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kimmeunier
10-13-2008, 11:55 PM
Granted. The sun is out, but this transition in the atmosphere means the sun is much closer to earth and so we all fry like chicken and die.

I wish I had lucky charms...

Snowstorm
10-14-2008, 12:09 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the charms resemble the cereal Lucky Charms and you eat them. And you can't find them later.

I wish it was election day today.

kimmeunier
10-14-2008, 02:19 AM
Granted. It is election day, but you've had an unexpected blizzard and there's four feet of snow on the ground. You try and take the snowmobile but realize it's out of gas. When you try on your snow shoes, they are so rotted your feet break through. You try and call a neighbor, but the ice and snow have caused the phone lines to go down and your celly doesn't get a signal where you live. You take a chance, fill a thermos with hot coffee and start the six hour walk to the polling place.
An hour later a huge black bear smells your delicious hot coffee, takes it from and and then eats you for dessert. You don't know who wins cause um, well you're a part of the dirt now. Love Genie

I wish someone would just hand me a degree so I didn't have to do stupid assignments anymore.

Moot Writer
10-14-2008, 02:32 AM
Granted. Here's your stick of Degree deodorant.

I wish I had enoguh money to move away from here.

Elonna
10-14-2008, 04:17 AM
Granted. You now have enough money to move next door. Enjoy :D

I wish I could lose 10 lbs.

kimmeunier
10-14-2008, 04:37 AM
Since the Genie has not granted a *nice* wish in awhile, I think I will. You have lost the ten pounds you wish to lose. In addition, you never need to work out and your butt and abs are rock solid. In addition, you look ten years younger. Hope the book signing goes well. Love Genie

I wish I had enough money to pay off all my cc's and car...and still have some left over.

Moot Writer
10-14-2008, 05:04 AM
Granted. Your credit cards and car are paid off. And Your bank account is overflowing with money. Oh, by the way, Lenny "the nose" is at the door to see you about some loan you took out.

I wish I didn't have to work anymore.

kimmeunier
10-14-2008, 05:11 AM
Granted. Your credit cards and car are paid off. And Your bank account is overflowing with money. Oh, by the way, Lenny "the nose" is at the door to see you about some loan you took out.

I wish I didn't have to work anymore.
Oh Crap, he's here already? Damn it's only been 24 hrs. These guys mean business.

Granted. You no longer have to work ever again. You don't do anything since your disability kicked in. You only get 600 bucks a month so you'll have to downsize from the condo to a one room apt in a rooming house. Enjoy the neighbors and the one toilet which you all share. The toilet comes with a variety of bacteria, viral infections and fluids. Love Genie

I wish I had rented a movie.

Snowstorm
10-14-2008, 05:27 AM
Granted. You managed to snag the only movie available: The Incredible Melting Man. Then, after you watched that once, your house is broken in and the two bad guys, in order to force you to tell where your money is hidden, tie you and force you to watch reruns of The Incredible Melting Man until you break.

I wish that the Cleveland Browns would whip the New York Giants on Monday Night Football tonight.

Moot Writer
10-14-2008, 05:59 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, the New York Giants refuse to play anymore after the Browns decided to change into their new leather uniforms. Althogh the Football league commented, saying "there's nothing explicitly in the rules against whips," Police are standing by to arrest the entire team for assault.

I wish I could come up with ideas faster.

Nymtoc
10-14-2008, 11:26 AM
I wish I could come up with ideas faster.

Granted.

You come up with ideas amazingly fast. They are wonderful ideas--each one, fully developed, would result in a best-selling book and literary prizes. Unfortunately, the ideas come up so fast--10 or 20 per second--that you forget them instantly.

You are back where you started.

:D

I wish I had $1,000 for every rejection I've received.

dochas
10-14-2008, 10:46 PM
Granted. However the IRS has gotten wind of this extra income and has levied taxes, interest and under-reporting penalties, so your $1,000 per rejection has dwindled to about 50 cents each. All told, you should have enough to fortify yourself with several grande lattes from Starbucks to get you through your next few queries.

I wish I had $1,000 (tax free) for every story idea I've started but still haven't completed.

Elonna
10-14-2008, 11:44 PM
Granted. However you get sued by your neighbor when they come over to borrow a cup of sugar and trip over the partial manuscripts you have strewn all over your living space and pretty much end up with zilch.

I wish I had my outline finished for NaNoWriMo and it is awesome and I actually get to write it and write it well next month.

willfulone
10-15-2008, 01:14 AM
Gah! How is a Genie to snap with all that caveat? I think you have met your match lass.

Granted. Your outline is finished. The dog ate it though. NO saved copy on puter either for it was only hand written. It is awesome, dog said so after he read it and before he ate it. You get to write it again and again for that doggie has a paper fetish. And you write it well each time. Problem is - you spend so much time on this outline you never get to that writing thing your goal is for. Darn! Love Genie.

I wish I was a nicer gal.

kimmeunier
10-15-2008, 03:11 AM
Granted. You are the nicest gal anyone could hope to know. But, the Genie has a problem with nice people in general, hence all the mean and awful wishes I have granted. Since your so nice now, you don't need me or my wishes. Good luck finding a new Genie.

I wish I were a nicer Genie.

willfulone
10-15-2008, 04:16 AM
Granted. You are a nicer Genie - Zap - you cannot twist any wishes you grant for 24 hours. I would make it last longer, but I can see the fight in you and the fire in your eyes. Your sassy side will not be denied. Well, except until tomorrow night 7:30 CST.

I wish I could remember everything, important, unimportant too. I hate forgetting...

Nymtoc
10-15-2008, 05:32 AM
I wish I could remember everything, important, unimportant too. I hate forgetting...

Granted.

You remember everything. You remember turning on the hot-water faucet at 7:32 a.m. and turning it off at 7:33 a.m. You remember that it took you 15 seconds to put on your shoes this morning. You remember that you turned on TV at 8:10 a.m. You remember every word of every TV commercial you've ever heard. You remember that a car passed by your house at 8:51 a.m. and another car at 8:52 a.m. and another at 9:03 a.m., an so on. You remember a speck of dust on your computer keyboard that you flicked away at 9:14 a.m. You remember every word you've ever overheard on the street. You remember every piece of popcorn you've ever eaten at the movies. You remember every bit of fingernail you've ever clipped. For the rest of the things you remember, go to AWgenie.com--but you don't need to, because you remember everything anyway.

:D

I wish that weird recorded voice assuming that I'm Richard C. Taylor (not my name) would stop leaving telephone messages for me.

Hummingbird
10-15-2008, 08:23 AM
Granted. The voice has stopped leaving telephone messages for someone called Richard C. Taylor. Now you are getting some strange calls from five different debt-collectors who are threatening to sell everything in your house. Problem is that they are convinced you are someone named Joe Spitz and not even a driver's liscense or social security number will call them off.
(I hope there isn't someone with that name in here ^^; I just made it up.)

I wish that cheese was cheaper.

willfulone
10-15-2008, 02:46 PM
Granted Cheese is cheaper. But, you now have a dairy allergy. Love Genie.

I wish that today will be better than yesterday.

Elonna
10-15-2008, 08:59 PM
Granted. Today will be better than yesterday, but you better enjoy it because all of your tomorrows are gonna suck.

I wish that our AW Meet n' Greet in Louisville will be a huge success this weekend

kimmeunier
10-15-2008, 09:19 PM
Granted. Today is better than yesterday, but tomorrow is worse than the day before. Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's are trecherous, and Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday are worse still. You will have one good day a week which will always fall on a Thursday. Tomorrow is Thursday, but you'll miss out on this weeks day due to your request to make today, (WEDNESDAY) better than yesterday. Love Genie.

I wish I could win Powerball today!

willfulone
10-15-2008, 11:55 PM
two replies to do:

"I wish that our AW Meet n' Greet in Louisville will be a huge success this weekend."

Granted. That meet and greet is going to be a huge success. Did they tell you that it was in Louisville? Umm....yeah you go there...for I was sworn to secrecy. But, the rest are going....oh shoot - that darn promise I made. Love Genie.

"I wish I could win Powerball today!"

Granted. Power Ball is yours (we call it a medicine ball where I work out). You won it at the gym for uglist jogging suit while working out. Love Genie.

I wish time would go faster when things are bad, and much slower when they are wonderful.

slcboston
10-16-2008, 12:09 AM
Granted.

Time speeds up so much it leaves you with no time to properly react, making the bad times that much worse. And it slows down so much everything takes far too long to do and becomes interminably boring.

I wish I had a greater selection of tea to drink.

DeleyanLee
10-16-2008, 12:12 AM
Granted!

Oh--you wanted a selection of tea that you LIKE? So sorry.

I wish I'd been born rich instead of so blased beautiful.

slcboston
10-16-2008, 12:17 AM
Granted.

Sadly, rich and ugly really only works if you're a guy. (Yes, we men are shallow that way.)


I wish someone else's internet wasn't on the fritz.

willfulone
10-16-2008, 01:10 AM
Granted. Since, I surmise you mean a specific special someone - but cannot be 100% sure, I cannot know who's to fix. So, I hoped and randomly selected an internet connect for that reason. I just got a call back on it too. Bruno is happy to have his internet back and I told him to see you about giving his thanks. He said he would run grab his teeth out of a cup on the counter and get the vid cam ready to port his image to you. He is hoping for a love match - he loves silly camels and scarecrows. Love Genie.

I wish I could come up with the best quote evah!

slcboston
10-16-2008, 01:17 AM
Granted.

You do. But it's someone else's. Charges of plagiarism ensues. I don't think they'll send you to jail for it, but I understand Bruno's in need of a new bunk mate.

I wish I got paid more than I do for the articles I write.

willfulone
10-16-2008, 01:23 AM
Granted. You get paid in spades for the articles you write. Oh, did you mean money? Sorry - Love Genie.

Which virtue is the best to hold and why?

Moot Writer
10-16-2008, 05:30 AM
I left a voicemail response to this question, but in your excitement to hear the answer, you deleted the message. Love Genie

I wish the intention of my wishes would be granted.

willfulone
10-16-2008, 08:59 AM
Holy cow! How to grant? Let me ponder. For, next to talking as a favorite, I love to think. I am not sure I can get around this one. I mean, dang, this is supposed to be done with a twist. The twist being that wish is granted but not according to intent of wisher as a goal to snap the wish/wisher. I think you may have stumped this wish granting Genie. For you have requested a wish that thwarts the twist. Ummmm. Can I do this? Yes I can. (here's hoping)

Granted. The INTENT of your wishes will be granted. But, in the doing, realize that the intent you wish to convey may not be the intent read from your post. Thus, the Genie will still have to grant based upon what they read and intrepret. Which could be far removed from your intent you meant. Love Genie.

I wish teleport machines existed so we could "beam" ourselves to places we need to be, want to be, etc.

Nymtoc
10-16-2008, 09:44 AM
I wish teleport machines existed so we could "beam" ourselves to places we need to be, want to be, etc.

Granted.

Teleport machines have been developed, and you are the first person to be teleported. You ask to be beamed to the Twin Cities. The teleportation appears to be successful, but it soon becomes clear that the teleporter misunderstood your request and has made two copies of you.

You are beside yourself.

:D

I wish the couch potatoes would get off the couch and go play ball.

willfulone
10-16-2008, 09:53 AM
Granted. Couch potates get up off the couch, sit on the floor and roll the ball against the wall so it bounces back to them - while they watch TV from a worm's eye view.

I wish I could write with real creativity and skill.

freddieismyqueen
10-16-2008, 02:19 PM
No problem. Good luck writing Seventeen magazine's horoscopes!

I wish I could write a book that changes the world.

Moot Writer
10-16-2008, 04:25 PM
Granted. You are temporarily whisked away to the past to author one of the books of the Bible. How was your trip?

I wish I could afford to do whatever I wanted.

Nymtoc
10-16-2008, 06:51 PM
I wish I could afford to do whatever I wanted.

Granted.

You can afford to do whatever you want. But with so many choices before you, you become totally confused and sit staring at the wall for days on end.
:ROFL:

I wish I could take a pill that would teach me anything I want to learn.

Popo Agie Flow
10-16-2008, 07:27 PM
Granted, but you become addicted to the pills. You learn so much your head explodes.


I wish I could visit every distillery in Scotland.

willfulone
10-16-2008, 10:54 PM
Granted. This is an easy one to grant. You can go have the money for the trip too - on me. Cuz, one knows you will need some money to do all that drinking and tasting at the distilleries. Um, you know that lot right? The scots? Hot blooded and ready/willing to fight with every pint. Get your fistacuffs ready. You will be drinking through a straw by the 3rd distillery. Hope you can manage once your jaw is wired shut. Love Genie.

I wish that I could REALLY grant/give someone a wish they truly want and I could make it happen for them. You can pick the person/wish.

cynrad22
10-17-2008, 11:00 PM
[
I wish that I could REALLY grant/give someone a wish they truly want and I could make it happen for them. You can pick the person/wish.[/quote]


Granted! My son always did want a puppy. However in the mean spirit of a true genie, I now have piles of poop that no one will pick up but me and rivers of pee that no one will clean up but me. Thank a lot. Because it was your wish that started this whole thing, I am snail mailing you some puppy surprises. Welcome!:D

I wish I could eat all the cider and doughnuts that I could hold without throwing up and not gain a single ounce!:hooray:

slcboston
10-17-2008, 11:06 PM
granted.

You now have very, very small hands, thus limiting the amount you can "hold."

I wish the last client I worked for would hurry up and pay me already.

Pagey's_Girl
10-17-2008, 11:25 PM
Granted. Except he paid you in Monopoly money. Does that matter?

I wish it would warm up, just a little...

slcboston
10-17-2008, 11:31 PM
Granted.

It warms up just enough to melt the ice on your flow out from under your feet (or the metaphorical equivalent thereof).

I wish the potential job offer would call me back.

dochas
10-18-2008, 12:05 AM
Granted. They called you back to let you know they gave the job to someone else.

I wish I (and my kids) had better organizational skills.

willfulone
10-18-2008, 02:42 AM
Granted. I am happy to give you Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Take mine. And your kiddos? They can have my son's. Have fun. Organization is overrated when all you can do is think about lists of things to do and organize, then write them out. Change them to be better and add and subtract as things get done. Then, check and recheck that they were done, that it was right order to do them in. Oh, hell, you know what? You gotta go back and start at the beginning for you did not do it in "order". It was nice knowing you for the time you were here at AW. I know you will be too busy "organizing" for the rest of your life unless you sleep as little as I do. Love Genie.

I wish common sense things made sense to all.

slcboston
10-18-2008, 10:45 PM
Granted.

Everyone now has the common sense of a lemming. You don't live near any cliffs, do you?

I wish my cameras batteries didn't take so long to recharge.

lostgirl
10-19-2008, 12:32 AM
Granted.

They now charge in mere seconds. The only problem now is they only last for mere seconds, sometimes you're actually lucky enough to snap the picture before they die.

I wish I was getting a pedicure.

willfulone
10-19-2008, 12:33 AM
Granted. Your battery charging time is moot. The kiddo tossed the camera in the toilet and it no longer works. Good fishing - looks like kiddo tried to flush too and it is lodged in there tight and in some pretty murky waters. Love Genie.

I wish I could find my keys. Yepper, lost them again.

Snowstorm
10-19-2008, 01:42 AM
Granted. You find your keys using the metal detector that magically appeared on your doorstep. You figure out that a packrat took your keys to its den under the shed. From the old droppings you believe the packrat has left, but find out the hard way that your keys are now being guarded by the new resident: a badger.

Halloween is such a fun event that I wish Halloween occurred once a month.

Jenan Mac
10-19-2008, 02:21 AM
Granted! Halloween now occurs every lunar month, to the delight of dentists everywhere. The last Goth teens in the country are completely confused because vampire housewives are everywhere, pushing vampire babies in double strollers....but only one day a month. (The fact that Halloween now coincides with the first quarter crescent moon is really freaking out those whose background in myth and folklore is a little shaky.)

I wish there were a good Middle Eastern restaurant near my house. And that it delivered.

Snowstorm
10-19-2008, 04:25 AM
Granted. You now have a good Middle Eastern restaurant next door to you. The restaurant I magically transported came from the older side of town in their native town. Nothing wrong with an older restaurant since their food is good, however the tin walls and roof of the restaurant bring down the neighborhood property values, which greatly upset your neighbors. The smell of the cooking wafts night and day into your windows and the spices cause your allergies to flare. And your dog has disappeared.

I wish that advertising for Christmas presents was banned until after Halloween.

Deccydiva
10-19-2008, 03:57 PM
Granted. Advertising for Christmas is now banned altogether so the kids ask for things they didn't get last year and the stores no longer stock them. You have small children screaming at their parents who are screaming at you as it's all your fault and you have to flee to a sanctuary until it all blows over.

I wish my dogs could understand me better so they knew what I was asking them to do.

willfulone
10-19-2008, 04:15 PM
Granted. Your dogs understand everything you say. Since you are notorious about talking to yourself and they cannot differentiate when you are talking only to them or to yourself, they have gone out to pick up that butter you mumbled to yourself you needed to get today. Love Genie

I wish the chill of the morning would go away already.

Snowstorm
10-19-2008, 09:02 PM
Granted. The chill has been replaced with a deep freeze. All plant matter in your town is dead. You have to chip your dog loose from the frozen earth. As a result of the deep freeze, the electric lines have snapped so power is out and so is your heat. Your water pipes are frozen. And you eye your new oak furniture to burn ...

I wish presidential candidates were truthful.

kimmeunier
10-19-2008, 10:15 PM
Granted. All presidential candidates are truthful. Since none of them can lie anymore, we hear all about Obama's obsession with sheep and McCain tells the truth about his wife and her past as a Macy's store manequin. Now that we have all the dirty details we decide to let R2D2 run the country, why not a robot, it's worked in the past. Love Genie.

I wish I could publish the story I've been working on for six months now.

Elonna
10-19-2008, 10:45 PM
Granted. You get a contract with Publish America. :tongue

I wish we'd actually win a dart match tonight.

Jenan Mac
10-19-2008, 11:37 PM
Granted! You've won matching lime green 1973 Dodge Darts. (Extra supply of Bondo included.)
What? That's not what you meant?

I wish we didn't have coyotes and I could let the cat go outside.

Elonna
10-19-2008, 11:47 PM
Granted. there are no coyotes and you let your cat out. Unfortunately it gets eaten by an alligator.

I wish the Bengals didn't suck so much.

willfulone
10-20-2008, 04:42 AM
Bengals are beautiful animals! How can you say they suck? Magestic, powerful, stately and regal. They are just wonderful - but they are killing machines. I told them all YOU think they suck though. They are comin' for a chat! Love Genie.

I wish Elonna did not have to run for her life and could stick around to play games.

Popo Agie Flow
10-20-2008, 05:24 AM
Granted. Elonna doesn't have to run for her life; she'll be around to play games with us all. But first she'll have to do what seems pretty easy for others: hold ocho cinco and the rest to a winless season.

I wish Cowboys (Dallas, that is) could play as poorly for the rest of the season as they did today.

Snowstorm
10-20-2008, 07:06 AM
Granted. They'll play as poorly as the Denver Broncos.

I wish I could actually finish editing my novel.

willfulone
10-20-2008, 11:20 PM
Granted. Your novel is fully edited. The fairies did it while you were sleeping so you could wake up and not have such worry. However, you realize that fairies cannot spell, they have no concept of sentence structure and they like to use fairy dust as an eraser? I think you shoulda worked on it without the wish sweetie! Love Genie.

I wish I could finish that last item on my daily list.

Snowstorm
10-21-2008, 03:53 AM
Granted. Unfortunately in a fit a pique at your car, you had written "Demolish my car" on your list. On the way home, you sneezed and you swerved and hit a tree. You're fine but your car is totaled. And your insurance agent denies sneezing is an act of God and thus your accident is not covered.

I wish my favorite movie would come on TV so I have an excuse to sit and relax all evening.

willfulone
10-21-2008, 07:18 AM
Granted. Your favorite movie is on TV and you can sit and relax all evening. Don't worry, that fire in the kitchen? It will put itself out. Love Genie

I wish I could tell a joke and tell it right for I flub jokes.

Nymtoc
10-21-2008, 08:08 AM
I wish I could tell a joke and tell it right for I flub jokes.

Granted.

You can tell a joke right. In fact, you tell it better than anyone every told it before.

Unfortunately, you can only do this when no one is listening.

:D

I wish I could expand my small living room so that it's big enough for a really good party.

Snowstorm
10-21-2008, 11:10 AM
Granted. The expansion of your living room was made easier--and more imperative--by the wall that was taken out by the car driver who was blinded by your porch light. Enjoy the party!

I wish I could drink single malt Scotch (I can't stand the smell of the alcohol).

willfulone
10-21-2008, 05:24 PM
Granted. You can drink single malt scotch (but why sweetie?). One SINGLE time. You get sick, you vomit for 3 days and you have a headache for 27 days. I think, rather than cannot stand the smell, you may be allergic to alcohol. You should wish to take that away. Love Genie

I wish migraines did not exist. I have one today.

Popo Agie Flow
10-21-2008, 10:40 PM
Granted. Your migraine has left your head, never to recur. Those are nasty things and should be banned from the planet.


I wish I had $7billion (or gazillion) to fix our world's economic mess.

dochas
10-21-2008, 10:48 PM
Granted. You have fixed the world's economic mess. Everyone knows who to thank for the end of the crisis. Unfortunately, that includes every credit card company, nonprofit organization, political campaign group and door-to-door salesman who are now calling on the phone or banging on your door 24/7.


I wish when I got home tonight all the clothes overflowing the hampers in my house will have been magically transformed into clean and folded laundry that has been neatly tucked away in their appropriate drawers.

Del
10-21-2008, 10:52 PM
Granted. When you get home you find Richard Simmons doing aerobics on your hamper packing the laundry tightly within so nothing is overflowing except a washcloth which he uses on his brow, washes it out and neatly folds and places it in the closet.

I wish to win the commercial contest my son and I just made a video for.

willfulone
10-22-2008, 07:33 AM
Granted. You win the contest for the commercial contest. You get disqualified right before the prize is awarded for your scenery was not the proper color though. Next time read ALL the rules. Love Genie (I hate to do the twist on that one - I really do hope you win - can we vote? Let us know in a siggy if we can)

I wish the lady next door would not let her brat (yeah the kid IS a brat) bang walls and run around the halls at all hours of the night. This is a screaming, yelling 3 year old running halls at 3 am in the morning. Please - assist a lass - Genie?

Nymtoc
10-22-2008, 09:17 AM
I wish the lady next door would not let her brat (yeah the kid IS a brat) bang walls and run around the halls at all hours of the night. This is a screaming, yelling 3 year old running halls at 3 am in the morning. Please - assist a lass - Genie?

Granted.

The 3-year-old will still bang walls at all hours of the night (the genie can't fix everything at once) but will no longer be running around the halls. The brat will be on roller skates instead.

:ROFL:

I wish I could afford to live on Park Avenue.

willfulone
10-22-2008, 01:27 PM
Granted. I have a hotel there - set up all nice and cozy fer you. I think the rent is only like $1000 a month when you land on that square. I will check my monopoly cards to be sure. But, trust you can live in my tiny red hotel (or is it green) on Park Avenue. I need the rent money. Love Genie.

I wish every day was a weekend day for just this week. I do not wish to go to work.

Snowstorm
10-23-2008, 07:07 AM
Granted. This is similar to the movie "Groundhog Day" and every work day for one week is like a weekend day. That particular weekend day was the one where your hot water heater blew and flooded your main floor with 120-degree water, your car stopped running and you had to take a cab to the mandatory function for your business, but the cab company won't deliver you to that part of town, but you're improperly dressed because your cat hacked up a hairball on your best dress. But at least this only lasts a week.

I wish the price of propane would drop to $1 a gallon.

willfulone
10-24-2008, 01:14 AM
Granted. Propane dropped to $1 a gallon - in the USSR. Travel to go and get it at that price and bring it back, makes it less economical than leaving the price where it is now - no? Love Genie.

I wish I had green tomatos to fry up for a snack.

redpbass
10-25-2008, 11:34 PM
Granted. The mold now growing on your tomatoes is a lovely shade of green, and has pleasantly disturbing hallucinogenic effects. Enjoy your snack!

I wish my teeth weren't so sensitive sometimes.

dochas
10-26-2008, 06:18 AM
Granted. Your teeth are no longer sensitive at all. You can now chew ice without pain, in fact without any feeling at all. Eating popcorn becomes easier because you no longer mind when you bite down on the unpopped kernels. However, this leads to several cracked teeth, which get infected, which end up requiring several root canals, and in the end you have to have several teeth removed and replaced with partial dentures.


I wish my kids would, for at least one day, do everything I ask, the first time I ask, without any arguing.

DL Hegel
10-26-2008, 07:36 AM
wish granted your kids obey. You say clean the house. You have no furniture.

I wish I could type faster.

Nymtoc
10-26-2008, 08:51 AM
I wish I could type faster.

Granted.

You can type extraordinarily fast. You type so fast that you are in constant demand by businesses. You become such an expert professional typist that you don't have time for anything else, and you give up your own creative writing in order to type, type, type...

:D

I wish people who spread computer viruses would receive life sentences.

willfulone
10-26-2008, 08:55 AM
Granted. They get life sentences. I mean since the day they were born they were sentenced to live until they die. Thus, Genie does not even really have to grant the wish - does she? Love Genie

I lay down when tired and my mind gets all busy, so I get up and post and I get tired. I wish I could make up my mind and decide - sleep or awake.

dochas
10-28-2008, 06:09 PM
Granted. Your mind decides on sleep. The 2028 year-in-review edition of Time Magazine dubs you Rip Van Winkle of the new Millenium.


I wish Halloween could be the way it used to be - with large crowds of young kids roaming the streets excited about every piece of candy that dropped into their bag, wearing costumes that they put a lot of thought into, even the store-bought costumes, instead of tiny crowds that are mostly bands of teenagers strutting around with a sense of entitlement, sneering at non-chocolate treats, wearing whatever lame costume they could throw together in 2 minutes from the dirty clothes pile.

Nymtoc
10-29-2008, 01:50 AM
I wish Halloween could be the way it used to be - with large crowds of young kids roaming the streets excited about every piece of candy that dropped into their bag, wearing costumes that they put a lot of thought into, even the store-bought costumes, instead of tiny crowds that are mostly bands of teenagers strutting around with a sense of entitlement, sneering at non-chocolate treats, wearing whatever lame costume they could throw together in 2 minutes from the dirty clothes pile.

Granted.

However, people have been so terrified by government warnings that they think those little kids are all jihadists in disguise and refuse to open their doors. The kids go home disappointed.

:(

I wish rejections from agents and publishers didn't feel so painful.

willfulone
10-29-2008, 06:22 AM
Granted. You no longer have emotion - thus no pain when you get a rejection. Love Genie

I wish Friday would get here fast.

AnnieColleen
10-29-2008, 07:01 AM
Granted. Friday is here...therefore, now you must fast. Hope you weren't hungry.

I wish my NaNo outline was ready to go.

Deccydiva
10-29-2008, 03:28 PM
Granted. Your NaNo outline is ready to go, in fact it has gone, along with all your other work as your hard drive has crashed permanently and you didn't take a backup. Love Genie.

I wish I could afford to switch the heating on as I'm sitting here cold as ice and can see my own breath on the air.

redpbass
10-29-2008, 06:56 PM
Granted. You quickly melt.

I wish dust would stop gathering in my room. It's killing my allergies!

Elonna
10-29-2008, 08:19 PM
Granted. Dust no longer gathers in your room. Instead it gathers outside your room successfully blocking you in your room forever.

I wish I had another week before NaNo started so I could finish rewriting my outline.

Popo Agie Flow
10-29-2008, 08:36 PM
Granted, with a twist. You don't get another week, but you get to live October 29 over and over seven times, like the movie about P. Phil.


I wish I had nerve enough to attempt to write a book in a month.

Nymtoc
10-29-2008, 09:39 PM
I wish I had nerve enough to attempt to write a book in a month.

Granted.

You have nerve enough.

However, things keep interrupting. Your basement floods. A small plane crashes into your house--no one is injured, but the house is wrecked and you have to move out. A hurricane sweeps through your area and causes further damage. You get a letter from Alaska telling you to come quick, you have inherited an oil well next to Sarah Palen's house. You fly to Alaska, but when you get there you find that the letter was a hoax. On the way back, you are robbed and lose all your money and ID, and recovering them takes a long, long time.

By the time all those things happen, you have lost the nerve to write the book.

;)

I wish all children would be taught basic mathematics and science from the earliest grades. [Now, that's a real wish. How're you gonna turn that into BS?]

dochas
10-29-2008, 11:11 PM
I wish all children would be taught basic mathematics and science from the earliest grades. [Now, that's a real wish. How're you gonna turn that into BS?]

Ask and ye shall receive. :D

All children begin learning mathematics and science from grade 1, subsequently excelling in those subjects as they move up through the grades. The extra focus on math and science leaves little time for more creative studies, however. Lack of graduating artists eventually causes art stores to become non-existent, bookstores to close as more of them begin carrying more technical manuals and textbooks and fewer novels. NaNoWriMo ceases to exist. iTunes goes out of business because everyone gets sick of hearing the same old songs over and over as there are no new songs being recorded anymore, and radio becomes all talk, all the time. Hollywood becomes a mecca of out-of-work producers and directors because there aren't any new actors moving to the city. Broadway becomes a distant memory as "Cats" finally ceases production.


I wish the coming winter would give us perfect days of 68 degree weather except for one time when it drops to the 30s and we get just enough snow to close the schools and work for two days.

willfulone
10-30-2008, 03:22 AM
Move to Wisconsin. That is not called Winter (but you can adjust) here. That is Spring. So, start packing...Love Genie.

I wish I could ride in a hot air balloon at dusk and see some beautiful twinkling city lights.

Popo Agie Flow
10-30-2008, 04:55 AM
Granted, but you'll have to wait a year. The North Las Vegas, Nevada, Fair Show will be in October 2009. You can hop a ride during their nighttime "Glow" and see the strip from your high vantage.


I wish I could smell the sweet lupine through 12' snow drifts when the temp is -30.

Snowstorm
10-30-2008, 06:20 PM
Granted. Through a curious quirk of nature, the lupine bloom with 12 feet of snow piled on them and the temp is -30. Unfortunately, you can smell the lupine with your face buried in the snow while you're upside down in the 13-foot snow drift that you fell from your snowshoes and your feet are five feet above you.

I wish winter would arrive with 12 inches of snow. I wouldn't even mind that -30 temp!

willfulone
11-01-2008, 02:29 AM
Granted. I have devised a way for all WI snow and cold to come to you in addition to your stuff. The people in WI thank you - the ones in WY? Well, you can guess...love Genie.

I wish there was a good show on TV tonight.

Snowstorm
11-01-2008, 07:43 PM
Granted. Not only does a good show come on TV tonight, but it's a great show! And you're excited because you have nothing to do but watch it. Just as the opening credits finish, you hear a wooshing noise and one of your water pipes burst. The hot water pipe! The hot water's flooding your kitchen! You finally find the hot water pipe shutoff valve, and mop the floor so the hot water doesn't ruin your new flooring you saved for months to buy. You take a breather and sit down to watch the closing credits roll.

I wish for some good (close) college football games on TV today.

slcboston
11-01-2008, 11:21 PM
granted

all the games are both exciting and close, with come from behind wins and last minute scores that make almost all the games today the kind of college football that will be talked about in awed tones for decades to come.

You don't get to see any of them, bcs you're power goes out after the fist kickoff.

I wish I could get motivated today.

willfulone
11-02-2008, 04:26 AM
Granted. You are motivated today. You are motivated by a crying babe to play and play and play. You are motivated by the wife to do all the chores on a "list". You are motivated by sleep now. Ni-Ni. Love Genie.

I wish the book I was reading would pick up pace (or I am going to have to put it away for good).

CheriVixen
11-02-2008, 04:41 AM
Granted, the book has picked up Pace picante sauce and is now asking for chips to dip in it.

I wish the checkbook would balance itself and find a bank error in my favor.

Petsey
11-02-2008, 04:55 AM
Granted but now the IRS wants to know why you didn't report it.

I wish I could start writing my second book and stop editing the first one, but the first one won't let me stop!

willfulone
11-02-2008, 05:48 AM
Petsey! It is your lucky night! You have a Genie that lives in WI. ME! And, I come to grant your wish. You get to start writing your second book. You can start right now. Well, after you sweep up the pile of ashes that is your first MS. That candle left burning? It tipped over when the cat ran by. It burned up that first MS. At least you do not have to edit now! Love Genie (I really AM in WI)

I wish Monty Python and Benny Hill would come back on PBS.

eLfwriter
11-02-2008, 09:45 AM
Great luck today. I happen to have a voodoo acquaintance and a camera. Your personal djinn will see to it that you have live footage of the resurection of the Monty Python and Benny Hill actors coming back to life as ZOMBIES who, upon hearing that your wish has called them back from tv-underworld, decide to visit your lovely neighborhood. The government, catching wind of this pack of undead (but strangely hilarious) zombies, decides it would be best to quarantine your entire city so that the contamination of living corpses does not spread.

But don't worry. I'll make sure that live tape gets to PBS.


I wish for awesome ninja skills.

Petsey
11-02-2008, 08:52 PM
Ahh soo, awesome ninja skills, says Zen Master. You have studied hard grasshopper and so these you now have. Unfortunately you used them on undercover agent for MI6 and now the British have put you on the license to kill list and you must fight forever, as the esteemed Mountaineer Jeremiah Johnson did.

I wish for peace and serenity

Nymtoc
11-02-2008, 11:52 PM
I wish for peace and serenity

Granted.

You will have peace and serenity tonight from 11:38 to 11:39 p.m. After that, things will revert to normal.

:banana:

I wish I could attend the winner's celebration when the results of the election become known.

willfulone
11-03-2008, 10:49 AM
Granted - but the candidate you voted for lost. Love Genie

I wish squishy pet names like "pookie bear" and "luvkins", et al - were never uttered aloud in public.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 08:12 PM
Granted.

They are never merely uttered again. Instead, they are screamed at full, whiny volume in that cutesy-poo voice everyone who's an idiot uses to talk to little babies. Shrieked, even.

I wish more people were hiring in my field.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 08:14 PM
Granted.

But with the surplus of all the corn that's being picked.. your wages drops to a nickel an hour.. (*snicker* get it? field? corn field? *giggling* oh man the cold meds are working over time.. :D )

I wish I knew where I was moving in 20 days

slcboston
11-03-2008, 08:21 PM
Granted,

You know, but you're not going to like it, and there's nothing you can do about it. (Although bulky, grope-proof sweaters might be in order. :D)

I wish I had more coffee.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 08:23 PM
Granted.

But it's cheap instant coffee and you're so addicted you have no choice but to drink the swill.

I wish I had bulky, grope-proof sweaters.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 08:28 PM
Granted.

Sadly, CA goes through an unseasonal heat wave this winter, so you're forced to choose between inappropriate groping or sweating to death.

I wish I had a fireplace.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 08:31 PM
Granted.

But the floo is broken and there's a nest of birds at the top.. so while it looks nice in your home it makes your heating bills higher in keeping your home warm.

I wish I didn't have crazy in laws.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 08:37 PM
Granted.

Their no longer crazy. They are still inappropriate, which somehow makes it worse now that they're sane.

I wish I could cheaply heat my home.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 08:40 PM
Granted.

A freak tornado uproots your building all Wizard of Oz style and drops you in Hell.. You never have to worry about a cold house or heating bills again.... unfortunately for you they don't offer A/C either.

I wish my in laws were crazy again.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 08:46 PM
Granted.

They're also moving in tomorrow. :D

I wish I knew what i was going to cook for dinner...

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 08:48 PM
Granted.

You're making a herb crusted chicken... better luck this time with it...

I wish I was dead (ACK!!! the in laws are moving in.. LOL)

dochas
11-03-2008, 08:51 PM
Granted. Rest in peace. Only you can't rest in peace, because the in-laws are visiting your grave almost daily, alternately wailing with grief and fighting amongst themselves, and when they're not doing that, they're trying to contact you through mediums and John Edwards' Cross Country show, so even in death you can't get any peace.

I wish the election was over already.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 08:58 PM
Granted.

Nader wins.

I wish I knew what to do for lunch now that dinner's been solved. :D

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 09:33 PM
Granted.

You discover a great recipe for homemade playdough.. it tastes so good..you don't think you'll ever eat anything else ever again..

I wish someone would finish his novel.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 09:42 PM
Granted.

Expect *lots* more "hmphs." (Oh, not the writer you meant? So sorry, but you ought to know better by now. :D)

I wish someone would edit what she has. :D

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 09:45 PM
Granted.

Expect a lot of red tracking changes and questions about would they really see that their cheeks were red??? :wag:

I wish I had been more clearer on the writer. :wag:

slcboston
11-03-2008, 09:54 PM
Granted.

You are now crystal clear. See-through, in fact. Unfortunately, the other, less-gifted writers are now "hurt" and pouting in the corner. Between the drama and the loud, melodramatic sighs, it's giving you a headache.

I wish there wasn't so much red...

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 09:56 PM
Granted..

All red lingerie has now turned into dingy white/sickly gray color... because sadly there isn't anything to be done about the red on the MS... :wag:

I wish I had some aspirin.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 10:00 PM
Granted,

But you have no water, and these aren't the new gel-coated capsules. These are the old fashioned horse pills. You do prefer to chew your aspirin, right?

I wish I wasn't out of cheese.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 10:03 PM
Granted.

You drag out your VCR and old worn out copy of Mannequin and pop it in to watch.. Straight cheese, right there.

I wish aspirin didn't taste horrible and feel like chalk when you chew.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 10:06 PM
Granted.

It now tastes like chalk and feels horrible. Is that better?

I wish it was easier to thread-stalk people. ;)

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 10:13 PM
Granted.

Suddenly there's a spammer that blows up the threads with senseless chatter.. you have no problem thread stalking them.. (guess you should've been more specific.. :wag: )

I wish I had the energy to get in the shower.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 10:21 PM
Granted.

Sucks that your hot water is out.

I wish I hadn't eaten my lunch so fast - should have taken my time.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 10:24 PM
Granted.

You're stuck in a time paradox. It's lunch all the time... you can eat it slower this time around... even though you're still full from the last lunch.

I wish I was feeling better.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 10:29 PM
You know, the genie's been trying to help with that. If you're not going to take it... (what? it's in my contract? I *have* to grant.... oh, all right)

*mutters and sputters*

Granted.

You feel better. Not a lot better, just enough to no longer justify putting off that mountain of work you have to do.

I wish I could eat another cookie without feeling guilty.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 10:33 PM
Granted.

You feel so guilt free you eat the entire batch and make more and then eat those too.. what's funny is how confused you look when you pop the button out of your jeans.. :D

I wish I didn't have to make lunch.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 10:40 PM
Granted.

Three-feet makes his own. FEMA declares your kitchen a national disaster zone.

I wish I had more time to play.

lostgirl
11-03-2008, 10:42 PM
ROFLMAO!!!!

Granted. M the Magnificent pulls you into a wrestling match and she kicks your butt all afternoon long "playing"

I wish I still didn't have errands to run.

slcboston
11-03-2008, 10:45 PM
Granted.

You put them off until tomorrow morning. Sadly, that gives you twice as much to do tomorrow, but at least it wasn't today.

I wish my feet were warm.

Komnena
11-03-2008, 11:39 PM
Granted. Your shoes are burning.
I wish I were sunning myself in Greece.

slcboston
11-04-2008, 02:04 AM
granted

your stranded on one of those tiny islands in the Agean - too far to swim to the next one. No food, no fresh water to drink... but plenty of sunshine. The ferry should be by (well, about five hundred yards off shore zipping past at top speed) sometime eventually today... or at least this week.

I wish i had a private plane.

lostgirl
11-04-2008, 02:19 AM
Granted.

And it was nicely folded out of expensive paper, with clean lines and good aerodynamics.. just don't fly it out in the rain.

I wish I had a glass that refilled itself.

slcboston
11-04-2008, 02:23 AM
Granted.

You like prune juice, right?

I wish dinner would make itself

Nymtoc
11-04-2008, 03:19 AM
I wish dinner would make itself

Granted.

The menu:
Fried rutabaga
Boiled dandelion stems
Braised chipmunk liver
Lemon Jell-O

:D

I wish the repairmen in the downstairs apartment would stop using high-decibel machine tools, because they're driving me nuts.

slcboston
11-04-2008, 04:23 AM
Granted.

They've switched to low decibel hammers. Constant, unending tapping and tapping and tapping. You didn't want to sleep tonight anyway, right?

I wish i had a bit more secluded spot to write in.

CheriVixen
11-04-2008, 05:12 AM
Granted. Welcome to the great north woods where there are no persons to distract you from writing. Although, you will have to stop writing every 30 min to fill the wood stove and at sun down to light the candles.

I wish my muse would come back.

slcboston
11-04-2008, 06:50 PM
Granted.

She's packing an uzi. I'd get writing, if I were you.

I wish I really did have that place in the NW Cheri reserved for me

DL Hegel
11-05-2008, 05:32 AM
Wish granted--you have a nice place in NW to share with a smelly homeless guy named Frank and he leaves ring-around the bath tub.

I wish I could talk to my cats.

lostgirl
11-05-2008, 07:40 AM
Granted.

But in order to form the cat language your tongue is turned into a cat tongue and now it's all scratchy and you have the urge to lick yourself all the time.

I wish my apartment would pack itself.

DL Hegel
11-05-2008, 10:16 AM
wish granted your apartment is packed by underwear gnomes-- they steal all your underwear.

I wish I had chocolate.

atwistedmind
11-05-2008, 11:00 PM
granted, however the chocolate is of... unknown origin, and smells rather rank.

i only wish i had a brain

slcboston
11-05-2008, 11:09 PM
Granted.

It comes in a nice jar, suitable for displaying on a mantel or elsewhere in your home. It even lights up at night, rather like a lava lamp.

I wish it was later than it was.

lostgirl
11-05-2008, 11:57 PM
Granted.

It's way past your bedtime.. see you tomorrow.

I wish I had some alone time.

slcboston
11-06-2008, 12:07 AM
Granted.

You are completely alone. In the middle of nowhere. It's a long walk back.

I wish I wasn't out of tea.

lostgirl
11-06-2008, 12:10 AM
Granted.

You find a box of old dusty tea in the back of the cupboard.. the writing is worn off and it smells moldy.. but beggars can't be choosers...

I wish I had some hot chocolate.

LaurieD
11-06-2008, 12:16 AM
Granted.
Everything you pour into a glass/mug/bowl or any faucet you turn on pours out delicious frothy hot chocolate.

Better buy some bottled water...

I wish my bank account would fill itself and stay full of nice, happy cash

slcboston
11-06-2008, 01:46 AM
Granted,

The Feds start asking questions you can't answer about all that money. On the plus side, if you ever get out of prison, you'll be able to spend whatever the FBI and the IRS leave you.

I wish the webcam didn't slow down my computer

DL Hegel
11-06-2008, 10:45 AM
Granted,



the webcam doesn't slow down my computer but you have to listen to two star trek guys over who is the better captain Picard or Kirk---to make it work.

slcboston
11-06-2008, 11:46 PM
granted...

Um, hey wait. There's no wish to grant...

I wish people would bother the check out the rules *before* they played. :D

(and it's Kirk - though Picard had the better series)

DL Hegel
11-07-2008, 12:42 AM
granted...

Um, hey wait. There's no wish to grant...

I wish people would bother the check out the rules *before* they played. :D

(and it's Kirk - though Picard had the better series)
Wish granted---I wish I had a spaceship---
Picard is hot!!!

willfulone
11-08-2008, 10:54 PM
Granted - you have a space to ship. Um, why you wish to get rid of space is beyond me. Your place is rather getting small. But, who am I to question you? Love Genie.

I wish that I did not have to wait another 3 hours to take my bubble bath.

Elwolf
11-08-2008, 11:17 PM
Wish granted. Now you can take one at your computer right now!

I wish that I could have a good-paying job for a change.

Albedo of Zero
11-09-2008, 12:52 AM
You're wish is granted. You now have the position of captain on the newest space station that orbits Mars. You will be paid 1 billion dollars every five years...its just too bad that you're stay in space was extended to 30 years.


i wish i had a watermelon.

willfulone
11-09-2008, 12:33 PM
Granted. You can have the dead decaying one rotting in Pa's compost heap. It will be on your pillow in the morning. Love Genie.

I wish I had a bag of pretzels right now.

redpbass
11-09-2008, 05:27 PM
Granted. You now have a bag of the most infamous pretzels ever created. From the legendary pretzel that poisoned Atilla the Hun to the one that tried to choke a president several years ago, you now have quite a group on your hands. Good luck with that.

I wish it would rain more often around here.

Ms. Jem
11-10-2008, 12:14 AM
Granted. It now rains every day, every hour on the hour and your cul-de-sac is now called Atlantis.

I wish I had a million bucks.

Williebee
11-10-2008, 12:23 AM
I wish I had a million bucks.

Granted. So, why'd you want a ten thousand train cars full of deer again?

Fair warning, where Bambi "goes", nothing grows.

I wish I could be at the beach.

Albedo of Zero
11-10-2008, 12:55 AM
your wish is granted....and the ocean view is spectacular on Mars..hope you took enough oxygen.


i wish my popcorn didn't have so many kernels

bsolah
11-10-2008, 02:52 AM
Granted. The unpopped popcorn doesn't stay kernels, it rots and turns into mutated corn seeds. You accidentally eat one and there's going to be a crop growing in your gut. Love Genie.

I wish I had Mondays off work.

Ms. Jem
11-10-2008, 07:06 PM
Granted you have Mondays off work. Now that your boss has seen this request, he has generously given you off Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Ah, wonderful, isn't it? Now you have all the time you need to 'find yourself.'

I want a raise.

Komnena
11-10-2008, 10:37 PM
Granted. Your house is raised three feet and all the creepy-crawlies under your house are revealed.

I wish I had a home theater system.

LaurieD
11-10-2008, 10:45 PM
Granted. The old drive in movie screen from the run down drive in across town has just appeared in your living room, complete with the crackly sounding old speakers people used to have to hang over the window to hear the movie... Enjoy! Love Genie

I wish all of the Chicken Little people would go back to bed until they can relax a bit

willfulone
11-10-2008, 11:50 PM
Granted. They go back to bed. And they relax a bit. A bit to you and a bit to them? Well, different. The bit they feel is enough is 'bout 22 seconds. They are up an attem again. Love Genie

I wish I could write just one lovely poem in my lifetime.

slcboston
11-11-2008, 02:37 AM
Granted.

Now, see, there are two ways to go with it. Either it's a short poem, followed by an untimely end, or you get a long life and a very, very long poem completed shortly before expiration.

A or B?

I wish i knew what veggy to cook with dinner

LaurieD
11-11-2008, 03:20 AM
*Granted with a shower of magic genie dust * You suddenly are struck with a brilliant idea for a veggie for the dinner table. OKRA! The freezer is full of the stuff! and the cookie jar too! It's an okra invasion! You change your menu plans and serve okra every way you can think of for dinner... Enjoy, love Genie

I wish it didn't get dark at 5:00 in the evening.

Snowstorm
11-11-2008, 04:21 AM
Granted. Now it gets dark at 5:00 in the morning!

I wish Obama becomes a great president.

dochas
11-11-2008, 05:22 AM
Granted. Obama becomes the greatest president this country has ever known. Unfortunately due to a case of mistaken identity, you've been arrested by the INS and deported to Siberia.


I wish I could clean my house in an instant by blinking like Genie or twitching my nose like Samantha.

willfulone
11-11-2008, 11:45 AM
Granted. You can blink and twitch your nose and your house is clean. How you ask? Well, well, the fire you see...the one that caused your eyes to water (blink) and your nose to twitch (acrid smoke)? It cleaned the whole yard/property of anything on it. Love Genie

I wish I could think of a new story to write (got any ideas Genie?).

Ms. Jem
11-11-2008, 07:21 PM
Granted.

You now have a plethora of stories in your noggin. You can't stop thinking of them. You can't eat. You can't sleep. Someone asks you how your day is going and you start telling them a story about how a higher power created the world in seven of them. You don't have any friends left, but you've got lot's of stories.

I want to rule the world.

slcboston
11-12-2008, 07:33 PM
Granted.

Do you have any idea the amount of paperwork that goes into that? Prepare to spend 18 hrs a day arguing with mindless bureaucrats and other petty politicians, each with their pet project. And you'd think you could just dismiss them, because you rule the world, but the truth is it's too big to micromanage so you kind of need them.

Plus there's the taxes.

I wish for wings that work.

Ms. Jem
11-13-2008, 12:30 AM
Granted.

Your big, fluffy wings work, with a span close to twenty feet. You consider yourself an angel now, so you spend the rest of your life helping folks out of danger. Now it's time to go home to your reward. You make your way to the pearly gates, but they don't open 'cause you're no angel. There's always door number two.

polarqueen
11-13-2008, 12:38 AM
So, Jem what's your wish?

I wish that Neptune was inhabitable and that I could move there.

slcboston
11-13-2008, 12:55 AM
Granted.

Property taxes are through the roof though.

I wish i had more hot chocolate

polarqueen
11-13-2008, 12:58 AM
Granted. But now you must drink it continuously and it has 7000 calories a cup. You're about to get real fat.

I wish I was at Stone Henge.

slcboston
11-13-2008, 01:20 AM
Granted.

In awe of the massive stones, which technically you aren't allowed near anymore, but hey, I'm a genie, you reach out and touch one. Filled with the majesty appropriate to the place, you lean on it, just a little...

and watch, aghast, as the entire thing collapses like a giant set of dominoes.

Good luck getting those back up.

I wish it was warmer.

lostgirl
11-13-2008, 01:24 AM
Granted.

Welcome to hell.. and the only thing you have to wear is thermal underwear and a snowsuit...

I wish I had a new necklace.

polarqueen
11-13-2008, 01:26 AM
Granted. Hope you enjoy gasping for air, cause it's a real choker.

I wish I had a butler.

slcboston
11-13-2008, 01:46 AM
Granted.

He's old, fat, and slow, and seems to be constantly in your way as you try and navigate the small halls of your home. Oh, and did I mention the particularly odiferous flatulence?

I wish google hadn't just blown up.

Ms. Jem
11-13-2008, 01:50 AM
Granted. Google is intact, with a few glitches. Everytime someone googles Boston, your name, address and social security keeps coming up.

I want a chocolate brown Lab for a new pet.

polarqueen
11-13-2008, 01:51 AM
Granted. Hope you enjoy the 'chocolate' it excretes from its rear.

I wish I could get motivated enough to go do the treadmill.

slcboston
11-13-2008, 02:00 AM
Granted,

All that fat from the hot chocolate you granted me earlier has migrated to your thighs, and you now live in a house of mirrors.

I wish I had a wave pool.

Snowstorm
11-13-2008, 02:10 AM
Oh goody, I'd love to try a wave pool. Granted. However, once I enjoyed your wave pool, I found it a bit boring, so I gave it more power. Maybe a bit too much. But look on the bright side, your new couch can be used as a flotation device, your new flat screen TV should dry out just fine, and your cat can swim!

(Congrats on finishing your WIP)

I wish chocolate was calorie-free.

polarqueen
11-13-2008, 02:18 AM
Granted. It's ashame that it's also taste-free.

I wish I had a sidekick.

otterman
11-13-2008, 04:52 AM
Okay, but remember, you asked for it:

Hiiiiiyyyyaaaaa!!!

Geeze, I hope that didn't hurt. I will say one thing, though, you've got a pretty firm side. You must work out.



I wish I was ambidextrous.

willfulone
11-13-2008, 05:59 AM
Granted. I do not know why you wish such, but I will make sure the proper paperwork goes through on your behalf. Nice to meet you Ambi Dextrous. Love Genie

I wish I was sitting under that tree in otterman's avatar - it looks a Heavenly spot.

polarqueen
11-13-2008, 06:41 AM
Granted. You are now forever trapped in the picture! Enjoy your eternal sunset!

I wish I could trade my Philadelphia accent for a better one.

LaurieD
11-13-2008, 08:00 AM
Granted! You now have the accent of a drunk hillbilly, sho-nuf!

I wish the beach was closer

Del
11-13-2008, 08:26 AM
I wish the beach was closer

Granted. The polar caps melt and the ocean rises bringing the beach 300 miles inland. Now all you have to do is clean up all that debris.

I wish I owned an airplane.

LaurieD
11-13-2008, 08:32 AM
I wish I owned an airplane.

Granted! You know are the proud, though perhaps insane, owner of the pedal till you poop plane the Wright Bros. decided wasn't worth the effort and left in the barn... Love Genie.

I wish my laundry would wash, dry, and put itself away correctly.

Ms. Jem
11-13-2008, 06:26 PM
Granted.

Your laundry does all these things and more. In fact, those shirts and pants are such an efficient whirling dervish they've pretty much taken your place in the household. Your husband is in love with them and now wants a divorce.

willfulone
11-14-2008, 03:46 AM
Granted.

Your laundry does all these things and more. In fact, those shirts and pants are such an efficient whirling dervish they've pretty much taken your place in the household. Your husband is in love with them and now wants a divorce.

I wish I was Ms. Jem. She has that beautiful eye. That cool handle. And she does not even need to make wishes.

CheriVixen
11-14-2008, 05:11 AM
Granted. You are ms.jem for a day. Turns out she is that cool eye. You discover that its a bit difficult get around when you're an eye. All you can do is roll and if you dont want to get dirt in you, you have to roll around closed which really messes up your elegantly applied eyeshadow.

I wish there were some peanut butter cookies left.

shakeysix
11-14-2008, 05:33 AM
There are! Just taken out of the oven by me... and my eight year old grand daughter. One hint--i'd stick to the charred ones. The high temps might incinerate the dog hair. Isabella likes to pet the doggie while she puts the cookies on the cookie sheet. And, truth be known, Molly the dog likes to lick the spoon when Grammy isn't looking.--s6

i wish someone would sandblast the cookie dough off my countertops

CheriVixen
11-14-2008, 05:44 AM
Granted. The cookie dough has successfully been sandblasted off your countertops but the process is most powerfull and unfortunately has blasted the countertops off your countertops as well.

I wish I had milk to go with shakey6's cookies, lots of milk.

shakeysix
11-14-2008, 05:47 AM
you are in luck. i'm working late tonight and just found a bottle in the faculty refrigerator. dated august of 2008. cheers!

i wish i could find the liquor. i know there has to be liquor here somewhere!--s6

dochas
11-14-2008, 07:09 PM
Granted. There's a very old bottle of Bailey's lying on its side in the back of the refrigerator, with about 3-4 ounces left in it. No telling how long it's been there, but quite awhile judging from the crust on the bottle from various drippings from leaky bottles and packages of meat. It also looks there there's little things floating in it, but bottoms up!

I wish I could win just enough in the lottery to have a stress-free Christmas.

Ms. Jem
11-14-2008, 07:28 PM
Granted.

You won the lottery, your Christmas is stress-free. Now you want to ring in the New Year stress-free by throwing a big bash for all your friends. But you only wished for a stress-free Christmas and this genie only grants one wish per customer. Good to know next time you find one of us trapped in a bottle on the beach.


I wish I could remember to ask for wishes :D

slcboston
11-14-2008, 07:48 PM
Granted.

It's pretty much all you remember anymore, but at least now you're playing. :D

I wish I had some coconuts.

Ms. Jem
11-14-2008, 08:24 PM
Granted. Now you've got coconuts, but your wife's not too happy about it. You promised you wouldn't have that sex change operation until the kids moved out.


I wish Obama would adopt me.

shakeysix
11-14-2008, 08:33 PM
well, as genies go i am a bit lame but i'll do the best i can---(huff-puff-huff) okay. you have been adopted by the obamas---as their new puppy. think of all the historic places you'll get to pee in!


i wish sara palin would shut the hell up

Komnena
11-14-2008, 08:55 PM
Granted. Sarah Palin shuts the hell up. Now all the evil ghosts are allowed to wreak havoc wherever they want.
I wish the Obamas would adopt an older dog instead of a puppy.

slcboston
11-14-2008, 08:55 PM
Granted.

They get a really old dog. *You* get to explain to Obama's little girl when he has to be put to sleep.

I wish certain people would post faster

willfulone
11-15-2008, 05:02 AM
Granted. Certain people post faster. But, it is all the ones you wish would not even play. Love Genie.

I wish I had some pretzels right now.

Popo Agie Flow
11-15-2008, 05:09 AM
Granted. A delivery truck pulled up in your driveway a second ago to deliver your two tons of pretzels mixed with peanut shells swept off the closest Texas Roadhouse floor.

I wish we'd have three feet of snow tonight.

Snowstorm
11-15-2008, 08:57 AM
Granted. :D

I wish the government's bailout would work and the economy turns around.

willfulone
11-15-2008, 09:37 AM
Granted. Bailout works and the economy turns around. Completely around and ends back where it started. Love Genie.

I wish I could sleep - I tried, but could not.

Ms. Jem
11-16-2008, 01:28 AM
Granted.

Your sleep is uninterrupted. The midwest is hit by a monster tornedo and you've managed to get yourself blown clear of the Earth's atmosphere. Now you are sleeping forever.

I wish I had a White Alaskan Huskey, they are ADORABLE.

LaurieD
11-16-2008, 01:34 AM
Granted! A white Alaskan huskey shows up on your front doorstep and everytime it barks it sounds a heckuva lot like "YOU BETCHA"! Your welcome, love Genie

I wish my dishes would wash themselves.

slcboston
11-16-2008, 02:33 AM
Granted.

You've seen "Fantasia" right? Especially the part with Mickey Mouse as the sorcerer's apprentice? It's going to be like that. Only worse.

I wish the web hadn't eaten my article.

LaurieD
11-16-2008, 02:38 AM
Granted! The web didn't eat your article. You deleted it your sleep after sending it out with typos and all to all of the people you were intending to wow with it. They now wonder what kind of pills you take and just what you wash them down with. Love Genie

I wish I had my very own massage therapist type person

willfulone
11-16-2008, 03:00 AM
Granted. But, they charge you since you are their only customer. They charge $140 per half hour of their "time". Love Genie

I wish I could tell a tall tale and have it sound believable. I want there to be a toad in it.

LaurieD
11-16-2008, 03:11 AM
Granted. You copy and paste all of the posts pertaining to Roncouch's toad frog from the Tell an Outrageous Lie thread into a word file, hang it from the flag pole and call it a tall tale. Good luck getting someone, anyone, to read it. Love Genie

I wish it wouldn't get dark so darn early

Ageless Stranger
11-16-2008, 03:46 AM
Your wis is granted. Hope you like the sun, it'll be sitting above your house for the next eighty years.

I wish change would stop.

Popo Agie Flow
11-16-2008, 04:39 AM
Granted. Change stops here and all around the world, gas guzzlers continue to suck prehistoric death out of the earth until it's all gone, dirty coal fired electricity remains the norm till we use up all the coal, the hole in ozone transforms from a hole to the atmosphere, we all die, and then the planet explodes. Dang, I guess you can't get away from change.

I wish for Alabama to win its game against Mississippi State tonight.

LaurieD
11-16-2008, 04:54 AM
Granted. Alabama wins the game and overzealous fans destroy your yard, flower beds, and car in their celebratory charge across town to spread the joyous news. Your welcome. Love Genie

I wish I'd hear positive news from at least some of my queries

Popo Agie Flow
11-16-2008, 09:20 AM
Granted. Each of your queries results in a positive response (you'll get them in Monday's mail). Along with each positive response is a mandate that you must submit the completed work by Tuesday. Sleep well.

Now that Alabama won, I wish somebody would come and repair my yard, flower beds, and truck.

willfulone
11-16-2008, 02:12 PM
Granted.

Hundreds of deer/bunnies come in and eat all the flowers from the garden. They are nature's landscapers - they think they are pruning for winter so next spring blooms will be more beautiful. The yard after so much animal tracks is just top soil now. No grass or fauna of any kind.

With that many animals - how could there not be poop? That is fertilizer to get your yard started anew.

I have a 6 year old nephew. He is a wiz with tinker toys and legos. We booked him a flight. He is excited to be able to try his "workin - big boy - truck fixin" skills out. Thanks for donating the specimin.

Love Genie.

I wish frustration did not cause headaches.

Nymtoc
11-16-2008, 09:29 PM
I wish frustration did not cause headaches.

Granted

Frustration no longer causes headaches. It causes you to hear Lawrence Welk's orchestra in your head at all times, no matter what music is actually playing.

:Guitar:

I wish that when snow falls it would remain white and not turn into slush.

willfulone
11-17-2008, 10:13 AM
Granted! You wonderful wisher you! You just solved global warming....

Love Genie.

I wish I had the courage to do what I know I should, but cannot bring myself to do.

Ms. Jem
11-17-2008, 06:56 PM
Granted. Your courage is legendary. The only thing stopping you now is that strong will you have. You refuse to listen to your good sense.

I wish it was Christmas!

dochas
11-17-2008, 10:02 PM
Granted. It's Christmas morning. You skipped right over all the holiday shopping chaos and stress. Of course, in doing so, you also missed all the shopping, so you have not one single gift, for anyone.

I wish my TMJ would cure itself and this migraine would go away.

Deccydiva
11-17-2008, 10:42 PM
Granted. You never suffer any illness or pain again and live forever. Unfortunately you have to watch your friends get old and die.

I wish I could meet a new man who would treat me well.

Del
11-17-2008, 11:15 PM
I wish I could meet a new man who would treat me well.

Since the onset of all your ills, your new doctor treats you often and very well. His wife the nurse also treats you well.

I wish I had no neighbors.

Ms. Jem
11-18-2008, 01:49 AM
Granted. You have no neighbors.
But by now you may have realized that in order to make your wish come true, I had to set you down in the middle of Antartica. Love Genie.

I want my own publishing company.

Albedo of Zero
11-18-2008, 05:07 AM
Granted. However, your publishing company has put PA out of business and now the only submissions you receive are chock full of mistakes, misplots, and misery.


I wish I could sleep like a cat.

Williebee
11-18-2008, 05:14 AM
You got it! Damned if I know how you're gonna get back out of that little wicker basket, though.

I wish it was December.

willfulone
11-18-2008, 05:16 PM
Granted. It is December 31st. You are sick and cannot go out for the New Year's Celebration. Hope you feel better soon. Love Genie.

I wish it was warmer than 19 degrees out around here where I live.

Ms. Jem
11-18-2008, 06:35 PM
Granted. It's 110 in the shade. No one is prepared for this heatwave, the stores are stocked with snow suits and other winter gear. Matter of fact, it's too hot to leave the house, so no one is buying anything. The stores go out of business in your area. Sound familiar? Welcome to the recession, Mid West.

I want my own island.

dochas
11-19-2008, 01:05 AM
Granted. In order to save on taxes, the Nature Conservancy is offering up several of its islands for private ownership by lottery drawing. You won a tiny island on Lake Manitou in Indiana. It is a beautiful piece of wetland property that provides shelter to hundreds of migratory and resident species. You didn't want to build anything on this island, did you? By the way, the property tax bill should be in your mailbox by December 24, payment is due upon receipt. Happy New Year.

Nymtoc
11-19-2008, 03:38 AM
I wish Dochas had something to wish for.

:rolleyes:

Komnena
11-19-2008, 06:40 AM
Granted. Dochas wishes to have been born a rich man.
I wish for an Atari 2600.

polarqueen
11-19-2008, 07:16 AM
Granted. Too bad your butt is glued to the living room floor. Looks like you'll be playing that game for a loooong time.

I wish I was personal friends with The Grinch.

willfulone
11-19-2008, 10:18 AM
Granted. Nice to meet you. I am nay green - but I am sure grinchy. Love Genie.

I have everything I wish most for (well ALMOST), so it seems selfish to wish. Aw, hell, who am I kidding....I can always find sumtin to wish on....

I wish that I could understand quantum theory.

Ms. Jem
11-19-2008, 07:45 PM
Granted, but how boring. Anyway, Love Genie :sleepy:


Give me something creative to do, puleez!

Nymtoc
11-19-2008, 11:21 PM
Give me something creative to do, puleez!

Granted.

You have been transported to the Ajax Biotechnology Laboratories. They are studying fruit flies and have approximately a million of them under glass. It will be your job to count the flies--but there's more. Your creativity will be employed in giving each of the flies a name.

Enjoy!

:roll:

I wish that annoying robot would stop leaving messages on my voicemail.

Deccydiva
11-20-2008, 12:22 AM
Granted. You now get no messages including a couple from Agents who demand you ring them back before the end of the day about the contract they wish to offer you or they will never consider your work again.:D

I wish people would come back to me when I leave a message.

willfulone
11-20-2008, 06:56 AM
Granted. I will tell you how to remedy this situation. Next time you leave a message TELL them to come back to you. Don't leave it to them to figure out (especially a man). Tell the person you are talking to exactly what you want/need. That way, no way for them to get it wrong and you to be upset about such.

You can have another wish if you like, for that was just common sense advice, not really a granted wish.

Love Genie.

I wish that it was 11/19/2009. (yeah, for a reason...)

polarqueen
11-20-2008, 07:46 AM
Granted. It's ashame that alot of horrible crap happened this year and you're now living in a refrigerator box in Iceland, and you only have one limb.

I wish that I was a mad scientist with an assistant named Igor.

willfulone
11-20-2008, 08:29 AM
Granted. You are MAD. In your MADNESS your "bunk mate" in the looney bin is a weird looking little dude that calls you master. Extrapolating from this, you actually believe you are. Since you see so many "white" coats all day long your madness has led you to believe you are in a labratory (well you are but...). And, you steal doctor jackets thinking you are one of them. Your bunkmate follows you around and you now are what you wish for. Well, in your MIND anyway. Love Genie.

I wish I was with Jimmy right now.

DL Hegel
11-20-2008, 10:28 AM
will your wish is granted jimmy is here right now but he is invisible.

wish I had a candy bar.

Nymtoc
11-20-2008, 11:54 AM
wish I had a candy bar.

Granted.

You have a chocolate bar. It was taken from a K ration, the combat field ration used by the US Army during World War II. By now, of course, the bar has become petrified. You might be able to pick up a few bucks by auctioning it on eBay.

:D

I wish I could see some birds around where I live, other than pigeons.

flyingtart
11-20-2008, 04:26 PM
OK. Here are some penguins. You've been relocated to the South Pole.


I wish I looked like a movie star.

willfulone
11-20-2008, 05:40 PM
Granted - May I call you Woody, Mr Allen? Or Bette, Ms. Midler? (I do not know which you prefer - you can pick). Love Genie.

I wish I could get off work early today for it being slow and they send some of us home to do our own thing.

Ms. Jem
11-20-2008, 06:28 PM
Granted. You're off early because it's slow. However, the late shift at Push Pins R Us received so many orders overnight that they couldn't fill them all. You work overtime the rest of the week.

I wish Robert Redford was my neighbor :heart:

willfulone
11-20-2008, 10:31 PM
Granted. Robert Redford is your neighbor. And he loves animals of all type. Has a veritable zoo about. And, nice fella he is, natural habitat lover of all type, he does not believe in fences. Get to cleaning the poop in your yard - I can see it all the way over here.... Love Genie.

I wish I could find a four leaf clover.

SpurYourImagination
11-21-2008, 12:59 AM
Granted, you found a four leaf clover. You put up an auction for it on ebay and it went for $200K.

I wish I could win the lottery.

polarqueen
11-21-2008, 03:17 AM
Granted. But it's ashame you have to join the witness protection program, since everyone in your will is trying to kill you for your money!

I wish i was on broadway.

Komnena
11-21-2008, 04:08 AM
Granted. You are magically transported to Broadway Street in Louisville on the first Saturday in May. Better get off it fast before the police arrest you for breaking the ordinance against being there that day.

I wish Obama would tell Al Qaeda to f**k themselves.

willfulone
11-21-2008, 04:33 AM
I cannot grant such wish. Sorry. If I could I would. But, he will never do such. He does not have the balls to do it. Now, if you wish for me to give him a pair so he CAN do so - call me back. Love Genie.

I wish I had some lemon ade.