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alleycat

Waiting for Godot
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Okay! You're now the host of C-Span Idol. Every week new politicians give really long, boring speeches and one of them is voted off. The judges are George Wills, Molly Ivins and Jesse Jackson. Here's hoping for a long run.

I wish I knew where my cat has hide during the thunderstorm.
 

Yeshanu

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You found it. And all the poop and puke your cat left as a result of being scared once too often... (Yeah, I have cats too.)


I wish my book would write itself.
 
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poetinahat

say it loud
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Granted. It's called 7*&(# y& ()*rlke;a .

I wish I could regrow severed limbs.
 

poetinahat

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Granted. You're taking a final exam, in Latin, in your underwear.

I wish I could whistle.
 

Perks

delicate #!&@*#! flower
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I can't whistle either - been trying for thirty years. So, *poof* but now we have less in common.

I wish I didn't need to sleep.
 

A. Hamilton

here for a minute...catch me?
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whizzam..you are eternally energized and no longer need sleep, but in place of fatigue you have been given an overwhelming ability to produce gas..and become increasingly uncomfortable..soon to explode..

I wish I wasn't so sarcastic.
 

sacredmime

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Granted. Every time you would have been sarcastic, a jet of acidic venom shoots out your nostrils instead.

I wish I had the gift of prophecy.
 

Danger Jane

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Granted. However, you only seem to predict horribly depressing things and they all come true.

I wish I had a distinguishing Christian name like Septimus.
 

Eveningsdawn

Just Sing.
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Granted. You're a nun.

I wish the sun would come out and the rain would stop!
 

Jewel101

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Granted. Now the rain has stopped and the sun is out. Unfortunately, it'll never rain and the sun will never go away. Everything's drying up. Everyone is dying. The world is drying up.

I wish I had something to wish for (toady was a perfect day)
 

poetinahat

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Granted. You do. Now, what is it?

I wish I weren't so gullible (April Fool's Day just takes it right out of me).
 

Danger Jane

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Granted. You are good for absolutely nothing else. All the energy that was channeled into many venues now goes to harmonica playing.

I wish I had a hamburger.
 

Yeshanu

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No problem. I have one that's been sitting on my counter for a few days I could give you. Of course, you do know that the bacteria count doubles every 20 minutes...


I wish I could lose a few of these excess pounds that have been around for a few years.
 

threedogpeople

This is my BEST side!
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Granted but you bought it through your ex-company's pension plan (the one that went belly-up when the administrator took all the money and disappeared to Mars).


I wish it was Saturday.
 

spirit.of.the.rain

i play with fire
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granted and granted. you have one until midnight on saturday night. you locked yourself in the freezer by accident in your underwear and you just got out of the shower so you're enclosed in a block of ice. shivering, you take your cell phone out of your pajama pants, and you call the first number on your contants : your child's day care center. of course, nobody's there, so when you try to call someone that can help you, your phone is out of batteries. oh, by the way, nobody finds you until sunday morning when your kid opens the freezer door to get some breakfast. s/he believes you're a monster and when you get melted, your child won't go near you for a year. your child and spouse have officially disowned you. have fun with that!

i wish i could finish crocheting my baby blanket for my brother in an hour and have it still look beautiful.
 

Danger Jane

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Granted. Your soul now belongs to Tiny Terror.

I wish it belonged to me.
 

threedogpeople

This is my BEST side!
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Granted but in order to collect you have to go to Utah on a record-temperature breaking day in the middle of summer with 6 children under the age of 4. Oh, yes, the air conditioning is broken in the mini-van, only 2 of the kids are potty-trained, the mini-van has vinyl seats, you have a headache and the only thing that's keeping the kids quiet for 2 or 3 minutes at a time is Barney singing "I love you, You love me"...

I wish someone would come to my house and serve me a delicious dinner (right after they cook it from scratch and clean the kitchen).
 

alleycat

Waiting for Godot
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Granted. It'll be fit for a dog. As a matter of fact, it will be dogfood. I hope I don't break all the dishes while I'm cleaning up . . . but I probably will.

I wish I had gotten more done this weekend.
 

sacredmime

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Done, you are stuck in a time loop, much like a very bad episode of Star Trek. In fact, William Shatner is with you and his halting dialogue and hand gestures are driving you insane.

I wish the person I have a crush on would call me and ask me out.
 

Jewel101

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he/she does. Unfortunately it is a prank and now everyone knows you're a loser and laugh at you when you walk by.

I wish I could fast forward time several months