View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 [27] 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72

10-25-2009, 01:58 AM
Poof. Granted. Opera-hating-bears have been sent to ALW's home in England where the viciously attack him during breakfast, tearing him limb from limb and beating him with serving spoons until he is little more than a puddle of reddish-brown-ALW-goo on the floor.

Curiously, all of this transpires during a slow newsweek that corresponds with a complete lack of celebrity death or Lindsay Lohan shennanigans.

When the international media becomes aware of his death, it is publicized in an infinite loop on all of the 24 hour news networks. The BBC, PBS and several other broadcasting outlets quickly throw together documentaries detailing every moment of ALW's life from craddle to goo-filled-grave. As tribute, for two weeks, all of the films based on ALW's work are shown continuously and the radio plays a nonstop medley of ALW showtunes.

Even the bears sent to do away with ALW commit suicide as a result.


I wish I could move to Oregon...right now.

10-25-2009, 02:41 AM
I wish I could move to Oregon...right now.


The genie has whisked you there so fast that you landed smack in the middle of Crater Lake. It's a beautiful lake, but you landed at midnight, and since you are very far from shore you must either swim or tread water to stay alive. Of course, a tour boat comes along occasionally during the day--so if you can stay afloat for the next 12 hours or so, there's a good chance you'll be rescued.


I wish I had a maid, a butler and a cook.

10-25-2009, 02:59 AM
Granted! You now live on a sprawling Edwardian estate with a maid, a butler, and a cook. You are so thrilled with your good fortune that you decide to throw a lavish dinner party and invite your closest 300 friends and relatives.

Sadly, during the course of the evening, you are brutally murdered in the study with a candlestick. Not to fear, though, one of your guests moonlights as an investigative consultant and quickly deduces that the butler did it.

He is sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.


I wish the Web Bot project at Half Past Human would go on Coast to Coast AM and announce the prediction that monkey's will fly out of the secretary of the treasury's ass on 12/21/2012. (I don't know why, I just do.)

10-25-2009, 06:50 AM
Granted. The web bots announce their prediction. David Letterman has a field day with this. The secretary of the treasury refuses to comment but the IRS takes a sudden interest in the records of Coast to Coast AM. They are also interested in what you know about the prediction but abruptly lose interest when flying monkeys appear on the predicted day.

I wish my model of Man o'War would come to life.

10-25-2009, 09:14 PM

You now have a horse standing on a shelf in your room. How you get him down is your business.

I wish I had money for brunch.

10-25-2009, 11:08 PM
OOO--I haven't seen this thread but it looks like fun--I wanna play!

Double OOO--I get to do Bos for my first one :evil


You now have a horse standing on a shelf in your room. How you get him down is your business.

I wish I had money for brunch.

Granted. You now have a fork, knife and and a pile of Monopoly money.

I wish I had a housekeeper.

10-25-2009, 11:27 PM
Granted. She does not dust, vacuum, and she is an evil vampire.

I wish I had a dog.

10-26-2009, 04:29 AM
Granted. And ain't he a looker? (You know, as demon-hell-spawn go, he's actually quite a good puppy. If only he would stop vaporizing the neighbors with those bursts of firey brimstone that tend to shoot forth from his back end after supper, you can easily imagine he would be the perfect pet.)


I wish it would rain Skittles when rainbows appear-- like in the commericals.

10-29-2009, 06:31 AM
Granted. It rains Skittles. There are Skittle floods. Many people lose their homes to the Skittle floods.

I wish I knew how to get the horse off my shelf.

10-29-2009, 06:33 AM
granted. Too bad it's a quadriplegic horse.

I wish I could get my wisdom teeth pulled.

10-29-2009, 07:19 AM

couples of wires, some draft horses, and a whip. Won't hurt but ... oh, well, it's going to hurt.

I wish I had more hours in the day

10-29-2009, 07:26 AM
granted. But everyone else still gets 24. This leads to mass confusion and ultimately the world's demise.

I wish I had not bruised my hand. (yeah, it's boring but it really hurts!)

10-29-2009, 07:30 AM

You severed it. They will be able to reattach it, but "bride of frankenstein" will be your costume every year from here on out.

I wish I was better at guessing games. ;)

10-29-2009, 07:32 AM
granted. but you're prohibited from participating.

I wish I had made my hair appointment for tomorrow.

10-29-2009, 08:11 AM

But there's a terrible accident. With your hair. On the plus side, I hear the bald look is in.

I wish I didn't have to get up so soon

11-02-2009, 07:45 AM
Granted. You are now assigned to the 6 pm to 6 am shift.

I wish I had a ton of chocolate.

11-02-2009, 07:47 AM
granted, but the truck dropped it in your pool.

I wish I could snowboard forever.

11-02-2009, 08:46 AM

You've been transported to the ice ages.

I wish it wasn' as late as it was.

11-02-2009, 08:47 AM
granted. but it's the worst day of your life :( (sorry)

I wish I had a new motorcycle.

11-02-2009, 09:18 AM

It's made by matchbox.

I wish I could fit 7 hrs sleep into 6 or less

11-02-2009, 09:53 AM
I wish I could fit 7 hrs sleep into 6 or less

Granted. With the amazing new SleepCompress you can fit up to 10 hours sleep into a much smaller time period! It's yours for only 12 easy payments of $29.95 plus S&H. BUT WAIT! If you order within the next ten minutes you get TWO SleepCompress for the price of one. Log on to SleepCompress.com, and be sure to include your name, address, phone number, date of birth, mother's maiden name, Social Security number, driver license number, automobile registration number and bank account number with each order.

I wish I could shrug off rejection slips with a laugh.

11-02-2009, 02:56 PM
Granted. But you're laughing more and more often these days, and it's turning rather maniacal. (Sorry! Sorry! What else was I going to do? :()

I wish I could remove the ads from any webpage I wanted.

11-08-2009, 06:21 PM
Granted. Advertisers quit paying for ads on webpages. Without their payments the webpages go bankrupt. Soon there is no more internet.

I wish I had a Kindle.

11-10-2009, 07:05 PM
granted. But it's broken.

I wish I had a train ticket.

11-10-2009, 07:24 PM
I wish I had a train ticket.


You have a ticket on the Chicago and Wabash Valley Railroad to travel from Chicago to Kersey, Indiana, on August 10, 1898. Though you obviously can't use it, it may bring you a few bucks on eBay.


I wish I could go to my own private island for R&R whenever I want.

11-10-2009, 08:14 PM
you can. But, Like Nicholas Cage you got greedy and bought two and are now having financial problems.

I wish I had a broach.

11-11-2009, 06:32 PM

You broach the wrong subject with the wrong person. Mahem, chaos, and total financial and social breakdown ensues.

Or did you mean the jewelry?

I wish I could get a back massage

11-11-2009, 06:35 PM
granted, but the man doing it finds you "cute"


I wish I had cream for my coffee...

11-11-2009, 07:03 PM

But you have no coffee.

I wish things were moving a little faster here, a little slower there.

11-11-2009, 07:06 PM
Granted, but now you're confused.

I wish I could ride in a hot air balloon.

11-11-2009, 07:44 PM

A freak gust of wind strands you in the wilderness. You survive, but acquire a taste for grubs that leaves you socially on the outs with everyone in your life.

I wish I could ride in a hot air balloon again.

11-17-2009, 05:05 PM
Granted. Unfortunately it goes out of control and straight over Area 51. Good luck explaining.

I wish I could get rid of the old computer downstairs.

11-17-2009, 06:52 PM
granted. but it is possessed and comes back to haunt you in your dreams.

I wish I could make decent hashbrowns.

11-17-2009, 06:58 PM
Granted. I'll teach you how. We can start with fried potatoes first and then work our way to hashbrowns.

I wish I could just order groceries online and have the local Publix bring them to my front door.

11-17-2009, 07:23 PM
granted. they're three months late.

I wish I hadn't broken that porcelain doll in Hallmark when I was eight.

11-17-2009, 08:46 PM

Your broke it yesterday. They were much less accommodating about it than when you were eight. Especially when after breaking the first one, you shrugged, and muttering something along the lines of "well they ought to at least all match" proceeded to break the rest of them, too.

I wish I hadn't forgotten the olives.

11-17-2009, 08:47 PM
(:roll: that was a funny one!)

granted. but you forgot everything else.

I wish I was better at math.

11-17-2009, 09:10 PM
granted, but instead of adding numbers that make sense you are assigned to the Insomniac Clinic to count sheep for hundreds of patients, and counting fluffy ruminants now keeps you up all night.

I wish it would stop raining so I could go back to work...

11-17-2009, 09:12 PM
granted. but it's 112 degrees outside.

i wish i could i remember more stuff

11-17-2009, 09:23 PM
granted, but since you can now remember everything you remember that fifty bucks you owe me.

I wish I would get back to editing my WIP so it will get published.

11-17-2009, 09:25 PM
granted. but you forgot your password to AW when you logged off.

I wish someone else would cook for me.

11-17-2009, 10:22 PM
granted, I come over and cook for you but Granny Clampett's recipe for 'Possum Innards in Raccoon Gravy and Mustard Greens' doesn't quite come up to the regal repast you had in mind.

I wish there were more hours in the day so I could do more things that need a'doin'.

11-18-2009, 01:35 AM
Welcome to the Arctic Circle.

I wish that I could write 20,000 words in one day.

11-18-2009, 03:46 AM

You have written 20,000 words in one day. They are all in Sanskrit.

I wish I could be a contestant on Jeopardy and win $100,000.

11-18-2009, 10:07 AM
Granted. But someone just stole $100,001 worth of stuff from your house.

I wish wallabies had longer arms.

A. Hamilton
11-18-2009, 10:51 AM
granted--they now have arms as long as their tails. watch your wallet.

I wish I could be two places at once.

11-18-2009, 11:44 AM
Granted. You now have an evil clone who is ruining your life.

I wish my clients weren't idiots.

11-18-2009, 11:50 AM
Granted. But now they're smart and abscond with everybody's money.

I wish I had a vault filled with diamond jewelry.

11-18-2009, 11:53 AM
Granted. But you lost the key, and the lock is far too complicated for any locksmith to break.

I wish my knee wouldn't hurt.

11-18-2009, 04:46 PM
Granted. An anvil suddenly falls on your head, and although your skull is split in two, amazingly your knee no longer hurts.

I wish that my dog would learn to take himself for a walk and unlock the front door with a key.

11-18-2009, 05:00 PM
Granted. An anvil suddenly falls on your head, and although your skull is split in two, amazingly your knee no longer hurts.

I wish that my dog would learn to take himself for a walk and unlock the front door with a key.


And now that your dog has a key, he uses it to let in all the other dogs in the neighborhood, and soon they are rampaging through your house and devouring everything in your kitchen and taking over the place to such an extent that you move out and become homeless.

I wish I could understand the weird dream I had the other night.

11-18-2009, 05:11 PM
Granted. You suddenly understand that the dream you had about being pursued in a back alley in Prague by a cheese soufflé wearing a monocle and speaking with a German accent, means that you are incurably insane.

I wish that it were technically possible to project the images in my mind onto a screen.

11-18-2009, 05:26 PM
Granted. You suddenly understand that the dream you had about being pursued in a back alley in Prague by a cheese soufflé wearing a monocle and speaking with a German accent, means that you are incurably insane.

I wish that it were technically possible to project the images in my mind onto a screen.


The images on your mind are projected onto a screen so large that it becomes a public spectacle, and everyone in town flocks to see them. Unfortunately, the screen is quickly torn down by the authorities, who charge you with disseminating pornography.

I wish I could wear the same clothes every day.

11-18-2009, 05:39 PM
Granted. You wear the same clothes every day, for weeks, months and years on end until your clothes are so utterly foul-smelling and putrid that the fetor seeps through the walls, driving your neighbors to call the Sanitation Dep't who pick you up, drive you out of town and unceremoniously dump you in a landfill after sprinkling your rank form with chemical lime.

I wish that I could spend the whole day laughing.

11-18-2009, 07:37 PM
Granted. You wake up as a laughing hyena.
I wish I had a magic carpet.

11-18-2009, 07:51 PM
granted. It left without you.

I wish my hair would behave!

11-18-2009, 07:57 PM

Your hair will sit up, beg, and fetch your slippers. all attempts to teach it to use the bathroom will still end in messy failure.

I wish I wasn't out of olives for my salad.

11-18-2009, 07:58 PM
granted, but they're rotten.

I wish my dog could tell me what he wants.

11-19-2009, 03:28 AM
Granted. But now he's telling you more than you wanted to know.

I wish that my job wasn't so stressful.

11-20-2009, 12:20 AM
granted, but now your job is so boring you fall asleep and lose your clients.

I wish Winter would be short and mild and Spring show up soon.

11-22-2009, 02:13 AM
Granted, but now Spring has gotten so hot your sweating bullets.

I wish chocolate could never be fattening, but not sugar-free.

11-22-2009, 04:05 AM
Now it's even thinning, but you can only eat a little tiny bit, otherwise your ribs will poke out of your skin.

I wish that school-kids could think up something smarter to say than "your mum is."

11-22-2009, 04:30 AM
granted, but comedians everywhere get discouraged and give up due to the lack of fall-back "your momma" jokes....

I wish I would have eaten more for lunch.

11-22-2009, 05:04 AM
Granted, but you don't eat too much because you don't want to ruin your stunning size-2 figure.

I wish for everyone to have a fun weekend.

11-22-2009, 05:08 AM
granted. But everyone has different ideas about what that looks like, so confusion abounds...

I wish that photographer hadn't stolen my umbrella....

11-22-2009, 06:46 AM
Granted. He stole your camera instead.

I wish my little brother would stop putting toy frogs in my face.

11-22-2009, 06:25 PM
Granted, but then he started putting lizards in your face.

I wish I had a cute puppy.

11-23-2009, 02:04 AM
Granted. but he's impossible to housetrain.

I wish I had apple crumble.

11-23-2009, 05:28 AM
Granted, but it crumbled so much, you only had crumbs. :)

I still wish I had a puppy, even if I had to house train him or her.

11-23-2009, 06:06 AM
granted, but it's Haggis.

I wish I had some Cheese fries from Steak n shake...

11-23-2009, 07:45 PM

Ever seen "Real Genius"? Remember the scene at the end with the popcorn?

Yeah, it's like that.

I wish I could shake this mood I'm in.

11-23-2009, 07:48 PM
granted. but you can't stop shaking....

I wish my hair wasn't dirty.

11-24-2009, 01:21 AM
Granted. Now you're bald.

I wish I wasn't sick.

11-28-2009, 09:37 PM

You may not be sick, but everyone else around you is. Guess who gets stuck with the clean up?

I wish I knew how to get this scene done without my having to write it. Stupid POV.

11-28-2009, 09:46 PM
Granted. I write it for you and sabotage all your hard work :tongue

I wish Muse would have performed for my birthday party.

11-29-2009, 12:01 AM

After her performance, she gets way too tipsy and tap-dances through your cake singing "tiptoe through the tulips" very off-key. And that's just for starters.

I wish I could have another cup of coffee and not have it keep me up all night.

11-29-2009, 12:54 AM
I wish I could have another cup of coffee and not have it keep me up all night.


It only keeps you up for seven and a half hours. You manage to sleep for 30 minutes before you have to get up.

I wish I had a flying carpet.

11-29-2009, 12:56 AM
granted. It won't fly with you on it.

I wish I had my wisdom teeth removed.

11-29-2009, 01:14 AM

No wisdom teeth = no wisdom. And you thought you were a stereotypical blond before? :D

I wish I could make biscuits the easy way tonight.

11-29-2009, 01:17 AM

granted. but you have to make everything else the hard way.

I wish I had my pillow back :(

11-29-2009, 01:23 AM

The rest of the bed has gone missing, though.

I wish this scene would go much easier.

11-29-2009, 01:25 AM
Granted because your characters stole my bed. hee heee....

I wish you would change your avatar.....

11-29-2009, 01:29 AM
I wish you would change your avatar.....

Granted, but not until November is over and in my genie-ness has worked its magic and my NaNovel is complete. My genie powers are forceful, but alas, the powers end at NaNo. I am helpless before its supreme power. *Bows to the NaNo Genie*

I wish the NaNo Genie would help me develop some subplots to add to my NaNovel.

11-29-2009, 01:42 AM

2000 pages later, you're going to need a genie-editor. Who will be on vacation and unavailable at that time.

I wish I had better insulation up here...

11-29-2009, 06:00 AM
Granted, but then the neighbors want to stay with you 'cause of the great insulation you have.

I wish I was a gorgeous model.

11-30-2009, 03:45 AM
Granted. You are a gorgeous model and constantly stalked by guys you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

I wish I owned Zenyatta.

12-04-2009, 01:27 AM

Genie burns you a copy of The Police's third album and sends it to you. (This one was surprisingly easy. :D)

I wish I could get a pizza tonight.

12-06-2009, 04:31 PM
Granted. With double mold topping.

I wish my yard was free of weeds.

12-06-2009, 06:21 PM
Granted. But now your yard only grows poison oak.

I wish I could win the multimillion dollar lottery.

12-06-2009, 09:39 PM
Well CheekyWench, let me be the first to say...
Yes, that's right, you've won the multimillion dollar lottery. Now due to the conditions of the lottery, having to do with tax purposes and other things that you need not concern yourself with, we need to act quickly so that you may start spending all of your millions.
So let's begin by typing in your social security number, mother's maiden name and, if you give us your bank account number, why we can instantly transfer your winnings electronically.

I wish I could find some satisfaction in my work.

12-06-2009, 10:30 PM
Granted. Provided you work 192 hours/week with no vacations, sick days or holidays.

I wish for a wish that's incorruptible.

12-07-2009, 06:31 PM
Granted. You wish for all your inlaws to visit for a year.

I wish my room was warm.

12-07-2009, 09:43 PM
granted. you shed your clothes because its too hot and pass out until you're found by a curious neighbor.

I wish I wouldn't have had so many surprises today.

12-09-2009, 01:14 AM
Granted. Your life is now quite dull. You are bored out of your skull.

I wish I could have a pizza.

12-12-2009, 05:18 AM
Go ahead, you can have a pizza. Wait, let me just check the list. Let's see, Koamatoes, KoalaKiller (there's a real prick there) ah, here we go Komnena. Oh sorry, nope. No pizza for you.

I wish I didn't have to work this weekend.

12-13-2009, 06:02 AM
Granted, but you wake up in a ditch unsure of how you got there. But at least you're not at work ;)

I wish I could get enough to drink.

12-13-2009, 06:44 AM
granted, now I have to be within eye-shot of a restroom at all times.

I wish I could get that Lasik eye surgery.

12-13-2009, 07:56 AM
Granted. The surgery is a success and for the first time in your life you can REALLY see. You see your face in the mirror and your stunned. You get in the elevator and appreciate the simple beauty in crystal clear illuminated amber buttons as they descend. As you exit the medical building you are captivated by the rich, dark green flora by the door in the lobby. In your elated state you rush across the street to bask in the beauty and majesty of the museum. But you don't see the bus.

I wish I could talk to animals.

12-13-2009, 07:59 AM

Granted. You learn that they're all out to get you and no one believes it when you tell them.

I wish it would still be raining when i fall asleep tonight.

Regan Leigh
12-13-2009, 11:59 AM
"I wish it would still be raining when i fall asleep tonight."

Granted. You fall asleep to the sound of beautiful rainfall. But then the raindrops turn into literal cats and dogs falling from the sky and slamming through your roof. That Great Dane does the most damage.

I wish I could beat this insomnia!

12-13-2009, 06:22 PM
Granted. You get to beat this insomnia but it turns out insomnia has plenty of friends.

I wish people would shut up about Tiger.

12-14-2009, 01:54 AM
Granted. They start talking about his wife.

I wish I would get like 5 feet of snow.

12-14-2009, 02:05 AM
Granted. I'll have the maintenance men comes and dump a load of snow at your house. Oh, one of them has a urinary infection; he might need to use the bathroom a few times. And the other one steals stuff; I'd keep an eye on him if I were you.

I wish time could be turned back to last Friday so I could begin the weekend all over.

12-14-2009, 02:16 AM
I wish time could be turned back to last Friday so I could begin the weekend all over.

Granted. Your weekend is starting again. The temperature has fallen to minus 10 degrees. Your car won't start. Your TV explodes. A hacker crashes your computer. Your cat dies. Three Federal marshals arrive to arrest you for nonpayment of income taxes. Your favorite team loses. The milk in your refrigerator goes sour. Cockroaches are crawling all over your bathroom. Care to return to things as they were? :D

I wish I had my own country, where I could be king.

12-14-2009, 04:09 AM
Granted. We can do this. Just take these solid words of advice "Screw your courage to the sticking place, And we'll not fail." Sincerely, your Genie, L.M.

(If you don't recognize it, google it)

I wish owned my own restaurant.

12-14-2009, 05:03 AM
I wish owned my own restaurant.

[Dear L.M. I'm taking your advice, If chance will have me king, why, chance may crown me. ;)]

Your wish is granted. You have your own restaurant. It is at the end of a dirt road that was abandoned when the new highway opened. Some crows and vultures come by, and an occasional fox, but the last human being to visit your restaurant is a fugitive from the state prison who empties the cash register and drives off in your car. :D

I wish I could correct all the errors in all the world's history books.

12-14-2009, 07:28 AM
Granted. Everyone whose sensibilities are offended by your corrections drives by and throws a rock through your windows.

I wish I knew what size pants I should buy next.

12-14-2009, 07:39 AM
granted. but they are a pants size for your mother in law.

I wish I could get warm.

12-14-2009, 06:52 PM

Your house is on fire. You'd be surprised how much heat that puts out, especially when it spreads to your car.

I wish my insurance paid up front instead of through reimbursement.

12-14-2009, 07:04 PM
granted. But they only pay 20% of what you would get otherwise.

I wish my stomach would stop hurting.

12-14-2009, 07:13 PM

Your stomach recovers but now the rest of your body is wracked with aches and pains.

I wish the bats would just hibernate and stop rustling around.

12-14-2009, 07:14 PM
Granted. They hibernate in your pillow.

I wish this table wasn't so wabbly.

12-14-2009, 07:19 PM

It collapses into a messy, yet stable, heap on the floor, taking your computer with it.

I wish I knew what I was going to make for dinner.

12-14-2009, 09:17 PM
Granted. You are going to make escargot and seaweed vegetables.

I wish I had some sugar free Peanut Butter Crunch candy.

12-14-2009, 10:43 PM

It tastes like cardboard, but you have it, and it is sugar free.

Come to think of it, I'd like some Peanut Brittle myself. Consider that my wish.

12-14-2009, 11:02 PM
granted. it is so brittle it breaks your teeth.

i wish the wood would find its own way in, w/o me having to go get it

12-15-2009, 12:51 AM
Granted, though it frightens your dog to see it opening the door. The barking never stops.

I wish cheese was good for you.

12-16-2009, 05:58 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the healthy cheese is the stuff the Moon is made of and not available on Earth.

I wish I had a clone of Man o'War.

12-30-2009, 06:37 AM
Are you sure?... Really?... Okay then, whatever. But please - do not tell me why.

http://img212.imageshack.us/img212/8598/covermanowaranthologyca5.jpg (http://img212.imageshack.us/i/covermanowaranthologyca5.jpg/) http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/covermanowaranthologyca5.jpg/1/w953.png (http://g.imageshack.us/img225/covermanowaranthologyca5.jpg/1/)

I wish I had a clone of myself so I could take some time off from work.

12-30-2009, 08:19 AM

But they stole your spouse, drained your bank account, and now you're back in the office.

W H A T a D R A G....

I wish my stocking was still filled with awesome candy.

12-30-2009, 08:53 AM

I wish my stocking was still filled with awesome candy.


It is filled with fudge, bon bons, caramel chewies and chocolate-covered cherries, and it's on your left foot.

I wish writing my book was not so hard.

12-31-2009, 09:28 AM
Granted. The pages fly by and you end up with the Worst Book Known to Humanity. No one but you will ever read past the first word, "Ain't".

I wish there was more time and fewer things that needed doing, rather than the other way 'round.

01-05-2010, 05:11 AM
Granted. You are convicted of drug use and now all you have to do is make license plates. You have plenty of time to do that.

I wish my bed would take me to the Island of Naboomboom.

01-05-2010, 05:15 AM
Granted, but now the Island of Naboomboom is the Island from Lord of the Flies.

I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner.

01-05-2010, 08:44 PM
Granted. You are boiling happily in the pot and soon you will be a stage prop for a very cute little boy.

I wish I had a clone of Secretariat.

01-05-2010, 10:51 PM

You have a clone of the UN Secretariat, but since it has more than 2,000 members, it has taken over your house--in fact, your whole neighborhood--and you are being charged with disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, and making silly wishes.

I wish I knew how to get back at people who tell me my writing sucks.

01-06-2010, 12:46 AM
Granted. You learn to follow them around and slash their tires. Unfortunately one of your victims is a cousin of a Mafia godfather.

I wish I had a box big enough for all the inkpens.

01-06-2010, 09:44 AM

You now have a box big enough for every ink pen ever made in the world ever.... Too bad you were still in the bottom of the box when they dumped them all in there.

O O P S!

I wish I had a blue shoe...

01-06-2010, 10:55 AM
Granted. You have a blue horseshoe.

I wish a famous director would offer me a part in his movie.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/AUTOMATIC%20WRITING%20MACHINE,%20GEORGE%20P.%20RIG GS,%20PAT.%201910%20250x241.JPG
Automatic writing machine (patented by George P. Riggs, 1910)

01-06-2010, 11:02 AM

You are now three-legged bob, the rabbid ocelot. Is it true that the costume they make you wear is 90 pounds, and skulding hot inside?

I wish there was a reason for snow.

01-06-2010, 08:03 PM

Snow cones. Only you just get the yellow ones. (And no, it ain't lemon)

I wish the window wasn't leaking.

01-07-2010, 01:28 AM

The window isn't leaking. The roof is.

I wish all bad people would go away.

01-07-2010, 01:30 AM

Oh, you didn't intend to include yourself in that list, did you? Oopsie!

I wish it would stop snowing.

01-07-2010, 01:55 AM

The snow stops. The glaciers start. You do know how to hunt for mammoth, right?

I wish I could be in multiple places at once.

01-07-2010, 04:44 AM
Granted. You can be here and on the surface of any planet without a habitable atmosphere at the same time. Not as useful as you'd hoped? Never is around here.

I wish I didn't need a day job.

01-07-2010, 04:59 AM
I wish I didn't need a day job.


You have a night job. You work from 8 p.m. to 8 a.m. and, with all the chores you have to do during the day, you are lucky if you can catch 3 or 4 hours sleep before going to work again. But hey, you certainly don't need a day job. :D

I wish I were famous, so that my name would keep coming up on the news shows.

01-08-2010, 01:26 AM
granted. nymtoc is now a household word, advertised on every prime time channel. and SUCH a great cat litter that everyone sings its praise.

i wish my cat could clean and fill his own litter box

01-08-2010, 02:49 AM
Granted. He fills it with gold dust which he buys with your credit card.

I wish my car would remove snow and ice from itself.

01-08-2010, 03:41 AM

However, in order to do so, it comes to life and takes on the personality of a dead relative (as in the ill-fated sitcom My Mother the Car), and now it talks to you constantly, bitching, shouting, complaining all day and, at night, cursing you from the garage.

I wish I had as much money as Tiger Woods.

01-08-2010, 04:21 AM

You also get all of his Not-so popular popularity right now.

I wish I was somewhere warmer.

01-08-2010, 08:36 AM

Please do remember that you said, and I quote "Hell is just a sauna"

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

01-08-2010, 08:47 AM
[This is the easiest wish the genie has had all week.]

You've been fired.

I wish I owned the moon.

01-08-2010, 08:58 AM
Granted. You do know about property tax right?
Maybe you could get some renters.

I wish someone would name a sandwich after me.

01-08-2010, 04:07 PM
Granted. There is now a Nightfly sandwich. It is not very popular because it is served only at night and its meat is quite small and has wings.

I wish I could be sure my scales were accurate.

01-08-2010, 08:16 PM
your scales are now green and rosy pink--just like your avatar

i wish there was a seed catalog in my mail boix today--s6

01-09-2010, 01:23 AM
Granted. It is the Kudzu Seed Company's with a thousand different varieties, all guaranteed to grow.

I wish I had a parka.

01-09-2010, 01:54 AM
Granted. It's a magic parka that protects you from sleet (but not rain, snow or hail) and now that you've tried it on, well, you'll never get it off. It's too bulky to wear anything over, either.

I wish I owned the moon and that it was exempt from property taxes.

01-09-2010, 06:09 PM
Congratulations. You own one of Saturn's smallest moons and since it is worthless there are no property taxes on it.

I wish I had space to organize my clothes.

01-09-2010, 06:21 PM

You have been transported to the middle of the Gobi Desert, and you have space to do anything you want.

I wish I could travel back to ancient Greece.

01-09-2010, 06:58 PM
Granted. Genie transports you to the pass of Thermopylae just in time for you to fight in the shade.

I wish my magic parka would go away.

01-09-2010, 09:11 PM

Your magic parka disappears the next time you are out in a crowded, public space where everyone around you has a camera phone and there is, for some odd inexplicable reasons, all of the local news crews on the scene.

All of which is important to remember as your magic parka disappears in a completely unmissable flurry of fireworks, complete with smoke and noise and flashes... and taking all of your other clothes with it.

Hopefully you're someplace warm when it happens.

I wish I knew when I was getting paid. It's been @#$% months already.

01-09-2010, 11:23 PM

You will be paid December 20, 2012 (the day before the world ends, according to the Mayan calendar). You'll even get a bonus!

I wish there were an entry about me in Wikipedia.

01-10-2010, 09:43 PM
Granted. Your entry lists you as the world's worst writer.

I wish I had the day's chores done.

01-13-2010, 02:55 AM
Granted. Now you can get an early start on the evening's chore which involves inseminating elephants at the zoo.

I wish I'd win the lottery.

01-14-2010, 08:44 AM
Granted. Here's Shirley Jackson to tell you what you've won.

I wish I could play hooky from work and go on a good old fashion bender.

Albedo of Zero
01-14-2010, 08:48 AM
Awwww, your wish is granted, but alas, it is a good old fashioned fender-bender ....looks like you'll be off work for weeks.

I wish I had someone to type out my new novel.

01-14-2010, 09:19 AM
Granted. The five chimpanzees are diligently typing. Since they don't know what they're typing and the keystrokes are random, a scientist has calculated they'll need 518 years to type your manuscript perfectly.

I wish I could get a USB keypad that would work with my Mac.

01-15-2010, 07:29 AM
Granted. There is such a keyboard. Unfortunately it costs five thousand dollars but if you have the cash you can have it.

I wish there was a brand of bottled water that tasted like regular soda.

01-15-2010, 08:01 AM
granted. here is my great grandmother's family recipe for home made soda pop: one bucket of well water--be sure to skim off the watergigs and varmints; one cup of motherless vinegar; one tablespoon of baking soda, a little sarsaparilla root, vanilla bean, wntergreen leaves or death angel toadstool (hold the toadstool. that might go with the family flea repellant/rabid rodent discombobulator).
swish everything together and treat yourself to a goodish swig. everything that stays down is guarranteed to stay down for good. it's not delicious but it is cheap and hits the spot after a long kansas afternoon behind a mule. well, next to the water in the new fangled galvanized calf trough---s6

wish that i could go skinny dipping in a moonlit stock tank one last time

01-15-2010, 04:45 PM
Granted. Unfortunately it is in the middle of an ice storm but it is a very bright moonlit night.

I wish the current weather would stick around through February.

01-17-2010, 01:20 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the current weather most everywhere seems to conflict with Global Warming theories, which causes nonbelievers to get a bit too big for their britches, angering the GW believers and resulting in carnage in the streets, looting, shooting, and a few undocumented moonings, and by March 1, all life on earth will be obliterated. Gee thanks, Komnena, you couldn't have wished for a wrinkle cream that works, like the rest of us.

I wish I had a wrinkle cream that works.

01-17-2010, 02:36 AM

You have a wrinkle cream that works. Unfortunately, its main ingredient comes from the anal scent glands of skunks.


I wish I had a Google chip in my brain, so that I could amaze people with how much I know.

01-17-2010, 06:36 PM
Granted. People find you very entertaining at first, then are increasingly bored by you. Soon your friends are avoiding you but the government becomes very interested in just how you happen to know things you shouldn't.

I wish I could have a diamond the size of the Ritz.

01-17-2010, 08:43 PM
Granted. Your diamond is exactly like a Ritz cracker in every way - flat, round, yellow, salty, crumbly, and within minutes of your receiving it, your friends grab the Cheez Whiz and gobble it up.

I wish I had a maid to clean my house.

01-17-2010, 08:54 PM
Granted! He shows up every day with his three kids, all under the age of four who really want to "help" Dad since every day to him is "Bring Your Kids to Work Day." He's not too bad at his work, except you can't understand why your underwear drawer and your shoes aren't quite the way you left. The soiled diapers left in the your bathroom trashcan aren't your favorite way to enter your bathroom for your daily soak in the tub.

I wish that the Minnesota Vikings win today (I LIKE Brett Favre!)

01-17-2010, 11:30 PM
Granted. The Vikings win and out of gratitude decide to have a party at your house. You are therefore obligated to buy enough party supplies to feed the entire team and their extended families.

I wish I could go see Curlin's first foal.

01-20-2010, 03:04 AM
Granted. You see her on a breaking news story about Curlin's owner taking out a restraining order against you.

I wish Simon was not leaving American Idol after this season.

01-20-2010, 10:15 PM
your wish is granted, Simon decides to stay on American Idol, but he isn't happy about his choice. He quits shaving, bathing, and shows up to work drunk where he becomes so obnoxious the show is canceled - millions of fans are now heart-broken.

I wish Spring would get here and business would pick up in spite of the economy.

01-20-2010, 10:22 PM
So be it. Spring will get here and your business will be picking up... garbage that is. Your other endeavors all fail miserably and you're forced to take the only job open to you - picking up trash at the park... in the doggie-doodoo area.

I wish there was world peace.

01-20-2010, 10:31 PM
Granted. On one of those worlds that don't sustain life.

(Did you see above I own a moon of Saturn now? I think that's cool, even if no one will buy it for a trillion dollars :) )

I wish things were different.

01-20-2010, 10:51 PM
Granted. You now live in a desert, with no water, and no food. Good luck! :)

I wish I could get a dog.

01-20-2010, 11:05 PM
SHAZAM!! You now have a dog. But as you can see, he's ravenously starving, furious as all hell, enraged and completely entangled in the underwear you are wearing.

I wish I was a wealthy man.

01-22-2010, 12:01 AM
Granted. But you forgot to define what you meant by wealthy and your genie is the philosophical kind, so you are wealthy beyond belief in beautiful sunsets and peace of mind; however, those things don't put food on the table and within two weeks, you die of starvation.

I wish stores didn't put those little sticky price tags that are impossible to remove on the glass part of picture frames.

01-22-2010, 12:43 AM
I wish stores didn't put those little sticky price tags that are impossible to remove on the glass part of picture frames.


Now stores put those sticky little price tags that are impossible to remove on the wood, plastic or metal parts of the frames instead.

I wish winter would go away.

01-22-2010, 08:49 AM
Granted. But it's replaced by spring floods which raise the river so high you have to go up to your roof and wait for the rescue helicopters to come for you, and since you are young and strong, they save the older, weaker women first--as well they should! :) --and they totally forget about you and you're still sitting up there now.

I wish they'd find a cure for the common cold.

01-22-2010, 09:00 AM
Granted. But now there are a dozen uncommon colds, and you can't tell which one you have.

I wish the day had three extra hours in it.

01-22-2010, 10:19 PM
Bam!! You got it! But it's Groundhog Day... now you're stuck forever repeating a 27 hour day.

I wish I knew the answer to everything.

01-22-2010, 10:34 PM
alapalooza, you know know the answer to everything, but all that knowledge turns your brain to mush and you sit around all day repeating over and over, 'the answer is cranberries'.

I wish I could get back to editing my book...

01-22-2010, 10:56 PM
you wished to get some back? well blinko, winko--baby you now have back--the fattest butt in three states! in fact if you drive to elkhart kansas and sit your fat self down on A blvd--you can actually sit in both kansas and oklahoma at the same time!!!! what?--you wanted to get back to your editing? oh. so sorry. --s6--ps--look on the bright side--with your new figure what else is there to do but sit around editing?

i wish i could lose fifteen pounds so i could recover my foxhood

01-23-2010, 12:10 AM
Granted. But you have to live on rice cakes, cheerios, grilled, broiled or baked foods and drink nothing but water for at least two months.

I wish I weren't so shy.

01-23-2010, 06:20 AM
*POOF* You are no longer shy. In fact, you are very, very bold. So bold that nothing intimidates you. You think nothing of asking complete strangers on the street for money, and when they refuse, you guffaw loudly in their face and reach into their pocket and take what you want. You're sure to be arrested any minute.

01-23-2010, 05:43 PM
I wish Lion had made a wish.

01-23-2010, 06:11 PM
Done!! *repeatedly smacking self in head

I wish I had an aspirin for this raging headache.

01-23-2010, 11:00 PM
I wish I had an aspirin for this raging headache.


You took the aspirin a half hour ago (so it's well on its way), but now you turn on TV and learn that the company has recalled every container of that brand, since it is contaminated with rat feces.

I wish I knew how to play a zither.

01-24-2010, 04:55 AM
Granted. You know how to play the zither well enough to bring high prices at the ancient slave market in Athens.

I wish every store in Louisville carried my favorite brand of sugar free candy.

01-24-2010, 11:48 PM
they do! and they are not only sugar free but are given away free to anyone able to strip down to his/her skivvies. stand in the display window and sing the first three choruses of "fat bottom gals". don't let your bashful nature, chubby knees and off key singing stand between you and your favorite flavorless candy--neccos! --s6

i wish that all the chocolate chip cookies in the world would turn into oatmeal raisin cookies--s6

01-25-2010, 01:10 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is uncooked oatmeal and sugar free raisins.

I wish the cats would stay off the keyboard.

01-25-2010, 02:48 AM
Granted. Though to lure them away I had to cover the drum set with catnip.

I wish I could live in one of those Corona commercials.:Sun:

01-25-2010, 03:07 AM
Shazam..! Your wish is granted! You will now live forever in a Corona commercial!! You get to be the waiter that brings the beer to the couple enjoying themselves.
Oh, yeah... this commercial was made for the Norwegian market and takes place in the mountains where you get to be constantly in deep beautiful snow and get to see all the pretty reindeer.

I wish I could travel through time.

01-25-2010, 06:34 AM
Granted. But you forgot to take any luggage and by the time you got to a week from Thursday, you were smelling awfully ripe and a rabid raccoon mistook you for lunch.

I wish the stocks I bought always went way up in value.

01-25-2010, 06:54 AM

Your stocks (Malcolmia maritima) have beautiful white and pink blossoms, and though you paid only $1.98 for the seeds, you are now able to sell the same quantity of seeds for $2.29, and their value will keep going up year after year!

I wish I had my own theme park.

01-25-2010, 08:36 AM

The theme is: The park where the owners are being perpetually sued.

I wish these papers would grade themselves.....

01-25-2010, 04:31 PM
Granted! Your papers are now dancing around the table chanting, "We're number 1! We're number 1!"

I wish my publisher would call me and bribe me for another book.

01-25-2010, 06:13 PM
and he does--you have been chosen to rewrite Mein Kampf--this time giving it a more playful, sensitive slant. thousands of neo nazis will be reading your every word.

i wish my austrian great great great grandmother's maiden name was not schickelgruber

01-25-2010, 08:37 PM
Kaboom! Your great great great grandmother's maiden name has been changed to Shi-thead. Of course, no computer system will allow you to enter the dash, making all documents refer to you as Shithead.

I wish I was a king.

01-25-2010, 09:39 PM
granted. you are now the king of macksville, kansas, population 566 muleheaded, pick up driving, deerslaying, shotgun toting, chili guzzling, hair triggered, red necked hot heads. we need a king because out here in the boonies amongst the loonies, no one ever makes a decision without six months of wrangling and side switching and sometimes fist fighting. good luck.

i wish the king of macksville would tell my neighbor to keep his muffing chickens out of my yard

01-25-2010, 09:43 PM
Granted. But this king wants to be fair about it, so am allowing all other barnyard animals to wander, make noise, and crap on yards at will. Just not the muffing chickens.

I wish my underwear wasn't so tight.

Alpha Echo
01-25-2010, 09:47 PM
Granted. But now the elastic fell out, and your underwear is falling down.

I wish I didn't have to work and get my head back into my WIP.

01-25-2010, 10:11 PM
Your wish is my command, great Alpha! You're fired... and you may now get your head back into your Wide-eyed Ichy Platypus.

I wish I was in demand for speaking engagements about my incredible writings.

Alpha Echo
01-25-2010, 10:18 PM

Congrats, iLion! Your wish is granted...But your stalker is there at every single engagement, mocking your speaches from a spot in which you'll never find him.

I wish my arms weren't sore.

01-25-2010, 10:25 PM
Ok, Alpha... no more sore arms. Of course, they were sore from all that tight hugging and wrestling with your favorite guy - so I guess that has to stop.

I wish I could think of a wish I wanted.

Alpha Echo
01-25-2010, 10:27 PM
Hey, how'd you know? ;)

Your wish is granted! But you wished for more wishes so you could save them for later, and the genie couldn't give it to you, and now you don't know what to wish for again.

I wish people - especially co-workers - would use correct grammar. Your is not you are!

01-25-2010, 10:40 PM
Granted. But they are using the correct grammar of Greek, which you do not understand, and they spend the whole day plotting nasty tricks they can play on you to lead to your dismissal in shame from your well-paying job and you end up having to earn money by Brazilian-waxing prisoners in the state facility for the criminally insane.

I wish my dog would quit stalling when I take him out and that he would just drop the load already.

Alpha Echo
01-25-2010, 10:44 PM
Granted. But he finally poops in your neighbor's yard when you aren't looking. Unfortunately for you, your neighbor IS looking and is not happy that your dog took a shit on his prize pumpkin, and he makes you eat it.

I wish my sister didn't live 8 hours away with my first born nephew.

01-25-2010, 11:38 PM
Badda-Bing Badda-Boom! You're (!) sister nows lives 8 hours away without your first-born nephew. She is sending him and your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, ..., and 23rd born nephews and nieces, too - to live with you!

I wish i had remembered to wear my pants to the office today.

01-26-2010, 01:55 AM
blink--genie shakey to the rescue with a big old pair of pink cotton granny panties to envelope you from mid-thigh to armpit. warm, snuggly and guaranteed birth control on any date--especially if you are a male--s6

i wish khaki came in more colors

01-26-2010, 07:33 AM
Granted. Khaki now comes in pale green and runs through the forest at night without a wearer.
I wish crab rangoon was sugar free.

Ms. Jem
01-26-2010, 07:45 AM
Granted. Crab rangoon is sugar free. Of course, now it tastes like Elmer's glue, but you'll get used to it.

I wish everyone in the world would slow down, stop and smell the roses.

01-26-2010, 09:32 AM
Granted. Everyone now takes time to smell them and everyone seems genuinely happier and more contented.
Except, of course, for Herb and Edna Rose who just want to be left alone already.

I wish I had the time to rebuild a muscle car. (Probably a 1970 Charger)

01-26-2010, 07:40 PM

You have the time, because you've been laid off, can't find another job and have nothing else to do. Unfortunately, providing you with a 1970 Charger is beyond the genie's ability at this time. But if you look outside your door, you will find a 1985 Yugo that may suit your needs (it's the yellow one, with the dents).

I wish I would open my mailbox and find a million dollars.

Alpha Echo
01-26-2010, 07:45 PM
And you found your million dollars, Nym. But you also opened your mailbox to a contract that came with the million dollars - if you don't sign your author rights over to the devil, the million dollars will disappear.

I wish it was lunchtime.

01-26-2010, 09:40 PM
You got it! LUNCH TIME it is!
Ok, that's it. Lunch time is over. Sorry, but you only get a 3.5 second lunch break.

I wish I could perform in the spotlight on stage with confidence.

01-26-2010, 10:16 PM
Granted. We'll arrange for there to never be an audience for one of your performances; nothing to be nervous about then.

I wish they would develop calorie-eating foods. You know, you eat a brownie and it takes away 320 calories.

01-27-2010, 06:44 AM
Granted. You eat so many you become wafer thin and blow away in a windstorm.

I wish Clear American made chocolate water.

01-27-2010, 08:01 AM
Granted. The company put lots of money behind the idea, but turns out, you were the only one interested in the chocolate water and the company went under, taking all the Walmart stores with it. All because you could not eat a chocolate bar and wash it down with plain water.

I wish youth were not wasted on the young.

01-27-2010, 11:01 AM
zap-a-zooey.... youth is no longer wasted on the young it's wasted on the old. And the old, though livelier, still wear their yellow plaid pants up to their chest with a day-glo green shirt and a red golfer's knit cap... but now they skip everywhere they go.

I wish I could get my schedule back on track so I could sleep nights...

01-27-2010, 09:49 PM
Abracadabra..shazam and kaboom! Your "schedule" now lies neatly across the train tracks behind your house, although I don't understand how this is supposed to help you sleep.

I wish my dog would quit wearing my clothes while I'm at work all day.

Alpha Echo
01-27-2010, 10:57 PM
iLion - Your wish is granted...but your dog was pissed and crapped on them instead.

I wish that I could keep plants alive.

01-28-2010, 12:10 AM
Granted. Your plants are so alive, they're moving and have decided to eat all of the neighborhood's dogs.

I wish soap operas didn't repeat the same storylines over and over again.

01-28-2010, 02:27 AM
Granted. They began going off on increasingly bizarre story lines involving aliens, Elvis and the Ark of the Covenant.

I wish an alien team was playing in the Superbowl.

02-01-2010, 01:45 AM
Granted. The Alexandrinus Armageddon come to earth and decide they want to play in the big game. So on the flip of a coin they liquidate the New Orleans Saints.
They are small, feeble and not terribly coordinated and it takes two of them to even hold a football. But they are supremely confident.

As a genie I tend to keep my opinions to myself but if I could just offer a suggestion -

Peyton, let them win.

I wish my refrigerator would shut the hell up.

02-01-2010, 05:43 AM
Granted. Your refrigerator closes the gates of hell. Now wicked souls have no place to go so they begin haunting your house. Welcome to Amityville.

I wish no hurricane ever comes a thousand miles inland again.

02-01-2010, 07:45 AM

It came A thousand and five miles in.


I wish I had more oomph.

Ms. Jem
02-02-2010, 06:06 AM
Granted. You have more 'oomph' than you can handle. It's the 'pa pa' that's missing now.

I wish I could snap my fingers and just be 'there.'

02-02-2010, 06:14 AM

You are there. Unfortunately you discover--too late--that there's no "there" there.

I wish I could write 50 pages a day.

02-02-2010, 06:38 AM
Granted. Here's an excerpt.

All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boyAll work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy. All work and no play makes Nymtoc a dull boy..................:evil........................ ..

I wish I was sitting in an Irish pub with a pint of Guinness.

02-02-2010, 07:36 AM
Granted. But that means you are now a bowl of peanuts.

I wish "brains of a certain age" could learn foreign languages easily 'cause my daughter's future in-laws speak Spanish.

02-02-2010, 10:05 PM
Alakazam! Alakazoo! It is now easy for you to learn foreign languages, but only from foreign planets. You are very fluent in Klingon.

I wish I could find a lost treasure.

02-02-2010, 10:22 PM
and you have! you have found freshman hugo ybarra's libro de espanol. it went missing in late november and if not found before may 20 poor hugo would have had to pay 64.95$ for a new book. this is a shame because hugo is a good kid, if a bit disorganized. he has posted signs all over the school offering a huge reward for returning his book. so you are entitled to five giant butterfingers and all the gatorade you can hold. plus hugo is willing to vacuum and wash your car for the valentine's day dance. oh, and he will give you his world geography notes. one man's trash is surely another man's treasure!

i wish hugo would look in the bottom of his locker. i'm pretty sure the book is there, under his five gymn shoes and the cuenca de la cocina.--s6

02-03-2010, 01:37 AM
Granted. Hugo looks in the bottom of his locker. The book is not there but he does find Jimmy Hoffa.

I wish there were sugar free m& m's and reese pieces.

02-03-2010, 01:38 AM
Granted! Hugo looks in the bottom of his locker and discovers your long-lost manuscript, your masterpiece that you demolished your home to find. Unfortunately, Hugo's soda cans dripped all over the papers smearing the ink to Rohrschach tests. But that's okay because the stink from his gym shoes ate away nearly all the papers.

But at least you know where your manuscript is.

I wish we could get some flippin' snow. This winter has been a drag!

02-03-2010, 09:46 AM
Granted. This is Keith. He can help you out.

"Just came down from up der in dem mountains and der's a snow ina backa my truck y'all can have. And she's a just right for a flippin'."

I wish I could find a really comfortable pair of boots.

02-03-2010, 09:27 PM
Your wish is granted, O Nightfly. But the comfortable boots you have found are snuggly stuck on the feet of Hulk Hogan, who isn't wearing any socks... or anything else, for that matter.

I wish my underwear wasn't so TIGHT!

02-03-2010, 11:50 PM
Granted. You wake up and discover all your underwear is far too big. You have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.

I wish I knew who was going to win the Derby this year.

02-04-2010, 02:22 AM
no problema. you just have to climb on this rocking horse and rock all night. you are sure to be a rocking horse winner. but remember there is never enough money to quiet the house!!!!!!!

i wish i could write like d.h. lawrence

02-04-2010, 02:37 AM

And like Lawrence with Lady Chatterley's Lover, you will have your books (all of them, in your case) banned, so that no one will ever read them.

I wish I would become so famous that the city would put my statue in the public square.

02-04-2010, 06:08 AM
Granted. But within a week you are so covered in pigeon dodo, no one remembers it's you under there.

I wish I could meet Ringo.

02-04-2010, 07:09 AM
Your wish is granted! You are in an exclusive five star restaurant and you see Ringo standing there in a group. Immediately, a voice behind you booms out, "Rev, this is Ringo Starr! Now clear his table fast, then get back to the kitchen! And don't be looking at him, bus-boy!"

I wish life was much simpler.

Ms. Jem
02-04-2010, 07:55 AM
Granted. Life is much simpler than you thought it would be.

You get through it pretty quickly, jump all the those hurdles fate throws in your way, accomplish everything you were put here to do in lickety split time. And its over before you know it.

I wish my characters were alive so we could do lunch!

02-04-2010, 04:54 PM
okay. your characters are now your family. take a good long look at your family. wasn't this always the case?

i wish my family could be shut up and shelved like a tedious book

Alpha Echo
02-04-2010, 05:51 PM
Shakey, you're family has become quiet and shelved, but they keep trying to jump off the pages when you open the books.

I wish I could lose this three pounds I somehow gained, and I'm really hoping it's just water weight.

02-04-2010, 07:11 PM
your wish is granted--you are going to lose ten pounds and all because you have something in diapers to chase around. it is quite a job. this little something eats out of the garbage can and sticks its jammy little fingers into electric outlets. baby? no, it's chet the chimp. your personal trainer.

i wish that i could stop eating corn candy because i hate it so.--s6

02-05-2010, 03:52 PM
Granted. All corn candy disappears from the shelves. Everyone who produced the hated stuff loses their jobs and they know you're responsible. Better find a good hiding spot quick, shakey.

I wish I had a model of the Godolphin Arabian.

02-05-2010, 09:58 PM
(Your genie had to do a little research on that one!)

Shazam! You have such a model... it's sitting on the hearth. Too bad it's a cheap and poorly glued plastic model as already the heat from the fire is melting it. Better move it before it's too... never mind.

I wish I was on a deserted Caribbean beach.

02-06-2010, 06:53 AM
Granted. You're deserted on a Caribbean beach, alone. Alone ........A - lone.............................................. .................................................. . ......................... alone

... For about 6 years until Robert, Linda and Gloria arrive serendipitously - and very permanently, in your mind.

I wish I had cloudy soft Hovercraft slippers.

02-06-2010, 08:40 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, they came with a free cloudy soft nightgown which hovered a tad too high and you were arrested for indecent exposure when you went out to get the mail.

I wish my dog didn't have dingleberries all the time.

02-07-2010, 03:12 AM
So be it! Your dogs propensities have been transferred to you!

I wish a major cruise line would hire me to be their author in residence... a sort of intellectual trophy.

02-07-2010, 05:11 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is the White Star Line and the ship is the Titanic.But if you survive you'll have a marvelous story to tell your grandchildren.

I wish my change jar was full of coins.

02-07-2010, 08:17 AM
Granted. It's filled with tokens from the pizza party place that just closed down, and even worse, they were made in China and you are now contaminated by toxic metals.

I wish they would make Cheetos that taste great but don't leave your fingers orange.

02-07-2010, 09:22 PM
just let normal cheetos mold over. they still taste the same and instead of screaming orange you get a rich velvety green on your fingers. you don't even need to waste a wish.

i wish frito chili pie had more less salt and fat and more nutrition