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HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 04:10 PM
Granted. His family are so distressed by the loss they come round to your cabin every night to hold a candle lit vigil.

I wish policemens' heads went all the way to the top of their helmets.

Phantom Rottweiler
05-11-2011, 04:45 PM
Granted. However in exchange their brains are reduced to half-height.

I wish I could tell people what I really think of them.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-11-2011, 06:02 PM
Granted. Start talkin.

I wish I lived closer to the mounains.

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 06:09 PM
Granted. The mounains come to you, but the mountains stay where they are. :)

I wish I could draw.

wistfullylinda
05-11-2011, 06:13 PM
Granted. You can draw as long as you use invisible ink.

I wish I knew the answer to every question in the world.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-11-2011, 06:16 PM
Denied. The correct wish is - "I wish I knew all the correct questions."

I wish the summer didn't get so hot where I live.

Komnena
05-11-2011, 06:24 PM
Granted. You wake up in Siberia tomorrow morning.
I wish I hadn't bought the last plant.

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 06:36 PM
Granted. You bought the penultimate plant instead. It turns out to be a Venus Human Trap.

I wish time would go a bit slower.

PorterStarrByrd
05-11-2011, 07:30 PM
Granted. You bought the penultimate plant instead. It turns out to be a Venus Human Trap.

I wish time would go a bit slower.

Granted (almost)
Wait a minute .. you wasted my time and now you want yours to go slower !!!

I'm tired of your me, me, me wishes

DENIED !!!!
I wish my car had a 50 cal machine gune mounted on the roof. Driving would be so much more fun.

Reziac
05-11-2011, 07:46 PM
Granted. You are now the driver for Humungus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_Max_2).

I wish the middle of nowhere that I live in was further from civilization, since I can now see same with a good telescope.

Drachen Jager
05-11-2011, 08:09 PM
Granted. Your house has been moved within sight of the south pole. The only living things you ever see are penguins. Enjoy the winter!

I wish I had Porter's hat.

PorterStarrByrd
05-11-2011, 08:18 PM
I wish I had Porter's hat.


Granted .. maybe
His girl friend has a box ready to ship it to you in. She is wrestling him for it now ...... oh my ... uhm .. get back to you later. this is getting interesting


I wish I was just a little bit stronger

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 08:37 PM
Granted. DJ remains hatless.

I wish Porter's girlfriend could swipe Porter's hat from him while he's not looking and ship it to DJ.

Reziac
05-11-2011, 09:32 PM
Granted. Free girlfriend included, no extra charge for shipping. I'm not sure about the fashion statement of wearing a girl on your hat, tho.

I wish someone had not stolen my favourite hat.

Drachen Jager
05-11-2011, 09:53 PM
Granted. Nobody stole your hat. Instead it was picked up by a gust of wind and blown into a tree shredder.

I wish I didn't have to shave.

Nymtoc
05-11-2011, 10:11 PM
Granted. As a bonus, the Genie has decided to show you how you will look in 50 years.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/BEARD%20LONG%203.jpg

I wish I could visit Antarctica without having to wear a lot of bulky clothes.

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 10:13 PM
Granted. It's not a long visit though.

I wish that ear-placed babel fish were real.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-11-2011, 10:53 PM
Granted. Now no one ever knows what the hell you're saying.

I wish I knew how to use mental telepathy.

defcon6000
05-11-2011, 11:24 PM
Granted. You are now Professor Xavier. Just watch out for Magneto.

I wish Drachen Jager wasn't so slow.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 12:02 AM
Granted. DJ is now so fast he has written post 8526 already.

I wish quantum physics wasn't so difficult to understand.

Drachen Jager
05-12-2011, 12:16 AM
Granted. It's much much easier now, but you still don't get it.

I wish I could invent a teleportation machine.

PorterStarrByrd
05-12-2011, 12:32 AM
I wish I could invent a teleportation machine.

Granted


I wish I they weren't going to punish DJ for not knowing where he telported everyhting to.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 02:11 AM
Granted. But they have to punish someone. They give you the choice of an ickle-wickle puppy or cutesy-wutesy kitten. The decision is yours.

I wish I was the Walrus.

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 02:21 AM
Granted. You are the Walrus. The only thing you can say is "goo goo g'joob." (But that's an improvement over your usual discourse.)

I wish there really were a heaven and hell, so I could decide which one I wanted to go to.

GailD
05-12-2011, 02:37 AM
Granted. But you're going to get heat-rash anyway.

I wish I could spell without using the spellcheck.

Drachen Jager
05-12-2011, 02:41 AM
Grunted. Ewe cane spill jest lye thus width out an spill chequer.

I wish I knew what to have for dinner.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 03:11 AM
Granted. Burger and chippers. No jokes, the Genie loves burger and chippers. In fact, he is going to eat them for lunch tomorrow. The key to a good burger is to make it yourself and then undercook it as much as you dare. This really does give a lovely, juicy burger that one can enjoy at any time of day or year. Superb.

I wish the genie would not be so self indulgent.

Komnena
05-12-2011, 04:29 AM
Granted. The Genie becomes a Trappist monk. His replacement is a Jesuit highly trained in semantics.

I wish Abu Ja Kub Ben Ishak would leave me a horse in his will.

wistfullylinda
05-12-2011, 08:12 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it dies before you get to inherit it.

I wish the weather would be perfect year-round.

defcon6000
05-12-2011, 08:38 AM
Granted. But with no rain all the plants shrivel up and die, herbivores starve, then the predators, and next thing we know, we're all licking rocks.

I wish dinner would be done soon.

Drachen Jager
05-12-2011, 09:06 AM
Granted. Dinner is done, no more dinner, ever. You must survive on two meals a day.

I wish I had an agent.

wistfullylinda
05-12-2011, 09:24 AM
Granted. I'm your new agent. Please send a check for $10,000 to cover the submission fee, office supplies, editing, and my office in New York. A small price to pay for holding your published novel in your hands, isn't it?

I wish I had more self-discipline.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 03:07 PM
Granted. Your self-discipline is now unrivaled. You overcome such problems as shirking work and having that extra drink/pie/candy by employing a strict regime of shirking work and having that extra drink/pie/candy.

I wish mirrors weren't so unkind to me.

GailD
05-12-2011, 05:04 PM
Granted. Mirrors will now tell you what they see but will be more polite about it. "The adipose on thy jowl swings sweetly in the spring breeze and the rotundness of thy buttock doth frolic in the sunshine."

I wish time zones could be abolished.

wistfullylinda
05-12-2011, 05:42 PM
Granted. Since this genie currently resides in GMT+8, every clock in the world is changed to match. Hope you enjoy going to sleep when it's bright outside and waking before dawn.

I wish I could run a mile without stopping.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 06:41 PM
Granted. The genie 'releases the hounds'.

I wish people with bad taste in music wouldn't play their music so loud.

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 07:09 PM
Granted. You are forbidden to play music any louder than 30 decibels, at least if you are in proximity to the Genie, who finds your taste in music execrable.

I wish I could find out what's buried under the Great Sphinx.

Reziac
05-12-2011, 08:24 PM
Granted. Isn't it a bit dark down there, with the Great Sphinx still on top and all?? If you can see what's under all that dirt with you, let us know too!

I wish whatever's under the Great Sphinx would dig itself up so we could discover it more easily.

Drachen Jager
05-12-2011, 08:30 PM
Granted. Nice going Reziac, Nymtoc's back!

I wish I had a fishing boat.

GailD
05-12-2011, 08:34 PM
Granted. Printout from the mass spectrometer reads: Ancient cat, crept into crypt, crapped, crept out.

I wish I could space travel.

Reziac
05-12-2011, 08:48 PM
Granted, two for one sale: Drachen and GailD go to space in a boat, and fish for... I dunno what, but you catch it, you clean it.

I wish Nymtoc didn't smell like cat poop.

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 08:51 PM
Granted. Now he smells like elephant poop.

I wish people wouldn't make fun of me.

Reziac
05-12-2011, 09:09 PM
Granted. They beat up Nymtoc, and make fun of Rez instead.

I wish I knew what Nymtoc was laughing at.

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 09:11 PM
Granted. Look in the mirror.

I wish I had the world's largest chocolate bar.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 09:19 PM
Granted. You serve all types of chocolate there but are soon forced to close when a group of angry husbands attack the place with scales.

I wish my lounge was double glazed.

GailD
05-12-2011, 09:24 PM
Granted. But due to the shortage of glass we had to take out your bedroom window.

I wish I knew what my cat was thinking.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 09:30 PM
Granted. 'I think you have made a mistake in your use of my.'

I wish you could smoke inside pubs again.

Reziac
05-12-2011, 10:38 PM
Granted. However, tobacco mosaic virus takes out the entire world crop, so you're reduced to smoking banana peels.

I wish people would only smoke where no one else has to breathe it.

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 10:55 PM
Granted. Smoking is permitted only on the moon.

I wish I didn't have to work so hard to get one sentence right.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 11:08 PM
Granted. Single sentences are no longer a problem - paragraphs, however...

I wish I could live the life of a sailor without having to go to sea.

wistfullylinda
05-12-2011, 11:23 PM
Granted. You are now Sailor Moon. (What? She's a sailor isn't she?)

I wish my nails would stop growing so I wouldn't have to clip them.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 11:41 PM
Granted. But for every action there is an equal reaction - your clippers begin to grow, pretty soon you can't get them out of your bathroom.

I wish riding public transport wasn't such an unpleasant experience.

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 12:17 AM
Granted. Transit now employs bouncers to keep riff raff like you out.

I wish I was as strong as Pippi Longstocking.

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 12:33 AM
Granted. But, like Samson, the strength is all about the hair. The genie loves your new 'do.

I wish the Queen would abdicate and give someone else a go on the throne.

shakeysix
05-13-2011, 12:37 AM
as luck would have it there is an throne waiting for you at b. palace. even better a stack of magazines and a new roll of toilet paper!---s6

i wish i had the balls to return every overdue library book in my bookcase

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 01:30 AM
Granted. The balls come over and help you out - but that's not enough for them. Pretty soon the balls are returning things that aren't even borrowed. You lose your TV, your PC and even your husband. In the end, castration is the only option.

I wish time was decimal.

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. Days are now 10 hours long and weeks are 10 days. Your boss still expects you to work 8 hours a day and the weekend is only 2 days long.

I wish I had a pair of peril sensitive sunglasses.

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 02:32 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the genie - thinking of humans' inherent cowardice - makes the sunglasses turn blackout-black in times of peril. At least you can't see what's just about to eat you.

I wish I was handy with a sword.

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 03:09 AM
Granted. Genie has some difficulty with English, he did his best. A sword is like a large knife right? Here is your handy sword.

http://www.vagabondjourney.com/big-swiss-army-knife.jpghttp://www.vagabondjourney.com/big-swiss-army-knife.jpghttp://media.firebox.com/pic/p1861_big.jpg

I wish I had a peach tree growing in my yard.

Nymtoc
05-13-2011, 03:39 AM
Granted. But the soil is contaminated with hazardous waste, and the peaches are all poisonous.

I wish the phone would ring, and it would be a publisher who wants my book.

defcon6000
05-13-2011, 04:17 AM
Granted. The publisher calls and not only do they want to buy your book, they also want to buy two dozen more books from you within the end of the year. So you better get cracking on that typewriter.

I wish the days were longer.

Nymtoc
05-13-2011, 07:13 AM
Why do you bother the Genie when you don't need him? The days will keep getting longer until the summer solstice, June 21-- at least if you're in the Northern Hemisphere. If you're in the Southern Hemisphere, contact my brother in Queensland.

I wish people wouldn't keep saying the end of the world is nigh when it isn't.

wistfullylinda
05-13-2011, 07:18 AM
Granted. The world will immediately end the next time you hear someone say the end of the world is nigh.

I wish all my meals were free.

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 07:47 AM
Granted. You may eat all the dirt you want.

I wish I had a giant cockroach that breathed fire which I could ride around town.

Nymtoc
05-13-2011, 08:01 AM
Granted. But you are arrested for cockroach-riding without a license and sentenced to six months in jail.

I wish people would bow politely before they speak to me.

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 09:02 AM
Granted. But they are bowing because they need to fart, not out of respect.

I wish everyone would respect my authoratah!

Nymtoc
05-13-2011, 09:13 AM
Granted. And since they know your authoratah is so powerful it cannot be damaged, they have no compunction about puking on you.

I wish I could hold a rainbow in my hand.

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 02:16 PM
Granted. You go to Sydney during carnival.

I wish my trainers didn't have holes in them.

Nymtoc
05-13-2011, 04:28 PM
Granted. You use superglue to mend the holes. Unfortunately, you do it while they are on your feet. They are now permanently attached.

I wish I understood why some people spend waste so much time chasing after celebrities.

GailD
05-13-2011, 04:39 PM
Granted. But this new understanding leaves you feeling shallow and cheesy.

I wish there was an end to thieving.

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 06:30 PM
Granted. The robbers now call it long term borrowing.

I wish I could do a better Sean Connery impression.

PorterStarrByrd
05-13-2011, 06:37 PM
I wish I could do a better Sean Connery impression.


Granted
You now speak intelligable english .. it's a start

I wish I had a better peevee

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 08:34 PM
Granted. The genie has never heard of a peevee before, he'll do his best. You have a 70" flat-screen monitor delivered to your house. Plug it in to see why it's a 'pee' vee.

I wish I had a giant peach, like the one in the story.

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 11:17 PM
Granted on condition you undertake extensive research in an attempt to find where roald's N went.

I wish I was an adept pan pipe player.

Drachen Jager
05-13-2011, 11:33 PM
Granted. The only way to play the pan pipes well without years of practice is to be a satyr. I hope your wife enjoys horned men with very hairy legs.

I wish I had the strength of twenty ordinary men.

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 12:23 AM
Granted. But the strength is only in your ears. You hear everything 20 times as strongly as an ordinary man, and a whisper sounds like a bomb going off, so you wear titanium ear plugs at all times.

I wish I had a terrace.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 12:43 AM
Granted. You have your own personal Terrance who swears like a Canadian and has a friend called phillip. Oh, my mistake - the genie should never had let DJ go on the search for a lost N.

I wish that stalkers were more subtle.

Drachen Jager
05-14-2011, 01:23 AM
Granted. There's one behind you right now.

I wish I knew what agents wanted to see.

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 01:30 AM
Granted. They want to see no more submissions from you.

I wish I could write in my sleep.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 01:33 AM
Granted. Your 'agent' notices an improvement in both legibility and quality.

I wish Porter hadn't lost his hat and gained an axe.

Drachen Jager
05-14-2011, 02:09 AM
Nymtoc: Granted. Your computer has an auto-dictate function now. In the morning you wake up to pages and pages of freshly typed "ZzzZZzzZZzzzmhf - honey, can you pass the cheese? ZZZZzzzZZzz."

Harry: Granted. He didn't lose the hat, you stole it. He's carrying the axe because he's out for vengeance (that hat has never been with another man, you can't jilt Porter in that way and get off scot free).

I wish there was a feature that would tell you when you're replying to the wrong wish.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 02:19 AM
Granted. You now know that Harry Hoskins' wishes are always right, no matter how wrong they are.

I wish booze was one of my 'five-a-day'.

Drachen Jager
05-14-2011, 02:47 AM
Granted. Genie has no idea what 'five a day' refers to, so he's going to go ahead and guess you mean enemas. Enjoy! The whiskey might sting a little.

I wish I knew what British people were talking about.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 03:28 AM
Sorted. Your boat ain't no longer tram smashed when them clever bastages talk.

I wish Jimmy Hill's chin could be used as a transatlantic bridge so English people can visit the colonies without having to fly.

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 03:48 AM
Granted. The Genie has no idea who Jimmy Hill is, but his chin is now 3944 km long.

I wish the British and the Americans and the Canadians (and the Australians, for that matter) all spoke the same language.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 03:54 AM
DENIED! You shortened Jimmy Hill's chin and until it is restored to its proper size there will be no common language. (Though you could just use Google)

I wish Jimmy Hill's chin hadn't been shortened by the previous Genie.

Drachen Jager
05-14-2011, 05:11 AM
Granted. Jimmy Hill's chin has been shortened by this Genie.

I wish we'd all stop talking about Jimmy Hill.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 05:24 AM
Granted. Jimmy Who? Asian replacement for a Doctor - or perhaps a purveyor of shoes, who knows?

I wish they taught Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy on the National Curriculum.

defcon6000
05-14-2011, 05:27 AM
Granted. DON'T PANIC! (best advice ever)

I wish more British sitcoms were shown on US television (and not Amercanized versions).

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 05:43 AM
Granted. You get My Family, Dinnerladies and Not Going Out - all uncut. Oh, lordy!

I wish I was as clever as most people.

defcon6000
05-14-2011, 06:19 AM
Wait - people are clever? Oh well, granted. You're about as clever as Charlie Sheen (he's most people, right?)

I wish most people were clever.

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 07:27 AM
WISH DENIED. The Genie cannot accomplish the impossible.

I wish I owned a château in the Loire Valley.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 02:52 PM
Granted. You pick up a lovely château for only a couple of Euro. The reason for the price drop? The French are to resume nuclear testing, the Valley's got to go - enjoy your château while you can.

I wish my Eurovision dreams come true tonight.

GailD
05-14-2011, 04:57 PM
Granted. The genie is assuming you mean the Eurovision Song Contest. You now sound and look exactly like Lady Gaga. (Shave your legs!)

I wish I had my own, private tropical island.

PorterStarrByrd
05-14-2011, 05:36 PM
I wish I had the strength of twenty ordinary men.


Granted Twenty Ordinary men are surveyed to determine their average strength. You now have the equivalent.

I wish DJ had taken the time to find out what a peevee was so that my floor wouldn't be so wet.

PorterStarrByrd
05-14-2011, 05:39 PM
I wish I had my own, private tropical island.

The island Hugo Trev is emerging from the sea as we speak. One of the few unclaimed in the world, it will be ready for occupation within a few hundred millenia. (The genie does not steal from others to grant selfish wishes)

I still wish DJ would have figured out what a peevee was so that my floor would not be so wet.

GailD
05-14-2011, 06:31 PM
Granted. Peevee stands for PerVert. Now the wetness on your floor is a bio-hazard!

With local elections coming up, I wish I could hear just one politicion actually tell the truth.

PorterStarrByrd
05-14-2011, 06:50 PM
With local elections coming up, I wish I could hear just one politicion actually tell the truth.


DENIED
The genie does not traffic in pure fantasy


I wish Numbtuck would spend a week in lumberjack school

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 06:58 PM
IMPOSSIBLE TO GRANT!
There is no such person as Numbtuck in AW. However, there is a person named Nymtoc, and he has spent a lot more time in rural surroundings than you might suppose. As a matter of fact, he has probably spent more time picking peas than Puffer Stump Bird.

I wish AW members would always be nice to each other.

GailD
05-14-2011, 07:48 PM
Granted... well... partially. There is the 'ignore' feature but ignorance isn't always bliss.

I wish I could fly north for the winter.

PorterStarrByrd
05-14-2011, 08:00 PM
I wish I could fly north for the winter.


Granted
You should notice feathers coming in shortly. Do you have sunflower seeds in SA or does the genie NEED TO SUPPLY THOSE TOO?

I wish the strawberries were easier to find

Drachen Jager
05-14-2011, 09:36 PM
Granted. The strawberries are in the produce section, with the other fruits and vegetables. I hope that helps you find them.

I wish I had an extra arm so I could be better at ski-boxing.

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 09:46 PM
Granted. One of your legs turns into an arm, so now you have three arms and one leg. Good luck with your ski-boxing.

I wish I could stretch my arm like a cartoon character, so I wouldn't have to get up and walk into the kitchen to get a beer.

wistfullylinda
05-14-2011, 09:54 PM
Granted. You can stretch out your arm but you can't shorten it again once you've stretched it out.

I wish my lips never got chapped.

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 11:04 PM
Granted. The chaps never go near your lips again. Hoist the rainbow!

I wish the I could play the cello.

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 11:41 PM
Granted. But you can only play the C scale up and down, up and down, up and down...

I wish I would have an adventure today.

Drachen Jager
05-14-2011, 11:59 PM
Granted. Turn to p.23 if you decide to look behind you (just in case there's a ninja). Turn to p.7 if you want to keep messing about on the computer.

I wish I had a harem.

Nymtoc
05-15-2011, 12:18 AM
Granted. You have a hairem.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/chimpanzees.jpg

I wish I had a magic ring.

Drachen Jager
05-15-2011, 01:06 AM
Granted. Wherever you go you are followed by a ring. You can't sleep at night, all your friends abandon you (yes, all 1 of them!) Your family even stops pretending to like you because of the horrible noise.

I wish I had my own personal theme music.

Nymtoc
05-15-2011, 01:51 AM
Granted.

DJ'S THEME SONG (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

I wish I had an assistant who could turn my writing into deathless prose.

GailD
05-15-2011, 02:52 AM
Granted. He should make a heck of a good ghost writer.http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a2/Shakespeare.jpg/240px-Shakespeare.jpg


I wish I had the means to unlimited travel.

HarryHoskins
05-15-2011, 03:13 AM
Granted. You turn 65 and move to England.

I wish I had a hip-flask which never needed refilling.

PorterStarrByrd
05-15-2011, 03:58 AM
I wish I had a hip-flask which never needed refilling.


Granted You have a flask of ipecac

I wish I knew if I spelled that right

HarryHoskins
05-15-2011, 04:07 AM
Denied! The genie - or more correctly, this genie - has no clue whether you spelled that right and therefore can't comment. However, the genie would like to compliment you on your hat removal and suggest you may be Norris Mcwhirter's father.

I wish I knew, in good conditions, how much firewood Porter can chop in an hour.

defcon6000
05-15-2011, 10:53 AM
Granted. The answer: none.

I wish I knew why Harry wished to know how much wood Porter can chop in an hour.

Reziac
05-15-2011, 11:25 AM
Granted. Harry is lazy and wants someone else to chop firewood. Porter seemed a likely prospect. So sorry it didn't work out; turns out Porter is lazy too.

I wish I knew how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

defcon6000
05-15-2011, 01:13 PM
Granted. The answer: none. Even the woodchucks are lazy!

I wish I had learned better grammar in school.

Nymtoc
05-15-2011, 03:16 PM
Granted. You learned better grammar in school, but what you have to say still bores people.

I wish I had wax wings so I could fly up close to the sun and examine it.

PorterStarrByrd
05-15-2011, 03:33 PM
I wish I had wax wings so I could fly up close to the sun and examine it.


Granted
You may want to take along a book of mythology to read during your flight

I wish the log floated

shakeysix
05-15-2011, 04:43 PM
i wish you folks knew what obscene and vulgar concepts my high school students associate with wood and logs!--s6

Nymtoc
05-15-2011, 06:43 PM
Granted. We know.

I wish I could take a year and travel around the world and not have to pay anything.

PorterStarrByrd
05-15-2011, 06:54 PM
I wish I could take a year and travel around the world and not have to pay anything.

Granted .. There are still some sailing ships that take on a lubber or two for long voyages like that

Have you ever heard of longpork?

I wish I wasn't ever going to be four sheets to the wind again.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-15-2011, 10:11 PM
Granted. My memoir talks alllll about that very subject.

I wish I didn't always wake up in the middle of the night needing to visit the loo.

Nymtoc
05-15-2011, 10:23 PM
Granted. You said "didn't always," so tonight you will not wake up in the middle of the night needing to go to the loo. Thereafter, you will wake up six times every night needing to go to the loo.

I wish I had a Caesar salad.

Reziac
05-15-2011, 10:36 PM
Granted. Tho I'm not sure what Caesar thinks of it. What was that mention of long pig up yonder?

I wish I had another plate of liver-and-onions for breakfast.

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 12:58 AM
Granted. But that liver seems to have a connection with the aforementioned long pork. :eek:

I wish I had some tropical fish.

HarryHoskins
05-16-2011, 02:02 AM
Granted. Pretty soon, as so often happens to the owner of pets, you start to resemble them. People start calling you Nemo.

I wish thieves didn't steal copper wire from British Rail.

PorterStarrByrd
05-16-2011, 03:59 AM
I wish I had another plate of liver-and-onions for breakfast.


Granted
Did you want that cooked this time?

The genie hestitates to explain long pork to canibalphobic wishers, so he won't.

Oh
And about the coppers. They have to get to work somehow. They will now have to find another way, thanks to your wish

I wish the voices would stop burning the pop corn up there.

Komnena
05-16-2011, 06:52 AM
Granted. They start burning it down here. Also, they possess all your cereal boxes and are especially strong in the Rice Krispies.

I wish I could spend a week in Wales.

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 08:01 AM
Granted. You will experience what Jonah experienced for one week. Oh, you said "Wales?" Sorry about that. :evil

I wish I had a mansion and sixteen servants to fulfill my every wish.

Drachen Jager
05-16-2011, 09:12 AM
Granted. Charles Manson and 16 of his disciples will be visiting you right away.

I wish I had a perfect memory.

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 09:25 AM
Granted. You have a perfect memory for television commercials. For everything else, your memory is highly unreliable.

I wish people could tell the difference between art and kitsch.

defcon6000
05-16-2011, 03:16 PM
Granted. Kitsch is now considered amazing and flawless, while art is just some fancy doodles.

I wish these stories would write themselves.

PorterStarrByrd
05-16-2011, 03:35 PM
Granted. Kitsch is now considered amazing and flawless, while art is just some fancy doodles.

I wish these stories would write themselves.


Granted

Of course you will not get gredit for or royalties from them. Wait .. how many of those were you getting anyway?

I wish the gate wasn't open. The rain is getting in.

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 03:52 PM
Granted. The gate is shut. The rain comes in anyway.

I wish we could be sure Porter uses that ax only on wood, not on things that breathe.

HarryHoskins
05-16-2011, 04:28 PM
Granted. The axe is sent for forensic testing. The results show some evidence of human DNA, however, further investigations show that all it was only even used on cadavers.

I wish I hadn't overslept today.

Drachen Jager
05-16-2011, 08:46 PM
Granted. In compensation you will be placed in a glass case and put to sleep for a thousand years. The only thing that can awaken you is a kiss from Nymtoc.

wistfullylinda
05-16-2011, 08:51 PM
I wish Drachen Jager didn't forget to make a wish.

Underthelivingmoon
05-16-2011, 08:57 PM
Denied. He is too busy Drachen his a$$ (dragging his a$$)lol

I wish it was legal to spank adults for misbehaving in public.

PorterStarrByrd
05-16-2011, 09:12 PM
I wish it was legal to spank adults for misbehaving in public.


Granted you can now spank them for any reason you want ..are you sure you want to go public with this?

I wish I had a top to spin and while we're at it a hello kitty to pull, a stick horse to ride and a slinky and ...

Drachen Jager
05-16-2011, 09:14 PM
Granted. One wish at a time though, here is your hello kitty to pull. I'm not going to tell you where I'm going to stick it. You may choose the colour though.

http://www.theworldsbestever.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/Hello-Kitty-Vibrator.jpg

I wish people wouldn't make fun of me.

HarryHoskins
05-16-2011, 09:19 PM
Granted. They now make sausages of you.

I wish those Hello Kitty thingys aren't what I think they is.

Drachen Jager
05-16-2011, 10:19 PM
Granted. They are battery operated, automatic drink stirrers. G'head, try one!

I wish I didn't have to get up and make myself another coffee right now.

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 11:56 PM
Granted. You don't have to. (What a silly wish!)

I wish I could be a paparazzo for a few days.

GailD
05-17-2011, 02:24 AM
Granted. But watch out. The bodyguards are after you.

I wish I could live long enough to read all the books on the planet.

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 02:25 AM
Granted. Your assignment is yourself, after all, you do wish to be a king/celebrity quite often. Funnily enough, although you can get quite close to yourself, that zoom lens comes in handy.

Granted, on condition you then spend an equal amount of time translating each book into Hungarian.

I wish I could make people happy.

Reziac
05-17-2011, 03:50 AM
Granted! Start by making Rez happy -- give Rez money. Lots of money. :D

I wish we all still spoke Latin.

Nymtoc
05-17-2011, 06:05 AM
Esto. Nunc nos omnes Latine loquendi tantum est in foro. In omnibus est ex primis viis semper communicandum per evoluta homines. Gratiam pro sanctissimis tuis praestito.

I wish I were a champion race-car driver.

Komnena
05-17-2011, 06:23 AM
Granted. You are a champion race-car driver and are entered in a race with lots of aggressive drivers soon. Good luck.

I wish I had a thousand dollars of Borders Bucks.

CDSinex
05-17-2011, 11:49 AM
Granted: The Genie gives you $1,000 in Borders Bucks that can only be used at their 400 S. 4th Street, Louisville, KY location (the Genie assumes from your cryptic “Location” entry under your avatar that it’s close to your home), Unfortunately, the Genie found out too late that that was one of the stores Borders has just closed.


I wish the weather would be nice enough so that we could have a barbecue tomorrow.

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 03:47 PM
Granted. The genie will arrange for the weather to behave. However, the Genie has no power over undercooked sausages.

I wish my teeth were self cleaning.

PorterStarrByrd
05-17-2011, 03:56 PM
I wish my teeth were self cleaning.


Granted: .. as long as you include plenty of sandpaper in your diet

I wish Mark Twain would visit me in my dreams

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 05:46 PM
Granted. Your dreams now include Mark Twain all oiled and bikinied up and the Genie throws in Tolstoy in a gimp mask just to really get things going for you.

I wish my shower had a lot more Oomph.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-17-2011, 07:07 PM
Granted. You're now homeless and bedding in the Niagra Falls area.

I wish my wishes would come true.

lndsymllr
05-17-2011, 07:20 PM
Granted! But it only lasts for 6 seconds...Oops, you missed your chance.

I wish I had a better job.

Nymtoc
05-17-2011, 07:33 PM
Granted. You have been promoted to washroom attendant.

I wish I could be the director of the IMF but not get into messy sex scandals.

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 07:44 PM
Granted. But due to a typo you are now the director of the IVF and you get into lots of messy test tubes.

I wish I all women (except my mother) were called Sexy Pants.

GailD
05-17-2011, 08:20 PM
Granted. However, all women called 'sexy pants' are now out to slap you.

I wish I knew what my cat was really thinking.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-17-2011, 08:20 PM
What? Sexy Pants? HAHAHA! Snort!

I wish Harry could visit reality for - like - 18 seconds. (Too slow as usual)

Gail - granted - your cat wishes you were a tuna.

Drachen Jager
05-17-2011, 08:39 PM
Granted. Harry visits your house for 18 seconds. He likes it so much he decides to stay.

I wish Harry's mother was called Sexy Pants, just to make everything even.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-17-2011, 09:05 PM
Denied. You become the sexiest of all sexy pants and Harry wears you out like a hog in mud.

I wish someone would give me a back massage.

shakeysix
05-17-2011, 09:08 PM
harry's mother is now called Sexy Pants and to celebrate she digs a pair of her 1970 hot pants out of the back of the closet and begins wearing them around town.harry is so mortified that he drives to canada and forces your mother to wear her best disco outfit-- platform heels and chenille bell bottoms with a fringed faux suede vest and NO BRA. worse, he persuades her to return to professional dancing, suspended in a cage, in canada's one remaining disco hot spot-- the horny moose.

i wish that my children would give me back my mombutt jeans

shakeysix
05-17-2011, 09:13 PM
fortunately gail's mother is a professional masseuse/ escort. so you can have your back massage.

i still want my nice, high waisted jeans back!--s6

iLion
05-17-2011, 09:18 PM
Granted. Bee... meet my aging, mostly-already-dead uncle, Harry Fendleman, the masseuse. I'll admit Harry's technique is a bit weak, like him. Please ignore the stench - not his fault really... he has completely forgotten even the most basic hygiene habits, and his yellow and black rotting teethe don't help. He'll cough and hack on you now and then, but I assure you it's harmless phlegm. Really. Harmless. And if he keels over while doing you this service, please just kick some dirt over him, and you can consider it a freebie. Thanks much.


I wish I was much more sensitive to the needs of others.

iLion
05-17-2011, 09:21 PM
Okay!! Okay! So I missed that one by 5 minutes! Big deal.

Shakey-Six... You got 'em! These high waisted jeans are your old ones from long ago. They definitely won't fit like they once did, but I think you could wear 'em on your head at the next frat party.


I still wish I was much more sensitive to the needs of others.

Drachen Jager
05-17-2011, 09:32 PM
Granted. I have implanted an electric shock device at the base of your brain-stem. It will induce excruciating pain whenever anyone within a hundred feet of you pushes a 'need' button to request assistance from you. I have provided these buttons to everyone you know or will meet in your lifetime.

I wish I could grow plants.

Komnena
05-17-2011, 11:12 PM
Granted. Your yard is full of triffid plants.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 12:02 AM
Granted. You can have a pair of these bad boys.

http://hem.com.np/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/image002.jpg

I wish I could fly without mechanical assistance.

HarryHoskins
05-18-2011, 01:36 AM
Granted. You make friends with the cactus.

I wish good things weren't bad for you.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 02:21 AM
Granted, now only bad things are good for you, good things don't do anything at all and things that were formerly neutral (like, say, crossing the street) will get you killed instantly.

I wish vegetables tasted better.

HarryHoskins
05-18-2011, 02:37 AM
Granted. You discover butter, balsamic vinegar, virgin olive oil, mayonnaise and salad dressing. Let's hope your heart can take it.

I wish for one day a month when everything goes just right.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 03:16 AM
Granted. Your funeral will be splendid.

I wish I had a lucky charm that could actually tilt statistical probability in my favour.

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 03:24 AM
Granted. But your lucky charm is highly sensitive to sun spots, which may cause it to tilt against you, possibly with fatal results.

I wish it wouldn't rain tomorrow.

PorterStarrByrd
05-18-2011, 03:51 AM
I wish it wouldn't rain tomorrow.

Granted The first May blizzard in a hog's age is headed your way. The farmers are going to be might happy when they hear you flagged it in.


I wish the aspargus would come up .. I'll never eat that many at one time again.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 04:31 AM
Granted. You develop a full-on case of projectile vomiting.

I wish I didn't just have the image in my head of Porter projectile vomiting.

defcon6000
05-18-2011, 05:41 AM
Granted. You now have the image of Porter's projectile diarrhea. :D

I wish unicorns didn't crap rainbows.

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 06:09 AM
Granted. Since unicorns don't exist, they can't crap rainbows. Drachen Jager is another matter entirely.

I wish the sky would turn green once and a while, to give us a little variety.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 09:08 AM
Granted. When there is rain falling and the sun is out look around the sky for the colours. I am so generous I decided to give you all the colours of the spectrum! Enjoy.

I wish I had a great hat.

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 09:33 AM
Granted. The Genie honestly tried to do a good job on this one.


http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/HAT%20TOP%20LARGE.jpg


I wish I would get fewer rejections.

HarryHoskins
05-18-2011, 03:23 PM
DENIED!

I wish the next person to post makes a joke about a penguin.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-18-2011, 05:16 PM
Who is a penguin's favourite pop star?

Seal.

I wish I owned an invisibility cloak.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 07:17 PM
Granted. Good luck finding it!

I wish Nymtoc would have fewer rejections (that's how karma works right)?

PorterStarrByrd
05-18-2011, 07:51 PM
I wish Nymtoc would have fewer rejections (that's how karma works right)?


Still Denied
Change your password so nymtoc can't log in as you please


I wish my car had a steering wheel in stead of this useless glove compartment.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 09:58 PM
Granted. Turn your head to the left Porter. No, the OTHER left nitwit! Yeah, over there, that's the driver's seat. Perhaps you are too drunk to be behind the wheel anyhow. Go sleep it off.

I wish I had a perfect query.

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 10:09 PM
Granted. You have a perfect query for PublishAmerica.

I wish the sun would come out this afternoon.

lndsymllr
05-18-2011, 10:53 PM
Granted! It's now sunny in Florida.

I wish I had a Pegasus.

Drachen Jager
05-18-2011, 11:01 PM
Granted. You can have a Pegasus just as soon as you're done earning it, like Perseus (magic shield not included in this deal).

I wish I had the perfect query for every agent.

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 11:07 PM
Granted. The last line of your query must end with "I know where you live."

I wish that, if I'm bound to get rejections, they don't all arrive on the same day.

lndsymllr
05-18-2011, 11:08 PM
Granted...you now get rejections on your birthday and all major holidays


I wish I could be done with editing!

HarryHoskins
05-18-2011, 11:57 PM
Granted. You send you MS off as it is. You get some replies from agents saying it was interesting in an experimental type of a way, but no requests for a full or partial.

I wish drinking beer wasn't so appealing to me.

Drachen Jager
05-19-2011, 12:27 AM
Granted. Every time you drink beer from now on you break out in hives for a month.

I wish I had a beer right now.

GailD
05-19-2011, 01:46 AM
Granted. But you're in a topless bar in Bangkok. That beer is going to cost you $1,000.

I wish I wasn't a topless waitress in Bangkok.

Drachen Jager
05-19-2011, 01:50 AM
[you haven't been to many topless bars in Bangkok have you? Not that I have, just sayin']

Granted. Do I need to even explain the ill side effects?

I wish Donald Maass would read my manuscript and give me a critique.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-19-2011, 02:07 AM
Well - denied. He does get it though. But he gives it to his tiny grandma to use as a step for her adjustable toilet seat.

I wish we were having king crab legs for dinner.

Drachen Jager
05-19-2011, 02:27 AM
Granted. The king has many loyal subjects who are greatly angered by his dismemberment. They are massing as we speak, in the depths.

I wish I didn't have to go out and get something for dinner.

HarryHoskins
05-19-2011, 03:29 AM
Granted. You season your leg and get the big knife from the rack.

I wish I could be like Mike.

kellysaid
05-19-2011, 05:05 AM
I wish I could be like Mike.

Granted. Your voice is falsetto, your muscles are big and you have a lovely tattoo on your face. Oh, and your last name is Tyson. :)

I wish I had more time to do the things I want to do.

Komnena
05-19-2011, 06:49 AM
Granted. You lose your job and are now free to pursue your hobbies.

I wish I had a model of Sunday Silence.

Nymtoc
05-19-2011, 06:56 AM
Granted. The proportions may not be quite right, but you've got to admit there's a striking resemblance.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/HORSE%20TOY%202.jpg

I wish I had a cow.

parumpdragon
05-19-2011, 08:54 AM
Granted. You will now have a tempertantrum every time someone tries to speak to you.

I wish I knew where I was going.

Drachen Jager
05-19-2011, 09:01 AM
Granted. See that cliff ahead?

I wish I was the owner of Harper Collins.

Nymtoc
05-19-2011, 09:23 AM
Granted. You own Harper Collins Motel, just off Route 10 near Dribbleton, Iowa. Some strange things have happened in that motel, especially in one of the showers, but don't worry about it. That was a long time ago.

I wish that for every rejection I get there would also be an acceptance.

GailD
05-19-2011, 01:52 PM
Granted. Your mom now accepts your invitations to lunch.

I wish housework would just do itself.

PorterStarrByrd
05-19-2011, 03:46 PM
I wish housework would just do itself.

Granted
It works itself to death and haunts you

I wish this jar of jelly would change flavors at my whim

shakeysix
05-19-2011, 05:06 PM
wish granted. unfortunately your first whim is calve's foot jelly.


i wish my roses to be aphid and thrip free this summer--s6

PorterStarrByrd
05-19-2011, 05:23 PM
i wish my roses to be aphid and thrip free this summer--s6

Granted
they will also be life free, victims of attacks by aphids and thrip, who no nonger have any interest in them


I wish I could see the old man in the mountain formation again

shakeysix
05-19-2011, 05:30 PM
wish granted--allz ya gotta do is drink this here ale and play ninepins with these squatty little dutchmen. then they'll take you off to meet the old man in the mountain. be sure to have someone feed your cat while you're gone--s6

i wish i could see the indian in the delaware water gap from my porch in kansas--s6

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-19-2011, 05:39 PM
Denied. That you stopped dropping acid is a good thing.

I wish my dog didn't have gas.

PorterStarrByrd
05-19-2011, 05:39 PM
i wish i could see the indian in the delaware water gap from my porch in kansas--s6


granted there will be a wrecking team by later this morning to remove the rest of your house from the porch and transport it to, your choice, Pennsylvania or New Jersey.

BRB my turn to bowl

I wish gin flowed from juniper trees, saving time.

parumpdragon
05-19-2011, 05:51 PM
Granted. Jin will flow from all trees, even fake ones in offices, everywhere, flooding buildings and streets, and causing chaos.

I wish I had more time.

PorterStarrByrd
05-19-2011, 06:18 PM
I wish I had more time.

Granted .. if you're reading this you did
If not ... sorry :)


I wish potatoes grew on top of the ground so I didn't waste time digging up ones of the wrong size or shape.
I know I could have asked for all potatoes to be same same size and shape but sometimes I change my mind. Sometimes my mind changes me to, like the time I was going to wite a simple sentence and ended up writing a paragraph or maybe a book
which reminds me ...

parumpdragon
05-19-2011, 06:26 PM
Granted for potatoes. Potatoes will now grow everywhere, and so much so that streets and every inch of ground will be covered with them.


I wish the world was a better place.

Komnena
05-20-2011, 06:24 AM
Granted. No tricks. It became a better one on Sunday, May 1 of this year.

I wish my backyard would clean itself up.

parumpdragon
05-20-2011, 06:27 AM
Granted. Garden tools will come to life, menace the hedges and vegetation, and then take over the neighbor hood and menace the neighbors - an you!


I wish the ocean was closer.

Reziac
05-20-2011, 08:33 AM
Granted. Remember that gin that was flowing from every tree? Well, it filled up the world, so now the ocean is everywhere. Can't get any closer than that.

I wish all that gin was rum instead.

PorterStarrByrd
05-20-2011, 04:31 PM
I wish all that gin was rum instead.


Denied (Yawn)

Can't do that with good conscience. I would be making too many people have to play Rum-Rummy.

I wish the fog would clear. everyone else seems to think it already has.

SueOwen
05-20-2011, 09:09 PM
Granted: Open your eyes.

I wish I didn't have to work.

Drachen Jager
05-20-2011, 09:39 PM
Granted. You are broken.

I wish I had pants with a smartie print pattern on them so I could be a smartie pants.

defcon6000
05-20-2011, 10:16 PM
Granted. Your pants look smart, but you don't.

I wish plain yogurt wasn't so tart.

Drachen Jager
05-21-2011, 12:01 AM
Granted. Flyingtart, get out of the damn yoghurt!

I wish more exercise clubs were clothing optional for young healthy women. Especially the clubs with big windows facing outwards.

parumpdragon
05-21-2011, 01:24 AM
Granted. All svelte women who work out will get to choose which men get the option to keep their clothing. This results in other men feeling less than adequate. Fewer men got to the gym, and those who continue to, get more dates.

The view thru the large windows at such health clubs draws more women in, and workout club memberships soar, boosting the economy. As a result most gyms are able to survive on donations and voluntary memberships, and there are a lot of healthier people in the world.;)
-------------------------------

I wish for 'world-peas', and think it might help solve world hunger.

HarryHoskins
05-21-2011, 04:45 AM
Granted. However, with all those peas, storage becomes a problem. Many, many princesses now want to talk to you about their sleeping arrangements.

I wish for a cuddle.

Komnena
05-21-2011, 05:24 AM
Granted. You are adopted by a stray cat who insists on constantly cuddling with her beloved person.
I wish I knew who will win the Preakness.

PorterStarrByrd
05-21-2011, 07:04 AM
Granted
The horse that is out in front of the rest .. keep an eye out for it. The genie has many other spectator tips for the interested

I wish that there were no poisonous mushrooms ... be right back .. maybe

Drachen Jager
05-21-2011, 09:29 AM
Granted. I have taken the liberty of re-classifying all poisonous 'mushrooms' they are now known as 'toadstools', they still look the same though.

I wish I could grow a huge pumpkin for Halloween this year, like Cinderella big.

Nymtoc
05-21-2011, 09:45 AM
Granted. But it is planted right next to your house, and as it grows, it breaks through your walls, growing larger and larger until your house collapses.

I wish I could think of something practical to wish for.

defcon6000
05-21-2011, 10:06 AM
You wish for a wish? Okay, granted. Next time you wish, it'll be for something practical.

I wish more folks would comment on my short stories in SFF SYW board. *wink wink*

PorterStarrByrd
05-21-2011, 04:43 PM
I wish more folks would comment on my short stories in SFF SYW board. *wink wink*

Maybe from some other genie .. not me
I've seen enough of your work
Blink blink



I wish I could have a pony

HarryHoskins
05-21-2011, 05:47 PM
DENIED! Haven't you ever listened to track two of Street Legal!

I wish the summer to be long and lovely.

parumpdragon
05-21-2011, 06:21 PM
Granted. The summer sill seem to drag on forever, and it will be lovely, as temperatures soar.


I wish free pizza fell from the sky.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-21-2011, 06:35 PM
Granted. But you don't live long after a slice crashes through your skull.

I wish networks didn't put so many commercials between my favourite shows.

parumpdragon
05-21-2011, 06:38 PM
Granted. The networks decide to breaks the shows up into three minute spots, fitting the commercials in between each three minute segment. (bathroom breaks will never be the same again).

I wish the bobcat in the neighborhood would stop peeing on my porch.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-21-2011, 07:14 PM
Granted. You take it under your wing and teach it how to use your toilet.

I wish we had the makings for eggs benedict in the kitchen.

Fruitbat
05-21-2011, 07:17 PM
Alrighty then, you can have the makings for Eggs Benedict, but the person you share them with will, correspondingly, be a Benedict Arnold too.

I wish my bod was so gorgeously toned that people would poke me to make sure I was real. :)

PorterStarrByrd
05-21-2011, 07:49 PM
Alrighty then, you can have the makings for Eggs Benedict, but the person you share them with will, correspondingly, be a Benedict Arnold too.

I wish my bod was so gorgeously toned that people would poke me to make sure I was real. :)


Granted
Let me know how that feels in about a week


I wish the mosquitoes didn't like the taste of blood

Drachen Jager
05-21-2011, 07:50 PM
Granted. I have taken the liberty of passing out red-hot fire pokers for them to do the job and placed you in the middle of a busy shopping mall.

Granted. In your case they develop a taste for urine (like those little fish in the Amazon).

I wish I had a magic book that had all the answers.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-21-2011, 08:37 PM
Denied. Write it yourself.

I wish my dog wasn't afraid of thunder.

GailD
05-21-2011, 08:49 PM
Granted. The Dog Whisperer has taught your dog to be afraid of nothing. Now he won't come when you call him and has issues with you about his food.

I wish my neighbour would clean up her garden.

PorterStarrByrd
05-21-2011, 09:02 PM
I wish my neighbour would clean up her garden.


Granted .. it won't take much work.

Your real problem is the mirror she put up between your properties so she wouldn't have to look at your mess any more

I wish I had a green crayon

HarryHoskins
05-21-2011, 11:22 PM
Granted. But using it won't save the planet.

I wish people didn't think I was in need of medical attention when I am dancing.

Drachen Jager
05-21-2011, 11:44 PM
Granted. People now think you're in need of medical attention when you're not dancing.

I wish I could talk to animals.

Pistol Whipped Bee
05-22-2011, 02:20 AM
Granted. You can now speak.

I wish our back yard was fenced.

HarryHoskins
05-22-2011, 02:27 AM
Granted. It is now unicorn proof.

I wish I didn't have to go to the wedding I have to go to next week.

Nymtoc
05-22-2011, 02:49 AM
You don't need the Genie for that. All you need to do is call and say you have come down with the plague. After the wedding, of course, you can call again and say that the diagnosis was wrong.

I wish I knew as much as doctors know without having to go to medical school.

HarryHoskins
05-22-2011, 03:14 AM
Granted. But, don't you already know this much? Or do you mean you wished you had as much medical knowledge as a doctor? In case it's the latter, the Genie adds boxsets of Casualty, E.R, Grey's Anatomy and Doogie Howser to your dvd collection.

I wish that people who burnt flags would think about protesting in a way that didn't make them look so stupid.

defcon6000
05-22-2011, 02:04 PM
Granted. People now protest by burning down your house and then urinating on the ashes. Not so stupid now, huh? :evil

I wish more people read sci-fi/fantasy.

PorterStarrByrd
05-22-2011, 02:37 PM
Granted. People now protest by burning down your house and then urinating on the ashes. Not so stupid now, huh? :evil

I wish more people read sci-fi/fantasy.

Granted
now there are 16 readers

I wish my marshmallow was not black

Fruitbat
05-22-2011, 02:49 PM
Granted
now there are 16 readers

I wish my marshmallow was not black

Alrighty then, but your unders are forevermore pink. :tongue

I wish I could twist my husband's ears really hard for getting on my nerves. That would be cool. :)

Komnena
05-22-2011, 05:19 PM
Granted. He promptly has you arrested for domestic violence.

I wish nobody had believed Camping.

HarryHoskins
05-22-2011, 06:44 PM
Granted. But the people, they need something to believe in. There is a rise in membership for the Westboro Baptist Church.

I wish I knew how to make dumplings.