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druid12000
03-02-2013, 09:23 PM
Denied. Bad Porter. You know you have been banned from that program. And for good reason...you know what happened to the last 'volunteer'. Oh God, I need to vomit...

I wish Justin Beiber could not procreate.

Nymtoc
03-02-2013, 10:04 PM
Granted. He cannot procreate from now on. But 1,000 samples of his semen are already in sperm banks, and women all over the world are lining up to get it so they can give birth to little Justins of their own. :eek:

I wish problems did not come in bunches.

PorterStarrByrd
03-02-2013, 10:12 PM
I wish problems did not come in bunches.


Granted
They now come individually packaged, in tamper proof packaging. As a bonus they are now fortified. We have sent you a case so that you can sample them. (144 to a case)


I wish I had a box of diaplederine flakes

NathanBrazil
03-03-2013, 04:20 AM
Genie Googling diaplederine flakes. 1 result
Your wish is granted... - Page 501 - Absolute Write Water Cooler (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29438&page=501)
WTH

Genie has had enough of your tomfoolery. You have become Pinhead's new favorite pet. I believe he has some new devices that he wants to share with you.

I wish I could hook directly into the internet, which would feed me, not only information, but also a daily dose of required nutrients.

Liralen
03-03-2013, 04:36 AM
Well, you might want to reconsider that wish, as the internet delivers nutrients via diaplederine flakes administered directly into the cerebral cortex. They've made Porter what he is today.

I wish there were more people around me like the ones here :)

PorterStarrByrd
03-03-2013, 04:42 AM
I wish there were more people around me like the ones here :)


Granted.

Go down to the bus station, plug a couple metal folding chairs into the 120 outlets and bring the survivors home.


I wish I had a good recipe for stuffed vole.

Reziac
03-03-2013, 08:39 PM
The genie is not sure where to get a vole, so found you the next best thing -- Souris a la Creme (http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Recipe:Souris_a_la_Creme).

I wish there was enough meat on a mouse to make it worth eating.

Liralen
03-04-2013, 01:29 AM
Granted. Sort of. Genie is tired, but willing to try, so there is now meat enough on a mouse to make it worth your while. You are an owl. Genie's too exhausted to change ALL the mice, but mustered up enough energy to change you. Bon appetit! Bonus: you will now understand the phrase, "slicker than owl shit." If you don't mind, please come back and explain it to Genie? Genie's always been curious about that one.

I wish Chinese restaurants would use only soy sauce made from soy, not wheat, and leave out the MSG :(

JoBird
03-04-2013, 01:56 AM
Granted. Soy sauce is now made from soy, not wheat, and with no MSG. However, it was a bit bland. So Genie decided to add a little something extra. It's now called Soylent Green.

I wish deodorant was so effective that I could skip a day.

NathanBrazil
03-04-2013, 03:53 AM
Granted. Deodorant now only comes in two flavors - very strong body odor and Skunk-wash. No need to use doedorant ever again.

I wish getting my daughter to do homework didn't feel like pushing a large boulder up a steep hill.

Liralen
03-04-2013, 04:01 AM
Granted. It's now like nailing jelly to a tree.

I wish my laundry was done.

JoBird
03-04-2013, 07:55 AM
Denied. Genie is beginning to resent these first world problems. Genie remembers when people had to beat their clothes against rocks to clean them. It wasn't that long ago that Genie granted washing machines--which makes the task considerably easier. Albeit, the wish was granted to a woman who wanted a not-so-obvious vibrator. But the point remains.

I wish they made "washing machines" for men.

Liralen
03-04-2013, 08:50 AM
Denied. But Genie is feeling generous and grants you an electric inflator so you won't be exhausted before you get your *girlfriend* inflated. P.S. You know you might want to give her a bath . . . Genie's just sayin . . .

I wish I could find my furniture dolly :(

NathanBrazil
03-04-2013, 10:16 AM
Genie would like to give it back, but he is still using it. In the meantime, he hopes you will find his inflatable furniture dolly useful.

I wish I would stop stealing ideas from other posters.

Nymtoc
03-04-2013, 09:07 PM
Easiest wish the Genie has granted in months. You don't post anymore.

I wish my apartment building wasn't going to be without elevator service for two months. (Genie, this really is going to happen. :()

Liralen
03-05-2013, 12:03 AM
Genie wishes she could help. Perhaps you should apply to one of her associates who specializes in exorcising glitches and gremlins, the causes of most mechanical maladies. Genie can, however, send you a rappelling set up, and suggests you not make any weighty purchases.

I wish gluten free flour wasn't so freaking expensive.

Reziac
03-05-2013, 04:34 AM
The genie is confused. Why should free flour, gluten or otherwise, be regarded as expensive? Being in a kindly mood, the genie instead grants you all the free flour you want, of any type. You may have to sort it; it's coming by the truckload.

I wish I knew what I wanted for dinner.

NathanBrazil
03-05-2013, 05:24 AM
Granted. Haggis and Head Cheese. Mmmm.

I wish I earned a penny for every post.

Lady MacBeth
03-05-2013, 06:50 AM
Granted. You will receive a Canadian penny for every post. They are now useless.

I wish I could receive a loonie (Canadian dollar) for every post.

CDSinex
03-05-2013, 07:13 AM
Granted: The Genie, who had your request read aloud to him by a staff member, will send you one loony (an American crazy person) for every post.

I wish tomorrow was payday.

Liralen
03-05-2013, 07:41 AM
Granted. Your final paycheck will be given to you with your notice of termination.

I wish I could go to that writers' workshop in Bali!

NathanBrazil
03-05-2013, 08:11 AM
Granted. You will be flying 4th class, sharing a cage with the gifted writing monkeys. These monkeys fly in a sturdy stryofoam glider, which is tethered to the back of the plane. Don't worry, they usually land in one piece.

I wish I could own me one of them new-fangled, anti-gravi guns.

PorterStarrByrd
03-05-2013, 08:21 AM
Granted
You now have an anti gravy gun which looks and acts a lot like a garden hose.


I wish I had three voles.

Liralen
03-05-2013, 08:37 AM
Afraid you'll have to settle for Three Blind Mice.

I wish I knew what Porter was doing with voles . . . or maybe not . . .

NathanBrazil
03-05-2013, 09:05 AM
Herm. To know about voles or not. Is Genie s'posed to figure that out? You have been granted a one way ticket inside of PSB's brain, until you are able to determine that for yourself. Extraction is going to be quite painful and I'd rather not talk about it.


I wish I could detach my brain and experiment on it, using electric wires, to see what limbs would move or what colors I would smell.

Liralen
03-05-2013, 09:12 AM
You might want to rethink that. Another guy did that and recorded a song about the experience Detached (http://youtu.be/mIUk08iYZKE)

I wish the songs that stick in your head weren't always the really annoying ones.

JoBird
03-05-2013, 04:28 PM
Granted. No worries. Genie's never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. (Note: your definition of annoying might be *slightly* different than Genie's.)

I wish I didn't sometimes find myself singing songs that were clearly meant for women to sing instead of men.

Reziac
03-05-2013, 08:30 PM
Ermm.. granted, sortof. The genie can't do anything about your taste in music, but the genie can assure you that now you will only sing songs meant for women and there will be no gender conflict. You'll need a new wardrobe too.

I wish for a nice lutefisk dinner.

RemaCaracappa
03-05-2013, 08:40 PM
I wish for a nice lutefisk dinner.


One lutefisk dinner coming right up....to be prepared table-side by The Swedish Chef.

Oh how I wish dice.com would stop sending me career fair ads for Chantilly, Virginia when I live in Portland!

Liralen
03-05-2013, 11:49 PM
SHAZAM! You've been instantaneously relocated to Chantilly, Virginia.

Oops . . . little too much shaz in the zam that time . . . now you're getting dice.com ads for Portland.

I wish, that when I go check my basement in a few minutes, to find it NOT flooded again. :(

JoBird
03-06-2013, 12:08 AM
Easy peasy. Not a problem. Granted--you are now blind and you can't feel anything.

I wish I could pitch a perfect game.

CDSinex
03-06-2013, 05:58 AM
Granted: You pitch a perfect game of horseshoes while practicing, alone, for the big tournament this weekend. Sadly you will do poorly at the tournament, and no one will believe your story.

I wish I could decide how to spend my tax refund.

Nymtoc
03-06-2013, 06:09 AM
Granted. You give it to some poor CEO who isn't able to afford a yacht. (You didn't know the Genie was in the pocket of the Koch brothers? :D)

I wish I had half the talent of Mark Twain.

Liralen
03-06-2013, 06:21 AM
Granted. You have half of Twain's talent . . . for business.

I wish poachers would just hunt each other.

Lady MacBeth
03-06-2013, 07:03 AM
Granted. Genie has nothing to add.

I wish governments would protect endangered species instead of talking about it.

Petros
03-06-2013, 11:39 PM
Granted. All endangered species are protected and their population begings to grow. Now we have hordes of pandas rampaging through the countryside.

I wish I could whistle.

Liralen
03-07-2013, 12:54 AM
Granted. You're so elated -- you practice, enjoying your new prowess.
Until you whistle once too often, wrong place, wrong time and a volatile husband takes it amiss. Fortunately, you have excellent medical insurance. And your ability to whistle is only temporarily affected.

I wish the weather would quit trying to go back to winter, at least until next December!

Lady MacBeth
03-07-2013, 07:20 AM
Granted. The weather goes back to fall and we start the whole cycle again.

I wish I'd remembered to bring my shopping list to the grocery store.

Defos
03-07-2013, 09:51 AM
Granted: Genie is sat on your shoulders with the list wrote down each arm, unfortunately back from a long curry weekend though and awfully windy.

I wish I had time to play longer.

Robbert
03-07-2013, 11:38 PM
Granted. You have all the time there is. After weeks and weeks of playing on end, you begin to feel lonely, followed by a depression and some strange transition a little later: you turn into a furry hermit.

I wish my neighbour would stop peeing over the fence.

Liralen
03-08-2013, 12:08 AM
Well, Genie could grant that, but instead will tell you how to have more fun making it stop . . . run an inconspicuous electric fence wire a few inches above the fence. Hide and watch. Or set up a motion activated camera. Genie's also a little curious about how tall your neighbor is, or does he just get a really good arc on it . . .

I wish Robbert's wish hadn't given me a truly strange idea for a story, lol! (Not really, it might be fun to write :D)

Defos
03-08-2013, 02:19 PM
Granted, you will now forget all about Robbert's wish and the fact you had a strange idea for a story ... in fact any story, you will return to writing in your mashed potatoes while giving your beans a high five!

I wish I knew what I wrote actually meant

Nymtoc
03-08-2013, 05:13 PM
Granted. You will know, but everyone else will be as befuddled as ever.

I wish I could live on milk and honey.

lmoses2011
03-08-2013, 06:30 PM
Granted, Unfortunately you're eaten by a ravenous bear named pooh who just loves milk and honey flavoured humans. Sorry.

I wish I could finish my current WIP in a month

Robbert
03-08-2013, 07:47 PM
Granted once you will answer Genie's FAQ: What difference would it make if you finished your mediocre WIP in thirty, twenty, or ten days?

I wish my royalties will be paid before the fiscal year ends.

lmoses2011
03-08-2013, 08:03 PM
Granted. you wanted that check in bolivares right? "viva la revolution"

I wish I could quit my job and become a full time writer

Liralen
03-09-2013, 12:35 AM
Granted. You write dry articles about subjects assigned to you, invest thousands of hours researching, get paid a pittance. Your work gets handed to someone's buddy who couldn't pass a sophomore English class to be "edited," and you see your work spread all over the internet under a fake name (and you're relieved because after the editing you'd be ruined if anyone thought that was your work). Then, to add irony to insult, you get approached to do spinning on your own work. It chokes all the creativity in you and you never write another thing that gives you pleasure.

I wish I felt more motivated today!

Nymtoc
03-09-2013, 12:47 AM
Granted. You feel more motivated to dig weeds in your garden, which is what you will do today, and probably tomorrow, too, and the next day, and the next...

I wish I could fly in a yellow balloon.

Defos
03-09-2013, 09:45 AM
Granted, you are shrunk to the size of a pea and inserted into a yellow baloon filled with helium, unfortunately the high pitch of your tiny voice combined with the helium is enough to pop the baloon and shoot you into orbit.

I wish someone would find me

Robbert
03-09-2013, 03:28 PM
Granted. You were found sleeping under the Golden Gate Bridge. Your unintelligible Scottish accent results in a speedy deportation.

I wish I understood why some people keep their porridge in the drawer of their bedside table.

CDSinex
03-10-2013, 12:59 AM
Granted: The Genie asks, if someone lives alone, and loves to have breakfast in bed, what other option is there?

I wish the sunny weather would stick around for a while.

Reziac
03-10-2013, 01:33 AM
The Genie is wondering how a Seattle resident knows about the sun in the first place, but okay... Sunny it is. Watch out for all the people screaming and running from the UFO in the sky.

I wish it would rain only at night.

Nymtoc
03-10-2013, 03:02 AM
Granted. It rains only at night on Bora Bora. The Genie assumes that is where you live.

I wish my neighborhood deli didn't overcharge me for ice cream.

Liralen
03-10-2013, 03:19 AM
Granted. The neighborhood deli no longer serves ice cream. Their freezer exploded. It's not smart to try to overcharge Genie . . .

I wish they'd leave the time alone and do away with freaking daylight savings time.

NathanBrazil
03-10-2013, 08:35 AM
Granted. Genie doesn't have the heart to pervert such a sensible wish.


I wish sleep would come in pill form, one pill makes you feel like you've slept for fourteen hours. And no I don't want the over-the-counter crap that'll put me to sleep for five weeks. Insta-sleep. Take one pill, and two seconds later you fell well rested.

Liralen
03-10-2013, 09:56 AM
Granted. With the condition that Genie gets 23% of the gross profits. Genie can finally have that Faberge bottle she's been wanting . . .

I wish I'd thought of that!

Defos
03-10-2013, 07:34 PM
Granted, you are awarded a pharmaceutical company. Unfortunately all the moral dilemmas that accompany it force you to give up and grow hemp for a few years until your arrest. At which point you begin to grant wishes in prison. Start by picking that soap up.

I wish I could post normally

Nymtoc
03-10-2013, 07:42 PM
Granted. You can post normally on your own website--which nobody reads. Here at AW, you are hopeless.

I wish I had a merry-go-round.

JoBird
03-10-2013, 09:19 PM
Granted, it's on its way right now. I've made sure it's the best merry-go-round ever; it's falling down to you straight from heaven even as we speak. Go ahead, look up, it should be just about there-- Hmm.

I wish I had a private jet to travel the world with.

Defos
03-11-2013, 12:22 AM
Wish denied on the grounds of being grounded due to ground up dirt on the ground.

I wish Jo was my bird

Liralen
03-11-2013, 01:08 AM
Granted. You make a perfect pair.

I wish I could really grant wishes . . . yes, be afraid, be very afraid

http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m110/Renee750il/Icons/small_316489-1.jpg

PorterStarrByrd
03-11-2013, 01:24 AM
Granted
You now have a job in a brothel


I wish ginger tasted like chicken.

JoBird
03-11-2013, 01:37 AM
Granted. It was a little complicated. Genie had to slightly adjust the taste of both chicken and ginger to get them to the same place. Chicken now tastes like a bucket of urine. And so does ginger.

I wish I wasn't so shy and anxious all the time.

Liralen
03-11-2013, 01:37 AM
Denied. It keeps you from being loud and obnoxious.

I wish the red states and the blue states could all become purple states.

Defos
03-11-2013, 04:01 AM
Granted ... You are now the proud owner of enough paint to do the lot yourself

I wish for 200 revive cards to be used when ever I die

Liralen
03-11-2013, 04:18 AM
Granted. Gleefully. Are you familiar with the poem by Yaws, The Traveller's Tale? The one where he begins by borrowing from Julius Caesar? Each time you die will be fraught with terror . . . and the hope that someone will use one of those cards, because you can't do it yourself . . . Genie suggests you play nice with people.

I wish it didn't seem so often that the axiom, no good deed goes unpunished, is true.

JoBird
03-11-2013, 04:40 AM
Granted. Most good deeds will still be punished. However, some will be rewarded. Specifically, good deeds performed in JoBird's bedroom--all will be rewarded. Please apply via private messages.

I wish I had a fancy tuxedo and knew how to put on a fancy bow tie.

RemaCaracappa
03-11-2013, 09:04 AM
I wish I had a fancy tuxedo and knew how to put on a fancy bow tie.

Granted. Up to and including some mad fancy bow-tying skills, yo.

However, the tux? It's one of those polyester powder blue things with a frilly, frilly shirt circa the Carter administration.

I wish my neighbor would stop blasting their stereo- or at lest develop decent taste in music (that is to say, music that I think is decent!)

Liralen
03-11-2013, 09:16 AM
Granted. Your neighbor develops musical tastes similar to yours . . . The neighbor on the other side. On the upside, you develop a new genre of musical fusion.

I wish I had a double dark chocolate truffle right now, a really superb one.

Defos
03-11-2013, 12:30 PM
Granted! ... because its scary when your angry

I wish I had no work to do today and could sit in the sunshine while watching the snow dance in mid air

It is actually doing that now!

alleycat
03-11-2013, 12:44 PM
Granted. You are now a homeless person. Your new address is the third refrigerator box on the left under the bridge. Enjoy the snow.

I wish I had the keys to Jay Leno's garage and he let me take any car I wanted any time.

Nymtoc
03-11-2013, 01:48 PM
Granted. You choose his 1986 Lamborghini Countach and take it out on the highway. An 18-wheeler swerves into your lane, and the Lamborghini is totaled. You are uninjured, but Leno sues you for $100 million.

I wish I had an endless supply of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Nougat Crunch.

alleycat
03-11-2013, 01:52 PM
Granted. Your new job is running the batch mixing machine at the Ben & Jerry factory. The pay is minimum wage, but you get all the ice cream you want.

I wish there was something (anything) on TV worth watching.

Defos
03-11-2013, 04:19 PM
Granted, you are now watching something worthwhile on TV but this forum has a Defos making impossible for you to tear yourself away from his superb, witty and complex posts; in effect wasting your wish

I wish this was true

Robbert
03-11-2013, 04:48 PM
Granted. Due to the complexity of your posts, you'll be banned shortly.

I wish I will receive a call from the Vatican within the next couple of hours.

RemaCaracappa
03-11-2013, 07:36 PM
Granted. Anyone you wish to speak with from the Vatican will call you and speak with you at length about whatever you want.

They're calling collect.

I wish I had a new job that I both like and make enough money to live on.

TimSenese
03-11-2013, 07:46 PM
Granted. You have the best job ever, but you can't have any relationships or anyone to enjoy it with.

I wish I wasn't in so much damn debt.

Defos
03-11-2013, 07:53 PM
Granted, you are now rich but must pay genie 99.9% for services

I wish I could visit the stars in a home made space ship

Saija
03-11-2013, 08:15 PM
Granted. You burn up in the star's atmosphere and die.

I wish I could write multiple bestselling books.

Nymtoc
03-11-2013, 08:54 PM
Granted. They are all on the same subject (Multiplication Made Easy, Multiplication for Beginners, My Multiplication Coloring Book, Skills in Advanced Multiplication Theory, Multiplication for Dummies). All other books you write are failures.

I wish I could work as high-priced lawyer without having to go to law school.

Saija
03-11-2013, 09:04 PM
Granted! You do it for about a day before people suspect, you get caught and sued millions for fraud.

I wish for world peace.

Robbert
03-11-2013, 11:10 PM
Wipe out mankind and there will be peace. Unable to accomplish such atrocity, Genie regrets telling you your wish has been DENIED.

I wish I could jump every fence.

Saija
03-11-2013, 11:13 PM
Granted. Literally. And it was a totally lame wish.

I wish for a cure to world hunger that does not involve killing everyone.

Liralen
03-11-2013, 11:48 PM
Genie wishes to grant that, but alas, it would involve eradicating greed and there aren't enough Genies in existence, even crossing temporal and dimensional boundaries, to accomplish that. Genie is sad.

I wish people in general appreciated the meaning of words and used them more carefully.

JoBird
03-12-2013, 12:55 AM
Genie had to look far and wide, but Genie finally did it! Genie found this place called "General" of which you speak. It's a very small town out in the desert. Ahem, anyway. Granted! Everyone in General now appreciates meanings and uses words carefully.

I wish I didn't have this pounding headache.

Nymtoc
03-12-2013, 01:41 AM
Granted. Take this pill, which Genie is giving you free of charge, and tell everyone that you won't be available (i.e. conscious) for ten days.

I wish I had something green to wear on St. Patrick's Day.

alleycat
03-12-2013, 02:26 AM
Granted. Don't change your underwear until then.


I wish we had a Saint Patrick to drive the politicians out of Washington.

NathanBrazil
03-12-2013, 02:38 AM
Awww. Genie is distracted by cute kitty.

The construction crew will be arriving soon. The new building that will house all of these politicians will take up most of your front yard and the street in front of your house. Traffic will have to be re-directed through your house. They do plan to keep requisitions to a minimum, thouth - tooth brushes, DVDs, and possibly a few of your family members.


I wish that I lived in a house on stilts. That way when annoying neighbors move in, I could walk the house to a new location.

Liralen
03-12-2013, 02:52 AM
Granted. You might look at Baba Yaga's Izbushka for some ideas for plans. Ever considered fitting the house out with big ol' noisy ass-stompin' boots? No need to move, let the annoying neighbors bail ;)

I wish I could watch Nathan's house in action :D

Reziac
03-12-2013, 02:52 AM
Granted. Baba Yaga (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baba_Yaga) is your new landlady.

I wish I had a treehouse.

alleycat
03-12-2013, 02:59 AM
Granted. You just need to pay for the building permit ($150), the inspection fee ($65), pay the water and sewer hookup fee ($8500), and then tear it down because of code violations and pay the fine ($824.42).

I wish cake grew on trees.

Liralen
03-12-2013, 03:06 AM
Granted. Watch out for the icing. It gets drippy in hot weather and some of it stains.

It was lovely and warm yesterday and last night. I wish it had stayed that way :(

Lady MacBeth
03-12-2013, 06:22 AM
Granted. A micro-climate forms around your house. People from all over the world come to witness the miracle.

I wish my Game of Thrones Season 2 DVD set would arrive.

Defos
03-12-2013, 12:17 PM
Granted Game of thongs season 2 has arrived! ... Enjoy.

I wish it was atmospheric when I remember to take my camera in the mornings.

JoBird
03-12-2013, 06:58 PM
Granted. Genie prefers nostalgic atmosphere when photographing too. Genie remembers the early bits of the universe--those were good times. Everything was in flux and chaos; chunks of planets flying everywhere, colossal explosions. Genie should be able to whip that atmospheric effect for you the very next time you remember your camera.

I wish I could catch Bigfoot and become famous.

Liralen
03-13-2013, 05:06 AM
Granted. You've caught nonfilarial elephantiasis. You now have a freakishly big foot. You sign a contract with Ripley's, willing your body to them after your death and become one of their more famous exhibits.

I wish I knew why there are no coyotes out at the place I dog sit every now and then -- weird, because there are coyotes everywhere else around here, even here in the middle of town.

CDSinex
03-13-2013, 05:48 AM
Granted: The Genie clues you in, and silently wonders why werewolves are so self-unaware.

I wish I had a bread proofer.

Nymtoc
03-13-2013, 06:02 AM
Granted. You have a commercial-grade bread proofer, and you climb inside to inspect it. Unfortunately, its door shuts and will not open from the inside. Since you happened to have a supply of yeast in your pocket, you sit there growing larger and larger and larger and...

I wish a limousine would pick me up every morning and take me to exciting places.

CDSinex
03-13-2013, 06:23 AM
Granted: Tomorrow a limo will pick you up at your home and whisk to the most exciting of exciting places, the exercise yard on Rikers Island.

I wish I had an assistant to remember the things I'm forgetting.

Liralen
03-13-2013, 06:58 AM
Granted. Genie happens to know an excellent paralegal who's extremely good at that sort of thing, even to remembering things you didn't realize you needed to remember, before you think of them and have a chance to forget them. She's out of work right now, and dreading having to go back to dealing with snarky secretaries and backstabbing office politics.

I wish I could land one of those mythical jobs, working as a personal/research assistant for a professor emeritus of the humanities. One who loved dogs and wanted me to bring Kharma to work with me.

Robbert
03-13-2013, 03:09 PM
Granted. You, Kharma and that absent-minded professor land the job, er, Genie wanted to say, you three live happily ever after.

I wish I had an impressive track record.

ShannonR.
03-13-2013, 04:11 PM
Granted...in fact, your track record is *so* impressive that you're being sent to the Olympics next time. They're being held in Antarctica, so pack your coat.

I wish could teleport so I'd never get stuck in traffic.

alleycat
03-13-2013, 04:22 PM
Granted, but first you have to go through TSA security, which requires you to wait in line for an hour, remove your shoes, be x-rayed until you glow in the dark, and have a strip search done (which may or not not be fun, depending on who's on duty that day).

I wish I had a robot maid.

Defos
03-13-2013, 05:51 PM
Granted I maid you a robot ... well it beeps anyway

I wish I had some original white bonbons instead of the hard powdery rubbish they sell nowadays

lmoses2011
03-13-2013, 11:23 PM
Granted. Nevermind that that to achieve the original white the bonbons had to be covered in paint. The toxic kind. Bon apetite!

I wish that I could lose 30lbs with minimal effort ( I know I'm lazy)

Saija
03-14-2013, 11:35 AM
Granted! We'll amputate a leg (or two)!

I wish I would win millions of dollars in the lottery.

Defos
03-14-2013, 12:26 PM
Granted! You now own five million dollars ... however the dollar depreciates in value so much it drops below the Zimbabwean dollar. You can now buy a sandwitch for half a million dollars

I wish my hair wasn't falling out

Nymtoc
03-14-2013, 04:08 PM
Granted. The Genie has removed it all, so it isn't falling out now and will never fall out again.

I wish my cable box would function properly, because I don't want to go through the hassle of sitting around waiting for the cable guy to come fix it.

ShannonR.
03-14-2013, 05:17 PM
Granted, sort of. The Genie fixed you box to bring in some channels, but they're all in Arabic. Time to break out Google Translate.

I wish I could 'transplant' some of my fat into my sister. She's a beanpole.

Robbert
03-14-2013, 07:12 PM
Denied. Unlike organs, fat cannot be transplanted. Next time, wish for liposuction instead.

I wish F.C. Barcelona will run for President in 2016.

Nymtoc
03-14-2013, 09:22 PM
Denied. There will be no 2016 election, because a coup in 2015 will oust the government and bring to power someone who...but the Mystical Alliance of Ethereal and Benevolent Wish-Granting Entities prevents Genie from saying more at this time.

I wish TV news would tire of dwelling on the new Pope and get back to obsessing about Hollywood celebrities.

Reziac
03-14-2013, 09:44 PM
Granted. The new Pope becomes a Hollywood celebrity, and you get the best of both worlds!!

I wish the new Pope a long and uneventful reign.

Nymtoc
03-14-2013, 11:22 PM
Granted. No events in the foreseeable future. The Genie is going to take a nap. :sleepy:

I wish all lobbyists would disappear from Washington.

Saija
03-14-2013, 11:26 PM
Granted. All the lobbyists disappear along with everyone else when a volcano rises up in the middle of Washington and hot lava kills everyone. Way to destroy millions of lives, jerk.

I wish I had a bar of hazelnut chocolate right now.

druid12000
03-15-2013, 12:01 AM
Granted. Fight ya for it...c'mon, Genie's got some moves baby!

I wish talent was a precursor for every TV talent show imaginable.

Defos
03-15-2013, 03:23 PM
Granted but now what you gonna do?

I wish fish and chips was healthy

Robbert
03-15-2013, 05:10 PM
PUZZLED, is it not!?

I wish the person who invented fried Mars bars would be put behind bars.

Saija
03-15-2013, 08:03 PM
Granted! Put behind bars made out of fried Mars bars!

I wish I could learn to speak any language perfectly within a few weeks of studying.

Zivvy
03-15-2013, 10:07 PM
Granted! You learn any and every language you ever wanted at a very rapid rate... So sorry about your semantic memory loss...

I wish my dishes would wash themselves..

Liralen
03-16-2013, 12:01 AM
Granted. You -- and your dishes -- are translated to a Disney-esque world where they also sing and dance annoyingly . . . and develop some irritating 'tude and a dislike for your favorite foods.

I wish political lobbying would be labeled what it is -- bribery -- and those engaging in it, on both sides of the equation be punished accordingly.

PorterStarrByrd
03-16-2013, 12:17 AM
Denied,
Don't be jealous, just because you can't afford your own polititian.


I wish I will get lots of sap in my lines.

Zivvy
03-16-2013, 12:27 AM
Granted, but now you have to deal with angry tree huggers everywhere for wasting those precious trees to fill your wrinkles with its sticky goo.


I wish I had shade trees in my yard...

Nymtoc
03-16-2013, 02:11 AM
Granted. Your yard is planted with huge oaks, maples, ashes, lindens and elms. They are so massive that they overwhelm your house and make it impossible for you to get out the door. You are trapped, but at least your last days are spent looking out the window at lush foliage.

I wish people would realize how much space their big, bulky backpacks take up and stop bumping into me.

PorterStarrByrd
03-16-2013, 02:23 AM
Denied
Get up off othe bus floor and quit acting like a baby. By the way, what flavor is that chewing gum?

I wish I had some chewing gum

Zivvy
03-16-2013, 02:44 AM
Granted. You get a lifetime supply of chewing gum, but its rancid and tastes like gangrene.


I wish my house had stained glass windows.

kellysaid
03-16-2013, 03:25 AM
I wish my house had stained glass windows.

Granted. Your windows are glass stained with bird poo.

I wish I had super strength.

Todd Young
03-16-2013, 03:30 AM
Granted. But you break every bone in your boyfriend's body with an overenthusiastic hug.

I wish I could go to sleep.

Defos
03-16-2013, 03:32 AM
X2 posts too late :(

I wish I was quicker

Zivvy
03-16-2013, 05:00 AM
Granted. Your nickname with the ladies will forever be *The* Minute Man.

D'awwwwwwwwwwwww!

I wish I could write an entire series in a day.

Nymtoc
03-16-2013, 05:43 AM
Granted. You write an entire series of boring sentences filled with misspellings, grammatical errors and syntactical whoppers in one day. No one reads it.

I wish I could invent something as popular as peanut butter.

Lady MacBeth
03-16-2013, 06:02 AM
Granted. However, like peanut butter, your invention is banned in schools all over the world.

I wish I could write something that was wildly popular.

PorterStarrByrd
03-16-2013, 06:08 AM
Granted

Deer and elk love to eat your writing. Nobobody else cares much for it.

I wish I didn't get my antlers tangled in the brush so often.

Defos
03-16-2013, 06:21 PM
Granted, your partner has now shaved

I wish I didn't feel guilty for stealing someone else's turn in the thread but ...

Saija
03-16-2013, 07:46 PM
Granted. You now have no soul or conscience (if you ever did).

I wish I could have a puppy.

Nymtoc
03-16-2013, 07:58 PM
Dictionary.com:
pupĚpy [puhp-ee] noun, plural pupĚpies....
4. a presuming, conceited, or empty-headed young man.

Granted. He has moved in with you, strides around boasting about himself and spouts inanities all day, and you have no idea how to get rid of him.

I wish I had a pomegranate.

Reziac
03-16-2013, 08:09 PM
Granted... but the genie is uncertain which part of the pomegranate Nymtoc wants, so presents Nymtoc with the seeds and spines.

I wish pomegranate flesh was easier to eat. (I can hear you thinking, nasty Genie.)

Liralen
03-17-2013, 04:39 AM
Granted. You now have a proboscis, similar to that of the great anteater, along with long, curving claws, perfectly adapted to your diet of pomegranates. Strangely, this does not adversely affect your sex life, such as it is.

I wish for an end to anti-pitbull legislation :(

Reziac
03-17-2013, 04:42 AM
Alas, denied, even the genie can't fix stupid.

I wish everyone loved pitbulls.

Robbert
03-17-2013, 05:06 PM
Granted. Convincing the general public is going to be tough, though. Guess who is chairman of the campaign?

I wish my nineteen fig trees will generate enough income to pay my bills.

Defos
03-17-2013, 05:21 PM
Granted my wish arm is pretty tired so I bought you a tent, without rent and electricity you should be comfortable ... just not at night in the creepy woods where Saija dances.

I wish my money problems were someone elses

Saija
03-17-2013, 08:19 PM
Granted. You die and your children/spouse/pet iLion/whoever inherit(s) your debt.

I wish that I could snap my fingers and my homework would be instantly done (AND get me good grades).

Nymtoc
03-17-2013, 08:21 PM
Granted. And as a bonus, you will be promoted from kindergarten to the first grade.

I wish cherry trees would stay in blossom all year round.

JoBird
03-18-2013, 02:58 AM
Granted. All cherry trees have been relocated to Blossom, Texas where they will remain all year round.

I wish I was already done with all of my beta reading/critiquing this week.

Liralen
03-18-2013, 03:30 AM
Denied. Genie cannot tell whether you are bragging or complaining.

I wish electric clocks would work properly around me.

Defos
03-18-2013, 03:39 AM
Granted, you are now plugged into the mains so the clocks run directly from the butt plug (no I mean a real plug that's plugged into your ... bah you know what genie means)

Good luck having a bath!

I Wish electric was free

PorterStarrByrd
03-18-2013, 03:46 AM
I wish electric clocks would work properly around me.

Granted
They work fine. I had to make a little trade with the clock fairy so they are no loger adjustable, nor right. The sound has been turned up on them so you can be sure they are working without straining your ears.


I wish I knew the prune fairy better.

Selcaby
03-18-2013, 04:00 AM
I wish I knew the prune fairy better.

Granted. She never leaves your side, and you'll never get any privacy again.

I wish my house would stay clean by itself.

Selcaby
03-18-2013, 04:15 AM
I Wish electric was free

Granted. Your back yard is now filled with photovoltaic panels and wind turbines.

(I already posted a wish in the post just above, so I'm not posting another one.)

Robbert
03-18-2013, 03:35 PM
Granted. Three neutered house cleaners will knock on your door shortly. Take your pick.

I wish I had a wind turbine in my backyard.

Nymtoc
03-18-2013, 04:44 PM
Granted. However, the turbine has a sound pressure level of 200 decibels. You must wear heavy-duty earmuffs, and despite that, within six months you are deaf.

I wish I could ride in a rodeo.

Reziac
03-18-2013, 09:01 PM
Granted! The bull-riding competition should be especially exciting today.

I wish I knew the pedigree on that old mare who was such a great rodeo horse back about 30 years.

Defos
03-19-2013, 12:15 PM
Granted, genie has emailed you all the info on that particular brand of dog food

I wish more parents taught children respect like they did in the olden days

Robbert
03-19-2013, 01:37 PM
Granted. All children are taught to respect the one and only Defos. Better?

I wish potential parents had to pass some kind of maturity test first.

me-a-monsteR
03-19-2013, 03:26 PM
Granted. No one born after 1990 will become parents. Ever.

I wish I could read minds and manipulate them.

lmoses2011
03-19-2013, 05:03 PM
Granted. You now have this ability, but as a side effect you grow hair all over your body and you are mistaken for a werewolf. An angry mob beats you to a pulp.

I wish I was the most powerful person on earth

Nymtoc
03-19-2013, 07:33 PM
Granted. You reach up and destroy an asteroid that is about to hit the earth. You are hailed as a hero, posthumously.

I wish I were a CEO with a platinum parachute.

Reziac
03-19-2013, 07:35 PM
Granted. Your heirs will be billed for the crater in the company parking lot.

I wish my granddad hadn't put his money in an unbonded bank (which absconded with the funds).

lmoses2011
03-19-2013, 07:57 PM
wow that sucks! Since the genie is not fond of unscrupulous financial institutions your wish is granted.

I wish all shady business men would get a taste of their own medicine

Liralen
03-19-2013, 10:49 PM
Granted. Over 90% of the world's businesses implode from the vacuum this creates.

I wish I could figure out something to fix for lunch -- that I actually might want to eat.

PorterStarrByrd
03-19-2013, 11:00 PM
I wish I could figure out something to fix for lunch -- that I actually might want to eat.

Granted
Not sure how palatable it is, but you might want to fix that last chapter you wrote. Make it a little juicier.


I wish my goldfish hadn't decided to live in a waring blender.

Liralen
03-19-2013, 11:19 PM
Granted, but that's a gimme, since your goldfish didn't want to live in a Waring blender, it was hoping for a KitchenAid, but had to settle.

I really, really wish I wasn't hungry so I could just skip the whole finding food dilemma. :(

Defos
03-19-2013, 11:40 PM
Granted you are no longer a squirrel

I wish you didn't like nuts so much

PorterStarrByrd
03-20-2013, 01:20 AM
Granted
She now has no firends on the forum ... Great job Defos


I wish I could figure out to unplug the Waring blender before I get another goldfish.

CDSinex
03-20-2013, 11:28 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you a fool-proof method: place your right hand in the blender, and with your left index finger depress the button for the power setting. As the blades grab your fingers you will reflexively move your arm, and the plug will pull out of the receptacle. If it fails to do so, repeat the above steps until you achieve the desired results.

I wish I could walk on water.

Nymtoc
03-20-2013, 02:13 PM
Granted. The Genie has transported you to an ice floe in Baffin Bay. He has also generously provided you with warm clothing.

I wish Adam Sandler were less obnoxious.

Liralen
03-21-2013, 12:22 AM
Granted. Sort of. Genie is sending you to a retreat where you will be living, eating and sleeping with Gilbert Gottfried, Joan Rivers and Carrot Top for two weeks. If you survive, Adam Sandler will never seem obnoxious to you again.

I wish I lived in a fully equipped Mongolian Yurt in the Pacific Northwest.

Defos
03-21-2013, 05:33 AM
Granted but the ger is so small you keep your ruby gutals outside so the wicked witch of the pacific north west can steal them from you

I wish the witch would release me from her spell

JoBird
03-21-2013, 06:51 AM
Granted. You are a toad again.

I wish I lived in a lighthouse.

Nymtoc
03-21-2013, 07:17 AM
Granted. You live in the Lighthouse of Alexandria--or what's left of it. You may need Scuba gear.

I wish the next dance craze would be named after me.

Liralen
03-21-2013, 07:32 AM
Granted. It's a bastard fusion of Gangnam, Vogueing and the Macarena with tazer induced seizures thrown in at random intervals.

I wish I could observe that -- from a distance :D

Robbert
03-21-2013, 03:26 PM
Granted. You sit and watch. Your feet begin to tap to the beat. Soon afterwards, you throw a fit without having been tasered. You're hooked.

I wish I had a personal portfolio manager.

Defos
03-21-2013, 05:38 PM
Granted, the borrower inside your folio works day and night. You now find time to socialise but only with the borrower. You name him Fred and make him a bed from a matchbox which you stuff under your pillow at night.

When you wake theres blood all over the pillow. Fred fought the tooth fairy in the night and lost. The moral of this story is?

I wish little people was as respected as big ones ...

Robbert
03-21-2013, 08:49 PM
Popular fallacy here. Respect goes to those who deserve it. Always was like that, always will be. Nothing to do with little ones or big ones. Sorry.

I wish all people had the same skin colour.

Reziac
03-21-2013, 09:04 PM
Granted. Now everyone has neon-green skin. The little green men from Alpha Centauri think Earth is some fancy brothel.

I wish we had a space station at Alpha Centauri.

Nymtoc
03-21-2013, 09:22 PM
Granted. Only one person is assigned to it, and that person can never return to Earth. Guess who!

I wish I had a credit card with no limit, and with no need to pay for what I charge, ever.

JoBird
03-21-2013, 09:47 PM
Granted. Welcome to Congress.

I wish it would never rain again.

lmoses2011
03-21-2013, 10:58 PM
Granted. The genie doesn't need to do to much to mess that one up!

I wish I stop procrastinating on AW and get some writing done

Nymtoc
03-21-2013, 11:04 PM
Granted. You stay away from AW and spend all your time writing. Does the Genie really need to point out that your writing sucks?

I wish I could be paid a dollar a word for everything I write (including here at AW).

PorterStarrByrd
03-21-2013, 11:27 PM
I wish I could be paid a dollar a word for everything I write (including here at AW).

Granted. You're going to have to step into this time machine here and step into the furture when the dollar is worth about 2 cents in today's terms, say about ten or eleven years from now.


I wish my floor would stand still.

Liralen
03-22-2013, 12:47 AM
Granted. Enjoy watching the rest of the room gyrate. Genie's feeling magnanimous this afternoon, so here's a bonus box of dramamine. Not sure how well they go with porter, so you might switch to stout.

I wish the last vestiges of winter temps would GO AWAY until late next November!

Robbert
03-22-2013, 01:42 PM
Granted. Stop heating your house. Leave your coat hanging in the closet. Chuck your boots and wear flip-flops instead. Donate your woolly hats to charity. Better now? Have all vestiges disappeared?

I wish my fountain pen will never run out of ink.

alleycat
03-22-2013, 01:47 PM
Granted. We're sending you the special 55-gallon ink reservoir (with instructions). It might take some getting used to, but you won't run out of ink in your lifetime.

I wish I had a personal shopper so I didn't have to go to the grocery store today.

Nymtoc
03-22-2013, 01:58 PM
Granted. You have a personal shopper. He is Muggsy O'Steal, recently released from the state penitentiary and considered a good risk for rehabilitation. Unfortunately, the prison authorities were wrong about him, and he uses the credit card you handed him (that was dumb), maxes it out, steals a Honda and flees to Mexico. You still don't have any groceries.

I wish the temperature would rise into the 70s and stay there.

alleycat
03-22-2013, 02:04 PM
Granted. We will spray enough hydrofluorocarbon over where you live to create a giant hole in the ozone layer. Enjoy the balmy 140 degree weather from now on. Don't tell the mayor.

I wish I knew what was at the end of the rainbow.

Defos
03-22-2013, 10:58 PM
Granted, you now know what was at the end of that rainbow ... now tell the rest of us.

I wish someone would learn me to fly

JoBird
03-22-2013, 11:33 PM
Granted. Uhm. Someone has learned you, and now that someone can fly.

I wish I could hit a home run every time I step up to bat.

Defos
03-23-2013, 03:59 AM
Granted you step up to the bat and hit a home run, the bat arcs around around jamming its fangs into your neck as you dance around flapping like a cheerleader

I wish I could dance like JoBird ...

Nymtoc
03-23-2013, 05:47 AM
Granted. You come down with Sydenham's Chorea, a neurological disease also known as St. Vitus Dance, and you run around jerking and flapping (like Jobird).

I wish I had an apple made of solid gold.

Liralen
03-23-2013, 05:59 AM
Granted. It's your Adam's apple.

Oops.

I wish the people around me had a good healthy fear of saying and doing hateful things around me (the behind my back stuff . . . meh, that's on them).

*gah -- venting, afternoon of listening to my mother rant and rag on anyone not of the caucasian persuasion*

JoBird
03-23-2013, 08:48 AM
Granted. Everyone you meet freezes like a deer in headlights. Then they bolt. On the plus side you never have to wait in line for the bathroom.

I wish I knew where bad folks go when they die.

Nymtoc
03-23-2013, 09:00 AM
To Be Granted (date uncertain) through your own experience.

I wish I owned a five-star restaurant.

Liralen
03-23-2013, 09:17 AM
Granted. That one will twist itself without Genie's help.

I wish there was a great, open air, fresh food market in this community.

Defos
03-24-2013, 12:33 AM
Granted AW forums now has an open air, fresh food market ...
*waits for a moderator to create the relevant forum section to prevent genie looking like an idiot

You really don't want to make a genie look stupid!

I wish the moderators would hurry ...

Nymtoc
03-24-2013, 03:20 AM
Granted. However, in Moderator Time, it takes three hours to complete one second of your time, so you may experience a slight delay.

I wish to receive all the awards I deserve.

JoBird
03-24-2013, 05:51 AM
Uhm. Granted? You know, these things kind of things actually work themselves out.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

shakeysix
03-24-2013, 06:56 AM
You can--unfortunately somone left it out in the rain.

I wish that it would stop snowing!

Nymtoc
03-24-2013, 07:16 AM
Granted. It will soon stop snowing. The temperature will begin to rise, and before long it will be 100 - 105 -110 -140 - 200 degrees F. where you live! The reason? GLOBAL WARMING!

But look on the bright side. If you are a Republican, you won't be affected, since for you, Global Warming does not exist. ;)


I wish they still made giant insect movies like the ones they made in the 1950s.

Liralen
03-24-2013, 08:09 AM
Give it time. As global warming progresses, there will be more giant insect movies made, but they'll be documentaries.

I wish Al Gore would shut up so perhaps more people would begin to take global warming seriously.

shakeysix
03-24-2013, 05:08 PM
Al Gore shuts up but it makes no diff because the uneducated are still stupid.

I wish Washington DC could be forcibly moved to my hometown for an entire year. They would begin to take all kinds of shit seriously!

Reziac
03-24-2013, 07:10 PM
Granted. Finally your hometown realises what government is up to, given this firsthand experience.

I wish our gov't still was what the Founders envisioned.

Nymtoc
03-24-2013, 09:13 PM
Soon to be granted. Our gov't will be what the founders of the Tea Party envisioned.

I wish my life was like a movie.

Reziac
03-24-2013, 09:16 PM
Granted, and the director is Irwin Allen.

I wish I had a complete set of tapes or DVDs of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.

shakeysix
03-24-2013, 09:53 PM
All video tapes were destroyed at the request of Richard Baseheart who started out his career as an actor in a Fellini film. However I am sending you an official membership to the David Hedison fan club/mallwalkers association!

I wish all men were as short, suave and sexy as Richard Baseheart

Liralen
03-24-2013, 10:24 PM
Denied. Genie is 5'10".

I wish I had been wiser earlier.

Nymtoc
03-24-2013, 11:19 PM
Granted. You decided to have nothing to do with writing.

I wish I were a yo-yo champion.

Liralen
03-24-2013, 11:53 PM
Granted. You're a champion yo-yo.

I wish one of my violins was in playing condition.

PorterStarrByrd
03-25-2013, 12:03 AM
I wish one of my violins was in playing condition.

Denied ..

You're just being fussy. The way the genie plays the banjo violin any old violin is in playing condition. It's been a while since the genie was in playing condition.

I wish I was in playing condition.

Liralen
03-25-2013, 12:37 AM
Denied. It will take more than Genie -- or even a schiltron of Genies.

I also wish my sister hadn't taken my French horn and given it to one of her friends.

Defos
03-25-2013, 04:52 AM
Denied, Genie likes horny french things and requires her phone number to make sure it was returned to her and put to good use. Also requesting info on how hard she can blow the ... k genie going too far - it was your wish Genie stole not my own after all

Genie has a wish! ... I wish ... umm

shakeysix
03-25-2013, 04:57 AM
Your French horn is back but only if you can play the Lichtensteiner polka while eating graham crackers.

I wish Helmut Fricker would serenade Liralem with a selection of fine accordion music so she could forget her lost French horn.

Zeddo
03-25-2013, 05:49 AM
Genie should have thought before granting this wish, but who could possibly have known the performance would leave poor Liralen with a permanent twitch?


I wish my fillings would stop receiving broadcasts from the Grand Ole Opry.

JoBird
03-25-2013, 05:58 AM
Granted. Your fillings are now broadcasting the Grand Ole Opry instead. And if you're curious what that means understand that Genie has no idea either.

I wish smoking cigarettes was healthy.

Nymtoc
03-25-2013, 08:33 AM
Granted. Here's the proof:

http://s8.postimg.org/3yeabvwb9/smoking_01_350x404.jpg (http://postimage.org/)


I wish JoBird could resist the ad pictured above.

Liralen
03-25-2013, 08:41 AM
Granted. Now he's seriously contemplating this one. You know, the whole "early Bird" thing . . .

http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m110/Renee750il/gifs/tapeworm-diet_zps17acbd48.jpg

I wish they'd take those grotesque Mucinex commercials out of rotation.

druid12000
03-29-2013, 05:47 AM
Granted. Children blowing snot bubbles will be replacing those ads.
Happy?

I wish every person who drives a motor vehicle on the highways of every continent of this world would know, with certainty, that if they want to go faster than you are currently going there is another lane to the left of them and they can pass at will.

Liralen
03-29-2013, 12:12 PM
Granted. But someone else is going to have to move the minivan out of the way; you know, the one doing 5 mph under the speed limit in the hammer lane.

I wish Druid would quit disappearing!

Saija
03-29-2013, 04:27 PM
Granted. Druid is moving in with you. Along with his collection of 500 animal companions.

I wish my fever would just go away already! :(

Defos
03-29-2013, 05:17 PM
Granted, you and your fever are now on a trial separation. The slightest bit of stress or cold will bring you lovingly back together.

I wish I had more tissues, baywatch is almost on.

JoBird
03-29-2013, 05:25 PM
Granted. Just reach into the bra of the closest woman to you.

I wish I had robot body parts.

Saija
03-29-2013, 07:31 PM
Granted. Genie has turned you into this: http://img.diytrade.com/cdimg/675713/5211609/0/1203413325/Tin_toy_robot.jpg

I wish I had chocolate cake.

Nymtoc
03-29-2013, 08:03 PM
Granted. But from now on, chocolate cake is all you will be able to eat, forever and ever and ever and...

I wish the temperature would climb to 70 degrees F. (21 C.) today.

Reziac
03-29-2013, 08:14 PM
[checking forecast] Granted, probably. If you're where Genie is. If you're in Antarctica, tho, where Genie was moved to transport you...

I wish Genie would curse me with chocolate cake like Saija got.

Robbert
03-30-2013, 08:49 PM
Semi-granted (choc cake is a rare commodity). Genie teleports you to Saija. In case she doesn't want to share with you, well, tough.

I wish no politician will ever touch my money.

Nymtoc
03-30-2013, 09:36 PM
Denied. Genie does not grant silly wishes.

I wish I could write faster.

Reziac
03-30-2013, 09:47 PM
Denied! We'd just determined that the genie does not grant silly wishes, and there you go again!

I wish the genie would grant silly wishes.

CDSinex
03-30-2013, 11:44 PM
the Genie has decided to make a one-time exception and grant your silly wish, but no more, so don't ask.

I wish we had a longer growing season around here.

Defos
03-31-2013, 12:57 AM
Granted, your illegal growing operation now takes longer. The police will be in-touch soon.

I wish I had a fast car.

Liralen
03-31-2013, 06:31 AM
Granted. You forgot to ask for the Brembo brake upgrade.

I wish Kharma and I could go on another road trip to visit friends.

RemaCaracappa
04-05-2013, 12:56 PM
Granted. You forgot to ask for the Brembo brake upgrade.

I wish Kharma and I could go on another road trip to visit friends.

Granted. You and your artificial patchouli-laden hippie friend, Kharma are off on a crazy adventure. In her VW bus. That hasn't been cleaned since her parents took it to Woodstock. And the windows are all stuck in the up position. The friends? They live on the other side of the country annnnd the radio only picks up the Polka station.

Genie is in a particularly sadistic mood just now.

I wish there was a convenient place in my neighborhood to buy my favorite lip balm.

CDSinex
04-13-2013, 02:54 AM
Granted: A 24-hour Walmart superstore is built abutting your property. (Your's was the only house in a four-block area that they didn't offer to buy at three-times the appraised value. Talk about convenient shopping!)

I'm sorry I pulled the thread that was sticking out, and unraveled your favorite sweater, but ...

Nymtoc
04-13-2013, 05:41 AM
...everyone else thought it was a hideous sweater, so at least you won't keep offending others.

I'm sorry you dropped out of school after the third grade, but...

Liralen
04-13-2013, 06:55 AM
at eighteen, you were so much bigger than the other kids and kept breaking the swings and getting stuck on the slide.

I wish I knew how Genie's thread got turned into twisted apologies!

*maybe it was pulling on that loose thread that unraveled it?*

Nymtoc
04-13-2013, 07:54 AM
Granted. But in order to know, Genie has had to induct you into the Mystic Realm of the Cosmic Arcana, and you will never be the same.

I wish I had a peach tree.

PorterStarrByrd
04-13-2013, 03:06 PM
Granted
Your tree now yields one very average peach each growing season



I wish numbtick would share his peach harvest with me.

CDSinex
04-18-2013, 03:30 AM
Granted: He keeps the fruit and shares, as it seems is your lot in life, the pits.

I wish I could build hand-made bamboo fly-fishing rods.

Nymtoc
04-18-2013, 03:49 AM
Granted. But as soon as you make one, your neighbor's panda comes over and eats it.

I wish my local supermarket were not going to close at the end of this month.

Liralen
04-18-2013, 08:11 AM
Granted. On the condition that it's a locally owned store. Genie really doesn't like to see those close and get replaced by MegaCorpMarts.

I wish I knew that somehow my life is going to be a little less . . . like it is.

JoBird
04-18-2013, 08:15 AM
Granted. You should be hearing the sirens outside right about now.

I wish the loser now would be later to win.

Reziac
04-18-2013, 07:47 PM
The genie had trouble parsing your wish, so after much squinting decided that you want the loser to come in even later than before, somewhere after dead last. Well, okay, it must be that new math.

I wish I would win something besides the booby prize.

Nymtoc
04-18-2013, 08:20 PM
Granted. You have won a booklet containing 100 S&H green stamps.

I wish I had $1,000 in my wallet right now.

Defos
04-18-2013, 09:12 PM
Granted as genie has already pointed out in a similar wish this dollar value is much less in other countries. Go spend the dollars on hair cut ... it's all you can afford.

I wish I could ride on Drachen's back without him thinking its sexual. (It's ok he never comes here :p)

iLion
04-18-2013, 09:18 PM
Sorry DeFos... but there are some things that even a genie cannot do.

I wish that wishing DeFos would wish for a different wish.

Defos
04-18-2013, 09:22 PM
Granted >

I wish to ride ilion! ... the kinky way ;)

Reziac
04-18-2013, 10:22 PM
Granted. The lion thanks you for the nice crunchy dinner, but asks that next time you muffle the screams.

I wish when I got a hair cut, it would magically cut all my hairs at once.

Liralen
04-18-2013, 11:37 PM
Granted. Although there are some regions of the anatomy where that mullet looks even weirder than on your head.

I wish someone would answer Hamlet's question definitively.

Nymtoc
04-19-2013, 03:10 AM
Granted. Yorick knows the answer. Ask him.

I wish my knee didn't hurt.

JoBird
04-19-2013, 03:13 AM
Granted. Obviously, you have no knee now. Bye-bye pesky meniscus.

I wish Clarkesworld would publish one of my stories.

Liralen
04-19-2013, 03:41 AM
Granted. You are dubbed "the New L. Ron Hubbard."

I wish I could be in two places at the same time.

JoBird
04-19-2013, 03:45 AM
Uhm. Okay, sure. Granted. Where should I deposit the top half?

I wish you would put Liralen back together again!

Liralen
04-19-2013, 03:54 AM
Denied. If Liralen ever got it all together there could be repercussions of biblical proportions. Plus it would confuse her mightily.

I wish I liked housework, or at least didn't find it quite so tedious.