Your wish is granted...

A. Hamilton

here for a minute...catch me?
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he didn't, he forgot it. you locked the door after him and turned around to see that aliens were overtaking your home. your son returns for the key, and can hear your screams and cries, but has no key to come in and help...

i wish all stories had happy endings.
 

janetbellinger

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Me too, but since I have to be an evil genie, the stories all have happy endings but now they all have sad beginnings.

I wish that summer was longer.
 

Jiloa

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Granted, but for every extra day of summer, you have an extra month of winter.

I wish I could stop wasting time.
 
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janetbellinger

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Granted. Now you're a Type A workaholic who wouldn't think of wasting time, who wouldn't even think of taking a break. You take your writing with you when you go on holidays and while everybody else is enjoying the surf, you are banging the keys on your laptop computer.

I wish I could quit changing the direction of my novel.
 

Yeshanu

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Granted. You finally settle on a plot direction you like, and you're enthused about finishing the dern thing. But then all heck breaks loose in your life, and you've got no time to write, and by the time you get back to it, you've forgotten what the book was supposed to be about in the first place.

I wish my kids would do the dishes once in a while.
 

Taurus Rising

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Granted. Then they surprise you by doing the dishes after a family feast celebrating a big holiday, and accidently smash and destroy your prize heirloom dishes brought over by your great-grandparents from the old county.

I wish I knew for sure my wife wasn't having an extramarital affair.
 

A. Hamilton

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of course she's not. you know this because you hire a PI. unfortunately, she becomes suspicious of your secret meetings and begins to wonder if you have a gay lover...

i wish my dog wasn't so flatulant.
 

poetinahat

say it loud
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Granted. That's not flatulence. She's in heat, and the smell is everywhere. Who-who-who-who let the dogs out?

I wish I could just ignore people who insulted me, rather than brooding about them for ages.
 

janetbellinger

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Granted, but now you're not as sensitive and can't write such wonderful insightful poems.

I wish I didn't have to go to work this morning.
 

Yeshanu

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Granted. There's been an explosion, and your workplace was obliterated. No loss of life (I'm not that mean) but the company you work for is now out of business. Is your resume up to date?

I wish the food at the grocery store was free.
 

sacredmime

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You're now a noble during the French Revolution. No head, no headache.

I wish I didn't have a cold.
 

A. Hamilton

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you don't. your doctor called to say you have bronchitis, and it's pretty bad..back to bed you go.

i wish my bedroom stayed as cool as the rest of the house.
 

special needs

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Well, sure...but you are going to become overconfident, and the agents aren't going to like your pompous attitude!

I wish that my mother was nicer, and that she didn't freak out at me for not abiding to her stupid rules.
 

Alien Enigma

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Your mother is now nicer. In fact, so nice that it has become a black mark on your relationship. She worries so much about you, that she has to know where you are every second of the day. You cannot go to town, without her knowing it. She has become ultra-clingy.


I wish that I owned a mega-casino in Vegas.
 

Taurus Rising

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Granted, too bad your general manager is so corrupt he embezzled most of your profits while framing you. You're now bankrupt and in prison with a ruined reputation.

I wish I was wiser.
 

Jaycinth

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You are wiser. POOF!!! You are the wiseist guy onthe planet. You are so wise that the FBI Rico probe nets you and you wind up in the Federal Pen in New Jersey. And you are the wiseist guy there, too.

I wish I could buy a bottle of nail polish remover and reasonably expect it not to vanish and be returned empty a week later. I wish the same were also true of my nailpolish. . .
 

Melisande

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Granted. You now have bottles of both kinds that refill themselves. This has made you so nervous, though, that you no longer have any need for either.

I wish I could sleep.
 

janetbellinger

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Granted, but now you can't wake up and when you do, you keep nodding off at awkward and embarrasing times.

I wish my fingernails didn't grow. Cutting and filing them is so boring.
 
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Jaycinth

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Same Psychosis...different day.
Your fingernails have stoped growing and your nails are now well shaped and perfect. Did I mention you no longer have to worry about chips or breaks either. Your nails contain self repairing nano machines that not only repair, but change the laquer instantly to suit your fancy.

Your toenails grow. And grow. They absorb all of the growth that your fingers don't use. And those self repairing nano-machines make it imppossible to cut, file, trim or in anyway control your toenails. Shoes are a faint memory. Remember the velociraptors in that movie. See their nails....

I wish I lived in a three story octagonal house with hexagonal doorways and rhomboid faceted stained glass windows with said house on a heptagonal lot, where five streets intersect with an entrance to the subway.
 

arrowqueen

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You do. Unfortunately, this particular geometric combination unlocks the gates to Hell. The subway mouth is glowing bloodily and you are about to have some rather unpleasant house-guests.

I wish I could travel in time.
 

sacredmime

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Granted, but every time you travel forward, you get amnesia, and every time you travel backward, you suffer paralyzing bouts of deja vu.

I wish I knew what the heck to do with my life.