View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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08-02-2006, 04:32 AM
Granted just move to California-the liberals will find a way to deflect your pain.

We still wish that NEW episodes of Seinfeld were being produced-we miss the ambience of that New York way of life-never got a ticket for J walking in the Big Apple-nicked a few times be errant cabbies but never a ticket-ah sweet New York-but we are sun addicted-so as Mr. Allen once said-the only cultural advantage to living in California is being allowed to make a right turn on a red light-but oh the -cough-hack-sunshine

Oh leaping franastanitz too slow-we quit again!

Poof here is a pile of money-you can pay to have them done-and not the way you want-good huh?

08-02-2006, 04:33 AM
Granted - it's Friday and your edits are done - but your house is a mess and the Child Protective Agency is after you for not feeding your kids for a whole week.

I wish Angelina Jolie would get a terrible case of shingles from her African friends

08-02-2006, 04:40 AM
Granted but she did not really get a case of shingles it was actually butt zits from swinging naked on an African

We wish that no one would comment on the fact that this post might be a little off color-red zits and purple zits and pink zits-and rainbow zits

08-02-2006, 04:43 AM
Granted - you may have whatever color zits you choose

I wish people with unibrows would be put in an interrment camp

08-02-2006, 04:47 AM
Granted but somewhere in Cuba there are a whole lot of them just waiting for the ACLU

We wish that the ACLU had fewer Jewish lawyers

08-02-2006, 04:51 AM
Granted -- now there are no ACLU lawyers at all - happy now?

I wish those tabloid headlines about Laura leaving George W were true.

08-02-2006, 04:55 AM
Granted she has retained an out of work former ACLU Jewish lawyer to handle the divorce

We wish that we were a Jewish lawyer formerly employed by the ACLU-hey one out of two is not bad-was gonna study law but decided that the arts needed more Jews with MPD

08-02-2006, 04:58 AM
Granted - like the army always says -- Be all that you can be. Just remember when you have MPD -- if you are having a party invite all your personalities or some might get mad.

I wish I was at the circus

08-02-2006, 04:58 AM
Granted-bald is beautiful

We wish that Poet was a little quicker on the trigger-hey what's up poet?

Granted-but late as we are-don't forget that clowns are generally serial killers-watch out for that packeedermee

08-02-2006, 05:02 AM
Granted - forgive Poet he is really far away and his posts have to travel really far

I wish Tom Cruise would develop permenant laryngitis and his tongue would swell up and fall out.

08-02-2006, 05:09 AM
Granted-could not think of a better thing to happen to him other than that L. Ron Hubbard had been seeking psychiatric help during his life time and the New Yorker had printed an expose written by persiphone for which she had been paid a great deal of money-then sued by the Scientologists for lots of $$$$ but she countersued for stupidity and won even more $$$$

I wish this was not just a fantasy of mine

08-02-2006, 07:02 AM
Granted - I'll get on it right away. Let them sue -- I dont keep anything in my name anyway .

I wish the people in back of me hadnt put that huge picture window up in the second floor of their house preventing me from sunbathing nude in my yard.

08-02-2006, 11:03 AM
Granted, but your nude sunbathing has given you the nastiest sunburn in places where the uh..."sun don't shine" (but did...ok I'll stop with the sun jokes) which means that you have to avoid any form of light for the next couple of years. However, pale is in, so it's all good.

I really wish pale skin was in.

08-02-2006, 11:10 AM
Granted -- the Love & Rockets look is back. Ready for your diet?


I wish we really did have spare ribs, like spare tyres.

08-02-2006, 03:52 PM
granted. But the ribs are housed around your waist, just like spare tires.

I wish I had just one more week of vacation.

08-02-2006, 04:11 PM
Granted. You have one more week of vacation in your life. As of now, it's scheduled for the second week of August, 2013. Enjoy.

I wish I had a cabin in the woods (I have the woods, just don't have the cabin).

08-02-2006, 04:19 PM
Granted - unfortunately it's a haven for bugs and skunks and lots of other nastys. So much so that staying there is a nightmare. Enjoy your new home.

I wish my throat wasn't so sore this morning.

08-02-2006, 04:40 PM
Granted. I know where there's a large persimmon tree . . . I'll squeeze you some green persimmon juice.

I wish this month would be the coolest August in 50 years.

08-02-2006, 04:46 PM
Granted, but why stop there? - let's make it the coolest August since the last ice age. Enjoy the snow!

I wish I could get my car running again without it costing a fortune.

08-02-2006, 07:15 PM
Granted. Dr. Frankenstein XXIII Has experimented on your car. The legs of 14 olympic runners have been grafted onto your car. It is now a running cyborg. Yep. You guessed it. Your car now kicks a$$.

I wish you would stop mailing monkeys to the White House.

08-02-2006, 07:29 PM
Granted. Now the monkeys are coming to your house, postage due.

I wish I could sit here all day long and just write.

08-02-2006, 07:31 PM
Granted but what are they going to do with the White House?

I wish all politicians were forced to admit to being cross-dressing-Machiavelian monkeys

08-02-2006, 11:09 PM
Granted. Unfortunately they still get voted back in office.

I wish fifty butterflies would flit into my office and dazzle me with a show of colors.

08-02-2006, 11:15 PM
Granted - however as beautiful as they are, they are very dangerous butterflies. They carry a very rare narcoleptic virus. Enjoy your nap.

I wish someone would tie Geraldo Rivera to a St. Andrew's Cross and pull out his mustache hair by hair.

08-02-2006, 11:32 PM
Granted. Just granted...

I wish I were there to watch.

08-02-2006, 11:34 PM
Granted soon to be released on his show if he still has one

We wish that if he has one it is soon cancelled-perhaps there is a Caponish wall he could tear down in Tehran perhaps

08-02-2006, 11:35 PM
Granted - we can show it on Fox News - live. Geraldo deserves it.

I wish Paris Hilton would suddenly develop a serious glandular condition and blow up to the size of Queen Latifa... and her little dog would get the same condition and blow up the size of a Newfoundland.

08-02-2006, 11:51 PM
Granted but you will have to pay for two dog walkers and some very large baggies

I wish Paris Hilton had a bad case of tits-did we say tits-we meant zits

08-03-2006, 12:19 AM
Granted - give her implants - DD's at least. In fact, get an airplane flotation device and just implant it in her chest. However you will have to give her a huge a$$ to balance the boobs off - otherwide she will tip over ...

I wish someone would send Nicole Ritchie to some third world country where she would feel right at home weighing 75 pounds. Then at least UNICEF could feed her.

08-03-2006, 01:07 AM
Granted, but UNICEF goes broke trying to feed her (she keeps purging) and soon they're holding telethons on TV begging for money. Jerry Lewis is host.

I wish someone would come massage my left shoulder.

08-03-2006, 01:16 AM
Granted -- Nicole Ritchie is on the way. Unfortunately, she passes out before she gets there.

I wish Microsoft would actually make sure things WORKED before they spring them on an unsuspecting public (coughs Windows Live Mail coughs)

08-03-2006, 04:02 AM
granted-but really Red-windows are not contingent upon us liking them-they just are

I wish that we could all meet on some high plain of intellectual debauchery-drink ale and eat sauerkraut with spam and see which one of us could fart the longest and the loudest

08-03-2006, 05:24 AM
Granted - albeit reluctantly -- where shall we meet now that they closed down the Russian Tea Room and the Oak Room at the Plaza Hotel? Where else could people go to enter into such high class activities?

I wish they would re open the Russian Tea Room ... I miss high tea

08-03-2006, 06:29 PM
Granted, the building's open and there's tea, but it's way too high up for you to reach and it's a good, oh, five years old and molded.

I wish the idiots I work with would vanish off the face of the earth for at least the rest of today.

08-03-2006, 06:53 PM
Granted, but since you are the only one left, you get charged with various counts of murder and/or kidnapping.

I wish it was time to go home.

08-03-2006, 09:07 PM
Granted. You're fired, pack up your desk right now, it's time to go home!

I wish I wasn't starting the This Is Total Crap, What Where You Thinking, panic-phase of my WIP.

08-03-2006, 09:10 PM
Granted. Your WIP is destroyed in a fire (your hard drive as well). You're back at that exciting, "just beginning" stage.

I wish I had gotten ice cream too when I went out to pick up lunch.

08-03-2006, 10:36 PM
Granted. The meat wagon has just pulled up and they are giving away free lead sprinkles with the purchase of every candy coated corpsicle. Today's special... Frosty Nazi Stormtrooper.

I wish you would believe me.

08-03-2006, 10:42 PM
Granted. By the way, I've called 911. Those guys in white aren't to be feared, trust me.

I wish my head wasn't waffling back and forth with ridiculous ideas and low self esteem issues.

08-03-2006, 11:11 PM
Granted. You decide once and for all that "I'm smart enough, I'm good enough . . . and doggone it, people like me!"

I wish I knew what I was talking about half the time.

08-03-2006, 11:31 PM
Granted! You figure out what you are talking about, but it's complete drivel.

I wish I could find a job I like

08-03-2006, 11:37 PM
Granted - You finally find a job you like - unfortunately it's working for the Mafia.

I wish someone would suspend Larry King from the ceiling by his suspenders and beat him with rusty barbed wire.

08-04-2006, 12:15 AM
I wish someone would suspend Larry King from the ceiling by his suspenders and beat him with rusty barbed wire.

Granted! But you don't get to watch.

I wish weird people would stop asking me out

08-04-2006, 12:32 AM
Granted - no one asks you out anymore ... enjoy solitude.

I wish the thunderstorms would come and drive this heat away

08-04-2006, 12:57 AM
Granted. Sadly, in their zeal to drive away the heat, they also drive away your house, your car, and your city. You're living outside now, but at least it's cool :)

I wish I could pay a superhero to do all my chores this week.

08-04-2006, 01:14 AM
Granted. The TICK shows up...He's mighty!!!!!

I wish someone would appreciate the ton of borderline psychotic financial advice I've unloaded here in the past 2 days.

08-04-2006, 01:26 AM
Granted. Trouble is, I'd already paid off all my debt and was able to sit back and drink rum while enjoying the show!

I wish more people would resist the urge to use credit cards.

08-04-2006, 01:26 AM
Granted - we take your advice and become fabulously wealthy - so wealthy that from now on -we can afford to PAY someone to post here for us!

I wish someone would go to Walmart with me

08-04-2006, 03:51 AM
Granted Red but it is hard to imagine that without your shark skin leotards-platform shoes-halter top-in pink of course-that you will be able to handle the Walmart pandemonium-as you are-dressed elegantly-tastefully in your leathers-well dear heart it just wont do

We wish we could done our shark skin leotards-platform shoes-halter top-in pink of course-and prance through the aisles of Walmart heaven with Perciphone

08-04-2006, 06:05 AM
Granted - it's Wally World time for all!! Watch out for those blue light specials! Sometimes you can save twenty five whole cents.

I wish someone would take Naomi Campbell's cell phone and put it where the sun doesnt shine before she takes out another maid.

08-04-2006, 08:33 AM
Granted and the maid has made a gazillion on filming Naomi's new "Cellphone porn" video: "Call Me Up the Butt" The bad part of this all? You're the editor for the film and you get none of the profits.

I wish that all these anorectic and bullemic actresses would just find a shower drain and slip into it for all eternity. Not mine though, I have enough problems with it clogging. I don't need to hear it whining too.

08-04-2006, 10:03 AM
Granted -- from now on all women size 0 and 00 disappear down a shower drain followed by lots of draino ...

I wish Mel Gibson would end up on skid row instead of in some fancy, high priced rehab where you "sign yourself in" to avoid the real deal - jail time.

08-04-2006, 06:04 PM
Granted. He's sitting on the corner near the tracks on the otherside of the warehouse, where you do volunteer work for the homeless. After a year of feeding this feces encrusted, urine soaked filthy former actor, you fall madly in love, and bring him home with you. Alas, he never stops drinking and is totally unemployable and your house smells.

I wish I had a grilled cheese sandwich, a diet coke, and a hammer.

08-04-2006, 06:14 PM
Granted-blue cheese-diet coke and a sledge hammer to pound the smmich into oblivion

We wish that threads about fundamentalist Christian-etc.etc.etc. would find their way into the back pocket of the shark-sking suits of all Wally World greeters

08-04-2006, 10:53 PM
Granted but we really must be nice to Wally World greeters = some of them are very strange and Wally World sells guns.

I wish people didnt bother me when I was having fun here.

08-04-2006, 11:00 PM
Granted Red we will see to it that Sally and Vitto pay them a call-just make a list-by the way they are doing repo now so if that is a problem just let us know

We wish that like Sally and Vitto we could hurt those folks that Red was referring to so much that they would crack their own kneecaps

08-04-2006, 11:03 PM
Granted. Only now you've been nominated as the new Mafia Don, and people keep coming to you to 'fix' their problems, and their manuscripts, as they kiss your lobster claw.

I wish I'd brought more for lunch today!

08-04-2006, 11:08 PM
Granted - the pizza delivery guy arrives with an extra large pizza with the works on it -- sausage, meatballs, pineapple, fried balogna, cottage cheese, chocolate syrup and peanuts ... You think that will fill you up?

I wish people understood the meaning of NOT NOW

08-04-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted Red but at the same time it might be kind of interesting if certain peole that we wanted to remember would remember when we scream NOW FOR CHR!ST SAKE-NOW!!!

I wish that there were carousels in cemeterys

08-04-2006, 11:44 PM
Oh what a lovely wish ... Granted - Should they have traditional horses or something more macabre? Maybe the man who takes your tickets can be the Grim Reaper. And instead of a brass ring you can reach out and grab a ticket to HELL ... Fabulous idea ... I'm on it.

I wish Halloween was a National Holiday instead of that boring Martin Luther King Day -- at least you could dress up and have some fun.

08-04-2006, 11:45 PM
Granted-but you'd get a nationally issued costume and be forever known as Raggedy Ann.

I wish I could travel by air using any airline for FREE!!!

08-04-2006, 11:48 PM
Granted - but when the plane lands, you have to stay on board and clean up.

I wish someone would take Simon Cowell by his little black T shirt and throw him into a vat of boiling oil

08-04-2006, 11:49 PM
Granted-but you get framed for the murder and end up in a solitary confinement for the rest of your life...without a pen and paper...

I wish I could get paid without working.

08-04-2006, 11:59 PM
Granted. In an effort to really destroy our national values, the North Korean Government begins sending you weekly checks for $793.42 (US)to stay home. SInce you do not know when the checks will arrive, ( sometimes at midnight, sometimes at 3pm....) you have to stay home all the time and you cannot get a job. You are sure the N. Koreans are watching you. But teh CIA is watching them and Homeland security is watching them and of course Elvis is watching them and the aliens are watching him, and the Iranians are watching that and the KGB has agents disguised as an ABC news team and of course Fox is there as Fox and not to be outdone Geraldo is sitting on your porch...and it has been blazing hot for weeks and..OMG don't those people ever bathe????!!!!

I wish I could snuggle with someone hot in a cool place.

08-05-2006, 12:00 AM
Granted - but don't let Johnny Depp's wife catch you.

I wish someone would put Regis Philbin in an iron mask, lock it and throw away the key -- and gag him too

08-05-2006, 12:07 AM
Granted but after 3and a halfminutes it cracks from the top of the mask to its chinny chin chin because he has grimaced and said that Gelman was gay-not that there is anything wrong with that

We wish Regis Philbin many more years of embalmed hyperbole

08-05-2006, 12:12 AM
Ugh do we have to? Granted but from now on, he has to take ritalin regularly. He is just too hyper for me at that hour of the day.

I wish I had a roll of chocolate necco wafers.

08-05-2006, 12:20 AM
Granted, but it all went to your waistline.

I wish my husband would take me out for a really romantic evening.

08-05-2006, 12:25 AM
Granted-but he ends up spending so much money you go bankrupt and have to live in a van down by the river.

I wish I were 4 inches taller.

08-05-2006, 12:29 AM
Granted. Prada has taken a new and exciting fashion turn and they have mailed you all they shoes in their warehouse. Some days you are 6 inches taller.

I wish you would stop putting nailpolish on geese.

08-05-2006, 12:34 AM
Granted - no more nailpolish for geese, but you failed to mention ducks, so I assume it's still acceptable for geese.

I wish Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife Beth would get a breast reduction before she falls over and cant get up.

08-05-2006, 12:53 AM
Granted but it will make it sooo much more difficult to pick up those felons that abide in Mexican homes of ill repute

We wish that breast reduction could be accomplished by hand massage

08-05-2006, 12:58 AM
Oh my goodness David - that could take years!! Have you seen those headlights of hers? Granted - but I doubt you'll ever be able to type again.

I wish the birds I am so nice about feeding wouldnt repay me by leaving presents on my black Maxima

08-05-2006, 01:06 AM
Granted. Have you looked inside your purse lately?

I wish I had more wishes.

08-05-2006, 01:12 AM
Granted - more wishes for Muse - however they are all Oprah's Wishes Come True Wishes ... and in order to get them, you have to babysit Stedman while Oprah and Gale go to the gay bars.

I wish my desk was cleaned off

08-05-2006, 01:12 AM
Granted just feed em rat poison in the bird-food

I wish that Red had an M3 it is so much more suited to her flame throwing personna

08-05-2006, 01:13 AM
Aww those poor little sparrows ... Granted - fried sparrow for dinner tonight.

I wish my desk was cleaned off

08-05-2006, 01:17 AM
Granted it is cleared off

We wish we had just a small hint of what the hell was going on around here

08-05-2006, 01:19 AM
Granted - sends David to the AW Lost and Found in search of a small hint.

Now I wish I knew where all the stuff from my desk was. What happened to my stuffed purple cow and my tiara?

08-05-2006, 01:22 AM
Jed is wearing them-were you that bombed you cannot remember that incident by the pool where he was wearing that pink thingy and you said he reminded you of Oprah but that the only things missing were a stuffed purple cow and a tiara?

We wish that Jed had a picture of the stuffed purlpe cow and the tiara he was wearing last night with the pink thingy and that he would send it to all of us

08-05-2006, 01:24 AM
Granted I'd like to see that picture myself

I wish I had a fairy godmother

08-05-2006, 01:44 AM
Jed is not available at this time-as his agent we recommend that you put yourself on the waiting list-only 8,169 in front-not to long to wait for a good agent we should think

We wish an event full horny weekend for all those kiddos of mine that so require this kind of weekend-for the others-peace-out

08-05-2006, 02:08 AM
Granted - although horny and eventful are somewhat contradictory ...

I wish someone would finally see the beauty in weeds and realize the delicate balance of nature that is upset every time we pull the damn thing... I say just let them grow ... Doesnt God love weeds too?

08-05-2006, 04:00 AM
Granted - and with no catch - because I agree wholeheartedly. Who decides a weed is a weed? I like 'em all.

I wish you wouldn't keep making American references which I don't understand...

08-05-2006, 06:37 AM
Granted from now on feel free to message me for the translation.

I wish I had some Scottish Shortbread cookies right now.

08-05-2006, 09:29 AM
granted. but while you're eating them, you have some kid standing next to you poking your stomach and saying "God, you're fat."

i wish my throat wasn't sore anymore so i wouldn't have bad breath.

08-05-2006, 10:32 AM
Granted - lots of tea and honey should fix that right up. Then you will be able to french kiss again confidently.

I wish my writing partner would get home from vacation and get his a$$ back to work.

08-05-2006, 10:55 AM
Granted. But he's gotten some "new ideas" while he was away and wants to go in a different direction. How do you feel about the Humorous New Age Romantic YA genre?

I wish an elf would come in Saturday while I'm at the office and clean up my house.

08-05-2006, 11:02 AM
Ha Ha .. He left new ideas when he went away that's why I want his a$$ back NOW ...

Granted - Harry Potter will happily loan you Dobby for the day. Just make sure you don't give him a sock or any clothing or you will never get rid of him. And don't let Hermoine know- she radically opposes house elves.

08-05-2006, 11:23 AM
Granted. His butt will be back, but his head will still be elsewhere . . . so it'll be back to normal! (I'll assume that's your wish).

I wish I understand just half of all the Harry Potter references thrown about (I started one book, couldn't finish it).

08-05-2006, 01:37 PM
Granted, but you lost so much time reading the Harry Potter books, you lost your place in your current WIP which otherwise would have been a bestseller.

I wish book 7 of the aforementioned series would come out NOW!

08-05-2006, 11:45 PM
Granted ... Miss Rowling works very hard and produces the 7th book - but don't get too upset at the ending when Valdemort kicks Harry's arse and the little fart in glasses dies.

I wish I could get myself ready to go out and exchange my brand new red cowboy boots which are a half size too big

08-06-2006, 01:05 AM
You do but now you have to settle for a pair that's two sizes too small, as that's all they have left in stock.

I wish that I hadn't spent so much money today at a naughty clothing store.

08-06-2006, 01:08 AM
Granted - you spent it on tweed skirts and red flannel granny-knickers instead.

I wish I'd remembered to buy those bags for making ice-cubes in.

08-06-2006, 01:16 AM
Granted - a truck pulls up outside and dumps 10 thousand pounds of ice on your lawn. I hope you have lots of warm beer to stick in it.

I wish my #@%#$^%$ car would start - it hates heat.

08-06-2006, 03:45 AM
It starts, but then quits again, this time permanently.

I wish I had registered under an alias instead of my real name, so I could say anything I wanted to.

08-06-2006, 03:51 AM
Granted - do it anyway! Here's your artistic license - good for 10 years ... Use it freely ...

I wish there was something on TV since my car won't start

08-06-2006, 04:14 AM
Granted, but now your TV doesn't start either and you're missing it.

I wish the house I'm going to see tommorrow is the one.

08-06-2006, 04:24 AM
It will be. Unfortunately, it has a no cats policy.

I wish wasn't afraid of birds.

08-06-2006, 04:25 AM
Granted -- it is "the one". It's the local crackhouse and factory that's been staked out ever since they discovered the people who live there buy a LOT of Sudafed at the local drugstore... Just make sure you're not there for the raid.

I wish I could take a nap

08-06-2006, 04:26 AM
Granted - after watching the Hitchcock movie 100 times, you become immune to bird phobia.

I wish I could take a nap

08-06-2006, 12:38 PM
Granted, and it's a long one too. Most folks would call it a coma, but hey, you could get "Dead Zone" powers.

I wish I had "Dead Zone" powers without the nuisance of going into a coma or a dire need for social responsibility and all that rot.

08-06-2006, 11:13 PM
Granted - it's called narcolepsy. Enjoy the nap.

I wish some gorgeous guy would come over and brush my hair for me.

08-07-2006, 05:07 AM
Granted. His name is Pepe, he's wearing a thong, and his boyfriend drove him to your house.

I wish my house wasn't so well insulated that it got hotter in the evening.

08-07-2006, 05:13 AM
Granted - we superinsulate your house. Now, all the offgassing from your carpet, wallcoverings, high pressure laminates, fabric coverings, furnace emissions etc. give you what is commonly known in the industry as a "Sick Building" and you get sick right along with it.

I wish I was having a NY Strip steak and a baked potato for dinner at the Waldorf.

08-07-2006, 06:21 AM
Granted - but your dinner partner is George W Bush.

I wish the US administration wasn't so intrinsically linked with Israel, thereby allowing them an enormous trump-card in solving the middle-east problem.

08-07-2006, 06:23 AM
ewwwwwww do i HAVE TO?

Granted - you and everybody else wishes the US wasnt so intrinsically linked with the BUSH family and the rest of the damn oil barons who are bleeding us dry and leading us into WW3 at the same time. Personally, in the last election I voted Brazilian. I personally believe the only good bush is NO bush. LOL

08-07-2006, 06:37 AM
Hi PH.

I appreciate your sentiment - but - where's my "but".

08-07-2006, 06:40 AM
Oh yeah, I got so worked up over that one LOL ...

I wish the Dems led by Hillary Rodham Clinton and Al Gore would kick some republican a$$ in midterm elections, leading the way to a landslide in 08 that sends Bush and his cronies running back to Texas with their tails between their legs. How's that?

08-07-2006, 04:46 PM
Done but Hil decides to institute mandatory orthodontics for the whole American public.

I wish that I would actually get some writing done today.

08-07-2006, 06:40 PM
Granted. Unfortunately all you can manage is "I wish I could get some writing done" five thousand times, over and over again.

I wish someone would wash my car.

08-07-2006, 06:46 PM
Granted. The drag queens from the nail salon come over and wash your car. They use nailpolish remover and files.

I wish that my car were not under the control of the minions of hell.

08-07-2006, 06:53 PM
Granted but we thought by your word and dark deeds that you were the queen from hell-of course in a very humorous-but not hyperbolic manner

We wish that Jaycinth had a new car so she could concentrate on entertaining us minions

08-07-2006, 07:48 PM
Granted. Poof! She has a brand new, black Jaguar with black leather seats and darkened windows, and she's having SO much fun driving around town, picking up hot guys and dumping them when they touch the car, she forgets to entertain us.

I wish I wasn't at work right now and didn't have to DO it !

08-07-2006, 10:52 PM
Granted! You're driving around with me in my Jag. I've got to stop and consult with my Beta on a short story, but my personal assistant, Paulo..( Why yes, he is not only a sexy, latino model for the cover of romance novels, but he is also hetero and told me to ask you to drive around with him. HAve the car back by six-thirty.

Oh. Open the windows. He loves beans but doesn't digest them well.

I wish they would stop glue-ing hotdogs to the equipment at the kiddie playground.

08-07-2006, 11:06 PM
Granted. Now they're glue-ing hotdogs to the equipment in your office. Oh, and the AC is broken down, and the temps should top out around 110F today. Got mustard?

I wish I'd purchased that life-sized cardboard cutout of Johnny Depp when I was at the mall yesterday.

08-07-2006, 11:19 PM
Granted! And a life sized Johnny Depp has delivered it to your door. You are thrilled for approximately 2 days until he not only refuses to let go of the 'Jack Sparrow' persona he's had since he arrived, but also refuses to bathe.

I wish I understood the financial components of this data sheet well enough so that I could find...somewhere among the 10 pages of long repetitive columns of numbers...so I could find where the 37 cents is missing from!!!!!!

08-07-2006, 11:22 PM
Granted. It's in the couch cushions, silly. Well, 32 cents of it. I think 'Cindy' took the other 5 cents.

I wish it was Tuesday and my rocks were ready to leave stage 3 grit and go into polish !

08-07-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted! You do realize that they were garnents and not rubies?

I wish someone would make me a ( shut up...shut up I KNOW what I want!!) a GRILLED STEAK AND CHEESE on a TOASTED BUN..with katsup, just a tad of mayo and NO DAM ONIONS!!!!! not greenpeppers or other junk either.....
And YES I do wish for fries with that and 4 fingers of Drambuie....

08-07-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted - but as soon as you try to eat it, your teeth will fall out.

I wish I knew how to make *good* tacos.

08-08-2006, 12:11 AM
Granted - we have arranged a special trip to Mexico where a lady named 500 pound lady with a mustache named Consuelo will be happy to teach you. Make sure you take along plenty of kaopectate and don't forget your passport. You do want to get back in the country, right?

I wish the mechanic would hurry up fixing my damn car.

08-08-2006, 12:51 AM
Granted. He hurried up and fixed it good! Fixed your little red wagon, too. Which is a good thing because your car exploded on the drive home from the mechanic's shop and now that little red wagon is all you have to commute in.

I wish the personalized license plate I wanted for MY little red wagon wasn't already taken.

08-08-2006, 12:58 AM
Granted -- Too bad you didnt ask sooner though, Martha Stewart could have made it for you personally while she was in prison.

I wish Rush Limbaugh's viagra would work so well that he would need three guys with sledgehammers to get "it" back down again.

08-08-2006, 01:44 AM
Granted - but in the mean time Rush would rush after you!

I wish the producers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer decided to rekindle the series with the same cast of characters.

08-08-2006, 02:38 AM
Granted but we will have to give the telly to the sally so we wont be tempted to fantasize about the Buffys in the buff

I wish that Public Television in my area would not have to run Carls Junior ads

08-08-2006, 03:20 AM
Granted - they run Denney's ads instead.

I wish a pack of wild dogs would tear Ann Coulter limb from limb while a pack of NY liberal democrats sat and watched, happily munching on popcorn.

08-08-2006, 04:30 AM
Granted. The democrats offer you popcorn and you help yourself, only to find out later it is tainted. Bring that basin closer, will you?

I wish that my son wasn't cooking such rich and good smelling food in the kitchen.

08-08-2006, 05:27 AM
Granted - but he's now doing it on a portable hob in front of your computer screen.

I wish life was so very perfect that we wouln't need to wish for changes in our quest to try and make it so...

08-08-2006, 06:36 AM
Granted -- life is now perfect. I expect it to last about ten minutes before you are bored out of your ever lovin' mind.

I wish Manolo would deliver one pair of every shoe from this year's line -- in my size -- to my door tonight and I could keep them all.

08-08-2006, 01:06 PM
granted, however you'll discover only one shoe in each box and every shoe is a different color.

I wish my next door neighbor's kids would quit throwing their toys into my pool and yard.

08-08-2006, 01:22 PM
granted, they are now tossing their trash on your front lawn.

I wish I saw the future.

08-08-2006, 06:12 PM
Granted. Now put the gun down, slow, slow, slow, just put it on the ground and back up. The nice Dr wants to take you somewhere safe....nice and safe....

I wish I felt like standing up and walking 15 feet to give my boss these documents.

08-08-2006, 06:25 PM
Granted. Only HE, too, felt like getting up and walking 15 feet, so now you're following him, and he's heading into the Men's room. You follow him there, wait for him to take a seat, then slip the documents under the door. He thanks your amazing sense of need, returns all but one, gets a papercut, and goes home for the rest of this week.

I wish I knew what the weather was going to be like two weekends from now.

08-08-2006, 06:36 PM
Granted-just bring your Brolly-where you live kiddo you are bound to strike it right

I wish that it would only be 10 minutes until the next Pres-Election so that we could see how many lies could be sprung upon in in 10 minutes-we would actually like to give them no time whatsoever-but we are still in need of a few small chuckles-10 is enough

08-08-2006, 07:02 PM
Granted! It is now 10 minutes before the next Presidential election. There is a sunspot flare causing a national EMT and all telecommunications satellites are down for 10.5 minutes.

I wish I could juggle.

08-08-2006, 07:22 PM
Granted-if you get some ten pins-you know nice and heavy-and just throw them all into the air-believe me you will soon learn to juggle-or just get the hell out of the way-which-would of course defeat your strong desire to juggle

We wish we could film Eudaimon trying to learn to juggle with ten pins

08-09-2006, 01:02 AM
Granted. Eudaimon is not very good, the pins are set alight, and you are standing very close.

I wish you wouldn't corrupt my wish

08-09-2006, 01:06 AM
Granted - corruption isnt such a bad thing though. I try and corrupt things whenever I can. It makes the world go round.

I wish I was in Ireland - in a pub having a Guinness with a leprechaun and listening to great Celtic music and great Irish tales at the end of the rainbow.

08-09-2006, 01:24 AM
Granted - and in the morning you'll have a grand Irish hangover, so you will.

I wish I could tap dance.

08-09-2006, 02:03 AM
Granted. Too bad your neighbors mistook all that tapping for woodpeckers, brought out their shotguns and blew the crap outta your windows!

I wish I didn't feel like I'm passing another round of kidney stones !

08-09-2006, 03:14 AM
You don't. You feel like you're passing gallstones instead.

I wish my husband would agree to renew out vows and buy new wedding rings.

08-09-2006, 03:18 AM
What a lovely wish - Granted - tell me where he works and I'll go put the fear of God in him if he refuses. I kick a$$ pretty good.

I wish this country would wake the he!! up and get moving fixing up N"awlins before the 'canes come back.

08-09-2006, 12:52 PM
Granted...no strings attached. I've got family there. Anyone wanna come with me to kick some FEMA butt?

I wish someone would take me up on the offer of kicking FEMA butt.

08-09-2006, 06:02 PM
Granted! Look at that cute FEMA guy. Here I go..*slaps his butt* OOH! *he slaps back* Here I go again * slaps buttt* OOOH!!!* he slaps back*

You watch as we wander off, self absorbed..........

I wish that will give you a real laugh.

08-09-2006, 06:07 PM
Granted Jay you are always good for-a good hearty chuckle-Thanks as always

We wish that all people interested in drinking copious quantities of Ale would inherit an Ale brewery

08-09-2006, 06:14 PM
Granted, now they are all singing, Roll Out The Barrels at the same time nationwide.

It's my mother's birthday, and I wish her the best day ever!

08-09-2006, 06:24 PM
Granted-it seems that she has done a most delightful job with you-we are psychic and know you are a wonderful and thoughtful daughter

We wish that DeborahM's Mom realizes that she has a very special daughter-actually we are pretty sure she does but we think for a change it is a nice wish and it makes all of us feel good to say or do nice things-but just occasionally of course-we do have to defend our reputation

08-09-2006, 08:13 PM
Granted! She is so pleased with her daughter that she makes her a lobster dinner.

I wish I had a flying car.

08-09-2006, 08:20 PM
Granted just drive your car over the next cliff after you have had a line and you will be flying

We wish that dismissive folks were all forced to sit on their hands while naked and while suffering a good bout of dysentery

08-09-2006, 09:34 PM
Granted, but due to an unusual clause in the law they will be forced to sit on your brand-new couch...

I wish I knew how to cook a couch potato.

08-09-2006, 09:47 PM
granted! you take a gallon of kerosene, strike a long match, throw them at the couch, and go get the milk and masher ready...

i wish i remembered the moment i was conceived.

08-09-2006, 09:49 PM
Granted. Too bad the image of your parents doing it has sickened you to the point of joining a monastic group of celebates.

I wish today's misty, grey, damp weather would last the rest of summer!

08-09-2006, 09:51 PM
Granted-but not us kiddo-sun-surf TURF and shades-enough clouds right now if you now what we mean

We wish upon our stars that dreams really do come true

08-09-2006, 09:55 PM
your wish is granted - you are now chasing a black goat up steep cliffs for eternity.

i wish my cat could talk back to me

08-09-2006, 10:09 PM
Granted he would whisper softley in your delicate and charming ears that we do not just chase black goats up steep cliffs-after all-we are politically correct Dear Heart-we chase goats that are wearing technicolor dream coats

We wish that someone would put G.B on a lie detector-broadcast it on all channels and would ask him-among other things pertinant to his cajoling of the American public-if his underwear was too tight-causing his face to appear blank and almost surreal

08-09-2006, 10:16 PM
granted - we would then learn the real reason for his surreal expression: he's personally testing a prototype of the chastity belt designed for american males. it will become complusory once his successor (an astute lady with a shoe fetish) takes over.

i wish i knew my guardian angel's name so i can call on her when i need more money.

08-09-2006, 10:23 PM
Granted, but it's impossible to pronounce and for the next 14 days you're gonna go nuts trying and get your tongue all twisted around until you can't even remember your own name.

I wish someone would cultivate a tree that really did grow money.

08-09-2006, 10:25 PM
granted - but it's in an obsolete denomination, and besides, it turns to dust when you touch it.

i wish we didn't need money

08-09-2006, 10:26 PM
Granted and they have it is in the southern states and the money is crumpled-worn-and has the face of Jeb Davis on it

We wish the Jupiter was aligned with Mars so we could smash Venus

08-09-2006, 10:31 PM
granted - Jo stumbles, nudging Mars as he aims for Venus, and the boulder swoops through her missing arm.

i wish my secret wish came true

08-09-2006, 10:35 PM
granted, but its a secret, subconscious wish that not even your sure of.

wait til you see it...

i wish things worked out!

08-09-2006, 10:35 PM
Granted! -"But it was only a dream."

I wish I were dreaming right now.

08-09-2006, 10:38 PM
Granted, however, your dream will soon become a living nightmare and has become a sequel of Night Of The Living Dead.

I wish each of us has their dreams come true!

08-09-2006, 10:40 PM
Granted, however, your dream will soon become a living nightmare and has become the third in the trilogy of Night Of The Living Dead.

i wish i had a lumberjack shirt

08-09-2006, 10:44 PM
granted - it's the only piece of clothing you own, the trousers are on loan and your friend needs them back right now!

i wish i'd met einstein

08-09-2006, 10:49 PM
Granted-you and Einstein can sit together-drink copious cups of strong-sweet-Cappucino-and discuss the validity of the String theory-he is against you are for

I wish Angelinity a moment of unrest as she thinks about wishing she were Einstein and that probably he was just looking for the formula for a good cup of Cappucino when E=MC2 popped into the coffee dregs in the bottom of his cup

08-09-2006, 10:51 PM
Granted, he said he had waited, but you stood him up and to tell yu same place next Tuesday.

David, granted - He asked me to tell you, how did you know?

Wish I could carry a tune!

08-09-2006, 10:55 PM
granted - she is deeply disturbed as she fishes for the formula in einstein's grounds while he steams the milk in his laboratory (did you know he liked chemistry?). the formula however is made of cane sugar and by the time she gets to it, it's unreadable. the present suddenly shifts into a parallel dimension - and angelinity vanishes. worse yet, einstein looses his hair and his blackboard.

i wish i could stop smoking

08-09-2006, 10:58 PM
Granted. Someone has doused you with water, now instead of smoking, you're just sorta smoldering a stinky.

I wish I could put my ms through a pasta machine and make it grow big and strong.

08-09-2006, 11:16 PM
granted, but it comes out angelhair and you have to paste it back together.

i wish my novel wrote itself, then self-published.

08-09-2006, 11:17 PM
Granted. But now Babs owns your soul. Pity.

I wish my brand new laptop (computer- you sickos) would arrive, and I wish I could pick a good new skin for it.

08-09-2006, 11:20 PM
granted. it's alive and wearing armadillo (you picked it, remember?)

i wish i owned FeDex and Microsoft

08-09-2006, 11:47 PM
We wish you did also then you could self-publish everybody

We wish that Angelinity would post some more stuff so we could read it and enjoy her wonderful-poem like-ethereal writing-is that WIP gonna be in progress for the rest of your life or are you gonna get with it and submit-do you need help?

08-10-2006, 12:39 AM
Granted - we hereby request the presence of Angelinity here often to write poem-like and ethereally for us.

I wish my Chinese lunch hadnt sucked.

08-10-2006, 01:25 AM
Granted. Due to an upset stmach, it's now blown.

I wish my accounts book and tax form would magically complete themselves.

08-10-2006, 02:54 AM
If your spouse could do them-or significant other-that would be almost like kinda having magic doing it wouldn't it? If you are desolate and alone we are also feeling desolate and alone because you feel so bad-it's sympathy magic-sometimes you'd be amazed at its wonderful potency- but if you are maybe there is a magic potion for that as well-never know kiddo

We wish that if arrowqueen is alone in the world that she would never really feel alone as we hope she realizes at least here she has a bunch of looneys to keep her company-just referring to ourselves of course and no insult meant to any of you other literartys

08-10-2006, 03:49 AM
Granted. She has indeed realised this - and locked the doors and barred her windows accordingly.

I wish I could understand what that cloud, shaped like a Chinese ideograph, actually says.

08-10-2006, 03:59 AM
Granted. Oh my heavens, it's an obscene joke -- you're offended and declare war on China. Good luck with that.

I wish I didn't have to go make dinner now!

08-10-2006, 04:00 AM
Granted! You do now. But what do I get out of this?

I wish that vampires and werewolves cast a bloody rebellion of vengance and terror on aliens; who have a leader: Vincent Price.

08-10-2006, 04:01 AM
Granted it says rtifdlsjneigldjs with fried rice

We wish arrowqueen would explain her rep point that she gave us-sometimes we need help

Hell here we go again-Arisson who has just showed up here has ripped off our masks of devilish slowness to reveal a devilishly slow lobster

Granted the rebellion is in full swing but Vinny is having a little trouble holding up his golden laser

08-10-2006, 06:56 AM
David, whatever your wish it, it's granted. Im still trying to figure out exactly what it is though.

I got my car back today - now I wish I remembered where I put my keys

08-10-2006, 04:36 PM
Granted, but now you've lost your car.

I wish I knew exactly how many freckles I've got so I could answer folks when they ask.

08-10-2006, 05:51 PM
Granted but don't worry about the count just smile and your beautiful freckles will crown your smile with a halo of beauty that will mesmerize the observer in the sparkly beaming light of your soul-then they wont remember what they asked you

I wish I could share the secret of my success with everyone-but it might make em drunk

08-10-2006, 09:57 PM
Granted - go ahead and tell us - we can all get together for a reunion at the Betty Ford Center afterwards.

I wish the nightmares would go away -- anyone want them?

08-10-2006, 10:16 PM
granted - they go a(little)way, not letting you forget there's a reason why they're there and you need to work it out...

i wish i could make persiphone hellecat's nightmares go way away

08-10-2006, 10:23 PM
Granted just send her a beautiful pool boy who just inherited a million bucks and who willlove and serve an incredibly intelligent re-headed bi-polar francophile-who is opinionated and usually correctly so

We wish that we were feeling the feeling of the feelings that are being felt by the feelers

08-10-2006, 10:23 PM
Granted - only they would probably be replaced by erotic dreams of me and Condolezza Rice LOL ...

I wish I would never think such a though again!!

08-10-2006, 10:30 PM
Granted-thanks for the thoughts-if we wake up screaming from our sleeps-you will hear us all the way across the great divide

We wish that people would pucker up and stand their ground

08-10-2006, 10:32 PM
granted - they are puckering all right, but the dysenteria has alas gotten the better of their resolves and - well, someone has to clean up!

i wish is could relive that moment which changed everything

08-10-2006, 10:36 PM
Granted, but are you sure you would want to? Knowing that everything from that point on was f#cked up wouldnt drive you insane?

I wish I had a lemon poppy muffin

08-10-2006, 10:38 PM
Granted. It is now December 7,1941 and it is 5:55 AM in the morning. You're flying you little sea plane and what IS THAT...JAPS!!!!!!!!!!

I wish my daughter would get off line so I can get through on the phone and remind her to, Clean the kitchen, mop the floor, put the laundry in the dryer, take her dried stuff out and fold it, hang clean towels inthe bathroom, feed the cats, make sure they have clean water, and to finish reading 'Antigone' so she can get the report written before school starts.

08-10-2006, 10:39 PM
Granted -- but when she gets to the end of Antigone, she is going to be disappointed. Which version anyway? Greek or Sartre?

I wish I had a lemon poppy muffin

08-10-2006, 10:40 PM
granted, the lemon pops and pops til your muffin blooms - then you gotta eat it ;-P

i wish the muse were better looking - sometimes she scares me!

08-10-2006, 10:40 PM
Granted. (well fudge) I AM good looking, dammit!

I wish I didn't have cramps.

08-10-2006, 10:43 PM
Tosses the Muse a bottle of Midol and some of that Mineral makeup they advertise on TV - two wished granted at once.

I wish it wasnt too hot to wear my new red cowboy boots.

08-10-2006, 10:43 PM
granted - you have hives instead.

i wish i could find that damn key

08-10-2006, 10:49 PM
Granted - sends over a locksmith to help you. He'll make you about ten new ones. However none of them open what you want opened.

I wish I had purple cowboy boots too.

08-10-2006, 11:12 PM
granted. they kick heels relentessly and keep getting you back to kansas (where everything has a purple tinge - wonder why?).

i wish i made my mind up about what to really wish for.

08-11-2006, 12:25 AM
Granted now you have an unlimited amount of wishes so it does not really matter what you wish for-if you blow one-there are always a few more

We wish that we were not so incredibly good looking and so damn rich-and that we were not forced to spend our weekend in our Villa in Encinada eating copious quantities of lobster and shooting Mexicans from our Veranda

08-11-2006, 12:27 AM
Granted. Due to a failed stock investment, you're broke. You sold the villa and now can only write about eating lobster and shooting Mexicans. Luckily it's gonna be a best-seller !

I wish I had a villa.

08-11-2006, 12:33 AM
Granted Musechen be patient you soon will have-are you working at you know what-ahem ahem?

We have read Musechen's granting of our wish-unfortunately I have to wish it again-redundancy is a virtue to some

08-11-2006, 02:58 AM
Granted -- whatever you wish for David is yours.

I wish I was in the Miss America pagent so I could wish for World Peace and really mean it.

08-11-2006, 03:03 AM
Granted but you will have to bend and say you love them-thereby displaying a rather succulent crack of the old a$$

We wish we had a picture of that

08-11-2006, 03:08 AM
Granted - however if I posted that picture this site would get shut down and Jenna would be real mad at me.

I wish the (^(**&^$#$# a-holes in England making martyr tapes would do us all a favor and just make their damn tapes and jump off the Millennium Bridge, go up to Allah and enjoy the virgins. But I think Allah is recycling virgins now because they are running out.

08-11-2006, 03:11 AM
Granted and if you PM me that picture you wont have to replace any of those not so versatile virgins

We wish that versatile virgins were not so hard to find

08-11-2006, 03:14 AM
Granted - however in the meantime, Goodyear has offered to retread any non-virgin who wants to be one again -- the retread is good for 100,000 miles.
(and my pic is on my profile - cleavage in it but no butt)

I wish it would rain. Im tired of watering my lawn.

08-11-2006, 03:25 AM
Granted but in the meantime just keep the watering can handy
(Now we are totally perturbed-was this a pre-red wash-besides which bums are better than cleavage and that is all we care about)

I wish that the Good Grand PooBah would only allow it to rain at night

08-11-2006, 04:00 AM
Granted - just like Camelot!

I wish I could put my red cowboy boots on right now and do some terrorist sh!t kicking.

08-11-2006, 04:02 AM
Granted can we come if we put our macho slippers on and dance all over the bloodied bodies of your foes

We wish that love abounded in the land of Nod-but here we are in the land of anger-fear-and dread-powerless anyone?

08-11-2006, 04:12 AM
Granted - I wish I was in the world of my childhood.
a wonderful place of Levit houses and ten cent ice cream cones and 4th of July parades where guys waited for baton twirlers to drop their batons so they could get a glimpse of panties, and station wagons and nehi and coke machines with bottle openers on the front ... sighs ...

08-11-2006, 04:15 AM
Granted Red-shall we shead a tear for the "Beaver?"

We wish that folks out there would just sit down and have a good crap and leave the fighting to Alph Orangutangs fighting for Macho pleasures

08-11-2006, 04:19 AM
Granted - depending on which beaver you refer to. Fighting monkeys is a cool idea. Especially since monkeys are in charge of the country anyway.

I wish I was in Chinatown buying knockoff Chanel and Vuitton handbags in the latest fall styles for 20 bucks each and eating wonton soup with surprise meat filling.

08-11-2006, 04:26 AM
Granted-have some mooshoo as well with a "tart plumb sauce!"

No wish-we are off to the land of writers cramp-have a nice evening all-and cheerio-oh alright we will give one last one-We wish that people would understand that the sound of slug hitting bone-crushing cartilage-and ripping open the guts of someone does have a sound-it is not the sound of husha husha we all fall down

08-11-2006, 04:30 AM
Granted -- parting is such sweet sorrow.

I wish I had the energy to go to the grocery store.

08-11-2006, 04:49 AM
Granted. Here, I'll help . . . Porterhouse steaks are on sale for $1 a pound, and lobsters are free.

I wish I didn't have to go to the grocery store tomorrow.

08-11-2006, 05:07 AM
Granted - you have to go today and you forgot. No supper for you!

I wish my realtor wasn't so rude about the house I really like.

08-11-2006, 05:59 AM
Granted - give us his name we'll have Guido break his kneecaps.

I wish I could remember how to play Tetris like i used to .

08-11-2006, 06:17 PM
Granted. But it's even more addictive than before and now you've been up for 72 hours playing level 6. You're starting to smell funny.

I wish someone would get done all the things I have to get done this weekend so I can take a nap.

08-11-2006, 06:22 PM
Granted. You now have three personal assistants for the day. They are badly dressed, ill tempered chain smokers. They have an IQ of 190... split between them. They all have intense ADHD and the are all addicted to speed and coffee. Oh yes, they all wear roller blades.

I wish, I wish I could start pounding down the office wall with my fists and cause a havoc, and be on the news with helicopters and everything.

08-11-2006, 10:49 PM
Granted. Oh look, the men are wearing white coats ! How pretty. They must have been fishing, 'cause they've got a net. Ah, but in that little room with the soft walls, you'll have no 'Cindy' worries and just think how much writing you could get done - - if only they'd give you a pencil.

I wish I'd brought something more interesting for lunch today than what I brought.

08-11-2006, 10:50 PM
Granted - however after your debut on the evening news, you are taken away to a "special place" for some nice electroshock treatment which causes serious loss of memory. We'll miss you. Muse, you will be dining on surf and turf while you watch the action on TV.

I wish people in my life would chill out a little and stop b!tching at me for stupid little things I can't change anyway.

08-11-2006, 11:27 PM
Granted but if they stop bitching then how can you Lord it over them-they are so silly

I wish that silly people were not the ones who grab arrogance and use it as an excuse for their own inferiority

08-12-2006, 12:03 AM
Granted! Now the smart people do it, too.

I wish I knew some way to get rid of these workday blues and keep my teeth shiny white at the same time.

08-12-2006, 03:16 AM
Granted - you run amok and bite everyone who annoys you. This doesn't actually make your teeth whiter and shinier, but the blood makes them look that way.

I wish I could just think my stories onto paper without having to type them.

08-12-2006, 04:28 AM
Granted -- however the kid next door is really good at wardriving and hacks into your thoughts -- beating you to the copyright office.

I wish I knew where my son lost the TV remote control so I could turn off MTV

08-12-2006, 06:01 PM
Granted-- It's called "Grounding him 'til he finds the danged thing." Unfortunately, the dog ate it and you realized that he was eating a lot more food at his friends' houses then you thought he was so your grocery bill goes through the roof.

I wish I could afford to get my teeth fixed.

Lady Cat
08-12-2006, 07:07 PM
Granted. But the dentist filed your vampire fangs flat so now you have to drink you blood through a straw.

I wish I could win the 6/49 jackpot tonight.

08-12-2006, 11:50 PM
granted. you get robbed tomorrow.

i wish i could stay in london for longer, i love it here

08-13-2006, 01:07 AM
Granted. You lost your wallet, couldn't pay for your meal at the Ritz and have been chained to the sink for the next month, to work it off.

I wish I'd gone to bed a bit earlier last night.

08-13-2006, 03:09 AM
Granted but all the fun started after you left the scene.

I wish I hadn't just had to delete almost 20,000 from my current novel after I rewrote the conclusion.

08-13-2006, 04:36 AM
Granted! You have all 20,000 back, but the rest of the novel was deleted.

I wish I was a panda.:e2teeth:

08-13-2006, 05:02 AM
Granted -- welcome to the endangered species list. From now on, you will be part of the panda in captivity breeding program. I hope you like doing it in front of zoologists.

I was I wasnt totally exhausted right now.

08-13-2006, 05:05 AM
Granted. You've fallen asleep on your feet instead.

I wish that my dog would never get old.

08-13-2006, 06:01 AM
Granted - your dog will not get old. However, you will age in dog years. 7 for each 1 human year.

I wish there was something on TV worth watching

08-13-2006, 12:08 PM
Granted, but you were busy when it was on. Sorry you missed it. It was great!

I wish I could get a haircut that I love

08-13-2006, 10:36 PM
Granted - we're sending over Jose Gonzalez, my gardner and his hedge clippers. He claims to be as good as Edward Scissorhands. He isnt as cute as Johnny, but you can trust him - I think. He does a good job on my hedges.

I wish my mother wasnt such a pain in the a$$

08-14-2006, 01:46 AM
Granted, but now your husband is picking up the slack.

I wish my hair didn't look like a topiary. :/

08-14-2006, 02:55 AM
Granted - maybe a nice buzz cut would fix it up.

I wish I had some chocolate mousse right about now.

08-14-2006, 03:01 AM
Granted. As long as I get the chocolate mouse.

I wish it was the start of the weekend, rather than almost the start of the workweek.

08-14-2006, 03:04 AM
Granted - step into this time machine. It's untested, but we think it should work.

I wish I didn t hurt all over from spending most of yesterday on a bus trip, off and on the stupid bus and trudging all over the place.

08-14-2006, 03:12 AM
Granted. Take a Ben-Gay bubble bath and you'll feel fine. But, you might be a little smelly.

I wish my cat would come see me rather than sit and stare out the window at all the birds uncooked.

08-14-2006, 03:23 AM
Granted - here's a bottle of my new perfume Eau de Catnip. Just douse yourself liberally and say "Here kitty kitty".

I wish I had two trees in my backyard so I could have a hammock where I could read while listening to Pachibel Canon.

08-14-2006, 03:27 AM
Granted. They're a bit small at the moment . . . but just give them 20 years.

I wish my neighbor had a pool. I'd like one, but I wouldn't have one to take care of if they were free.

08-14-2006, 03:44 AM
Granted. The neighbour gets a pool. You even get invited over, along with 50 other people. You can't find a spot to stand in the pool let alone swim. You go home but can't sleep all night from the noise coming from all those people at the pool party.

I wish I had a horse.

08-14-2006, 04:52 AM
Granted. One horse coming up. In fact, we'll give you a pair of horses. Sawhorses usually come in pairs. Next time be more specific about your wishes.

I wish someone would give me a really fancy birthday party in September ...

08-14-2006, 11:59 AM
Granted, it's going to be a surprise party replete with steak, champagne and...oops! Sorry 'bout that, I just blew it. Now it seems you're going to have boxed wine and cold pizza. Maybe next year?

I wish I could keep my mouth shut when it comes to surprise parties. :/

08-14-2006, 05:40 PM
Granted. You are gagged and duct taped to a chair. The chair is not in the least bit comfortable. The room is decorated for a surprise party. And whenthe guy in black arrives all the vampires jump up and yell 'SURPRISE'!.
But he only has eyes for you........

I wish I were in a nice quiet padded room, and my only visitor were a nurse who was also nice and quiet, and nice.

08-14-2006, 05:49 PM
Granted. Jenna is going to open a new forum that's the exact opposite of the TIO forum to be called The Padded Cell. There you post (or finger paint!) and agree with everyone else.

I wish I had a model for my future finger painting.

08-14-2006, 06:29 PM
Granted! But the best we could find was Thing from the Adams family.

I wish my mom would get me that awesome cosmetic set we saw yesterday for my birthday in 2 weeks.

08-14-2006, 06:32 PM
Granted, only she's so confused about which comes first, what you saw yesterday, or your birthday in 2 weeks, that she ends up spending all her money on rum and chocolate for herself and forgets to even get you a cake.

I wish it was September already.