Pick Up Lines

I think humor works best. And my first dates were often at comedy clubs. I always figured if we could laugh together, we'd have a shot.

This one's mine: "Hey, foxey lady! You; me; waterbed; tonight."

But you gotta say it just right, you know, like..."Hey, fox-ee laaay-dee! Also, it really helps if your shirt is unbuttoned to the waist and you're wearing an incredibly shiny gold medallion.

I'm going to need to know what you're trying to pick up...

Vito said:

But you gotta say it just right, you know, like..."Hey, laaay-dee!"

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Oh yeah, they can't resist that... but that is in the Jerry Lewis voice, right?

I don't pick up things as a general rule, but I have shot a few down in my time. A fellow offered me two green peanut m&m's once as a "subtle" invitation. I was honest. I told him I didn't care for the nuts.

Chase said:

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Hahahahaha, thank you Chase. An actual laugh out loud- HA!

Hey baby. Wanna see my spaceship?

I call this method "Kirking".

A couple of years ago some of my friends and I (all married) had a girl's night out together. After the show, we settled at a table in the theater lounge. When it was my turn to buy a round I went to the bar to order. While I was waiting for the bartender a guy, a couple of feet away from me, swung round, all glassy-eyed and slurred, "Ooohhh. Has my luck changed?" I looked him over critically and said, "No. It hasn't." For some reason, he appeared surprised.

The same evening a different guy hit on one of my friends. "How do you like your eggs, sweetheart?" She gave him an icy stare and replied, "Unfertilized."

One of the best girl's night outs evah!

A few months ago I was doing publicity for an event called SmartBar, which is essentially an evening thing where adults can come into the museum, get a drink, and listen to museum experts talk about the topic of the night. This particular SmartBar was "jungle" themed, and we were trying to get 20-30 year olds there, so I spent some time thinking up silly jungle pick up lines we could use on social media.

My favourite was:
Hey baby, are you a brain-eating parasite? Cos I got you on my mind.

Thuro said:

Hey baby. Wanna see my spaceship? I call this method "Kirking"

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Not bad, but nowhere near are effective as "Laverning"

(Just sayin')

Interesting pick up lines. Some of those were funny. As for me I don't use them... never had the need to because I'm too broke to be dating so I don't... besides women don't see me at all I'm a ghost... I'm broke, don't have a criminal record (women my age like a dude with a rap sheet ... don't know why), a virgin (something women hate a dude to be ... again fine by me) so I've accepted the fact there isn't a chance in hell for me (as states in the laws of science) so I'm focusing on making my money.

Just because have no use for pick up lines doesn't mean I enjoy reading them ... I came across this one years ago.

I told a girl I liked that I could palm and asked if she wanted a palm reading. She agreed and after five minutes a let go of her hand and that I good news and bad news. The bad news is that I really don't know to read palm well the good news was that I got to hold her hand for five minutes....

I thought that was funny ...

Rotes said:

I don't want to see anything I can find with a quick google search.

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My apologies for horning in a lame joke, but your antlered avatar was too much to resist.

It’s only natural our clever writerly ladies would offer put-downs to pick-ups, to which a gentleman’s response is always a whispered, “Thanks anyway, ma’am.”

Like beta-reads, we got a response, so we should graciously take what we get. (However, for those not so ladylike who want the entire lounge to hear you’ve been shot down in flames, there’s always the slight lean-in as if listening, then straighten and announce equally loud before turning away: “Fifty dollars? No way!”)

Back on track: One of our best moderators here at Absolute Write cautions to “assume good intentions.” So I’m assuming Rotes is seeking a fresh pick up line for his work-in-progress. Here’s an original (as far as I know) that’s worked quite well spoken or in ASL back in the day:

Hi, I wonder if you might help me test the bartenders. My treat of course. For your next three drinks, order us something to stump them, and we’ll grade the results.

Here's one hubby swears worked for him before we met: (after getting snockered on shots) hi, I was wondering if you could tell me, is my nose numb?
He says, it got the girl giggling, and her hands on him, so he counted it as a win.

How I ever ended up with him, I'm really at a loss....

RightHoJeeves said:

A few months ago I was doing publicity for an event called SmartBar, which is essentially an evening thing where adults can come into the museum, get a drink, and listen to museum experts talk about the topic of the night. This particular SmartBar was "jungle" themed, and we were trying to get 20-30 year olds there, so I spent some time thinking up silly jungle pick up lines we could use on social media.

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that actually sounds like a fun evening! Next time I go to a museum I just might bring my own drinks!

Chase said:

(However, for those not so ladylike who want the entire lounge to hear you’ve been shot down in flames, there’s always the slight lean-in as if listening, then straighten and announce equally loud before turning away: “Fifty dollars? No way!”)

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Chase said:

Hi, I wonder if you might help me test the bartenders. My treat of course. For your next three drinks, order us something to stump them, and we’ll grade the results.

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that's pretty clever!

rotes, you're making them think too much. simplify it to, wanna f***? and you'll see some action.

jerrimander said:

rotes, you're making them think too much. simplify it to, wanna f***? and you'll see some action.

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Is this, some thinly veiled reference to our inferior intellect?

Not denying it of course, would just like some clarification...

Rotes said:

Tragic really, because I have some excellent pick up lines.

Dayyyuuumm baby, what's your blood type?

Have you donated your body to science? Because I'd pay to see that dissection.

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Okay, I'm stumped. Seriously.
If I'm understanding this right...
you are in a bar and you're tying to pick someone up?
Why did they fall down?
Or is that even important?

I'm guessing that "Here, let me help you up" would probably be just fine.
You know. Be polite.

This is a seriously bizarre question.

Would you settle for $50 instead of $75 ?

I am something of a science guy, so I would get out my pocketbook and Ipad and say "I would love to integrate those sexy curves of yours tonight" or if feeling even more risky, "Wanna go somewhere private and be my "lab partner?"

bookmaker said:

Is this, some thinly veiled reference to our inferior intellect?

Not denying it of course, would just like some clarification...

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not at all. simplify does not equal dumb it down. it's just that men have direct lines to their libidos. women have more circuitous routes. there's no need to use extravagant lines on males to get them to go home with you. to get them to stay with you, is another thing entirely.