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unthoughtknown
03-08-2006, 09:27 AM
Hi all, which one is grammatically correct?

The events alone are downright funny; but the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” -, as well as the knowledge that the account is true, are all contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.


The events alone are downright funny, but the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - as well as the knowledge that the account is true, are all contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.


Thanks in advance!

unthoughtknown
03-08-2006, 09:39 AM
Meh.

I'm thinking:

Even though the events alone are downright funny, the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - as well as the knowledge that the account is true, are all contributing factors to the hilarity of the piece.


Damn assignments! :)

So, I suppose it's a question of whether a comma should be inserted after the second hyphen. I say no?

BlackCrowesChick
03-08-2006, 09:51 AM
I'm not positive about this, but I don't think commas and hyphens are supposed to be used right together. So, I think you are right that no comma is needed after the second hyphen.

poetinahat
03-08-2006, 09:56 AM
Hi all, which one is grammatically correct?

The events alone are downright funny; but the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” -, as well as the knowledge that the account is true, are all contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.


The events alone are downright funny, but the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - as well as the knowledge that the account is true, are all contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.


Thanks in advance!

First off, Jen (whom I haven't seen in YONKS and how are you mmmmwah mmmmwah): I'd consider breaking this single sentence into two or more. Even if the grammar's right, it might read more smoothly than as one long sentence.

Second, the highlighted comma and semicolon definitely aren't needed (or wanted), but there's a snag elsewhere. The comma after 'true' becomes a stumbling block, but I'm not sure what you'd do with it if you insisted on preserving the word order.

Third, the paragraph lists two contributing factors. Consider replacing "all" with "both", or just deleting it.

Fourth, since I just can't stop, "the hilarity of it all" -- maybe replace with "the story's hilarity" or something that fits? I'm overstepping the bounds here, and I don't have the context, so please tell me to rack off.

Let me offer a couple of alternatives. Then let's bring in the heavy artillery (reph et al.):

(1)
The events alone are downright funny, but the knowledge that the account is true, and the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - are contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.

(2) (This one might not say just what you want, but I hope it gives you the idea)
The events alone are downright funny, but he makes them hilarious in the telling. The added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - makes the story come alive. Knowing that the account is true makes the humour real.

That's all. I promise. Good luck!

unthoughtknown
03-08-2006, 10:32 AM
Thanks for your comment BCC!


First off, Jen (whom I haven't seen in YONKS and how are you mmmmwah mmmmwah): I'd consider breaking this single sentence into two or more. Even if the grammar's right, it might read more smoothly than as one long sentence.

(1)
The events alone are downright funny, but the knowledge that the account is true, and the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - are contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.



Hehe, Rob, nice work indeed! Thanks for the time spent with your reply. You are right about a split. Somtimes I am so determined to say something in a particular way that I forget to explore the alternatives.

I like (1) the best...

(Am chuckling at heavy artillery comment)

reph
03-08-2006, 12:40 PM
The events alone are downright funny, but the added humour in his reflections and descriptions - “Tsunami Joe's monstrous sprays” - as well as the knowledge that the account is true, are all contributing factors to the hilarity of it all.
Poet is right: you're trying to put too much into one sentence. There's another problem that no one's mentioned. The subject of the sentence is "humour," which is singular. The verb should therefore be "is," not "are." But you can't say "humour...is contributing factors."

What went wrong: you treated the "as well as" phrase like part of a compound subject, and it isn't one.

unthoughtknown
03-08-2006, 02:16 PM
Thanks Reph. One day - as well as recognising what isn't working (of course) - I will be able to break down exactly why it is not working and chuck terms in the air like compound subject and overheadcrossing (and catch them gracefully) in my explanations.




(my dog just told me that there is no such term as overheadcrossing)

Maryn
03-10-2006, 05:24 AM
Man, I gotta get a dog like that!

unthoughtknown
03-10-2006, 07:23 AM
:ROFL: