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PorterStarrByrd
08-16-2011, 03:59 PM
I wish I had a private army I could use in my plot to take over the world.


Granted ... well I granted it once before ... REMEMBER

They got as tired of waiting for their battle plans as they did waiting for you finish that damned book


I (first person pronoun one uses in referring to oneself)
wish (desire, want)
I (see above)
knew (had a rough idea)
what (the identity or description of something, in this case)
is (exists)
under (beneath, hidden by)
the (limiting article)
sawdust (minced tree)
in (contained by)
the (see above)
Icehouse (log enclosure within which ice is buried in sawdust, for use throughout the summer)

Drachen Jager
08-16-2011, 07:29 PM
Okay, granted. You peel aside the sawdust, underneath is a perfectly reflective sheet of ice, in it you see an icehole.

I wish I had an ice house.

Nymtoc
08-16-2011, 08:29 PM
Granted. This Australian band has moved in with you and is there to stay. They will play their New Wave and synth pop music 24 hours a day. The Genie hopes you enjoy their nonstop, ear-splitting music.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/ICEHOUSEBAND.jpg

I wish I could get more accomplished each day.

PorterStarrByrd
08-16-2011, 09:29 PM
I wish I could get more accomplished each day.

Granted
If you ever actually get your butt out of bed before noon


I wish the ice looked a little cleaner

CDSinex
08-16-2011, 10:13 PM
Granted: The Genie shrugs and hands you a kit for cleaning your eyeglasses, err, I mean spectacles.


I wish I had more bookshelves.

Nymtoc
08-17-2011, 03:02 AM
Granted. This entire library is being moved to your property. Unfortunately, the photo is able to show only a small portion of what you're getting.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/LIBRARYYALE.jpg

I wish people would not snicker when I tell them I'm a writer.

Reziac
08-17-2011, 03:16 AM
Granted. Now they laugh and point.

I wish I had that library!!

Komnena
08-17-2011, 06:42 AM
Granted. You must now pay all its employees and deal with patron complaints.

I wish I had a flying car.

PorterStarrByrd
08-17-2011, 07:46 AM
I wish I had a flying car.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS5zSqEJ7_elKHO1yDrim6S4tuFV2n_z JghfERKNJ3D1LdUtcawq58-Hoyj (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k91/nirug21/Funny%2520Pics/car-accident-in-tree.jpg&imgrefurl=http://fundoopictures.blogspot.com/2007/11/flying-car-accident.html&usg=__hIF5E0_cpY1GZTbmRIHAWOZYx_s=&h=641&w=500&sz=106&hl=en&start=3&sig2=tHFC7kd0gIm9qzucqlszDQ&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=djbvHKFO5Jvd_M:&tbnh=137&tbnw=107&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dflying%2Bcar%2Bcrash%26hl%3Den%26sa%3 DG%26gbv%3D2%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D524%26tbm%3Disch&ei=DjlLTs-OAqLx0gGEwIjsBw)

Granted

This one was flying for a while. I got it cheap

I wish I had a set of 'jaws of life"

CDSinex
08-17-2011, 09:09 AM
Granted: Here’s the 1980s Australian band, Hunters & Collectors, CD, Jaws of Life.

http://cover7.cduniverse.com/MuzeAudioArt/Large/00/570200.jpg
(http://cover7.cduniverse.com/MuzeAudioArt/Large/00/570200.jpg)


I wish only people I liked would run for political office.

Drachen Jager
08-17-2011, 09:47 AM
Granted. But it twists them into evil demented beings, soon you run out of people you like.

I wish I had a Portal gun.

parumpdragon
08-17-2011, 08:25 PM
Granted, but it doesn't work, it's just a prop.


I wish the sky changed colors depending on the day of the week.

PorterStarrByrd
08-18-2011, 01:30 AM
I wish the sky changed colors depending on the day of the week.


Granted
seven shades of blue have been selected


I wish the ball had bounced off of that window

Komnena
08-18-2011, 06:15 AM
Granted. It bounced off the window and into your prize collection of glass unicorns.
I wish I had a million dollars.

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 06:43 AM
Granted. You had a million dollars in a briefcase you found at the side of the road, for that brief second you were happy. Then some Hells Angel's bikers came along and demanded their money.

I wish I was famous.

Nymtoc
08-18-2011, 06:47 AM
Granted. Your name is now Drachen Famous.

I wish my writing flowed more smoothly.

shakeysix
08-18-2011, 06:55 AM
granted--your writing becomes a regular faucet of creativity. unfortunately your paper is ultra absorbent. you write all day and produce diddly squat.

i wish i was with teddy roosevelt on san juan hill

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 06:57 AM
Granted, write with these.
http://www.dcv.gov.bc.ca/Content/images/products/m/7520601065.jpg
You'll wish everything was so smooth as the 'easy glide' but please don't try to use it as a sexual lubricant like you did last time.

Damn you shakey!

Granted. You have been buried next to him.

I wish I knew what would happen on Friday.

tedi.s
08-18-2011, 07:02 AM
Granted. The sun will rise, move across the sky, and then set.

I wish my daughter would stay out of the art supplies and not glue pom poms to the table.

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 07:05 AM
Granted. Her future as her generation's Leonardo DaVinci is now crushed. Instead she will be her generation's Snooki.

I wish I could ask the genie one very specific question and get the correct answer.

Komnena
08-18-2011, 07:06 AM
Granted. You ask the genie if there are any certainties in life and the genie answers death and taxes.

I wish there were really winged horses.

shakeysix
08-18-2011, 07:13 AM
granted. they are sea horses mounted by bare breasted mermaids.

i'm too slow to play so i'm going to bed. i wish you all good night

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 07:29 AM
I wish shakey'd made a wish before she went to bed.

Nymtoc
08-18-2011, 07:55 AM
Granted. She wished she would have pleasant dreams.

I wish we would all have great success with our writing. (Now, what kind of Genie could deny that?)

Reziac
08-18-2011, 08:10 AM
(A mean one.) Granted. We all now write excellent grocery lists.

I wish we'd all have great success at writing anything we write.

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 09:23 AM
Granted. We are all the best at writing "anything we write" other phrases elude us.

I wish we could all be successful novelists.

Nymtoc
08-18-2011, 10:32 AM
Granted. We can all create successful novelties, like colored toothpicks and smiley-face mouse pads and statuettes of Michele Bachmann that glow in the dark. That's what you meant, isn't it?

I wish my place was surrounded by a moat to keep out annoying people.

dreamcatcher
08-18-2011, 12:04 PM
Granted. It's surrounded by a moat but there's no drawbridge or boat to get you to the other side... and it's full of alligators.

I wish my skin wasn't so sensitive.

PorterStarrByrd
08-18-2011, 03:43 PM
I wish my skin wasn't so sensitive.


Granted
All the sensitivness from your skin has pulled up stakes and moved to your psyche. You no longer scratch but you cry a lot


I wish I had a cement pillow to give to dreamsnatcher to cry on .. it wouldn't be so wet all of the time

Reziac
08-18-2011, 07:12 PM
The genie retcons the previous wish to save the day... Dreamcatcher is turned into a crocodile (no sensitive skin there!) and, well, a concrete pillow is appropriate for crocodile tears. Granted!

I wish I could still find pillows stuffed with genuine Canadian goose down, instead of this half-feathers crap from China.

iLion
08-18-2011, 09:40 PM
Hi, Rez... all the other genies are busy so they called me out of retirement for you. My eyes aren't what they used to be, but this shouldn't be hard.
ShabbaKabbaKaZZAMMM!!!! Ok, there you go.. "pillows stuffed with genuine Canadian goose dung". Man.. I'll never understand this younger generation!


I wish I could curse in fluent kangaroo.

shakeysix
08-18-2011, 09:47 PM
well i can grant you blimey and bloody and arse but after that you'll have to go with chingado, culereo y cabron. i speak gutter spanish not gutter kangaroo.

i wish that my rice pudding wasn't so squishy and bland.

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 09:50 PM
I wish shakey would pay more attention to which thread she's posting in.

Komnena
08-18-2011, 09:55 PM
Granted. Shakey realizes you are complaining about her wishing in the wish thread. She complains to the mods and you are banned for three days.

I wish I spoke gutter kangaroo.

shakeysix
08-18-2011, 09:56 PM
no, wait. this is wish granted. i'm sure. i checked at the top. all of the other posts on this page have a wish at the bottom. did i screw up some other thread?

i wish i knew where the hell i am

shakeysix
08-18-2011, 09:59 PM
okay. so now i know.

i wish i had more self confidence

Drachen Jager
08-18-2011, 10:45 PM
Granted. Your confidence far exceeds your actual ability. You are walking by a bank when some robbers dart out carrying a variety of firearms and shouting for everyone to get down. Instead of following their instructions you confidently block their path to their car and inform them that robbing banks isn't very nice, but if they'd be so kind as to turn the money over to you you'd be happy to put in a good word with the bank manager and the DA. You are confident when they point their weapons at you that they won't fire, confident that when they DO fire the bullets won't harm you and confident that the paramedics will save your life. It turns out your confidence was misplaced.

I wish I had a cube of solid gold one metre to a side in my living room.

Nymtoc
08-18-2011, 10:52 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, it was sent to you directly from Fukushima and will be radioactive for at least the next hundred years.

I wish I had the golden fleece that Jason went looking for.

shakeysix
08-19-2011, 12:49 AM
well, scholastically speaking i believe it was a sheepskin used to snag gold dust out of streams. sort of an ancient placer pan. i'm a little short on gold but here is your soggy fleece.

i wish that i was on a rowboat headed up the lazy river with nat cole to row and sing to me.

Komnena
08-19-2011, 05:11 AM
You are indeed in a rowboat but Nat Cole does not have the breath to both row upstream and sing to you. The current washes you backward but fortunately you beach on an island. The Coast Guard finds you in the morning.


I wish I could ride on the Delta Queen.

Drachen Jager
08-19-2011, 05:34 AM
Granted. You'll have to make your own way out to Delta. He's not too happy about it 'cause he's into dudes, but you get your wish.

I wish I could get that image out of my mind.

CDSinex
08-19-2011, 06:33 AM
Granted: The Genie asks you stare at a neuralizer while he adjusts his sunglasses.

I wish people in the Pacific Northwest had the need for sunglasses all next week.

PorterStarrByrd
08-19-2011, 06:42 AM
I wish people in the Pacific Northwest had the need for sunglasses all next week.



Granted ..
You have been invited to a week long come as a Californian
party. Any idea how much northwesterners like Californians?


I wish the sardines would return to Capistrano.

Drachen Jager
08-19-2011, 06:57 AM
Granted. The supermarket there carries them in cans.

I wish we had bigger salmon runs out here.

Nymtoc
08-19-2011, 09:02 AM
Granted. They are jumping out of rivers and into your house and are flipping and flopping in every room. You've had to move out.

I wish I could be a great tap dancer.

Drachen Jager
08-19-2011, 08:33 PM
Granted. Wow, this was a tricky one. I've shrunk you down so you're a couple of inches tall. Now with practice you can be a great tap dancer. Try not to slip and go down the drain.

I wish I had a huge backyard filled with fruit trees.

iLion
08-19-2011, 08:48 PM
Granted, DJ! Your back yard is thousands of acres and jam packed with lush looking and beautifully maintained and very productive fruit trees. Beautiful to look at, but don't even think of picking any fruit. Your back yard is actually owned by the Dupont Chemical company's Engineered Fruit Division. Barbed wire and 'Trespassers Will Be Shot' signs are everywhere. In the unlikely event that any fruit should fall and roll onto your side of the fence, just remember the engineered part of this experimental farm. Otherwise, enjoy!

I wish I was perfect in every way.

Nymtoc
08-19-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted. You are perfect on both one-way and two-way streets. In every other area of life, of course, you remain seriously flawed.

I wish I never had to worry about money again.

PorterStarrByrd
08-19-2011, 10:24 PM
I wish I never had to worry about money again.


Granted .. this will take a bit of time

I will drop it off in 6 days. You will have so much that it might not be a good idea to leave your house. You have six days to work on that security system you might need,

I wish I had a periscope. She lives on the third floor.

Drachen Jager
08-19-2011, 10:27 PM
Granted. You now have a perineum scope for your personal viewing pleasure and hygene. It only works on yourself though.

I wish today goes well for me.

PorterStarrByrd
08-20-2011, 12:18 AM
I wish today goes well for me.


DENIED
Horses should never go near wells ... even pointy headed horses. Lassie needs a rest.


I wish I had a camoflaged ladder

Drachen Jager
08-20-2011, 12:47 AM
Granted. You have a ladder with camo flags on it. They make it difficult to climb without tripping, but hey, it's your wish.

I wish Porter would get a spell-checker.

Nymtoc
08-20-2011, 01:46 AM
Granted. But he can't figure out how to use it.

I wish only smart people were allowed to be talking heads on television.

parumpdragon
08-20-2011, 05:54 AM
Granted, all you'll see is the news.


I wish the world was flat.

Komnena
08-20-2011, 06:53 AM
Granted. The world is flat. There is no gravity so we all float around and struggle to keep ourselves from floating off into space.

I wish I could know the meaning of life.

Drachen Jager
08-20-2011, 07:05 AM
Granted. It is 42. Unfortunately without properly understanding the question you really can't grok the answer.

I wish a publisher would offer me a six figure advance on my manuscript.

Komnena
08-20-2011, 07:09 AM
Granted.PrintNow offers you six dollars for your manuscript.

I wish I could drive an 18 wheeler.

PorterStarrByrd
08-20-2011, 03:37 PM
I wish I could drive an 18 wheeler.

DENIED
what the hell do wheels have to do with golf?

don't bother me. I'm putting

I wish this wasn't my sixth putt on this hole. I'm about to give up on miniature golf!

CDSinex
08-21-2011, 02:27 AM
Granted: The Genie smirks and mutters, "He's as good at making wishes as he is at miniature golf." With a wave of the Genie's hand you are no longer six putting; you now stand at 12, and are still 20 feet from the hole.

I wish I had a bottle of gin and some tonic water.

Nymtoc
08-21-2011, 02:58 AM
Granted. A bottle containing 1 ml of gin and another containing 2 ml tonic water are on the way. Enjoy!

I wish I could finish the damn book :rant:

c.tyler
08-21-2011, 03:56 AM
Granted, but you can't remember where you put it.

I wish my kid would sleep through the night.

Drachen Jager
08-21-2011, 06:00 AM
Granted. Do you know what night terrors are? You will by tomorrow morning.

I wish I could figure out what changes to make to my manuscript so I'd be 100% happy with it.

Nymtoc
08-21-2011, 06:15 AM
Granted. But you only figure out what changes you should make until after you've sent it to every agent and publisher in the world--except PublishAmerica.

I wish people wouldn't laugh when I sit down to play the piano.

Komnena
08-21-2011, 07:22 AM
Granted. They scream and run for their lives.

I wish I could juggle.

Drachen Jager
08-21-2011, 07:37 AM
Granted. You gain five hundred pounds. You jiggle like a pro now. See! I can answer wishes just fine even without my reading glasses.

I wish for clarity of artistic vision.

Nymtoc
08-21-2011, 07:54 AM
Granted. The Genie is sending you a product that reduces the effect of the natural chemical histamine in the body. Histamine can produce symptoms of sneezing, itching, watery eyes, and runny nose. Claritin will produce the clarity of vision you desire.

I wish I didn't keep writing chapters, realizing that they suck and throwing them away. :(

dreamcatcher
08-21-2011, 08:10 AM
Granted. You stop writing altogether :(

I wish I had my very own library.

Drachen Jager
08-21-2011, 09:04 AM
Granted. You accept the teachings of Scientology and fill your shelves with their literature.

I wish I had a master plan for my life.

Nymtoc
08-21-2011, 10:04 PM
Granted. Enter and just keep going.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/MAZE1.jpg

I wish I didn't have to see my ophthalmologist Tuesday.

Komnena
08-22-2011, 05:37 AM
Granted. You see the ophthalmogist on Saturday which ruins your plans to go to the state fair that weekend.

I wish I could afford every Kindle book I want.

Drachen Jager
08-22-2011, 07:46 AM
Granted. I have destroyed your kindle. Now you don't want any kindle books because you have no way to view them.

I wish I'd arrived earlier because I had such a clever comeback for Nymtoc's wish.

Nymtoc
08-22-2011, 08:10 AM
Granted. You are magically arriving earlier so you can give Nymtoc one of your typically oh-so-clever comebacks. ;)

I wish my writer's block would go away.

Drachen Jager
08-22-2011, 09:22 AM
Granted. Your block is gone, in fact it works just as effectively as exlax for curing a blockage. Interestingly the end product is essentially the same as well.

I wish I had a perfect memory.

PorterStarrByrd
08-22-2011, 04:25 PM
I wish I had a perfect memory.

Denied you cheap bastard

You can pick up a 4 gig one in so many places for under 10 bucks and plug it into your computer. You think I want to leave my brewery to do something like that?

I wish I had enough bottles for all of this beer so that I didn't have so much to drink when these are full. .. or maybe I don't.

Reziac
08-22-2011, 05:58 PM
Denied, since the genie can't figure out WHAT in hell you want with either the bottles OR the beer. On second thought, the genie puts Porter into a bottle and fills it up with beer. That should satisfy all the tenets of that wish.

I wish beer tasted better, or at least didn't taste like Porter's socks.

Reziac
08-22-2011, 05:59 PM
Denied, since the genie can't figure out WHAT in hell you want with either the bottles OR the beer. On second thought, the genie puts Porter into a bottle and fills it up with beer. That should satisfy all the tenets of that wish.

I wish beer tasted better, or at least didn't taste like Porter's socks.

PorterStarrByrd
08-22-2011, 06:22 PM
I wish beer tasted better, or at least didn't taste like Porter's socks.


Granted
Bear tastes GREAT especially when served with beer.


I wish it was time for my new crop of hops to be ready to harvest

Drachen Jager
08-22-2011, 09:15 PM
Granted, all of the following hops are ready for harvesting. For other kinds you may have to wait a few months.

http://i892.photobucket.com/albums/ac129/affiliatechris/stepups.jpghttp://omassoud.free.fr/wordpress/wp-content/ernie.gifhttp://omassoud.free.fr/wordpress/wp-content/drill-side-straddle-hop.PNG

I wish I knew what makes Porter tick.

Nymtoc
08-22-2011, 09:55 PM
Granted. It's all corroded now, but it never was very good to begin with.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/CLOCKANTIKYTHERAMECHANISM.jpg


I wish to never see another cockroach.

Drachen Jager
08-22-2011, 10:28 PM
Granted. Your cockroaches have been replaced with dickroaches. Not much difference except for the name, and the dickroaches are more prone to loud partying late at night.

I wish I knew what hair product Nymtoc uses to get his hair looking that way.

Nymtoc
08-22-2011, 10:53 PM
DENIED! Knowing that everyone in the world envies his hair and wants to look like him, Nymtoc keeps the formula he uses on his hair highly secret, and despite intense efforts over many years, no one has been able to figure it out.

I wish I knew where DJ bought his horn.

Reziac
08-22-2011, 11:11 PM
Denied! one of you making all that racket is sufficient!!

I wish I had a horn to toot.

Drachen Jager
08-22-2011, 11:29 PM
Granted. I have placed you in the middle of a stadium during the most recent FIFA final match. You may toot your vuvuzela along with everyone else in the stadium.
Note: Genie is not responsible for permanent hearing loss, migraines, or bleeding from the eyes which will likely result from such extreme noise levels.


I wish I could fly first class with any airline, any time I want, to any place I want for free.

parumpdragon
08-23-2011, 12:19 AM
Granted, you get to fly first class in a cargo plane.


I wish I had a million dollars.

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2011, 01:30 AM
I wish I had a million dollars.

I wish I had a million dollars. I wish I had a million dollars. I wish I had a million dollars. EVERYBODY wants a million dollars ...

DENIED
The last three that I gave it to drank themselves to death. (OK one of them was evidently trying to drink the ocean when his yacht sank. the other two used booze)


I wish I had a worm trap.
I want to do some fishing tomorrow.

parumpdragon
08-23-2011, 01:35 AM
Denied, worms need to live long enough to have wishes an dreams too.


I wish someone would help me climb up the corporate ladder.

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2011, 01:46 AM
I wish someone would help me climb up the corporate ladder.


Denied

no fish ... no wish


I wish I had a little stronger negotiaition point so I can get my hands on that worm trap (not in it)

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 01:51 AM
Granted. Here is your worm trap. It traps anything vaguely worm shaped within 100 metres and will never let go. Oh, I probably should have mentioned that before you took it with you to the bathroom.

I wish I had a great writer's platform.

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2011, 02:00 AM
http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRTMWtHNUv4blx85b_KWPjWvsf35VkUQ z5v00UqRGgeKLd3h3CBImERCbk (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.theepochtimes.com/news_images/2007-10-18-tabernas-hangman-scaffold.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.theepochtimes.com/news/7-10-18/60923.html&usg=__1EJ2SCbsR54N5CB2QG8qutzNoY0=&h=200&w=300&sz=25&hl=en&start=1&sig2=fUqlo63PfwXNjGeVQGUt2A&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=YGEAsEOI04Hx2M:&tbnh=77&tbnw=116&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dhangman%2527s%2Bscaffold%26hl%3Den%26 sa%3DX%26gbv%3D2%26biw%3D1228%26bih%3D516%26tbm%3D isch&ei=69BSTsHoCYfq0gGi8-TgBg)
I wish I had a great writer's platform.


Granted

I wish I could figure out how to paste the damned picture where I wanted it

parumpdragon
08-23-2011, 02:50 AM
Granted, the computer pastes it everywhere, even places you don't want it.


I wish it would rain.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 04:20 AM
Granted, it doesn't stop raining for all eternity.

I wish I didn't have to go to school.

parumpdragon
08-23-2011, 05:10 AM
Granted, you can just stay home all day and post on AW


I wish life after school was easier.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 05:12 AM
(I wish I could stay at home and post on AW all day long. Jus' sayin'.)

Granted, but school would be 100x as hard.

I wish coffee would magically appear in my cup.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 05:18 AM
Granted. You've been placed in an asylum. Nothing to do but listen to the birdies outside your window and the incessant screaming 24 hours a day of the patient in room 24c.

Granted. It is McDonalds coffee though.

I wish I had a cool desk to write on.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 05:21 AM
Granted, when you touch it you develop an incurable form of frostbite.

I wish it was light out.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 05:23 AM
Granted. Your lights are out. Goodnight.

I wish I had an awesome writing room which overlooked the sea.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 05:26 AM
Granted, it ends up crashing into the sea.

I wish I had a million dollars.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 05:30 AM
Granted. You have the MP3 of it.

I wish I was a household name.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 05:35 AM
Granted, household names have no significance anymore.

I wish I knew how to dance.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 05:37 AM
Granted. You know how to dance like Steve Urkel.

I wish I knew how to dance like Barishnakov.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 05:38 AM
Granted, you have no legs.

I wish my novel was written.

parumpdragon
08-23-2011, 05:40 AM
Granted, now you must hook an agent.


I wish I could get published.

Zoealea
08-23-2011, 05:48 AM
Granted, it's a small press who tells you to rewrite the whole thing and then barely markets it.

I wish my clothes were folded.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 06:04 AM
Granted. I've exchanged them for paper clothes to make folding easier in the future too.

I wish I had a robot to do household chores.

Nymtoc
08-23-2011, 06:16 AM
Granted. But the robot has a 1000-terabyte brain and soon takes over. You are now doing its household chores.

I wish I had a creative robot who would finish my book for me.

Komnena
08-23-2011, 06:18 AM
Granted. The robot does household chores including paying your bills. It puts you on a very strict budget with no money for any minor little luxuries.

I wish stores would pay me for taking their merchandise.

CDSinex
08-23-2011, 06:57 AM
Granted: You now have a job removing rotting fish, meat, and vegetables from supermarkets.

I wish the drama in Washington would subside.

parumpdragon
08-23-2011, 07:56 AM
Denied, the genie does not have power over politics.


I wish people would just get along.

Nymtoc
08-23-2011, 08:58 AM
PENDING. The Genie needs to know which people you're referring to.

I wish people would come up to me in restaurants and ask for my autograph.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 09:05 AM
Granted. But it only works after you've handed over your credit card.

I wish my autograph was worth money.

Nymtoc
08-23-2011, 09:21 AM
Granted. Your autograph will be worth a lot of money to me as soon as you sign this blank check.

I wish there weren't so many nut jobs in the world.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 09:52 AM
Granted. I have moved some people from the 'nut-job' category to the 'whack-job' category, others I have downgraded to 'bat-shit insane', happy?

I wish all people would just accept science and deductive reasoning as the most sensible way to understand our world and use as a basis to make decisions.

Nymtoc
08-23-2011, 10:08 AM
Denied. The world is the center of the universe. The moon and the stars are eternal. The earth is 6,000 years old. Dinosaurs lived happily alongside Adam and Eve. Evolution is a hoax, and global warming is not only false but a socialist conspiracy.*

*The Genie offers his profuse apologies. The thread was hijacked by a fake Genie when he was out having a quick one.

I wish I were descended from Julius Caesar.

biggerbrowneyes
08-23-2011, 10:26 AM
Okay, you're descended from Caesar but you also inherit his bald spot gene!

I wish I could figure out which version of my 2 queries is the better one.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 10:29 AM
Granted. Upon careful review, Genie decides they are equally bad.

I wish I could calm my nerves.

PorterStarrByrd
08-23-2011, 03:02 PM
I wish I knew how to dance like Barishnakov.


Granted
he is pushing 64 now. You can almost emulate him when he is dancing drunk .. on one of your good days


I wish fish came out of the water cooked and and slathered with tartar sauce.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 08:49 PM
Granted. But you have to put them in to the water cooked and slathered in tartar sauce for it to work.

I wish Porter would catch up with the times.

Rebekah7
08-23-2011, 10:06 PM
Granted. Porter becomes so hip that Hollywood gives him his own reality show. The fame goes to his head and he ends up addicted to glue and on trial for trying to steal tartar sauce and fish from people's houses.

I wish chocolate had no calories.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 10:26 PM
Granted. America switches to the metric system. Nothing has calories anymore, it's all counted in joules.

I wish I knew what finishing touch I could give to my book's first hundred pages or so to make it better.

Nymtoc
08-23-2011, 10:51 PM
Granted. You cut your first 100 pages.

I wish all dictators could suffer the same agonies they have inflicted upon their people.

Drachen Jager
08-23-2011, 11:36 PM
Granted. All parents are forced to sit in a corner, and dog-owners are smacked about with rolled-up newspaper.

I wish I had a better eye for edits.

biggerbrowneyes
08-24-2011, 02:53 AM
You have a better eye for edits, but you need to eat (and afford) 5 pounds of caviar every day for it to work.

I wish agents would have 8 eyes so they could read queries faster.

Drachen Jager
08-24-2011, 05:42 AM
Granted. Your queries are rejected with even less thought than before.

I wish I was on a first-name basis with the elite of the writing world.

Nymtoc
08-24-2011, 06:02 AM
Granted. You can call me Nymtoc.

I wish that some agent, somewhere, sometime, would ask me for a full.

Komnena
08-24-2011, 06:12 AM
Granted. You find yourself working at a gas station and an IRS agent asks you to fill her tank.
I wish I could vacation on the Moon.

Nymtoc
08-24-2011, 08:38 AM
Granted. The Genie is sending you for three weeks to the moon's very cold, very dark side.

I wish I could sing on a street corner and have people gather around and applaud.

Drachen Jager
08-24-2011, 09:05 AM
Granted. You can sing on street corners, people gather around to throw things at you. When you stop singing they applaud.

I wish my bank balance was multiplied by a few hundred.

Nymtoc
08-24-2011, 09:36 AM
Granted. Your account is $100 dollars overdrawn The Genie has multiplied that by 500, and now your account is $50,000 overdrawn.

I wish I were a French chef.

PorterStarrByrd
08-24-2011, 03:55 PM
I wish I were a French chef.


Granted (sort of)
The closest I could get to granting this from among chefs willing to work in THAT kitchen was one who is Swedish

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSDUeNq7QBf_Ctv5cynfsUQ0c2YF00lT HQSwYLnlw7XY09hwktFejDv_YU (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://heatherlindayoung.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/swedish-chef.jpg&imgrefurl=http://heatherlindayoung.wordpress.com/2011/03/03/dead-like-me-now-a-tree/&usg=__ga-FN6YJ6e6be3imDtBXhfZzBs4=&h=453&w=604&sz=55&hl=en&start=17&sig2=fz7eLEILpEHwOhCg7wTaKw&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=Sb1bZDPLnRq9CM:&tbnh=101&tbnw=135&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dswedish%2Bchef%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG%26g bv%3D2%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D524%26tbm%3Disch&ei=V-VUTqbVIcjv0gGeiZyeAg)


I wish I had a clean fork

Drachen Jager
08-24-2011, 07:50 PM
Granted. Well, sort of. I tried to get into your kitchen to wash up for you, but the smell drove me away. Instead I have a new invention for you which is the next best thing to a clean fork. Fork condoms!

I wish I could drive the smell of Porter's kitchen from my nostrils.

Reziac
08-24-2011, 07:54 PM
Granted. You are now smelling Rez's kitchen instead.

I wish DJ would clean my kitchen for me.

Drachen Jager
08-24-2011, 08:15 PM
Granted. Rather than risk life and limb actually working with soap and water he decided to call in an airstrike, using a laser-guided napalm bomb. Your kitchen has been scoured of all food particulates and 99.999% of all bacteria and fungi have been eradicated.

I wish people would stop asking me to clean their stuff.

PorterStarrByrd
08-25-2011, 01:50 AM
Granted. Rather than risk life and limb actually working with soap and water he decided to call in an airstrike, using a laser-guided napalm bomb. Your kitchen has been scoured of all food particulates and 99.999% of all bacteria and fungi have been eradicated.

I wish people would stop asking me to clean their stuff.

Granted

I wish DJ would by me new dinnerware as the old ones get dirty.

Drachen Jager
08-25-2011, 02:16 AM
Granted. Since the old ones are already dirty and unlikely to ever be cleaned they will not 'get dirty' in the future. At best they might 'get dirtier'.

I wish Porter would stop making wishes about silly things.

Nymtoc
08-25-2011, 02:30 AM
DENIED (with regret). A leopard can't change its spots, and Porter--well, you get the idea.

I wish I could jump out of bed every morning eager to meet the day.

Drachen Jager
08-25-2011, 03:15 AM
Granted. You are haunted by horrible nightmares.

I wish I knew the right answers.

Komnena
08-25-2011, 05:56 AM
Granted. You know the right answers to all the tests you have taken in the past.
I wish I could read faster when I'm reading from on the Kindle app.

Drachen Jager
08-25-2011, 07:26 AM
Granted. I have arranged your Kindle so you can now plug this cord directly into your eye-sockets and have the information fed into your brain. I had to remove your eyes to do it however, but it's a small loss really, just think of how fast you'll be able to read!

I wish I had cyber-implants like Johnny Mnemonic.

PorterStarrByrd
08-25-2011, 04:18 PM
I wish I had cyber-implants like Johnny Mnemonic.

Denied
None of the genies on this shift have any idea who Johnny Anemic is, nor any idea why you would want to be like him. For your own good ....

I wish I could find out what qwerty means

fiendish
08-25-2011, 08:37 PM
Granted. But now that you do know, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you ...

I wish my dinner would cook itself.

PorterStarrByrd
08-26-2011, 01:44 AM
I wish my dinner would cook itself.

NOTE FROM CORONER

Dead genies don't grant wishes


I wish you hadn't bumped him off.

Reziac
08-26-2011, 02:28 AM
Granted, the genie is now a bump on a log. How wishes will get granted, tho...

I wish I had a log cabin.

Nymtoc
08-26-2011, 02:37 AM
Granted. It comes with complete instructions and is easy to assemble.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/LOGCABINTOYLARGER.jpg

I wish Hurricane Irene would avoid New York altogether.

Komnena
08-26-2011, 06:00 AM
Granted. Irene is blocked from New York because aliens take over the city and deflect it so that they can steal artwork.

I wish I hadn't had to spoil Nymtoc's wish.

CDSinex
08-26-2011, 06:24 AM
The Genie, who reads minds by the way, makes a condescending chuckle, and says, "No, you don't"


I wish I had something good to eat for dessert.

Drachen Jager
08-26-2011, 06:49 AM
Granted. An angel appears in front of you.

I wish I had more confidence in my work.

Nymtoc
08-26-2011, 09:20 AM
Granted. Now that you've switched to bricklaying, you have supreme confidence in your work.

I wish writing were as easy as riding a bicycle.

Drachen Jager
08-26-2011, 09:34 AM
Granted. You fall off your chair and break your arm. Lance Armstrong writes so many books a year there's no room for anyone else (complaints about his steroid use go unheeded by the publishing industry).

I wish I was good at building up a base of blog followers.

dreamcatcher
08-26-2011, 11:43 AM
Granted. You're now good at building up bases made out of blog followers... good luck getting the permit to build walls with humans though :Shrug:

I wish I didn't have to work this Saturday.

PorterStarrByrd
08-26-2011, 02:16 PM
I wish I didn't have to work this Saturday.


Granted
You have to go to work but you don't have to work (it's the horse and water thing) . It may not be significantly different than any other day in that regard.

I wish I knew Fred Carson

CDSinex
08-26-2011, 11:25 PM
Here is a link to a Fred Carson (http://www.facebook.com/people/Fred-Carson/1777012832)'s Facebook page, send him a friend request. If this is the wrong one try here (http://www.facebook.com/search.php?q=fred%20carsom&init=quick&tas=0.786705242691545).

I wish I could be out in the sun.

PorterStarrByrd
08-27-2011, 01:26 AM
I wish I could be out in the sun.

Granted

A Native American reenactment is scheduled in Montana.
A guy with four stakes and some leather thongs will be by to pick you up.

I wish I knew Carl Clevenger (that last wish got me a lot of new friends)

Drachen Jager
08-27-2011, 01:35 AM
Granted. Carl is your new cell-mate. Get ready to know him in the Biblical sense.

I wish they wouldn't give Porter computer privileges in prison.

CDSinex
08-27-2011, 05:37 AM
Granted: The Genie, who had spent one semester in law school (a very quick learner), feels that to allow Porter prison computer privileges would violate the U.S. Constitution, as well as The Canada Act of 1982 (as passed by the British Parliament) which forbid cruel and unusual punishment. The Genie feels AWers have suffered enough. :D


I wish the trout would take my flies.

Nymtoc
08-27-2011, 06:09 AM
The Genie doesn't understand why anyone would wish for such a thing, but okay, your wish is GRANTED. Every time you go fishing, the trout jumps out of the water and takes the fly off your jeans and jumps back in with it.

I wish I knew how a photon can be in two places at once.

Drachen Jager
08-27-2011, 06:38 AM
A photon can't be in two places at once. It is two things at once wave and particle.

I wish I knew if Nymtoc was about to get flooded this weekend.

Nymtoc
08-27-2011, 07:30 AM
Granted. Nymtoc will get wet but he will survive.

I wish I knew how a muon can be in two places at once.

Reziac
08-27-2011, 07:53 AM
Granted! Backside to the mirror, pants down, bend over -- two moons in the same place! Or is that one moon in two places.... Oh, you said muon. Does that have something to do with cows??

I wish I had a dairy cow.

Drachen Jager
08-27-2011, 08:28 AM
How appropriate, you fight like a milkmaid! (raise your hand if you get that one.)

I wish genie would be nice to me for a change.

CDSinex
08-27-2011, 09:06 AM
The Genie says no, because you fight like a cow.

I wish I had a time machine that would allow me to go back in time, and return me to the exact moment I left upon request.

Drachen Jager
08-27-2011, 09:34 AM
Granted. You appear in the same space however, and since the Earth is never in the same spot twice you're pretty much screwed.

I wish I had a cool pet.

Nymtoc
08-27-2011, 09:40 AM
Granted. You have a polar bear.

I wish I knew which fork in the road I should take.

Reziac
08-27-2011, 09:56 AM
The genie feels for your indecision, thus decides to provide you with not one but two forks in the road,
http://rsfsocialfinance.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/fork-in-the-road.jpg
and
http://www.vote29.com/newmyblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Fork-in-Road_02.jpg

I wish I could find the fork-in-the-road picture I was actually looking for!

PorterStarrByrd
08-27-2011, 03:04 PM
I wish I could find the fork-in-the-road picture I was actually looking for!


Granted
You can find it on the internet

I wish flies had wings

CDSinex
08-27-2011, 11:05 PM
Granted: Just wait a few days. Those wingless things you see in your kitchen are maggots. They will have their wings by Wednesday.

I wish the cabbage worms would infest someone else's garden.

Komnena
08-28-2011, 06:29 AM
Granted. The ones in yours spread to your neighbor's. In a fit of anger he burns his garden and yours too but at least the fire kills all the cabbage worms.

I wish Kobo's online shop was better organized.

CDSinex
08-28-2011, 11:51 PM
Granted: The Kubo Customs N gauge trains are now better organized on the Kato USA Web site (http://www.katousa.com/Zcart/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=65_120). Here is a sample of one of their latest offerings.


http://www.katousa.com/Zcart/images/176-0944.jpg



I wish that I could start a Super PAC like Steven Colbert.

PorterStarrByrd
08-29-2011, 01:33 AM
I wish that I could start a Super PAC like Steven Colbert.


Granted
You could ... some time in the way way distant future ...

like right after pigs fly over the frozen tundra of Hell


I wish I had a plate full of oysters on the half shell (August is oyster season isn't it?)

Drachen Jager
08-29-2011, 03:13 AM
Granted. They're Teenage Mutant Ninja Oysters, Heroes in the Half Shell. When you try to eat them they kick your ass.

I wish people would think my jokes are funny.

Nymtoc
08-29-2011, 03:15 AM
Granted. Two people in East Timor think your jokes are funny.

I wish I had millions of fans.

PorterStarrByrd
08-29-2011, 04:37 AM
I wish I had millions of fans.

Granted
They will arrive from the factory in Taiwan on Thursday .. COD


I wish I had one of those little umbrellas they put in drinks

Komnena
08-29-2011, 05:33 AM
Granted. It is glued to the top of your head for safekeeping.

I wish all e readers came with coupons for a thousand dollars of books.

Drachen Jager
08-29-2011, 06:03 AM
Granted. All e-reader prices jump $1,100.

I wish I knew how to develop a legion of fans eager to buy my next book.

Reziac
08-29-2011, 06:06 AM
Granted. Igor, quickly, the cloning vats!

I wish I had my own private army.

Nymtoc
08-29-2011, 06:23 AM
Granted. He's a private, and he's a one-man army.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/SOLDIER.jpg

I wish I could remember everything I've ever read.

PorterStarrByrd
08-29-2011, 07:17 AM
I wish I could remember everything I've ever read.


Denied
Deal with it
At his age the genie can't remember what he read an hour ago


I wish I could figure out which end of the match is going to light

CDSinex
08-29-2011, 11:08 PM
Granted: The Genie orders everyone to take three steps back, and says, "the one closest to that open can of gasoline."


I wish Porter wasn't prone to such explosive outbursts.

Komnena
08-30-2011, 05:16 AM
Granted. Porter now does nothing but watch reality shows. This thread becomes boring and we all take up knitting, darn it all.

I wish I could knit something halfway decent.

Reziac
08-30-2011, 05:41 AM
Granted. Everything you knit is halfway decent. As to the other half, tho....

I wish my socks would darn themselves.

PorterStarrByrd
08-30-2011, 06:36 AM
Granted. Everything you knit is halfway decent. As to the other half, tho....

I wish my socks would darn themselves.


Granted,
but since they have feet but no hands, they kick the darning needles to you and tell you step by step what you need to do


wish Reziac wouldn't notice who is actually darning the socks

CDSinex
09-01-2011, 07:21 AM
Granted: The Genie allows you to go into Reziac's home, unnoticed, once a month to darn his socks.


I wish summer wouldn't end until we get at least seven consecutive days of nice weather.

Nymtoc
09-01-2011, 07:33 AM
DENIED. It ain't gonna happen. Face it.

I wish I had a country house where I could go on weekends.

Reziac
09-01-2011, 07:57 AM
Granted. Well, it is Reziac's country house, where you have gone to darn socks.

I wish I had a bigger house.

Nymtoc
09-01-2011, 08:58 AM
Granted. Your bathroom ceiling is 2 cm higher than it used to be.

I wish I had a trust fund.

CDSinex
09-01-2011, 12:40 PM
Granted: You are now sole trustee of a trust fund that you established to fund my grandchildren's education, freeing me from the task. Thank you.

I wish my tomatoes would turn red before the first frost.

Pistol Whipped Bee
09-01-2011, 08:13 PM
Granted, but you have to share.

I wish my bedroom was sound proof.

PorterStarrByrd
09-01-2011, 08:36 PM
Granted, but you have to share.

I wish my bedroom was sound proof.


Denied
Let take care of that bad writing thing first


I wish I knew what the white stuff in that little tiny bottle with all of the holes in the lid was.

lufftocraft
09-01-2011, 08:45 PM
Granted: However now it will always taste like Sweet and Low.

I wish my house would clean itself.

PorterStarrByrd
09-01-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted: However now it will always taste like Sweet and Low.

I wish my house would clean itself.


Granted
as soon as your socks darn themselves and swine take arial photos of the frozen tundra of Hades.


OK ... now I'm looking at the little container with all of the holes in the lid next to the one with the stuff that tastes like sweet 'n low, wishing I knew what the black stuff in it is.

CDSinex
09-02-2011, 03:16 AM
Granted: The Genie suggest you unscrew the top and taste it. After doing so, you discover it is a pepper shaker that you had absentmindedly filled with real sugar. The little black things are dead ants.

I wish I had something to do tomorrow.

Nymtoc
09-02-2011, 03:21 AM
Granted. You can do all my chores for me.

I wish all my AW posts could be published in a book that would sell like hotcakes.

Reziac
09-02-2011, 03:37 AM
Granted! Nymtoc's posts have been collated, and now comprise the latest menu for the International House of Pancakes.

I wish my pancakes were as good as my mom's.

PorterStarrByrd
09-02-2011, 04:12 PM
I wish my pancakes were as good as my mom's.


Denied
The Genie suspects that there is something deeper than a food fetish involved here and will not enable.


I wish ants tasted like chocolate

alleycat
09-02-2011, 04:33 PM
Granted. We're sending you a case of Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Ants In Your Pants ice cream. And remember, they only use organic, free-run ants.


I wish prime rib was a low-calorie health food.

Drachen Jager
09-02-2011, 08:45 PM
Granted. It also tastes like a low-calorie health food. (mmm, wheatgrass and tofu)

I wish I had an answer for everything.

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2011, 01:26 AM
I wish I had an answer for everything.

Ignored
You already seem to have them


I wish those were better answers than the ones you have given us so far.

CDSinex
09-03-2011, 06:02 AM
Granted: The Genie shrugs, :Shrug:and mutters, "Now, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"

I wish I could get my way just once this week.

Nymtoc
09-03-2011, 06:25 AM
Granted. A frail old lady with a walker moves in front of you at the supermarket checkout, and you say, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I was ahead of you." She sighs, apologizes and slowly retreats. You have had your way.

I wish I could write from an outline. (I've tried, and it just doesn't work.)

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2011, 06:33 AM
I wish I could write from an outline. (I've tried, and it just doesn't work.)

Confused

Do you mean the one they are about to draw around your death like body as you sleep in the gutter again? If thats it I'm not sure you are in any condition to write.

I wish the pavaratzi would take my picture. (Hell, I maybe should wish I knew how to spell that word)

FabricatedParadise
09-03-2011, 06:41 AM
Granted: they use it on their website http://www.pavarazzigourmet.ca/

I wish I hadn't been so late to this game.

CDSinex
09-03-2011, 07:19 AM
Granted: The Genie says it's never too late to join this game, adding that most people wish they had never found this thread.

I wish I could spend the weekend on a beach in Oregon.

Nymtoc
09-03-2011, 08:13 AM
Granted. The Genie has selected the perfect beach for you.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/BEACHROCKY.jpg

I wish I could see CDSinex trying to get comfortable on that beach.

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2011, 04:07 PM
I wish I could see CDSinex trying to get comfortable on that beach.

Granted
The genie is sending you a chair so that you will be comfortable while watching
http://craphound.com/images/oldbetsyelectricchair.jpg

I wish Numbtick could have some popcorn seeds in a metal bowl on his lap while he watches

Reziac
09-03-2011, 06:45 PM
The genie grants this, because...

... the genie selfishly wishes to watch that show!!

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2011, 07:11 PM
The genie grants this, because...

... the genie selfishly wishes to watch that show!!

Assuming that you are somehow related to the genie ..

Granted
This should be good


I wish voyeurism (not checking the spelling, because I don't do that) was even more fun than it is.

alternately I wish I knew why so many of my characters are so full of evil

Jenan Mac
09-03-2011, 07:20 PM
Assuming that you are somehow related to the genie ..

Granted
This should be good


I wish voyeurism (not checking the spelling, because I don't do that) was even more fun than it is.

alternately I wish I knew why so many of my characters are so full of evil

Granted! Now you're in the local jail for being a peeping tom-- and you have great insight into your characters, which makes you just a little paranoid about your cellmate, who resembles a discarded protag.

I wish I were able to make a decent red sauce.

PorterStarrByrd
09-03-2011, 08:51 PM
I wish I were able to make a decent red sauce.


DENIED !!!!
You know we great cooks do not GIVE away our secrets

I wish Jenan Mac would make me an offer ...

Reziac
09-03-2011, 09:43 PM
Granted! Jenan Mac offers to kick Porter's butt.

I wish I knew how the "I will kick your ass (http://www.doomgold.com/misc/ebay_kickass.gif)" auction came out.

PorterStarrByrd
09-04-2011, 07:12 AM
Granted! Jenan Mac offers to kick Porter's butt.

I wish I knew how the "I will kick your ass (http://www.doomgold.com/misc/ebay_kickass.gif)" auction came out.


Granted
Turn your back to the mirror and look over your shoulder


I wish I could find my pillow

Nymtoc
09-04-2011, 07:39 AM
Granted. It's in the barn, where you left it when you slept in the hay last night.

I wish I would never hear another politician say "nu-cu-lar."

CDSinex
09-04-2011, 10:47 AM
Granted: You are now deaf.

I wish Nymtoc could hear again if he wants to.

PorterStarrByrd
09-06-2011, 08:11 PM
Granted: You are now deaf.

I wish Nymtoc could hear again if he wants to.


Denied


according to 36:15;3 section c
all granted wishes must remain in effect for at least 72 hours


I wish peas were sqare

CDSinex
09-07-2011, 03:52 AM
Granted: The Genie suggests that you go down the the drafting supply store, and ask the clerk for a "P" square, which is similar to a "T" square, but has a hand grip allowing you to better remove the round parts of peas.

I wish I had a research assistant freeing more time for "Whimsical Pursuits."

Nymtoc
09-07-2011, 10:23 AM
Granted. You have a new research assistant. Her name is Penelope Plumbbob, and she has lots of time for Whimsical Pursuits.

I wish knew why police cars are blue and fire engines are red and not the other way around.

PorterStarrByrd
09-07-2011, 02:33 PM
I wish knew why police cars are blue and fire engines are red and not the other way around.


Granted

Some idiot wished for that back in 1836, EVEN BEFORE some other idiot wished that there were police cars


I wish September was stuck to the back of August so I'd have some idea of what the date is.

CDSinex
09-07-2011, 08:03 PM
Granted: You now have some idea of what the date is, but, like most of your other ideas, it is wrong.

I wish they would put political debates on Pay-Per-View freeing valuable air time for something more intellectually stimulating, like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

PorterStarrByrd
09-08-2011, 01:18 AM
I wish they would put political debates on Pay-Per-View freeing valuable air time for something more intellectually stimulating, like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Denied
the genie ignores lunitics


I wish there were a lot more political ads EVERYWHERE so people would even think my book was a better read.

CDSinex
09-08-2011, 11:42 AM
Denied
the genie ignores lunatics :D

I wish fall weather would hurry up and get here.

Reziac
09-08-2011, 12:25 PM
Granted! Falling wethers (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wether) are everywhere. Seems those fluffy white clouds really were flying sheep.

I wish for a cloud in the sky.

PorterStarrByrd
09-08-2011, 03:51 PM
I wish for a cloud in the sky.

Granted
A single small cloud remains directly over your head, pouring down rain every where you go. On the bright side, farmers are willing to pay for you visit them.


since we are talking weather ..
I wish I knew what the relationship between a windbreaker and breaking wind is.

slcboston
09-10-2011, 12:32 AM
Granted.

*whispers secret knowledge*

Which, should you repeat to another living soul, ever, will curse you to a life spent doing the latter and wearing the former.


I wish I had more dinner options.

PorterStarrByrd
09-10-2011, 01:35 AM
I wish I had more dinner options.

Granted (without my help)
check out the cat food aisle next tinme you are in a store




I wish my pillows were plaid so that I could find them in my bed

CDSinex
09-10-2011, 04:28 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you a pillow case made from the McByrd (http://www.tartanregister.gov.uk/tartanDetails.aspx?ref=5224) tartan. (It's true) Now, if you can only find your bed ...

http://www.tartanregister.gov.uk/tartanImagePrototype.aspx?ref=5224&width=750&height=750&resize=no&shadows=yes&threadsize=4



I wish I had a bottle of Bourbon.

Nymtoc
09-10-2011, 04:51 AM
Granted.

http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc465/muggo5/COLOGNEBOURBON.jpg

M de Bourbon Cologne for Men by Princesse Marina de Bourbon


I wish I could determine the outcome of football games by using my remote.

CDSinex
09-10-2011, 09:31 AM
Granted: The Genie reminds you that the outcome is determine by the score, and elects to give you the ability to determine the score; allowing you to cover the point spread of each game. The Genie instructs you to sit down, point the remote at the TV, and randomly press single or double digits, carefully writing them down. Now all you have to do is to determine which numbers go with which team, and on what week.


I wish Cray would lend me one of their CX1000 computers.

PorterStarrByrd
09-10-2011, 05:14 PM
I wish Cray would lend me one of their CX1000 computers.


Granted
Cray's personal proto-type is on the way

batteries not included

I wish all of the links to my chain were connected to each other to actually form a chain, not jst a bunch of circles in my cerial bowl.

slcboston
09-10-2011, 07:01 PM
Granted.

Your breakfast cereal is now actual chain. Bon appetit!


I wish I could train the new cat not to try and sit on the laptop.

PorterStarrByrd
09-10-2011, 07:42 PM
I wish I could train the new cat not to try and sit on the laptop.

Granted
a gallon of gasoline and a box of matches are on the way



I wish this cerial didn`t have so much iron in it

slcboston
09-10-2011, 07:57 PM
Granted

It's a copper chain. :D


I wish I had an asbestos laptop, by the sounds of it.

Reziac
09-10-2011, 08:04 PM
Denied! We have enough trouble with our asbestos underwear, and now you want to have a flameproof keyboard??!

I wish my keyboards wouldn't wear out so fast. (Yeah, yeah, then type less. I can hear the wicked genie thinking.)

slcboston
09-10-2011, 08:07 PM
Granted.

Type less? Oh no. No no no. Far, far too easy. Instead, the djinn presents you with the first ever unbreakable keyboard. It's tough, it's durable, it's guaranteed to outlast *you* in fact. In no small part because it is so tough, you're going to damage your fingers using it, until eventually you're so crippled you can't even hold your silverware, let alone type.

(deny me, will you? :evil)


I wish the beer distributor delivered.

:D

iLion
09-10-2011, 08:19 PM
Wow.. you're in luck! The beer distributor does deliver. In fact, all the distributors do... straight to the stores that sell their products to you.

I wish I would never procrastinate.

PorterStarrByrd
09-10-2011, 08:26 PM
I wish my keyboards wouldn't wear out so fast. (Yeah, yeah, then type less. I can hear the wicked genie thinking.)


Granted
You now only type out your cogent thoughts


I wish the milk in my cerial bowl wasn`t turning green

slcboston
09-10-2011, 08:26 PM
Wow.. you're in luck! The beer distributor does deliver. In fact, all the distributors do... straight to the stores that sell their products to you.

I wish I would never procrastinate.

Granted.

Eventually. When I get around to it.

(And actually, here in PA the beer comes straight from the distributors - not the same as the brewers, mind you - because it can't be sold in stores. But wouldn't it be nice to order beer with your pizza? :D)

Oh, ok, I suppose I ought to grant your wish. You will never, ever procrastinate again. Instead, you'll simply not do things. This will cause you a bit of trouble at home and at work, but the djinn is not responsible for anything that happens post-wish. It's in the standard wish-granting contract.


I wish the milk in my cerial bowl wasn`t turning green

Denied.

Rules of the game: you grant the next available wish. No cherry picking, no skipping over the wishes of djinns who have already granted the prior wish in the queue.

Stick to the rules, or else the local djinni union will have words with you. And that... would not be pleasant.

:D



I wish I hadn't smashed my toe.

Nymtoc
09-10-2011, 09:39 PM
Granted. You broke your ankle instead.

I wish all my favorite teams would win this weekend.

slcboston
09-10-2011, 11:51 PM
Granted

Conditionally. Insofar as your teams aren't playing against my team. Also, they're going to lose every other game from here on out.


I wish my printer wasn't jamming, so I could get back downstairs to the PSU game.

Nymtoc
09-11-2011, 07:20 AM
Granted. But since Alabama beat PSU 27-11, maybe you wish you had stayed upstairs.

I wish I had a bunch of grapes.

PorterStarrByrd
09-11-2011, 03:50 PM
I wish I had a bunch of grapes.


Granted as long as you throw them, at Boston, everytime he goes to sleep.


I wish my dial up was fast enough to allow me to 'follow the rules' so I could sleep at night, knowing I haven't screwed this thread up AGAIN. (might as well teach me to type while you are at it)

slcboston
09-13-2011, 12:07 AM
Granted

As a tip, if you post and find that you are a wish behind, just edit it. Odds are really good you'll be able to fix it before anyone chimes in. You have the djinn's apology for stomping on on you. .... Long as it doesn't happen again.

:D

Anyway, as to your wish ... the djinn would suggest satellite internet, but you probably know that, so, instead, I'll give you typing lessons. Now, in order to open your fridge, turn on your lights, get your heat going, etc, you have to type "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" ten times.

By the time you're done the djinn will have figured out how to connect a manual typewriter to all of those things.

:D



I wish there was self-mowing grass.

PorterStarrByrd
09-13-2011, 12:36 AM
I wish there was self-mowing grass.

Granted
There already is but don't let the DEA catch you growing it. Your back yard has been seeded for you now.

I wish that clouds tasted like Cotton Candy

CDSinex
09-13-2011, 01:41 AM
Granted: The Genie assures you that Polar mesospheric clouds now taste like cotton candy during their short lifespan.

I wish there was sugar-free cotton candy.

Nymtoc
09-13-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. It IS cotton.

I wish I could start earning money from my writing.

PorterStarrByrd
09-13-2011, 04:24 PM
I wish I could start earning money from my writing.


Denied
The genie can not grant a wish that unrealistic



I wish everything I touched turned to gold

Reziac
09-13-2011, 06:20 PM
Granted! You now have the Midas touch.

I wish Porter would touch my manuscript.

Nymtoc
09-13-2011, 08:24 PM
Granted. But Porter was feeding his mule, and he accidentally let your manuscript (your only copy) fall into the feed bag, where it got thoroughly chomped.

I wish I had an amanuensis.

kellysaid
09-13-2011, 08:35 PM
I wish I had an amanuensis.

Granted. They're spelling is questionable and they're accurate in their transcriptions 60% of the time, every time.

I wish I never had to wait in line again.

Nymtoc
09-13-2011, 08:55 PM
Granted. You never go to any places where there are lines again.

I wish I had my own private theme park.

PorterStarrByrd
09-13-2011, 09:33 PM
I wish I had my own private theme park.


Granted
Welcome to Six Flags over the trailer park where you can live happily ever after




I wish I knew Celeste better

CDSinex
09-13-2011, 10:42 PM
Granted: Here's a link (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Richard-F-Celeste/111819998836552) to Richard F. Celeste's (the former Governor of Ohio), Facebook page. Send him a friend request.

I wish I were in Philadelphia.

Nymtoc
09-13-2011, 11:09 PM
Granted. You are in Philadelphia, Mississippi, population 7,303.

I wish people would be more explicit when they make wishes.