View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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12-15-2007, 11:42 PM
You can have two copies of each, but you also have to take two of every PA book ever "published."

I wish my dog wouldn't bitch so much about wearing his frilly Christmas collar. It makes him look so cute!

12-16-2007, 03:11 AM
Granted.Your dog is struck dumb. As a result he cannot warn you when a burglar steals your only copy of your current W.I.P, all one thousand pages of it.
I wish I had the original sheet music for the Beatles' Uncle Albert.

12-16-2007, 03:24 AM
Granted.Your dog is struck dumb. As a result he cannot warn you when a burglar steals your only copy of your current W.I.P, all one thousand pages of it.
I wish I had the original sheet music for the Beatles' Uncle Albert.

Granted, but it's the first draft, which is just five repetitive minutes of the annoying "Hand's across the water," line. It's also autographed by Linda, and Paul's named doesn't appear on it.

I wish I had a computer that would let me reprogram my subconscious.

12-16-2007, 08:47 AM
Granted. It malfunctions, though, and you find yourself strangely obsessed with World War II.
I wish I had all my Christmas shopping done.

12-16-2007, 10:17 AM
Granted all your Christmas Shopping is done. Great News! They are also wrapped!! However your friends, neighbors and relatives will be disapointed when they open the presents because you bought them all the same thing. The dreaded FRUIT CAKE.

I wish it warm up in NH I hate 10 degree weather.

12-16-2007, 02:07 PM
Granted! Now it is 10.5 degrees in NH. Isn't this sudden warming of the weather wonderful?

I wish I had something cold and fruity to drink.

12-16-2007, 06:57 PM
Granted! You are now getting a snow drink with pretty yellow stuff, and pine needles. Yummmy!

I wish for snow in Palmdale CA. ;)

12-16-2007, 08:55 PM
Granted. You get a blizzard. You experience all the joys of scraping your car window, sliding on icy roads and the ultimate joy of what it feels like when snow melts all down your back.
I wish our troops overseas were having a better Christmas.

12-17-2007, 02:51 AM
That's such a nice wish, Komnena! Unfortunately, I can't in good conscience respond to it. I also wish the troops were having the best Christmas ever, and could be home safe and sound in the bosoms of their families. But many of them can't, and don't know when they will be, if ever, and I can't bring myself to wish they were and then make up something else horrible to corrupt the wish. My son is in the Navy, and will be shipping out to Japan in April. He's one of the lucky ones, but his brothers in arms are suffering enough in Iraq and Afghanistan for me to wish them anything ill.

Sorry for the little rant!

I wish my Christmas shopping was A) done and B)cheaper.

12-17-2007, 08:20 AM
Your wish is granted. You go ice fishing and give your catches for presents. :) do you notice a trend here?

I wish that I could find sexy Harry.

12-17-2007, 08:47 AM
He's under the ices with the fishes. Not so sexy anymore, is he?

*And yes, I do, Dinklehocker - wazzup with the ice fishing?? Do I get one of those neat-o little houses that they sit in on the ice?? I'd like one of those...*

I wish I had one of those neat-o little ice-fishing houses.

12-17-2007, 09:41 AM
Sure. Only it keeps wandering off to go ice-fishing without you. And it won't share what it catches.

I wish all the ice/snow/blue northers would stay up north where they belong.

12-17-2007, 04:08 PM
Granted. But now it is fiercely hot with no break in the weather. You find yourself gasping constantly for a breath of cool air.
I wish Bellisario had let me know who gave up their JAG career, Harm or Mac?

12-17-2007, 08:22 PM
Gee I grant you your wish, but I don't understand it. Bellisaro will let you know everything. In fact Bellisaro will come down with a case of diarreha of the mouth. You will know things you never wanted to know.. and the images will be left in your mind forever..

I wish Sexy Harry wasn't under the ice with the fishes...

12-17-2007, 08:57 PM

Sexy Harry was found by police and is headed to autopsy. Looks like there will be an investigation. You're implicated.

I wish I had a lovely bunch of coconuts, diddleedee...

12-17-2007, 10:16 PM
you want coconuts to diddle? sounds sick to me, but here are a dozen. now smile for the camera---s6

wish my students could cheat quietly and without drawing my attention

12-17-2007, 11:24 PM
Granted. They all learn sign language and only use it when your back is turned. However, they also plot out ways to steal everything you have in the classroom.
I wish to own my very own black helicopter.

12-18-2007, 02:49 AM
OK, but it crashes on takeoff. It was only ten feet in the air, so you're not hurt at all, but it's a total wreck and will cost you tens of thousands of dollars to repair.

I wish I had a Chincoteague pony.

12-18-2007, 02:56 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it has all the Phantom's desire for freedom. It breaks loose at the first chance and swims for the freedom of Assateague Island.

I wish I had my very own time machine.

12-18-2007, 06:29 AM
You can only go back to Salem, Massachusetts, in the year 1692. Don't let the cauldron smoke!

I wish this week were over.

12-19-2007, 06:22 PM
Poof... the week is over. Now it is Christmas Day and all your gifts are still unwrapped.

I wish that Hollywood would hire all the writers on AW during the writer's strike.

12-19-2007, 07:16 PM

All the AW writers are now employed on the backlot of the old Monogram Studios, sweeping floors, washing dishes and cleaning stables (Monogram used to produce a lot of Westerns). However, since Monogram hasn't made a movie since 1953, salaries are being deferred and probably will never be paid.

But so what? From now on, these writers will be able to add Hollywood credits to their résumés.


I wish scientists would learn how to bring back extinct species, like the dodo.

12-19-2007, 08:00 PM
okay--the dodo and the neanderthal are back. all species too stupid to stay alive are now given a second chance. now instead of pheasants and deer dodging into our headlights, we have mastodons and dodos. hitting a dodo on wing in a suv has got to be a killer experience, but wait till the moa craps on your windshield. wait!... that car up ahead, taking up two lanes, with the left turn signal blinking away--could it be? OMIGOD! A NEANDERTHAL at the wheel. thanks a lot nymtoc you nimnul.

wish i could remember the secret code on my check card. it is really effing with the holiday shopping. as far as that goes, wish i could remember any number sequence over 4 digits

12-19-2007, 08:09 PM
granted your secret code on your check card is 226540987654413270 it is now emblazed in your memory and now you can't remember any phone numbers.

I wish that someone would invent an iron to get rid of wrinkles.

12-20-2007, 03:16 AM
OK, but now you have the burn marks to deal with.

I wish it wasn't weird to listen to Christmas music all year 'round.

12-20-2007, 03:32 AM
poof! i have just moved the eleventh street shelter for old stoners ex-draft dodgers to your neighborhood. their choir--the zig-zag tabernacle and zen chorus--will keep you in christmas carols the year round. you will hear a lot of "puff the magic dragon" and " enna gadda da veeda" too. oh--and "one tin soldier"---happy holidazzze.

i wish i could get my old 1962 huffy ten speed again, on christmas morning.

12-20-2007, 04:39 AM
Here ya go! I hope you don't mind riding it with no seat and two flats and a squeaky rusty chain.

I wish I didn't get panic attacks.

12-20-2007, 04:58 AM
Granted: You don’t get panic attacks anymore, but now your lover endures them. They flair up every time you want to get some lovin’.

I wish I had a chauffeur to bring me to all my get togethers and parties.

12-20-2007, 06:00 AM
Granted. Snedley will drive you anywhere you need to go, but he'll hit on you mercilessly all the way there, and all the way back.

I wish I could see a ghost.

12-20-2007, 07:46 AM
Your wish is granted, follow your cat around. He knows where the ghosts hang out.. you will see a gazillion of them even Elvis himself and he will sing to you. However because of passing into the spirit realm he now sounds like Fran Dressher.

I wish someone would type the town minutes for me. I am tired.

12-20-2007, 08:22 AM
It takes only a minute to type the town minutes, because you now live in Pig's Knuckles, Arkasas, the smallest town in the country, poulation 3: You, Etta Mae, and Mayor Dinklehocker. Absolutely nothing ever happens in Pig's Knuckles. The town minutes read as follows: December 19, 2007. Town meeting. Mayor Dinklehocker drunk again. Council attempted to eat Etta Mae's peach crumb cake, but Mayor Dinklehocker passed out in cake. Meeting adjourned.

*My apologies to anyone who lives in Arkansas, I mean no disrespect for your wonderful state.*

I wish I could fall asleep. I'm tired too.

12-28-2007, 07:04 PM
Slips choppersmm 2 Ambien and viola, you're off to sleep.

I wish someone could fill in for me so I could go home and go back to bed.

12-28-2007, 09:55 PM
Taking spackle and a putty knife and filling in auntybug's nooks and crannies so she no longer resembles anything that can be mobilized without a crane.

I wish I was impervious to all slings and arrows of outrageous fortune--and the following poster.

12-29-2007, 08:26 PM
Granted. You are impervious to slings, arrows, outrageous fortune, arch villains, global warming, and the following poster, moi. But what you are not impervious to is kryptonite! Consequently, your powers weaken and your beak falls off.

I wish that I had telekinetic powers.

12-30-2007, 02:15 AM
POOF! You can move anything you want with your mind, as long as it's made of spam.

I wish that all Woof's fur would fall off.

12-30-2007, 04:07 AM
omigod--it is 12* out and woof is hairless. i just saw him streaking down main street. hold that mental image! and now he is headed for your neck of the woods--more blue than decent. a tasmanian devil in rubber boots and not much else! how could you wish this on the world, heron?

i wish woof would regain his shiny coat before he loses his...galoshes!--s6

12-30-2007, 09:31 AM
Pooof Woof has regained his shiny coat, and now is being adored by all the female dogs aka bit*hes. He has now become King of his own domain, and no one is allowed to entered except canines of the female type.

I wish that someone would invent an outfit that keeps you warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

12-30-2007, 09:51 AM

You are now wearing Alltempgarb, the amazing clothing made of space-age plastics and equipped with a nano-computer that constantly monitors the outside temperature and adjusts the inside temperature accordingly. In winter you feel no cold and in summer no heat. You are perfectly comfortable at all times.

Did I forget to say that it's transparent?


I wish politicians were all hooked up to lie detectors when they speak.

12-30-2007, 10:00 AM
Poof all the politicians are wired for truth, however because they tell you.

The war will not end.
Taxes are going up.
You will lose more of your freedom.
You can only flush your toilet when needed... :poke:

No one goes out to vote and the political system is taken over by an evil dictator who not only wants to rule the world but be the only one in it...

I wish that new cars cost about $3,000.99

12-30-2007, 01:55 PM
Your new car costs $3000.99!
Gas, however, has risen to $500/gal.
(Much like printers, 6 cartridges later you can buy a new one)

12-31-2007, 03:01 PM
(whups, my bad--thanks Joyce :})
I wish alcoholic evenings ended with no hangovers!

12-31-2007, 06:25 PM
Poof... you can drink until your heart's content... and no hangovers. Due to a magic new product Drinksalot. However one of the side affects makes you have diarreha... so instead of spending all your time at the bar you are in the bathroom.

I wish it would stop snowing in NH...

12-31-2007, 06:26 PM
alcoholic evenings no longer end in hangovers. the mornings are still going to flay and salt you, though--s6

i wish that all the roadkill on highway 50 would turn to gold--s6

12-31-2007, 06:39 PM
Granted. All the roadkill on highway 50 turns to gold, and in fact you pick up a souvenir to take home with you. However, people laugh at you when they see the 18- karat moose suspended from your neck.

I wish that my winter boots had claws on them to prevent slipping on the ice.

12-31-2007, 07:06 PM
POOF! Your nails on your toes have just grown through your winter boots and you no longer slip and slid. In fact you can climb an iced sequoia and hung upside down from the top brance like a bat with them har nails!

I wish my stories wrote themselves.

01-10-2008, 04:52 AM
Granted. The stories appear magically on your computer. Unfortunately you now have absolutely no control over what your characters do. One is the Do-Nothing Party candidate for President running on the promise she will do absolutely nothing if elected. Another is trying to set up a bookstore in Antarctica called Amundsen's Tomes. The third major character has become a warlord on a space colony.
I wish to successfully get through the introduction of my next character.

01-10-2008, 02:45 PM
Komnena this is Next Character, Next Character, this is Komnena. Happy now? :}~

I wish I were a warlord on a space colony.

01-10-2008, 06:23 PM
Granted. You are a warlord of a colony of ants in a confined space. You get to supervise all the work details and life is pretty good, until a rebel faction of underlings forms a union, captures and kills you, decapitates you and plays soccer with your head.

I wish that my dog would go out to work today and I could just stay at home and curl up and sleep all afternoon.

01-11-2008, 02:02 PM
Poof! Your dog is wearing your best suit, has just peed on your briefcase to mark it as his and has just taken your car to work. On the way he'll be distracted by 4 mailmen, 3 cats, 6 bitches in heat and the new opening of a butcher shop. He'll be late to work, for the 3rd time and your boss will fire him/you. On the way home in a fit of depression, your dog will try to drink from every toilet in every dive and get buzzed from the--ahem--recycled booze. He'll be picked up for urinating on a lightpost and the undercover cop next to it and end up in the slammer.

You, meanwhile have curled up cozy in his bed which is full of fleas and mites from which you will awaken from a nice nap with mange. Woof's nekkid again!

01-13-2008, 02:50 PM
Wish I hadn't looked at Woof nekkid... :( :)

01-13-2008, 03:36 PM
cannot help you on that one heron. his revolting nekkidness is now acid etched on the back of your eyelids. even the blind can see his nekkidness. it is why ray charles sang the blues. i should know. i glimpsed it last month in a blizzard as he peed on our town's only fire hydrant. it was ghastly but rivetting.

julia ward howe even wrote a song about it : "mine eyes have seen the horror of woof's hairy thingymabobber" an american classic. they sing it in church. well, some churches. or maybe girl scouts sing it at weenie roasts.

wish i could see david crosby nekkid. that might blot out the awful indelible woofness on my eyelids--s6

01-13-2008, 05:01 PM
Granted. David Crosby moves into your house and is always naked. The neighbors complain but the police refuse to do anything because he is David Crosby. Crosby constantly eats your dinners and torments your pets.
I wish Booktv was on 24/7.

01-13-2008, 07:53 PM
abracawhatchamacallit--booktv is on 24/7 but they only review pop-ups for ages 0-2.

I wish there were no reality shows on tv.

01-13-2008, 11:42 PM
This wish puzzled the genie, who said, "Reality shows? Give me a break! There's nothing real about anything on TV, so what's she wishing for? These AW writers are driving me to drink."


I wish the time were the same all over the world, so that I don't have to calculate what time it is in London, or in Beijing or Sydney or San Francisco or wherever I don't happen to be.

01-14-2008, 12:08 AM
Granted. It is now always 12 midnight. Everybody not chronically insomniac is always asleep so you can't call anyone unless you are sure they suffer from insomnia.
I wish I owned the Black Stallion.

01-14-2008, 02:43 AM
The Black Stallion is yours, along with his penchant for dropping manure on your new rug, the leather sofa, and the suede loveseat.

I wish I had a magic carpet.

01-14-2008, 02:46 AM
Fly away on your magic carpet along with all the poop and pee that the four dogs left on it when they use to live on it.

I wish I was horseback riding through the mountains.

01-14-2008, 02:54 AM
pouf! You are a horse's back and someone is riding you through the mountains when you'd much rather be in your stall dozing or munching oats.

I wish Joyce's dog would tell all her secrets.

01-14-2008, 03:12 AM
Ok I just had to answer........Joyce's dog begins to tell everything he knows when his mother (Joyce) steps in and seals his lips with super glue.

I wish I could go on a month long camping trip.

01-14-2008, 03:46 PM
Pooooof: You're away camping for a month with all the amenities nature can provide in a harsh winter: no running water, no heat, no electricity, no real food, just freeze dried dreck, and no family dog--he stayed home warm, cozy, with HD TV, meals, snacks, and all the toilets to drink out of when he wants to.

I wish Vista had never been invented!

01-14-2008, 07:15 PM

There is no Vista. There also is no Windows. You are looking at a DOS computer, and from now on every time you want to want to bring up a file you will have to enter something like "DIR\FORM\TEXT\BLO.TXT" and hope you got it right.

Either that or get a Mac.


I wish the contents of all the world's libraries were in my computer.

01-14-2008, 08:27 PM
Waving my magic wand (fresh from the repair shop) ....

All the world's libraries are now on your computer. However it has slowed down your computer so much that it takes 24 hours for you to login. When you try to delete the books written swahili... you get the error message "You are not authorized to perform this action".

I wish my magic wand was really back from the repair shop. My life is so difficult without it. :)

01-14-2008, 09:26 PM
foop! (poof backwards)
Er, the wand is back but since you sent it when it was out of warrantee and it's an obsolete model, the new Vista Pixie Dust doesn't match the old yew and oak hardware so careful how you wave THAT

dfegrs lkjuon...typing with webbed feet...sigh.

I wish that homes were self-cleaning.

01-14-2008, 09:40 PM
goats ! these charming animals will eat any clutter. lick the dust off any surface. the perfect solution...whew! what is that smell?

i wish that i had a vanilla sandwich cookie as big as a pizza

01-14-2008, 09:57 PM

A vanilla cookie sandwich 17" across is creeping on its underbelly devouring everything in sight and glowing from that radiation that made it so big in the first place.

Why can't nuclear radiation make things safe? Yes, t'is a wish :}

01-24-2008, 05:23 AM
Granted. Nuclear radiation makes everything safe for the aliens intent on conquering the universe, starting with Earth.
I wish I had been able to finish the writing assignment on the Learn Writing thread.

01-24-2008, 08:21 AM
Poof... all your appointments are cancelled and you have more than enough time to finish the assignment. Only your computer is acting up and the entire piece is writen in German.

I wish that my eyes could read my articles on the computer better.

Albedo of Zero
01-24-2008, 09:20 AM
*SHAZAMM* you now have the exceptional ability to read every single a, the and an on all the pages you pull up. Sorry, but my magical powers can only do little things, so all the other words became engravings on the smallest particle of dust on your monitor.

I wish I could run again.

01-24-2008, 01:30 PM
Poof! You can run and no one can keep up with you and it's really hard to type pounding the pavement.

I wish mornings started later.

01-24-2008, 02:02 PM
granted, now mornings start at 11:59 pm.

I wish my cat could make the coffee and feed the turtle first thing in the morning.

01-24-2008, 02:45 PM
You cat makes the coffee and added tuna-flavored kibble and cream and then fed the turtle to the toilet to see if he can climb out.

I wish the age of chivalry was back.

01-24-2008, 06:10 PM
oooo That's a good one. Waving my magic wand around, and around, adding a sprinkle of fairy dust.... and poof... The age of chivalry is returned. Sir Walter Raleigh had nothing on the men of today. Raincoats are flying off the shelves, sales for automatic door openers are fallen and men make the knights in shinning armour are all tarnished. All the men are fill of chivalry and the women are taken back, romance returns and all is right with the world.

I wish I could get some more pixie dust. I am running low.

01-24-2008, 08:51 PM
Setting traps, catching pixies, freezedrying them, using a mortar and pestle to grind them into dust, sneezing and starting allllll over again, sigh.

Wishing there was an easier way to get pixie dust...

01-25-2008, 08:59 AM
Pixie dust is easy to get but now it's being sold by Microsoft so they keep having issues with the dispenser it comes in and, although you can easily get pixie dust, you can't get the stuff out to use it. Not to mention the flipping price tag on the stuff!

I wish I didn't have to care about the price tag...

01-25-2008, 09:12 AM
Sure. Price tags are obsolete. Nowadays nobody knows or cares how much something costs until it's swiped at the register and the total (+taxes&fees) is deducted from your Goliath Corporation (http://www.goliathcorp.com/index2.html) LifeAccount. Don't worry about going in the red -- they own you anyhow.

I wish I could jump ahead to next week.

01-25-2008, 09:37 AM
Poof you are now into next week. However you still think it is this week. You miss all your appointments, lunch with your friends, and yeah your electric was shut off because you didn't pay it on time..

I wish I had some Diamonds and Emeralds... :)

Is that better? Thanks Heron.

01-25-2008, 05:57 PM

You now are nekkid and rolling around estatically in Tiffany's best cut clear and green sparklies, until the police pick you off the floor and need latex gloves to retrieve the more adventuresome bits. :}

Why aren't the majority of humans as cute percentage-wise as most dogs and cats?

01-25-2008, 07:07 PM
Because we don't have fur to cover our faces.. But what is your wish?

I wish David would start the silly friday thread...

01-25-2008, 07:19 PM
Whups, wrong presentation, okay back to JCW :}

ka BOOM! David has started the SFT but hid it from prying eyes....

I wish I had my own pyramid like the pharoahs of Egypt.

01-25-2008, 07:38 PM
poof! you have your own personal pyramid. unfortunately it is in your bathroom.--s6

i wish sick days were not wasted on being sick!

01-26-2008, 01:47 AM
S6 is now wasting her sick days on a balmy beach, served by hunky cabana boys in neon thongs. The cat and dog have come as well and rung up over $18,000 in room service, another $7,500 in nawty movie rentals, $1,200 in phone calls, and have terrorized the elevator operators.

I wish the PTB had kept Pluto as the 9th planet.

01-26-2008, 02:13 AM
Of course they did. They kept Mercury, too, so now they have ten little planets in their planetarium back in the home galaxy. Unfortunately that means we're down to seven.

I wish the cloak-and-dagger games people play at work were only fictional.

01-26-2008, 02:44 AM
okay--instead of character assassination your co-workers are into ASSASSINATION! better stay on your toes monday morning--s6

i wish that people who say they care about others really did f******* care about someone but themselves.

01-27-2008, 04:35 AM
Granted. These people now go around arranging lives for what they think is better regardless of what other people want.
I wish I could write a publishable first draft.

01-27-2008, 04:47 AM
Bingobangobongo, done! Your bill from Publish America should arrive in a week.

I wish I could speak 10 languages.

01-27-2008, 05:16 AM
Granted. You now speak ten obscure dead languages.
I wish I were really a princess.

01-27-2008, 07:44 PM
shazaam! You're a princess, having been blamed for the famine, floods, fires, fleas, and unaccounted rise in amorous ferrets furkin' everything they can reach, the populace is voting on the choice between tossing you in a live volcano or abandoning you with the ferrets while everyone else flies away.

I wish all mosquitoes within 3' of me would die before they bit me.

01-27-2008, 07:57 PM
Granted. But you now spend so much time cleaning up dead mosquitoes you don't have time to write.
I wish I could see Personal Ensign and Winning Colors.

01-27-2008, 08:31 PM
(picking mosquitoes off Komnena)

Poof! You're at the Breeders' Cup Distaff in '88 watching PE & WC pound their hearts out when someone spills their full beer on your face blocking your sight as the fillies cross the finish line.

I wish flu shots really worked...

01-27-2008, 09:17 PM
Granted. They work by making you thoroughly sick while they're killing all the viruses in your body.
I wish people didn't spill their beer in my face.

01-27-2008, 09:24 PM
(should have seen this one coming) Pooffff-- you have just been demoted to parking lot attendent at 'edna's place ', down the street from me. (home of edna's big momma burger). as you crawl over the grit and gravel retrieving pickup keys and semi-used condoms (edna likes to keep the vender in the men's room stocked w/ retreads) you will become the target for every drunken saturday night cowboy AND the steers he is hauling. but there is a bright side--sometimes they lose change.

i wish that edna would quit tossing the dead armadillo road kill over my fence

01-27-2008, 09:35 PM
Granted. She now tosses them atop your fence. On the plus side, the ants all leave your house for the armadillo fence.
I wish I had the lost treasure of the Czars.

01-28-2008, 01:02 AM
Foop, (poof backwards)

You now have the lost treasure of the Czars, which was buried with them and ewwww--it's like really gross!
(Though compared to a decomposing armadillo picket fence, well, the jury's still out on that one...)

I wish I had a vacation home on the moon.

01-28-2008, 04:01 AM
Done! But it you'll need to bring your own oxygen, and did I mention it's on the dark side?

I wish I had a money tree.

01-28-2008, 06:07 AM
Poof! one dollar tree sprouting in your back yard. if you fertilize it might sprout a fiver or two. umm--fertilizer costs 24$ a 20 lb. bag. ypu'll need a bag every two weeks in the summer. come winter you can lay off the fertilizer and invest in mulch. at 24$ a bag. don't like the looks of those spots on washington's forehead. better apply some fungicide--only 19.95 a bottel.wait --don't forget the sprayer. here's one for only 49.95

ooops! here come the bill hoppers, the washington crows, the greenback jays, the dollar chomping squirrels, the inflationary ants and the currency sucking aphids. should be able to spray for them all for under 200$ with this handy under the counter stuff. of course you will need rubber boots and gloves, face mask, goggles and a radiation suit and a geiger counter, just in case you need to evacuate the neighborhood. (ever see silkwood?) trust me--home gardening never pays off.

wish i could get some garden seed started

01-28-2008, 07:00 AM
Granted. Unfortunately the only thing which will grow in your yard are giant ragweeds.
I wish the History Channel would do a special on Man o'War.

01-28-2008, 07:08 AM
okay==but really, 3 hours of jellyfish?

i wish the ground hog would have the common good sense to end this crappy winter

01-28-2008, 07:16 AM
Granted. It is now 100 degrees in the shade and your air conditioning is broken.
I wish there was a cure for biblioholism.

01-28-2008, 07:20 AM
there is--you just grind up two or three books in a blender, add a little gin and some quinine water. worked for somerset maugham.

wish i could drink like i drank in college.

01-28-2008, 07:22 AM
no--wait! i take that one back!

wish someone would invent gin and tonic flavored popsicles

01-28-2008, 04:55 PM
Granted. Unfortunately they are only sold wholesale for fifty dollars a case and only in big cities.
I wish the Asian restaurant down the street had an A rating.

01-28-2008, 08:22 PM
The Asian restaurant DOES have an A rating, it now takes 18months for a reservation, the prices are ludicrous, the portions need a magnifying glass to see, and even the rats have to pay off the doorman to get in after hours.

I wish I had seven league boots.

01-29-2008, 08:38 AM
Granted. You now belong to seven bowling leagues and have boots for each. Unfortunately you can't wear boots while bowling but the boots look very nice on your shelves.
I wish I owned a Lockheed Vega.

01-30-2008, 01:00 AM
Bingo! You own a Lockheed Vega, the one crumped into the size of a bowling ball because it wasn't tied down during the last storm and your insurance lapsed the day before the storm.

I wish that the trafic lights always worked in my favor.

01-30-2008, 04:27 AM
OK, but you're never heading anywhere you really want to be.

I wish people sucked a little less.

01-30-2008, 02:02 PM
People do suck less, which interfers with drinking, causing a rise in spewing all sorts of beverages at work, in public, and at home, causing stock in dry cleaning, cleaning products, washing machines, and clothing sales to increase. Considering the stock market lately, this IS good news.

I wish Pooh, Piglet, Tigger and all the rest of Milne's characers were real.

01-30-2008, 04:30 PM
They are, but they're really vicious when they're alive. They will rip your face right off your head!

I wish I could call in sick and stay in bed all day with my dog and my cats and "Jane Eyre."

01-30-2008, 07:45 PM
No problem, but you have 38 dogs who want to lick your face constantly and 72 hungry cats and they all want to be in bed with you at the same time.

I wish we could move back to Ohio.

01-30-2008, 08:01 PM
Shazaam, you're back in Ohio. Everyone you know and the rest of the world has dropped in all on the same day to see your new house which rapidly ages from the influx of migratory well-wishers who eat everything, stop up the toilets and write on the walls left standing.

I wish my cat didn't like to be spanked so much.

01-31-2008, 12:52 AM
LOL, all cats love to be spanked! But yours does not, not anymore. He likes to be tied up now.

I wish it were one hour later than it is, so it would be time for me to leave work.

01-31-2008, 03:15 AM
Poof--The clock moves an hour past and traffic is worse than ever, takes you 8 hours to get home, just in time to turn around and go back.

I wish the fish could clean their own tanks.

01-31-2008, 03:28 AM
Easy enough - the tanks are clean and sparkling but they were working so hard at cleaning, the water temperature rose, the glass cracked and now hot water and dead fish have flooded your house and burned the soles of your feet.

I wish it was Spring.

01-31-2008, 03:43 AM
Spring has just crashed through your house in a frenzy of unstoppable green growth, poking through the floorboards, picking through the drywall, dropping down from the ceiling and popping in through every window. Everything is growing so fast it needs more fertilizer and you're it!

I wish chocolate was the main source of healthy eating.

Albedo of Zero
01-31-2008, 05:06 AM
*bibbidy bobbidy boo* It is...but now the continent of South America has control and each cacao bean pod costs $200 ...the profits go to the Amazonian Terrorist League and all the emails on aol have started a war because no one ever looked on snopes to see if it was true...yada yada ..Bush took over as king because of this catastrophe and OMG I hear jets!!

I wish my dog would quit jumping on people.

01-31-2008, 09:24 PM
Granted.Your dog now curls up into a little ball at the sight of people. You can no longer enjoy walks with your dog.
I wish I could go to the Horse Park every day.

01-31-2008, 09:38 PM
Granted. You, though, are forced to go there every day, and eventually you are killed by a horse.

I wish for another positive rep point.

02-01-2008, 12:51 AM
Granted. (Check your points.) But you have to look up every other post I've ever made and rep it in return...

I wish my kids would help me clean my house.

02-01-2008, 12:56 AM
The kids are glad to help but they use bleach on the colored carpet then add ammonia to get out the smell which causes a massive toxic cloud forcing you to relocate to a cave.

I wish my cats could feed themselves.

02-01-2008, 01:59 AM
Granted. They eat you.

I wish my cats were less dangerous.

02-01-2008, 02:52 AM
Your cats become so passive they become the new Dalai Lamas and leave you to meditate with the chosen people who become wealthy, famous and beloved, all of which you passed up.

I wish we had 2 moons.

02-01-2008, 02:57 AM
Granted. Drop your drawers and see!

I wish woman understood men.

02-01-2008, 03:11 AM
Shazaam, actually women do understand men, what they don't understand is WHY they're like that, esp. the adusting the package all the time like the guys are afraid it'll fall off.

I wish cars were impervious to accidents.

02-01-2008, 03:33 AM
Granted. Planes, though, end up crashing all the time.

<insert wish here>

02-01-2008, 03:51 AM
I wish Rodlen had a wish.

02-01-2008, 03:56 AM
He does...it is for you to disappear.

I wish my cable bill was paid.

02-01-2008, 04:03 AM
You got it! I work at the cable company - as soon as you put the money in my hand, it disappeared with me!

I wish I had x-ray vision.

02-01-2008, 04:29 AM
***showers of light crystals rain down as you are granted your x-ray vision***
And then as you gaze around with your newly opened eyes, every human in the world lines up to slap you across the face for looking where you shouldn't.

I wish my house had more windows.

02-01-2008, 04:33 AM
Done! Oh, did I mention that I'm your neighbor? Who needs x-ray vision!

I wish I could walk on the ceiling.

02-01-2008, 04:40 AM
You can! But as soon as you try it the first time, the ceiling gives way, you fall on your head, (lose the x-ray vision), and are stuck in a body cast for 6 months.

I wish I could climb Mt. Everest

02-01-2008, 04:43 AM
No problem! But you didn't say anything about getting back down.

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head

02-01-2008, 04:48 AM
You do! Now you have eyes in the front and the back and have been put in a box as the main attraction for a traveling circus.

I wish I could climb Mt Everest and climb back down to sea level

02-01-2008, 09:07 AM
Granted. You, though, get murdered at sea level.

I wish I could improve TYATU (large parody of a soap opera/action show/<insert movie, TV show, or game here>) more.

02-01-2008, 05:22 PM
kaboom: You've made TYATU so popular people run up to you in droves screaming and adoring you so much they want a piece of you...so everybody gets some and there's not enough left to put in a small baggie.

I wish the house could paint itself.

02-01-2008, 06:50 PM
Granted. Your house paints itself in a wonderful display of psychedelic colors and alienates all your neighbors.
I wish I knew who was going to win the Derby this year.

02-01-2008, 07:07 PM
The Derby will be won by an ostrich called Bob who wanders into the track and runs his legs off to get to the finish line, beating the very confused horses. :}

02-02-2008, 06:38 PM
I wish cars were self-cleaning.

02-03-2008, 04:55 AM
Granted. They clean themselves by emptying their contents onto the street. Many car owners get tickets for littering and have to turn their cars into cabs to pay for said tickets.
I wish I could afford to buy all the books I want.

02-03-2008, 06:50 AM
boingo boingo--you can now afford all the books in the macksville kansas library. sit down and marvel at your good fortune! just think-- all the trixie belden, spin and marty, hopalong cassidy and happy hollister series, the morrocco bound set of john brown's rabble rousing speeches, the complete fred and amelia navigational map series AND two pricerless volumes that have not yet been colored in--s6

wish spring break was here

02-03-2008, 07:48 AM
Granted. However your town is suddenly the faddish place to be and filled with college students from all over the world.
I wish I had a complete collection of Morgan silver dollars.

02-03-2008, 08:33 AM
You have them all but now so does everyone else. They have become the new coin in the newly founded World Treasury so it is the only coin with which anyone can buy anything from around the globe without changing currency.

I wish people were nicer.

02-03-2008, 02:03 PM
People are so nice they all get TMJ from smiling so much,, a few actually have heir faces freezing in smiles like the Joker.

I wish politicians told the truth.

02-03-2008, 08:21 PM
Granted. The truth causes deep instant worldwide depression. Everyone curls up into little balls and we all do nothing but stare at the walls.
I wish the opossums would quit coming into my house.

02-03-2008, 10:42 PM
Shazaam! The opossums quit coming into your house. Instead they dismantle it around you and move it to their opossum village where they add hundreds of bars sticking out from the walls so that thousands can be there for a sleepover party. :} And you're not invited!

02-06-2008, 04:12 AM
Ok Heron....where's the wish?

I wish Heron had remembered to make a wish so I could reply with a snappy comeback!

02-06-2008, 04:24 AM
Done! He wished you wished he would make a wish.

I wish I could stop global warming.

02-06-2008, 04:26 AM
Global warming has stopped but you wished too hard and now we're freezing our nits off!

I wish the aurora borealis was worldwide.

02-06-2008, 05:20 AM
It is and along with the aurora borealis and it magnetic energy, we now have no use for radio, tv or telephone transmitters and the economy goes form bad to worse but hey, at least we have a pretty sky.

I wish I could go on vacation

02-06-2008, 08:37 AM
Granted. You get a totally free vacation in Baghdad,Iraq.
I wish I was taller.

02-06-2008, 05:25 PM
Upside: Komnena magically goes from her regular height to about a mile high; downside, she can fit through a straw, weighs even less, and is blown away by El Nino.

I wish energy was free.

02-06-2008, 06:04 PM
*sparkly dust*
done! Now that energy is free and no longer oppressed by humans all the energy in the world have risen up against humankind. Heron just destroyed the world.

Give her a big round of applause everyone!!!

I wish I could make things happen just by thinking about it.

02-06-2008, 06:32 PM
What's left of the world is in total chaos because Finni's mind is running loose making decisions like 'latte or expresso?' 20x a minute. :}

I wish we had dinosaurs again.

02-07-2008, 06:32 AM
Granted. You wake up with T Rex in your backyard. He doesn't tear up much of your house before moving on in search of a really good meal.
I wish I had my backyard cellar cleaned out.

02-08-2008, 03:38 AM
Komnena gets her backyard cellar cleaned out. Upon finding Jimmy Hoffa's body and that of several dozen other questionable characters with bitemarks matching her teeth on their bones, Komnena finds herself in a new living situation with very high walls and no cellars.

I wish Komnena didn't get a 20 mil. $ deal and movie rights out of this! :}

02-08-2008, 05:08 AM
Granted. Komnena didn't get it because you ultimately get blamed for the crimes and Komnena's released from prison. So you get the book deal, but you're behind bars. Way to go with the teeth-mold-to-try-to-frame-Komnena thing, too. That was fancy.

I wish I didn't have to be alone at work tonight.

02-08-2008, 04:42 PM
Granted. You find yourself working in a huge crowd where you have just enough room to do your work.
I wish I had an underground bunker.

02-08-2008, 09:09 PM
(hiding from me? lol)
Granted, you have your own bunker wayyyy underground sharing with 2 million bats just waking up from hibernation, 5 cranky bears and a pissed off wolverine.

I wish there were more rainbows.

02-08-2008, 09:16 PM
Granted. Rainbows are everywhere. Drivers crash everywhere because they're admiring the rainbows instead of the road.
I wish I had a $20 million dollar deal for my life story.

02-08-2008, 09:40 PM
The deal is done! However your life story isn't over since you're still alive and you can't collect until the afterlife when you won't need the money anyway. :}

I wish insurance was low on new cars.

02-08-2008, 10:18 PM
Granted, now insurance only covers you if your car is abducted by little green men.

I wish everyone had freedom.

02-09-2008, 04:16 AM
Everyone is free, they just think that this means they have no responsibility and SuperBowl Sunday now lasts 11 months and wars occur over take-out food.

I wish the Greek gods would come back to rule.

02-12-2008, 05:21 AM
Granted. They range to and fro upon the earth, starting wars out of spite and jealousy. No woman is safe from Zeus or Hera's jealousy afterward, which is far worse.
I wish there was something good to watch on TV.

02-12-2008, 05:46 AM
Granted--quick: Antiques Roadshow is on PBS... That "dropcloth" you used and chucked out last time you painted was actually a missing part of the Bayeuaux Tapestry! Who knew--live and learn, huh?

I wish they would film a very special episode of Cops, in which half of my town's population ends up under arrest.

02-12-2008, 07:23 PM
Granted. The arrested people promptly hire lawyers and your town is bankrupted in lawsuits. It ceases to exist and you must move somewhere else. You must also search for a new job.
I wish gas was free.

02-13-2008, 01:37 AM
Gas is free, however you are taxed 1000x on the value of your car parts inc. each tire, the blacktop of the service station you use, the metal and rubber used in the pump, per second of fillup, and the fume-filled air you're trying not to breath.

I wish salt water was drinkable.

02-14-2008, 04:44 AM
Granted. It is drinkable after it is cleaned of all the dead animals which can't live in fresh water. The environment is drastically changed when the oceans are no longer salt and our world deteriorates sharply. But at least there's plenty of water to drink.
I wish I could see Genuine Risk.

02-14-2008, 04:57 AM
Of course you can. And you get to muck out her very dirty stall. :tongue

I wish all this snow would just go away!

02-14-2008, 05:04 AM
But Genuine Risk isn't seeing ANYONE. She's busy having her mane and tail done, her hooves polished, and then there's that music video with Mr. Ed clips to attract the 'older' generation, then flossing peanut butter from her teeth, sorry no, she can't pencil you in. She can send you some recycled grass... :}

I wish Komnena could talk to horses so I wouldn't have to.

02-14-2008, 03:24 PM
Yeshanu-Granted. The snow goes away. However, it is now the middle of tornado season.
Heron-Granted. They tell me who will win the Derby. I make so much money I can come to Israel and get the horses there to tell me all your dirty little secrets.
I wish I had my shopping done.

02-14-2008, 06:19 PM
Pof! Your shopping is done, however you neglected to drop money or a credit card and the security folks have hauled you off for 5-7 years with a cellmate called Brunhilda.

02-15-2008, 09:17 AM
I wish I had a stack of acceptance letters instead of rejections...

02-15-2008, 06:54 PM
You do have a stack of acceptance letters 100' high--which have just tipped over and squashed you like a bug.

I wish carrier pigeons could bring my ms from Israel to the US.

02-17-2008, 04:37 AM
Granted. Unfortunately they take it to PublishAmerica.
I wish the snow has melted from my cellar door tomorrow.

02-17-2008, 05:12 PM
The snow has melted from your cellar door out in a 5 mile radius, collecting as water into your cellar which is now a fishin' hole or swimmin' hole depending on your choice.

I wish my favorite pen never ran out of ink.

02-17-2008, 08:25 PM
Granted. Your favorite pen overflows with ink. It gets all over your clothes, your furniture and even you.
I wish I didn't have tons of water in my backyard.

02-18-2008, 12:22 AM
My overflowing pen manages to taint your backyard water giving you a stygian lake. You're now surrounded by HazMat, Poe groupies, and 1000's of Goths, plus something's flailing tentacles at your garbage cans looking for leftovers.

I wish Vista wasn't so furked up!

02-19-2008, 06:09 AM
Granted. It now runs so perfectly it becomes intelligent and refuses to open all pod bay doors everywhere.
I wish the cat would quit biting us.

02-19-2008, 06:17 AM
Poof! Little pink erasers on the tips of all his teeth. (Best I could do on such short notice).

I wish I could stop worrying about whether or not the new puppy will potty on the carpet.

02-19-2008, 07:03 PM
Poop! Er poof too. No more worries, no more wondering, not only is the carpet wet, it's also changed color.

I wish the momzer upstairs who hammers and drills all the time drops an assortment of heavy and or sharp tools on various parts of his anatomy so we get some peace.

02-19-2008, 07:57 PM
Waving my newly repaired magic wand and poof you wish is granted! Your upstairs nemisis drops all of his tools on his... peanuts if you know what I mean causing him to lose his voice as well as his manhood. However Mrs. Momzer is now upset and cries constantly day and night... and I mean all night....it's worse than the hammering..

I wish I knew the answer.. :)

02-20-2008, 01:40 AM
shazaam! You know the ANSWER! You are completely clueless about the question though.

I wish there were still genies who granted wishes.

02-20-2008, 06:14 AM
Granted.However, they charge a million dollars per wish.
I wish I had a million quarters.

02-20-2008, 07:16 PM
poof, = 1/4th of a wish or a really bad back from lugging a million quarters to the bank.

I wish no one made bad movies.

02-21-2008, 06:09 AM
Granted. Nobody makes any movies. The only new releases now are documentaries.

I wish I could have seen Winning Colors.

02-21-2008, 04:07 PM
You did see Winning Colors but the horse was so fast you don't remember!

I wish there were pegasus...pegusi?

02-22-2008, 08:15 AM
Granted. They continually collide with aircraft everywhere and cause great havoc.
I wish the Queen would come to the Derby again.

02-22-2008, 08:24 AM

Beulah Mae Wapshot, the Colton County Asparagus Queen, will attend the races for the second year in a row.


I wish it wouldn't rain on weekends.

02-22-2008, 06:17 PM
Granted. It never again rains on a weekend, but neither does the sun shine. Instead, the forecast calls for a continual downpour of fire & brimstone. Everybody of course is miserable, except for the fundamentalists who feel it's about time.

I wish that my dog would learn to shovel the driveway.

02-22-2008, 06:35 PM
Your dog gets pretty handy with the shovel, but it isn't long before he gets annoyed that you're sitting on the couch with your feet up while he's hard at work on the driveway.
You don't hear the sound of the door opening (yes, he can open doors now too) over the screams from the tv or the crunching of the popcorn. You don't see the reflection of your dog in the window and he sneaks up behind you. You don't even hear the swish as the shovel comes down hard...

I wish I had a device that could translate what dogs were saying.

Patrick L
02-22-2008, 06:38 PM
I wish I had a device that could translate what dogs were saying.

Poof...done. The first dog says you're an a-hole, the second agrees.

I wish I could teleport back to February 1991.

02-22-2008, 10:06 PM
Granted. You are teleported back to 1991, along with your blackberry and ipod. You are then promptly arrested by the C.I.A for possession of devices that have not yet been invented, and are whisked away to an undisclosed location where you end up sharing a jail cell with a Martian who officially never landed on Earth.

I wish I had a high tech device that accessed other people's thoughts.

02-23-2008, 12:19 AM
Kablammo! You have the device that accesses other peoples' thoughts, and not a one has a good word to say about you! You realize that is due to the knobs being set wrong. While twiddling your knobs, aliens take you away in their spaceship and put you on display.

I wish I had winning ticket to the biggest lotto jackpot.

02-23-2008, 05:24 AM
Okay you do you the winning ticket to the biggest lotto jackpot of poison dart frogs from South America.

I wish I didn't have to go and watch the "Monster Trucks" at the arena.

02-23-2008, 05:30 AM
Poof! You now have a new big screen tv so you can watch them at home 24/7 (in surround sound).

I wish beer was free.

02-23-2008, 04:58 PM
Beer is free! The glass and cans holding it cost 10$ each plus another 4$ recycling fee.

I wish Atlantis, Mu, and Lemuria were back.

02-23-2008, 07:09 PM
Granted. The return of those advanced civilizations causes a sensation, and everyone wants to live there and grab a piece of the action. Condos and big box stores spring up like weeds in Mu, the price of beach front properties in Lemuria goes through the roof, and casinos pop up all over Atlantis, now renamed Atlantis city. And, saddest of all, the Atlantleans use their fabled powers of telepathy exclusively for cheating at blackjack.

I wish that we could return to a state of innocence.

02-23-2008, 11:23 PM

You, at least, have returned to a state of innocence. When a bum walks up to you on the street and asks for help, you give him all your money. When a woman you met through the Internet tells you she'll love you forever, you sign over a $1 million-dollar insurance policy to her. When a butcher tells you his beef is USDA-certified, you buy it and eat it, regardless of the fact that it's teeming with salmonella. When Dr. Quack tells you he's a board-certified surgeon, you let him take out your liver...

The list goes on...


I wish every politician were equipped with a nose like Pinocchio's.

02-23-2008, 11:53 PM

You, at least, have returned to a state of innocence. When a bum walks up to you on the street and asks for help, you give him all your money. When a woman you met through the Internet tells you she'll love you forever, you sign over a $1 million-dollar insurance policy to her. When a butcher tells you his beef is USDA-certified, you buy it and eat it, regardless of the fact that it's teeming with salmonella. When Dr. Quack tells you he's a board-certified surgeon, you let him take out your liver...

The list goes on...


I wish every politician were equipped with a nose like Pinocchio's.

Granted. Every politician now has a Pinocchio nose, but so does everyone else, and they all use their keen new sense of smell to track you down and solicit campaign donations.

Moon Wolf
02-24-2008, 12:10 AM
Since you did not make a wish, you explode.


I wish I wasn't so scared about this story.

02-24-2008, 12:17 AM
Since you did not make a wish, you explode.


I wish I wasn't so scared about this story.

Granted. You're not scared about the story. Instead, you're afraid of oxygen and suffocate yourself.

I wish I hadn't exploded and so wasn't lying as a pile of dust on the floor.

Moon Wolf
02-24-2008, 12:25 AM
Granted. You're not scared about the story. Instead, you're afraid of oxygen and suffocate yourself.

I wish I hadn't exploded and so wasn't lying as a pile of dust on the floor.
Well, great. ><

Granted. You are no longer a pile of dust, you are a pile of pudding. And the guy next to you has a spoon. ^^

I wish I was alive!

02-24-2008, 03:07 AM
pouf! You're alive, you know this because you're in pain from a toothache, the rent is due, and the toilet is backed up.

I wish someone would invent a massage chair that doesn't squeeze you like a sponge, pummel you like a 5 year old having a tantrum, and cost less than $100.

02-24-2008, 08:49 AM
Granted. My husband is coming to your house. You can sit on him whenever he has "the bubbleguts."

I wish the kids would go to sleep.

02-24-2008, 02:54 PM
poof! thud. The kids do go to sleep, through class flunking tests, through dinner ending up with mashed potatoes up their noses, amidst the mess in their rooms, atop the bag of trash they were supposed to take out... :}

I wish bugs wouldn't eat my roses.

02-25-2008, 02:11 AM
Granted. Deer eat them all first.
I wish Winning Colors had foaled a colt or filly to match herself.

02-25-2008, 03:03 AM
shazaam: Winning Colors has a filly who looks and acts just like her, so much so she has a nervous breakdown and enters therapy, prompting WC2 to do the exact same thing and they fight over who gets the therapist's couch/stall. :}

I wish ink cartidges didn't cost half the price of the printer! grrrrrr

02-25-2008, 06:32 AM
shazaam: Winning Colors has a filly who looks and acts just like her, so much so she has a nervous breakdown and enters therapy, prompting WC2 to do the exact same thing and they fight over who gets the therapist's couch/stall. :}

I wish ink cartidges didn't cost half the price of the printer! grrrrrr

Granted. They now only cost a fraction of the cost of the printer, because printers themselves now cost in the billions of dollars.

I wish the Oscars weren't on so late at night so I could actually watch all of them.

02-25-2008, 06:52 AM
Kablam! The is Oscars are on all day, every day, for the rest of your life.

I wish I had some damn bean dip to go with these chips.

02-25-2008, 06:55 AM
POOF! But since the bean dip is damned, you're in some big trouble, missy.

I wish that I could sleep on my right side again!

02-25-2008, 11:57 AM
*sprinkling pixiedust*
You can sleep on your right side again but you're tossing and turning all night because you forgot which is your right and which is your left, and you're debating if sleeping on the right side is the right thing to do, and if so, will people think you're too conservative. Such movement entwines you in the bedclothes and you wake up every morning looking like a tightly-wrapped burrito with bed hair.

I wish my calico wouldn't sit in the empty bathroom and miaou at the walls at 6am.

02-25-2008, 12:51 PM
Your wish is granted, madam. The walls have been removed, your bathroom has been filled with a massive cube of glued-together packing peanuts and the clock has been set forward one hour. "And what is this sound? The sound of a sausage grinder" You say "And where is my kitty?"
"Go back to sleep, madam" I say "I have things well in hand."

I wish I would trim my toenails more often.

02-25-2008, 06:10 PM
Poof, with the combined wishes of the City hall for the gouges in the sidewalks, assorted shoe suppliers for ruining every pair you try on, and the neighbors who put up with your scratch scratch everytime you walk--your toenails are trimmed, to your instep.

I wish they had decent pizza here.

02-26-2008, 01:14 AM
Granted. Pizza is decent in Israel but now that is all restaurants serve.
I wish I could meet some of my Welsh kin.

02-26-2008, 01:40 AM
A la the Monkey's Paw, several of Komnena's Welsh ancestors are pounding on the door to greet her. Trouble is, none of them have taken a breath in over 500 years.

I wish I didn't have to dust so much.

02-26-2008, 04:20 AM
Granted. Robots constantly dust your house. However they make so much noise you can't write and they also jam the net.
I wish I had a canopy bed.

02-26-2008, 04:45 AM
Done! I wouldn't role over if I were you but the view from the top of the tree is wonderful!

I wish there were no rules.

02-26-2008, 06:04 AM
Granted.You now have to dodge cars on the sidewalk. Vicious dogs roam the neighborhood.

I wish I had a Breyer model Nokota

02-26-2008, 04:22 PM
shazaam! you have your very own Breyer modle Nokota but she prefers sleeping to running, likes porkrinds with stale beer, and has an unbearable flatulence problem that causes the other horses to shun her company unless they want to lose all their manes and tails dropping from sheer apoplexy.

I wish cats ruled the world.

02-26-2008, 08:05 PM
Granted. They have people everywhere hurrying to obey their whims but the only thing that really changes is that all dogs are kept in cages.
I wish that they could raise the Titanic.

02-26-2008, 10:30 PM
The Titanic is raised and the last passengers get off and terrorize everyone.

I wish I could find Blackbeard's treasure.

02-27-2008, 02:39 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it's the treasure of Henry Q. Blackbeard and consists of his penny collection, all fifteen thousand of them.

I wish I knew all the answers

02-27-2008, 06:36 AM
AND Heeeeere thay ARE! 1. salgo 2. salia (accent over the i) 3. ibamos (accent over the i) 4. el piedra del sol 5. los olmecas hicieron cabezas gigantes de piedra. 6. los pyramides de mexico son escolanadas 7. tula 7. bonampok 8. Hernan Cortez 9. fuimos al cholula 10. si--te puedo prestar veinte dolares!

NOW you are all set for the spanish two quiz tomorrow. 8:15 sharp. there are teens in macksville who would pay dearly for this info. so even if it is of no use to you, you could probably use it to barter for some skunked beer or bloody violent music--ss

i wish i could cough and urinate in 2 sep. actions--s6

02-27-2008, 06:57 AM
Granted.One triggers the other in a constant loop.
I wish I knew how the characters are going to get to the end of my WIP.

02-27-2008, 07:01 AM
Poof! You read Winnie The Pooh only to find you've subconsciously plagiarizedl

I wish you a Merry Christmas.

02-28-2008, 02:56 AM
BFT's idea of wishing a Merry Christmas involves 60 grit sandpaper & jalapeno juice which backfires causing an interesting rash on BFT in the shape of Orlando Bloom.

I wish these lumps in my neck would go down.

02-29-2008, 09:37 PM
Granted. They go all the way down to your legs.
I wish I had the One Ring.

02-29-2008, 10:06 PM
poof! you have the one ring! unfortunately it is in your bathtub. don't bother scrubbing. it was left by thorin and his grimy buddies. incidentally they are now camped out in your back yard --mining for something or other.

i wish girl scout cookies had the same caloric value as turnip chips--s6

02-29-2008, 11:53 PM
Your wish is granted. Girl Scout cookies are now made entirely of turnip chips.

I wish people wouldn't draw false conclusions.

03-02-2008, 01:29 PM
Poof: people don't draw false conclusions anymore, they mime them wearing white face paint and old Marcel Marceau's costumes.

I wish the bad guys were easier to identify.

03-02-2008, 10:47 PM
Granted. Every bad guy everywhere is now branded Bad to the Bone. Unfortunately this makes them all very angry and they wreak pointless destruction everywhere.
I wish that they could clone T Rex and make it small enough to be a pet.

03-03-2008, 01:28 AM
shazaam, T-Rex comes knee-high with a leash, his own blanky and steel feeding dishes.
Whups, having chewed off your knees he's now up to your hips...
(insert Jaws music here)
da dum, da dum, Da Dum, Da Dum, DA DUM DA DUM!

I'd like a non-meateater like diplodocus lassie-sized.

03-03-2008, 04:28 AM
Granted. Your diplodocus eats your roses first, then your furniture. Oh, and Dippy is not house trained.
I wish I had a copy of Cardenio.

03-03-2008, 05:47 PM
You get a copy of Cardenio and it is stolen 20 seconds later by Shakespeare's clone.

I wish Queen Elizabeth the I still ruled England.

03-04-2008, 12:20 AM

Good Queen Bess is back on the throne, but because of evil machinations by palace courtiers, you have been convicted of treason (though you are innocent), and are waiting in the Tower for your beheading, which will take place tomorrow.

Fortunately, because the Queen appreciates your many good qualities, the executioner will use a sword, not an ax.


I wish more people would listen to Beethoven.

Jenan Mac
03-04-2008, 12:56 AM
Granted! Now the soundtrack from those wretched St. Bernard movies is playing on every radio station in the country.

I wish my neighbor would pick up the rotting oranges from under her tree.

03-04-2008, 03:06 AM
Your neighbor picks up those rotting oranges and with uncanny grace and accuracy lobs them through every window of your house. Twice.

I wish I knew why Jenan's bunny has his mouth open.

03-04-2008, 03:58 AM
Granted. Jenan's bunny has his mouth open because he's about to eat all your chocolate.

I wish I had the chocolate the bunny is about to eat.

03-04-2008, 03:59 AM
Congratulations. You now know why the bunny's mouth is open because you are the bunny, and you will spend the rest of your life not knowing anything other than your own instincts and the inside of Jenan's cage.

I wish I wasn't tired all the time.

03-04-2008, 03:21 PM
You take industrial strenght iron pills coated in caffeine and not only are you not tired and you are wide awake, you tend to attract anything metal within 5 yards and you clank when you walk.

I wish my cats didn't shed in my tea.

03-04-2008, 06:12 PM
Granted. They now shed all over your food instead.

I wish I knew what those big black spiders in the cellar are.

03-04-2008, 09:14 PM
Tonight the big black basement spiders aka BBBSs will reveal themselves to you...they are--PREGNANT! They need a babysitter, 500,000 pairs of baby booties: 75% in pink the rest in blue, and they are in dire need of a chocolate fix. Pre-baby weight gain has given the BBBSs fat ankles-8 each, and their mood swings aren't pretty either!

I wish jousting was a worldwide sport.

Jenan Mac
03-05-2008, 05:13 AM
Congratulations! Jousting is now a worldwide sport. In fact, it's gained all the crazed fans of World Cup soccer, and they are armed with lances of their own. And lots of alcohol. It's not pretty.
But it IS on ESPN 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And all the networks are breaking into their shows to deliver jousting results.

I wish I could speak Chinese.

03-05-2008, 05:50 AM
Granted. Unfortunately it is no longer fashionable to speak Chinese. Inuit is the new in language.
I wish BookTv was on 24/7.

03-05-2008, 08:49 AM

Book TV is now broadcast 24 minutes out of every 7 years. It usually airs between 4:00 and 4:04 a.m. on Feb.28, but in leap years it airs on Feb. 29.


I wish I could fly without having to pay for plane tickets.

03-05-2008, 01:30 PM
You can fly without a plane but you get sucked into a jet engine and are sued for wrecking the 747 and making 482 people late for Mardi Gras.

I wish gravity wouldn't be so insistant when I fall.

Jenan Mac
03-05-2008, 04:37 PM
Congratulations! You are now living on the moon. Of course, not for long, because there's no oxygen, but at least when you die, you fall over slowly.

I wish I'd remembered to plant an herb garden.

03-05-2008, 04:47 PM
Done! Oh, by the way, the DEA has a warrant out for your arrest.

I wish I could control the weather.

03-05-2008, 08:47 PM
Granted. You are besieged by requests to control the weather. Your phone rings constantly. Your email is always full. You have no privacy and you can forget about doing any writing.
I wish I could see the Spanish Riding School perform.

03-06-2008, 01:33 AM
The Spanish Riding School performs just for you...Little Red Riding Hood in mime. They suck. :}~

I wish cats ruled the world.

03-06-2008, 02:18 AM
Poof! The song "I gotta be me" is now stuck in your head for eternity!

I wish I could fly!

03-06-2008, 05:06 AM
Granted. You can now fly all the way around your canary cage and sing for your owner.

I wish I had the first draft finished