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Reziac
04-11-2014, 09:31 PM
Granted. jaus tail rides an elephant over to creepy neighbor's house. The neighbor turns out to be thedark. This is going to be fun! :D

I wish I would recover my former skill at backing up trailers.

Jett.
04-11-2014, 09:36 PM
Granted. You now formally own a trailer park raid array.

I wish I owned a sail ship the size of the HMS Victory.

Nymtoc
04-11-2014, 10:30 PM
Granted. You have a sail ship the size of your 5-year-old neighbor's Happy Merry Ship Victory.

http://s24.postimg.org/k10oa3hht/SAILBOAT_TOY.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

I wish I could think of a wish the Genie absolutely must grant, without any tricks!

jaus tail
04-11-2014, 10:54 PM
Granted. How about wishing something pleasant for the genie and making him happy!

I wish to vomit at my colleague on my last day of work.

thedark
04-11-2014, 11:17 PM
Denied. Since you've professed to geniehood, Genie doesn't appreciate vomiting by coworkers.

I wish Genie could go for a nice walk in the park, get free balloons from the balloon guy, eat a nice salted pretzel, and meet a beautiful woman who invites him to feed the ducks with her. Clouds waft lightly by, and the pond sparkles. A perfect day for Genie.

Yes, I'm a kiss-up.

Reziac
04-11-2014, 11:21 PM
Granted! Genie has a wonderful day. But since you are no longer the genie, you have the same old crappy day as usual.

I wish I could have a wonderful day every day. I might even share it with Genie.

sprogspasser
04-12-2014, 01:49 PM
Denied. Normally this wish would be granted but your attempt to seduce Genie's honour through bribery deserves to be admonished.

I wish someone would try and corrupt me.

Robbert
04-12-2014, 04:24 PM
Granted. Normally this wish would be denied, but your attempt to be up-front deserves encouragement: 100 reppies for a golden Rolex?


I wish I could afford a wrist watch.

Jett.
04-12-2014, 04:43 PM
Denied. You'll have to learn to read time first: http://youtu.be/0QVPUIRGthI

I wish I had a space ship.

jaus tail
04-13-2014, 02:48 PM
Granted. Good luck finding a parking spot for it.

I wish the school bully would get crushed under a truck, his legs getting crushed by them, then the local Doberman would bite his fingers, and as it stuck its tongue out in anguish, a crow would pluck it.

Nymtoc
04-13-2014, 04:11 PM
Granted. The Genie hopes you are not suffering too much from all those attacks.

I wish I had a magic wand.

thedark
04-13-2014, 06:48 PM
Granted. Too bad it's Ron Weasley's leftover want. No manner of duct tape can fix it this time.

I wish Sprog still needed corrupting.

jaus tail
04-13-2014, 09:28 PM
Granted. A yellow lizard's nail, a centipede's pincer, the petal of lotus and five strands of thedark boiling in oil would emanate fumes that would corrupt sprog to levels no one ever imagined.

I wish I could know what people think of me.

Nymtoc
04-14-2014, 02:01 AM
Denied! This is one of the Genie's rare protective denials, but it is necessary, since knowing the truth would kill you.

I wish I had green eyes.

PorterStarrByrd
04-14-2014, 02:22 AM
Denied
just for the hell of it


I wish I had some lead balls.

Reziac
04-14-2014, 03:02 AM
Granted, tho Genie is not sure Porter will find walking comfortable...

I wish I could watch Porter walk with his lead balls.

PorterStarrByrd
04-14-2014, 03:10 AM
Granted
Welcome to Maine. Bring your snow shovel.


I wish I could juggle

Nymtoc
04-14-2014, 04:06 AM
Granted. But when you try to juggle your lead balls, something happens that even the Genie can't bring himself to describe. :eek:

I wish every word I write would be golden.

Reziac
04-14-2014, 06:02 AM
Denied! There are enough boring books out there. One that reads "golden golden golden golden golden golden golden" is not progress. Besides, it makes you sound like a turkey. Or perhaps a goose.

I wish I would never run out of entertaining books to read.

Nymtoc
04-14-2014, 09:16 AM
Granted. The Genie is sending you 13,467 volumes of Hearings Before the Subcommittee on General Farm Commodities and Risk Management of the Committee on Agriculture, House of Representatives, from 1903 to the present. You will find them entertaining.

I wish I lived in a mansion overlooking the sea.

jaus tail
04-14-2014, 10:37 AM
Denied. Unlike mankind genie has realized the importance of seas and how much they will get damaged if you build a mansion close to the shore. You humans will dump your garbage and wives in the sea.

I wish I had a dorsal fin like a shark sprouting from my spine.

armydillo978
04-15-2014, 06:11 AM
Granted! Recently your company, Dagon International, moved you to the branch office in Innsmouth. You noticed that the rash on your back has turned into a fin. The company doctor, Obed Marsh, advises to take long salty swims to help it go away.....maybe it'll go away....maybe.

I wish I had a bus ticket.

Nymtoc
04-15-2014, 10:11 AM
Granted. It is a one-way ticket to Pyongyang.

I wish my computer wouldn't keep breaking down.

PorterStarrByrd
04-15-2014, 04:32 PM
Denied
When you hurt its feeling all the time it is bound to break down once in a while.

I wish I had a catcher's mitt and a beach ball

Jett.
04-15-2014, 08:08 PM
Granted.

I wish to see what Porter is going to do with those.

ETA: from afar. (Better be safe)
ETA2: and as long as it is not going to cost me my eyesight.

Jett.
04-16-2014, 03:26 PM
I wish I hadn't killed the thread. :D

PorterStarrByrd
04-16-2014, 03:33 PM
I wish the whoopee cushion I'm making wasn't so obvious ...

Reziac
04-16-2014, 04:33 PM
Granted. Jett didn't kill the thread. But everyone went blind after seeing what Porter was doing with those balls, lead and otherwise. It's not as obvious as it sounds. Stay tuned.

I wish we hadn't all gone deaf as well from the vast blast from Porter's whoopie cushion.

sprogspasser
04-16-2014, 04:45 PM
Granted. You can hear however your nose is ruined forever. What do you think Porter filled the whoopie cushion with?

I wish the tube (metro) journey wasn't so hard on the nose.

Reziac
04-16-2014, 05:16 PM
Granted. It's hard on the ass instead. We should have had more appreciation for Porter's whoopie cushion.

I wish I knew why we have asses instead of mules.

thedark
04-16-2014, 06:28 PM
Denied. Genie does not wish to delve into anatomy this morning.

I wish to ride atop the metro, strapped tight against the roof of the railcar, sexy goggles in place, and see what the tunnels look like from the outside.

Komnena
04-17-2014, 02:58 PM
Granted. They are utterly boring and not worth getting arrested for.
I wish I could find a hairdresser willing to cut the hair of a shingles patient.

Reziac
04-17-2014, 04:21 PM
Granted. All the hairdressers now have shingles, so they've nothing to fear. Meanwhile, your shingles are cured but you come down with leprosy.

I wish humans were as disease-free as my aliens are. (Of course, my aliens let natural selection do its job...)

sprogspasser
04-17-2014, 04:27 PM
Denied. Diseases are also subject to natural selection and only the strongest fitest survive. Too bad their environment is humans.

I wish I was the driver of the metro train with someone strapped on the roof. I would be so reckless, taking corners at speed, switching off the lights and laughing my maniac laugh. Mwahahahaha!

PorterStarrByrd
04-17-2014, 04:31 PM
Denied
You are obviously not a student of connective physics in subterranean setting on Tuesdays and Thursdays, knowledge that you would need to do that.


I wish I had three triangles and an oboe

sprogspasser
04-17-2014, 04:37 PM
Denied! Genie knows what you're really asking - someone to ring your traingles and blow your oboe. Subtly doesn't work on these here boards.

I wish I could get off this runaway metro train.

thedark
04-17-2014, 05:42 PM
Granted. The crazy chick on the roof happens to have Spiderman-like wristlets that let her attach one wire to the tunnel walls and one to YOU, and poof, you're sucked right out of the train and left dangling in the dark as the metro train passes you by.

I wish the next train wasn't coming down the tunnel so quickly.

jaus tail
04-17-2014, 05:49 PM
Denied. Those passengers have to reach their destinations on time.

I wish everyone followed my laws of life and watched tv at home and sent me money just for the sake of it, instead of fighting with each other.

Reziac
04-17-2014, 10:22 PM
Granted! But you should have read the fine print. Right at the end of "jaus tail laws of life" is this one: jaus tail must now give all the collected money to Reziac. That no one sent jaus tail any money is no excuse. Cough it up.

I wish a rich person would give me all their money.

jaus tail
04-17-2014, 10:56 PM
Denied. Genie doesn't want you to make a mistake. Money is not the true wealth. Friends are. You must stay in touch with your friends. Money isn't important. Which is why I am taking all your money and you get to keep all my friends. Go play with my friends and make yourself happy, don't thank me for all these friends. You'll have fun with them, while I take care of your money. Here are my friends, or should I say, your friends...
:tongue:Hug2::partyguy::snoopy::hooray::hi:

I wish my friend would call me and say, 'I can't believe you slept with my wife.'

PorterStarrByrd
04-18-2014, 02:57 AM
I wish my friend would call me and say, 'I can't believe you slept with my wife.'


Denied
None of your friends care that much about your health



I wish the seagull had missed

onestepp
04-18-2014, 07:03 AM
Granted, and the seagull is alive and well and living off the coast of New Jersey.

I wish I could swim like a dolphin.

jaus tail
04-18-2014, 08:14 AM
Granted. But genie doesn't know how a dolphin swims like, since they're become extinct due to human oil greed that intoxicated and killed the dolphins. But we've got michael phelps for reference, do you want to swim like him?

I wish the guy who bullied me in school, would call me and say, 'I can't believe you slept with my mom.'

armydillo978
04-19-2014, 08:45 AM
Granted! You also find out that your little....episode was filmed and now in "Dude, I can't Believe you Slept with my Mom" volume 15. It'll be released in time for Christmas 2014.

P.S. you've been asked to come back for the sequel. Woooot!

I wish I was the taster at a bourbon distillery.

Nymtoc
04-19-2014, 10:56 AM
Granted. You are a taster at the Old Rotgut Distillery in the Ozarks. You sample the stuff all morning and vomit it up all afternoon.

I wish I had a yellow submarine.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2014, 04:36 PM
Granted
You new toy is currently in the urinal. Pick it up at your pleasure.



I wish I had some potential

ap123
04-19-2014, 05:02 PM
Granted. You may now commence torturing yourself for wasting it.

I wish someone would do my laundry.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2014, 05:40 PM
Granted
You get one free trial run from Porter's Drag-a-Load Speedboat Laundry Service which pretty much guarantees satisfaction and a surprise or two in your laundry basket when you get your laundry back. There are both fresh water and sea salt versions. "We wash em, We don't fold em"


I wish my new business could take off.

jaus tail
04-19-2014, 08:02 PM
Granted. You're super rich.

I wish the women debating on the news channel that I'm watching, would start punching and kicking each other.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2014, 08:11 PM
Denied
There are premium channels and pay-per-view channels for that
If the genie has to fork out for them, so do you.

I wish I had some really neat rubber boots

jaus tail
04-19-2014, 08:37 PM
Denied. Cause you denied my wish.

I wish the women in my lane would start fist fighting and kicking each other and tearing each others clothes and biting each other.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2014, 10:36 PM
Granted ... but you'll have to way for Black Friday in November


I wish I had knee high shiny black rubber boots

jaus tail
04-19-2014, 10:43 PM
Granted. But only if you promise to wear only those boots to work.

I wish my new boss turns out to be a rich lady with lots of money, a big house and a slim, tall body.

Robbert
04-20-2014, 04:31 PM
Granted. Imagine her to be just as you envisioned in your wildest dreams. Problem is, she isn't into toyboys.


I wish the Queen of pop will give me a shout in due course.

Reziac
04-20-2014, 05:07 PM
Genie could not find the Queen of pop. Will the Queen of soda do?

I wish I had a soda-lime mine, suitable for making concrete.

jaus tail
04-20-2014, 07:54 PM
Granted. But what will you do with all that concrete?

I wish a nitro boost for my truck.

sprogspasser
04-22-2014, 04:45 PM
Denied. Enough killing of teachers. We're not going to equip you any further.

I wish I could play the guitar like I can ring a bell.

Reziac
04-22-2014, 06:44 PM
Granted. You bang the guitar back and forth inside a garbage bin (Amazing Genie provided you a large bell-like structure on such short notice!) and make a horrendous racket. But no one cares, because The Who already perfected the technique.

I wish I could read music.

ap123
04-22-2014, 06:54 PM
Granted. You must now teach a room filled with 3yr olds to do the same.

I wish my dog would stop crying.

jaus tail
04-22-2014, 10:18 PM
Granted. Genie gave your dog a cat to play with.

I wish muscles exploded from my arms.

sprogspasser
04-23-2014, 02:38 AM
Denied. Muscles take effort. However genie feels bad about not granting something so you now are the proud owner of explosions from your rear end.

I wish I had nose plugs.

Reziac
04-23-2014, 03:02 AM
Denied! You caused this stink; you can suffer with the rest of us!

I wish the explosion from jaus tail's rear end smelled like roses.

sprogspasser
04-23-2014, 03:10 AM
Granted but genie is unwell, due to the bad air, and is unable to guarantee the wish. Will the wisher approach the afore mentioned rear end and check please. Let us know.

I wish I knew why everything suddenly seems so rosy.

Nymtoc
04-23-2014, 11:24 AM
Granted. You over-indulged last night, and as you staggered home you passed out and landed in a rose garden. Sorry about the thorns.

I wish I had the key to success.

Robbert
04-23-2014, 06:26 PM
Are you ready to carry the world before you? Okey-dokey, the key is right here, plonk. The white matching door is located in Washington D.C..


I wish I owned a castle instead of renting an apartment.

jaus tail
04-23-2014, 07:24 PM
Denied. If I could give a castle to anyone, wouldn't I give it to myself rather than staying in this golden lamp.

I wish I could seduce women with my eyes.

sprogspasser
04-24-2014, 05:43 PM
Denied. Next you'll be asking to be able to undress women with your eyes. I ask you!

I wish women would try and seduce me.

jaus tail
04-24-2014, 06:53 PM
Granted. Here's a six month membership to the gym across the street. Get muscular, and soon all the women would be seeking your attention.

I wish I had a cool pair of shades.

thedark
04-24-2014, 11:53 PM
Granted. The curtain installation guy will arrive tomorrow morning.

I wish movie sequels were better than originals. Or would that throw the whole world order out of whack?

sprogspasser
04-25-2014, 01:45 AM
Much as genie would like to grant this wish it must be denied. Genie cannot conceive of a world without whacks.

I wish this gym thing wasn't so hard.

Robbert
04-25-2014, 03:17 PM
Granted. Pumping iron will be a piece of cake if you stick to lbs instead of kg.


I wish I had something to make me happy.

Reziac
04-25-2014, 05:03 PM
Granted. You have a right hand; get to pumping! You'll soon be very happy, if only briefly. Genie is working with limited resources today and had to use what was immediately to, uh, hand.

I wish I may, I wish I might.

jaus tail
04-25-2014, 06:26 PM
Denied. Genie can grant wishes, not read minds. You've been given the opportunity to ask for wishes and you're playing with it. There are millions of people who would die for an interaction with the genie and you dare to confuse it. Genie electrocutes your paws as punishment.

I wish my neighbor wasn't so annoying.

sprogspasser
04-26-2014, 02:23 AM
Wish granted, but to your neighbour.

I wish I lived on the International Date Line. Then if I didn't like today I could nip across back into yesterday.

thedark
04-26-2014, 03:09 AM
Granted. Genie hooks you up with a spicy international speed dating circuit.

I wish I had an endless supply of stickers to leave in my wake. All kinds, any kinds, but I'd be partial to ones with animals or sparkles on them. Pretty please Genie.

(Yes, I'm having a girly moment. It happens.)

jaus tail
04-26-2014, 08:50 PM
Denied. You'll throw those stickers in 2 days and cause land pollution.

I wish I had a stable with lots of horses and a green stretch of land where I could ride the horses.

sprogspasser
04-28-2014, 06:08 PM
Denied. Because genie understands the slang and knows you're really asking for a stable of girls and lots of green from hiring them out. Not to mention the perk of riding yourself for free.

I wish I coud stay on the bucking bronco for more than 3 minutes 20 secs.

Reziac
04-28-2014, 06:41 PM
Granted. Here's some Viagra.

I wish I could watch the rodeo.

sprogspasser
04-28-2014, 07:03 PM
Granted. But hey, why watch when you can participate. Come on down!

I wish I could get my mind out of the gutter.

thedark
04-28-2014, 07:26 PM
Denied. Genie needs new gutters installed, and clearly you're the right person for the job.

I wish whips came in glow-in-the-dark pink.

sprogspasser
04-28-2014, 07:49 PM
Granted, though I'm not sure why you want to glow when you're in the pink. Lucky Mr Whips!

I wish I had a hard hat for the installation job I've just been commissioned for.

Reziac
04-28-2014, 09:22 PM
Hmm. Already? Okay... Genie grants you more Viagra.

[Decides not to wish I could get up in the morning...]

I wish I could see the dawn through these stupid mountains.

Nymtoc
04-28-2014, 09:47 PM
The Genie is puzzled by your wish, since mountains cannot be stupid, but he who is looking at them obviously is. Your wish is DENIED!

I wish I could wear a top hat without people giving me funny looks.

sprogspasser
04-28-2014, 10:15 PM
Granted. The secret to wearing a top hat and not get funny looks is not to wear the top hat alone. A pair of white gloves should be included.

I wish my white gloves weren't so stained.

thedark
04-28-2014, 10:41 PM
Granted. Genie presents you with a brand new washing machine and a large jug of bleach. And 10,000 other white gloves to brighten up.

I wish I could see Reziac through the mountains. Clearly, company is needed.

Reziac
04-29-2014, 12:52 AM
Denied! Genie pokes thedark's eyes out with a fork. You should know better than to spy on a hermit.

I wish I had my own hermitage.

sprogspasser
04-29-2014, 01:57 AM
Denied. Your vast supplies of viagra, that you dispense so readily, would be out of place in a hermitage. A bordello on the other hand...

I wish thedark would regain her eyes. It's more fun when she can see what's coming.

Nymtoc
04-29-2014, 02:31 AM
Granted. She regains her eyes, but as soon as she sees you, the shock causes her to lose them again.

I wish I could write songs as good as Paul McCartney's.

Reziac
04-29-2014, 02:45 AM
Granted! You are now Dolly Parton.

I wish I could write songs as good as Johnny Cash's.

thedark
04-29-2014, 03:39 AM
Denied. Genie lives in a lamp, and has no idea who Johnny Cash is.

I wish Genie never, ever gets to hold a fork again.

Reziac
04-29-2014, 04:06 AM
Granted. Genie will never hold a fork again. Genie accomplished this by turning all the forks into knives. You should see the chopper Genie is holding as we speak...

I wish I owned a sword.

PorterStarrByrd
04-29-2014, 04:40 AM
Denied
You not sharp enough


I wish I could duplicate what I just saw.

thedark
04-29-2014, 04:42 AM
Granted. You now have four eyelids.

I wish I knew whether Reziac was into knife play.

PorterStarrByrd
04-29-2014, 05:02 AM
I wish I knew whether Reziac was into knife play.

Yes
he is also into nuclear fission, gourmet cooking, marbles, and scrapbooking.


I wish the Genie was a bit more honest

Reziac
04-29-2014, 05:51 AM
Deni-- er, granted, at least that's what Genie would like you to think.

I wish I knew how Porter divined my hobbies.

Robbert
04-29-2014, 03:06 PM
Granted. He got in touch with the Brendansport Bingo Club and busily took notes.


I wish the Vatican won't be wiped off the map.

sprogspasser
04-29-2014, 05:22 PM
Granted. Stop cleaning your map with that damp cloth.

I wish I could wipe out my past.

Reziac
04-29-2014, 05:30 PM
Granted. Here's a damp cloth. It'll help you wipe out your past, specifically, what you ate yesterday. No, no, the other end, silly human!

I wish I had a complete collection of maps of everywhere, in high resolution and at a very detailed scale.

jaus tail
04-29-2014, 08:55 PM
Granted. Here's a smart phone.

I wish for a yacht.

sprogspasser
04-30-2014, 02:37 PM
Granted. Take a sheet of paper and sail over to this site (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wu5oKy4m5s).

I wish someone would take me away from all this.

Robbert
04-30-2014, 03:41 PM
Granted. Here's a Thomas Cook travel brochure. Once you've decided where you want to be taken to, you may wish for a windfall.


I wish I could obtain a M.A. in philanthropy.

ap123
04-30-2014, 03:44 PM
Granted. You may begin by giving me your money.

I wish spring would come to stay for more than two hours.

Reziac
04-30-2014, 04:41 PM
Genie has been struggling with this wish, but at last regretfully denies it. There's already not enough spring to go around and most of it drained out last week when spring sprang a leak.

Alternatively, Genie could grant you a spring under your kitchen sink. It's been running for more than two hours now. Best wish for a plumber.

I wish my weather rock didn't have dandruff. I hope it's dandruff. If it's not, I'll have to get the long underwear back out.

PorterStarrByrd
04-30-2014, 04:49 PM
Granted
but something in the Selsun Blue .... well .. Your rock is possed now.

I wish I had 63 1/3 oz. of green play dough

sprogspasser
04-30-2014, 09:28 PM
Granted. Here's 21 oz of green play dough in sixty three 1/3 oz lumps. Have fun. (Haha, Genie is laughing all the way to the bank to deposit 42 and 1/3 oz of green in his own account.)

I wish the wind brought to me the sound of distant drums.

thedark
04-30-2014, 10:44 PM
Granted. With each drumbeat, you know the cannibals are on their way, and getting closer. :)

I wish my friends weren't so darn tasty.

sprogspasser
05-01-2014, 12:28 AM
Denied. Genie knows you enjoy your tasty friends. Just make sure you don't eat them all at once.

I wish I could find a way out of this cauldron I seem to have landed into.

PorterStarrByrd
05-01-2014, 12:31 AM
Granted
but you'll have to wait until next season arrives


I wish my car had a reverse gear

sprogspasser
05-01-2014, 12:38 AM
Denied! Sneaky Mr Porter, very sneaky. You fully knew that if Genie granted your wish he'd have to give you a car to house the reverse gear. Trying to get a car by asking for a reverse gear!

I wish the wind carried an escaped thought from a far away land to my mind.

thedark
05-01-2014, 01:51 AM
Granted. You hear "FOOT STOMP!!" in your mind, and you are left to wonder...

I wish the trolls of Gamlebyen would stop trying to crush me while I'm fishing.

Moont
05-01-2014, 04:49 AM
Granted! A trout will have you for dinner.
I wish my cat would stop eating my tastiest muffins

jaus tail
05-01-2014, 11:58 AM
Granted. Your cat now orders breakfast from the restaurant. Cheese Pizza with rat toppings.

I wish a carriage driven by 2 Arabian horses and a silver sword with a golden pommel and a coachman. Now I understand Genie is busy, so he can replace carriage by Ford. Arabian horses by 2 bikes, sword with bazooka and coachman with Penelope Cruz.

Thanks genie.

sprogspasser
05-01-2014, 01:58 PM
Granted. But Genie's even busier than you think so has made a further minor change. Here's Harrison Ford and Tom Cruise on push bikes chewing bazooka gums. Make sure to send Genie a selfie.

I wish the sleeping giant would awaken.

jaus tail
05-01-2014, 04:48 PM
Denied. I'm sleeping and won't take up til 2050.

Genie. I want you to know that I don't wish for anything. I have everything I could ask for. So I don't want you to give me any riches, muscles or plane tickets to different countries of the world. But if you want to give anything out of gratitude, feel free to shower me with super powers. I would love to breathe fire.

Reziac
05-01-2014, 05:59 PM
Granted. You should have wished for a new battery in your smoke alarm.

I wish jaus tail would wake up before burning to a crisp.



(Now some wag will say "and then burns to a crisp".)

jaus tail
05-01-2014, 06:04 PM
Denied. Did you forget who you're talking about? jaus tail practically lives in fire. He embraces fire. the guy bathes in volcano. when he feels like tanning himself, he takes off his shirt, reveals those muscles and flies to the sun. what are you talking about...fire never hurt jaus tail..here's his pic for you
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I want a giraffe.

Reziac
05-01-2014, 06:11 PM
Granted. I want to see jaus tail ride a giraffe.

I wish jaus tail's picture hadn't been base64 encoded.

jaus tail
05-01-2014, 06:19 PM
Granted.
http://i1320.photobucket.com/albums/u530/ajaytulsiani/fireman_zpsb77430c1.jpgAnd here's another pic of jaushttp://i1320.photobucket.com/albums/u530/ajaytulsiani/74bf0d38-2da1-4735-9fd7-c9d595d110b6_zps40d5adae.jpg

genie i want you to say, 'jaus is the best'

thedark
05-01-2014, 06:27 PM
Denied. Genie prefers women, at least today.

I wish the sun would shine again. It's been 9 days.

jaus tail
05-01-2014, 08:07 PM
Granted. The sun shines merrily on your lane, throwing rays of bliss in the houses that flank it.

I wish genie would give me the will power to quit smoking.

thedark
05-01-2014, 08:53 PM
Granted. Just put the damn cigarette down.

I wish I understood addiction. Without actually being addicted to anything - ha, I know your wily ways Genie!

Reziac
05-01-2014, 09:00 PM
Granted. You are no longer addicted to oxygen. I'm not sure how that will work out.

I wish I looked like jaus tail thinks he looks. :D

jaus tail
05-01-2014, 09:29 PM
Denied. The marble with which Aphrodite made Jaus was limited. She had used every bit of that marble to carve the exotic dude you guys call Jaus. So you don't get any...:snoopy:
But if you want i can tell Medusa to work on your face. She's good with beauty, those who look at her once can't take her eyes off her.

Genie I want a nuclear bomb.

PorterStarrByrd
05-01-2014, 11:42 PM
We deal in wishes here not wants or even needs. Transaction request IGNORED


I wish I had a herd of goats and some dandelions

Reziac
05-01-2014, 11:45 PM
Erm. Genie would grant you both, but if you have goats you soon won't have any dandelions. Genie likes dandelions. They are Genie's favorite spring flower. Genie grants you a whole yard full of beautiful, healthy, blooming dandelions.

Genie relents and grants you one goat, to keep the weeds down.

I wish the so-called soil here would support something other than mustard and sagebrush.

thedark
05-01-2014, 11:50 PM
Granted. Your soil now supports star-thistle. Shoulda wished for a goat too - they're the only creature that keeps star-thistles out of the ground. Of course, it takes seven years for star-thistle pods to activate from dormancy.. so you're gonna want to borrow one for quite awhile...

I wish I could breathe underwater while still being human. Without scuba gear. Without dying.

Muhaha.

Robbert
05-02-2014, 01:06 AM
Granted on the condition that a straw does not count as scuba-gear. *Genie hands straw* Have fun underwater. Muhaha! Oops, sorry.


I wish I could ignore the fact that money makes the world go around.

Reziac
05-02-2014, 01:12 AM
Granted. You just need to understand the whole saying:

With money the world goes round.
Without it the world goes flat.

Therefore, the earth is now flat. That's what you wished for, right?


I wish I had enough money to make the world round again.

PorterStarrByrd
05-02-2014, 01:48 AM
Denied
No way does the world wants to recognize you as a super hero.



I wish my saddle wasn't still soaped

sprogspasser
05-02-2014, 02:51 PM
Granted. Genie hands Porter a cloth with instructions printed on it, 'Rub in a circular fashion over soaped areas.' Genie hopes Porter doesn't go blind or grow hair on his palms.

I wish I had a starship.

Nymtoc
05-02-2014, 03:15 PM
Granted. You have a starship, but you are so eager to get to the Final Frontier that you zoom off without reading the instructions. You are now entering a black hole.

I wish I had a solar-powered car.

PorterStarrByrd
05-02-2014, 04:00 PM
Granted
The windows have been replaced by solar panels, the seats with storage batteries


I wish I had some peas

sprogspasser
05-02-2014, 04:02 PM
Granted. However it is parked in an underground car park where the sun does not shine. Still there years later gathering dust.

I wish I knew a way of diluting water.

PorterStarrByrd
05-02-2014, 04:03 PM
granted
add two cups of sand per gallon

I still wish I had some peas

sprogspasser
05-02-2014, 04:04 PM
Denied! Confucius he say man who eats fish and peas on same plate unhygienic. Get some table manners!

I still wish I could dilute water and solve the world water crises.

thedark
05-02-2014, 04:42 PM
Denied. Genie regretfully states that she is unable to solve world-wide problems unless they have been specifically wished for. Your request is in violation of contract subbullet 9(b).1.a(2).7. Thank you.

I wish there was less fine print in the world.

sprogspasser
05-02-2014, 04:57 PM
Denied. Without fine print, coarse people would overrun the world.

I wish people would speak plain and not put too fine a point on it.

jaus tail
05-05-2014, 11:24 AM
Granted. I'm taking all the sharks and cunning people in the world who speak such language.

I wish for a big hammer with which i would smash the math teacher's head.

thedark
05-05-2014, 05:28 PM
Granted. Largest hammer ever made out of jello, and it's yours!

I wish to trade a knife for the ten thousand spoons from the Alanis Morissette song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v9yUVgrmPY&feature=kp). Especially if they're silver spoons.

Reziac
05-05-2014, 05:35 PM
Genie was unable to find 10,000 spoons, so Genie instead offers you your choice: 21 other things you want (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdvCdH325MA), or a snow shovel and a can of silver spray paint.

I wish I had been born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

sprogspasser
05-05-2014, 05:43 PM
Denied as this is not a real wish. You can wish for a silver spoon in your mouth now but it's too late to go back and change things. And if Genie does change that past event then Genie will have to change all events, good and bad, folowing on from that time. Really you're wishing for a totally different life.

I wish I knew where I fitted in.

Reziac
05-05-2014, 05:51 PM
Granted. You fit in this square hole. Admittedly it will take a bit of hammering.

I wish I'd had a totally different life.

PorterStarrByrd
05-05-2014, 05:57 PM
Denied

I only grant one totally different life per customer

I wish I knew how deep to plant light bulbs

Robbert
05-05-2014, 06:28 PM
Semi-granted. Due to unforeseen workloads, Genie can only point you in the right direction: the electrician in town, Mr Green, will be more than willing to answer your questions.


I wish I'd been given a more detailed account of the murder.

jaus tail
05-05-2014, 07:27 PM
Granted. Here's how the thugs killed you. You were watching tv in your neighbor's house when a dog's barking caught you. You walked to the window and saw a dog's bleeding head hanging by your house's window. You ran to your house, approached the dog's head when it's eyes glowed blue, and it leaped to you, biting your face. What was once a nose, now lay on the ground. Where lips used to be, blood adorned that part of face. That's how a dead dog murdered you.

I wish I knew how to climb out of depression.

thedark
05-05-2014, 08:26 PM
Granted. It starts with a ladder, and on the first step, you recognize your desire for help. The second step is getting that help, be it a support system of friends/family or a professional who can help guide you back into the light. The third step--actually going to see that professional. The fourth step? Going back to see them again. The fifth step is a mystery, but it's there, and practically in reach. Climb the others, and you'll find it, and after that step, you're no longer in the darkness that is depression.

Genie also grants you an extra hug.

*hug*

I wish people smiled at strangers more often. Makes for a happier world.

sprogspasser
05-05-2014, 08:56 PM
Granted. Genie directs you to smile at strangers more often. As a half naked man once said, you got to be the change you want to see in the world.

I wish hugs were bankable and were dispensed through the ATM's.

thedark
05-05-2014, 09:53 PM
Granted. At least in New York. http://www.thesnuggery.org/

I wish Jaus was in New York.

Moont
05-05-2014, 09:57 PM
Granted. Send him a magic carpet for the trip.

I wish the Dark saw delight.

Reziac
05-05-2014, 10:14 PM
Granted. Yonder is the light switch.

I wish I had a magic carpet too.

sprogspasser
05-05-2014, 10:16 PM
Denied. Seeing the condition of the rugs at your home, Genie has been unable to persuade any self repecting magic carpet to be yours.

I wish my carpets would self clean.

iLion
05-07-2014, 09:20 PM
Granted Sprog! Cool idea, altho it seems a little freaky.
Well it's your wish, so I gave your carpets tongues so they can clean themselves at all times. It's something I learned from watching cats.
(*You don't have little kids, do you?)

I wish all my wives could get a long much better.

Reziac
05-07-2014, 09:48 PM
Granted... your wives got a 'long' that's much better than yours. Sorry about the divorce.

I wish my carpets wouldn't spit on the floor. All those tongues, you know.

thedark
05-07-2014, 10:07 PM
Granted. They now only spit at you.

I wish stuffed animals would stop stalking me.

iLion
05-08-2014, 12:06 AM
Shazaam! Done.
Now a crowd (that's what a "herd" of these are called) of completely flattened puppet animals stalk you, chanting "Get stuffed! Get stuffed!"


I wish I could speak fluently in twenty languages.

Nymtoc
05-08-2014, 12:42 AM
Granted. You can speak fluently in Teshenawa, Coyaima, Caramanta, Valley Maidu, Karin, Awabakal, Banggarla, Powhatan, Xinca, Gugu Warra, Takelma, Kamakan, Puquina, Seroa, Mamulique, Ngandi, Tetete, Moksela, Vano and Zarphatic. Unfortunately, all twenty are dead languages, and since there is a limit to how many languages the Genie can grant, you can no longer speak English.

I wish I had my own private merry-go-round.

sprogspasser
05-08-2014, 02:42 AM
Denied. Genie cannot grant contradictions. How can something that goes round be private?

I wish cars had real horses under the hood.

jaus tail
05-08-2014, 05:54 PM
Denied. It is with so much effort and thought that engine was invented and you want to go back to horsecart age. Shame on you for trying to go back to the time, men stopped working after sunlight and women wore skirts right till your knees.

I wish I my cat would start peeing on my neighbor's plant.

Reziac
05-08-2014, 06:03 PM
Granted. Your cat relentlessly fertilizes your neighbor's plant. Said plant grows 30 feet high and starts eating cats and passersby, including jaus tail. Who knew petunias were so dangerous!

I wish I had a place to plant petunias. I want to see if I can make mine do this. Where are the cats??

jaus tail
05-08-2014, 06:08 PM
Granted. You forgot that jaus being super strong himself has super strong cats. How dare you even think of trying to attack him, here's what happened.
http://i1320.photobucket.com/albums/u530/ajaytulsiani/petuniaeatingcat_zps2cf1d398.jpg

Genie...my neighbor is playing music very loud. I want you to beat him and send his girlfriend to my place so I could have sex with her. Do you think you can do this for me?

Reziac
05-08-2014, 06:27 PM
Granted. Someone beats your neighbor (don't try to blame genie for what you did!) and sends you his girlfriend, and you have sex with her. You are now in jail on various charges, and worse, have contracted an incurable STD.

I wish someone would make a movie of jaus tail's exploits. Where's PorterStarrByrd when you need him??

jaus tail
05-08-2014, 06:29 PM
Thanks.

Genie...I wish I were a panther with glowing eyes and claws that can pierce through rock.

Nymtoc
05-08-2014, 07:24 PM
Granted. You are a panther with glowing eyes and claws that can pierce through rock. Naturally, the population is alarmed, and a posse is formed to hunt you down. The posse is armed with the latest military-style weapons, guaranteed to finish you off...It won't be long now...

I wish my name were better known by the public.

sprogspasser
05-09-2014, 12:30 PM
Granted Better-know-by-the-public. Don't know why you want such an awkward name though?

I wish there was a law against hyphenated names.

armydillo978
05-09-2014, 04:04 PM
Denied!!!! The powerful and almighty "Better-known-by-the-public" has ruled that throughout his realm, no one shall ban hyphenated names. So be it!

You may tremble in fear now.

I wish Congress would look into the need for Congress to look into the need for them to look into the need of things.

sprogspasser
05-09-2014, 04:08 PM
Wish wasted. Congress is already engaged in disappearing up it's own arse.

I wish I had dice that had six on every face.

Nymtoc
05-09-2014, 04:30 PM
Denied! The spell checker has corrected your wish, and there is no way the Genie going to put sex on all your dice faces!

I wish I had a money tree.

sprogspasser
05-09-2014, 06:42 PM
Denied. Genie threw the dice to decide your wish and it said 'No'. That'll teach you to put 'No' on all faces of the dice. You been talking to my old girlfriends?

I wish my present girlfriend wouldn't use the dice to make up her mind.

shahrazad
05-09-2014, 06:48 PM
Granted. Now she can switch to quarters.

I wish I weren't a crazy person.

sprogspasser
05-09-2014, 07:10 PM
Denied. Crazy is your best feature.

I wish I was crazy enough to do some mad unplanned things.

shahrazad
05-09-2014, 07:17 PM
Denied. You'd need to be crazy enough to know mad unplanned things do you, not the other way.

I wish I could fly to Brazil for the World Cup.

PorterStarrByrd
05-09-2014, 07:38 PM
Denied
only because there is a moratorium against kick ball this year and there will be no world cup.


I wish I could have a reunion with my 43 man squamish team

jaus tail
05-09-2014, 08:18 PM
Granted. Have some nice memories with the team, click some memorable pics and don't forget to upload them on fb.

I wish I could think more of myself and less about others. I wish I were a narcissist.

shahrazad
05-10-2014, 05:01 AM
Granted. It's easy to think more about yourself and less about others, or about anything really, when you're alone and lost in outer space. Enjoy the narcissism.

I wish I had mini-forks for fingernails, that way, I'd never go without utensils.

arcan
05-10-2014, 09:35 AM
granted. You have nice forks painted on your fingernails. And they're magically-improved-permanent, don't expect to get rid of them when your cut your nails...

I wish I had a robot to tend the garden.

jaus tail
05-10-2014, 09:30 PM
Denied. Gardening is a refreshing hobby. One must practice it and refresh oneself of all the tension, stress and challenges of life. Shame on you for refusing to do it.

I wish my colleague would develop a crush on me.

Nymtoc
05-10-2014, 09:58 PM
Granted. He's the one who's been sending you those anonymous love letters.

I wish all my dreams would come true.

jaus tail
05-10-2014, 10:08 PM
Denied. If your dreams came true, the kids of future generations would be bereft of a hardworking, aspiring hero called Nymtoc who worked his way to success.

I wish a cow would appear under my bed, walk out of the door and pierce her horns in my annoying landlord's belly.

sprogspasser
05-11-2014, 05:00 PM
Denied. Genie cannot help you here. You must do the necessary yourself. Genie knows what you're really asking for - the courage to walk out of your door and nail your landlord. Good looking bloke is he with moobs (hence the cow symbol)?

I wish I knew how to milk a cow.

jaus tail
05-11-2014, 08:29 PM
Granted. Here's your cow. I'd suggest to wear a helmet though.

http://i1320.photobucket.com/albums/u530/ajaytulsiani/angrycow_zps1a62dd26.jpg

I wish I had a flying carpet with a princess sitting on it who ruled half of the world.

ZachJPayne
05-11-2014, 08:53 PM
Granted. That princess is the reincarnation of Cersei Lannister, and will promptly push you off the flying carpet, and rule the entire world as your mourning "regent".

I wish I had an everlasting box of doughnuts in front of me.

Nymtoc
05-11-2014, 09:41 PM
Granted. But there is a large pane of glass between you and the doughnuts. You can see them, but you can't touch them. (How did this happen? Don't ask.)

I wish I had a pet rhinoceros.

sprogspasser
05-14-2014, 01:21 PM
Conditionally grnated. Please send Genie documentation proving you can get rid of half a ton of rhino shit a day before you get your pet.

I wish I could see the stream of time.

Reziac
05-14-2014, 02:32 PM
Granted, but you may regret it when you realise that it greatly resembles a sewer pipe. Where did you think that half ton of rhino shit goes, anyway??!

I wish I hadn't woke up in the middle of the night.

Nymtoc
05-14-2014, 02:45 PM
Granted. You are in a coma.

I wish Reziac would wake up.

sprogspasser
05-14-2014, 02:51 PM
Granted but in a few hours - currently it is the middle of the night.

I wish I could recall that arrow.

thedark
05-14-2014, 04:02 PM
Denied. No explanation provided.

It's better this way.

I wish I hadn't lost my favorite arrow.

me-a-monsteR
05-14-2014, 04:27 PM
Granted. It's the cause of that pain in the ass you've been experiencing. Blame sprog.

I wish winter wasn't coming.

Reziac
05-14-2014, 06:22 PM
Denied, because it's too late... we had snow just two days ago! Winter is already here!

I wish I knew where summer went.

thedark
05-14-2014, 06:42 PM
Granted. Genie chortles at the irony, because Summer is actually on Arrow (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summer_Glau) now.

I wish for another irony to brighten my morning. :)

jaus tail
05-14-2014, 08:08 PM
Denied. but here's wishing you good day.

I wish the pigeon on my balcony would let me play football with its eggs.

Nymtoc
05-14-2014, 09:15 PM
Denied! Such a cruel wish cannot be condoned! The Genie has forwarded your wish to the WSPA (World Society for the Protection of Animals), which will initiate appropriate action against you.

I wish I could write a novel in one day.

Reziac
05-14-2014, 09:32 PM
Since Genie already granted someone the ability to write "a novel in one day" (tho the utility of such a phrase escapes Genie), we decide to grant you a different sort, and you spew forth 90,000 words in one grand belch. Unfortunately no one can make head nor tail of what you wrote, including yourself, so it's doomed to the trunk.

I wish Nymtoc would write a best-selling novel in one day, all about jaus tail. That way we'd only need to make head of it, since the tail part is done. And according to jaus tail's various wishes, an adventurous tail it will be!!

jaus tail
05-14-2014, 09:42 PM
Granted. But for the cover page. How about we use jaus' original pic. How about this...
http://i1320.photobucket.com/albums/u530/ajaytulsiani/fireman_zpsb77430c1.jpg

Yo genie. What say you surprise me eh...so look, when i go to sleep wearing only jeans and a snake's tattoo on my bare torso...well after some hours i'll wake up and when i wake up, open the blinds...how about out of my house, instead of my honda cv, i see an army tank with one of those pipes from its head that launches missiles....what say genie, can you do this for me?

sprogspasser
05-14-2014, 10:22 PM
Denied. But you will see a pigeon and lust over it.

I wish I could bite into a lemon without the resulting grimace.

Reziac
05-14-2014, 10:47 PM
Granted. When you bite into a lemon, you jump for joy! It still tastes like a lemon, tho.

I wish lemons grew better in Montana.

arcan
05-14-2014, 11:01 PM
Granted. Montana has just been relocated near the Florida coast.
I wish geography were more fun to learn.

Jett.
05-14-2014, 11:31 PM
short GENIE FYI:



I wish I could bite into a lemon without the resulting grimace.

Miracle Berries Makes Sour Things Taste Sweet:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synsepalum_dulcificum
QI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysX0tNpaJg0

sprogspasser
05-14-2014, 11:42 PM
short GENIE FYI:



Miracle Berries Makes Sour Things Taste Sweet:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synsepalum_dulcificum
QI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysX0tNpaJg0

Great, Genie can apply this to learning geography and grant arcan's wish.

I wish the miracle berries would work on Jaus and Jorsh.

iLion
05-15-2014, 12:50 AM
Granted. Now when you eat Jaus and Jorsh they'll seem sweet to you. Bon apetit!

I wish I wasn't so wishy-washy.

Nymtoc
05-15-2014, 12:55 AM
Granted. You are wishy (the above post is evidence of that), but you are no longer washy. In fact, you haven't washed for months. Why do you think everyone avoids you?

I wish the roses would speak to me.

Jett.
05-15-2014, 02:45 AM
Granted. To break the ice, bring them a dozen humans. That will surely impress them, and they'll talk to you.

I wish there were life on Mars.

Reziac
05-15-2014, 05:35 AM
Genie is pleased to announce that the population of Mars has doubled, from one to two. Jett will be joining Reziac on Mars, having foolishly made the same wish. I'm not sure how long life on Mars is, tho... something about the air...

I wish Mars had the same atmosphere as Earth.

arcan
05-15-2014, 09:04 AM
Granted. Now Mars has a perfectly breathable atmosphere. Earth doesn't anymore though...

I wish everyone on earth moved to Mars before suffocating.

Reziac
05-15-2014, 10:07 AM
Granted! they all move to Mars before suffocating. THEN they suffocate.

I wish to go back to Earth, and take my air with me. Mars has become too crowded!

e.istre91
05-15-2014, 12:22 PM
Granted, but the air you took from Mars has a rare virus that all Earth people have no immunity to. An unstoppable plague ravages the Earth population.

I wish I could walk on clouds.

Nymtoc
05-15-2014, 03:05 PM
Granted. The clouds are swirling around the eye of a tornado, and as you struggle to avoid being swept into the vortex, you realize you cannot possibly esca...Hello? Are you there? (e.istre91 has ceased communicating).

I wish I could yodel.

jaus tail
05-15-2014, 03:26 PM
granted. now entertain us.

i wish my dog would bite my neighbor's rear.

me-a-monsteR
05-15-2014, 03:58 PM
Denied. This is no place to display sexual fetishes.

I wish I had a ventriloquist dummy.

Nymtoc
05-15-2014, 04:25 PM
Granted. But--as in countless stories of the occult--the dummy takes over and controls you.

I wish I lived in an enchanted forest.

e.istre91
05-15-2014, 04:41 PM
Granted, it is enchanted with the soul of Rick Astley. All who step foot in the forest are eternally rickrolled.

I wish I had a penny.

Reziac
05-15-2014, 04:49 PM
Granted, but a penny is all you have. All your other wealth has been 'redistributed'.

I wish someone would 'redistribute' some wealth my way.

jaus tail
05-15-2014, 07:20 PM
Denied. Oh reziac you need to realize that although money makes a lot of problems go away, it is not the be all of life. When you go to a restaurant, you don't go to the most expensive one, you go to the one that serves good food. When you order food, you don't order the most expensive dish but the one which you feel like eating. Money is important but not the be all. I suggest you make some friends cat.

Genie, i want everyone to wear a shirt saying, 'Jt writes best stories.'

PorterStarrByrd
05-15-2014, 07:46 PM
Granted
We're coupling your request with that of the Torrance Liars club.


I wish I could figure out how to get that angry mouse out of the trap.

e.istre91
05-16-2014, 02:51 AM
Granted, the angry mouse grows in size into a ROUS until the trap pops open. You might want to run.

I wish I could spontaneously generate coffee.

me-a-monsteR
05-16-2014, 04:23 PM
Granted. You can now urinate coffee. No idea who'd drink that.

I wish life made more sense.

Reziac
05-16-2014, 05:11 PM
Eh? what's that you wish for? You want life to make more scents? Didn't we just leave that party? Denied; our noses still haven't recovered from the last time!

I wish I had a bed of thornless roses.

Nymtoc
05-16-2014, 07:22 PM
Granted. But like all roses--thorns or no thorns--they don't last long, and they now form a rotten mass of smelly botanical goo, some of which sticks to your body and some of which may be suitable for mulch.

I wish I hadn't gotten fired for wearing a nose ring.

jaus tail
05-16-2014, 07:55 PM
Granted. You're rehired in the hospital as the head surgeon. A brain surgery of a cat awaits you. This cat has been brain dead for three days and now a new cat passed away last week, you have to transplant the new cat's brain in this old cat. Good luck. And btw, the cat owner is a mafia guy, so if you don't save the cat, your brain will be dead.

I wish I looked like a greek god.

Reziac
05-16-2014, 11:57 PM
Granted. You look like Pan (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pan_%28god%29). Goats are now wildly attracted to you.

I wish I could run like Hermes.

Nymtoc
05-17-2014, 12:13 AM
Granted. You run like Hermes Glotzenheimer, of Paducah, KY, who at 97 years old still manages to cross the street in 3 minutes.

I wish I had some chocolate mousse.

iLion
05-17-2014, 01:05 AM
Hey, learn to spell would you? So is that "mouse" or "moose"?

Ohhhh... MOUSSE! Okay, I see now. No magic needed... just went down to the store and got you a can of chocolate scented mousse from L'Oreal. Your hair will shine like never before.


I wish my cat would stop dragging dead animals he's killed into the house!

Nymtoc
05-17-2014, 03:20 AM
Granted. He drags live animals into the house and kills them there. (Lots of blood on the floor.)

I wish I had a spaceship.

Robbert
05-17-2014, 07:03 PM
Granted. *spaceship lands on your front lawn* *you hop aboard* *lots of neighbours waving good-bye*

I wish my neighbours would abandon their property.

Reziac
05-17-2014, 07:18 PM
Granted. Reziac moves into the vacant space. Happy?? ;)

I wish all my neighbors would leave and the properties stay vacant forever.

sprogspasser
05-17-2014, 08:12 PM
Denied. Nature abhors a vacuum. The rats move in. Enjoy.

I wish I could swallow without my tongue touching the roof of my mouth.

jaus tail
05-17-2014, 09:35 PM
Denied. Genie has better things to do.

I wish I had a sword that if I raise to the sky, would summon a lightning, transforming me to a muscled seven feet dude, and my cat to a feral tiger.

Nymtoc
05-17-2014, 10:23 PM
Granted. In your dreams, dude.

I wish I could transform a cat into a duck. Don't ask me why. I just want to. Isn't that a good enough reason?

arcan
05-18-2014, 12:02 AM
Granted. The transformation involves a lot of punching, though. You now have a very angry duck hunting you down for revenge!!!

I wish cats laid eggs

Reziac
05-18-2014, 01:02 AM
Granted. Tho the cats think the same of this as they did being transformed into ducks. I think I see a flock of angry cats ducks headed your way!

I wish I had 10 pigeons in my pigeon cage, so that every morning I could sing them "Poisoning pigeons in the park" so they'd appreciate what lucky pigeons they are.

arcan
05-18-2014, 01:52 AM
Granted. You did such a good job that they even learned to sing it. Too bad that one flew away and landed on a PD's window... You are now the main suspect of mass pigeons poisoning...

I wish no-one fed the pigeons in the parcs or streets. Or anywhere else for that matter...

Nymtoc
05-18-2014, 02:53 AM
Granted. No one feeds the pigeons, and they die. The streets, the yards, the driveways, the walkways, the factories, even the interiors of houses are filled with the rotting corpses of dead pigeons, and the cause is traced to you! You are tried for cruelty to animals and convicted. For the next ten years, you will live in a tiny cell surrounded by pigeon corpses.

I wish I could travel to the bottom of the sea.

Reziac
05-18-2014, 03:21 AM
Granted! It's about time Seaview came out of mothballs. I'm not sure of the condition of its nuclear pile, tho. I seem to recall they had chronic trouble with it. Regardless, you are on your way to the bottom of the sea. Did you wish to come back up again? No?? Well, there you stay, at least until you get Seaview fixed.

I wish the pigpen didn't look like a pigpen.

Nymtoc
05-18-2014, 08:00 AM
Granted. The Genie has engaged the famous decorator Vanessa Van Vrump to renovate your pigpen. She has transformed it into a miniature Palace of Versailles. You will receive her bill in the mail.

I wish I could run like a gazelle.

jaus tail
05-18-2014, 07:36 PM
Denied. Gazelle's don't run in seven inch stilettos.

I wish I had the claws of a tiger.

Nymtoc
05-18-2014, 08:28 PM
Granted. They are being sent to you in a jiffy bag. The tiger died of natural causes, but wildlife organizations will be castigating you anyway.

I wish I could cook like a French chef.

armydillo978
05-19-2014, 09:08 AM
Granted! You find yourself on a current season of "Chopped!" the entree basket is gooseberries, tiger ground chuck, and creme de la creme.....the challenge is make it in French fashion....you shine line a tail-light on a New York taxi.....

I wish I had a horse....with the means to care for it.

jaus tail
05-20-2014, 11:30 AM
Denied. Genie believes horses look better in plains like flowers look better when alive or birds fly better in skies.

I wish I knew how to ride a motorbike.

Nymtoc
05-20-2014, 03:50 PM
Denied! The Genie is devoted to preventing traffic accidents, and you would contribute significantly to road carnage.

I wish I had seven cars, one for each day of the week.

PorterStarrByrd
05-20-2014, 04:01 PM
Granted
They are all very expensive Russian limousines that are gas guzzlers. Some of them are a bit old (read that 1960ish) and may need repair soon, which you will find out if you manage to get them started. Parts should be available over the internet from any number of Russian websites.
Enjoy

I wish I could figure out how to attach these jet skis to the jet.

Nymtoc
05-21-2014, 02:21 AM
Not granted. The wish makes no sense and has been forwarded to the Head Genie to determine if the wisher has all his marbles.

I wish I owned the Mona Lisa.

jaus tail
05-21-2014, 11:04 PM
Granted. But be careful. Rumor has it that looking at it will turn the viewer into stone. Oh you meant mona lisa, i thought medusa...oops, my lips aren't moving, unable...arggh..stoned

I wish I could throw fire balls from my palms.

CDSinex
05-22-2014, 07:39 AM
Granted: But, it is a skill that requires practice. Your first attempt rolls off of your fingers, and lands on your foot. Bystanders rush to you to the hospital with second and third degree burns on your hand, feet, and legs.

I wish there weren't so many creepers and skeletons in Minecraft. (My grandson's suggestion :D)

BC11
05-31-2014, 02:59 AM
Granted! All the creepers and skeletons have been moved to your RL bathroom.

I wish there was an alien growing inside me.

Blinkk
05-31-2014, 03:25 AM
Granted, only because that was your 666 post. The alien's dad is a demon.

I wish raccoons were tameable

jaus tail
05-31-2014, 10:21 AM
Denied. It's like saying, climbing mountains were easy, or riding a motorbike never needed any skills. You need to toughen up if you want to do tough things, Lady. Stop acting like a gurl, grow up, if you can't handle the feral nature of racoons, why don't you settle with kittens. Sword handling girl wants to soften up racoons. How dare you even make such a wish:D It's like wishing storms were easy to pass.

I wish I someone paid me a dollar for everytime I got angry.

Blinkk
05-31-2014, 10:31 AM
Granted, but only if you strip yourself from all belongings, possessions and desires and join a Buddhist monastery.

I wish I had a new car.

jaus tail
05-31-2014, 11:17 AM
Granted.
aaaaaaa/------\
aaaa___/aaaa \____
aaa/aaaaaaaaaaaaa \
aaa--O--------------O--

What do you think? It's new.

I wish I could the computer in chess, level 9.

Reziac
05-31-2014, 07:29 PM
Granted, if only because Genie wants to know exactly what jaus tail wishes to ________ the computer in chess at level 9, which sounds awesome.

Wishing nouning unverbness.

jaus tail
05-31-2014, 07:37 PM
Granted.

Master you're awesome, this wish is bound to relief me. I'll give this to my wife who'll take decades to decipher the cryptic wish. Thanks reziac.

Now genie, i have a 'friend' and this 'friend' is having same sex attraction. could you make this 'friend' clear about his sexuality?

it's about my 'friend' not me.