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Nymtoc
08-17-2012, 06:29 AM
Granted. They have been replaced by infinitely scarier--and far more dangerous--people like druid12000.

I wish I had a dollar for every time Mitt Romney says he isn't going to release any more tax returns.

druid12000
08-17-2012, 06:45 AM
Granted. You may want to have a chat with Mitt as to where all that money should be 'invested', wink, wink, nudge, nudge...

I wish political candidates had to fight in an arena like gladiators in order to be President.

Robbert
08-17-2012, 07:07 PM
Granted: From now on you'll be ruled by brutes.

I wish my collection of stamps will be worth a fortune in due time.

Komnena
08-17-2012, 07:10 PM
Granted. A hundred years after you die, your collection is worth a million dollars.
I wish I had a swimming pool in my backyard.

Nymtoc
08-17-2012, 07:52 PM
Granted. But you forgot to put in a filtration system, and your pool is overgrown with algae and clogged with all kinds of unspeakable, noxious growths.

I wish I had no obligations this weekend.

Zeddo
08-17-2012, 07:57 PM
Granted. You don't have any obligations because you're unemployed, friendless and you live in a cardboard box.

I wish I had an olympic gold medal for parallel parking.

druid12000
08-18-2012, 12:39 AM
Granted. The silver medalist, Bertha from Idaho, feels cheated and waits for you in the parking lot.

I wish I could carry the equivalent weight ratio that an ant can carry.

Robbert
08-18-2012, 11:49 AM
Granted. All you need to do is sign on the dotted line that you won't file a lawsuit against Megasteroids Ltd.

I wish my chauffeur will show up in time.

Zeddo
08-18-2012, 09:36 PM
Granted. Your chauffeur will show up on time but he'll be waiting outside your house in a truck with a giant cockroach on top. (He's had to take a second job to supplement the measly salary you pay him.)


I wish it rained doughnuts and snowed cookies.

Nymtoc
08-18-2012, 11:57 PM
Granted. It is doing both now. The roads are so clogged that you can't get out of your house to drive to work. You miss that important interview with the boss. You are fired.

I wish the annoying Geico gecko and the insufferable Progressive lady Flo would run away together and never again appear on my TV screen.

Iggy58
08-19-2012, 12:04 AM
Granted. They've quit their jobs and moved in with you.

I wish it were legal to put rubber tires on the front of my car and to bump slow drivers out of the fast lane

druid12000
08-19-2012, 07:34 AM
Granted...um, you do know that tires are made of rubber, right? As far as bumping slow drivers out of the fast lane, go for it!! You tear that S*it up!!...and you're arrested...and sentenced to Cell Block 6 where Dwanye is fondling himself and licking his lips awaiting your arrival. *willies*...*upon willies*

I wish pain was something you could take away with words.

me-a-monsteR
08-20-2012, 02:52 PM
Ok, first off. *major shudder at fulfilment of previous wish* Second. Granted. Pain can now be taken away by speaking a certain word. Only, you have no idea what that word is.

I wish I didn't have visuals of that icky prison thing druid brought up. *shudders*

druid12000
08-21-2012, 03:54 AM
Genie apologizes to anyone who was traumatized by that somewhat graphic imagery, but in Genie's defense he was going for a Scared Straight angle. Moving on...Granted. Your memory is now a completely clean slate. Happy writing!

I wish anyone could relive the happiest moment of their life just before they die.

Nymtoc
08-21-2012, 04:01 AM
Granted. But the Genie finds this a somewhat ghoulish wish. Wouldn't you rather recall your happiest moments while you still have lots of time to live?

I wish I could be transported wherever I want without the need for vehicles.

Zeddo
08-21-2012, 04:08 AM
Granted. You no longer want to go anywhere except the bathroom, so you don't need a vehicle.

I wish I had a hat that shielded me from alien mind probes.

druid12000
08-21-2012, 04:48 AM
Granted!!! And it looks fabulous!!!! And...it's attracting the aliens. We're doomed. Thanks. Really :$

I wish someone would invent one thing that would change the lives of allllll creatures on earth...oh, yeah we have that, sorry. I wish that weren't the case.?

me-a-monsteR
08-21-2012, 03:21 PM
Denied. You've confused Genie with your reverse psychology.

I wish trees could talk.

Nymtoc
08-21-2012, 06:40 PM
Granted. They've been talking to you all your life. Why do you think you live in the Shady Lane Rest Home, with all those nice doctors and nurses taking care of you?

I wish I had a magic box for washing clothes--no water, no detergent, no mess, you just put the clothes in the box, close the lid, push a button, and after one minute they come out clean and folded.

Iggy58
08-22-2012, 01:45 AM
Granted. It was one-of-a-kind and cost so much that you had to sell your house and car to purchase it, but at least your clothes are clean.

I wish wine had no calories.

druid12000
08-22-2012, 05:28 AM
Granted. Now wine has no calories, or flavor, or alcohol. Genie is reeeaaallly bummed. Maybe Genie should switch to beer :)

I wish people would stop parking on my lawn.

Zeddo
08-22-2012, 09:43 AM
Granted. No one's parking on your lawn because the City has expropriated it, paved the area and installed a ticket machine. You've been towed twice for parking in your yard without a valid ticket.

I wish my coffee table actually made coffee.

Robbert
08-22-2012, 07:35 PM
Granted. The Genie just fitted a Saeco Odea II Espresso Machine on to your coffee table. Next time you fancy a coffee, please insert $ 1,20.

I wish I'll never have to pass another exam.

Nymtoc
08-22-2012, 07:53 PM
Granted. Under the rules of the Board of Examiners, now that you have failed 20 exams in a row, you will not be required to take any more.

I wish I had the keys to Fort Knox.

Komnena
08-23-2012, 05:27 AM
Granted. A tornado drops the keys in your front lawn. Unfortunately the keys have a transponder on them. Good luck convincing the authorities you didn't steal the keys.
I wish my little Gateway would last a hundred years.

druid12000
08-23-2012, 07:03 AM
Granted. That perky little Gateway- To Hell is nice, the flowers are a nice touch. Have you been taking lessons from Satan himself? Oh, and I assure you your Gateway will last for far longer than you expected :)

I wish woman would be cordial when you open a door for them, instead of the knife wielding psychos I've run across lately.

Robbert
08-23-2012, 11:53 AM
Granted. Get a shave; run a comb through your hair; don't forget to button your shirt up; polish your shoes and you can be sure they'll all smile at you.

I wish unauthorized overdrafts were abolished.

Nymtoc
08-23-2012, 05:42 PM
Granted. Unauthorized overdrafts have been abolished on the tiny island of Lummerland, where you fled after being threatened with imprisonment by your financial finagling at home. Since you have influence with the King of Lummerland (actually, you are the King), you can pass whatever laws you want.

I wish I had an endless supply of avocados.

druid12000
08-24-2012, 03:31 AM
Granted, but really? This is Genie you're talkin' to, you do know what I'm all about, right? Ok, just this time I'll take the high road. You have an endless supply of avocados...from a village infested with microscopic flesh eating spiders that are able to keep you alive while still feasting on you, inflicting the worst pain imaginable. Damn! I tried dude, but I Am Genie.

I wish I had a Tootsie Roll.

Nymtoc
08-24-2012, 04:13 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/WHORE1.jpg

And she's ready to roll (for a price).

I wish people would tell me what they really think of me.

druid12000
08-24-2012, 04:47 AM
Granted. You son of a @##$#$#$@%$@%@%#@#@#@#@%%&*&*_&)(^(*^%^&%&%$&*%^%^*%^*%$68t*^T*^...! Wow, that felt gooooood! Woooooo! Genie thanks you and is giving you props because... he feels bad now...(some of those things I didn't really mean, I was just caught up in the moment. You understand, right?)

I wish Nymtoc was a real genie.

Zeddo
08-24-2012, 10:08 AM
Denied. The very idea will keep Genie from sleeping tonight.


I wish I'd invented Ketchup.

Nymtoc
08-24-2012, 10:52 AM
Granted. You invented ketchup, but when you tried to patent the formula you fouled up, and now everybody has a right to produce the stuff. If you had simply filled out the form correctly, you'd be a millionaire by now.

I wish I had a pea-green tuxedo.

Robbert
08-24-2012, 01:12 PM
Granted. You now are the proud owner of a pea-green tuxedo with a matching bow-tie. This stops all other weirdos dead in their tracks and makes them turn green with envy.

I wish to be told the truth, the truth, and nothing but the truth.

Zeddo
08-24-2012, 08:25 PM
Well, o.k.--your breath stinks, your clothes make you look like a ventriloquist's dummy and people think you're boring. Genie wouldn't normally be so blunt, but you did ask.

I wish I could play the William Tell overture by cracking my knuckles.

druid12000
08-24-2012, 09:35 PM
Granted. Unfortunately it was a one time gig as your knuckles will never crack again. Or function. And no one was around to hear it. Bummer.

I wish vegetables tasted like candy.

Nymtoc
08-24-2012, 09:43 PM
Granted. Carrots taste like Tootsie Rolls. Cabbage tastes like fudge. Turnips taste like marzipan. Olives taste like gumdrops. And you put an onion on a stick and lick it all day as if it were a lollipop. You wonder why everyone avoids you.

I wish I had a top hat.

druid12000
08-24-2012, 10:03 PM
Granted. And you would look like a sophisticated man about town if only you were wearing pants.

I wish bugs weren't so attracted to me.

CDSinex
08-24-2012, 10:45 PM
Granted: You are now so malodorous that nothing will come within 10 feet of you.

I wish I had something better to do than this.

druid12000
08-24-2012, 11:54 PM
Granted. Now your life is so filled with extraneous activities that your writing has ceased. But you are busy...bonus, right?

I wish cows sounded like crows and crows sounded like cows.

Nymtoc
08-25-2012, 02:30 AM
Granted. Good luck trying to milk a crow.

I wish I could download snacks from my computer.

druid12000
08-25-2012, 09:52 AM
Granted. In an effort funded by Hostess (r), delicious snacks can now be downloaded onto your computer! You can't eat them of course, they are only images on your computer screen.

I wish my bartender would let me rant for more than ten seconds.

Nymtoc
08-25-2012, 12:42 PM
Granted. But after ten seconds he spikes your drink with a substance that blocks your voice for an hour. Your mouth keeps moving, but nothing comes out.

I wish I knew how to make French pastry.

Robbert
08-25-2012, 04:31 PM
Conversely granted. Genie will let you in on the art of pastry making by telling you what you won't need: No rosbeef, no frogs and no red wine.

I wish I hadn't seen my spouse depositing a sledgehammer under our Queen size bed.

Nymtoc
08-25-2012, 07:18 PM
Granted. You saw her depositing a shotgun under your king-size bed.

I wish I could discover a new element and have it named after me.

druid12000
08-25-2012, 09:19 PM
Granted. The new element turns out to be more valuable than all other precious metals and the resulting devaluation causes world markets to crash. The ensuing riots and mounting death toll are blamed on 'Nymtocium'. At least you're famous though :)

I wish dogs could vote in the upcoming election.

PorterStarrByrd
08-25-2012, 09:22 PM
I wish dogs could vote in the upcoming election.


Silly wish
They already can in Illinois and Minnesota



I wish I had a basket full of cotton

Nymtoc
08-25-2012, 11:31 PM
Semi-granted. The Genie didn't have time to get fresh cotton, but he is providing you with a basket full of belly button lint taken from tramps who were de-loused at the shelter.

I wish I knew who keeps sending me those messages signed "Your secret friend."

druid12000
08-25-2012, 11:51 PM
Granted. She/he would love to have your adopted babies and wonders if you're into role playing.

I wish I had nothing but brilliant thoughts.

PorterStarrByrd
08-26-2012, 12:05 AM
I wish I had nothing but brilliant thoughts.

DENIED !!!
you've done so litlle with the mediocre thought you already have




I wish my hose was 16 inches longer

druid12000
08-26-2012, 04:29 AM
Denied! Your hose is far too long as it is.

I wish Porter was president of the United States of Eurasia.

Robbert
08-26-2012, 05:36 PM
Granted. But don't be under the illusion that President Porter will pack his AW bags and leave.

I wish I knew who parked his car in our drive.

PorterStarrByrd
08-26-2012, 05:44 PM
I wish I knew who parked his car in our drive.

Granted
It was me. You wanna try to do sumthin bout it?



I wish my jelly would stay on my toast

Robbert
08-26-2012, 06:14 PM
Granted. You only wanna try to do sumethin bout it. Hint: Sit straight.

I wish I had a seventh sense.

PorterStarrByrd
08-26-2012, 06:28 PM
I wish I had a seventh sense.


Granted
You now have a new and most powerful seventh sense which is guilt and is foremost at all times


I wish the badger wasn't smiling

druid12000
08-26-2012, 08:27 PM
Granted. Now he's snarling and lunging. What did you do to make him so mad? Good lord, that's gonna leave a mark.

I wish large checks from an anonymous benefactor would start arriving in my mailbox.

Robbert
08-27-2012, 02:42 AM
Granted. This coming Monday, large cheques made out to druid12000 arrive in heaps. Unfortunately, your anonymous benefactor forgot to sign. On Monday evening, the AW community welcomes you back with open arms.

I wish my car knew how to reverse into a parking lot.

Nymtoc
08-27-2012, 02:53 AM
Granted. Your car knows how to reverse into a parking lot, but it doesn't know other cars are already parked there. The outcome is, to put it mildly, unfortunate.

I wish I had a pet alligator.

druid12000
08-27-2012, 03:46 AM
Granted. He is full grown (came from a shelter...good for you!) and has some teeth missing, but still has lots! Wow, he looks hungry. Not sure if he's looking at the Big Mac in your hand...or your hand. Good luck!

I wish my reflection would stop flipping me off.

Zeddo
08-27-2012, 04:03 AM
That's not your reflection; it's your identical twin. Didn't your momma ever tell you about him?

I wish I could fly free on any airline in the world.

druid12000
08-27-2012, 04:36 AM
Granted! Limited time offer! This new product is revolutionizing modern air travel! Introducing the 'Hitchhiker'! Looks just like a normal grappling hook, but just look where it can take you! Paris, Kansas, somewhere else I can't pronounce! Just listen to these satisfied customers: "uuuuuuuuuuuh", "I wish I was dead", "a f*cking grappling hook, what was I thinking?" And it's free right now, all you have to do is pay the outrageous shipping and handling charges!

I wish I didn't know as much about marketing as I do.

PorterStarrByrd
08-27-2012, 07:46 AM
I wish I didn't know as much about marketing as I do.


Granted
You are now buying what you used to sell



I wish I had a sawhorse

druid12000
08-27-2012, 08:20 AM
Granted. All of your tools have been stolen, rendering the sawhorse useless. Unless you just wanted a stool. Maybe you should have just asked for a stool.

I wish dust was the size of golf balls.

Nymtoc
08-27-2012, 08:29 AM
The Genie is perplexed by your request, but he grants it anyway. Considering the usual deplorable conditions in your house, you find the whole place filled from floor to ceiling with grayish globs about 4 cm. in diameter.

I wish I could write a hit song and live on the royalties the rest of my life.

PorterStarrByrd
08-27-2012, 02:09 PM
I wish I could write a hit song and live on the royals the rest of my life.
fify

First part granted
Your song was a hit down at Shorty's until everybody sobered up.

The royals are countering my efforts with those of a genie of their own. He's a big guy and your prospects don't look promising


I wish skunk tasted better

Robbert
08-27-2012, 05:09 PM
Granted. You try eating polecat from now on. Better?

I wish your insurer will pay out in the event of any problems.

druid12000
08-28-2012, 02:35 AM
Granted. Genie has great insurance. Yours on the other hand...

I wish I had stacks of US currency that I could roll around in before going on a wild spending spree.

Nymtoc
08-28-2012, 02:49 AM
Granted. Enjoy your roll, because all the currency is from the latest bank robbery, all the serial numbers are known to the authorities, and as soon as you spend a buck, you will be arrested.

I wish I could avoid seeing any part of the Republican convention.

PorterStarrByrd
08-28-2012, 02:58 AM
I wish I could avoid seeing any part of the Republican convention.


Conditionally granted

If a hurricane 'interupts' it you may literally catch part of it from your swampy buggy during the alligator hunt.


I wish I had a slab of alligator, some Miacle-Whip, and a couple of slices of sourdough bread.

Zeddo
08-28-2012, 03:29 AM
Granted. Although the slab of alligator is still attached to the gator, and the Miracle-Whip and bread are way down in back of his jaws. (He got them from the last guy who wanted a sandwich.) All you have to do is reach in and...omigawd!


I wish I was starring in a film where Racquel Welch and Dolly Parton are fighting over me.

PorterStarrByrd
08-28-2012, 03:32 AM
I wish I was starring in a film where Racquel Welch and Dolly Parton are fighting over me.


Granted ... finalizing the deal now but
... do you know how old they are now?



Fizzxy flog holdrig

druid12000
08-28-2012, 03:44 AM
Granted. Your new lampshade looks great...on your head. Must've been a hell of a party.

I wish I knew what 'Fixxzy flog holdrig' meant.

PorterStarrByrd
08-28-2012, 03:59 AM
I wish I knew what 'Fixxzy flog holdrig' meant.


Denied

You had to be there when she took it off to undersrtand


I wish I knew where the hell that party was

druid12000
08-28-2012, 04:32 AM
Denied. You do have her her prosthesis though, so you could track down the serial number.

I wish my fish would be happy to see me when I get home.

Nymtoc
08-28-2012, 06:25 AM
Granted. It's not only happy to see you, it's hungry for you.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BARRACUDA1.jpg


I wish I had millions of dollars hidden in the Cayman Islands.

PorterStarrByrd
08-28-2012, 07:34 PM
I wish I had millions of dollars hidden in the Cayman Islands.

Denied
With sense of dirstion and lack of ability to read maps it would be a waste of my time



I wish I had a watch that worked

CDSinex
08-28-2012, 09:20 PM
Granted: The Genie found a working watch on the street, and gives it to you. Unfortunately (whatever happened to that game?), because the stem is broken, the time cannot be adjusted. The watch is three-hours and thirty- seven minutes fast, which, given your renowned math skills, shouldn't be a problem.

I wish someone would revive the Fortunately/Unfortunately thread.

druid12000
08-29-2012, 02:52 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is in Sanskrit and there are only two posts (they are very funny though, you should read them...oh, right...)

I wish hundred dollar bills grew like fruit on trees to be plucked when ripe.

Nymtoc
08-29-2012, 03:07 AM
Granted. however, the trees are all on top of Mount Everest. Go pluck them if you want.

I wish I had a limousine with a liveried chauffeur.

Zeddo
08-29-2012, 03:20 AM
Granted. The police are on their way to your house now. You'll ride in back, of course, behind that metal screen.

I wish I had more money than Bill Gates and Warren Buffett combined.

druid12000
08-29-2012, 03:52 AM
Granted. All at once, in your house...sorry, what used to be your house. And you appear to be squashed beyond recognition...except for the smile, Genie would know that smile anywhere.

I wish God would take a vacation so we can really sort things out here by ourselves.

Robbert
08-29-2012, 01:19 PM
Genuinely surprised. Haven't you been trying to do exactly that for God knows how long?

I wish my bloody neighbours won't notice who will be visiting me tonight.

me-a-monsteR
08-29-2012, 02:40 PM
Denied. I'm your neighbour and my high-powered binoculars are already fired up.

I wish mud would fall from the sky and land on whoever I choose.

ShannonR.
08-29-2012, 06:14 PM
Granted. However, your ex wished for the same thing, only using cement. I'd get a titanium umbrella if I were you.

I wish I'd never have to shave or wax anything ever again.

PorterStarrByrd
08-29-2012, 06:32 PM
I wish I'd never have to shave or wax anything ever again.


Denied..

how would we ever be able to eat peaches while we ski



I wish I had some ocelot scat

Nymtoc
08-29-2012, 08:10 PM
Doesn't need to be granted, since your place is overflowing with crap like that anyway.

I wish Chris Christie would lose some weight.

druid12000
08-30-2012, 02:18 AM
Denied. Way too much hot air would escape into the atmosphere accelerating the green house effect, killing us all.

I wish plants could talk to us.

Nymtoc
08-30-2012, 03:30 AM
Granted. But why do you wish for this? Don't you know that plants talk to us all the time?

I wish I could time-travel to the 18th century, become a pirate, then come back to the present with all my loot.

druid12000
08-30-2012, 03:39 AM
Granted. Unfortunately you were really bad at being a pirate. All you have to show for it is a wooden leg. But with all the lacquers and stains available now it could look pretty snazzy!

I wish tree limbs would stop slapping me when I'm mowing the lawn.

PorterStarrByrd
08-30-2012, 04:01 AM
Granted
http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/79075/79075,1161836079,4/stock-photo-old-chainsaw-2058877.jpg



I wish my fiancee could remember my name and not just my PIN

druid12000
08-30-2012, 06:37 AM
Granted. Now you are frozen out of all your accounts and she has run off with Felipe the pool boy.

I wish this stack of bills would magically disappear.

Drachen Jager
08-30-2012, 07:08 AM
Granted. You were referring to the last stack of cash in your bank account right?

I wish I didn't have to shave in the mornings.

druid12000
08-30-2012, 07:23 AM
Granted. You have contracted a rare disease that causes all of the hair on your body to spontaneously fall from your body when you sneeze. As a bonus you now have severe allergies! Good for you :)

I wish my iPod shuffle would actually shuffle the songs.

Zeddo
08-30-2012, 09:17 AM
Granted. But now it's shuffling the songs in the middle of lines, so everything on it is one gigantic medley.

I wish I owned the Empire State Building.

Nymtoc
08-30-2012, 09:47 AM
Granted. But an enormous structural problem has just been discovered (it's been lurking there all along), and if the building is not to collapse, you will have to invest $27 billion in construction costs immediately.

I wish I were better at math.

Robbert
08-30-2012, 02:15 PM
Granted. Please take no offence, but not everyone is a multitasking person. Therefore, quit writing and then concentrate on becoming a number cruncher.

I wish I wasn't 6' 5" so I could drive your sports car.

PorterStarrByrd
08-30-2012, 11:29 PM
I wish I wasn't 6' 5" so I could drive your sports car.

Granted ...
but you are going to have to wish for a hell of a lot more than that before you can drive my sports car.


I wish there were not so many seeds in my peach jam.

Nymtoc
08-31-2012, 01:22 AM
Granted. There are no seeds, but there are plenty of twigs.

I wish people would recognize me as the legitimate Emperor of North America.

PorterStarrByrd
08-31-2012, 01:29 AM
I wish people would recognize me as the legitimate Emperor of North America.


Wait ...
let's take this one step at a time. I'm still working on the legitmate part ...


I wish my guacamole didn't have great big seeds in it.

kkbe
08-31-2012, 01:36 AM
Granted. Your guacamole now has teeny tiny seeds in it. . .wait, those aren't seeds, those are. . .never mind. Enjoy your guac, just don't look too close.

I wish I didn't have hardware in my back. I feel like I have a damn board shoved up my--

druid12000
08-31-2012, 01:46 AM
Denied, because you do have a board shoved up your...it was the work of the nasty construction gnomes. You really must've pissed them off.

I wish I had some peanut butter in my chocolate.

Nymtoc
08-31-2012, 01:56 AM
Granted. You're really enjoying it. It's brown and has little lumpy things in it and...wait a minute, that's not peanut butter...

The last Genie shamelessly avoided granting my wish, so I will rephrase it and make it foolproof:

I wish people would recognize me as the Emperor of North America.

Zeddo
08-31-2012, 02:22 AM
Granted. You are recognized as the Emperor of North America. (Except in Canada, the U.S. and Mexico.)



I wish I could be sure no two snowflakes are alike.

druid12000
08-31-2012, 02:29 AM
Granted. You are whisked away to Antarctica to conduct the study, under a grant from the 'Frivolous Studies' department of the government. Unfortunately the grant doesn't contain a clothing allowance and all you packed was beachwear.

I wish I could train a spider to attack on command.

Robbert
08-31-2012, 01:15 PM
Pending. Which spider species are we talking about? Who do you wish to attack and what for??

I wish I knew who was stalking me on my way home.

alexaherself
08-31-2012, 02:25 PM
Granted - but it's only your own shadow: nothing that 8 years on a psychoanalyst's couch won't put right.

I wish I could have a couple of really good nights' sleep.

PorterStarrByrd
08-31-2012, 02:34 PM
I wish I could have a couple of really good nights' sleep.


Granted
With the help of a little simple reincarnation Sir Lancelot ( now your uncle Bob) is snoring away on your couch and Sir Galahad (now vinny from produce) is on the rug next to the fireplace.


I wish I knew how many frogs it takes to make a bushel.

me-a-monsteR
08-31-2012, 03:08 PM
Granted. The answer pops into your head. Now you have to try and make sense of it.

I wish I was a bird.

Robbert
08-31-2012, 03:47 PM
Self-evident. You may not have realized, but you have been a lovely bird for quite some time.

I wish you would learn to be honest with me.

Nymtoc
08-31-2012, 07:05 PM
Already granted. Hasn't the Genie always been honest with you?

http://i115.photobucket.com/albums/n286/WelshWing/Genie.jpg

I wish I could be a drum major.

druid12000
08-31-2012, 09:26 PM
Granted. But you trip during your first public appearance and are trampled by the rest of the squad. Ewww, they were wearing cleats.

I wish today was tomorrow.

kkbe
08-31-2012, 10:50 PM
Granted, you now live in the pouch of an Aussie 'roo.

I wish I could get a decent night's sleep, meaning, more than five effin'--

Robbert
09-01-2012, 01:26 PM
Granted. More than five effin' hot blondes come knocking on your door while you're fast asleep.

I wish dentists would stop telling me to sit still.

druid12000
09-01-2012, 10:34 PM
Granted. Now they also completely ignore the agony you are in from their fumbling while you squirm.

I wish fish would just jump into the boat instead of having to catch them.

alexaherself
09-01-2012, 11:47 PM
Granted, but their weight and landing-force will also capsize it each time, so you can fish only from dry land now.

I wish we had a public holiday every Monday

druid12000
09-02-2012, 12:05 AM
Granted. And Genie applauds you! Genie likes four day work weeks. Employers...not so much, so you have to work on Saturdays now.

I wish karoke wasn't so addictive.

Robbert
09-02-2012, 04:58 PM
Granted. On your next karaoke crawl, Genie will send Robbert along with you. End of addiction.

I wish I had a car for my first-aid kit.

PorterStarrByrd
09-02-2012, 05:36 PM
I wish I had a car for my first-aid kit.

Granted
I doubt if anything much bigger than this will fit in your first aid kit

http://image.made-in-china.com/2f0j00keoTUmKwbGga/Plastic-Toy-Car-with-Music-Sound-71004-.jpg


I wish I had a zipper

alexaherself
09-02-2012, 06:33 PM
Granted ... though whether it will adequately hold together the edges of that surgical suture-line when you start playing football again tomorrow remains to be seen.

I wish I'd invented the zipper and were still living on the royalties.

druid12000
09-02-2012, 07:27 PM
Granted. The royalties come in handy to pay for the lawsuits filed by all the men who catch their *ahem* junk in them.

I wish there were real flying monkeys.

Nymtoc
09-02-2012, 09:44 PM
Granted. They are on their way to seize you right now--and your little dog, too.

I wish people wouldn't say "I've seen the movie," thinking that's the equivalent of reading the book.

PorterStarrByrd
09-02-2012, 09:47 PM
I wish people wouldn't say "I've seen the movie," thinking that's the equivalent of reading the booik.

Denied

It is



I wish I knew what is in onion soup

druid12000
09-02-2012, 11:35 PM
Denied. That information is privileged and could warrant you being sent to Cuba for further questioning.

I wish cell phone reception was more reliable.

Nymtoc
09-02-2012, 11:47 PM
Granted. Cell phone reception is perfect at the North Pole. Go.

I wish I had a robot that would do my thinking for me.

shakeysix
09-02-2012, 11:51 PM
You will. Allz you gotta do is vote republican in November.

I wish I could find someone to paint my grape arbor. I am willing to pay actual cash money for this small chore. It's only a quarter acre. --s6

druid12000
09-03-2012, 02:02 AM
Granted. Meet Dwayne, he is a fabulous painter and has really creative ideas. *weeks later* Wow! It actually looks like your grape arbor, right down to the individual grapes. I told you right?

I wish facebook would die a horrible death.

Nymtoc
09-03-2012, 02:12 AM
Denied! Facebook will rule the world! (Its stock just hit a new low, but that's all part of the plan, according to Zuckerberg.)

I wish I could write a jingle--about four measures long--for some product and earn enough from it to live comfortably the rest of my life.

druid12000
09-03-2012, 02:40 AM
Granted. Your jingle for 'Some', becomes an overnight success. The product, however, maims puppies and makes animal lovers worldwide descend upon you in hordes. You are very comfortable before that though.

I wish 'The Far Side' cartoon strip was still around.

shakeysix
09-03-2012, 06:23 AM
well, as genies go i am not strong enough to resurrect a dead comic strip BUT i can send you to the land of dead comic strips.
first you catch a ride with terry and the pirates--watch out for dragon lady. she's cold as ice--just ask stoop. flip cork will fly you to the dogpatch airport but you will have to walk into town-- can't miss dogpatch, just looke for the big statue of general jubilation t. cormpone. once you leave dogpatch keep to the main road until you finf the okeefenokee swamp. once there you will want to look for an owl and a possum and an irascible alligator. if gary larson is anywhere he is hiding out in that swamp.--s6

i wish al capp had written and illustrated 'to the lighthouse' instead of virginia woolf

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2012, 06:26 AM
i wish al capp had written and illustrated 'to the lighthouse' instead of virginia woolf

Denied .. too late

He had the needles and she demanded the tats, plus she paid better money.



I wish I could find my marble.

druid12000
09-03-2012, 07:38 AM
Granted. It's rolling around and around and around....ok if you stop moving your head it will actually stop.

I wish if I ate my bills they would automatically be paid.

me-a-monsteR
09-03-2012, 04:00 PM
Denied. This wish can only granted if you make the bill collectors eat your bills.

I wish I could take a nap.

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2012, 04:59 PM
I wish I could take a nap.

Granted
Eat this apple


I wish I was a prince

me-a-monsteR
09-04-2012, 03:34 PM
Granted. You have to mud wrestle prince Charles for his title, coz we're running short on prince titles at the moment. Tip which may give you an edge: his ears are really sensitive ;)

I wish Porter's avi didn't look like it could read my mind.

PorterStarrByrd
09-04-2012, 04:13 PM
I wish Porter's avi didn't look like it could read my mind.

Denied
It can. That's why it has that blank stare.


I wish I had a couple of lizzard gizzards

alexaherself
09-04-2012, 07:20 PM
Granted - but that's all your allowed to eat for the next 4 days, so eke them out well.

I wish I could copy-paste text directly from Word into HTML without having to run it through Notepad first to strip out the concealed formatting codes.

CDSinex
09-04-2012, 09:47 PM
Granted: The Genie suggests you try the Microsoft Office HTML Filter, a free Microsoft download.

I wish someone would dig up, and wash the potatoes growing in my garden.

Robbert
09-05-2012, 02:43 PM
Granted, please take your pick:

Alexa digs up and washes the lot for £ 349,95 which is the equivalent of a new pair of shoes--she figures garden-work will ruin her stylish footwear.

Porter would be willing to do the job if he gets a 'biggish' stake in the business.

Jager only wants you to cover for his travel expenditure and offers to talk the hind legs off a donkey in case you may need practical advice.

me-a-monsteR
09-05-2012, 02:50 PM
Wish pending. Robbert, your wish is invisible to Genie. I suspect you tried to copy and paste directly from Word to HTML. Please go via the Notepad route, as suggested by alexa. Thanks ;)

I wish I could be invisible at will.

PorterStarrByrd
09-05-2012, 02:59 PM
I wish I could be invisible at Will's.

fify

Granted

But for all he cares you might as well already be invisible.



I wish this mean streak the voices have would go away.

me-a-monsteR
09-05-2012, 03:09 PM
Granted. The mean streak has been replaced by a goody-two-shoes streak. The voices become so accommodating and nice that you feel like throwing up. Constantly.

I wish I had an apple tree that grew yellow, red and green apples.

PorterStarrByrd
09-05-2012, 03:18 PM
I wish I had an apple tree that grew yellow, red and green apples.

Granted

The genie is sending a book about tree grafting. No use spending my time on something as trivial as that


I wish I had some yellow, red, and green applasauce, but not the kind that has been sitting in my refridgerator for a month.

CDSinex
09-05-2012, 09:41 PM
Granted: Take three bowls of applesauce; pee in one, bleed in another, and throw up in the last. (Be careful what you wish for)

I wish I hadn't posted that.

alexaherself
09-05-2012, 09:45 PM
Granted: one of the forum administrators actually took over your account and login for a moment, there, and posted it in your name, but there's no way of telling which. Let's just hope another of them doesn't ban you for it.

I wish I could really buy the shoes I want for £349.95 as Robbert suggested above.

Vaguely Piratical
09-06-2012, 09:01 PM
Granted, however the police know you robbed a bank to get the money and are on their way to arrest you right now.

I wish that this wish, and all future wishes, be granted in accordance with the intentions and best interests of the wish maker.

Robbert
09-06-2012, 10:55 PM
Granted. That's what it says in the rules.

I wish there were no fussy eaters.

Nymtoc
09-07-2012, 12:37 AM
Granted. But that means that people stop going to 5-star restaurants. The restaurants close, their employees lose their jobs, the restaurants' suppliers close, all kinds of businesses associated with them go bankrupt, and ultimately the entire economy tanks.

I wish I were a benevolent monarch.

CDSinex
09-07-2012, 07:48 AM
Granted: The Genie turns you into beautiful, benevolent Monarch Butterfly.

I wish autumn would come without bring the rain back.

Robbert
09-07-2012, 11:44 AM
Granted. Europe will experience a lovely Indian summer. If you wish for a return ticket, I'll make you a good price, my friend.

I wish I was as polite as CDSinex.

me-a-monsteR
09-07-2012, 03:10 PM
Granted. But you have to switch bodies with CDSinex. Might want to ask him first.

I wish the day would end.

Iggy58
09-07-2012, 04:29 PM
Granted. RIP.

I wish there were more hours in a day.

alexaherself
09-07-2012, 06:53 PM
Granted. But the newly imposed 28-hour day means that there are now only 6 days in a week, and Sundays have been abolished.


I wish this internet connection were just a little faster and more reliable.

Robbert
09-07-2012, 09:07 PM
Granted. Simply tick the box where it says 'security-enabled wireless network'.

I wish I knew how to turn sugar into honey.

Nymtoc
09-07-2012, 11:09 PM
Granted. She's getting tired of being called "Sugar" anyway. "Honey" isn't much better, but at least it's a change.

I wish all the money that's being spent on political campaigns were being spent on education instead.

PorterStarrByrd
09-07-2012, 11:22 PM
I wish all the money that's being spent on political campaigns were being spent on education instead.


Denied
With a smarter population we'd have no e;ections to spend money on.




I wish my new secret special lake trout fishing tactic wouldn't cause the fish to laugh as loud as they do.

Nymtoc
09-08-2012, 02:24 AM
The Genie is totally confused about "fishing tactic." He says any normal person would be talking about "fishing tackle," but then he remembers who he's dealing with. The Genie has no choice. Wish denied.

I wish the people of the world would all demand their governments do something right now about global warming.

me-a-monsteR
09-08-2012, 12:37 PM
Granted. Genie will brainwash world leaders at the next COP meeting to sign the modified Kyoto protocol and focus all reserves and time on alleviating global warming. Everyone'll be so busy with that, that no one'll pay attention to anything else. But feeding the hungry and keeping crime in check will just have to wait.

I wish I wasn't allergic to spring.

Nymtoc
09-08-2012, 02:01 PM
Granted. The Genie has removed your spring mattress and replaced it with a foam-rubber one. He has also removed the spring from your valuable heirloom antique clock. Just to be on the safe side, he has removed all the springs from your car, as well as the springs from your pogo sticks. He knows you will be pleased.

I wish I had the hot dog concession at Yankee Stadium.

alexaherself
09-08-2012, 02:19 PM
Granted ... but you might be better off with one in North Korea, or wherever else it's still acceptable to eat dog. In New York, that kind of thing doesn't go down too well, really ...


I wish I had the Louboutin shoes concession for the UK.

PorterStarrByrd
09-08-2012, 05:11 PM
I wish I had the Louboutin shoes concession for the UK.


Denied
There is a LONG line of wishers for that and my arm is getting sore from coin flipping. I'm just going to give it Fred.
I CAN get you a concession for the Korean Knock-off of Louboutin shoes ...



I wish I hadn't reached out like that.

me-a-monsteR
09-10-2012, 03:18 PM
Granted. Genie puts you in a straightjacket. There, you can't reach out even if you tried.

I wish I could go camping.

slcboston
09-12-2012, 07:57 PM
Granted.

Allow the genie to transport you through time and space to what was genie's second time at summer camp. Where it rained on Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. Genie recommends you back boots.

And watch out for the bears.


And the snakes.

:D



I wish I had a bigger lunch break.

Nymtoc
09-12-2012, 08:17 PM
Granted. You are fired, so you may take as long for lunch as you want.

I wish I could be a singing cowboy.

Zeddo
09-12-2012, 08:28 PM
Granted. You are now part cow and part boy and you sing "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered." Your act concludes with a milking demonstration.

I wish I could win America's Got Talent by cracking my knuckles to "She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain."

alexaherself
09-13-2012, 12:53 AM
Granted. But precisely what you've won is America's Got Talent - Knuckle-Cracking Special. I hope the prize-money goes some way toward all the joint replacement surgery.

I wish I'd eaten less broccoli.

druid12000
09-14-2012, 03:52 AM
Denied. You should have known better, but Genie realizes the allure and has left the bathroom open.

I wish the Mayan calender had an exit clause.

Komnena
09-17-2012, 06:24 AM
Granted. It's December 21, 2012. (You didn't really need the Genie for this one.)

I wish my tablet would stop its boycott of Amazon.

Nymtoc
09-17-2012, 10:35 AM
Granted. Now it's boycotting Android.

I wish I could write faster.

me-a-monsteR
09-17-2012, 03:00 PM
Granted. But everything you write is gibberish.

I wish I could read gibberish.

CDSinex
09-17-2012, 08:06 PM
Granted: The Genie has the Rosetta Stone Gibberish disks sent to you. They cost $600, and were shipped COD.

I wish someone would do my food shopping for me.

sciencewarrior
09-17-2012, 08:53 PM
Granted! And the genie was considerate enough to only buy stuff that is Good For You. It tastes like recycled paper, but some sacrifices are necessary, right?

I wish I had my own intern to do all my work.

PorterStarrByrd
09-17-2012, 09:13 PM
I wish I had my own intern to do all my work.


Granted
Kurt from Wetakenbody U is especially energetic, turn out stacks of work and submitting it to your boss under your name. He really doesn't HAVE the time to think all of his ideas out carefully.



I wish my pencil point wouldn't dig so deeply into my skin

alexaherself
09-17-2012, 10:00 PM
Granted ... now it digs so deeply only into everyone else's skin, and good luck when all the assault charges come up in court, by the way.


I wish my concentration and memory were better.

CDSinex
09-17-2012, 11:43 PM
"Granted!," the Genie blurts out, before falling silent. After a brief pause the Genie turns, and asks, "I'm sorry, what did you ask for?"

I wish summer would hang around for a few more weeks.

strictlytopsecret
09-18-2012, 12:36 AM
Granted, but the drought police issue a warrant for your arrest.

I wish cream cheese contained no calories.

PorterStarrByrd
09-18-2012, 01:02 AM
.

I wish cream cheese contained no calories.

Granted
Neither do banana splits, chocolate sundaes, or big rock candy mountains


I wish people weren't so gullible

Zeddo
09-18-2012, 02:21 AM
Granted. Nobody believes a thing anymore. Warn someone their house is on fire and they snort in disbelief. Call 911 and the operator laughs and hangs up. (On the plus side, all political speeches are greeted with outright derision.)

I wish I weren't the only one who remembers Gerald McBoing-Boing.

Nymtoc
09-18-2012, 02:44 AM
Granted. Häkämies Jyrki Gustafsson, 103, of Jämsänkoski, Finland, also remembers Gerald McBoing-Boing.

I wish I could have a real conversation with my computer.

alexaherself
09-18-2012, 02:46 AM
Granted. But the computer will have only a virtual conversation with you.

I wish I could distinguish between reality and virtuality.

PorterStarrByrd
09-18-2012, 04:34 PM
I wish I could distinguish between reality and virtuality.

Granted

I'm real
everything else is virtual



I wish my TV wasn't s a balck and white set

alexaherself
09-18-2012, 08:37 PM
Granted. Now it's cloor instead of balck and white, but still has no reception.

I wish I had more bandwidth.

me-a-monsteR
09-19-2012, 03:30 PM
Granted. Genie will send you a case of elastic bands. Hope those bad boys have enough stretch in them for you.

I wish I had an ant farm.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 02:01 AM
Granted. The ants are Them!-sized, so I hope you have a large tract of desert set aside.

I wish I was a superhero.

Zeddo
09-20-2012, 02:14 AM
Granted. You are now the superhero of a five-floor walkup building in New York. At first you were just the super, but after you unclogged toilets on four floors in half an hour with your bare hands, the tenants now call you "superhero." (You lose your powers if you get too close to air fresheners.)



I wish people would do what I want.

Nymtoc
09-20-2012, 02:25 AM
Granted. The Genie is sending you two people, one man and one woman, whom you will pay $18.75 an hour to do what you want for six hours each day, but only within the restrictions specified in their contracts (no touching).

I wish I had a pipe organ.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 02:32 AM
Granted. After a week of your playing your neighbors, after multiple requests to Stop that infernal noise!, drag you from your home and beat you with the pipes.

I wish I could teleport anywhere I want to go.

strictlytopsecret
09-20-2012, 02:35 AM
Granted, but due to a bizarre, physics-shunning event, there is no place left to go.

I wish there were a moratorium on arguing and fussing during election season.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 02:55 AM
Denied. Bill Maher would be out of a job.

I wish grass was self mowing.

Zeddo
09-20-2012, 03:11 AM
Granted. Grass everywhere is now self mowing. Unfortunately, the mowing process is continuous and your feet will be cut off at the ankles if you step on it. On the bright side, the postman will never cut across your lawn again.

I wish I knew how snake charmers do the charming.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 03:23 AM
Granted. It's a bait and switch. They start off with a real snake that could easily kill them then, with sleight of hand and distraction bring in a tame snake. They're in cahoots with David Copperfield.

I wish every beautiful woman in the world would bow to my every whim and desire.

strictlytopsecret
09-20-2012, 03:34 AM
Granted. When Mr. MyEveryWhim&Desire shows himself, we shall bow.

I wish the news was impossible to spin.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 03:43 AM
Granted. Ever try to spin a newspaper on your finger? Impossible.

I wish there was a 'gravity holiday'. Just a few moments so we could all float.

Nymtoc
09-20-2012, 03:50 AM
Granted. But we don't just float. We zoom off into space and end up light years away in a black hole. Gradually, the earth will repopulate with a new species that, one hopes, will be more successful than ours.

I wish I knew where I heard that song before.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 04:01 AM
Denied. You reeeaaallly don't want to know the details. Something involving a nude run through the streets with people pelting you with overripe papaya *shudder*

I wish that image would be permanently stricken from my psyche.

PorterStarrByrd
09-20-2012, 05:40 AM
I wish that image would be permanently stricken from my psyche.


Granted
You have now forgotten that, and everything else about your dear mother


I wish my bicycle tires were round instead of ovaloid

druid12000
09-20-2012, 06:50 AM
Granted. They are round and take you to the corner of 1st and Hall where you meet the most amazing person....oh, sorry, that's not you. Genie is so busy. Denied. You need all the humping you can get.

I really wish I hadn't said that.

Nymtoc
09-20-2012, 07:26 AM
Granted. You haven't said that--or anything else for the past 24 hours.

Not that anybody would notice.


I wish my tablet would not only bring me the news every morning but would also cook my breakfast.

druid12000
09-20-2012, 07:38 AM
Granted. Your tablet has become quite the multi-tasker. News, breakfast, laundry, you didn't think you actually made it through all those green lights did you? Your tablet (Gwen, please call her Gwen), now has control of your life. It would be best if you bowed. Really.

I wish there was more bravery and courage amongst the populous.

alexaherself
09-21-2012, 02:27 AM
Granted. There's more bravery and courage among the populous rabbits, among the populous snakes and even among the populous armadillos ... but no more among the populus.

I wish I didn't have to come up with another wish.

Zeddo
09-21-2012, 03:06 AM
Denied. How long would Genie have a job if he started granting these kind of wishes?

I wish my ankle bones wouldn't make those weird noises when I pick something up.

Nymtoc
09-21-2012, 04:56 AM
Granted. Thanks to an unfortunate encounter with a trolley car, you no longer have ankle bones. Hence, no more weird noises.

I wish people wouldn't use words like "appalling," "hopeless" and "irredeemable" when they criticize my writing.

druid12000
09-21-2012, 05:31 AM
Granted. They have realized that words will not suffice and have resorted to other methods. Is that a knock on your door?

I wish I had a chauffeur to take me to Canada tomorrow instead of eight hours of driving.

strictlytopsecret
09-21-2012, 06:11 AM
Granted, but your chauffeur's GPS malfunctions, and you end up in Jersey.

I wish groceries would magically appear in my refrigerator.

druid12000
09-21-2012, 06:43 AM
Granted. Hope you like parsnips and beets because your refrigerator is rocking with them!

I wish shaving wasn't such a chore.

CDSinex
09-21-2012, 07:09 AM
Granted: The Genie suggests you grow a beard.
http://www.musivation.com/RingTones/images/Genie-male.jpg


I wish I had a Transporter like on Star Trek.

druid12000
09-21-2012, 07:14 AM
Granted. It doesn't actually transport you anywhere because Star Trek was a television show. You do have the actual set, though it may get crowded in your living room at Christmas time.

I wish time would stop...now!

strictlytopsecret
09-21-2012, 07:22 AM
Granted, time has stopped. And it just restarted. At double speed.

I wish sleep was unnecessary.

Nymtoc
09-21-2012, 07:22 AM
Granted. Not only is sleep unnecessary, it is impossible. You are unbelievably fatigued as you trudge through day after day and night after night, yawning.

I wish the poles would stop melting.

Zeddo
09-21-2012, 07:47 AM
Granted. The Poles have stopped melting. Now it's the Lithuanians. :o :o :o

I wish someone would bring me breakfast in bed every morning.

Speed Racer
09-21-2012, 08:17 AM
Granted. You will be served your favorite breakfast everyday, but you will not be able to taste it.

I wish I could undo any wishes.

Nymtoc
09-21-2012, 08:43 PM
Granted. But it will cost you $100 per wish, and that doesn't include taxes. (You say you're in the 47% that don't pay taxes? Well, bully for you!)

I wish I had an iridium mine.

alexaherself
09-22-2012, 03:48 AM
Granted, but terribly sorry to hear that you've fallen into it: I promise to visit you in the hospital, if you survive all those orthopedic procedures.

I wish I didn't keep confusing iridium with yttrium.

Zeddo
09-22-2012, 07:22 AM
Denied. Watching people confuse the two is Genie's chief source of amusement on dull Friday nights.

I wish I were in Rome having a gelato.

frankiebrown
09-22-2012, 07:31 AM
Granted, but the gelato is cockroach flavored and you're in Rome, Kansas.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

Nymtoc
09-22-2012, 09:49 AM
Granted. The Genie had to make a few changes in your anatomy, but you asked for it.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/FISHUGLY_zpsc527c555.jpg


I wish I could read every book that was ever written.

CDSinex
09-22-2012, 11:16 PM
Granted: The Genie suggests you start at the beginning:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/91/Sumerian_26th_c_Adab.jpg/310px-Sumerian_26th_c_Adab.jpg

This will be part of the finals.


I wish the NHL owners would end the lockout.

frankiebrown
09-22-2012, 11:38 PM
Granted, the owners will end the lockout once climate changes make it impossible to ever freeze another block of ice. Maybe they'll play water polo instead?

I wish I could eat whatever I wanted without gaining any weight!

strictlytopsecret
09-22-2012, 11:42 PM
Granted. The only food choices available on planet earth are now iceberg lettuce and celery.

I wish my home was self-cleaning.

frankiebrown
09-22-2012, 11:45 PM
Granted, your home is now irrevocubly (*irrevocably :) ) infested by a new species of maggot who feed on dust bunnies.

I wish that I could understand my cat's language.

Nymtoc
09-23-2012, 12:23 AM
Granted. But your cat's language is now the only language you can understand--or speak. (You weren't doing very well with English anyway, were you?)

I wish I could make rain start or stop whenver I want.

Zeddo
09-23-2012, 12:30 AM
Granted. But whatever weather you command, you're never correctly dressed for it.


I wish I had buttered scones and jam right now.

frankiebrown
09-23-2012, 12:33 AM
Granted, but you're doomed to eat them without stopping until the day you die.

I wish for world peace :Sun:.

alexaherself
09-23-2012, 12:45 AM
Granted. But without any understanding of conflict left anywhere, there's no call for writers of fiction.

I wish my screen resolution were better.

Nymtoc
09-23-2012, 02:34 AM
Granted. But your screen's resolutions are like New Year's resolutions. It never keeps them for more than a day.

I wish I were an international football (soccer) star.

Komnena
09-23-2012, 06:56 AM
Granted. Unfortunately for you, you decide just for fun to star in a film critical of a certain prophet. Not to worry, though, the Amish have no idea who you are so they welcome you.
I wish Coast to Coast a.m. was on at a time I could listen to it.

frankiebrown
09-23-2012, 08:10 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, George Noory has retired and been replaced with a granny who only wants to talk about her knitting patterns.

I wish that sleep was not necessary to be a healthy and functional human.

Speed Racer
09-23-2012, 08:57 AM
Granted: But for every minute you choose not to sleep, you must watch our kids so that we parents can slumber.

I wish all tasty, greasy food was healthy for you

Nymtoc
09-23-2012, 07:58 PM
Granted. It is healthy for you in the short run. You look and feel great. But it cuts 20 years off your lifespan.

I wish I didn't keep running into snags in my writing.

PorterStarrByrd
09-23-2012, 09:32 PM
I wish I didn't keep running into snags in my writing.
Granted
You are getting a seat belt for your chair so you won't get up and run into anything.


I wish peaches smelled like lumber (or is it the other way around)

Zeddo
09-23-2012, 09:59 PM
Granted. Peaches now smell like lumber, so much so that when you eat them, you get slivers in your lips.


I wish I had a suit that made me look taller and younger.

Speed Racer
09-24-2012, 01:05 AM
Granted: You are now a young giraffe, but you have terrible case of itching due to wearing a suit in the hot African sun.

I wish this thread would never end

alexaherself
09-24-2012, 02:05 AM
Granted, but you have the obligation of posting in it at least four times a day for all the rest of your life, to keep it going.

I wish the "Count to a million" thread would end straight away.

sprogspasser
09-24-2012, 03:08 AM
Denied. Some of the people need the counting practise. You wouldn't want to stand in the way of their education woud you?

I wish I dreamt in colour.

Nymtoc
09-24-2012, 04:07 AM
Granted. While you are dreaming, you change colors many times. At the beginning you are pale blue, but as your dreams grow more intense, you become purple, then cherry-red, then mustard-brown, then Godzilla-green, then violet and finally your own personal hue before you awaken. The only way to make sure of this is either to watch you sleep or to train a camera on you all night, but so far, nobody has been even faintly interested.

I wish people wouldn't put fake stuff on their résumés.

Speed Racer
09-24-2012, 11:27 PM
Granted: From now on nobody will be able to write the words "fake" or "stuff" on thier resumes.

I wish the Chicago Cubs would win the world series at least one time before I die

acockey
09-25-2012, 12:59 AM
Granted but instead of people the team is made up entirely of new born black bears

I wish I had a jetpack

Speed Racer
09-25-2012, 04:13 AM
Granted: But you are going to look silly lugging around a pack that can fit a jet in it!

I wish my friend Serena would play this game

Nymtoc
09-25-2012, 04:36 AM
Granted. She starts to play this game, but as soon as she sees what you're posting, she quits.

I wish I could come up with a unique style of painting that would take the art world by storm.

strictlytopsecret
09-25-2012, 04:39 AM
I wish I could come up with a unique style of painting that would take the art world by storm.

Granted, but you are besieged with requests for commission work, become overwhelmed, and are forced into hiding.

I wish my "check tire pressure" light reflected reality.

Speed Racer
09-25-2012, 05:04 AM
Granted: You are now a 2012 VW Jetta with "Tire Pressure Monitor"

I wish I could become a cartoon

Zeddo
09-25-2012, 07:25 AM
Granted. You are now a politician.


I wish I could prevent my hair from growing once it's been cut.

Cybernaught
09-25-2012, 08:30 AM
Granted. You are now a politician.


I wish I could prevent my hair from growing once it's been cut.

Granted. You are now indefinitely bald. I wish I had my own reality show.

Speed Racer
09-25-2012, 10:04 AM
Granted: You are now the proud owner of every episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashian's", the only problem.....you are forced to watch it over and over on a continual loop for an eternity. (Sorry that was really mean....bad Genie!)

I wish women could be less complicated

me-a-monsteR
09-25-2012, 02:58 PM
Granted. You are now the proud owner of a room in the Kardashian mansion. You are forced to interact with the Kardashian sisters on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. You soon discover that these women all have similar inner workings. All they think about is: make-up, fashion and dating famous men. There, no more complication. ;)

I wish life was simpler.

CDSinex
09-25-2012, 09:04 PM
Granted: Henceforth, you will be a guest, actually, an inmate, at The Federal Correctional Institution, Englewood, in Littleton, Colorado, one of our finest “Club Fed” prisons. Life in this bucolic setting couldn’t possibly be simpler.

I wish politicians could be tried, and, if convicted, sentenced to prison for intentionally lying.

acockey
09-25-2012, 09:15 PM
Granted, but now you must be the jailer at their jail and listen to the incessant lying 24/7.

I wish elves were real

Speed Racer
09-25-2012, 11:28 PM
Granted: But the elves quickly reproduce and take over the world, eliminating all humans

I wish I could freeze and un freeze time

Nymtoc
09-25-2012, 11:40 PM
Semi-granted. You learned how to freeze time. Since you're now immobile, it's the "un" part that has you stuck.

I wish I had an orangutan.

Zeddo
09-26-2012, 12:26 AM
Denied. The orangutan refused to be had by you. In fact, he demanded your address and he and a large group of friends are on their way to tear you limb from limb. You might want to be out of town for the next few weeks.


I wish I had X-ray vision.

sprogspasser
09-26-2012, 12:40 AM
Granted. But you have to wear lead glasses or people will be able to see your brain.

I wish I could lick my eyebrows.