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JoBird
04-19-2013, 06:41 AM
Granted. You learn to find peace while cleaning.

As I live and breathe, I have the worst tooth ache in my wisdom tooth. I've never felt pain like this before. I wish for it to go away.

Liralen
04-19-2013, 06:44 AM
Granted. Sadly, there goes any wisdom too.

I wish dogs could eat chocolate safely. Kharma has a fiendish passion for the stuff.

Defos
04-19-2013, 12:17 PM
GRANTED!! you love it so much you do it all day ... then come and do mine.

I wish Liralen had other skills. Don't let your dirty minds take it somewhere it shouldn't.

Reziac
04-19-2013, 07:47 PM
Granted. Liralen does MY housework. There's a skill beyond most people.

Now that I mention it, I wish for a maid.

Defos
04-19-2013, 08:28 PM
Granted, I have an outfit in my wardrobe that should still fit ...

I wish food had glowing letters in it telling you its ingredients, dangers, how many skin cells it contained and nutrition values that disappears when heated.

Liralen
04-19-2013, 09:27 PM
Granted. As soon as Genie comes up with a formula for the glowing letters that isn't worse than what's already in the food.

I wish I knew why you guys went back to the earlier housework wish . . . And no, I'm not wearing a maid's costume.

at least not for doing housework . . .

Defos
04-20-2013, 01:41 AM
Granted we will now back on your fetish subject seeing as you resurrected it but it doesn't work without the proper maid uniform.

I wish someone made proper pecan pie over here.

Nymtoc
04-20-2013, 02:21 AM
Granted. However, you must import the pecans so that someone can make the pie. You can buy pecans at $485 for 50 pounds, the minimum shipment available. They will be sent to you from Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisana or Mexico (your choice).

I wish I had a wonderful new computer without having to spend more than $50.

Liralen
04-20-2013, 05:52 AM
Granted. Here's your brand new abacus.

I wish I could give one of my friend's Terriers, Frost, a home with me.

Reziac
04-20-2013, 06:38 AM
After thinking long and hard about this one, the Genie decided to grant your wish. You now live in the doghouse with Frost.

I wish I could see what Liralen is doing in that maid costume.

Liralen
04-21-2013, 08:53 AM
Granted. Shame on you, peeking in windows like that. Oh, Genie forgot to mention, that ginormous red dog . . . She's got a history of going through windows after prowlers . . .

I wish I made myself resist drinking coffee at night.

Nymtoc
04-21-2013, 12:32 PM
Granted. You drink black tea instead, and though it has only about half as much caffeine as coffee, you drink twice as much and end up tossing and turning all night.

I wish I had a wallaby.

JoBird
04-21-2013, 06:12 PM
Granted. Once upon a time you *had* a wallaby. Those were some good times.

I wish I could get an idea.

Defos
04-21-2013, 06:18 PM
Denied, Genie is good but not that good

I wish I we had building space in the UK like the US has.

PorterStarrByrd
04-21-2013, 07:08 PM
I wish I we had building space in the UK like the US has.

Granted. Bulldozers (or whatever you Englisheritsians call them) are on the way


I wish the pump in my septic tank hadn't gone belly up during a snow storm. It's a long cold walk to the outhouse in town.

Liralen
04-22-2013, 08:29 PM
Genie's not much of a mechanic, however, you now have, in your possession, an antique chamber pot from Monticello. You can proudly say, "Thomas Jefferson shat here."

I wish the attorney who keeps telling me he wants to hire me would GO AHEAD AND DO IT.

Defos
04-22-2013, 08:52 PM
Granted, but you should have read between the lines, at least the maid outfit will come in handy.

I wish my takeaway would hurry.

CDSinex
04-23-2013, 02:25 AM
Granted: In order to expedite delivery, the Genie had them bring the raw ingredients to your home saving a good ten-minutes cooking time.

I wish this clear weather would last until after Labor Day.

Nymtoc
04-23-2013, 02:28 AM
Denied. Haven't you learned that the Genie has no power over the Pacific Northwest, which has long been the domain of Beelzebub?

I wish I could visit Seattle on a sunny day.

PorterStarrByrd
04-23-2013, 02:42 AM
Denied
That's like asking to visit Hell during the spring thaw or the north pole during the spring thaw or my mother-in-law's house during the spring thaw.

I wish I had a bowl of ashes

Liralen
04-23-2013, 07:55 AM
Denied. You'll have to be more specific: whose?

I wish I hadn't put off taking the dogs out for the last potty trip of the day until so late -- but they're zonked out and haven't wanted to get up and go out either.

Reziac
04-23-2013, 07:44 PM
Denied. Carpet cleaning services have to make a living too!

I wish my dogs never pooped.

Defos
04-23-2013, 08:41 PM
Granted, sort of ... your dogs only poop when you are not looking. That's what you really wanted right?

I wish I had a clone.

Reziac
04-23-2013, 08:47 PM
Granted. You now have a clone of ET. (Sorry, it's the only one I had in the freezer.)

I wish I had a clone of someone useful.

Liralen
04-23-2013, 11:33 PM
Granted. You now have a clone of Lassie. (If you're really good, maybe Genie will also grant you a Stephen Hawking).

I wish I had these sillydamn errands done already.

Reziac
04-24-2013, 07:02 PM
Granted. All the silly errands are done. The important errands, however... hop to it!

I wish I could write every day like I did all this week. :D

JoBird
04-24-2013, 08:44 PM
Granted. You now find yourself forced to write those same words over and over again, exactly the same way you wrote them the first time.

I wish I lived in a library without a care in the world.

Reziac
04-24-2013, 08:52 PM
Granted. You now live in a library, without a care in the world.. and with only one book: the one the genie was just forced to write with the same words on every page.

I wish I had all the books from my high school's library.

Nymtoc
04-24-2013, 10:23 PM
Granted. However, the school board in your district has been taken over by arch-conservatives, and they have removed all books from the school library except the Dick and Jane series, which they consider morally uplifting.

See Spot run.


I wish I could afford to have all my clothes tailored specially for me.

Defos
04-25-2013, 12:17 AM
Granted, Fred from the elephant circus was just laid off.

I wish I could D.I.Y without smashing my fingers

Liralen
04-25-2013, 06:58 AM
Granted. Genie's feeling magnanimous. You now have a sidekick who is stupid enough to hold the nails for you while you hammer.

I wish I had the nerve to just pack up my dogs and walk away and leave everything else behind us.

Nymtoc
04-25-2013, 07:25 AM
Granted.
Day One: You walk off feeling great.
Day Two: You still feel great, but you're wondering where you're going to sleep.
Day Three: Having slept on a park bench in the rain, you wake up wondering where you can get something to eat.
Day Four: You check in at a homeless shelter. (They don't accept dogs.)
Day Five: You complain about the people who run the homeless shelter, and they throw you out.
Day Six: On the street, while asking passersby for a little help--politely--you are picked up by the police for loitering.
Day Seven: You wake up in a jail cell.
Days Eight through Nineteen: You mop floors and clean latrines.
Day Twenty: A good Samaritan bails you out.
Day Twenty-one: Weary, footsore and caked with dust from the road, you arrive back home. Your dogs are waiting for you.
THE END

I wish I had a better imagination.

Liralen
04-25-2013, 08:32 AM
Granted. That part about the good samaritan was pretty far out of the realm of possibilities.

I wish I had become jaded sooner.

Reziac
04-25-2013, 07:42 PM
Granted. You are weary and jaded from cleaning latrines. (I misread the previous granting as "you are saved by a good Sanitarian.)

I wish there was more than one latrine in all of UAC.

Nymtoc
04-25-2013, 08:06 PM
Granted.

http://s4.postimg.org/oexfvmf1p/TWO_OUTHOUSES.jpg (http://postimage.org/)


I wish I had a coconut tree.

Robbert
04-26-2013, 02:34 AM
Granted, if you promise not to lie under it ...

I wish I had a private beach with seventy-two coconut trees.

Defos
04-26-2013, 04:22 AM
You must have known genie would maroon you so genie will instead surprise you by throwing you here >

http://www.titanicawards.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/worstbeach1.jpg

Tinned coconut milk in the 3rd from the right bag (red/white one) in case you get picky.

I wish I had my own helicopter.

Liralen
04-26-2013, 04:47 AM
Granted. You'll need to pick up some batteries for the remote control though.

I wish daylight savings time had never been implemented.

Nymtoc
04-26-2013, 05:11 AM
Granted. But you didn't know it, so you set your clocks forward, and now you do everything an hour earlier than everybody else. You're an early bird. Isn't that nice?

I wish I could visit every country in the world at least once.

JoBird
04-26-2013, 05:41 AM
Granted. You totally can. It's a simple, two-step process. Step one: save up the money. Step two: start traveling. Good luck with that.

I wish I had a magical elephant that could transport me to a mystical land.

Liralen
04-26-2013, 05:47 AM
Granted. You'll have to meet him halfway though, and drink your way through lots of cheap booze. He'll take you to places you didn't even know existed. Oh. And he'll be pink, but don't mention it to him. He's rather sensitive, and reacts badly. And if he starts trying to fly, just go with it and don't do what the last guy did and tell him that only pigs can fly.

I wish I could video JoBird talking to his mystical traveling elephant and post it on YouTube.

Nymtoc
05-02-2013, 04:39 AM
Granted. But after he finishes talking to his elephant, you are so curious that you mount it yourself and tell it to take you to a fascinating land where you have never been before. Welcome to North Korea.

I wish I could play like Eric Clapton.

Reziac
05-02-2013, 05:35 AM
Granted. You play Pinochle like Eric Clapton.

I wish my DOOMin' machine was set up again.

Liralen
05-02-2013, 06:20 AM
Genie is sorely tempted to grant that one . . . civilization's in a sorry state and putting an end to it would give us Genies a break from the constant demands and time to enjoy the scenery, spend some time on the beaches at Mykonos, catch up with the Tuatha De in old Eire, rave at a Kokopelli concert, punk a few ifrits with Loki and Coyote, do some more landscaping with Quetzalcoatl . . . but no, your DOOMin machine is down -- for now.

I wish I could change the bed linens on my bed to fresh ones by clapping my hands three times.

Defos
05-02-2013, 06:33 AM
Denied, your already half way to learning that yourself.

I wish I could clap three times while reading Liralen's wish without people thinking I was special.

Nymtoc
05-02-2013, 07:52 AM
Granted. In the asylum, your behavior will not be considered unusual at all.

I wish I were fluent in 100 languages.

Reziac
05-02-2013, 06:57 PM
Granted. You are fluent in 100 dead languages. Have you considered wishing for a time machine?

Come to think of it... I wish for a time machine!

Liralen
05-02-2013, 08:13 PM
Granted. You live in a time machine, albeit one that only moves forward at a persistent rate. You didn't ask for one that will jump continuums or loop. That one was so easy Genie should probably give you another wish.

I wish I could manipulate time to suit my purposes.

iLion
05-02-2013, 08:22 PM
*Shazaaaam!! You got it, Liralen!

You can now manipulate time as much as you want simply by setting and resetting your watch. Try it! Move the time forward... See? Now move it backward... pretty cool, huh? Have fun there. :Shrug:


I wish I was King of America.

Nymtoc
05-02-2013, 10:44 PM
Granted. You are King of Little America, on the Ross Ice Shelf in the Antarctic. Take warm clothes.

I wish I had an IQ of 200.

JoBird
05-02-2013, 10:49 PM
Granted. Genie has pulled some strings and rearranged the way they score the standard Wechsler test. What previously scored as an 80 will now score as a 200. Good times.

I wish the dog days were over.

Nymtoc
05-03-2013, 10:47 AM
Granted. The dog days are over. The chupacabra days are just beginning.

I wish space aliens had not moved in next door.

Liralen
05-03-2013, 10:55 AM
Granted. The aliens are gonna start looking good after the new neighbors get their cooking operation all set up and running full tilt.

I wish friendly, courteous space aliens would move in next door!

Nymtoc
05-03-2013, 11:24 AM
Granted. But soon you notice a change in your other neighbors. Their personalities are altered, and they start moving around as if hypnotized. You dial 911, but there is no answer. Then, yesterday, you noticed a large pod in your basement.

I wish I had a wishing well.

Liralen
05-03-2013, 11:59 AM
Granted. Sadly, the head nazi in your homeowners' association thinks it looks tacky out there in the yard and wishes it would disappear.

I wish there were reasonable term limits on all politically held offices.

Defos
05-07-2013, 09:01 PM
Granted - after 2 days they will be placed in a prison to reflect better

I wish the word 'fail' didn't apply to me

Nymtoc
05-07-2013, 10:12 PM
Granted. It will be replaced by "loser."

I wish I could go to Tahiti.

PorterStarrByrd
05-07-2013, 11:29 PM
Granted. It will be replaced by "loser."

I wish I could go to Tahiti.


DENIED ! ... well, Delayed .. but probably denied .. though it COULD happen, aw hell Denied since by the time it could be granted you wouldn't be able to enjoy it anyway.

There are a lot of people with a lot more pull than you have who have places they want you to go to.




I wish there was a bottom on my rowboat.

Reziac
05-08-2013, 12:00 AM
Granted. Now speaking of pull... PULL on those oars! Harder! That's it! At this rate we'll make Tahiti in no time!

I wish I had my own habitable island. (No sandbars, nasty genie.)

Defos
05-08-2013, 12:19 AM
Granted you now occupy the same island ALL the other wishers wanted

I wish I had super sexy robot to do all my dirty work.

JoBird
05-08-2013, 12:22 AM
Granted. Super sexy robot now eats all of your scabs for you.

I wish I could roar like a real life lion.

Saija
05-08-2013, 12:29 AM
(Ahahahahaha! The scabs!)

Granted! Every time you try to speak, a lion's roar comes out. Don't mind the social isolation and lack of ability to communicate. At least you can get a job doing lion sound effects for that movie company..

I wish I had a time machine to fix past mistakes WITHOUT causing new, bigger problems.

Reziac
05-08-2013, 12:35 AM
Granted. You use your time machine to fix past mistakes and in the process create an endless multitude of new, smaller problems. All the bigger problems are forgotten and overwhelmed by their sheer mass.

I wish I had all the gold in Fort Knox.

Defos
05-08-2013, 11:01 AM
Granted you have all the gold in fort knox, but the wish was harder than normal so genie claimed 99.9999999999999999999% for expenses ... still leaves you a few pennies for cat nip.

I wish someone would make a device to pull all the ideas in my brain and put them down in finished form for me.

(and leave my scabs alone!)

Nymtoc
05-08-2013, 11:27 AM
Granted. The Genie has whipped up such a device, and now all the ideas have been pulled from your brain and transferred to a computer chip. Note that they have been PULLED from your brain and are therefore no longer in it. All you have to do is read them on the chip, which the Genie has thoughtfully encrypted. (You don't have a decryption key? Good luck wishing for one.)

I wish I had a laboratory with lots of fizzy chemicals and bubbling vats of acid and scary electrical discharges like the ones in horror movies.

Defos
05-08-2013, 09:03 PM
Granted, genie bought you a sweetshop creation kit

I wish for 20 wishes!

Reziac
05-08-2013, 09:39 PM
Granted. The genie gives you my last 20 wishes, none of which have turned out quite to spec.

I wish I knew why I misread that as a "Sweatshop creation kit".

Defos
05-09-2013, 11:07 AM
Granted, you now know why you thought it ... please lets let the rest of us know before you're arrested.

I wish aliens would give me a technological head start

Saija
05-09-2013, 03:35 PM
Granted. But unfortunately you, child-like human, are too young and immature in your race's development to handle such technology responsibly. You end up destroying the world with it (something to do with a war and using the technology as a ridiculously powerful weapon). Great job. Way to ruin it for everyone.

I wish that I could cure any disease just by touching someone.

Nymtoc
05-09-2013, 04:58 PM
Granted. But when you cure someone, the disease will be transferred to your fingers and--though you won't get sick--the disease will be transmitted to the next person you touch. You stop touching people.

I wish I could spend next week in Honolulu.

iLion
05-09-2013, 09:12 PM
Okay... this one was hard for Genie, 'cuz apparently everyone wants a week in Honolulu. But, fear not, Nymie... I pulled some strings, called in some favors... and viola! I got you a really nice cell in the Honolulu State Pen where you'll be surrounded by very friendly natives! Cool, huh?

Oh... the "week" might actually turn out a little longer, but just consider that a "bonus".


I wish my job paid millions.

Liralen
05-09-2013, 09:46 PM
Easy. It does. However, it's been outsourced to China and the millions is in yen . . . over a period of years.

I wish I could score a nice paralegal job with an attorney who didn't have a crazy jealous wife . . .

Reziac
05-09-2013, 10:02 PM
Granted. You score a nice paralegal job with an attorney who has a crazy jealous husband. Perhaps you should consider gender reassignment.

I was I was done moving cross-country, already!

Saija
05-10-2013, 09:23 AM
Granted! From now on, you'll be moving "cross-sea."

I wish I could finish editing my WIP already!

Reziac
05-10-2013, 07:19 PM
Granted. You decide to run it through the shredder. Well, that finished the editing, all right.

I wish I'd figure out what one of my characters did to screw over another one, so I could write the damned scene already!!

Nymtoc
05-11-2013, 03:05 AM
Granted. Your character:

a) robbed the other character blind
b) slept with the other character's significant other
c) slugged the other character in the gut
d) stole the other character's car
e) got the other character fired
f) made sure the other character didn't get booked on Dancing With the Stars

The Genie will permit you to choose only one of the above. ;)


I wish I could decide whether to use the first or the third person in my WIP.

PorterStarrByrd
05-11-2013, 03:21 AM
I wish I could decide whether to use the first or the third person in my WIP.


Denied
Evidently the second person, whom you really wanted, escaped. Don't settle for a lesser substitution. Go out there and recapture old number 2

I wish the rain was warmer, now that it's pushing on toward summer.

Komnena
05-14-2013, 05:27 AM
Granted. You wake up on Venus. Better build a shelter and an airconditioner fast!
I wish I had a limousine and a driver for the limousine.

Reziac
05-14-2013, 07:19 PM
Granted. Except due to the price of fuel, the genie was forced to settle for a rickshaw. Well, it's a nice open-air ride, anyway.

I wish whatever is wrong with my truck's transmission proves simple and cheap to fix!

iLion
05-14-2013, 09:14 PM
No problem there, Reziac. Your truck's transmission does indeed prove simple and cheap to fix. Yaaaay!

But dang... that's just the labor cost. Too bad the parts cost like six times the value of the truck, huh?

I wish my neck would stop hurting.

Reziac
05-14-2013, 10:52 PM
Granted. This guillotine will fix you right up!

I wish I had an extra ten hours of sleep.

Defos
05-15-2013, 12:43 AM
Granted, over the next two years you will have 10 hours extra

I wish I had a cat to wake me in the morning.

Reziac
05-15-2013, 12:56 AM
Granted... the genie gifts you my long-ago cat who liked to sleep snuggled close... and woke me every morning by falling out of bed and digging his claws into my back to save himself.

I wish I had that cat back, along with some sleep armor.

JoBird
05-15-2013, 03:09 AM
Granted. The back of the cat has been stripped off and deposited on your bed for you. Genie's not sure what sleep armor is, but suspects it might be cat backs. So Genie has generously provided you with a multitude of cat backs to cover yourself in while you sleep.

I wish I could tell a green field from a cold steel rail.

Liralen
05-15-2013, 04:58 AM
Denied. If you can't do that on your own there's no helping you.

I wish I could find out how Thunder (a friend's Paint horse) keeps opening the barn door, even when it's double latched on the INSIDE.

Defos
05-15-2013, 12:25 PM
Granted, you are now aware of your sleep walking habits.

I wish I didn't have to look after the in-laws new puppy, little miss shitalot

JoBird
05-15-2013, 01:51 PM
Granted. A quick divorce should take care of the situation.

I wish for breakfast in bed this morning.

Reziac
05-15-2013, 06:59 PM
Granted. Don't complain tonight when you find your bed is full of toast crumbs.

I wish I knew where the hell I packed my toaster!

PorterStarrByrd
05-15-2013, 07:10 PM
Granted ..
It is in the box you left beside the trash can on the curb.


I wish I knew what the throbbing in my head was all about.

JoBird
05-15-2013, 07:22 PM
Granted. It's those tiny thetan aliens the good folks at Scientology have been trying to warn you about. But would you listen? No, and look at you now.

I wish to have a suit of indestructible power armor that also acts as a time machine.

Liralen
05-16-2013, 12:40 AM
Granted. Caveat: if you breach the seals you instantly age to the last future time you visit. You keep having to bounce yourself back to the moments before you initially donned the suit and finished tapping that celebratory keg . . .

I wish someone would tell me what the hell's going on ;)

JoBird
05-16-2013, 12:54 AM
Granted. You're now sitting beside Alex Jones, and he's gonna tell you what's up with everything.

I wish I didn't have a headache.

iLion
05-16-2013, 01:29 AM
np Jo... go see iLion. He as that guillotine thingy that's sure to help.



I wish I had a million bucks.

Nymtoc
05-16-2013, 01:55 AM
Granted. Here are a few. They are being shipped to you by freight car. (The entire million could not be included in one photo):

http://s15.postimg.org/jiadduke3/DEER_MALE_GROUP.jpg (http://postimage.org/)


I wish I knew why people spend millions of dollars making bad movies.

PorterStarrByrd
05-16-2013, 02:17 AM
They are incapable of making good movies. (tough one)

I wish there were more words that started with pernda

JoBird
05-16-2013, 05:38 PM
Perndagranted. Perndaall perndawords perndashall perndanow perndastart perndaas perndayou perndawish.

I wish I was in the Guinness Book of World Records for something.

Diem_Allen
05-16-2013, 05:49 PM
Granted, you are now in the Guinness Book of World Records for changing the entire English language in one post.

I wish I lived in Aruba.

JoBird
05-16-2013, 05:52 PM
Granted. Everyone can now find u right in the middle of Aruba. Haha. See what I did there? U? Oh crap. I'm lame.

I wish I wasn't lame.

Diem_Allen
05-16-2013, 05:59 PM
Lol denied, there is no cure for being lame not even a wish.

I wish I wasn't so easily amused.

Defos
05-16-2013, 08:29 PM
Granted

I wish there was more to life

Reziac
05-16-2013, 08:46 PM
Uh, granted. There is more pain and misery and suffering. Now look what you've done!

I wish I would be more specific.

iLion
05-16-2013, 08:52 PM
Granted. Now when you order something at a reatuarant you'll spend much time specifying the exact molecular makeup of each item in your order. Wow... lunch is gonna take like 10 hours now!

I wish I could go back in time and do it all over with corrections.

Diem_Allen
05-16-2013, 11:30 PM
Granted but birth is going to be so much more difficult at your current size.

I wish it was the weekend.

Nymtoc
05-16-2013, 11:35 PM
Granted. You've lost two days. Happy now?

I wish I didn't keep running into snags in my WIP.

PorterStarrByrd
05-16-2013, 11:56 PM
I wish I didn't keep running into snags in my WIP.

Denied
without the snags you'd have nothing



I wish I could remember where I put that parallel universe.

Diem_Allen
05-17-2013, 12:06 AM
Granted, it's right beside you.

I wish my dog could learn new tricks.

CDSinex
05-17-2013, 09:18 AM
Granted: The Genie teaches your dog to open the refrigerator, pull out the cheese and lunch meat drawer and eat half of each slice.

I wish the blueberries would get more blossoms.

Nymtoc
05-17-2013, 10:54 AM
Granted. There are two more (tiny) blossoms.

I wish I had the magic touch.

Reziac
05-17-2013, 07:34 PM
Granted, but don't you remember what happened to King Midas?

I wish, I wish he'd stay away!

Defos
05-17-2013, 08:22 PM
Granted, your other personality now stays away leaving the boring one to pick up the pieces.

I wish today was friday

Diem_Allen
05-17-2013, 08:29 PM
Easy enough! Granted today is Friday.

I wish I didn't want to have garlic pizza for lunch.

JoBird
05-17-2013, 08:41 PM
Granted. Now you're only looking forward to having garlic at lunch.

I wish I owned a mountain.

Diem_Allen
05-17-2013, 08:49 PM
Granted but now you are the sole supporter of the tiny villages scattered along that mountain side and have to listen to their screaming goats all night long.

I wish I had a new car.

Reziac
05-17-2013, 08:59 PM
Granted! Here it is. (http://www.communityplaythings.com/products/toys/T12-Kiddie-Car) Didn't you hear me wishing to be more specific??

I wish my truck got 400 miles to the gallon of gas.

Liralen
05-17-2013, 09:05 PM
Denied. Even Genie is afraid of the repercussions from Big Oil.

I wish ice cream -- the good kind -- was calorie and carbohydrate free.

iLion
05-17-2013, 09:27 PM
Granted! Unfortunately it's also now ice-free and cream-free... but oh, so light and airy. Nary a calory nor a carb.

I wish I was a witchy witch with wishes wished wistfully well.

Nymtoc
05-17-2013, 10:23 PM
Gwanted. You wide a bwoom.

I wish I could write a song that would bring me royalties for the rest of my life.

iLion
05-17-2013, 11:19 PM
Ta.. Daaaaaaa!! You got it Nym! You have written a song.. a mean-spirited, character defaming, personally insulting, embarrassing and threatening song about Egypt's royal family.

It will bring royalties in search of you for the rest of your life! Better go live high in the Andes somewhere!


I wish I could get into the World Book of Records for something really cool.

Reziac
05-17-2013, 11:36 PM
Granted. You now hold the World Record for most consecutive days hours minutes stark naked at the South Pole.

I wish I had copies of all the books by and about Roald Amundsen (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roald_Amundsen).

Komnena
05-24-2013, 06:33 AM
Granted. You have all the books by and about a dog catcher named Roald Amundsen.
I wish I could visit the space station.

iLion
05-24-2013, 08:38 PM
Cool idea, Komnena!! You know those so-called "space blankets"? Well, they're made in a small (very teeny) "factory" in a village in Nigeria... and the locals affectionately call that "THE space station". Yeah. I'm sending you there in 3..2...1...


I wish I was a great speaker.

Nymtoc
05-24-2013, 10:05 PM
Granted. You have all the talents of Pericles, Demosthenes, Marcus Antonius, Cicero, Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Charles de Gaulle, John F. Kennedy, Ronald Reagan and Martin Luther King, Jr. Unfortunately, most of the time you sound like Peter Griffin.

I wish my laundry would wash itself.

Liralen
05-25-2013, 07:56 AM
Granted. Genie has a visual of Nym's clothes washing themselves cat-style *giggles* Mind you, they're going to develop cat-like 'tude as well . . . and claws. And the habit of leaving dead things in inopportune places . . . Oh, and they're going to shed. At the worst possible times.

I wish I could see Nym's face (just his face) when he finds himself wearing clothes that are shedding -- in a very public place :D

Defos
05-25-2013, 05:09 PM
Granted, you will now forever sleep with one eye open and the other in a patch.

I wish weekends and weekdays switched around.

Robbert
05-25-2013, 05:50 PM
Granted. Genie now makes an extraordinary effort, S-W-I-T-C-H. Make haste! It's Saturday! You should be at work!

I wish the Catholic Church would rethink its position on celibacy, contraceptives, exorcism, gay couples, molesting children, the Second Vatican Council ...

Nymtoc
05-25-2013, 06:34 PM
Granted. The Catholic Church has rethought its position on all those things and has decided that no changes will be made.

I wish I could live underwater.

Robbert
05-25-2013, 08:33 PM
Granted. Perhaps you can PM Genie re 'breathing preference': Gills, or blue whale style?

I wish I had a license to sell Bratwürste in front of the Wembley Stadium.

Defos
05-25-2013, 09:09 PM
Granted, Genies kitchen is now called Wembley Stadium ...

*snaps whip

I wish amazon would stop passing my supersaver deliveries from amazon to useless 3rd party companies when items are out of stock.

Liralen
05-26-2013, 02:13 AM
Granted. Amazon now sends you a terse out of stock notice: "suck it up and wait."

I wish . . . I wish people would just be nicer to each other and more considerate.

Defos
05-26-2013, 05:42 AM
Denied, shut up and cook me dinner. in the maid outfit

I wish I could see and hear through walls

Steve Coate
05-26-2013, 07:00 AM
Granted. And yes, those are termites.

I wish I could see a falling star, other than in the tabloids.

Liralen
05-26-2013, 07:51 AM
Granted. Pick your day: falling stars (http://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/earthskys-meteor-shower-guide) You may have to make a deal with a druid to get clear skies for viewing.

I wish inspiration and motivation would hit me when I could act on it instead of when I'm in the middle of something I can't abandon.

Nymtoc
05-26-2013, 12:05 PM
Denied (for your own good). Being hit by inspiration and motivation at the right time would be such a shock that you wouldn't be able to stand it.

I wish I had a beanstalk, like Jack.

Liralen
05-26-2013, 11:56 PM
Granted. It's in the Valley of the Jolly Green Giant. Your new job is climbing the beanstalk assigned to you and picking the beans. When you get done with that one you'll be assigned another. Pay? Oh, you're working for . . . .



BEANS!

I wish I knew what was going on :D

Komnena
06-03-2013, 05:15 AM
Granted. You are now able to read the minds of all politicians everywhere. When they realize this they lock you up in Area 51.
I wish I hadn't killed the book chain thread.

iLion
06-03-2013, 09:04 PM
Okay. Done. Soon that will be the only thread you haven't killed.


I wish I could ride like the wind.

Nymtoc
06-04-2013, 09:56 AM
Granted. Since you didn't say what you wanted to ride, the Genie has had to choose for you. You will ride like the wind on a broomstick, accompanied by flying monkeys. (There are male witches, you know.)

I wish I could discover a new species and have it named after me.

iLion
06-04-2013, 09:43 PM
Wow.. you're in luck this time, Nym!
We have TWO new species awaiting your name, so you may choose. Over here we have the soon to be famous variation on the common cockroach; and over here the newly discovered un-named spider monkey looking thing with the fish-face. Take your time.


I wish I was in the jungles of Peru investigating the depths of Incan ruins newly discovered by me.

PorterStarrByrd
06-04-2013, 09:58 PM
I wish I was in the jungles of Peru investigating the depths of Incan ruins newly discovered by me.

Stop drinking that local hooch. Genie can't grant irrational thoughts.



I wish I owned Acme Enterprises

Liralen
06-04-2013, 10:41 PM
Granted. In today's litigious society, the former owners are only too happy to sign the company, along with any and all liabilities, past and present, over to you.

I wish there was an easier way.

PorterStarrByrd
06-04-2013, 10:45 PM
I wish there was an easier way.




Granted. Turn right at the next corner



I wish my GPS would shut up. I don't WANT to find my mother-in-law's house.

Liralen
06-04-2013, 10:49 PM
Denied. Genie has never found a way to effectively silence one of those bedamned things, short of defenestration -- which is really rather satisfying. Or you might apply to The Don to have it flung.

I wish synchronized flinging was an Olympic event.

me-a-monsteR
06-06-2013, 04:08 PM
Wish pending. As soon as Genie can clear all the ethical redtape, flinging mother-in-laws will become a popular Olympic event.

I wish for a bottomless cup of coffee.

Diem_Allen
06-06-2013, 04:22 PM
Granted but you now have to deal with burned feet and replacing your coffee sodden shoes every hour.

I wish I could be adventurous and discover hidden treasures in exotic locations.

Defos
06-06-2013, 06:19 PM
Granted, that sweet you lost was just found in your underwear :)

I wish I had minions to do my crappy jobs.

Diem_Allen
06-06-2013, 06:55 PM
Why would anyone want that? I mean God man, the smell alone, not to mention the tears and who cares how good they are with sausage and peppers....wait...Ohhhhh I thought you said onions....Minions okay ....sorry fresh out.

I wish it would stop raining here and finally be the proper weather for the month of June.

Nymtoc
06-06-2013, 09:14 PM
Granted. The rain will cease, and the temperature in New York will be a steady 108° F (the record reached in 1926), which the Genie is taking as the norm.

I wish I had a refrigerator full of lemon sherbet.

iLion
06-06-2013, 09:23 PM
Kabango-bongo-boonga----bosh!!!
Whew!!
There you go, Nym! A refrigerator crammed FULL of lemon sherbet.
Uh... listen, Nym... I didn't bother askin' before takin' this thing, but it's been sittin in a guy's garage unplugged for the past six yrs - so, I seriously doubt he'll want it back.

I wish i was retiring from this job TODAY!!

Nymtoc
06-06-2013, 09:46 PM
Granted. However, because of the fine print in your employment contract (you didn't read it? ;)), you will receive no pension. Furthermore, because of a glitch in Federal records, you will receive no Social Security payments. Oh, and your bank records have been corrected to show the balance on all your accounts as $0.26. As for those investments you thought you had--but you don't want to hear about that, do you?

I wish I lived in a palace.

CDSinex
06-07-2013, 07:42 AM
Granted: You now live in the Hunan Palace, a rather downscale Chinese restaurant in the International District. You are more or less a prisoner, and are forced to scrub pots and pans to pay off a debt they claim your ancestors owe theirs.

I wish the world would beat a path to my door.

Nymtoc
06-07-2013, 08:27 AM
Granted. The parade of media and paparazzi beating a path to your door is beyond your wildest expectations. But what did you expect when you agreed to let a filmmaker use your house for a remake of Nightmare on Elm Street?

I wish I could spend a day in North Korea, just to see what it's like.

Defos
06-07-2013, 12:30 PM
Granted, a large bald bouncer with a tattoo of the world on his scalp beat a path through all the little old ladies you scammed as they crept up your drive way, unfortunately he was after your ass ... literally. (ah another page!)

Granted, but you're now brainwashed and kims personal toe clipper (eater).

I wish the UK wasn't so hot atm. :( - Then when the cold comes in I wish it was hot!

shakeysix
06-07-2013, 04:12 PM
I wish Defos was a fifty year old woman--that'd teach him the difference between hot, hot and HOT.

I wish someone would restring my hammock.

Komnena
06-09-2013, 04:01 PM
Granted. A thief steals your hammock and restrings it to suit himself.
I wish I knew what was going to happen next in my messterpiece.

PorterStarrByrd
06-09-2013, 04:09 PM
You actually do ... just more of the same. Time to go out and buy anther ream of paper to waste.


I wish I was even more perfect.

Defos
06-09-2013, 04:48 PM
Granted, you can now tie your own shoe laces.

I wish I wasn't thinking of a food wish here.

Nymtoc
06-10-2013, 03:35 AM
Granted. You are thinking of a kinky sex wish.

I wish I knew when the Apocalypse will happen, so I can fit it into my social calendar.

Liralen
06-10-2013, 07:55 AM
Denied. The Apocalypse is supposed to be the ultimate surprise party, silly!

I wish Nymtoc had realized that Defos' kinky sex wish undoubtedly involved food . . .

Defos
06-10-2013, 09:44 PM
Granted, Nymtoc realised just in time to buy Liralen a cake outfit.

I wish she had jam with those heeled shoes.

PorterStarrByrd
06-10-2013, 09:53 PM
Granted sort of ... You ever hear of toe jam?



I wish these eggs would smell better before I take them to the party.

druid12000
06-13-2013, 11:25 PM
Granted. The smell of the rotted eggs is masked but everyone who eats them at the party has to be rushed to the emergency room.

I wish life was simple.

Liralen
06-13-2013, 11:33 PM
Denied. When Genie figures out a way, you'll be the first she'll share it with ;)

I wish Druid would not disappear again!

Nymtoc
06-13-2013, 11:51 PM
Granted. He will be omnipresent. We will not be able to get away from him. He will flood this forum with his posts, insinuate himself into everything we do online (and offline) and haunt our dreams. We will implore him to disappear again, but in vain. We are stuck with him.

I wish I could afford to spend next month in Paris.

druid12000
06-13-2013, 11:58 PM
Granted. Paris, Texas is lovely this time of year.

I wish The Grateful Dead could have one last concert together.

Liralen
06-14-2013, 12:06 AM
Granted. It will be featured on the season finale of Walking Dead. There will also be an appearance by Old and In the Way.

I wish there were more independent radio stations still in operation.

Robbert
06-14-2013, 12:30 AM
Granted. Start donating today.

I wish more people would subscribe to my podcast.

Defos
06-14-2013, 12:37 AM
Denied, you provided no link in the required thread.

I wish I lived at the bottom of the ocean.

Liralen
06-14-2013, 12:41 AM
Denied. No vacancies in the Sea of Despair. It's turned into a writers' colony. I might, though, be able to get you a small efficiency in the Slough of Despond.

I wish there was an upside to all this . . .

druid12000
06-14-2013, 12:45 AM
Granted, there is. Defos cannot breathe underwater.

I wish I could teach anyone everything.

Liralen
06-14-2013, 12:47 AM
Granted. You can. Doesn't, however, necessarily follow that they will actually listen or learn anything, but you definitely have the capability to teach.

I wish I could read what was in all those deleted posts.

druid12000
06-14-2013, 01:08 AM
Denied. Genie must have his secrets :)

I wish the last few months could be rolled into ball and recycled like aluminum foil.

Liralen
06-14-2013, 05:53 AM
Denied -- for now. Take time to think about how you ask that! Do you really want it recycled or for it to go PFFFFTT! off into the Great Nothingness. You didn't really want to use it again did you?

I wish peaches were in season longer.

*finishing a bowl of South Carolina peaches*

Defos
06-14-2013, 11:21 AM
As sang by The Stranglers peaches are in full bloom all summer long.

I wish it didn't hurt when I fell off my mountain bike.

Robbert
06-14-2013, 02:19 PM
Granted. Stop riding downhill.

I wish there were more readers and less writers.

iLion
06-14-2013, 08:31 PM
Granted! You've been moved from 'writer' to 'reader'.

I wish I could meet and interview an angel.

Nymtoc
06-14-2013, 09:03 PM
Granted. Angel Medina, the pro wrestler, will grant you an interview as soon as you have competed with him in a 60-minute Iron Man match, location of your choosing.

http://s16.postimg.org/tpkqcr71x/MEDINA_ANGEL.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

I wish I could watch the Medina-iLion match.

Robbert
06-14-2013, 10:58 PM
Granted. You'll be watching 59 min of ads and a one-minute-long interview where iLion apologizes for his ingrown toenail...

I wish nuns were allowed to marry.

shakeysix
06-14-2013, 11:14 PM
All the nuns I know are married... to some guy named Jesus. If you want to make time with a nun you have some pretty tough competition. Spiritually, at least.

I wish I had a gin and tonic in my hand and a best selling novel on my screen.--s6

iLion
06-15-2013, 12:43 AM
Okay... you got it, Shakey!! Yeah!

You're welcome!

Cool, huh?

What's that you say? I what?? Aww... I'm sorry! Crap! I always get these multi-level wishes twisted. You need a towel for that screen?


I wish I could sit and talk with my dad, my grandpa, my grandpa's dad, his dad, his dad's dad, and his dad's dad's dad.

Liralen
06-15-2013, 06:53 AM
Granted. But you'll have to wait a few decades, until you've gotten through this lifetime's lessons so you'll have something to add to the conversation :)

I wish I had Jeannie's genie-fu.

shakeysix
06-15-2013, 07:08 AM
Okay but you will have to wear harem pants with the cut out sides, a velvet bolero vest with ball fringe and that weensy little hat with the tassel. You will look like a Shriner in drag at work tomorrow! Is it really worth the fashion statement?

I wish I had a magic bottle that was about foot tall but could hold all of my sundry and various clutter--down to lawnmowers, not quite defunct vacuum sweepers and my grandmother's tanager and magnolia china, even the gilded gravy boat!--s6

Komnena
06-20-2013, 02:47 PM
Granted. However, the spell that does this is permanent. Anything you put in the bottle is reduced to microbial size. You will never see it again.
I wish there was a way to copy the sources from library ebooks into my WordPerfect file.

Robbert
06-20-2013, 04:42 PM
There is. However, with the Genie of Hackers still being held captive, you just need to await his release. Patience, my dear, patience!

I wish there won't be mayhem at my 50th birthday party.

Nymtoc
06-20-2013, 06:01 PM
Granted. There will be alarums and excursions.

I wish the elevator (lift) in my building were not going to be out of order for the next two months.*


*This is true. :(

Liralen
06-20-2013, 09:10 PM
*sigh* Genie has no control over things that are under the auspices of building super types :( Sorry. Genie suggest you buy groceries in small quantities and tip well if you have anything delivered. On the upside, you'll get in better shape.

I wish for things to work out so that I get to use the pool at the house where I'm feeding the horses all summer

Robbert
06-21-2013, 02:55 PM
*sigh* Genie has no control over the freedom of others. If they wish to sell their property, well, tough. Next time, please stop beating around the bush and wish for $$$'s.

In the event of passing away, I wish bankers, estate agents, lawyers and politicians were required to come knocking on my gate first.

Komnena
06-21-2013, 07:23 PM
Granted. Your family gets so exasperated with the flood of these people that they beat them up and are hauled into jail.
I wish I had a Fletcher class destroyer.

Nymtoc
06-22-2013, 12:31 AM
Granted. It has been delivered to your property. In order to make room for it, your house (and several nearby houses) have been torn down, but the Genie is sure you can work out an amicable settlement with your neighbors.

I wish I understood quantum mechanics.

Komnena
06-25-2013, 06:44 PM
Granted. You begin dating a quantum mechanic and she teaches you everything she knows about fixing quantums. All your relatives now expect you to fix their quantums for free.
I wish my neighbors were not so upset about my new ship.

iLion
06-25-2013, 08:12 PM
Tadaaa...!! They are no longer "so upset". They were so upset that they talked about blowing it up with dynamite, but now they've calmed down a little and only plan on sinking it.

I wish I was a great speaker.

Reziac
06-25-2013, 08:40 PM
Granted. You are now an Altec-Lansing speaker. (Well, they're great computer speakers, dunno about otherwise.)

I wish I had about 10 more sets of these speakers. In working condition, with matching wall-warts.

druid12000
06-25-2013, 10:05 PM
Genie is happy to grant this wish as he is an audiophile too! Your new sound system is in place, but be careful not to raise the volume beyond 3. Genie is also a fan of 'This Is Spinal Tap', and 3 = 11 and will destroy your entire

Oh no, not again...

I wish I had real Genie powers that I could wield for the good of mankind.

Liralen
06-25-2013, 10:10 PM
Granted. Bear in mind, though, that by-and-large, mankind doesn't deserve much.

I wish wishes really worked -- within the limitations of "what goes around comes around!"

Reziac
06-25-2013, 10:22 PM
Well, all right... wait, get away from the ratchet--
<clank-clank-clank>
Oooh, that had to hurt. Well, you did wish for it.

I wish I could remember the name of the piece of medieval training equipment I was thinking of, that goes around and whaps you if you miss your target.

druid12000
06-25-2013, 10:57 PM
Granted. The 'Morning Star' has been the bane of many warriors over the years. It's tough to wake up chipper with a face full of spikes.
Good lord, did Genie just get a layup?

I wish all wishes were that easy.

Reziac
06-25-2013, 11:42 PM
Denied! that's not the wish I was thinking of, so you can't have yours either!

I wish things worked the way I say they do.

druid12000
06-26-2013, 12:01 AM
Granted, but the manual is in sanskrit, which you tossed out with the emphatic, 'I don't need no freakin' dead language to tell me how to work a toaster!'. Yeah, it was humanity's salvation. Nice.

I wish there was a good, thoughtful movie in the works.

Liralen
06-26-2013, 05:41 AM
Denied. Genie's good, but not that good . . . unless maybe someone's doing a film remake of I Dream of Jeannie . . .

I wish Druid would not disappear again!

Komnena
06-26-2013, 02:47 PM
Granted. An evil druid takes over an abandoned building in your neighborhood. He is here to stay.
I wish that my life were more organized.

Reziac
06-26-2013, 06:09 PM
Granted. Your life is now 100% organized. No, you're NOT allowed to do anything spontaneous or creative, that would be disorganized!

I wish I knew what druids really do out in the woods.

Liralen
06-26-2013, 07:07 PM
Denied. The druid arts are sacred and secret for a reason. But as a compromise, you get to find out, firsthand, that bears do indeed, shit in the woods.

I wish the there was a spell cast where, as soon as someone ran for public office, they became unable to lie.

Komnena
07-03-2013, 07:09 AM
Granted. As a result our next President is from the Know Nothing party. He tells the truth about what he plans to do but nobody believes him until it is too late.
I wish I had digital copies of all my physical books.

Reziac
07-03-2013, 07:30 AM
Granted. Here's a copy of uTorrent. Get to it.

I wish the most recent book I read had been more satisfying.

Liralen
07-03-2013, 07:49 AM
Granted. Try it again, this time with puttanesca sauce.

I wish these pop up thunderstorms would pop up in the morning, instead of the afternoon.

Nymtoc
07-03-2013, 08:39 AM
Granted. They pop up at 5 a.m. A strong wind blows in all your doors and windows. The rain floods every room in your house. You spend the next three hours bailing the place out. Exausted, you make your way to work. By afternoon, the sun is shining.

I wish people didn't find my writing boring.

Liralen
07-03-2013, 08:07 PM
Granted. They find it stupefyingly soporific.

I wish Nymtoc would tell us why he is so sure people find his writing boring.

Nymtoc
07-03-2013, 09:21 PM
Granted. Letter from publisher to Nymtoc: "Your so-called novel is dull beyond belief. I couldn't get past the first three pages. Your characters are cardboard, and your attempt at a plot is laughable. Your sense of humor, if I can call it that, would have doomed the Three Stooges. Your treatment of the English language, if it became widespread, would end up detroying people's ability to communicate. I strongly suggest you find another profession...."

I wish there would never be another superhero movie.

Komnena
07-10-2013, 08:08 AM
Granted. Superhero fans discover you are responsible. Not to worry, though, you can hide among the Amish.
I wish people would quit dumping kittens.

Reziac
07-10-2013, 09:57 AM
Granted, since it's usually the mama cat losing track of half the litter she's just moved that gets tagged as "dumped" in the first place. (Truth.)

I wish people didn't get blamed for feline forgetfulness.

Nymtoc
07-10-2013, 10:16 AM
Granted. They will be blamed for canine callousness.

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone on TV mispronounces "corroborate" as "co-oberate."

Robbert
07-10-2013, 06:39 PM
Granted. Genie has been busy all night putting the pronunciation software in place. In order to ensure that FOX Broadcasting Company co-oberates, do not forget to send them your account details.


I wish I could infiltrate Mr Rupert Murdoch's empire.

Nymtoc
07-11-2013, 07:09 AM
Granted. But as you know, every empire has a fool, and having infiltrated Murdoch's empire, you are caught and condemned to wear a cap and bells while trying to be funny.

I wish I owned Fort Knox.

shakeysix
07-11-2013, 05:06 PM
Here you are! Fort Knox Kansas! Just a piece down the road from Fort Scott (Home of Gordon Parks and didn't he get the hell out of there fast?)Fort Larned, Mount Vernon and Moscow. I'd send you pictures but they would make you cry.

I wish Nymtoc would stop trying to pass off my rejection letters as his.

Nymtoc
07-11-2013, 08:16 PM
Granted. By way of an apology, Nymtoc has arranged for your favorite singer, Billy Ray Cyrus, to turn up at your house and sing "Achy Breaky Heart" nonstop for the next six months.

I wish the temperature in New York would remain at 72 degrees Fahrenheit all summer.

Robbert
07-11-2013, 09:49 PM
Granted. Please enjoy a steady 72 F throughout the summer. Just for the record: The relative air humidity will be above 90%.

I wish New Yorkers have no shortage of towels.

Reziac
07-11-2013, 10:20 PM
Granted! New Yorkers all have bathrooms packed with towels. As to toilet paper, tho... well, you DO have all those surplus towels...

I wish this damned eye infection would go away.

Nymtoc
07-12-2013, 03:33 PM
Granted. It has been replaced by an infection much lower down.

I wish I could be paid for every word I write.

Robbert
07-12-2013, 05:12 PM
Granted. Once you arrive at the big gate, a cheque will be made out to you. Since it's all in the cloud anyway, you don't need to keep track of your word count.

I wish I were a gatekeeper.

Nymtoc
07-12-2013, 05:25 PM
Granted. You keep the gate at the end of a long dirt road. It used to be part of a fence, but the fence was torn down years ago, and only the gate remains. Nobody comes, and nobody goes. You don't know why you are there. You don't know how you got there. You don't know how long you must stay there. You are a character in a play by Samuel Becket.

I wish I knew how to tame a shark.

The Pen Is Mightier
07-12-2013, 05:30 PM
Granted. You have now lost all use of your bathroom as your tame shark lives in your bathtub. You've also lost a few guests that way.

I wish I had a cup of coffee that never emptied.

Reziac
07-12-2013, 06:24 PM
Granted. Trouble is, it's always full of crude oil. Well, not TOO different from coffee...

I wish I could find Moroccan Mint tea locally.

Robbert
07-12-2013, 10:58 PM
Granted. Here's how to do it at home: You need gunpowder (which is what the Moroccans use). You need sugar (which is what the Moroccans use far too much). You need Wrigley's spearmint (which is what the Moroccans don't use, but since there is no fresh mint anywhere near where you live...)


I wish people would stop telling me how to reverse into a parking lot.

Reziac
07-13-2013, 12:52 AM
Granted. They now tell you how to parallel park.

I wish I could find gunpowder tea locally!!

(The mint, we've got. It's an invasive weed.)

Robbert
07-13-2013, 02:39 AM
Granted. Genie relocates you to eastern China. The tea is now grown locally. Mint, well, but Wrigley's spearmint is something you'll find in abundance.

I wish I could be Mr Putin's personal advisor.

SEHandler
07-14-2013, 10:37 PM
Granted. Genie relocated you to Mr Putin's bedroom, where the personal advisers do their "advising."

I wish I had more than 24 hours every day.

Liralen
07-15-2013, 02:26 AM
Granted. And they're all included as an extra Monday, for good measure.

I wish people were as sensible as dogs -- or cats, for that matter.

Nymtoc
07-15-2013, 09:19 AM
Granted. People are as sensible as dogs. They go around sniffing each other's hindquarters when they meet. After you've been sniffed a hundred times, you'll want your wish revoked.

I wish I could journey to the center of the earth.

Liralen
07-15-2013, 07:42 PM
Granted.

You'll have to get back on your own though. And wear something heat resistant.


I wish . . . I wish I could think of something to wish for.

SEHandler
07-15-2013, 08:07 PM
You gain the ability to think up a wish whenever you want. An ability which is suddenly not very practical.

I wish I had a pet dinosaur.

Robbert
07-15-2013, 09:33 PM
Granted. Your pet dinosaur lives in a loch. Get yourself a long leash and you can take her out for regular walks.

I wish I were a simple man.

Reziac
07-15-2013, 10:33 PM
Granted, you're a bit simple.

I wish Liralen would wish for the things I wish for.

Nymtoc
07-15-2013, 10:57 PM
Granted. Now two of you are being tracked by the NSA.

I wish that none of my electronic devices would ever break down.

Reziac
07-15-2013, 11:52 PM
Granted! Your electronics now last forever. As to your car, tho... better start exercising that thumb.

I wish my old truck was here instead of stuck in California.

SEHandler
07-16-2013, 12:11 AM
Granted. Your truck appears right next to you. Underground. You'll have to dig it out.

I wish junk food was healthy.

Reziac
07-16-2013, 12:31 AM
Granted! and from now on, every meal consists of the four basic food groups: sugar, salt, cholesterol, and preservatives!

I wish Nymtoc would dig up my truck.

Nymtoc
07-16-2013, 01:17 AM
Granted. It is done. And Nymtoc, as a member of the BBTDUA (Benevolent Brotherhood of Truck Digger Uppers of America), charges the standard fee of $1,000 an hour. It took him 3 hrs and 47 minutes to dig up your truck, for a total of $3,753. Immediate payment is expected, naturally.

I wish I never had to wear a necktie.

Oreo1909
07-16-2013, 01:34 AM
Granted. You now have no neck.

I wish this house remodel was done.

Liralen
07-16-2013, 02:03 AM
Denied. House remodels are never done. Even Genie's. :(

I wish there was a cool breeze right now.

Reziac
07-16-2013, 07:57 AM
Granted. In fact it's such a cool breeze, the chill factor is -175F. Exposed flesh freezes in 30 seconds. Well, you won't be complaining about the heat anymore!

I wish my trailer was 10 feet longer.

Nymtoc
07-16-2013, 09:16 AM
Granted. The additional ten feet are taken up by a septic tank that serves the surrounding community.

I wish I could win the Tour de France.

Robbert
07-16-2013, 07:18 PM
Granted. A spin doctor along with a doctor friend will come knocking on your door shortly.

I wish there was more to life than just birth, reproduction and death.

Liralen
07-16-2013, 08:01 PM
Granted. Enjoy the anxiety, angst, agony and heartbreak.

I wish -- just for a day -- the sky were pink, just to see everyone's reaction.

Nymtoc
07-16-2013, 09:29 PM
Granted. The sky is pink, but TV news tells us it has something to do with an ad campaign by Revlon, and by the next day the whole thing is forgotten.

I wish this heat wave in the Northeast would end immediately.

Liralen
07-17-2013, 12:38 AM
Granted. It's midnight, December 24th, and you haven't done any Christmas shopping.

I wish I had two cold packs, one for each knee :(

Judy Koot
07-17-2013, 01:00 AM
Granted. You'll get something even better: liquid nitrogen.
Now show me those knees...

I wish I was rich.

Nymtoc
07-17-2013, 03:02 PM
Granted. You are rich in spirit. If you meant money, fuddgedaboutit.

I wish I owned the Waldorf-Astoria.

Liralen
07-17-2013, 10:10 PM
Granted. It falls into your possession just as it's on the verge of bankruptcy and the mob loans against it are also coming due.

I wish I could really grant wishes.

SEHandler
07-17-2013, 10:11 PM
Granted. You now live in this thread, forever incapable of leaving.

I wish I had X-Ray vision.

Reziac
07-17-2013, 11:42 PM
Denied! Pervert.

I wish I had all Superman's powers.

Robbert
07-18-2013, 03:27 PM
Denied! Macho.

I wish all wishes were unconditionally granted.