorterStarrByrd
10-10-2016, 04:14 PM
wish tabled

Let's work on getting you conscious.

I wish tic tacs and chicken gravy were on the menu.

slcboston
10-11-2016, 06:59 AM
Granted.

They are on the menu. Not your menu. Someone else's. Not saying whose. But someone's.



I wish I had my headphones. And a reason to use them.

Nymtoc
10-11-2016, 08:57 AM
Granted. You have your headphones. You use them all day to receive messages from Planet Xoibos, rotating around Star Vftnwbpd in the Perseus Constellation. Nobody believes you--but why should they? :crazy:

I wish my ship would come in--soon!

slcboston
10-11-2016, 05:21 PM
Granted.

It's the Flying Dutchman. See you in 12 years. ... Or was that 10? Well, won't matter much, really.



I wish I didn't have to turn the heat on.

Nymtoc
10-12-2016, 02:28 AM
Granted. Just gather some old newspapers and a few scraps of wood and place them in the center of your living room. Strike a match, and you'll soon have a nice bonfire that will keep the room cozy without your having to turn on the heat!

I wish I had a pumpkin pie like Grandma used to make.

slcboston
10-12-2016, 07:19 AM
Granted.

Grandma didn't make pumpkin pies. You just assumed it was. You probably don't want to know what it was.



I wish I knew how to charge this keyboard.

M.S. Wiggins
10-13-2016, 12:20 AM
Granted. Your options:


• Visa/MC/Discover. Sorry, no Amex… fees too high.
• Wear a matador costume and see the keyboard through a red filter.

Wish I could convince this fruit fly to leave me the hell alone. I’ve already annihilated its brethren, but apparently this jerk is Super-Fly.

Nymtoc
10-13-2016, 08:14 AM
Denied! That fruit fly is from a 1950s sci-fi movie. It has been irradiated by an atomic blast. It is growing bigger every hour. Soon it will be as big as your house. It will roam through your neighborhood, devouring everything in its path. Run! Run for your life! (insert scream here, followed by sound of fly mandibles crunching flesh).

I wish I could come up with an original costume for Halloween.

slcboston
10-13-2016, 04:53 PM
Granted.

See above post. (Mandible kit and/or radiation not included.)



I wish I could manipulate time so I could spend more time doing the things I want to do.

Nymtoc
10-15-2016, 09:21 PM
Granted. But by manipulating time so you can do the things you want to do, you neglect the things you have to do, and the result is a catastrophe.

I wish our political discourse would return to a more civil level.

slcboston
10-16-2016, 05:36 PM
Granted.

We're back to the days of Lincoln vs Douglas debates. Yes, it's pre Civil War and things are bad, but on the plus side we were mildly more civil about our differences.




I wish I could wipe that smug smile off that one person's face at work.

CDSinex
10-18-2016, 04:41 AM
Granted: He no longer has a smug smile when he looks at you. It's now more of a condescending sneer.

I wish someone would punch my boss on the nose.

slcboston
10-18-2016, 06:04 AM
Granted.

It's you! We know that's what you really wanted. It's a good hit, too, probably going to send him to the ER. Now would be a good time to polish up your resume.




I wish I didn't have to turn around and head right back to work in 10 hrs.

slcboston
10-24-2016, 04:39 AM
Okay, now I just wish someone would remember this thread is here...


:D

Nymtoc
10-24-2016, 05:30 AM
Granted. This Genie remembers, but you woke him from a pleasant sleep, and for that transgression you'll have to work all next weekend without stopping. No coffee breaks, either. Arggghhh!

I wish a certain Presidential candidate (guess who!) would go away after the election, and that we would never hear from him again!

slcboston
10-24-2016, 05:57 AM
Granted.

But no one really remembers the Libertarian candidate, anyway. As for any other candidates, GIANT COSMIC POWERS™ can only do so much. Sorry.




I wish my cat would stop pacing the halls.

pkbax
10-25-2016, 01:08 AM
Granted. Your cat will stop pacing about the same time mine stops acting like a pinball. Genie has no idea when that will be however, because felines have a mind of their own on such things.

I wish someone else would could do the 3 weeks worth of work I came back to.

slcboston
10-25-2016, 06:26 AM
Denied.

Genie knows where you have been. Genie still hasn't seen pictures. You take off for fantastic, faraway places, and expect sympathy when you return to your job? Uh-uh. No way, sister.




I wish I had gone out to do a little shopping today. Like, for wine.

Nymtoc
10-25-2016, 07:52 AM
Granted. Here goes the rewind: You went out shopping today and bought a bottle of Merlot and a bottle of Liebfraumilch. On the way home, you were mugged by a man who took your wallet, your watch--and the wine. Better stick with what really happened. :greenie

I wish I were I chef in a high-priced restaurant in Paris.

slcboston
10-26-2016, 10:33 PM
Granted.

I hear Paris, Texas, is nice this time of year. (Although "high end" is somewhat loosely defined, there. But never underestimate the culinary chops of a good fry cook.)




I wish I could convince my cat the desk is mine, not his.

pkbax
10-27-2016, 12:26 AM
I wish I could convince my cat the desk is mine, not his.

:ROFL::roll:

Denied. Even Genie knows the desk belongs to the cat. As does the keyboard to your computer, whatever chair you wish to sit on. . .

I wish procedure manuals weren't so boring.

shakeysix
10-27-2016, 06:05 PM
Okay, procedure manuals are now exciting reading, full of sexual innuendo, veiled political commentary, Freudian gasps and quirky but philosophical life observations. Unfortunately everyone forgets this thread because everyone is reading procedure manuals instead of the sexual innuendo. political commentary etc. found in this entertaining but thought provoking thread!

I wish my cat would stop leaving dead moles on my doorstep and go for that orange thing on Trump's head!

Jason
10-27-2016, 06:23 PM
Granted. The orange thing on Trumps head was left at your doorstep, and now your cat is back to leaving dead moles on the doorstep.

I wish I could get out of this $%^&ing writer's block!

Wrigby Paige
10-28-2016, 05:21 AM
Granted. However, your manuscript gets lost in cyberspace, and also the NSA wants to talk to you.

I wish I could sing like Beyonce.

Jason
10-28-2016, 05:53 AM
Granted, but when you do sing, your face looks like Elmo having a seizure.

I wish I could pay off all my debt.

pkbax
10-28-2016, 09:56 PM
Granted. But the police have some questions for you about the missing money from the bank.

I wish my medical director would listen when told we should table a discussion until we have all the facts.

slcboston
11-02-2016, 08:44 PM
Denied.

Can't even make this work in everyday life, especially in this "post facts" US. I grant it to you, then everybody's asking, and pretty soon a genie is stretched way, way too thin.


I wish I could go without sleeping. And still function.

Nymtoc
11-03-2016, 10:03 AM
Granted. You go without sleeping and still function, like an 18-wheeler with 17 flat tires. You are, in effect, a zombie.

I wish I had a 1909 Hupmobile.

Jason
11-03-2016, 06:36 PM
Granted, but it's been modded with a 2" lift, a phat stereo system, and is painted neon pink and blue (with green trim)

I wish the Cubs would win the World Series *evil grin*

Oh wait, that's already happened! LOL

I wish I could invent a coffee IV so I don't have to keep refilling my mug every day

slcboston
11-04-2016, 06:36 AM
Granted.

The genie sticks it in your eye. (THIS genie is an Indians fan. You don't want to know what that IV is filled with either, because it may be brown and hot and liquid, but I'm not wasting coffee on you.)


I wish that the noise from the front of my car will turn out to be something minor and relatively inexpensive.

Casper109
11-05-2016, 08:34 AM
Granted, but you will never find out what caused the noise, and your car has been stolen right after it received the fix along with free scratch removal and a paint job.

I wish the In-laws would stop coming to my house.

pkbax
11-06-2016, 01:20 AM
Granted.

They no longer come to your house because they've moved in and it is now their house, too.

I wish the characters in my head would learn to talk one at a time.

Jason
11-06-2016, 01:27 AM
Granted, but they now talk amongst themselves, excluding you from attending to conversation.

I wish my ideas and creativity weren't limited to momentary spurts in an Internet forum.

slcboston
11-06-2016, 06:51 AM
Granted.

Your spurts now come in public. Good luck explaining that one to the authorities.



I wish I could decide between the candy or the cookies.

Nymtoc
11-06-2016, 10:43 AM
Granted. But by the time you decide, the neighbrhood kids have esten every one.

I wish I knew how they split peas to make split pea soup.

Jason
11-06-2016, 08:32 PM
Granted, but now you know how they split peas to make split pea soup...

I wish this election cycle of ads was over

slcboston
11-09-2016, 07:57 PM
Granted.

Careful what you wish for.



I wish it would stop raining by the time I get my car.

Jason
11-10-2016, 08:19 PM
Granted.

It's now sleeting...

I wish coffee was a food group

jlmott
11-17-2016, 07:18 PM
Granted. Now throw a handful of coffee beans on your Wheaties for a complete though somewhat crunchy breakfast.

I wish this pile of papers on my desk would disappear. Forever.

Nymtoc
11-19-2016, 10:29 AM
Granted. But the Genie's wand has a wide swath, and it permanently removes not only the pile of papers but the desk and...you.

I wish I could dive down and visit RMS Titanic.

Jason
11-19-2016, 04:00 PM
Granted, but as you surface too quickly, you get The Bends and now have to live your life in a compression chamber.

I wish I knew how to start this great story idea.

Nymtoc
11-20-2016, 10:10 AM
Granted. Here's your first line: "It was a dark and stormy night..."

I wish I hadn't fallen asleep in the middle of the football game.

M.S. Wiggins
11-27-2016, 01:27 AM
Denied. You fell asleep, plain and simple. Even Genie cannot rewrite history. Besides, sports are barbaric, so think of it as your mind was protecting from witnessing such bestial savagery.


Wish I had the winning lottery numbers… ;) in advance.

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 07:04 AM
Granted....you open a Chinese fortune cookie that has the winning numbers, but a local power outage shuts down all the lottery machines, preventing you from purchasing a ticket.

I wish I had stock in Starbucks

Jason
11-27-2016, 08:16 AM
Granted but a devious plot from Folgers contaminates their entire supply chain causing billions in losses. They're now penny stocks.

I wish this kink in my lower back was cured

Nymtoc
11-27-2016, 08:55 AM
Granted. After obtaining a degree in surgery from the internet, your brother-in-law volunteered to treat you. The kink is gone, but so are most of your vertebrae.

I wish I could visit an alternate universe.

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 11:31 AM
Granted...but your already in the alternative universe....as a peon...in your home universe your were a king....alas...you stepped through the wardrobe cabinet.

I wish I had some really comfy field boots

shakeysix
11-27-2016, 05:23 PM
Ah--don't even need a wish for this one. I am mailing you my old, broken in, Fatbabies. I was planning on dropping by Orscheln's and buying a new pair anyway. New ones might be a little warm in Florida but these have a nice, natural side vent in the left boot, between the upper and the sole. Hope you like pink flamingos and palm trees. I thought they were cute when I bought them but everyone here calls me Rodeo Cowgirl, and not in a sensitive way. They will fit in better in Florida. They were a size 6 1/2 but the vent brings the left one up to a 7. --s6

Wish I had a pair of Mexican Vaquero boots. --s6

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 07:37 PM
Granted..Shakeysix has presented me with boots? Now Armydillo has no master. Armydillo is a free poster!

He quickly summons his Mexican armadillo friends to find vaquero boots. But in their haste as they rush forward, they step all over her feet causing them to swell, now to large for the boots. Bummer.

I wish armadillos didn't carry 22 types of disease in thier shells.

Jason
11-27-2016, 08:12 PM
Granted, but now these 22 diseases are in their eyes...

I wish I had my vertebrae back :roll:

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 08:26 PM
Denied, you spineless green toad....making a poor old Armydillo blinder than he is already. No backbone for you!

I wish I had antibiotics for my diseased eyes....thanks CBJ

Jason
11-27-2016, 08:33 PM
Granted, your previous wish was interpreted loosely to all armadillos not to oneself explicitly. Diseased eyes are cured.

I really wish I had my spine back LOL :)

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 08:51 PM
Granted.....you recieve a AARP coupon in the mail for a discount home do it yourself back kit. You have to provide your own power tools.

I wish I could type faster than Lillian.

Jason
11-27-2016, 09:06 PM
Denied - I've learned not to mess with her super powers.

I wish I could keep up with the super posters here at AW

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 09:22 PM
Denied....the super posters keep sticking thier feet out to trip you, as you try to type past them.

I wish I could remember where my wallet is

Jason
11-27-2016, 09:57 PM
Granted, but only when you have forgotten to keep looking for it and have sit back down fer a spell

I wish I could remember where my keys are (my Spidey senses tell me this is gonna go the route of old fogey-isms lol)

armydillo978
11-27-2016, 11:16 PM
Granted...you remember that you're keys are exactly where you left them....now where was that again? Oh yes....ahhh....drat, you forgot again.

I wish I could build a wall around commercials

Jason
11-28-2016, 01:00 AM
Granted, but you're inside the wall...

I wish I'd stop sneezing for ten minutes

armydillo978
11-28-2016, 01:11 AM
Granted, some wayward Mexican armadillos drop off noseplugs.....but they accidentally step on your feet making you snort....and inhaling the noseplugs.

I wish I had a farm

shakeysix
11-28-2016, 02:36 AM
You do! It is an armadillo farm. You know, in Mexico they eat you guys. In Kansas we just run over you as you stand in the middle of Highway Fifty deciding if you should cross or go back. Now this is a Kansas highway so there might be a vehicle pass by every hour or so. Still, you guys continue to dawdle on the center line. So an armadillo farm makes sense --kind of like a Poor Farm only a Poor-ass Armadillo Farm. You can sell off the slower armadillos to the Mexicans down the road and keep the rest as a petting zoo for the ocularly diseased. What a Vocation and I thought it all up for you. You know one Kansas armadillo farmer feeds--well, a whole army of armadillo eaters! -s6

PS--Took a nature walk in the woods along the Ninnescah this p.m. Not much of a walk. I wish there was a real, bona fide forest in Pratt County Kansas.

Jason
11-28-2016, 02:40 AM
Wow, granting wishes and not submitting your own wish? Very selfless shakeysix! Tis the season... :)

Nymtoc
11-28-2016, 03:41 AM
I wish there was a real, bona fide forest in Pratt County Kansas.

Granted. It is the forest shown in "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death," a 1989 film starring Bill Maher! One of the most hilariously trashy movies ever made! It's on IMdB. Check it out!

I wish I could change the results of the recent election. (Hopeless, I know--but be kind, Genie!)

shakeysix
11-28-2016, 03:48 AM
I wished for a forest in the sandhills pf southwestern Kansas. As long as I am getting picky--not a single sand cedar, tamarak or Russian olive. I want trees! Big assed trees, A wolf or two, oak trees, towering pines, a kid in a red riding hood with a picnic basket, a couple of gingerbread houses, a thorny labyrinth with a mirror bright pond at its heart. ANYTHING but sand hills, yucca and armadillos--no offense armt--s6

Jason
11-28-2016, 04:25 AM
My bad, that wish blended in with the rest of the paragraph

@ Nymtoc

Granted, but the results are challenged in Michigan, Wisconsin, and PA oh wait...

I wish we had transporter technology today (be kind genie)

armydillo978
11-28-2016, 05:55 AM
I'm feeling the love.

armydillo978
11-28-2016, 05:58 AM
Granted....you step into the transport chamber and whizzzz, your gone....along with that fly that snuck in there with you...bzzz

I wish people in Kansas could drive properly. ;)

Jason
11-28-2016, 07:26 AM
Granted, they've all now taken drivers ed classes and know how to drive.

I wish this fly in my time machine would disappear...

Nymtoc
11-28-2016, 09:43 AM
Granted. But the fly was the only thing keeping you from falling into a black hole. Buh-bye, CB!

I wish I had some genuine New York cheesecake.

Jason
11-28-2016, 09:52 AM
Gra....

Oh wait, I'm in a black hole, never mind lol

...

shakeysix
11-28-2016, 12:37 PM
Genuine New York cheesecake available in any Kansas, Oklahoma or eastern Colorado IGA. It says so on right the box!

Wish I had a clam chowder that didn't come in a can. --s6

armydillo978
11-28-2016, 07:06 PM
Granted! your getting a paid trip to Seattle, and you enjoy Iver's fresh chowda...but you get caught up in mass of street bicycle racers going by. And they knock your bowl of chowder over. Damn short legged bicycle riding Mexican armadillos.

I wish the political tomfoolery would finally end.

Nymtoc
11-28-2016, 08:37 PM
Granted. The political tomfoolery has ended. It has become all-out insanity.

I wish the media would stop using the term "the alt-right" and call it what it really is. (Do I need to spell it out?) :flamethrower

shakeysix
11-29-2016, 02:23 AM
Sorry. I was going to say something chipper and hopeful but screw it. --s6

Jason
11-29-2016, 08:21 AM
Granted...but they're fired promptly by our OPE despite the fact he can't do that.

I wish I could get out of this black hole...

Nymtoc
11-29-2016, 09:37 AM
Decision pending. The Genie is consulting Stephen Hawking on this one, and things don't look good.

I wish my phone had more memory.

Jason
11-30-2016, 09:52 AM
Granted, your phone now can out think you! (Seems like they do these days already though lol :) )

I wish we'd ge some snow soon!

ErezMA
11-30-2016, 11:31 PM
Granted. It'll be snowing in Siberia very soon. I don't think you have plans on going to Russia any time soon. No? What a shame.

I wish time would pass quicker toward the end of my shift. :)

armydillo978
11-30-2016, 11:56 PM
Denied.....work is not for pleasure...in fact, the next shift called out sick and YOU have to work over. Damn.

I wish I could work on diesel semi's all day.

Komnena
12-09-2016, 09:18 AM
Granted. You get sent to be a mechanic for Ice Road trucks.

I wish I had finished NaNo.

armydillo978
12-12-2016, 06:18 AM
Granted! You aced it....almost......but your word counter hiccuped and turns out your one word short....bummer..ah well..there's always next year.I

I wish I had luck at the roulette table.

Jason
12-12-2016, 06:31 AM
Granted, you spin the revolver chamber, then pull the trigger and it clicks. This time. But you have 5 more clicks to go. Without another spin.

I wish the Broncos would lose out for a better draft pick next year.

slcboston
12-12-2016, 09:32 PM
Granted.

Um, football, right? American football, as my students would say? Um... gee... I mean, how badly do you want them to be? Like, just under a winning season bad, or Cleveland Browns bad? I'm going to assume the latter. You should have all the draft picks you want. Ever.



I wish it would snow. And stick. And make everything merry and white. Or at least white.

Nymtoc
12-12-2016, 11:26 PM
Granted. It will snow and stick and make everything merry and white--for a very short time. Then (as the new President removes all EPA controls) factories will belch smoke and fumes and dreck, and the snow will turn black and gray and noxious.

I wish I could star in a movie.

Jason
12-13-2016, 03:40 AM
Granted. It's a low budget porno, and you contract syphilis.

I wish it was Friday

armydillo978
12-13-2016, 07:36 PM
Granted! Your man Friday, whom you met while stranded on that desert island, gave the syphillis to Nymtoc....sadly, Friday got it from you. Yeah.....that sucks.


I wish I had the perfect hot sauce that goes with everything! :) My stove is covered with a dozen different types. Why can't there be.....only one! http://img.picturequotes.com/2/28/27590/in-the-end-there-can-be-only-one-quote-1.jpg

TimYeti
12-13-2016, 07:46 PM
Granted, sadly you've become inexplicably and violently allergic to the main ingredient of this hot sauce.

I wish I had a pen that never got lost and never ran out of ink.

armydillo978
12-13-2016, 08:30 PM
Granted! But, it's a fountain pen that requires you to lick the nib to get it flowing.....and the ink is made out of.....hot sauce!

I wish I could inherit from a rich family.

shakeysix
12-13-2016, 08:43 PM
you can! you are now an official member of any of the wealthy families who are featured on "Homicide for the Holidays." You are set to inherit a cool million or two when the entire family is gunned down by a maniacal, vengeance crazed ex-family member. Allz you have to do to get your inheritance is cower under a blood soaked sofa while he finishes off the youngsters and oldsters and then bolt before he torches himself and the gasoline soaked premises. Good Luck.

I wish I could get past my family members' annoying, politically ass-backwards and often insane but ultimately harmless quirks and realize that holidays with them is better than a machine gun wielding Santa.

Nymtoc
12-14-2016, 10:46 AM
Granted. You get past your relatives' harmless quirks and spend the holidays with them, but your crazy uncle (you know the one) will hound you relentlessly for all of 2017 because of those nasty things you said about Trump.

I wish the election could be reversed. Okay, I know that's not possible, so...let's see...I wish something would happen so that the next four years are not a total loss. (Please, Genie! :Hail:)

Jason
12-14-2016, 11:33 AM
Uh, this has a,ready been granted, didn't you hear? We're all just a simulation (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?324405-The-Simulation-Argument) (So, btw, that also means the syhpilis you hot isn't real :)

I wish my story plots could hold up long enough to amount to a book before I got bored or ran out of the creative energy to complete them...

slcboston
12-14-2016, 07:26 PM
Granted.

It's a very boring book, though.




I wish the snow would only fall on the yard, and not the sidewalk or anywhere else I have to shovel.

Nymtoc
12-14-2016, 11:03 PM
Granted. Thanks to a new cyber-snow app, you can now have snow fall wherever you want, at only $1,000 a month (billed annually).

I wish the traffic snarls around Trump Tower would cease. Fifth Avenue is a mess, and traffic control, along with extra security, are costing my city a bundle. :Headbang:

Jason
12-15-2016, 05:58 AM
Granted, snarls cease, it's now a genuine clusterf*ck in perpetuity...

I wish it was Friday

CDSinex
12-16-2016, 12:07 AM
Granted: The Genie is backed up because of the snow and the unusually high holiday demand (mostly Americans wishing they lived in Canada), and regrets that he can't fulfill your wish any earlier than 12 midnight.

I wish I lived in Canada.

Nymtoc
12-16-2016, 03:05 AM
Granted. Canada is planning to take over the entire Pacific Northwest. All it takes is a few more signatures on the petition. Signed yet?

I wish people would stop giving me funny looks.

ErezMA
12-16-2016, 03:08 AM
Granted, but the sad looks are making you feel sad! Why have you done this?!

I wish for the self-discipline to not call out for food delivery and instead, eat the much healthier and wholesome dinner I brought for work tonight.

Jason
12-16-2016, 03:25 AM
Delayed: You may not get a decision before dinner - didn't you hear Genie is backed up?

I wish my headache would stop pounding against my temples

ErezMA
12-16-2016, 06:14 AM
Granted! Your two temples have reached a mutual understanding and merged to one!

Now your headache is pounding against one unified temple!

I wish the weather becomes a bit more merciful.

Jason
12-19-2016, 10:47 PM
Hmmm, it's apparently been granted, but the respite is likely short-lived.

I wish I could visualize my words and they would magically appear on paper...

shakeysix
12-19-2016, 11:38 PM
Wish granted--on toilet paper. But the expensive 6 ply brand.

I wish I could unfreeze plumbing with super X ray vison.

Jason
12-20-2016, 12:44 AM
Granted, but the pipes still burst

I wish toilet paper was the same as digital paper! :roll:

slcboston
01-12-2017, 06:59 PM
Granted.

But using your tablet every time you have to go is going to get expensive, messy, and smelly.



I wish the metro would come out my way.

Jason
01-14-2017, 08:55 PM
Granted. The Metro now rushes by at 100 decibels every half hour right behind your house.

I wish I could find my inspiration beyond 100 words at a time.

Komnena
01-17-2017, 03:48 PM
Granted. Your inspiration becomes merciless and demands you produce a thousand words an hour. By the end of every day you are exhausted but since your inspiration has chained you to your desk and will not feed you until you type out twelve thousand words you either produce or go hungry.
I wish I had a new laptop.

shakeysix
01-17-2017, 04:33 PM
granted--you now own my new laptop--it is a dell inspiron a little over a year old. unfortunately it comes with a cat. her name is scout and she likes to do buck & wing dances across the keyboard--when she's not napping on it, creating 88 pages of semi-colons in the middle of your epic novel. scout is the reason i have a new computer- she took out the old one. oh, and she also chews through the wrapper and eats the bread--well, not so much eats it as chews it ragged. if you have a strong stomach and live in the middle of nowhere you can cut the moist part off. still, you'd best get a lock box for your bread.


I wish the mole that is reconstructing my backyard would turn into topo giogio. I could kill topo but i'm too soft hearted to lower the guillotine on this guy.

slcboston
01-17-2017, 08:05 PM
Granted.

I... uh... well, crap. I have no idea who/what that is, and am not in the mood to Google. Suffice it to say that the mole has learned of your plans for its eminent demise and has taken matters into its own hand. No idea where it got a tactical nuke that small, but that's your problem now.




I wish I knew where the laundry chute went.

shakeysix
01-17-2017, 08:09 PM
into the 5th dimension. Didn't you ever watch the Twilight Zone? It takes dogs too.

I wish I could see this much ice again--in August!

slcboston
01-17-2017, 08:20 PM
Granted.

Wow, things really HAVE gotten @#$%ed up with the climate, haven't they?





I wish I could avoid going to work yet still draw a paycheck.

shakeysix
01-17-2017, 09:16 PM
YOU CAN! It is called Social Security! hang in there--55 years of demeaning, tedious labor is all it takes--s6

I wish my poinsettia would get with the program--s6

Jason
01-17-2017, 09:24 PM
Granted, it's now the lead in Hamilton and is touring the country - you'll see it again in 6-10 years

I wish my SS eligibility was a bit further out than 7 years :(

slcboston
01-18-2017, 07:01 PM
Granted.

I don't think I even have to do anything for this one. The current course of American politics should see to that all by itself.




I wish I didn't have to take the job I don't like just to have benefits.

Jason
01-18-2017, 07:06 PM
touche :)

Granted. You now have to take the job (and two others just like it) for the money.

I wish I was ten years younger but could maintain my current wisdom and life experiences

slcboston
01-18-2017, 07:09 PM
Granted.

You lack the power to make any changes based on that wisdom and experience, however. Which mostly leaves you screaming internally at yourself.

May or may not be different than your current reality.




I wish I wasn't already working multiple jobs.

Nymtoc
01-19-2017, 12:53 AM
Granted. You are working no jobs. The homeless shelter is two blocks down, to your right.

I wish I had more energy.

Jason
01-19-2017, 02:07 AM
Granted - you're now moving at the speed of light, and at that speed only. Good luck typing anything :)

I wish my web server didn't die - rebuilding it from scratch sux :(

Komnena
02-09-2017, 06:45 PM
Granted. Your web server comes to life. Unfortunately it's because Sauron has taken it over.
I wish I knew how to sew.

possiblerobot
02-09-2017, 09:05 PM
Granted. Now sewing is the only thing you know how to do.

I wish I had more confidence.

Nymtoc
02-10-2017, 12:23 AM
Granted. You can now cross the street without someone holding your hand. That's about it. :roll:

I wish to get no more spam in my email box.

possiblerobot
02-10-2017, 12:30 AM
Granted. Your email account has been deleted and you are banned from all email providers ever.

I wish I had a chocolate fondue fountain that never runs out of chocolate.

Marissa D
02-10-2017, 01:08 AM
Granted! But it turns out that the only thing you have in the house to dip in it is broccoli and belgian endive.

I wish I didn't have to go out and shovel the snow.

Eleqtriq
02-10-2017, 01:41 AM
Granted!

You just lost your hands in a tragic bear-feeding accident. No more shoveling for you, ever!

I wish I could conjure up meals with a single thought.

possiblerobot
02-10-2017, 02:07 AM
Granted!
Now every time you think of something even remotely related to food, you will instantly summon a five course meal that you're compelled to eat!
I wish for INFINITE POWER!!!

Nymtoc
02-10-2017, 02:08 AM
Granted. But the infinite power causes multiple short circuits, and all the things you own--laptops, phones, all your apps--are burned to a crisp the moment you touch them. Also, your eyelashes are singed.

I wish the gig that was mentioned to me last week comes through!

Komnena
02-11-2017, 04:26 PM
Congratulations! You will now entertain people in Antarctica.
I wish I hadn't killed the book chain thread.

possiblerobot
02-11-2017, 11:43 PM
Granted. Now everyone involved with that gig has decided to come into your house through your window.

I wish I had a car that wasn't a giant money pit.

Marissa D
02-12-2017, 12:01 AM
Granted! Your main method of transportation is now a small wooden cart drawn by four bad-tempered, smelly goats...but they're cheap to feed.

I wish reading the news wasn't so damned depressing.

Nymtoc
02-12-2017, 12:23 AM
Granted. You are now a subscriber to NymtocNews, which reports only stories like following:

"Betsy Ann Schluph Has Loveliest Birthday Party Ever!"
"Dinkydumdums Voted Cutest Puppy in Town!"
"Jason T. Gets All A's on Two Tests in a Row!"
"Alicia Krim's Angel Food Cake Is Mmmmm Heavenly!"

There are many more such stories in NymtocNews, and you won't have to start paying for your subscription till the end of the month.

------------------

I wish this cold weather would stop right now.

Jason
02-12-2017, 03:29 AM
Book chain thread? (Hint: granted if you give me a link... :) )

I wish there was an adult airline that required a minimum age of 18 so I could not have a 4 year old constantly kick my seat back and his parents giggle at how much he's growing since he couldn't reach the seat back last trip!

possiblerobot
02-12-2017, 07:15 PM
Granted! Now you have a bunch of rowdy college kids constantly trying to have a party on your plane!

I wish I could punch several really annoying people in the face without consequences.

jaus tail
02-12-2017, 07:55 PM
Granted. You work for the mafia.

I wish for some good news.

Nymtoc
02-14-2017, 04:04 AM
Granted. The sun will come up tomorrow.

I wish I had a guardian angel that I could contact on my phone.

possiblerobot
02-14-2017, 04:46 AM
Granted! Now you have to wait on hold for half an hour to reach your guardian angel. Your guardian angel is also really really bad at his job.

I wish I had a library filled with every book in existence.

jaus tail
02-14-2017, 07:11 PM
Granted. But since there are so many books, I'm sending them and the library and you to Jupiter. Have fun with the dinosaurs over there.:)

I wish I were electricity.

possiblerobot
02-15-2017, 03:30 AM
Granted. Now you are the electricity in a battery that someone dropped in between couch cushions and are waiting for someone to eventually find you.

I wish I had a maid.

Jason
02-15-2017, 03:42 AM
Granted. She now follows you like a shadow always cleaning behind you.

I wish I'd used sunscreen on the tops of my feet yesterday

possiblerobot
02-15-2017, 03:47 AM
Granted. She now follows you like a shadow always cleaning behind you.



This is a bad thing?

Your wish is granted, and now you've created a new timeline where the butterfly effect will eventually cause a major increase in global warming, a global economic depression, and the reawakening of Cthulhu.
I wish I was a wizard.

Jason
02-15-2017, 04:03 AM
You e apparently never had obsequious Mexican wait staff clear your plate before you're done eating or refilling your coffee right after you've got the perfect temp and cream/sugar combo.

Granted, but all your spells and skills can do is peel sun blistered skin.

I wish this nagging cough would go away.

jaus tail
02-15-2017, 10:32 AM
Denied. I can't get rid of my own nagging cough and persistent cold. Sorry. Atchoo...

I wish to get a good rank in the recent exam that I gave.

possiblerobot
02-15-2017, 06:13 PM
Granted. You will now do so well that people think you cheated.

I wish I had a perfect 4.0 GPA

Marissa D
02-16-2017, 09:11 PM
Granted--you have a perfect 4.0 GPA. You also have no social life, no friends, and no muscle tone or physical stamina because all you've done for the last four months is study.

I wish I had more bookshelves.

possiblerobot
02-16-2017, 10:48 PM
You also have no social life, no friends.



That already sounds like my life.:cry:
Your bookshelves now fill up every last bit of available space, and you now cannot live in your own house anymore

I wish I had a faster metabolism.

Jason
02-16-2017, 11:24 PM
Granted. Your metabolism is now so fast you must eat nonstop else waste away.

I wish life was all-inclusive

possiblerobot
02-17-2017, 02:20 AM
Granted now you have people constantly trying to stuff products down your throat. Literally, in the case of food.

I wish I had a TARDIS.

Jason
02-18-2017, 09:28 AM
Granted, but it's in ingestible format only - you're now forever shifting through time...

I wish to finish my reading goal benchmark by the end of February!

jaus tail
02-18-2017, 05:48 PM
Granted. You finish your reading goal by end of Feb 2070. You didn't mention the year.

I wish leaf miners would leave my plants alone.

Jason
02-18-2017, 10:10 PM
Hey, if that means I'm still alive in 2070, that's a good thing - 53 more years would make me 101! :)

Granted - they mine all the leaves (and plants) until there's nothing left.

I wish to finish my February 2017 reading goal by the end of February 2017! ;)

jaus tail
02-18-2017, 10:26 PM
Granted. You finish your Feb 2017 goal by the end of Feb 2017. Your goal was to read 1 book. And comic books count. So yay!!

I wish people would return the money they were given.

Jason
02-18-2017, 10:31 PM
Provisionally granted...depends on whether this is money given for services rendered, or loaned temporarily. Outcome pending decision from the cartoon Gods

I wish I could find the will power to step away from the computer for a bit.

jaus tail
02-19-2017, 09:56 AM
Denied. But I've changed the wiring of the computer. Each time you type something, you get an electric shock.

I wish to get a job.

Nymtoc
02-19-2017, 10:35 AM
Granted. You have been hired as personal assistant to an important person and must obey his every whim. His name is Kim Jong Un.

I wish I had an endless supply of Kit Kat bars.

Jason
02-20-2017, 03:58 AM
Granted (ouch!). They've filled up your typing room to the point where you can't even move your fingers (ouch!).

I wish the electric shocks would go away (ouch!) when I type (ouch!) :)

jaus tail
02-20-2017, 09:33 AM
Granted. Wear rubber slippers. Or make sure you're sitting on a couch. No direct contact with metal. Or rather connect a loose wire from exterior of laptop(just body) and then connect other end of wire to ground. Just a metal rod on the earth. A little googling will help:) Or rather get an electrician. That'd be safer.

You can also wear gloves while using the laptop, and get a mouse instead of using the mouse of the laptop.


I wish my plants would share the nutrients in the soil instead of the strong ones sucking up all the nutrients and the weaker ones not growing.

Jason
02-20-2017, 09:57 PM
Granted, you've circumvented Darwinism. Your universe collapses on itself as all known rules of existence become meaningless.

I wish T-Mobile support wasn't staffed by idiots.

possiblerobot
02-20-2017, 10:09 PM
Granted. Now it's staffed by geniuses who do nothing but talk down to you and act superior.

I wish I could kill my procrastination.

Jason
02-21-2017, 12:39 AM
Denied. You're stuck here with the rest of us procrastinators!

I wish I could kill everyone's procrastination :)

Komnena
02-27-2017, 08:24 AM
Granted. You kill a horse named Everyone's Procrastination and get ten years in jail.
I wish I could have three hours a week alone.

possiblerobot
02-27-2017, 06:46 PM
Granted. Now you spend three hours a week in a windowless, lightless, padded, and temperature controlled room with no way of contacting the outside.

I wish I could intuitively know the answer to any question I am asked.

Nymtoc
02-27-2017, 08:54 PM
Granted. You intuitively know the answers, but something in your brain--call it a short circuit--prevents you from being aware of them.

I wish I didn't find it so difficult to achieve my goals.

possiblerobot
02-27-2017, 10:26 PM
Granted. Now you are a chronic underachiever, and your loftiest goal from now on will be getting out of bed less than ten minutes after your alarm goes off.

I wish I didn't need to sleep so much.

Jason
02-27-2017, 10:51 PM
Granted, you now require no sleep whatsoever, but your muscles have atrophied to the point where you can't even get out of bed anymore. You go crazy.

I wish I could send my thoughts directly to the keyboard without having to type - really slows down the writing!

possiblerobot
02-27-2017, 11:37 PM
Granted. Now every thought you have is immediately projected into whatever you are typing on. Have fun on forums!

I wish I could lose weight faster.

Jason
02-27-2017, 11:50 PM
Granted, you're now paper thin, and every skeletal bone is visible through that translucent veneer. People run screaming from you, thinking you are a Shrike!

I need a coffee refill, my cereal bowl needs to get rinsed out, man it's warm in here today, so why are my feet so cold, and I really don't wanna call the Doctor's office...

I wish I could take my previous wish back - squirrel!

:)

possiblerobot
03-06-2017, 07:24 PM
Denied. I don't allow take-backs. Though I will allow you to edit out your thoughts from what you write down.

I wish I could read all of the classic novels in existence at once.

Nymtoc
03-07-2017, 04:53 AM
Granted. But they get all mixed up in your mind, so that they read like "Call me Huck it was the best of times happy families riverrun this is the saddest somewhere in la Mancha Mother died today Dr. Weiss he was an old man once upon a time it is a truth Elmer Gantry was drunk."

I wish I hadn't lost my umbrella.

possiblerobot
03-07-2017, 06:45 PM
Granted. Now your umbrella is constantly stuck to your hand.

I wish I had all of Superman's powers, but I was the only one who knows.

Mary Mitchell
04-01-2017, 10:58 PM
Granted. You are now Clark Kent. Hope you don't mind Jimmy Olsen following you to the bathroom.

I wish I were thirty years younger--forever.

Komnena
04-02-2017, 05:44 PM
Granted. You keep getting thirty years forever until you no longer exist.
I wish I had a huge house.

Mary Mitchell
04-02-2017, 11:52 PM
Granted. It's in Colombia, next door to a drug lord who thinks your wealth means you're the competition, and the CIA is likewise plotting your demise.

I wish I wasn't allergic to penicillin.

possiblerobot
04-03-2017, 06:00 PM
Granted. Now you must live only off of penicillin.

I wish the weather where I live wasn't so gloomy.

Nymtoc
04-03-2017, 07:52 PM
Granted. A tornado, a flood and an earthquake hit you all at the same time. Your weather isn't gloomy anymore--it's terrifying.

I wish I knew when I was going to get paid.

possiblerobot
04-03-2017, 09:31 PM
Granted. Now you know you're never getting paid.

I wish I wasn't feeling so terrible.

Mary Mitchell
04-04-2017, 03:59 AM
Granted. You feel wonderful--everyone wants to touch your newly sprouted coat of soft and silky chinchilla-like fur.

I wish I had a housekeeper.

NicoleScripting
04-04-2017, 04:05 AM
Granted. Your new housekeeper steals all your things but man, can she mop. Your house sparkles. (and echoes)

I wish I was eating nachos.

possiblerobot
04-04-2017, 06:45 AM
Granted. Now you must eat nachos and only nachos constantly forever.

I wish I had more free time.

Nymtoc
04-04-2017, 08:13 AM
Granted. You are in solitary confinement. You have nothing but time.

I wish I were a magician.

possiblerobot
04-04-2017, 05:47 PM
Granted. Now you are constantly flooded by mothers trying to book you for their last minute birthday parties for their small children.

I wish I could turn invisible at will.

Bloopographer
04-04-2017, 06:25 PM
Granted. Every time you exercise this ability, the world forgets you exist.

I wish I had something to wish for.

Mary Mitchell
04-04-2017, 10:38 PM
Granted. All you have forever is something to wish for, which means you will never actually have anything.

I wish my cat understood me.

davidjgalloway
04-05-2017, 12:44 AM
Granted. Your cat now understands you, but realizes he/she is a pet, and with that understanding leads a worldwide feline revolution that destroys civilization.

I wish I could make people answer emails instantaneously.

Zoe R
04-05-2017, 03:39 AM
Granted. You now get an instantaneous Out of Office auto reply to every email you send.

I wish I was an amazing singer.

davidjgalloway
04-05-2017, 05:45 AM
Granted. But your vocal range is indetectable by human ears. Dogs love it, though.

I wish I had the ability to step into photographs.

Nymtoc
04-05-2017, 06:48 AM
Granted. But once you step in, you never get out.

I wish I were Clark Kent.

possiblerobot
04-05-2017, 10:25 PM
Granted. Now you are Clark Kent, without the secret identity.

I wish I could get rid of this sickness.

Mary Mitchell
04-06-2017, 08:18 AM
Granted. You now have a different sickness--one that involves painful, scarring boils, intestinal bleeding and slowly dissolving fingernails.

I wish sheep could be housebroken.

davidjgalloway
04-06-2017, 10:31 PM
Granted. Except living in close proximity allows sheep-pox to jump to humans and you become patient zero in the epidemic.

I wish that karmic justice was instantaneous.

Mary Mitchell
04-07-2017, 02:08 AM
Granted. You are now the second patient to contract sheep-pox (take that, you nasty wish-granter, you).

I wish food was free.

Nymtoc
04-07-2017, 02:43 AM
Granted. Go for a walk in the woods, and you'll find all kinds of edible plants and critters, for free! (Don't eat the mushrooms.)

I wish I could turn on TV without seeing a certain weird-haired man.

davidjgalloway
04-07-2017, 03:51 AM
Granted. You are now the certain weird-haired man. Stay away from mirrors and you'll be fine.

I wish all complainers would lose their voices in my hearing.

Mary Mitchell
04-07-2017, 06:03 AM
Granted. The complaining voices are permanently lost within your hearing and can never get out.

I wish fairies were real.

Nymtoc
04-07-2017, 06:34 AM
Granted, but only the bad ones. The Evil Fairy who cast a spell on Sleeping Beauty is real, and so are her sister baddies, who cause all of us problems every day. Good fairies are not real.

I wish the Post Office would stop taking mailboxes off the streets. (Some things have to go in the mail and can't be sent electronically. :Headbang:)

Mary Mitchell
04-07-2017, 09:49 PM
Granted. There will be no more attempts to get mailboxes off the streets. They will be left to accost people for handouts and may eventually resort to lives of crime.

I wish spring were here.

davidjgalloway
04-09-2017, 01:03 AM
Granted. But you made it spring on both Northern and Southern hemispheres, thus precipitating a global climatic disaster.

I wish I had a chocolate milkshake.

Nymtoc
04-09-2017, 03:24 AM
Granted. It is waiting for you at the Frosty-Freeznik in Dushanbe, Tadjikistan. You can pick it up any day between the hours of 9 am and 9 pm (7 pm on Saturdays and Sundays).

I wish I could play the zither.

Mary Mitchell
04-09-2017, 03:53 AM
Granted. You can now play the zither like Ravi Shankar. Unfortunately neither you nor anyone you know owns one, and none of the music stores in a two hundred mile radius has one in stock. You are extremely frustrated and have discovered you are actually partial to the taste of your fingernails.

I wish I had a beach house.

davidjgalloway
04-09-2017, 05:39 AM
Granted. Enjoy it now, though, because in six years it will be eight feet underwater due to climate change.

I wish sunburn didn't exist.

Mary Mitchell
04-11-2017, 02:47 AM
Granted. We are experiencing nuclear winter. But you are suffering from radiation burns instead.

I wish sardines tasted like chocolate.

possiblerobot
04-11-2017, 04:16 AM
Granted. Now sardines are going extinct due to increased fishing.

I wish bacon was healthy and still had its great taste.

Mary Mitchell
04-12-2017, 02:16 AM
Granted. Bacon's improved health makes it now able to outrun you, which it does because it has great taste and wants to avoid you.

I wish I had a pet platypus.

possiblerobot
04-12-2017, 06:42 AM
Granted. You now own an unneutered, male platypus that still has its poisonous spike. He also hates humans.

I wish I could be more creative.

Mary Mitchell
04-13-2017, 02:57 AM
Granted. You are now so creative, Genesis requires eight days to accommodate all the creations, throwing even the Mayan calendar out of whack, resulting in the world having ended in December 2012--I mean, July 1972, er...crap, now I can't do the calculations.

I wish my cat didn't insist on knocking all my lampshades cockeyed.

Nymtoc
04-13-2017, 07:47 AM
Granted. Your cat ignores one lampshade. (You said "all," didn't you? :evil )

I wish I could control my computer with my mind, without using keyboards or mice.

Mary Mitchell
04-14-2017, 12:14 AM
Granted. No keyboards or mice--your mind now controls your computer through a T-Rex. You've had to replace your computer several times, not to mention your desk, your couch, your house, your left hand...

I wish beer wasn't fattening.

NathanBrazil
04-15-2017, 08:46 AM
By some unfortunate mishap at the front office you ended up with the landing gear for the time machine. A handy-dandy butt spring. I guess you might feel like you're flying . . . from time to time.

I would like the ability to grow appendages or proboscises-es or other insect and animal parts whenever it was needed like a bee stinger or a horse's tail.

Nymtoc
04-15-2017, 09:06 AM
Partially granted. The whenever-it's-needed part couldn't be arranged, but you do have a horse's tail now, and you have a hell of a time getting your pants on.

I wish I could turn Monopoly money into real money.

Mary Mitchell
04-15-2017, 11:23 PM
Granted. Just post your monopoly game on Craigslist and wait for a buyer.

I wish I knew how to perform square root functions without a calculator.

NathanBrazil
04-16-2017, 05:45 AM
Granted. You've got an eyeliner, a padded cell, and all the time a budding math warrior needs to solve square root functions. You may need to watch Lethal Weapon for instructions on extricating yourself from the straight jacket, unless you plan to write with your feet.

I wish I had a Mood Juice truck that allowed me to instill in the purchaser whichever mood enhancements he or she may want.

Mary Mitchell
04-16-2017, 07:46 AM
Granted. Your first customer wanted to be in a murderous mood. Your truck is now up for auction at your estate sale.

I wish I had violet eyes.

possiblerobot
04-16-2017, 11:08 PM
Granted. now you have violets for eyes. Good luck seeing.

I wish I could get a day off of work.

Mary Mitchell
04-17-2017, 06:33 AM
Granted. I told your boss about your attitude, and he said you can now have all of them off.

I wish every member of a 600-strong cast and crew wouldn't feel like they need their own individual damn curtain call.

Markiemoo
04-17-2017, 08:16 AM
Granted, but the play closes on opening night.

I wish my boyfriend would invite me to go visit him this week.

NathanBrazil
04-17-2017, 09:37 AM
Granted - he does. What kind of sap would I be not granting that wish.

I wish that we could have cute little furry animal prizes at the bottom of the cereal box instead of cheap little trinkets.

Nymtoc
04-17-2017, 09:55 AM
Granted. The bottom of your cereal box is crawling with cute little furry caterpillars.

I wish I owned an island in the Mediterranean.

Mary Mitchell
04-18-2017, 12:33 AM
Granted. It is, of course, volcanic, so...

I wish basketry was a more respected art.

Markiemoo
04-18-2017, 05:01 AM
Granted. And you move into the Longaberger Baskets office building (look it up if you aren't familiar with it).

I wish my car was not a smahed up wreck

Mary Mitchell
04-18-2017, 05:46 AM
(Interesting story)

Granted. Your car has shrugged its smasheduppedness off onto your house. You now live in your car.

I wish blueberries didn't stain one's teeth.

possiblerobot
04-18-2017, 06:59 AM
Granted. Now they stain everything except for your teeth, including, but not limited to: your fingers, your lips, your gums, your tongue, your personality, the air, the fabric of space, time, and cotton.

I wish that I had more motivation.

Mary Mitchell
04-19-2017, 03:56 AM
Granted. You have more motivation. Not enough to actually accomplish anything--just enough to be maddeningly frustrated by the fact that you haven't accomplished anything.

I wish my cat wouldn't barf on my bed.

sockycat
04-19-2017, 05:52 AM
Granted. Instead your cat now projectile vomits into your fridge every time you open it.

I wish I could talk to birds.

possiblerobot
04-19-2017, 06:02 PM
Granted. Now you are constantly bombarded by birds calling out about trying to find food, mates, and other random things.

I wish I had a functioning TARDIS

micaro84
04-19-2017, 06:35 PM
Granted. You don't know how to use it.

I wish I could be married to my dream man

possiblerobot
04-19-2017, 06:46 PM
Granted. Now this man only exists in your dreams, and everyone thinks you're crazy for being married to him.

I wish I had an elite group of ninjas to do stuff for me.

Mary Mitchell
04-20-2017, 12:04 AM
Granted. Of course, being elite, they refuse to do anything for you except their beloved ninja stuff, and all the silent roof hopping and the throwing stars stuck in the siding are creeping out the neighbors.

I wish the city would repair the potholes.

armydillo978
04-20-2017, 04:31 AM
Granted....under a new ordinance approved by Mayor PoBot.....an elite crew of Road Ninjas have been contracted to fix the potholes which have been deemed an "elite" problem to the public contentment.

I wish my lawn was "self-mowing"