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Thump
11-30-2011, 07:39 PM
Granted. But by the time you're done, it's already obsolete. Welcome to the future.

I wish my neck would stop hurting.

PorterStarrByrd
11-30-2011, 08:39 PM
I wish my neck would stop hurting.

Granted, or would be but ...

It's probably easier for YOU to remove that sandpaper collar.



I wish I had some tree seeds.

CDSinex
12-03-2011, 09:36 AM
Granted: The Genie saves three preach pits from lunch, and gives them to you. Good luck growing peaches in "Moose Rapids, Quebec."

I wish I didn't have to go shopping tomorrow.

Robbert
12-03-2011, 04:42 PM
Automatically granted: Tomorrow is Sunday, don't upset the Lord and stay indoor.

I wish Sunday's turnover of all supermarkets were reallocated to those in need.

Komnena
12-06-2011, 02:21 AM
Granted. All those in need flock to supermarkets Sunday night. Nobody else can get in to buy things.
I wish I could eat at the new Asian restaurant for free.

CDSinex
12-06-2011, 04:32 AM
Granted: The Genie secures a dish washing position for you. Employees are expected to bring their own lunches, which you can eat in the break room of the new Asian restaurant for free.

I wish some would do my Christmas shopping for me.

Chrissy
12-06-2011, 04:39 AM
Granted! Hand me your credit card. And your list. And an eraser. ;)


I wish my teenager would be more responsible.

Komnena
12-06-2011, 05:40 AM
Granted. Your teenager is more responsible for borrowing your things than ever.

I wish I owned a Corsair fighter plane.

Nymtoc
12-06-2011, 10:14 AM
Semi-granted. The genie is very busy during the holidays, and this is the best he could do:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/PLANETOY2.jpg


I wish I could write a great novel.

PorterStarrByrd
12-06-2011, 06:01 PM
I wish I could write a great novel.


Sorry some things are impossible even for a genie.

kind of like that silk purse from a sow's ear thing


I wish my avacodo would bloom

Pistol Whipped Bee
12-06-2011, 06:09 PM
Denied. The genie is on a break. Please try again.

I wish my closest neighbor lived a mile down the street.

PorterStarrByrd
12-06-2011, 06:20 PM
I wish my closest neighbor lived a mile down the street.

Granted ..
that will be ONE of the effects caused by you not checking your gas oven more closely before lighting it.


I wish I could find a use for gold.

Chrissy
12-07-2011, 04:28 AM
Denied. But... I will grant you a city map, so you can take your gold to the nearest pawn shop and get some useful green stuff.


I wish I had a chef, a maid, and - what the hell - a butler.

Nymtoc
12-07-2011, 10:34 AM
Granted. You have a chef, a maid and a butler from hell.

I wish I knew what's in the dark wood behind my house.

Reziac
12-07-2011, 11:47 AM
Granted... where did you THINK those domestics-from-hell came from, anyway??

I wish for a good night's sleep.

Robbert
12-07-2011, 01:40 PM
Granted. Firstly, uninstall all malicious WIP and POV files from your internal hard-drive. Secondly, separate the sheep from the goats and count goats only.

I wish my servants wouldn't spend all their money in the casino.

PorterStarrByrd
12-09-2011, 03:00 AM
I wish my servants wouldn't spend all their money in the casino.


Granted ... they have set aside a small sum for bomb making lessons and supplies


I wish I knew why there were holes in the top of my pockets.

CDSinex
12-09-2011, 08:20 AM
Granted: The Genie takes a quick look at the holes and announces, "You have moths."

I wish Santa would bring me a brand new computer.

Nymtoc
12-09-2011, 09:32 AM
Granted. This wonderful computer was built in 1954 but never used. Therefore it is brand new. (The man in the photo is not the Genie.)

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/COMPUTERCA1954.jpg

I wish Santa would bring me a hot-air balloon.

PorterStarrByrd
12-09-2011, 04:56 PM
I wish Santa would bring me a hot-air balloon.

In interest of size the genie is sending you a whole PACKAGE of baloons. As you blow them up, your wish will be granted


I wish I could find two identical snowflakes and blow that damned theory up.

Pistol Whipped Bee
12-09-2011, 05:22 PM
Granted. You find them and blow up the theory. Life becomes more stimulating and meaningful for everyone. Way to go.

I wish I could get a massge today.

PorterStarrByrd
12-09-2011, 05:32 PM
I wish I could get a massge today.


DENIED !!
The Genie could not bare to have other hands touching you ...


I wish there wasn't deer poop on my boots.

Nymtoc
12-10-2011, 04:38 AM
Granted. There is moose poop on them instead.

I wish people would stop relying on clichés during the holidays--"'Tis the season," etc.

PorterStarrByrd
12-10-2011, 05:16 AM
I wish people would stop relying on clichés during the holidays--"'Tis the season," etc.

Well FA LA LA LA LA LA .. aren't you a piece of work? You're a real prize package .. Don you now the holiday spirit ..


Denied
because TIS the season

I wish I could sing Christams carols for Nymtoc all night

CDSinex
12-10-2011, 01:20 PM
Granted: With the wave of his hand the Genie whisks you off to the shadow of Lincoln Center to serenade Nymtoc. After a few minutes someone calls the police, and you are taken to Bellevue for observation.

I wish I could go somewhere warm and dry for the holidays.

Robbert
12-10-2011, 03:21 PM
The Genie was unable to proceed with your wish: Next time, please be more specific as for the duration of your envisioned holiday, its destination, funds needed, number of tickets, travel insurance yes or no, priority check-in yes or no, colour and size of air sickness bags, reduced mobility, sports equipment, right, please contact me to ensure your application will be successful.

I wish I was in Aspen.

PorterStarrByrd
12-10-2011, 05:45 PM
I wish I was in Aspen.


Granted: The genie has, with a great deal of effort, even for him, located a carpenter that uses aspen wood for custom made coffins. Someone in a dark cape with a hood will be by to pick you up shortly.


I wish the egg salad sandwich I made a couple of weeks ago wasn't so fuzzy.

CDSinex
12-11-2011, 11:32 AM
Granted: The Genie, a firm believer in self reliance, gives you a butter knife with instructions to just scrape it off. He also suggests that you eat the sandwiches quickly, before the fuzzy stuff has the chance to grow back.

I wish I could focus on what I have to do in the next few days.

Nymtoc
12-12-2011, 10:05 AM
Granted. The Genie is sending you a magnifying glass with a focal length of 25 cm, corresponding to an optical power of 4 diopters. It will allow you to focus on all your tasks.

I wish I had already sent out all my holiday cards.

Robbert
12-13-2011, 04:51 PM
Semi-granted, all you need to do is fill in the 'xxx': Dear xxx, have a good one, I'm definitely looking forward to meet all of you in the New Year, kind regards, Nymtoc.

I wish I could afford a fancy skiing holiday in Colorado.

Komnena
12-14-2011, 06:47 PM
Granted.You go on the fancy skiing trip and break a leg.

I wish it would not rain tomorrow.

tdupuis119
12-14-2011, 07:40 PM
Granted. The rain schedule for tomorrow has been moved to today. Enjoy.

I wish Santa was real.

Nymtoc
12-14-2011, 09:07 PM
Granted. Here she is:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/SANTACLAUSFEMALE.jpg

I wish all the lobbyists in Washington would be sent to the moon.

iLion
12-14-2011, 09:25 PM
You got it, Nym. All those lobbyists in Washington (must be thousands!) have been sent over to observe the nice moon being displayed by Pole dancer Ginger Muffin down the street at the Lizard Lounge's Boom-Boom Room.

I wish the AbsoluteWrite weekday lunch crowd would ramp it up a little and be a bit quicker to respond to these clever and witty thread posts.

PorterStarrByrd
12-14-2011, 09:35 PM
I wish the AbsoluteWrite weekday lunch crowd would ramp it up a little and be a bit quicker to respond to these clever and witty thread posts.


Granted
They patiently wait for one to respond to.


I wish I could pee on my feet every day.

tdupuis119
12-15-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. *Presents toilet-shoes*

I wish dogs didn't sniff our crotches.

PorterStarrByrd
12-15-2011, 02:06 AM
I wish dogs didn't sniff our crotches.

Granted

You are no longer WORTHY of having dogs sniff your crotches (However many you have)


I wish the yolk of my avacado wasn't so hard

CDSinex
12-15-2011, 08:16 AM
Granted: The Genie instructs you to put the entire avocado in a warn sunny window for 6 months. This will soften the yolk.

I wish there was something good on TV tonight.

Nymtoc
12-15-2011, 09:27 AM
Granted. Because of an electrical problem, your TV is able to receive only one channel tonight. Luckily for you, this is the show that will be running steadily until the problem can be corrected.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/MYMOTHERTHECAR.jpg

I wish I were not so lazy.

Reziac
12-15-2011, 09:38 AM
Granted! In a spasm of energy and ambition, you clean my house, wash my dishes, do my laundry, mow my yard, do my chores, sort my books, take out the trash, and generally make yourself useful before settling down to cook me a nice dinner and serving it by candlelight.

I wish Nymtoc would visit more often!!

PorterStarrByrd
12-15-2011, 07:54 PM
I wish Nymtoc would visit more often!!

Granted .. it will become nightly until he moves in and is no longer a visitor, but a mooch.

I wish I had a fence post

CDSinex
12-16-2011, 09:58 AM
Granted: Of course it's as-is-where-is.

http://mw2.google.com/mw-panoramio/photos/medium/62748476.jpg


I wish tomorrow was payday.

Nymtoc
12-16-2011, 11:03 AM
Granted. Here's yours:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/HALFPENNY.jpg


I wish Christmas could be de-commercialized.

Robbert
12-16-2011, 02:02 PM
Granted, if you're willing to clean up the mess: Economies collapse; kids go on the rampage; night after night plenty of uninvited visitors -- disgruntled Santas -- giving you a HELL of a time.

I wish I could be Santa Claus, giving a little for the needy and **** all for the greedy.

Nymtoc
12-16-2011, 09:49 PM
Denied! The Genie has translated your "****" to mean "gold," and your wish is disgusting!

I wish Santa would bring me a gift certificate worth limitless dollars for any stores I choose.

shakeysix
12-16-2011, 10:44 PM
here you are nymmie. merry christmas. these bucks are limitless and can be used in any store in the confederate states of america. i suggest you step on down to nathan bedford forest's blacksmith shop and get yourself shod--s6

i wish that someone would park a christmas tree in my dreary non christmassy living room before my g-daughter arrives. oh, throw on some tinsel and string some lights as well--s6

Nymtoc
12-16-2011, 11:12 PM
Your wish is the Genie's command:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CHRISTMASTREEUGLY.jpg


I wish I had all my marbles.

shakeysix
12-17-2011, 12:57 AM
curses foiled again! and as for your marbles? sadly, regaining them is beyond this genie's powers.

i wish the turkey swiss hoagie listed on the cafeteria menu would turn into real meat and real cheese.

PorterStarrByrd
12-17-2011, 01:49 AM
i wish the turkey swiss hoagie listed on the cafeteria menu would turn into real meat and real cheese.


Granted but it is actual snail filet and limbuger

I wish the day was 24 hours long

Night_Writer
12-17-2011, 02:27 AM
Granted! (That one was easy.) But it's still never enough time.


I wish I were a can-can dancer at the Moulin Rouge.

Nymtoc
12-17-2011, 03:40 AM
Granted.

You are a can-can dancer at the Moulin Rouge Motel in Las Vegas. Unfortunately, the motel burned down in 2003. But you are welcome to do your kicks there anyway:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/MOULINROUGEMOTELLASVEGAS2009.jpg

I wish my new android tablet would stop giving me problems.

CDSinex
12-17-2011, 08:50 AM
Denied: The Genie walks away muttering, "A poor workman always blames his tools."

I wish Nymtoc wouldn't brag so much about all of the cool gadgets he has. :D

Robbert
12-17-2011, 03:20 PM
Denied: The Genie lacks the capacity to change a wicked person's weird mind.

I wish for a rainy day.

PorterStarrByrd
12-17-2011, 05:41 PM
I wish for a rainy day.

Genie laughs (actually sneers)
It ALREADY rains somewhere every day ... what does this guy want, another one of the 40 day and 40 night things?


I wish I had a peacock to roast for Christmas.

Nymtoc
12-18-2011, 04:19 AM
Granted. Here is your peacock, just out of the shell. The Genie knows you like things fresh.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/PEACOCKCHICK2.jpg


I wish I could find Nessie.

CDSinex
12-18-2011, 10:58 AM
Granted: The Genie informs you you may find Nessie in Loch Ness. Here's map.

http://www.lochnesscottages.co.uk/images/lochness-map.jpg (http://www.lochnesscottages.co.uk/images/lochness-map.jpg)


I wish people would stop asking me what I want for Christmas.

Robbert
12-18-2011, 03:54 PM
Granted: Stop being moderate.

I wish the Sunday roast would have no lumpy gravy.

PorterStarrByrd
12-18-2011, 06:47 PM
Granted: Stop being moderate.

I wish the Sunday roast would have no lumpy gravy.


Granted

Your oven and stove are on the fritz



I wish Hell would freeze over ... I've got a lot of things I'm waiting for.

CDSinex
12-20-2011, 07:37 AM
Granted: The Genie suggests that you visit in late January or early February.

http://ekonefe.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/hell_froze_sign.jpg


I wish we could have a white Christmas this year.

Night_Writer
12-20-2011, 08:20 AM
Granted. Every student at the local high school will be given a can of white paint and a paintbrush, and they'll be spending the week painting everything in town white. No snow in the forecast, but everything will be white.


I wish I didn't have to pay the rent.

Pistol Whipped Bee
12-20-2011, 09:23 AM
Granted. How familiar are you with squatting?

I wish I didn't get full so quickly.

PorterStarrByrd
12-21-2011, 04:17 AM
I wish I didn't get full so quickly.

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1466196566908&id=2e705d2634cfed5818270f84a3e132b6&url=http%3a%2f%2f0.tqn.com%2fd%2fparanormal%2f1%2f G%2fO%2fP%2ffork.jpg
http://ts3.mm.bing.net/images/thumbnail.aspx?q=1449011185194&id=5527e592224071c480a812e521f94f21&url=http%3a%2f%2fwww.clunki.com%2fwp-content%2fuploads%2f2010%2f09%2fpotato-masher.jpg

Granted : your new eating utensils are on the way


I wish my pant legs were the same lenght as my legs

CDSinex
12-24-2011, 11:35 AM
Granted: With a wave of the Genie's hand your right leg is now three inches shorter, and your left leg is four inches shorter. (Who hemmed those pants?)

I wish my sister wasn't bringing her "signature" green-bean casserole to Christmas dinner.

Nymtoc
12-24-2011, 11:55 AM
Granted. She's bringing her "surprise" rutabaga-and-mustard casserole instead.

I wish I had ESP.

Robbert
12-24-2011, 01:34 PM
In a fit of generosity, the Genie not only grants you ESP, but CPU, GTI, DVD, ABS, GSM and ÖKN as well.

I wish I knew what ÖKN is short for.

Nymtoc
12-26-2011, 10:54 AM
Granted. Now that you know, you must enter the Witness Protection Program immediately.

I wish agents and publishers were all as friendly as the people on AW.

PorterStarrByrd
12-27-2011, 07:09 AM
I wish agents and publishers were all as friendly as the people on AW.

Granted
All AW member have been banned from their anger management classes .. equalization should occur within the next couple of weeks


I wish I could get my hands on that damned buzzard

Komnena
12-28-2011, 08:52 AM
Granted. Unfortunately you forgot the holy water essential for dealing with damned things.

I wish I had a new pair of winter boots.

CDSinex
12-29-2011, 04:17 AM
Granted: The Genie has given you a brand-new pair of Baby Uggs ( you didn't specify a size so he went with the cheapest, because Christmas left him a little tapped out. Enjoy.)

http://images.neimanmarcus.com/products/mt/NMZ5690_mt.jpg

I wish I had a second house along the Deschutes River in Oregon.

Nymtoc
12-29-2011, 04:36 AM
Granted. The Genie took particular care to get you a house that will withstand rising waters:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/SHACK6.jpg

I wish I could be with Lady Gaga when she pushes the button that lowers the big ball in Times Square on New Year's Eve.

CDSinex
12-31-2011, 05:58 AM
Denied: Not even the Genie's vast powers can supersede the four restraining orders she has against you.

I wish the seed catalogs would come early.

Nymtoc
12-31-2011, 12:20 PM
Granted. The seed catalogs from which you can order hemlock, snakeroot, foxglove and deadly nightshade are on their way.

I wish I had a better imagination.

Robbert
01-01-2012, 04:15 PM
The Genie is happy to announce that your imagination is already superior compared to the ordinary folk. The Genie may consider downgrading, if you aren't happy with the way things stand.

I wish it were 2013 and I'd be spared from listening to the 2012 doom and gloom scenarios.

CDSinex
01-02-2012, 12:00 PM
Granted: The Genie holds you in a stasis chamber until this day in 2013. Luckily you missed all of the “doom and gloom” of 2012. Unfortunately, when you come out of the chamber you discover that you’d lost your job (you failed to show up for a year), and your home (you failed to make payments for a year.) Your landlord was very nice and put all of you possessions in a storage locker. The landlord only made rental payments on the locker for two months, so, in an unfortunate turn of events, the locker was put up for auction. If you’re interested, the auction will be aired in mid-February on Storage Wars. To make matters worse (yes, it is possible), you failed to file a tax return for 2011, and the authorities are looking for. (In case you are wondering, all-in-all, 2012 wasn’t such a bad year after all.)


I wish I could remember what New Year’s resolutions I made.

Robbert
01-02-2012, 02:44 PM
Reminded: Back in December you promised all over the AW Forum to go hibernating. You're overdue. You'd better make haste.

I wish I could keep my Christmas tree in the deep freezer, thus saving both time and money for this year's festive season.

Nymtoc
01-02-2012, 03:14 PM
You don't need a genie for that. What's stopping you?

I wish there were a law forbidding imbeciles to run for public office.

Robbert
01-03-2012, 07:36 PM
What a brilliant idea. :Clap: The Genie is both delighted and currently wondering, whether Mrs S. Palin should be installed as the final arbiter on who is / isn't imbecile?!

I wish football becomes the world's next major religion.

slcboston
01-05-2012, 06:42 PM
Granted.

Football is now a religion. And you thought the Crusades were bad the first time around...


I wish it wouldn't warm up. I want to keep the snow we have.

CDSinex
01-06-2012, 06:47 AM
Granted: It is now 27° below zero, and will remain that way until you can get the Genie's attention. Enjoy the snow.

I wish there was some good news on the TV.

shakeysix
01-06-2012, 12:53 PM
there is. you're just not listening to the right channels. try "toddlers and tiaras" and then remember that your three year old is not painted up like a ho with peroxide hair and high heels, screeching out Like a Virgin and gyrating like Madonna.

i wish that the agent to whom i am about to query reads the damn thing before deleting it--s6

Robbert
01-06-2012, 01:41 PM
Granted: Somewhere, an agent is right now reading the Damn Thing.

I wish I knew how to make sensational headlines.

shakeysix
01-06-2012, 02:03 PM
i am granting you a gallon of spray on hair to cover your bald spot.(i see it in your charming portrait) every time you rest your head you will leave a (mmff, mmmfff, snicker) headline!

i wish robbert good night--or good morning. it is 4 a.m. i need to be at work at seven so i am turning in.--s6

Komnena
01-11-2012, 06:35 AM
Robbert has such a good night that he oversleeps and is fired for tardiness.
I wish there was a channel devoted exclusively to the original Hawaii Five O.

Robbert
01-11-2012, 04:55 PM
Denied: As for the Hawaii Five O, the Genie is absolutely clueless.

I wish there was a channel devoted exclusively to bring us back to our senses.

slcboston
01-14-2012, 11:13 PM
Granted.

It's called PBS. Unfortunately, they're a little short on cash right now. So we're asking you, as viewers, to contribute. We have a nice tote bag or coffee cup. Volunteers are standing by.

On every channel.

All the time.



I wish I could afford a car that was better suited for the weather.

CDSinex
01-14-2012, 11:31 PM
Granted:


http://bringatrailer.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/1967_Bombardier_RT10_Snowmobile_Snow_Cat_1.jpg

I wish someone would stop by and split a month's worth of wood.

Nymtoc
01-14-2012, 11:51 PM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/AXMAN.jpg

Unfortunately, he is being sought by police for having chopped more than just wood.

I wish I had a barrel full of gold coins.

slcboston
01-14-2012, 11:55 PM
Granted.

You have a large barrel of gold coins. Well, gold foil-wrapped chocolate coins. But they are gold. And coins. Not very good chocolate though, sorry. Hard to do quality in bulk with these things.


I wish my cat would not choose to sleep on my laptop.

Nymtoc
01-15-2012, 12:48 PM
Granted. Your cat has chosen to use your laptop as a litter box instead.

I wish the petty, hate-filled, unintelligent, demagogic broadcasters on radio and TV would all disappear in a puff of smoke.

Robbert
01-15-2012, 03:34 PM
Well, since 90% or more of the radio and TV broadcasters are all but forgotten in five year's time (= disappear in a puff of smoke), you ought to have asked the Genie, how to find effective methods of not installing the faceless puppets in the first place?!

I wish Alzheimer's could be cured by electric shock treatment.

Nymtoc
01-15-2012, 09:48 PM
Granted, but you may get results you didn't expect:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/FRANKENSTEIN5.jpg


I wish every weekend would last three days.

PorterStarrByrd
01-15-2012, 10:05 PM
I wish every weekend would last three days.

Granted (partially)

You are now a pubic school teacher so most of them will. I hope you enjoy spending the other 4 with 36 public school students in your health class.


I wish deer had green ears.

slcboston
01-16-2012, 12:43 AM
Granted.

... Actually, you know what? This one is just bizarre and off the wall enough that I'm tempted to just grant it properly and be done with it. Sadly, though, union rules being what they are and all, I can't do that. So, deer have green ears... along with green heads, bodies, legs, etc. They are all green. When scores of angry hunters can no longer find the deer in the woods, I shall send them your way so you can explain it to them.


I wish I had an off switch for the pain receptors in my head.

Nymtoc
01-17-2012, 01:54 AM
Granted. Flick the switch and this guy will swing into action:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/HAMMERMAN.jpg


I wish I knew the answer to everything.

PorterStarrByrd
01-17-2012, 02:24 AM
I wish I knew the answer to everything.


Granted ...
You might have wished for some correct ones, but at least you saved me a lot sorting.

I wish moose had red ears

PorterStarrByrd
01-20-2012, 12:34 AM
I say


I wish moose had red ears ...

Komnena
01-20-2012, 04:36 AM
Granted. Moose have red ears. Some of them have survived on moose farms.

I wish I had a money tree.

Chrissy
01-20-2012, 04:40 AM
Granted! For each dollar you pluck from its branches, you must pay exactly ONE DOLLAR.

I wish I could read books for a living.

Robbert
01-20-2012, 02:24 PM
...reading for a living, also you wish for a song to be sung, and that your WIP reaches its final stage sooner rather than later... Denied: A finger in every pie, eh? The Genie only supports one thing at a time.

I wish the WWW remains a medium where information is freely available.

PorterStarrByrd
01-21-2012, 08:27 PM
[QUOTE=Robbert;6930808I wish the WWW remains a medium where information is freely available.[/QUOTE]


Granted ...
for better or worse.

I wish beavers had amber ears

Robbert
01-21-2012, 11:00 PM
Granted: The Genie gives you permission to go ahead with your genetically modified rodents, IF you promise it's the end of green ears and stuff!?

I wish all snakes were non-venemous.

PorterStarrByrd
01-21-2012, 11:06 PM
I wish all snakes were non-venemous.

Denied
God has denied us the power to change lawyers.


Now that I have my deer beaver moose traffic control totem pole, I wish wish I could find place to instal it.

CDSinex
01-22-2012, 09:47 AM
Granted: (The Genie will contact you via PM with specific instructions.)

I wish the roads weren't frozen.

Nymtoc
01-22-2012, 10:56 AM
Granted. The roads aren't frozen because there are no roads. You'll just have to get where you're going by slogging on foot through mountains of snow and ice. Be sure to wear warm clothing and carry a canteen.

I wish I could download Kindle books onto my BlackBerry PlayBook (and please don't make nasty comments about me for talking about my new toys!).

PorterStarrByrd
01-23-2012, 08:32 PM
I wish I could download Kindle books onto my BlackBerry PlayBook (and please don't make nasty comments about me for talking about my new toys!).

Granted
turns blackberry into a kindle

Iwish that PM would get here. This totem signal is getting heavy.

slcboston
01-24-2012, 07:28 AM
Granted.

Unfortunately, the PM was of questionable content, and the Powers That Be intervened and deleted it. You'll just to have to live without knowing what it said.

Oh, and you can just put the totem anywhere.


I wish the weather would be consistent and seasonal.

Nymtoc
01-24-2012, 08:02 AM
Granted. But in exchange, you must accept the fact that the NY Giants will defeat the Pats in the Super Bowl.

I wish it would suddenly become spring.

PorterStarrByrd
01-24-2012, 03:02 PM
I wish it would suddenly become spring.

Denied
That would get in the way of all those wishes backed up from last august


I wish I had a nice glass of iced tea.

CDSinex
01-26-2012, 12:06 PM
Granted: The Genie gives you iced tea in a very nice glass. Unfortunately the water came from a rather stagnant farm pond downhill from a cow barn. Luckily the Genie used cold-brewed tea, so none of the "active ingredients" in the water were harmed in its making.

I wish I had something better to do at 12 a.m. (PST).

Nymtoc
01-26-2012, 02:40 PM
Granted. You have joined the newly arisen Prohibitionist Party, and you will go around for hours knocking on people's doors and handing them pamphlets titled "Liquor is brewed by the DEVIL!"

I wish I would learn to make better use of my time.

PorterStarrByrd
01-27-2012, 01:09 AM
I wish I would learn to make better use of my time.

Denied
For you, there is no better use of your time



I wish I could save Thyme in a bottle.

Nymtoc
01-27-2012, 02:57 AM
Granted. You've been saving this thyme in a bottle for years:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/WORMYROT.jpg

I wish everything would come up roses.

Pistol Whipped Bee
01-27-2012, 05:09 AM
Really? Have you considered all the thorns? Do you maybe want to rethink that?

I wish I was better at lucid dreaming and that the dreams lasted longer.

Robbert
01-27-2012, 04:38 PM
Granted: Go back hibernating and you shall have plenty of long-lasting lucid dreams.

I wish I had two books available on Amazon.

Komnena
01-31-2012, 03:34 AM
Granted. The two books are a scholarly discussion of the price of eggs in China and why the sky is blue.

I wish I could meet the stars of Pawn Stars.

CDSinex
02-09-2012, 11:49 AM
Granted: The Genie sends you on a weekend trip to Las Vagas. You promptly lose all of your money and go to the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop to pawn the Rolex you recently bought on eBay. It turns out to be fake, sorry. On the bright side you do get to meet all the guys.

I wish I the Genie would surprise me with something nice.

Nymtoc
02-09-2012, 02:07 PM
Granted. The Genie has arranged for you to have your very own asteroid. It is located 403,914,249 kilometers from Earth, and you can visit it any time you want:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/ASTEROID.jpg

I wish I knew what happened before the Big Bang.

CDSinex
02-10-2012, 08:05 AM
Granted: The Genie, who lives on the West Coast and has Comcast, informs you that on Thursday nights before The Big Bang Theory is a program called The Insider. Please check your local listings before making such wishes in the future. :D

I wish I could make better use of my time.

Nymtoc
02-10-2012, 08:54 AM
Denied. If you haven't learned to make better use of your time by now, you never will.

I wish I had my own television show so I could get my books on the best-seller list. (I don't really want the show--but it's obvious that being on TV is the best way to promote your books these days.)

CDSinex
02-11-2012, 01:00 PM
Granted: The Genie arranges for you to have your very own program, Tic-Tock, Nymtoc, My Books Really Rock, on Manhattan's Public Access Television Station, Manhattan Neighborhood Network, weekdays from 2 and 3 a.m.

I wish we could get MNN out here in the Pacific Northwest.

armydillo978
02-13-2012, 06:37 AM
Granted: Under a new agreement with local public TV stations....the Minnesota News Network (MNN) is now broadcasting live throughout the great Pacific Northwest. All the news about corn farming, wrassling governors, and the Mall of America you could ever want.

I wish I may, I wish I might...I wish that I could have a pic of Nymtoc dancing tonight...with Betty White.

Nymtoc
02-13-2012, 06:53 AM
Granted. They're in there somewhere.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/DANCERSMANY.jpg

I wish I could hear Armydillo sing.

Robbert
02-13-2012, 03:49 PM
Supported: Later in the day, the Genie will try and twist his arm, err, shell.

I wish I had four or more siblings.

Nymtoc
02-13-2012, 04:22 PM
Granted. You have twelve sisters and ten brothers. They are all lazy and shiftless and constantly pester you for money.

I wish I knew how alligators have survived for 37 million years with a brain no bigger than a lima bean.

armydillo978
02-14-2012, 04:13 AM
Granted: You find out that alligators are really politicians in their "restive state" and when not in elected office they revert to their reptile origin and wait....till elected again.


I wish I could make the world sing with me....and have polar bears dancing behind us in our music video....or something like that.

CDSinex
02-15-2012, 06:13 AM
Granted: The Genie gets you a gig doing a new coca-cola commercial which will combine these two old favorites. Link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib-Qiyklq-Q) Link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahe2r5fB5hU&feature=related)

I wish the sun would shine.

Nymtoc
02-15-2012, 07:11 AM
Granted. But in this bad economy, you now work deep inside the Midnite Uranium Mine in northeastern Washington and never see sunlight. As a fringe benefit, however, the uranium makes you glow with a light of your own.

I wish I had a large radish.

shakeysix
02-15-2012, 08:17 AM
a large psychedelic radish autographed by gracie slick. it pulses with an aura that draws you like a horsefly to horse sweat. you and your radish have long soulful conversations. she tells you to feed your head. you do so. and then your insanely jealous wife shreds your soulmate into a hominy and radish salad. cruelly feeds it to you. it is the stuff of greek tragedy. when you discover the truth you jump screaming from the balcony of your fifteenth story apartment.

i wish i had a surrealistic pillow

Robbert
02-15-2012, 03:44 PM
Semi-granted: You just want to get in touch with the master yourself dali@surrealistsinheaven.org

I wish my debt counsellor will come sooner rather than later.

Nymtoc
02-15-2012, 04:16 PM
Denied. Your debt counsellor is in prison, convicted of bilking his clients.

I wish I could bend spoons with my mind.

Robbert
02-16-2012, 01:03 PM
Hmm: The Genie granted this wish in the past and wasn't happy to see the same people turn into tricksters. The Genie demands a written explanation as to why Nymtoc earthling believes bending spoons won't get to his head.

I wish I could sneeze without having to close my eyes.

Komnena
02-18-2012, 08:11 AM
Granted. You are never able to close your eyes no matter how tired you are. However, coffee sellers love you and are constantly sending you mailings.
I wish I had a complete collection of digital Edmond Hamilton books.

shakeysix
02-18-2012, 03:54 PM
i am granting you my personal reading rainbow-- my high school study skills class. no drop outs here. their folks won't let them. are they a rainbow? oh yeah. an electric rainbow with droopy pants and neon hair. first you have to pry the earphones out of their ears. don't expect any help. the principal is on their side.

then you have to persuade them that this guy Chaucer is secretly a perv so they will read this goofy story about a rooster and a fox. these are farm kids. they know roosters don't talk. then you have to convince them that this guy Chaucer is more important than matching cummerbunds to prom gowns because if they don't pass this test YOU and the rest of the faculty are going to be in BIG TROUBLE while they will just get to retake the test. good luck.

i wish i had something for breakfast besides moldy raisin bread and outdated milk

Robbert
02-18-2012, 04:53 PM
Granted, if you are not a vegetarian: Beam yourself up, S6, and you could still join this morning's feast, sheep's eyes and white beans with intestines.

I wish all morons were required by law to paint an 'M' across their foreheads.

Nymtoc
02-18-2012, 11:58 PM
Granted. Now, how are you going to explain that "M" on your own forehead?

I wish my knee didn't hurt.

parumpdragon
02-19-2012, 01:21 AM
Granted, someone dropped an anvil on your toe.

I wish today would last forever.

shakeysix
02-19-2012, 04:21 AM
time fiddling is a little out of this genie's field of expertise so i am granting you a double root canal. last time i had one of those the day went on FOREVER. (take advantage of the nitrous)

i wish i had been true to my teeth in my youth

Robbert
02-19-2012, 03:01 PM
Well, you weren't, tough. Besides, you didn't forward a clear-cut wish, but a masterfully written account of remorse. Yours, tooth fairy.

I wish I'd stop dreaming being able to fly.

Nymtoc
02-19-2012, 03:53 PM
Wish deferred. To dream that you are flying signifies a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited. Why would you want to lose that sense of freedom? On the other hand, to dream that you are flying with black wings signifies bitter disappointments. Perhaps that is why you want to stop dreaming that you are flying. The Genie needs more information before he can grant your wish.

I wish I had a psychic octopus who could predict the outcome of basketball games.

Robbert
02-19-2012, 04:33 PM
Denied: The life span of octopuses is too short to make them familiar with the ins and outs of this particular ball game.

I wish I wouldn't fall out of bed each time I dream I can fly.

Nymtoc
02-19-2012, 11:35 PM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CRIBPROTECTOR.jpg


I wish I had a pint of passion-fruit juice.

Robbert
02-20-2012, 01:38 PM
Granted: But please come back to the Genie and prove that the extra vitamins helped to make your writing more passionate.

I wish I had seven senses.

CDSinex
02-22-2012, 06:08 AM
Granted: The Genie adds the sense of danger to your other, presumably six, senses. You will spend the rest of your life with a deep foreboding that something really bad is about to happen.

I wish the Genie would get a hobby and stop being so mean to people.

Nymtoc
02-22-2012, 06:27 AM
Granted. The Genie has started sticking pins in writer-dolls.

I wish religion would vanish from US electoral politics.

Robbert
02-22-2012, 02:26 PM
Denied: For lack of an equally entertaining alternative, false piety remains an integral part of electoral campaigns.

I wish Joe Bloggs will become minister of defence.

Nymtoc
02-22-2012, 09:14 PM
Denied. The next minister of defence will be Joe's brother Fred.

I wish politicians would stop making ridiculous statements.*




*I know--this wish doesn't stand a chance. ;)

CDSinex
02-23-2012, 04:06 AM
Granted: Politicians' statements have gone from the ridiculous to the inane, but with twice the PAC money to spend on TV and radio ads.

I wish the books I ordered from Amazon would get here.

Nymtoc
02-23-2012, 04:36 AM
Granted. They will get to you eventually. Because of a computer glitch, they were sent to DCZinex in Eastern Siberia, who is an honest person and notified Amazon of the error, but it may take some months before the books are rerouted.

I wish we would have either rain or clear skies, but not this in-between drizzliness.

Robbert
02-23-2012, 04:12 PM
Granted: Immediately relocate to Eastern Siberia (...and please be so kind and pick up DCZinex Amazon order on the way back).

I wish all Awers with a Swiss bank vault had a neat 'Sbv' in their tag lines.

Komnena
02-27-2012, 04:38 PM
Granted. They then become victims of identity theft and in their anger they get you banned for life.
I wish I was down to a thousand books per person.

slcboston
02-27-2012, 07:26 PM
Granted.

Though, to be truthful, I'm not entirely sure what you're wishing for. A thousand books to read? A thousand books to write? A thousand books to carry? Hmmm, probably that last one, right?

You now have only 999 books per person. To carry. Back and forth between the NYC library and the San Francisco library. Better get yourself some good shoes.



I hope the meeting today is short.

Nymtoc
02-27-2012, 08:34 PM
Denied. Meetings are only short in Congressional committees where they don't want to get anything done.

I wish people campaigning for the Presidential nomination would stick to reality.

slcboston
02-27-2012, 08:37 PM
Granted.

Only their definition of reality is much along the same lines as "Reality Television." You takes what you can gets in an election cycle.

And when did we start denying wishes?? :Wha: :rulez:



I wish I could order groceries online and have them delivered, with no extra charge.

Robbert
02-28-2012, 02:10 AM
Neither granted nor denied: For a start, you forgot to tell the Genie your whereabouts. Moreover, the Genie urges you to read the small print. All reputable services offer free of charge delivery on orders over £ 100 within a 20 mile radius of any urbanized area. Do you, slcboston, live over the hills? Well, that would be tough.

I wish I had a 4 poster king bed with a spanking new queen mattress.

PorterStarrByrd
02-28-2012, 02:29 AM
I wish I had a 4 poster king bed with a spanking new queen mattress.

Neither Granted nor Denied

You neglected to itemize which kings and queens of where you want involved in fulfilling your horrible wish.


I wish the damned train would stop at my station this time. (what the hell does express mean if not 'fast'?)

slcboston
02-28-2012, 04:52 AM
Granted.

It plows into the wall and comes to a stop.

:D




I wish I could order groceries online and have them delivered, with no extra charge. Again. Because no self-respecting genie should ever let minor details like "location" or "fine print" interfere with wish-granting. :tongue

CDSinex
02-28-2012, 09:15 AM
Granted: Following the Genie's instructions you order groceries online. They are slightly more expensive than your local supermarket, but there is no delivery charge, so you don't mind. You are told that delivery is scheduled for between 9 a.m. and noon the next day. In the morning you wait ... 9 comes and goes, as does 10, 11, 12, and 1. At 2:00 you call and ask about delivery. They tell you the Genie directed them to send your order to his buddy, who lives in the rain somewhere near Seattle.

I wish I had a new book to read.

Nymtoc
02-28-2012, 01:46 PM
Granted. The Genie is sending you a copy of I Want to Tell You: My Response to Your Letters, Your Messages, Your Questions, by O.J. Simpson.

I wish I could see a quark.

slcboston
02-28-2012, 08:31 PM
Granted.

The genie is going to be nice enough to supply you with a link, too. Go here (http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/3/30247/1134516-trek2902_super.jpg).



I wish I had voodoo dolls for all the whiny students.

Nymtoc
02-28-2012, 08:45 PM
Granted.

Here are six voodoo dolls to get you started. Unfortunately, one of the dolls represents you, and you don't know which one.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/VOODOODOLLS.jpg


I wish I could play the zither.

slcboston
02-28-2012, 08:48 PM
Granted.

Unfortunately, you play it so badly that it's declared a public hazard in 46 states. In the other four you're considered avant garde. You'll have to figure out which are which to avoid being put in jail. And you do not want to know what they do to zither players in jail.


I wish someone would make me lunch lunch for me.

PorterStarrByrd
02-29-2012, 02:16 AM
I wish someone would make me lunch lunch for me.


Granted : You have a freshly made egg salad sandwhich with a garnish of sushi and a glass of organic milk waiting for you in Mexico City.


I wish my toilet would flush.

Robbert
02-29-2012, 12:22 PM
Granted, if you follow these steps: 1. Check the main cock. 2. Is the float in good condition, and what position is it in?? 3. Now pull the trigger. 4. Still not working? 5. PM a mod.

I wish I was CEO of Hewlett and Packard.

slcboston
02-29-2012, 06:10 PM
Granted.

You are now CEO of Hewlett and Packard. As in, Hewlett's Business Envelopes in Poughkeepsie, NY, and Packard's Used Electronics in Smithfield, Illinois. Though the genie feels it only fair to warn you, neither company is doing so well.


I wish I had sunshine on a cloudy day.

Nymtoc
02-29-2012, 08:25 PM
Granted.

It is cloudy where you live, so the genie has transported you to a sun-drenched, uninhabited islet in the South Pacific. Good luck finding your way back home.

I wish I knew where the souls of pharaohs went after their mummies were entombed in pyramids.

PorterStarrByrd
02-29-2012, 10:31 PM
I wish I knew where the souls of pharaohs went after their mummies were entombed in pyramids.



Granted

The happy ones go to heaven. Those with grudges go to Lincoln Center.

I wish I had a bacon ice cream cone.

CDSinex
03-01-2012, 03:57 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you an ice cream cone made from maple cured bacon. The Genie suggests you eat it quickly because raw bacon will not keep its shape once it starts to thaw. (The Genie hopes you got your toilet to work.)

I wish I had some freshly steamed lobster.

Cella
03-01-2012, 05:39 AM
I wish I had some freshly steamed lobster.
granted, but it's in the belly of some freshly dead roadkill.

I wish I had another window in this room.

slcboston
03-01-2012, 06:32 AM
Granted.

It's a large window, takes up most of the wall. Also non-insulated, single-paned, and poorly installed. Quite drafty. You'll end up hanging a blanket over it anyway just to avoid freezing. But it's there.



I wish some people wouldn't overthink things.

Nymtoc
03-01-2012, 08:02 PM
Granted. Your dentist didn't overthink how to fill that cavity and pulled all your teeth instead.

I with I could think of a way to make big bucks on the Internet without doing much work.

Robbert
03-01-2012, 10:18 PM
Granted: The Genie could make you Mr Bieber's ghostwriting blogger. If you'll refrain from swearing and also agree to adjust your language set to pre-teen level, the Genie feels there is a good chance to earn $$$$$$$$$'s for very little input.

I wish there was only one format for all e-readers, or one e-reader which could read all formats.

slcboston
03-01-2012, 10:24 PM
Granted.

There is now only one format, and only one e-reader. Neither of which is the format/reader you possess. Also, because there is now just one format, one reader, the price skyrockets accordingly, because that's what you do when you have something everyone needs. Just ask the gas companies.

Might want to make the next wish be about some cash to pony up.



I wish there was a faster way to travel between cities that didn't cost as much as plane tickets.

Clueless
03-01-2012, 10:27 PM
Granted. Catapults and a parachute. The parachute wasn't packed properly though, so good luck!

Clueless
03-01-2012, 10:28 PM
I wish I could turn invisible.

Komnena
03-02-2012, 07:29 AM
Granted. However, you try to rob Bill Gates. Unfortunately Gates has guard dogs and they need only to smell you to catch you.
I wish I could pick the next Hugo winners.

Robbert
03-03-2012, 02:57 PM
Granted: The Genie confirms Komnena may pick the next Hugo winners. All the Genie needs is your confirmation that you'll stick to the list of authors as forwarded to you in a BM*.

I wish my mobile phone was as smart as me.



*blackmail

Nymtoc
03-03-2012, 06:38 PM
Granted. Your mobile phone has an IQ of 62.

I wish I could liquidate a certain appallingly offensive radio personality without suffering any punishment.

Nimram
03-03-2012, 09:35 PM
Granted. However, a reward can be just as painful.
I wish I had a crow.

Komnena
03-05-2012, 06:02 AM
Granted. You have a crow. It is large, intelligent and refuses to be confined to its cage. It turns your house into a disaster area.
I wish I never had to cower in my bathroom again.

sparnols
03-05-2012, 07:28 AM
Granted, however your bathroom walls are now glass and everyone can see you.

I wish to end child abuse worldwide.

Nymtoc
03-05-2012, 12:49 PM
That is a tough one, Sparnols. Our wishes usually range from silly to far-fetched to absurd. However, the Genie will do his best, so:

Granted provisionally. It may take a couple of eons. :)


I wish I had a motorbike that could do 100 mph.

Robbert
03-05-2012, 01:52 PM
Granted: You now have a motorcycle capable of doing 100 mph. Easy. But the Genie is still puzzled how to make YOU cruise along at this speed?!

I wish everyone would understand my wicked sense of humour.

RedHat
03-06-2012, 12:44 AM
Granted, everyone now understands your wicked sense of humor- and it finds neither wicked nor humorous.

I wish I could change career fields!

Nymtoc
03-06-2012, 02:23 AM
Granted. You now teach needlepoint to chimpanzees.

I wish some geek would invent a novel-writing app and give me the exclusive right to use it.

CDSinex
03-07-2012, 05:47 AM
Granted: The Genie, who lives in an analog world, thinking you said 'ape," gives you an infinite number of monkeys (apes are more difficult to wrangle) each equipped with with a typewriter. The editing will be up to you.

I wish someone would prepare my garden for planting.

Nymtoc
03-07-2012, 01:11 PM
Granted. A group of superannuated hippies camp in your garden and plant long rows of cannabis. You are all thrown in jail.

I wish I could get to the end of my WIP.

Robbert
03-07-2012, 01:45 PM
Granted: The Genie knows some creative lads on the other side of the planet. Shall the Genie put them on a plane, whilst you think of ways to pay me back?! (please note, the Genie no longer accepts cheques)

I wish I could sing like Bill Gates, play football like Madonna, and turn into a computer geek like Messi.

Nymtoc
03-07-2012, 08:05 PM
Granted. An excellent wish, since Bill Gates has a voice better than Luciano Pavarotti's, Madonna used to play forward for Manchester United, and Messi has an IQ of 195 and is the real originator of the iPad.

I wish I could finish two book-length manuscripts by June.

Robbert
03-08-2012, 01:04 PM
Granted: The Genie could increase it to four, or five finished manuscripts if that is what you wish for. As for the Genie's share in the business, please make yourself familiar with the small print*

I wish Mitt Romney's wife would come over for tea.




*nine-tenths of the author's royalties

RedHat
03-08-2012, 05:52 PM
Granted, Mitt Romney's wife will come over for tee time. She plays a mean back nine.

I wish I could exercise without exercising.

Cella
03-09-2012, 01:49 AM
granted, but you just can't stop.



I wish it was tomorrow morning already.

slcboston
03-09-2012, 01:53 AM
Granted.

You would have won the lottery last night, but sadly, we've skipped past that part and are now at tomorrow. We've also skipped past the part where you would sleep, eat, and bathe, too. Good luck with any social obligations tomorrow. I mean today.


I wish my cat was able to feed himself.

Cella
03-09-2012, 01:58 AM
granted, but he sees you as his prey.





I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard the word "mommy".

slcboston
03-09-2012, 02:00 AM
Granted.

*Prints you off a dollar* There you go. Just let me know each and every time you hear it. I wouldn't try and spend them, though. Just a word to the wise.


I wish I had my biscuits baked already.

PorterStarrByrd
03-09-2012, 02:14 AM
I wish I had my biscuits baked already.

Granted: Your buns are done. Can't say they look all that great though.


I wish the sap was running.

Nymtoc
03-09-2012, 02:47 AM
Granted. You run a mile every morning.

I wish I could speak 50 languages.

PorterStarrByrd
03-09-2012, 02:55 AM
I wish I could speak 50 languages.

Granted: you speak them as well as you write using them.
Had any successful queries lately :)

giggle giggle

I wish my egg yolk was yellow ... it was a couple of days ago.

CDSinex
03-09-2012, 05:00 AM
Granted: The Genie coats your egg yolk with a thick layer of sulfur paste. It is now similar in color, but still not safe to eat.

I wish I could find a replacement cable for my favorite (recently non-functioning) keyboard.

Nymtoc
03-09-2012, 10:57 AM
Granted. You pay $100 for the latest replacement cable under a "no returns" policy, take it home and find that the new version (3.0) does not work with your keyboard (1.0).

I wish I had all Mark Twain's works in the original editions.

PorterStarrByrd
03-09-2012, 04:27 PM
I wish I had all Mark Twain's works in the original editions.


Granted: They are being held in reserve for you until you write your first best seller.


I wish sulpher tasted better.

Garriga
03-09-2012, 08:40 PM
Presto, now rotten eggs are your favorite luxury.

I wish i had a miniature giraffe

Nymtoc
03-10-2012, 08:22 AM
Granted. However, it is soon attacked by a miniature lion and is devoured.

I wish I could play every instrument in a symphony orchestra.

Robbert
03-10-2012, 02:22 PM
Granted: In theory you could make it. In reality, though, the Genie lacks the time to make you play the instruments well.

I wish I knew what makes the world go round.

shakeysix
03-10-2012, 03:29 PM
according to my late mother bitchy makes the world go round. i am granting you a menstrual cycle so that you can truly experience bitchy. --s6 ps-- you know those ads that say the applicator glides the product into a comfortable fit? they lie.

i wish i could grab another hour of sleep

slcboston
03-10-2012, 08:55 PM
Granted

You sleep, but it is a troubled sleep, plagued by nightmares and worries. You wake less refreshed than when you started.


I wish I had better lunch options.

Nymtoc
03-10-2012, 09:08 PM
Granted. The Genie will provide you with a generous helping of bat filet, rooster balls or deep-fried grasshoppers. (Free delivery if you order in the next five minutes!)

I wish I were as rich as Croesus.

slcboston
03-10-2012, 09:29 PM
Granted.

(Though, for the record, I don't think roosters have those...)

You are now as rich as Croesus. Expect the Persians to come knocking soon.



I wish I knew where to start this morning afternoon.

Komnena
03-11-2012, 08:16 AM
Granted. You know you are to start by cleaning the toilet.
I wish the Genie would clean the cat litterboxes.

parumpdragon
03-11-2012, 08:06 PM
Denied. Genie does not do kitty-litter.


I wish dollarbills would rain down from the sky.

Nymtoc
03-12-2012, 01:15 AM
Granted. But it is an acid rain, which drains all the color from them, so they are now blank pieces of paper.

I wish I had the powers of Nostradamus.

Komnena
03-12-2012, 06:53 AM
Granted.You now have the power to write large quantities of obscure poetry.
I wish I had half Donald Trump's wealth.

Robbert
03-12-2012, 08:07 PM
Granted at once: You now have to put up with half of Trump's family. Get used to being bossed around like a snot-nosed little brat. Wishing you tons of fun, Genie

I wish I knew what Paris Hilton had for breakfast.

Nymtoc
03-12-2012, 09:36 PM
Granted. And now that you know, you throw up.

I wish I could find an honest politician.

PorterStarrByrd
03-12-2012, 09:49 PM
I wish I could find an honest politician.

Denied .. the time machine is out for repair right now


I wish the sap was flowing

Zephronias
03-13-2012, 02:51 AM
Wish granted. The sap pours out all over your hands. Due to temporal fluctuations in your area, though, the sap hardens and ages rapidly into amber. You're stuck to that tree until someone with an axe comes along.

I wish it wasn't so cold.

Komnena
03-14-2012, 03:22 PM
Granted. You wake up in the Rub Al Khali. A large black stallion is standing near you.
I wish I had a stasis field to put the cats in at feeding time.

Ms. Jem
03-24-2012, 07:16 AM
Granted. Your stasis field preserves your kitties in the action of eating. They eat and eat and eat... this genie will let you choose the ending: 500-pound kitties or constant elimination?

I wish the hero in my current WIP was REAL. ;)

Robbert
03-24-2012, 11:11 AM
Granted: You fall in love with your handsome prince and live happily together... until you discover he is a lying, selfish mug. You now need to rewrite the ending, wishing you tons of fun, Genie

I wish I knew what you've been thinking about all day.

Nymtoc
03-24-2012, 12:24 PM
Granted. Now you know. Is it my fault it made you vomit?

I wish there were no traffic noises outside my window.

Robbert
03-25-2012, 02:01 PM
Maybe: Past experience taught the Genie a little about humans and their mad relationship with cars. Nonetheless, the Genie will have a word with the mayor of town and see if he agrees to turn Nymtoc Grove into a cul-de-sac.

I wish all police officers would abide by the law.

Clueless
03-26-2012, 10:02 PM
granted: You are transported to the medieval ages, where their word is the law

I wish I could fly

Robbert
03-26-2012, 11:14 PM
Granted: Try it! You can! (next time, please state your specifications, distance you wish to cover, max. flying speed, etc., Genie)

I wish I had been around when the dinosaurs roamed the planet.

Komnena
03-27-2012, 02:52 AM
Granted. The Genie sends you back in time. You step out of the time machine and come face to face with T. Rex.
I wish I owned a clone of Man o'War.

CDSinex
03-27-2012, 11:00 AM
Granted: The Genie clones a Portuguese Man o' War and puts it in your bath tub without telling you.

I wish I could find some delicious tomatoes.

Nymtoc
03-27-2012, 12:58 PM
Granted. They are growing in the garden of the Sorcerer and are protected by seven dragons. Pick 'em if you dare.

I wish people would stop denying climate change.

Robbert
03-27-2012, 03:44 PM
Granted: Now everyone is aware. Large proportions of the population are worried. The climate will continue doing what it has always done --change. (please note, it's the Supergenie who is in charge of weather, not Genie me)

I wish my neighbours' house would go up on sale.

PorterStarrByrd
03-27-2012, 03:52 PM
I wish my neighbours' house would go up on sale.


Granted.
Your neighbor who neither reads nor listens well is building something that look like a large ships hull around his house.

I wish peanut butter didn't taste like grape jelly

Clueless
03-28-2012, 05:47 AM
Granted. Your tastebuds were surgically removed in your sleep last night. It may or may not be infected however, so you won't be able to talk for around six months.

I wish I could go to Europe.

Komnena
04-01-2012, 05:06 AM
Granted. You arrive at Heathrow Airport in the middle of a huge late snowstorm. Not to worry, though, kind Londoners provide you with a very nice sleeping bag.
I wish the cats would not go berserk at feeding time.

CDSinex
04-03-2012, 09:13 AM
Granted: Your cats will no longer go berserk at feeding time, but as a trade off, they will go berserk when they're not eating.

I wish I could see into the future.

Nymtoc
04-03-2012, 11:46 AM
Granted, and what you see there is so appalling that you go into severe shock and end up in a catatonic state, unable to move or talk or (fortunately for us) post on AW. :D

I wish people would recognize my genius.

swgamble
04-03-2012, 06:04 PM
Granted: They recognize you as a evil genius you are quickly executed by a team of navy seals.

I wish I owned a Porsche.

SinisterCola
04-03-2012, 06:17 PM
Granted: You owned a Porche in your previous life, but your memory was erased.

I wish I had some new jeans.

Ms. Jem
04-05-2012, 02:39 AM
Granted. New jeans. Wrong size.
Completely inappropriate jeggings for your company's dress down day and the 9:00 am meeting in which your boss is sizing you up for that big promotion.

This weekend, I wish for three Saturdays, in a row!

Drachen Jager
04-12-2012, 02:34 AM
Granted. It will be followed by fifteen consecutive Mondays.

I wish I had a clue.

Nymtoc
04-12-2012, 05:18 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CLUE.jpg

I wish I had a new suit.

Komnena
04-12-2012, 05:42 AM
Granted. You have a new hairshirt suit.


I wish I had a yard full of native plants.

CDSinex
04-13-2012, 07:12 AM
Granted: The Genie turns your yard into a wetland and plants it full of, according to your wish, that most odoriferous of native plants, skunk cabbage.

I wish hay fever season wasn't so long.

Nymtoc
04-13-2012, 08:23 AM
Granted. The Genie has decided to send you to a place where the hay fever season is much shorter. He considered Saturn's moon Titan but eventually decided you would be happier on Jupiter's moon Callisto, where there is no hay fever season at all. As soon as you read this, you will be transported there.

I wish I had a dollar for every minute I've wasted.

Drachen Jager
04-13-2012, 09:52 PM
Granted. Your house is full of Susan B. Anthony coins. Nobody accepts them as legal tender.

I wish Jonathan Quick wasn't quite so quick.

Nymtoc
04-13-2012, 11:54 PM
Granted. Jonathan Quick is .000000001 second slower than he used to be, but that won't help the Canucks, who will continue to be, in a word, klutzes.

I wish I could turn water into latte.

Drachen Jager
04-14-2012, 12:32 AM
Granted. You can now make McDonalds lattes from water. They still taste like water, but have 1,000 calories and 40 grams of fat per cup.

I wish I had a proper latte right now.

ShannonR.
04-15-2012, 01:39 AM
Granted, but you don't want to know where that milk came from.

I wish I were skinny and hot.

Drachen Jager
04-15-2012, 02:56 AM
Granted. You are a fire-poker.

I wish I was a professional athlete.

ShannonR.
04-15-2012, 06:56 AM
Granted. Nose-picking is now an official Olympic sport.

I wish being stupid were a federal crime.

Drachen Jager
04-15-2012, 09:27 AM
Granted. The punishment is being assigned the job of President.

I wish I was a sex symbol.

Nymtoc
04-15-2012, 09:54 AM
*Genie recovers from fit of the giggles.* Granted. You are a sex symbol for characters in a new daytime serial called "The Ridiculous and the Weird."

I wish my book would be published next month and jump to the top of the best-seller list.

Drachen Jager
04-17-2012, 07:39 AM
Granted. Posthumous publication is all the rage these days, what with Dragon Tattoo and all. Of course that just leaves me with one minor detail to clear up.

I wish I owned a huge mansion.

Nymtoc
04-17-2012, 08:09 AM
Granted. Your great-great Uncle Phineas died and left you this huge mansion with one provision--you must spend an entire night there without going insane.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/HOUSEHAUNTED2.jpg

I wish that, in addition to hot and cold running water, I had a faucet that would provide any drink I want.

Drachen Jager
04-17-2012, 09:01 PM
Granted. The Bartender charges $100 an hour to fill the faucet with your choice of drinks and $10 per drink.