My cat is a real B**ch

Don't pick her up.

It sounds like that's the only times she does that? She's showing her annoyance.

Shadowflame said:

We have 2 cats.
Big cat, Olaf, is a nearly 10 lb solid grey very sociable cat who is afraid of loud noises.
Little cat, Sadie, is nearly half the size, somewhat sociable and is very hyper.
Both of them are rescues, we got them when they were kittens. Olaf first, then Sadie nearly a year later.
Olaf enjoys snuggling on his terms which is several times a day. Sadie on the other hand doesn't even like being picked up much. She enjoys a head scritch but mostly humans are around to play with her. She fetches balls and loves to play with a toy we've tied to an old fishing pole. She will literally run through things to get at the toy and will play until she is panting.

The biggest issue with Sadie is my boys. When they pick her up she hisses and slaps at them. Sadie doesn't use her claws when she slaps and only snapps without biting at them. They are both teenagers, but split time with me and their dad. (Spend 1 week with me and the other with him)

Strangely, she enjoys playing with both of them, and will even come for scritches. She plays hide and seek with them around corners and under blankets. So this isn't a fear response. Sadie even will cuddle for a short time with them when we watch TV.

I'm finding this behavior very confusing as she is purposely not inflicting any damage to the boys. No they have never her her. While hyper she is actually a very gentle cat and more cautious about harming her humans than the snuggle bug Olaf.

I'm thinking it is the scent of the dogs at their dad's house that is bothering her. We've tried changing deodorants, soaps, and other things.

Anyone have any advice on what to do to stop her from hissing and slapping at them?

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I think I'm missing something? It reads like she only does this when they pick her up. So...stop picking her up, she doesn't like that?

That's what I was going to say!

She doesn't like to be picked up in the same way that lots of humans are not keen on being hugged.

Just tell them to stop picking her up.

Shadowflame said:

She doesn't like being picked up often. So we don't. But she does like riding around on people shoulders, so that means you have to pick her up.

The hissing and such has been a sudden change over the past few months. She didn't have a problem with some small cuddles and petting but now she does.

She's a very healthy (regularly vet checked) very active cat. So there's no physical problems.

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If it's a recent change and she's normally hyper anyway, have you tried a calming spray? You should be able to find some at a local pet store or online for relatively cheap. Feliway is a popular brand, and Nature's Miracle has some.

What were they rescued from?

Because, to me, that sounds like an old injury that never healed properly.

I'm no expert so take this with a pinch of salt but could be a control issue? She likes being on doors and she likes being on shoulders ie she likes being high. That sounds like a security thing to me.

Shadowflame said:

Well she does snap at him when they pet her. But then again she runs up to them to tell them she want's to play and be loved.

she's bipolar I tell you!

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Does she snap when they pet her at all or certain places?

She sounds like a normal, loving cat, to me.

I know cats who like belly rubs, cats who love the base-of-the-tail scritch, and cats that will turn and put holes in you for those things.

Some people like to be tickled, some people hate it. Some people have really sensitive feet you can't touch, some people beg for a foot massage after a hard day. Cats are people too.

If she only likes head scritches and doesn't like being picked up then do that. If your kid hated being rubbed on the shoulder, and it made him jump, but he liked when you tousled his hair, you'd not call him bipolar, you'd just not rub his shoulder, you know?

mirandashell said:

I'm no expert so take this with a pinch of salt but could be a control issue? She likes being on doors and she likes being on shoulders ie she likes being high. That sounds like a security thing to me.

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Most cats lurve being high up. They can see possible prey and avoid being preyed upon.

You don't have to pick her up for her to shoulder sit, btw. She'll get up there if she wants. You can also just turn and crouch or sit by where she is. She'll climb or hop up if she so desires.

Well... seeing as cats aren't really trainable, I think you'll just have to get used to her.

One of my cats sounds exactly like yours.

Like the others have said... stop picking her up. She's attacking for a reason. Either find the reason why, or don't start the attacks.

My cat doesn't like being picked up, likes to play rough, doesn't like anywhere but his head and down his back (but not near his but) touched--everywhere else is cause for alarm, hiss, and scratching.
So, I don't pick him up often, I keep my distance when we're playing, I only scratch his head and just behind his neck, and I keep my hands clear of areas that he deems dangerous.

It's just your cat's nature; not all of them are the same. In time, they'll adapt and come up with their own ways. My cat doesn't like being picked up, and most people find him rather dangerous, but every now and then he'll beg to get up on my lap and just love the hell out of me.

EDT:
mirandashell, depending on the cat and scenario, cats are trainable. You can't rework their nature, nor teach them to roll over, but you can direct their actions. Like, training them to scratch on the scratching box and not on the furniture, to stop them from pooping in the tub and instead in the litter box, and to keep them off desks. I'm the only person that can pick up my cat, because every time he attacked me I just held him and he knows that once he's in my arms, he's not going anywhere so it's useless to attack (this is after collecting a hundred scratches, mind you).

cornflake said:

Most cats lurve being high up. They can see possible prey and avoid being preyed upon.

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I marathoned a season of My Cat from Hell all in one weekend, and that guy seems to think that any cat problem stems from insecurity. His solution is to give the cat multiple places in the room to get up high, whether it's a cat tower, free-floating step shelves, or alcoves or lattices. All over the place.

... oh, and plenty of litter boxes.

I have a cat that can't be picked up. Traumatised as a kitten, she carried a lot over into her adult life. She wants to do everything her way or it's just not happening. She will happily dictate our lives for us, if we'd let her. The other way around... not so much. But I have made some progress. I can attest to the fact that one can teach things even to old and uncooperative cats. I can also attest to the fact that it takes a freaking load of time, effort and frustration.

But it's a difficult thing to navigate finding out what behaviour I can try to steer and what behaviour I will never be able to change because as a traumatised cat she doesn't give me much to work with. This is a cat that for most of her adult life did not enjoy any sort of touching (no stroking, no head scratches and certainly no belly rubs!) and now she can't get enough of cuddling and I often end up with a nose full of cat hair. She won't even overload like the other cats. Go figure. But she has ten years to catch up on, I suppose.

In a way I think your cat actually does a better job at communicating. If she's hissing and slapping without using her claws, that's rather a good thing. It shows she doesn't feel threatened or afraid, she just doesn't want to be picked up. This is natural behaviour of your cat showing where her boundaries are. Your cat is using her words.

Cats do differentiate between people they know, people they know less well and strangers. Our traumatised cat, for instance, only wants any contact with people who feed or has fed her regularly. It's weird the way she reacts to different people based on that one factor.

Your cat interacts with you and your fiancé probably more regularly then she does with your kids and so it is logical she allows you and your fiancé more touching. If this is a recent thing, she may just not remember your kids any more as people who get to touch her beyond head-scratches.

If you want your kids to be able to pick up your cat rather than just playing with her and scratching, you'll have to find a way for the cat to like it or it's not happening. And it'll have to be your kids working on a bond with her that includes picking up. I don't think there is anything you personally can do about it.

Your cat isn't a b*tch, she's just being a cat. I agree with Heza, as My Cat From Hell is like my religion now. I grew up with cats too, and it sounds to me like your little Sadie is really just being a cat. They all have different personalities - I'd just suggest that the boys to stop picking her up..

When I was 14, we got a black kitten from our cousins. Wiccan was a total lap cat. I was totally hers. She completely claimed me and would ALWAYS find a way to sit in my lap, no matter what position I was in. (Sitting, sleeping, standing.. whatever)

Wiccan HATED to be picked up. I have a feeling that's just how Sadie is. She sounds perfectly healthy and it's GREAT that you're playing with her until she's tiring herself out. When she's tired, is that when the boys sometimes want to pick her up? Cats usually have their own schedule. If she needs rest or a drink, she might not be in the mood to play anymore. Also, she's attached herself to you, not your boys. Cats are completely different from dogs, who are a bit more carefree about roughhousing and all that.

I honestly don't think calming spray or anything is needed, but that just my opinion. Sounds to me like Sadie is acting normally. She's just letting your boys know that she's not into all that

Maybe have them play with her more through toys than through touching. Do they grab her? Squeeze her? Pet her too hard? She might not like that. Cats communicate a lot through eye contact too (as I learned from My Cat From Hell.) Not a sure bet, but maybe have them do some kitty kisses, or a slow eye blink, with her. Really, it's just them slowly closing their eyes when they make eye contact with her. And then slowly opening their eyes again. It's a way to let her know that they don't mean her any harm at all, and is also a great way to bond. Might be something worth trying

mirandashell said:

Well... seeing as cats aren't really trainable, I think you'll just have to get used to her.

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Cats are very trainable. You just have to know what you're doing.

My son clicker-trained one of our cats to do a few things, like high-five him, turn boxes over, and sit on particular spots when directed to. It takes a little more time than it takes with dogs, but it is absolutely doable.

Shadowflame said:

Olaf was about 4-5 weeks old. He spent most of the first weeks after we got him in my fiance's shirt pocket he was so tiny. (can't tell it now)

Sadie was probably older 6-7 weeks.

We got both of them pretty young so I doubt there's an issue like that.

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I suspect there's a problem here that you're not aware of.

It could be that one of your sons picked her up awkwardly and without realising it, hurt her when they did it, and she's remembered it ever since. Or perhaps she had hurt herself and one of them picked her up without knowing that, and the injury made it painful.

I agree that the obvious thing to do here is to just tell your boys to not pick her up. That should solve the problem. But it might be worth asking your vet next time you take her in for a check-up, just in case.

I don't think she sounds like a mean cat, by the way (and the title you gave this thread is a little unfair to her): she holds her claws in when she bats at you, and she hisses; but she's not hurt anyone, she's just telling you she doesn't like being picked up. Lots of cats would bite and scratch. She's being polite about it.

I would suggest also giving her more secure perches where the kids know she is to be left alone. Most cats benefit from having a secure "home base" in each room and it sounds like she likes to be up high above the zone of day to day activities.

Cats are all individuals. Sadie sounds a bit like my little guy (I just lost him to cancer last week ). He was a sweet, affectionate little fellow, and he liked to play (fetched toys when younger too), but he was shy at first with people he didn't know, and he did not like to be picked up and carried. Sixteen years, and he never adapted to that. He'd get tense and squirm to get down if any of us picked him up, though he'd jump in our laps if we were sitting.

It's just how he was. I learned to respect that eventually. None of my other cats has had an issue with this, so it was just the way he rolled. Teens have trouble respecting boundaries sometimes (with animals and with each other), but I think you just need to emphasize (probably repeatedly) to your boys that your Sadie is one of those cats who likes to interact on her terms. It's a good lesson, really.