View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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12-07-2006, 03:08 AM
Granted! Those elephants pooping on my cars just charged over and trampled your house and that wall. Hope your insurance premiums are paid up!

I wish they were giving away free money.

12-07-2006, 03:26 AM
Granted. And you can be either be Mr. Moneybags or the little choo-choo train. Here's $200. Do not pass Go.

I wish it wasn't going to be so cold the next two days! (Oh, I'm so sorry for picking on MidnightMuse . . . she put a curse on me.)

12-07-2006, 03:44 AM
Granted. The coldness seems to have disappeared, there is a heatwave instead due to a meteor coming your way.

I wish i was food

12-07-2006, 03:45 AM
??? Okay... you're squash. Enjoy.

I wish that my husband would get off the phone.

12-07-2006, 03:46 AM
Granted. Hes just finished....ohhh wait the phones just started ringing again

I wish i was up in the sky

12-07-2006, 09:53 AM
granted. but you can't get down and you are the only thing up there......i hear starvation is a horrible way to die....

i wish i could move to hilo already

12-07-2006, 04:55 PM
(hehe how fun. When your flying, the physical is not present:))

Granted. You are now in Hilo, all settled. I see lights coming down from the sky. Aliens are among us. Hilo is dooooomed

I wish i was eating food right now

12-07-2006, 06:42 PM
Granted. Remember the part in the nursery rhyme "Pease porridge in the pot, nine days old? Well, how does it taste?

I wish I could eat all the Christmas goodies I want and not gain an ounce.

12-07-2006, 06:46 PM
Granted. You can have the wax fruit, the plastic candycanes (my favorite), and the tufu Santas and Frosty the Snowmans.

I wish I had a talking Christmas mouse.

12-07-2006, 07:32 PM
Granted. Here he is, talking to you right now. He is 7ft and just about to eat you for lunch

I wish i could get away from the computer

12-07-2006, 07:52 PM
Granted, a viking comes in and gives you his ax. CHOP the chains that bind you are gone! CHOP! the hard drive is gone, you are FREE from that evil dominating computer!!
You run out into the street, tears of joy streaming down your face....
just to see that all of the computers in the world are circling your house, their voice software chirpping "Vive La Revolution!"

It is then that you realize that your computer...the one you hacked apart with the battle ax... was protecting you from the others.

I wish I had the time to write a story based on that.

12-07-2006, 08:00 PM
Granted. You just did. Send it in to Reader's Digest.

I wish (and hope) that I'm not coming down with a cold.

12-07-2006, 08:02 PM
Granted. No signs of it

I wish i was invisible

12-07-2006, 08:10 PM
Granted. Heck, I can't see you now. Can anyone one else?

I wish someone would stop taking the last cup of coffee and then not making a new pot.

12-07-2006, 08:15 PM
I wish someone would stop taking the last cup of coffee and then not making a new pot.

Granted - one pot of decaf coming up.

I wish my husband's ex-wife would move far, far away.

12-07-2006, 08:21 PM
Granted. She now lives up in the sky where she can keep a closer eye on you and your husband

I wish, i was a little bit taller, i wish i was baller...(hehe)

12-07-2006, 08:33 PM
Granted. You're now 12 foot 7, and completely bald. (the wish gnome had water in his ear and didn't quite catch that last part)

I wish today's Safety Meeting video had included more blood and guts, and less annoying hard hat lectures.

12-07-2006, 10:36 PM
Granted. The hard hats decided to quit lecturing and take over the place. They were met with determined resistance and, regrettably, had to enforce their demands. Blood and guts abound, all caught on video.

I wish it was Saturday already.

12-08-2006, 12:06 AM
Granted! However because of the sudden shift, we now have to work all weekend. Thanks a lot.

I wish my husband's birthday present didn't fall through.

12-08-2006, 12:29 AM
Granted, it didn't fall through, but rather got stuck halfway in the middle ! You'll need a crowbar, wrench, and a LOT of duct tape.

I wish the jerk who empties the wastebasket behind me didn't smell like a 5-day dead goat with bad breath.

12-08-2006, 01:04 AM
Granted. He now smells like natures breeze...animals follow him wherever he trespasses

I wish i was doing work right now

12-08-2006, 01:05 AM
Poof! You're now doing 25 to life in a max security penn. Enjoy the hard labor.

I wish I could go get a sandwich.

12-08-2006, 04:05 AM
Granted. They've got banana and mushy pea sandwiches, salami and raspberry jam sandwiches and sandwiches with real sand. What kind would you like?

I wish I had magical powers.

12-08-2006, 04:07 AM
Granted. You can turn anything to gold with a touch. Watch out for the kids, Midas.

I wish I had written more today.

12-08-2006, 06:19 AM
Granted! You copied out the entire Webster's Dictionary. You are now much smarter, but too mentally and physically exhausted to write for a month.

I wish I did not have any areas on my body that hurt right now.

12-08-2006, 06:26 AM
Granted. You just got hit by a truck and are parylized. You feel NOTHING. EVER. Sorry.

I wish that I could see my cousin more.

12-08-2006, 06:28 AM
Granted. You just got hit by a truck and are parylized. You feel NOTHING. EVER. Sorry.

I wish that I could see my cousin more.

Granted. You are now married to your cousin. Sorry about the kids.

I wish I had a million dollars.

12-08-2006, 06:40 AM
Granted! What a pity you're not with us any longer to spend that life insurance money...

I wish my dogs would learn to shut up when I want them to.

12-08-2006, 08:35 PM
Granted. They no longer respond to you

I wish this work was already finished

12-08-2006, 08:37 PM
Granted. But that mime stuff is getting old...fast.

I wish someone would rewrite 'Hansel and Gretal' into a modern fairy tale where the gingerbread house is made out of Post-it Notes...

12-09-2006, 03:16 AM
Granted! Your lifelong enemy does, it's an instant best-seller, and she is currently on a 26 country book signing tour which will end up back in Hollywood where she has to choose between Spielberg and Scorsese for who will direct the movie version.

I wish there was something legal we could do about all the annoying people.

12-09-2006, 03:24 AM
Oh, now this is one I can sink my teeth into. GRANTED! The won't-shut-uppers, the one-uppers, the people who don't bathe, the cheek pinchers, the super loud cell phone talkers, the don't give a rat's @ss about anyone but themselves, well, you get the gist. All these people will be sentenced to banishment from proper society. Huh, there isn't anywhere to put them....guess they all get to stay at your place.

I wish I my client would pay me.

12-09-2006, 03:47 AM
Granted! He's paid you in live chickens, though. Hope you have a henhouse, and are zoned for farm animals. He felt bad about paying late, so you have a rooster, too...

I wish I truly could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

12-09-2006, 06:48 AM
No problem. Now the whole world sings in perfect harmony together, all the time. Only everyone in the world is tone deaf, except you.

I wish that my car would stop breaking.

12-09-2006, 06:56 AM
Granted! It's given up the ghost and the mechanic says that you'd have to pay him to tow it away.

I wish that everyone believed that a fairy can fly.

12-09-2006, 07:21 AM
Granted. The common sparrow has been renamed" fairy". Now look what you've done!

I wish that my back didn't hurt.

12-09-2006, 09:40 AM
Granted! It doesn't hurt at all, so long as you keep moving. Sleeping might be a pain, though.

I wish annual reviews would magically complete themselves with happy results for all concerned.

12-09-2006, 10:21 AM
Granted! The Annual Report Fairies (aka common sparrows just a short while ago) arrive and they complete all those pesky reports. They are now filled with jokes and humor, beauty and fun, and they're renamed Happy Results for All. There's no actual information in them, but since no one actually ever reads an annual report, no one really notices.

I wish there were more hours in the day.

12-10-2006, 09:34 AM
Granted. Shame you now have to work from 9 - 9 instead of 9 - 5 with only the new shortened night in which to recover

i wish everyone loved me

12-10-2006, 07:19 PM
Granted, but now you've got your arms up to fend off all your fans. Being mobbed isn't pretty.

I don't wish everybody would love me but I do wish publishers would.

12-10-2006, 10:33 PM
Granted! You're getting flowers from all the publishing houses. Unfortunately, they think your work is rubbish, and want you to stay home with the kids.

I wish my posture was better.

12-10-2006, 10:47 PM
Granted. Just relax

I wish i was actually here on the computer doing what im meant to be doing (coursework)

12-10-2006, 10:48 PM
Granted. You've been banned from AW.

I wish I hadn't stepped on my cat yesterday.

12-11-2006, 03:02 AM
Granted. You stepped on next-door's Rottweiller and are now missing a leg.

I wish I could come down tomorrow morning to find all the Christmas cakes magically iced for me.

12-11-2006, 03:08 AM
Presto. Not only are they all iced, but they've also already been eaten, so there's nothing left.

I wish I had already finished cleaning my house for our New Year's party

12-11-2006, 03:08 AM
Granted. Have fun defrosting them (and we do mean FROZEN!)

I wish me leg were not asleep.

12-11-2006, 03:43 AM
Granted. It's not asleep, it's in a coma.

I wish Santa would bring me something nice for Christmas, and not those socks he usually brings.

12-11-2006, 10:32 AM
Granted! Santa's bringing you some nice underpants...the white, cotton kind that go up to right under the bra/pecs area. Santa and Mrs. Clause both wear them, so he thinks they are VERY nice.

I wish I could have gotten all our Christmas presents legally for free.

12-11-2006, 01:45 PM
Granted! This year you'll be handing out free matchbooks.

I wish that I was asleep right now.

12-11-2006, 02:28 PM
Granted. A keyboard makes a dandy pillow. I use it at work a lot.

I wish today was a holiday and I had the day off.

12-11-2006, 02:37 PM
Granted, but your garden is full of weeds, your kitchen is filthy, your dog just spewed, and your toilet is encrusted with old turds. So you have a lot of chores to catch up on.

I wish I never had to work again.

12-11-2006, 03:18 PM
Granted. You get put on SS disability. You don't mind living on $14,000 a year, do you?

I wish I had a dog.

12-11-2006, 10:08 PM
Granted. Here is Pete. Pete is a 17 year old chiwawa who was never potty trained, and who eats furniture for breakfast. Oh, and he's kind of mean...

I wish that Sam's desk would arrive (it's being shipped, and will be delivered sometime today)

12-11-2006, 10:14 PM
Granted. It's being delivered by some guys who got drunk yesterday while watching the Patriots game. You don't mind a few dings and scratches, do you? They add character.

I wish Santa would bring me a pony.

12-11-2006, 10:26 PM
Granted. It's of the "my little" variety.

I wish that my pen worked...

12-11-2006, 11:43 PM
Granted. It now has a great job with George Bush signing things into law. Since it is still technically your dependant, you are in the red for its tax liabilities.

I wish I knew what happened to my Beta Prime 2.

12-11-2006, 11:47 PM
Granted. Sadly, it broke free of it's programming, infected a chihuahua that happened to be passing by, then - using the chihuahua's paws - wrote a book about it's life story. The advance was in millions. Oprah's next on it's list.

I wish it would snow all through the weekends, then vanish during the week, then come back again on Friday evening.

12-12-2006, 03:17 AM
Granted! The bizarre weather has caused a complete communications shut down in your city. Nothing's getting in, nothing's getting out. The National Guard are ensuring this remains so...

I wish the rejection letters didn't bother me.

12-12-2006, 10:28 AM
Granted! You LOVE em'! So much so that your writing is suffering just so that you can collect more.

I still wish that my back didn't hurt.

12-12-2006, 05:07 PM
It doesn't. It's numb.

I wish an agent or publisher would believe in my writing.

12-12-2006, 08:43 PM
wish granted!!!! They beleive in you so much that they want you to give them $5000 apiece just to send out a few queries about your article but he believes that someone will like it and buy it ( who hasn't heard this one)

I wish my husband was home for christmas

12-12-2006, 08:48 PM
Granted. A case of mumps has him home for the holiday. Too bad you have to puree his turkey for him though and feed it to him through a straw.

I wish I'd quit wishing and get to work.

12-12-2006, 08:55 PM
granted!!!! you have a nervous breakdownat work and get aken toa loony bin where they give you eletric shock treatment. You are no longer able to dream, wish or otherwise think of anything except work. Unfortuantly your boss takes advatage of this and ties you to your desk so that you can do nothing but work.

i wish i wasnt so bored

12-12-2006, 09:21 PM
Granted -- wait, you're bored reading this thread? Sorry, that was going to be my solution.

I wish I didn't keep evil-genieing my own wishes before I can post them.

12-12-2006, 10:07 PM
Granted. You no longer have evel-genie tendancies. Trouble is, your new persona - Little Mary Sunshine - is driving everyone postal.

I wish I had an awesome recipe for lactose-free fudge. And I also wish I didn't just hear about 2,343 people vomit at the thought.

12-12-2006, 10:13 PM
Here you go:

two 16oz (one pound) confectioner's sugar bags [usually one bag is 16oz in the USA]
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup milk or "milk" (soy milk**, coconut milk, etc)
1 cup butter or baking margarine*** [usually two sticks?]
(Optional; add after mixing)
1 1/2 cups chopped nuts
2 tablespoons vanilla

Don't mix. Just put in bowl. High 4.5 to 6 minutes in a 700 watt microwave. Then once the "butter" is melted, take it out and mix it. Get out all the lumps. Soy milk mixed from powder may caramelize and give you little lumps. Now add any optional ingredients. Spread into greased 12x8inch dish. Enf has a better explanation of the instructions, so you may wish to also look there. But trust my ingredient list.
Many. Can chop nuts and add marshmallows. Can just add one or the other. Or crush peppermint sticks in a bag using a meat tenderizer and add those along with peppermint oil (besides its a great excuse for a vegetarian to own a meat tenderizer). Or add peanut butter after its poured, swirl the two. Can decorate with frosting or something else. Can copiously dust a shaped pan with dried coconut and then pour the fudge into it to cool. Once cool, fudge pops out and has a cute shape and a coconut top.

1.5 pounds of fudge: 2 to 3 minutes. Probably can make 6 pounds! Can split up after its melted and add variants to different parts.

I wish someone would make me a cheesecake.

12-12-2006, 11:04 PM
I wish someone would make me a cheesecake.

Poof, you're a cheesecake.

I wish for no distractions at all so I can get some writing done this afternoon.

12-13-2006, 02:56 AM
Poof! You have been teleported to the moon. Good luck getting back.

I wish that I didn't have to go to the party tonight.

12-13-2006, 02:59 AM
Granted. The party will come to you. You might think about picking up the underwear off the floor. I'm just saying . . .

I wish I wasn't so tired.

12-13-2006, 03:42 AM
Granted! You now have so much energy that you can't sleep and won't take time to eat or drink! Your house will be spotless, but I'm not so sure how the folks at the all night market are going to deal with you...

I wish there truly was peace on earth.

12-13-2006, 04:21 AM
I wish there truly was peace on earth.

Granted. Human beings have ceased to exist.

I wish I could travel through time.

12-13-2006, 10:02 AM

Granted! You can travel through time...only going forward, just like the rest of us.

I wish all the mysteries of the world were revealed to me.

12-13-2006, 10:14 AM
I wish all the mysteries of the world were revealed to me.

Granted! Now every mystery novel of the world is piled in and around your house, and you know whodunnit in each one. It's a little crowded, though.

I wish to win the lottery tomorrow (tricksy, since I don't buy tickets).

12-13-2006, 10:26 AM
Granted! You've won the lottery! It's the church raffle lottery, of course, and there was only $1.67 in change and some rather stale candies as the prize, but, whoo hoo, you won and didn't even have to buy a ticket!

I wish I had incriminating evidence which would force the top agent in the biz to enthusiastically represent me.

12-13-2006, 03:35 PM
Granted. The world's best is representing you, but only if you publish a book full of your own nude photos.

I wish everybody followed me religiously.

12-13-2006, 04:25 PM
Granted. Every time you go to church people will follow. As long as it's bingo night.

I wish I didn't have a cold.

12-13-2006, 07:07 PM
Granted, but it has now changed to pnemonia.

I wish my husband didn't have to work today!

12-13-2006, 07:31 PM
Granted, but he's just been in an accident, and is now paraplegic (very sorry! - bad taste, I know.)

I wish I knew the truth about aliens and UFOs.

12-13-2006, 08:46 PM
Granted! You know the truth about aliens, UFOs AND the universe as a whole. The Men in Black just pulled up outside your door, though, so enjoy the knowledge for another 2 seconds.

I wish I knew where the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow really was.

12-13-2006, 09:00 PM
Granted. It's at the end of the rainbow, silly!

I wish I had a partridge in a pear tree.

12-13-2006, 09:04 PM
Granted but that bird keeps letting loose with doo doo over your kitchen table.

I wishI had agents coming to me asking if they could represent me.

12-13-2006, 09:20 PM
Granted. "Let us list your house, let us list your house . . . we'll sell your house fast . . . oh, please, let us list your house!"

I wish I had a new house.

12-13-2006, 11:56 PM
Granted! Enjoy "Barbie's Dream Home"!

I wish the weather was always a pleasant 76 degrees.

12-14-2006, 01:02 AM
Granted! You meant Celcius right?

I wish I ate lunch.

12-14-2006, 02:22 AM
Granted, but you ate something that is going to make you sick for the rest of the day - vomiting, diarrhoea - all day.

I wish I could finish my book in one day.

12-14-2006, 02:37 AM
Granted. It's a page-turner . . . one page.

I wish it didn't get dark so early.

12-14-2006, 02:55 AM
Granted! You've just been moved to the Land of the Midnight Sun! Hope you brought sleeping pills...

I wish I didn't get sick to my stomach before, during and after every query or submission I send out.

12-14-2006, 06:15 PM
granted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you pass out before, after and during every query and submission. Unfortunatly all the agents hav efound this out and no one will print you.

I wish I had the body of a sixteen year old

12-14-2006, 09:51 PM
Granted. You've also gotten a free gender change, polio, and gonerreah.

I wish for sunshine today!

12-15-2006, 12:34 AM
Granted - but you're gonna have to move about 3,000 miles away, so start packing!

You've had all your shots, right?

I wish I didn't have to go grocery shopping tonight, a night that happens to be expecting 60mph wind gusts and torrential rain.

12-15-2006, 12:52 AM
Granted! You get to go for a 20-mile jog tonight! Dress appropriately and don't forget your rifle and pack!

I wish they played something other than the same, horrid Christmas songs 24/7 through the end of December.

12-15-2006, 02:24 AM
Granted. Now you have to listen to "I Will Survive" over and over for the rest of the month.

I wish I had a Mustang.

12-15-2006, 02:35 AM
Granted! Now they will play the same, horrid Christmas songs 24/7 all year round! And nothing else but!

I wish I could stay young forever

12-15-2006, 02:36 AM
oooops... to make up for it - granted! You have a mustang - attached to your head!

I wish I could stay young forever

12-15-2006, 02:45 AM
Granted. You're now six months old and in nappies - permanently.

I wish I could grow a nice new set of teeth instead of having to go to the dentist all the time.

12-15-2006, 03:22 PM
granted. you now have the teeth of a horse. literally.

I wish I was constantly fueled with inspiration

12-15-2006, 07:41 PM
Granted, but you've now gone insane with the inspiration flowing at too rapid of a speed to write down.

I wish my house was already clean, so I didn't have to work on it today.

12-15-2006, 09:47 PM
Granted. Your maid does it for you. Watch out. She steals.

I wish I had my own personal bathroom.

12-16-2006, 05:52 AM
Granted! You've been assigned Stall 20 in Grand Central Station, and you have to live there. Comfy!

I wish I was friends with Oprah.

12-17-2006, 03:57 AM
You are - for the length of the programme she makes about your disasterous life. After that, forget it.

I wish there could be a light and enchanting snowfall on Christmas Day.

12-18-2006, 07:12 PM
Granted! Paris will be quite lovely. So will Times Square. The White House in Washington, DC, will be the stuff of Christmas cards for a generation. Tokyo will be mystical.

Unfortunately the Brittish Isles will be hit by the biggest blizzard since the Normans invaded.

Chop extra wood. Buy Long-Johns. Lay in some candles and a few good books. You won't be going anywhere for a few weeks.

I wish I had red leather short shorts-hip-huggers with white fake fur trim and a red and green plaid bustier with white fake fur trim, and those black fishnet stockings with the seam and little red white and green bows, and those red patent leather open toed 3 inch spike mules and a nice hairdo, nice nails a bottle of champagne and someone legal, straight and attractive to share it with.

A big French Vanilla Latte spiked with whiskey and covered with shaved dark chocolate.

12-18-2006, 10:06 PM
You're getting them both only you're wearing the latte and drinking the red leather hip huggers.

I wish that everybody will like and use the Christmas gifts I got for them.

12-18-2006, 10:24 PM
Granted! Everyone will like and use the shotguns and ski masks.

I wish my my cell phone would get a signal.

12-18-2006, 10:26 PM
Granted - it's the aliens calling. They're on their way.

I wish my camera would work right without expensive repairs.

David McAfee
12-18-2006, 11:13 PM
Granted. Your camera now works perfectly. However, now you are blind.

I wish I knew what I was talking about.

12-18-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted but you still don't understand what you're talking about.

I wish for the rest of the day to be as awesome as it has been so far.

David McAfee
12-18-2006, 11:54 PM
Granted. Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of your life.

I wish my hair would quit %[email protected]@#$ falling out.

12-19-2006, 12:14 AM
It does, once every last strand falls out when you run a brush though it.

I wish my daughter's dog would get well without surgery.

David McAfee
12-19-2006, 01:35 AM
Granted. Your daughter's dog is fine. Now you require surgery.

I wish for no more sick dog wishes.

12-19-2006, 04:05 AM
Granted, but now you get sick gopher wishes.

I wish it was the end of the week so I could start my Christmas vacation.

12-19-2006, 04:25 AM
Done, but Christmas has been moved to July.

I wish I could unlock the secret code to getting a literary agent to represent me.

David McAfee
12-19-2006, 05:33 AM
Granted. Stylus Literary Agency is on the phone for you.

I wish I had more common sense.

12-19-2006, 08:52 PM
Granted. But now you're no fun.

I wish David would find a sparkly pogo stick and prove to the person below me that he is, indeed, a laugh a min.

12-20-2006, 09:54 PM
Granted ! I haven't stopped laughing, seriously. I only wish I could tell you what he did with that stick that was so funny. You'd pee yourself !

I wish there was a bull terrier puppy on my desk right now.

12-21-2006, 12:49 AM
Granted! There he is! With a big Christmas bow and a santa hat too!

Chee, MM that puppy is so happy to see you he just piddled all over your desk!

I wish I could cuddle up in front of a roaring fire in a big fireplace in a big drafty castle and listen to creepy organ music with Frankenstein's monster. (I'll call him, 'Jim')

David McAfee
12-21-2006, 01:00 AM
Granted. But Jim is feeling rather flatulent today, and since the last time he ate was probably years ago, those gases have had plenty of time to ferment.

I wish I could take back the mental image I just put in my own head

12-21-2006, 01:40 AM
Granted. It's been replaced with the image of Santa lounging in front of a fireplace in the nude. *shudder*

I wish the hot dude in my dream the other night would be in my house waiting for me when I get home tonight.

12-21-2006, 10:34 AM
Granted! Pity that he's there, waiting to rob you.

I wish that I didn't hate the Christmas season as much as I currently do.

12-21-2006, 07:20 PM
Granted. You have been reigned as the new Santa. Off you go, pack up and go back to Lapland, you got a lot of work to do up to Christmas.

I wish i could get out the house

12-22-2006, 12:03 AM
Granted! You have just grown..25...50....no ..
75 feet tall!!

You are now not only out of your house, but ready to star in a remake of 'Attack of the 50 Foot...'

oops, too tall....NEXT!

i wish a practical joking lycanth, a filthy mouthed fairy, and a flamboyantly gay cross dressing dwarf were my best friends.

12-22-2006, 12:08 AM

I wish to be the cleverest and the beastest person in the UNIVERSE!!!

12-22-2006, 09:35 PM
Granted. You're Barney.

I wish it would snow . . . just a little.

David McAfee
12-22-2006, 10:28 PM
Granted. A single snowflake falls on your nose.

I wish for a Happy Holiday season for All AW'rs.

12-22-2006, 10:31 PM
Granted. Mac will close the TIO forum.

I wish I had a good movie to watch.

12-23-2006, 01:32 AM
Granted! Pity you have nothing to watch it on, and no way to acquire a viewing device, but, you HAVE it in your hands. Enjoy!

I wish it wasn't pouring rain right now.

12-23-2006, 05:33 AM
Done. It's pouring mud instead.

I wish I hadn't left Christmas present wrapping so late.

12-23-2006, 05:48 AM
Granted. Christmas will now be on July 4th every year.

I wish I could make myself invisible.

12-23-2006, 05:49 AM

I wish i was in bed resting

12-23-2006, 08:10 AM
Granted, but now you have no legs. Have fun in bed!

I wish I never had to work again!

12-23-2006, 09:21 AM
Granted. You should have wished you never had to eat again too.

I wish I didn't have to go into town tomorrow.

12-25-2006, 01:14 AM
Granted, your evil archenemy has destroyed the town attempting to get to you.

I wish there were still 12 days of Christmas.

12-25-2006, 10:37 AM
Granted. Good luck getting rid of all those Lords A-Leaping.

I wish I could find my true love.

12-25-2006, 11:00 AM
Granted -- your true love exists in a parallel universe which intersects our own for 29 minutes starting at moonrise every calendar Blue Moon (approximately every 2.72 years) -- you have one to look forward to this coming May or June, depending on which hemisphere you live in; and again on December 31st, 2009... hey, someone will be having a Happy New Year three years from now... :-D

I wish I could heal by touch.

12-25-2006, 09:57 PM
Granted. The next time someone touches you, you will be healed.

I wish I could always have buckloads of inspiration

12-26-2006, 12:54 AM
Granted! It's pretty gross, though, and we're not sure how to use it...

I wish I hadn't pulled a muscle.

12-26-2006, 04:33 AM
Granted, your muscle is fine now but that toe you stubbed on the leg of the sofa may take a while.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

12-26-2006, 04:42 AM
Granted. What you really want is for me to be happy. I have quite a list of things I'd like. Thanks.

I wish I was right.

12-26-2006, 04:55 AM
Granted. But you'll have to make sure your glass is all the way full all of the time.

I wish I could speak seven languages.

12-26-2006, 05:08 AM
Granted. The other six are animal languages. Wow, you can now speak Squirrelish, Wolfen, Otterian, Rabbit Latin, Penguinian, and Toadarian.

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. :-(

12-26-2006, 05:21 AM
Granted. When a certain Moderator sees your new avatar, she sends you an email that - instead of uploading a virus into your computer - actually kills you the instant you open it. Those who find your body will wonder about the parrot feathers. But at least you won't have to go to work tomorrow !

I wish I didn't feel so bloated right now, 'cause I'm really craving hot chocolate soy milk and marshmellows.

12-26-2006, 05:26 AM
Granted - now you are bloated instead of just feeling it. It's not going to keep you from the chocolate soy milk and marshmallows, though, which is a shame since someone switched the soy milk for real milk.

I wish I'd remembered to phone my dad today. (oops)

12-26-2006, 05:43 AM
Granted. It's still Christmas. Phone him up. Tell him you forgot it was two in the morning where he is. He'd still like to talk to his "little girl".

I wish I had remembered to take my camera with me today.

12-26-2006, 06:58 AM
Granted, but you still forgot the film.

I wish my morning coffee hadn't been so bitter today.

12-26-2006, 08:28 AM
Granted... but everyone around you was bitter instead.

I wish that the new year is great for everyone!

12-26-2006, 10:45 AM
Granted... but now everyone receives cheese graters in the mail and a year's supply of cheddar.

I wish I was younger.

12-26-2006, 06:18 PM
You are now younger than Methuselah.

I wish I wasn't so confused.

12-26-2006, 08:46 PM
Granted...you're omniscient. You now know the exact date and manner of your own death.

I wish chocolate wasn't fattening

12-26-2006, 09:01 PM
granted - your body does not store chocolate fat in your tissues, it eliminates it through your pores. as a result, every time you consume chocolate (especially the swiss kind), you skin becomes throughly moisturized from head to toe -- in fact, you leave a tell-tale trail wherever you go, and few of your friends let you sit on their sofas any more... byc (bring your own chair) is what they write on your invitation.

i wish i could have a face-to-face chat with my fickle muse.

12-26-2006, 09:13 PM
Granted. I'm just sorry to tell you that your muse is a drunken, broken-down version of Kevin Federline when he's 63.

I wish I could go home and take a nap. It's such a good day for it.

12-26-2006, 10:27 PM
Granted! You're fired.

I wish cats actually did taste like chicken.

12-26-2006, 10:58 PM
Granted. But with nine lives, it's hard to butcher them.

I wish life really was a bowl of cherry.

12-26-2006, 11:09 PM
Granted. Your life has just been reduced to the point where you look forward to that pint bowl full of cherry gummi worms and that 20oz glass of water that appears under your door every 22.3 hours.

I wish there had not been so much salami in my chef salad today.

12-26-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted. The salami has been replaced with anchovies.

I wish the grass was greener on this side of the fence

12-27-2006, 03:58 AM
Granted. You've got greener grass, full of toxic fertilizer.

I wish I had a ski lodge.

12-27-2006, 04:01 AM
Granted. It's in Arizona. Hey, the lifts aren't crowded.

I wish my investments would double in value.

12-27-2006, 06:53 AM
Granted, though the next you'll get invited to nice congressional hearing about your trading practices.

I wish I could spend the rest of my life getting fanned and being fed grapes by beautiful women.

12-27-2006, 07:00 AM
Granted. They fed you grapes and keep you comfy for about a year . . . then they chop you up, cook and eat you.

I wish I was more hopeful.

12-27-2006, 07:01 AM
Granted, although they'll fan the smell of flatus your way and give you grapes that taste like rotten olives.

I wish I could travel anywhere merely by thinking about the place I wanted to go.

12-27-2006, 07:46 AM
Granted.... now you'll get to see every outhouse in the world.

I wish I was the weight I want to be.

12-27-2006, 08:22 AM
granted, you're a fifty-kilo weight barbell now -- to heavy for the scrawny weight lifters and too light for the heavy-wieghts... sitting on the rack waiting to be... lifted

i wish someone would get me more coffee right now

12-27-2006, 09:01 AM
Granted.... you now have tuberculosis. Ooopsy! :D

I wish I had a bigger house.

12-27-2006, 09:44 AM
bad jinny!! :rant:

bigger house, huh :poke: granted -- only it was designed by andy warholl... enjoy :ROFL:

i wish to have five extra working (productive) hours in a day.

12-28-2006, 12:03 AM
Granted! The world slows down and we now have an extra five hours per day. This screws up everything, and while the extra hours ARE productive, you're spending them scrabbling for your very existence. Oh, and thanks a lot from the rest of us.

I wish that I could achieve and maintain one of my New Year's resolutions.

12-28-2006, 12:06 AM
Granted! You've achieved and maintained New Year's Resolution #204, which was to find a cure for all cancers, land that multimillion dollar publishing deal and become rich and famous as an overnight success ! Sadly, that resolution was for the New Year 2047.

But won't we all be happy when you achieve and maintain that one!!

I wish I could keep my tumblers working for more than one week at a time.

12-28-2006, 12:12 AM
Granted! But now, everything else falls apart.

I wish it wasn't overcast and icky today.

12-28-2006, 12:59 AM
Granted. Sunny and clear in southern Florida but you are still in the clouds.

I wish I was as smart as I think I am.

12-28-2006, 04:24 AM
Granted. You now have an IQ of 32.

I wish I ruled the world.

12-28-2006, 05:16 AM
Wish granted. You can start in Cleaveland. Here is your ruler. Mark every inch.

I wish I had more than a 32 I.Q.

12-28-2006, 05:35 AM
Granted: Your I.Q is 33

I wish I had an elevator at home.

12-28-2006, 06:25 AM
granted. barbie loves her rides every time you remember to... 'give her a lift' for the sake and enjoyment of your visiting curlyhaired niece, Annie.

i wish i could go back to sleep for an hour, then wake up refreshed and finish all work on my list today.

12-28-2006, 07:47 PM
Granted. But of course, this is the next day, so when you wake up in one hour, refreshed and ready to finish your work for yesterday, you're already a day (and one hour) behind. Bummer.

I wish I had retractable claws.

12-28-2006, 08:57 PM
Granted. But for some reason these old Chinese guys think that your extremities will 'restore their vitality' if they cut them off, powder them and drink the result.

I wish my hair was as nice as the girls hair on the Pantene ad.

Soccer Mom
12-28-2006, 09:15 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, the chemicals used to acheive this made your teeth rot out and your skin break out in boils.

I wish all my clothes fit again.

12-29-2006, 12:57 AM
Granted ! Amazingly, they fit your pooch just fine - and now doggy fashion magazines all around the globe are calling for photo ops and runway shoots. Sadly, they don't want YOU to represent said fashionable pooch. They've hired Paris Hilton to walk up and down the runway alongside.


I wish I could build the perfect man out of chocolate and caramel.

12-29-2006, 01:14 AM
Be sure to use one of those 12 inch peanut logs.

I wish I hadn't even replied to this thread.

12-29-2006, 04:20 AM
Uh, oh. I've killed a thread. :-(

Okay, I wish I knew what car to buy if I decide to trade.

12-29-2006, 04:46 AM
Granted. You traded for a Lada. It'll run sometimes and only in Russia.

I wish I could have one hundred more wishes.

12-29-2006, 10:10 PM
Granted, you have 100 more wishes but only one chance to have them granted. And oh, dear, lookee there - your chance was June 15th 1934.


I wish the Sci-Fi channel knew what Sci-Fi stood for.

12-30-2006, 12:21 AM
Granted: The Sci-Fi channel knows that Sci-Fi stands for Scissor Fingers.

I wish fate will knock on my door.

12-30-2006, 02:05 AM
Granted. It knocked on your door, then piddled on your shoe. And those looked new, too.

I wish when I get to Starbucks at 4:00 today with my laptop, I could write at least 10 new pages without staring off into the distance with that blank look on my face.

12-30-2006, 02:28 AM
Granted. It knocked on your door, then piddled on your shoe. And those looked new, too.

I wish when I get to Starbucks at 4:00 today with my laptop, I could write at least 10 new pages without staring off into the distance with that blank look on my face.

Granted but every page reads
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"

I wish every book I write would be an instant success

12-30-2006, 04:32 AM
Granted - the doorstop and booster-seat retailers love them and buy up all they can get their hands on.

I wish to be perfectly healthy.

12-30-2006, 11:58 AM
granted, you are now perfectly healthy: every bodily function is fine-tuned to run in harmony for optimal efficiency; your internal organs are in pristine state, all tissues have been rebuilt, all systems work perfectly, you are completely free of any and all disease. You will uphold ideal health and beauty as long as you do not step outside of your satinitized, perfect environment 4X4 cubicle.

i wish i could time-travel at will.

12-30-2006, 12:09 PM
Granted, but you have no control over where or when you end up when you time-travel.

I wish I could write a great American novel.

12-30-2006, 01:19 PM
granted--written, edited, accepted, contract signed -->> out to publishers; release date announced... then, WWIII breaks out; half of the north american continent submerges during a pole shift; alien ships land in Peru, manned by 8-foot tall redhaired green-eyed gods desperately seeking published Irish writers! unfortunatly, your name is not on their list...

i wish i had a green thumb.

12-30-2006, 04:11 PM
Granted. Here's a bucket of paint. Dip away.

I wish I had bought groceries yesterday and didn't have to go today.

12-30-2006, 04:32 PM
granted - time reversal at your beck-and-call: you did buy groceries yesterday; once home, you just couldn't resist gorging on the fave delicacies--you stuffed your face non-stop until the waistbuttons burst, you could barely breathe and your mouth refused to open.

since you couldn't move from your couch-potato sofa and make New Year's supper, you had to call off the celebration, pissing off your closest freinds. no need to go shopping for at least a week--you're in digest mode, good luck!

i wish i'd figured out what the hell my soul-mate ought to be like!

12-31-2006, 02:15 AM
Granted: Your soul mate has scales, puckers often and when caught tastes delicious.

I wish I can turn back time 20 years.

01-02-2007, 04:33 AM
Granted ! It is now January 1st 1480 . . . sadly the time machine, while an impossible feat of logic and physics, kinda got screwy and carried away. It's pretty nice here in 1480, lots of fresh air, blue sky, trees and open wilderness all around you. Sadly, though, the men wear tights, have horrid teeth, and you're new job includes stables, horse poopoo and about ten cents a year.

Oh, and the bathroom facilities are just . . . let's call them sub-par.

But look at it this way, you've proven a time machine, which defies all logic and laws of physics, really CAN work !! Good for you, go write a book about your experiences.

I wish there was something that could make the long winter months ahead just a tad more interesting.

01-02-2007, 04:40 AM
Granted. Here's tickets to the final Twisted Sister tour.

I wish it was a holiday all week long.

01-03-2007, 12:15 AM
Granted. You now get to celebrate the seven days of Hannukah, but you've never been circumcised, and you'll need to go under the knife first. Ouch!

I wish these chin hairs would stop growing back......

01-03-2007, 12:19 AM
Granted. Hold a cigarette lighter to the areas affected for approximately five minutes. That'll do it.

I wish the weather would stay like this until March 1st.

01-03-2007, 12:37 AM
Your wish is granted. However, your boss just called you into the office to inform you that you've been transferred to Siberia. Get packing!

I wish my cat didn't puke on the carpet.

01-03-2007, 12:44 AM
Me too . . . oh, I mean, granted. They puke on the sofa cushions now, and under the bed.

I wish there was a Pied Piper for spammers who would lead them into the ocean to drown.

01-03-2007, 01:03 AM
Granted. That's where they all go phishing :D

I wish I could send my weather to Tennessee, for a few months, anyway.

01-03-2007, 01:21 AM
Granted. Come July and August, we will exchange weather.

I wish I had a pizza.

01-03-2007, 02:32 AM
Granted, but Richard Simmons will be your delivery boy. He'll want a tip.

I wish I were a rich man, vidi vidi vidi vum.

01-03-2007, 02:37 AM
Granted. You're Donald Trump. Hey, nice hair.

I wish that I could get all my chores done tonight.

01-03-2007, 02:41 AM
Granted. Here's a bevy of Merry Maids. They'll all want tips!

I wish I had less of a sweet tooth.

01-03-2007, 02:48 AM
Granted, you have less of a sweet tooth. A part of one of your teeth falls out.

I wish I was an amazingly talented writer.

01-03-2007, 03:12 AM
Granted ! And may I say, I'm one of your biggest fans! I can't get through the day without that Word A Day toilet paper. Let alone those Secrets I Just Can't Keep booklets you put out every month.

You're amazing :)

I wish the rain would include car-wash soap, so my commute home would also buff and shine my sweet little ride.

01-03-2007, 03:14 AM
Granted. Turn that Beetle upside down and use it for a boat. That should polish it nicely. Watch out for barnacles.

I wish I knew what I was talking about half the time.

01-03-2007, 05:57 AM
Granted. Turn that Beetle upside down and use it for a boat. That should polish it nicely. Watch out for barnacles.

I wish I knew what I was talking about half the time.

Granted, your dementia comes and goes leaving you lucid about half the time.

I wish I were dexterous.

01-03-2007, 08:25 AM
Granted -- oops, got that backwards. You're now sinister.

I wish my sister's dog didn't shed white fuzz everywhere he goes.

01-03-2007, 10:31 AM
Granted. He loses all his hair and is the start of a new breed of dog, the Texas Hairless Poodle.

I wish next Monday was a holiday too.

01-03-2007, 07:52 PM
Granted ! January 8th is now officially Find A Virgin Day! It's like an Easter Egg hunt, only lots harder and so far, in the 72 years of celebrating, not one contestent has won. But here's your chance to try!

I wish a new island would form off the coast of Oregon, become inhabited, then vanish into thin air. Just for kicks.

01-03-2007, 09:20 PM
Granted, but all the smart Oregonians decide to vacation on that island the weekend it disappears.

I wish I had a watermelon.

01-03-2007, 09:45 PM
Granted. But it is from Rigel 7, has teenie, shifty eyes, and is not litter trained.

I wish they made quick dry nailpolish in more colors.

01-04-2007, 06:04 AM
Granted, but the chemical they use to make it dry quickly begins to burn you fingernails from your hand.

I wish I could sleep as many hours as I want to tonight.

01-04-2007, 07:15 AM
Granted: You slept until midnight and watched the minutes on the alarm clock change until you have to get up for work.

I wish I can quit my job with enough money in the bank until death.

01-04-2007, 07:52 AM
Granted. How much money do you think you'll need to get you through tomorrow, because that's your last day on earth!

I wish toothpaste came in chocolate.

01-05-2007, 12:20 AM
Granted. It's a bit difficult to rinse off, though, and after three uses, tends to gather in those little spaces between the two in front. Plus, when you use Chocolate and Almonds, you get some nasty looking gunk in that left molar on the bottom. Chocolate and Toffee Chips ruined your enamel, and that Chocolate/Orange flavor was just wrong. Don't even get me started on what your spit looks like in that sink!

I wish the people who wander in and out of my office could once, just ONCE, do so without making some stupid remark they expect me to find funny.

01-05-2007, 12:32 AM
The chocolate-orange would have been my favorite--Grand Marnier truffles!

Granted. Now everyone wanders in and out making stupid remarks that they know aren't funny!

I wish people wouldn't carry on conversations with themselves on public transportation.

01-05-2007, 03:16 AM
Granted. Now they all converse wih you instead. At once. Very loudly.

I wish I had a transporter so I could go places in seconds without all that travelling.

01-05-2007, 07:34 AM
And so you shall - but they'll still lose your luggage.

I wish I wanted more.

01-05-2007, 08:22 AM
Granted, but you also have to adopt the belief that "Less is More" and now you're not sure what you want!

I wish I felt "Joy" when I wash my dishes and "Cheer" when I do my laundry.

01-05-2007, 02:19 PM
Granted. You get all sudsy when you do the dishes and then sit on the washer while it's running. Have fun.

I wish I could be lazy all day.

01-05-2007, 09:41 PM
Granted, but you have ADHD and Restless Leg Syndrome and you accidentally took a dozen caffine pills with that super giant Mt. Dew you drank this morning. Be as lazy as you can manage, dear heart.

I wish I were a nicer person and I didn't....... *** awwwww, shoot...***

I wish somebody would give the genie CPR.

01-06-2007, 12:25 AM
I've been performing Cardio Pulminary Regurgitation on him all day, it doesn't appare to be working, for some reason.

I wish every member here with pet health issues could step into a transporter and come here, so me and three of my favorite former-employers could make it ALL better !

01-06-2007, 12:37 AM
I wish somebody would give the genie CPR.

Here genie. http://www.cpr.org/

I wish I had a longer rubber band.

01-06-2007, 05:46 AM
Granted: Your rubber band is as long as your living room wrapped around the couch and chair 20 times.

I wish the cost to vacation in England was only fifty US dollars.

01-06-2007, 06:23 AM
Granted: Your rubber band is as long as your living room wrapped around the couch and chair 20 times.

I wish the cost to vacation in England was only fifty US dollars.

World News...The European economy plummeted today making England the first country who's currency value has ever fallen below the Venezuelan bolivar.

I wish someone would help...me...get...this...rub...ber...band...OFF MY DANG FURNITURE

01-06-2007, 09:40 AM
Granted, your neighbor shows up to help you, but attempts to cut the rubber band, which snaps off with such tremendous force that it decapitates you both.

I wish I could walk through walls.

01-06-2007, 09:51 AM
Granted. You march through your neighbor's wall and catch her having a bath. She tackles you, ties you up with the electrical cord from her hair dryer, phones the cops and has you arrested. So now you're sitting in a jail cell and Bubba is giving you the eye...

I wish I could find the teddy bear I had when I was a kid.

01-06-2007, 10:15 AM
granted--holding one of its paws through the time-warp mirror in your bathroom, he pulls you in as you realize too late the cuddly little teddybear has grown claws, teeth and a couple of...horns! arghhhhhh!

i wish i could snap my fingers and make everything perfect everywhere.

01-06-2007, 10:22 AM
Granted! But while everyone else is perfect, you're the only one with broken fingers.

I wish that the black hole in my dryer that swallows socks would spit out a few matches for the singles I've got....

01-06-2007, 01:52 PM
Granted by the Great Sock Goddess, Anklenelus. You will find them when you least expect it clinging to the backside of your black dress when you go to the party at the boss's house. Socks just wanna be loved.

I wish every Friday night was as nice as last night.

01-07-2007, 02:35 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you'll never get to enjoy them as you're now scheduled to work every Friday night for the next 10 years!

I wish I could stop time with just a thought.

01-07-2007, 08:47 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you'll never get to enjoy them as you're now scheduled to work every Friday night for the next 10 years!

I wish I could stop time with just a thought.

Granted. You have revelation. You are so astounded by the thought you managed that you slap your forehead with the palm of your hand. The shock penetrates your wrist and the cheap Rolex knockoff you wear ceases to work.

I wish I owned a vintage P38 Lightning.

01-08-2007, 02:05 AM
Granted: The twin engines are missing and the wings bent in half.

I wish I had another week off of work.

01-08-2007, 02:54 AM
Granted but you catch the flu and never leave the bathroom.

I wish someone else would clean the dishes for a week.

01-08-2007, 02:59 AM
Granted. Are you familiar with Chinet?

I wish it wasn't dark already. Gee, it's only five o'clock.

01-08-2007, 07:07 PM
Granted. You are in a white room covered on all six sides with white tile. The lights have been on for 10 weeks now. It is always like noon.

I wish I were in Jamaica watching Oralndo Bloom and Kid Rock playing nekkid volleyball on the beach.

01-08-2007, 09:35 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, the sand build-up (and the, uh, crabs) turn you off completely. Luckily for you, Jamaica has abundant drugs that dull the burning in your eyes, but you just can't UNsee stuff like that.

You just can't.

I wish weather was something you could subscribe to, so you could order up snow or sunshine whenever you wanted.

01-08-2007, 09:38 PM
Granted. The bad news is it's be offered by AOL.

I wish I had time to read all the books I've bought lately.

01-08-2007, 11:04 PM
Granted. You'll have al the time you want when the police detective finishes interviewing you.

Was it scary waking up in that bathtub full of ice with one of your kidneys...and both of your eyeballs missing?

I wish I were a character in a Conan novel.

01-09-2007, 10:08 PM
Granted ! Do you remember that woman, she described as standing behind a black horse in chapter 17, dressed in lovely barbarian garb, making out with some dude in leather pants and no shirt - sculpted chest glistening with sweat . . . You're her paige. You get one sentence, I think. Something about rum, and him being late with his taxes.

I wish I could order something from the Internet and have it appear no less than 5 minutes later.

01-09-2007, 11:13 PM
I wish I were at McMurdo base in Antarctica with 6 gallons of vodka, 24 gallons of Orange Juice, a years worth of fuel, two working generators, sweaters, thermals, blankets, lap top, spare usb drives, enough salsa, taco chips, gound beef black beans, chocolate, coffee, and hashish to last me through 6 months of writing until the ship comes back in June.

01-09-2007, 11:30 PM
Granted. Have you met your bunk mates, Larry The Cable Guy and Paris Hilton?

I wish my dog was house trained.

01-09-2007, 11:30 PM
Granted, but you'll have to give them at least a month and twelve cargo ships to cart in THAT much hashish. Sheesh!

I wish I had Ryan Reynolds chained up in my basement. Oh, and I wish I had a basement. And some chains. Oh, and Ryan Reynolds. And any leftover hashish.


Granted, he's trained to use the internet, too. Watch your credit !

My above wish still stands.

01-10-2007, 12:41 AM
Granted. You get all of that (confusing as it is) plus Ryan Seacrest as a houseguest.

I wish I got everything done that I put on my "to do" lists.

01-10-2007, 01:45 AM
Granted. Your life's work is now over. Time to walk into the darkness.

I wish the inventor of things like 'Big Brother' could be locked up with the inhabitants of his creation.

01-10-2007, 04:37 AM
Granted. They are locked in your house with you inside and the key is tossed out the window. There are bars on the window, no fire escape and the door locks from the outside in with 6 bolts.

I wish the snow wouldn’t come.

01-10-2007, 07:13 AM
Granted. "Snow" turns into his alter-ego "Tornado," out of sexual frustration, and blows your state off the map.

I wish I could invent a pill that removes all caloric value from any food ingested, without making any changes to the nutritive qualities of said food. It's perfectly safe to use, in fact it's only side effect is that it causes you to have radiantly beautiful skin.

01-10-2007, 08:05 AM
Granted. Of course, since calories provide energy, you can't do anything. But, hey, your skin looks great.

I wish springtime began on January 15th.

01-10-2007, 08:05 AM
Granted. Of course, since calories provide energy, you can't do anything. But, hey, your skin looks great.

I wish springtime began on January 15th.

01-10-2007, 11:31 PM
Springtime starts on January 15th at the East Pole of Titan.

Luckily the planet is covered in frozen methane so all you need is a match...

I wish we could change the name of that new star that just bloomed where Titan was to 'Alleycat'.

01-11-2007, 12:06 AM
Granted, but in another six weeks, it will be "Pluto-ed".

I wish I could have five minutes alone with Oprah and a big 'ol pile of mud, and a pardon from the Governor for anything I might do.

01-12-2007, 03:14 PM
Granted. Come to Nashville, I'll drive you over to her dad's house and you can wait for her.

I wish there wasn't going to be as much mud here this weekend (rain, rain, and more rain is expected).

01-12-2007, 07:51 PM
Granted, the mud will all wash away down the hills in the rain, along with all of the houses, cars, buildings, foundations and every poodle in Nashville.

I wish gnomes would wash my car every night while I slept, so it stayed shiny and clean at all times, like a red-hot beacon in the dreary winter days.