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Nymtoc
04-15-2011, 08:29 AM
Granted. You have one of those catapults, and you volunteer to be the first object to be catapulted. You sail over trees and fields and rooftops and land in a cesspool.

I wish I could write a hit song and live off its royalties for the rest of my life.

HarryHoskins
04-15-2011, 04:06 PM
Granted. Your song 'The Queens Favourite Cuppa' blows up in 2011 and becomes a worldwide smash. However, a typo in your record contract means your royalties come to you in the form of Earl Gray. In early 2012, in a response to the failures of capitalism, there is a Socialist revolution and you have to go into hiding because the Marxists' believe all property is theft.

I wish I was a cloud.

Nymtoc
04-15-2011, 06:29 PM
Granted. You are a storm cloud.

I wish I could be somebody else for a week.

Drachen Jager
04-15-2011, 08:36 PM
Granted. You are this guy.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01375/Indian-Sewer-man_1375125i.jpg

I wish I had a house with a writing room overlooking Ganges harbour.

PorterStarrByrd
04-15-2011, 09:58 PM
I wish I had a house with a writing room overlooking Ganges harbour.


Granted
Help the genie out. How deep is the channel. Genie needs to order some house stilts.


I wish flubber was real

Drachen Jager
04-15-2011, 10:14 PM
Granted. However, due to the nature of flubber it cannot be contained and every bit that gets created is eventually lost as it launches itself into orbit.

I wish I had Bill Gates' bank account, Stephen Hawking's intelligence and Douglas Adams' way with words.

PorterStarrByrd
04-15-2011, 10:19 PM
I wish I had Bill Gates' bank account, Stephen Hawking's intelligence and Douglas Adams' way with words.


DENIED

That Genie cannot justify giving you things you could not possibly handle

I wish you could handle a little more so that the genie would grant your wish

HarryHoskins
04-16-2011, 03:28 PM
Granted. Drachen Jager now has enormous hands.

I wish I could live in a sandcastle.

PorterStarrByrd
04-16-2011, 03:46 PM
Granted. Drachen Jager now has enormous hands.

I wish I could live in a sandcastle.

Granted: Move in quickly. It's low tide right now.


I wish I could see an armadillo in working order instead of just as a souvenir or road kill. (they evidently spend way too much time consulting with possum)

Nymtoc
04-16-2011, 09:19 PM
Granted. An armadillo in working order arrived at your house this morning and has taken up residence in your bed. Be kind to her--she is about to give birth to octuplets.

I wish it didn't always rain on the weekends.

PorterStarrByrd
04-16-2011, 10:45 PM
Granted. An armadillo in working order arrived at your house this morning and has taken up residence in your bed. Be kind to her--she is about to give birth to octuplets.

I wish it didn't always rain on the weekends.


Granted,
It will not rain the third weekend of August in 2015. Be ready with your picnic supplies. Might want hold off on making the egg salad sandwiches for a while.


I wish I had a bigger collection of Walrus whiskers and a new bottle of spirit gum

HarryHoskins
04-17-2011, 03:21 AM
Granted. I just want you to be happy. :)

I wish my neighbour's dog wasn't so enamoured with my leg.

Nymtoc
04-17-2011, 03:43 AM
Granted. Now he's enamored of something higher up.

I wish I could type my book all in one day.

HarryHoskins
04-17-2011, 03:48 AM
Granted. You fill six hundred and seventy two pages with the words 'my book all in one day.'

I wish Caravaggio didn't give me the horn.

PorterStarrByrd
04-17-2011, 04:00 AM
Granted. You fill six hundred and seventy two pages with the words 'my book all in one day.'

I wish Caravaggio didn't give me the horn.


Granted:
This and all other drugs cease to enhance your pitiful sexual performance. Got to admit, I never heard of this one before.

I wish I had some beans so I could make chili.

Nymtoc
04-17-2011, 05:47 AM
Granted. You have some Mexican jumping beans. When the chili is made, it leaps out of the pot and goes splashing all over the room.

I wish I knew why people believe such crazy things.

Drachen Jager
04-17-2011, 06:26 AM
Granted. You believe in the genie because you are gullible.

I wish I could just grant my own wishes instead of having to rely on you genie.

PorterStarrByrd
04-17-2011, 02:13 PM
Granted. You believe in the genie because you are gullible.

I wish I could just grant my own wishes instead of having to rely on you genie.


Granted
The genie is SLIGHTLY offended and is sending a few parting gifts your way along with this granting


I wish I could sort out the meanings of boxing easier. Now that I am in Canada there is Boxing Day, Then there is that 'accidently' below the belt thing and the container, and something about radar and I'm afraid there may be others hiding out there and ... I always forget which one to use.

Nymtoc
04-17-2011, 06:53 PM
Granted. The Genie is on his way and will soon be boxing your ears in a very serious way. It will clear up your confusion.

I wish I had access to all the world's leaders, so that I could give them some sound advice, which they badly need.

CDSinex
04-17-2011, 09:11 PM
The Genie sighs contemplating the magnitude of your request. Suddenly he has an idea, and tells you to get some rest for your “big day” tomorrow. You wake up the next morning in Hell. When you open your eyes you see the Genie, and give him a puzzled look. He starts by saying, “I can’t really stick around, but most world leaders are already here, and the others will be along in due time.”

I wish I could get someone to do my food shopping.

PorterStarrByrd
04-17-2011, 09:18 PM
I wish I could get someone to do my food shopping.


Granted: .. but I'm going to have to outsource this one. Not sure I can find anyone who speaks English or has your taste in food (or even close to it) but I'd not fail to pay them when they show up with a load if I were you. They will have diplomatic immunity.


I wish I had three boxes of instant mashed potato flakes and about 6 dozen butter clams.

Nymtoc
04-17-2011, 11:28 PM
Substitution granted.

The Genie has noticed that you frequently wish for food and has concluded that you are undernourished. Therefore, he is sending you a hundred bottles of instant food pills. Take one every four hours during the day and one before going to bed. They have no taste but will keep you healthy.

I wish I had a Batmobile.

Drachen Jager
04-18-2011, 12:00 AM
Granted. I had a little trouble getting the bats tied to the strings, but it's finally ready to hang over your baby's bed.

I wish I had a room full of gold.

PorterStarrByrd
04-18-2011, 12:19 AM
I wish I had a room full of gold.

Granted: You now have first place medals from everything from the Olympics to competition babysitting. You are evidently a great sumo wrestler who can cook, bake pies, dunk a basketball, curl on ice, beat all the other special olympians, and eat oysters.
Some people wonder where you got them all

I wish I had some water to make pills go down more smoothly.

Nymtoc
04-18-2011, 07:24 AM
Granted. The Genie has installed this beautiful water cooler in your house.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/WATER%20COOLER%201.jpg

All you need to do is deposit one dollar, and the beautiful cooler dispenses two ounces of crystal clear water. Since all other sources of water in your neighborhood have suddenly run dry (surprising, huh?), this is your only option if you want to stay alive.

I wish I had a press agent.

HarryHoskins
04-18-2011, 02:16 PM
Granted. She is ambitious, hardworking and believes the best way to get you out there is to get you out there. You now spend all your time sitting in a small room, giving the same answers to the same questions day-after-day.

I wish I could sleep less and not feel tired.

PorterStarrByrd
04-18-2011, 03:51 PM
I wish I could sleep less and not feel tired.


Granted:
From the bottles on the floor next to you it doesn't look like you spent much time sleeping. Whatever you feel, it's not 'tired'


I wish food pills had a little more flavor and didn't make me feel so bloated.

Nymtoc
04-18-2011, 06:35 PM
Granted. They now taste like Tabasco sauce and make you retch, but you don't feel bloated.

I wish I got paid for every word I speak.

shakeysix
04-18-2011, 08:04 PM
granted--you are now a spanish teacher. you get paid (albeit minimally) for every word you speak in your classroom. even the curse words you mutter under your breath!

i wish that i would find gold while double digging my strawberry bed--s6

PorterStarrByrd
04-18-2011, 08:13 PM
i wish that i would find gold while double digging my strawberry bed--s6


Granted so that's where that damned tooth went !!


I wish I had time and enough inclination to study the life cycle of a banana

shakeysix
04-18-2011, 08:49 PM
here is a big banana. put it in your pocket and keep it there until you do have the time and inclination. in the meantime every female you encounter will think you are very happy to see her--s6

i wish the sophomores would go away

PorterStarrByrd
04-18-2011, 09:03 PM
i wish the sophomores would go away

Granted

They did. I haven't heard a new record from them since vinyl 45's were in their heyday. Next time use your wishes for something not already done. I get bored just sending computer text.


I wish I had a street sign in front of my house instead of just thousands of trees.

shakeysix
04-18-2011, 09:16 PM
blink-o, boink-o--now we have switched views. you have a crooked sign that says "Prairie Street" (it's not paved but we call it a street), a forest of last years dead tumbleweeds and a neighbor with eight assorted cars and trucks, all up on blocks, in his front yard. the red pontiac doubles as a chicken coop so you never have to buy an alarm clock.

i am charging my neighbors admission to look at the trees. --s6

i wish that van morrison would answer my letters--s6

Nymtoc
04-18-2011, 10:00 PM
Granted. You will soon begin receiving letters from:

Van Quisby Morrison #04265769
Lanesboro Correctional Institution
PO Box 280
Polkton, NC 28135 USA

The letters will probably include requests for money. The Genie hopes that's okay.

I wish Jon Stewart would have me on his show.

shakeysix
04-19-2011, 12:52 AM
sadly i don't have much pull and mr. stewart is much too discerning. i did get you a gig as a baby-daddy on teen mom.

i wish my seniors could grow brains before they graduate

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2011, 01:14 AM
sadly i don't have much pull and mr. stewart is much too discerning. i did get you a gig as a baby-daddy on teen mom.

i wish my seniors could grow brains before they graduate


Granted
They are working hard on that, without a great deal of success
There is some concern about possible cultism in light of the large number of headless animal bodies found in the area of your school

I wish the next shovel full of dirt I take out of the hole I am digging would get me out of this place. I'm running out of places to stash dirt.

Drachen Jager
04-19-2011, 01:29 AM
Granted. The next shovel will collapse a mine-shaft running underneath you. It is approximately six hundred metres deep so you will have just over eleven seconds to enjoy your freedom.

I wish I had every movie ever made on Blu-Ray.

alleycat
04-19-2011, 01:37 AM
Granted. I wish you had waited until Thursday to ask however; the Blu-ray Disc Association is announcing the release of Blu-Ray Sabre, a new format that will make all older Blu-ray discs obsolete.

I wish I had a new computer.

Nymtoc
04-19-2011, 03:26 AM
Granted. The Genie knows you will be very pleased with this, because it's a real collectors' item!

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/COMPUTER%20OBSOLETE.jpg

I wish that every time I solve a problem, a new one didn't pop up.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2011, 05:02 AM
I wish that every time I solve a problem, a new one didn't pop up.


Granted
they now drop down right in front of your eyes, after carefully avoiding what might be your hair.


I wish I could see an egg plant hatch

bookbug
04-19-2011, 08:25 AM
Granted, but it's the very last thing you'll see.

I wish I could move objects with my mind.

HarryHoskins
04-19-2011, 03:11 PM
Granted. You think 'I'd like that beer to come to me.' - moments later your mind has you walking towards the fridge.

I wish honey was a unit of currency.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2011, 03:40 PM
Granted. You think 'I'd like that beer to come to me.' - moments later your mind has you walking towards the fridge.

I wish honey was a unit of currency.


Granted
You might want to stop playing the slot machines

I wish everyone wasn't always tring to steal my avacado dip

alleycat
04-19-2011, 03:46 PM
Granted. I spit in it. No one will steal it now. Enjoy!

I wish I had a magical wallet that would just fill with cash whenever I needed it.

PorterStarrByrd
04-19-2011, 03:56 PM
Granted. I spit in it. No one will steal it now. Enjoy!

I wish I had a magical wallet that would just fill with cash whenever I needed it.


Granted
Everyone is holding onto it so tightly that I had to go to obsolete currency. I've got a lot of old Italian currency to work with for you


I wish I handn't saved that sandwhich so long before I ate it ... be right back

bookbug
04-19-2011, 07:57 PM
Granted, but now you can't find the sandwich.

I wish I already knew everything I needed for school.

shakeysix
04-19-2011, 08:16 PM
aha--no sweat bookie-- i have just made you a freshman! freshmen know everything! ask them.

i wish i had a name that would open the door to any lit agency

Nymtoc
04-19-2011, 08:24 PM
Granted. You are Jane Austen.

I wish I understood why people give me those funny looks when I walk down the street.

Drachen Jager
04-19-2011, 08:26 PM
Granted. Your name is now, Open Up Its the Police. It's kind of an awkward name. They still won't rep your books, but they do open doors for you.

I wish I had a software program that would analyse my manuscript and query and tell me which parts agents like, which parts they don't like and what I can do to make it sell better.

bookbug
04-19-2011, 09:01 PM
Granted, but the software program is so buggy, that it only works every fourth Tuesday at the full moon from 2:23-2:25. Unless it's raining somewhere.

I wish my headache would go away.

shakeysix
04-19-2011, 09:15 PM
zazza zazzooo! it is gone! tragically, so is your head.

i wish i could fine tune my genie skills

bookbug
04-19-2011, 09:23 PM
Granted, but now you have to live in a lamp.

I wish I was reading something interesting right now.

Nymtoc
04-19-2011, 09:44 PM
Granted. You're reading this thread.

I wish I could think of a pen name that would really grab people's attention.

Drachen Jager
04-19-2011, 09:44 PM
Granted. "Lyndon B. Johnson was the first president of the United States to wear contact lenses."

I wish I could do everything twice as fast.

Drachen Jager
04-19-2011, 09:45 PM
[Nymtoc! That's twice today you've scooped me!]

Granted. Here is your new pen name. "If You Don't Read This I Will Kill You".

I wish Nymtoc would stop scooping me!

Nymtoc
04-19-2011, 09:50 PM
Granted. Nymtoc will stop scooping you as soon as you hire someone to scoop up that...stuff you keep leaving behind you.

I wish I could build a sand castle right here in my living room.

Drachen Jager
04-19-2011, 10:18 PM
Granted. I really don't see why you need me for this one, go right ahead, build a sandcastle.

I wish I could do everything twice as fast.

Nymtoc
04-20-2011, 12:57 AM
Granted. But your sex life will only be half as much fun.

I wish I had a pot of money that would keep refilling itself.

bookbug
04-20-2011, 01:07 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the money it fills up with is Monopoly money.

I wish I would stop having leg cramps.

Drachen Jager
04-20-2011, 01:25 AM
Granted. I have taken the liberty of replacing your legs with a wheelchair. It does need oiling, but never cramps up.

I wish I had a crystal ball that would show me any point in the future I choose.

bookbug
04-20-2011, 01:33 AM
Granted, but the crystal ball proves to be very much not shatter resistant and breaks when dust falls on it.

I wish I had my degree right now.

PorterStarrByrd
04-20-2011, 01:56 AM
Granted, but the crystal ball proves to be very much not shatter resistant and breaks when dust falls on it.

I wish I had my degree right now.

Granted
The detectives are waiting for you with a chair and a bright lamp



I wish I could stack my pinpong balls in the refridgerator.

HarryHoskins
04-20-2011, 03:12 AM
Granted. You are now the proud owner of a Taiwanese ping-pong ball stacking machine - you never leave the house.

I wish my electric bills were cheaper.

Nymtoc
04-20-2011, 03:16 AM
Granted. The electric company has cut off all power to your house. Now all your lights and appliances are powered by AA batteries. You will have to change the batteries frequently, but in the long run, you will save money.

I wish I could control the weather.

Drachen Jager
04-20-2011, 03:29 AM
Granted. There is a farmer's field just outside of Lima, Peru where you may choose to send rain every time Halley's Comet passes within 1,000 kilometres of Jupiter, if that should happen on the second Tuesday of the month.

I wish I could control gravity.

Nymtoc
04-20-2011, 03:33 AM
Granted. You will be able to control gravity as soon as you acquire gravitas, which you are sorely lacking.

I wish commercials would stop being so nerve-wracking.

~Athena~
04-20-2011, 04:39 AM
Sure but they'll switch times with your favourite programme, so that instead gets five minute intervals slot between the half an hour adverts.

I wish I aced my big exams in the next couple of weeks.

bookbug
04-20-2011, 06:34 AM
Granted, but the world will end the day before the exam grade is posted.

I wish I was a better author.

Komnena
04-20-2011, 07:21 AM
Granted. You give all your royalties to Japan and the Japanese people love you.

I wish tonight wasn't so stormy.

PorterStarrByrd
04-20-2011, 08:38 AM
Granted. You give all your royalties to Japan and the Japanese people love you.

I wish tonight wasn't so stormy.


Granted

It was a dark and stormy night .. wasn't working for you anyway

Now it's just plain dark


I wish my mule was more regular

HarryHoskins
04-20-2011, 02:30 PM
Granted. He becomes so regular that he replaces Tim the Talking Clock - you never see him again.

I wish I could type using someone else's fingers.

bookbug
04-20-2011, 08:34 PM
Granted, but now every time you want to use your hands, you have to use their fingers.

I wish I could read faster.

iLion
04-20-2011, 09:03 PM
*POOOF!!* *cough cough
Okay, BB... you can now read "faster". I wasn't sure if you meant 'also' or 'exclusively', so I made it exclusive, which just means it's the only word you can read.

I wish I could transport myself anywhere instantly.

shakeysix
04-20-2011, 09:10 PM
no problem. the one glitch is that all of your molecules became freeze dried while in transport like instant coffee crystals. so now you are a jar of granules with a hand lettered label that says "instant i-lion". just add boiling water and you will be re-constituted. it should only smart for the first five minutes or so. provided you can find someone to add the water. you do have friends, don't you?--s6

i wish i had a pygmee blowgun with mildly toxic darts to pick off napping students

Drachen Jager
04-20-2011, 09:11 PM
Granted. You do realise those darts normally carry a 'sleeping' poison right? Your students will love your classes now, it will be the only place they can really catch up on their Zs.

I wish I could influence other people's thoughts through telepathy.

PorterStarrByrd
04-20-2011, 10:01 PM
No you Don't


I wish real pee fit in my pea shooter.

Drachen Jager
04-20-2011, 11:26 PM
Granted. Your penis is now small enough to fit inside your pea shooter (it didn't take much).

I wish I had a mansion on a hill overlooking the water.

PorterStarrByrd
04-21-2011, 12:44 AM
Granted. Your penis is now small enough to fit inside your pea shooter (it didn't take much).

I wish I had a mansion on a hill overlooking the water.


Granted

That undercut doesn't look all the comforting. Don't jump in the living room.


I wish diragables were still the classy way to travel

Komnena
04-21-2011, 01:22 AM
Granted.They are classy and they have the classy price. But they're fun to look at as they sail overhead.
I wish that some country had a royal family of cats.

Nymtoc
04-21-2011, 01:41 AM
Granted. Welcome to Felinia. Its reigning monarch is a mama cat whose kittens have proved to be unstable and unruly, often getting into the headlines because of real or supposed scandals, but her people adore her anyway.

I wish I could be famous for longer than 15 minutes.

Drachen Jager
04-21-2011, 02:03 AM
Granted. All you need to do is murder over a hundred people in the next week. You can manage that part can't you?

I wish punctuation didn't matter.

Nymtoc
04-21-2011, 02:35 AM
Granted. punctuation doesn't matter to you but it matters a lot to agents and editors and that's why they keep rejecting your work so don't be surprised if they keep on rejecting it which they will surely do as long as you keep submitting stuff to them which they find unreadable and immediately put into the return envelope you included with your submission at least you better include one or your manuscript will be tossed into the trash bin where not to be unkind I find myself obliged to say it probably belongs in the first place anyway have you ever considered going into a different line of work

I wish I could write one thing that would bring in so much royalties that I could live off it for the rest of my life.

Drachen Jager
04-21-2011, 03:13 AM
Granted. I hope you like eating ramen noodles while living in a cave.

I wish I had a PhD.

PorterStarrByrd
04-21-2011, 04:01 AM
Granted. I hope you like eating ramen noodles while living in a cave.

I wish I had a PhD.


Granted

It's clearly piled higher and deeper now


I wish I had a few barnyard smells waft by once in a while.
This clean air is over-rated

CDSinex
04-21-2011, 06:47 AM
Granted: You now live between a pig farm and a chicken farm. And as Bob Dylan sang, You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.

I wish something would bloom in my garden.

bookbug
04-21-2011, 07:06 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, it's the venus fly trap big enough to eat you.

I wish I could travel the world without having to go through security.

Drachen Jager
04-21-2011, 09:07 AM
Granted. But I had to make some modifications to your physical form so you can fit in the envelope.

I wish everyone in the world would just start acting rationally and intelligently to solve problems together.

bookbug
04-21-2011, 09:51 AM
Granted, but the problems they solve are on the level of how to keep socks together as they go through the dryer.

I wish I could go to Narnia.

wistfullylinda
04-21-2011, 10:37 AM
Granted. You're stuck in Narnia during the White Witch's reign about 75 years before the Pevensies show up. Hope you like snow.

I wish I could always find whatever I'm looking for the instant I need it.

bookbug
04-21-2011, 10:43 AM
Granted, but you can never get rid of anything you needed, even if you only needed it once.

I wish I could speak Mandarin fluently.

HarryHoskins
04-21-2011, 03:13 PM
Granted. You spend all your days talking to fruit.

I wish cuddles were available on the NHS.

PorterStarrByrd
04-21-2011, 04:04 PM
Granted. You spend all your days talking to fruit.

I wish cuddles were available on the NHS.

Granted
But you no longer have access to NHS

I wish I could tell one house fly from another

Nymtoc
04-21-2011, 08:11 PM
Granted. The Genie is sending you 1,000 name tags, each measuring 1.5 x 1.5 mm. They are blank, and you can put a name on each one and attach it to any fly you want. For a slight extra fee, the Genie will send them in different colors.

I wish I knew why people believe so many ridiculous things.

wistfullylinda
04-21-2011, 08:18 PM
Granted. You now believe you know why people believe so many ridiculous things. Others think your belief is ridiculous.

I wish I had a personal stylist.

PorterStarrByrd
04-21-2011, 08:24 PM
Granted. You now believe you know why people believe so many ridiculous things. Others think your belief is ridiculous.

I wish I had a personal stylist.


Granted
Every time you write something, she changes it. Your chances for being published have increased greatly. Excellent wish !!


I wish everyone's feet were the same size and shape, twelve inches long about 4 inches wide tapering to a 2"3/4 inch wide heel, and turquois.

bookbug
04-21-2011, 08:59 PM
Granted, but now nobody can do DDR.

I wish I could sing on key.

Komnena
04-21-2011, 11:31 PM
Granted. The Genie shrinks you so that you can fit on a large key.

I wish I had the broken blue shelves cleaned off and gone on junk day.

PorterStarrByrd
04-22-2011, 01:54 AM
Granted. The Genie shrinks you so that you can fit on a large key.

I wish I had the broken blue shelves cleaned off and gone on junk day.

Granted
The broken blue shelvs, that some idiot painted blue over several layers of gold leaf have gone bye-bye


I wish I had an eagle feather quill pen

bookbug
04-22-2011, 01:57 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the eagle is still attached to the feather. Kinda hard to write with it.

I wish I could make friends and influence people.

CDSinex
04-22-2011, 02:24 AM
Granted: The Genie scores you two tickets, for you and a frien... (the irony just hit the Genie), to a Dale Carnegie seminar entitled, How to Win Friends and Influence People. The seminar is in Harmony, Maine (the irony of that also just hit the Genie). You will have to pay transportation, accommodation, and applicable taxes out of pocket.


I wish I had some beer in the fridge.

Nymtoc
04-22-2011, 02:35 AM
Granted. You have a quart of beer that you opened six weeks ago in your fridge. The fridge lost its electrical power three days ago. Hope you like your beer warm and stale.

I just opened a promotional letter (really), and the first thing I saw was a photo of a certain former governor of Alaska. I wish that will never, ever happen to me again as long as I live.

bookbug
04-22-2011, 02:39 AM
Granted, but now you have to see pictures of every other politician you hate every day for as long as you live.

I wish I didn't have to go to class.

Drachen Jager
04-22-2011, 03:08 AM
Granted. Don't go. The genie wonders why people wish for things they already have.

I wish I could read the minds of the people around me.

Nymtoc
04-22-2011, 03:19 AM
Granted, with regrets. They are all thinking about you, and the Genie (who knows what they are thinking) hopes that you are not thin-skinned.

I wish that every obstacle I face would turn into a new opportunity.

alleycat
04-22-2011, 03:32 AM
Granted, grasshopper. Remember, whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Extreme suffering will just make you strong (and possibly bloody).

I wish I didn't waste so much time these days.

PorterStarrByrd
04-22-2011, 03:58 AM
I wish I had some beer in the fridge.


Granted
Isn't interesting how beer does not age nearly as well as wine does?



I wish the still made Old Frothingslosh

alleycat
04-22-2011, 03:59 AM
I wish PorterStarrByrd didn't ignore my wish . . .

Nymtoc
04-22-2011, 04:28 AM
The Genie attempted to find Porter Starr Byrd, but he was out riding his mule. Therefore the Genie himself will grant your wish: You will waste one minute less each day daydreaming, but you will waste two more minutes each day twiddling your thumbs.

I wish I could play pool like a pro.

alleycat
04-22-2011, 04:30 AM
Granted. You're a pool cleaner.


I wish I had room for a pool table (really, I do).

Drachen Jager
04-22-2011, 05:13 AM
Granted. You now have room for one of these.

http://www.educationalaids.in/images/product/img_3921283605558.jpg

You have to move your kitchen table to the side to fit it in the room though.

I wish I knew how to enchant objects so they could perform amazing feats.

Nymtoc
04-22-2011, 05:26 AM
Granted. You can enchant a lady so she will float in the air. Simply send $10,000 to NymtocMagic.com, and you will receive all necessary equipment and instructions. You must provide your own lady.
http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/CHAIR%20SUSPENSION.jpg
I wish I didn't keep getting delayed in my writing projects.

bookbug
04-22-2011, 07:29 AM
Granted, but the writing projects all revolve around Birds in the Dakotas.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Drachen Jager
04-22-2011, 08:42 AM
Granted. You know to wish for something to wish for.

I wish for an all expenses paid trip around the world.

Reziac
04-22-2011, 08:47 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the world is Pluto.

I wish I'd discovered the Wishing Game thread earlier.

wistfullylinda
04-22-2011, 09:54 AM
Granted. You actually weren't scheduled to discover the thread until tomorrow.

I wish I got paid for overtime.

Reziac
04-22-2011, 10:22 AM
Granted. However, now all your regular hours are volunteered.

I wish someone would clean my house.

HarryHoskins
04-22-2011, 02:24 PM
Granted. The Genie lifts you from obscurity, you are now a Someone.

I wish weddings didn't make me become drunk.

PorterStarrByrd
04-22-2011, 04:06 PM
I wish weddings didn't make me become drunk.


Granted

For some reason you now laugh hysterically at funerals

I wish I had some Old Frothingslosh

Reziac
04-22-2011, 07:35 PM
Granted. You now have an ocean of Old Frothingslosh, and drown in it.

I wish my chores would do themselves, so I wouldn't have to do 'em.

[My chores involve a great deal of shoveling manure.]

PorterStarrByrd
04-23-2011, 01:16 AM
I wish my chores would do themselves, so I wouldn't have to do 'em.

[My chores involve a great deal of shoveling manure.]


The genie is at a loss

It sounds like your chores are already doo itself.

Am I take it you want more of it?

OK
Granted




I wish Priscilla would notice me, and not like usual.

Nymtoc
04-23-2011, 01:39 AM
I wish Priscilla would notice me, and not like usual.

The Genie finds your wish exceptionally vague. The best he can do is to make it so that Priscilla (whoever she is) notices you and is especially pleased when you leave.

I wish Hollywood producers were scrambling to get the rights to one of my manuscripts.

HarryHoskins
04-23-2011, 01:52 AM
Granted. Though you are soon arrested for kidnapping. The law finds you dangling a manuscript attached to a rope over the edge of a cliff.

I wish America and Canada would change places.

Drachen Jager
04-23-2011, 04:26 AM
Granted. But Stephen Harper goes to you guys!

I wish Stephen Harper would just leave Canada and become an American already!

Nymtoc
04-23-2011, 06:34 AM
Granted. He will get lost in the large population of the US. However, in return you must take (you guessed it) Sarah Palin, along with Glenn Beck (who will take over the CBC), and Terry Jones (the nutty-as-a-fruitcake pastor who burned the Quran in Florida; he will become Canada's Minister of Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism).

I wish writing were easier.

Kim Fierce
04-23-2011, 06:47 AM
Granted, but now everyone in the world is a writer, so now none of us want to be one anymore.

I wish I knew for sure whether my writing sucked or not.

wistfullylinda
04-23-2011, 06:52 AM
Granted. Your writing goes from brilliant to so terrible it makes Dan Brown look like Shakespeare. No more uncertainty!

I wish I had better posture.

Kim Fierce
04-23-2011, 06:54 AM
Granted. You have now been paralyzed but you sit up super straight in your wheelchair.

I wish I could teleport.

CDSinex
04-23-2011, 10:08 AM
Granted: You can now teleport, or at least you will be able to after you download the latest version of Abyssoft’s Teleport program (it’s shareware). The Genie mentions in passing that you will need to purchase multiple Mac computers running OS X Leopard (v10.5) or later. The Teleport software won’t take you anywhere, but with that many new computers in your home why would you want to leave?



I wish Star Trek: Deep Space Nine was being rerun in my area.

Drachen Jager
04-23-2011, 10:13 AM
Granted. They are having a DS9 marathon. A week later you come out of your semi-comatose state to realise, it's not really that good and you missed three urgent e-mails from your dream agent who really wanted to rep your work but has now given up on you.

I wish I could write prize winning novels.

Nymtoc
04-23-2011, 10:24 AM
Granted. For three years in a row your novels have won the coveted Uttertrash Award, a silver trophy with your name engraved on it.

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/GARBAGE%20CAN%202.jpg
http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/GARBAGE%20CAN%202.jpg

http://h1.ripway.com/muggo/GARBAGE%20CAN%202.jpg

I wish I were more clever.

HarryHoskins
04-23-2011, 02:47 PM
Granted. You have moved up one place on the Wechsler IQ rating. You are now an Imbecile.

I wish women wouldn't laugh at me in the street.

PorterStarrByrd
04-23-2011, 03:49 PM
Granted. You have moved up one place on the Wechsler IQ rating. You are now an Imbecile.

I wish women wouldn't laugh at me in the street.


Granted
They have taken their derisive laughter indoors, particularly in the bedroom.


I wish the big root that floated into my boat landing yesterday was a bit lighter

CDSinex
04-24-2011, 12:10 AM
Granted: The body of water on which your boat landing is located suddenly dries up. The root, exposed to the unseasonable blazing sun, soon dries out making it much lighter. The upside of this is, if you act quickly, you can have fresh fish for dinner tonight. The down side will be clear enough in the next few hours.

I wish the nice weather would stay for a while.

HarryHoskins
04-24-2011, 12:18 AM
Granted. You now have twenty five thousand deodorizers from the 1950s and a hankering to spray 'em.

I wish I was Indiana Jones.

PorterStarrByrd
04-24-2011, 12:41 AM
Granted. You now have twenty five thousand deodorizers from the 1950s and a hankering to spray 'em.

I wish I was Indiana Jones.


Granted
You are now mythical and people can turn you off with the flip of a switch. Most of them have already seen enough of you ... is that a change from where you were prior to your wish?


I wish I had a band-aid .. or a duller knife.

Nymtoc
04-24-2011, 12:45 AM
After considerable thought, the Genie has decided to give you a band-aid. He wouldn't want to stop you from whittling those cute little squirrels that you sell by the side of the road.

I wish I could get started earlier in the morning.

HarryHoskins
04-24-2011, 12:45 AM
Granted. You have a band-aids aplenty and a duller knife. The dullness of the operator of the knife is unchanged.

Granted. Your wife finally finds your starting crank.

I wish I had a personal chauffeur.

PorterStarrByrd
04-24-2011, 01:54 AM
[s]I wish I had a personal chauffeur.


Granted
I guess you could call him a uniformed chauffer. They found out about ...( don't want to poison the jury) .. and you are taking a ride downtown in the back seat.

I wish my wood would last longer.

HarryHoskins
04-24-2011, 02:22 AM
Granted. A lifetime supply of Viagra is winging its way towards you as I type.

I wish I could remember how to ride my bicycle.

CDSinex
04-24-2011, 06:17 AM
Granted: You suddenly remember how to ride a bicycle. Unfortunately, after forgetting how to ride it several years ago, you gave it away. By the time you get a replacement, you will have forgotten how to ride it, and will give that one away, too.

I wish I could find a variety of peach that would bear fruit around here.

Reziac
04-24-2011, 07:04 AM
Granted. However, the fruit it bears is anything but peaches. Or sometimes peaches that never get ripe.

I wish for a good crop of apricots this year from my apricot tree.

<peering skyward, and wondering where else apricots could come from>

HarryHoskins
04-24-2011, 03:23 PM
Granted. You yield a bumper, but final, crop. The tree bears so much fruit it collapses under the weight. At least you have a three year supply of jam.

I wish television series would know when to bow out gracefully.

PorterStarrByrd
04-24-2011, 03:36 PM
I wish television series would know when to bow out gracefully.

Granted

They do, following the example of Two and Half Men


I wish I wasn't the only one who knew

Reziac
04-24-2011, 05:47 PM
Uh-oh... Granted. It appears that in the pursuit of educating others, PorterStarrByrd came to an abrupt end.

I wish I knew what it was PorterStarrByrd wanted us to know.

PorterStarrByrd
04-24-2011, 05:53 PM
I wish I knew what it was PorterStarrByrd wanted us to know.


Granted
Your in the short line. Most are in the "Does Porter know anything?" line

Porter wanted to know "why?"

I wish other people were not so confused by simple things.

alleycat
04-24-2011, 05:57 PM
Granted. I will refuse to open pickle jars for anyone else from now on!

I wish I wasn't thinking about having a piece of Dutch apple pie at 9:00 in the morning.

PorterStarrByrd
04-24-2011, 07:29 PM
I wish I wasn't thinking about having a piece of Dutch apple pie at 9:00 in the morning.

Granted
(easy one) It is no longer nine in the morning. Grab a fork

I wish I knew who invented dill pickles and the angstrom, and if they are really the same person.

Nymtoc
04-24-2011, 09:37 PM
Granted. The dill pickle and the angstrom were both invented by Dillford B. Angstrom (1896-1979). The "B" stands for Bubblegum. He invented that, too.

I wish I could wake up some morning and learn that I am the heir to a vast fortune.

Reziac
04-24-2011, 09:51 PM
Granted. Your heirs then kill you and take it.

I wish I had a vast forture, and never mind the heirs part, I don't want any.

Nymtoc
04-24-2011, 11:58 PM
Granted. The Genie has to use a time machine for this one. You have a vast fortune, and you set sail on Titanic's maiden voyage. You don't make it into a lifeboat.

I wish I didn't write so slowly.

alleycat
04-25-2011, 12:02 AM
Granted. Here's some crack.


I wish I could invent "the next big thing".

PorterStarrByrd
04-25-2011, 12:12 AM
Granted. The Genie has to use a time machine for this one. You have a vast fortune, and you set sail on Titanic's maiden voyage. You don't make it into a lifeboat.

I wish I didn't write so slowly.

The Hell with you .. the genie has no sympathy. He types with two fingers.


I wish I had som emu-burger.

Reziac
04-25-2011, 01:09 AM
The Genie grants both your wishes. You can type very fast, but you only know one word: Emu-burger.

I wish I had a nice T-bone steak.

Drachen Jager
04-25-2011, 08:58 AM
Granted. It's not from a cow and the police will be knocking in 5... 4... 3...

I wish I knew ten years ago what I know now.

Kim Fierce
04-25-2011, 09:06 AM
Granted. Now all your friends think you're such a know-it-all that they can't stand you.

I wish I had time to get everything done that I need to do.

Drachen Jager
04-25-2011, 09:30 AM
[Ha! I pulled one over on the genie at last! I have no friends. In your face genie!]

Granted. However in a strictly semantic way, you don't need to do anything, so you have no time at all.

I wish the genie would do something nice for himself for a change.

pandora1983
04-25-2011, 10:11 AM
Granted...Genie goes on vacay..but you have to fill in for him.

I wish I had my own background music

Reziac
04-25-2011, 10:11 AM
Gran-- Waitaminnut. This means the Genie doesn't have to grant any more wishes, right??

I wish the Genie would work harder at granting my wishes!

HarryHoskins
04-25-2011, 02:14 PM
Granted. The genie enrolls on a lengthy and comprehensive course entitled 'How to work harder on Reziac's wishes.' On completion of the course the Genie will be qualified to work as hard as possible on your wishes. See you in twenty years.

I wish my neighbour would stop pointing his telescope at my bathroom window.

PorterStarrByrd
04-25-2011, 03:30 PM
I wish my neighbour would stop pointing his telescope at my bathroom window.


Granted
The genie got a pair of binoculars for his birthday. He is still not especially selective where he points those. He could do better.

Oops ... I wish my saw horse had 4 legs

wistfullylinda
04-25-2011, 05:09 PM
Granted. The legs work better than expected and your saw horse runs out the door and away to freedom.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

Reziac
04-25-2011, 06:28 PM
Granted. You now have gills instead of lungs.

I wish I could breathe in outer space.

PorterStarrByrd
04-25-2011, 07:32 PM
I wish I could breathe in outer space.


Granted
You have gills instead of lungs. I don't know much about space, but I heard they train in large swimming pools

I wish the muskrat had not eaten so much of my dock over th winter.

Reziac
04-25-2011, 07:56 PM
Granted. Beavers ate the whole dock.

I wish I was 30 again.

shakeysix
04-25-2011, 07:59 PM
abra cabron! your deck is restored and the muskrats have ambled, shambled and rambled off to feed on your house, instead!

i wish muskrat ramble would come up on my radio--s6

shakeysix
04-25-2011, 08:01 PM
okay--you are thirty again--and all of your earnings since then have been deposited in my social security account! whoopee! i'm retiring tomorrow--s6

i wish more kind folks would contribute to my retirement

Reziac
04-25-2011, 08:15 PM
Granted. Shakeysix discovers a rude surprise while trying to collect Reziac's pitiful social insecurity, and is forced to go back to work.

I wish I could have retired at 30!

Nymtoc
04-25-2011, 08:58 PM
Granted. You retired at 30. You now wear rags and live in a cardboard shelter on the street with a sign reading "Homeless--Please Help!"

I wish people wouldn't keep jumping on each other's wishes in this thread. It makes the Genie dizzy.

shakeysix
04-25-2011, 09:00 PM
okay, you are thirty again and you are now retired! unfortunately, in this day and age that means you are homeless or living with a parent! you get a big bonus double! you are homeless and living with your unemployed mother. just remember, you and your mom keep your cardboard house off my property!--s6

i wish i could train my dog to operate a riding mower

shakeysix
04-25-2011, 09:04 PM
okay--i am going back to eating my lunch (cottage cheese and pineapple with graham crackers). i have some quizzes to grade so i won't be jumping any more threads today--s6

ps--i wish someone would jump nymmie. methinks he could use a little action.

Drachen Jager
04-25-2011, 09:36 PM
Granted. You jump Nymtoc's bones. Neither of you enjoys it.

I wish I had a wine cellar filled with a variety of wonderful vintages.

Nymtoc
04-25-2011, 09:39 PM
Granted. Among the wonderful vintages is a cask of Amontillado. Some guy named Poe comes along and seals you up behind a brick wall. The Amontillado tastes good, though.

I wish I could float from place to place unobserved.

HarryHoskins
04-25-2011, 10:35 PM
Granted. You are now a turd in the middle of an ocean.

I wish I could play the violin better.

Nymtoc
04-25-2011, 10:41 PM
Granted. Your fiddle now has only one string and no bow. All you need to do is pluck it. You know how to pluck, don't you?

I wish I could make beautiful music on my electronic keyboard.

Drachen Jager
04-26-2011, 12:51 AM
Granted. Here is a mini CD player. Put this Bach CD in and place it on your keyboard.

I wish I had a bookshelf full of unread books.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 12:59 AM
Granted. You have hundreds of such books on your bookshelf, and you plan to start reading them as soon as you learn to read.

I wish somebody would say something nice about me in this thread.

Reziac
04-26-2011, 01:48 AM
Granted. "Something nice about me." Your definition of "me" may vary.

I wish I would finish writing my novel.

PorterStarrByrd
04-26-2011, 02:45 AM
Granted. Here is a mini CD player. Put this Bach CD in and place it on your keyboard.

I wish I had a bookshelf full of unread books.


Granted
Your self published novel did not sell all that well


I wish I had a Lake trout on the line instead of an IP right now.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 02:56 AM
Granted. You have a lake trout on the line. It was just hatched and is 1.5 inches long.

I wish Porter would answer the previous question instead of the question that at was at the bottom of the previous page. I also wish the Genie would give me something extra special since I didn't get anything from the Easter Bunny.

HarryHoskins
04-26-2011, 03:10 AM
Granted. The Genie gives you a two for one. For your special treat I have surgically attached Porter to your hip. Happily, this means you can slap him round the face with a Mackerel when he quotes an incorrect post. The sleeping and bathroom arrangements must be decided between the one of you.

I wish I could turn back time without thinking of Cher.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 06:25 AM
Granted. You turn back time, do not think of Cher, but fall hopelessly in love with Connie Francis.

I wish I would receive some good news.

Drachen Jager
04-26-2011, 07:10 AM
Granted. You do not have have lung cancer! That's wonderful news isn't it? The testicular cancer... well, did I ever mention that wishes are carcinogenic?

I wish I had a hundred kilograms of gold.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 07:59 AM
Granted. You have a hundred kilos of gold. It was all part of the heist you brought off when you robbed the Federal Reserve Bank of New York's underground vault in Manhattan, which holds 5,000 metric tons of gold bullion. The vault is not far from where Nymtoc lives, and in fact, it was he who turned you in to the authorities. You can hear the sirens approaching now. Enjoy the gold while you can.

I wish I had an infallible lie detector.

alleycat
04-26-2011, 08:06 AM
Granted. I'm having it shipped directly from Acme Supply. Just pay shipping and handling.

http://www.jenniferboylan.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/bbt001_magic_8_ball_300main.jpg


I wish I could make a ton of money from inventing such a goofy items as the Magic Eight Ball. Perhaps washable toilet tissue? A talking fork for dieters which says such things as "Stop eating, you pig!"? Or maybe a support bra for Barbie?

Drachen Jager
04-26-2011, 09:14 AM
Granted. Behold Tension Sheet!

http://a4.mzstatic.com/us/r1000/053/Purple/66/ef/0c/mzl.hydacebn.480x480-75.jpg

I wish I could invent an alternative, clean, cheap source of energy.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 09:58 AM
Granted. You don't need to invent it, because you already have it. Start producing it in quantity right now, distribute it, save the planet with your clean, cheap, rainbow-colored source of energy!

I wish I could buy Fox News and turn it into something watchable.

HarryHoskins
04-26-2011, 02:28 PM
What do you think genie is? A miracle worker or something?

I wish call centre staff wouldn't call me by my first name.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 04:49 PM
Granted. From now on they will call you "Your Pomposity."

I wish I had penthouse in New York, a Villa at Cannes, a mansion in Beverly Hills, and a house in Tahiti. If the Genie thinks I am asking for too much, he may eliminate one of the above.

Reziac
04-26-2011, 06:34 PM
Granted. The house in Tahiti is replaced by a cell in Sing Sing Prison. Or in Folsom, if you think the commute is excessive.

I wish for a Roman villa in 4th century Britain.

Drachen Jager
04-26-2011, 08:39 PM
Granted. You have a Roman villa in 4th century Britain. I have no idea what you're going to do with it without a time machine though.

I wish I had a ray-gun that I could point at people on TV to make them disappear off the face of the Earth.

shakeysix
04-26-2011, 08:40 PM
here you are. wonderful place. except for your nasty neighbor, julian the apostate. he keeps putting flyers on your windshield urging you into apostasy. and he takes it hard when you turn him down. ooops-here come the picts and scotts. better duck into your handy fortification. oh, wait--you didn't wish for a fortification did you? --s6

i wish kansas was habitable --s6

PorterStarrByrd
04-26-2011, 08:41 PM
Granted. The house in Tahiti is replaced by a cell in Sing Sing Prison. Or in Folsom, if you think the commute is excessive.

I wish for a Roman villa in 4th century Britain.


Granted your Roman Villa is all crated up and waiting for you in Britain, can't remember exactly where. You can pick it up any time you wish.

Genie is prone to typing so slowly that sometimes three or four new posts appear before the one the genie has just tackled is ready to ship.


I wish egg salad was not so prone to food poisoniong ... be right back

shakeysix
04-26-2011, 08:43 PM
ah, drachen, poor dense drachen. you do have a ray gun to make tv people disappear. it is called a remote--s6

i wish my cottage cheese lunch would turn into a bowl of spicy chili con queso and a sugar donut, yet i would still lose the eight pounds i am trying to lose!---s6

Drachen Jager
04-26-2011, 08:54 PM
Granted. Some of the beans have been replaced with tapeworm eggs and the sugar dusting on the doughnut has been mixed with anthrax to make sure you lose the weight.

I wish I didn't get distracted so easily.

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 08:59 PM
Granted. You don't get distracted at all. You spend all day staring at a lump of clay, wondering how you can make it change its shape.

I wish something wonderful would happen to me today.

PorterStarrByrd
04-26-2011, 09:01 PM
Granted. Some of the beans have been replaced with tapeworm eggs and the sugar dusting on the doughnut has been mixed with anthrax to make sure you lose the weight.

I wish I didn't get distracted so easily.

Granted .. you can now go 30 seconds at a time without heading off on some new tangent


I wish I could keep up

PorterStarrByrd
04-26-2011, 09:02 PM
Granted. You don't get distracted at all. You spend all day staring at a lump of clay, wondering how you can make it change its shape.

I wish something wonderful would happen to me today.


Granted

Your computer went down. Wonderful for everybody else.

I REALLY wish I could keep up .. I'm getting confused

HarryHoskins
04-27-2011, 02:37 AM
Denied! The genie gave you a lifetime supply of Viagra in post #8139. Buy your own from now on.

I wish I could catch flies with chopsticks.

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 02:58 AM
The Genie has no idea why you would want such a thing, but he grants your wish, with the proviso that you eat all the flies you catch with your chopsticks.

I wish people would be more realistic in their wishes.

HarryHoskins
04-27-2011, 03:05 AM
Granted.

I wish I could have a mundane existence.

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 03:19 AM
Granted. You are dull, boring, incredibly ordinary and not worth talking to anymore. The Genie bids you good riddance.

I wish I could hold people's attention the way Mark Twain did.

Reziac
04-27-2011, 04:32 AM
Granted. You now have a captive audience, complete with ball and chain. Waitaminnut, aren't YOU supposed to be the recipient of the genie's twisted logic?? Maybe you're the captive, and if you lose their attention... well. 1001 Nights and all that.

I wish my favourite authors would write more books.

Drachen Jager
04-27-2011, 05:08 AM
Granted. Due to the flood of books on the marketplace there is no longer any interest in bringing new authors in. Nice going Reziac.

I wish there was more interest in first time authors.

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 05:45 AM
Granted. Agencies and publishing houses are so interested in first-time authors that they are ordering larger supplies of rejection slips.

I wish I had a magic wand that could help first-time authors get published. (The Genie can't possibly be nasty about this wish, can he?)

Reziac
04-27-2011, 05:56 AM
Granted. Everyone gets published. However, with the death of literacy, books no longer sell.

I wish my novel would become a best-seller.

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 09:43 AM
Granted. It is published in a miniature version and included in thousands of Cracker Jack boxes.

I wish I had more talent.

Reziac
04-27-2011, 11:15 AM
Talent, schmalent; the genie provides you with a magnifying glass, so you can see my book and... ahem.

I wish I had xray vision.

Riyyah
04-27-2011, 12:27 PM
Granted, but now every time you see your grandmother the image of her unclothed, sagging breasts is forever imprinted on your brain, scarring you for life.

I wish I had the ability to teleport.

Phantom Rottweiler
04-27-2011, 12:51 PM
Granted. However you can only teleport one foot in any lateral direction.

I wish had more time to dedicate to writing.

HarryHoskins
04-27-2011, 02:07 PM
Granted. You lose you job, house and friends. The genie gives you some pencils and paper.

I wish the spring blossoms would last longer.

shakeysix
04-27-2011, 05:20 PM
the new madrid fault jiggles a bit and presto boinko--there is a lava spewing volcano in your backyard. what does this have to do with spring blossoms? before your horrified eyes peach blossoms, apple blossoms etc. are encased in lava. yup--a coupla million years from now some paleontologist is going to be very impressed with these fossils--especially the strangely contorted skeletal remains of a slack jawed homo sapiens! --s6


i wish delsym tasted like buttered rum!

Reziac
04-27-2011, 06:46 PM
Granted. Delsym now tastes like wonderful hot buttered rum. The downside is you have a perpetual cold and need an infinite supply of Delsym.

I wish someone would make me a proper hot buttered rum, instead of Rez's lazy man's substitute.

======

Rez's lazy version of hot buttered rum:

Combine:
1 cup hot water
1 packet instant apple cider
dash of ground cinnamon
1 large glob butter
1 capful rum

No, no, the bottle cap, not your headgear, you shameless sot!

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 07:19 PM
Go to a high-priced cocktail lounge and ask the bartender to make you a proper hot buttered rum. Please don't bother the Genie with wishes you can handle on your own.

I wish I owned a bridge and could collect tolls from everyone who crossed it.

Reziac
04-27-2011, 08:00 PM
Granted. The troll under the bridge frightens everyone away, so there are no tolls to collect. Then he eats you.

I wish for a trained troll, who would collect tolls from random passersby. Then eat them.

shakeysix
04-27-2011, 08:07 PM
oh yeah--well i just conjured up the billy goats gruff! you and your little troll buddy had best take a hike. the bridge is MINE.

i wish i had a dozen toll house cookies to go with my lousy, boring lunch.

PorterStarrByrd
04-27-2011, 08:18 PM
oh yeah--well i just conjured up the billy goats gruff! you and your little troll buddy had best take a hike. the bridge is MINE.

i wish i had a dozen toll house cookies to go with my lousy, boring lunch.

Granted ... However

The cookies they made in the toll house, from something the Billy Goat left behind, aren't in high demand. Have two dozen and enjoy your lousy lunch

I wish I has some snickerdoodles

iLion
04-27-2011, 09:20 PM
Granted, Porter! (Man ,you guys in the Alaskan outback will do anything for entertainment, huh?)

Here are a bunch of doodles I drew on paper a few years ago, and many people snickered at them.

I wish I owned an island.

shakeysix
04-27-2011, 09:45 PM
i am looking at an island right now--an island of low achievers in a high school of over achieving wonder bread types. i admit i love my fifth hour guys. they have the kind of zany humor that kept mr. kotter on his toes. unfortunately i am too old to keep up with them so they are all yours! (hernan just asked if he could take his textbook to the john to read. he says he reads better on the pot.)

i wish i could draw my pension today!!!!!--s6

Drachen Jager
04-27-2011, 10:39 PM
Granted. Take a pencil and some paper...

I wish I had a magic eraser that would undo mistakes I only realise I've made after I hit the <send> button on my e-mail.

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 10:46 PM
Granted. You may also find it useful to erase everything you've written on your manuscript.

I wish that--now that Obama has released the so-called "long form" of his birth certificate--the nut jobs would shut up so we can get on with more serious matters.

HarryHoskins
04-27-2011, 10:48 PM
Granted. The nut jobs shut up and everyone gets back to discussing what a ridiculous person Sarah Palin is.

I wish it wasn't so windy here.

Drachen Jager
04-27-2011, 11:49 PM
Granted. I have transported you to the Moon.

I wish I had a pet dragon.

HarryHoskins
04-27-2011, 11:53 PM
Granted. Everything goes fine until it notices the name on your mail.

I wish I could have an endless supply of free booze.

PorterStarrByrd
04-28-2011, 12:35 AM
Granted. Everything goes fine until it notices the name on your mail.

I wish I could have an endless supply of free booze.

Granted
You are pich hitter who strikes out with the bases loaded and two outs in the bottom of the ninth in Philadelphia.

I wish you could see my flowers.

Drachen Jager
04-28-2011, 02:33 AM
Granted. Oh damn! That's not right! Porter get your clothes back on! That's not a flower! Oh, I see, you stuck a flower there... Still, put some clothes on, please, for the love of all that is holy. Oh why did I have to become a genie, I should have studied harder, the Grand Vizier position was open if only I'd scored higher than Raj Mohamidi on that final exam.

I wish Porter would stay dressed for the rest of his natural life.

Nymtoc
04-28-2011, 02:36 AM
Granted. Porter will wear his usual clown suit for the rest of his life.

I wish I knew why my bicycle horn sounds so cheesy.

HarryHoskins
04-28-2011, 02:53 AM
Granted. You discover the Stilton in the honker but don't laugh at the pun.

I wish Lucy Worsley would be mine. Please make this happen as she is just so lovely.

PorterStarrByrd
04-28-2011, 03:42 AM
I wish Lucy Worsley would be mine. Please make this happen as she is just so lovely.


The Lucy Worley Mine, just outside of beautiful Tombstone, AZ is yours. Nobody else had the shortsightedness to ask for ir.


I wish there were not so many logs in the water.

HarryHoskins
04-28-2011, 03:52 AM
Granted. You stop eating so much fibre and you empty your bucket daily.

I wish I my trainers didn't rub my heels raw.

Kim Fierce
04-28-2011, 09:11 AM
Granted. Your trainers start making you rub your own heels. ;-)

I wish I wasn't hungry!

CDSinex
04-28-2011, 10:24 AM
Granted: With a wave of the Genie's hand you are no longer hungry, you are famished.

I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

PorterStarrByrd
04-28-2011, 03:48 PM
I wish I could have my cake and eat it too.


Granted
Next time follow the recipe and quit experimenting with those little orange lantern shaped peppers and maybe someone else will help you eat it



I wish the loon didn't think he was a rooster at 4:00 AM or earlier

HarryHoskins
04-28-2011, 04:28 PM
Granted. The Loon now thinks he's an alarm clock at 3:00 AM and earlier.

I wish that all dull housing items such as hoover bags, bathroom cleaner and Jays cloths were free.

Reziac
04-28-2011, 06:05 PM
Granted. I freely provide all such dull items to my housekeeping slave droid, since he's required to use them daily.

Dang, I wish I actually HAD a housekeeping droid.

Nymtoc
04-28-2011, 11:54 PM
Granted. You have the latest housekeeping droid, the Housemaster XL5Q710. It dusts and sweeps and cleans and scrubs, but since it is a Beta, it has a few imperfections which the manufacturer hopes you will assess. It will prepare a microwave dinner for you every night at 6 o'clock. It will lock all your doors at 9 o'clock. (Caution: unlocking them in case of fire is still a bit of a problem with this model). After six months, the manufacturer will be pleased to receive your comments on this product.

I wish I had a pecan pie.

alleycat
04-29-2011, 12:02 AM
Granted! Come on down. We even have pecan beer (and no, I'm not kidding).


I wish I nice, cool pecan beer right now.

HarryHoskins
04-29-2011, 12:28 AM
Granted. But you have to put the pecan beer in the fridge for a while so the pee can cool down.

I wish I looked better in hats.

Drachen Jager
04-29-2011, 12:29 AM
Granted. Let me just zip up. Here's your can, cool it in your own fridge.

I wish everyone else would acknowledge that the world revolves around me.

Drachen Jager
04-29-2011, 12:31 AM
Damn you Hoskins!

Granted. If you run all the way to Hats, West Virginia (pop 37) you will lose weight, and ergo look better.

I still wish everyone else would acknowledge that the world revolves around me (especially that Harry Hoskins fella).

Reziac
04-29-2011, 01:39 AM
Good news! Drachen Jager has been impaled on the North Pole, and the world now revolves around him.

I wish I had two or three of those fancy housekeeping droids, because even with their bugs, it's still progress over the current housekeeping department.

Nymtoc
04-29-2011, 02:15 AM
Granted. You now have three droids--Housemasters XL5Q710, XY48395 and ZW856T21. Each takes care of a different aspect of your household, including tucking you in at night and making sure you wipe in the bathroom.

I wish I had $1,000 in my pocket right now.

Drachen Jager
04-29-2011, 02:35 AM
Granted. You'd better get a move on, that guy just stole your pants! <pointing>

I wish I had a one kilogram gold brick in my pocket right now.

Nymtoc
04-29-2011, 02:51 AM
Granted. But the gold brick is so heavy it makes your pants fall down, and you are arrested for public lewdness. At the police station they discover the brick (which has a serial number engraved on it) and realize it came from the armored car robbery last week. You are facing charges that will probably land you in prison for life.

I wish to have a perfect day tomorrow.

HarryHoskins
04-29-2011, 03:23 AM
Granted. I'm coming over!

I wish I could walk through walls.

Nymtoc
04-29-2011, 03:39 AM
Granted. The first time you walk through a wall you are on the 45th floor of a skyscraper, and (you guessed it) it is an exterior wall. Happy landings!

I wish I had a shelf full of trophies.

HarryHoskins
04-29-2011, 03:47 AM
Granted. Your mother digs about in the attic and finds your consecutive 1984-1989 high school 'most likely to succeed' trophies. She even fashions a shelf to put them on out of the concrete of the bridge you live under.

I wish I could remain strong and not watch the Royal Wedding.

PorterStarrByrd
04-29-2011, 03:58 AM
I wish I could remain strong and not watch the Royal Wedding.

Granted
You are alergic to soap and water for the next thirty days. That should make you pretty strong. You have also attained the curious effect of shutting down all electronic gear as you walk by. You ain't going to see the wedding unless you have an invite

in the future ... one wish at a time please.


I wish I knew who did this.

Reziac
04-29-2011, 04:03 AM
Granted! I did it.

I wish I knew what to do with Nymtoc's and Drachen's pants.
(Is that one wish or two??)

HarryHoskins
04-29-2011, 04:19 AM
I grant you the knowledge of Nymtoc and Drachen's cohabitation and therefore suggest you put their pants back in their shared pant draw.
(Technically one wish)

I wish I could make 1001 posts.

Nymtoc
04-29-2011, 04:27 AM
Granted, you silly fool! (This will force you to answer and thus get your wish.)

I wish I could go up really high in a balloon.