Why don't my friends want to read my stuff?

To be honest, if your friends aren't interested in reading your writing, then don't push it. It's not fair on them, and it could make things awkward.

I've encountered this. one friend told me she didn't want to read my ms because she was worried about hurting my feelings. if she didn't like it, and she lied, i'd recognize the lie. if she told the truth, she'd hurt my feelings with the truth. I told her, by not reading, she already hurt my feelings by rejecting a huge part of my life. I don't ask her to read anymore. she can buy it if she wants to read it. people are weird.

Only my friends who are also writers regularly read my work. I wouldn't assume it is the norm for friends to be all up in your WIPs.

They may just not like your genre. Not all of my friends want to read my stuff.

Yeah, only my friends who also write a lot end up reading my stuff and I would be quite surprised if the others started asking for my WIPs. I wouldn't push it, it might just be a genre thing, or they don't want to hurt your feelings, any of the above.

Are your friends readers? Do they read the genre you write?

It may be as simple as they aren't interested in the kinds of things you write. I have a friend who plays the violin in an orchestra. He has been in a few performances, and I never go. I just don't care for that sort of thing. But if he was in a play, I would totally be there. I love the theater.

Some of my friends read my writing, some don't. Of course, I am thrilled when they read it and like it, but I don't mind if they don't. (I used to, but I don't any more.) If they don't want to read it, I just assume it isn't "their thing".

What the Jeevester said*. They're not as invested in your work as you are. Trying to make them interested is a great way of pushing them away. Fwiw, I think listening to someone talking about their latest story -- when I haven't asked about it -- is as riveting as listening to someone talking about a dream they had.

(I actually hate it when friends ask about my writing, because it's usually in the form of 'have you finished yet?' Writing is easy, ain't it? Just put down some words and punctuation marks and you're done...*snort*)

*And others. It's just that I type really slowly and other people don't.

RightHoJeeves said:

To be honest, if your friends aren't interested in reading your writing, then don't push it. It's not fair on them, and it could make things awkward.

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+1

You can never expect anyone else to be as excited about your projects - be they stories, paintings, or crocheted puppy hats - as you are. You, and you alone, need to furnish the passion and drive to write and improve. Sure, it's nice to have a few cheerleaders, but you can't compel interest or support.

It's also possible you are creating resistance by pushing too hard. How are you when you talk about your writing? If you've been too zealous or sensitive, others may have learned to simply avoid the topic for their own safety.

(Or it could be like my mom - she supports the idea of my writing, bit won't read any of my work for fear of disliking it. Which is just as well, as her tastes are a little more fluffy-bunny than mine.)

gettingby said:

Now that I am a fiction writer no one really asks what I'm working on or if they can read it. Even when I talk about a story I'm working they don't seem to care. Why aren't people more excited about my writing?

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I'm not sure I understand. Are you excited about your friends' jobs?

If you are asking in terms of critiquing, they may feel that they can be truly impartial and objective. And they may also feel that if they simply end up reading their book, they may feel pressured to reassure you that you are on your way to being the next JK Rowling and so they may feel giving you too much false confidence. And so there is that to consider too in addition to the fact that they may not like the genre you write for their own entertainment.

Helix said:

What the Jeevester said*. They're not as invested in your work as you are. Trying to make them interested is a great way of pushing them away. Fwiw, I think listening to someone talking about their latest story -- when I haven't asked about it -- is as riveting as listening to someone talking about a dream they had.

(I actually hate it when friends ask about my writing, because it's usually in the form of 'have you finished yet?' Writing is easy, ain't it? Just put down some words and punctuation marks and you're done...*snort*)

*And others. It's just that I type really slowly and other people don't.

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since most of my stories were dreams that explains a lot.

just put down some words and punctuation marks? shoot...i'm doing it all wrong. I reserve that style of writing for facebook.

gettingby said:

Do your friends read your writing?

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One of them does. The rest, as far as I know, never finished my first book, so I didn't mention the other novels to them. We talk about different things instead.

I also wouldn't want them to ask if they could read rough drafts. Finished work, fine, but while it's in-progress, it's not something I want to share with the world just yet.

If you were an accountant or a brain surgeon, your friends wouldn't feel they had to ask you about the financial books or watch videos of the surgery. I think there's a similar dynamic. How much interest do you have in their jobs and hobbies that you don't participate in?

As writers, we might find it easy to believe that everybody reads and is as excited by words and books as we are. It's not the case.

I think it's tough when a friend or family member pressures you to read something you ordinarily wouldn't read (because it's a genre you don't like), or even if it's something you might like but are afraid you won't. And there are several reasons why getting crits from someone you know and love in your non writing life can be risky.

First of all, it's hard to give informed and honest feedback about writing if you're not a writer yourself. If a story doesn't work for you, how do you differentiate between its being personal taste versus something the writer could be doing better? Even writers have trouble with this sometimes.

Reading and critting takes time and effort. One reason my husband doesn't want to read my stories and crit them is because he teaches for a living and spends a large portion of his days reading and grading things. He wants to relax and play video games when he's done with his work, not get the red pen out again. Even for me. But even people who aren't teachers may have other ways they'd rather spend their free time.

Thirdly, negative feedback can put a strain on relationships where exchanging crits isn't normally part of the deal. Be honest with yourself. How might you feel/react if one of your best friends really doesn't like your work and they can't make any meaningful suggestions on how to improve it?

My friends don't really care about my original work. We're friends 'cause we write fanfic together. In other words, if your friends are your friends because of some non-writerly part of your life, it makes sense if they don't care about this part. Please don't feel bad about it; if they're not writers they might not realize how important writing is to you.

Buddy of mine is a mathematician. I could not care any less than I do about what he does for work, so I just ask "Is it going well?" I don't ask to look at his programs. He does not read my books. We have other things in common, so we are friends.

I have other friends who have kids. I would sooner chew ground glass than get a blow-by-blow of the latest play date. As they love me, they do not inflict this part of their life on me, and I do not make them listen to the exciting details of my beagle's latest ear-swab.

Just repeat to yourself "They are not not-reading my books AT me."

Frankly, I don't mind if my friends or family aren't interested. It eliminates the awkwardness if they don't like it.

However, it is another thing that they ask to read it and then don't. Why ask for it if you're just not going to read it? Then it puts ME in the awkward position because I can never again bring up the fact that they didn't read it. True story.

Most of the time if I don't want to read a friend's work, it's because it's just not very good (yet).

If you're wanting them to beta-read for you, then I'd make that clear. Let them know it's a work-in-progress and that you welcome criticism so you can improve it. But keep in mind that beta-reading a work is a huge endeavor, and they may not want to.

If you aren't talking about beta-reading, but just plain old reading, then I wouldn't offer my friends anything but a final draft. And even then I'd only offer them the first chapter, and ask them if it interested them enough to want to continue it. I'd make it clear that "not really" was a fine answer.

If you mean they aren't buying your books and reading them, then... well, frankly there are a TON of books out there to read and most folks don't have time to read them all. I personally prioritize my pleasure reading, and my friends novels aren't usually going to make that list. They understand that.

Then again my writing is more of a hobby than a huge aspect of my life. Perhaps if I'd feel differently if it was my career.

jerrimander said:

I've encountered this. one friend told me she didn't want to read my ms because she was worried about hurting my feelings. if she didn't like it, and she lied, i'd recognize the lie. if she told the truth, she'd hurt my feelings with the truth. I told her, by not reading, she already hurt my feelings by rejecting a huge part of my life. I don't ask her to read anymore. she can buy it if she wants to read it. people are weird.

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So your friend is being honest by telling you that she doesn't want to lie to you or hurt your feelings. And so you inform her that she has already hurt your feelings by refusing to read. Nice, you managed to put your friend in a no win situation.

What a wonderful friend YOU are.

I write fantasy stories with some adult themes. Some of my friends don't read a lot and some don't care for fantasy. I respect their feelings and I don't pressure them into reading my work just because it's what I want. That is part of being a friend.

If you want feedback there is SYW here on this forum, critique groups, and you can search out people who would like to read your material and tell you what they think. Someone being a friend doesn't mean they are obligated to share your interests and you shouldn't try to guilt them into it.

I haven't shared my original fiction with many of my friends or family. I do share my fanfic with my friends who are in the same fandoms, because they're generally interested. But with my original fiction, I know a lot of people just aren't very interested in what I write, and that's cool. I do have one friend who's interested in one of my current WIPs, and that's really nice. But I don't expect it of people, either. And to be honest, I like not feeling pressured to share stuff.

The love of my life, my sweetie, and my most supportive best friend (all in one!) doesn't read fiction. And he certainly wouldn't make an exception for the kind of fiction I write. He loves me, he supports me, and he encourages me, but he doesn't want to be saddled with the obligation--the chore--of reading 400 pages of stuff he can't absolutely can't stand, regardless of how well it's written.

Your friends aren't rejecting you. They just don't want to read something they aren't interested in.

It's like if a friend invited you to go camping when you hate everything about living in a tent and sleeping in a bag. You wouldn't want to do it, but that would be no reflection on how much you loved your friend.

jjdebenedictis said:

It's like if a friend invited you to go camping when you hate everything about living in a tent and sleeping in a bag. You wouldn't want to do it, but that would be no reflection on how much you loved your friend.

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Exactly. Sometimes, what we find necessary and fascinating is something other people can't share even if they love us. I have a good friend who's a devout Christian; that doesn't mean I'll go to church with her. I have another friend who spends hours playing Skyrim and the Sims. I have no interest at all in those games. So I can't expect them to read my books, either.

It's just the way it is. I'm fortunate in that a few of my friends are happy to read anything I send their way and like to contribute where they can, but on the flip side one of my best friends hates reading anything longer than a short story. That's not even going into the territory of the people who say they'll read it and don't... Basically, what a lot of other people have said.

Your friend actually had a pretty good reason to not want to read, I think. I've certainly heard worse in my time.

Some people just don't like to read. Anything at all. They just can't sit down and read a page that's nothing but word after word after word, with no pictures or sound effects or nuthin'. It's boring to them. Some people just do not like to read.

I know that may be a horrifying thought, but there really are people like that in this world.