So, as some of you know, Anthony and I are trying to conceive. Recently, I joined a TTC site so I could ask questions about charting and testing and whatnot. There, I stumbled on a discussion about smoking while pregnant.
(Keep in mind that I quit smoking the instant we started TTC, and it's still hard for me-- but I'm not going to mess up!)
Anyway. The discussion evolved sort of like this. I'll make up names of the participants:
Helen- Boy, I don't understand why women smoke while they're pregnant.
Iris- Yeah! They should know better.
Sue- I smoked while I was pregnant and my kid is fine.
Helen- Are you planning to smoke while you're pregnant if you get pregnant again?
Sue- Sure. You can't live your life being afraid of every risk. Then it's no fun.
Colleen- I smoked while I was pregnant too. Don't judge me! I was on drugs and it was really hard to quit drugs and if I had to quit smoking, too, it would have put me over the edge.
Gilda- I don't think that's a great excuse. I was a partier, too, but when I found out I was pregnant, I quit everything. You can do it if you care enough.
Colleen- You suck! You're so judgmental!
Lula- Yeah, Colleen. These people are so mean! Why can't they just be supportive?
Me- Because it's wrong to poison your kid. If you want to make irresponsible choices for yourself, go for it, but it's not right to make an irresponsible choice for a baby who could suffer or even die for it.
Lula- I smoke because it helps me deal with the stress of seeing negative pregnancy tests all the time. It's hard for some people! Why can't you just mind your own business?
Me- Because I don't want to see a baby suffer because you don't want to feel stressed out.
Lula- I smoked while I was pregnant and my kid never gets sick, and my sister didn't smoke while she was pregnant and she has two kids with disabilities.
Me- Don't be dumb. Sure, you can find exceptions, but smoking while pregnant is putting your baby at risk. Our parents' generation may not have known that, but we do. I don't think you deserve to get pregnant if you plan to smoke while you're pregnant.
ALL THREE SMOKERS- You know what? Fu$k you, Jenna! You don't know me! I'll be the greatest mom ever and it's my choice and it's none of your business and I hope you're infertile for the rest of your life!
(I'm not kidding... those are really the things they said.)
GIANT CHORUS OF PEOPLE- Yeah! You're so mean, Jenna! Smoking is an addiction, you know. It's their choice and they're the ones who'll pay the medical bills if it's necessary, and you don't know how hard their lives are, so just leave them alone! I hope you get pregnant soon, smokers!
Me- OK. Got it. Just so you know, I plan on hitting my belly with a hammer once a day when I get pregnant. It relaxes me. Now wish me babydust!
GIANT CHORUS OF PEOPLE- We hope you die, Jenna!
Swear.
I had a couple of people backing up the things I was saying, but most of them were saying to leave these poor girls alone and let them smoke and get pregnant.
So I started thinking that the world is screwed up because we really do live in a giant community of selfish idiots who are being taught that whatever feels good is fine and nothing should be hard, and everything is "good enough," and you should always come first. Those people pass those values onto their children, who grow up to feel entitled and selfish. I'm living in a world where people will fight to defend their right to smoke while pregnant, and other people will jump in to tell me not to judge them!
Thing is, we're not supposed to keep our mouths shut if we see a child being abused at home... but not only am I supposed to keep my mouth shut in this instance, but I'm actually supposed to root for these women to become pregnant.
Iyiyiyiyi.
(Keep in mind that I quit smoking the instant we started TTC, and it's still hard for me-- but I'm not going to mess up!)
Anyway. The discussion evolved sort of like this. I'll make up names of the participants:
Helen- Boy, I don't understand why women smoke while they're pregnant.
Iris- Yeah! They should know better.
Sue- I smoked while I was pregnant and my kid is fine.
Helen- Are you planning to smoke while you're pregnant if you get pregnant again?
Sue- Sure. You can't live your life being afraid of every risk. Then it's no fun.
Colleen- I smoked while I was pregnant too. Don't judge me! I was on drugs and it was really hard to quit drugs and if I had to quit smoking, too, it would have put me over the edge.
Gilda- I don't think that's a great excuse. I was a partier, too, but when I found out I was pregnant, I quit everything. You can do it if you care enough.
Colleen- You suck! You're so judgmental!
Lula- Yeah, Colleen. These people are so mean! Why can't they just be supportive?
Me- Because it's wrong to poison your kid. If you want to make irresponsible choices for yourself, go for it, but it's not right to make an irresponsible choice for a baby who could suffer or even die for it.
Lula- I smoke because it helps me deal with the stress of seeing negative pregnancy tests all the time. It's hard for some people! Why can't you just mind your own business?
Me- Because I don't want to see a baby suffer because you don't want to feel stressed out.
Lula- I smoked while I was pregnant and my kid never gets sick, and my sister didn't smoke while she was pregnant and she has two kids with disabilities.
Me- Don't be dumb. Sure, you can find exceptions, but smoking while pregnant is putting your baby at risk. Our parents' generation may not have known that, but we do. I don't think you deserve to get pregnant if you plan to smoke while you're pregnant.
ALL THREE SMOKERS- You know what? Fu$k you, Jenna! You don't know me! I'll be the greatest mom ever and it's my choice and it's none of your business and I hope you're infertile for the rest of your life!
(I'm not kidding... those are really the things they said.)
GIANT CHORUS OF PEOPLE- Yeah! You're so mean, Jenna! Smoking is an addiction, you know. It's their choice and they're the ones who'll pay the medical bills if it's necessary, and you don't know how hard their lives are, so just leave them alone! I hope you get pregnant soon, smokers!
Me- OK. Got it. Just so you know, I plan on hitting my belly with a hammer once a day when I get pregnant. It relaxes me. Now wish me babydust!
GIANT CHORUS OF PEOPLE- We hope you die, Jenna!
Swear.
I had a couple of people backing up the things I was saying, but most of them were saying to leave these poor girls alone and let them smoke and get pregnant.
So I started thinking that the world is screwed up because we really do live in a giant community of selfish idiots who are being taught that whatever feels good is fine and nothing should be hard, and everything is "good enough," and you should always come first. Those people pass those values onto their children, who grow up to feel entitled and selfish. I'm living in a world where people will fight to defend their right to smoke while pregnant, and other people will jump in to tell me not to judge them!
Thing is, we're not supposed to keep our mouths shut if we see a child being abused at home... but not only am I supposed to keep my mouth shut in this instance, but I'm actually supposed to root for these women to become pregnant.
Iyiyiyiyi.
Oh, dear Lord!
), and as I got older I loved sharing the day because of the extra closeness.
Rob and truman, I like the way you think...
