View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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Lady MacBeth
12-31-2012, 08:35 AM
Granted. The latest edition of "How to Haggle Effectively" is in the mail COD. When you've finished reading it, you can haggle your way out of the charge we've put on your credit card.

I wish hackers would erase my debt and put millions in my bank account.

12-31-2012, 09:42 AM
Granted. The millions are quickly traced to stolen funds, and you are arrested.

I wish the snowflakes piling up on my window sill were really pearls.

12-31-2012, 10:19 AM
Granted, but Genie must warn you that they're coming down pretty quickly...oh no...DEAR GOD...people are being pelted to death by this 'plague of pearls', as one person coined before succombing to the onslaught. The damage estimates are in the trillions of dollars, worldwide, for this unprecendented catastophe.
Um, pearl prices level out at record lows.
Oh, the humanity...

I wish everyone in the world loved my writing.

12-31-2012, 01:56 PM
Granted. You're a star!!! People turn to you to seek strength, forgiveness, advice, mercy--the whole lot. In due course, you will wish to lead the life of a recluse.

I wish my writing were as sharp as my tongue.

12-31-2012, 08:55 PM
Granted. Your manuscripts now all soft with saliva. A tongue is not really all that sharp, really.

I wish my allergies would calm down.

12-31-2012, 09:12 PM
I wish my allergies would calm down.

Rediculous ..

Wish impossible to grant

Your allergies are perfectly calm .. it's YOU that needs to calm down a little.

I wish fish were already breaded and ready to fry when you caught them.

01-01-2013, 03:20 AM
Granted: But, the supermarket security officer reminds you that even thought you "caught" the fish sticks in the freezer section you still have to pay for them.

I wish it would stop raining during the fireworks display at the Space Needle tonight.


01-01-2013, 07:56 AM
Denied. Even the Genie can't control Seattle weather.

I wish all the mouth breathers would accept the reality of climate change and agree to do something about it.

01-01-2013, 10:43 AM
Granted. They have accepted the reality and have agreed to do something about it. They created a committee to study the problem, composed of politicians whose only angle is how they can profit from it.

I wish I could legally pay no taxes while still living in the United States.

01-01-2013, 03:45 PM
(Genie just went through an awful lot of small print, amongst other things, even expats are taxed under U.S. law *shakes head*)

Granted. Legally speaking, not paying taxes while still living in the States is possible: Under the bridge.

I wish I had a stainless steel waffle iron.

01-01-2013, 04:00 PM
Granted. It is a replica of a waffle iron from the 14th century--beautifully updated with stainless steel instead of iron! It is constructed of two hinged metal plates connected to two long, wooden handles, and you will find endless enjoyment as you bake your waffles over the hearth fire.

I wish I had some tropical fish.

01-01-2013, 04:11 PM
I wish I had some tropical fish.


You want fries and coleslaw too?

I wish I had a blue goat

01-02-2013, 01:37 AM
Granted: But the Genie hopes you don't plan on trying to make blue cheese from her milk.


I wish the seed catalogs would hurry up and arrive.

01-02-2013, 11:25 AM
Granted! Seedy catalogs from across the globe will begin filling your mailbox tomorrow. Men, women, animals, a plethora of filth that would make Ron Jeremy shed a tear of joy!

What? Seed catalogs? F*ck me. Um, I can fix this *poof*

I wish Kim Kardashian could be cryogenically frozen now, as a goof to a future generation.

01-02-2013, 11:40 AM
Granted. She can be, but you will have to be the one who does it, and do you really want to mess around with draining the blood and the liquid nitrogen and the smell and the creepy equipment? Well, go ahead if you want.

I wish the moon were not receding from the earth.*

*It gets about 3.8 cm farther away each year

01-02-2013, 12:30 PM
Granted. Genie has made up for recent failures by installing a propulsion system on the moon to keep it right where it is. Neat and tidy. Yessir, finally got one right... Why does the moon look so big? Hehe, probably just a Hunter's moon...right?
Damn, there goes Japan...

I wish my picture was on a trading card.

01-02-2013, 01:02 PM
Granted. Rob a bank. The FBI has a set of trading cards with the Most Wanted on them.

I wish I had a lightsaber. I have a large block of cheese to slice.

01-02-2013, 01:27 PM
Granted. You are the proud owner of a state-of-the-art lightsaber. Being as inexperienced as you are, you go swoosh swoosh swoosh and your lovely cheese disintegrates into a pile of dust.

I wish people would save for a rainy day.

01-02-2013, 01:29 PM
Granted. The government will now hand out free buckets (it's all part of the budget agreement).

I wish I was as smart as I think I am.

01-02-2013, 01:47 PM
Granted. As always, you are as smart as you think you are. Thank you for the easy ones!

I wish I had a spaceship, so I could launch my own space program.

01-02-2013, 05:44 PM
Granted. But you use your spaceship to fly to the planet Mongo, where you are captured by the Emperor Ming, who does all kinds of nasty things to you.

I wish I owned Fort Knox.

01-03-2013, 03:47 AM
Granted: You are now the proud owner of the defunct Fort Knox, a long closed motel in Fort Knox, Maine. The motel shut down with millions of dollars in debt, which you, as the new owner, now assume.

I wish I there was an easy upgrade from XP to 7 (yes, 7, not 8)

01-03-2013, 03:42 PM
Granted. CDSinex ain't no computer whiz, eh? Genie believes this will be easy enough for you: Ask any 15-year-old.

I wish I won't have to sacrifice my precious guinea pig.

01-03-2013, 05:13 PM
Granted. See Porter Starr Byrd. He knows all about guinea pigs, gerbils and other rodents and how to keep them or kill them.

I wish I had enough LEGO bricks to build myself a house to live in.

01-03-2013, 11:43 PM
Granted: You soon notice that each day, after returning from work, a few more pieces are missing. It seems your neighbor's kids, Hansel and Gretel, find it more tempting than the gingerbread house two doors down.

I wish there were more holidays in January.

01-04-2013, 12:04 AM
Granted: you're out of a job

I wish I had a job I actually liked.

01-04-2013, 06:01 AM
Granted. You have a job you actually like--unplugging sewers with your bare hands. Unfortunately, nobody likes you.

I wish I made the world's best lasagna.

01-04-2013, 10:52 AM
Partially granted. Genie's friend Druid12000's brother-in-law makes the world's best lasagna. If Genie has learned one thing in it's long life it is this: do not f*uck with Italians and their cooking abilities. I'm afraid you will have to be number two for now or Genie will be stuffed mercilessly back into that hell of a lamp, and Genie don't play that.

I wish the world renowned actor Tom Hanks would accept an invitation to one of my parties.

01-04-2013, 02:59 PM
Granted, Genie just managed to twist his arm. Tell you what, it'll be a lame party, though. What's the point of one person getting all the attention, whilst everyone else stands around :Jaw:?

I wish I could already get my hands on an iPad VI.

01-05-2013, 11:46 AM
Denied!!!! If Genie can't have one then neither can you!

I wish people would learn from their mistakes and make the world a better place because of the newfound wisdom.

01-05-2013, 01:54 PM
Granted. The world is a better place. Rainbows glisten and fairies sing. Oh, you should know... technology is seen as the root of all historical big mistakes (all those nuclear weapons and stuff) and will hence forth be banished from the world. So no ipads for anyone. Ever.

I wish I could look fantastic in whatever I choose to wear.

01-05-2013, 02:49 PM
Granted. You look great in everything you wear, but only in your mind. Everyone else is staring. And pointing. Ok, now they're laughing. I'm outta here...

I wish I wasn't so forgetful.

01-05-2013, 03:16 PM
Granted. You just forgot you wished for that.

I wish I had a dog. That's a simple wish; surely that one will be granted in full.

01-05-2013, 04:50 PM
Granted. Your new dog, a neutered poodle called Sissy, just arrived on your doorstep. Go and have a look--it's a real cutie, isn't it!? All righty, you're familiar with the saying, 'A dog is for life, not just for Epiphany'? Don't you dare coming back to me, wishing someone else would take care of Sissy!

I wish I had a big studio.

01-05-2013, 07:18 PM
Granted. You have the Megamount Movie Studio, which has just had its most disastrous flop in years. You owe hundreds of millions of dollars and have no way to repay them.

I wish there were no commercials on television.

01-05-2013, 07:24 PM
Granted. Good luck sitting through a Planet of the apes marathon without a bathroom break.

I wish for the obvious... world peace.

01-05-2013, 10:52 PM
Genie grants insight. Note, other Genies before me have failed miserably to implement this popular wish. Obviously, Genies always read it as ...world peace while the human race continues to exist... We've been at a loss for billennios as to why we can't bring it about. Sorry.

I wish I won't reincarnate as a frightening warrior.

01-05-2013, 10:55 PM
I wish I won't reincarnate as a frightening warrior.

You're scheduled to return as a mole rat. I won't tell you when because it might disturb you.

I wish I had some benders

01-05-2013, 11:07 PM
Granted! However, remember you wished for it when you wake up in the drunk tank with Bubba.

I wish I could answer, definitively, how that cat in the box is both alive and dead . . .

A S Abrams
01-06-2013, 01:17 AM
Granted: And now the revelation has turned you into a zombie, being both dead and animated.

I wish I could eat the best chocolate cake I or anyone has ever tasted.

Lady MacBeth
01-06-2013, 08:33 AM
Granted. From this point forward, your diet consists of nothing but chocolate cake.

I wish I didn't have to wait so long to see the next season of Game of Thrones.

01-06-2013, 09:20 AM
Granted. Genie is also a big fan so you can ride on my carpet to the set, just make sure you hold onto the sides because we go pretty fast...um, where'd you go? Oh, damn, that will definitely leave a mark...

I wish I had a legion of fans of my writing.

01-06-2013, 09:24 AM
Granted. Think Misery.

I wish I had a winery . . .

01-06-2013, 09:40 AM
Granted. You hear the endless whine of a billion mosquitoes, endless whining from your disappointed fans, and you whine endlessly about both... oh, you said winery? Sorry, the genie is a trifle deaf. Too late now!

I wish I had perfect vision.

01-06-2013, 09:54 AM
Granted. Now begins your pathological aversion to mirrors . . .

I wish I had infallible insight.

01-06-2013, 11:00 AM
Granted. Sadly, it comes with tourette syndrome and you're thought of by most people as, well, kind of mean.

I wish I had a corvette. (for no particular reason)

01-06-2013, 11:03 AM
Granted. Your friends all drive Porsches. You're left in the dust.

I wish I knew what to wish for . . .

01-06-2013, 11:06 AM
Granted. Genie knows your dreams and *poof*, there you go!
Not really sure what it is but it has teeth and seems aggressive.

I wish I had an ice cream cone.

01-06-2013, 11:16 AM
Granted. The cone. You didn't say anything about any sort of ice cream. Oh, and since you didn't specify, it's one of those cardboard tasting things. You could have wished for a chocolate dipped waffle cone, but nooooooo. Learn to be specific.

I wish I had an island commune where like-minded creative people could live and work together . . .

01-06-2013, 11:21 AM
Granted. It's a desert island with no flora or fauna. This could get ugly quickly...

I wish my commute was shorter.

01-06-2013, 11:24 AM
Granted. There's a new MickeyD's a block from your house.

I wish I had the quick metabolism of my Pitbull Terrier.

01-06-2013, 11:32 AM
Granted you have his metabolism and his unending, single minded attention to laser pointers.

I wish I had better posture

01-06-2013, 11:50 AM
Granted. Again, you didn't specify. You have better posture . . . for a baboon. Along with the brightly pigmented cheeks.

And the hairy back.

I wish that fresh, clean, high count Egyptian cotton sheets and soft, warm blankets would magically replace the ones on my bed every day.

01-06-2013, 12:08 PM
Granted, but they do it while you're out. Yeah, it's a weird, but they're magic so they have their own rules. At least you know magic is real though, right?

I wish I would stop sneezing!!!!

01-06-2013, 12:27 PM
Granted. But now that tickle in your nose is permanently lodged there.

I wish I could have 5 Do-Overs, to be used at my discretion.

01-06-2013, 12:54 PM
Granted. Time travel is not Genie's forte, but let's give it whirl! What could go wrong?

I wish I had an attack penguin.

01-06-2013, 03:51 PM
Granted. Unfortunately your attack penguin sees you and the rest of the world as a threat and declares war on the entire planet. Operation March of the Penguins begins...

I wish I could train my cats to clean the house.

01-06-2013, 04:03 PM
Just take the first step yourself and get the cats OUT OF THE HOUSE and it will automatically become clean enough you can easily take care of the rest without my help. I'm busy.

I wish I had a pink snorkle.

01-06-2013, 06:00 PM
Granted. In addition, here comes Genie's Tip of the Day: If the pink snorkel style reaallly suits you, by all means, do use it as your new avatar.

I wish I could stop arguing with Porter.

01-06-2013, 06:19 PM
Denied. Being both entertaining and profitable, the arguing must continue. Genie's got bets running on who will win.

I wish my nails would stop growing.

01-06-2013, 06:29 PM
I wish my nails would stop growing.

in fact, not only have they stopped growing but as soon as you pound them into something they will shrink (at least it will look like they are)

I wish I had a chartreuse wet suit

01-06-2013, 07:05 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, chartreuse is the primary food signal for the giant squid, which has already sensed your presence and is approaching you now with its 50-foot tentacles and...:eek:

I wish I lived in Edwardian England and had a title.

01-06-2013, 07:15 PM
I wish I lived in Edwardian England and had a title.

Everyone knows you as "That idiot who thinks he can predict the future"

I wish I had silver swim fins

01-06-2013, 07:36 PM
Granted. You swim happily in the ocean until you end up in Japanese trawlers. It is now your destiny to fill the empty stomachs of a small Asian family.

I wish I didn't loathe mangoes and had the will to give the fruit a fighting chance.

01-06-2013, 07:46 PM
Granted you are now about to become famous in the Madison Square Garden headline fight of the night billed as Tango with the Mango. The mango is heavily favored.

I wish I had a big blue dive knife.

01-06-2013, 08:00 PM
Wish pending. It just so happens that a big blue dive knife is offered as prize to the winner of Tango with the Mango, held at Madison Square Garden. Best stretch those fins, the mango is favoured.

I wish I had a front row seat to the mango-tango debacle.

01-06-2013, 10:12 PM
Granted. But here's a mop....you get to clean the arena afterward. Be sure to get up all the stains and sticky spots.

I wish I could see PorterStarrByrd in his new diving outfit.

01-06-2013, 10:17 PM
Granted. But the sight is so appalling that you have a fit and spend five days in the hospital being treated for shock.

I wish some university would create a program of study devoted to my writing.

01-06-2013, 10:32 PM
Denied! There are already too many university departments devoted to abnormal psychology.

I wish I would finish my Epic.

01-07-2013, 04:06 AM
Granted: Your "epic" is finished. The Genie suggests that the next time you ask for a publisher.

I wish I didn't get so much junk mail.

01-07-2013, 04:40 AM
You just missed getting the Publisher's Clearing House winning entry

I wish I had a yellow spear-gun

01-07-2013, 05:40 AM
Granted, but it's so scared of anything you want to shoot, it quivers and nestles up to you like a pup.

I wish I could invent a sure-fire way to bring the dead back to life, with all of their wits intact.

01-07-2013, 05:52 AM
Granted. But the people are horrified by your experiments, and they march on your house with torches and pitchforks, and you barely escape with your life.

I wish I could publish one bestseller after another.

01-07-2013, 06:59 AM
Granted. Genie is just waiting for "Another" to be a best seller, then you're in...

I wish fun was more widespread.

01-07-2013, 07:13 AM
Genie . . . no . . . Genie's not touchin' that one . . . .

I wish . . . I wish there was less asshattery in the world.

01-07-2013, 07:58 AM
Denied. Unfortunately, people are dumb. Really, excruciatingly dumb. Genie can't possibly fix dumb. Great use of the word asshat though :)

I wish aliens would come to earth and show us a better way of living.

01-07-2013, 08:01 AM
Granted. But they're bringing the recipe for soylent green . . .

I wish I found it easy to learn other languages

01-07-2013, 08:26 AM
Granted. The aliens bringing the recipe for soylent green need interpreters and have chosen you as one of the lucky recipients of their neuro-language implants to help hasten the demise of the human race. Good for you!

I wish a ton of sh*t would suddenly appear on Donald Trump's front lawn.

01-07-2013, 09:11 AM
Granted. It will at least cure the bare spot on his front lawn and spare his neighbors further exposure to the grass comb-over.

I wish all the on-air personalities at Fox were suddenly afflicted with a strange malady that caused them to tell the absolute truth . . .

01-07-2013, 09:25 AM
Granted! And while they quiver on air, unable to control themselves, the mass of viewers watching begin to realize how confused they've been, and switch over to CNN, where they are mesmerized again.

I wish people worldwide would stop watching the news for a week, just to see if would f*ck with the networks.

01-07-2013, 09:36 AM
Granted. But most of them already aren't. They're watching tabloid entertainment under the guise of news, so it backfires and the few news outlets there are shut down.

I wish Justin Bieber would Just Go Away.

01-07-2013, 09:48 AM
Okay. Granted, I guess. But it's a wasted wish. You know there's another one right behind him.

I wish for a - Oh, what the hell, world peace.

01-07-2013, 09:55 AM
Granted. The world is now under Genie's control and you are part of the hive. You have no original thought that the rest of the hive doesn't know. But there is peace.

I wish time would stop....now.

01-07-2013, 10:06 AM
Granted. (aside) - Shhh. Everybody stand still I think he's buying it.

I wish there was something better on TV.

01-07-2013, 10:12 AM
Granted. Your personal life is being revealed chapter by chapter on national TV and people are riveted to their sofas by it.

I wish for whirled peas.

01-07-2013, 01:01 PM
Easily granted. Haven't peas always whirled around their axis?

I wish for a rainy day.

01-08-2013, 06:41 AM
Granted. But you'll also find yourself in east Tennessee.

I wish I didn't have to deal with so many douchebags (not here -- this is my haven :) )

Lady MacBeth
01-08-2013, 07:25 AM
Granted. From now on, all your deals will be with jerks.

I wish I had a sailboat.

01-08-2013, 07:39 AM
Granted. You have a sailboat. Unfortunately it is not built well and its rudder breaks right after it springs a leak. Better be sure you know how to contact the Coast Guard before you take the boat out for a spin.

I wish there was a Big Lots store in my neighborhood.

01-08-2013, 08:48 AM
Granted. And a Fred's. And an Ollie's. And an Odd Lots. And a Save-a-Lot. And Chester's Deep Discount and Used Adult Toy Store.

I wish I knew enough to find and fix the short in my little car.

01-08-2013, 11:12 AM
Denied. Genie may be a lot of things but he's not cruel to short people. Good Lord, why do want to have it 'fixed'? What did it ever do to you? Sheesh.

I wish Muzak was outlawed.

01-08-2013, 11:22 AM
Granted. Ted Nugent will implode -- Genie has accomplished what he failed to do, however, Genie is going to retain the Muzak version of Cat Scratch Fever, just in case.

I wish for Achy Breaky Heart to be erased from the cosmic consciousness, as if it had never been.

01-08-2013, 12:07 PM
Unfortunately denied. And it really does break Genie's achy breaky heart to say that, but there's too much of a risk of wiping out other memories or eliminating inspirations in the process. Wouldn't want to wipe out that cure for cancer just because a researcher happens to be into line dancing but is a brilliant scientist, right?

I wish I could be a real Genie for a day.

01-08-2013, 12:10 PM
Granted. Take over. Genie is tired of getting rubbed the wrong way, but you run the risk of getting stuck in the bottle.

I wish I weren't so freaking cold.

01-08-2013, 07:20 PM
Granted. Genie accelerates your evolution to a hot-blooded creature. Congrats, your ectotherm days are over.

I wish I had a muse.

01-08-2013, 09:00 PM
Granted. Here are a bunch. Take your pick

http://s1.postimage.org/krzgf3byz/MUSES_AND_ARTS.jpg (http://postimage.org/image/krzgf3byz/)

I wish my muse would visit more often.

01-09-2013, 03:24 AM
Denied: Visitation days are limited to the first and third Sundays of each month.

I wish more people would buy poetry books.

01-09-2013, 05:31 AM
Granted. People are lining up to buy The Hallmark Collection of Sentimental Greeting Card Verses.

I wish there were fewer numbskulls in Congress.

Lady MacBeth
01-09-2013, 07:50 AM
Denied. There'd be no one left to run things.

I wish it didn't take so long to hear back on my submissions.

01-09-2013, 08:24 AM
Granted. Responses all come back within the week. They are uniform: "no means no."

I wish my house were self-cleaning.

01-09-2013, 10:33 AM
Granted. Genie has installed the 'Supersuck-o-Vac ™' in your house and soon your house will be dirt free! A few precautions, as this unit has some real power...uh, no, not that button... DEAR GOD,RUN! Grab your pets and RUN!!!!

I wish Telly Savalas was still alive and would teach me to be cool.

01-09-2013, 10:39 AM
Not granted. Telly preferred to stay dead.

I wish I could switch bodies with Olympic athletes whenever I wanted.

01-09-2013, 12:25 PM
Granted. By a strange twist of fate, whenever you what to switch, they are in pain. You have their undying admiration, though. Oh, and one of them rifled through your wallet, might want to check your bank account.

I wish hordes of the undead would descend on the White House and demand an equal voice.

01-09-2013, 03:15 PM
Granted. But they get no further than Security, which tells them to come back on Halloween.

I wish someone would strangle the insufferable Flo in the Progressive Insurance commercials.*

*Not the actress, just the character ;)

01-09-2013, 04:10 PM

I wish someone would strangle the insufferable Flo in the Progressive Insurance commercials.*

*Not the actress, just the character ;)

Granted, in a way
The genie does not condone violence but he loves baseball. The gecko and the duck were armed with given baseball bats for Christmas

I wish I could find the pitcher's mound.

01-09-2013, 08:33 PM
Granted, but after you hit the ball, aren't you supposed to run to first base?

I wish I could play major league baseball.

01-09-2013, 08:37 PM
I wish I could play major league baseball.

Genie is going to try to grant this one but has never done anything this 'impossible' before. It's kind of like getting that camel through the eye of a needle, which I am still trying to figure out.

I wish figs grew on trees.

01-09-2013, 08:46 PM
Instead of granting this wish, the Genie is sending you to a botany class--whose instructor gives students a whack when they display ignorance of basic facts about the world.

I wish that anyone running for Congress was required to have an IQ above 90.

01-09-2013, 09:00 PM
Granted. They all have IQs of 91.

I wish they'd repeal the 17th Amendment.

01-12-2013, 08:01 AM
Denied. However, there will be new federal hunting seasons -- bow, muzzleloader and rifle, on politicians. It's expected to generate enough revenue to clear out the national debt within five years.

I wish local politicians would go . . . POOF!

Lady MacBeth
01-12-2013, 08:09 AM
Granted. Leaders from all over the globe will now sport poof hairdos.

I wish people weren't so mean to each other.

01-12-2013, 09:11 AM
Even Genie's great powers are limited . . .

I wish there wasn't so much rampant willful ignorance in the world.

01-12-2013, 10:44 AM
Granted. All the ignorant people got together for a conference (they rented out Greenland and still couldn't get everyone in) and decided, after much partying and many fatalities, that they would no longer be rampant. They like blatant much better.

I wish to never be invited to a party like that.

01-12-2013, 10:47 AM
Granted, but a wasted wish. As Nancy Reagan would say, "just say no!"

I wish . . . I could teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony . . .

01-12-2013, 12:16 PM
Granted. The world learns to sing in perfect harmony...and then they go back to being the douche bags they've always been. You can purchase the CD or go on Itunes for a copy of the track. They did 'Highway to Hell' by AC/DC. Friggin' rocked!

I wish I could teleport anywhere on earth at will.

01-12-2013, 12:38 PM
Denied. Genie's recently discovered that your mind is perpetually in the gutter, and cannot, in good conscience, allow such a mind to teleport where it pleases. No women's locker room or shower would be safe.

I wish I owned the fastest car in the world.

01-12-2013, 01:08 PM
Granted. Sort of. Second fastest. But you can't seem to get the hang of using a clutch properly . . . what's that I'm hearing? Sirens?

I wish my house wasn't a money and work pit.

01-12-2013, 01:22 PM
Granted. Your house is now a house of ill repute. Killing two birds with one stone, Genie has turned your house into a brothel. You get 50% of the gross revenue and many of the patrons are carpenters who will work for free if the ladies treat them right, if ya know what I'm sayin'...nudge, nudge...

I wish I knew an actual alien.

01-12-2013, 01:25 PM
*Genie chuckles evilly* How do you know you don't?

I wish I could fly without the aid of mechanical contraptions

01-12-2013, 01:29 PM
Granted. You levitate using your mind. Too bad about all those headaches.

I wish I spoke Klingon.

01-12-2013, 01:46 PM
Granted. It is the only language you speak now. You're a hit at Comicons and Scifi conventions, but, sadly, trying to buy a soda at a convenience store is almost too much to bear.

I wish AC/DC would play a gig in my backyard.

01-12-2013, 01:50 PM
Granted. You'll have to clean up afterward, though . . . after they let you out of jail for all sorts of noise, nuisance and drug charges.

I wish my family was half a world away, with no way of communicating with me.

01-12-2013, 02:01 PM
Granted. Genie goes one better, actually many times better, and shoots them into space as part of NASA's experiments to see what extended periods of cryogenic, uh, living...yeah, will do to the human body. You did say you didn't want to be able to communicate with them, right?

I wish I knew a real Viking.

01-12-2013, 02:06 PM
Granted. You are one. Hope you're not Thor about it ;)

I wish I was caught up on all the daily, mundane stuff that never seems to abate.

01-12-2013, 02:17 PM
Denied. By definition, it's mundane stuff that doesn't abate. But Genie knows a couple of states that can take you to other states, if ya know what I'm sayin'.
You do, right? Cuz even the Feds do.

I wish turmoil wasn't such a cool word.

01-12-2013, 02:22 PM
Genie has no control over reactions to words. That's one of the cool things about words, they get a visceral reaction :)

Now, I really do wish the word "yummy" would fall out of popularity; it skeeves me out to be called "yummy." :eek:

01-12-2013, 03:27 PM
Granted. From now on, you will be called "cutesy."

I wish the flu epidemic would cease immediately.

01-12-2013, 04:35 PM
Pending. The logistics make it impossible to immediately grant your wish. A nationwide free vaccination takes time--have fun queuing outside on the pavement.

I wish I had a bunch of red daffodils.

01-12-2013, 05:44 PM
I wish I had a bunch of red daffodils.


The genie is alergic to daffodils, which you probably knew when you made your wish. Instead he is sending you an invasion of red ants.

I wish burned toast tasted better with garlic on it.

01-13-2013, 01:24 AM
Denied. Some things are beyond even Genie. Save the garlic for repelling vampires, fleas and members of the opposite sex. And flea-ridden vampires of the opposite sex.

I wish houses were self-healing and self-maintaining.

01-13-2013, 04:43 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the doors and windows keep healing over to prevent the cold from getting in. You have to hack your way out every morning to get to work and then hack your way back in at night, and every time you do it, the house grows a tougher hide and heals faster.

I wish money grew on trees.

01-13-2013, 04:44 AM
Granted, but the trees get their revenge.

I wish I would collaborate with Molly Ringwald on a film.

01-13-2013, 06:39 AM
Granted. You would, but you can't.

I wish wishes were horses.

01-13-2013, 06:37 PM
Granted. Horses are reduced to pure myth and all those hustling phonies, who call themselves genies, are unemployed.

I wish I had shark bait.

01-13-2013, 08:19 PM
Granted. But it may be the last thing you ever have.

I wish the Genie would paint my apartment for me.

01-13-2013, 08:29 PM
I wish the Genie would paint my apartment for me.

Denied .. though I tried

When I got there, all set to paint, the green and orange color scheme already there got me laughing so hard I couldn't continue.

I wish I could remember where I buried that body.

01-13-2013, 10:42 PM
Granted. You remember at police headquarters when they show you the photographs.

I wish I could invent something that everyone needed and would make me rich.

01-13-2013, 11:05 PM
Denied. That's not under Genie's jurisdiction, you must apply to Mother Necessity.

I wish there were more nice, considerate, kind people and fewer . . . others.

01-14-2013, 07:25 PM
I wish there were more nice, considerate, kind people and fewer . . . others.

You will be launched to Saturn tomorrow

I wish forks had six tines to stab peas with

01-14-2013, 11:33 PM
Granted: Unfortunately, it is too wide to fit in your mouth. Have you tried using a knife?

I eat my peas with honey
I’ve done it all my life
It makes the peas taste funny
But it keeps them on the knife -Ogden Nash

I wish I didn't feel so cold when I go ice fishing.

01-14-2013, 11:51 PM
Granted. You are now a fish that is native to cold waters and hunted often.

I wish I was a Doctor.

01-15-2013, 04:06 AM
Granted. No med-mal insuror will touch you for any amount of money.

I wish . . . I knew a good acupuncturist.

01-15-2013, 04:16 AM
I wish . . . I knew a good acupuncturist.

Fred Swiller says he's one of the best, especially on Thursdays. He lives in Albequerque somewhere.

I wish I has a ginger tree.

01-15-2013, 08:43 AM
Is THAT what you're calling it nowadays? Okay. But it's a little tiny one. Maybe if you pay lots of attention to it and take very good care of it it will grow bigger.

I wish . . . I owned an obscenely successful vineyard.

01-15-2013, 09:26 PM
Granted. But the obscenity doesn't stop there. It seems a patron took offense to one of your worker's remarks, sued, and won a huge settlement, bankrupting the vineyard. It's so hard to find good help these days.

I wish I could go back in time and decide to NOT watch that movie.

01-16-2013, 02:17 AM
Granted. But you wind up watching Titanic instead, and since you screwed around with the time continuum, you're now in a temporal mobius loop and will be watching Titanic until someone figures out how to release you.

I wish I had a remote that would mute certain family members . . .

01-16-2013, 05:35 AM
Granted: http://www.discount-pet-superstore.com/dogtrainingcollars/images/SD2525.jpg(I had posted a photo of a dog shock collar with a remote, but it seems to have been removed.)

I wish I could spend two weeks this winter, all expenses paid (by someone else :D), at a popular tropical resort.

01-16-2013, 05:44 AM
Granted. You'll be staying at the Tropical Hotel in Phuket, where you will be spending two weeks on the housekeeping staff.

I wish whatever varmint has moved into my basement would move out . . . before I turn the dogs loose down there.

01-16-2013, 07:05 AM
Granted. It has taken over your bedroom and has big teeth. Genie suggests hiring an exterminator...or an exorcist.

I wish I had a bunch of grapes.

01-16-2013, 07:42 AM
Granted. They're really, really sour.

I wish television wasn't such a wasteland . . .

01-16-2013, 02:52 PM
Granted. Unplug. Unsubscribe. Unwind.

I wish I could snap out of my bad mood by telling myself it's Wednesday.

01-16-2013, 07:36 PM
Denied. Wait 24 hours and tell yourself it's Thursday. If that doesn't work, wait another 24 hours and tell yourself it's Friday. If that doesn't work, wait another...

I wish all the climate-change deniers would be swept up in a tornado and whisked away to a land of unbearable heat. :evil

01-16-2013, 10:03 PM
Granted. But we all get swept up too. Wait...there's a button here somewhere...Ah! Got it.
Yeah those f*cksticks get to roast while we live in a paradise of our own making.
Yeah, Genie has tricks. And he's not telling.
Also couldn't care less that I didn't f*ck with that wish, because it's brilliant.

I wish Genie could actually make that happen.

01-17-2013, 06:44 AM
Genie wishes Genie could, too.

I wish my basement would finish drying out on its own, without me having to go back down there for another four or five hours using a hand operated pump :(

01-17-2013, 02:35 PM
Granted. Instead of operating your pump manually, plug it in, luv.

I wish I knew someone who could teach me all about netiquette.

01-17-2013, 08:18 PM
Granted. In basketball it is considered a breach of etiquette to hang from the rim of the hoop after a slam dunk for more than 1.5 seconds. After that you're just gloating.

I wish fiction was stranger than truth in all ways.

01-18-2013, 10:54 AM
Granted. Your fiction, anyway ;)

I wish . . . hmmm . . . that passive aggressive sorts had to wear a badge that says, "Hi, My Name is ______, and I'm a passive aggressive twit."

01-19-2013, 01:51 AM
Granted: Do you have a badge color preference?

I wish I had a personal assistant.

01-19-2013, 12:18 PM
Granted. Your new personal assistant gets so into the job that they go the extra mile assisting you with all things personal. Did you really need an extra set of hands in the bathroom?

I really wish people would just do what I tell them.

01-19-2013, 03:54 PM
Granted, you bossy boots!

I wish I could have tea with Woody Allen.

01-20-2013, 09:28 AM
Granted, but in order to make this happen you've been transformed into a nineteen year old girl.

I wish . . . I wish there wasn't so much light pollution that I can't see the stars anymore :(

01-20-2013, 02:14 PM
Granted, but in order to make this happen you've been transported to some forsaken island. Happy star watching!

I wish I had a chip pan.

01-20-2013, 06:50 PM
Granted. That knock on your door is Chip, he wants his pan back.

I wish teleportation was as easy as thinking really hard about where you want to be and 'presto', you're there.

01-20-2013, 07:06 PM
I wish teleportation was as easy as thinking really hard about where you want to be and 'presto', you're there.

No need for the genies to waste time on this one ...
It already is, for those who are able to think hard. Haven't you noticed. (hint: It's kind of like algebra)

I wish icebergs were painted red so that ships would know they are dangerous.

01-20-2013, 07:21 PM
Granted. But they're melting faster than they can get the paint on and now all that red paint in the ocean is killing the sea life and getting into the rivers, making it look like the rivers run with blood, causing religious fanatics to see the end of the world coming. Not that the latter needed a reason, but nice going.

I wish people would stop calling problems 'challenges'!

01-20-2013, 07:32 PM
I wish people would stop calling problems 'challenges'!

Wish scheduled as 'pending'

The genie thanks you for the challege you have just presented and will get right to work on it.

I wish I had a sardine donut.

01-20-2013, 08:20 PM
Granted. Your (ugh) donut is over there. You can't miss it, just follow the reek. And donut ever ask Genie for anything like that again :D

I wish the circus didn't think I wasn't freakish enough?

01-20-2013, 09:24 PM
Granted. After that post, they now believe you are freakish enough?

I wish I could replenish my bank account by wishing there was more in it.

01-20-2013, 09:30 PM
Grented. There is now one cent more in your bank account. Wish again tomorrow, and it'll be two cents.

I wish I had a million dollars in my bank account.

01-20-2013, 10:16 PM
...Granted, but the government has put a hold on your account, and you will soon be prosecuted for your Ponzi scheme.

I wish there was a success pill that I could take every day, like a vitamin supplement.

01-21-2013, 06:40 AM
Granted. It only costs a million dollars per dose.

I wish I had a small pet dinosaur.

Lady MacBeth
01-21-2013, 07:16 AM
Granted. His name is Ernie. He is 95 years old and he misses life at the senior's residence.

I wish I had a better singing voice.

01-21-2013, 01:10 PM
Granted. Start smoking five packets of cigarettes a day. In terms of authenticity, your singing voice improves almost daily.

I wish I had the ability to compose a brilliant piece of music.

Mr. Aziz
01-21-2013, 01:16 PM
Granted. You are Max Martin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Martin).

I wish I had toast.

01-21-2013, 06:59 PM
Granted. Cheers! :e2drunk:

I wish sleeping during the day was easier.

01-21-2013, 07:06 PM
Granted. Take this pill. (Do not take more than one every six hours!)

I wish I could travel more cheaply.

01-21-2013, 07:15 PM
I wish I could travel more cheaply.

You are now broke and told to get out of town

I wish there was a large market for moose dung

01-22-2013, 07:25 AM
Granted: A regional Moose Dung Exchange has been established for those who trade in dung futures. As the sole investor you are elected chairman of the exchange. Fortunately, many depositors have visited your front yard and made, for lack of a better word, investments. Unfortunately, there are, so far, no buyers causing the floor to drop out from under the dung market leaving you, well, holding the bag, so to speak.

I wish I knew how to make thick and crispy pizza dough.

01-22-2013, 11:20 AM
Granted. Prepare to gain 50 pounds.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.

01-22-2013, 06:15 PM
*rushes in to help someone in dire straits*

Right, why don't you wish for some flashy new clothes-pegs? Or how about a posh dustbin? Awaiting your order(s), Genie

I wish I'll never run out of steam.

01-22-2013, 10:26 PM
*Shazzaaam!!!* There you have it Robbert! You are totally steamed. Everything crappy seems to happen to you, and that will keep you steamed for a very long time.

I wish I could find the thousand dollars I hid in the house years ago.

01-22-2013, 10:42 PM
I wish I could find the thousand dollars I hid in the house years ago.

Come on, Don't waste my time ..

Monopoly is only a game

I wish I knew if my dog was cheating on me.

01-23-2013, 12:44 AM
Denied: The Genie feels that from time to time certain lines must be drawn. While fondness for one's pet is to be expected, the Genie feels you have taken it far beyond the bounds of social norms.

I wish I could find Moose Rapids, Quebec on a map.

01-23-2013, 12:51 AM
Denied. Moose Rapids, Quebec does not exist. It is a figment of Porter Starr Byrd's imagination. His real location is a highly guarded secret, though some rumors place him in North Korea.

I wish I had finished all of today's chores and could do nothing for the rest of the day but relax.

01-23-2013, 03:53 PM
Already granted. Would you like to share last night's 'relaxation' experiences with the rest of the community? Excited, Genie

I wish people would stop giving me useless solutions.

01-23-2013, 08:22 PM
Granted. Now everyone gives you brilliant solutions! Unfortunately, none of them ever address any problem you ever have.

I wish I hadn't picked up that broken pen and got ink all over my hands.

01-23-2013, 08:38 PM
I wish I hadn't picked up that broken pen and got ink all over my hands.

Granted ..

We go back in time and as we return to present five men have ruined their trousers and your wife has ruined her $500.00 dress

I wish I had a new red dress.

01-23-2013, 08:44 PM
Granted! I can't wait to see Porter in his new red dress.

On second thought... I wish I hadn't seen...

01-23-2013, 08:52 PM
Denied. But Genie does sympathize and offers to pluck your eyes out so you never, ever have to see that again.

I wish selective memory was more reliable.

Lady MacBeth
01-24-2013, 07:08 AM
Denied. Genie can't remember how to grant that wish.

I wish the Mars Curiosity would find a human footprint on the red planet.

01-24-2013, 01:13 PM
Granted. Overwhelming evidence has been found--not just footprints. Sadly, you can't afford a return ticket.

I wish Mr Cameron would step down.

01-24-2013, 07:13 PM
Granted. Through some crafty coercion, Genie has managed to get James Cameron to stop making blockbuster movies and take up macrame. It wasn't easy. Nuff said.

I wish I could find a hidden treasure in my back yard worth millions of dollars.

01-25-2013, 10:32 AM
Granted, but you've been fined by the city for unauthorized excavation and are being sued for the water main that was broken, the neighbor who lets his dog crap in your yard is also disputing the boundary and the previous owner is claiming he did not deed you the mineral and subterranean rights. The publicity has garnered the attention of the IRS.

I wish I could take off with my dogs, in a camper, and travel from place to place without having a permanent address.

01-25-2013, 02:28 PM
Confused. Do you already have more than one dog? Do you need a camper van? And why would travelling depend on not having an address? Before granting anything, Genie wishes for enlightenment.

I wish I could afford to live in a spacious apartment on Fifth Avenue.

01-25-2013, 03:35 PM
Granted. And after you have robbed a bank or two, you will be able to afford a rental of $125,000 a month.

I wish ravioli from a can tasted like the real thing.

01-25-2013, 03:38 PM
Denied. It's from a can.

I wish I had a big fluffy teddybear who could talk (like the movie Ted).

01-25-2013, 03:46 PM
Granted. John Goodman is coming over to live with you. Got beer?

I wish I could make it springtime any time I wanted.

01-25-2013, 04:32 PM
Granted. But your powers upset Persephone, the goddess of spring, and she turns you into a toadstool.

I wish fountain pens would make a comeback.

01-25-2013, 07:03 PM
Granted: After ruining seven "good" shirts in as many days you buy a pocket protector on e-Bay, and promptly become the butt of office jokes.

I wish the Genie would replace, without charge, my printer ink cartridges whenever they are getting low.

01-25-2013, 10:09 PM
Granted. The Genie now uses independent contractors (the same people who install cable). They will call to schedule your cartridge replacement. What is the most inconvenient time for you?

I wish had some shoes with wings that allowed me to fly.

01-25-2013, 10:13 PM
Granted. But they lack a sense of direction, and you soon find yourself on top of Mount Everest--in your swim trunks.

I wish writers were given the status in society they deserve.

01-25-2013, 10:15 PM
Granted. All writers will now be put in an asylum. Or shot.

I wish people understood me.

01-26-2013, 04:04 AM
Granted. But now they don't like you.

I wish there was a pill that made you younger.

01-26-2013, 04:10 AM
Granted. There is a pill that makes me younger. I just took it, and do I feel great! However, you did not ask for a pill for yourself, and you ain't gonna get one.

I wish I had an extra hour every day to use any way I want.

01-26-2013, 04:21 AM
Granted. Drink four Five-Hour Energy drinks and a six cups of coffee before going to bed (and one of those illegal 32-oz. Big Gulps). You'll be up around three a.m. and you can do whatever you want! May I suggest knitting.

I wish men's suits weren't so expensive. (Said the man who just bought a new suit.)

01-26-2013, 04:32 AM
Granted. You can get your suits at Big Al's Bargain Mart for much less than you've been paying. All the suits come with an extra pair of pants, and they are all in bright plaids!

I wish I didn't have to pay anything for e-books.

01-26-2013, 04:40 AM
Granted. Log on to Amazon, search for free books for Kindle. May I recommend Little Women.

I wish there were more pictures of cats on the Internet.

01-26-2013, 04:47 AM
Denied! Genie loves cats (they're yummy), but there's already such a glut of photos of cats that are slowing down the internet. Cute avvie btw...are you going to eat that?

I really wish I hadn't said that.

01-26-2013, 04:52 AM
Granted. Bans druid12000 and removes all posts. Problem solved!

I wish I could solve all problems so easily.

01-26-2013, 05:54 AM
Granted. Whenever you want a problem to go away, just put your head under the covers. You say you already do that? Well, keep it there.

I wish I could ride a bicycle in midtown Manhattan without worrying about getting hit by a car.

01-26-2013, 06:08 AM
Granted. Genie has arranged for all traffic to stop for you as you ride. Huh, the folks stuck in traffic don't look happy though. You may want to pedal your ass off now, as getting hit by cars is the least of your worries...

I wish I could get rid of this hairball.

Lady MacBeth
01-26-2013, 08:27 AM
Granted. Your head just blew off.

I wish I had a dollar every time someone says something dumb on television.

01-26-2013, 08:39 AM
Granted. You suffocate to death under your pile of dollar bills.

I wish I didn't have to listen to One Direction ever again.

01-26-2013, 11:46 AM
Granted. You now have a permanent earworm -- Barbie Girl -- that drowns out everything else.

I wish climbing ladders didn't skeeve me out.

01-26-2013, 12:43 PM
Granted. You now love climbing ladders. You feel a rush of adrenalin as you climb step after step, higher and higher, laughing as you go, until one day the ladder breaks and...(the Genie can't go on).

I wish I could go to any movie I want without having to pay.

01-26-2013, 01:07 PM
Granted. You are now a movie usher. The pay isn't so great, but you get all the popcorn you want. Watch out for sticky floors.

I wish they built houses with an auto-clean feature.

01-26-2013, 03:12 PM
Granted, they do in England. Twice a month a Hoover™ sales rep comes knocking on your door. Just ask him nicely and he'll be more than happy to suck your house clean.

I wish I owned a beautiful garden shed.

01-27-2013, 02:05 AM
Granted, but the city has determined that it is too large and must be torn down.

http://s13.postimage.org/p1fftr2lz/CRYSTAL_PALACE.jpg (http://postimage.org/)

I wish I had some eggs benedict.

01-27-2013, 04:05 AM
Granted. You're now a Rhode Island Red and you produce an endless supply of the basic ingredient. All you have to do is slap on the fixin's, warm them up on the henhouse heater, and you're set.

I wish I were infallible.

01-27-2013, 05:30 AM
Granted. Never say, write, or type another word.

I wish I had 10 lives.

01-27-2013, 05:35 AM
Granted. You have ten lives, but the cat kingdom is in an uproar, because they can see you are threatening to take over the extended-life crown that they have held since the beginning of time. They are marching on your house now.

I wish I had a fast-food franchise, so I could get rich with very little effort.

01-27-2013, 07:52 PM
Are you trying to trick Genie? As for getting rich... in Europe, franchise holders would tell you different.

I wish scissors for left handed people were available everywhere.

Lady MacBeth
01-28-2013, 07:15 AM
Granted. Left-handed scissors can now be found everywhere. Watch reaching for the toilet paper.

I wish I could sing opera.

01-28-2013, 01:49 PM
Pending. If you wish you could come to the AW opera audition. Since opera singers are not in high demand, Genie reserves itself the right to grant or refuse membership at its sole and absolute discretion. Note it's for the benefit of the music lovers.

I wish I could have a word with the guy who invented operettas.

01-28-2013, 02:36 PM
Granted. The inventor of operetta, Franz Gilbert Sullivan Offenbach Herbert Romberg Friml, will be available for interviews on February 29th of this year. Since he is in great demand from operetta fans throughout the world, you should make an appointment ASAP.

I wish I knew what Robbert has against operettas.

01-28-2013, 03:21 PM
Now you know. Did you want to share that with the rest of the world?

I wish there really were snow peas up here in the middle of the winter.

01-28-2013, 08:42 PM
Granted. And by the looks of things your handwriting is getting better :D

I wish I could find an apartment I like and can afford.

01-29-2013, 04:49 AM
Granted. It is on Ard Ayush Street, in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. You like it and can afford it. All you have to do is move there.

I wish I could have a subway car all to myself during rush hour.

Lady MacBeth
01-29-2013, 07:45 AM
Granted. Your subway car is sitting at the station waiting to be fixed. Enjoy your privacy.

I wish the government would stop logging old growth forests.

01-29-2013, 10:12 AM
Granted. Now Washington will have to find something else to use to create all the governmental logjams.

I wish all politicians would become statesmen.

01-29-2013, 10:50 AM
Denied. Not even the Genie can perform miracles.

I wish I had a car that would drive itself.

01-29-2013, 03:34 PM
Granted. Your car drove itself to the garage. Don't call it--it'll call you.

I wish I could weld, drive a forklift and know all about locks.

01-29-2013, 08:41 PM
Granted. Genie is sending you to the State Penitentiary where they teach inmates the first two, the third you'll have to do through a correspondence course, after you get out in three to five years.

I wish all police would leave me alone unless I'm in trouble.

01-29-2013, 09:03 PM

How you could possibly know if they would bother you if you weren't in trouble.

I wish I could find a grove of potato trees.

01-29-2013, 10:42 PM
Granted. If you start digging now you may be able to harvest in a week or so, assuming you can keep ahead of the groundhogs and moles.

I wish time in seconds lasted hours.

01-30-2013, 12:26 AM
Denied: The Genie shudders at the very thought. Imagine being married to someone whose standard response to "Are you ready?" was "Just a second!"

I wish impatience was a virtue.

01-30-2013, 02:46 PM
Happily granted. You are virtuosic in the area of impatience. Next time your wife replies "Not now, later!" you patiently wait until it's again "Not now, later!". Genie can't wait to read your upcoming Me and the Fun of Waiting.

I wish people who have a noble character would have a red light flashing on their heads.

01-30-2013, 03:31 PM
Granted. But only you can see the red light. You tell people about it, but no one believes you. In fact, people think you're nuts. Um... I think those orderlies over there carrying that straightjacket is here for you.

I wish I didn't feel so old, when everyone else thinks I'm so young.

01-30-2013, 07:59 PM
Granted. We'll just do a little shuffling here and...Voila! Now you feel so young when everyone else thinks you're so old. Better?

I wish coincidence would stop being synonymous with aggravation.

S. L. Saboviec
01-30-2013, 09:23 PM
Granted. Coincidence is now synonymous with a clown jumping out of a tiny car and slapping you in the head with a mallet.

I wish it didn't get so cold here in the winter.

01-30-2013, 09:55 PM
Granted. Wait for it....a little longer....almost there. Yup, global warming just kicked in, so you should be good to go.

I wish that clown would stop hitting me with a mallet!

01-30-2013, 10:21 PM
Granted, Druid. The clown is now hitting you with the claw side of a claw hammer.

I wish I was retired from this job already.

01-31-2013, 02:44 AM
Granted. The HR department has officially terminated you, effective immediately.

I wish there was a court that dispensed poetic justice.

01-31-2013, 02:46 AM

There are verse sentances than you even imagined possible.

I wish my left shoe wasn't on my right foot.

01-31-2013, 02:51 AM
Granted. Uncross your legs and take another look.

I wish my little Pitbull didn't believe that if she goes out in the rain to pee something dire will happen to her unless I go with her.

S. L. Saboviec
01-31-2013, 06:08 AM
Granted. Your pitbull now refuses to pee outside.

I wish I would win the lottery.

01-31-2013, 06:33 AM
Denied. Genie is getting tired of lottery wishes and, in the future, will assume supplicants are referencing The Lottery.

I wish filet mignon -- GOOD, non-antibiotic and hormone laden, grass fed -- was readily available for $2.49 a pound.

01-31-2013, 08:58 PM
You're in luck! The genie just happens to have a large supply of filet mignon, all organically produced, which the genie will part with for the amazing price of just $2.49/pound! Pay up.

[Did the genie forget to mention that it was filet mignon from rats? Next time, be more specific.]

I wish folks understood that all food is technically "organic" (says the biochemist in the back of my head, who wonders where the "inorganic" food might be).

01-31-2013, 09:51 PM
Partially granted, simply because Genie is wondering how chemically altered substances can be construed as organic...or food.

I wish tumbleweeds were a cash crop.

01-31-2013, 09:54 PM
Granted! Welcome to Jurassic Weedpark.

I wish everyone understood that "organic" means "contains carbon".