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JeanneTGC
12-07-2006, 03:08 AM
Granted! Those elephants pooping on my cars just charged over and trampled your house and that wall. Hope your insurance premiums are paid up!

I wish they were giving away free money.

alleycat
12-07-2006, 03:26 AM
Granted. And you can be either be Mr. Moneybags or the little choo-choo train. Here's $200. Do not pass Go.

I wish it wasn't going to be so cold the next two days! (Oh, I'm so sorry for picking on MidnightMuse . . . she put a curse on me.)

truelyana
12-07-2006, 03:44 AM
Granted. The coldness seems to have disappeared, there is a heatwave instead due to a meteor coming your way.

I wish i was food

WildScribe
12-07-2006, 03:45 AM
??? Okay... you're squash. Enjoy.

I wish that my husband would get off the phone.

truelyana
12-07-2006, 03:46 AM
Granted. Hes just finished....ohhh wait the phones just started ringing again

I wish i was up in the sky

Jewel101
12-07-2006, 09:53 AM
granted. but you can't get down and you are the only thing up there......i hear starvation is a horrible way to die....

i wish i could move to hilo already

truelyana
12-07-2006, 04:55 PM
(hehe how fun. When your flying, the physical is not present:))

Granted. You are now in Hilo, all settled. I see lights coming down from the sky. Aliens are among us. Hilo is dooooomed

I wish i was eating food right now

janetbellinger
12-07-2006, 06:42 PM
Granted. Remember the part in the nursery rhyme "Pease porridge in the pot, nine days old? Well, how does it taste?

I wish I could eat all the Christmas goodies I want and not gain an ounce.

alleycat
12-07-2006, 06:46 PM
Granted. You can have the wax fruit, the plastic candycanes (my favorite), and the tufu Santas and Frosty the Snowmans.

I wish I had a talking Christmas mouse.

truelyana
12-07-2006, 07:32 PM
Granted. Here he is, talking to you right now. He is 7ft and just about to eat you for lunch

I wish i could get away from the computer

Jaycinth
12-07-2006, 07:52 PM
Granted, a viking comes in and gives you his ax. CHOP the chains that bind you are gone! CHOP! the hard drive is gone, you are FREE from that evil dominating computer!!
You run out into the street, tears of joy streaming down your face....
just to see that all of the computers in the world are circling your house, their voice software chirpping "Vive La Revolution!"

It is then that you realize that your computer...the one you hacked apart with the battle ax... was protecting you from the others.

I wish I had the time to write a story based on that.

alleycat
12-07-2006, 08:00 PM
Granted. You just did. Send it in to Reader's Digest.

I wish (and hope) that I'm not coming down with a cold.

truelyana
12-07-2006, 08:02 PM
Granted. No signs of it

I wish i was invisible

alleycat
12-07-2006, 08:10 PM
Granted. Heck, I can't see you now. Can anyone one else?

I wish someone would stop taking the last cup of coffee and then not making a new pot.

NCRomanceWriter
12-07-2006, 08:15 PM
I wish someone would stop taking the last cup of coffee and then not making a new pot.

Granted - one pot of decaf coming up.

I wish my husband's ex-wife would move far, far away.

truelyana
12-07-2006, 08:21 PM
Granted. She now lives up in the sky where she can keep a closer eye on you and your husband

I wish, i was a little bit taller, i wish i was baller...(hehe)

MidnightMuse
12-07-2006, 08:33 PM
Granted. You're now 12 foot 7, and completely bald. (the wish gnome had water in his ear and didn't quite catch that last part)

I wish today's Safety Meeting video had included more blood and guts, and less annoying hard hat lectures.

AnnieColleen
12-07-2006, 10:36 PM
Granted. The hard hats decided to quit lecturing and take over the place. They were met with determined resistance and, regrettably, had to enforce their demands. Blood and guts abound, all caught on video.

I wish it was Saturday already.

WildScribe
12-08-2006, 12:06 AM
Granted! However because of the sudden shift, we now have to work all weekend. Thanks a lot.

I wish my husband's birthday present didn't fall through.

MidnightMuse
12-08-2006, 12:29 AM
Granted, it didn't fall through, but rather got stuck halfway in the middle ! You'll need a crowbar, wrench, and a LOT of duct tape.

I wish the jerk who empties the wastebasket behind me didn't smell like a 5-day dead goat with bad breath.

truelyana
12-08-2006, 01:04 AM
Granted. He now smells like natures breeze...animals follow him wherever he trespasses

I wish i was doing work right now

WildScribe
12-08-2006, 01:05 AM
Poof! You're now doing 25 to life in a max security penn. Enjoy the hard labor.

I wish I could go get a sandwich.

arrowqueen
12-08-2006, 04:05 AM
Granted. They've got banana and mushy pea sandwiches, salami and raspberry jam sandwiches and sandwiches with real sand. What kind would you like?

I wish I had magical powers.

WildScribe
12-08-2006, 04:07 AM
Granted. You can turn anything to gold with a touch. Watch out for the kids, Midas.

I wish I had written more today.

JeanneTGC
12-08-2006, 06:19 AM
Granted! You copied out the entire Webster's Dictionary. You are now much smarter, but too mentally and physically exhausted to write for a month.

I wish I did not have any areas on my body that hurt right now.

WildScribe
12-08-2006, 06:26 AM
Granted. You just got hit by a truck and are parylized. You feel NOTHING. EVER. Sorry.

I wish that I could see my cousin more.

Haggis
12-08-2006, 06:28 AM
Granted. You just got hit by a truck and are parylized. You feel NOTHING. EVER. Sorry.

I wish that I could see my cousin more.

Granted. You are now married to your cousin. Sorry about the kids.

I wish I had a million dollars.

JeanneTGC
12-08-2006, 06:40 AM
Granted! What a pity you're not with us any longer to spend that life insurance money...

I wish my dogs would learn to shut up when I want them to.

truelyana
12-08-2006, 08:35 PM
Granted. They no longer respond to you

I wish this work was already finished

Jaycinth
12-08-2006, 08:37 PM
Granted. But that mime stuff is getting old...fast.

I wish someone would rewrite 'Hansel and Gretal' into a modern fairy tale where the gingerbread house is made out of Post-it Notes...

JeanneTGC
12-09-2006, 03:16 AM
Granted! Your lifelong enemy does, it's an instant best-seller, and she is currently on a 26 country book signing tour which will end up back in Hollywood where she has to choose between Spielberg and Scorsese for who will direct the movie version.

I wish there was something legal we could do about all the annoying people.

dahmnait
12-09-2006, 03:24 AM
Oh, now this is one I can sink my teeth into. GRANTED! The won't-shut-uppers, the one-uppers, the people who don't bathe, the cheek pinchers, the super loud cell phone talkers, the don't give a rat's @ss about anyone but themselves, well, you get the gist. All these people will be sentenced to banishment from proper society. Huh, there isn't anywhere to put them....guess they all get to stay at your place.

I wish I my client would pay me.

JeanneTGC
12-09-2006, 03:47 AM
Granted! He's paid you in live chickens, though. Hope you have a henhouse, and are zoned for farm animals. He felt bad about paying late, so you have a rooster, too...

I wish I truly could teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

dahmnait
12-09-2006, 06:48 AM
No problem. Now the whole world sings in perfect harmony together, all the time. Only everyone in the world is tone deaf, except you.

I wish that my car would stop breaking.

JeanneTGC
12-09-2006, 06:56 AM
Granted! It's given up the ghost and the mechanic says that you'd have to pay him to tow it away.

I wish that everyone believed that a fairy can fly.

WildScribe
12-09-2006, 07:21 AM
Granted. The common sparrow has been renamed" fairy". Now look what you've done!

I wish that my back didn't hurt.

AnnieColleen
12-09-2006, 09:40 AM
Granted! It doesn't hurt at all, so long as you keep moving. Sleeping might be a pain, though.

I wish annual reviews would magically complete themselves with happy results for all concerned.

JeanneTGC
12-09-2006, 10:21 AM
Granted! The Annual Report Fairies (aka common sparrows just a short while ago) arrive and they complete all those pesky reports. They are now filled with jokes and humor, beauty and fun, and they're renamed Happy Results for All. There's no actual information in them, but since no one actually ever reads an annual report, no one really notices.

I wish there were more hours in the day.

DreamWorks
12-10-2006, 09:34 AM
Granted. Shame you now have to work from 9 - 9 instead of 9 - 5 with only the new shortened night in which to recover

i wish everyone loved me

janetbellinger
12-10-2006, 07:19 PM
Granted, but now you've got your arms up to fend off all your fans. Being mobbed isn't pretty.

I don't wish everybody would love me but I do wish publishers would.

WildScribe
12-10-2006, 10:33 PM
Granted! You're getting flowers from all the publishing houses. Unfortunately, they think your work is rubbish, and want you to stay home with the kids.

I wish my posture was better.

truelyana
12-10-2006, 10:47 PM
Granted. Just relax

I wish i was actually here on the computer doing what im meant to be doing (coursework)

WildScribe
12-10-2006, 10:48 PM
Granted. You've been banned from AW.

I wish I hadn't stepped on my cat yesterday.

arrowqueen
12-11-2006, 03:02 AM
Granted. You stepped on next-door's Rottweiller and are now missing a leg.

I wish I could come down tomorrow morning to find all the Christmas cakes magically iced for me.

janetbellinger
12-11-2006, 03:08 AM
Presto. Not only are they all iced, but they've also already been eaten, so there's nothing left.

I wish I had already finished cleaning my house for our New Year's party

WildScribe
12-11-2006, 03:08 AM
Granted. Have fun defrosting them (and we do mean FROZEN!)

I wish me leg were not asleep.

alleycat
12-11-2006, 03:43 AM
Granted. It's not asleep, it's in a coma.

I wish Santa would bring me something nice for Christmas, and not those socks he usually brings.

JeanneTGC
12-11-2006, 10:32 AM
Granted! Santa's bringing you some nice underpants...the white, cotton kind that go up to right under the bra/pecs area. Santa and Mrs. Clause both wear them, so he thinks they are VERY nice.

I wish I could have gotten all our Christmas presents legally for free.

WildScribe
12-11-2006, 01:45 PM
Granted! This year you'll be handing out free matchbooks.

I wish that I was asleep right now.

alleycat
12-11-2006, 02:28 PM
Granted. A keyboard makes a dandy pillow. I use it at work a lot.

I wish today was a holiday and I had the day off.

Spirit_Fire
12-11-2006, 02:37 PM
Granted, but your garden is full of weeds, your kitchen is filthy, your dog just spewed, and your toilet is encrusted with old turds. So you have a lot of chores to catch up on.

I wish I never had to work again.

alleycat
12-11-2006, 03:18 PM
Granted. You get put on SS disability. You don't mind living on $14,000 a year, do you?

I wish I had a dog.

WildScribe
12-11-2006, 10:08 PM
Granted. Here is Pete. Pete is a 17 year old chiwawa who was never potty trained, and who eats furniture for breakfast. Oh, and he's kind of mean...

I wish that Sam's desk would arrive (it's being shipped, and will be delivered sometime today)

alleycat
12-11-2006, 10:14 PM
Granted. It's being delivered by some guys who got drunk yesterday while watching the Patriots game. You don't mind a few dings and scratches, do you? They add character.

I wish Santa would bring me a pony.

WildScribe
12-11-2006, 10:26 PM
Granted. It's of the "my little" variety.

I wish that my pen worked...

Jaycinth
12-11-2006, 11:43 PM
Granted. It now has a great job with George Bush signing things into law. Since it is still technically your dependant, you are in the red for its tax liabilities.

I wish I knew what happened to my Beta Prime 2.

MidnightMuse
12-11-2006, 11:47 PM
Granted. Sadly, it broke free of it's programming, infected a chihuahua that happened to be passing by, then - using the chihuahua's paws - wrote a book about it's life story. The advance was in millions. Oprah's next on it's list.

I wish it would snow all through the weekends, then vanish during the week, then come back again on Friday evening.

JeanneTGC
12-12-2006, 03:17 AM
Granted! The bizarre weather has caused a complete communications shut down in your city. Nothing's getting in, nothing's getting out. The National Guard are ensuring this remains so...

I wish the rejection letters didn't bother me.

WildScribe
12-12-2006, 10:28 AM
Granted! You LOVE em'! So much so that your writing is suffering just so that you can collect more.

I still wish that my back didn't hurt.

janetbellinger
12-12-2006, 05:07 PM
It doesn't. It's numb.

I wish an agent or publisher would believe in my writing.

amf
12-12-2006, 08:43 PM
wish granted!!!! They beleive in you so much that they want you to give them $5000 apiece just to send out a few queries about your article but he believes that someone will like it and buy it ( who hasn't heard this one)

I wish my husband was home for christmas

janetbellinger
12-12-2006, 08:48 PM
Granted. A case of mumps has him home for the holiday. Too bad you have to puree his turkey for him though and feed it to him through a straw.

I wish I'd quit wishing and get to work.

amf
12-12-2006, 08:55 PM
granted!!!! you have a nervous breakdownat work and get aken toa loony bin where they give you eletric shock treatment. You are no longer able to dream, wish or otherwise think of anything except work. Unfortuantly your boss takes advatage of this and ties you to your desk so that you can do nothing but work.

i wish i wasnt so bored

AnnieColleen
12-12-2006, 09:21 PM
Granted -- wait, you're bored reading this thread? Sorry, that was going to be my solution.

I wish I didn't keep evil-genieing my own wishes before I can post them.

MidnightMuse
12-12-2006, 10:07 PM
Granted. You no longer have evel-genie tendancies. Trouble is, your new persona - Little Mary Sunshine - is driving everyone postal.

I wish I had an awesome recipe for lactose-free fudge. And I also wish I didn't just hear about 2,343 people vomit at the thought.

alleycat
12-12-2006, 10:13 PM
Here you go:

two 16oz (one pound) confectioner's sugar bags [usually one bag is 16oz in the USA]
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup milk or "milk" (soy milk**, coconut milk, etc)
1 cup butter or baking margarine*** [usually two sticks?]
(Optional; add after mixing)
1 1/2 cups chopped nuts
2 tablespoons vanilla

-------------------------------------------
Instructions:
Don't mix. Just put in bowl. High 4.5 to 6 minutes in a 700 watt microwave. Then once the "butter" is melted, take it out and mix it. Get out all the lumps. Soy milk mixed from powder may caramelize and give you little lumps. Now add any optional ingredients. Spread into greased 12x8inch dish. Enf has a better explanation of the instructions, so you may wish to also look there. But trust my ingredient list.
Variants:
Many. Can chop nuts and add marshmallows. Can just add one or the other. Or crush peppermint sticks in a bag using a meat tenderizer and add those along with peppermint oil (besides its a great excuse for a vegetarian to own a meat tenderizer). Or add peanut butter after its poured, swirl the two. Can decorate with frosting or something else. Can copiously dust a shaped pan with dried coconut and then pour the fudge into it to cool. Once cool, fudge pops out and has a cute shape and a coconut top.


--------------------------------------------
1.5 pounds of fudge: 2 to 3 minutes. Probably can make 6 pounds! Can split up after its melted and add variants to different parts.

I wish someone would make me a cheesecake.

AnnieColleen
12-12-2006, 11:04 PM
I wish someone would make me a cheesecake.

Poof, you're a cheesecake.

I wish for no distractions at all so I can get some writing done this afternoon.

WildScribe
12-13-2006, 02:56 AM
Poof! You have been teleported to the moon. Good luck getting back.

I wish that I didn't have to go to the party tonight.

alleycat
12-13-2006, 02:59 AM
Granted. The party will come to you. You might think about picking up the underwear off the floor. I'm just saying . . .

I wish I wasn't so tired.

JeanneTGC
12-13-2006, 03:42 AM
Granted! You now have so much energy that you can't sleep and won't take time to eat or drink! Your house will be spotless, but I'm not so sure how the folks at the all night market are going to deal with you...

I wish there truly was peace on earth.

Spirit_Fire
12-13-2006, 04:21 AM
I wish there truly was peace on earth.

Granted. Human beings have ceased to exist.

I wish I could travel through time.

JeanneTGC
12-13-2006, 10:02 AM
(LOL!!!)

Granted! You can travel through time...only going forward, just like the rest of us.

I wish all the mysteries of the world were revealed to me.

AnnieColleen
12-13-2006, 10:14 AM
I wish all the mysteries of the world were revealed to me.

Granted! Now every mystery novel of the world is piled in and around your house, and you know whodunnit in each one. It's a little crowded, though.

I wish to win the lottery tomorrow (tricksy, since I don't buy tickets).

JeanneTGC
12-13-2006, 10:26 AM
Granted! You've won the lottery! It's the church raffle lottery, of course, and there was only $1.67 in change and some rather stale candies as the prize, but, whoo hoo, you won and didn't even have to buy a ticket!

I wish I had incriminating evidence which would force the top agent in the biz to enthusiastically represent me.

Spirit_Fire
12-13-2006, 03:35 PM
Granted. The world's best is representing you, but only if you publish a book full of your own nude photos.

I wish everybody followed me religiously.

alleycat
12-13-2006, 04:25 PM
Granted. Every time you go to church people will follow. As long as it's bingo night.

I wish I didn't have a cold.

rosethorne
12-13-2006, 07:07 PM
Granted, but it has now changed to pnemonia.

I wish my husband didn't have to work today!

Spirit_Fire
12-13-2006, 07:31 PM
Granted, but he's just been in an accident, and is now paraplegic (very sorry! - bad taste, I know.)

I wish I knew the truth about aliens and UFOs.

JeanneTGC
12-13-2006, 08:46 PM
Granted! You know the truth about aliens, UFOs AND the universe as a whole. The Men in Black just pulled up outside your door, though, so enjoy the knowledge for another 2 seconds.

I wish I knew where the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow really was.

MidnightMuse
12-13-2006, 09:00 PM
Granted. It's at the end of the rainbow, silly!

I wish I had a partridge in a pear tree.

janetbellinger
12-13-2006, 09:04 PM
Granted but that bird keeps letting loose with doo doo over your kitchen table.

I wishI had agents coming to me asking if they could represent me.

alleycat
12-13-2006, 09:20 PM
Granted. "Let us list your house, let us list your house . . . we'll sell your house fast . . . oh, please, let us list your house!"

I wish I had a new house.

JeanneTGC
12-13-2006, 11:56 PM
Granted! Enjoy "Barbie's Dream Home"!

I wish the weather was always a pleasant 76 degrees.

MHanlon
12-14-2006, 01:02 AM
Granted! You meant Celcius right?

I wish I ate lunch.

Spirit_Fire
12-14-2006, 02:22 AM
Granted, but you ate something that is going to make you sick for the rest of the day - vomiting, diarrhoea - all day.

I wish I could finish my book in one day.

alleycat
12-14-2006, 02:37 AM
Granted. It's a page-turner . . . one page.

I wish it didn't get dark so early.

JeanneTGC
12-14-2006, 02:55 AM
Granted! You've just been moved to the Land of the Midnight Sun! Hope you brought sleeping pills...

I wish I didn't get sick to my stomach before, during and after every query or submission I send out.

amf
12-14-2006, 06:15 PM
granted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you pass out before, after and during every query and submission. Unfortunatly all the agents hav efound this out and no one will print you.

I wish I had the body of a sixteen year old

WildScribe
12-14-2006, 09:51 PM
Granted. You've also gotten a free gender change, polio, and gonerreah.

I wish for sunshine today!

MidnightMuse
12-15-2006, 12:34 AM
Granted - but you're gonna have to move about 3,000 miles away, so start packing!

You've had all your shots, right?

I wish I didn't have to go grocery shopping tonight, a night that happens to be expecting 60mph wind gusts and torrential rain.

JeanneTGC
12-15-2006, 12:52 AM
Granted! You get to go for a 20-mile jog tonight! Dress appropriately and don't forget your rifle and pack!

I wish they played something other than the same, horrid Christmas songs 24/7 through the end of December.

Spirit_Fire
12-15-2006, 02:24 AM
Granted. Now you have to listen to "I Will Survive" over and over for the rest of the month.

I wish I had a Mustang.

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 02:35 AM
Granted! Now they will play the same, horrid Christmas songs 24/7 all year round! And nothing else but!

I wish I could stay young forever

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 02:36 AM
oooops... to make up for it - granted! You have a mustang - attached to your head!

I wish I could stay young forever

arrowqueen
12-15-2006, 02:45 AM
Granted. You're now six months old and in nappies - permanently.

I wish I could grow a nice new set of teeth instead of having to go to the dentist all the time.

DreamWorks
12-15-2006, 03:22 PM
granted. you now have the teeth of a horse. literally.

I wish I was constantly fueled with inspiration

rosethorne
12-15-2006, 07:41 PM
Granted, but you've now gone insane with the inspiration flowing at too rapid of a speed to write down.

I wish my house was already clean, so I didn't have to work on it today.

Éclairer
12-15-2006, 09:47 PM
Granted. Your maid does it for you. Watch out. She steals.

I wish I had my own personal bathroom.

JeanneTGC
12-16-2006, 05:52 AM
Granted! You've been assigned Stall 20 in Grand Central Station, and you have to live there. Comfy!

I wish I was friends with Oprah.

arrowqueen
12-17-2006, 03:57 AM
You are - for the length of the programme she makes about your disasterous life. After that, forget it.

I wish there could be a light and enchanting snowfall on Christmas Day.

Jaycinth
12-18-2006, 07:12 PM
Granted! Paris will be quite lovely. So will Times Square. The White House in Washington, DC, will be the stuff of Christmas cards for a generation. Tokyo will be mystical.

Unfortunately the Brittish Isles will be hit by the biggest blizzard since the Normans invaded.

Chop extra wood. Buy Long-Johns. Lay in some candles and a few good books. You won't be going anywhere for a few weeks.


I wish I had red leather short shorts-hip-huggers with white fake fur trim and a red and green plaid bustier with white fake fur trim, and those black fishnet stockings with the seam and little red white and green bows, and those red patent leather open toed 3 inch spike mules and a nice hairdo, nice nails a bottle of champagne and someone legal, straight and attractive to share it with.

Or
A big French Vanilla Latte spiked with whiskey and covered with shaved dark chocolate.

janetbellinger
12-18-2006, 10:06 PM
You're getting them both only you're wearing the latte and drinking the red leather hip huggers.

I wish that everybody will like and use the Christmas gifts I got for them.

MHanlon
12-18-2006, 10:24 PM
Granted! Everyone will like and use the shotguns and ski masks.

I wish my my cell phone would get a signal.

AnnieColleen
12-18-2006, 10:26 PM
Granted - it's the aliens calling. They're on their way.

I wish my camera would work right without expensive repairs.

David McAfee
12-18-2006, 11:13 PM
Granted. Your camera now works perfectly. However, now you are blind.

I wish I knew what I was talking about.

janetbellinger
12-18-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted but you still don't understand what you're talking about.

I wish for the rest of the day to be as awesome as it has been so far.

David McAfee
12-18-2006, 11:54 PM
Granted. Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of your life.

I wish my hair would quit %$@@#$ falling out.

janetbellinger
12-19-2006, 12:14 AM
It does, once every last strand falls out when you run a brush though it.

I wish my daughter's dog would get well without surgery.

David McAfee
12-19-2006, 01:35 AM
Granted. Your daughter's dog is fine. Now you require surgery.

I wish for no more sick dog wishes.

CBeasy
12-19-2006, 04:05 AM
Granted, but now you get sick gopher wishes.

I wish it was the end of the week so I could start my Christmas vacation.

janetbellinger
12-19-2006, 04:25 AM
Done, but Christmas has been moved to July.

I wish I could unlock the secret code to getting a literary agent to represent me.

David McAfee
12-19-2006, 05:33 AM
Granted. Stylus Literary Agency is on the phone for you.

I wish I had more common sense.

Jaycinth
12-19-2006, 08:52 PM
Granted. But now you're no fun.

I wish David would find a sparkly pogo stick and prove to the person below me that he is, indeed, a laugh a min.

MidnightMuse
12-20-2006, 09:54 PM
Granted ! I haven't stopped laughing, seriously. I only wish I could tell you what he did with that stick that was so funny. You'd pee yourself !

I wish there was a bull terrier puppy on my desk right now.

Jaycinth
12-21-2006, 12:49 AM
Granted! There he is! With a big Christmas bow and a santa hat too!

Chee, MM that puppy is so happy to see you he just piddled all over your desk!

I wish I could cuddle up in front of a roaring fire in a big fireplace in a big drafty castle and listen to creepy organ music with Frankenstein's monster. (I'll call him, 'Jim')

David McAfee
12-21-2006, 01:00 AM
Granted. But Jim is feeling rather flatulent today, and since the last time he ate was probably years ago, those gases have had plenty of time to ferment.

I wish I could take back the mental image I just put in my own head

MidnightMuse
12-21-2006, 01:40 AM
Granted. It's been replaced with the image of Santa lounging in front of a fireplace in the nude. *shudder*

I wish the hot dude in my dream the other night would be in my house waiting for me when I get home tonight.

JeanneTGC
12-21-2006, 10:34 AM
Granted! Pity that he's there, waiting to rob you.

I wish that I didn't hate the Christmas season as much as I currently do.

truelyana
12-21-2006, 07:20 PM
Granted. You have been reigned as the new Santa. Off you go, pack up and go back to Lapland, you got a lot of work to do up to Christmas.

I wish i could get out the house

Jaycinth
12-22-2006, 12:03 AM
Granted! You have just grown..25...50....no ..
75 feet tall!!

You are now not only out of your house, but ready to star in a remake of 'Attack of the 50 Foot...'

oops, too tall....NEXT!

i wish a practical joking lycanth, a filthy mouthed fairy, and a flamboyantly gay cross dressing dwarf were my best friends.

Topaz
12-22-2006, 12:08 AM
GRANTED!!!

I wish to be the cleverest and the beastest person in the UNIVERSE!!!

alleycat
12-22-2006, 09:35 PM
Granted. You're Barney.

I wish it would snow . . . just a little.

David McAfee
12-22-2006, 10:28 PM
Granted. A single snowflake falls on your nose.

I wish for a Happy Holiday season for All AW'rs.

alleycat
12-22-2006, 10:31 PM
Granted. Mac will close the TIO forum.

I wish I had a good movie to watch.

JeanneTGC
12-23-2006, 01:32 AM
Granted! Pity you have nothing to watch it on, and no way to acquire a viewing device, but, you HAVE it in your hands. Enjoy!

I wish it wasn't pouring rain right now.

janetbellinger
12-23-2006, 05:33 AM
Done. It's pouring mud instead.

I wish I hadn't left Christmas present wrapping so late.

xhouseboy
12-23-2006, 05:48 AM
Granted. Christmas will now be on July 4th every year.

I wish I could make myself invisible.

truelyana
12-23-2006, 05:49 AM
Granted.

I wish i was in bed resting

CBeasy
12-23-2006, 08:10 AM
Granted, but now you have no legs. Have fun in bed!

I wish I never had to work again!

alleycat
12-23-2006, 09:21 AM
Granted. You should have wished you never had to eat again too.

I wish I didn't have to go into town tomorrow.

CBeasy
12-25-2006, 01:14 AM
Granted, your evil archenemy has destroyed the town attempting to get to you.

I wish there were still 12 days of Christmas.

Novelust
12-25-2006, 10:37 AM
Granted. Good luck getting rid of all those Lords A-Leaping.

I wish I could find my true love.

Angelinity
12-25-2006, 11:00 AM
Granted -- your true love exists in a parallel universe which intersects our own for 29 minutes starting at moonrise every calendar Blue Moon (approximately every 2.72 years) -- you have one to look forward to this coming May or June, depending on which hemisphere you live in; and again on December 31st, 2009... hey, someone will be having a Happy New Year three years from now... :-D

I wish I could heal by touch.

DreamWorks
12-25-2006, 09:57 PM
Granted. The next time someone touches you, you will be healed.

I wish I could always have buckloads of inspiration

WildScribe
12-26-2006, 12:54 AM
Granted! It's pretty gross, though, and we're not sure how to use it...

I wish I hadn't pulled a muscle.

tlblack
12-26-2006, 04:33 AM
Granted, your muscle is fine now but that toe you stubbed on the leg of the sofa may take a while.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

alleycat
12-26-2006, 04:42 AM
Granted. What you really want is for me to be happy. I have quite a list of things I'd like. Thanks.

I wish I was right.

MajorDrums
12-26-2006, 04:55 AM
Granted. But you'll have to make sure your glass is all the way full all of the time.

I wish I could speak seven languages.

alleycat
12-26-2006, 05:08 AM
Granted. The other six are animal languages. Wow, you can now speak Squirrelish, Wolfen, Otterian, Rabbit Latin, Penguinian, and Toadarian.

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. :-(

MidnightMuse
12-26-2006, 05:21 AM
Granted. When a certain Moderator sees your new avatar, she sends you an email that - instead of uploading a virus into your computer - actually kills you the instant you open it. Those who find your body will wonder about the parrot feathers. But at least you won't have to go to work tomorrow !

I wish I didn't feel so bloated right now, 'cause I'm really craving hot chocolate soy milk and marshmellows.

Cath
12-26-2006, 05:26 AM
Granted - now you are bloated instead of just feeling it. It's not going to keep you from the chocolate soy milk and marshmallows, though, which is a shame since someone switched the soy milk for real milk.

I wish I'd remembered to phone my dad today. (oops)

alleycat
12-26-2006, 05:43 AM
Granted. It's still Christmas. Phone him up. Tell him you forgot it was two in the morning where he is. He'd still like to talk to his "little girl".

I wish I had remembered to take my camera with me today.

LimeyDawg
12-26-2006, 06:58 AM
Granted, but you still forgot the film.

I wish my morning coffee hadn't been so bitter today.

WildScribe
12-26-2006, 08:28 AM
Granted... but everyone around you was bitter instead.

I wish that the new year is great for everyone!

endless
12-26-2006, 10:45 AM
Granted... but now everyone receives cheese graters in the mail and a year's supply of cheddar.

I wish I was younger.

Jaycinth
12-26-2006, 06:18 PM
Granted!
You are now younger than Methuselah.

I wish I wasn't so confused.

LimeyDawg
12-26-2006, 08:46 PM
Granted...you're omniscient. You now know the exact date and manner of your own death.

I wish chocolate wasn't fattening

Angelinity
12-26-2006, 09:01 PM
granted - your body does not store chocolate fat in your tissues, it eliminates it through your pores. as a result, every time you consume chocolate (especially the swiss kind), you skin becomes throughly moisturized from head to toe -- in fact, you leave a tell-tale trail wherever you go, and few of your friends let you sit on their sofas any more... byc (bring your own chair) is what they write on your invitation.

i wish i could have a face-to-face chat with my fickle muse.

alleycat
12-26-2006, 09:13 PM
Granted. I'm just sorry to tell you that your muse is a drunken, broken-down version of Kevin Federline when he's 63.

I wish I could go home and take a nap. It's such a good day for it.

LimeyDawg
12-26-2006, 10:27 PM
Granted! You're fired.

I wish cats actually did taste like chicken.

alleycat
12-26-2006, 10:58 PM
Granted. But with nine lives, it's hard to butcher them.

I wish life really was a bowl of cherry.

Jaycinth
12-26-2006, 11:09 PM
Granted. Your life has just been reduced to the point where you look forward to that pint bowl full of cherry gummi worms and that 20oz glass of water that appears under your door every 22.3 hours.

I wish there had not been so much salami in my chef salad today.

LimeyDawg
12-26-2006, 11:41 PM
Granted. The salami has been replaced with anchovies.

I wish the grass was greener on this side of the fence

askeladd
12-27-2006, 03:58 AM
Granted. You've got greener grass, full of toxic fertilizer.

I wish I had a ski lodge.

alleycat
12-27-2006, 04:01 AM
Granted. It's in Arizona. Hey, the lifts aren't crowded.

I wish my investments would double in value.

CBeasy
12-27-2006, 06:53 AM
Granted, though the next you'll get invited to nice congressional hearing about your trading practices.

I wish I could spend the rest of my life getting fanned and being fed grapes by beautiful women.

alleycat
12-27-2006, 07:00 AM
Granted. They fed you grapes and keep you comfy for about a year . . . then they chop you up, cook and eat you.

I wish I was more hopeful.

askeladd
12-27-2006, 07:01 AM
Granted, although they'll fan the smell of flatus your way and give you grapes that taste like rotten olives.

I wish I could travel anywhere merely by thinking about the place I wanted to go.

endless
12-27-2006, 07:46 AM
Granted.... now you'll get to see every outhouse in the world.

I wish I was the weight I want to be.

Angelinity
12-27-2006, 08:22 AM
granted, you're a fifty-kilo weight barbell now -- to heavy for the scrawny weight lifters and too light for the heavy-wieghts... sitting on the rack waiting to be... lifted

i wish someone would get me more coffee right now

endless
12-27-2006, 09:01 AM
Granted.... you now have tuberculosis. Ooopsy! :D

I wish I had a bigger house.

Angelinity
12-27-2006, 09:44 AM
bad jinny!! :rant:

bigger house, huh :poke: granted -- only it was designed by andy warholl... enjoy :ROFL:

i wish to have five extra working (productive) hours in a day.

JeanneTGC
12-28-2006, 12:03 AM
Granted! The world slows down and we now have an extra five hours per day. This screws up everything, and while the extra hours ARE productive, you're spending them scrabbling for your very existence. Oh, and thanks a lot from the rest of us.

I wish that I could achieve and maintain one of my New Year's resolutions.

MidnightMuse
12-28-2006, 12:06 AM
Granted! You've achieved and maintained New Year's Resolution #204, which was to find a cure for all cancers, land that multimillion dollar publishing deal and become rich and famous as an overnight success ! Sadly, that resolution was for the New Year 2047.

But won't we all be happy when you achieve and maintain that one!!

I wish I could keep my tumblers working for more than one week at a time.

JeanneTGC
12-28-2006, 12:12 AM
Granted! But now, everything else falls apart.

I wish it wasn't overcast and icky today.

Del
12-28-2006, 12:59 AM
Granted. Sunny and clear in southern Florida but you are still in the clouds.

I wish I was as smart as I think I am.

endless
12-28-2006, 04:24 AM
Granted. You now have an IQ of 32.

I wish I ruled the world.

Del
12-28-2006, 05:16 AM
Wish granted. You can start in Cleaveland. Here is your ruler. Mark every inch.

I wish I had more than a 32 I.Q.

TrainofThought
12-28-2006, 05:35 AM
Granted: Your I.Q is 33

I wish I had an elevator at home.

Angelinity
12-28-2006, 06:25 AM
granted. barbie loves her rides every time you remember to... 'give her a lift' for the sake and enjoyment of your visiting curlyhaired niece, Annie.

i wish i could go back to sleep for an hour, then wake up refreshed and finish all work on my list today.

MidnightMuse
12-28-2006, 07:47 PM
Granted. But of course, this is the next day, so when you wake up in one hour, refreshed and ready to finish your work for yesterday, you're already a day (and one hour) behind. Bummer.

I wish I had retractable claws.

Jaycinth
12-28-2006, 08:57 PM
Granted. But for some reason these old Chinese guys think that your extremities will 'restore their vitality' if they cut them off, powder them and drink the result.

I wish my hair was as nice as the girls hair on the Pantene ad.

Soccer Mom
12-28-2006, 09:15 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, the chemicals used to acheive this made your teeth rot out and your skin break out in boils.

I wish all my clothes fit again.

MidnightMuse
12-29-2006, 12:57 AM
Granted ! Amazingly, they fit your pooch just fine - and now doggy fashion magazines all around the globe are calling for photo ops and runway shoots. Sadly, they don't want YOU to represent said fashionable pooch. They've hired Paris Hilton to walk up and down the runway alongside.

Bummer.

I wish I could build the perfect man out of chocolate and caramel.

alleycat
12-29-2006, 01:14 AM
Be sure to use one of those 12 inch peanut logs.

I wish I hadn't even replied to this thread.

alleycat
12-29-2006, 04:20 AM
Uh, oh. I've killed a thread. :-(

Okay, I wish I knew what car to buy if I decide to trade.

endless
12-29-2006, 04:46 AM
Granted. You traded for a Lada. It'll run sometimes and only in Russia.

I wish I could have one hundred more wishes.

MidnightMuse
12-29-2006, 10:10 PM
Granted, you have 100 more wishes but only one chance to have them granted. And oh, dear, lookee there - your chance was June 15th 1934.

Shoot.

I wish the Sci-Fi channel knew what Sci-Fi stood for.

TrainofThought
12-30-2006, 12:21 AM
Granted: The Sci-Fi channel knows that Sci-Fi stands for Scissor Fingers.

I wish fate will knock on my door.

MidnightMuse
12-30-2006, 02:05 AM
Granted. It knocked on your door, then piddled on your shoe. And those looked new, too.

I wish when I get to Starbucks at 4:00 today with my laptop, I could write at least 10 new pages without staring off into the distance with that blank look on my face.

jester
12-30-2006, 02:28 AM
Granted. It knocked on your door, then piddled on your shoe. And those looked new, too.

I wish when I get to Starbucks at 4:00 today with my laptop, I could write at least 10 new pages without staring off into the distance with that blank look on my face.

Granted but every page reads
"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy"

I wish every book I write would be an instant success

AnnieColleen
12-30-2006, 04:32 AM
Granted - the doorstop and booster-seat retailers love them and buy up all they can get their hands on.

I wish to be perfectly healthy.

Angelinity
12-30-2006, 11:58 AM
granted, you are now perfectly healthy: every bodily function is fine-tuned to run in harmony for optimal efficiency; your internal organs are in pristine state, all tissues have been rebuilt, all systems work perfectly, you are completely free of any and all disease. You will uphold ideal health and beauty as long as you do not step outside of your satinitized, perfect environment 4X4 cubicle.

i wish i could time-travel at will.

IrishScribbler
12-30-2006, 12:09 PM
Granted, but you have no control over where or when you end up when you time-travel.

I wish I could write a great American novel.

Angelinity
12-30-2006, 01:19 PM
granted--written, edited, accepted, contract signed -->> out to publishers; release date announced... then, WWIII breaks out; half of the north american continent submerges during a pole shift; alien ships land in Peru, manned by 8-foot tall redhaired green-eyed gods desperately seeking published Irish writers! unfortunatly, your name is not on their list...

i wish i had a green thumb.

alleycat
12-30-2006, 04:11 PM
Granted. Here's a bucket of paint. Dip away.

I wish I had bought groceries yesterday and didn't have to go today.

Angelinity
12-30-2006, 04:32 PM
granted - time reversal at your beck-and-call: you did buy groceries yesterday; once home, you just couldn't resist gorging on the fave delicacies--you stuffed your face non-stop until the waistbuttons burst, you could barely breathe and your mouth refused to open.

since you couldn't move from your couch-potato sofa and make New Year's supper, you had to call off the celebration, pissing off your closest freinds. no need to go shopping for at least a week--you're in digest mode, good luck!

i wish i'd figured out what the hell my soul-mate ought to be like!

TrainofThought
12-31-2006, 02:15 AM
Granted: Your soul mate has scales, puckers often and when caught tastes delicious.

I wish I can turn back time 20 years.

MidnightMuse
01-02-2007, 04:33 AM
Granted ! It is now January 1st 1480 . . . sadly the time machine, while an impossible feat of logic and physics, kinda got screwy and carried away. It's pretty nice here in 1480, lots of fresh air, blue sky, trees and open wilderness all around you. Sadly, though, the men wear tights, have horrid teeth, and you're new job includes stables, horse poopoo and about ten cents a year.

Oh, and the bathroom facilities are just . . . let's call them sub-par.

But look at it this way, you've proven a time machine, which defies all logic and laws of physics, really CAN work !! Good for you, go write a book about your experiences.

I wish there was something that could make the long winter months ahead just a tad more interesting.

alleycat
01-02-2007, 04:40 AM
Granted. Here's tickets to the final Twisted Sister tour.

I wish it was a holiday all week long.

Sweetlebee
01-03-2007, 12:15 AM
Granted. You now get to celebrate the seven days of Hannukah, but you've never been circumcised, and you'll need to go under the knife first. Ouch!

I wish these chin hairs would stop growing back......

alleycat
01-03-2007, 12:19 AM
Granted. Hold a cigarette lighter to the areas affected for approximately five minutes. That'll do it.

I wish the weather would stay like this until March 1st.

Sweetlebee
01-03-2007, 12:37 AM
Your wish is granted. However, your boss just called you into the office to inform you that you've been transferred to Siberia. Get packing!

I wish my cat didn't puke on the carpet.

alleycat
01-03-2007, 12:44 AM
Me too . . . oh, I mean, granted. They puke on the sofa cushions now, and under the bed.

I wish there was a Pied Piper for spammers who would lead them into the ocean to drown.

MidnightMuse
01-03-2007, 01:03 AM
Granted. That's where they all go phishing :D

I wish I could send my weather to Tennessee, for a few months, anyway.

alleycat
01-03-2007, 01:21 AM
Granted. Come July and August, we will exchange weather.

I wish I had a pizza.

Sweetlebee
01-03-2007, 02:32 AM
Granted, but Richard Simmons will be your delivery boy. He'll want a tip.

I wish I were a rich man, vidi vidi vidi vum.

alleycat
01-03-2007, 02:37 AM
Granted. You're Donald Trump. Hey, nice hair.

I wish that I could get all my chores done tonight.

Sweetlebee
01-03-2007, 02:41 AM
Granted. Here's a bevy of Merry Maids. They'll all want tips!

I wish I had less of a sweet tooth.

janetbellinger
01-03-2007, 02:48 AM
Granted, you have less of a sweet tooth. A part of one of your teeth falls out.

I wish I was an amazingly talented writer.

MidnightMuse
01-03-2007, 03:12 AM
Granted ! And may I say, I'm one of your biggest fans! I can't get through the day without that Word A Day toilet paper. Let alone those Secrets I Just Can't Keep booklets you put out every month.

You're amazing :)

I wish the rain would include car-wash soap, so my commute home would also buff and shine my sweet little ride.

alleycat
01-03-2007, 03:14 AM
Granted. Turn that Beetle upside down and use it for a boat. That should polish it nicely. Watch out for barnacles.

I wish I knew what I was talking about half the time.

Del
01-03-2007, 05:57 AM
Granted. Turn that Beetle upside down and use it for a boat. That should polish it nicely. Watch out for barnacles.

I wish I knew what I was talking about half the time.

Granted, your dementia comes and goes leaving you lucid about half the time.


I wish I were dexterous.

AnnieColleen
01-03-2007, 08:25 AM
Granted -- oops, got that backwards. You're now sinister.

I wish my sister's dog didn't shed white fuzz everywhere he goes.

alleycat
01-03-2007, 10:31 AM
Granted. He loses all his hair and is the start of a new breed of dog, the Texas Hairless Poodle.

I wish next Monday was a holiday too.

MidnightMuse
01-03-2007, 07:52 PM
Granted ! January 8th is now officially Find A Virgin Day! It's like an Easter Egg hunt, only lots harder and so far, in the 72 years of celebrating, not one contestent has won. But here's your chance to try!

I wish a new island would form off the coast of Oregon, become inhabited, then vanish into thin air. Just for kicks.

Sweetlebee
01-03-2007, 09:20 PM
Granted, but all the smart Oregonians decide to vacation on that island the weekend it disappears.

I wish I had a watermelon.

Jaycinth
01-03-2007, 09:45 PM
Granted. But it is from Rigel 7, has teenie, shifty eyes, and is not litter trained.

I wish they made quick dry nailpolish in more colors.

CBeasy
01-04-2007, 06:04 AM
Granted, but the chemical they use to make it dry quickly begins to burn you fingernails from your hand.

I wish I could sleep as many hours as I want to tonight.

TrainofThought
01-04-2007, 07:15 AM
Granted: You slept until midnight and watched the minutes on the alarm clock change until you have to get up for work.

I wish I can quit my job with enough money in the bank until death.

Sweetlebee
01-04-2007, 07:52 AM
Granted. How much money do you think you'll need to get you through tomorrow, because that's your last day on earth!

I wish toothpaste came in chocolate.

MidnightMuse
01-05-2007, 12:20 AM
Granted. It's a bit difficult to rinse off, though, and after three uses, tends to gather in those little spaces between the two in front. Plus, when you use Chocolate and Almonds, you get some nasty looking gunk in that left molar on the bottom. Chocolate and Toffee Chips ruined your enamel, and that Chocolate/Orange flavor was just wrong. Don't even get me started on what your spit looks like in that sink!

I wish the people who wander in and out of my office could once, just ONCE, do so without making some stupid remark they expect me to find funny.

Sweetlebee
01-05-2007, 12:32 AM
The chocolate-orange would have been my favorite--Grand Marnier truffles!

Granted. Now everyone wanders in and out making stupid remarks that they know aren't funny!

I wish people wouldn't carry on conversations with themselves on public transportation.

arrowqueen
01-05-2007, 03:16 AM
Granted. Now they all converse wih you instead. At once. Very loudly.

I wish I had a transporter so I could go places in seconds without all that travelling.

Unique
01-05-2007, 07:34 AM
And so you shall - but they'll still lose your luggage.

I wish I wanted more.

Sweetlebee
01-05-2007, 08:22 AM
Granted, but you also have to adopt the belief that "Less is More" and now you're not sure what you want!

I wish I felt "Joy" when I wash my dishes and "Cheer" when I do my laundry.

alleycat
01-05-2007, 02:19 PM
Granted. You get all sudsy when you do the dishes and then sit on the washer while it's running. Have fun.

I wish I could be lazy all day.

Jaycinth
01-05-2007, 09:41 PM
Granted, but you have ADHD and Restless Leg Syndrome and you accidentally took a dozen caffine pills with that super giant Mt. Dew you drank this morning. Be as lazy as you can manage, dear heart.

I wish I were a nicer person and I didn't....... *** awwwww, shoot...***

I wish somebody would give the genie CPR.

MidnightMuse
01-06-2007, 12:25 AM
I've been performing Cardio Pulminary Regurgitation on him all day, it doesn't appare to be working, for some reason.

I wish every member here with pet health issues could step into a transporter and come here, so me and three of my favorite former-employers could make it ALL better !

Del
01-06-2007, 12:37 AM
I wish somebody would give the genie CPR.

Here genie. http://www.cpr.org/





I wish I had a longer rubber band.

TrainofThought
01-06-2007, 05:46 AM
Granted: Your rubber band is as long as your living room wrapped around the couch and chair 20 times.

I wish the cost to vacation in England was only fifty US dollars.

Del
01-06-2007, 06:23 AM
Granted: Your rubber band is as long as your living room wrapped around the couch and chair 20 times.

I wish the cost to vacation in England was only fifty US dollars.


World News...The European economy plummeted today making England the first country who's currency value has ever fallen below the Venezuelan bolivar.



I wish someone would help...me...get...this...rub...ber...band...OFF MY DANG FURNITURE

CBeasy
01-06-2007, 09:40 AM
Granted, your neighbor shows up to help you, but attempts to cut the rubber band, which snaps off with such tremendous force that it decapitates you both.

I wish I could walk through walls.

endless
01-06-2007, 09:51 AM
Granted. You march through your neighbor's wall and catch her having a bath. She tackles you, ties you up with the electrical cord from her hair dryer, phones the cops and has you arrested. So now you're sitting in a jail cell and Bubba is giving you the eye...

I wish I could find the teddy bear I had when I was a kid.

Angelinity
01-06-2007, 10:15 AM
granted--holding one of its paws through the time-warp mirror in your bathroom, he pulls you in as you realize too late the cuddly little teddybear has grown claws, teeth and a couple of...horns! arghhhhhh!

i wish i could snap my fingers and make everything perfect everywhere.

endless
01-06-2007, 10:22 AM
Granted! But while everyone else is perfect, you're the only one with broken fingers.

I wish that the black hole in my dryer that swallows socks would spit out a few matches for the singles I've got....

alleycat
01-06-2007, 01:52 PM
Granted by the Great Sock Goddess, Anklenelus. You will find them when you least expect it clinging to the backside of your black dress when you go to the party at the boss's house. Socks just wanna be loved.

I wish every Friday night was as nice as last night.

CBeasy
01-07-2007, 02:35 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you'll never get to enjoy them as you're now scheduled to work every Friday night for the next 10 years!

I wish I could stop time with just a thought.

Del
01-07-2007, 08:47 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, you'll never get to enjoy them as you're now scheduled to work every Friday night for the next 10 years!

I wish I could stop time with just a thought.

Granted. You have revelation. You are so astounded by the thought you managed that you slap your forehead with the palm of your hand. The shock penetrates your wrist and the cheap Rolex knockoff you wear ceases to work.



I wish I owned a vintage P38 Lightning.

TrainofThought
01-08-2007, 02:05 AM
Granted: The twin engines are missing and the wings bent in half.

I wish I had another week off of work.

jester
01-08-2007, 02:54 AM
Granted but you catch the flu and never leave the bathroom.

I wish someone else would clean the dishes for a week.

alleycat
01-08-2007, 02:59 AM
Granted. Are you familiar with Chinet?

I wish it wasn't dark already. Gee, it's only five o'clock.

Jaycinth
01-08-2007, 07:07 PM
Granted. You are in a white room covered on all six sides with white tile. The lights have been on for 10 weeks now. It is always like noon.

I wish I were in Jamaica watching Oralndo Bloom and Kid Rock playing nekkid volleyball on the beach.

MidnightMuse
01-08-2007, 09:35 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, the sand build-up (and the, uh, crabs) turn you off completely. Luckily for you, Jamaica has abundant drugs that dull the burning in your eyes, but you just can't UNsee stuff like that.

You just can't.

I wish weather was something you could subscribe to, so you could order up snow or sunshine whenever you wanted.

alleycat
01-08-2007, 09:38 PM
Granted. The bad news is it's be offered by AOL.

I wish I had time to read all the books I've bought lately.

Jaycinth
01-08-2007, 11:04 PM
Granted. You'll have al the time you want when the police detective finishes interviewing you.

Was it scary waking up in that bathtub full of ice with one of your kidneys...and both of your eyeballs missing?

I wish I were a character in a Conan novel.

MidnightMuse
01-09-2007, 10:08 PM
Granted ! Do you remember that woman, she described as standing behind a black horse in chapter 17, dressed in lovely barbarian garb, making out with some dude in leather pants and no shirt - sculpted chest glistening with sweat . . . You're her paige. You get one sentence, I think. Something about rum, and him being late with his taxes.

I wish I could order something from the Internet and have it appear no less than 5 minutes later.

Jaycinth
01-09-2007, 11:13 PM
Granted.
It
I wish I were at McMurdo base in Antarctica with 6 gallons of vodka, 24 gallons of Orange Juice, a years worth of fuel, two working generators, sweaters, thermals, blankets, lap top, spare usb drives, enough salsa, taco chips, gound beef black beans, chocolate, coffee, and hashish to last me through 6 months of writing until the ship comes back in June.

msQTpi
01-09-2007, 11:30 PM
Granted. Have you met your bunk mates, Larry The Cable Guy and Paris Hilton?

I wish my dog was house trained.

MidnightMuse
01-09-2007, 11:30 PM
Granted, but you'll have to give them at least a month and twelve cargo ships to cart in THAT much hashish. Sheesh!

I wish I had Ryan Reynolds chained up in my basement. Oh, and I wish I had a basement. And some chains. Oh, and Ryan Reynolds. And any leftover hashish.

*curses!*

Granted, he's trained to use the internet, too. Watch your credit !

My above wish still stands.

alleycat
01-10-2007, 12:41 AM
Granted. You get all of that (confusing as it is) plus Ryan Seacrest as a houseguest.

I wish I got everything done that I put on my "to do" lists.

arrowqueen
01-10-2007, 01:45 AM
Granted. Your life's work is now over. Time to walk into the darkness.

I wish the inventor of things like 'Big Brother' could be locked up with the inhabitants of his creation.

TrainofThought
01-10-2007, 04:37 AM
Granted. They are locked in your house with you inside and the key is tossed out the window. There are bars on the window, no fire escape and the door locks from the outside in with 6 bolts.

I wish the snow wouldn’t come.

msQTpi
01-10-2007, 07:13 AM
Granted. "Snow" turns into his alter-ego "Tornado," out of sexual frustration, and blows your state off the map.

I wish I could invent a pill that removes all caloric value from any food ingested, without making any changes to the nutritive qualities of said food. It's perfectly safe to use, in fact it's only side effect is that it causes you to have radiantly beautiful skin.

alleycat
01-10-2007, 08:05 AM
Granted. Of course, since calories provide energy, you can't do anything. But, hey, your skin looks great.

I wish springtime began on January 15th.

alleycat
01-10-2007, 08:05 AM
Granted. Of course, since calories provide energy, you can't do anything. But, hey, your skin looks great.

I wish springtime began on January 15th.

Jaycinth
01-10-2007, 11:31 PM
Granted!
Springtime starts on January 15th at the East Pole of Titan.

Luckily the planet is covered in frozen methane so all you need is a match...

I wish we could change the name of that new star that just bloomed where Titan was to 'Alleycat'.

MidnightMuse
01-11-2007, 12:06 AM
Granted, but in another six weeks, it will be "Pluto-ed".

I wish I could have five minutes alone with Oprah and a big 'ol pile of mud, and a pardon from the Governor for anything I might do.

alleycat
01-12-2007, 03:14 PM
Granted. Come to Nashville, I'll drive you over to her dad's house and you can wait for her.

I wish there wasn't going to be as much mud here this weekend (rain, rain, and more rain is expected).

MidnightMuse
01-12-2007, 07:51 PM
Granted, the mud will all wash away down the hills in the rain, along with all of the houses, cars, buildings, foundations and every poodle in Nashville.

I wish gnomes would wash my car every night while I slept, so it stayed shiny and clean at all times, like a red-hot beacon in the dreary winter days.