How DARE you be fat and happy

Channy · Jul 12, 2014

Ladies and gentlemen, the anti-lard bigotry takes a human form and calls itself Linda Kelsey

Standing in the queue for airport security at Luton last week, en route to Malaga and my fortnight in the sun, I became transfixed by the three young women in front of me.

All in their early 20s, they were laughing and chatting, clearly looking forward to their hols on the Costa del Sol, excitedly planning their days on the beach and nights on the town.

They sounded - and looked - happy and carefree. But what mesmerised me most about this jolly trio was not their conversation, but their appearance: they were size 18 apiece, at least.

Call the mob, grab your torches and pitchforks, because there are fatties bumbling around and they are happy. They aren't showing a sign of remorse or contemplation of their size, they are happy, self-assured people.

One was wearing shockingly skimpy crochet shorts, as seen on size-zero models in adverts. But in this case, the shorts made it appear the wearer had an extra bottom hanging below the cut-off hemline.
Another girl wore white stretch leggings with a pattern of cellulite dimples showing through, accessorised with a super-sized sausage of overhanging belly.

Meanwhile, the third sported a cut-away vest top revealing the entire back of her pink bra, complete with chunky rolls of fat above, beneath and around the straps. To top it all, these three were - I kid you not - sharing a bag of crisps.

It occurred to me that if these girls hated their bodies and were racked with self-loathing, as we're so often told that the majority of young women do and are, they were doing a grand job of projecting exactly the opposite impression.

Far from body hatred, what I witnessed was a let-it-all-hang-out faith in themselves and a don't-give-a-damn attitude to their evident obesity.

....-snip-....

A generation of mothers seem to have swallowed a dangerously misguided message of body acceptance; making them terrified of telling their daughters they're getting fat for fear they'll stop eating altogether.

Mums are now so busy shoring up their daughters' self-worth by telling them they're lovely just the way they are, they're becoming guilty of benign neglect instead.

My GOD will the self-confidence never end? It seems that every effort for the last decade has been the wrong direction. Trying to reassure the next generation that there is nothing wrong with them was clearly the wrong attitude to take with children. But no, let's not discretely swap out some of the unhealthy foods in the kitchen for better snacks, no-no, we should be telling our young girls that they're getting a bit chunky around the middle and they need to put down the fork. Or, we could, if we didn't want them to dive off into the deep end into anorexia.

Linda's self-important attitude towards "fatties" is horribly ignorant and gross. But it's not like she stops there, too. She carries on to perpetuate that the young women with anorexia issues has nothing to do with the social media pressure, but that they're all "hard, driven personalities with a determination to be A* students at any cost." Err... which school did she go to that mandated that an eating disorder went hand in hand with good grades?

I've experienced weight issues all my life (short, as it still may be). Growing up as the fat kid, and into my teens/twenties, my weight fluctuated up and down. My own sister even tried to encourage me to try out the old diet plan from a couple years ago. I was horribly depressed from a breakup and I cried so much I had no appetite. "Well, break up with Steph for a few weeks." Great. Good to know she's got my back.

But Linda here goes on to say that A.) she doesn't have weight issues and B.) she doesn't have a daughter. Okay, well, does that really qualify her to speak for this? You don't know how many diets, gym memberships, TV-order exercise programs these jolly young women she saw on her way to Spain might have bought and tried. You don't have a record of their medical history, genetic or otherwise. You don't know how many comments may have been thrown their way for wearing an outfit that showed a little too much muffin top, or accented the back of their thighs with cellulite. Should every fatty wear a burlap sack and call it a day?

It's people like this that are either so miserable with themselves that they actively seek out others who should be wallowing in self-pity and shame, and when they're not, they're outraged and try to assume that outrage onto the fatty until they want to crawl under a rock. Well, news flash. We don't need your approval. Whether you're related to us or not. And as I told my sister months ago after admitting that yeah, I could stand to lose a few pounds, I'd rather be fat and happy than miserable and stressing over my body.

Roxxsmom · Jul 12, 2014

Evidently, it's better to drive your daughter to miserable anorexia than it is to "allow" her to be fat and happy.

Of course, She makes some very erroneous assumptions here.

1. Increasing obesity rates are because society is becoming more accepting of obesity. No evidence for either greater fat acceptance or for fat acceptance, when it does happen, leading to greater obesity. In fact, some studies suggest that self acceptance (ironically) leads heavier people to lose weight.

2. That it's any of her business to worry about the weight of the girls in line ahead of her, or about how they are dressed.

CrastersBabies · Jul 12, 2014

I've found that people like this are usually suffering from severe confidence issues themselves. Anyone who is 100% comfortable with who they are (and how they look), shouldn't give a flip about everyone else.

noranne · Jul 12, 2014

Sounds like that lady doesn't know how anyone else can be happy when she clearly cannot.

Roxxsmom · Jul 12, 2014

You're right. But as I get older, I find I have less and less sympathy for those kinds of busybodies, no matter where they're coming from. Maybe it's because I grew up in a very shallow, beauty-obsessed part of Southern CA, but I've seen the damage that this kind of attitude can do. Two of my friends (none of whom were especially heavy or at all unattractive) had eating disorders. Both of them had parents (I also love how this woman laid the responsibility of body image entirely at mom's doorstep--like a father's attitude about women and the importance of their appearance won't be a factor too) who picked, picked, picked at them.

Zoombie · Jul 12, 2014

What a sad, shallow person, to see only sad, shallow lives.

JulianneQJohnson · Jul 12, 2014

Size 18? Really? All this fat and happy rage over girls that were size 18ish? Yes, an 18 is overweight, but at a 30 inch waist it's hardly obese.

Not that I think the person that wrote that article should be spewing this crap over people of any size being happy and wearing clothes that make them happy. It just drove it home to me exactly how biased that woman really is.

Sorry, lady. I wear anything from a 16 to a 22, depending on where it comes from, and I'm happy as a clam. I am in good health, no one points and laughs as I walk down the street, and I think you are a narrow minded person with so little life that you have to tear others down to feel better about yourself. Yes, there's an obesity problem in our society, but it's the entire society, not just women. Instead of shaming women, we should start looking into the causes of the entire problem.

BenPanced · Jul 13, 2014

She complains about the diseases linked to being overweight yet she barely devotes a sentence on how eating disorders "can kill".

bearilou · Jul 13, 2014

JulianneQJohnson said:
Sorry, lady. I wear anything from a 16 to a 22, depending on where it comes from

Something a lot of people don't seem to know, understand or consider.

Also, body build. My hips, not my ass or flabby thighs, are wide. W-I-D-E. On more than one occasion I have been told I have great child-bearing hips! *insert tinkerbell clap here* Also, I have long legs. LONG legs.

The problem with my great child-bearing hips! is that no matter how thin I was, I couldn't get into less than a 14. Ever. Ever in my life. And if I had been so lucky as to find a pair that had been made large/labeled small, the length wouldn't fit. EVER. So, due to hip width alone, I was relegated to 14. Leg length puts me in the L/Long category.

...which...I guess is pushing me right to the edge of obesity to hear people talk.

JulianneQJohnson said:
and I'm happy as a clam.

This. Once I realized this was a fight I was never going to win, I stopped caring. Once I stopped caring, I've been so much happier for it. But the sizing fluctuation thing in the clothing makers is really irritating because I can't just buy, I have to try on first.

regdog · Jul 13, 2014

It's taken my a long time to be happy as I am. My older sister is small, petite, athletic and a size two. I don't think I have ever been a size two, even when I was two. My childhood and teen years were a constant barrage of comparison and criticism. Add to that the fact I'm an uber geek girl and I'm sure you can see how fun my youth was.

Now as an adult, I proudly say,

HAPPY, GEEKY AND CHUBBY, DEAL WITH IT!!!!

Marian Perera · Jul 13, 2014

From that article:

It's unattractive, it's unhealthy and, given the problems that being fat can cause, it should be as unacceptable as smoking.

This is ridiculous. If someone smokes in a place I can't get away from, I have to breathe in some of the smoke, which I don't like and which isn't healthy.

If someone enjoys an ice cream near me, that doesn't give me second-hand fat.

Cella · Jul 13, 2014

Queen of Swords said:
If someone enjoys an ice cream near me, that doesn't give me second-hand fat.

^

Imagine the outrage if one of them had a baby they were breast-feeding

If ya' don't like what ya' see, STOP LOOKING!

RedRajah · Jul 13, 2014

I attended a burlesque show last night with my husband and I was commenting to him how I wished I had the confidence those beautiful performers had, some of them who were on the zaftig side.

So, of course, when I went to the restroom, I ran into two (very) drunk women making fun of them and bemoaning that one of them "threw up in their mouth!"

Wilde_at_heart · Jul 13, 2014

Since they are complete strangers, how would she know what they really think of themselves? Even severely depressed people smile on occasion.

It occurred to me that if these girls hated their bodies and were racked with self-loathing, as we're so often told that the majority of young women do and are, they were doing a grand job of projecting exactly the opposite impression.

Far from body hatred, what I witnessed was a let-it-all-hang-out faith in themselves and a don't-give-a-damn attitude to their evident obesity.

Sometimes that don't-give-a-damn attitude is a facade.

Celia Cyanide · Jul 13, 2014

Wilde_at_heart said:
Since they are complete strangers, how would she know what they really think of themselves? Even severely depressed people smile on occasion.

I think that's the whole issue. She doesn't want them to smile, ever.

I don't have a daughter, nor do I have a weight problem. I've always felt it was unattractive and unhealthy to be fat and I've always been disciplined about what I eat without ever starving myself.

This is just ridiculous. Even if every single person ate the same foods, we would still be different sizes. People are different. They are born with different body types and different metabolisms. She talks as if she is able to stay thin, so anyone should be able to, and should make the choice to.

I get tired of people who complain about fat people and then add, "it's unhealthy," as if they care about a fat person's health, when they've already made it clear they don't have any respect for fat people at all.

Albedo · Jul 13, 2014

The Daily Mail is the Cloaca Maxima of journalism, so it's no real surprise to see the turds floating down that stream. Kudos to Channy for using a donotlink, though. There's no reason to enrich that eldritch abomination-in-newspaper-form by clicking its fucking clickbait directly. That's where it gets its abnatural power supply from, you know. Millions upon millions of clicks. And the spirits of real journalists (there were such things, once), writhing in eternal torment.

Plot Device · Jul 13, 2014

She obviously has a messed up concept of where responsibility for any given societal ill needs to start, and how the social force called "shame" can/should be properly applied to societal ills.

I personally think shame is a good thing ... sometimes. But that it's also one of the most dangerous of social forces in the vast scope of human group interactions, capable of truly destroying people. Invoking shame needs to be done with a lot of wisdom and a very gentle hand, and it's obvious to me that this woman has neither.

The best rule of thumb in my book is that shame is something which can only ever be exhorted in situations involving 100% moral failure. There can be no percentage of the failing which involves a physiological shortcoming or biological disorder or especially a mental condition. EDIT: Nor can it include a failure that results from financial impoverishment/lack of resources. This woman is clearly oblivious to there even being such a caveat in the wielding of shame. She deems herself to be a commentator on society and all of its problems. Obesity, being one such problem, is therefore fair game for her commentary. And her arsenal of comments includes the weapon of shame.

Talk about undue force.

JulianneQJohnson · Jul 13, 2014

Queen of Swords said:
From that article:

This is ridiculous. If someone smokes in a place I can't get away from, I have to breathe in some of the smoke, which I don't like and which isn't healthy.

If someone enjoys an ice cream near me, that doesn't give me second-hand fat.

First, lol! Second, this is the problem today, isn't it? People aren't content to rage against things that effect them directly, they want free rein to tell others what to do whether it directly effects them or not. Thus the many places that have banned E-cigs, despite the fact that they have no second hand smoke at all. "We just don't like them" seems to be the prevailing reason.

Bufty · Jul 13, 2014

My sister is considerably overweight but one of the sweetest, most likeable, active, generous and happy people you could wish to meet. And my sons think she's the most 'hip' and 'with it' of all of their relations.

On top of that she's been through the big 'C' and a knee replacement to boot.

I love her.

Teinz · Jul 13, 2014

One way to start might be by calling a fat girl a fat girl. No apology required.

One way to start might be by calling a bigot a bigot. No apology required.

Vince524 · Jul 13, 2014

As one of the resident fatties on the board, let me weigh in.

The woman is an idiot. On several fronts.

My people don't need to be shamed for our weight and many of us haven't accepted it at all. It's in fact attitudes like that that often times contribute to the problem. When I was young, I was told over and over again how I was fat. I was told that by my father and many of my classmates.

That's me in high school. I'm to one in the Batman t shirt.

So convinced I was that I was hopelessly fat, I was convinced I couldn't un fat myself. I would often try, going on health kicks, only to get mocked by people for being the fat kid trying to jog.

She compares it to smoking? Here's the thing. You can smoke a pack a day for years and then quit and guess what? You're not a smoker, you an ex smoker. Now I know it's not that easy, but the point is that for smokers you have to not do something to be done with it.

Being fat is something different. I can't decide today I don't want to be fat and therefore I'm not. I'm a recovering fattie. You've got to lose the weight, which built up over the years. And you still have to eat.

So she's offended by the fact that three women who aren't the weight she deems they should be are actually having a moment of joy. Does she have any idea how hateful that sounds? How ignorant? Does she want to chain people like me to an treadmill with a piece of bacon hanging just out of reach?

I only wonder what else I'm not allowed to do....

Am I allowed to write? Or might a reader catch my fatitis?

Should my wife and I not have been allowed to procreate? (My daughters are both a healthy weight and active.)

Perhaps I shouldn't be on this board? I might be too heavy, and I wouldn't want to break AW.

Perhaps I'll just go sit in the corner of the room, facing the wall, with a bucket of chicken and bemoan my miserable existence.

Or maybe, just maybe I'll just give Ms. Linda Kelsey a fat middle finger and go on with my day. After all, I've got guests coming over and I've got to cook.

Celia Cyanide · Jul 13, 2014

Teinz said:
One way to start might be by calling a bigot a bigot. No apology required.

Hell, I don't think there should be an apology for calling fat people fat, because it shouldn't be an insult. It's just a body type. It's not different than calling a skinny person skinny. Mostly, it's just something that shouldn't matter and doesn't need to be talked about it all.

regdog · Jul 13, 2014

Great post, Vince.

Teinz · Jul 13, 2014

Celia Cyanide said:
Hell, I don't think there should be an apology for calling fat people fat, because it shouldn't be an insult. It's just a body type. It's not different than calling a skinny person skinny. Mostly, it's just something that shouldn't matter and doesn't need to be talked about it all.

I agree.

Chasing the Horizon · Jul 13, 2014

JulianneQJohnson said:
People aren't content to rage against things that effect them directly, they want free rein to tell others what to do whether it directly effects them or not.

Actually, you can make a better case for others' obesity hurting you than you can for cigarette smoke in the open air hurting you (the concentrations of carcinogens from smoke outdoors are just too low to do much), because obesity related problems significantly raise healthcare costs for everyone.

Of course I don't support the poisonous hate this woman in the article is spewing, but the fact is that everything from the campaign against smoking to seat-belt laws have created the social attitude that we have the right to tell other adults how to live their lives "for their own good". To me, this article is a disgusting but predictable outgrowth of that attitude. The author even directly cites the persecution of smokers as a precedent for persecuting overweight people. And she's right. If it's okay to judge people for one unhealthy choice, it should be okay to judge them for other unhealthy choices.

How DARE you be fat and happy

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