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t0neg0d
07-17-2008, 12:02 AM
I wish my husband would come home early.

Granted, your husband just prematurely ejaculated an entire house. You'll find him in room 312, through the double-doors, down the hall and to the left.


I wish I could afford my own apartment.

Granted. Now buy a apartment and afford it anything you like.

I wish I was the supreme leader of the universe.

Tink
07-17-2008, 12:11 AM
Granted, your husband just prematurely ejaculated an entire house. You'll find him in room 312, through the double-doors, down the hall and to the left.



Granted. Now buy a apartment and afford it anything you like.

I wish I was the supreme leader of the universe.I cannot, in good conscience, grant this wish for fear of being under your command...:D

Next wish please.

Tink
07-17-2008, 12:49 AM
I wish I wasn't so dam#*d addicted to this forum...

slcboston
07-17-2008, 01:11 AM
Granted.

Tone's first command as surpeme leader is to order Tink off the forum... and then, before he can issue a second command, he is overwhelmed by the amount of paperwork that being surpreme leader entails. He'd resign... if he could.

I wish it wasn't an hour commute home.

lostgirl
07-17-2008, 01:20 AM
Granted.

Welcome to your cot at work.. hopefully you don't mind being cramped in around your desk or bathing in the bathroom sink.

I wish the day was longer.

t0neg0d
07-17-2008, 05:00 AM
Granted. You now have insomnia.

I wish I could grow those freaky, long, curly fingernails.

willfulone
07-17-2008, 05:19 PM
I wish I could grow those freaky, long, curly fingernails.


Granted, but now you cannot write or type your ms or anything else. Your mom has to pull up, zip and button your pants too.

I wish Amodium would take away the squirts without constipating a person.

sissybaby
07-18-2008, 06:18 AM
Granted. They have a new form out. Instead of swallowing the Immodium, you stick it up your - well, you get the idea. You won't be constipated, but be very careful where you open your mouth.

I wish I knew how to play this game.

alleycat
07-18-2008, 06:25 AM
Granted. The object of the game is to send large amounts of cash to the person who posts immediately after you. I'll send you my address.

I wish I knew what I was talking about half the time (I'm willing to be an idiot the other half).

willfulone
07-18-2008, 06:54 AM
Granted. You know what you are talking about half the time. Although, it is the Idiot half that does the talking for you ;).

I wish Phil Helmuth was not such a whiney baby about poker.

slcboston
07-19-2008, 11:19 PM
Granted.

(Wait... who? :D No matter...) The aforementioned Mr Helmuth is now a whiny baby about everything... except poker.

I wish I was independently wealthy.

willfulone
07-20-2008, 12:12 AM
I wish I was independently wealthy.

For granting my wish above, I will give you all Phil Helmuth's wealth (it is vast, mucho, mucho money!). However, the only way to use it is to play poker.

I wish the lady next door would park in her own spot every day for the rest of her life (and mine).

slcboston
07-20-2008, 12:34 AM
Granted.

She parks in her designated spot tomorrow. Then she steps into your empty spot, has a heart attack, and croaks, where she lays until you "find" her by parking on her.

I wish I could both work from home, and have a decent paycheck

willfulone
07-20-2008, 12:53 AM
I wish I could both work from home, and have a decent paycheck

Granted. You can work from home and have a decent paycheck. IF you are good looking and skilled enough to get repeat customers. :D

I wish the cat next door would stop howling for sex. (It is grating to listen to that wail)

slcboston
07-20-2008, 01:00 AM
Granted.

She gets sex. Stops wailing. Has kittens in your kitchen.

I wish it wasn't so hot here.

willfulone
07-20-2008, 01:22 AM
I wish it wasn't so hot here.

Granted. You are now here, where it is a chilly 98 degrees with 95% humidity.

I wish I could take Mondays off and have 3 day weekends all the time and still keep my job.

lostgirl
07-20-2008, 01:22 AM
Granted.

It's 30 below and the stores had a run on parkas and are completely out. You make a fine looking ice statue.

I wish my tummy didn't hurt.

I also wish that willfullone waited their turn, I was posting first. :wag: and Granted. But you miss slack off at work day that comes complete with all you can eat donuts and pizza. The rest of the employees love that they get paid for goofing off.

willfulone
07-20-2008, 03:25 AM
I wish my tummy didn't hurt.I also wish that willfullone waited their turn, I was posting first. :wag: and Granted. But you miss slack off at work day that comes complete with all you can eat donuts and pizza. The rest of the employees love that they get paid for goofing off.

Granted, your tummy does not hurt because you dropped a hammer on your foot, breaking all the bones. That pain made you forget your tum tum upset.

I cannot grant the second wish as I was posting first and the proof is in the puddin' (post order). ;)

I wish I could get out of my "pisstation" state that has plagued me for the past 2 hours.

DL Hegel
07-23-2008, 04:51 AM
Wish granted you get out of your "pisstation" state that has plagued you for the past 2 hours. But your brother calls you up because he needs bail money:D

i wish i could have a month of Sundays:D

t0neg0d
07-23-2008, 05:14 AM
Every day this month, you shall indeed eat a sunday.

I wish I knew who "they" were. (reference: You know what "they" say.)

Nymtoc
07-23-2008, 05:25 AM
I wish I knew who "they" were. (reference: You know what "they" say.)

Granted.

Of course, now that you know who "they" are "they" will have to kill you.

:guns:

I wish I lived on the Riviera.

willfulone
07-23-2008, 05:41 AM
I wish I lived on the Riviera.

Granted, you now live on the Riviera without a houseboat.

I wish I knew how to sew.

KikiteNeko
07-23-2008, 08:31 AM
Granted, you now live on the Riviera without a houseboat.

I wish I knew how to sew.

Granted, you now know how to sew stitches into a head wound.

I wish my first novel would get sold.

willfulone
07-23-2008, 08:40 AM
I wish my first novel would get sold.

Granted.

It gets sold, fans love it and you a contract to write 10 more books for millions in advance money. Then you get writer's block for the next 5 years. (It pains me to do that to, but such is the nature of this thread)

I wish I had a new car.

creamofmushroom
07-23-2008, 05:09 PM
Granted.

Until your little brother takes it out and gets it totaled on the very first day. (Sorry)

I wish that my hair wouldnt be so frizzy.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 06:29 PM
Granted.

You're bald. (That was *too* easy.)

I wish someone would challenge me. :D

KikiteNeko
07-23-2008, 06:43 PM
Granted, you are now mentally challenged.

I wish I had some lunch.

Tink
07-23-2008, 06:46 PM
Granted, but its left over from last week and it is growing green fuzz all over it.

I wish that someone would come to my house and do the laundry, clean, mow the yard, vacumm the pool, wash my car and then cook supper tonight.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 06:47 PM
Granted.

Your lunching with the Guarani tribe of Ecuador today. Grubs, anyone?

I wish I could make my problems go away. Far, far away.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 06:48 PM
Granting Tink (aka the Speedster's) wish:

Your mother in law arrives. Finding fault with the way you do all of your housework, she takes over, griping and grousing the whole time.

I stand by my original wish. :D

lostgirl
07-23-2008, 07:09 PM
Granted. Your troubles go far, far, far away to visit with more troubles and unfortunately for you they take you with them.

I wish I could get a back rub.

creamofmushroom
07-23-2008, 07:13 PM
Granted.

Then the masseur spills oil on your back and you get first degree burns.



Granted.

You're bald. (That was *too* easy.)

I wish someone would challenge me. :D


I wish I had a million wishes.

DeleyanLee
07-23-2008, 07:15 PM
Granted. But the first 999,999 of them don't count.

I wish I'd been born rich instead of so damned beautiful.

creamofmushroom
07-23-2008, 07:17 PM
Granted.

And the day after your born, your family goes bankrupt

lostgirl
07-23-2008, 07:17 PM
Granted. You are rich behind your wildest imaginings.. however you don't get to enjoy it much because after you fell out of the ugly tree getting hit by every branch, you were then caged as a real live Sasquatch.

I wish I was famous.

DeleyanLee
07-23-2008, 07:20 PM
Granted! You're famous beyond the realm of Rowling, King, Roberts, Hemingway and Angelina Jolie all rolled together. You're so famous that paparrazi hound you everywhere and set up spy cameras in every bathroom to count the squares of toliet paper you use and scag rags continually print stories about your torrid romance with a well-humped dromedary.

I wish I aced learning curves.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 07:23 PM
Granted.

It is, however, the only thing you ace. At everything else in life, you're a dud.

I wish it wouldn't rain when we go out today.

lostgirl
07-23-2008, 07:26 PM
Granted. Congratulations you just sent Mass. into the worst drought in history and you with the rest of the state are a burden on the rest of the world's economy.

I wish I had a maid.

DeleyanLee
07-23-2008, 07:28 PM
Granted! Your maid cleans you out extremely well every time she comes. Fortunately, that's only after you've replaced all the stuff she took the last time she was there.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 07:29 PM
Granted.

She's French, of course... which you speak, right? You don't? Oh, that's a shame.... guess having all your things rearranged shouldn't be too bad for you though, right? What's that? You're OCD you say? .... ooh, that's gonna suck.

I wish someone else wouldn't make lunch time appointments.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 07:30 PM
Granting Del's wish...

You wish my wish comes true. :D

Still waiting on that...

lostgirl
07-23-2008, 07:31 PM
Granted.

She's French, of course... which you speak, right? You don't? Oh, that's a shame.... guess having all your things rearranged shouldn't be too bad for you though, right? What's that? You're OCD you say? .... ooh, that's gonna suck.

I wish someone else wouldn't make lunch time appointments.

Actually.. I do speak French.. enough I could communicate with maid :wag: But you're right on the OCD.. not to mention she'd run around in one of those hot little french maid numbers and then my guy wouldn't pay attention to *me* anymore..

Granted. Now you don't have lunch anymore.

I wish I wasn't getting older everyday.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 07:34 PM
Granted.

You're rate of aging is increased. You're not noticeably aging by the hour.

I wish... I wish i had a hot french maid. :D

DeleyanLee
07-23-2008, 07:41 PM
Granted! However, she's highly allergic to camel hair.

I wish I could get over my caffeine addiction.

slcboston
07-23-2008, 07:45 PM
Granted.

Unfortunately, in bypassing caffeine you sleep 18 hours a day. At work. Well, while you still have a job, that is. :D

I wish I had a little kitty.

Nymtoc
07-23-2008, 07:59 PM
I wish I had a little kitty.

Granted.

You have a cute little striped kitty. It is a Panthera tigris bengalensis and will soon weigh 500 pounds. If you are lucky, you may find a zoo that will take it off your hands--assuming you still have hands.

:e2cat:

I wish public figures who foul up would stop blaming the media for everything.

DeleyanLee
07-23-2008, 08:01 PM
Granted! They now blame YOU.

I wish I could write poetry.

DL Hegel
07-23-2008, 10:55 PM
Wish granted but you can only write poetry in ancient hieroglyphics.so you have to have Boston translate.

i wish my cats would clean my house:D

DeleyanLee
07-23-2008, 11:00 PM
Granted! Now your house smells like kitty heaven, is covered in a comfortable layer of kitty fur and is filled catnip toys and well-scratched furniture.

I wish I could get paid to stay home.

willfulone
07-24-2008, 04:12 AM
I wish I could get paid to stay home.

Granted, you can stay home and get paid (very well too) as long as you have the looks and the skill to get repeat customers ;). (Used once, but works here too.)

I wish my kiddo would take out the garbage without being asked.

slcboston
07-24-2008, 06:47 PM
Granted.

Only his definition of "garbage" includes all those valuable papers you were saving for the IRS. Who now wants to audit you. Oh well, the local landfill isn't *that* big. You can probably find them again.

I wish I could drink coffee all day the way i used to.

willfulone
07-25-2008, 12:39 AM
I wish I could drink coffee all day the way i used to.

Granted: I am not stopping you. ;)

I will even assist. Your computer station is now located in front of your toilet so you can drink it all day and rid yourself of it without missing any writing time. However, your heinie is now glued to seat and you cannot leave the toilet. Which stinks for you cannot get up to pace off the jitters, get another cup of coffee, or to get that ibuprophen sitting just out of reach for the resulting withdrawl headache.

I wish I did not have any gray hair to dye.

shakeysix
07-25-2008, 12:42 AM
granted, elbow head. and you didn't see that one coming?

i wish my gray hair would tun mousy brown again.

willfulone
07-25-2008, 11:22 AM
Granted.

Here's hoping the mice you now wear on your head do not poop down your neck or bite you! (Yikes!)

I wish I could sleep.....

Leellana
07-25-2008, 11:43 AM
Granted, I'll give you a special sleeping pill, beware the side effects, which include nausea, headache, may cause heart problems, pregnancy, ED, and also beware that you will sleep for at least 5 years. Rest well.

I wish it was easier to lose weight.

willfulone
07-26-2008, 12:07 AM
Granted. You have no problem losing weight, but all you can it is lettuce and drink water.

I wish Monday would not come so fast.

Leellana
07-26-2008, 10:01 AM
Granted, but you're stuck in a perpetual loop of the weekend. Think about the movie Groundhog Day.


My wish is for people to stop arguing with me.

willfulone
07-26-2008, 08:01 PM
My wish is for people to stop arguing with me.

Granted. No one argues with you anymore because you are always wrong and no one wants to keep showing you that fact.

I wish I had a new computer.

Nymtoc
07-26-2008, 08:56 PM
Granted.

You have a brand-new computer, imported from China. It is called an abacus.

:D

I wish I could open a restaurant and expand it into a chain as successful as McDonald's.

willfulone
07-26-2008, 09:29 PM
I wish I could open a restaurant and expand it into a chain as successful as McDonald's.

Granted.

You now have a chain as successful. Your chain encourages obesity in America, you get all the tainted tomatos, jalapenos and lettuce you can garnish your food with. You have angry mobs of picketers at each site relating all the food poisoning you caused in each community. Seeing this, McDonald's opened up a new restaurant next to each of yours to feed said picketers.

I wish I could write poetry.

Yeshanu
07-26-2008, 11:42 PM
You can. Of course, every poem starts out, "There once was a man from Nantucket..." But hey! It rhymes!

I wish I could get promoted at work.

willfulone
07-27-2008, 12:26 AM
Granted.

You got your promotion. You are salaried now and work more hours for even less pay at the end of the day.

I wish time would stand still for 10 minutes, just once.

Komnena
07-27-2008, 06:39 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it stands still at the moment the UFO appeared over your car.
I wish I was a queen.

Nymtoc
07-27-2008, 08:15 AM
Granted.

You are Anne Boleyn. It is May 18, 1536. You've had a good ride for the past 1,000 days, but tomorrow you will be beheaded.

Nobody lives forever.

:e2crown:

I wish I knew everything in the Encylopedia Britannica.

Jenan Mac
07-27-2008, 04:37 PM
Granted. You now know everything in the Encyclopaedia Brittanica-- but it's the 1953 edition, and the M volume is missing.

I wish I were a selkie.

willfulone
07-28-2008, 04:28 AM
Granted.

You are a selkie and always have been. At the age of 12 you lost your seal suit and thus you walk around as you do now. Should take better care of your "clothes".


I wish that tomorrow was a day off.

shakeysix
07-28-2008, 04:43 AM
wish granted! tomorrow IS a day off--for ME--shannon smith high school teacher. and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow--well you get the picture.

i wish i could win the lottery before august 18!---s6

Jenan Mac
07-28-2008, 07:01 AM
wish granted! tomorrow IS a day off--for ME--shannon smith high school teacher. and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow--well you get the picture.

i wish i could win the lottery before august 18!---s6

Granted! It was a five-dollar scratch-off ticket, and you misplaced it before you could cash it in...but you did win.

I wish I had some raspberry cheesecake.

willfulone
07-28-2008, 07:11 AM
Granted.

I just made some homemade cream-a-licious cheesecake today (for real - no box). I will run right out and get the raspberries for you since you want them, instead of the fresh strawberries (from the garden) I intended. I will photograph and send you the photo so you can "have" it.

I wish I were 3 inches taller.

shakeysix
07-28-2008, 07:22 AM
you now have three extra inches right on top of your head. borrow gandalf's hat and you should be okay.

wish i could find walnettos on the grocery aisle

willfulone
07-28-2008, 07:35 AM
Granted

You can find them in a grocer 178 miles from where you live.

I wish my dentist would not charge an arm and a leg for a cleaning.

Leellana
07-28-2008, 09:36 AM
Granted, but now he/she charges a finger for every visit.

I wish people all people would teach their children good manners.

willfulone
07-29-2008, 12:28 AM
Granted.

They all teach them good manners. However, they do not enforce the good behavior, thus it was a wasted effort and you are still stuck around brats whenever you go out.

I wish I could make a good cream cheese stuffed french toast (alas...not happened yet)

Komnena
07-30-2008, 06:28 AM
Granted. You make a perfect cream cheese stuffed french toast. A third world dictator with a craving for your specialty kidnaps you and puts you in charge of his kitchen.
I wish I had a complete collection of Gordon Lightfoot albums.

shakeysix
07-30-2008, 07:04 AM
okay--here you go. only one small problem, you can only listen to them in a time warp! yup, k-nena, you are stuck on the edwin fitzgerald for all eternity. look! up in the sky! is that the witch of november flying early? the wind in your face is a freezing hurricane west wind! quick, lets head for whitefish bay. oops, too late. you are now only a memory to your wives and your sons and you DAUGGHHHTERS. but cheer up--you can do it all again tomorrow---s6 ps do i hear a bell?


wish i looked like a sailor's dream in my faded jeans--(NO NOT CAPTAIN AHAB"S DREAM)

Nymtoc
07-30-2008, 08:57 AM
Granted

You look like a sailor's dream. Unfortunately, he was having a nightmare.

:D

I wish I had all the latest technology, without having to pay for it.

Tink
07-30-2008, 04:39 PM
Granted

You recieved the newest house maid robot and she cleans, cooks, and takes care of all or your needs until you push the wrong button and she falls in love with your talking laptop and they run off together, after they access your bank account and you are left broke, in a dirty house with no way to log on to the AW.


I wish that I lived on the coast in a lovely little cottage with a spactacular view of the ocean.

willfulone
07-30-2008, 04:56 PM
Granted. You live in Greenland right on the coast, it is a land of ice so the weather is cold and the ocean you see is frozen.

I wish I could fly

Tink
07-30-2008, 04:58 PM
Granted

You get your wish to fly but once you get airborne you ran into some powerlines and your wings got scorched.

I wish I could meet John Grisham.

Sempine
07-31-2008, 01:00 AM
Granted, but when you meet him you are helping a friend carry some newly purchased china to her car. Not willing to pass up the opportunity, you hand Grisham the box of China and he leaves without speaking or giving it back.

I wish China was a little bitty country and Puerto Rico was really big.

willfulone
07-31-2008, 01:16 AM
Granted, now all the people who populated China have been displaced to your back yard and you must feed them all.

I wish there were no bugs

Nymtoc
07-31-2008, 01:44 AM
Granted.

There are no bugs. But the action of bugs is needed for plants to grow, and now all the plants in the world--all the trees, all the bushes, all the ferns, all the mosses, all the grasses, all the flowers, all the fruits and all the vegetables--are dying. There is no way to bring them back unless you make another wish.

But it says here that you've used up all your wishes.

Pity.

:e2poke:

I wish I never have another computer breakdown.

willfulone
08-01-2008, 05:11 AM
Granted, you will never have another computer breakdown, the last is the VERY last and will occur right after you read this message. The computer is beyond repair and you cannot afford another computer at all, ever. You are destined to write your ms (or whatever you write) on the library computer between the hours of 9:30 am and 9:45 am when they have scheduled time available for you on Thursdays only.

I wish I could take a relaxing vacation to a warm tropical (bug free) place

soleary
08-01-2008, 05:20 AM
Granted. But your vacation is in hell.

I wish I had a really good recipe for a hot fudge sundae.

willfulone
08-01-2008, 05:24 AM
Granted. But, this secret recipe is so guarded that with the knowledge, you cannot remember or know anything but that recipe. Now you cannot do anything but make sundaes and eat them. Need some tums?

I wish I could find a pot at the end of a rainbow

shakeysix
08-01-2008, 08:58 AM
well, here you are five huge bales of it. oh, and here is local law enforcement and the fbi--looks like your rainbow crossed state lines. s6


i wish i could double my paycheck by adding 1 & 1/2 teaspoons of yeast.

Nymtoc
08-01-2008, 07:24 PM
Granted.

You have added yeast, and your paycheck has doubled in size. Instead of measuring 6" x 2 3/4" it now measures 12" x 5 1/2." Your bank calls the check fraudulent and refuses to accept it, and no one else will cash it for you. You are forced to skip this pay period and hope that things return to normal the next time.

:e2poke:

I wish my new DVD-VCR recorder worked properly.

willfulone
08-02-2008, 12:18 AM
Granted. Your new DVD/VCR recorder does work properly. But all you are capable of doing is setting the correct time on the darn thing.

I wish I could grow pretty plants.

BrookieCookie777
08-02-2008, 03:53 AM
Certainly! Opps! That was "I wish I could" not "I wish I were." Oh, well . . . (Apparently I'm not evil - only stupid)

I wish I had a chocolate brownie.

willfulone
08-02-2008, 06:15 AM
Granted, you have a chocolate brownie that your 2 year old neighbor kiddo made from mud. Watch out for the leaves and sticks when you eat.

I wish curly hair would come back into fashion so I did not have to straighen mine.

alleycat
08-02-2008, 06:17 AM
Granted. Richard Simmons will now appear on the cover of every magazine on the news stands.

I wish people wouldn't call when I'm trying to take a nap, especially people with credit card offers.

willfulone
08-02-2008, 06:31 AM
Granted, you now have insomnia - you never nap at all. Now there are more hours per day for telemarketers to call and get you awake.

I wish I could get Aston Kutcher to punk someone I know.

BrookieCookie777
08-02-2008, 07:12 AM
Granted, Asthon Kutcher will senak into your house setting your Tivo to continually record 7,000 Dr. Phil reruns that you don't know how to turn off.

I wish Paris Hilton would eat a slice of pizza or something.

willfulone
08-02-2008, 08:11 AM
Granted, but she will do that at your dinner table so I do not have to watch it on the news.

I wish chips were healthy eats.

Leellana
08-02-2008, 09:37 AM
Granted, but since they are now a healthy snack, they taste like cardboard, just like every other healthy snack in the grocery.


I wish that the weather would turn just a little cooler.

shakeysix
08-02-2008, 04:48 PM
granted. as genies go i am fairly localized. i can only make your weather 5* cooler than mine. it was 106* here yesterday. you should have said a LOT cooler---s6


i wish the neighbor kid would mow my lawn since i paid him in advance

Komnena
08-02-2008, 05:00 PM
Granted. The neighbor kid mows your lawn, including your prize zinnia patch.
I wish I didn't have insomnia.

shakeysix
08-02-2008, 06:47 PM
boink! you don't have insomnia--you are on the last jag of a two month manic swing. o-oh. here come the orderlies!


i wish my friends would lighten up and stop taking life so seriously

Woof
08-02-2008, 07:00 PM
Granted. In an act of spontaneous combustion, your friends burst into flames.


I wish that dogs could fly.

BrookieCookie777
08-02-2008, 07:19 PM
Granted, but they can't ever come down from the ceiling . . . not even to tinkle. Thus, if you have an indoor dog he will tend to pee on your head.

I wish someone would come clean the hamster's cage so I didn't have to.

willfulone
08-02-2008, 07:52 PM
Granted, the cat cleaned the cage of the hamster.

I wish I could have a nice, tasty, and heated properly 7 course meal delivered tonight so I did not have to cook din for 6 guests.

BrookieCookie777
08-02-2008, 09:11 PM
Granted, The Chum Bucket will deliever your dinner at 6.

I wish I had one million dollars.

willfulone
08-02-2008, 09:51 PM
Granted, you have 1 million dollars and the feds are coming to knock. When they seize all the proceeds of illegal activity, they will be happy to expend another million in housing you for the next 10 years. Hope you look good in stripes or orange.

I wish for less stress

sissybaby
08-03-2008, 12:34 AM
Granted.

You've just found out you are six weeks pregnant. Everyone is going to do everything they can to make the next seven and a half months stress free for you.

After that - well, we don't want to go there right now because it might stress you a bit.


I wish marshmallows grew on gumdrop trees, and I had one in my backyard.

t0neg0d
08-03-2008, 01:18 AM
Granted! You now live in rural Candy Land. The closest neighboring town is Chutes'N'Ladders--convenient shopping if you're in dire need of a chute... oh... or a ladder. >.<

I wish my bologna had a THIRD name.

BrookieCookie777
08-03-2008, 01:36 AM
Granted, your bologna has a third name but it was stolen. You are now charged with Identity theft since the said bologna belongs to you.

I wish I could shop everyday.

willfulone
08-03-2008, 04:57 AM
Granted, you can shop everyday - at The Dollar Tree. You have enough money to buy one item per trip ($1.05)

I wish I had a caviar budget to go with my caviar tastes.

Mharvey
08-03-2008, 05:46 AM
Granted, you can shop everyday - at The Dollar Tree. You have enough money to buy one item per trip ($1.05)

I wish I had a caviar budget to go with my caviar tastes.

Granted. Your money turns into little pieces of slimy sturgeon, and when you make a withdrawal from your ATM, all you get is a bib with a lobster on the front coming out of the magic money machine.

I really wish Query Letters wrote themselves.

willfulone
08-03-2008, 07:24 AM
Granted. Your query letters all wrote themselves. However, you needed them to write to agents. On a bright note, you have no rejections....

I wish there was a full moon tonight

BrookieCookie777
08-03-2008, 07:33 AM
Granted, the old man across the street will open his windows at 12:00.

I wish I knew how many licks it took to get to the toostie roll center of a tootsie pop.

willfulone
08-03-2008, 07:47 AM
Granted. The number is 3 according to the wise old owl, he is on his way over to peck out your eyes for not listening when he told you the first time.

I wish I had something good to snack on

shakeysix
08-03-2008, 05:12 PM
lucky you! i am sending my grammy helfrich over to go through your empty cupboards. you only think you don't have anything to snack on. my sibs and i used to think that too--but grammy h. can whip up depression era snacks that will make even the dog turn away! why there are radishes dipped in sugar, fried bread, bean and onion sandwiches, fried oatmeal, fried mush with homemade sorghum syrup, a saucer of coffee grounds to dip in sugar. (just wet your finger and snarf them up), home made sody pop (water, vinegar, sugar and a dab of baking soda for fizz), tomato and butter sandwiches, peppermint stick jammed into a lemon, sweetened condensed milk on stale bread ("tastes just like angel food cake," grammy would lie through her false teeth), carrot jello, milk toast, cracker and brown sugar pie, stale cornbread and milk--"cerael? what the hell do you want with cereal?" grammy used to mutter as she broke the cornbread with a hammer---s6.


i wish that my kids were rich

willfulone
08-03-2008, 08:28 PM
Granted your kids were rich. But they spent it all and are now poor again.

I wish I had an extra 100 dollars this week.

BrookieCookie777
08-04-2008, 05:03 AM
Granted, you "had" 100 extra dollars this week but blew it on stamps for submissions.

I wish I had a pet monkey.

Williebee
08-04-2008, 05:06 AM
Granted, you have a pet monkey.

Probably should have hidden your car keys. Cops are at the door. Something about the new "drive through" fruit aisle at the grocery store.

I wish I had a new Macbook Pro.

shakeysix
08-04-2008, 05:08 AM
you do, but it is a bad little monkey and now you must spank it. unfortunately it runs away from you. you chase it, running as fast as you can and hollering "I need to spank my monkey!"

i wish my kids were better with money

shakeysix
08-04-2008, 05:15 AM
well, as genies go, i'm not top of the line. the best i can do for you is a macpro book. yup--the secret book of recipes for all macdonald's best selling fast food attractions. unfortunately you discover that grease, kangaroo eyeballs and radioactive sugar are the main ingredients in every macdonalds meal! you are set to expose all in a nationally televised press conference when ronald orders the hamburgler to run you off the highway. you are driving down the highway, on the way to the conference, singing "amazing grace" when the deed is done. at the autopsy they discover that all of your organs are glowing in the dark like a dimestore watch!

i wish i had a wendy burger right now

BrookieCookie777
08-04-2008, 06:43 AM
Granted, but the burger came from the Chinese Wendy's. Don't ask why it has a tail.

I wish I had an elf to come clean my house.

Leellana
08-04-2008, 11:35 AM
Granted, but when you come home, all of your stuff is gone. Yep he sure cleaned your house out well.


I wish I had someone to pay me compliments all day.

Nymtoc
08-04-2008, 04:31 PM
Granted.

You now have Complimento 1.0, available for both PC and Mac. The control panel fits easily on your desktop and lets you adjust the face on the screen in many ways. The basic voice is generic male or female, but it can be altered to sound like any of more than 500 celebrities. Phrases include "You're the greatest," "You're fantastic, baby," "You're better than anybody else in the office," "You look absolutely fabulous," "You're a superstar," and "Here's looking at you, kid." Evaluation version is free for 30 days.

:D

I wish all city buses would run on electricity and stop spewing fumes into the air.

shakeysix
08-04-2008, 04:48 PM
all city busses run on electricity. unfortunately not one of them is grounded properly. i guess this is okay as long as only convicted murderers ride them.


i wish the grasshoppers and bunnies would stop grazing on my squash plants

willfulone
08-04-2008, 11:48 PM
" wish my kids were better with money"

Granted. They were when they lived with you, once they moved out, they became spend-a-holics and are now deep in debt"

"i wish the grasshoppers and bunnies would stop grazing on my squash plants"

Granted, the squash are now gone, those pests have moved on to the carrots and cauliflower plants.

I wish I did not have so many leftovers to reheat this week.

BrookieCookie777
08-05-2008, 12:01 AM
Granted, you can reheat them next week when they are moldy, green and appear to have hair.

I wish I had a NICE magic genie.

shakeysix
08-05-2008, 01:26 AM
HEY!!! I"M NICE DAMMIT! Just ask nerds! And for that slap in the face i am turning you into
David Crosby! How do you like them overweight, stoner apples? --s6 ps--next time it will be Robin Gibb!

i wish my peewee herman disco shoes and chenille bellbottoms would come back into style

Nymtoc
08-05-2008, 01:48 AM
i wish my peewee herman disco shoes and chenille bellbottoms would come back into style

Granted.

The shoes and bellbottoms are back in style. Pee Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) is so grateful to you for bringing the shoes back that he shows up on your doorstep and won't leave you alone. He's not a bad guy, but you don't really want him accompanying you everywhere, watching everything you do, monitoring all your conversations and demanding that you write a big screenplay for his comeback and, by the way, pay off the legal fees remaining from his arrests.

:e2poke:

I wish I could meet writers from the past and ask them how they wrote their masterpieces.

willfulone
08-05-2008, 02:37 AM
Granted, you knew all those writers when they lived. You need to wake up to the fact that you are a ghost and not a real person.

I wish I knew where peppercorns grew

Leellana
08-05-2008, 10:01 AM
Granted, but now that you do know where peppercorns come from, you will never eat them or pepper again. Your friends and family members stopp inviting you over because you've taken up the cause and getting everyone to stop eating pepper and peppercorns and they don't really want you around anymore since that's now all you talk about. Good job.


I wish certain cleaning supplies didn't smell so bad.

shakeysix
08-05-2008, 04:46 PM
okay. all cleaning supplies now smell like baking bread. kind of takes the novelty out of the aroma of baking bread, when you walk into a filling station bathroom and smell that instead of pinesol.

i wish my backyard fireflies could live all year

Nymtoc
08-05-2008, 06:47 PM
Granted.

Your backyard fireflies live all year. Of course, they keep multiplying. Already there are 240,000 of them, and by the end of the year there will be 79,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 fireflies in your yard, forming a thick, living fog, surrounding your house and cutting it off from the area. You keep the windows shut. You do not go outside. No one comes near. But your house and yard are provided with a lovely glow.

:D

I wish that, when they make a movie of my novel, I have complete control over the script, the director, the actors and everything else.

shakeysix
08-05-2008, 06:56 PM
of course you will. i have the video camera. wilfullone will do the sets and leellana directs.
i think woof should have the romantic lead--no one can hump a leg like he can, but of course that decision is yours--s6

i wish that i could afford a better video camera. this fisher price one leaves a lot to be desired

willfulone
08-06-2008, 07:00 AM
Granted This "good" camera is for only non-serious ventures and family vids that no one will ever get to watch for you cannot figure out how to attach the thing to the TV or computer to watch. However, your toy one will work forever, as long as you have imagination...

I wish I had enough time to do the sets for Nymtoc's movie AND that they would hire me for project. (I am a mean finger painter!)

Nymtoc
08-06-2008, 07:52 AM
Granted.

You are hired to do the sets for Nymtoc's movie. This means that you will not only design the sets but build them, paint them, dress them and do everything else Nymtoc requires. In addition, you will cook meals for the entire cast and crew, drive everyone to and from work, rehearse any actor who needs help with his/her lines, rig the lights, assist in the recording studio, design and make the costumes, make up the actors, provide 1,000 extra for the battle scenes, stage the duels, provide piano accompaniment for rehearsals of the musical sections, act as gofer for the cinematographer, run errands for the ADs, and answer the phones.

You will, of course, do all this on a volunteer basis, since Nymtoc cannot provide you with remuneration at this time.

:e2poke:

I wish I could find the Loch Ness monster.

willfulone
08-06-2008, 08:32 AM
Granted. I will assist with some advice given by 3 others that set sail for the same task. Before they left, they advised the key to success was getting really, really close to Nessie so that any photos of discovery could not be debunked by experts viewing the photos for authenticity. Those far away, grainy shots can be called mocks. Hurry up! Those 3 are still out there 10 years later....can you bring them some lunch?

I wish I could travel to a foreign land and experience some of the culture without having to walk for hours and getting sore feet.

shakeysix
08-06-2008, 04:00 PM
once again you are in luck my son. i am sending you a bus ticket to western kansas/mexico. bring an english spanish dictionary and remember "menudo" means tripe---s6


i wish i could go back to key west

willfulone
08-06-2008, 11:59 PM
Granted, you CAN go back to Key West. However, the coppers there are still looking for you from the last visit. You may want to rethink your trip....

I wish I knew everything!

Nymtoc
08-07-2008, 08:35 PM
Granted.

You know everything. You no longer have a reason to read books. You no longer have a reason to watch TV. You no longer have a reason to see films. You no longer have a reason to visit museums. And you no longer have a reason to participate in this website.

Bye!

:D

I wish political candidates would talk about serious issues and stop their childish name-calling.

willfulone
08-08-2008, 06:17 AM
I find I cannot grant this wish. There is circular logic when it comes to this. Name calling is "The Important" issue for politicians. Thus, if they cannot name call and that is the only thing they find important to talk about, I have silenced them by granting your wish for no name calling. Sorry, either they name call or they are mute.

Brett Farve left! Yay! Now:

I wish they would talk about him in NY and leave off the talk here in GB, WI.

Nymtoc
08-08-2008, 08:03 AM
Granted.

They are talking about Favre all the time in NY (where this genie lives). Of course in GB they won't be talking about him, because they will be too busy talking about the Packers' miserable season.

:wag:

I wish I could vacation anywhere in the world I wanted to without having to spend money.

Tink
08-08-2008, 04:23 PM
Granted

Well since you aren't paying for the vacation you are sent to a remote Island somewhere in the Atlantic during the rainy season and you must live in a hut that leaks when it rains with an outdoor toilet and you must hunt down your own food and take your baths in the surf sorrounded by hungry sharks.

I wish that I was laying on a white sand beach somewhere in the South Pacific.

alleycat
08-08-2008, 04:40 PM
Granted. The Wayback machine will take you to Hawaii . . . December 7th, 1941. Enjoy.

I wish I didn't have to go grocery shopping this afternoon (but I don't want to starve either).

Tink
08-08-2008, 04:44 PM
Granted

You will place your supply list on the net and all that you ordered will be delivered promptly....to the house across the street but you still get billed and instead of paying it you are so hungry that you eat it, envelope and all.

I wish that someone would make me leave the AW and get some very neglected work done that I have been needing to do for quite some time now.

Woof
08-08-2008, 04:44 PM
Granted. A rat commits suicide on your doorstep, saving you the time from having to kill it before cooking and eating it.


I wish that someone would invent an invisible shield in the form of an umbrella.

creamofmushroom
08-08-2008, 06:28 PM
Granted. The umbrella acts as an invisible shield but when you find yourself in a sudden, steady downpour, you realise the umbrella will not keep you from being drenched.

I wish i wouldnt procrastinate so much

willfulone
08-09-2008, 04:08 AM
Granted. You will act on impulse before you have thought to put something off. However, you spend way too much time cleaning up your bungling messes by never waiting at all.

I wish I had a good book to read.

Leellana
08-09-2008, 11:34 AM
Granted, but it's such a good book that you neglect everything else in your life. Bills are piling up. Kids, if you have them, are screaming for food. Work keeps calling, wondering if you're ever coming back.


I wish that the end of summer wasn't coming so soon.

willfulone
08-09-2008, 06:56 PM
Granted. You force summer to stay in your local with that wish. Mother nature is not pleased you are forcing her to stay put. She prefers to move on to another local when she gets bored. Now, even though you can see summer up ahead 10 feet, there is a thunder cloud above you raining constantly. No matter where you go or what you do, you cannot get away from the temptation of summer out of your reach and the head cold from being caught in the rain.

I wish healthy food tasted good.

Sempine
08-13-2008, 08:32 PM
Granted. The new demand for healthy food has overextended the health-food industries resources, sewages systems have been deluged due to the excessive fiber being processed by our bodies, and employees at fast food places have lost their jobs.

I wish Mickey Mouse had been the homerun hitter and Mickey Mantle had been the cartoon character.

willfulone
08-14-2008, 12:15 AM
Granted. Now the cartoon is not hard to listen to for Mantle had a better voice. However, now listening to Micky Mouse (who never dies) talk about baseball is like having an ice pick in the brain and fans depart baseball stadiums enmasse. You just killed America's Apple Pie partner. Watch out for everyone is hunting you down...

I wish my car had airconditioning.

sissybaby
08-17-2008, 03:48 AM
Granted. During the night, while you were asleep, someone, or a group of someones, used a baseball bat to break out your windscreen and all four windows. Your insurance company believes you did this yourself because you had just increased your coverage from liability only to full, so they aren't paying. You can't afford to replace them. Oh, and a sudden blizzard has unexpectedly hit your area and is expected to continue for three weeks, at least.

Nymtoc
08-17-2008, 06:31 AM
Sissybaby, she don't wish for nuthin'...

Joycecwilliams
08-17-2008, 07:36 AM
Neither do Nymtoc.. :)


I wish that I could fly...

Woodsie
08-17-2008, 07:38 AM
When I was little, I use to pretend that my fingernail polish had magic powers and I could shoot sparks out of my fingernails and clean my room really fast. I wish for magic fingernail polish super fast cleaning power.

shakeysix
08-17-2008, 08:11 AM
and you have it--green comet cleanser lodged under your fingernails. the sparks will come as you apply elbow grease---always hated that term elbow grease.
s6

i wish i knew what the heck elbow grease is

Leellana
08-17-2008, 09:39 AM
Granted, you now know the meaning of "elbow grease".......although now you wish you didn't know since it's so disgusting. Now you walk around all day, trying now to think about it but you can't seem to get it out of your head, which causes you to make faces and mutter under your breath at unopportune times, which in turn causes co-workers to look at you funny.


I wish I could make people laugh more often.

shakeysix
08-17-2008, 05:22 PM
boink!--you now have a red, spongy, clown nose that can never be removed, floppy shoes, a bad perm and a lisp. even nice people will laugh.


i wish i could bring a pit bull to my spanish class and sic him on students who nap

Nymtoc
08-17-2008, 08:26 PM
Granted.

You have brought your pit bull to your Spanish class. When you sicked him on a napping student he did as you ordered. The student wasn't seriously injured, but the student's parents called the ASPCA. That group arrived, with police, and your dog was seized. Right now a court is deciding whether your dog should be humanely destroyed. And the school board is deciding whether you should be fired.

:D

I wish I could find gold in my backyard.

shakeysix
08-17-2008, 09:27 PM
boy, nymmie, you are in luck today. yesterday i shoveled my g-daughter's discarded veggies into my dog's dish. my dog has been defecating golden kernels all day. i am blinking him to your backyard. oh--here are the carrots from today's lunch!


wish i could just eat what i like

Nymtoc
08-18-2008, 02:25 AM
wish i could just eat what i like

Granted.

This is one of the easiest wishes the genie has gotten in a long time. You can eat absolutely anything you like. Of course you will start putting on pounds. A week from now you will be 30 pounds heavier, a week after that 55 pounds heavier, and you will continue to gain weight until the end of the year, when you will weigh 537 pounds. You will, of course, have lost your job by then. The genie remembers a time when you could have gotten a job as the Fat Lady in the circus, but they don't hire people for that anymore. Maybe Jenny Craig can use you for one of their "before" photos.

:rolleyes:

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've made a mistake.

Leellana
08-18-2008, 09:11 AM
Granted. Now you are fabulously weathly and buy a new car and a new house. Upon hearing of you good fortune, your boss passes you over for that raise you've been working your ass off to get. Congrats!


I wish that it will snow on Christmas here, for just that one day.

willfulone
08-19-2008, 10:18 AM
Granted, it will snow for just one day; 24 hours non-stop and blizzard conditions with an accumulation of 86" of snow when it stops. Santa cannot deliver presents to the kiddos in your area and no one can visit anyone for the Holiday. It will take 7 days for the city to get power back on, for the streets to be clear for travel and for the pipes to unfreeze. Not only do you miss Christmas celebrations, but New Year's as well.

Merry Christmas!

I wish humidity did not make my hair curlier.

slcboston
08-19-2008, 08:27 PM
Granted.

Now the humidity makes a rather pleasing sheen on your bald pate.

I wish there was an easier way to catch up on two weeks worth of missed email.

willfulone
08-20-2008, 12:40 AM
Granted, your email box was corrupted and you lost all your emails. Did I tell you that an agent friend of mine sent you a request for some of your work? Shame you did not get that ONE.

I wish "dressing to the nines" would come back in style for special occasions (I am sick of seeing holey sweats at Christmas - it ruins photos).

Parkinsonsd
08-20-2008, 01:53 AM
Granted. "Dressing to the nines" is now standard for all corpses lying in state, a very special, once in a lifetime experience.

I wish I never taught my kids to pick locks.

Komnena
08-20-2008, 05:48 AM
Granted. Unfortunately you find yourself locked in a dictator's dungeon and your kids now have no idea how to break you out of jail.
I wish I weren't about to overdose on library books.

bsolah
08-20-2008, 05:57 AM
Granted. You are now banned from the library.

I wish writing novels and blogging was part of my job.

DL Hegel
08-23-2008, 03:36 AM
Granted. You are now banned from the library.

I wish writing novels and blogging was part of my job.
Wish granted but you have to blog about Elmo and write novels about Ernie.

I wish i didn't have to deal with all the stupid people in my life.

willfulone
08-24-2008, 04:46 AM
Granted. There are no people left in your immediate circle, for you only knew stupid people. You go nuts talking to yourself and spout all sorts of jibberish on street corners. Now, the potential smart people you could have known shun you.

I wish I could find a comfortable pair of dress shoes.

shakeysix
08-24-2008, 01:27 PM
this is a fairly easy wish to grant --you now own 11 pairs of hush puppies in every shade of buckskin available. then there are the ankle straps and the wingtips. don't leave the Oklahoma panhandle and you'll have it made--s6

i wish chuck taylors came with sequins

Nymtoc
08-24-2008, 02:35 PM
i wish chuck taylors came with sequins

Granted.

Chuck Taylors come with an astonishing variety of sequins--124 colors, plus gold, silver, platinum and iridescent.

They come in sizes 3,4, 18 and 22. You can wear one of those, right?

:D

I wish political campaigns would stop treating us as if we were all idiots.

bsolah
08-24-2008, 02:47 PM
Granted. You don't get political campaigns. The Republicans staged a coup and are now leading a dictatorship.

bsolah
08-24-2008, 02:47 PM
Wait, my wish.

I wish my credit card was paid off.

shakeysix
08-24-2008, 06:35 PM
your credit card has just been paid off-- by an anonymous but benevolently inclined russian drug lord. oh--there's a man from the irs at your door and one from the cia in the unmarked van across the street---s6

i wish i could find about 300$ in hidden traesure

Komnena
08-24-2008, 08:12 PM
Granted. You find three hundred dollars of Confederate money in your attic. Good luck spending it.
I wish my worst enemy had a pet hamadryad.

willfulone
08-26-2008, 11:52 PM
Granted. Your worst enemy has a hamadryad. You were driving by your enemy stronghold and hit a tree when you swerved to miss hitting a kitten in the road. You hit the tree the hamadryad was bonded with. Now, the Gods and Dryads are after you since you are the mortal that harmed a tree. You know a woman scorned? And the eight hamadryads are females? Good luck with that....

I wish winter would be mild this year in WI.

Pagey's_Girl
08-27-2008, 12:02 AM
I wish winter would be mild this year in WI.

Granted! if course, instead of all the snow you'd usually get, you'll now get an equal amount of rain - but hey, at least it's mild, right? Warm enough to swim. Which you'll need to do afetr 76" of rain. But hey - it's mild!

I wish the sun didn't shine straight into the front window in the morning....

bsolah
08-27-2008, 03:08 AM
Granted. A meteor the size of the earth gets in the way of us and the sun and we're plunged into darkness for at least the next hundred years. We solve global warming, but end up freezing to death by next spring. Thanks.

I wish I had the concentration to finish a whole short story tonight.

Jaycinth
08-27-2008, 04:08 AM
Granted. A meteor the size of the earth gets in the way of us and the sun and we're plunged into darkness for at least the next hundred years. We solve global warming, but end up freezing to death by next spring. Thanks.

I wish I had the concentration to finish a whole short story tonight.

GRANTED.

Guantanomo Bay has just been emptied out, and Black Ops have decended on your place, grabbed you and your computer and taken you there, blindfolded and the VP is holding you at gunpoint until you finish that 'whole short story'.

CIA agents ...who, by the way, don't exist....are witing for you to fail.



Have a happy!:welcome:




I wish I had a one ounce square of fresh, rich, sweet, Belgian chocolate. .... Just to look at.

Leellana
08-27-2008, 09:50 AM
I wish I had a one ounce square of fresh, rich, sweet, Belgian chocolate. .... Just to look at.


Granted. You have a beautiful, 1oz square of fresh, rich, sweet, Belgian chocolate. But since you only specified looking at it, you can never eat it. Unfortunately, your mouth has other plans and waters at the prospect of enveloping that pure wonderful taste, even though your bran screams at it to stop because you can't. Your tastebuds are jumping, hoping for the decadent sensation of that chocolate melting all over them and bathing them in a taste only it can deliver. In the end, you suffor horrible malnutrition because your body will not let you put anything else in your mouth because it knows that there is a tiny square of Belgian chocolate just waiting for it. Don't worry, the ambulance is coming soon.



I wish I had a cupcake.

Pagey's_Girl
08-27-2008, 04:55 PM
I wish I had a cupcake.

Viola! You have a cupcake! Oh, I'm sorry, you meant a real one and not a plastic one? Oh well....

I wish I knew where all those guys in dark suits were headed...

malberque@comcast.ne
08-27-2008, 05:07 PM
POOF! Well sort of a delayed POOF!
You'll know shortly........As soon as my suits are returned by the Dry cleaners. ;-)

I wish I would wish.....One BILL-ion wishes. (BTW: When I spoke, I sounded just like Dr. Evil, but I didn't do that thing with my pinky.)

bsolah
08-28-2008, 03:19 AM
Granted. But your worst enemy gets twice what you wish for. i.e. if you wish for a million dollars, they get two million (maybe you should just wish to donate a kidney ;-))

I wish my boss would give me a payrise today

creamofmushroom
08-28-2008, 08:05 AM
And with that payraise comes more and more work ;)

I wish i had the will power to resist the sweets that have been taunting me for the past 5 minutes.

bsolah
08-28-2008, 08:09 AM
Granted. Instead your body can't resist eating pumpkin seeds and is rupulsed by anything else.

I wish Ray's House of Love thread had people posting during Australian work hours

shakeysix
08-28-2008, 03:59 PM
Okay--now no one in Australia has a job. Happy bsolah? Kind of shirty to disemploy a whole continent so you can e-chat, if you ask me--s6

i wish today was the begionning of the labor day weekend

DL Hegel
08-29-2008, 10:59 PM
wish granted beginnning of Labor day weekend--but you have been sucked into an alternate reality where you will have to labor until tuesday

wish i was home

shakeysix
08-30-2008, 12:42 AM
you are--at my house. bet you wish i had a television and had gone grocery shopping last night. --s6 ps--hope you're not allergic to cat hair.

i wish i had a television and a fridge full of non -chocolate goodies

Nymtoc
08-30-2008, 01:09 AM
Granted.

Both your television and your fridge are full of non-chocolate goodies. Because of the goodies the TV doesn't work, and because the fridge is full, there's no room for milk or eggs or anything else.

:D

I wish I could predict the scores of football games.

willfulone
08-30-2008, 02:34 AM
Granted. You can predict the scores of football games. In fact, feeling generous, I will allow you to predict game scores for baseball, & basketball as well. You will forever be endowed with this mighty power until the last breath you take. However, you will only be able to predict the scores at the START of the games. (Hint to get you started on this new gift: Think Zero/Zero).

I wish I had some extra energy today as I am feeling sluggish.

creamofmushroom
08-30-2008, 05:42 AM
granted. but you have so much energy that you end up unable to sleep tonight.

i wish i could've attented the democratic convention somehow :(

willfulone
08-30-2008, 10:58 PM
I cannot grant a wish changing your past. To do so would alter the rest of your reality and anyone who had contact with you at the time you would no longer be in your own past and at the convention (thereby affecting those people as well). Then their realities change, causing a ripple effect changing the course of the world. It cannot be done. To do so could cause catastrophic, epic changes that could doom the world. I cannot take the chance and I apologize for not granting that wish.

I wish my son would quit rolling his eyes at me every time I ask him to do his chores.

otterman
08-31-2008, 02:54 AM
Done!
Hey, you know those glass eyes look pretty natural.


I wish I had the perfect golf swing.

Nymtoc
08-31-2008, 03:34 AM
Done!
I wish I had the perfect golf swing.

Granted.

You have the perfect swing, manufactured by Golf Garden Furniture, Inc. It is constructed of Western Red Cedar, hangs on five-foot stainless-steel chains and includes high-impact plastic covering. It will look beautiful on your front porch.

:D

I wish I knew how to hang glide.

willfulone
08-31-2008, 05:57 AM
Granted. You now hang and glide all over the place.

Bummer is:

You need to type in another wish to land at some point, but you are up in the air and your computer is a mile below you.

I wish I could meet someone famous to chat with for 10 minutes who would not be a famous murderer that wanted to kill me.

Nymtoc
08-31-2008, 10:44 PM
Granted.

Meet Drone J. Boring. He is famous for boring people out of their skulls, In fact after only five minutes with him several people have had to seek psychiatric help. After ten minutes, seven people have been committed to mental institutions, and three have been placed on life support. He does not want to kill you and has been quoting as saying, "If I've bored a few people to death, it certainly wasn't my intention."

:ROFL:

I wish I could be provided with all my computer supplies (disks, print cartridges, paper etc.) free. That's a fairly modest wish, isn't it, Genie?

willfulone
09-01-2008, 01:38 AM
Granted. Your wish was not too much to ask, nor too much to give, oh meek requestor. Your supplies are now all provided free. Since you were so humble in your request, I decided to toss in free room and board and laundry service fer ya too dear one. You now reside in the State Pen for murder and will not be allowed parole. See what you get for going small? Love, Genie.

I wish I had more imagination.

Ganga
09-01-2008, 02:31 AM
Granted. But you are swamped, you are so overwhelmed by its rush and intensity that you cannot translate it into any creative output.

I wish I could see my finished novel in my mind's eye, as perfect as it is in my dreams, so that all I have to do is scan each page and write it down.

CheriVixen
09-01-2008, 03:49 AM
Granted but there is no ink in the printer (aka pen).

I wish that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches grew on trees.

bsolah
09-01-2008, 03:51 AM
Granted. But they just don't taste the same as the ones you make yourself.

I wish I was still in bed right now.

CheriVixen
09-01-2008, 04:03 AM
Granted. But its one of those hospital beds on wheels that doesnt corner too well, and the guy pushing the bed keeps running into things.

I wish I wasnt a fantasy football league widow.

willfulone
09-01-2008, 07:36 AM
Granted. You are no longer a fantasy football league widow. Boating season is not quite over and hunting season is coming up. Your dear hubby gave up football, bought a boat and some new hunting gear. He said to tell you he would see you sometime late November for Thanksgiving before he heads to Montana to hunt Elk until February. He will be home for 2 days before he heads to Africa on safari. He does intend to come home sometime before this decade is over after that, but is not sure when. He did say to tell you he loves you the romantic galoot! You are so lucky he is romantic - sigh.

I wish people would not talk on cell phones while walking down the street and bump into me.

bsolah
09-01-2008, 07:44 AM
Granted. They all have PSPs and with their heads down looking at the screen, headbutt you and knock you unconscious.

I wish my office wasn't so busy this morning so I could eat Strawberries in peace

Hadrian
09-01-2008, 08:18 AM
Granted. You later find out though that the strawberries you ate were poisonous.

I wish I knew how to start my novel.

Nymtoc
09-01-2008, 08:36 AM
I wish I knew how to start my novel.

Granted.

Start at the end and work backward. When you finish you'll know how to start.

:D

I wish I could print really convincing $100 bills on my printer.

willfulone
09-01-2008, 10:48 AM
There is a Masterminds program on ABC and it showcased this very thing last night (no joke on that). You must go to Canada where the money is really easy to print on a computer. You can print the bills, get the spray to clear coat, the special linen paper is available over the counter (not a joke here folks) if you tell them you are a club owner and you need some special paper so Neon print will show under the lights inside bars. The paint required to make the gold seal turn to green for the holographic part is available in a craft store (again no joke) for under 3 bucks a bottle. You print to your hearts content and start spending. Did I forget to tell you due to ease of printing the 100 notes, they are outlawed in Canada? Shit, I really meant to tell ya...before you got arrested and tossed in the slammer.

Bad Genie, bad, bad Genie.

I wish it was 72 degrees, sunny, no humidity year round where I live.

bsolah
09-01-2008, 10:49 AM
Granted. But you've been put under house arrest and the A/C is broken and stuck on the 'freaking cold' setting

bsolah
09-01-2008, 10:50 AM
I wish I could find a copy of my first ever novel

shakeysix
09-01-2008, 04:57 PM
good news--there is a copy right here in the macksville, kansas public library. best of all only three pages have been colored!


i wish it was labor week not labor day!

alleycat
09-01-2008, 06:30 PM
Granted. Everyone gets off the whole week. Oh, don't bother calling anyone if your plumbing starts leaking or the power goes out . . . it's a holiday week!

I wish I had a self-cleaning house.

willfulone
09-01-2008, 08:56 PM
Granted. In doing such, your house finds all your furnishings unnecessary and cleaned everything out so it is pristine and ready for someone else to move in. Hope you can find some movers this holiday week you granted.

I wish my mom would not worry about me so much (but I still want her to care and love me).

shakeysix
09-01-2008, 09:16 PM
as a mom myself i can tell you this is a tough one. the only scenarios i can envision that would cause a change in situation that would make me oblivious to my children's needs would be#1. death, #2- a coma, #3- winning the lottery big and marrying a faded rock star who zooms me away to a gaelic island and croons to me all day every day. guess what--your mother is now mrs. van morrison and a multimillionaire. even though her feelings for you have not changed she is really, really inaccessible. --- mom--s6


i wish my kids would win the brain lottery and stop draining my lifesblood with their irrepressibly goofy and irresponsible ways

willfulone
09-01-2008, 11:23 PM
Granted. I like goofy kiddos. I will swap my one for ALL of yours. You now have my 15 year old who eats like a horse, costing more each month at the Grocery store than I pay in rent. He is not goofy at all, he's very serious and responsible. But, he will drain your patience with his incescent need for a germ free enviornment. Toilet cleaning 5 x a day is in your future - and it gets worse from there.

Well, I am off to do some goofy stuff with my new goof offs. Have a good day scrubbin Six!

I wish it was as nice out as it looks, rather than the boiling heat it really is when I step outside.

Nymtoc
09-01-2008, 11:31 PM
I wish it was as nice out as it looks, rather than the boiling heat it really is when I step outside.

Granted.

It really is as nice out as it looks--maybe even nicer. Unfortunately, you have been diagnosed with a highly contagious case of sniffles and will be quarantined inside your house for the next five months, by which time it will be February.

:ROFL:

I wish publishers would come to me and beg for my next book.

willfulone
09-01-2008, 11:48 PM
Granted. Publishers come to you and beg for you next book. You happily comply. When they read it they realized they wanted a book from Mymtoc, not Nymtoc and send your MS back without contract.

I wish Nymtoc was nice to me in these games.

Nymtoc
09-01-2008, 11:53 PM
I wish Nymtoc was nice to me in these games.

Granted.

Of course Nymtoc is nice to you. He is one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. In fact, he sends you these flowers.

:e2flowers

Uh-oh, they turned out to be garlic cloves. Sorry. :ROFL:

I wish someone would clean my apartment for me each week, without charge.

willfulone
09-02-2008, 12:24 AM
I wish someone would clean my apartment for me each week, without charge.

Granted. Your new housekeeper will clean your apartment, do a good job and NOT steal a thing from you in the process. In fact, I sent them there while you were running errands today. Your place is sparkly clean and smells like lemon pledge. They don't expect cash payment, but will take it out in trade. When you get home, Smiling Steve in his little maid outfit is expecting a warm welcome for services rendered and payment in full for said services. He is gentle, I promise.

I wish we had one more day before school started for the kids (I keep feeling like I forgot something).

CheriVixen
09-02-2008, 12:49 AM
Granted. On this last day before the kids go back, you will lose you voice asking yourself a thousand times "Why did I want one more day?" as they fight constantly from sun up to sun down.

I wish I had a box of chocolates with no thumb prints in the bottoms.

shakeysix
09-02-2008, 01:27 AM
my brother's trick with boxed chocolates was to plunge a needle into an individual chocolate's heart and then taste the needle. if it was a good tasting center, he'd eat it. if not, he'd go on to the next. did he sterilize the needle after each taste test? what do you think? anyway here is a box of certifiably taste tested chocolates straight from my dear baby brother. guaranteed no thumbprints.

i wish i had a brother with some class

willfulone
09-02-2008, 04:13 AM
Granted. Your brother enrolled in law school. He is full up of classes now. In addition, he cannot work, for he needs the extra time to study. He will be living with you while he obtains his degree. Did I mention he is on the 12 year plan for completion?

I wish I would always go with my gut instincts, rather than dismissing them on occasion (like I did today) and causing myself headaches.

CheriVixen
09-02-2008, 05:36 AM
Granted. You will follow your gut to every all you can eat buffet. Unfortunately, this causes you many stomach aches. On a high note, "things that dont rock: a-z" has the Imodium.

I wish bedtime for kids meant bedtime for mom, too.

willfulone
09-02-2008, 06:24 AM
Granted. Your mom goes to bed every night when her children do, sometimes even before.

Love,Genie

I wish I had a penny for every time I made a wish.

bsolah
09-02-2008, 06:26 AM
Granted. They're Australian pennies and worthless.

I wish no one but me could see my computer screen.

willfulone
09-02-2008, 06:30 AM
Granted, but porn sites are blocked. So, the privacy is not important anyway.

I wish I did not have to go into work early tomorrow and could go in at my regular time.

bsolah
09-02-2008, 07:38 AM
Granted. You don't need you to come in early because your companies share price has collapsed. You turn up on time to be called into your office where you're forced to take redundancy, which is a voucher for a happy meal at McDonalds. But it's ok, your boss has to take redundancy too, except his was $10 million dollars.

I wish I could outline my novel at work and not raise suspision.

willfulone
09-03-2008, 07:18 AM
Granted. You are invisible. No one can see you. It get uncomfortable when someone sits on you when they use your desk, thinking you are home sick. It is worse when they come back from breaks/lunch, see your outline and wonder what the heck is going on and keep tossing it or erasing your computer file with the outline in it. Here's hoping that Fat Freddie does not want to sit in your chair. He has been eyeing it. Love Genie.

I wish all snow would melt except snowmen would remain year round.

Nymtoc
09-03-2008, 08:46 AM
Granted.

The snow is long gone, but the snowmen remain--all of them, from all over the world. They have all been moved into your house and now fill every room, every closet, every nook and cranny. The temperature has fallen to 10 below zero. All your appliances have stopped because of the cold. You shiver but are unable to make your way to the door to leave.

Have a nice day.

:D

I wish I could be transported to Waikiki Beach any time I'm in the mood for a swim.

willfulone
09-04-2008, 01:57 AM
Granted. Any time the mood strikes click here - Wiki "Beach":

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beach

Oh no! I see the error of my ways. You should have asked the genie that knows how to spell.

Love,

Genie


I wish I could have a pet where I live.

creamofmushroom
09-04-2008, 06:24 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, it turns out to be a 10 foot long anaconda who enjoys swallowing up his masters. In fact, he has had seven victims so far.

I wish that time would go more slowly

shakeysix
09-04-2008, 06:45 AM
now dicking with time is pretty tricky, even for a genie. i think that i can take a cue from dunbar, a character in catch 22, to help you stretch the time allotted to you. dunbar was a ww2 pilot who spent the time between missions doing things he despised. his theory was that having fun causes time to fly--being bored makes time drag.

let's see, how to make the next fifty years drag into 300? well, who is more boring than old shakey?--(yup nymmie, i have you beat in boring lives)--why, by crackee, i'll introduce you to some of my time dragging hobbies! --there is skeet shooting, which really is damned boring; fossil collecting, taking macro photos of bugs and flowers; no tv so you'll have to depend on my complete set of ken burns civil war dvd's and all six seasons of "one step beyond' qnd of course the john denver movie; 'don quixote' to read--that should suck up 36 years in a week or two and turn your hair white. then you could start on 'to the lighthouse" and the dramas of garcia -lorca. next my home library of garden books. let's start by putting together a 506 piece scale model of the 'cutty sark"---s6

i wish i still had my trusty model of the 'cutty sark'

Nymtoc
09-04-2008, 07:32 AM
Granted.

You have your model of the Cutty Sark. However, as you know, the real Cutty Sark, which is in drydock in Greenwich, England, was extensively damaged in a fire in 2007. The ship is nothing but a skeleton of its former self. Naturally, your model has conformed itself to the reality, so what you have is a few sticks.

:D

I wish I had a new suit.

willfulone
09-04-2008, 08:50 AM
Granted, I mailed you a new deck of cards. You now have 4 new suits.

Love, Genie

I wish I could stuff that last bite of cheesecake down my gullet.

Leellana
09-04-2008, 10:14 AM
Granted. Once you've stuffed that last bite in, you immediately explode, covering your room in cheesecake and willful bits. Yuckies.


I wish I had some cheesecake.

bsolah
09-04-2008, 10:17 AM
Granted. It's the stuck together one that exploded out of willfulone's stomach

I wish I could finish this work task by 5pm

kct webber
09-04-2008, 02:09 PM
Granted. You type the last word, hit save, and your computer immediately eats it, sending into to ether, where you will never find it again.

I wish I could go to sleep without tossing and turning for two hours.

CynicalRyan
09-04-2008, 02:41 PM
Granted. But the nails are rusty, and the tetanus vaccine's all out.

I wish I were a cat.

Alice.S
09-04-2008, 02:46 PM
Granted. But you have flees. scratch, scratch

I wish that I pass all my exams....with flying colours

shakeysix
09-04-2008, 03:49 PM
you do--unfortunately the exama are for hoof and mouth disease, spavines and elm blight--s6


i wish i could call in sick without rousing suspicion

Nymtoc
09-04-2008, 04:42 PM
Granted.

You call in sick, but you don't arouse suspicion because their phone lines got switched and you were talking to the cleaning woman, who doesn't speak English.

:ROFL:

I wish I never had to go to the dentist.

bsolah
09-05-2008, 03:08 AM
Granted. One night you get ambused by the FBI and they kick your teeth in all for not voting Republican. You have no teeth now.

I wish I had every CD I ever wanted.

willfulone
09-05-2008, 04:13 AM
Granted. You have every CD you ever wanted. Your CD player is broken and there are no CD players for sale any longer. Hope you can do some nice art projects. Love, Genie.

I wish my neighbors would not party everynight and keep the kid awake.

Nymtoc
09-05-2008, 06:35 AM
Granted.

They don't party every night. Once a month they party all day instead.

:ROFL::partyguy: :ROFL:


I wish all candidates for public office had to pass an intelligence test.

shakeysix
09-05-2008, 07:35 AM
they do--unfortunately the test was designed by a religious right leaning monkey with no morals and a tendency towards megalomania. so you see, they really are doing the best they can--s6

i wish that one of the 4 decks of cards that willyfull one sent nymmie was a full deck. we all know nymmie has not been playing with one of those for years

willfulone
09-05-2008, 08:38 AM
You are such a dear wisher to selflessly give your wish to benefit another. Thus, I commend you and you shall be rewarded as well in this wish too. Nymie now has a sealed, full deck of cards. He is on his way over to your house to play a few card games with you. He only knows how to play "go fish", he has OCD and repeats himself over and over throughout, making one game take 4 years. Shuffle up and get the cards in the air. Love, Genie.

I wish we did not make things so complicated when they should be easy.

Nymtoc
09-05-2008, 08:57 AM
Granted.

At least for you, everything is easy now. Nymtoc has generously given you the deck of cards the genie gave to him. You play with it all day long, counting the clubs, diamonds, hearts and spades on your fingers and toes over and over, because actual card games are much too complicated. You are happy now.

:D

I wish shakeysix and willfulone would stop ganging up on me.

kct webber
09-05-2008, 09:17 AM
Granted. They will now fight each other--in your living room.

I wish that I had a pet hamster.

shakeysix
09-05-2008, 03:49 PM
you do--a card dealing pet hamster--he and nymmie and the rooster next door can play cards with their incomplete decks until the cows come home. and in macksville kansas the cows DO come home. i am leaving town for the weekend

wish i had a better destination than scenic wichita kansas

willfulone
09-05-2008, 04:18 PM
Granted. Your destination is now Sunny St. Thomas. You have to go there and stay there to hide from the law hunting you down. Did I mention that you have lost the ability to tan and sun block is 100.00 a bottle there? Have a nice trip anyway! Love, Genie.

I wish it was easier to find tasty fruit in my area.

creamofmushroom
09-07-2008, 10:20 PM
Granted. Unfortunately the fruit flies get there before you do.

I wish i could have a nice tasty batch of brownies beside me right now.

shakeysix
09-07-2008, 10:28 PM
well here is my old college room mate hashish hattie with a plate of brownies that she has baked just for you! the recipe is old but tried and tasty. it is the reason why she is working as a 60 year old milker after four years of college. never did manage a degree--just drew pretty pictures of indians and deer on her finals--colored them in and everything. wonder how this will affect your writing, cream? of course the cows seem to enjoy hattie's stories and singing--s6 ps--luckily i hate chocolate so the brownies never took hold here.

i wish robin and barry gibb would come walking down main street macksville, ks. in their polyester glad rags singing stayin' alive

willfulone
09-08-2008, 04:17 AM
Goodness only knows why you would wish for such. Unless of course there is a parade going on in your town. Alas, it is not for me to ask why. But, to grant said wish.

Granted. Barry and Robin are walking down Main Street right now. Quick get in the car and go see them before the song ends or someone tosses tomatos at them and ruins their outfits.

Love, Genie

I wish I had some peanut brittle to eat this eve.

Nymtoc
09-08-2008, 04:55 AM
Granted.

You have a big supply of peanut brittle. You can hardly wait to eat it, but as you bite into it, all your teeth fall out. You learn too late that the treat was a sculpture titled "Peanut Brittle" from a local museum. It was made of bronze.

:e2coffee:

I wish I could play the guitar well.