Man arrested for attempting to make deposit at ATM

Vince524 · May 19, 2014

According to the arrest report, Lonnie Hutton, 49, walked into the Boro Bar and Grill on Greenland Drive and up to the ATM.

He pulled down his pants and underwear, exposing his genitals, and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM, the report stated.

Saw the story, my mind came up with the thread title and I couldn't resist posting it.

nighttimer · May 19, 2014

Can we just chip in and buy this freak a damn Fleshlight? :tmi

If you don't know what a Fleshlight is and you Google "images" without Safe Search on, don't blame me!
:Jaw:

Monkey · May 19, 2014

Oh wow... not what I thought it was going to be about... Bad Vince! Very bad!

(snicker)

Michael Wolfe · May 19, 2014

Great thread title.

kuwisdelu · May 19, 2014

nighttimer said:
Can we just chip in and buy this freak a damn Fleshlight?

If you don't know what a Fleshlight is and you Google "images" without Safe Search on, don't blame me!

Not the best idea. With Fleshlight you're paying for the brand name. They're overpriced and not as good as similar toys from lesser-known brands. Buy Japanese. I recommend Magic Eyes.

William Haskins · May 19, 2014

devolution is fusing deadly sins.

Xelebes · May 19, 2014

Oh quit mocking him. The ATM only said to feed it a stray load.

benbradley · May 19, 2014

[TRIGGER WARNING]

vsrenard · May 19, 2014

nighttimer said:
Can we just chip in and buy this freak a damn Fleshlight?

If you don't know what a Fleshlight is and you Google "images" without Safe Search on, don't blame me!

Damnit. Curiosity needs a heavy dose of bleach. For the eyes.

nighttimer · May 19, 2014

kuwisdelu said:
Not the best idea. With Fleshlight you're paying for the brand name. They're overpriced and not as good as similar toys from lesser-known brands. Buy Japanese. I recommend Magic Eyes.

I'm gonna do you a big favor and not even ask how you know all this... :gone:

vsrenard said:
Damnit. Curiosity needs a heavy dose of bleach. For the eyes.

Hey, I warned ya....you can't say I didn't! :Shrug:

Vito · May 19, 2014

This story gives a whole new meaning to the term "money shot".

Xelebes · May 19, 2014

nighttimer said:
I'm gonna do you a big favor and not even ask how you know all this...

What is so mysterious about this? It's male sexuality here.

ZachJPayne · May 19, 2014

Bwahaha, damn.

Bartholomew · May 19, 2014

benbradley said:
[TRIGGER WARNING]

Really?

Zoombie · May 19, 2014

Xelebes said:
What is so mysterious about this? It's male sexuality here.

Yeah, if men will have sex with park benches, car exhaust pipes, vacuum cleaners...why not build a device that lets one have sex with such things, without the risk of burning, vomit, or lacerations.

kuwisdelu · May 19, 2014

Zoombie said:
Yeah, if men will have sex with park benches, car exhaust pipes, vacuum cleaners...why not build a device that lets one have sex with such things, without the risk of burning, vomit, or lacerations.

Your kink is okay, my kink is okay.

Marian Perera · May 19, 2014

Poor guy. He thought it was a sperm bank.

J.S.F. · May 20, 2014

It is better to deposit than to withdraw, my son.

robjvargas · May 20, 2014

benbradley said:
[TRIGGER WARNING]

Apparently, this guy didn't get quite that far.

Plot Device · May 20, 2014

Queen of Swords said:
Poor guy. He thought it was a sperm bank.

Best joke of the thread so far.

Plot Device · May 20, 2014

I'm curious as to which orifice of the ATM seemed so ... screwable to this guy?

Celia Cyanide · May 20, 2014

Zoombie said:
Yeah, if men will have sex with park benches, car exhaust pipes, vacuum cleaners...why not build a device that lets one have sex with such things, without the risk of burning, vomit, or lacerations.

Or how about "without the risk of forcing other people to watch it"?

MarkEsq · May 20, 2014

kuwisdelu said:
Your kink is okay, my kink is okay.

Wrong. Mine is awesome.

So when the machine said, "Please slide in and withdraw quickly," did he complain and point out he was wearing a condom?

Vince524 · May 20, 2014

Update : the atm has stated it doesn't accept small bills.

JimmyB27 · May 20, 2014

It's clearly not a female ATM - everyone believes the reports of what this guy did to it.

Man arrested for attempting to make deposit at ATM

Are you gonna finish that bacon?

No Gods No Masters

Is me.

Jambo Bwana

Revolutionize the World

poet

Delerium ex Ennui

It's a doggy dog world

Watching the Whales

No Gods No Masters

Recalled to life

Delerium ex Ennui

Beware: #amQuerying

Comic guy

Dragon of the Multiverse

Revolutionize the World

starting over

Red fish, blue fish...

A woman said to write like a man.

A woman said to write like a man.

Joker Groupie

Clever title pending.

Are you gonna finish that bacon?

Hoopy frood