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Woof
02-16-2009, 10:38 PM
I wish I had nine lives, like a cat.


Granted. Here are the nine lives of Nymtoc The Pussy Cat:

#1: Chokes on a fish bone and moves on to the next life.

#2: Makes the mistake of taking a nap under a Caterpillar tractor and gets turned into catsup.

#3: Overdoses on catnip and arrives D.O.A. at the hospital.

#4: Encounters a rottweiler with a switchblade in a dark alley. Gets cat-gutted.

#5: Gets sucked into a vacuum cleaner by an owner who's a neat freak.

#6: Gets eaten by a giant mouse.

#7: Lives a long life of quiet desperation and dies in his sleep.

#8: Overeats, gets stuck in his litter box, then starves to death.

#9: Auditions for the lead role in Cats, but loses out to a lesser talent. Slinks home and slashes wrists with the jagged can top of Nine Lives.


I wish that I had X-ray vision

alleycat
02-16-2009, 10:42 PM
Granted. I think I still have the pair of x-ray vision glasses I bought from an advertising in a comic book many years ago. You can have them for free. If you happen to need a magic wand, I think I have that too.

I wish I had some cheesecake to eat for lunch.

Nymtoc
02-16-2009, 10:47 PM
I wish I had some cheesecake to eat for lunch.

Granted.

It was made with Limburger cheese.

:Coffee:

I wish I had a limousine and driver.

Woof
02-16-2009, 10:48 PM
Granted. You have a nice thick wedge of cheesecake for lunch. The cheese that went into the cake was head cheese. Bon appétit!


I wish that I had supernatural healing powers.

Joycecwilliams
02-16-2009, 10:58 PM
Waving my magic wand and poof you have supernatural healing powers. However all you can cure are dying rats.

I wish my dog could understand me better.

Joycecwilliams
02-16-2009, 11:01 PM
I wish I had a limousine and driver.

Pooof you have a limousine and driver.. however you no longer have friends or no place to go.

side note... you guys have to stop stepping on each other... since I already made a wish on Woof's I won't make one here.. I didn't want Nymtoc to feel his wish wasn't granted. :)

DeleyanLee
02-16-2009, 11:02 PM
I wish my dog could understand me better.

Granted! Your dog now can understand you better--but you haven't a clue what he's all about.

I wish winter would end.

Joycecwilliams
02-16-2009, 11:07 PM
Winter has ended... and now it is summer. 90-110 everyday.. humidity thick as pea soup, but no rain. Air conditioners are broken from overuse and water supply is going dry. Mosquittos are now so full of your blood that they can't fly.

I wish I had a monkey.

Nymtoc
02-16-2009, 11:20 PM
I wish I had a monkey.

Granted.

You have the dead monkey that was buried at the beginning of Sunset Boulevard. (Remember that ghoulish scene?)

:roll:

I wish I knew how many angels could dance on the head of a pin.

DeleyanLee
02-16-2009, 11:25 PM
Granted! You now know the answer to that age-old question. However, you've forgotten everything else you ever knew.

I wish I was rich instead of so damned beautiful. :D

Goodchild
02-17-2009, 02:42 PM
Granted. You are extremely, filthy rich. Literally, filthy. You keep your beauty, but because you're so dirty no-one wants to touch you and refuse to believe you're a real stunner. You spend the rest of your days a bit like Mrs Haversham from that there book wot Dickens wrote, except the 'jilted on your wedding day' schtick is replaced by a 'no human being will ever touch me again' one.

I wish I was irrestible to women. Or maybe even irresistible. Irresistable.

Nymtoc
02-17-2009, 04:50 PM
I wish I was irrestible to women. Or maybe even irresistible. Irresistable.

Granted.

You are irresistible to women who want to take out their anger at men. They throw rocks at you, pelt you with garbage, curse you in every living language (and even a couple of dead ones), and then go back to their husbands and boyfriends, relieved of their hostility--until it's time to take it out on you again.

:e2woo:

I wish people wouldn't argue with me, since I am always right.

cooeedownunder
02-18-2009, 12:23 AM
Granted. People don't argue with you. They don't talk to you at all. No one talks to you.

I wish someone would get me a cup of coffee.

Nymtoc
02-18-2009, 12:37 AM
I wish someone would get me a cup of coffee.

Granted.

A weird-looking little man brings you a cup of coffee, and in return he demands certain favors that cannot be described in this forum.

:e2brows:

I wish I could be in two places at once.

cooeedownunder
02-18-2009, 12:47 AM
Granted. You are now in two places - The magic man put you in his magic box and cut it in half.

I wish my pen wrote my stories while I watched television.

Ms. Jem
02-18-2009, 11:20 PM
Granted. Your pen wrote your stories. Super Agent calls with an offer, but you can't answer her questions regarding said blockbuster novel. You have no idea what your book is about because you were too busy watching that hunk on Man vs. Wild. Now you have to read 400 pages before your lunch meeting with Super Agent.

I wish I could step into my book, maybe the second half that's not so dangerous.

cooeedownunder
02-19-2009, 12:10 AM
Granted. You have gone inside your book but there is no way out. You are stuck there until someone finishes the second half of the book.

I wish they put Land of the Giants back on television.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 01:04 AM
Granted.

It's back on television. In America. I have to say it's pretty enjoyable. :popcorn:

I wish I had more patience.

cooeedownunder
02-19-2009, 01:16 AM
Granted. You have paitence but no fear, and you jump of the nearest cliff thinking you can fly. But obviously you can't fly and you end up at the bottom in a heap, and cow fodder for the birds.

I wish I wrote a sentence that made sense :D

Woof
02-19-2009, 01:21 AM
Granted. You are now the most patient person in the world. You find yourself in a hurry for an appointment waiting for an elevator that seems will take for ever to arrive at the lobby floor and open. But are you impatient? No, you step lightly into the elevator car with only the calming images of floating water lilies gently floating through your brain. Unfortunately, in your reverie you are so patient and serene that you neglect to notice that you have just stepped into an open elevator shaft. And as you fall screaming into the narrow black open urban office mineshaft, for some unknown reason your new found patience turns immediately into abject terror.

I wish that everybody gets what they want, need, desire, deserve, crave and wish in one single form.

Snowstorm
02-19-2009, 01:22 AM
Granted! Each sentence you write is a lyrical piece of art. Each sentence causes your readers to weep. The only thing is each sentence is so disjointed from its neighbors that your readers scratch their heads before placing your book back on the shelf.

I wish my laryngitis would GO AWAY!

Woof
02-19-2009, 01:43 AM
Granted. After you drink warm soothing liquids to heal your laryngitis, the pain goes away and you feel much better. You can talk again normally, but the weird thing is you are never able to raise your voice or scream again. :eek:


I wish that people would all start communicating better with their own bodies.

Nymtoc
02-19-2009, 02:01 AM
I wish that people would all start communicating better with their own bodies.

Granted. People are communicating fantastically with their bodies. They talk to you in a strange sign language. Since you don't understand them, they come up and grab you. They throw their arms around you. Some slobber over you while others punch you in the stomach. They tickle you in places you didn't think were ticklish. You can't keep them off you. If you only had another wish--but the genie is gone.

:roll:

I wish I had a Duesenberg.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 02:05 AM
Granted.

I have no idea what that really is, but your version is a crochtey, 70 yr old Jewish storekeeper with incontinence issues. Also your new roommate.

I wish this cold would go away

Woof
02-19-2009, 02:42 AM
Granted. After eating lots of garlic to kill off the cold virus, you run out of garlic and as misfortune would it, that's the very night that a vampire happens to enter your window, lurch up to you and bury his fangs in your throat.


I wish that people were able to heal themselves with a magic healing stone.

KiwiPhoenix
02-19-2009, 05:38 AM
Granted.
But there is only one such stone, but such a precious rescource is quickly claimed by pretty much everyone, causing a massive war, wasting millions of lives, and bringing misery and famine to the world.
It is, naturally, lost in the chaos.
Sorry.

I wish I could blend into my surroundings at will.

cooeedownunder
02-19-2009, 06:18 AM
Granted. You can blend into surroundings at your will, but only those in abstract paintings.

I wish I had a new vacuume cleaner.

CheriVixen
02-19-2009, 06:43 AM
Granted! You now have a Dyson with incredible no clog suction. Problem now is that it sucked up the rug and you have nothing left to vacuum.

I wish mud season would hurry up and get here.

Horserider
02-19-2009, 06:44 AM
Ummm...okay? Mud season is here and your car is now stuck in a foot of mud. Not to mention your house is starting to tilt.

I wish the third edit on my MS was done.

cooeedownunder
02-19-2009, 06:52 AM
Granted. Your third edit of your manuscript is completed. The entire story had to be scraped it was so bad. You now have to start afresh.

I wish I had roses in my garden.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 06:52 AM
Granted.

You have roses. With thorns. Poisonous thorns. You've read sleeping beauty, right?

I wish for ideas ... and a binary translator.

TheRightEyedDeer
02-19-2009, 06:54 AM
Granted.

I wish for peace on earth.

CheriVixen
02-19-2009, 07:01 AM
Granted. I'm sorry TRED, but your ship is waiting to take you to the moon. Viva la Peace!

I wish I had warm toes.

Horserider
02-19-2009, 07:02 AM
Granted, your toes are on fire.

I wish I could STOP coughing!

CheriVixen
02-19-2009, 07:09 AM
Ri-co-la! you have stopped coughing but now you are wearing leiderhosen.

I wish I had a big pan of baklava all my own.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 07:37 AM
Granted.

It's big. REALLY big... table-sized, witches cauldron big.... And you get to eat it all... in one sitting.

I wish my feet were warm too, come to think of it.

CheriVixen
02-19-2009, 07:45 AM
granted. Your feet are now being warmed by a family of sleeping skunks. Hope you dont have anywhere to go.

I wish I had a latte to go with the caldron of baklava.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 07:49 AM
Granted.

But we're going to cook you in it. (That should teach you to take what should have been a wish stuffing you to the gills and make it heaven... :D)

I wish my nose would clear up so I could breathe.... and smell ;)

Mr. Anonymous
02-19-2009, 07:53 AM
Granted.

Except you're trapped in the middle of a massive field of dung.

I wish I didn't have to read Plutarch's biography of Solon. :(

cooeedownunder
02-19-2009, 07:57 AM
Granted. You don't have to read Plutarch's biography of Solon but now have to read the Bible back to front 77 times.

I wish I enjoyed shopping.

KiwiPhoenix
02-19-2009, 08:01 AM
Granted.
You now need to read, and annotate, Nicomachean Ethics. Due Thursday.

I wish I could do Calculus...

KiwiPhoenix
02-19-2009, 08:05 AM
Damn! Oh, well...
Granted! You now enjoy shopping. That should be punishment enough.
But, for good measure, I'm withdrawing all your money and setting it on fire.

I wish I could do Calculus...

Goodchild
02-19-2009, 04:33 PM
Granted! An interesting side-effect of this wish is that you now you can't stop doing it. You have to write absolutely everything down all the time or you'll go mental. So, no more sleep, no more friends, etc etc etc. I think I nicked this idea from a film but I can't remember which one. It'd be funny if it was Wishmaster haha


I wish I was a Bond villain.

alleycat
02-19-2009, 04:58 PM
Granded. You're Goodchild, the son of Mary Goodnight, featured in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Just as you are about to kill Bond, you learn that he is actually your father. You start whining about never having a dad and about how he never loved you and never went to your basketball games and how it's all his fault you turned out the way you did. Bond pushes you off a cliff then says, "Goodnight, Goodchild, good riddens."

I wish all my errands for the week were done.

willfulone
02-19-2009, 05:28 PM
Granted. You got robbed and have not money to do any shopping errands. Thus, you stay home and eat raimen noodles. Love Genie

I wish I did not have to go to work today or tomorrow.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 09:09 PM
Granted.

You have a great reason for not going to work for the next two days. The Zombie Apocalypse has begun, and they are besieging your house. Remember, aim for the heads.

I wish the signal was clearer.

Komnena
02-19-2009, 11:23 PM
Granted. Unfortunately the only show you can get is Cats Just Wanna Have Fun which features endless hours of cats tearing up toilet paper.
I wish the moon was made of cheese.

slcboston
02-19-2009, 11:43 PM
granted

to borrow from above - it's limburgher. The nights have never smelled so bad....

I wish i had some limburgher cheese, actually... as well as knowing how to spell it. :D

cooeedownunder
02-19-2009, 11:47 PM
Granted. You know how to spell the cheese thing but nothing else and you career as a writer has ended.

I wish I had a cupachino maker and new how to spell also. :D

slcboston
02-19-2009, 11:55 PM
Granted.

It only makes decaf. And the foam never stays the way it should... Spelling I can't help with. Some things are beyond even Giant Cosmic Powers.

I still would like the cheese.

cooeedownunder
02-20-2009, 12:00 AM
Granted. You have cheese, well the maker of cheese, a cow you need to milk, and blend the milk to cheese. You get sore arms, and fingeres too, from all that stretching of the teats, assuming that is how you milk cows.

I wish I had a sunny day.

slcboston
02-20-2009, 12:05 AM
Granted.

You have lots of sun. LOTS of sun. Withering the plants amounts. Turning the oceans to steam amounts. And your A/C is broken.

I wish I had .... hmm... no, can't go there. ;) I wish my feet were warm.

cooeedownunder
02-20-2009, 12:08 AM
Granted. Your feet are warm, thats becaue you have broke you feet and they are very swollen making them the biggest and warmest feet in history.

I wish I had a garbage muncher.

CheriVixen
02-20-2009, 02:46 AM
Granted. You have a garbage muncher, but someone dropped a spoon in it and it will never be the same.

I wish it was warm when it snowed.

cooeedownunder
02-20-2009, 02:59 AM
Granted. It is warm when it snows, but it melts all the snow and it never snows again.

I wish my ghomes were really little people.

CheriVixen
02-20-2009, 03:02 AM
Granted. Your gnomes are really little people but they have all gone on vacation to Iceland (where they have relatives) and have left look alike statuary in their place.

I wish the PTO meeting was cancled.

cooeedownunder
02-20-2009, 03:13 AM
Granted. The PTO meeting is cancelled, but now they are sceduled for everyday till the end of the year.

I wish my dictionary typed the words for me so that I did not have to look them up.

alleycat
02-20-2009, 03:22 AM
Granted. It's called MS Office Word, Auto-Correct as You Type. It's perfect. Let it handle the grammar as well.

I wish I didn't have so much to do on the weekend (the chores and errands, I mean).

willfulone
02-20-2009, 03:35 AM
Granted. You Sir, have an errand free/chore free weekend! Instead:

You are having a dinner at your house. Will be catered and cleaned up after so you have nothing to do. Well, 'cept entertain 56 elderly folk who are testy, incontinent and all sit in wheel chairs.

Love Genie

I wish I could hide from Alley should he wish to slay me...

Mr. Anonymous
02-20-2009, 04:09 AM
Granted. You can hide, but that doesn't mean he won't be able to find you.

I wish I got a publishing contract that wasn't from a scam publisher (lol, dodged a PA wish-grant xP)

cooeedownunder
02-20-2009, 04:16 AM
Granted. You have a legitimate publishing contract but you must write 100,000 words in a week for the story they want you to write. Goodluck.

I wish I had written 100,000 words this week.

KiwiPhoenix
02-20-2009, 08:08 AM
Granted.
You have written 100,000 this week. All over yourself. Specifically, in the form of Tattoos, all of them in obvious places, and none of them mentionable in polite company.
However, I must compliment you on your penmanship.

I wish people could regenerate lost limbs.

alanna
02-20-2009, 08:32 AM
Wish granted. Half the population can now regenerate lost limbs. Unfortunately, the other half of the population cut off their own limbs to see if they too could regenerate.

I wish I could have one extra day a week, just for me, to do whatever I want in, without upsetting the anyone else's timeline.

cooeedownunder
02-20-2009, 09:37 AM
Granted. You now have an extra day a week or those special things, every week, and also now have to work at least six days a week out of eight.

I wish I was not tired.

Goodchild
02-20-2009, 02:01 PM
Granted! You're wide awake! Full of beans! Mexican jumping beans! Which, if memory serves me correct, actually contain bugs. They hatch in your body and turn you into a giant human-sized jumping bean. You can't stay still, although it makes getting slam dunks in basketball a bit easier.


I wish I had a job I enjoyed (because I am currently unemployed). Look at that - I'm a poet and wasn't aware of the fact!

ragefaith
02-20-2009, 02:24 PM
Granted. You get a job you love, which involves stapling paper. Unfourtunately, you continously staple your thumb.

I wish I could find love.

alleycat
02-20-2009, 02:40 PM
Granted. Here's a puppy. Love him and he'll love you back. And chew on your shoes.

I wish I didn't have to go to the DMV today to get my drivers license renewed (and no, I don't want my car stolen so I don't have to bother).

willfulone
02-20-2009, 05:30 PM
Granted you do NOT have to go to DMV and your car is NOT stolen. You break both arms and both legs in a slip/fall while walking to car to go to DMV. No need to get license renewed - Doc says you will be in traction for 18 months minimum. Love Genie.

I wish it was already after work so I could hit the road for my weekend away.

Ms. Jem
02-20-2009, 09:03 PM
Granted. It is afterwork and your weekend trip awaits!

Nothing to wear you say? No clean clothes and the stores are closed after hours?

Well, you're the one that wanted the weekend here - Jeez, you could at least be ready when you start asking for wishes. :D



I wish for Lucille Ball's famous 'Vitamitavegimon' tonic - I really need it this week.

Nymtoc
02-21-2009, 05:01 AM
I wish for Lucille Ball's famous 'Vitamitavegimon' tonic - I really need it this week.

Granted.

You have the tonic, and it has the same effect on you that it had on Lucy. You are so zonked that you can't do anything this week. You are totally nonfunctional, and when the phone keeps ringing to tell you that a publisher wants your manuscript you never answer, so they call another writer, who is only too glad to accept their $100,000 advance.

(For anyone who doesn't know what this is all about, see "I Love Lucy" Season 1, episode 30.)

:tongue

I wish I were as clever as the people who wrote "I Love Lucy."

Woof
02-21-2009, 05:52 AM
Granted. You are as clever as the people who wrote I Love Lucy. In fact you are one of the people who wrote I Love Lucy. You have been dead for some time now, and have been reduced to a skeleton, but gosh, your words still make people laugh.


I wish that my writing had the power to influence the world.

ragefaith
02-21-2009, 08:08 AM
Granted. You write a book which influences the world.... however, only one copy was ever printed and the title was so slim it soon becomes lost.

I wish I was fat.

Goodchild
02-21-2009, 10:24 PM
Granted, you weirdo haha

You're fat. And not even obese or anything like that. In fact, you're just right. And society doesn't mock your weight issues, either. In fact, you even manage to get a promotion at work and a lovely husband (if you want one), or wife (if that's your thing). Yep, everything's coming up roses!

Until you get stuck on an aeroplane's toilet a few years from now when you flush it whilst still on it. The vacuum wedges your chunky bum in the loo and you can only be released by chopping your bottom off. You then spend the remainder of your days being unable to sit down.


I wish I could really grant wishes.

Ms. Jem
02-22-2009, 02:23 AM
Granted. You grant wishes left and right so much so that you don't pay too much attention to them. Then somebody wished you would fall off the face of the Earth and Geronimo-oo-oo-ooo....

I wish there was a book called 'How To Win Agents and Influence Them' :D

CheriVixen
02-22-2009, 03:00 AM
Granted, but genie is hacing technical difficulties and thought you wanted a book called "How to win Pagents and Influence them". According to the book it involves big hair,big teeth, and big...! Are you game?

I wish procrastination was an effective way of getting things done.

ragefaith
02-22-2009, 07:47 AM
Granted. You procrastinate 'till the cows come home. The high ratio of success from procrastinating goes through the roof. However, soon you tire of procrastionating and when you try to work on something, the effort is equivilant to natch.

I wish Uni didn't start tomorrow.

Ms. Jem
02-23-2009, 02:57 AM
Granted. University doesn't start for you tomorrow. Your acceptance has been revoked.


I wish I could stay up late (for me) and watch Kate Winslet win Best Actress.

Goodchild
02-25-2009, 04:56 PM
Granted! You managed to do exactly that, then realised just how boring watching the Oscars is, and wished that you'd gone to bed and had a decent night's kip.


I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four Impala.

alleycat
02-25-2009, 05:02 PM
Okay, we're going to combine these. Granted. You get a tall, good-looking girl who is a magician's assistant and who drives a 1964 Impala. Got gas money?

I wish I didn't have to go to the dentist this afternoon.

jubileerocker
02-25-2009, 05:04 PM
Okay, we're going to combine these. Granted. You get a tall, good-looking girl who is a magician's assistant and who drive a 1964 Impala. Got gas money?

I wish I didn't have to go to the dentist this afternoon.

You don't have to go to the dentist this afternoon... your teeth have just fallen out into your hand

I wish my puppy would be potty trained already

slcboston
02-25-2009, 06:33 PM
Granted.

Your puppy now uses the potty. The flusher and the plunger, however, continue to elude the puppy so now when you walk into your bathroom you never know what kind of surprises await you.

PS: I'd wear rubber boots.

I wish I knew what dish to make with fish

Ms. Jem
02-26-2009, 05:36 AM
Granted.

You know exactly what dish to make with fish.
However, the moment you receive your wish
You no longer want the dish. :tongue

(Sorry, I just watched My Fair Lady and can't stop the rhymes.)


I wish I had Obama's cell phone number, for that I would beg, borrow or plunder.

Komnena
02-26-2009, 05:44 AM
Granted. You get Obama's cell phone number and call it. You have a nice long chat with Obama which lasts until the Secret Service arrive at your door.

I wish my house cleaned itself.

Terri
02-26-2009, 05:54 AM
Congratulations! Your house has cleaned itself--by way of flood.

I wish I had fuzzy slippers.

WittyWordsmith
02-26-2009, 06:24 AM
Granted! You have fuzzy slippers, but they are so fuzzy they carry large amounts of static electricity and you get shocked every time you step.


I wish I could sleep through the night.

Terri
02-26-2009, 06:35 AM
Granted! You sleep through the night--and have horrible nightmares about three-headed salmon that abducts all children between the ages of twelve and thirteen-and-a-half.

I wish I knew more about leukemia.

WittyWordsmith
02-26-2009, 06:43 AM
Granted! You know all that is possible to know about leukemia, however it frightens you to death and you swear off hot-dogs for life.

alleycat
02-26-2009, 09:11 AM
I wish WittyWordsmith had made a wish.

jubileerocker
02-26-2009, 09:14 AM
Wittywordsmith had made a wish. The wish was that you would find happiness. The happiness was your untimely death. You were so deep into your spirital nirvana when you were meditating in the field that you barely even felt the stampade of wild horses that trampled you.

I wish that my husband would come home

alleycat
02-26-2009, 09:21 AM
Granted. He comes home drunk with a blonde on each arm and singing Louie, Louie at the top of his lungs. "We gotta go now."

I wish I hadn't bit my lip after my little visit to the dentist this afternoon (I couldn't feel my tongue, lip, or right side of my face afterward).

jubileerocker
02-26-2009, 09:24 AM
(Damn, shouldn't have made that wish... now I'm all paranoid)
Your mouth is healed... in fact you no longer have a mouth at all, just a blank spot on your face.

I wish that my lap top wouldn't be so hot on my lap

alleycat
02-26-2009, 09:27 AM
Granted. Your lap top just broke. It's not hot anymore. And . . . it will make a dandy serving tray now. Think of the possibilities.

I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and everything I needed to get done would magically get done.

jubileerocker
02-26-2009, 09:53 AM
A wooden stick just appeared on your coffee table. You pick it up and wave it once. The dishes are done, the beds are made, your caught up with the laundry and there is no clutter to be seen. Five minutes later the cops have come to arrest you, you just lost the house to the maid you created...

I wish my dead dog would come back (Lets try something new apart from pet semetary, this should be a good challange)

alleycat
02-26-2009, 10:15 AM
Granted. He will show up on Christmas eve and take you back to your childhood. You will also receive a visit from the dog of Christmas present and (the one most to be feared), the dog of Christmas future. If I were you, I'd be buying a goose for Tiny Tim.

I wish spring would begin in earnest this year on March 3rd (hey, it's my birthday).

ragefaith
02-26-2009, 10:49 AM
Granted. Spring begins. Rejoyce, dance in the daisies. You know that hayfever you have? Well, it flares up. You can't go outside to enjoy Spring because you are sneezing your head off.

I wish that my eyes were green.

brad_b
02-26-2009, 11:13 AM
Your wish is granted, a can of green spray-paint explodes in your face and everyone thinks you are taking over the Jolly Green Giant's duties... Yo-ho-ho...

I wish I could play my guitar as good as Mark Knopfler...

cooeedownunder
02-26-2009, 01:15 PM
Granted. You can play guitar as good as Mark Knopfler and the balads you play are beautiful and as as haunting, but you can not play any other music but Mr. Knopfler's.

I wish I had written 90000 words today :D

jubileerocker
02-26-2009, 01:18 PM
Granted
Just as you wrote your 90000th word the power went out and you lost all your work

I wish I could go to bed, it's 4:17 and I'm wide awake

cooeedownunder
02-26-2009, 01:52 PM
Granted. You can go to bed but you can't sleep for the next week.

I wish I could write 90000 words and the power not go out so I can't lose them :D

brad_b
02-26-2009, 02:01 PM
granted...you write 90,000 words but it's the same words over and over... wish I could write 90,000 words... wish I could write 90,000 words... wish I could write 90,000 words... wish I could write 90,000 words...


I wish I could stay longer and not have to sleep.

Kateri
02-26-2009, 02:24 PM
Granted and you may fly to a new time zone in Melbourne, Australia and never sleep or sleep whenever you choose.

ragefaith
02-26-2009, 02:36 PM
<<kateri, make a wish!! :D>>

xoChickieGirlox
02-26-2009, 10:56 PM
I wish I could stop the habit of biting my nails.

Terri
02-26-2009, 10:57 PM
Congratulations--your nails all wilt and fall off! No more need for biting!

I wish I had better things to do in this class than spam this thread.

brad_b
02-26-2009, 11:10 PM
granted... but the teacher catches you and makes you write on the board eleventy hundred times... I will not spam the AW threads... I will not spam the AW threads...

on a happier note, he now makes reading AW a class project, except for you who are still writing... 'I will not spam the AW threads...'

I wish I could finish my WIP and see it on the best-seller list....

Terri
02-26-2009, 11:15 PM
Granted! You finish it and it appears ont the Bestsellers' List--as That Book Everyone Buys Just So They Can Make Fun Of It!

I wish my novel's setting wasn't so similar to Red's.

Komnena
02-27-2009, 12:28 AM
Granted. Your novel is set on Alpha Centauri. The day after it comes out we make contact with aliens there who tell us you have every detail of conditions there wrong.

I wish I had a black Maine Coon.

WittyWordsmith
02-27-2009, 01:50 AM
Granted, you get your gorgeous cat only to find it's the spawn of Satan. It shreds every piece of furniture you have, urinates on all your clothes, and scratches you awake every morning before it runs off and mates with all the strays.


I wish I could buy a house.

Ms. Jem
02-27-2009, 02:03 AM
Granted. Welcome to your new abode, a tony brownstone in the heart of NYC. Getting to work will be no problem as you live right above Grand Central Station.


I wish New York City was 75 degrees all year long.

brad_b
02-27-2009, 02:35 AM
granted... but your wish comes along with global warming and now New York City is under 200 feet of water....

I wish someone would come over and cook supper so I don't have to...

Nymtoc
02-27-2009, 03:01 AM
I wish someone would come over and cook supper so I don't have to...

Granted.

A chef who specializes in exotic foods has arrived and has cooked your supper. The menu:

Roasted ox penis
Spinach topped with caterpillar fungus
Deep-fried spiders
Maggot cheese
Kopi Luwak (coffee made from coffee beans eaten and excreted by civet cats).

NOTE: These are real dishes in certain parts of the world. Don't blame the genie.

:D

I wish I could spend this entire year traveling around the world.

brad_b
02-27-2009, 03:04 AM
I wish I could spend this entire year traveling around the world

Your wish is granted, but it's in the nosecone of a ballistic missile lost in space...

I wish a gorgeous single lady would move next door...

WittyWordsmith
02-27-2009, 03:09 AM
Granted. She's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, she just happens to be strictly lesbian.



I wish politicians didn't exist.

KiwiPhoenix
02-27-2009, 03:10 AM
Gladly granted!
The politicians of the world all vanish from the face of the earth.
Creating a massive power vacuum.
Fortunately, a wise, previously-unheard-of messiah comes forth and unifies humanity, leading us into a golden age that lasts ten thousand years.
Just kidding!
Chaos erupts worldwide, costing millions of lives. And once it all dies down, the countries of the world are still run by politicians. Only this time, they're all pathologically violent and rule by fear and bloodshed.
Typical.

I wish Phoenixes were real (the immortal fire-birds, that is).

WittyWordsmith
02-27-2009, 03:13 AM
Granted! You buy one as a pet and it sets your house on fire once a week.




I wish for a bunker full of gold.

brad_b
02-27-2009, 03:16 AM
granted... poof!... bunker full of gold, but it's buried so deep it'll take all the gold to pay for its retrieval...

I wish a gorgeous, single, young, but not too, non-lesbian woman with a knockout bod who loved me would move next door.... :D

alleycat
02-27-2009, 03:20 AM
Granted. Your sister will move in this weekend.

I wish clients wouldn't ask for things at 4:30 in the afternoon.

KiwiPhoenix
02-27-2009, 03:21 AM
Granted.
Now they all ask at midnight.

I wish people were immune to food-and-water-borne illnesses.

xoChickieGirlox
02-27-2009, 04:26 AM
Granted.
Now people over eat and drink because there is no threat of illness. We eat so much that there's no food left on the earth and we've run out of drinking water.

I wish that it was impossible for planes to crash.

WittyWordsmith
02-27-2009, 05:14 AM
Granted, planes can no longer leave the ground.





I wish it would snow but never get icy.

xoChickieGirlox
02-27-2009, 05:21 AM
Granted, all ice cube trays must now be burned.

I wish that hate was eliminated from the world.

jubileerocker
02-27-2009, 06:49 AM
Wish granted
There is no more hate, everyone loves one another... the love is so strong that marriage no longer matters, girls are prego at the age of 11, girls are dying carrying babies. STDs are raging out of control and no one ever gets a moment around because there is so much love everyone is always together

I wish I could find the perfect song for how I feel

brad_b
02-27-2009, 07:01 AM
poof!!!... granted... the perfect song comes on but your speakers blow...

I wish we could trust politicians...

jubileerocker
02-27-2009, 07:09 AM
wish granted. Over the next two years we all learn that we can trust Obama, he has never once lied to anyone and proven himself honest, it's not till 2012 we find out we've made a mistake that he's really the antichrist and those parts of him don't kick in until he brings the end of the world

I wish that I could find something to eat without having to cook it

brad_b
02-27-2009, 07:18 AM
I wish that I could find something to eat without having to cook it

Your wish is granted, you turn into a big ol' frog and slurp insects that buzz by your lilypad...

I wish I could have all the money back I wasted on youthful indiscretion...

Fade
02-27-2009, 09:12 AM
Granted. You've lost everything you bought with that money. And all the money that you made off of things you bought with that money (if you did).

I wish I no longer had brain lock.

She_wulf
02-27-2009, 09:22 AM
granted. Your brain is unlocked and lose, much like your bowels... now you have brain farts.

I wish my cat wouldn't lay in front and on my keyboarmn ,.d

Stupizx cat!

brad_b
02-27-2009, 09:30 AM
poof... your wish is granted, your cat now takes over the typing while you lay on its arm and the worse thing is, its book ragging against dogs rockets to the top of the best seller list and then it leaves you taking the fame and fortune with it...

I wish I could get back to caving...

Kateri
02-27-2009, 11:10 AM
<<kateri, make a wish!! :D>>

So typical of me not to make a wish, (self-flagellates). I wish for a car that doesn't break down in the middle of intersections.

Kateri
02-27-2009, 11:14 AM
Granted, you may be the bestest and most special cave person and in there you find that everything is an illusion and you can create your world exactly as you like it. I wish for a holiday that I have never experienced- where I sit and do not cook or clean and someone cooks my meals.

jubileerocker
02-27-2009, 11:17 AM
Granted, there is another day invented like mother's day called 'wife's day' your husband has tied you up to try something new and kinky. Your husband then has a sudden heart attack and leaves you tied up in the chair you were sitting in. Your husband cooked dinner but now your tied up, since it wasn't eaten there's nothing to clean. Hope the children come home from that week at grandma's early

I wish my husband would change the channel I hate 'king of the hill'

Fade
02-27-2009, 11:26 AM
Granted. Now he's watching 24/7 soap operahs in another languange.

I wish I could play the trumpet like Louie Armstrong.

Nymtoc
02-27-2009, 06:34 PM
I wish I could play the trumpet like Louie Armstrong.

Granted.

But, of course, since the great Satchmo is dead, he can't play at all.

Neither can you.

:D

I wish I could write songs that the whole world would sing.

Terri
02-27-2009, 10:34 PM
Granted! The entire world can sing your songs--even humpback whales can belt out sounds that are strikingly similar. Yeah, your songs suck that much.

I wish I could find my stupid cell phone.

Ms. Jem
02-27-2009, 10:35 PM
Granted. You are Barry Manilow before the nose job.
Well, there is something to be said for authenticity.


I wish Friday was twice a week.

alleycat
02-27-2009, 10:37 PM
Granted. Now, so is Monday. Thanks a lot!

I wish I enjoyed going to the grocery store (instead of dreading it every week).

Ms. Jem
02-27-2009, 10:38 PM
Granted! The entire world can sing your songs--even humpback whales can belt out sounds that are strikingly similar. Yeah, your songs suck that much.

I wish I could find my stupid cell phone.


Granted. Your cell phone starts ringing in the middle of Lexington Avenue during rush hour and you run to it. What's a few broken bones? You have your phone back. So ungrateful....

Ms. Jem
02-27-2009, 10:42 PM
Granted, Alley. Here's a tip for enjoying the grocery store. Take your kitty with you and let him/her pick your selections by rubbing up against them in that sweet way kitties will when they are very pleased. As my cousin would say, chicks dig it!


I wish guys wouldn't talk like they are too cool for school!

Terri
02-27-2009, 10:44 PM
Granted! You now live for the grocery store because it has become the only escape from your life, which has taken a nosedive into a big black pit of hopelessness and despair.

I wish my goldfish were immortal.

alleycat
02-27-2009, 10:45 PM
Granted. Bronze them.

I wish money grew on trees.

Terri
02-27-2009, 10:46 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, it grows on ALL plantlife. No more vegetables for us.

I wish vegetables tasted more like hamburgers.

xoChickieGirlox
02-27-2009, 10:58 PM
Granted, all veggies now taste like hamburgers. However, cows feel that they're being copied, which they don't like and have decided to fly themselves to Mars.

I wish that people had to be nice to each other.

Terri
02-27-2009, 11:01 PM
Granted! Now everyone has to be nice--including you. You're no longer able to flip off, make fun of or otherwise be mean to the individual who keeps stealing all your stuff and it giving it to random people before fourth period.

I wish I was a bumblebee.

xoChickieGirlox
02-27-2009, 11:03 PM
Granted. However, when you went to your Grandmothers house for a barbeque and they all screamed and stepped on you. Sorry, but you're dead now.

I wish that purple would become Canada's national colour.

Terri
02-27-2009, 11:06 PM
Granted. All Canadian men now hate you for ruining their macho-ness.

I wish I had all the answers.

xoChickieGirlox
02-27-2009, 11:08 PM
Granted. But no one can ask you questions.

I wish all Canadian men would forgive me

Terri
02-27-2009, 11:10 PM
Granted. You now have to beat them off with a stick.

I wish I knew more people in this class.

xoChickieGirlox
02-27-2009, 11:11 PM
Granted. You know them all, but they all hate you.

I wish that people would never sweat.

Terri
02-27-2009, 11:15 PM
Granted. Nobody sweats anymore because EVERYONE IS DEAD.

I wish I had a good book to read.

xoChickieGirlox
02-28-2009, 12:21 AM
Granted, but you get addicted and lose all your friends. Way to be a loner...

I wish that the colour yellow would be eliminated from the world.

cooeedownunder
02-28-2009, 12:39 AM
Granted. Nothing is yellow anymore, everything is black and you can tell this from that.

I wish I was taller.

Nymtoc
02-28-2009, 12:45 AM
I wish I was taller.

Granted.

You are eight feet tall, and there's a job waiting for you in the freak show, plus numerous opportunities for small parts in film and TV. On the other hand, your social life has come to a crashing halt.

:roll:

I wish people would come up to me on the street and ask for my autograph.

xoChickieGirlox
02-28-2009, 01:01 AM
Granted, but the only people who ask you for your autograph are hobos and they stalk you for it.

I wish that I could never have a bad hair day again... without it falling out.

slcboston
02-28-2009, 07:19 AM
granted

your hair is perfect. every day. Your face, however.... well, let's just say that even the paper bag is horrified.

I wish I knew what to watch first

brad_b
02-28-2009, 07:28 AM
Granted, you look at your watch first... then find it so fascinating that you ignore everything else in life....

I wish I knew what to wish for...

slcboston
02-28-2009, 07:48 AM
Granted.

You know exactly what to wish for. And how to word it perfectly, so that, for once, there's no way for it to be misconstrued and you will be the one who actually gets what they want from the genie.

Then you're hit by a bus before you can wish it.

I wish for differing circumstances

brad_b
02-28-2009, 07:59 AM
granted... your circumstances are now differing, in fact, you're caught up in a space-time continuum of differing circumstances and everytime you turn around the differing circumstances differ leaving you wishing for differing circumstances only to have it repeat to infinity and beyond....

I wish I could control time...

Scott Cole
02-28-2009, 08:05 AM
Granted.

Now you have a watch that doesn't work. You can set the time to whatever you want it to be. The rest of the world doesn't abide by it though.

I wish the economy would turn around now.

slcboston
02-28-2009, 08:08 AM
Granted.

But we were just on the verge of recovery. Oh well, now things tank beyond all belief, and society regresses back to oh, about the 1700's. You do know how to farm, right?

I wish I could time travel

Fade
02-28-2009, 08:27 AM
Granted. Welcome to the Ice Age.

I wish I had the patience to read the boring Bio-evolution book I bought.

ragefaith
02-28-2009, 11:44 AM
Granted. You manage to read it, then find out that your class didn't require it. Congradulations.

I wish I had some chocolate.

cooeedownunder
02-28-2009, 11:55 AM
Granted. You have some chocolate but Susie has all the rest of it :D

I wish dinner was ready.

Kateri
02-28-2009, 12:32 PM
Granted your dinner is ready and served by a most attractive waiter who lets you eat anything you like and has performed a magic spell where every bit of food has no calories. You also find out that although Susie has eaten all the chocolate it was, in fact, chocolate flavored laxatives...

Ms. Jem
03-01-2009, 12:46 AM
I wish Kateri would make a wish...

Eudaemonic
03-01-2009, 12:54 AM
Yes, Kateri made a wish. But as they don't come true if you let on she's not telling anyone...

It was a good wish and she didn't want to waste it.

I wish we were all upside down.

brad_b
03-01-2009, 12:58 AM
granted, Kateri wished for me to to make a wish...

I wish the sun were blue and the sky yellow twice a day just to have variation once in awhile...

brad_b
03-01-2009, 12:59 AM
Granted, we are all upside but find out we're all suddenly in Australia with Coo

I wish I'd been faster with my fingers...

Eudaemonic
03-01-2009, 01:02 AM
Granted, but now we are all suffering from detached retinas you sadist!

I wish I could see to the moon

Ms. Jem
03-01-2009, 01:04 AM
Granted. You are so fast with your fingers you write a book in two hours. However, you haven't found an agent or publisher, and you know how long that takes. My advice slow those fingers down when you start on your second book.

Granted Eudaemonic, you can see to the moon in your spaceship. Enjoy the view while you can cuz you're only a few miles away. Soon you'll be burned to a crisp.

I wish Conan was not a Barbarian.

Eudaemonic
03-01-2009, 01:11 AM
Sure, just to please you Conan has hung up his axe and his horny helmet and enrolled on a plumbing course in night school.
He's a cowboy of course.

I wish someone would stop this damn leak

brad_b
03-01-2009, 05:37 PM
granted, you have a new roof and the leak is no longer leaking, but a spring has appeared in the basement akin to Old Faithful and you now have water jetting through the floorboards.

I wish Sunday would come more than once a week....

xoChickieGirlox
03-02-2009, 04:16 AM
Granted. Everyday is Sunday... but no one works on Sunday, so no one makes money and no one can afford food... we all die. Nice Going.

I wish that there were more colours in the rainbow.

slcboston
03-02-2009, 08:17 AM
Granted.

Actually, this one's already there. You just can't see them. :D

I wish for better work ethic

Nymtoc
03-02-2009, 08:03 PM
I wish for better work ethic

Granted

You have a better work ethic. However, the ethic has nothing to do with the quality of your work, which is getting worse.
:ROFL:

I wish I were immune from the economic mess we're in.

Ms. Jem
03-02-2009, 10:08 PM
Granted. You are immune to the economic mess we're in. Bums on 42nd Street don't pay taxes or have jobs to lose, remember?


I wish all my dweams would come twue :e2cloud9:

Nymtoc
03-02-2009, 11:33 PM
I wish all my dweams would come twue :e2cloud9:

Gwanted.

Evewything is weally, weally gweat, and you go awound talking like this until they haul you off to the loony bin, whew you can play with youw dollies.

:e2bear:

I wish I could get my novel published and have my publisher send me on a book tour.

Woof
03-03-2009, 12:17 AM
Granted. Your socially conscious novel with a musical bent, which revives the spirit of The Great Depression in music and song, Brother, Can You Spare The Times? is published. It becomes a #1 New York Times bestseller in a matter of hours and stays at the top of the list for eighteen years. You are the toast of the town, and your royalty checks and income from numerous talks, readings and lectures make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You live in splendor, and then one day your butler hands you the phone. It's your publisher on the line. He is informing you that he has arranged an international book tour to all 283 countries that have translated your brilliant tour de force. You cannot refuse such an offer, though you have misgivings about the first stop on your tour, Kandahar, Afghanistan. :eek:


I wish that all truth in the imagination would became instant reality.

ragefaith
03-03-2009, 08:15 AM
Granted. All truth in imagination becames instant reality. And all truth in reality becomes instant imagination. Can you define truth anymore? Didn't think so. ;)

I wish I could sing.

kimmeunier
03-03-2009, 08:25 AM
Granted, you can now sing. All you do is sing and everyone gets tired of hearing you. They throw moldy fruit to shut you up. You sing in the rain, sing for your supper and visit sing sing in the hopes you'll fit in. You don't.

I wish I could sleep.

Goodchild
03-03-2009, 03:16 PM
Granted! You sleep for a very, very long time, and your life turns into the proper ending to Army of Darkness - you wake up and it's hundreds of years later and there's been some kind of apocolypse, probably involving zombies.

I wish my tickly cough would disappear.

ragefaith
03-03-2009, 03:56 PM
Granted. Your tickly cough goes away - and evolves into full-blown whooping cough. Congradulations.

I wish I had a kitten.

Nymtoc
03-03-2009, 04:06 PM
Granted.

You have a cute, cuddly little striped kitten. It belongs to the species Panthera tigris bengalensis, and within a year it will weigh 500 pounds. You will be lucky if some zoo will take it before it devours all the dogs and cats in the neighborhood.

:e2teeth:

I wish I could go wherever I want without having to pay for travel.

alleycat
03-03-2009, 04:31 PM
Granted. You are now Speaker of the House of Representatives. Free Botox too.

I wish I had a time machine (that didn't break and leave me stranded in 2 million BC).

kimmeunier
03-03-2009, 10:32 PM
Granted. Your time machine never breaks, but it never stops. Don't worry about 2 million BC, with no food or water you won't last long anyway. Love Genie

I wish I wasn't so poor.

alleycat
03-03-2009, 10:50 PM
Granted. Here's a quarter. You're now not so poor.

I wish once a year everyone got to beat politicians with a big stick.

Ms. Jem
03-03-2009, 11:08 PM
Granted. Today's your day to beat whatever politician you desire with a stick.

Aw, Alley, incarcerated for your birthday? You should have wished for something else...


I wish humans had nine lives.

LaurieD
03-03-2009, 11:18 PM
I wish humans had nine lives.

Granted! Humans now have 9 lives, hairball, and the occasional flea and/or tick. Enjoy the liter box too!

I wish Vermont were closer to where I live

Nymtoc
03-03-2009, 11:29 PM
I wish Vermont were closer to where I live

Granted.

Vermont is much, much closer to where you live. In fact, it is so close that your house is ten feet deep in teddy bears.

:e2bear::e2bear::e2bear::e2bear::e2bear::e2bear:

I wish I could get a high-paying job on TV as an expert on something.

poetinahat
03-04-2009, 05:11 AM
Granted. You're the Ti-D-Bol Man.

I wish I'd studied harder at college.

indiriverflow
03-04-2009, 05:23 AM
Granted. You're the Ti-D-Bol Man.

I wish I'd studied harder at college.

Granted. You studied real estate and became a highly succesful issuer of sub-prime loans.

I wish making love didn't leave me so sleepy.

kimmeunier
03-04-2009, 08:02 AM
Granted, making love now makes you sad. You cry through the whole thing and your mate leaves you.

I wish it was summer

ragefaith
03-04-2009, 10:47 AM
Granted. It's summer. Would you look at that? It's also monsoon season.

I wish I wasn't tired.

indiriverflow
03-04-2009, 10:55 AM
Granted. It's summer. Would you look at that? It's also monsoon season.

I wish I wasn't tired.

Ok, you're insominac.

I wish I had an agent.

cooeedownunder
03-04-2009, 10:56 AM
Granted. You're not tired. Now you can never sleep, sleep is always beyond you. You have so much energy you are just one freaken jumpin bean.

I wish I had a glass of wine.

Nymtoc
03-04-2009, 04:36 PM
I wish I had a glass of wine.

Granted.

You have a glass of Chardonnay that has gone through a secondary transformation called malolactic. This should happen before bottling, but in your case it happened after the wine was bottled, and as a result the wine has a bizarre flavor and stinks.

:banana:

I wish I could wake up every morning bursting with energy.

Woof
03-04-2009, 05:24 PM
Granted. Tomorrow morning you awaken literally bursting with energy. Of course, you are so bursting that you don't even have time to slip into your cape and tights. You just explode. And there's Nymtoc's heart hanging on the Eiffel Tower. An extremity or two rushing down Niagara Falls, a torso teetering atop Mount Everest, assorted organs strewn about the Grand Canyon, and your brain splattered all over the offices of Simon & Shuster. There's you all over.


I wish that I could cast out all fear with one wave of my hand.

Ms. Jem
03-04-2009, 11:31 PM
Granted. You have no fear of anything. Not even heights. That's why you wonder why everybody is trying to stop you from doing what you're doing right now.

Can't a guy jump off the Empire State Building if he wants to?


I wish the United States was one big tropical paradise.

MarkR
03-04-2009, 11:50 PM
As a result of global warming your wish is granted. All the costal cities in the world sink beneath tsunamis. Er...want some oceanfront property in West Virginia?

I wish I would choose a topic for my novel and stick to it.

kimmeunier
03-04-2009, 11:54 PM
Granted. You choose to talk about belly button link. Thankfully your book is published but you only sell one copy because it's about belly button lint and who on earth would choose such a topic? Love Genie

I wish everything I wrote sold

Nymtoc
03-05-2009, 12:06 AM
I wish everything I wrote sold

Granted

A recycling company in your town is paying one cent a pound for used paper, and it is buying everything you write.

:e2BIC:

I wish I had a program that would write my books for me.

brad_b
03-05-2009, 03:28 AM
Granted, Microsoft comes out with a program that writes books for you, problem is they are only books already published by someone else. You get sued and end up in prison for fraud with a big guy named Rico for your cellmate who thinks 'you're kinda cute'.

I wish I could control the weather...

indiriverflow
03-05-2009, 03:32 AM
Granted, Microsoft comes out with a program that writes books for you, problem is they are only books already published by someone else. You get sued and end up in prison for fraud with a big guy named Rico for your cellmate who thinks 'you're kinda cute'.

I wish I could control the weather...

Granted, the climate of Neptune is now under your command.

I wish I had a never-ending pot of organic coffee.

kimmeunier
03-05-2009, 05:36 AM
Granted, the never ending pot of organic coffee is yours. Including in your package is the never ending pee run/potty bowl. Because you wished today, we're going to double your offer and send you two never ending pots, and two piss pots to match. Love Genie

I wish I could really make a wish

MarkR
03-05-2009, 05:56 AM
Granted. Absolute Write Water Cooler now has a thread for your wishes.

I wish my son would listen to me.

ragefaith
03-05-2009, 01:11 PM
Granted. Your son now listens to you. That daughter, on the other hand...

I wish I had someone to cuddle.

alleycat
03-05-2009, 02:22 PM
Granted. I'll send Barney right over. You two and sing and cuddle.

I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

indiriverflow
03-05-2009, 02:25 PM
Granted. I'll send Barney right over. You two and sing and cuddle.

I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

Granted. It cleans and disinfects each day for fourteen hours, during which it kills anything inside.

I wish I had a better memory.


Granted, the never ending pot of organic coffee is yours. Including in your package is the never ending pee run/potty bowl. Because you wished today, we're going to double your offer and send you two never ending pots, and two piss pots to match. Love Genie

I'm so lucky! I also needed a pot to piss in. It's like a quadruple wish!

alleycat
03-05-2009, 03:04 PM
Granted. They've got this great new invention called a notepad. You write stuff down, then you can remember it later!

I wish the New Yorker would publish one of my short stories.

Nymtoc
03-05-2009, 03:37 PM
I wish the New Yorker would publish one of my short stories.

Granted.

One of your short stories will soon appear in The New Yorker--the Harvard Lampoon's parody edition.

:roll:

I wish I understood economics.

ragefaith
03-05-2009, 03:45 PM
Granted. You now understand economics. But when everyone's asking you about the sub-prime mortgage crisis, you really wish you didn't.

I wish I had $1,000,000

alleycat
03-05-2009, 04:23 PM
Granted. But you work for AIG, so you have to toss it out the window in handfulls. By the way, in the future, please ask for more money, AIG has to lose $1 billion a day.

I wish I had shorted AIG stock.

indiriverflow
03-05-2009, 04:34 PM
Granted! Too bad it was long before the crash, and you lost a bundle.

I wish I had a flying car.

ragefaith
03-05-2009, 04:36 PM
Granted, you have a car that flies. It's engine gets caught on a bit of cloud, and you plummett into the Alanatic.

I wish I had three wishes

Woof
03-05-2009, 05:25 PM
I wish I had three wishes

Your three wishes are granted, but two days later you are notified that your three wishes have been revoked because you didn't file your request in triplicate.


I wish that all bureaucrats took drugs to chill them out.

Nymtoc
03-05-2009, 09:51 PM
I wish that all bureaucrats took drugs to chill them out.

Granted.

And while you applaud this at first, you quickly find that all kinds of services have ground to a halt. You apply for a tax refund, but the IRS functionaries are sitting in their offices playing darts. You need your passport renewed, but the passport people cancel your passport instead. Soon your electricity fails, but when you call the complaint line you hear only giggles. Then you turn the faucet and no water comes out. You see a burglar climbing into your neighbor's window and you dial 911, but the police are having too much fun watching porn to leave the precinct house. Your house catches on fire, but the fire department--oh, hell, you don't want to hear about it.

:hat:

I wish I were better at writing metaphors.

brad_b
03-05-2009, 10:04 PM
Granted, you now write the best metaphor's ever, except it's all you can write and publisher's think that 'all the world is a stage' written ten thousand times is not a good gamble for publishing your book, so now you realize too many metaphors, no matter how good, goes over like a lead balloon.

I wish I could read all the books in my library collection.

Ms. Jem
03-05-2009, 10:24 PM
Granted. You've read Green Eggs and Ham.


I wish it was raining money.

kimmeunier
03-05-2009, 10:26 PM
Granted. It's raining silver dollars. Their coming down so heavy your head looked like a bloody rice cake and they pummel you into death. Love Genie

I wish my friend would finish her MS and submit. (It's that good)

willfulone
03-06-2009, 06:17 AM
Granted. Your friend finishes her MS, submits it. Gets great reception to it, gets agented, and a grand publishing deal. She now has to write her next great American novel, then another - her contract calls for 6 book deal. She has no time left to socialize with you any longer. But, she is a success. Nice of you to wish so much fortune her way. Love Genie.

I wish I could learn a new language and sound even just "okay" conversationally in it.

brad_b
03-06-2009, 06:44 AM
Granted, you can now speak Pig Latin fluently but everyone thinks you've gone off the deep end and commit you.

I wish that during my good lucid dreams I could bring them into reality.

kimmeunier
03-06-2009, 06:55 AM
Granted. All the dreams about prehistoric beasts become reality. You're a caveman in 2009 and Dino is your sidekick. They transport you and Dino to a research facility for testing. Love Genie

I wish my head didn't hurt.

willfulone
03-06-2009, 07:02 AM
Granted. Your head does not hurt. Some serial killer just loped it off. Love Genie

I wish the slush and mud and left over winter grey would go away and give leave to beautiful spring days.

Woof
03-06-2009, 07:02 AM
Granted. A large guillotine materializes out of thin air and drops on your neck, separating your head from your body. No more headache!


I wish that the news got better every day instead of worse.

willfulone
03-06-2009, 07:05 AM
Granted. News is all good for you to hear/read. You live in candyland with pink cotton candy clouds, rainbow skittle dreams and pudding rivers. There is only fun and joy about. Oh, and cavities. Love Genie.

I wish I had time to finish the beta I am working on this eve yet.

brad_b
03-06-2009, 07:08 AM
Granted... you have all the time you need but now you don't have time to sleep and you walk around tomorrow all zombie-eyed and cranky.

I wish Congress and the Administration acted like they actually have a clue...

willfulone
03-06-2009, 07:14 AM
Granted. They can "act" the part as you wish, but they do not actually have the knowledge. So, we are just as screwed. Love Genie.

I wish there was a pint of ice cream in the freezer for me to eat right now.

kimmeunier
03-06-2009, 07:30 AM
Granted. There is a pint of Ben & Jerry's earth worm and maggot cream pie waiting for you in the fridge. Flavor of the month. Don't forget to vote! Love Genie

I wish I didn't have homework.

ragefaith
03-06-2009, 08:01 AM
Granted, you don't have homework. Your dog ate it. Good luck explaining that to your teacher.

I wish my internet was faster.

kimmeunier
03-06-2009, 08:14 AM
Granted, your internet is so fast it loads pages in the same amount of time it takes to blink. But now it's too fast and the motherboard catches fire. You're out of a computer. I heard Best Buy is having a big sale... Love Genie

I wish I didn't have to sleep. Ever.

indiriverflow
03-06-2009, 09:07 AM
You don't! Unfortunately, not dreaming drives you mad and you are confined to a nursing home to live out the rest of your hallucinating days.

I wish the English language had more words.

Snowstorm
03-06-2009, 09:24 AM
Granted! English now has so many words that mean the same thing, that you drive yourself nuts finding the RIGHT right word. The delay in finding just that right word causes you to miss your deadlines, which ticks off your agent and she drops you.

I'm tired of the dust and priming and painting, and I'm really tired of the all the stuff in my living room and hallway! I wish the office renovation was done.

Fade
03-06-2009, 09:25 AM
Granted, however it's done in a style you despise.

I wish my homework was done.

dgrintalis
03-06-2009, 09:28 AM
Your homework is all done, but you will wake up to find it was all written in an ancient language that is now untranslatable. Worse still, that is the only language you now know and no one understands you.

I wish I knew what my cat was thinking.

indiriverflow
03-06-2009, 09:42 AM
Granted! You discover that your cat is the reincarnation of a mass murderer and dreams all day of ways to eat you.

I wish there were more than one 24-hour coffee shop I could walk to.

jubileerocker
03-06-2009, 06:14 PM
Wish granted right next door opens a new coffee shop. Last night it caught fire and burned your house down too.

I wish that my mind would refocus to make my story happen

willfulone
03-08-2009, 01:38 PM
Granted. Your mind has done the "refocus" thingy. Your story happens. Alas, it comes to you in Old Latin. Get to decoding - hope you finish the conversion in this lifetime...Love Genie.

I wish I could fall asleep. It is 3:45 am. I am still awake. Send me some magic sleep dust genie - please.

indiriverflow
03-08-2009, 01:44 PM
Granted. You finally fall asleep..and wake twenty years from now only to find that your Rip Van Winkle story strikes agents as "unoriginal."

I wish that my mind didn't turn to mush after 1500 words.

willfulone
03-08-2009, 04:11 PM
Granted - you can now write exactly 1501 before the applesauce malaise hits. Love Genie.

I wish it would not snow today as is being reported. I am tired, tired, tired of the dreary winter days.

brad_b
03-08-2009, 04:47 PM
Granted, the temps rise 20 degrees and the snowstorm that was supposed to come turns to rain and washes away your mailbox that held the letter from a publisher wanting your WIP. Not hearing from you, the publisher finds another book to print.

I wish I could have the extra hour of sleep I lost last night.

jubileerocker
03-08-2009, 06:41 PM
Wish granted you sleep that extra hour... and another, and another and before you know it you have slept for a whole day... unemployment anyone?

I wish my desk was in better view of the tv

willfulone
03-08-2009, 09:46 PM
Granted. Your desk is now in better view of the TV. Don't know why you would wish for such. Not like the TV can actually "see" you - regardless of where you sit - even in front of it. But, your wish - so granted. Love Genie

I wish I could find the answers to universal Peace and Happiness for all.

alleycat
03-08-2009, 09:54 PM
Granted. You make a movie titled The Biggest Story Ever Told and cast everyone in the world to star in the movie. Everyone become a over-indulgent Hollywood celebrity and always gets a good table at Spago's and gets free gift bags at the Oscars.

I wish I made sense half the time (the other half I don't care about).

willfulone
03-09-2009, 02:26 AM
Granted. Your next post will make sense since your last one did not. That will give you 50% making sense. Love Genie.

I wish it was not blizzarding out right now where I live.

brad_b
03-09-2009, 03:23 AM
Granted, the front door blows off and it is now blizzarding 'in'.

I wish I could understand women...

ragefaith
03-09-2009, 11:14 AM
Granted. You now understand women. Of course, this doesn't mean women like you.

I wish I had more time.

alleycat
03-09-2009, 01:44 PM
Granted. I'll give you my rollover minutes.

I wish this wasn't Monday.

ragefaith
03-09-2009, 04:06 PM
Granted. It's not Monday. You're in Antartica. It's Wedsenday night, and it's freezing. Better grab your coat.

I wish my feet weren't cold.

Aristocrazy
03-09-2009, 04:14 PM
Granted, their numb... thats not a good sign... O.o"

I wish the poster below me never gets published from now into eternity!

alleycat
03-09-2009, 04:28 PM
Granted. Hey . . . wait a minute now . . .

I wish I sold more books than Stephen King.

Aristocrazy
03-09-2009, 04:55 PM
granted! you get a zillion pre-orders on your next book however you never get around to getting it published as you living it up with your millions. An angry mob comes to your house after waiting a year for a book that never comes and rips you to shreds.

I wish the person below me gives me a "personal" gift tonight for being #6000! ;)