Your wish is granted...

Vuligora

Bring it on...
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Granted. But the print comes out wrong some how and they can't afford to re print all those copies, so all the messed up copies are trashed and you are left with nothing. Muhahaha!

I wish my book would be made into a movie.
 

Nicholson James

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Sure thing. But it's directed by Uwe Boll, and it starts Ben Affleck. And only Ben Affleck.

I wish I could run like Forrest Gump.
 

Jaycinth

Your Cuddly Sociopathic
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Sure thing, Okey dokey. I love wet dogs more than I love wet cats...Whoo hooo!!!!!!!! But I HAVE to have William Shatner and Arnold Swarzeneggar singing 'Donny and Marie' songs while I do it, and you need to stick around to make sure they have lemonade.

I wish the clothes thay made for 13 year old girls did not make said girls look like cheap strip club sluts!
 

Jiloa

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Granted. You know exactly what to do with yourself... you just can't do it.


I wish I could get my chores done in 10 minutes.
 

Jaycinth

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Granted. But it is covered in thick, blue-green acrylic.

I wish they made sheets of 'post it notes' that would go through the computer and printer so I could be really annoying at work. (I mean -really really...)
 

reph

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You use the Post-It notes and become really, really annoying at work. They move your desk to a tiny, unlit closet accessible through a dank basement infested with toothy rodents. They lock the door from the outside and promise to return at lunchtime. In the closet, you light a match and discover a skeleton leaning against a wall. The skeleton has nearly human proportions but looks very tall and not quite symmetrical. Green light shines from one eye socket, orange light from the other. You try to remember the procedure for filing a grievance with OSHA. The skeleton speaks...

I wish I were more imaginative.
 

sacredmime

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Granted. You are now delusional. Everywhere you look, samurai penguin in scarlet tutus crawl around chanting, “Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques, Dona nobis pacem.” This, of course, is during your more lucid moments.


I wish I were a snazzy dresser.
 

reph

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Poof! You are a snazzy dresser made from the finest hardwoods. You have four full-width drawers, two half-width drawers, tasteful brass handles, and a beveled mirror. You spend your life in a furniture store's front window until fire breaks out.

I wish cheap puns didn't tempt me so much.
 

Godfather

back door man
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granted. cheap puns are a thing of the past, now you spend all your money on exquisite expensive ones.



i wish that made more sense than it did
 

Jaycinth

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Well, it did to me. Of course, you should stop posting messages to imaginary people.

I wish someone from one of those home makeover shows would pimp my house.
 

Paint

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Whoops! Evil genie made a boo-boo. You are visiting my best friend! But no problem she ends up being your best friend too. Ahh life is good for you...

I wish I were standing in a meadow of wildflowers watching a herd of mustangs.
 

Jiloa

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Are you sure? Okay. It's your wish, but you might want to run because that herd of mustangs doesn't like being watched. Now they're coming straight for you.


I wish that whiney people had mute buttons on their foreheads.
 

poetinahat

say it loud
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Granted. *PRESS* You can't talk. (You mean nobody told you?...)

I wish people would learn from their mistakes.
 

reph

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Granted. People study their mistakes and, being perverse, learn to make mistakes that are bigger and more damaging. A positive feedback cycle ensues. Mistakes become gigantic and destroy the world.

I wish I could sing opera.
 

Paint

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As you watch his eyes roll up and he keels right over, falling on the eggplant and chilli pepper soufle you made to take to your mother's 50th Birthday Party.

I wish I hadn't went out with that guy, nice; but you know, not weird enough.
 

Jaycinth

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Granted. But he still wants to go out with you so now, everyday, you find lacy 'Hello Kitty' panties stuffed in boxes of half eaten chocolate, stuffed in your mailbox and he has now purchased the unit right across the street from you.

I wish you would scratch my back...right there...no there..ahhh now over and to the left a bit....now up an inch....
 

sacredmime

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Granted. Hours later, you realize the backscratcher I've been using is a permanent marker. Do you like abstract art tattoos?

I wish people would stop throwing garbage at me. It's not very nice.
 

janetbellinger

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sacredmime said:
Granted. Hours later, you realize the backscratcher I've been using is a permanent marker. Do you like abstract art tattoos?

I wish people would stop throwing garbage at me. It's not very nice.

Granted. They're now throwing you at garbage.

I wish I had already lost the ten pounds I'm trying to lose.
 

luxintenebrae

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Granted. I removed your brain. It was really quite heavy. You're welcome.

I wish I could eat pizza every single day for my entire life and never gain an ounce.