Your wish is granted...

hjwilde

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Granted - however when he does he brings a whole litter of friends that take over your house and shred everything.

I wish I had a cleaner
 

MidnightMuse

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Granted. Unfortunately it's one of those Merry Maids, at least you thought it was. Turns out you called Marry Mades, and you've got a mob boss's daughter vaccuming your carpet wondering where her intended is hiding.

I wish I could just THINK the words onto the page, and not have to fuss with typing, writing, or grammar checking them.
 

davids

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Granted we can supply you with an astute and erudite secretary for 85 bucks and hour-any volunteers?

We wish that Muse had an astute and erudite secretary that she did not have to pay 85bucks an hour for but that would work for cigarettes and beer
 

Jaycinth

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Granted. Chuck Nightly has a degree in journalism G.W U. but he also has a severe hygiene problem and since he's allergic to the additives...like flourine, chlorine... in the water, rarely bathes. He's got a stomach condition so halitosis comes into the picture.
He's also got an irritable bowel, made worse by his addiction to beans and cheese: he's flatulent. Oh yes. He also has a problem with his knees, requiring a special chair for him to rest his 498lb bulk in so the circulation to his legs does not get cut off.

But, because he has a trust fund that pays his bills, he is happy to work for a carton of marlboro lights and 2 cases of beer a week.

I wish that the two consultants that are annoying me had tasteless sleezy evening gowns and would put them on and dance on the border between Lebanon and Isreal singing such inflammatory off color songs that Hezbollah and the Isreali army would team up in brotherhood that would last 20 years beyond the point when they pa-doink the living karbuzzy out of the idiot consultants.
 

davids

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Granted but we would have to put useless blue helmets on so we could observe this while sucking our thumbs

I wish Jay was the president and C.E.O of the world then at least we could have a few laughs while watching the toilet drane of silly people doing tragic things
 

MidnightMuse

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Granted. Well would you look at that? She pushed the big read "do not push this" button. Oooh, pretty cloud! Looks like a mushroom, don't it?

I wish my brain wasn't currently spinning in an unobtainable orbit.
 

davids

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Granted but if it was not spinning how could you be producing that incredibly humoros WIP you are so diligently working on?

WE wish that eating raw sheep's testicles was a requirment for political office
 

MidnightMuse

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Granted - but good luck getting anyone to lead a country when they find out what Rocky Mountain Oysters really are !

I wish someone would come over and cook for me.
 

davids

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Granted-now you just have to find a tall handsome beanery boy to cook up some grits and lobster

We wish we had started a beanery in Chicago because we could be flatulent while listening to great jazz
 

arrowqueen

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Your wish is granted. Unfortunately you can listen all you like, but you're not actually going to hear it over the background noises.

I wish they'd put some decent programmes on the telly for a change.
 

Jaycinth

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Granted! There are now over 1,000 great wonderful new programs on the telly. But they are being broadcast in binary......

I wish I could go home and have a smoothie NOW!!!!( I Mean NOW Mutha.....!!)
 

MidnightMuse

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Granted. Quick, run outside or you'll miss your ride ! Oh, dang, would you look at that. And the driver was such a hotty. Oh well, I think 'Cindy' is offering rides. Home, that is.

I wish I could take a nap and wake up to find my WIP completed and incredible.
 

alleycat

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Granted. While you're napping a leprechaun finishes your WIP. It is terrific! The great book since Moby Dick. Only one small problem . . . it's written in leprechaunese. RandonHouse frowns on that I'm afraid. Hey, but it's a great book.

I wish a leprechaun would bring me a pot o' gold.
 

davids

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Granted-our brother in law is a leprechaun-he is also the Cantor at the synagogue and he will never give up his pot of gold

I wish I had become a Cantor at least I would still have a group of friends to quatch with
 

davids

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So the Steroid Gods win again-yawn

I wish Babe Ruth had been a cross-dressing Yankee b!tch
 

davids

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Granted but you will have to also have a closet where we can be introverted together and try on your clothes-we suppose we should bring some of our own as we are sure you are just the most tiniest and cutest person so your clothes will not fit-would we be correct in that vapid assumption?

We wish that cross-dressing basball players were more accepted-especially since Steroid use makes them so damned cute in a pinafore
 
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Granted -- from now on - Just for you - your favorite team will wear those uniforms from League of Our Own ... This isnt Steven King is it? You arent one of those damn Red Sox fans are you? They would look great in those dresses ...

I wish I had a damn closet big enough just to put my regular clothes in- much less my drag queen ones LOL ...
 

hjwilde

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Granted - unfortunately it is indeed a damned closet and your bedroom now contains a portal directly to hell - do not pass go, do not collect $200....mwhahaahahahaha


I wish the air conditioning was working properly

(wooohoooooooo - my fiftieth post! - that didn't take long <g>)
 

poetinahat

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Granted. The problem is that you've been trying to use them on ice. You still have this trouble with figure skates on the boardwalk....

I wish Space Food Sticks were legal tender in convenience stores.
 

davids

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Granted-what are space food sticks-o.k. We am showing my ignorance-but hey-how does one learn if one does not ask?

We wish that Aliens would come to earth and declare that they are agnostics and just don't know whether or not to believe in...
 

Jaycinth

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They do. But since they all look like Michelangelo's representation of God and the Angels from the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, no one believes them, and a great deal of confusion ensues.

I wish thongs in all of their manifestations, sizes, and colors would all just vanish up the crack of a fat person's....a....Balmoral in the Summer time....!!!