View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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07-29-2014, 10:37 PM

You're the one that gets killed in the sequel to lend it more gravitas.

I wish I hadn't just erased all those grades...

Hannah M
07-31-2014, 01:51 AM
Granted. But did they somehow get warped... or did everyone really get a zero?

I wish those in the newbie pub would like me again. I don't know why they all hate me suddenly! :cry:

07-31-2014, 02:18 AM
The Genie doesn't like you either.

I wish I had a yellow box

07-31-2014, 03:24 AM
Granted. It is a nice yellow box with this symbol on all four sides.

http://s27.postimg.org/4sg9cmvm7/RADIATION_SYMBOL_100_X101.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

The Genie suggests you wear a hazmat suit when you open it.

I wish I could go back in time and talk to my grandfather when he was a young man.

07-31-2014, 05:55 AM

Just... granted. ... Just try not to do the whole Lazarus Long thing while you're back there, okay?

I wish I had some easy solutions for some complex problems.

07-31-2014, 06:30 AM
But with your record on easy solutions in the past, nobody cares much what they are. Remember last February 27th?

I wish I could forget last February 27th

07-31-2014, 06:31 AM

But I can't do anything about what happened on the 28th. Some things are impossible, even for the djinn.

I wish I knew how to better articulate what I was trying to say.

07-31-2014, 06:38 AM
I wish I knew how to better articulate what I was trying to say.

Granted ( for about the twelfth time)

we're all rooting for you (again) to pull this one off from brain to tongue.

I wish Manila envelopes tasted better

07-31-2014, 06:45 AM

They still taste horrible, but it's a step up from atrocious.

I wish there was more time to sleep.

07-31-2014, 06:56 AM
Granted. Enjoy your coma.

I wish Fox would invent me a spaceship so I could fight the aliens.

jaus tail
07-31-2014, 10:21 AM
Granted. But the space ship has no missiles. It works only as a suicide bomber. Crash in the alien fortress and sacrifice your life for the earth.

I wish the rat in my house would commit suicide.

Hannah M
07-31-2014, 01:20 PM
Granted. Mr Rat, Mrs Rat, Children Rats, Baby Rats, Granny Rat and Grandpa Rat all swallow your poison and run out into your lounge before dying. You are were in the middle of a party with a bunch of people you were trying to impress. They leave, unimpressed.

I wish our goldfish would stop eating each other.

07-31-2014, 03:58 PM
I wish our goldfish would stop eating each other.

The last survivor flops out and lands behind the heavy book shelf, where it remains undiscovered ... for a while

I wish my goldfish would shut-up so I can get some writing done.

07-31-2014, 05:25 PM

But your hamster takes up opera.

I wish I could fast-forward through the tedious parts of my day.

07-31-2014, 06:00 PM
Granted. You now fast-forward through the tedious parts of your day. However due to the law of conservation of time, you must now skip the not-tedious parts of your day altogether.

I wish there were no tedious parts of my day.

07-31-2014, 06:26 PM
Granted. Your day begins with a fire in your garage. As soon as you manage to put it out, a water main bursts, flooding most of your house. After you partially stem the flood, your kitchen stove explodes (Fortunately, you are not in the kitchen at the time). Your phone rings. It is the IRS, demanding that you pay your back taxes or face immediate prosecution. A small plane crashes on your roof. The pilot is injured, and his blood flows into your closet, staining all your clothes. After you take him to the hospital, you return home, switch on TV and see that police are looking for a serial killer in your neighborhood. You think, "Thank God he's not in my house!" when you hear a sound coming from your hall and see a masked man with a gun in one hand and a machete in the other. Do you want the Genie to continue?

I wish I could write faster.

Hannah M
07-31-2014, 08:37 PM
Granted. But now you have two problems - when you write that fast you can't:

a) think. This means your writing comes out like jakldnfkjhjrlksndcjadfkhjlsakdnmfbghrklsdnfm,fbghd asjknf,msvbadjkfnsdm,n dfjhbv,mfvn danv,md knjfhsklfnmkjsdavhalkfmncmd, nvhvksvn fjkdnhczknbjkdhslck h etc

b) breathe. This creates several problems which I shall not delve into here.

I wish someone would tidy my room for me.

jaus tail
07-31-2014, 11:00 PM
Granted. Genie is sending an elephant. He will stand near the window, turn around and release some wind. That will tidy everything.

I wish a blue whale would fall on my neighbor.

M.S. Wiggins
08-01-2014, 12:54 AM
Denied, for whale color discrimination.

I wish it would stop raining, my ceiling is leaking.

Hannah M
08-01-2014, 01:09 AM
Granted. It snows. Your roof caves in and because of the snow you are unable to get help/fix it.

I wish my ceiling was blue.

M.S. Wiggins
08-01-2014, 01:21 AM
Granted. Blue is my favorite color.

I wish snow angels could talk.

08-01-2014, 02:05 AM
Granted. They never stop talking. All of the hundreds surrounding your house. You'll have to wait for spring and warmer temperature for them to disappear. Oh wait. It's summer? And there's still snow around your house? Maybe that one will never melt...

I wish the color blue didn't exist anymore.

08-01-2014, 06:25 AM
I wish the color blue didn't exist anymore.

Granted. The sky has turned brown, formerly blue-eyed people have red eyes, and bluebells are gray. Everyone knows that this is your fault, and hordes of furious people are approaching your house carrying torches and pitchforks, with murder in their eyes.

I wish my clothes would never need washing.

08-01-2014, 07:06 AM
Granted! you are now a pig farmer, and you know there's no point in washing your barn clothes, they'll be just as dirty tomorrow... so ... they never need washing.

I wish my clothes washed themselves.

jaus tail
08-01-2014, 11:37 AM
Denied. Clothes are lazy people. They don't like to rub themselves. Their elders say that it they rub themselves in appropriate places, an asteroid will strike earth. So clothes refuse to rub themselves. You've got to rub them and use lubricants.

I wish polar bears would go extinct so we wouldn't have to worry about ruining their homes and global warming bluff and could go on with industrialization and oil consumption.

Hannah M
08-01-2014, 11:58 AM
Granted. It's gotten so hot that not only are polar bears extinct, but every species without the luxury of air conditioning has also become extinct. Nymtoc's angry horde of angry people have now started ganging up on you. Oh dear.

I wish my clothes would never get dirty.

jaus tail
08-01-2014, 12:01 PM
Granted. You sit in home all day and never go out for motorbike rides or play football in muck. Your clothes are clean and pure.

I wish God would bless me by throwing a piano on my english teacher.

Hannah M
08-01-2014, 05:41 PM
Granted. It gets a bit messy, though. Blood and bits of body everywhere... I won't go into the graphic details... but did I mention she was standing in your room when it happened?

I wish life was perfect.

08-01-2014, 05:58 PM
Granted. But only in your mind, and only thanks to a continual supply of magic mushrooms.

I wish I could discover an unknown play by William Shakespeare.

jaus tail
08-01-2014, 06:41 PM
Denied. William Shakespeare didn't write any plays. He was a facade. All his plays were written by his servant. Willie just changed the author name.

I wish a car would appear in my garage with a million dollars in it.

M.S. Wiggins
08-01-2014, 08:24 PM
Granted. I just drove off in it while you were hating your teacher.

I wish jaus tail would get a new English teacher.

08-02-2014, 06:55 AM
The djinn would like to grant this one...

But then it would put the djinn out of business, as without his English teacher, what would Jaus wish for?

I wish I had a better phone.

08-02-2014, 08:41 AM

http://s8.postimg.org/yh3hwpvi9/TELEPHONE_ANTIQUE_1_125_X147.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

I wish people would be more specific in their wishes.

jaus tail
08-02-2014, 10:13 AM
Denied. People refuse to be specific. If they were specific the world would be a better place. It's ambiguity that creates chaos in the world. Sorry but people aren't what they used to anymore.

I wish a cat, with african fur, chinese eyes and french tail and I want it to have a strange affinity for my neighbor's blood.

Jack McManus
08-02-2014, 12:05 PM
Granted. Now your cat has taken over the fridge for storing the blood collection bags.

I wish for other-worldly peace.

08-02-2014, 12:13 PM
Granted. It happens on planet Klingon. Millions of Star Wars fans are now sending you death threats.

I wish I could figure out what I want to write.

08-02-2014, 05:18 PM

You've just written crossover Star Wars/Star Trek fanfic. I'd say you have it figured out. Fans of both are angry, though. You won't like them when they're angry.

I wish that this day would involve nothing more strenuous than the occasional deeply involved discussion, the opportunity to just sit on the deck with a nice drink, a solid plan for dinner that doesn't involve much more than pulling things from the garden, and an evening spent in mostly idle repose.

(That one's for Nymtoc.)

jaus tail
08-02-2014, 05:46 PM
Granted. Assuming you work at a school, the principal's mother-in-law fell from the terrace and is ill. For reverence, the school has been closed. Your best friend has just called you, saying she's in town and would like to meet.

You go to meet her in her hotel room and spend some nice quality time in the hotel's garden. You laugh at old memories and cherish the times you'll had spent together. Then you go home, have dinner and rest to sleep.

I wish I weren't so jealous.

08-02-2014, 06:15 PM

It's Saturday, and I don't work at that kind of school anyway, so I'm even more better off than I was before. (You should not be so jealous now... you should be VERY jealous.)

I hope it rains a little. I don't want to close my windows, but I don't want to mow the lawn today, either.

M.S. Wiggins
08-02-2014, 10:05 PM
More than granted. Please, take these clouds hell-bent on flooding Charleston.

I wish somebody else would edit my first MS (to my exact specifications w/out me having to name them all) so that I can go back to doing something fun...like writing a new one.

Hannah M
08-03-2014, 02:17 AM
Granted. But I charge an awful lot. You are now penniless. Although you can write and beg simultaneously...

I wish people would visit my new hangout (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=294299)

[if Genie is curious, I guess my wish is granted!]

jaus tail
08-03-2014, 02:03 PM
Denied. Your new hang out is so authentic it doesn't deserve publicity. It should go ahead on word of mouth. Th electron positron joke was offensive to electrons:)

I wish to see a football match between zebras and horses and my landlord should be the football.

Hannah M
08-03-2014, 07:46 PM
Granted. Your landlord has become an elephant for the event. You are a goalie. G'luck saving any goals!

(this is according to British football... I think you call it soccer?)

I wish all Americans spoke the same language as us British

08-03-2014, 09:52 PM
Denied! This wish sent the Genie into a tailspin. For a time, he and his army of assistant Genies were getting into their Revolutionary War uniforms, picking up their muskets and heading for the coast to ward off the Redcoats. In a press release, the Genie said, "If youse guys tink you're gonna force your way of talkin' on us, yo, you got another tink comin'! We ain't never been Brits and we never gonna be Brits and it's about time youse guys got it. Get it?"

I wish I had some tapioca pudding .

08-04-2014, 12:13 AM

Just don't ask *where* you have it. It was laundry day anyway, right?

I wish these curtains would hang themselves.

08-04-2014, 12:32 AM
The Genie neither condones nor encourages suicide. You should be ashamed of yourself for asking.

I wish I knew what that is under the covers on my bed?

Hannah M
08-04-2014, 02:11 AM
Based on your previous assessment of the Genie, he is unable to tell you.

I wish I had my own star in the sky.

08-04-2014, 07:14 PM
Granted, provided you pay Genie the appropriate fee (http://www.universetoday.com/104134/can-you-really-name-a-star/). Brown dwarfs start at just $50. Blue supergiants slightly higher. Okay, a lot higher, what's a few million between friends?

I wish I had a clue.

08-04-2014, 07:16 PM

It wasn't Miss Scarlet, in the garage, with the wrench.

I wish it was time to eat.

jaus tail
08-04-2014, 07:20 PM
Granted. You're in the forest and it's time for lions to eat.

I wish I were as strong as hulk.

08-04-2014, 08:32 PM
Granted. You ARE the Hulk! Except you're angry all the time, and no one likes you when you're angry (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQsJtkk-NGQ).

I wish I knew what Miss Scarlet was doing in the garage with that wrench. My car won't start.

jaus tail
08-04-2014, 10:04 PM
Granted. She's playing chess with a lion and that wrench is used to beat flies.

I wish a cat would swim in kerosene then jump through a burning ring, catch fire and land on my landlord.

Jack McManus
08-05-2014, 04:11 AM
Granted, your landlord was at the door about your overdue rent. When he caught fire he ran into your apartment and set ablaze the one and only copy of your surefire best-seller manuscript.

I wish the voices in my head would quit arguing and just pick a color, for crying out loud.

Lady MacBeth
08-05-2014, 04:46 AM
Granted. The voices pick a colour and then beginning arguing about what to paint first.

I wish this heat wave would go away.

08-05-2014, 05:03 PM
Granted. You now live in Antarctica. No heat waves there!

I wish it would only rain at night.

(It did that in SoCal, back about 1986. It was glorious.)

08-05-2014, 05:11 PM

While the djinn cannot alter weather patterns (too many repercussions to mess with), I can send you to Titan. I hear the methane rains at night are lovely.

Bring oxygen.

I wish I was strolling on the beach all day.

jaus tail
08-05-2014, 09:03 PM
Granted. You're strolling on the beach all day, the wind brushes past your skin, the waves glisten under the sun and a flock of doves fly in the sky in a V shape.

I wish the school bully falls down the stairs and the ceiling also falls on him and a helicopter falls on the ceiling and then the rubble catches fire.

08-05-2014, 10:00 PM
Granted. It happens the day after you become the school bully.

I wish I were a world-class dancer.

jaus tail
08-05-2014, 11:17 PM
Denied. Even genie has limitations on his power:D

I wish zebras and lions would be friends and make deal according to which lions would never hunt zebras and in return zebras would provide them with cover to attack the wildebeests.

Hannah M
08-06-2014, 02:04 AM
Granted. But the wildebeest are furious at this turn of events and have enlisted the help of the tigers who attack the zebras. This attack happens in the backyard of the giraffes who are annoyed at the disturbance and join the fray, followed by the elephants who just like spraying everyone with water. They accidentally drain a lake and the hippos and crocodiles are not very happy about that so they also join the battle, followed closely by a horde of flies. Vultures are flying overheard waiting for casualties.

The owners of the zoo are furious with you and decide to solve this feud by providing the lions with an alternate source of sustenance. You.

I wish I could also eat jt.

08-06-2014, 08:34 AM
Denied! Genie already told you, genie does not condone suicide! jt would give you terminal indigestion, and besides would taste bad, especially after being passed through the lions.

I wish jt tasted good.

08-06-2014, 08:50 AM
Genie is getting tired of denying wishes, but he has to do it again. No way could jt ever taste good--not with the appalling thoughts he makes manifest here!

I wish I lived in a charming little cottage in a beautiful valley by a babbling brook, where birds chirp all day and the sun shines all the time.

jaus tail
08-06-2014, 10:13 AM
Granted. But you miss the cold night with twinkling stars, full moon and the site of fireflies illuminating a garden of lilies.

I wish to see a battle between godzilla and reziac.

Hannah M
08-06-2014, 11:44 AM
Granted. You sit with the teeny tots in front of the TV to watch a nice little cartoon about Gary Godzilla's argument with Ralph Reziac and how they make up afterwards and become best friends. By the end of the film, not only are you crying from pure emotions but also from the various drinks and popcorn spilt over you by the teeny tots you had sat down on with. And that T-shirt was new!

I wish I could go for a swim with the Loch Ness Monster. Who is a vegetarian, by the way.

08-06-2014, 04:11 PM
Granted. You swim and dive and frolic with the monster for hours. You are having so much fun! Nessie is indeed a playful sort and a vegetarian--a vegan, in fact. But she is also quite large, and as part of her well-intentioned play, she gets on top of you and holds you under for a half hour. You drown.

At least you could have brought a camera! :e2photo:

I wish I could discover the world's largest diamond.

08-06-2014, 04:49 PM
You do. It's in the trunk of your care. The police are looking for it too.

I wish my reputation would improve.

Hannah M
08-06-2014, 04:57 PM
Granted, but for that to happen everyone has to forget who you are. Genie puts you to sleep for a few thousand years, but people still pass on the 'Beware Porter' message to their kids. Genie can't kill them off because of his 'no homicide' rule. So, you're still waiting for people to forget, snoring, waiting, waiting, waiting...

I wish I had a secret admirer who left sweet messages for me.

jaus tail
08-06-2014, 06:30 PM
Denied. Genie cannot hypnotize people:D Here's an ice cream tub for compensation.

I wish to see a wrestling battle between Hannah and an anaconda.

Hannah M
08-06-2014, 08:06 PM
Easy! I give him the ice cream you so generously provided me with. He then gets brainfreeze. Whilst he is frozen, I place him next to the audience, ie you. When he wakes up he will be double as angry and eager for revenge. G'luck surviving that! [But I know you will cos Genie doesn't like homicide bla bla bla]

I wish I could wave my hands and my suitcase would self-pack.

jaus tail
08-06-2014, 08:52 PM
Denied dear. Oh dear, grandpa Genie has always believed that it is imperative that young kids do their own work themselves. Learn to be independent dear. Oh my, i can only imagine the pride you'll achieve when you'll pack your bag yourself, then you can thank me dear. Dont worry dear, you shall be able to pack it. have some patience dear.

I wish jupiter and mars were occupied by aliens and tonight they go to war providing a nice sight of explosions in the sky for me to see.

Hannah M
08-06-2014, 09:03 PM
Granted, dear.
-Look out the window, little one! You see those colourful explosions?
-You mean the fireworks?
-No, dear, those aren't fireworks.
-Then what are they, Grandma dear?
-They are the aliens.
-Aliens? But I thought there aren't any aliens!
-Ooooh, yes there are aliens, dear. And they're at war right now.
-But what are they fighting about?
-Each one wants a specific little boy to sacrifice to their alien master. And they both want the same one.
-Who do they want?
-But you'll keep me safe, right Grandma?
-Of course, little child! Now hush, close your eyes.

As the boy shuts his eyes, his Grandma assumes her true form. She summons the spaceship and zap!
The End.

I wish someone would publish this and I would make a lot of money from it.

jaus tail
08-06-2014, 09:12 PM
Denied. Dear money isn't that important dear. Grandpa genie has always said that 'you should rather be wise than rich. whom did you call on your birthday dear, your boss or your best friend.?'

I wish everyone would realize the futility of money and give it to me to free themselves of the burden of handling it.

Hannah M
08-07-2014, 12:14 AM
Granted. The entire world has given you their money for safekeeping. However, you failed to read the small print and you are now occupied 24/7 with providing everyone with food/clothes and all other basic and not so basic necessities, as well as guarding the money from thieves and mean people. Now you have the burden of handling it :)

I wish my boss would call me on my birthday.

M.S. Wiggins
08-07-2014, 02:18 AM
Granted. I left you a voice-mail. It went something like this, "Happy Birthday."

I wish I had a bottle of Dom Pérignon.

Hannah M
08-07-2014, 02:45 AM
Granted Here you go! (http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/301263197225?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=108&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=108)

I wish dinosaurs hadn't become extinct.

Lady MacBeth
08-07-2014, 05:24 AM
Granted. Dinosaurs never became extinct, but sadly, humans didn't evolve either.

I wish dinosaurs and humans could co-exist.

jaus tail
08-07-2014, 10:10 AM
Denied. I thought that after watching Reziac, there wouldn't be any lower rung for humanity to stoop but then someone always surprises me.

Why do you want dinosaurs to come to this world with humans? So you can use the skins of Diplocodus(long neck ones) dinosaurs and make a garment for yourself?
So that you can uproot the horns of Triceratops(three horned) dinosaurs and make a necklace for yourself? So you can tie a noose around the T-Rex and carry him along to hunt birds? So you can cage the Pterosaur(flying one) and train him to sing songs when your guests arrive? How can you be so cruel to torment the poor dinos? Genie will never fulfill such a wish.

I wish I were a Triceratops.

Hannah M
08-07-2014, 11:13 AM
Granted. But you live in Lady Macbeth's world where Triceratops work as butlers. You now have to wait on her and rush to fulfil her slightest command.

I wish I had a butler.

jaus tail
08-07-2014, 11:24 AM
Granted. She's a little flimsy, so be patient with her. She might drop the bowl of soup on your table cloth and she might leave the cat in the oven cause she doesn't like cats. Also when she gets bored she has a tendency to sleep in the fridge. Don't ask why, it's hereditary, and you can't fire her else she'll sue you for discrimination against stupid people.

I wish all the tigers died of heart attack so that all that money that is used for 'save the tiger' campaign can be directed at a more useful cause like 'pay jaus' bills' campaign.

Hannah M
08-07-2014, 11:30 AM
Granted. All those funerals have created plenty of bills and although you now get all the 'save the tiger' money it is unfortunately not enough and you're stuck in debt for the rest of your life.

I wish jt would give me some money instead of talking about how he should get it all.

jaus tail
08-07-2014, 12:39 PM
Denied. Genie believes sharing of money causes problems and issues. Rather share jt's problems. His mother-in-law is all yours.

I wish Hannah and my mother-in-law would become best friends and go roaming in some unknown part of the world, and may the place be so enticing with forests and dolphins and chirping birds, that the two best friends may decide to stay there forever under the shadow of nature's green trees.

Hannah M
08-07-2014, 12:58 PM
Granted. I had such a good time! Thanks, jt, give your mil regards from me next time you see her. However, it appears that she has returned (you say MAY decided to stay there forever - we decided not to. No internet access.) and after all that peaceful living she can't run a house anymore. She's moved in with you. Lucky boy, she's such a nice person to be around!

I wish I could connect.

jaus tail
08-07-2014, 02:08 PM
Granted. You can now connect to internal peace and experience spiritual happiness.

I wish I had a rich and generous friend.

Lady MacBeth
08-07-2014, 09:05 PM
Granted. Your rich and generous friend always remembers your birthday and sends a card and $10.

I wish I had thought to create Amazon and had billions of dollars.

jaus tail
08-07-2014, 09:44 PM
Denied. Money won't buy you happiness. If you want to smile, grow a plant in your backyard, and watch a stem rise from the wet mud towards the sky and a flower blooms at its tip. Experience the thrill of surfing in the Atlantic Ocean. Rest on a hammock with closed eyes as the sun shines over your head. Bask in the glory and watch your cats eat Reziac's gold fish. There are other ways to have fun. Genie is sending you to a theme park with unlimited tickets to all the roller coaster rides.

I wish I could sit on a roller coaster ride tonight.

M.S. Wiggins
08-10-2014, 01:07 AM
Granted. There's a Sit n' Spin on your Living Room floor. While twirling and having tons of fun, use your active imagination and write about it afterward.

I wish the electricity would come back on, my laptop and phone (hotspot) battery is close to croaking. Geez, it wasn't THAT bad of a storm.

jaus tail
08-10-2014, 10:47 AM
Granted, but the step down transformer hasn't been repaired. But if you insist, here's 33kV right through your house, boom.

Window panes of a house ten miles away were shattered because of the explosion in your house. It sent you flying to the moon. Hope the weather is nice up there.

I wish I had a cat.

08-10-2014, 04:16 PM
Denied. Not one flipping cat wants to put up with you. Shall Genie send a goldfish instead?

I wish potential pet owners had to pass a test.

08-10-2014, 04:41 PM
Granted. There is one question on the test:

Do pets taste good?

I wish more people would buy the expensive pets I sell.

jaus tail
08-10-2014, 05:09 PM
Denied. Ants aren't ideal idea for pets.

I wish for a better tomorrow.

08-10-2014, 09:36 PM
Granted. But the Genie is only able to guarantee this kind of wish for a limited time. Tomorrow will be better for five minutes.

I wish the world would recognize my true abilities.

08-11-2014, 01:22 AM
Granted. Everyone knows your true abilities. Consequently you are hauled away to maximum security.

I wish I had an ant farm.

08-11-2014, 09:50 AM
Granted, but you are absent-minded and accidentally let the ants out. They are fire ants, and they quickly multiply and cause incalculable damage to people, animals and property throughout your state. A warrant is out for your arrest.

I wish I were one of the knights of the Round Table.

jaus tail
08-11-2014, 10:25 AM
Granted. You're one of the three knights at the round table who are suspected to be spies for the enemy land. And since king cannot afford an investigation, he orders to execute all three.

I wish queen ant knew what worker ants thought of her, thereby starting a civil war.

08-11-2014, 05:00 PM
Granted. You are now the king of the fire ants and can hear them just fine... oh dear. What's with the flaming ants??

I wish I had enough diazinon to do away with all these fire ants.

[Trust me, it works great.]

08-12-2014, 12:13 PM
Granted. But it turns out you are incredibly allergic to diazinon, and now you will walk around with purple spots for a month.

I wish I could motivate myself to do a really thorough house-cleaning.

08-12-2014, 12:16 PM
Granted! My address is <redacted> and please pay special attention to the kitchen.

I wish I could motivate myself to work out every morning.

08-12-2014, 02:29 PM
Granted! Genie trusts 5 $ per session is motivation enough. Robbert's address is <redacted> and please pay special attention to his kitchen.

I wish my housekeeper won't join the union.

08-13-2014, 05:39 AM
Your wish is granted the housekeeper ran off the gardener and now you don't have one.

I wish for no clouds all day.

08-13-2014, 05:52 AM

A stray gamma burst burns off the atmosphere. No atmo, no clouds.

I wish all those things they'd promised me about VR had come true.

08-18-2014, 04:26 AM
Granted. You become a VR addict. Your family does an intervention and stick you in an asylum.
I wish all bedbugs everywhere would die.

08-18-2014, 04:36 AM
Granted. They are replaced by chiggers.

I wish my damn cellphone would work.

jaus tail
08-18-2014, 10:33 AM
Granted. But nobody calls you.

I wish I were a mutant.

08-20-2014, 07:04 AM

You're one of Darwin's Finches. They're technically mutants.

I wish there was a train between here and there.

Hannah M
08-20-2014, 04:22 PM
Granted. But that's neither here nor there.


I wish my hair was naturally lilac.

08-20-2014, 05:30 PM
Genie puzzled over this for a while, given that lilac is hard to come by naturally in humans, and finally hit on a wonderful and sweet-scented solution: Genie has turned you into a lilac bush.

I wish I had lilac bushes in my yard that the goats wouldn't eat.

jaus tail
08-20-2014, 07:53 PM
Denied. It's unfair to the goats.

I wish I were a lion who ruled the jungle and if somewhere a deer's fawn wouldn't sleep, the mother deer should say, 'Sleep my dear, else the dangerous lion will arrive and kill us all. Sleep my dear, sleep.'

08-21-2014, 07:29 AM

Sort of. You are a lion. Like most lions, you are lazy. You sleep a lot. And so, instead, this is what the deer would say. "In the jungle, the quiet jungle..." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vebx1Ja9zm8) Only, it being Africa, and the Savannah, there really wouldn't be any deer. So the deer would really say, "Who the :censored cares about the lion? Worry about the bear."

I wish people had more sense.

08-21-2014, 08:37 AM
Granted. People have a bit more sense, but since they had practically no sense to begin with, there is no discernable difference.

I wish large green insects wouldn't fly around my room and hit me on the head.*

*This happened to me last night--honest!

08-21-2014, 08:39 AM
Genie considered this wish for some time, but is forced to deny it because people are stinky enough. You did wish people had more scents, right? Genie is a little deaf.

I wish everyone smelled like roses.

Double wish! Large green insects no longer fly around and hit you on the head. Genie decides to give you a choice... either large green insects can fly into your mouth, or bats can fly into your head.

I still wish everyone smelled like roses.

jaus tail
08-21-2014, 09:14 AM
Granted. Everyone smells like roses, they also have thorns protruding from all over their skin. Thanks to you, no contact sports, no dancing and no sex, although wrestling has become a lot more fun.

I wish I were a tiger feared by the jungle.

08-21-2014, 11:42 AM
Granted. Your name is Tigger. You are a stuffed animal from the Pooh books. But if you expect to be feared by the jungle--well, you can't get everything in one wish.

I wish I owned an airline.

jaus tail
08-21-2014, 12:38 PM
Granted. It's called Bikini Airlines.

I wish I were a feral shark, feared by everyone in seas, far and beyond.

T.H Wicker
08-23-2014, 03:43 AM
Granted. But the only shark feared as much as that is the Megalodon. Congratulations, you are now an extinct prehistoric shark.

I wish I was immune to corrupted wishes.

08-23-2014, 04:58 AM
Granted, but corrupting immunity comes at the price of being able to make coherent wishes, leaving you only able to wish for random things or speaking gibberish any time you try to make a coherent wish.

I wish that I could write the rest of this scene that is lodged in my brain.

08-23-2014, 07:40 AM
Granted. Your scene reads:

Come, sir, your passado.

They fight

Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.
Gentlemen, for shame, forbear this outrage!
Tybalt, Mercutio, the prince expressly hath
Forbidden bandying in Verona streets:
Hold, Tybalt! good Mercutio!

TYBALT under ROMEO's arm stabs MERCUTIO, and flies with his followers

I am hurt.
A plague o' both your houses! I am sped.
Is he gone, and hath nothing?

You have a strange feeling that you might be plagiarizing another writer, though you can't remember which one. Oh, well, you might as well include it in your manuscript. ;)

I wish I could spend the next month in the Caribbean.

08-23-2014, 08:27 AM

Captured by pirates and forced to work as their slave can't be as bad as it sounds, right?

I wish the bats would find somewhere else other than my walls to roost.

jaus tail
08-23-2014, 09:45 AM
Denied. Genie can't be unfair to the bats.

I wish I were a rhino feared by everyone in the forest.

08-23-2014, 11:02 AM
Granted. All the forest animals fear and respect you. But as a rhino you live on the savannah, not in the forest, and humans hunt you for the magical properties of your horn.

I never want to work another day in my life.

08-23-2014, 11:21 AM
Granted. You're now a cat, with fleas, rashes and all. no one would go near you to give you food. Guess you'll have to chase mice to eat...

I wish I could work while I sleep.

08-23-2014, 03:25 PM
Er, isn't it self-evident? Your heart beats, you breathe, and your subconscious mind is working jolly hard to process what's been happening to you at your workplace.

I wish I had a business idea which would give employment to at least 10.000 people.

08-23-2014, 03:47 PM
The best I have is one for 9.00 people. The economy is not what it used to be.

I wish I hadn't stepped in whatever I stepped in a few minutes ago.

08-23-2014, 05:49 PM
Granted. You stepped in something very similar...that smells even worse.

I wish I had a robot like the one on the old TV show "Lost in Space" that would say "Warning! Warning!" when something is about to go wrong.

08-23-2014, 07:11 PM

It shouts "Warning! Warning!" just before it brains you with its wildly flailing claws. (Seriously, that always struck me as a major design flaw.)

I wish I could better balance the time between work and vacation.

jaus tail
08-23-2014, 07:49 PM
Granted. Your boss cancelled all your leaves. No more vacation. Only work, work, work...

*gives evil scientist laugh*

I wish the orange seeds that I have sown, grow into giant orange trees in a day.

08-24-2014, 07:37 AM

Ever read James and the Giant Peach? This will be Jaus and the Giant Orange. Only in this version, it doesn't go so well, because let's face it, the bugs would have eaten James.

I wish my life would be less Shakespearean tragedy and more Shakespearean rom-com.

08-24-2014, 08:59 AM
Granted. Your life now resembles A Midsummer Night's Dream, and you--surprise!--are Bottom. You wear the head of an ass, and--surprise!--it won't come off. What fools these mortals be! :roll:

I wish I lived in a French château.

jaus tail
08-24-2014, 09:36 AM
Denied. You didn't rub the lamp hard enough.

I wish to be cured of the flu.

08-24-2014, 09:42 AM
Granted. You go to a doctor and she gives you the new wonder cure. But on the way home you break your leg.

I wish my cat would stop running across my keyboard, randomly typing gibberish into it.

08-24-2014, 10:06 AM
Denied! How else are you ever going to get any writing done? Editing it, tho, that's another problem.

I wish my keyboard would type by itself.

08-24-2014, 10:32 AM
Granted. It types day and night, endlessly typing until it blows out your computer. You take the computer to a technician and spend thousands of dollars trying to retrieve the keyboard's writing. It is a copy of the United States Tax Code. ;)

I wish I lived in a creepy old castle, with at least one ghost.

jaus tail
08-24-2014, 12:39 PM
Denied. It violates the bill of Ghost Safety Regulation from Writers.

I wish my flu would leave me.

08-26-2014, 07:24 AM
Granted. You're cured of the flu, and now have smallpox. (Too cruel? You DENIED Nymtoc's wish. This is supposed to be the WISH GRANTING game. Mwuah-hah-hah-hahahhahahaha!)

I want to own an AUDI R8 without going in debt. And without having to live in the car becasue it cost me every last cent that I have. So, basically, I want to be a rich girl who drives an AUDI R8. There! Grant that!!!

jaus tail
08-26-2014, 11:10 AM
Granted. You're a rich girl who drives an Audi R8. However, you're driving skills aren't that great, you press the accelerator and the car goes reverse, drives over a rich woman's chihuahua. You're in jail for life.

I wish I were a raging bull who fights the predators away and is the king of the plains.

08-26-2014, 02:45 PM
Granted. You're the king of the wild, wich means no medicine. What's the life expectancy of a sick bull? Yeah, you said raging bull, didn't you?

I wish I never got sick.

08-26-2014, 03:30 PM
You are no longer allowed to post on AW

I wish everyone could be as normal as I am

08-26-2014, 04:06 PM
Genie has a problem with this one. You see, your wish for everyone to be as normal as you can be granted technically, but since your normalcy is the same as being like a two-headed flying monkey with tendency toward outrageous blather, it means that everybody else becomes like that, too. Hm...denied.

I wish three publishers would call me today and offer to publish my novel.

08-26-2014, 04:12 PM
They are too busy laughing at it

I wish I had a pair of patent leather shoes and a lollipop.

08-26-2014, 04:56 PM
Granted. Items are in the mail, set to arrive in days. Sadly, the lollipop adhered to the patent leather shoes in two places (may have been a super-glue accident, we'll never know), and the shoes are now stuck together (permanently) via the lollipop. But your wish is granted, all items are on their way.

I wish PorterStarrByrd and Nymtoc stopped denying each others wishes repeatedly.

08-26-2014, 05:07 PM

I wish Nymtoc would fall off of the face of the earth

08-26-2014, 05:15 PM
Denied. The Genie would like to grant your wish, but you seem unaware that everything is held to the earth's surface by gravity, and it is impossible for anyone to fall off. The Genie sincerely regrets his inability to fulfill your gracious wish.

I wish Porter Starr Byrd would become thoughtful, considerate and wise.

08-26-2014, 05:43 PM
Genie can't grant the impossible, which the first two parts of your wish consist of.

I wish Nymtoc would take up skydiving and rent his chute from Porter's Stuff.

08-26-2014, 10:02 PM
Denied. The Genie has now had a chance to look at the Porter's Stuff catalogue and has sent several of its products to the Genie Test Labs, but he regrets to report that several of the chutes were defective and that, in fact, they did not open at all. The Genie must deny this wish in order to prevent what the wisher would surely regard as a tragedy.

I wish I had a car that drives itself.

08-26-2014, 10:11 PM
Granted. This - AGAIN - is available from Google. (Nymtoc, you really gotta check out those Google guys. I know it's an obscure little company, but they come up with the tech-y-est ideas. Like the self driving car: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Google_driverless_car) So to grant your wish, you just have to pay $489,999.99. You can make checks payable to Porter. He said he'll forward the money.

I changed my mind from the previous wish, and now I wish Porter and Nymtoc would keep the feud going forever. Deny that, Porter and Nymtoc, if you dare!!!!

08-26-2014, 10:30 PM
Denied. Your wish does not compute.

I wish I could have more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

08-26-2014, 11:28 PM
Considering the number of monkeys jammed in to barrel a couple of months ago, with the lid nailed down tight, you can have your usual level of fun (i.e. none) and still be ahead of the monkeys. Good thing you didn't just wish for 'as much' fun. (dammit)

I wish I could figure out how to cook a square meal using potatoes, meatballs, and peas.

jaus tail
08-26-2014, 11:50 PM
Granted. Exchange them with your neighbor for a pizza.

I wish I were hawkman.

08-28-2014, 10:31 PM

But, with a lower-case H, I'm assuming you didn't mean any of the various DC comics heroes that have held that title. Which is good, because it would have been difficult to pick among them and decide which you would be. Instead, you are a generic hawkman, which is pretty much as lame as it sounds.

I wish I had better dinner options.

jaus tail
08-28-2014, 11:00 PM
Granted. Here's some ketchup and water.

I wish a flood would come in my neighborhood and wash away my school, with all the teachers in it, and drop them on some far away, never heard of, island with giant, mutated crocodiles and anacondas.

08-28-2014, 11:33 PM

They all survive and become rich and famous for the rest of their lives, while you seethe in quiet jealousy and continually plot lame plans for revenge that you won't ever bother to actually carry out.

I wish I knew what they were burning two houses over.

08-29-2014, 12:33 AM
It's the latest batch of meth. Now, if you don't 'become involved' you will be an accessory after the fact. Do you have any idea how much you have to sacrifice to join the witness protection plan, like I did?

I wish I hadn't eaten those last two cartons of coffee coffee coffee buzz buzz buzz ice cream.

08-29-2014, 09:53 AM
Granted. You never ate the ice cream. You smeared it on the walls, and now you have coffee-colored goo dripping off the walls. You're also tired, and realize there's no coffee in the house, which was the reason you ate the ice cream in the first place. You have to clean up before your girlfriend comes home! But yourrrrr soooooooo sleeeeeeepyyyyyyyyyy.............................. .........................

I wish I never had to sleep again.

08-29-2014, 07:46 PM
Granted. You lick all the coffee ice cream off the walls of Porter's house. That oughta keep you awake for a century or so.

I wish I had a Venus flytrap. Might as well get some use outta all these flies in here.

08-29-2014, 09:17 PM
Granted. You have a venus flytrap, but unfortunately it was exposed to radiation in one of those 1950s sci-fi movies. It soon begins to grow and devours much more than flies. What happened to your dog? Have you seen your horse lately? Where's your wife?

I wish I could have had a fling with Cleopatra.

08-29-2014, 09:25 PM
Granted! You are now Marc Antony. And we all know how that turned out.

I wish I was a Roman god.

08-29-2014, 09:26 PM
Granted Nym! I've arranged for you and Cleopatra (that sweet, albeit toothless and derranged, outhouse scrubbing woman down at the Coal Miner's Saloon) to dance the Highland Fling together. I'm sure the guys are gonna love seeing that!

I wish I was the smartest guy alive.

08-29-2014, 09:28 PM
Oops! Srry Reziac. I hereby retract my 'gift' to Nymtoc. :D

Shazzam! You're now a roamin' god looking desperately for a world to rule.

I wish I could speak 48 languages.

08-29-2014, 10:05 PM
Granted. They are the languages spoken on the 48 moons of Planet Globulus, rotating around Star HD 63700 in the Andromeda Galaxy. You will be talking like a native when you get there.

I wish I had a myna that would wake me every morning with a song.

M.S. Wiggins
08-29-2014, 10:46 PM
Granted, but it's the plop of poop that wakes you.

I wish for snow this Christmas.

08-29-2014, 10:47 PM
Was that a gold myna or silver myna or what? No matter... I found you a coal myna who said he'd gladly sing you a song every morning. Do you know the words to "She'll Be Comin' 'Round the Mountain"?

I wish I knew what to wish for next.

M.S. Wiggins
08-29-2014, 10:49 PM
Wish for snow with me?

08-30-2014, 12:03 AM
Granted. However to achieve this you will be magically whisked to a mountaintop in Montana, where it snowed to beat hell this week. (Really!) Whether it'll still be there come Christmas... if the Weather Service can't predict the weather 5 months down the pike, how do you expect Genie to do so??!

I wish all my share of snow this winter would go to M.S. Wiggins.

M.S. Wiggins
08-30-2014, 03:05 AM
Granted, I'll take it, smile, and remember Reziac fondly.

I wish Reziac's next wish would really come true...make it good one.

08-30-2014, 04:31 PM
Just because it seems like a good idea

I wish I wasn't going to Hell

08-30-2014, 06:15 PM

Why do you waste your energy on wishes that you know cannot be granted? The moving finger writes, and in your case, it has writ. :evil

I wish I had a personal chef.

08-30-2014, 07:12 PM
Granted. Reziac is now your personal chef. You don't want to know about Reziac's cooking, or how often Rez licks the spoon.

I wish M.S. Wiggins' last previous wish would come true.

jaus tail
08-30-2014, 07:18 PM
Denied. Wish for yourself but don't put the gun on someone else's shoulder and shoot. Toughen up dude and own your wish, instead of making the wish for someone else. The nerve some people have.

I wish I were a godzilla.

08-30-2014, 07:41 PM
You're now Godzilla. You're still 5'4 and 163 pounds and you're about to spend a whole lot of time getting your driver's license and a bunch of other stuff changed to your new name. On top of that you don't strike much fear in the average man on the street.

I wish nymtoc had more than a thimbleful of self respect. See I'm here to help you out, buddy.

08-30-2014, 09:40 PM
Wish does not compute. Nymtoc already has more self-respect than you can shake a stick at.

I wish I had a stick to shake at Porter.

M.S. Wiggins
08-30-2014, 11:21 PM
Granted. Here's a wand for you to shake.

I wish (sincerely hope) Nymtoc knows a few Latin spells to mutter while waving that wand.

08-31-2014, 03:43 AM
Granted. Nymtoc can say vice versa, tempus fugit, and e pluribus unum, but he isn't sure how to use them.

I wish I had a pineapple, right now!

08-31-2014, 06:41 PM
... if you don't duck

I wish I hadn't stayed up until two in the morning watching a 62-13 football game.

08-31-2014, 07:32 PM
Granted. You didn't stay up to watch Oregon beat the tar out of South Dakota, and if you're smart, you won't do that sort of thing again. Anyway, Oregon's uniforms look like something made by a demented ex-Hollywood couturier.

I wish I would have no unpleasant surprises today.

08-31-2014, 08:45 PM
Granted. We're saving them all for tomorrow. You may want to stay in bed.

I wish I was very very rich; that way I can grant my own wishes.

09-01-2014, 12:01 AM
Granted. Now good luck buying yourself a place among the Roman Gods.

I wish to have a Roman God of my very own to grant my wishes.

09-01-2014, 12:35 AM

I give you Nemesis. Wish carefully.

I wish I knew how the bees were getting inside.

09-01-2014, 12:53 AM
Granted. The genie has placed 100 varieties of flowering plants in your home. They are producing lots of pollen. All you have to do is watch. (Hint: surveillance cameras may help.)

I wish I could think of a plot.

09-01-2014, 08:01 PM
Granted. All you have to think of is how to avoid potholes. Stay clear of them and you'll have a fine story.

I wish there was software for detecting plot holes.

jaus tail
09-01-2014, 08:36 PM
Granted. Visit SYW.

I wish my plant would start talking and be the new sensation of reality shows.

09-01-2014, 11:34 PM
Denied. There are already a dozen reality shows featuring talking plants.

I wish I had a fan club.

jaus tail
09-01-2014, 11:55 PM
Granted. But Genie thinks you are such a genius, your thoughts are ahead of your time. Your fan club will be formed a thousand years after you die. Like all geniuses, you'll live a miserable life.

I wish the lizard in my balcony would talk to me.

09-02-2014, 04:12 AM
Granted, by all he ever talks about is how crickets taste like brusselsprouts.

I wish my computer wasn't broken anymore.

Jack McManus
09-02-2014, 07:12 AM
Granted. Your computer is now working. Your mouse, keyboard, and monitor have now quit functioning.

I wish I knew where it all went wrong.

09-02-2014, 07:30 AM

You should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.

I wish I had a later start tomorrow.

09-02-2014, 03:52 PM
Your car will break down and won't start until at least noon

I wish there will be a full moon tonight when I follow my neighbor

jaus tail
09-02-2014, 04:05 PM
Denied. The moon is always full. You just have to change your perception towards it.

I wish gold fish would start doing belly dance and become a new sensation of reality tv.

Hannah M
09-03-2014, 02:10 AM
Granted. Goldfish are now everywhere, they are the new master race... did I mention that you're allergic to fish?

I wish these horrible mosquito bites would stop hurting.

09-03-2014, 03:41 AM

You've got malaria. That should take your mind off the bites.

I wish I was more disciplined.

Jack McManus
09-03-2014, 04:46 AM

You will be hosting the BDSM club henceforth.

I wish I could remember my safe word.

09-03-2014, 05:45 AM
I know you really don't want to

I wish someone would set up the chocolate pudding wrestling pool

09-03-2014, 06:16 AM


http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/tt254/slcbostonPB/Haz%20Cats/funny-cat-pictures-did-not-see-that-did-not-see-that.jpg (http://s617.photobucket.com/user/slcbostonPB/media/Haz%20Cats/funny-cat-pictures-did-not-see-that-did-not-see-that.jpg.html)

I wish I'd learn to think first, act second.

09-03-2014, 07:53 AM

Except...your future is full of too much thinking and no acting. There's your future down the drain.

I wish I could have a pink pony (ha.ha.ha :P )

09-03-2014, 08:53 AM
Granted. But he turns out to be allergic to the pink paint, and you'd better wash it off right away!

I wish I knew how to ride a unicycle.

09-03-2014, 09:05 AM

Oops...we glued you on by accident...with a super super glue so you will never come off.

I wish pain didn't exist.

jaus tail
09-03-2014, 09:37 AM
Granted. Genie will fulfill this wish by cutting the pain from the source. No more reality tv shows, no more severe weather or heartbreaks, no more accidents and no more of my english teacher.

I wish dinosaurs would forgive humans and come back from underground.

09-04-2014, 03:37 AM

Don't go into the long grass! Don't go into the long....


Nobody listens.

I wish someone would make a Transformers film that didn't absolutely suck.

jaus tail
09-04-2014, 11:27 AM
Granted. Sponsor jaus tail's script. He'll make an intellectual movie about transformer. No more fancy locations or huge machines, but this time the story will be about inner struggles faced by the robot.

In the movie, a virus enters the robot and the robot destroys earth. However, one team of scientists had flown to Mars for research. As they see the destruction of earth, the hair at the back of their necks rise, and tears descend down their eyes. The resolve to return to Earth and seek revenge.

I wish zebras would realize that if they stomp through the river, they could scare away the crocodiles, thereby avoiding attacks by the reptiles.

Hannah M
09-05-2014, 12:12 AM
Granted. But zebras discover how much fun it is to go stomping everywhere with water... they flood your bathroom.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it.

09-13-2014, 12:26 AM
Granted. But you may not be very pleased with the way you get it.*


I wish I had 365 cars, one for each day of the year.

09-13-2014, 12:39 AM

What are you going to wish for next, an engine or some track that goes somewhere?

I wish Nymtoc had enough animals to fill all of his cars.

09-13-2014, 02:21 AM
Granted. All the animals are pedigreed dogs, prize-winning cats and exotic animals that will bring Nymtoc $1,000,000 when he sells them. A munificent wish indeed!

I wish I could stay in top physical shape without having to exercise.

09-13-2014, 04:50 AM
Granted. You are now in charge of cleaning Rez's kennel full of prize-winning pedigreed dogs. This isn't exercise; it's work. <waving whip> Hop to it. You'll soon be in great shape!

I wish some of those folks with extravagant tastes would pay a million bucks for these dogs I'm selling. Hell, just one would do, I'm not greedy!

09-13-2014, 08:44 AM
Granted. A well-known millionaire (he shall not be named, but he gives a lot of money to political campaigns) buys one of your prize-winning pedigreed dogs. But as soon as he gets it home he discovers that it has nonregenerative anemia, carnitine deficiency, degenerative joint disease, eye displacement, tapeworm, diaphragmatic hernia, involuntary muscle trembling, joint cartilege erosion, loss of balance, slipped disc, chronic diarrhea and rabies. He sues you for the million he paid you plus another million in damages. The Genie hopes you win the lawsuit, but the millionaire has very high-priced lawyers. :ROFL:

i wish I had a house that everyone would look at with awe.

jaus tail
09-13-2014, 10:47 AM
Granted. Your house is of the shape of a kangaroo.

I wish I could live alone in the cliffs for the rest of my life with no human around, but only a few animals and that's it. I also wish I had wings like hawkman and an axe to hunt. But no humans and I must always live on the cliffs.

09-13-2014, 02:08 PM
Granted: However the reason no humans are around is because of the nuclear fallout which caused your comic book like appearance of wings. Enjoy the radiation as it poisons you and watch what you eat, it's radioactive too and you're not immune, just winged.

I would wish that my best friend finds someone kind to love her and help her grow as a healthy, functioning person.

09-13-2014, 05:11 PM

My job would go away if everyone was happy. I will not open a breach in the policy.

I wish I could find those ants I left in Reziac's kitchen.

09-13-2014, 05:52 PM
Granted. They are in Reziac's frypan. Rez likes fried ants.

I wish all fried ants tasted as good as Porter's do!

09-13-2014, 08:12 PM
Granted-but only for you. Everyone else finds Porter's fried ants inedible (to put it mildly).

I wish all I had to do was push a key, and a completed novel would fly out of my printer!

jaus tail
09-13-2014, 08:59 PM
Denied. It's not fair on your laptop keys. The keys need to be touched in various places, and loved by your fingers. They're still young and have full right to physical pleasures offered by fingers.

I wish the video, where I am wrestling three tigers with my bare arms, is released to all the tv channels.

09-13-2014, 11:07 PM

They air it on the nightly news, with the preface that, due to graphic content, some viewers may look away. The video is then followed by pundits who opine piously about the idiocy of young males, the tragedy of animals being used for sport, and how the delicate diet of the tigers has been undermined by their consumption of your arms.

No one has much sympathy for you, sad to say.

I wish I could find a word processing program that combined the best of all the different ones I like.

Hannah M
09-14-2014, 12:19 AM
Granted... in a convoluted way. You find a program that teaches you how to write your own word processing program that combines the best of all the different ones you like. Whilst all this is happening, several birthdays pass; your hair falls out followed by you teeth and memory; your program is completed in time to make it into you eulogy.

I wish I had a vegetarian leopard living in my garden.

09-14-2014, 02:00 AM

It eats all your vegetables. While you are trying to stop it, it accidentally bites you, and realizes being vegetarian isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Now would be a good time to run.

I wish all the promises they'd made back in the 80's and 90's about life in the 21rst century would come true.

Hannah M
09-14-2014, 02:13 AM
Denied. The 21st century has already begun; Genie would need to go back to the beginning to make all the predictions come true and Genie can't go backwards in time without a major upheaval in the world, and he'd need everyone to agree before he could do that. That's the problem with democracy :)

I wish I could be head of an autocratic state.

09-14-2014, 02:32 AM
Granted. You are Supreme Dictator and President for Life of the "people's republic" of Hannahyukovinia. Your realm extends from your house to your neighbors' fences and from your front door to the sidewalk.

I wish a five-star restaurant would prepare a gourmet dinner for me every night and deliver it to my door, without charge.

Hannah M
09-14-2014, 02:35 AM
Granted. It is a shame that you are not home to receive your meal, being busy washing the dishes at that very restaurant. By the time you get to go home, all that's left is the cats' leftovers. Every night. But hey, at least you've got a job with free food!

I wish Nymtoc would also wash my dishes every night. Free of charge, of course :)

09-14-2014, 03:37 AM
Granted. Unfortunately Nymtoc has neither the skill nor the training to be a dishwasher. Nymtoc breaks all your good dishes and leaves spots and crud on the rest. Maybe if you fed him first...

I wish I was head of an autocratic state. I'd be quite happy to have total control of everything within my realm.

09-14-2014, 05:59 AM
Granted. You are the Supreme and Undisputed Ruler of Reziacputzilvaniurp. Your realm is next door to Hannahyukovinia, and you and Hannah M. have been at war for years over who owns the pansy patch along the border. You and Hannah occasionally throw spitballs at each other.

I wish I had one of the new Apple watches.

jaus tail
09-14-2014, 09:48 AM
Denied. Instead, I give you orange watches:D

I wish I were a witty man who battles alligators, races with cheetahs and solves puzzles that nobody could solve.

Hannah M
09-14-2014, 01:25 PM
Granted. You battle with alligators and lose, you race with sleeping cheetahs and win and that puzzle that says 2-4 years? It only takes you 150 days! Incredible!

I wish I could pass my upcoming exam without having to study or cheat.

09-14-2014, 07:16 PM
Granted! You pass your upcoming exam with flying colors. You are now eligible for kindergarten.

I wish all of my life was as easy as kindergarten.

Hannah M
09-14-2014, 07:35 PM
Granted. Considering that you spent half of kindergarten sobbing for your mother and the other half being bullied or punished... in between lessons where incomprehensible squiggles were held up and you were somehow expected to find meaning in them... I don't think that was much of a wish!

I wish I was an inspiration ;)

09-14-2014, 07:43 PM
any of the things you could possibly inspire anyone to would not help the overall quality of the world wide behavior.

I wish I could inspire everyone in the world

09-14-2014, 07:54 PM
Denied! We all know what Porter wants to inspire everyone to do!!

I wish I was a bad influence.

09-14-2014, 07:58 PM

The genie does not traffic in redundant wishes

I wish I knew how to scramble an egg

09-14-2014, 08:09 PM
Denied. The Genie has determined that you will not be qualified to scramble an egg till you learn to boil water.

I wish I could write epic poetry in 12 languages.

jaus tail
09-14-2014, 08:22 PM
Granted. It's so easy, just grab a pen, move your pen and write, 'epic poetry in 12 languages'

I wish my eyes would stop burning.

09-14-2014, 08:25 PM
Denied. The Genie has determined that you will not be qualified to scramble an egg till you learn to boil water.

I wish I could write epic poetry in 12 languages.

Agents all over the world are readying their pens for rejection letters

I wish I could remember why I joined this forum (or remember anything, for that matter)

09-14-2014, 10:02 PM
Granted. You joined this forum so you could witness jaus tail's burning eyes. If I were you, I wouldn't stand too close.

I wish all the stuff I have to move would magically move itself to the correct destination.

Hannah M
09-14-2014, 10:18 PM
Granted! Just out on the market, the Magic Movers company, a magic black-like cat-like creature will move everything for anyone! Named Reziac, he is eager to shift your heavies but do NOT feed him anything. He is dangerous.

I wish Reziac would tidy my room for me.

09-14-2014, 11:06 PM
Denied--out of consideration for you. When Reziac tidies a room it ends up worse than before. (Hint: He sweeps things under the rug.)

I wish I had a house that would tidy itself.

09-14-2014, 11:53 PM
Granted. You live in a culvert. It is self-tidying -- every time it rains.

I wish I knew how Hannah learned so much about Reziac.

09-15-2014, 12:11 AM
That's one of the restrictions of a witness protection program

I wish I was in a witness protection program so SOMEBODY would give me job.

Hannah M
09-16-2014, 08:37 PM

You earn $0.54 a week. If you keep up the good work, you will get a 36% pay rise within 4.75 months. You will then earn $0.73 rounded to the nearest dollar. Oh, and you have to pay tax.

I wish that, now that Porter has a job, he would buy me a large house.

NB: By large, I mean large by human standards.

09-16-2014, 08:44 PM
Guards, Send Hannah to the big house

I wish there weren't so many gorgeous girls in my hot tub with me


09-16-2014, 09:56 PM
Granted. As soon as you stepped in, they all ran away shrieking. (You should have warned them about the moose head.)

I wish I could walk down the street today and find a wallet containing $1,000,000.

Hannah M
09-17-2014, 12:32 AM
Granted. The second you pick it up, you find yourself surrounded by armed policemen, each pointing their gun at you. Oh dear. You've walked right in on their trap, part of the "let's get rid of those nasty pickpockets through setting traps" scheme.* Now you realise that maybe you shouldn't have voted in this government. You'll be in jail for the next few elections.

*this really happens. I know of someone who it happened to... and all she wanted was to see if there was a phone number so she could return it!

I wish I could watch Nymtoc being arrested. hee hee

09-17-2014, 03:26 AM
Granted. You and Nymtoc are arrested together. Wonder if there's video?

I wish I was being paid to type this.

09-17-2014, 03:32 AM
Nobody in their right mind would ever pay you for anything you wrote.

I wish Reziac would take care of Nymtoc's cats while he is 'away'

09-17-2014, 03:36 AM
Granted. My barn needs a few cats. Nymtoc can have them back when the mice are all gone, or when he gets out, whichever comes first.

I wish someone, in their right mind or not, would pay me for what I didn't write. A penny for every word I don't write should do, since their number is infinite.

jaus tail
09-17-2014, 10:23 AM
Granted. Everyone has given all their money to you, but since you have all the money, it is nullified as currency for trade and you're bankrupt again.

I wish I were a pterodactyl that ruled over seven islands for three seasons. In the next season, another pterodactyl dethroned me and I became the rogue outcast who robs the rich, gives it to the poor, has a rough beard, hat and leather boots. In the last season, I should battle the royal guards and become the ruler of islands once again.

09-17-2014, 01:05 PM
Granted, provided you then write your extraordinary autobiography for the entertainment of the world. Can pterodactyls write?

I wish I didn't have to sleep.

jaus tail
09-17-2014, 05:47 PM
Granted. Now what? Don't sleep, that's it. You're permanently awake. That's it. Happy, now? Is this what you wanted?

I wish I knew what I wanted.

09-17-2014, 05:51 PM
You have so many other things to work on. Put first things first.

I wish I had a nice bowl of carrits

09-17-2014, 06:21 PM
The Genie is confused. Are carrits some kind of moose food? In any case, the Genie has decided to grant your wish, but he doesn't want to watch you eat them. ;)

I wish I could write one book that would be so hugely successful I wouldn't have to work the rest of my life.

jaus tail
09-17-2014, 08:52 PM
Denied. If you don't want to write novels, it's obvious your first one won't be good, and genie cannot torture readers by hypnotizing them to read your novel.

I wish I were IronMan.

09-17-2014, 09:18 PM
Genie is uncertain if you want an iron constitution, or a heart defect. Genie decides to grant you both, so despite your heart failure your iron body goes on forever. See how generous Genie is? Two wishes for the price of one!

I wish I was as strong as the Hulk.

09-17-2014, 09:22 PM
Sort of Granted
Hulk takes a shower most mornings so right now you are a bit stronger

I wish I could figure out ho to refill the salt and pepper shakers

Hannah M
09-17-2014, 09:43 PM
Granted. Hire me to do it. I charge an awful lot, though. My currency is chocolate, so start collecting...

I wish I would win a lifetime's supply of yummy, long-life chocolate. And free dentistry.

jaus tail
09-17-2014, 09:49 PM
Granted. Now what? That's it? Eat chocolate and go to dentist. Is that all your life is about from now on? Is that all you want to do for rest of your life? Oh dear, you know what they say about be careful what you wish for.

I wish I were careful what I wished for.

09-17-2014, 09:57 PM

Where's the fun in that?

I wish my student would not show up. I really want to go home.