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willfulone
09-08-2008, 05:17 AM
Granted. You can play the guitar well. Everyone goes deaf right before you perfect your craft. No one can hear how well you play. Sorry, Nymtoc. Love, Genie.

I wish I could eat bacon without upsetting my tum.

Pagey's_Girl
09-08-2008, 05:34 PM
I wish I could eat bacon without upsetting my tum.

Granted. Except no one told you that bacon, like Soylent Green, is people. Still want that BLT?

I wish summer didn't have to end...

willfulone
09-09-2008, 05:13 AM
I do not even have to work on this wish, thank you.

Granted. Summer does not have to end. In fact, it never ends, it continues. Just in another part of the world you are not. Get that rake and gloves out PG! Love, Genie.

I wish I had a kitty.

CheriVixen
09-09-2008, 05:33 AM
Granted. Enjoy your pink panther. Good luck getting all the white glove prints of the walls.

I wish there were no such things as fruit flies.

willfulone
09-09-2008, 06:17 AM
Granted, no more fruit flys. Now, those gnats that come about the fruit or the recycling bins outside, they are still about. You should have wished those things away. Love, Genie.

I wish Hello Kitty would come back into fashion (I can hardly say that with a straight face).

Nymtoc
09-09-2008, 06:39 PM
I wish Hello Kitty would come back into fashion (I can hardly say that with a straight face).

Granted. Hello Kitty is not only back in fashion, she is everywhere--in your house, on your clothes, on all your possessions. Wherever you go, her simpleminded face stares at you--on your towels, on your dishes, on your floors and ceilings, on your shoes, on your sheets, lurking in your mirror. And when you go to get in your car, you find her sitting behind the wheel, gazing at you with that blank stare. In fact, she would be laughing at you if she had a mouth.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/HELLO%20KITTY%201.jpg

I wish I had some control over the weather.

Pagey's_Girl
09-09-2008, 09:27 PM
I wish I had some control over the weather.

Granted! Only problem is, now you're being hanged by a lynch mob furious about that hurricane named Katrina....

I wish the sun would come out....

willfulone
09-10-2008, 01:19 AM
Granted. The sun comes out. It is right over the house across the street. Isn't it pretty? You want to bask in it too? Oh, no. You cannot get out to enjoy it. You can only see it. Love Genie.

I wish I had a pint of ice cream in the house.

creamofmushroom
09-14-2008, 10:49 PM
Granted. You had a pint but your darling pet dog got to it before you did.

I really really wish that winter and its cold can be delayed a little bit or stopped altogether.

slcboston
09-14-2008, 11:01 PM
Granted.

The sun expands to twice it's current size. Not sure what all else that would do, but I'm pretty sure the 500 sun block isn't going to cut it anymore.

I wish I had my desk back.

Ageless Stranger
09-14-2008, 11:03 PM
Granted.


Your desk appears several hundred feet above you as you stand by the lake, enjoying the peaceful serenity of nature. . .

I wish I wasn't so sick right now.

slcboston
09-14-2008, 11:09 PM
Granted.

You're fine now. But you're going to be twice as sick next Sunday. And then thrice as sick the Sunday after that. Three Sundays from now you ought to be fine... or at least until I crawl out from underneath my desk. :D

I wish I had a more comfortable place to sit.

Ageless Stranger
09-14-2008, 11:10 PM
Granted.

You are sitting on a grizzly bear. Just try not to move.

I wish I had a pair of matching socks.

shakeysix
09-14-2008, 11:18 PM
you do, unfortunately they match the tanager and magnolia wallpaper in my great aunt otelia's dining room.


i wish my great aunt otelia could see that pink, green and red are not the colors for a dining room

slcboston
09-14-2008, 11:27 PM
Granted.

She paints the exterior of your house in those colors.

I wish I had a house (preferably one that didn't fall on me or some such) :D

lostgirl
09-14-2008, 11:46 PM
Granted.

And when it fell it missed you by mere inches.. unfortunately it was put together with paste so the fall made it crumble into rubble. You didn't specify that it was livable. :D

I wish I could take a vacation from my life.

slcboston
09-15-2008, 12:06 AM
Granted.

Like all vacations, this one goes horribly wrong in utterly unexpected ways. In your case, since you're vacationing from *your* life, you get the snooze-a-thon that is life as an actuary in Podunk, Iowa.

I wish a certain small someone in my life could be a little less needy.

willfulone
09-15-2008, 12:07 AM
Granted. They are less needy. They WANT however. They WANT a lot. And their will to get it is stronger than their wails of need. Good luck with that. Love Genie.

I wish I had some time to relax today.

slcboston
09-15-2008, 12:17 AM
Granted.

You awaken to find you're in a padded cell. Your life has been a dream. "Relaxation" is routinely scheduled. Hope you don't mind pills and/or needles. I also hear there's a dress code.

I wish I had some help.

willfulone
09-15-2008, 03:36 AM
Granted. You can have help. Since you do not indicate (specifically) what type of help you wish for, I have to guess. You trust me? You like to play with TNT too, huh?

1. You get help for your household duties. You will not have to clean anymore so you can devote more energy to other pursuits. However, the bar for clean in your new housekeeper is much lower than a toxic dump requires.
2. You get help with your writing. Someone types as you muse and dictate - she types very fast (and accurately) so you can get your MS done in half the time. She likes it so much, she sends it off as hers. SHE gets the contract for the book/movie deal.
3. You get a new assistant at work. The duties this person are to take over will free up time and make your office more efficient. And she does so. Without any horrible ramifications. I cannot kick you while you are down. Love Genie.

I wish the rain would stop for a couple days (it has rained 3 days straight here).

creamofmushroom
09-15-2008, 03:42 AM
(i know, i sort of wish the same thing too)
Granted. It stops raining for a couple of days. Meanwhile the sun that has expanded to twice its size (refer slcboston's post) kills all vegetation and dries up all fresh water on Earth.
er...then natural selection occurs

I wish that the mildew (eww) from my bathtub is easier to clean off

willfulone
09-15-2008, 04:26 AM
Granted. It is easy to clean for it is now alive. It moves freely and on its own. It is coming for you after it eats the bathroom tile to cut its teeth into fangs. Run! Love Genie.

I wish my kid would go to bed already. He has a cold and is a real whine bag (he is 15, I can say this and not be uncaring).

Shawn Stephens Moore
09-15-2008, 07:06 AM
Granted. The young prince finally went to rest as the sun was raising, the piercing light would destroy him and he was growing irratable. He had kept his secret of thirsting for blood from his mother. He lay awake at night wondering what the taste of her would be. But he must not, he reminded himself; he needed her alive and in the living world to bring food for his hunger. She often wondered what happened to all those first dates!

I wish that my boyfriend had not become another chapter in my book about Abuse.
( he asked me if he was just another chapter, I sadly replied yes, but its a great chapter about controlling people; he was not amused)


I wish

slcboston
09-15-2008, 10:31 PM
Granted.

Your boyfriend's the entire book, not just one chapter. (And perhaps you ought to consider, on a serious note, seeking alternate companionship.)

I wish I could get excited about the last of my coffee.

lostgirl
09-15-2008, 11:09 PM
Granted.

It's a party in a cup. Now you're truly an addict and with the coffee gone you are now suffering dt's and withdrawals.

I wish I had new toe rings.

slcboston
09-15-2008, 11:14 PM
Granted.

You get the full package: bells in your hair, cockleshells, even the pretty maids all in a row. (At least, I think the rhyme says something about rings on the toes...) You aren't allergic to cockleshells, are you? :D

I wish I had something to drink besides OJ

lostgirl
09-15-2008, 11:16 PM
Granted.

You have a lifetime supply of Tang. Drink up. The astronauts love it.. so to should you.

I wish I knew what cockleshells were.

slcboston
09-15-2008, 11:28 PM
granted.

unfortunately, obscure and essentially useless trivial knowledge like that comes with a price, and you forget the important things. Like where your keys are.

I wish i knew what else to serve with the roast tonight.

lostgirl
09-15-2008, 11:35 PM
Granted.

A turnip truck breaks down in front of your house and in payment for phone use to call a tow truck you get a life supply of turnips. Hope you like them with every meal.

I wish I was having pot roast for dinner tonight..well... sans turnips anyways.

slcboston
09-15-2008, 11:50 PM
Granted.

Roasting pots is a difficult task, though, and whichever chef prepared yours did not know what he or she was doing. The teflon's still chewy, and the handles have lost all flavor.

I actually like turnips - i think - and wish I had some exotic veggies to serve.

Ageless Stranger
09-15-2008, 11:52 PM
Granted.

Do stinging nettles count? :D

I wish I had a car.

slcboston
09-16-2008, 12:03 AM
Granted.

You are the proud owner of a Gremlin. Painted orange.

I wish I could afford insurance.

Shawn Stephens Moore
09-16-2008, 12:05 AM
Granted: Each and every toe is sporting fancy toe rings, each of course bring with them have a plauque. 10 plaques will last you 10 years.

I wish my room mate would do something constructive with her MFA in English Literature.

Shawn Stephens Moore
09-16-2008, 12:06 AM
I am sooo slow!
sorry

Granted you can afford insurance and all the insurance companies went out of business. see wish above

willfulone
09-16-2008, 03:26 AM
I wish my room mate would do something constructive with her MFA in English Literature.

Granted. She now writes indepth and accurately spelled/punctuated lists about what she is going to do when she is done writing the lists. Her OCD does not let her get past the lists. But, since they are on construction paper, they are constructive. Love Genie.

I wish we could skip winter and move right into spring.

Nymtoc
09-16-2008, 03:52 AM
I wish we could skip winter and move right into spring.

Granted.

We have skipped over Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year's and have moved right into spring. It is April 12th. You have three days to file your Income Tax.

:D

I wish someone would give me a surprise present.

willfulone
09-16-2008, 04:25 AM
Granted. Surprise! You MIL has come to live with you. She presents you with her laundry list of needs for the 7 yapping ankle biters she brought with her.

I wish there were no "fair-weather" friends, only true ones.

vixey
09-16-2008, 04:56 AM
Granted. But be careful of what the true ones say. The truth can hurt.

I wish I could sleep all the way through at night without waking in the middle.

creamofmushroom
09-16-2008, 05:12 AM
Granted. And then you begin to have horrific nightmares. Unfortunately for you, you can wake up during the climax moment but must watch and endure your own downfall.
muahahahahahahaha.

I wish that i can get a foot massage.

vixey
09-16-2008, 05:27 AM
Granted, with exfoliation and a full pedicure. Red or pink polish?

I wish I had a full wine closet.

kimmeunier
09-16-2008, 05:52 AM
Granted, plenty to wine (whine) about in your closet now. Ohh, I hate my clothes and these shoes suck...when did I get so fat?

I wish my husband had more ambition.

willfulone
09-16-2008, 06:29 AM
Granted. Your hubby has more ambition. He now ardently pursues things like: Cake, hunting, fishing, big truck shows, WWE. He has so much ambition in those areas he now is fat, pimply, missing a toe he shot off shooting and running after an elk, has two hooks imbedded in the back of his hand from fishing, he trashed the family vehicle at a big truck show for he was so ambitious he let them drive over it and he now has a new nick name in the ring "punching bag bob". Have fun and don't go broke with his antics! Love Genie.

I wish I could read a good book without interruption.

LaurieD
09-16-2008, 07:01 AM
Granted!

You are now unable to put down the next good book you pick up until you have read it cover to cover!

The bad news though is that there are over 1000 pages. You're on page 10 and you just sneezed


I wish I was a morning person

slcboston
09-16-2008, 10:36 PM
Granted.

You're up at the crack of dawn. You're also exhausted by tea-time and asleep shortly after dinner. There's a price to be paid for mornings. (Not to mention the sudden increase in your coffee bill)

I wish i had a back support.

willfulone
09-16-2008, 11:32 PM
Oh SLCB you make wish granting easy! Granted. Your back has support, always has - it is called your spine. Love Genie.

I wish feet were cuter on everyone so I did not cringe when I see ugly ones in sandles.

vixey
09-17-2008, 02:14 AM
Granted. Cute feet to all with sparkly polish (except CreamOfMushroom who just received a foot massage and full service pedicure). For the incurables, a pair of combat boots.

I wish I could spend this weekend at a spa!

kimmeunier
09-17-2008, 06:10 AM
Granted. You're at a lovely geriatric spa called, "Senility Acres." Ancient old men with knobby knees keep checking you out. Everyone is naked and your eyes dart back and forth at all the ancient baggage around you. Ancient men and their heirloom jewels frighten you and you scream in horror. As you check the spa for exit signs you glance down at your breasts. They hang like tapioca filled tube socks and you cry incoherently. You close your eyes to try and blink away the horror.

When you finally open them you promise yourself to never mix alcohol and xanex again...

I wish I could take a long carribean cruise.

Nymtoc
09-17-2008, 06:55 PM
Granted.

You are booked on the Flying Dutchman, on its way to the Caribbean. The ship has no compass, no gyroscope, no celestial reckoning, no electronic devices of any kind and will sail around in circles forever. You will have a very, very long cruise. Did I mention that you are the only person aboard?

;)

I wish they would put the titles of threads on the main page flush left again, instead of centered.

[I'm serious, folks. Starting yesterday, everything on every forum page of AW suddenly became centered. Is it just my computer? Is it me? Am I seeing things?--UPDATE, I went to the AW "Water Cooler Changes and Announcements" Forum and learned that this is a systemic problem. Some of us have things centered instead of flush left and some don't, depending on our browsers. If the AW gods can solve this problem, I hope to hell they will. Having everything centered is driving me NUTZ--though some members might say that I'm already...never mind...]

Elonna
09-18-2008, 12:21 AM
Granted. Thread titles are now left justified. But everything else is centered not only on AW but every website you go to.

I wish the weekend was here.

willfulone
09-18-2008, 01:41 AM
Granted. The weekend is here. You skipped Friday which was payday though. Hope you did not write too many checks! Love Genie.

I wish I did not have a headache.

Elonna
09-18-2008, 02:58 AM
Granted. Your head no longer hurts but every other part of your body does.

I wish I could win the Powerball tonight.

willfulone
09-18-2008, 12:16 PM
Granted. You have a winning powerball ticket that you tacked to the corkboard in your kitchen. Positive you have a winning ticket, you raced home from a wonderful date. When you get there you find that your house was robbed and the idiot took the corkboard along with the toilet paper, sheets and matches. Everything else is untouched. Love Genie.

I wish life was easy.

kimmeunier
09-19-2008, 05:22 AM
Granted. Now that everything is easy, you have nothing to do. You wander up and down the halls of your house since you no longer have a job. You have no problems, therefore you have nothing to worry about. Your children are perfect stepford beings and show no emotion. Your husband does everything he's told which means when you said; "No" last night as he rubbed your back, he took it literally. Your life is now easy... Love Genie.

vixey
09-19-2008, 06:08 AM
Granted. Now that everything is easy, you have nothing to do. You wander up and down the halls of your house since you no longer have a job. You have no problems, therefore you have nothing to worry about. Your children are perfect stepford beings and show no emotion. Your husband does everything he's told which means when you said; "No" last night as he rubbed your back, he took it literally. Your life is now easy... Love Genie.

But you have no wish! I need a wish from you before I can post.

vixey
09-19-2008, 06:11 AM
Genie has no wishes in life so nothing needs to be granted. Her life is perfect and devoid of stress, pain, anger and challenge. She wonders why she bothers to write.

I wish I had a martini!

Deccydiva
09-19-2008, 01:01 PM
Granted. They are highly addictive though and as soon as you've finished it you will want another. And another. You won't be able to drive any more and will be housebound, even the taxis won't take you anywhere in case you throw up on their seats.

I wish it could be sunny here, for a change.

Elonna
09-19-2008, 02:59 PM
Granted. The sunshines beautifully, 24/7. Its hard to sleep, the plants and grass shrivel up and die, lakes and rivers dry up. Ireland becomes a desert wasteland.

I wish I could throw label printers out the window.

Deccydiva
09-19-2008, 03:35 PM
Granted, But once they hit the ground they would be collected, tested for fingerprints then traced back to you, then you would be fined for littering. Then you would never find printer labels to fit your printer again.

I wish I could be a size 10 (UK sizing)

kimmeunier
09-20-2008, 03:54 AM
But you have no wish! I need a wish from you before I can post.
Okay, I wish I had posted a wish, but I wish I had done it yesterday when my wish counted.

kimmeunier
09-20-2008, 04:02 AM
Granted, you are a size 10, however stores and designers no longer make this size. You can only choose from size 8 or 12 and since you can't squeeze into an 8, your back to a 12. After the depression kicks in you eat everything in the land and now are a size 100. Love Genie.

willfulone
09-20-2008, 04:49 AM
Okay, I wish I had posted a wish, but I wish I had done it yesterday when my wish counted.

Granted. You are now back to yesterday where your wish counts. However, it IS today and it no longer matters. Love Genie.

I wish lacy trim on panties did not itch.

creamofmushroom
09-20-2008, 05:26 AM
Granted. They stop itching and instead, red, angry, pus-filled boils show up in place.
mouhahahahahahahaha

I wish there were more hours in a day

Nymtoc
09-20-2008, 06:54 AM
I wish there were more hours in a day

Granted.

There are now 50 hours in a day, which means that you can work 42 hours each day and still get 8 hours sleep.

:D

I wish I had a money tree.

willfulone
09-20-2008, 09:51 AM
Granted. You have a money tree. Did the city forget to tell you the zoning laws required that your property line be moved to fit in accordance with statues? Well, that tree, it is on the neighbors property now. Hopefully, they will miss some money leaves that fall in your yard and let you keep them. Love Genie.

I wish I was Nymtoc's neighbor and had that money tree on MY property.

Woodsie
09-20-2008, 09:59 AM
Granted with the clause that your arms are paralyzed.

I wish I had more wine in my bottle.

Komnena
09-21-2008, 07:29 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is an inferior Pinot Grand Fenwick imitation and you are arrested for trade violations.
I wish I could find my copy of Gone With the Wind.

Deccydiva
09-21-2008, 01:22 PM
Granted. However, your 2 year old neice has attacked it with crayon and her older brother has ripped some pages out and turned them into paper darts which the dog has now eaten.
I wish my dogs were Champions.

willfulone
09-21-2008, 04:04 PM
Granted. I cannot even make this a backhanded one. For your dog is beautiful and looks like a champ to me - thus they are champions. Love Genie

I wish exercising was more fun.

Deccydiva
09-21-2008, 05:52 PM
Granted. (and thanks for your comments about my dogs too! :Hug2: even if it's not quite playing the game)

The trouble is, exercising is sooo much fun you can't stop doing it. You lose your job, your family leaves you and you waste away as you don't even stop to eat or sleep.

I wish that someone would offer me a paid job.

Nymtoc
09-21-2008, 06:07 PM
I wish that someone would offer me a paid job.

Granted.

In New York City, where this genie lives, we still have horse-drawn carriages. Your job is to follow closely behind the horses. You will be provided with a scoop and a broom.

:D

I wish people would do things that they've promised me they'll do.

willfulone
09-21-2008, 06:46 PM
Granted. However, now all they promise to do is bust your chops, steal your money and SO. They have no problem keeping those promises. Love Genie

I wish my heart did not weep when I hear sad songs.

kimmeunier
09-21-2008, 07:46 PM
Granted. Your heart no longer weeps. Instead it does nothing. No heartbeat means you may be dead. Good luck. Love Genie

I wish my boss wasn't such a jackass.

raegan_1
09-21-2008, 08:40 PM
Granted, your boss is no longer such a jackass. Unfortunately, the change in his attitude comes at a high price. Business begins to falter, salaries and paychecks stop coming, and before you know it, the company is bankrupt, you are out of a job, and your boss is working at the local Walmart as a greeter. Everything just thinks he has the nicest smile.

I wish people would learn to take the hint when I'm trying to brush them off.

Snowstorm
09-21-2008, 11:50 PM
Granted, although Komnena finds she loves horses the best.

I wish I had a cat.

kimmeunier
09-22-2008, 12:43 AM
Granted. You have a cat that scientists thought was extinct long ago. It's twenty feet tall and it's paws are the size of turkey platters. It's so big and scary, you get nervous and lock it in the house. You call authorites to remove it. The authorities attempt to shoot the animal, but it breaks free and swollows everyone who comes near. It finally swallows you and you're trapped in the cat's belly forever. Love Genie.

I wish someone else would cook dinner tonight.

Deccydiva
09-22-2008, 02:42 AM
Granted. But the person cooking dinner has no sense of basic hygiene and you develop a bad case of food poisoning, losing three stone in as many hours and have to be shipped off to hosptal and put on a drip.

I wish I had a partner.

kimmeunier
09-22-2008, 03:19 AM
Granted. Your partner has a lovely personality and you get along well. You're always laughing and you can't believe you've met the person of your dreams. The only problem is their so fat, that when you both sit on the couch, you disappear between thier fatty rolls of flesh. You enroll them in Jenny Craig, they lose a hundred pounds and you live happily ever after. Love Genie.

I wish I could find the dirtbag who dented my new car!

willfulone
09-22-2008, 03:20 AM
Over post!

Granted. A 7'2" tall biker who has Rambo mentality is the dude who did it. I called him and told him you wanted to chat. He will be over in 5 minutes. Love Genie.

I wish I could speak a foreign language.

Snowstorm
09-22-2008, 03:47 AM
Granted. But that foreign language is the only language you know and no one else in the world speaks it. On top of that, it's so complicated a language you can't teach it and you even confuse yourself.

I wish winter would arrive.

creamofmushroom
09-22-2008, 06:05 AM
Granted. It does - 50 years later.

I wish that pencil points can be sharp forever so that i wont have to get up and sharpen it all the time

willfulone
09-22-2008, 06:26 AM
Granted. You have now reached optimum laziness with this last task taken away from you. You realize your only "job" was to sharpen your pencil and you now are despondant at having nothing to do again - EVER. Love Genie.

I wish I could get a week off of work.

Snowstorm
09-22-2008, 07:35 AM
Granted. Upon your return to work, you're handed a pink slip effective immediately.

I wish I had more time to write.

Deccydiva
09-22-2008, 12:04 PM
Granted. But you now have nothing else to do but write as your family and friends have abandoned you and you don't have a number or forwarding address for any of them and your internet connection has fried permanently.

I wish I had a good singing voice



PS 700th post! Yay! :snoopy:

willfulone
09-23-2008, 02:02 AM
Granted. You now sing like a bird. Problem is, you are human.

I wish I could be sassy for one day, no repurcussions.

Deccydiva
09-23-2008, 02:29 AM
Granted, but you can only do it by coming to Ireland where nobody will notice and you need to go home the next day but there's a strike at the airport which lasts six weeks.

I wish I could get lucky, just once.

Snowstorm
09-23-2008, 07:20 AM
Granted, but you got lucky by finding a penny face up. Just once.

I wish I could play professional football.

willfulone
09-24-2008, 04:29 PM
Granted. You can play professional football via invite from the NFL. They are looking for new "types" of material to replace pigskin on footballs. They think your supple skin will be a good replacement. If, I were you, I'd run! Love Genie

I wish that conveying thoughts was easier when an important issue arises, rather than becoming more difficult.

Elonna
09-24-2008, 05:06 PM
Granted. You can convey your thoughts easily now. However, you never do it in a language that the person you are speaking to understands.

I wish I was off work today.

Pagey's_Girl
09-24-2008, 05:14 PM
Granted. YOU'RE FIRED!

I wish people would remember the name of the person they're calling for.

kimmeunier
09-24-2008, 11:04 PM
Okay, all people remember who they're calling for, but the people being called don't remember thier own names and so we're back to square one. Love Genie

I wish my head would stop pounding.

shakeysix
09-25-2008, 12:49 AM
okay, your head stops pounding. instead your ass is pounding. feel better?

i wish i could be svelte

slcboston
09-25-2008, 01:17 AM
Granted.

You're a camel.

(This one will make more sense if you head over to the Obsessive Rep Point Checker's Club. Trust me. :D)

I wish dinner would cook itself.

kimmeunier
09-25-2008, 01:34 AM
Granted. The pork roast is puttering around the kitchen, but is too afraid to put himself on the pan and into the oven, so the roast chooses you instead. Your simmering nicely with the carrots and onions and roast is licking his loins. Love Genie

I wish I had a bigger house.

slcboston
09-25-2008, 03:50 AM
Granted.

You now live in "the Big House." Which is a euphemism for a prison, if you didn;t already know that.

I wish VR had become a reality and we could have phone calls that include sight, sound, AND touch.

kimmeunier
09-25-2008, 04:43 AM
Granted. Voice regognition is in every business, household and government building. It's also in the bathroom, so the VR follows you wherever you go. It can see you, hear you and smell you. So much for privacy. Love Genie

I wish someone would compliment my writing once in awhile instead of finding only fault.

Komnena
09-25-2008, 06:08 AM
Granted. Your work resonates favorably with PublishAmerica.
I wish I could get back to work on my messterpiece.

willfulone
09-25-2008, 06:10 AM
Over post.

Granted. You have no internet access, thus you have all the time you spend on AW to work on your MS.

I wish water tasted better since it quenches thrist the best.

slcboston
09-25-2008, 06:18 PM
Granted.

It now tastes like fine wine. Unfortunately, it's price suddenly reflects this.

I wish decent schools weren't so darned expensive and/or overcrowded.

willfulone
09-26-2008, 01:40 AM
Granted. They JUST opened a school in your area that is not expensive or overcrowded, your kid even gets in! Yippee! However, due to location, travel to/from costs you more than tuition would at one of those other schools. Love Genie.

I wish I could think of some really good quips when I am angry.

shakeysix
09-26-2008, 06:42 AM
okay--you now have a repertoire of stinging quips. unfortunately they are all from the "our gang" comedies. let's see--there is "doh!", "sez you!" "nice night for a murder, officer kennedy", "all the leetle kiddies like mush", "this aint no place for you, algebra!" and my personal favorite ..."So Looong Crabby!"

i wish i could have a cool gang

Elonna
09-26-2008, 07:05 AM
Granted. Your gang hangs out in the walk in freezer at McDonald's.

I wish I had a Diet Pepsi.

willfulone
09-26-2008, 09:03 AM
Granted. You have Diet Pepsi in the frig. Problem is, you have two broken legs and cannot get to them. Love Genie.

I wish I were more artistic.

Nymtoc
09-26-2008, 09:21 AM
I wish I were more artistic.

Granted.

You are incredibly artistic. In fact, you are so artistic that you have created a Sarah Palin doll that is exciting the entire country. Unfortunately, with the economic crisis, stores cannot afford to stock the doll, and--though you are offering it on your website--consumers cannot afford to buy it. By the time the crisis is over, Palin will be back in Alaska shooting moose. The demand for the doll will be a memory, and you will have run out of creativity.

Timing is everything.

;)

I wish I could snap my fingers and have my book in Barnes & Noble.

Woof
09-26-2008, 05:34 PM
Granted. You have your book in Barnes & Noble. However, since your wish was not specific enough, you have a total of one copy of your book on display in one Barnes & Noble location, which happens to be in Wasilla, Alaska. The book provokes an enormous amount of controversy, since its main theme deals with the evils of moose hunting. Eventually, the one single copy is sold, but has to be deeply discounted because it has a couple of bullet holes in it. It sells for $1.50, and at a 10% royalty, you receive a check in the mail 90 days later for $ .15. Still, you didn't do it for the money in the first place, but for the betterment of art and moose preservation.


I wish that my book was amply stocked in every Barnes & Noble location in the world, and in every other bookstore chain, and translated into at least forty languages.

willfulone
09-27-2008, 12:30 AM
Granted you crafty wisher you. You have met your Genie granting match though. I CAN turn this one around, even with all the caveat included. You book is well stocked in B&N and other book stores. All around the world, and in ALL languages (40? Why stop there sweetie?). They even make that thing into a movie! You would be soooo rich and famous, if only it did not have some other author's name on it. Your agent? They swiped it and sold it for their own. They are rolling in your dough and loving it. Love Genie.

I wish I would not get smacked on for the wish I just granted to poor Woofie.

shakeysix
09-27-2008, 12:40 AM
wish granted. i know old woofie well. he never smacks. he just pisses on your leg. i am supplying him with a twelve pack of dos equis. Buen Suerte.


i wish woof would share a coupla bottles with me BEFORE he converts them into urine

willfulone
09-27-2008, 04:11 AM
Granted. Woofie shares some of that beer you gave him to pee on MY legs. Um, ya know? The doggie knew you was coming and drank all the beers and refilled the bottles. Make sure you do not just "drink", ya never know what the crafty dog put in there. Love Genie.

I wish inteliigent discussion was not so hard to find.

MrWrite
09-27-2008, 04:18 AM
Granted however your intelligence has been reduced so most of the conversation goes right over your head.

I wish I could finish this novel!

willfulone
09-27-2008, 05:23 AM
Ouch!

Granted. Your novel is finished. The cat could not find it's scratching post. It used your MS instead to sharpen its claws. Next, moved onto the back up discs - batted them around on the hardwood floors. Scracthed them something fierce before getting those cases open and the discs out for some "air hockey" (rendering them useless and no recovery available for the scratches on them too). Maybe you want to start over? Love Genie.

I wish I had something fun to do on the weekends.

kimmeunier
09-27-2008, 06:11 AM
Granted. You have learned to knit, croche and macrame. You spend every weekend digging around in you huge wicker basket Your spouse has been missing for a week, you think she/he may be buried under a hundred pounds of yarn, but you can't stop knitting long enough to follow the grunting sounds. You forget about her/him because of the new stitch you just learned, until one day a rancid stench rises from the green shag carpet. You vomit all over your creations and die alone... Love Genie.

I wish I could write something other than twisted crap.

willfulone
09-27-2008, 08:23 AM
And I am blessed to be the Genie to give you your wish. Since you were so kind to me in granting mine, I will go easy on you.

Granted. You no longer writed twisted crap. The store stocks all sort of flat paper for you to use to write on. Problem is, paper is not twisted, but writing is still crap. (Sorry). Love Genie.

I wish I could have a piece of cherry pie right now, but do not wish to bake.

Nymtoc
09-27-2008, 08:47 AM
I wish I could have a piece of cherry pie right now, but do not wish to bake.

Granted.

A piece of cherry pie sits before you. You didn't have to bake it, because it was baked six weeks ago and was left out in the rain (like that famous cake). It is soggy and discolored and infested with things the genie would rather not talk about. It is your reward for being snippy about the last favor the genie granted you. If you were nicer to the genie, he might be nicer to you. ;)

I wish I could dance like Gene Kelly.

Elonna
09-27-2008, 10:47 AM
Granted. You dance just like Gene Kelly - but only when it rains. Unfortunately, the first time you go out to test your new found abilities, lightning strikes just as you swing up on the lamp post and leaves you in a vegetative state.

I wish I could sing like Annie Lennox.

MrWrite
09-27-2008, 05:53 PM
Granted. Unfortunately you sing so much you lose your voice with no chance of getting it back.

I wish I had a million dollars.

kimmeunier
09-27-2008, 06:25 PM
Granted. Genie has decided to be kind to the wisher since I am so unkind most of the time. You have your million dollars. You invest in a new company and the stock triples in value overnight. You are now very very rich...Love Genie

I wish I had Pam Anderson's body.

MrWrite
09-27-2008, 06:30 PM
Resists the obvious exploding boobs finish and decides to be nice in turn. :D Your wish is granted. You get nominated as the figurehead (so to speak!) of a breast cancer awareness campaign that helps save thousands of womens lives.

I wish I could get my book published once it's finished.

willfulone
09-27-2008, 07:11 PM
Granted. It will be published. However, you HAVE to finish it. Can I expect the submit any time soon? Love Genie.

I wish wishes were free.

MrWrite
09-27-2008, 07:55 PM
Granted. your wishes are free. However their consequences will be costly.

I wish NBC would give us another series of Journeyman or at least release the only season they did give us on dvd! :rant:

willfulone
09-27-2008, 08:35 PM
Genie holds this very same wish. Mayhap we should bond and send in some letters? Genie cannot really grant this wish, for the powers that be (execs) at TV stations have no heart. Thus, genies cannot touch them in RL like they can in cartoons to make something happen. Best, Genie can do is wish right along with you on this one. Love Genie.

I wish my neighbor would move.

DL Hegel
09-28-2008, 12:18 AM
Will your neighbor moves...in with you and leaves dirty clothes everywhere.

I wish I had some chocolate cake.

willfulone
09-28-2008, 12:48 AM
Man oh man, I do nary wish to have you "chin this wi..." um, Genie. Granted. I baked you a chocolate cake! Here's hoping your chimney is clean and swept for the cake when it drops down. Look - go - hurry - stick your hand up there! C'mon, I got other genie wishes to deliver. Wait, what was that "plop"? Did you catch that? Did you? Oh, no! I am NOT waiting for you to wipe that frosting out of your eyes. Bye! Love Genie.

I wish I could hide from DL's wrath for the cake she was hit in the face with.

Williebee
09-28-2008, 12:53 AM
I wish I could hide from DL's wrath for the cake she was hit in the face with.

Sheesh, next you'll want Easter Bunny stew. There's only so much a Genie can do.

willfulone
09-28-2008, 02:44 AM
Does the genie want to grant the wish or make one of his own?

Elonna
09-28-2008, 11:51 PM
Man oh man, I do nary wish to have you "chin this wi..." um, Genie. Granted. I baked you a chocolate cake! Here's hoping your chimney is clean and swept for the cake when it drops down. Look - go - hurry - stick your hand up there! C'mon, I got other genie wishes to deliver. Wait, what was that "plop"? Did you catch that? Did you? Oh, no! I am NOT waiting for you to wipe that frosting out of your eyes. Bye! Love Genie.

I wish I could hide from DL's wrath for the cake she was hit in the face with.

Granted. DL's wrath completely misses you. However, the cake is really angry at you and gets even. Three weeks from now you are still picking icing out of your ears.

I wish the Bengals didn't suck so bad this year.

redpbass
09-29-2008, 12:32 AM
I wish the Bengals didn't suck so bad this year.

Granted. However, not only do the Bengals not suck, neither does anyone else. The Bengals go on to lose every game.

I wish I could get some peace and quiet around here for once.

willfulone
09-29-2008, 02:17 AM
Granted. I located your amp and have zapped it. No more loud guitar music. You have all the Peace you need. But, you find you cannot write while it is silent. Oh, what will you do? Love Genie.

I wish the chill in the air would go away.

shakeysix
09-29-2008, 02:38 AM
okay-- i have removed all of the air from your chili. seems lke a strange request to me. --s6


i wish eric clapton lived next door to me. i am getting sick of mariachi music!--s6

Nymtoc
09-29-2008, 02:47 AM
Granted

Mr. Clapton lives next to you--in a large house surrounded by large grounds and a high fence protected by guard dogs. His house is so far removed from yours that you never hear his music. However, because of his celebrity, your street is patrolled by guards who check everyone who comes and goes (including you), demanding proof of ID and performing body searches. Since these guards have been deployed by Dick Cheney's office, they are under government control, and there's not a damned thing you can do about it.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish I had a clone to do all the boring chores, so that I could have fun all the time.

slcboston
09-29-2008, 03:34 AM
Granted.

But then your clone wants a clone, and so on, and so on, until at last there are far more of them than you. (And by the fourth or fifth generation certain, uh, "aberrations" start to show up. Might want to hide the sharp objects.) They decide *you* ought to be working for them, and suddenly you're doing the chores of scores of you.

I wish economics was a much, much simpler subject to understand.

willfulone
09-29-2008, 03:46 AM
Granted. Economics is easy for you. However, that only frustrates you more now you know and understand fiscal ramifications with that understanding. Love Genie.

I wish my mom's kitten would not claw my panty hose when I visit.

slcboston
09-29-2008, 04:00 AM
Granted.

You wear stockings instead, and kitty climbs *all* the way up. OUCH.

Let me clarify the last wish: I wish I understood economics sufficiently to be able to write about it so that the average high school student could then understand it.

Nymtoc
09-29-2008, 05:46 AM
Granted

What an easy wish to grant! Since the average high-school student can barely add and subtract these days, you don't need to know much more than they do. If you can multiply and do a little division, you're in.

By the way, you can write about economics now, but because of the fiscal crisis that is drowning us all, it will be years before anything you write gets published. Anywhere.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

There's this lady who can look out her window and see Russia. I wish I could, too.

redpbass
09-29-2008, 06:39 AM
Granted. Unfortunately Russia is the nickname of a large, sweaty, hairy man shaped like a barrel. He wishes to greet you with a large tackle hug.

I wish I could have that beautiful 1969 Camaro I've always wanted.

Elonna
09-29-2008, 07:09 AM
Granted. Here is your 1:64 scale die cast 1969 Camaro by Matchbox.

I wish I could go to sleep.

redpbass
09-29-2008, 07:20 AM
Granted. You sleep for two hundred years and wake up just in time to say hello to our new insect alien overlords.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

willfulone
09-29-2008, 07:37 AM
Granted. You can stay home. And, no you will not be fired when you go back even. However, at 7 am you get burgled and knocked on the head. You forget who you are, where you are and what you were doing. Instead, you go into auto pilot mode, dress for work and go there. Shoulda just went in dude. Love Genie.

I wish that all shades of the rainbow could be touched with the same beauty as viewing.

shakeysix
09-29-2008, 07:52 AM
gonna hafta call in the lucky charms leprechaun for this one. he will be your rainbow tracker, and trust me, he is a beauty. he has been stoned since 1968. he drives a vw microbus painted in rainbow colors and will be more than glad to help you feel up a rainbow. he travels with the remnants of the manson family and two guys named captain america and billy. oh, yeah. you are going to freaking FEEL that rainbow.

i wish that i had toilet paper repellent trees

willfulone
09-29-2008, 08:06 AM
Granted. The city has decreed your plot of land to be treeless. Now the kids just toss eggs - which are much harder to clean. You should have kept happy with the blessings you had. Love Genie.

I wish a trip to the doctor did not take 2 hours time when I only get to see him for 5 minutes.

Nymtoc
09-29-2008, 08:12 AM
Granted

A trip to the doctor now takes four hours time, and you only get to see him for three minutes.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/MOOSE%20THURSDAY%20250X187.jpg

I wish I had my own private Ferris Wheel, with lots of colored lights and music.

Komnena
09-29-2008, 10:16 PM
Granted. Unfortunately it is in very poor shape and breaks down constantly, nor is it cheap to fix.
I wish I had a neverending soda fountain.

willfulone
09-30-2008, 01:31 AM
Granted. You have a never ending soda fountain in your living room. The thing leaks and for it being never ending...you will slosh your slippers in that carbonated and sticky stuff the rest of your days.

I wish I could fly.

Nymtoc
09-30-2008, 02:14 AM
Granted

You took off this morning, and you're still going up. Satellites tracked you for a while, but now you've flown so far into space that they've lost contact. Don't be discouraged. There are a lot of pretty stars out there.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish I could have any meal I want by saying a few magic words.

willfulone
09-30-2008, 05:26 AM
Granted. Here are the magic words "Hello, Pizza Hut, order for delivery..." - they should be by within 1/2 hours time with whatever you want. Love Genie.

I wish we could have a wild west like in the olden days.

redpbass
09-30-2008, 04:21 PM
Granted. Rome is back in power but is in its last days and the rest of the world is going wild. Barbarians are likely to invade at any time. You leave your house and are forced to bash three barbarians in the face with your club, then sit down to a nice cup of badly made wine and gross, moldy bread with all your semi-civilized friends.

I wish everyone knew the greatness of Spice and Wolf.

willfulone
09-30-2008, 04:50 PM
Granted. Everyone knows the greatness of Spice and everyone now is a better cook for the knowledge. They thank you. Everyone also knows the greatness of wolf. They have since "The Three Little Pigs and Little Red Ridinghood". They thank you for the reminder though. Love Genie.

I wish I could find that lost shoe about. I cannot find one of my shoes to my favorite pair. Where is it? I wish I knew.

Deccydiva
09-30-2008, 05:21 PM
Your shoe is found. Unfortunately it has been shredded by the dog and left to rot in an anthill. By dislodging the shoe to see if it is salvageable, you upset the ant's nest and the ants invade your house and eat everything.

I wish I had a social life.

redpbass
09-30-2008, 05:37 PM
Granted. You are now incredibly popular, and the paparazzi hound you all day long every day, begging for you next sound bite or clothing suggestion. Also, everyone secretly hates you for being so popular.



I wish Grapico had the same status as Pepsi or Coke.

willfulone
10-01-2008, 01:00 AM
Granted. Grapico (????) has the same status as Pepsi and Coke. But, everyone now prefers Fanta. Love Genie

I wish my kid would listen to better music (that head banging stuff? makes me head bang and throb)

Nymtoc
10-01-2008, 01:54 AM
Granted

Your kid now listens only to music played by Borrah Minnevich and his Harmonica Rascals. They were featured in a 1942 film called "Always in My Heart. In that movie, which showed on TCM the other night, they marched through the streets endlessly, playing the same song over and over till I was forced to turn off the sound.

They are doing the same thing in your living room.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/MOOSE%20GETBACK%20250X187.jpg

I wish agents wouldn't be so damned snotty.

slcboston
10-01-2008, 01:58 AM
Granted.

Less snot, more drool. Is that better?

I wish there was on off switch for the pain in my head.

willfulone
10-01-2008, 05:14 AM
Granted. But the switch is stuck in "on" position. Love Genie.

I wish I could go one day without hiccups. (They are getting frustrating this week)

angelgirl
10-01-2008, 05:57 AM
Granted. You just have to go a day without breathing.

I wish I wouldn't get so distracted by AW :)

Nymtoc
10-01-2008, 06:36 AM
I wish I wouldn't get so distracted by AW :)

Granted

You have been banned from AW for life.

:roll:

I wish I lived in a huge house with huge grounds and a swimming pool.

kimmeunier
10-01-2008, 07:08 AM
Granted. You live in the White House. Huge grounds for you to wander around in and a swimming pool. Too bad you have to share it with egg head, "W." He's in your face all time, asking you the definitions to words he doesn't understand, like; liar, money, budget etc. He bugs you to write his speeches so his approval rating will go up, but you swat him away like a common housefly. Eventually you get so sick of "W" that you move away to Timbuktu and live the rest of your days with the moose because at least they don't ask as many questions or wonder if the moon really is made of cheese. Love Genie.

I wish my problems would solve themselves so I could sleep.

willfulone
10-01-2008, 03:35 PM
Granted. All your current problems are solved. Time for some new problems to move in and take center stage and disrupt you sleep. Love Genie.

I wish I were not so literal all the time.

Nymtoc
10-01-2008, 11:40 PM
Granted.

You have become totally metaphorical, symbolic, allegorical and abstract to the point where no one understands what you are saying. When you go into a pizza parlor you start talking about the moon, and when you post something here in AW your prose turns into a mishmash of references to bugs, whistles, algorithms and hockey moms.

There is some talk of sending you to a quiet place in the country, where professionals may be able to help you.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish I were a better bowler.

Woof
10-02-2008, 12:37 AM
Granted. You are a perfect bowler, knocking down all the pins every time you roll the ball down the alley. At first all the other bowlers are impressed with your ability and applaud wildly every time you play a perfect game. But pretty soon their admiration turns to seething envy, until finally one day all of your angry team members spontaneously pick you up and hurl you down the alley. You suffer a concussion but still score a perfect strike.


I wish that bowling shoes weren't so ugly.

angelgirl
10-02-2008, 01:34 AM
Granted. Now they are just horribly uncomfortable and you can never take them off of your feet.




Granted

You have been banned from AW for life.

:roll:



I wish I wasn't banned from AW. :tongue

Gabriel
10-02-2008, 01:36 AM
But. . .but. . .it's not true.

Oh I'm a terrible genie!

I wish I was a better genie!

Deccydiva
10-02-2008, 02:48 AM
Granted. You become the perfect genie so now I hate you as you've taken my job and my mission in life now is to track you down relentlessly and as you're so perfect people want a piece of you all the time so you get no sleep so eventually your guard will slip and..... *manic cackle*
Love Genie. The real deal.

I wish my secret admirers would reveal themselves.

bsolah
10-02-2008, 02:49 AM
Granted. You can now make ten times as many wishes. You're totally in demand. But now have no time for Miss Genie and she runs off on you to get satisfied by a wishing tree. Love some other Genie.

Granted. Your secret admirers are ugly, annoying and sometimes downright psychotic. One reveals himself behind your door holding a butcher's knife. Love Genie.

I wish I had free tickets to visit my family in Sydney whenever I wanted.

Deccydiva
10-02-2008, 02:54 AM
Granted. Your secret admirers are ugly, annoying and sometimes downright psychotic. One reveals himself behind your door holding a butcher's knife. Love Genie.


Eeek! *runs from room screaming but not altogether surprised*

Granted. You now have free tickets to Sidney. Unfortunately your family have moved to France to avoid you and the tickets are not transferable.

I wish I could afford to switch the central heating on this winter.

Nymtoc
10-02-2008, 03:04 AM
I wish I could afford to switch the central heating on this winter.

Granted.

You can afford to switch the central heating on. However, because of a worldwide fuel shortage, there is nothing to power your furnace. Switch on, switch off--nothing happens. The genie recommends a warm coat.

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish I would never encounter any more flaky people.

Elonna
10-02-2008, 03:09 AM
Granted. You never encounter any more flaky people. But the idiots surround you for the rest of your life.

I wish someone would cook me a delicious dinner tonight that I actually get to enjoy.

willfulone
10-02-2008, 03:39 AM
Granted. Someone has cooked you a wonderful dinner tonight! Me! I am a good cook. And you can get to enjoy it via the wonderful new television network, "smell and see gourmet dinners with Christine Genie!" Thing is, I still have not figgered out how to allow spectators to eat the stuff through their TVS. So, while you "get to enjoy" you do not "get to eat". Love Genie

I wish I had fresh strawberries in the house to snack on.

redpbass
10-02-2008, 04:20 PM
Granted. There are now fresh strawberries in your house. So many, in fact, that there is no way that you could ever eat them all before they go bad and liquefy, spreading gooey strawberry goodness all over your floors.

I wish I could find a fun job that paid a lot of money.

slcboston
10-02-2008, 07:26 PM
Granted.

You're now the tiger bait in a recreation of the games at the Colosseum. Pays quite a lot. (Oh, wait, you meant fun for *you* not fun for *me*. My bad. :D)

I wish I was independently wealthy.

Woof
10-02-2008, 07:40 PM
Granted. You have just retired as the CEO of a failed Wall Street bank with a bonus of 40 million dollars. As you are about to step into your Mercedes limousine, an angry crowd surrounds you and rightfully hacks you to death.

I wish that money wasn't so important.

Nymtoc
10-02-2008, 08:57 PM
I wish that money wasn't so important.

Granted.

Money has no importance--at least not for you. In order to grant this wish, the genie has had to transport you to an ice floe in the Arctic. Alone, you survive on fish or an occasional baby seal (sorry about that). You will continue to live on the floe until it melts because of global warming. After that...well, you'll have to ask for another wish, if you can find me...

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish life wasn't so damned complicated.

Hummingbird
10-02-2008, 09:41 PM
Wish granted. You have now been reverted to a vegetable-like stage and only have to worry about how many times you are going to count the ceiling tiles and wonder how you are going to get that annoying fly off of your nose. :D

I wish I could have my own library.

slcboston
10-02-2008, 10:36 PM
Granted.

It's in latin.

I wish I knew what the heck i did to my shoulder to make it hurt so much.

kimmeunier
10-02-2008, 11:05 PM
Granted. You've offended your shoulder by calling it names and showing no respect. You've abused it by carrying large items and never once have you taken it to physical therapy. Since you've hurt it's feelings, the other shoulder will join in for moral support of its partner. Now both shoulders hurt. Love Genie.

I wish I had all the answers to life's mysteries.

slcboston
10-02-2008, 11:24 PM
Granted.

42

(If you want an explanation of what that means, you'll need to hurry. The inter-galactic highway's coming through here soon. :D)

I wish I had some ben-gay or something similar in my medicine closet.

Woof
10-02-2008, 11:43 PM
I wish I had some ben-gay or something similar in my medicine closet.


Granted. A little guy named Ben who is gay jumps out of your medicine cabinet and gives you a good massage - in fact, a massage that is a little bit too good. The next thing you know, Ben wants to go out dancing with you and re-decorate your home.


I wish that I had the power to stop time.

Deccydiva
10-02-2008, 11:55 PM
Granted. But as the Lancashire saying goes, you now have a face that stops clocks and it is frozen that way until you die. Your friends and family think you are now too ugly to be seen in public and keep you in a closet.

I wish I could be swept off my feet by a mysterious stranger

Woof
10-03-2008, 12:00 AM
Granted. You are swept off your feet by a mysterious stranger, who turns you upside down and shakes loose all your money and valuables, grabs them, then leaves you in a crumpled heap. Robbery is not necessarily romantic.

I wish I could be a dog for one day.

Deccydiva
10-03-2008, 12:23 AM
Granted. You become a mixed breed dog in my household and as you can't do dog shows you are taken to the vet for the snip and have to obey all commands for the rest of your wretched life. Love Genie.

I wish the weather was warmer in Ireland.

willfulone
10-03-2008, 01:34 AM
Granted. It is warmer there now. However, it is cooler in the rest of the world and peeps are hunting you down for taking their warmth. Hope that burgler left you enough change to catch a bus outta there! Love Genie.

I wish I could sing without making dogs howl (meaning only passable singing voice, not great).

redpbass
10-03-2008, 05:54 AM
Granted. Now rather than howling, the dogs simply look at you strangely and sigh with sad expressions on their faces.

I wish I was a steely eyed private investigator who doesn't play by the rules.

willfulone
10-03-2008, 06:22 AM
Granted. You are now James Garner and Rockford. Is he dead yet? Hope not, would hate to see you gone for a wish. Love Genie!

I wish video games were never invented.

Hummingbird
10-03-2008, 07:27 AM
Granted. Video games were never invented. Now the next-door neighbor whom you thought was a complete couch potato is asking you on a date to the popcorn and jello pools. Without video games the world has turned to other forms of entertainment... Enjoy your swim in lime jello and soggy popcorn.

I wish cars could fly.

Nymtoc
10-03-2008, 08:23 AM
I wish cars could fly.

Granted.

Cars are flying all over the place. The sky is so full of them that they crowd out the sun. Traffic jams, crashes and even road rage (it's called cloud rage up there) are turning the atmosphere into a cross between a six-lane highway and a parking garage. And when a car runs out of gas in the sky...well...you've heard of gravity?

http://h1.ripway.com/chaud/GENIE%201.jpg

I wish I never had to hear the word "maverick" again.

P.H.Delarran
10-03-2008, 08:28 AM
granted. the new word of the decade is ornery. ornery boy and ornery politicians and ornery dropouts who can't even spell it and mistake it for horny. stop being so ornery already!

I wish I could learn as quickly as I did as a teen.

willfulone
10-03-2008, 09:25 AM
Granted. You can learn as quickly as you did as a kid. But, only simple things can you learn. Like how to dust, how to sweep and mop. Hey, I need a maid....Love Genie.

I wish the "spirit of the child" never left us as we age.

Elonna
10-03-2008, 02:51 PM
Granted. The "spirit of the child" stays with in all humans. Unfortunately it is the spirit of a demon child and chaos ensues as everyone wreaks havoc on each other. I'm glad I'm a genie and not a human.

I wish I could stay home from work today.

willfulone
10-03-2008, 04:25 PM
Granted. But, did you not read my terms for the last who wished to stay home from work? No? Oh, well you get to stay home from work. You do not get fired when you go back. Some dude comes in and burgles you and knocks you on the noggin. You forget who you are, what you were doing. You go on "autopilot", dress for work and go there. Shoulda just went in sweetie. Love Genie.

I wish I could get my bonus this week.

Deccydiva
10-03-2008, 05:33 PM
Granted. You get your bonus today. Unfortunately you are also fired so better make that bonus last! Love Genie.

I wish a gang of trustworthy builders would turn up and finish my house without expecting any payment apart from plenty of mugs of tea and good biscuits.

willfulone
10-04-2008, 03:33 AM
Granted. Those burly, braw (and handsome) laddies are all for only getting payment in trade. Did you say tea and biscuits? Um, yeah the tea is nice, I hope you realize the biscuits they be wanting. Enjoy your weekend! Love Genie.

I wish I like to eat more variety of food. (I am picky)

redpbass
10-04-2008, 06:27 AM
Granted. Now everything tastes the same to you. Not so bad, but your favorite taste can get old after a while.

I wish my DVD player was working correctly again.

willfulone
10-04-2008, 06:41 AM
Granted. Your DVD player is working fine now. Your DVDs? They are too scratched to watch and you have no funds to rent another. All your pals are out on the town and you cannot borrow one either. Fire up that amp and guitar dude! Love Genie.

I wish foes were easier to spot in their disguises.

kimmeunier
10-04-2008, 07:08 AM
Granted. All foe's are easier to spot now that you're the target. They all dress like your first grade teacher, granny curl buns and espadrills. They watch your every move. When they catch you, they dress you in circus garb and make you jump through rings of fire for their personal entertainment. Everday is a spelling bee and when you get one wrong, Uh oh, that fires hot! Love Genie

I wish I could jump on a plane NOW and visit my favorite sister.

willfulone
10-04-2008, 09:34 AM
Darn! I wanted to grant this wish too. But, I see you made the post near 2-1/2 hours ago. And "now" is no longer. Shooters! Next time, next time - I promise! Love Genie

I wish my memory was not so good all the time (there are some things I'd rather forget).

kimmeunier
10-04-2008, 04:08 PM
Granted. I, the great Genie have decided to let you have the last two wishes to do with as you choose.
1) I wish foes were easier to spot in their disguises.

2) I wish I could get on a plane NOW and visit my favorite sister. Good luck.

willfulone
10-06-2008, 11:59 PM
Granted. I, the great Genie have decided to let you have the last two wishes to do with as you choose.
1) I wish foes were easier to spot in their disguises.

2) I wish I could get on a plane NOW and visit my favorite sister. Good luck.

Haha! Um, since I made the first wish so I cannot grant my own.

#2. Dang, I missed it again. You wished to go NOW - then. It is now, now. Again, I missed the magic carpet to grant this one in time. Sorry.

Love Genie

I wish beer smelled better so it was palatable to me.

Elonna
10-07-2008, 12:14 AM
Granted. Beer smells most delicious to you. So good in fact, it's all you ever drink. Even 12-Step programs can't help you now.

I wish my salary was twice as much as its current amount and that I actually get to keep my job at this salary level.

willfulone
10-07-2008, 01:27 AM
Granted Sweetie! Your salary is doubled. You will keep it that way forever. Did you hear? Cost of living is going up 4000% this year and your new salary? It is less than the one you got now with that increase in costs. And, dang, I cannot ever give you another raise for you wished to keep it that way. Sorry, love Genie.

I wish I knew the secret to happiness and could apply it all the time.

Deccydiva
10-07-2008, 01:28 AM
Granted. Unfortunately there are two new pieces of legislation about to become law, one is that the tax rate will go up three fold to pay for all the unemployment benefits for the extra millions on the dole and the retirement age will be lowered considerably so you will only be allowed to work for another two years. Love Genie.

I wish I had phone calls every week of the year asking me to do book signings and readings instead of... well maybe three times a year...

Nymtoc
10-07-2008, 02:28 AM
I wish I had phone calls every week of the year asking me to do book signings and readings instead of... well maybe three times a year...

Granted.

You get phone calls every week--hundreds of them. Unfortunately, someone mixed up the title of your book with a similar title of a notorious porn novel, and the calls you get are all from men who sound as if they're slobbering (to put it mildly), filled with words that the genie refuses to repeat.

:D

I wish getting a book published were not so damned complicated.

Hummingbird
10-07-2008, 02:34 AM
Granted. It is now incredibly easy to get a book published. It's so easy that everyone is doing it! Books are coming out of the librarians' ears and schools are now holding book fairs three weeks out of every month. In all the mess your books get lost in the mountains of books.

I wish my cat would clean house for me.

Elonna
10-07-2008, 04:44 PM
Granted. Your cat cleans your house. It goes around licking everything clean, dishes, bathtub, floors, etc. You have cat saliva everywhere!

I wish today was Friday.

willfulone
10-07-2008, 04:51 PM
Granted. Today is Friday - for YOU. You skipped the 3 days in between for your rush to whatever you wish to do Friday. Did you know that the winning lotto tickets are picked Wed night? For the really big jackpots? Yes? Well, someone won YOUR jackpot for you were not around to buy a ticket since you skipped to Friday. Love Genie.

I wish it would be sunny today.

Elonna
10-07-2008, 04:55 PM
Granted. The sun shines for about 5 minutes (you didn't say all day, dear) before the torrential rain storms come that lead to next great flood.

I wish that there really was world peace.

NJFoster
10-07-2008, 05:01 PM
Granted, unfortunately they took a different definition of the word peace and instead used this one



to refrain from or cease speaking; keep silent


Meaning all the world is now silent and every country blames another one for the loss of speech in the world, wars are going to quickly follow.

I wish for rugby training to be inside today as it is too wet and cold for my tastes.

slcboston
10-07-2008, 07:12 PM
Granted.

Though I think that's going to be rather hard on your floors and furniture. Hopefully you don't rent - otherwise, good-bye security deposit.

I wish car dealerships weren't another euphemism for "highway robbery."

DL Hegel
10-08-2008, 03:34 AM
I wish car dealerships weren't another euphemism for "highway robbery."
Granted--cars are only $1 each--but now you have to work at a car dealership for commission.

I wish I could tune out all stupid people.

bsolah
10-08-2008, 03:35 AM
Granted. A policeman tries to speak to you but you don't listen coz he's an idiot. You're locked up.

I wish my latest project at work was a lot simpler.

willfulone
10-08-2008, 03:39 AM
Granted. Your new job at work is to change the toner in the copier. The pay grade for such is comparable to that which you would get at McDonald's. Hope that is not a cut in pay dude! Love Genie.

I wish dear things in our lives were not fleeting.

kimmeunier
10-08-2008, 10:34 AM
Granted. The dear things you hold tightly to your chest happen daily. Day after day the same dear things again and again and again. You grow tired of the same dear things and since they take up all of your time, their is no available time for new dear things. That cute little thing your significant other does with thier hair and has done for years, now makes you want to kick the crap out of em'. Love Genie

I wish I could find a job that I actually wanted to get up for.

Nymtoc
10-08-2008, 10:54 AM
I wish I could find a job that I actually wanted to get up for.

Granted.

You have found the job you have always dreamed of. There is nothing you would rather do. The pay is great, and what's more, the company wants you to start work immediately. All you have to do is relocate to Kubalakh, Siberia.

:D

I wish bicycle riders would get off the sidewalk.

kct webber
10-08-2008, 11:45 AM
Granted. They are now in your kitchen.

I wish that people who write TV ads would all be magically relocated to a distant planet where all they play on TV is their own ads.

Elonna
10-08-2008, 05:01 PM
Granted. However all of the networks have gone under because they no longer have any cash flow. Human society is now subjugated to having to read as a pasttime (I think kct better hide, the masses of couch potatos are hunting him down.)

I wish that I didn't mind gray days so much.

Deccydiva
10-08-2008, 06:48 PM
Granted. You now love them so much that you pack up and move to Ireland to ensure grey days all year round but none of your family or friends will come with you or even visit.

I wish I could write a book that ends up on the top 10 best sellers list.

Pagey's_Girl
10-08-2008, 11:26 PM
Granted! Ever hear of Publish America? Your book is on their top 10 list. Too bad that means it only sold three copies.

I wish they'd weatherstrip the outside door.

Deccydiva
10-09-2008, 01:01 AM
Granted. The trouble is, the door won't open any more, nor will the windows as they were done too. Have a nice winter.

I wish my internet connection would stop going down for seven hours at a time.

kimmeunier
10-09-2008, 04:46 AM
Granted. The internet now goes down for 24 hrs at a time which means you can't get any writing done unless it's within the thirty second window between tech problems. You should have your novel done by 2099. Love Genie

I wish I had 2k for a new laptop instead of having to "price shop." I hate that...

Amarie
10-09-2008, 05:38 AM
Granted. Your new computer plays an endless loop video of Bill Gates shoe shopping.

I wish I had a live-in home repair person.

slcboston
10-09-2008, 06:07 PM
Granted.

They leave the fridge open. They leave the seat up in the throne room. They drink from the carton. And they aren't half as good as they think they are at repairs. But they do live with you.

I wish I had an endless cup of coffee.

kimmeunier
10-09-2008, 06:17 PM
Granted. The vat is attached to your waist and the introvenous line to you wrist. You will have coffee running into your body every moment of your life. You get up to pee 100 times a night and get no sleep. Since coffee has healing elements you're sort of healthy accept for the hard coffee bean cysts that are protruding from your arms, legs, face, belly and back. Should have asked for the endless water glass. Sorry. Love Genie

I wish I was a better speller.

slcboston
10-09-2008, 06:21 PM
Granted.

All your spells *almost* work now. Which is a vast improvement from where they were, except your broomstick still flies backwards and your cauldron only ever simmers instead of boiling. But it *is* an improvement.

I wish I had a house with servants. (Yes, in a lazy mood this morning)

BG_Hambone
10-09-2008, 09:03 PM
*Granted*
however, they are someone else's servants, they just live with you. and you leaglly have to pay for them to stay at your place, eat your food, and sleep in your bed.


I wish I could write the great american novel.

slcboston
10-09-2008, 09:16 PM
Granted.

Unfortunately publishers and agents want more than one-hit wonders. Which is all you are. You asked for a novel, singular, remember? The rest of your career is spent in utter frustration, unable to capitalize on the success and profundity of your initial work. Eventually your turn to the only profession left for a writer as unfullfilled and bitter as you've become - book critic.

I wish I'd been paid today.

Elonna
10-09-2008, 09:20 PM
Granted. You just wrote "the great american novel" in your own post. What a waste of a wish, silly!

slc got in the way of my wish granting, but still he got paid today...here's your check for $.02.

I wish I always felt rested when I wake up in the morning and for the rest of the day until it is bed time again.

lostgirl
10-09-2008, 09:21 PM
Granted.

Unfortunately for you when you open the envelope it's a penny taped to a piece of paper with a small note that said.. a penny for your trouble. Don't call us we'll call you.

I wish I had Chinese Takeout.

slcboston
10-09-2008, 09:26 PM
Hmm... double duty.

Granted #1:
You're rested. So rested and relaxed you find it impossible to accomplish anything at all. But who cares? Certainly not you.... at least until they fire you.

Granted #2:
From the place next to the pet store, then?

I wish I knew what my schedule was.

willfulone
10-09-2008, 09:48 PM
WoooHooo....this is delightful.

Granted. I will tell you your schedule:

5:45 AM Get up with the babe, change, water, feed and cuddle.
6:30 AM - oh you need to tend your basic needs? Nu-uh. Babe tossed water/food on you and is clingy. You cannot do aught but walk around and comfort. For 2 hours.
8:30 AM - finally, babe is settled. You tend that one very pressing need. Good for you.
8:32 AM - you run to computer to try to write some MS
8:33 AM - interruptions about - dogs/cats/kids/wife - tasks/chores - no writing
11:45 AM - time to prep lunch for cranky babe
12:30 PM - lunch done - NOW babe down for nap - whew you CAN finally write
12:35 PM - PUter crashes
12:40 Pm - wife calls from work - needs you to do your "list" (grocery shop, put on stuff for din, pick up dry cleaning and get oil changed in car) as soon as babe gets up from nap
12:41 PM Laundry and cleaning while babe naps
1:30 PM - Do I hear cries from babe? BEFORE tasks complete? Darn.
1:40 PM - Babe packed and on the way to the other chores.
3:55 PM - on way home you get a flat tire. - UGGH
4:55 PM - you walk in the door. Din is gonna be late and it is your anniversary - you forgot the FLOWERS - run get some!
5:30 PM home again. Picking up that take out italian was good idea too. She will be home in 15 minutes - get that babe her din so you can enjoy some private din time with wifey.
6:20 PM - Wife calls - stuck at work - can you give babe the bath?
7:25 PM - Babe clean, wife home - do you have any energy left?
7:45 Pm you fall asleep at table. Night dude

Love Genie

I wish I could find the key I lost yesterday.

dochas
10-09-2008, 11:01 PM
Granted. It's on the floor of your closet, in one of your favorite shoes. The dog swallowed it yesterday.

I wish it was 5:00 so I could go home.

willfulone
10-09-2008, 11:17 PM
Ewwwwww. You wish me to pick up a barfed up key and clean that mess before I can wear my shoes AND grant you a wish? You are daft! Sigh....

Granted. It is 5 and you can go home now. But, the REAL 4:30 was when your boss was going to call you in to give you a raise and promotion. Since you were not about, he gave it to the nerd who you cannot stand and you report to that person now. Love Genie.

I wish I could perfect my receipe for apple fritters. Sumtin is missing, but cannot figure out what it is. Tell me Genie.

Nymtoc
10-10-2008, 09:33 AM
wish I could perfect my receipe for apple fritters. Sumtin is missing, but cannot figure out what it is. Tell me Genie.

The genie is sorry to say that he cannot fulfill your wish as stated. (His reasons must remain classified.) However, to make up for this lapse he is sending you another recipe that he is sure will delight you.

This is real! The genie found it on Google!

Recipe by Alaska Fisherman Sarah Palin
Wasilla, Alaska
1 can (12 oz.) tomato sauce
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup molases
3 tbsp. ketchup
2 tbsp. apple cider vinegar
2 tbsp. dried minced onion
1 tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp. mustard
1 tbsp. dried bell pepper diced
1/4 tsp. each cinnamon and nutmeg
4 to 6 Alaska salmon fillets or steaks (4 to 6 oz. each)

Much better than apple fritters anyway. Don't you agree?

;)

I wish this election were over, so that the creator of the above recipe would go back home and cook it.

Amarie
10-10-2008, 04:15 PM
Granted. The election is over, but now the political reporters have nothing to do. They have discovered you have inside information on the next big political scandal and have wiretapped your house and hacked into your computer to analyze your every word.

I wish someone would give me a bottle of good champagne. Shallow wish, I know, but that's what I want.

willfulone
10-10-2008, 04:28 PM
Granted. You have the best bottle of champagne around. Everyone knows this and comes to the party for the "tasting". So many show up and it is opened while you scurry to the loo for a quick "pit stop". When you get back, the champagne is all gone and you have angry guests for each only got a sip. You got none. Love Genie

I wish that work would go by quickly today. I want to get home.

kimmeunier
10-10-2008, 08:57 PM
Granted, work flies by and before you know it you get home. Home time flies by and before you know it you're back at work. One day blurs into the next and before you know it you're 85 and still haven't been published. Love Genie

I wish this new laptop was perfect, but alas you get what you pay for right?

willfulone
10-11-2008, 01:27 AM
Granted. You now have a perfect laptop. I just gave it to you. However, in the doing, the price you must pay for such perfection? You cannot type at all. Terrible to have wasted all the money on that "perfect" puter and you cannot use it. Maybe think about donating it - kay? Love Genie.

I wish I could take just a wee nap. I am very tired.

kimmeunier
10-12-2008, 05:50 AM
Granted. You are taking a wee nap and urinating everywhere. Your linens are soaked through to the mattress and there's an awful stench eminating from your trousers. Next time, just ask for a nap. Love Genie

I wish I didn't have so much homework.

LaurieD
10-12-2008, 06:11 AM
Granted - your homework is being done by the guy next door. However, he has an IQ of about 80 and is totally jacking up your grade point average... Love Genie

I wish that the guy who just snuck into my mailbox would take the spider living it the back of it with him.

Komnena
10-12-2008, 06:57 AM
Granted. But with the spider gone, the fly population explodes. They are constantly in your food.
I wish it weren't too hot to watch TV.

willfulone
10-12-2008, 07:51 AM
Granted. It is never too hot for TV. Unless you reside in Hell. Since, I can only surmise that is where you are, I will teleport you out of there and put you in your home again. Where the TV is. Of course, the TV is on fire now from porting you from Hell and all the brimstone and such that came with you. Love Genie

I wish my kid would just quit whining.

kimmeunier
10-12-2008, 06:11 PM
Granted. The child doesn't whine anyore. They S-C-R-E-A-M. They scream everything.

MOM, HE'S TOUCHING ME!
CAN I HAVE MORE CAKE!
WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE A BATH!
WHAT'S FOR DINNER!
I DO-NOT-WANT-TO-GO-TO-BED! Repeating a couple thousand times.
Thank God they're not whining anymore. Love Genie

I wish I could stop finding ticks on my dog after a walk!

Nymtoc
10-12-2008, 06:29 PM
I wish I could stop finding ticks on my dog after a walk!

Granted.

You stop finding ticks on your dog after a walk. You find fleas on it--all the time.

:poke:

I wish I were as funny as Jon Stewart.

willfulone
10-12-2008, 06:44 PM
Granted. You now have JS's rapier wit. Also, his impecable timing in delivery and his intellectual prowess to come up with such humorous lines that people chuckle hours later still. Problem is NOW JS is even funnier than before for the competition and you seem pretty much the same fella you were (not so funny) before for his increased funniness. Love Genie.

I wish I could float on a cloud to a beautiful spot and daydream ALL day - today only.

Elonna
10-12-2008, 06:50 PM
Granted. You get to float on a cloud to a beautiful spot and daydream all day. Unfortunately, you receive an email from the agent of your dreams and they need a response by 5:00pm otherwise their offer is void. Your daydreaming of course has made you miss the deadline thus your once in a lifetime opportunity.

I wish someone would come and clean my house and make it immaculate.

kimmeunier
10-12-2008, 09:08 PM
Granted. Merry Maids shows up at 7:00 a.m. and cleans every inch of your house. Windows, floors, appliances and carpets. The only problem is they are all receiving therapy for kleptomania and have stolen everything of value, including the lint from the dryer trap. Your house is now empty which should make it quite easy to keep clean. Love Genie.

I wish I had something fun to do today.

willfulone
10-12-2008, 10:26 PM
Granted. It is all in intrepretation my dear. And what is fun for me - may not be for you - well, not so much. But, since you did not set the parameters, they are mine to set. Um, you go to a tractor pull. No knowledge? Oh, those farm thingies that they use to pull trailers laden with stuff. The smoke and the fumes give one a headache. But, they are fun to watch when one veers off into the crowd - watch your barrier and stand back. After that, you get to eat with the locals. Menu? Booyah (true blue - bones and such all tossed in and you get the best in your bowl), hot dogs (made from animals slaughtered THAT mornining, and beer. But, tap beer, warm beer - flat for the waiting of the tractor pull. Say, you know they are going bowling after? You really must go.... Love Genie.

I wish I could push myself to submit.

slcboston
10-13-2008, 01:57 AM
Granted.

Safety word is "pumpkin."

I wish i knew why my shoulder hurts.

Nymtoc
10-13-2008, 02:38 AM
I wish i knew why my shoulder hurts.

It hurts because that frog you met in the forest was actually a prince who had been transformed into a frog by a witch, and the only way he can get untransformed is to make somebody's shoulder hurt, and you just happened to come along at the wrong time.

Or something.

:crazy:

I wish I could predict what's going to happen to the stock market next.

slcboston
10-13-2008, 03:27 AM
Granted.

You know. But you can't do anything about it. The eventual frustration over this, and the fact that Wall Street just can't seem to accept what you know is inevitable, leads you to firebomb the whole place. Personally, I think we're better off.

I wish tomorrow's being a holiday actually meant something other than my paycheck won't be arriving in the mail.

Amarie
10-13-2008, 04:31 AM
Granted. Columbus Day is now an actual holiday. The radio plays The Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria song continuously because there is no other Columbus Day songs. Everyone feasts on dried beef and dried peas and stale beer.

I wish Presidential pollsters would stop calling me.

Hummingbird
10-13-2008, 08:30 AM
I wish Presidential pollsters would stop calling me.

Granted, but that is because all communication to the outside world has been cut. Not only for you, but for all the town and neighboring towns. There is no telephone, TV, internet, mail service, or other forms of communication. No worry about Presidential pollsters though.

I wish that my house would self-clean itself every Monday and Friday.

Nymtoc
10-13-2008, 04:51 PM
I wish that my house would self-clean itself every Monday and Friday.

Granted.

However, on the other days of the week your house has been designated as the city dump, and so many tons of refuse are deposited in it each day that the Monday and Friday cleanings barely take effect before the trash pours in again.

:D

I wish the sun would rise in the west from time to time, to provide a little variety.

redpbass
10-13-2008, 05:03 PM
Granted. But the wild gyrations required by the Earth to pull this little trick off make everyone sick almost constantly. You can't go five feet without slipping in a puddle of vomit.

I wish I could finally get over this pneumonia.

Pagey's_Girl
10-13-2008, 11:04 PM
Granted! You're over the pneumonia. Now you have leprosy. Bet you didn't know that leprosy cured pneumonia?

I wish the sun would come out.