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PorterStarrByrd
09-14-2011, 12:19 AM
I wish people would be more explicit when they make wishes.


Denied
as will be your next 36 1/2 wishes, as a penalty for not being explicit in your wish. More explicit than WHAT you MORON! Can't you do ANYTHING right? quit make vague wishes. DAMMIT !!!!!


I wish I had something.

Nymtoc
09-14-2011, 03:05 AM
Granted. You have the key to an old pirate's chest that holds a great fortune. Unfortunately, you haven't the slightest idea where the pirate's chest is.

I wish I had a vodka martini.

PorterStarrByrd
09-14-2011, 03:18 PM
I wish I had a vodka martini.


Denied
The genie has suddenly decided to save the world through banning of Alcohol and nicotine .. right after Porter finishes up his ready supply


I wish I could figure out where to store all of this booze

CDSinex
09-15-2011, 01:11 AM
Granted: The Genie whisks away all of your booze and gives it to me for safe keeping. :D Rest assured it's in good hands.

I wish Porter Starr Byrd would buy some decent Bourbon.

Nymtoc
09-15-2011, 01:30 AM
Denied. It would be a waste of money, since Porter can't tell the difference between decent Bourbon and rotgut.

I wish I had a million dollars for every silly wish Porter makes.

PorterStarrByrd
09-15-2011, 05:55 PM
I wish I had a million dollars for every silly wish Porter makes.


Granted
You remain a pauper, chained to the profits of your writing. Porter has never made a silly wish, probably never will.


I wish I had some paper to write my will on.

Nymtoc
09-16-2011, 08:17 AM
Granted, but only if you leave all your earthly possessions to Nymtoc.

I wish I could switch the earth's magnetic poles, to see what would happen.

PorterStarrByrd
09-16-2011, 03:34 PM
I wish I could switch the earth's magnetic poles, to see what would happen.


Granted
All Poles are forced to move to Norway. Neither population is particularly happy with the move. (if you have watched any movies lately, you'll not find many magnetic Poles, but they try)


I wish you'd stay out of this

Reziac
09-16-2011, 06:10 PM
Granted. Nevermore will Nymtoc be in "this". However, now Nymtoc is everywhere else. Thanks loads, Porter!

I wish I was ubiquitous.

PorterStarrByrd
09-16-2011, 06:23 PM
I wish I was ubiquitous.


Denied
Your presence in the world is already more than is needed

I wish reziak would throw away his list of 'big words that I have to find a way to use somewhere'

Reziac
09-16-2011, 08:15 PM
Granted. Reziac has thrown away the list, but it is large, heavy, and I believe that THUD was it impacting Porter's cranium.

I wish for a copy of every dictionary, synonymy, word history, and list of words ever printed.

PorterStarrByrd
09-16-2011, 08:21 PM
.

I wish for a copy of every dictionary, synonymy, word history, and list of words ever printed.

Denied
Paper train yourself with something more ubiquitous.


I wish peaches tasted like onions and onions tasted like peaches (I just want to watch the discoveries)

Reziac
09-16-2011, 08:44 PM
Uh, sorta granted... I give unto you these desert peaches which taste remarkably like used cotton balls, and these desert onions which taste a great deal like grapes.

I wish everything tasted like chocolate.

shakeysix
09-16-2011, 09:33 PM
oaky--doke, but I had to turn everything into Ex-Lax. Because that's what chocolate tastes like to me.

I wish my grapevines would produce next year.

PorterStarrByrd
09-17-2011, 01:28 AM
I wish my grapevines would produce next year.


Granted
they will produce branches and leaves like you have never seen before. The blossoms will be fabulous. The it will wilt and die from all of the effort.


I wish joey could keep his mouth shut ... I hate police tape all over everything.

starbeam
09-17-2011, 07:47 AM
Granted. Joey has become a mute.

I wish my house would sell.

CDSinex
09-17-2011, 09:03 AM
Granted: Your house sell quickly, and at your asking price. You find a beautiful new house several miles away. A week after moving in, you discover that your former neighbor, the one you moved to get away from, just bought the house next to yours.

I wish I could find something better to do.

Nymtoc
09-17-2011, 10:20 AM
Granted. You can do Porter Starr Byrd's chores for him while he finishes his six-volume history of Moose Rapids, Quebec.

I wish I had some lemonade.

CDSinex
09-18-2011, 02:09 AM
Granted: The Genie sends an arborist to your home to aid you with your lemon trees. He reported back to the Genie that you don't have any lemon trees, and the Genie, now quite angry, mumbles, He'll soon enough wish he did.

I wish I was a better cook.

PorterStarrByrd
09-18-2011, 08:02 AM
Granted:
I wish I was a better cook.

Granted
You can now make hard boiled eggs


I wish I had some fish souffle

slcboston
09-19-2011, 03:36 AM
Granted.

I'm not entirely sure what that would entail, nor do I intend to look it up. So you'll have to settle for a souffle that smells fishy and tastes about the way you'd expect something that smells like dead fish to taste. Not my fault the djinn is not a better cook.


I wish Bob Costas would abandon his professionalism, pick up his chair, and beat Michael Vick senseless with it, all while screaming, "This is for the dogs!"

Nymtoc
09-19-2011, 04:24 AM
Granted. But when the cops arrive, Costas says, "Slcboston made me do it!" and you are arrested and charged as an accessory to aggravated assault.

I wish the 49ers had taken their 4th quarter field goal off the board and gone a yard and a probable touchdown, which could have clinched the game for them, instead of going into overtime and losing to Dallas this afternoon.

Komnena
09-23-2011, 07:14 AM
Granted. Unfortunately they run the wrong way and Dallas wins by even more.

I wish that Borders would lose my records.

PorterStarrByrd
09-23-2011, 07:23 AM
Granted. Unfortunately they run the wrong way and Dallas wins by even more.

I wish that Borders would lose my records.


Granted
Both Canada and Mexico have deleted all record of you, as has the US. You now exist only in IRS, AARP, and Reader's Digest data bases. Hope you weren't planning on going anywhere.


I wish My egg hadn't expolded when I boiled it 'a little too long'

CDSinex
09-23-2011, 10:30 AM
Granted: Your egg doesn't explode after you boil it "a little too long," it does however explode minutes later when you crack it open.

I wish it would rain and put an end to my hay fever.

Reziac
09-23-2011, 10:42 AM
Granted.... it rains for 40 days and 40 nights and now you have cabin fever instead.

I wish I had a houseboat.

Nymtoc
09-23-2011, 10:51 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/NOAHSARK.jpg

You are to bring into the ark two of all living creatures, male and female, to keep them alive with you. And also seven of every kind of bird, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth.

I wish I knew how to push my book (when it's published) to the top of the best-seller list.

Reziac
09-23-2011, 11:15 AM
Granted... daily, you push your book to the top of the heap, only to have it descend to the remainder table faster than Sisyphus' boulder.

I wish I could find some new books that I'd like to read. (Did I wish for this already? If so, all I got for my trouble was Nymtoc's one-word manuscript.)

PorterStarrByrd
09-24-2011, 01:20 AM
I wish I could find some new books that I'd like to read. (Did I wish for this already? If so, all I got for my trouble was Nymtoc's one-word manuscript.)


Granted
Contact Porter Starr Byrd at PorterStarrByrd@gmail.com and ask nicely. You may the first to read one of his books

I wish I knew who was reading my book. I keep finding it in that little shack out back with pages missing.

starbeam
09-24-2011, 06:29 AM
Granted
You see video footage of yourself tearing out the pages and eating them, but can't remember having done so, as you have Alzheimer's.

I wish hobbits were real.

CDSinex
09-25-2011, 06:38 AM
The Genie expresses shock, adding, "They are every bit as real as Genies." And then in the most ominous tone the Genie asks, "You do believe in Genies, don't you?

I wish that every time I wrote a check or used a debit card the Genie would replenish my account with the exact same amount.

Nymtoc
09-25-2011, 01:56 PM
Granted. But every time the Genie does this, he is obliged to take the money from someone else's account. Eventually these transactions are traced to you, and you are due to appear in court in three weeks. The Genie hopes you have a good lawyer.

I wish I could play the cello like Yo-Yo Ma.

Komnena
09-26-2011, 06:14 AM
Granted. You get to play the cello like Yo-Yo's Ma. Don't quit your day job.

I wish I had a PT cruiser.

CDSinex
09-26-2011, 09:30 AM
Granted:


http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2234/2513700577_6cff0a4dc8.jpg


I wish I could find some good peaches.

Nymtoc
09-26-2011, 09:47 AM
Granted. These were the world's best peaches when the Genie selected them. Too bad UPS was so slow.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/PEACHESROTTEN2.jpg


I wish I were better at ping-pong.

Komnena
09-28-2011, 07:14 AM
Granted. You are now able to beat the world's worst player.

I wish I could go see Bernardini again.

starbeam
09-28-2011, 07:58 AM
Granted. Though why you wish to view the decomposing remains of Marcello Bernardini is beyond me.

I wish my cats didn't have fleas.

Nymtoc
09-28-2011, 10:06 AM
Granted. They have diarrhea instead.

I wish I could travel back in time and watch the Big Bang.

CDSinex
09-29-2011, 12:03 AM
Granted: The Genie transports you back to last Thursday evening at 8:00, 7 central, to allow you to watch Big Bang Theory on CBS.

I wish seasons didn't change so abruptly around here.

starbeam
09-29-2011, 12:49 AM
Granted. They now change gradually over a thirty year period.

I wish getting a job were a bit easier.

Komnena
09-29-2011, 03:42 AM
Granted. Just go down to the nearest pizza place and apply for a delivery job.

I wish To Honor And Serve wins the Breeder's Cup.

CDSinex
09-29-2011, 05:37 AM
The Genie is afraid that if he tells you who will win, you will bet on the race, and the Genie is against gambling.

I wish I was finished what I'm supposed to finish today.

Nymtoc
09-29-2011, 06:34 AM
Granted. You're finished. Just wait till you find out what you have to do tomorrow!

I wish writing were easier.

starbeam
09-30-2011, 04:07 AM
Granted. You are back in elementary school, and the teacher is asking you to compose a three word sentence.

I wish I had more time during the day to get stuff done.

Nymtoc
09-30-2011, 07:37 AM
Granted. The Genie has arranged it so that you have one more minute each day to get stuff done.

I wish I could think of a get-rich-quick scheme.

Komnena
10-01-2011, 07:26 AM
Granted. You come up with a great scam. Unfortunately the first person you try it on is the local Mafia godfather.

I wish I could find a pot of gold in my backyard.

starbeam
10-01-2011, 07:29 AM
Granted. You find a pot of gold coins, only to discover that they are filled with chocolate.

I wish my son wouldn't whine.

Nymtoc
10-01-2011, 08:07 AM
Granted. He yowls instead.

I wish I had some chocolate-almond ice cream.

Komnena
10-03-2011, 07:40 AM
Granted. Genie delivers it while you're at work and does not put it in freezer.
I wish Seaworld would open a branch in Louisville.

Nymtoc
10-10-2011, 10:36 AM
Granted. Seaworld opens such a large branch in Louisville that the city is flooded.

I wish I had a pair of magic roller skates that would take me anywhere in the world.

Reziac
10-10-2011, 10:45 AM
Granted -- your new magic roller skates would take you anywhere in the world, if only you knew how to skate. Now get up off the ground and try again!! Does the genie have to teach you everything??

I wish I could actually do the bounding-flying thing we do in dreams.

Steve Coate
10-11-2011, 04:02 AM
Granted, but you'll fall asleep every time you get aloft.

I wish I had a brand new car.

Nymtoc
10-11-2011, 07:15 AM
The Genie is happy to bring you a brand new car that is environmentally friendly and will never pollute the atmosphere.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CARPULLEDBYANIMAL.jpg

I wish I understood nuclear physics.

Sapling
10-11-2011, 07:44 PM
Granted, but the genie was not accounted for in nuclear physics and everything is a lie.

I wish the next poster wouldn't corrupt this wish.

PorterStarrByrd
10-11-2011, 08:15 PM
Granted, but the genie was not accounted for in nuclear physics and everything is a lie.

I wish the next poster wouldn't corrupt this wish.

Posters are flat inanimate objects. They are capable of corrupting nothing. The genie on the other hand..

Your unspoken wish will not be discovered for several weeks by the press .. who are even better than the genie at corrupting things.


I wish my egg salad sandwich wasn't pink and green and fuzzy.

Nymtoc
10-11-2011, 08:23 PM
Granted. You eat the sandwich, and its pinkness, greenness and fuzziness disappear into your gut. Sorry about the indigestion.

I wish my left knee didn't hurt.

Sapling
10-11-2011, 08:25 PM
Granted, it's blue, brown and a strange smell emanates from it.

Reziac
10-11-2011, 10:22 PM
Granted, it's blue, brown and a strange smell emanates from it.

Good gods, Nymtoc, to the doctor, perhaps your knee can still be saved!

I wish Sapling's wish hadn't been invisible.

Nymtoc
10-12-2011, 01:03 AM
Granted. Here is Sapling's wish:

Toivoisin oli suklaajäätelöä kartio.

(He always writes in Finnish.)

I wish I were fluent in Arabic.

Reziac
10-12-2011, 01:11 AM
Granted. You are now a 5th century Arab tribesman.

Rwy'n dymuno wyf yn rhugl yn y Gymraeg.

Nymtoc
10-12-2011, 01:21 AM
Roddwyd. Rydych yn awr yn rhugl yn y Gymraeg.

I wish we could stick to one language in this thread.

Reziac
10-12-2011, 01:30 AM
Granted. From now on the official language of this thread is COBOL.

I wish I knew Pascal, at least well enough to fix the bugs in this old database.

PorterStarrByrd
10-12-2011, 02:00 AM
Granted. From now on the official language of this thread is COBOL.

I wish I knew Pascal, at least well enough to fix the bugs in this old database.


Denied ..
Pascal retired and is living somewhere in eastern Batvia with his brother COBOL . He no longer even consults


I wish my toilet paper was pink and green and fuzzy

CDSinex
10-12-2011, 05:00 AM
Granted: The Genie has uncovered some toilet paper that had been sitting in the corner of a warehouse under a leaky roof. The mildew, algae, and fungus should give you all of the color and fuzziness you desire.

I wish my pen had spell-check.

PorterStarrByrd
10-12-2011, 05:12 AM
I wish my pen had spell-check.

Granted: Your new home, in a pen in the barn, has been rigged with The Wizzard Guard Security System. Hope you feel safe now.



I wish I had a can of mother-in-law spray

shakeysix
10-12-2011, 05:37 AM
Granted! One can of ex- father in law musk. Spray liberally over furniture, carpets and loved ones. Unfortunately this musk does attract step-mother- in- laws, so weigh carefully the pros and cons before using.

I wish I could find a home for all the eggplants in my garden--s6

Komnena
10-18-2011, 10:13 PM
Granted . A shelter for unwanted eggplant opens in your neighborhood. They then genetically engineer their rescues into carnivorous intelligence and call them triffids. Be careful when you leave your house.

I wish I could download all my electronic book wants for free.

HarryHoskins
10-19-2011, 03:13 AM
Granted. Sandra's Naughty Vacation & The Orifice of Delphine are now availaible on Kindle and perma-free.

I wish for William Shatner to become the Secretary General of the U.N. and that all the doors in the world go, woosh.

CDSinex
10-19-2011, 05:02 AM
Granted: But now admit it, you're sorry.

I wish I had some beer in the fridge.

Nymtoc
10-19-2011, 05:21 AM
Granted. You have a dozen bottles of ginger beer in the fridge.

I wish I could see the Aurora Borealis every night.

Reziac
10-19-2011, 05:43 AM
Granted. You now live in the Yukon.

I wish the climate was perfect all year round.

Komnena
10-19-2011, 06:37 PM
Granted. The climate is rainy and hot, perfect for mildew and mold all year round.

I wish a space heater would magically appear in my bedroom.

Nymtoc
10-19-2011, 08:06 PM
Granted. It was designed to be used in an airplane hangar, and in your smaller bedroom, it raises the temperature to 250 degrees F. instantly.

I wish I could grow bananas in my kitchen.

Reziac
10-19-2011, 09:13 PM
Granted, since the genie can think of no better use for the perfect climate generated by a previous wish. Your kitchen now resembles an Amazon rain forest. Watch out for the jaguars.

I wish someone would cook me a nice breakfast.

CDSinex
10-20-2011, 12:29 AM
Granted: The Genie directs you to the nice folks at IHOP. Don't forget your wallet.

I wish I could justify buying a new computer.

Nymtoc
10-20-2011, 01:33 AM
Granted. The Genie has just crushed your old computer and put it through a compactor. Is that justification enough?

I wish I could read all the Greek plays in the original Greek.

Steve Coate
10-20-2011, 06:06 AM
Granted. But you must read them in the slave pens of ancient Greece.

I wish I had telekinesis.

Nymtoc
10-20-2011, 08:16 AM
Granted. But your power is limited to moving dust balls.

I wish the fat cats would all be forced to experience what it's like to live at the bottom of the heap.

PorterStarrByrd
10-20-2011, 06:27 PM
Granted. But your power is limited to moving dust balls.

I wish the fat cats would all be forced to experience what it's like to live at the bottom of the heap.


Denied
Certain things are reserved for you, others for us.


I wish Nymtoc didn't suffer from class envy.

Nymtoc
10-20-2011, 06:49 PM
Denied. Class envy is in Nymtoc's DNA.

I wish Porter Starr Byrd would be a more benevolent Genie.

PorterStarrByrd
10-21-2011, 01:33 AM
Denied. Class envy is in Nymtoc's DNA.

I wish Porter Starr Byrd would be a more benevolent Genie.

Impossible ..
Porter is not a genie, though he knows several non-union ones who work a little for a few bucks under the table.


I wish I had some liver and onion flavored jelly beans.

Steve Coate
10-21-2011, 03:00 AM
Done. But you'll never get the jar open.

I wish I had a flying car.

Komnena
10-21-2011, 05:31 AM
Granted. You have a flying car which you fly too near a bald eagle nest. You accidentally kill one and find yourself fined heavily for this.

I wish I had a new space heater.

PorterStarrByrd
10-21-2011, 06:19 AM
I wish I had a new space heater.


What !!! The sun's not good enough for you !?!?

What do you want to do ... heat ALL of space

Denied.

Go back and come up with a better wish.

I wish I had some dust from Mar's and some from Venus. I want to see how they mix. Nothing else from those planets seems to work out.

CDSinex
10-22-2011, 11:26 PM
Granted: The Genie directs you to look under your bed where you will find the Mars bar that you thought you had lost several decades ago. It, almost Biblically, has turned to dust. Now go to that dead Venus flytrap that you’d been meaning to throw away, crumble up several leaves and mix the resultant dust with some of the chocolate dust. That should fulfill you wish. The Genie suggests you add some hot water to the powder, drink it, and report back if it’s palatable.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/65/Mars-Bar-UK-Wrapper-Small.jpg/300px-Mars-Bar-UK-Wrapper-Small.jpg
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/65/Mars-Bar-UK-Wrapper-Small.jpg/300px-Mars-Bar-UK-Wrapper-Small.jpg)


I wish my legs didn’t itch.

Nymtoc
10-23-2011, 12:43 AM
Granted. Apply this liberally three times a day.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/LOUSEPOWDER.jpg

I wish everything didn't get so complicated.

armydillo978
10-23-2011, 03:52 AM
Granted: The lobotomy went perfectly. All your cares in the world are gone. Except for the drooling thing.

I wish I had a million dollars.

PorterStarrByrd
10-23-2011, 06:20 AM
Granted: The lobotomy went perfectly. All your cares in the world are gone. Except for the drooling thing.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Denied ..
recycled and recycled and recycled wishes are being ignore today. Go back and come up with a more original wish .... PLEASE !!!!!!

I wish I had a million dollars

Reziac
10-23-2011, 09:49 AM
Granted. Recycled wishes get recycled gifts. You now have a million dollars in Monopoly money, slightly crumpled from the last time the genie gave it out.

I wish I had a million dollars.

PorterStarrByrd
10-23-2011, 04:43 PM
I wish I had a million dollars.

Sorry
Just gave the last million to Porter, who did not seem especially enthralled about it.

I wish I had enough cash for my next fifth ..I promise i won't touch it on Sunday ... I wish I had enough cash for a nice meal

Komnena
10-25-2011, 04:28 AM
Granted. You find ten dollars on the street and so have enough for a McDonald's Happy Meal. The Happy Meal is nice to you even as you eat it .
I wish I had five hundred thousand dollars.

armydillo978
10-25-2011, 04:45 AM
Granted: You find five hundred thousand dollars, and a die pack in a bank bag as you find yourself sitting in the backseat of a speeding car. You hear the sirens of police vehicles chasing you as you look up and see your mother driving the getaway car.

I wish I could find a decent paying job.

Nymtoc
10-25-2011, 05:07 AM
Granted. You now have a job here in New York City scooping up what the horses of our mounted police leave behind, thus keeping our streets decent.

I wish I could write a bestseller without having to work very hard.

Gem_Knight
10-25-2011, 05:09 AM
I swear I hit last....

Granted- only it's somebody elses bestseller- and they're taking you to court...

I wish someone could repair my laptop for free

Steve Coate
10-25-2011, 05:24 AM
Granted. Free is extremely happy with your laptop.

I wish I had a talking Claymore.

Gem_Knight
10-25-2011, 06:31 AM
Granted, your talking claymore has the most sarcastic personality you've ever met- and takes off your arms so you can't use him...

Now I wish Free would give me back my laptop

PorterStarrByrd
10-25-2011, 08:56 PM
Now I wish Free would give me back my laptop


Sadly denied
Everytime I think I've caught him I look at him and he's not free anymore, if he ever was.


I'll keep trying


I wish I had some more shape shifter technology to bottle.

Reziac
10-25-2011, 09:40 PM
Gran-- Waitaminnut. I'm a genie. I am bottled shapeshifter technology! Denied, dammit -- I want out of this bottle!

I wish I had the magic bottle from Hugh Cook's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugh_Cook_(science_fiction_author)) Wizard War.

CDSinex
10-26-2011, 07:39 AM
Denied: The Genie knows first hand that wizards aren't real.

I wish I could go trick-or-treating.

Nymtoc
10-26-2011, 09:10 AM
Granted. Just be prepared for parents to call the cops when you show up at the door and start talking to their children about candy.

I wish I had a Popsicle.

PorterStarrByrd
10-26-2011, 08:00 PM
I wish I had a Popsicle.

Granted been wondering what I could do with that thing I've had one waiting for you in the freezer for about six years. I knew you'd wish for one someday. Sure enough the wrapper says it's a popsicle.


I wish they hadn't made selling, consuming, or possessing a shark fin in Canada illegal.

CDSinex
10-27-2011, 02:36 AM
Granted: As a result of the Genie's influence Ottawa has reversed the ban allowing Canadian citizens (subjects?) to apply for a shark license (similar to hunting licenses for moose, bear, deer, etc.) The holder will be permitted to take one adult male shark (of any species), by knife or non-explosive spear gun, per season. The statute defines the 2012 season as between July 1, 2012 to September 30, 2012. The hunting grounds are defined as the area between one and three miles off the coast of the Nova Scotia. The use of power craft of any type is prohibited.

I wish someone would rake and take the leaves from my yard.

armydillo978
10-27-2011, 02:42 AM
Your wish has been granted!!!

By order of the Canadian Imperial Government, shark servants have now been commissioned to be let out for domestic service. 3 tiger sharks, with unduly water breathing packs, have carefully cultivated your yard and the nasty leaves upon it.


I wish that I could find a lucky dollar that would give me luck.

PorterStarrByrd
10-27-2011, 05:04 AM
pe

I wish that I could find a lucky dollar that would give me luck.

You should know by now that you need to be more specific in making wishes.

Granted anyway ... sort of

I had "The Lucky Buck" sailing you way when it sunk .. er .. ran into some of its usual luck.
http://gcaptain.com/maritime/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/jb1.jpg

If you decide quickly I might be able to get you aboard to enjoy some of the luck.

In the future, remember to be a little more specific. I'm a genie, not a mind reader.

I wish I had more of something

Gem_Knight
10-27-2011, 05:49 AM
Granted- that something is STDs

I wish I could pay off all the people I owe

Nymtoc
10-27-2011, 04:22 PM
Granted. You pay them off with the help of a Mafia friend, and you are now in prison.

I wish I didn't have to do a certain unpleasant chore today.

armydillo978
10-27-2011, 04:28 PM
Granted: Picking your clothes up off the floor is being done by your friend, you now get to clean their toilet in return.

I wish I could get a new, faster computer.

Gem_Knight
10-28-2011, 04:45 AM
Granted, it's so fast it ran away

I wish I could come up with better wishes...

CDSinex
10-28-2011, 07:47 AM
Denied: The Genie shrugs and asks, "Why should you be different than every other poster?"

I wish carved jack-o-lanterns didn't rot so quickly.

PorterStarrByrd
10-28-2011, 04:10 PM
I wish carved jack-o-lanterns didn't rot so quickly.


Granted
Now you can have a jack-o-lantern on your porch in August, to go along the the Christmas lights you are too lazy to take down. Want a petrified Easterbunny too?


I wish I could find my other sock

armydillo978
10-28-2011, 04:58 PM
Granted: You find yourself transported to the Gobi Desert where all missing socks go and find they are made into sleeping bags for Mongolian death worms. You are now on their list for dinner. Bad break that.

I wish I had a repair kit for my time machine.

PorterStarrByrd
10-28-2011, 05:14 PM
I wish I had a repair kit for my time machine.


Denied ..

I've replaced four of them for you in the past (and future). You are going to have to be more responsible with putting things when they belong.




I wish I had a chicken recipe that didn't taste like chicken.

CDSinex
10-29-2011, 12:51 AM
Granted: The Genie offers a personal favorite. In a Dutch oven, sauté some diced celery, white onion, green pepper, garlic, and carrots in olive oil until the onions are clear. While cooking add salt, pepper and fresh thyme to taste. Remove and set aside. Cube chicken breasts, drench in flour, and cook until slightly brown. (This is the quick version) Add enough canned low sodium chicken stock to cover chicken by at least one-inch. Simmer on low for about an hour (until the chicken starts to break up. Add the vegetables, and simmer for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and cool to room temperature. Add two bottles of Wild Turkey bourbon. Serve immediately. See no chicken taste, yet all the nutritional benefits of home-made chicken soup.

I wish I had some bourbon.

armydillo978
10-29-2011, 04:36 AM
Denied: The last of the bourbon was used in making a chicken dish taste non-chickeny. However, there is some vodka left over by a passing Tomte.

I wish I had some some mosquito destroying spray so that I may destroy mosquito's.

Sinedra
10-29-2011, 06:54 AM
Granted: Please make sure you read the lable though. It is NOT bug spray. When applied to the skin... or any living thing, it might melt you. It is highly affective though, known to leave no bug alive.

I wish for a time-traveling machine.

Reziac
10-29-2011, 07:40 AM
Granted. Tho your time-travelling machine was last seen in 1 Million B.C.

I wish I didn't have to go to the dog show tomorrow.

Nymtoc
10-29-2011, 08:15 AM
Granted. You have come down with canine herpesvirus and are not allowed near dogs.

I wish buses would disappear and be replaced by trolleys.

CDSinex
10-29-2011, 12:32 PM
I wish I had some some mosquito destroying spray so that I may destroy mosquito's.

Mosquitoes in late October? Are you bragging or complaining? :D


I wish buses would disappear and be replaced by trolleys.
Granted: Starting tomorrow all of the streets that have crosstown buses (Crosstown buses run all night, doodah, doodah) will be torn up, resurfaced and trolley tracks will be installed running down the middle. In your honor, the Genie has erected thousands of billboards and posters, complete with your photo and phone number, heralding the Nymtoc Trollleytization Project. You are now the most hated person in Manhattan. On the bright it will exponentially increase the sales of any books you should publish, even if they are just being bought to burn.

I wish I could sell as many books as Nymtoc soon will.

PorterStarrByrd
10-29-2011, 04:00 PM
Granted:

I wish I could sell as many books as Nymtoc soon will.[/QUOTE]

Granted ..
The two of you appear to be in a dead heat as you approach you submission deadline, which is NEVER.



I wish I could figure out what to do with all of that money the publisher keeps throwing at me, (those coins hurt .. at least I don't live in Yap)

PorterStarrByrd
10-30-2011, 08:32 PM
** I wish I hadn't killed this thread like that **

CDSinex
10-30-2011, 11:58 PM
I wish I could figure out what to do with all of that money the publisher keeps throwing at me, (those coins hurt .. at least I don't live in Yap)
Granted: Just pack it in boxes and send it off to:

CDSinex
Somewhere Near Seattle
Washington State, U.S. of A

I wish I had one of those coin counters like they have in banks.

PorterStarrByrd
10-31-2011, 12:43 AM
I wish I had one of those coin counters like they have in banks.
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRSGidvjRHs0ceGdihSwevNzdYzqyU-MwBZYjnyK5v8b-XjIs1SiL5yr8Fz (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Money/Pix/pictures/2010/8/27/1282913498069/RETRO-BANK-TELLER-005.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2010/aug/28/personal-banking-explained&usg=__DcX9jA2jUWdsC-Q1xZpM6xn5vxM=&h=276&w=460&sz=31&hl=en&start=13&zoom=1&tbnid=RedGFOInA0rjnM:&tbnh=77&tbnw=128&ei=UratTovlCMnv0gGT9LygDw&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dbank%2Bteller%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26t bm%3Disch&itbs=1)


I was going to send you one but then I remember that slavery has recently been frowned upon.


I wish I has rust proof watch

armydillo978
10-31-2011, 04:06 AM
Granted: You find you have an amazing new watch....made of wood.

http://cdn.ubergizmo.com/photos/2009/4/wooden-clockwork.jpg

I wish Whistler's request for world peace would come true.

Nymtoc
10-31-2011, 04:52 AM
Denied, unfortunately. :(
Whistler was whistling in the wind.

I wish I could give treats to all AW members tomorrow, whether they play tricks on me or not. :D

PorterStarrByrd
10-31-2011, 05:03 AM
I wish I could give treats to all AW members tomorrow, whether they play tricks on me or not. :D


Granted ...
as long as you remember to avoid that guy in the costume carrying a large sickle who 'might' stop by tonight. Remember the real trick or treaters will be around tomorrow night with my extra large pillow case as a sack.


I wish I could see better in the dark.

Reziac
10-31-2011, 10:35 PM
Granted. You are now a vampire.

I wish I could be in two places at once. (No, naughty genie, without being cut in pieces!!!)

Nymtoc
10-31-2011, 11:01 PM
Granted. You are in both ninth and tenth places in the short-story contest. (There were only nine competitors, so they had to award both the bottom places to you.)

I wish the ghosts would stop rattling their chains when I'm trying to sleep.

Komnena
11-01-2011, 04:14 AM
Granted. They beat you with the chains instead.

I wish the netbook had a back button.

CDSinex
11-01-2011, 06:23 AM
Granted: The Genie puts a rather large button on the back of your notebook causing it to rock when you type.

I wish the trick-or-treaters would all come before How I Met Your Mother starts.

Komnena
11-01-2011, 08:03 AM
Granted. All thirty thousand of them come before your movie starts. Those who came too late to get candy toilet paper your yard.
I wish for successful Nano.

Solarisol
11-01-2011, 08:11 AM
Wish granted, but it was only considered successful post-mortem.

I wish I could do everything.

Nymtoc
11-01-2011, 09:01 AM
Granted. Click your heels together three times and say, "I wish I could do everything...I wish I could do everything...I wish I......."

I wish I didn't have to run around doing senseless things this week.

armydillo978
11-01-2011, 09:08 AM
Granted: U.S. Marshalls suddenly appear as you wake up and take you into custody for operating a horse salon without a Federal Equine and Jackass License. For the next seven years the only nonsensical things you'll be doing, are running for political office.

I wish I could get this cut on my finger healed. It's very annoying.

Komnena
11-03-2011, 06:08 AM
Granted. It takes a month but the cut does heal eventually.
I wish I were not so tired now.

armydillo978
11-03-2011, 06:36 AM
Granted: The hits of cocaine you just took have got you very perky and "up".....the police appreciate that as you resist their attempts to "detain" you. Sadly, you fall down the steps 5 times in a ground level police station with no steps as your dragged to a detention cell. Your very alert in your mug shot for all 16 of your visits.

http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r16/ff144/downward_spiral-749025.jpg

I wish I could get a winning lottery ticket.

CDSinex
11-03-2011, 08:57 AM
Granted: Your $5 scratch ticket "wins" $1.

I wish next year's seed catalogs would come early.

PorterStarrByrd
11-04-2011, 05:21 PM
Granted: Your $5 scratch ticket "wins" $1.

I wish next year's seed catalogs would come early.


Granted
special delivery will arrive at 0200 on April 1, as early in the month as I could arrange. Please excuse the two hour delay.


I wish I could figure out where to plant a bannana tree in my yard.

Nymtoc
11-04-2011, 05:48 PM
Granted. You plant a bannnnnnana tree 50 cm. from your front door, and as it grows, you can't get either in or out. (You can't get in or out the back door, either, because of the coconnnnut tree you planted there last year.) ;)

I wish Porter Starr Byrd would get a dictionary.

PorterStarrByrd
11-04-2011, 08:22 PM
I wish Porter Starr Byrd would get a dictionary.


He can't read .. what wood he do with it?



I wish my gold fish wooden jump so high.

CDSinex
11-05-2011, 02:46 AM
Granite: Your goal ghoti whill jum les if you wood leaf them alon.

I wish I hadn't posted that.

Nymtoc
11-05-2011, 04:58 AM
Denied. "What's done, is done." -- Macbeth, Act 3, Scene 2

I wish we had more statesmen and stateswomen and fewer political opportunists.

PorterStarrByrd
11-05-2011, 06:39 AM
I wish we had more statesmen and stateswomen and fewer political opportunists.

Denied
"What's done, is done." -- Macbeth, Act 3, Scene 2
We can't separate redundancies and are fooling our selves if we choose one over the other.

sounds real good 3/4ths of the way through this fifth. I'll check again tomorrow morning afternoon Sunday.

I wish I knew what planet Numbtic was from.

CDSinex
11-05-2011, 10:50 AM
Denied: The Genie has scoured the earth and could not find anyone, or anything named "Numbtic."

I wish I could decide what book to buy with the gift card I was given.

Nymtoc
11-05-2011, 05:23 PM
Granted. The Genie has surveyed all available books in stores and on the Internet and come up with the three very best. You can choose whichever you wish:

Twilight
by Stephenie Meyer

Miles to Go
by Miley Cyrus

Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and Their Assault on America
by Ann Coulter

***********

I wish I didn't have a series of obligations today that will prevent me from watching football.

CDSinex
11-05-2011, 10:42 PM
Denied: The Genie remembers, and is surprised you apparently don't, what happened the last time you skipped a meeting with your parole officer.

I wish that we could have at least one more warm weekend this fall.

Nymtoc
11-06-2011, 03:32 AM
Granted. "We" who live in the Northeast will have at least one more gloriously warm weekend this fall. Those who live in the rain somewhere near Seattle will not.

I wish I had an electric car.

CDSinex
11-06-2011, 11:04 AM
Granted: This kit includes TWO electric cars (a TransAm Camaro Slot Car and a TransAm Mustang Slot Car), track, and a transformer.

http://www.hotslots132.com/crimages.php?imagefile=images/c1232t-scal-1.jpg

I wish I had some fresh oranges right now.

shakeysix
11-06-2011, 05:47 PM
how about a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich? my genie is on a budget this month. I do have raisin bread.

i wish nymmie was small enough to drive his new car.

Nymtoc
11-06-2011, 06:18 PM
Granted. Nimmie (correctly addressed as "Nymtoc," unless you happen to be one of his intimates ;)) is a shapeshifter and can be as small or as large as he wants. Testimonials from a number of women are available on request. :eek:

I wish this month would be less stressful than the last one.

CDSinex
11-07-2011, 01:25 AM
Granted: The Genie arranges for everything that could possibly cause you any stress or consternation to be moved to December.

I wish someone would go fetch a few pieces of firewood so I didn't have to get up, and walk to the woodshed.

Nymtoc
11-07-2011, 01:38 AM
Granted.

The Genie has provided you with the perfect assistant. He will fetch wood for you and do...other things...

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BIGFOOT.jpg

I wish things didn't keep happening that prevent me from working on my manuscript.

PorterStarrByrd
11-07-2011, 06:56 AM
Granted.

The Genie has provided you with the perfect assistant. He will fetch wood for you and do...other things...

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BIGFOOT.jpg

I wish things didn't keep happening that prevent me from working on my manuscript.

Granted
I'll do the best I can to get you on "IGNORE" for this thread


I wish I could find that bottle of syrup I just knocked over in my bed .

Komnena
11-07-2011, 07:31 AM
Granted. You find it but unfortunately not before it loses its lid. But hey, think of all the calories it saved you from consuming.
I wish I had some sense.

Nymtoc
11-07-2011, 07:59 AM
Granted. You have two cents. (Sorry, I couldn't resist. :D)

I wish my jaw didn't hurt.

PorterStarrByrd
11-07-2011, 08:19 AM
I wish my jaw didn't hurt.

Denied


I can't help you once you go into the bar.


I wish i could find my waffle iron. It's not in the laundry basket where left it.

Nymtoc
11-07-2011, 07:46 PM
Granted. Your waffle iron is in the outhouse, where you left it while trying to do too many things at once. :eek:

I wish I could think of a get-rich-quick scheme that would be easy, not break any laws, and leave me plenty of time to write.

PorterStarrByrd
11-07-2011, 07:54 PM
I wish I could think of a get-rich-quick scheme that would be easy, not break any laws, and leave me plenty of time to write.


Granted
I snuck the Sanwhich-of-the-Month project out of Porter's stash. It's all yours now. Go with it.

I wish I had a Brie, Letuce, and Escargo (BLE) sandwhich

Komnena
11-10-2011, 05:00 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is several days old and green around the edges.

I wish there were no due dates for library books.

NivianBlanche
11-10-2011, 05:12 AM
Granted, but you aren't allowed to take them home in the first place.

I wish it wasn't so cold.

Steve Coate
11-10-2011, 06:34 AM
Granted. At all times you shall feel sweltering heat, and sweat profusely. But you'll never feel cold again.

I wish money grew on the trees planted in my yard.

Nymtoc
11-10-2011, 07:32 AM
Granted. It's happy money.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/MONEYFUNNY.jpg

I wish I could find a small android tablet PC that would be cheap and would function perfectly.

Robbert
11-10-2011, 03:29 PM
Granted. We sell them for 120 quids a piece, payment upon delivery, free shipping worldwide EXCEPT Greece and the Bible Belt.

I wish the world would go back to a pre-IT age.

Reziac
11-10-2011, 07:05 PM
Granted. It is now 1 Million Years B.C. Was that Raquel Welch I just saw? BRB.

I wish <brrr!> I could heat my house for free (without burning it down, naughty genie, I can hear you thinking!)

Nymtoc
11-10-2011, 08:02 PM
Granted. Skunks have invaded your house, and there are now hundreds of them huddled in every room. Their collective warmth will keep your house cozy all winter. (See, you can't outwit the Genie. :evil )

I wish it were 1969 again for a few days, so I could go to Woodstock.

Reziac
11-10-2011, 08:37 PM
It is 1969 again, but you are a grunt in Viet Nam. If you hurry, maybe you can still hit Woodstock.

I wish Nymtoc wasn't AWOL!!

CDSinex
11-11-2011, 11:33 PM
Granted: Nymtoc is no longer the Absolute Write Official Lunatic. Since that position is now open, the Genie looks at the list of possible replacements, and finds your name on top. Congratulations! :partyguy:

I wish I could think of something good to wish for.

Nymtoc
11-12-2011, 12:57 AM
Denied. The fact that you cannot think of something good to wish for on your own is a sign of a seriously flawed character. The Genie is unable to help you.

I wish I didn't have to have two root canal procedures.

CDSinex
11-12-2011, 04:14 AM
Granted: Upon closer examination the dentist finds a third tooth that is in need of a root canal.

I wish I could find a '32 Ford Coupe for a winter restoration project.

Nymtoc
11-12-2011, 07:18 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/FORDCOUPE30sWRECKED2.jpg

With your skills, you should have the restoration finished by Thanksgiving.

I wish I had a 2005 Pontiac GTO in perfect condition. (Red, please.)

Robbert
11-12-2011, 03:54 PM
Granted. Perhaps you want to give me a shout later in the day, whether you have a preference for the 1:18 or 1:43 scale.

I wish I had a pair of light blue knickers with pink dots all over.

Reziac
11-12-2011, 06:01 PM
Granted... well, almost. The genie couldn't find any blue-and-red-spotted knickers but did find you this:

http://resources.shopstyle.com/sim/f0/ca/f0ca9c3bc45efa3cf784432aa185a742_medium/ondademar-bluefly-twopiece-swimwear-blue-moon-polka-dot-bandeau-halter-bikini.jpg

I wish it would fit Robbert correctly.

Robbert
11-12-2011, 06:57 PM
Granted... well, almost, it's just the wrong cup, er, I mean, not my cup of tea to walk around in women's underwear.

I wish people would stop taking the mickey, it's rude.

Nymtoc
11-12-2011, 09:04 PM
Granted, but why do you spell your name with two Bs? It's not rude, dude, it's just plain silly. :D

I wish Robbert would spell his name with one B.

French Maiden
11-12-2011, 11:54 PM
Granted, but now you spell your name with two 'Y's.

I wish i could write flawlessly.

Reziac
11-13-2011, 12:07 AM
Granted... you are now in a 12th century nunnery, flawlessly copying manuscripts.

I wish I could remember the name of the Welsh castle I'm an heir to.

Nymtoc
11-13-2011, 12:49 AM
Granted. It is Castle Denbighharlechabergavennycarreghoffadryslwyn, and unfortunately, the Genie cannot find it on any map. But here is a picture of it, taken in 1908:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CASTLERUINED.jpg

I wish I were heir to a château in France.

Robbert
11-13-2011, 02:15 AM
Granted... unfortunately though, French Parliament passed a new law (2009), requiring vineyard owners to abstain from alcohol and live the life of a teetotaller.

I wish I could be the world's one and only Robert.

Nymtoc
11-13-2011, 06:49 AM
Denied. There is no way the Genie can get rid of all the other Roberts in the world without committing mayhem. However, he offers you the choice of becoming Roaert, Rocert, Rodert, Roeert, Rofert, Rogert, Rohert, Roiert, Rojert, Rokert, Rolert, Romert, Ronert, Rooert, Ropert, Roqert, Rorert, Rosert, Rotert, Rouert, Rovert, Rowert, Roxert, Royert or Rozert.

I wish I had my own planet, where I could rule everything.

Reziac
11-13-2011, 09:22 AM
Granted! Mars needs women. (http://home.earthlink.net/~mrmando/tonio_k/Lyrics/bombalyrics.htm)

I wish someone would rebuild my castle.

Nymtoc
11-13-2011, 09:42 AM
Granted. They rebuilt it from the ground up:
http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/WAL-MART.jpg

I wish I could think of something really original to write about.

Robbert
11-13-2011, 07:11 PM
Granted... if it weren't for the contradicting terms 'think', 'original', and 'write'. Put differently, your wish has been denied.

I wish all kings were queens.

Nymtoc
11-13-2011, 07:14 PM
Granted, Your Majesty.

I wish my team hadn't lost the big game.

Reziac
11-13-2011, 07:57 PM
Granted! Your team wins the big game. Trouble is, they lose all their other games. So sad about their ranking.

I wish I was the King of England. The present king, not one of those that died of beheading, or in prison, or of a flux. What do you mean, all England has right now is a Queen? You can fix that, right??

Nymtoc
11-13-2011, 08:10 PM
Granted. You are the King of England, but England has become a republic. All your palaces and other property now belong to the state. You live in a modest flat in the East End, and as a figurehead "monarch" you are regularly ridiculed.

I wish I could understand why so few truly qualified people run for President of the United States.

Robbert
11-13-2011, 08:46 PM
Granted, I mean, you'll now get a free lesson on politics: § 1 In order to make it right the top, you need to turn into a sly smartass. § 2 Clever people are usually unwilling to make a fool out of themselves.

I wish all politicians were on a bus driver's salary.

Nymtoc
11-14-2011, 06:13 PM
Granted. All politicians are on a bus driver's salary, but in addition, every politician gets $100,000,000 a year from corporate "sponsors."

I wish I had enough money to do anything I want.

CDSinex
11-15-2011, 03:37 AM
Granted: The Genie arranges for you to attend a week long training session at a Zen monastery. Midway through the experience you decide to become an ascetic. Since you no longer have worldly wants, the Genie takes all of your money and sends it to some guy living in the rain somewhere near Seattle.

I wish I could get some excitement in my life.

Nymtoc
11-15-2011, 03:54 AM
Granted. The Genie has transported you to China, where you go for an exciting bicycle ride:

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BICYCLEJUMP.jpg

I wish I had a title to add to my name.

Reziac
11-15-2011, 03:56 AM
Excitement? Granted, here is some excitement for your life:

http://www.guyville.com/blog/22846811_4d15f55282_o.jpg

"Adventure is somebody else, having a difficult time, a long ways away."
-- Brian Stableford

I wish the price would go down, way down, on the house I want to buy.

ETA: I see the bull got to the bike rider... Since great minds think in similar gutters, I dub thee Sir Sewer Rat.

Chrissy
11-15-2011, 04:37 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it's because a hurricane just leveled it.

I wish I had a winking avatar like Nymtoc.

Nymtoc
11-15-2011, 07:09 AM
Denied! Nymtoc pays the Genie a monthly stipend to make sure no one else has a winking avatar!

I wish I had a bookstore.

Zombie_Rose
11-15-2011, 03:22 PM
Granted. The adult bookstore industry is thrilled to have you as a vendor.

I wish I had a catchy slogan.

PorterStarrByrd
11-17-2011, 04:37 AM
I wish I had a catchy slogan.


DENIED: The last good one was use about forty years ago. There are no more.

I wish people would recognize my genius.

Pistol Whipped Bee
11-17-2011, 05:03 AM
No can do, big guy. People can't even recognize their own genius.

I wish it'd stop raining.

CDSinex
11-17-2011, 11:07 AM
Granted: Look out your window, and you'll see that the rain has turned to snow. Enjoy.

I wish tomorrow was Thanksgiving Day.

Nymtoc
11-17-2011, 07:37 PM
Granted. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day, and you prepare butternut squash with apple soup, a 20-pound turkey, Bourbon-pecan dressing, cranberry-pear relish, mashed potatoes with sour cream, mashed sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, creamed onions, honey-glazed carrots, pumpkin pie, mince pie, served with Sauvignon Blanc, and Asti Spumante. The trouble is, nobody except you knows Thanksgiving Day has been shifted, and nobody comes.

I wish time-shifting were as simple as CDSinex thinks it is.

Storyteller5
11-17-2011, 07:43 PM
Time shifting is as simple as CDSinex thinks it is, but then you can't stop it from shifting and it shifts at random so you are constantly either missing things or showing up far too early.

I wish I had some inspiration this morning.

parumpdragon
11-17-2011, 09:49 PM
Granted, you are inspired to do all those things on your 'to-do' list that never got done, before the day is out.


I wish more people wrote letters.

PorterStarrByrd
11-17-2011, 10:02 PM
I wish more people wrote letters.

Denied .. we can't all be sign painters


I wish Kinder Surpises were legal in the US.

parumpdragon
11-17-2011, 10:04 PM
Denied. The Government wants to know everything all the time and is abolishing surprises.


I wish we would have snow for Christmas.

iLion
11-17-2011, 10:30 PM
Heeeey... ees hokay, my freng! I weel send ju bags of snow to jour place eef ju giff to me jour address! How long ju ben sneefing snow?
(*ok.. i have no idea why this genie has a non-pc-quasi-Mexican accent. It just sorta came outa nowhere.)

I weesh... i mean, I wish I was a genie.

Nymtoc
11-18-2011, 02:00 AM
Grunted. Ahora ju arr a Hini.

I wish I had some Swiss cheese to nibble on.

Pistol Whipped Bee
11-18-2011, 02:05 AM
Granted. Just take off your socks and close your eyes.

I wish the Japanese restaurant down the street delivered sushi.

PorterStarrByrd
11-18-2011, 02:11 AM
I wish the Japanese restaurant down the street delivered sushi.

Granted

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQYhcFsfhIW8Sx33z5AouUnQr10NZKyb aWbj3Dd0bmzyXUJ3quT

OK ... Where do you want me to put this thing?


I wish I had a dozen salmon eggs.

CDSinex
11-18-2011, 10:23 AM
Granted: The Genie runs down to the local sushi shop and brings you these.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSYT0Twt_YlMmb7LzeZVgbtkpIIJBCTC rOqEos00OWC482ouuu0

I wish someone would offer to clean the leaves out of my rain gutters.

Nymtoc
11-18-2011, 10:43 AM
Granted. The local cat burglar offers to clean your rain gutters, thereby casing your house and knowing when and where to gain entry and steal your possessions.

I wish I could finish my WIP.

poetinahat
11-18-2011, 11:02 AM
Granted - "The Girl from Nantucket" is ready to submit. Finding representation may be a challenge...

I wish I hadn't frittered away my youth.

Nymtoc
11-18-2011, 11:10 AM
Granted. You spent your youth becoming a master con artist.

I wish wifi were not so hard to get in my building.

iLion
11-18-2011, 09:21 PM
Granted! WiFi is now everywhere in your building. That was easy, huh?

Oh! Btw - I did a little trouble shooting while i was at it and not having wifi in your building was never the problem. Your system settings are completely hosed, the wifi card in your machine is nonfunctional, and the bios has been tampered with and will never be able to handle wifi. So sorry.


I wish life was really simple and stress-free.

Pistol Whipped Bee
11-18-2011, 09:36 PM
Granted.

See? Wasn't that simple and stress free?

I wish it was 3:45 - right now.

iLion
11-18-2011, 09:55 PM
You got it, Pistol! The ratio of moms to sweet little babies in the Bee family is now 3 to 45 (3:45). Wow.. you are very busy Bees, aren't you?

I wish I could visit 1500 England.

Nymtoc
11-19-2011, 06:07 AM
Granted. You visit England in 1500 and drink ale from a lead cup. The combination knocks you out. Someone comes along and takes you for dead and prepares you for burial. (This really used to happen in those days. :ROFL:)

I wish I could read six books a day.

Robbert
11-19-2011, 07:56 PM
Granted. Just don't log on to the AW forum, forget about WIFI and only read one book at a time.

I wish my grandmother had taught me all about HTML.

Nymtoc
11-19-2011, 10:57 PM
Granted. She gave you her recipe for Honeyed Turkey Made Luscious--just at the right time of the year!

I wish I could follow in the steps of William Shakespeare.

Pistol Whipped Bee
11-19-2011, 11:17 PM
If your wife is almost twice your age - you already have. If you're not married - well...get to it.

I wish the moonlight wouldn't have drowned out the Leonid meteor shower!

CDSinex
11-20-2011, 04:48 AM
Granted: The moon was not to be seen and thus couldn't interfere with the meteor shower; the rain and clouds did however. (And you want to move back to Seattle?)

I wish we had as many sunny days as they do in New Jersey.

Nymtoc
11-20-2011, 04:52 AM
Denied. The only way you can get as many sunny days as they get in New Jersey is to move there, and the Genie, who has been there, strongly recommends against it! :roll:

I wish the news channels would stick to hard news and stop giving us incessant drivel about the personal lives of Hollywood celebrities.

Chrissy
11-20-2011, 05:17 AM
Denied. Get your priorities straight buddy! Hollywood is your friend, and those celebrities will soon be acting in a movie made from your wildly successful novel. Genie knows best. ;)

But to be fair: I wish there was no such thing as the Kardashian family.

Robbert
11-21-2011, 03:12 PM
Granted. I honestly don't know who you're talking about.

I wish I was a celebrity: Publishers queuing up on my doorstep, whilst I'm still in the process of jotting down insignificant rubbish.

Nymtoc
11-21-2011, 08:56 PM
Granted. Publishers are queuing up on your doorstep, but not because of the rubbish you write. They are there to question you about the 85 murders you are accused to have committed.

I wish the weather would remain at 70° F (21° C) every day of the year.

Komnena
11-22-2011, 11:11 PM
Granted. However, it also rains hard every day.

I wish I had more energy.

armydillo978
11-23-2011, 04:43 AM
Granted: Your not a stockholder in the Fukushima Daiichi power plant....in fact, you move in tomorrow. All the energy you want is now yours.

I wish I owned a city.

Reziac
11-23-2011, 06:26 AM
Granted. These cities (http://weburbanist.com/2008/07/06/20-abandoned-cities-and-towns/) are all available. Take your pick.

I wish I had a good pair of cowboy boots.

Nymtoc
11-23-2011, 08:51 AM
Granted. The Genie picked out the pattern himself.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BOOTSWOMENSCOWBOY.jpg

I wish crazy things wouldn't keep interrupting me when I'm trying to write.

Robbert
11-23-2011, 01:46 PM
Denied. Because it's the crazy things, which make your writing as compelling as it is.

I wish my music teacher at primary school would have refrained from telling everyone that I was crap at singing.

SummerSurf57
11-23-2011, 03:14 PM
Granted, but you're back in prep school again.
I wish I was married to Munro Chambers. <3

Nymtoc
11-23-2011, 07:32 PM
Granted. You are married to Munro Chambers of Hackensack, New Jersey, and he is very grateful to you, since he doesn't have to sleep on the street anymore.

I wish I could buy a product and not have to send it back because it's defective.

Reziac
11-23-2011, 07:56 PM
I wish I could buy a product and not have to send it back because it's defective.

Denied!! So it will be until you can pick something up and not see "Made In China".

I wish everything I buy was "Made In USA".

Nymtoc
11-23-2011, 10:23 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, the only things you can buy that are made in the USA are dishrags and flypaper.

I wish I would come into a great fortune.

PorterStarrByrd
11-24-2011, 09:38 PM
I wish I would come into a great fortune.

Granted you go to a chinese place. When you crack open your cookie you find a micoscopice copy of War and Peace.


I wish I could find that zebra.

PorterStarrByrd
11-24-2011, 09:40 PM
I wish I would come into a great fortune.


Granted
You go out for Chinese, open your fortune cookie, and find a microsopic version of War and Peace

I wish I could find that zebra

Reziac
11-24-2011, 11:10 PM
Granted, if only you tell the genie WHICH "that" zebra you wish to find.

I wish Porter would stop seeing double.

Nymtoc
11-24-2011, 11:16 PM
Granted. He now sees everything triple and requires special glasses ($1,000 at Amazon.com) to see anything at all.

I wish the news channels would stop obsessing about the Republican presidential race. There are other important things happening in the world, you dummies. :Headbang:

Chrissy
11-24-2011, 11:24 PM
Granted. The news channels switch to an in-depth discussion of the Kim Kardashian / Kris Humphries annulment.

I wish I could eat a whole pumpkin pie with impunity.

SummerSurf57
11-25-2011, 05:18 AM
Granted, you can eat the pie but you'll explode.
I wish I was on Degrassi

PorterStarrByrd
11-25-2011, 07:11 AM
Granted, you can eat the pie but you'll explode.
I wish I was on Degrassi


DENIED !!!
The genie does not traffic in dedrugs !!!!


I wish I had another ear of corn.

Nymtoc
11-25-2011, 07:32 AM
Granted. Your left ear now extends ten inches and is covered with rows of yellow kernels.

I wish I didn't have to spend hours deciding on holiday gifts, which the recipients probably won't like anyway.

PorterStarrByrd
11-25-2011, 08:15 AM
I wish I didn't have to spend hours deciding on holiday gifts, which the recipients probably won't like anyway.


Go away ...
I can tell this is your way of softening me up before you wish for for fantastic gifts that all of the recipients will love etc etc etc



I wish I could figure out which direction to point the remote.

Robbert
11-25-2011, 05:02 PM
I wish I could figure out which direction to point the remote.
Granted. Don't point, just follow these directions: A. go outside B. take a run-up C. toss it.

I wish I owned a remote control --let alone a TV.

Nymtoc
11-26-2011, 08:37 AM
Granted. Here is your remote control and the toy rat that goes with it.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/RATTOY.jpg

I wish I could land on Mars.

PorterStarrByrd
11-26-2011, 08:15 PM
I wish all agents the world over were beating down my door to rep my story.


Denied !!
don't waste my time. There are already enough bad reports about your awful writing.


I wish I had a couple more lugnuts

Nymtoc
11-28-2011, 08:34 AM
Granted. The Genie is feeling generous today, and since he happens to have 1,000,000 lug nuts lying around, he is dumping them all on top of your house from a helicopter.

I wish someone would murder the Geico gecko.

Robbert
11-28-2011, 04:53 PM
Granted. Just checked, he's already dead. (pls google 'geico gecko' and you'll find an image of one, who has R.I.P. written over its body; uploading it to the AWboard didn't work)

I wish I was a computer whiz kid.

PorterStarrByrd
11-28-2011, 05:46 PM
I wish I was a computer whiz kid.


Granted
Sending you a powerful diuretic so that you whiz on your computer anytime you want to, kid



I wish my diruretic was a little less powerful ... tired of wiping up my computer desk.

Nymtoc
11-29-2011, 07:33 AM
Granted. Your diuretic is a little less powerful, so now you only have to mop up your computer desk 20 times a day instead of 25.

I wish I had the verbal ability of Shakespeare and the narrative power of Homer.

Robbert
11-29-2011, 05:19 PM
Denied for the time being. Before you get carried away, please consult your GP on the issue of Split Personality Disorder.

I wish I had a rocket launcher.

PorterStarrByrd
11-29-2011, 07:09 PM
I wish I had a rocket launcher.

Sure ... why not?

Granted (like you didn't see this coming)

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSAiB33VF583B2ZlXdieAmcYeJR93zoA uEAksLq5ufBR9lJ3-yDmeLp51hp (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://ebid.s3.amazonaws.com/upload_big/8/8/6/1293679800-24993-0.jpg&imgrefurl=http://uk.ebid.net/for-sale/soda-bottle-rocket-launcher-fun-toy-or-project-37183780.htm&usg=__16nuv_BLTk0uBBOPHLXniH3K9k0=&h=604&w=602&sz=39&hl=en&start=14&zoom=1&tbnid=iLRD9U_1oMolfM:&tbnh=135&tbnw=135&ei=7vTUTtKJCIHi0QGan5WeAg&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dtoy%2Brocket%2Blauncher%26hl%3Den%26s a%3DG%26gbv%3D2%26tbm%3Disch&itbs=1)


I wish wishes were more specific.

Nymtoc
11-29-2011, 11:56 PM
Granted. For this Genie, each wish must be spelled out in detail and must be accompanied by your full name, date of birth, home address, recent photo, phone numbers, Social Security Number, email address, bank account numbers and number of your safe deposit box (if any) accompanied by the location of the safe-deposit box keys.

I wish I could find Captain Kidd's buried treasure.

Robbert
11-30-2011, 02:17 PM
Granted. It's easy. To take part in our guided treasure hunt tours, please log onto www.Iwanttofindcaptainkidd.scam and take it from there.

I wish my 2005 MacMini would be as fast as your computer.

Reziac
11-30-2011, 07:33 PM
Granted. Since my everyday computer is a 1998 P3-550, your 2005 MacMini now runs at about a tenth of the speed it used to.

I wish I would finish building that newer computer.