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Granada
05-12-2014, 03:15 PM
She saw what would happen. He would dump her cherries onto the compost pile and let them decompose, fester, draw wasps like their blossoms had drawn honeybees. But she wouldn’t let him ruin her hard work, the hours of effort already put in by her and nature. “You look worse than beat,” she told him, working to stand on her own.


I am revising a story to send out again. I think it is ok to break a pronoun rule when it would naturally be broken in speech, but what do you think here? I'm pretty sure grammatically this "her" should be "she," but I don't like the sound of "she" so I would have to change the whole sentence (maybe sentences) if I decide "her" is too distracting to a reader and doesn't work. I'm talking about the 3rd "her." Thanks for the advice.

mirandashell
05-12-2014, 03:29 PM
IMO, the sentence works better if you take out 'by her and nature'. The reader knows who has done the work and the sentence flows better without.

Night_Writer
05-12-2014, 03:36 PM
The third her is correct.

King Neptune
05-12-2014, 04:17 PM
Night Writer is correct. The third "her" is the object of the preposition "by".

Once!
05-12-2014, 05:34 PM
".... the hours of effort already put in by her and nature ..."

or

"... the hours of effort already put in by she and nature ..."

The first one. She had put the hours in, so the hours had been put in by her.

Bufty
05-12-2014, 09:56 PM
Agreed. That fourth her doesn't need changing.

Chase
05-12-2014, 10:30 PM
She saw what would happen. He would dump her cherries onto the compost pile and let them decompose, fester, draw wasps like their blossoms had drawn honeybees. But she wouldn’t let him ruin her hard work, the hours of effort already put in by her and nature. “You look worse than beat,” she told him, working to stand on her own.

As written, all four "her" uses are correct. If you want to change the third "her," consider this smoother version:

But she wouldn't let him ruin her hard work, the hours of effort she and nature put in.

Edit: Anyway, the only reason I checked in here was the title. I was hoping it explained how to break the she/her rule at my house: She makes the rules to get her way. :D

jaksen
05-13-2014, 12:16 AM
Yet another writer chiming in. I'd write it this way:

But she wouldn't let him ruin her hard work, the hours of effort she and nature had put in.

Jamesaritchie
05-13-2014, 01:26 AM
Yet another writer chiming in. I'd write it this way:

But she wouldn't let him ruin her hard work, the hours of effort she and nature had put in.




That's the way I would write it, too.

Granada
05-13-2014, 01:50 AM
Thanks everyone. I guess I confused myself. I might revise the sentence, but I did like the sound of her and nature because of the softness of it, and I guess the rhyme. "She" sounds like Velcro to me when up against "nature," so I'm glad to hear my original version is grammatically correct anyway. Thanks a bunch :-)

blacbird
05-13-2014, 07:21 AM
Nothing wrong grammatically, but there's a hell of a lot of authorial interpretation going on, to the detriment of straightforward narration.

caw

Granada
05-13-2014, 03:44 PM
Thanks, Blacbird. I appreciate the feedback and it's good to hear. That's the way I write. Best,
G