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shakeysix
11-21-2008, 05:26 AM
here you are, lemonade served up in an ex-jelly jar glass and made by my cheap assed aunt oatie using our cheapassed family recipe--1 & 1/2 lemons per gallon of creek water. you want sugar? you gotta drive into town for sugar. you want ice? it's bad for your eyeteeth!

i wish my family hadn't been so tightfisted with the little luxuries of life

flyingtart
11-21-2008, 01:27 PM
I'm sorry, Ade isn't here at the moment, but here's a lemon anyway.

I wish I could win the lottery.

slcboston
11-21-2008, 11:45 PM
Granted.

tart wins the lottery. Marries into shakey's family. Dies under suspicious circumstances. No more tight-fisted behavior, but it's all being spent on the lawyers.

I wish my pants were dry... no, not *that*. The cuffs. From being outside in the snow.

willfulone
11-22-2008, 12:33 AM
Granted. The cuffs are now dry. What is that weird smell you ask? Did you not see the yellow snow before you wadded through it? Now you need to dryclean. Love Genie.

I wish I did not have to go back out in this cold to pick up my son from school right now.

Ms. Jem
11-22-2008, 09:42 PM
You have been granted a limo with an exotic limo driver. She picks your son up from school and your husband from work. Two days later and they haven't made it home yet.

I wish I was numero uno on the Fortune 500 Top Authors of 2008.

willfulone
11-23-2008, 05:11 AM
Granted. You are numero uno. But, the list? It does NOT allow for spanish numbers. Thus, you are still not on the list. Love Genie.

I wish a bubble bath was ready, I had a glass of White Zin sitting there on the tub ledge and a good book to read while I soak and sip wine.

flyingtart
11-23-2008, 05:27 PM
Granted. But you are a haddock and cannot read or drink alcohol.


I wish money grew on trees.

slcboston
11-23-2008, 07:04 PM
Granted.

Unfortunately, there is no Lorax to speak for the trees. They're all cut down. Economy crumbles, the environment is ruined, but hey, it was convenient for *you* for a while and that's all that counts, right?

I wish I could be more enthusiastic.

redpbass
11-23-2008, 07:37 PM
Granted. You are so enthusiastic that you soon begin to get on everyone's nerves, especially that time with the mousetrap and the bottle of bleach...good times, good times. Anyway, you are so enthusiastic that you attract the attention of the men in the white coats who come and take you away to a nice, soft place with many other people who are just as enthusiastic as you. They also give you a nice backwards coat to wear when you get even more enthusiastic.

I wish I could eat all the pizza I wanted and not get fat.

slcboston
11-23-2008, 07:42 PM
Granted.

Everything else makes you blow up like the Goodyear blimp on steroids. But hey, who gets tired of pizza? ... after the first week, when it's *all* you can eat.

I wish the coffee made itself faster.

2Wheels
11-23-2008, 11:51 PM
Granted, but for every cup you make, another South-American farmer loses his land and his livelihood.

I wish I could speak another language.

slcboston
11-24-2008, 12:47 AM
Granted.

Du sprechst Deutsch. Du is nicht in Deutschland. Ist es ein problem?

i wish everyone would leave for the barn already.

Ms. Jem
11-24-2008, 07:41 PM
Granted. Everyone left for the barn because they think they are farm animals. You are the only sane human left in the county, but you are starting to moo...

I wish for world peace

slcboston
11-24-2008, 08:28 PM
Granted.

You're the last person on earth. Now it's peaceful. (Yeah, I stole it from the X-files. I'm allowed to be lazy.) :D

I wish for a good Christmas.

shakeysix
11-24-2008, 10:40 PM
okay--you have good. but in view of the present economic outlook you should have wished for great. who knows what next year will bring and this year you are getting a plastic clock radio, a set of filling station give-away steak knives--(guaranteed to cut hamburger steak without too much trouble), a pair of walmart earmuffs and three church recipe books complete with inspirational stories and the REAL facts on evolution. all things considered, a good haul with my family--BUT it could have been great!---s6

i wish my family would just walk their cheap assed gifts to the basement and save me the trouble

Meerkat
11-24-2008, 10:45 PM
Done. On their way down the creaky basement stairs, they soon realize they are on an archeological descent of sorts through their gifts of holidays past. They come back up from the basement with the pitchfork, shovel, rope, tar, feathers, chainsaw and icepick.

And nobody has your six, shakey. So to speak.

I wish the jackhammer across the street would only function on weekends.

shakeysix
11-24-2008, 10:48 PM
granted. too bad about the obscenely obese and oversexed couple moving into the apartment above you.

wish this vacation was a full week long

HeronW
11-24-2008, 11:29 PM
S6, your vacation IS a week long, in 10 years from now.

I wish the idiots who have car alarms go off when a raindrop hits them find their cars mysteriously vanished and dumped into the sea.

Komnena
11-24-2008, 11:43 PM
Granted. Unfortunately all the cars leak oil and pollute the oceans, poisoning much of the marine life.
I wish my car would start.

willfulone
11-25-2008, 03:52 AM
Granted. It starts now. But will not shut off. You lost your spare set to lock while it idles. You have to sit in it all the time to ensure it is not stolen. Love Genie.

I wish I could have a pb & j. Just have the craving - but no jelly.

Nymtoc
11-25-2008, 04:17 AM
I wish I could have a pb & j. Just have the craving - but no jelly.

Coming right up--

A putrid banana and jalapeño. Want it on white or whole wheat?

:ROFL:

I wish I didn't have to travel on Thanksgiving Day.

Deccydiva
11-25-2008, 04:42 AM
Granted. You won't have to travel on thanksgiving day. However, all your relatives including a few dozen you never heard of decide they are all coming to your place for dinner, and you've nothing in. :D

I've had one wish granted today (see my sig!!!) but if I may have another...

I wish I could write the perfect MS that needs no editing and is received joyfully by adverb-loving agents who race each other to make me a wonderful offer.

slcboston
11-25-2008, 04:43 AM
Granted.

*grumbles at being beaten to the punch*

Hmmm... nicely worded, doesn't leave me a lot of room to work with... looking for loopholes.... A-HA!!

Shortly after publication, news leaks that while you may have written it, so to speak, you weren't the first to write it. It was so well received bcs it had been originally written by another well-received author. Who not only claims plagiarism, but sues you. Successfully.

You are denounced on Oprah and more vilified than the cast of the View. Your writing career is over.

Nevermind that you didn't *know* you were plagiarizing.

Lesson: Don't get in the djinn's way again. :D

I wish I had a proper desk

Snowstorm
11-25-2008, 05:05 AM
Granted. You have a proper desk, but now your chair is making improper advances. :D

I wish my sinus headache would go away.

Albedo of Zero
11-25-2008, 05:30 AM
I guess I don't even need to say granted, since you no longer have a head.



I wish my dog would stop bringing the ball to me.

shakeysix
11-25-2008, 08:16 AM
okay no more dogballs--at least not the rubber kind. guess what your dog is doing to your leg right now and for the next week or so. remember a bored dog is a humpy dog.

i wish my dog would get a job and support me

willfulone
11-25-2008, 09:59 AM
Granted. Your dog gets a job. It is in commercials and movies. While it does work and make money - you are frazzled taking it to "calls" and auditions and for shootings. In addition to all the running? The dog has taken on the air of "snobbery" and expects you to run yourself ragged catering to its every wish day and night. That lovely doggie bed you got it? Yours now. Nothing but the master suite/bed will do for puppers. Love Genie.

I won the lottery at work today (name was drawn for an additional paid day off work this week - drawing - so I get Wednesday off too) - so let's see - what else could a gal want? Um everything?

I wish my toenail polish would dry a little faster so I could snuggle under the covers.

flyingtart
11-25-2008, 05:00 PM
Granted. The polish now dries so fast it takes the skin off your feet.


I wish people understood me.

shakeysix
11-25-2008, 05:06 PM
we do and we are calling the authorities

i wish turkey came in different flavors

Ms. Jem
11-25-2008, 06:48 PM
Granted. In order to grant your wish I had to time warp you into the future, where Turkey comes in a variety of flavors.
Minor caveat: Charlton Heston's movie, Soylent Green wasn't a movie, it was the future. How do you want your Iraqian Turkey - Fried or Rotisseried?

I want the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree in my backyard so my nieghbors will gawk!

willfulone
11-26-2008, 05:10 AM
Granted - you are now homeless and live on a park bench in the Center. All your neighbors? Those who live one bench over? They think it is theirs and wars ensue. Love Genie

I wish my hands would warm up - they are freezing.

Ms. Jem
11-26-2008, 07:19 PM
Granted. But that old saying cold feet and hands mean a warm heart - it's true. Now that your hands have warmed up, your heart is cold as ice. And now you don't believe in Santa or anything else that's good in the world. :cry:

I want to stay young fa-evah!

flyingtart
11-26-2008, 08:14 PM
Granted. Here's a lifetime's supply of nappies and baby food.


I wish my dog could talk.

Snowstorm
11-26-2008, 09:36 PM
Granted! And, oh, how he talks: your dog never shuts up. If that's not tough enough, he talks in his own language--in barks and howls. For expediency, the police have started dropping off tickets at your door rather than giving them to you. Your neighbors throw things into your backyard in their irritation at your dog's constant conversation.

The sinus headache and migraine I've had for two days has halted my editing my WIP, and I wish the headaches would GO AWAY!.

Nymtoc
11-26-2008, 10:15 PM
Granted.

The headaches are gone. But since they were the result of complex synaptic transmission in your brain (much too complicated to try to explain to a bunch of AWers), your ability to write is also gone.

You might enjoy macramé.

:D

I wish the heat and hot water in my building weren't going to be shut off next week (they're making repairs).

WildScribe
11-26-2008, 10:18 PM
Granted! Before they can shut them off, the gas line leaks and the building is now a smoldering wreck. Good thing no one was inside!!

I wish the earrings that I ordered didn't get lost en route (now I have to wait another week!)

willfulone
11-27-2008, 11:36 AM
Granted. They actually are not "lost". They got delievered. Across the street - intended for you. But the klepto that lives across the street thought they would look really nice with the dress he is donning for his date this weekend. Thus, he kept them. Hope you are home for delivery of next pair. His roomate wants a pair for himself too now. Love Genie.

I wish I could get 3 hours of solid sleep tonight. Not looking good so far. Genie? Help a lass out?

Nymtoc
11-27-2008, 01:21 PM
I wish I could get 3 hours of solid sleep tonight. Not looking good so far. Genie? Help a lass out?

Granted.

The contents of this little purple vial will put you to sleep. At least that's what the witch told me. See, your genie has been very busy (people make too damn many demands at holiday time) so I subcontracted some demands to this witch, and she stirred her cauldron and cackled and said this stuff would put you to sleep for a long, long, long, long time--whatever that means.

:sleepy:

I wish an anonymous millionaire would give me a million dollars.

Deccydiva
11-27-2008, 02:19 PM
Ah, that's easy... just buy a Lotto ticket - the odds are better on the Irish Lotto - and wait... and wait...

I wish I could meet AWers who I like the sound of ...

flyingtart
11-27-2008, 04:40 PM
Granted. But the beauty of AW is you can't hear anyone, and when you do meet them they will sound like the screech of a vole being squashed by a steamroller.


I wish I could reach my itch.

willfulone
11-27-2008, 08:21 PM
Granted - your arms are now 5 inches longer - you can reach any spot you wish. However - you look silly as heck. Love Genie.

I wish I could be eating turkey right now instead of having to wait another few hours.

flyingtart
11-28-2008, 01:59 PM
Granted. You have by now eaten so much you will be unable to move unassisted until April.


I wish my mirror was a better liar.

Albedo of Zero
11-29-2008, 12:57 AM
Granted; your mirror is now a politician reflecting the opinions of its best paying supporters




I wish my back didn't hurt.

Ms. Jem
11-29-2008, 01:42 AM
Granted. No more back pain. In fact, I'm so powerful good at this genie stuff that you're not feeling any pain anywhere, at all. Albedo...

Albedo?

Oops.

I wish I could just do what I was told and not go the extra mile.

flyingtart
11-29-2008, 08:56 PM
Granted. You are now Queen of the Universe and don't have to do anyone's bidding. But if it all goes belly-up it's all your fault.


I wish dishes washed themselves.

Elwolf
11-29-2008, 09:02 PM
Granted. But they don't put themselves away. They just drop back into the sink when they are washed, rinsed, and dried. Watch out, they might break!

I wish good talking dragons were real.

smoothseas
11-29-2008, 10:14 PM
I wish good talking dragons were real.


Granted. However, due to Continental Drift, only the two-headed ones can currently communicate in your dialect. Should you wish to speak to the one-or-three-headed genus, you’ll have to take a crash course at Berlitz.

Do it now, though. Tuition rates are going up January One.



I wish I wasn’t so easily distracted…

LaurieD
11-30-2008, 02:32 AM
Granted - you are now singularly focused. Every day you get up, focused on getting out of bed. You eat breakfast, focused solely on eating every last nibble of your GrapeNuts. Once you manage to get to work, you focus on the task in front of you until it's completion. You quickly become the most cherished worker drone in the office because of your ability to focus and not get distracted. You no longer get brilliant creative ideas to scribble about when you are supposed to be filing reports. Your nights are no longer spent pecking out the idea that jumped into your head on the ride home. You have become an automaton. But you're not easily distracted! Heck you're not distracted at all... Oh, well, enjoy! Love Genie.

I wish I knew what to cook for dinner

willfulone
11-30-2008, 05:01 AM
Granted. You now know what to cook for dinner. Problem is - it is not any more exciting than scrambled eggs. Enjoy! Love Genie.

I wish I could have a pedicure. I hate them for my feet are so ticklish.

Ms. Jem
12-01-2008, 04:39 AM
Granted. The pedicure once a week has now turned into every other day. Your serious foot fetish has prompted your husband to pass the edict that Ormando the Foot Stylist can not make house calls when he is away on business.

I wish I believed in miracles.

willfulone
12-01-2008, 05:12 AM
Granted! You now believe in miracles. You see them everywhere. Each flower you pass for its beauty. Each rainbow you pause to reflect on. Every single thing, even the air you breathe, you realize is a miracle. Time for nothing else though now. Love Genie.

I wish I had someone to hold my hand right now. This very second.

Nymtoc
12-01-2008, 05:25 AM
Granted.

His hand is in yours. It is so warm, so large, so...furry.

Well, you always liked Kong, didn't you?

:D

I wish I could spend the holidays on a tropical island.

Komnena
12-01-2008, 06:03 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is a small deserted island with just barely enough water to keep you alive.
I wish the library never closed.

Ms. Jem
12-01-2008, 07:51 PM
Granted. The library stays open 24-7. Your professor has moved up the due date on the Ancient European Vacation report he assigned today. You've got all night to complete it.

I wish chocalate raspberry cheesecake was fat-free!

smoothseas
12-01-2008, 08:15 PM
I wish chocalate raspberry cheesecake was fat-free!


Granted.

And, there’ll be no difference in taste from the Hi-Test variety. Unfortunately, it will contain twice the calories.

Sorry to disappoint,
Genie.



I wish things weren’t firmly planted in mid-air.

polarqueen
12-02-2008, 08:18 AM
Granted. I bet you regret that wish, and those things come tumbling down and bombard you on the head.

I wish I owned a castle in Ireland.

slcboston
12-02-2008, 08:25 AM
Granted.

Castles are drafty and a pain for upkeep. Not to mention the ghosts. I don;t have to twist this one. :D

I wish I was closer.

polarqueen
12-02-2008, 08:41 AM
Granted. But since you didn't specify what you want to closer too, you're now close to everything. Hope you like claustrophobia.

I wish I had my own leprachaun.

flyingtart
12-02-2008, 02:04 PM
Granted. His name's Seamus and he likes sex every ten minutes.


I wish it wasn't so cold.

willfulone
12-02-2008, 05:52 PM
Granted. You have been ported to the Artic. Scotland seems downright balmy right now - eh?

I wish I could have the one thing I really want right now. But, will not likely get until after work. IF then. So, Genie? While I am out to work today - gimme what I want so I come home to a surprise? Kay?

smoothseas
12-02-2008, 06:37 PM
Ok. You. Got. It. What. You. Wish. For. Right. Now. Is. Immediately. Within. Your. Reach.

Now, close your eyes, click your heels together three times, and say…

I must caution you. Genie is tired of multitasking and is not feeling magnanimous. You are entitled to ONLY one surprise a day – for today and for the foreseeable future. Bear in mind, if you choose to satisfy yourself this am, there will be no afternoon delight waiting at the door on your return from work.

That said, Genie’s gonna go and conjure up another cuppa coffee.




I wish I could find where I’ve misplace my creativity cap.

LaurieD
12-02-2008, 06:50 PM
Granted! When you walk the dog tonight you will find said creativity crap, I mean cap.

You may want to just get a new one, ewww...

I wish the next govenment bailout would include everyone's credit card debt (hell, it'd free up alot of my $$ and let me hit the mall again)

polarqueen
12-02-2008, 06:52 PM
Granted. But now the dollar is worth only 2 cents, and prices at the mall have been jacked up. Guess you won't be able to buy a whole lot.

I wish I had an evil twin.

LaurieD
12-02-2008, 06:58 PM
Granted. She grabbed your wallet and checkbook and headed out for a little breakfast and some Christmas shopping, for herself of course, I mean she is an evil twin. By the time you realize you don't have your credit cards, cash, or checkbook at lunch time today your credit will be so much trash, your checking account with show a negative balance, and your cash is gone. Guess you won't be doing much shopping either, huh?
;-P

I wish I didn't have to get up at 6 every morning

willfulone
12-02-2008, 09:26 PM
Granted. You no longer have to get up at 6 am. You can stay in bed to your hearts content. However, your lack of getting up has you lazy and fat, you smell from lack of bathing, etc. No one visits you any longer for the stench and your lack of enthusiam. Have a great day! Love Genie

I got my wish from above - thanks SS Genie! Now, I got a happy son which I really wanted, seems sassy to wish for more.

But, well, I will. I wish I could get VTOd rest of day - instead of only extended lunch.

Thanks Genie

Ms. Jem
12-03-2008, 01:32 AM
Granted, with a caveat. In Genieland, VTO means Virtually Ticked Off. That's you all day. Unfortunately today was your evaluation, and your boss suddenly had a lot to share.

Jeez, I want to finish the edits on my novel already!!!

willfulone
12-03-2008, 05:33 PM
Granted. You have the WANT you requested. Ten-fold more than when you typed your wish. The actual doing, getting the edits done? Still missing. Shoulda wished for that sweetie! Love Genie.

I wish snow would stay white instead of get slushy ugly grey.

flyingtart
12-03-2008, 06:32 PM
Granted. It will stay frozen forever, all life will die and the planet will be extinct.
Just so you can look at nice white snow. Selfish or what?


I wish I could tell when people are lying.

slcboston
12-03-2008, 08:10 PM
Granted.

It's the pinnochio effect. Unfortunately, everyone lies, and eventually everyone is poking everyone else's eyes out. After everyone is blind, people start groping each other, leading to a countless flurry of "That's not my nose" jokes.

I wish I could feel motivated this morning.

willfulone
12-03-2008, 10:31 PM
Granted. You ARE now motivated. Trouble is your motivation is to only eat and sleep. But, well, it IS motivation. Love Genie.

I wish I had a plate of scrambled eggs to eat right now.

Nymtoc
12-03-2008, 10:34 PM
I wish I had a plate of scrambled eggs to eat right now.

Granted.

Before you is a plate of scrambled dodo eggs. Of course, since the dodo has been extinct since the 17th Century, the eggs are a bit hard.

:D

I wish I had a secret identity, like Superman.

Deccydiva
12-03-2008, 10:40 PM
I wish I had a secret identity, like Superman

You do already, unless Nymtoc is your real name :ROFL: Not a lot to go on in the profile, either... so it looks like it's been granted already. BUT because you are so secretive, you won't get any Christmas cards this year. Or presents.

I wish something nice would happen to me this week to cheer me up.

Ms. Jem
12-03-2008, 11:40 PM
:partyguy:

The best I can do without any specifics.

I thought all women knew how to ask for what they wanted.
Love Genie

slcboston
12-04-2008, 12:42 AM
Apparently not, bcs you didn't ask for anything either...

Though, come to think of it...

I wish women would know enough to just *ask* for what they want, rather than dropping vague hints that we, the guys, never ever get. :D

Deccydiva
12-04-2008, 12:43 AM
:partyguy:

The best I can do without any specifics.

I thought all women knew how to ask for what they wanted.
Love Genie
Thanks :Hug2: My siren days are long gone, alas...

Now all women know how to ask for what they want, but there are no longer any men (or other women) to give them this... love genie.

I wish the State would pay my Christmas bonus instead of telling me I get the "wrong sort".

lostgirl
12-04-2008, 12:43 AM
Granted.

You now get a "laundry list" of wants and desires from every woman you know. Have fun filling it.

I wish I knew where I was moving to.

slcboston
12-04-2008, 12:44 AM
Granted.

You're moving there. About two feet to your left. That's all the info I have right now.

I wish I had a snack...

slcboston
12-04-2008, 12:46 AM
I wish the State would pay my Christmas bonus instead of telling me I get the "wrong sort".

Granted....

And since we skipped you inadvertently, I'll even grant it nicely. You get your bonus. In M&M's or jellybeans, take your pick.

One for evry cent you're owed.

My wish stands as is.

DeleyanLee
12-04-2008, 12:48 AM
I wish I had a snack...

Granted! Oh--you wanted one you liked and be willing to eat?


I wish that Vernors was available at my neighborhood stores.

CheriVixen
12-04-2008, 01:00 AM
Granted, Vernors has been delivered to all corner stores in town. Unfortunately, to get it there the trucks had to travel over some very bumpy roads and it is all flat.

I wish my hhouse smelled like gingerbread.

slcboston
12-04-2008, 01:07 AM
Granted.

When the two kids come by to break pieces off, remember to clean the cages of chicken bones before putting them in it.

I wish I had some gingerbread, come to think of it. :D

CheriVixen
12-04-2008, 01:11 AM
granted, have some of mine. it smells great but the taste...not so much. (I used salt instead of sugar,oops.)

I wish I had time to hunt an xmas tree.

DeleyanLee
12-04-2008, 01:16 AM
Granted!

Unfortunately, all you have is an elephant gun and the tree gets away.


I wish my hair wasn't grey.

slcboston
12-04-2008, 02:01 AM
granted

you can choose between purple, electric blue, and sea foam green.

I wish I was warmer.

willfulone
12-04-2008, 02:20 AM
Granted. Your newfound kindness warms all others about you and gives you such joy - you are warmed in your heart too. Oh? Not what you meant? C'est la vie! Be specific next time. Love Genie.

I wish I could walk across the street and find a treasure.

Ms. Jem
12-04-2008, 06:33 PM
Granted. You have found a treasure trove of Nostradamus's never before published confessions. The central theme to these intriguing works is how the demon in his head made him write down all haluccinations so the world would pick them apart for millenia - and go as crazy as he was.

I want a beautiful green lawn for Christmas!

smoothseas
12-04-2008, 08:13 PM
I want a beautiful green lawn for Christmas!


Granted, Jem. Genie’s gonna immediately dispatch some of Santa’s Elves armed with cans of Krylon. But, alas, Genie is color blind. No hard feelings, then, if your lawn should be red instead?

Here’s hoping you understand, Genie.



Genie wishes that were more square footage in this damn bottle.

slcboston
12-04-2008, 08:37 PM
granted

Why do you want square feet? Seems it would be hard to find shoes that fit that way. ... And do genies' have feet anyway? Oh well. One pair of Frankenstienian podes coming up.

I wish I could be alert this morning.

Ms. Jem
12-05-2008, 05:13 AM
Granted. You are Mister Alert, wily as a fox, brightest bulb on the tree.

All your friends are so intimidated by this, um - to put it delicately - unusual turn of events that they hate you now. But no worries, I've got a two-for-one sale going for folks like you that don't realize what their wishes will get 'em. I can make you the politicallly correct 'special' person you were before. Just say the word.
Love, Genie

I wish I could get a word in edge-wise when my sister calls!

KikiteNeko
12-06-2008, 10:07 AM
I wish I could get a word in edge-wise when my sister calls!


Granted, but that word is "Goodbye."

I wish Lennon was never killed.

Nymtoc
12-06-2008, 10:34 AM
Granted.

Lennon was not killed--not in the parallel universe where I'm sending you. Unfortunately, the zap into that universe will last only three seconds, after which you'll be back in this one. Permanently.

:hat:

I wish agents and publishers weren't so damned particular about the formatting of manuscripts (font style and size, margins, type of paper, headers, page numbering, paragraph breaks--the list is endless.) I think of how Jack Kerouac wrote On the Road by feeding a 120-foot-long roll of paper into his typewriter and typing, single-spaced, till he finished the book. Viking Press bought and published it.

willfulone
12-06-2008, 09:34 PM
Granted. There is no list of rules at pub houses and the like. Everyone submits on toilet paper rolls and the like. Problem is with lack of rules? The rule that the houses can toss stuff after reading first 3 pages is gone now too. For everything comes on rolls and is ONE page long. Whew, did I mention your submission is number 3,478,699,433 rd? Nymie, you will not be alive by time it is read. Your kid's, kid's, kid's GREAT-Great - GREAT grandchildren will not be alive to find out if it was accepted. Love Genie.

I wish people would not play mind games to exact a solution they wish for, rather they face and do what they intend without games and at least gain respect for being honest. (Liars and schemers only prosper in the devil's playground)

Ms. Jem
12-06-2008, 11:35 PM
I wish people would not play mind games to exact a solution they wish for, rather they face and do what they intend without games and at least gain respect for being honest. (Liars and schemers only prosper in the devil's playground)

Granted, but...the only time in history your lofty dreams come true is in the Second Coming. Have a nice afterlife. :e2cloud9:

I want a nice, juicy cheeseburger!

LaurieD
12-06-2008, 11:45 PM
Granted! One nice juicy cheeseburger is hand delivered to your door! Just as you bite into the aromatic goodness that only a truly wonderful cheeseburger can offer, there is another knock at your door - you open the door, juice and melted cheese dripping off your chin to discover the agent of your dreams, so very impressed was he with your work that he decided to tell you face to face how wonderful is your abilty to compose with the written word. Except he's a vegetarian - very strict vegetarian. Trying to not puke in your petunias, he staggers away, completely forgetting about your wondrous prose... But, hey, you got your cheeseburger! Enjoy!

I wish teleporting was an actual form of transportation.

willfulone
12-07-2008, 01:29 AM
Granted. Well, I did not have to do a thing. For it IS. Just not for you. You have to be a member of the secret club. You are not in it. Sorry. Love Genie.

I wish I could read faster.

slcboston
12-07-2008, 08:57 AM
Granted,

But you speak much, much slower. Think Southern Drawl played at one quarter speed.

I wish someone would kill the bird

LaurieD
12-07-2008, 09:53 AM
Granted! That chicken you had for dinner? Yeah, it wasn't actually chicken... But the bird's dead...

I wish my cold would go away

slcboston
12-07-2008, 07:23 PM
Granted.

It's been replaced by malaria. All the fun of a trip to the jungle... without the trip to the jungle. Your doctors will be baffled for months. :D

I wish laundry would hang itself.

lostgirl
12-07-2008, 07:38 PM
Granted.

Now you constantly hear the woeful tune of taps playing on the wind as all the "hung" laundry rots on the line... there's a big pitcher of nearly empty red kool aid and the clothes are covered in it... Unfortunately you're branded as a cult leader and accused of making them drink the drugged beverage.

I wish I got to have a white Christmas this year.

smoothseas
12-07-2008, 07:46 PM
Granted, lostgirl. I will try and provide the real stuff, but if I’m unable, I’ll gladly flock your yard.

Yours, Genie, who’s eternally for them aerosol cans of the fake stuff.



I wish people would quit signing my autograph book ‘yours till Turkey fries in Greece.’

slcboston
12-07-2008, 08:51 PM
Granted.

Now they sign it "You're the one that I want" - while humming the tune. Should be stuck in your head for days. Plus there's the whole stalker issue.

I wish we had a little less snow. Just a little less.

willfulone
12-07-2008, 10:11 PM
Granted. You have a little less snow. Snowflakes are so small, you will really not miss the one or two gone. Love Genie.

I wish my upset tum would go away. Help a lass - PLEEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEEEE Genie?

slcboston
12-08-2008, 12:25 AM
granted

It's been replaced with pneumonia. Now it's your lungs. (Didn't you see what happened to the last person who wished for their ailment to be gone? :D)

I wish I knew if the kids party was still on for tonight

smoothseas
12-08-2008, 08:13 PM
I wish I knew if the kids party was still on for tonight



Granted. You phone will ring in seventeen minutes and thirty-seven seconds confirming that all systems are go. However, while consulting my crystal ball, I see that HAZMAT will have to respond after a friendly food fight erupts in the cellar.

Word of warning: Forget that fancy outfit. Wear washable attire.

Smiles, Genie



I wish I could take a century-long sabbatical

Ms. Jem
12-09-2008, 12:46 AM
Your century long sabbatical is granted, in Hell.
Love Genie

I wish for nice things to happen to nice people. (Now, let me see you screw THAT up Genie!)

Ulee_Lhea
12-10-2008, 03:16 PM
Granted - Mr. Rogers ascends to the oval office with Barney as his VP! Lambchop takes over as Speaker of the House.

Love, Genie (sorry, Obama)

I wish for the GD kids in this building to stop screaming! Little anklebiters are on my last nerve . . .

Komnena
12-10-2008, 11:55 PM
Granted. Thieves fill the building with sleep gas. Unfortunately you are also solidly asleep and wake to find all your valuable possessions gone.
I wish I had my own very private driveway.

willfulone
12-11-2008, 05:31 AM
Granted. Your own private drive leads right up the the door to penitentary you reside in. It is the kitchen door there where you are the cook for all the rest of the felons. Love Genie.

I wish I had some vanilla ice cream and fritos to scoup up the ice cream with to eat. Nummy.

Ms. Jem
12-11-2008, 06:11 PM
Granted, but I just can't watch you eat that...oh, one little thing. I had to set my wand on weird cravings to grant this one...had a little trouble with it...it's sort of got a mind of it's own, and, well... you're pregnant. Congratulations!

I wish you a wonderful nine months!

smoothseas
12-12-2008, 08:37 PM
I wish you a wonderful nine months!


Hmmmm - Is Jem trying to confuse Genie? Who’s to be granted ‘the wonderful nine months?’ Well, truth to tell, I’m feeling rather beneficent this morning, so the last three posters will all win a wonderful nine months. Only good things will happen to all.



Now, Genie’s off to clean the cat box and wishing that these cookies would bake themselves.

Albedo of Zero
12-12-2008, 10:32 PM
Granted. But since I wasn't included along with the previous three posters, my day isn't all that wonderful and I can only imagine another nine months of this...so for that, yes, your wish is granted, but due to my foul mood, your cookies not only baked themselves, they also made themselves out of their own recipes which included anything they found...string, toilet paper, a bit of that grease between your oven and the wall, whatever they found under those shoes, that one errant piece of wallpaper, the dust from the screen of your TV, ...the list goes on as you can imagine. Truly, the only good thing you get from this is a clean house....but now you have to eat it all.




I wish for one winning lottery ticket

slcboston
12-13-2008, 12:36 AM
Granted.

You win $50. (Yes, you can hit amounts that small. Be grateful, I was generous - it was going to be a $1 scratch off win but I figured, what they, it's the holidays.)

I wish I felt better.

lostgirl
12-13-2008, 12:38 AM
Granted.

You feel like velvet instead of skin.. now people can't keep their hands off of you. :D So now you're all grimy dirty velvet.

I wish there were two of me.

slcboston
12-13-2008, 02:50 AM
Granted.

They both have all your neuroses. Which multiply as you do, eventually precluding you from getting anything done as one of you just *has* to know how many grains of rice are in the package, and the other keeps insisting on getting that *last* mote of dust.

I wish I knew where this was going.

flyingtart
12-13-2008, 03:46 PM
Granted. But since it's going nowhere it wasn't worth wasting a wish, now was it?


I wish the rain would stop.

Albedo of Zero
12-14-2008, 07:38 AM
Your wish is granted. All the rain stopped right over your house and will continue to stay until all the clouds dry up.




I wish I was a movie star.

smoothseas
12-14-2008, 07:24 PM
Granted. You will be replacing Fred Astaire in Busby Berkeley’s newest endeavor. Ginger is breathless with anticipation.


I wish I had an endless supply of Starbuck’s Italian Roast coffee beans…

Ms. Jem
12-16-2008, 01:03 AM
Granted. You have an endless supply of Starbuck’s Italian Roast coffee beans. But Starbucks has just gone out of business and the production plant printed out their final packaging with a typo. All the bags you own read:

Starbucks Roasts Italians

You can't even give the stuff away now. Oh, by the way, the mob is looking for you.

I wish the New Year to bring me a SWEET book deal!

slcboston
12-17-2008, 09:39 AM
Granted.

You're paid in chocolate. At the rate the economy's going, that might actually be better.

I was there was less time delay.

alleycat
12-17-2008, 02:42 PM
Granted. Apple is coming out with the new TimePod, which will enable you to actually go back and forth in time. Be the first to have one for only $800,000.

(You don't really believe our commercials, do you?)

I wish life was a bowl of cherries.

slcboston
12-17-2008, 09:53 PM
Granted.

One bowl of arsenic-coated cherries coming right up.

I wish I had a Delorean... and a flux capacitor. If I'm going to time travel, I want to do it in style. :D

smoothseas
12-17-2008, 10:00 PM
I wish I had a Delorean... and a flux capacitor. If I'm going to time travel, I want to do it in style. :D


Granted. Though Genie has to admit that she’s not quite sure exactly what a flux capacitor is. Now, that being admitted, Genie’s gonna catapult you backwards in time to when man was merely a hunter and gatherer. Let’s see you drive that Baby through the bush.

*smiles* Genie


I wish all here at AW would hit the New York Times best seller list.

shakeysix
12-17-2008, 10:08 PM
wish granted. every Aw er is now a bestseller. unfortunately our inane dialog, wooly plots, head hopping, excessive explication and adverbial hemorrhages have the entire literary world ranting about the crap that passes for literature in the best seller list. actually this isn't much of a change after all.

i wish all the ice would go away

Ms. Jem
12-18-2008, 01:57 AM
"SIGH* I really liked smooth's wish.

But moving on Shakey, your wish is granted. There is no ice. Not where you are. Matter of fact, your location brings to mind a phrase...hot as Hades. Have a nice eternity.

I wish I wasn't so busy this week, I'd like to enjoy myself.

Severian
12-18-2008, 02:05 AM
Wish granted, but now you've partied so hard you've killed your liver.

I wish I was done with school for good.

Ren
12-18-2008, 07:26 AM
Granted. But you're only done because you're forced to drop out and have so much debt no school will ever look at you again.

I wish I wasn't so picky.

slcboston
12-18-2008, 09:02 AM
Granted.

You settle for the first choice anyone ever gives you... ever again. Be very, very careful who you deal with. :D

I wish i didn;t have to go down the hall

Snowstorm
12-18-2008, 11:49 PM
Granted. You decide "I'm not going down that hall!" You look around the building and decide to go up on top of the roof and shimmy down the drain pipe. Unfortunately, you slip off the roof and scrape your hands. But you're able to grab the drain pipe. Unfortunately, your arm is caught on the pipe holder, and you hang there. You scream for help, and after two hours someone hears you. That someone calls 9-1-1. Unfortunately, they also call the local news channel. The firefighters manage to extricate you from the holder. Unfortunately, it's such a great scene, you're splashed all over CNN and YouTube.

I wish gift-giving was more sincere at Christmastime rather than obligatory.

Ren
12-19-2008, 06:53 AM
Granted. From here on in gift-giving will be sincere. Unfortunately for you everyone sincerely thinks you need things like puke green slippers, paintings of poodles, and year old fruit cakes.

I wish my foot would stop falling asleep.

slcboston
12-19-2008, 07:42 AM
Granted.

Your foot never sleeps. Now, as a constant insomniac, it insists on going for long walks at 4 AM... you have no choice but to go with it.

I wish I had a light.

lostgirl
12-19-2008, 07:55 AM
Granted.

A flood light sounded good in theory but every time you move you're blinded by the bright incandescent bulb. Seeing is overrated, right?

I wish it was Christmas already. :D

Albedo of Zero
12-19-2008, 08:21 AM
Granted. For you, it is Christmas already. The first Christmas. You're in a stable with a cow, a donkey, a lady who just gave birth(you are asked to cut the umbilical cord), three strange kings with gifts of gooey stuff and bling, some little kid with a loud drum and for some reason you keep hearing Handel's Messiah in the background. Be merry!



I wish someone would bring rumballs on Christmas day.

Ren
12-19-2008, 07:18 PM
Granted. On Christmas everyone you celebrate with will bring rumballs. But each and every one will be improperly made in some way. Some will cause food poisoning, some just won't be very good, and some will simply cause drunkenness.

I wish I could have a whole day to write today.

Ms. Jem
12-19-2008, 07:52 PM
You and me both!

I grant your wish, Ren, but since I don't have so much time to write today, I'm feeling a mite envious. Today you will write all day...your name over and over again. I am a merciful genie and have added in a Friday special - you won't get carpal tunnel syndrome.

I wish for another weekend day, we can call it Freeday!

Ren
12-20-2008, 12:54 AM
Granted. There is now an eighth day of the week, Freeday. But now everyone has to buy new clocks and calandars because of the change, and since I haven't the magic to provide them all you will have to pay for each and every one, Jem. You'll probably be working in the factories I suppose.

I wish all religions could just get along.

alleycat
12-20-2008, 01:01 AM
Granted. They all become members of the 700 Club. Would you care to make a donation in return for these "Admit One to Heaven" tickets? This week only.

I wish someone else would go buy my groceries.

smoothseas
12-20-2008, 07:57 PM
I wish someone else would go buy my groceries.

Granted. However, Genie’s been stranded in an army surplus store. You are gonna have to settle for expired k-rations. The use-by date is barely legible, but on closer inspection, Genie thinks it might be April 1945.

Here’s hopin’ that it’s not offensive to your palate.
Cullinarily your, Genie


*looks down* my slippers are looking raggedy, I sure wish I had me some new ones

slcboston
12-20-2008, 09:10 PM
Granted.

One brand new pair of banana-peel slippers coming up. We're in a literal mood this afternoon.

I wish the scout would call me back with an offer.

Ms. Jem
12-21-2008, 02:39 AM
Granted. The scout calls you back with an offer, but you're not home. Your answering machine is full and doesn't take the message. Oh well, that's only one bridge you've burned, you've still got a gazillion others to go after.

I hope my dinner is ready soon!

Elwolf
12-22-2008, 12:16 AM
what's your wish?

slcboston
12-22-2008, 08:20 AM
I'm pretty sure that "hope" thingy was a wish...

Granted.

Dinner is ready. Chilled monkey brains are just where it starts.

I wish I could get warmed up.

Ms. Jem
12-23-2008, 02:05 AM
Granted. Not only are you warmed up, but you are just about boiling. Your friends think you've lost it; 20 degrees in Boston and you're walking around in a thong.

I wish for world peace (can't help it, the holidays make me mushy!)

Snowstorm
12-23-2008, 08:46 AM
Granted. World peace only lasts for two seconds before some crackpot dictator or similar scumbag decides their desires surpass others' peace and livelihood. Alas. (Sorry, I wish for once I could just GRANT the wish) Genie.

I wish I had makings for a big honkin' apple pie.

willfulone
12-25-2008, 05:29 AM
Granted. You have geese galore and apples to make your pies. Problem is? I have not figured out how you can keep the geese alive during the baking process of the pie so they can honk when you serve the pie ala mode. You figger that part out. Love Genie.

Ms. Jem
12-25-2008, 05:44 AM
Will didn't ask for nuthin', but that's ok cause it's Christmas Eve and she's deservin' so....
here's your lump of coal. Love, Genie

Oh, you say you were a good girl all year? Well, that may be true, but Jimmy ain't here to vouch for you.

I wish someone would keep an eye on Will. You know what happens when she's left to her own devices.

DL Hegel
12-25-2008, 05:55 AM
I wish someone would keep an eye on Will. You know what happens when she's left to her own devices.granted but jimmy is the one watching her and they get into all kinds of mischief:)

Wish I could stay home tomorrow, eat snack cakes, and hang with my kitty cat.

willfulone
12-25-2008, 06:24 AM
Granted. You have really bad body odor and no one invites you for the holiday tomorrow. Thus, you can stay home with your cat. OR, you can comon oer ta ma house and eat crap cakes with me. Love Genie.

I WAS a good girl this year, tis the same all the time with me. NO mischief...

I wish I was understood instead of misunderstood...you gals, slay me.

Snowstorm
12-25-2008, 06:51 AM
Granted. You are now understood by all, and we know your quirks, your interests, your good points, and your not-so-good points. In fact, we know and understand you so well, we find you uninteresting and unexciting. We all move on and find someone new. Genie.

I wish that tomorrow's celebration eggnog has more nog than egg.

alleycat
12-25-2008, 06:58 AM
Granted. When you wake up tomorrow morning your house will be full of nog. There will be nog in the kitchen, nog in the bathroom, nog in the garage, nog in your shoes . . . and nog with cover the ground outside.

I wish for peace on earth, good will toward men (and women). Hey, it ain't so much to ask for, is it?

willfulone
12-25-2008, 08:30 PM
Naw, not too much to ask for at all. And I can do such for you.

Granted - There IS NOW Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men (and Women). Crappers Alley. You did not specify which universe "Earth" was to have Peace/Goodwill in. I made it so. But in a parallel universe. Sigh, well, another planet is happy for your kindess. Love Genie

I wish I had a cute cuddly pet.

smoothseas
12-25-2008, 09:43 PM
I wish I had a cute cuddly pet.



Granted. Genie has conjured up a mythical fur baby just for you. All the good qualities of the domestic mammal inclusive. However, it weighs 637 pounds and will insist on sitting in your lap.

Merry Christmas to you,
Genie

I wish I had more discipline

shakeysix
12-26-2008, 08:43 AM
discipline???? boy, do i have a girl for you!--s6

i wish my cat would stop bringing friends home

DL Hegel
12-26-2008, 09:11 AM
Granted your cat stops bringing friends home--instead your cat brings home the guy who beat you up during all of third grade.

I wish I had a snickers bar.

willfulone
12-26-2008, 05:50 PM
Granted. You are now at a bar where everyone snickers at you. Why you wished for such heckling is beyond me. But, you asked...Love Genie

I wish I did not have to drive in the snow this am.

shakeysix
12-26-2008, 06:38 PM
okay, no snow driving. here is your dog sled-- you will be lead husky--s6


i wish that someone would make my bed and fill my bird feeders

Ms. Jem
12-26-2008, 09:06 PM
Granted. Someone did make your bed and fill your bird feeders. They now live in your apartment since you were evicted.

slcboston
12-28-2008, 09:32 AM
I wish Ms Jem would remember to make wishes when she grants them :D

shakeysix
12-28-2008, 09:00 PM
i think ms. jem is wishing for a buttload of fruitcakes--so i am sending them on--via aerial drop---s6

i wish dry pine needles would turn to gold

flyingtart
12-28-2008, 09:57 PM
Granted! Now there is so much gold in the forest literally growing on trees that it is worthless.


I wish I was somewhere warm and sunny.

Komnena
12-29-2008, 04:16 AM
Granted. You are in the Rub al Khali desert trying to find a large black stallion.

I wish I could go to Pony Penning at Chincoteague.

smoothseas
12-29-2008, 04:55 AM
I wish I could go to Pony Penning at Chincoteague.

Granted. Unfortunately, while there, you have a lapse of common sense and return home with a whole herd of them. Having no real way to segregate the boy ponies from the girl ponies, you now have even more of ‘em and are thigh-deep in pony poop. Guinness knocks on your door, as well as the National Enquire. You become internationally known as the Pony Lady. You have sacrificed your anonymity.


I wish I wasn’t so easily distracted.

She_wulf
12-29-2008, 05:24 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, while there, you have a lapse of common sense and return home with a whole herd of them. Having no real way to segregate the boy ponies from the girl ponies, you now have even more of ‘em and are thigh-deep in pony poop. Guinness knocks on your door, as well as the National Enquire. You become internationally known as the Pony Lady. You have sacrificed your anonymity.


I wish I wasn’t so easily distracted.
Granted. But you miss out on the latest craze of pink bunny chasing, which all the rest of the writers here on AW DID see and wrote books about and made millions of dollars on the subsequent crazes of purple bunny chasing, Dag spotting, dag chasing purple rabbit spotting, red cat chasing, blue volkswagon slug games, and herbal coffee.

Wish I had a million dollars from writing a book about purple bunny chasing.

flyingtart
12-29-2008, 04:34 PM
Granted. But now you have to write the sequel.


I wish weight loss was easy.

alleycat
12-29-2008, 04:46 PM
Granted. You have chronic diarrhea.

I wish I was off all this week, and not just Thursday.

Wayne K
12-29-2008, 10:01 PM
Granted. You have chronic diarrhea.

I wish I was off all this week, and not just Thursday.


Granted, but we're moving to a 365 day work week.


I wish I had three more wishes.

Nymtoc
12-29-2008, 10:35 PM
I wish I had three more wishes.

Granted. You have three more--make that 3,000 more--wishes, but the genie isn't going to do anything about them.

:poke:

At New Year's I wish news organizations wouldn't go through the ritual of summing up what happened during the past year. I already know what happened during the past year. Tell me something I don't know.

Ms. Jem
12-30-2008, 12:11 AM
Granted. News reports are up to the minute. And I'll even tell you something you don't know - your pants are on fire. I just heard it on the news.

I wish I had three silver bells.

lostgirl
12-30-2008, 12:57 AM
Granted. And every time you move they clink beautifully. Every. Time. You. Move. Did I mention they were permanently attached?

I wish someone would pack my house up for me.

slcboston
12-30-2008, 02:05 AM
Granted.

Remember that tornado scene from the Wizard of Oz? Remember the music? Start humming....

Remember, follow the Yellow Brick Road.

I wish I could manage to either take a nap or wake up.

Ms. Jem
12-30-2008, 02:14 AM
Granted. But, I'm confused. Why do you want to take a nap and wake up over and over again? You can't be getting too much rest that way.

I wish for Figgy pudding, with a cherry on top.

Nymtoc
12-31-2008, 04:11 AM
I wish for Figgy pudding, with a cherry on top.

Granted.

A barrelful of figgy pudding has been dumped onto your bed while you slept, so that you can awaken and enjoy it. The cherry on top is as big as a bowling ball.

:D

I wish that in 2009 all politicians would become honest.

alleycat
12-31-2008, 04:18 AM
Granted. They all admit they're incompetent and/or crooks . . . but they're honest about it. The Governor of Illinois even takes out an ad on Craigslist for "senate seat available".

I wish my tongue wasn't burning from eating Buffalo wings.

slcboston
12-31-2008, 08:11 AM
Granted.

Your tongue is just on fire. Literally. Might be a grease fire, too, so water isn't a good idea. Who doesn't love a mouthful of foam? :D

I wish I didn't have this itch.

Komnena
12-31-2008, 08:23 AM
Granted. A small insect burrows under your skin and gets rid of that itch. Unfortunately little insect triggers an even worse itch.
I wish I hadn't knelt on that hassock.

Ms. Jem
12-31-2008, 11:48 PM
Granted, you didn't kneel on that hassock on Christmas morn. To accomplish this for you, I had to turn back time and - you know these new-fangled gadets - always a glitch in 'em. What I'm trying to say is; Christmas didn't exactly come to your house this year, not yet. You have to live the whole year over again. Happy 2008, hope the second time around is way better. Love Genie.

I want a chocolate chip cookie cake for my birthday. Yum, yum!

slcboston
12-31-2008, 11:57 PM
Granted.

Hmmm... I'm tempted not to mess with the cake itself, bcs there are some things even wickedly mischievous genies ought not to do... and mucking up chocolate chip cookie cakes are probably one of them.

However, you didn't specify which birthday - when you are 112, with no teeth and the utter inability to chew anything, you will get your wish. The nursing home staff will puree and liquefy it for you in the nearest blender, with a little water for lubrication, before allowing you to slurp it through your feeding tube.

I wish I could get warm today without getting too warm.

Ms. Jem
01-03-2009, 02:09 AM
Granted, I know rehab makes you go through delirium tremens. Whenever you have a spell your aunts, who are now inflicted with hot and cold spells, come over and give you advice on how to maintain an optimal body temperature. They're going to show you some neat tricks, like sitting in front of the fridge with the door open all day.

Ah-h-h-h, 2009 has finally arrived. So, where's my book deal, huh?

slcboston
01-03-2009, 03:04 AM
Granted.

That "tell all show all" book/photography deal you were after finally comes through. You'll be condemned from every pulpit in the South, banned in Utah, and sold with brown covers in the Northeast and Midwest. California will simply shrug and say "been there, done that... though *that* position is kind of a new one." :D

I wish dinner was sooner... of course, I am cooking it so I suppose I should wish I could cook it faster. :D

Ms. Jem
01-04-2009, 12:17 AM
Granted, you cook dinner at the speed of light. Your neighbor was watching your cooking fit from a window and just called your counselor to tell him you've had a setback. You guessed it; tack another day onto rehab.

I wish I could write all night and not need to sleep, that's when the creative juices flow. :e2BIC:

slcboston
01-04-2009, 12:23 AM
Granted.

You write all night and do not need to sleep... though eventually, that sort of thing leads to deep psychosis. Never fear, they'll give you crayons where you can write inspired gibberish on the walls of your padded cell.

I wish I could get that one annoying piece of popcorn out of my teeth.... :popcorn:

alleycat
01-04-2009, 12:42 AM
Granted. I've made an appointment for you with Dr. Szell, who last worked on Dustin Hoffman's teeth in Marathon Man. Open wide!

I wish I had a device to slow or speed up time.

slcboston
01-04-2009, 01:12 AM
Granted.

You have your device. Unfortunately it has only two settings - one which reduces time to the speed at which glaciers crawl, the other which advances it at a speed that would make Einstein rethink his theories. It also only works *once* so choose your button carefully.

And I didn't label them. :D

I wish this translation would sprucify itself

Komnena
01-04-2009, 04:44 AM
Granted. The translation turns into a beautiful spruce tree.
I wish I owned a Duesenberg.

slcboston
01-04-2009, 10:15 AM
Granted.

I don;t know what that is, and I don;t feel like googling it now. (Some kind of car, yes?) Anyway, none of that matters. You now own one. Note I didn't say "legally." With a little luck, it isn't the kind of thing that aiding in the theft of one will get you incarcerated for too long a period of time.

I wish I had the sense to go to bed.

smoothseas
01-04-2009, 09:41 PM
I wish I had the sense to go to bed.


Granted: But beware, if you do, you will be eternally mired between the sheets. Eternally translates to imperpituity … which translates to forever. Think hard, Mr. Camel. Is this what you really want? You can always catch a catnap in the Barcalounger, instead.


I wish that my little herb garden didn’t look so peaked …

lilyanaalantar
01-04-2009, 10:15 PM
granted. but only daisies grew.

I wish i could finish editing my novel and have no problem in being accepted by publishers

Ms. Jem
01-05-2009, 04:23 AM
Granted. You have no trouble being accepted by publishers, but you didn't need ol Genie for that. What you need me for is to make those publishers the best in the business and not rejects from Preditors and Editors. But, you didn't ask for that and you only get one wish cuz it's sunday night and I'm tired. Love Genie.

I wish everyone would just chill.

Komnena
01-05-2009, 06:15 AM
granted. The whole world suffers in a new ice age.
I wish I had an invisibility cloak.

She_wulf
01-05-2009, 06:17 AM
Komnena, you beat me to it....

Where did you go?

I wish for three more wishes...

alleycat
01-05-2009, 06:18 AM
Granted. But we only have it in short. It will hide everything but your butt. It'll work just fine as long as you go easy on that double chocolate ice cream.

I wish it was the beginning of the weekend, instead of the end.

Horserider
01-05-2009, 07:45 AM
Granted. It's Friday, but you will sleep through Saturday and Sunday until Monday morning.

I wish the boy that I like, liked me.

slcboston
01-05-2009, 08:01 AM
I wish for three more wishes...

Granted, bcs this one got ignored... but, before I grant them, you've seen how this is done, right? You *sure* you want that in triplicate?

You do?

Okay... paperwork on that will take the next fifty years of your life (no wishing them back, sorry) and at least one of them will have no doubt soured by that time. The smell of moldy cheese encased in an unwashed sock doesn;t bother you, right? Cause it simply does not come out...


I wish the boy that I like, liked me.

*sighs* Oy vey. (Yes, Djinn is Jewish tonight. Got a problem with that? :D)

I'm granting this one *as is*... but you have to go talk to him and tell him you like him first. You can do that, he's yours. You can't, well... you had your chance. :D

(Oh, and if you don't... that whole stalking, terrorizing, TRO thing that happens afterward... so not my fault.)

I wish everyone could email from their phone.

Horserider
01-05-2009, 08:07 AM
Granted, but every time you get an e-mail your phone will get a virus that causes it to crash.

I wish school could be cancelled for a week.

slcboston
01-05-2009, 08:08 AM
Granted.

You think a virus on your phone is bad? Try one in the cafeteria. Don't worry, I hear the Hanta virus isn't completely fatal :D

I wish I had a cell phone

Horserider
01-05-2009, 08:12 AM
Granted, but you have the following on the Vorizon wireless commericial that follows you everywhere.

I wish that I had a million REAL dollars that I obtained legally.

slcboston
01-05-2009, 08:22 AM
Granted.

You are the proud owner of one million REALs... the currency of Brazil. Which, bcs of that whole Hanta thing, you will never, ever be allowed to visit. Banks in the US aren't going to take it, either, bcs walking into a bank with a million in cash in any currency looks really, really suspicious.

On the other hand, you can start some nice fires with it.

I wish I had my own plane.

Horserider
01-05-2009, 08:26 AM
You are the proud owner of one million REALs... the currency of Brazil. Which, bcs of that whole Hanta thing, you will never, ever be allowed to visit. Banks in the US aren't going to take it, either, bcs walking into a bank with a million in cash in any currency looks really, really suspicious.


How do you know these things?

Granted. The plane will burn up on it's first flight and no one will be able to escape.

I wish I had a valid MBA from a US college completely free.

slcboston
01-05-2009, 08:40 AM
(It's called Google - and be thankful. My second option was to make them Singaporean Dollars and have you arrested for spitting on the sidewalk- real crime there - before you could spend them. This way you avoid jail time in a Singapore prison. For that i think I deserved a plane. :D)

let's see, where was I?

Oh yes... Granted.

The MBA is legit, but the college loses their accreditation the day after they give it to you. Might be related to it being free. At any rate, the resulting scandal and loss of prestige means that, though valid, your degree is still pretty much worthless. But hey, it was free.

I wish I had some s'mores

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-07-2009, 01:17 AM
I wish I had some s'mores

Granted. You are in the middle of a crowd and a kid screams about the bad man who stole his s'mores. The kid is your girlfriend's nephew.

I wish it would stop snowing in Canada.

slcboston
01-07-2009, 01:24 AM
Granted.

It's changed to ice now.

I wish there were more job openings now that the holidays are past.

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-07-2009, 01:28 AM
Granted. The company that hired you went out of business within the week before you could even get started on the job.

I wish I was able to draw manga.

slcboston
01-07-2009, 02:09 AM
Granted.

But even though you can, there is much call for Manga Christian Evangelical comic books.

I wish it was dinnertime already.

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-07-2009, 02:19 AM
Granted. It is dinnertime, but you find yourself locked out of your apartment, with no keys or money. Your cell phone is dead, and your neighbors hate you, so they aren't of much assistance.

I wish for people would stop talking about Twilight (I mean both camps; the fans and the haters).

alleycat
01-07-2009, 02:54 AM
Granted. Not a word will be said about it because . . . Stephenie Meyer is coming out with her new book, Midday! I've heard it's really great! I can't wait to read it! Has anyone read an advanced copy? What did you think? Was it as great as the other books? I just love Stephenie Meyer's books! I wish I could write like her. Her books are great, I mean really, really, really, really and truly great. I can't wait to read the new one. I'm going to read it as soon as I get it. I can't wait.

I wish it would stop raining for a little while.

Horserider
01-07-2009, 03:00 AM
Granted. It's now snowing instead of raining and you will get three times more snow then you would have had rain.

I wish school would be cancelled tomorrow.

slcboston
01-07-2009, 03:02 AM
granted....

no, wait... that last one was such a HORROR the djinn may never recover.

So, going back to an old standard: it stops, for about an hour. Followed by 40 days and 40 nights (though just in TN).

You do know how big a cubit is, right? :D

I wish I could find something decent in terms of a job.

slcboston
01-07-2009, 03:03 AM
Granted-

School is cancelled. But the child labor laws are also revoked - bcs you posted ahead of a horrified djinn, with a quote from *that* book, no less.

So tomorrow starts your first days in the mines. Welcome to the work force.

My wish stands as posted.

Horserider
01-07-2009, 03:07 AM
Granted, but the job's a two hour drive away and the boss and coworkers are horrible.

I wish my best friend could move back from her new school.

alleycat
01-07-2009, 03:11 AM
Granted! But you're moving away; the folks just haven't told you yet. Sorry.

I wish I had a pickle to go with my ham sandwich. Such a simple request . . . how can this one get screwed up?

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-07-2009, 03:23 AM
:D You get your pickle, but it was apparently dated and gives you diarrhea.
(Never underestimate the deviousness of the Djinni!)

I wish I had carpets that never needed to be vacuumed. I mean it is always clean.

alleycat
01-07-2009, 03:27 AM
Granted. Your new carpets from Monsanto come with biologically engineered filth-eating bacteria. The carpets will always look as good as new. Oh, try not to step on the carpets as the bacteria can leave quite a rash. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not stand on the carpets.

I wish I had some ice cream now. Or maybe chocolate cake and peaches to go with my coffee! Yes, cake, that's what I wish for.

Ms. Jem
01-07-2009, 03:31 AM
Granted, here's your chocolate cake. But you confused me with all the indecision and now it's more like an ice cream/coffee/peaches concoction that looks as yucky as it sounds.

I wish I had some peace of mind today.

alleycat
01-07-2009, 03:34 AM
Granted. You have a piece of mind, a tiny, little piece. By the way, speak up in the future, I'm hard of hearing.

I wish I had the same wish I had two posts ago.

Ms. Jem
01-07-2009, 04:20 AM
You can't hear? Well, I can't see. Two posts away is too much for me (I should have posted this in the rhyming thread :D)

So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going grant you a wish that I know you'll like: I'm having my cat come to your house with a truckload of IAMS cat food. My cat swears by it. He also doesn't like to share. But don't worry, just don't get too close to the truck when it comes. We've lost a few good cats that way.

I wish for a good, strong wind to come along.

Komnena
01-07-2009, 05:32 AM
Granted. A tornado sweeps through your neighborhood. Your house is destroyed. However, you had the sense to dig a big hole in your backyard. You and your loved ones survive the house's destruction.
I wish the Burris soap opera would end.

Horserider
01-07-2009, 06:01 AM
Granted, but now there's an even worse soap opera and it's played twenty four hours a day on every channel. (what is the Burris soap opera anyway?)

I wish that Edward Cullen was ALL mine!

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-07-2009, 06:27 AM
Granted. He's ALL yours. That includes his psycho girlfriend and demonic baby. They are yours too.

I wish I had angel wings.

Horserider
01-07-2009, 06:47 AM
Granted. He's ALL yours. That includes his psycho girlfriend and demonic baby. They are yours too.


LOL I'll take the demonic baby.

Granted. They're as tall as you are and too heavy for flight.

I wish there was no more war.

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-07-2009, 07:11 AM
Granted. There are now only short distinct battles as opposed a connected series of battles forming epic wars.

I wish Americans would stop treating Barack Obama the same way they treated Britney Spears. It is making me sick.

Komnena
01-07-2009, 08:19 AM
Granted. Americans now ignore Obama. Their apathy makes him and everything else irrelevant to life as we know it.
I wish I knew what happened at Tunguska.

slcboston
01-07-2009, 08:47 AM
Granted.

Now we have to kill you. :D

I wish I could get an answer to my questions.

alleycat
01-07-2009, 08:51 AM
Granted. Your questions will now be answer by our call center in New Delhi.

I wish we had shorter workweeks, and longer weekends.

slcboston
01-07-2009, 08:57 AM
Granted.

To compensate for the shorter workweek, you now work a double shift. Every single day. By the time the weekend comes, you're so tired you can barely move.

I wish I didn;t have to get up to go pee.

alleycat
01-07-2009, 12:01 PM
Granted. Just let it go, feel the warmth, grasshopper . . .

I wish life was simple.

She_wulf
01-07-2009, 06:31 PM
Granted, Life was simple when all cavemen had to worry about was food and shelter.

I wish I had another hour this morning so I could stop by the landlord's and pay the rent.

Wayne K
01-07-2009, 06:37 PM
I wish I had another hour this morning so I could stop by the landlord's and pay the rent.

Granted. But todays the day he decides he wants you out anyway.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Ms. Jem
01-08-2009, 01:27 AM
Oh, don't worry yourself about what to wish for. This Genie loves to get creative...hum, let's see. Ok, here's something I know you'll like.

Just yesterday you were just past the line. Well, today you have crossed that line and your wife has decided she has had enough. Hey, I don't know what you did, but the tell-all book, titled 'Found Mr. Goodbar,' comes out the same day your divorce is final.

I wish I wasn't such a klutz. I fall walking up the stairs in my house. :D

slcboston
01-08-2009, 01:57 AM
Granted.

You do everything with grace and poise, and even if you don't, you play it off like you did. Downside is you're now a cat.

I wish my 4 yr old hadn't chugged all my hot cocoa :Coffee:

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-08-2009, 02:25 AM
Granted. It was your psycho stalker that had chugged all of your cocoa. She had climbed in through the balcony yearning for a taste of your lips. Lucky you!

I wish I had photographic memory.

alleycat
01-08-2009, 02:58 AM
Granted. It's a Polaroid photographic memory. Uh, you might want to stock up on film while you still can.

I wish we have an early spring. Trees budding out, flowers blooming, the smell of newly-mowed grass . . . wouldn't that be nice?

Horserider
01-08-2009, 05:23 AM
Granted. Your driveway and lawn is now a sea of mud and the mosquitoes are coming out in swarms. Welcome to reality.

I wish I had chocolate.

slcboston
01-08-2009, 07:53 AM
Granted.

Chocolate is a 1 ton elephant who believes she;s a toy poodle lap dog. Better get a reinforced chair. :D

I wish people were around to play with

Pragmatic_Dreamer
01-08-2009, 11:18 PM
Granted. You are surrounded with slobbering toddlers wanting to play pony with you.

I wish my angel wings (previously granted in this forum) were flight worthy.

alleycat
01-08-2009, 11:23 PM
Granted. You just need to lose a few pounds and you'll be able to get off the ground. Have you tried the Klondike Diet? You just eat seal blubber.

I wish we weren't having so many electrical problems today.

slcboston
01-08-2009, 11:47 PM
Granted,

The power goes out completely. Forever. Now there are no more problems and we're all back to gaslights. :D

I wish for wings that work.

alleycat
01-09-2009, 12:13 AM
Granted. Here's the original Buffalo wings recipe. It should work.

4 to 5 Lbs Chicken wings
Freshly ground black pepper
Salt (if desired)
4 C Vegetable Oil
4 Tbs butter or margarine (1/2 stick)
5 Tbs Louisiana-brand hot sauce or Tabasco sauce
1 Tbs white wine vinegar

1. Chop off the tip of each chicken wing, and discard it. Chop the wing
in half (cutting at the joint) to make 2 pieces. Grind on fresh black
pepper and sprinkle with salt if desired.

2. Heat the oil over high heat in a deep skillet, Dutch oven, or deep-fat
fryer until it starts to pop and sizzle (around 400 degrees F). Add
half the chicken wings and cook until they're golden and crisp,
stirring or shaking occasionally. When done, remove them to drain on
paper towels and cook the remaining wings.

3. Melt the butter or margarine over medium heat in a heavy saucepan, add
the hot sauce and the 1 tablespoon of vinegar. Stir well and remove from
the flame immediately.

4. Place the chicken on a warm serving platter, pour the sauce on top, and
serve



I wish I got as many holidays off as the state and federal employees do.

slcboston
01-09-2009, 12:23 AM
Granted.

No, just granted. After that kick-a** recipe, it's the least I can do. You get a free pass this time.

... Well, almost. In order to grant it I have to make you a federal employee. The drudgery may eventually get to you, but just remember to aim away from the djinn when you come to work that *last* day :D

I wish I had a bottomless cup of coffe - like the one I saw in that IHOP commercial yesterday.

Ms. Jem
01-09-2009, 06:42 AM
Granted slc, but you sure picked the wrong day to hang this dream out to dry.
When your 12 steps counselor came to visit today, you were fidgeting like you were back on the smack. Now you're back to step one. Well, I hope the coffee was worth it.

I wish all news was good news.

Horserider
01-09-2009, 07:12 AM
Granted. All news is good news whether its to you or to the terrorists in the East.

I wish I could skip to tomorrow afternoon!

alleycat
01-09-2009, 07:16 AM
Granted. This here blue pill should do the trick. Take two. Please don't drive or operate heavy machinery in the meantime . . . I guess it's okay to operate light machinery.

I wish I had a place for everything, and everything was in its place.

Horserider
01-09-2009, 07:35 AM
Granted. A delivery of cabinets, boxes and wardrobes will arrive tomorrow. Some assembly required and you now have OCD.

I wish that Edward Cullen was waiting in my bedroom RIGHT NOW and he isn't going to bite me (yet) or kill me.

Komnena
01-09-2009, 11:31 PM
Granted. He is waiting for the truck to pull around so he can help load all your belongings and take them away.
I wish I knew where the Fountain of Youth is.

Horserider
01-10-2009, 01:05 AM
Granted. It's in Atlantis. I hope you enjoy swimming and you don't need oxygen.

I wish all this snow would've come LAST night instead of today.

slcboston
01-10-2009, 02:39 AM
Granted,

You, however, were out in it. Good news is you've managed to stay warm by building a fire. Even better news is the rescue crews will find you before the fire goes out. Bad news is, the fire was your car. :D

I wish I knew if I was coming or going. :D

alleycat
01-10-2009, 02:44 AM
Granted. Stick your head between your legs, if things are getting smaller, you're coming. If things are getting larger, you're going.

I wish to have a great time tonight with a certain female friend. No, not that great of a time . . . dinner, I mean.

slcboston
01-10-2009, 03:21 AM
Granted.

She's a cannibal. But she's also a whiz with the pharamcologicals... you'll have a great time, and end the night a few pounds less than when you started. Should go well. :D

I wish I could decide between sweet potatoes or white potatoes with parsley and butter :D

Horserider
01-10-2009, 03:25 AM
Granted. You've developed a sudden allergy to sweet potatoes. Now you only have one option.

I wish dinner was ready already!!!!

slcboston
01-11-2009, 12:11 AM
Granted.

Dinner is ready. The finest cuisine from the far remote reaches of the jungles of ... somewhere. Grubs and spiders, anyone? :D

I wish I didn't have to do this.

Nymtoc
01-11-2009, 12:21 AM
I wish I didn't have to do this.

Granted.

You don't have to do this. In fact, you don't do it. As a result, you have been banned from this board. :D

I wish would never see Sarah Palin on TV again.

Horserider
01-11-2009, 12:29 AM
Granted you're blind. Now you can't see her, but you can still hear her.

I wish it would stop snowing until Sunday night.