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View Full Version : Your wish is granted...



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slcboston
06-12-2009, 06:45 AM
Granted.

You live in the penthouse of a doghouse. It's a very posh doghouse, but the dog farts.

I wish I had someone to chat with.

Kmcelhinny
06-13-2009, 08:09 AM
Granted

You get to chat with a fifteen year old emo cheerleader who only likes things that sparkle!

I wish to get a day of quiet.

slcboston
06-13-2009, 08:16 AM
Granted.

You;ve gone deaf.

I wish all the emo kids suddenly found themselves dressed in happy, sparkly colors. :D

shakeysix
06-13-2009, 07:51 PM
great! you can start with my niece. she's the kid in the black leggings, satin skirt, black tutleneck sweater, black snidely whiplash boots and purple hair. and we're talking about midsummer in houston! here are some j crew polos in pastel pique, some cute khaki clammers and a COMB! good luck. she cusses like a truckdriver and she bites. but there will be big bucks in it for you, her parents are rich. how are you on tattoo removal?--s6


why can't my god daughter be like I was at twenty? arlo guthrie hat, love beads, peace signs and a thumb out to hitch hike?

Nymtoc
06-13-2009, 08:04 PM
why can't my god daughter be like I was at twenty? arlo guthrie hat, love beads, peace signs and a thumb out to hitch hike?

Because Alice's Restaurant is closed, the love beads broke and scattered, there's no peace in the world, and if you hitchhike you might be picked up by a psycho.

:(

I wish I didn't need to sleep.

Kmcelhinny
06-13-2009, 08:05 PM
Granted.

You don't need to sleep to live, now you need to live by sweating. Causing you to run everywhere you go.

I wish I could work from home.

slcboston
06-14-2009, 08:02 AM
Granted.

You run an escort service.

I wish I had a nice place to live. (Phenomenal cosmic powers.... itty bitty living space.)

dancingandflying
06-14-2009, 08:06 AM
Granted.

You now live in a nursing home. Enjoy.

I wish the book I ordered last week would be delivered.

Kmcelhinny
06-14-2009, 08:08 AM
Granted.

It arrives via Three large men who claim you owe them money and won't give you the book until you pay up. They hold it over you're head taunting you until you do.

I wish someone else would clean out my cat litter.

slcboston
06-14-2009, 08:26 AM
Granted.

You won't like where they put the scoopings. (I'd stick your feet very carefully into your shoes... or likewise with your head on your pillow. I don't know where it lurks, only that it does.)

I wish I didn't have to get up.

dancingandflying
06-14-2009, 08:31 AM
Granted.

You're paralyzed from the neck down.

I wish I wasn't sick.

Nymtoc
06-14-2009, 08:35 AM
I wish I wasn't sick.

Granted.

You're not sick. The symptoms won't begin until tomorrow.

:ROFL:

I wish I were in Paris right now.

shakeysix
06-14-2009, 06:13 PM
okay, but you should be warned that paris' boyfriend is filming it


i wish i had a storm shelter--s6

Komnena
06-14-2009, 06:29 PM
Granted. Huge moles invade your yard and dig huge holes in which you can shelter when the storm sirens go off.

I wish my backyard was neat.

Kmcelhinny
06-14-2009, 06:43 PM
Granted.

Your backyard is so neat that the grass has stopped growing and in it's place tile has start to sprout up.

I wish for a nice drive with the kids.

shakeysix
06-14-2009, 07:51 PM
they are pouring the concrete as i write--the kids, not a construction crew. think of the money you are saving!

i wish i was in key west

Nymtoc
06-14-2009, 09:37 PM
i wish i was in key west

Granted.

You are in Key West. The hurricane will hit in forty minutes.

:banana:

I wish I could push a button and have any meal I want delivered immediately.

slcboston
06-15-2009, 12:28 AM
Granted.

The surcharge for immediate delivery is $100 per meal, regardless of what you order and in addition to the cost of the meal. Oh, and delivery of the large guy with the baseball bat to ensure payment is also immediate.

I wish I had an ejector button to remove unwanted company. Safety of said company during and after ejection is NOT an issue.

Dirtpoor
06-15-2009, 04:21 AM
Granted. Trouble is your ejection ride becomes the hottest craze in town for extreme thrill seekers and 'company' rings the doorbell every few minutes just so they can behave badly and get ejected.

I wish I was paid 10x more than my current salary.

alleycat
06-15-2009, 04:29 AM
Granted, but your hours have been cut back to two hours a month.


I wish the squirrels would go away. Seriously, they run over the top of the house to get from tree to tree.

slcboston
06-15-2009, 07:01 AM
Granted.

The squirrels go away. The arboreal elephants take their place.

I wish the skunk outside would go away.

Kmcelhinny
06-15-2009, 07:34 AM
Granted.

Now a swarm of dung-beetles has infested your front porch, they will breach the front door momentarily.

I wish that I could travel more.

slcboston
06-15-2009, 07:43 AM
Granted.

You're a suitcase lost in customs. By the time you're done, you'll have more stickers than a tween girl's diary. Granted, all you see is airports, and you are a suitcase. But you do get to travel.

I wish I could travel faster.

shakeysix
06-15-2009, 07:46 AM
no problem. now you are the new walmart international mystery shopper. just think--you will be paid minimum wage to travel the world, checking up on the tokyo walmart--the mumbai walmart--the mexico city walmart--the zimbabwe walmart--the ulan bator walmart. don't cry.--s6

i wish someone would invent diet soap--using it would slim away the pounds

Kmcelhinny
06-15-2009, 07:46 AM
Granted.

The soap works so good though that the film sticks to your body even after you rinse it off, causing you to slip and slid around everywhere you go.

I wish I had someone to dance with me.

slcboston
06-15-2009, 07:51 AM
Granted.... and granted.

Diet soap exists, but only works when dancing in the shower. You slip, fall, and break your leg putting you in a wheelchair.

Thus providing a dance partner for Hinny, when you run over her foot and put her in a wheelchair. It's like synchronized swimming, only it's not swimming and it's not very synchronized.,

I wished to travel faster, not through time... but now that you mention it, I'd like to be able to send things through time.

shakeysix
06-15-2009, 07:53 AM
so you want to travel faster, baston? okay--you now travel faster than shot through a goose. in fact you are a goose--and you've just been shot and are plummeting to the ground from somewhere in the clouds. faster than any other dead goose.

i wish i could retire this year

slcboston
06-15-2009, 08:06 AM
Granted.

You're now retirement age.

I wish I had more water.

Kmcelhinny
06-15-2009, 08:07 AM
Granted.

There is a black cloud over your head that pours water down on you all of the time, giving new meaning to the phrase water logged.

I wish that it wasn't so late.

slcboston
06-15-2009, 08:18 AM
Granted.

You're on the other side of the world. It's noon. ... You're on your own for getting back though.

I wish there was more time.

Kmcelhinny
06-15-2009, 08:31 AM
Granted.

You have more time, only all you can do with it is knit the worlds largest afghan.

I wish for more energy

slcboston
06-15-2009, 08:53 AM
Granted.

You're strapped into a nuclear reactor. You have all the energy you can handle, and won;t ever need a flashlight again.

I wish it wasnt bedtime.

Nymtoc
06-17-2009, 11:23 PM
I wish it wasnt bedtime.

Granted.

It's not bedtime. It's party time. Fifty strangers arrive at your door, push their way in, laugh and shout and scream, turn up the stereo to blasting level, open kegs of beer and dance their way through the night, keeping you awake till the sun comes up, at which point you look at the incredible mess they left and wish you could go to bed.

:Jump:

I wish I had a magic lamp.

Woof
06-18-2009, 05:58 PM
Granted.


I wish I had a magic lamp.


Granted. You have a magic lamp. You rub it and a djinni appears who grants you every wish you desire. Pretty soon, you are rich and powerful, but the djinni, who is very domineering, wants a piece of the action. To add to your troubles, an evil sorcerer has hired a hit man to bump you off and steal your magic lamp. Life has become too fraught with worry and you end up selling the magic lamp to a pawnbroker.


I wish that the phone would ring with some exciting news.

Nymtoc
06-18-2009, 09:09 PM
I wish that the phone would ring with some exciting news.

Granted.

The phone rings. It is Dr. Pimdorat Gijipur, Esq., from Nigeria. He is calling to inform you that $17,000,000 is lying unclaimed in an account in Lagos but cannot be withdrawn in his country because of annoying legal complications. He has been given your name from the most reliable sources and knows you are a person of utmost probity. Therefore he is asking permission to deposit the $17,000,000 in your bank account as soon as possible. In order to facilitate this transfer, he requests that you forward to him immediately your full name, date of birth, Social Security number, passport number, driver's license number, bank account numbers, mother's maiden name, email address, and all telephone numbers, as well as a money order in the amount of $15,000 to cover incidental expenses. He urges you to act at once, or he will be forced to extend this offer to someone else. He extends his most sincere compliments.

:hat:

I wish I never had to clean my apartment.

Ms. Jem
06-18-2009, 09:43 PM
Granted. You never clean your apartment again.
Which means you never see you girlfriend again, and your mom has disowned you. But your buddy Grover likes your style. He's renting out his trash can to be your new roommate.

I wish the years didn't fly by.

Dirtpoor
06-19-2009, 09:01 AM
Granted. Here comes Gomez Adams (he hasn't aged well). Hope you like to tango.


I wish the housework fairy would visit every night while I am sleeping.

alleycat
06-19-2009, 09:08 AM
Granted. She will also bring her magic vacuum cleaner which can suck up anything and make it magically disappear (I think it's made by Dyson). Uh, if you're missing a cat, or possibly a sofa, or a refrigerator, well, don't feel bad, at least your place is clean.


I wish I had had a better workday today. Can I have a "do over"?

slcboston
06-20-2009, 09:33 PM
Granted.

Your do-over is today. Saturday. No, you don't get an extra day for the weekend.

I wish I was making a phone call.

Nymtoc
06-20-2009, 10:09 PM
I wish I was making a phone call.

Granted.

You are making a phone call to the IRS, in response to their claim that you owe $25,000 in back taxes.

:e2poke:

I wish I could take a pill that would solve all my problems.

slcboston
06-20-2009, 10:23 PM
Granted.

Take *this* - you'll have no worries about any of your current problems.

*walks away, whistling innocently*

Just remember to have someone come by and water you often.

I wish we had a whistling smiley. :D

Dirtpoor
06-21-2009, 04:46 PM
Granted. The rotten tuneless little blighter won't shutup so you have to waste your next wish on earplugs.


I wish my new hens would lay golden eggs.

luke_mushu_2010
06-22-2009, 04:38 AM
Granted. The hens will only lay golden-colored eggs, not real gold.

I wish the government would legalize marijuana. :)

slcboston
06-24-2009, 12:21 AM
Granted.

It comes with a government price-tag now, too. :D

I wish I knew when the silence would end.

Dirtpoor
06-24-2009, 03:01 AM
Granted. You remember that you put in the aforementioned earplugs. Now you can retrieve your iPod from the bin - it wasn't broken after all.


I wish I didn't have to drive to the city again today.

ad_lucem
06-24-2009, 03:10 AM
I wish I didn't have to drive to the city again today.


Granted. A "loose nuke" is detonated in your local city, thus eliminating your need to commute, your job, a few million citizens, and all of the local infrastructure for about a 3 mile radius.

Luckily, you are safe and sound outside of the effected area, but since this attack has left your society in a state of choas, you ask yourself every day from henceforth, "Will I ever be sane again?" Sadly, the answer is...No.

I wish writers got paid more than actors.

slcboston
06-24-2009, 03:20 AM
Granted.

Actors are now paid what they were in Shakespeare's day. Not adjusted for inflation. Pay for writers stays the same as it is now. :D

I wish I was free to say whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

Tiz_Mee
06-24-2009, 03:35 AM
granted.

you tell your lazy, pie-hole stuffin', 2 ton cousin to get the hell off your couch. He's now decided to sit in your chair--not bothering to wait until you got out of it.

I wish I had big boobies.

slcboston
06-24-2009, 03:49 AM
Granted.

You're a pregnant cow. Milking machine, anyone?

I wish I could exercise and write at the same time.

Nymtoc
06-24-2009, 10:30 PM
I wish I could exercise and write at the same time.

Granted.

Welcome to TypoGym, the incredible device for home and office that transmits messages electonically from 223 sets of muscles directly to your computer. Examples: twitching your right big toe produces the letter "q." To change that letter to uppercase, you merely contract your left pectoral muscle slightly. (Too great a contraction will delete your document.) Flexing your left calf inserts an asterisk. Tightening your abs till you feel contractions in your large intestine produces--well, what did you expect?--a colon. With TypoGym you can keep your body in tiptop shape while writing masterpieces. (Warning: the warranty does not cover cases in which implants are rejected, requiring surgery.)

:D

I wish I had a cornucopia that poured forth an endless supply of dollar bills.

luke_mushu_2010
06-25-2009, 12:52 AM
Granted.

You now have a cornucopia that pours forth an endless supply of Monopoly dollar bills. This also comes with a "Get Out Of Jail free" card.

I wish television commercials did not exist.

Dirtpoor
06-25-2009, 08:10 AM
Granted. With no inspiration for 'consumers' to buy crap they don't really need, the economy tanks even further. As a result, you lose your job and have to sell your TV to make rent - so you don't get to watch the commercial free programs.


I wish there was a TiVo function to screen out canned laughter.

slcboston
06-26-2009, 07:07 AM
Granted.

No, seriously. I'm granting that one. I think it is a great idea. Unfortunately, it also comes with the minor impediment of a lawsuit when Tivo learns you've modified their machine. The Tivo gods are not pleased, but since they like your invention it stays. You, however, must be sacrificed to the Tivo gods in order for the invention to go forth.

I wish I was at a desk.

Nymtoc
06-26-2009, 07:21 AM
Granted.
I wish I was at a desk.

Granted.

You are at the sergeant's desk in your local police station. You have been arrested (again) for behaving like an idiot.

:poke:

I wish somebody would give me an award.

slcboston
06-26-2009, 07:25 AM
Granted.

You're given this year's Darwin Award. :D

I wish it wasn't going to rain for the next three days. I have to drive on Saturday.

Komnena
06-26-2009, 03:55 PM
Granted. You wake up in the Gobi Desert. Better start looking for water.

I wish I could visit Greece.

slcboston
06-26-2009, 11:26 PM
Granted.

You're shipped via airmail. Arrested at customs for not having the proper papers and thrown in jail. On the other hand, your cell has a nice - if tiny - view of the ocean.

I wish I had a teleporter.

Ms. Jem
06-27-2009, 01:41 AM
Granted. Your teleporter is ready. You step in, outfitted in ultra-protection: spacesuit, helmet, and moonwalking shoes, because you know where you want to go.
You strap yourself into the state-of-the-art space seat, and press the big, red button. In seconds, you're there...the bathroom.


I wish I could stop dreaming about my vampire - she really wants me to get back to writing her story.

Dirtpoor
06-29-2009, 04:39 AM
Granted. Your finish writing her story, it is published and a great success ... 'beep beep beep' ... oh no you were still dreaming.


I wish for true insight and wisdom.

shakeysix
06-29-2009, 05:29 PM
granted, no problem--you are now insane and winsome--gotta go get my beltone serviced.--s6

Komnena
06-30-2009, 03:25 AM
Granted. Your beltone is serviced but the servicer dislikes you enough to set the beltone to play polka nonstop.

I wish I had a writing project in which I knew the ending of the WIP.

shakeysix
06-30-2009, 05:00 AM
let's trade WIPs. you can tell me my ending and i'll tell you yours.

wish summer vacation would stretch till next may

Komnena
06-30-2009, 06:43 AM
Granted. Your school fires you. Next May you are hired by the Bendo school board. You get to live among very depressed people for the duration of your contract.

I wish I had a Pushmi-Pullyou.

slcboston
06-30-2009, 07:10 AM
Granted.

I have no idea what that is. So I'm substituting the nearest equivalent. It's a pokemon type something or other. A real, live, pokemon. If you thought they were annoying in cartoon form... wait until you get your first whiff of pokemon poop. And no, they are not housebroken.

I wish I had all the paperwork I need for this interview on Wed.

Nymtoc
06-30-2009, 08:40 AM
I wish I had all the paperwork I need for this interview on Wed.

Granted.

You have all the paperwork. Google Translate has turned it into Slovenian.

I wish I had a living room that looked like this:


http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/MADOFF%20LIVING%20ROOM.jpg

shakeysix
06-30-2009, 04:35 PM
granted--unfortunately the economy has forced us, here at genies R us, to cut back on our decorating staff. still, we have marsha stewart for your remodel. she has taken early retirement since the eye surgery but other than the dog and cane, she is relatively mobile. she has excellent credentials, years of experience as a motel 6 interior designer, and we have provided her with a Duckwalls credit card. she should be able to duplicate this room for under 59.99$--s6

i wish someone would invent cat proof blinds and a sofa upholstery that is enhanced by white dog hair

Dirtpoor
07-03-2009, 08:02 AM
Granted. Grey steel shutters now adorn your windows and your llama hide sofa looks and smells better for the dog hair sticking to it.


I wish I didn't get bored so easily.

slcboston
07-03-2009, 07:57 PM
Granted.

You are *never* bored again. But now you have the attention span of a gnat, and are a constant source of irritation to others. Who eventually lock you in a room where you entertain yourself by drawing on the walls.

I wish it would stop raining.

Nymtoc
07-04-2009, 03:12 AM
I wish it would stop raining.

Granted.

It has stopped raining. The precipitation has changed to hailstones the size of golf balls.

I wish I had an apple tree.

Komnena
07-04-2009, 05:12 AM
Granted. A tornado drops an apple tree squarely in your yard, blocking you from using your front door.

I wish I was the queen of England.

Nymtoc
07-04-2009, 06:22 AM
I wish I was the queen of England.

Granted.

You are Lady Jane Grey, the "Nine Day Queen," who was Queen of England for a few days between the reigns of Edward VI and Mary I. It is February 11, 1554. You will be beheaded tomorrow.

:e2crown:

I wish I had my own private roller coaster.

Kmcelhinny
07-04-2009, 07:55 AM
Granted. You now have your roller coaster, but whoever constructed it in your backyard forgot to take in for account the trees, and the seat belts. So most times you fly out of the car as it's going down the hills, after getting smacked in the face with branches.

I wish I had the answers.

alleycat
07-04-2009, 08:03 AM
Here you go:

● As I see it, yes
● It is certain
● It is decidedly so
● Most likely
● Outlook good
● Signs point to yes
● Without a doubt
● Yes
● Yes - definitely
● You may rely on it
● Reply hazy, try again
● Ask again later
● Better not tell you now
● Cannot predict now
● Concentrate and ask again
● Don't count on it
● My reply is no
● My sources say no
● Outlook not so good
● Very doubtful



Who will get Michael Jackson's kids . . . and money?

slcboston
07-04-2009, 08:05 AM
Granted.

42

Now you just need the questions.

I wish it was tomorrow already... well, it is, but I mean like tomorrow I could do something with other than go to bed.

slcboston
07-04-2009, 08:06 AM
AC

for jumping ahead of me.. you get the kids. I get the money. :D

my wish stands as above :D

Kmcelhinny
07-04-2009, 08:14 AM
Granted, it's tomorrow. And all you can do is watch reruns of The Tyra Banks show.

I wish that I had a better car.

slcboston
07-04-2009, 08:19 AM
Granted.

It also comes with higher payments, premiums, and theft rate.

But you look very good driving it. :D


I wish I could go 88 mph and see some serious s*** :D

Kmcelhinny
07-04-2009, 08:31 AM
Granted, you go through a Sh** storm, literally, you can only drive 88mph behind a big horse trailer and the horses decided to relieve themselves all over your car.

I wish that I could travel more.

slcboston
07-04-2009, 08:36 AM
Granted.

you're part of a traveling circus. you clean up after the elephants.

I wish we weren't discussing poop

Nymtoc
07-04-2009, 09:04 AM
I wish we weren't discussing poop

Granted.

We're discussing vomit.

:D

I wish agents would send me real, signed letters instead of anonymous rejection slips.

alleycat
07-04-2009, 09:09 AM
Granted. For everything you send in from now on you will get a nice rejection letter in return, signed.


I wish I had gotten more accomplished today.

slcboston
07-04-2009, 06:21 PM
Granted.

You backed up your plumbing/septic system. You set fire to your kitchen. And your car. You accidentally knocked over a priceless vase at the museum. You let the monkeys loose at the zoo. You ran over a little old lady (while your care was on fire). You also lost your keys.

Enough accomplishments for you?

I wish i didn't have to replace all four tires on the SUV.

alleycat
07-04-2009, 07:08 PM
Granted. We will arrange for someone to steal your SUV. It's uses too much gas anyway.


I wish I could just decide which new car to buy. It's down to the Honda Accord (hate the interior), a Mercedes C-Class or possible the E350, or the new VW CC (nice looking car, but I'm not a big fan of VWs).

Dirtpoor
07-08-2009, 12:52 PM
Granted. You are buying a Prius which will cut down on smog production but redline your smug production (credit to south park).

I wish eating chocolate didn't give me zits.

Nymtoc
07-08-2009, 04:48 PM
I wish eating chocolate didn't give me zits.

Granted

Eating chocolate doesn't give you zits. It gives you hives.

:ROFL:

I wish I'd never see another cockroach.

Susie
07-08-2009, 05:20 PM
Granted. But then you'll see a gazillion lizards.

I wish I had all the chocolate sundaes in the world.

Komnena
07-08-2009, 07:10 PM
Granted. But now all the other desperate chocoholics are pounding on your door and demanding your share.
I wish I owned every horse book ever written.

Ms. Jem
07-09-2009, 01:26 AM
Granted. Since you own every horse book ever written, there is a pressing concern for you to become the Public Library of Horses for the entire world. You're also the only distributor of horse books, so you'll have to give up your writing career and start filling orders.


I wish for INSPIRATION this month! (I'm going to need it!)

Dirtpoor
07-09-2009, 03:55 AM
Granted. Your muse is moving in tonight - better get prepared (and you thought Maria Carey was a demanding prima donna) - you will need to have everything just so. You will have: the keyboard sanitized, the monitor polished, the copy paper inserted the right way up in the printer (there is a 'right' way), you will eat only wholesome foods, you will not waste time socializing or visiting forums - bye now.

I wish my teenage daughter would try being nice for a change.

Nymtoc
07-09-2009, 05:18 PM
I wish my teenage daughter would try being nice for a change.

Granted.

She will try being nice between 4:37 and 4:38 p.m. today, after which she will return to normal.

:roll:

I wish everything would go right for me today.

Ms. Jem
07-14-2009, 10:52 PM
Granted everything goes right for you, you're on top of the world.
But you know how fickle us humans can be. Now everyone hates you.


I wish for a GENEROUS portion of that chocolate cherry cheescake I just saw in the bakery window! Without the calories!

Dirtpoor
07-15-2009, 01:37 AM
Granted. Your portion is HUGE, unfortunately (as we all know from experience) no calories = no taste.

I wish I could get a job as a movie reviewer.

Nymtoc
07-16-2009, 12:04 PM
I wish I could get a job as a movie reviewer.

Granted.

You have been hired as movie reviewer for the Ўзбекистон Республикаси Times, in Uzbekistan. All the films you will review are in Uzbek.
:ROFL:

I wish I owned a baseball team.

karauseswords
07-20-2009, 09:10 AM
Granted. But the team you own has never won a game, and will never win a game.

I wish I could come up with an original idea.

shakeysix
07-20-2009, 05:27 PM
one original idea: there is this poor, starving, malarial kid who lives in a ruin of a jungle hut on the edge of a precipice. he hates his widowed mother because she is screwing the coalman. she hates the kid because the coalman won't let her live with him if the kid comes. the kid has one friend in the world, a stray dog. mom tries to lure the kid over the precipice but the dog saves him and falls instead. the dog howls all night until it dies.

actually this isn't original. it is a short story by romulo gallegos. but it is as good as original because it is so damned depressing. if you change the scene to greenland and make the kid a red haired girl who lives on an ice floe with her widowed grandfather, and make the dog a walrus, it will be sure to sell because people just love to read depressing stuff.

i wish there was a major in HAPPY literature

Komnena
07-21-2009, 02:37 AM
Granted. Jenny Major writes nothing but happy literature. She sends her rough drafts to you and you must find something positive to say about them because she owns the bank holding your mortgage.

I wish the huge pile of laundry would wash itself.

shakeysix
07-21-2009, 06:08 PM
well, i'm not into laundry but if you sprinkle it with detergent i can send my tomcat over to spray it


wish someone would fix that cat

Ms. Jem
07-23-2009, 10:02 PM
Granted. The local vet agreed to fix her right after she delivers her 16th litter. Suggestion: Keep her indoors after she delivers or your appointment will most likely be pushed back til after the 17th litter.


I wish I didn't need sleep and could write all night!

Nymtoc
07-23-2009, 10:22 PM
I wish I didn't need sleep and could write all night!

Granted.

You can write all night. Unfortunately, you keep writing the same thing over and over: "Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb Mary had a little lamb..."

:e2BIC:

I wish all the wicked people would be bundled into a rocket and sent to another galaxy.

slcboston
07-23-2009, 10:33 PM
Granted.

The world becomes much, MUCH more boring. Eventually you become one of the wicked people just to liven things up, thereby damning your soul but having a much better time in the process.

I wish I had a dumb waiter.

Komnena
07-23-2009, 11:04 PM
Granted. Next time you eat out your waiter forgets your order and leaves you sitting for three hours. You get several pages written, however.

I wish I had all my library books read.

Nymtoc
07-23-2009, 11:18 PM
I wish I had all my library books read.

Granted.

You have read both of them.

:ROFL:

I wish I could write much, much faster.

slcboston
07-23-2009, 11:43 PM
granted

you write MUCH faster. You know how the keyboard is laid out so that the keys on typewriters wouldn't jam up? Well, your fingers just jammed up anyway. They are so intertwined, you may have to break a few to get them apart.

I wish I could cool soda/beer instantly

Komnena
07-25-2009, 06:19 AM
Granted. You wake up in Antarctica and all you have to do is hold the drinks out the door. Dress warmly before you open said door, though.

I wish the library was open 24/7.

slcboston
07-25-2009, 06:27 AM
Granted.

Around about 3 AM, which is when you're there, and it's deathly quiet, and kind of dark down in the stacks, and you keep thinking there's someone in the aisles near you, but you don't ever see them... remember, this was YOUR idea.

I wish i had a remote for the ceiling fans.

shakeysix
07-25-2009, 06:45 AM
okay, here you go. one remote fan who hits the ceiling everytime she reads your prose but she lives in ulan bator, in an asylum, and she speaks only outer mongolian. look at the bright side--at least you have a fan.... oh-o. did you mean a remote to control an electric fan? you should have been more specific. now you've wasted your wish and you'll have to get off your dead ass and drive to walmart to buy a universal remote.

wish i had a dead ass to go to walmart on--s6

slcboston
07-25-2009, 07:47 AM
granted

though, being dead, you end up dragging it behind you more so than riding it. Not sure what you'll do with it at walmart, but that's not my problem.

I wish i knew WTF just skittered across my roof.

Susie
07-25-2009, 07:54 AM
granted

but you might be upset to find it's a very large elephant with light feet.

I wish I knew why ice cream has to have way more calories than broccoli.

Nymtoc
07-25-2009, 09:08 AM
I wish I knew why ice cream has to have way more calories than broccoli.

Granted.

Ice cream has way more calories than broccoli because ice cream production is controlled by a giant corporation that also produces weight-loss products. By getting you to eat ice cream, they make you fat, after which you are forced to buy their weight-loss products. However, knowing about this doesn't do you any good, since you continue to eat ice cream and keep putting on pounds.

:D

I wish I had a Lamborghini.

shakeysix
07-25-2009, 06:08 PM
here you are, a nice plate of lamborghini. with marinara! lucky man,


wish i had a maserati that went 185.

Komnena
07-26-2009, 12:53 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the police know about your love affair with its accelerator. However you'll make lots of nice new friends in traffic court.

I wish one library book had not escaped today's great round up.

Susie
07-26-2009, 02:52 AM
Granted. That library book though, was in a language you couldn't read.

I wish that our lawn could be permanently short and beautifully green.

Nightfly
07-28-2009, 06:47 AM
Granted. You're a gofer. Duck if someone yells FOUR!

I wish I had a personal chef.

slcboston
07-28-2009, 06:59 AM
Granted.

One word: Ptomaine.

I wish I was as sleepy now as I was at 8 AM

Nymtoc
07-28-2009, 08:45 AM
I wish I was as sleepy now as I was at 8 AM

Granted.

You are as sleepy now as you were at 8 AM. In fact, you fall into a deep sleep. Unfortunately, this causes you to miss the big interview--the one that was your only chance of getting the success you have been working toward for years.

:ROFL:

I wish I could stay in good shape without having to work out.

shakeysix
07-28-2009, 06:06 PM
that was a tough one, nymmie. after a lot of thought i've decided to give you gumby's body. yeah--it's screaming tijuana green, but look at the advantages. not only can you stay in shape, you can assume any shape you want! and if you weary of trudging down and endless claymation plain, you can roll into a ball and get there FAST. if you gain a little clay, you can scrape it off with a putty knife. and you will never never have a bad hair day. just don't look down between your stumpy little legs and you won't miss a thing from your former body._s6


now who wants to be pokey?

shakeysix
07-29-2009, 01:36 AM
i wish that pokey was a real pony and he belonged to me

Komnena
07-29-2009, 02:33 AM
Granted. Unfortunately his disposition is worse than the late John Henry's .


I wish I had a minivan with a DVD player.

slcboston
07-29-2009, 06:24 AM
Granted.

One DVD player. No movies other than "Carrot Top's Greatest Hits" and "Richard Simmons Greatest Hits." Also the volume is stuck at max. If you're nice, I'll include the comedy stylings of Fran Drescher.

I wish I had a comfy chair.

shakeysix
07-29-2009, 06:47 AM
did you ever see juno? i grant you that chair.


i wish neil young and crazy horse lived next door to me. instead of the wheezy mexican accordion band that does.

slcboston
07-29-2009, 06:56 AM
Granted.

Now you have wheezy middle-aged former American rockers living next to you. Who have just taken up an inexplicable interest in polka music.

And no, I haven't seen it. So I wish for a comfy chair that I can actually relate to. :D

Komnena
07-29-2009, 03:14 PM
Granted. It is so comfy you doze off and sleep right through that big job interview.

I wish I had all my things organized.

alleycat
07-29-2009, 03:39 PM
Granted. Here's a BIG magic box. Put everything in the box, shake for 30 seconds. When you open the box everything will be in perfect order.


I wish it would stop raining for a little while. This is unusual getting so much rain in July.

Nymtoc
07-30-2009, 10:37 PM
I wish it would stop raining for a little while. This is unusual getting so much rain in July.

Granted.

It has stopped raining for 1.7 seconds.

I wish all the people involved in the Progressive Insurance commercials would be sent to the ninth ring of Hell.

Komnena
07-31-2009, 12:55 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it turns out that one of them got an idea from something you wrote, so you are involved too.
I wish I could manage to read every book about Napoleon.

Kmcelhinny
07-31-2009, 07:38 AM
Granted. Now you know so much about Napoleon, you've started dressing, thinking, and talking exactly like him.

I wish I was feeling better.

slcboston
07-31-2009, 07:52 AM
Granted.

(I'd really like to just actually grant this one, but, sadly, rules are rules. So...) You're feeling better. So much better, in fact, that you start to worry people with how chipper and perky you are. You are the perky queen, the empress of chipper. ... The people you know will either commit you or stop talking to you any day now.

I wish I could get a decent back massage.

Kmcelhinny
07-31-2009, 07:55 AM
Granted.

The massage is so good that it turns your spine to jello and now you can no longer walk upright.

I wish my internet connection didn't suck.

Nightfly
07-31-2009, 08:11 AM
Granted. Your internet connection is now incredib -
....... "CONNECTION LOST" ...........

slcboston
07-31-2009, 08:16 AM
Hmmm...

well, without making a wish of your own, the djinn will have to guess.

You did want to be a lungfish, right?

I wish I had some jello.

Nymtoc
07-31-2009, 10:03 PM
I wish I had some jello.

Granted.

You have a big bowl of jello, which you have just spilled all over your pants.

:D

I wish I had a place in the country.

slcboston
08-01-2009, 12:23 AM
Granted.

You have a very nice place in the borderlands of Afghanistan. (You didn't specify *which* country, after all.)

I wish I could just have the furniture delivered instead of having to go get it myself.

Ms. Jem
08-01-2009, 01:30 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, your handwriting is chicken scratch on the purchase documents and that furniture is delivered to the house next door. So, you still end up getting the furniture yourself and now your neighbors won't say 'good morning.'

I wish for a peaceful month of August.

Susie
08-01-2009, 03:33 AM
Granted. Though peace during the month of August, you'll make up for it in September frollicking.

I wish for no rain for at least a month.

alleycat
08-01-2009, 03:36 AM
Granted. You've just won an all-expense made vacation to the Sahara. Take plenty of sunscreen. And don't step in any camel dung.


I wish I had more get-up-and-go this evening.

Nightfly
08-01-2009, 03:57 AM
Granted. Of course "get-up-and-go" is web slang for cocaine. That pizza delivery guy outside - yeah he's FBI.

Nightfly
08-01-2009, 10:41 PM
Whoops. Sorry - I forgot.



I wish I had a better memory.

Nymtoc
08-01-2009, 11:05 PM
I wish I had a better memory.

Granted.

You remember that you lost your wallet this morning (containing your driver's license, credit cards, medical insurance, emergency ID--listing your name, address, date of birth and Social Security number--and $1,000 in cash).

Unfortunately, you can't remember where you lost it.

:ROFL:

I wish I could read ancient Greek.

Komnena
08-02-2009, 12:18 AM
Granted. Unfortunately you can read ancient Greek because you're a Spartan nobleman. You are now on duty at Thermopylae. You do,however, get to fight in the shade.

I wish I could visit the ancestral homelands in Wales.

Susie
08-02-2009, 05:58 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the elderly ancient ones in Wales are all tucked in their beds when you visit.

I wish I could go on vacation to Hawaii.

Komnena
08-02-2009, 08:35 AM
Granted. You arrive there an hour before the hurricane does. But don't worry, there are plenty of volcanic caves to hide in. Just pick a high one so you don't get caught in the storm surge.

I wish I had all the camera cords with me now.

Nightfly
08-04-2009, 03:07 AM
You do - they're right there....Right there.... No - Right There!... THEY'RE RIGHT THERE - My God what are you blind!? ...Oh.Oh. You do have all the camera cords with you. But your blind.


I wish I had my own plane. AIRplane

Nymtoc
08-04-2009, 05:37 AM
I wish I had my own plane. AIRplane

Granted.

Here it is. You can pick it up at the Smithsonian Institution.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/FLYING%20MACHINE%201%20%28HENSONS%29.jpg

I wish politicians would stop acting as if we were all idiots.

shakeysix
08-04-2009, 05:48 PM
okay--we are now all politicians. we can screw, rob, lie, bluster, back stab, blame and threaten to our hearts content. we can do this because we are public servants. we alone have the altruistic desire to sacrifice our personal needs for the betterment of all. and the politicians can just sit back and watch us on fox!

i wish normal, well intentioned, intelligent, community minded people had the balls to go into public service.

dochas
08-05-2009, 12:22 AM
Granted. There are only two people left in the world who fit that description and they're married to each other. They've just been elected mayor and assistant mayor of a small town in Greenland. Yay for them.


I wish I could win an all-expenses-paid, week-long trip for 4 to the Outer Banks during perfect summer weather (this summer), with no time-share pitches required.

Komnena
08-05-2009, 06:31 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the three you must share with are unpleasant coworkers.

I wish Churchill Downs was not under water.

dochas
08-05-2009, 07:51 PM
Granted. A freak Arctic front has stalled over the city, the flood waters are now frozen solid.


I wish I could stop procrastinating and get back to work!

Ms. Jem
08-06-2009, 05:53 AM
Granted. You no longer procrastinate and are a whirling dervish in the office, accomplishing not only your tasks but everyone else's. The only person who will talk to you now is the boss.


I wish Paula Abdul would stay on American Idol. Who will I laugh at now?

slcboston
08-06-2009, 08:03 AM
Granted.

Everyone else quits. You have only yourself to blame.

I wish there were more second chances.

Nymtoc
08-06-2009, 09:37 AM
I wish there were more second chances.

Granted.

There are second chances for everything you do. Unfortunately, the results are always the same as for the first chances.

:ROFL:

I wish I could have my book sold by the end of the year.

trocadero
08-06-2009, 06:02 PM
Granted. Unfortunately you sell it by the end of the year 2034. Something to look forward to.

I wish I didn't have to go back to school.

shakeysix
08-08-2009, 09:50 AM
i'm a teacher. i wish i didn't have to see your face next week. i'll impersonate your mother and call to say that you are under house arrest for the entire semester. you pretend to be the DA and call my principal to say that i was caught on the mexican border with a suitcase full of hashish. that should give us each another ten weeks of vacation--s6

i really really really wish that my students could not find my room until mid september

giusti
08-08-2009, 01:29 PM
Granted, your room's being renovated until mid-September. In the meantime, you can teach in the room next door.

I wish it weren't so hot around here.

Nightfly
08-08-2009, 09:46 PM
I wish it weren't so hot around here.



Granted. Ahhhhhh... Like a gift from the merciful heavens a gentle but powerful wind rushes across the land and cools off temperatures by about 30 degrees around there. Around there. But there. Right there? Hot - as - hell.


I wish I could go on vacation for about 6 weeks.

trocadero
08-09-2009, 03:59 PM
Granted. You win a six-week vacation at the destination of your dreams, but during the flight there you develop a clot in your leg and after a period of hospitalization under very unsanitary conditions you have to stay in bed and give yourself warfarin injections every day.

I wish I could thrive on four hours of sleep per night.

shakeysix
08-10-2009, 07:27 AM
you can! with these little yellow pills i have here. you can have the first five for free. after that they will cost you 15$ a pill--s6

i wish that all the dead junebugs on my porch would turn to gold

Kmcelhinny
08-10-2009, 07:32 AM
Granted. But when you touch them they come to life again. So not only do you have to catch them, but they also hurt when they hit you.

I wish that I was feeling better from my surgery.

giusti
08-11-2009, 02:37 PM
Granted. If you look above you, you can see the ceiling caving in, throwing the entire content of the room above you onto your body. You cry out in agonizing pain, the most excruciating that you've felt in your life. But your surgery? Feels perfectly fine.

I wish I didn't have to go get new tires for my car.

shakeysix
08-11-2009, 05:50 PM
good news--i've just boinked fred flintstone's rockmobile into your garage. never again will you have to buy tires. or gas, for that matter. of course the sabertooth tiger skin convertible top might be hard to replace. and i hope you have a couple of big fat, flat feet for brakes--s6

i wish there was some use for the white dog hair that is piling up in drifts on my carpets and sofa.

Fallen
08-11-2009, 06:16 PM
Granted: grandad's coming over to weave the white bits into his wig, problem is baldness runs in the family and he ain't the type to share. Family...can't love 'em, can't feed 'em to the starving pack of wolves barking 'feed me gradnpa, he's had it anyway'.


I wish my son wouldn't keep pinching the cake I hide away from him.

shakeysix
08-11-2009, 06:22 PM
pinching problem solved--well, at least diverted. now he is pinching the bottoms of his female classmates.

i wish i had a bottomless supply of white coconut cake

giusti
08-12-2009, 12:16 AM
Wish granted! I have given to you the top of a white coconut cake.

I wish I had a bowl of cherries.

Nymtoc
08-12-2009, 12:25 AM
I wish I had a bowl of cherries.

Granted.

The bowl is in your bathroom, and there's a lot of water in it, but the cherries are there, too. Just don't flush.

:D

I have a visitor coming from out of town, so I wish we would have perfect weather for the next four days.

giusti
08-12-2009, 12:46 AM
You will have perfect weather for the next four days. This weather will extend from your doorstep to two feet away from the doorstep. Good luck on the rest of that.

I wish I knew how to whistle.

dochas
08-12-2009, 10:03 PM
Granted. You can whistle very well, every where you go, all day long.....through your nose.

I wish I could win $100,000 in the lottery.

Nymtoc
08-12-2009, 11:31 PM
I wish I could win $100,000 in the lottery.

Granted.

You win $100,000 in the lottery. The next day your neighbor, who slipped on that grease puddle in front of your house and broke his ankle, sues you for $100,000. He wins. You are back where you started.

:ROFL:

I wish I could watch any movie I want without having to pay for it.

giusti
08-13-2009, 01:39 AM
Good news! I have just invited you to a video store, where you can look at all the movies as they sit on their shelves, and you don't even have to buy them!

I wish I could fly.

Nightfly
08-13-2009, 04:24 AM
Granted. Here, strap on this helmet - c'mon, c'mon everybody's waiting. There, now slide down into the barrel, there you go, and remember you're gonna want to aim for the bulls eye painted on that net way over there. See it? - it's just on this side of that big pile of elephant crap. Now you're not gonna want to overshoot that net...But if you do, hey, a soft landing is a soft landing, am I right? (aside: Light the wick Chuckles.) Here we go! Laaadieeees aaaannnnd Gennntlemaannn........



I wish I had an outdoor jacuzzi with a mini bar.

slcboston
08-13-2009, 06:59 AM
Granted.

You get them *after* the local frat house are done with them.

I wish there was a bathroom on the third floor

Kmcelhinny
08-13-2009, 07:20 AM
granted. But now when you pee in the toilet there is a special pipe that drips the water you flush back onto your head.

I wish that there was a different song on

slcboston
08-13-2009, 07:36 AM
Granted.

Hey! Macarena!


I wish this experiment was done and over with already

Kmcelhinny
08-13-2009, 07:55 AM
Granted. But now you have 1500 new ones to tackle.

I wish that I could get something done for a change.

shakeysix
08-13-2009, 05:42 PM
granted. since you did not specify what type of change you are wanting i am assuming you want to be a red assed baboon. (doesn't everyone?) since i'm not the most powerful genie here, i'll have to do the change in stages beginning with... you guessed it! your ass!

i wish i had a personal valet. like jeeves only sexier.

Nightfly
08-15-2009, 09:51 PM
You got it. This guy's the spitting image of George Clooney. He's a real drama queen though. And terribly lazy. Oh and he's from Nicaragua and doesn't speak English. Oh and he has turrets. (Excuse me. Tourettes.)


I wish I was a really good dancer.

slcboston
08-15-2009, 10:22 PM
Granted.

You do the hula better than anyone.

I wish I had a coffee pot up here. And several more cups in me. :Coffee:

Nightfly
08-18-2009, 04:12 AM
Granted. Wasn't sure where "up here" was but now I see --

Sure you're in the highlands of Scotland. Aye laddy. Back to the hills - that rich, black earth. Why, you can smell your history in that laand. Away from all the so called modern society you can hear the music of yer kinsman I tell ye! Well never fear laddy. A man - a Good man - a Trustworthy Man, Laddy! - has travelled for days on his mount to finally reach ye!

"You, have you brought the coffee pot then?"
"Aye......Where will I be plugging it in?"



I wish I played for the Boston Bruins.

Ms. Jem
08-18-2009, 04:27 AM
Granted. You play for the Bruins. You're a sensation. Everyone's talking about your plays and your head gets bigger and bigger. You start talking more zeros to management - you're worth it - after all, what would they do without you?
Well, now you're about to find out cuz this town ain't big enough for you and your head.


I wish tweeting was illegal!

Komnena
08-18-2009, 06:49 AM
Granted. Finally Sylvester has open season on Tweety.

I wish there was a Celtic music station in Louisville.

Nightfly
08-23-2009, 01:01 AM
Granted. It plays all Celtic music of love and loss and glory. But all are interpretations by Britney Spears.

I wish I could run really fast. Bionic man fast.

Komnena
08-23-2009, 07:23 AM
Granted. You are the new Bionic Man. Your life now belongs to the government while your powers last.

I wish I had a digital camera that would record more than thirty seconds at a time.

Nightfly
08-26-2009, 04:25 AM
Granted. Your state of the art digital camera goes for hours (and it's not alone.) You're quickly arrested. It's illegal to make those kinds of movies without a permit. "Nudge, nudge, know what I mean, say no more."


I wish I could sing well enough to really move people.

dochas
08-26-2009, 07:47 PM
Granted. Your singing really moves people....out the door, so fast the tablecloths flutter.

I wish I could win $50,000 in the lottery, tax free.

Komnena
08-27-2009, 05:18 PM
Granted. You win $50,000 in Continental money. Enjoy your free wallpaper.

I wish Mine that Bird ends up at the Horse Park.

slcboston
08-27-2009, 07:29 PM
Granted.

Now since I can't, in good conscience, do anything to the horse (this djinn's an animal lover, after all) ... MTB lives out the rest of his/her days happily. You, on the other hand, have now been appointed chief pooper-scooper at Horse Park. Enjoy.

I wish this stupid experiment would finish itself so I had more time to play.

sommemi
08-28-2009, 12:24 AM
Granted. But the experiment yeilded astronomical results and now you have to write a dissertation on the results before the end of the month so you can get that grant you wanted.

I wish Cotton was a monkey.

Komnena
08-29-2009, 07:47 AM
Granted. Cotton is a monkey and loose in your house. But don't worry, monkeys are good at entertaining themselves.

I wish there was a channel which broadcast only old cop shows.

Nightfly
08-29-2009, 08:33 AM
Granted. The line up:
1:00 - 2:00 "Seniors in Blue"
2:00 - 3:00 "Gramps on Patrol"
3:00 - 4:00 "Precinct Alzheimers"
4:00 - 5:00 (Dinner and a nap)
5:00 - 6:00 "Over the Hill Street Blues"
6:00 - 7:00 "Centurion with a Badge"
8:00 - 9:00 "Law and Order AARP"
9:00 - 10:00 "Texas Ranger with a Walker"
10:00 - 11:00 "Chips on Rascals"




I wish I had the power to read minds.

bettielee
08-30-2009, 11:23 AM
Granted. Now you know what everyone really thinks of you. Including that weird stalker you've thought for years was your doctor.

I wish I could get my cat to stop jumping up on the window screens

sommemi
09-01-2009, 12:31 AM
Granted. But now what's to stop the cat from falling once he's out the window?

I wish I owned a roller skating rink.

Nightfly
09-02-2009, 03:30 AM
Granted. There is a small hitch. Your permanently stuck in the 70s. Hope you like disco, polyester and cocaine...
as much as I do.

I wish I owned a really cool movie house.

Nymtoc
09-02-2009, 07:02 AM
I wish I owned a really cool movie house.

Granted.

You are the proud owner of the Bijou, on Main Street. The temperature inside is 45 degrees F (7.2 degrees C), and since the local building code prevents installation of heating devices in that building, your movie house is really cool.

I wish I had a limousine.

Poetic_Justice
09-02-2009, 07:10 AM
G R A N T E D

However, your limosine's engine was highjacked, and I'll cost you the amount you bought it for to replace the engine.

S U C K S TO BE Y O U

I wish I had more time for writing.

Nightfly
09-03-2009, 05:14 AM
Granted. Walking through airport. Walking, Walking. "Hey would you mind holding this bag for me and not asking what's inside while I use the bathroom?"
"Sure, benevolent Genie."
Ten to twenty years. No excuses.

I wish I had a great manly voice like Gregory Peck.

ejaycee
09-03-2009, 07:28 AM
Granted. Only now you're a woman.

I wish there were more hours in the day.

vitt_0
09-07-2009, 09:02 PM
Granted. You can expect your next birthday in 982228399211185500 hours.

I wish this year's santa is a gorgeous, blonde, young woman instead.

Nightfly
09-07-2009, 09:50 PM
Yeah, uh, granted Baby - Genie got whatever you want, you know what I'm sayin'. Hoe, Hoe, Hoe, am I right brother, yeah.

I wish I could fly back East and go to one of my favorite restaurants.

Nymtoc
09-08-2009, 12:20 AM
I wish I could fly back East and go to one of my favorite restaurants.

Granted.

You will fly courtesy of Mid-Southeast-Northwest-American Airways, in a 1941 Stearman A75N/1 biplane, making 175 stops across the country before landing at LaGuardia Airport. From there, you will go to one of your favorite restaurants, where you will find a sign on the door reading "CLOSED."

:D

I wish I knew if the world is really going to end on December 21, 2012.

Komnena
09-09-2009, 03:17 AM
Granted. However, the aliens who tell you take you off to their homeworld so you can't tell anyone.

I wish I had my clothes organized.

Nightfly
09-10-2009, 03:59 AM
Granted. Here is the organizing system - pay close attention. The clothes on top are the ones you will wear regularly. Everything under those are things that don't fit (anymore / yet) or are things you've forgotten you owned. Way down on the bottom of one of the drawers is that concert T-shirt from a lifetime ago.

On hangers you've got this section in the middle of the things you regularly wear and to the left and right are things that don't fit quite right, or don't really look good on you but they were expensive and you'll be damned if you're just gonna throw them away.

Let's see, that's about it - oh, and all your shoes are piled up right there - except the pair you left over there and the other two you left in there.

I really wish I had a housekeeper.

ejaycee
09-10-2009, 04:03 PM
Granted. Only the newspaper printed the ad as "House Keeper", so now you've got a woman with your keys who won't let you in.

I wish I could break the habit of procrastinating.

alleycat
09-10-2009, 04:12 PM
Granted. Start the first of November. Or maybe next January. Yeah, starting at the first of the year is the best time. Yep, that's work; you can start then.


I wish all the things on my "to do" list were done.

Komnena
09-14-2009, 11:13 PM
Granted. Now you are hopelessly bored but there's nothing you can do.
I wish I could watch the first of Bernardini's offspring race.

slcboston
09-18-2009, 08:16 PM
Granted.

They go into snail racing.

I wish I could find a schedule for this pool...

sommemi
09-18-2009, 08:18 PM
Granted. But you've found out the pool is only open from 4:15 am to 5:15 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays during the months of December and January. It's gonna suck to go swimming THEN!

???

I wish I worked in a roller skating rink instead of this windowless office.

slcboston
09-18-2009, 08:24 PM
granted

it's your job to clean and sanitize the rental skates.

In the basement.

Under the rink.

Where all day long you hear them whizzing by overhead, but can't ever join them.

:D

I wish I hadn't made quite so much food for lunch.

Komnena
09-20-2009, 07:32 AM
Granted. Just as you are sitting down to your skimpy lunch, Obama knocks on your door because he's heard what a fabulous cook you are. Oh, and there's the full complement of Secret Service who are also hungry.

I wish Lane's End would hold another open house.

slcboston
10-01-2009, 01:57 AM
Granted.

They held it yesterday. You missed it. Again.

I wish this cold would just go away.

brad_b
10-01-2009, 02:36 AM
Poof, your cold is gone but the H1N1 virus moves into the vacuum it left.

I wish someone would fix supper so I didn't have to cook tonight.

Susie
10-01-2009, 05:16 AM
Granted, but then I would have to come over nekkid and fix you spaghetti 'n meatballs and you wouldn't want to eat that. :D

I wish I could go to Hollywood and make a million dollars.

Nymtoc
10-01-2009, 07:13 AM
I wish I could go to Hollywood and make a million dollars.

Granted. You have gone to Hollywood and made a million dollars. However, because of the way you made it (which will not be described here), the FBI is after you, along with the CIA, the DEA, the Secret Service, the California State Police, the Los Angeles Sheriff's Office and Interpol. Enjoy! :D

I wish I could win a Nobel Prize.

brad_b
10-01-2009, 09:25 AM
Your wish is granted. You win the Nobel Prize for Literature, but soon after you receive the reward the committee discovers you copied your prize-winning story from a little old lady down the block. They take back the prize, all the money, your writing career tanks, and the little old lady becomes rich and famous and hires an attorney to sue you. You lose it all. Sorry about that, it's a tragic ending.

I wish I could go to sleep early tonight...

Elonna
10-01-2009, 06:30 PM
Granted you go to sleep early tonight. Unfortunately you only sleep for about 15 minutes then you go through a week long bout of insomnia and have to be hospitalized for severe fatigue where they have to sedate you with Propofol.

I wish it was Friday at 5:30pm

brad_b
10-01-2009, 10:02 PM
Your wish is granted, but you took a nap and woke up at 5:54 pm Friday, so now you have to wait another week since 5:30 pm Friday is only allowed to show up once a week, unless you have a jet and can visit all the time zones.

I wish the economy would pick up so work projects would start pouring in again.

Susie
10-01-2009, 10:03 PM
Granted. But then you will have had so much work that you get too tired and need to retire with me in Hawaii. Hope you don't mind if Mr. Susie comes along. :)

I wish that I was 20 again.

Nymtoc
10-01-2009, 10:18 PM
I wish that I was 20 again.

Granted.

You are 20 days old. You are just beginning to open your eyes and see. You will startle while sleeping and will jump at loud noises, but not wake up. You will most definitely be able to lift and hold your head off the floor slightly, for a small period of time during tummy time. You might begin to make noises other than cries, perhaps even like dove coos! If you are lucky, you might even begin to smile. :D

I wish people would give me the respect I deserve.

Susie
10-01-2009, 10:26 PM
Granted, you do have everyone's respect, it's just that you don't realize it since your head is always in a book. That's why you get headaches cuz your head gets very stuffed in there.

I wish I'd get an acceptance today, tomorrow and always.

Elonna
10-01-2009, 10:35 PM
Granted, everyone accepts you and loves you and thinks you're awesome today, tomorrow and always. However, your writing continues to be rejected.

I wish I could find my mind

brad_b
10-01-2009, 10:36 PM
Granted, you are accepted by an ancient Maori tribe to be their queen, the sad part of this tale is that you are also slated to be the main course at dinnertime.

I wish all my wishes come true.

brad_b
10-01-2009, 10:37 PM
Your wish is granted, you find your mind but discover it's stuck on replaying the last hour of sleep in which you dream of finding your mind. It's enough to drive one batty.

I wish Elonna wasn't so darn fast in replying to Susie. :)

Nymtoc
10-01-2009, 10:43 PM
I wish Elonna wasn't so darn fast in replying to Susie. :)

Granted. Elonna is 1/10th of a second slower than she used to be, but she still beats you to the punch.

I wish my team would win this weekend.

Elonna
10-01-2009, 11:00 PM
Granted. Your team wins this weekend, but you better enjoy it because they never win another game in the career of the franchise which ends in bankruptcy when all of their fans defect to the #1 rival team.

I wish for everyone else's wishes to come true

shakeysix
10-02-2009, 12:35 AM
okay--beggars are riding horses, turnips are now gold watches and shakey just found an oil well in her back forty! and had a story accepted!

i wish something awful would happen. i have a doomsday mindset and good news makes me nervous--s6

Nymtoc
10-02-2009, 01:38 AM
i wish something awful would happen. i have a doomsday mindset and good news makes me nervous--s6

Granted.

AW has been shut down--permanently. Is that awful enough? :D

I wish I could speak 17 languages.

ad_lucem
10-02-2009, 01:44 AM
Granted, you can now speak the 17 most common languages known to the Galaxy of Sigmoid Septus. Sadly, you will never actually meet a being from Sigmoid Septus, but at least you can rest assured in the knowledge that if ever you did, you would have a very lively conversation.

I wish men could get pregnant.

Komnena
10-02-2009, 06:27 AM
Granted. Men can get pregnant but most refuse to. Civil war breaks out between men and women. Eventually all countries get divided between male and female. The birthrate drops alarmingly.

I wish not to have to go through another ice storm.

Justin K
10-02-2009, 10:29 AM
Granted, the ice storms will be replaced with ice cream storms, and you must remain indoors.

I wish pogs would make a comeback.

jubileerocker
10-04-2009, 12:27 PM
Granted pogs just came back, in all glory and awesomeness, the downside... you loose them all agaisnt your friends...

I wish I could just get a divorce already

ad_lucem
10-04-2009, 10:32 PM
Granted, divorce papers are filed. You decide to go out for a celebratory meal only to find you can't pay for it because your bank accounts have been seized to pay the debts of your former husband thanks to community property laws in your state. As an added bonus, the legislature has also just reinstated the use of debtors prisons and legalized the practice of indentured servitude as repayment for accounts owed.

Meanwhile, the aforementioned ex-hubby has stored money in offshore accounts and skipped off to a private isle with the teenage whore you used to have as a babysitter.

I wish my pug would stop puking on my couch.

Nymtoc
10-04-2009, 10:47 PM
I wish my pug would stop puking on my couch.

Granted.

Your pug no longer pukes on your couch. He pukes in your bed.

:ROFL:

I wish I had DVDs of every movie that was ever made.

ad_lucem
10-05-2009, 08:38 AM
Granted.

Your pug no longer pukes on your couch. He pukes in your bed.

:ROFL:

I wish I had DVDs of every movie that was ever made.

Granted. A Nigerian uncle you never knew you had passes away and bequeaths to you his entire stock of DVDs (located in his warehouse in Abuja). You arrive to find that, to your horror, while the DVDs cover every movie ever made since the beginning of moving pictures, the discs are pirated copies which are uncategorized, unlabeled, or stored on 5 foot tall spindles stacked in rows of 20 in 10 ailses.

(On the bright side, you find he had an insurance policy on the place. You set it ablaze and receive a tidy sum for the price of all the movies combined. Sadly, this amounts to only a few thousand Euros which you never receive because you have been thrown into a Nigerian prison on fraud charges for the remainder of your short life.)

I wish there was a natural spring filled with crystal clear water nearby.

Komnena
10-05-2009, 03:36 PM
Granted. Unfortunately the crystals are highly toxic.

I wish I could see a ghost town.

ad_lucem
10-06-2009, 12:19 AM
Granted! The industry which has supported your local economy falls off a proverbial cliff into a pit of obsolescence forcing any and all people in your region to leave in search of survival elsewhere. The malls, suburbs, exurbs, and even the dusty farms are now completely vacant. You are the last person standing in a deserted "ghost" town.

I wish I could tap into the Quantum Mind.

slcboston
10-08-2009, 07:18 PM
Granted.

Two words: neural overload.

On the plus side, they park your drooling, barely-cognitive self in front of the picture window at the institution where you'll spend the rest of your life. It has a nice view.

I wish I had fewer leftovers.

ad_lucem
10-08-2009, 07:28 PM
Granted. Widespread famine overtakes the global food supply. Fish die in blood red oceans, cattle contract anthrax en masse, all of the poultry die of bird flu, pigs learn to fly so the farmers can't catch them, GMO corn crops are targeted by a particularly pervasive sort of fungi, and rice suffers a similar fate.

In the end, there's nothing to eat but potatoes. You eat so much you develop an allergy. Unfortunately, this dramatically reduces your dining options and therefore your leftovers.

On the bright side, America has finally overcome the obesity epidemic!


I wish mothers' clubs didn't exist. Anywhere.

slcboston
10-10-2009, 01:27 AM
Granted.

Now the only people who have clubs are your siblings. And they hit harder with their clubs than mom ever did.

I wish it was warmer.

Komnena
10-12-2009, 05:31 PM
Granted. You wake up in Death Valley. Better start looking for water.

I wish I had a plate full of inari.

slcboston
10-12-2009, 07:07 PM
Granted.

(Although djinn had to look it up. :D)

I found the perfect plate for you, in the perfect place. How's your Japanese?

I wish I'd remembered the donuts.

ad_lucem
10-12-2009, 09:46 PM
Granted, you remember the donuts. You think of them constantly, with their mouthwatering aroma, their sugary glaze, their sweet "come-hither" look--daring you to taste their forbidden scrumptuousness.

A Dunkin Donuts opens next door to your house. You eat a diet comprised (entirely) of donuts and black coffee. This leads to weight gain, type 2 diabetes, liver damage, and hypertension.

Your doctor warns you must never eat donuts again! But, you ignore him, because you remember the donuts. You resolve to die happy.

On your headstone, just below your name the epitaph reads, "Remember the Donuts"


I wish higher education was free.

Nymtoc
10-12-2009, 10:34 PM
I wish higher education was free.

Granted.

Higher education is free, but only for people whose IQ score is lower than 70. Happy now?

I wish people wouldn't laugh when I tell them I'm a writer.

meeeeegin
10-12-2009, 11:27 PM
I wish people wouldn't laugh when I tell them I'm a writer.

Granted. They'll wait for you published books and then laugh they're asses off!


I wish the world was short of idiotic people.

slcboston
10-18-2009, 12:39 AM
Granted.

There are less idiotic people. The quota is now filled by morons. :D

I wish I knew what to snack on...

Ms. Jem
10-18-2009, 04:32 AM
Granted. You know what to snack on but it's a few miles down the road. Get up off the comfy couch and get it.

I wish my thoughts would just write themselves to save time.

Nymtoc
10-18-2009, 08:49 PM
I wish my thoughts would just write themselves to save time.

Granted.

However, your thoughts are so muddled and disorganized that no one can understand them, not even you.

I wish I were on the beach in Acapulco.

Komnena
10-18-2009, 09:30 PM
Granted. You are on the beach at Acapulco. So are some belligerent drug dealers. Luckily there's plenty of driftwood to shelter behind.

I wish there was a vacation machine at the local convenience store.

Poetic_Justice
10-19-2009, 06:42 AM
G R A N T E D

You now have a new, spiffy, vacation machine. It transports you to Antartica.

SO F R E A K I N SORRY

I wish I had new tap shoes

Melisande
10-19-2009, 09:39 AM
Granted

But they make no sound on the carpeting.

I wish it was morning...

Poetic_Justice
10-19-2009, 10:45 AM
G R A N T E D

It's morning, but now you have to deal with six months of morning. Perhaps you shouldn't have made that move to Alaska after all...

CHIN U P SUNSHINE

I wish I was done with this poem

Nymtoc
10-19-2009, 08:00 PM
I wish I was done with this poem

Granted.

You are done with this poem, and you are done with all other poems forever, permanently. No more poems, dude. Ever think about writing prose? :D

I wish I had a jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and someone lovely beside me, singing in the wilderness.

Komnena
10-20-2009, 05:41 AM
Granted. You are alone in the wilderness with a lovely opera singer singing just for you. At least you're alone until the opera-hating bears show up.

I wish I hadn't pushed the Antarctica button on the vacation machine.

slcboston
10-25-2009, 01:35 AM
Granted.

You pushed "Sahara" instead.

I wish I had some opera-hating bears. They sound useful, even if I do like opera. (I could turn them loose in Andrew Lloyd Weber's home, for example... ooh... wait, I need to adjust my wish.)

I wish someone would send the opera-hating bears to ALW's home. :D